#every time someone's like Humanities Makes You A Better Person

[hoshifighting]

idk if someone asked you this but i’m a new reader and I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOUR WORKS!!!

can you please make wonwoo, the nerdy president who u thought was innocent and sweet but he’s the one behind ur fave nsfw audio creator???? AND HE’S A HARDFUCKER.. not what u expected tho..

i don’t know if i make sense but please pretty please 😭☝️

Synopsis: where you discover that the nerdy class president is the one man who creates the most nasty NSFW audios that you spend long nights listening to. WC: 2.8k WARNINGS: smut, audio porn, masturbation, hard fuck, dirty talk (obviously), bad sleeping habits (because of wonwoo), fingering, spanking, dirty talk, pussy eating, penetrative sex, protected sex, wonwoo whining, a lil invasion of privacy.

you’ve been running on fumes all day, the hazy buzz of sleep deprivation clinging to your brain like static. it’s no surprise, really. your night had gone the way it always does: you got home, flopped into your chair, threw on your headphones, and let onyx_lens—your favorite nsfw asmr creator—drag you under with that stupidly deep voice of his.

it was kind of pathetic, actually. you barely remember what the script was about—something about obedience or whatever—but you do remember the sound of his voice sinking into your brain like warm honey, making you cum so hard that you blacked the fuck out right after. now here you were, bleary-eyed and trying to stay upright in literature class, the regret of last night’s poor choices catching up with you.

wonwoo, the class president who was somehow both effortlessly chill and annoyingly observant, had been glancing at you every few minutes. you could feel his eyes on you as your head dipped forward for the third time, only to snap back up like a busted bobblehead.

but, in true wonwoo fashion, he didn’t say anything. no scolding, no judgmental sighs—just quiet observation.

when class finally ended, you were ready to yeet yourself into a nap for a solid 72 hours. you were shoving your stuff into your bag when wonwoo’s voice cut through the noise.

“you good?”

you froze. his voice wasn’t the same as onyx_lens’s, obviously, but it had that same deep, smooth timbre that made your brain short-circuit for a second. it didn’t help that his question sounded so much like something out of an nsfw script. you turned to face him, hoping your face wasn’t giving away how flustered you suddenly were. “uh—yeah,” you said, shaking your head a little too quickly. “just tired.”

wonwoo raised an eyebrow. “not sleeping well?”

your brain screamed. your tired, half-horny brain screamed louder. the overlap of his voice and onyx_lens in your head was un-fucking-bearable. you managed to nod, muttering something about late nights and deadlines, hoping he wouldn’t pry.

he didn’t, but his next question wasn’t much better.

“think you could help me with the sci-fi project? your last lit analysis was good, and i could use the extra pair of hands.”

you blinked at him. “me?”

he nodded, adjusting his glasses. “you. unless you’re too busy with...whatever’s keeping you up.”

oh, you mean my nightly sessions with onyx_lens and my vibrator?

you swallowed hard and tried to play it cool. “nah, i can help.”

and that’s how you found yourself standing outside wonwoo’s apartment later that evening, clutching your bag. his place was exactly what you’d expect from him—minimalist, neat, and smelling faintly of coffee.

“come in,” he said, holding the door open for you. “make yourself comfortable.”

easier said than done. you perched awkwardly on his couch as he set up his laptop on the coffee table, your eyes darting around the room in an attempt to ignore how nice his voice sounded in person.

“so,” he began, sitting across from you, “any ideas for the project?”

you cleared your throat, trying to focus. “uh, maybe something about robots and humanity? like, exploring ethical dilemmas or something.”

wonwoo nodded thoughtfully, his gaze fixed on you in a way that made your skin heat. “good idea. we could tie that into the main themes from class.”

he leaned forward slightly, scrolling through a document on his laptop, and you couldn’t help but notice how his glasses slipped down his nose. you were so not prepared for this level of proximity or his stupidly deep voice.

“you okay?” he asked again, glancing at you.

you blinked, realizing you’d been staring. “yeah, just...thinking.”

his lips twitched into a small, knowing smile. “good. let me know if you need a break or...anything.”

the way he said anything sent a shiver down your spine. you weren’t sure if it was exhaustion, residual arousal from last night, or the sheer presence of wonwoo in his element, but your brain was a mess.

you were supposed to be helping him with this project, but all you could think about was the way his voice would sound whispering in your ear, saying things that would make onyx_lens blush.

you were so close to winning the “most pathetic college student of the year” award it wasn’t even funny. after much back-and-forth with wonwoo, class president of your downfall, you somehow convinced him to let you walk home alone. except the man still went all soft and paid for a taxi anyway, which, like… thanks? but also stop being so nice, what the hell.

it was nearing 11 p.m. when you got home, and as if on cue, your phone pinged with a notification: onyx_lens’s weekly live is starting.

you stared at it for a second, blinking in disbelief. today’s theme? "neon circuits and orgasm denial (a cyberpunk experience) 8d audio"

sci-fi-themed. of fucking course.

you almost laughed at the audacity of the universe for this one. was this some sort of cosmic joke? was wonwoo onyx_lens?! no way. no goddamn way. you shook off the thought as delulu nonsense and dragged yourself to the bathroom for a quick sponge bath.

by the time you flopped into your chair, headphones on, the live was already in full swing. that voice—that stupidly deep, velvety voice—flooded your ears as the chat buzzed with unhinged comments. onyx purred, and you were done for.

you couldn’t even focus on the sci-fi plot he was spinning, something about rogue androids, monster cock, neon vibrators and human experimentation. his voice wrapped around you like a silk chokehold, and you were gone—just a vibrating mess in your chair, coming undone embarrassingly fast.

fast forward to the next morning: you woke up feeling like a used dishrag. again. headphones still on, your phone dead, and the memory of last night’s live replaying in your brain like a broken record.

by the time you dragged yourself to class, you were running on fumes and vibes. your hoodie was scrunched up around your face, making you look like a cross between a gremlin and an overgrown baby.

wonwoo noticed. you could feel his eyes boring into you as you tried—and failed—to stay upright. you were so close to just giving in and laying flat on the floor. honestly, it might’ve been comfier than your chair at that point.

wonwoo, sitting two rows away, looked like he was internally debating whether to intervene or let you rot in peace. when the bell rang, you startled awake like you’d been electrocuted, nearly knocking your stuff off your desk in the process.

“you okay?” he asked, falling into step beside you as you shuffled out of the classroom like a zombie.

“i’m fine,” you mumbled, voice muffled by your hoodie. “just need food. like, now.”

you detoured to the convenience store on the way to his apartment, snagging an entire kimbap roll and tearing into it like a starving animal. wonwoo followed behind, holding your water bottle with a look that was equal parts judgment and amusement.

“you couldn’t wait?” he asked, watching as you ate half the roll in one bite.

“bro,” you said around a mouthful of rice, “if i didn’t eat this, i was gonna pass out on the cold asphalt. your problem now, mr. class president.”

he rolled his eyes but didn’t argue, just handed you your water like the reluctant babysitter he was.

this was going to be a long afternoon.

you couldn’t help yourself. the suspicion had been eating away at you for weeks now, ever since you first heard his voice in class and that nagging sense of déjà vu set in. wonwoo had escaped to the bathroom, and you had the perfect opportunity to snoop.

your fingers hovered over his notebook, but then your gaze darted back to your own screen. back and forth, back and forth. his notebook. yours. the coincidences were piling up like a conspiracy wall in your head. the voice, the specific vocabulary choices, even the cadence—how did i not notice this earlier?!

“fuck it,” you whispered to yourself, grabbing his notebook and quickly pulling up the site where you normally streamed your favorite asmr creator. just to check. just to confirm your theory.

your heart pounded as the site loaded, every second dragging like molasses. the channel page opened, and at first, it seemed normal. too normal. you almost clicked away, feeling stupid for even suspecting anything.

but then you saw it: edit profile. analytics.

your breath caught, and a sharp scoff escaped you as you crossed your arms. oh, my god. the realization hit you like a freight train. it’s him. wonwoo. class president. sci-fi nerd. “how the fuck did i not notice?” you muttered, half impressed by his audacity.

you were so lost in your spiraling thoughts that you didn’t hear him return—until his voice, practically kissed your earlobe.

“what. do. you. think. you. are. doing?”

you jumped so hard your knee slammed into the underside of the desk. whipping around, you found wonwoo standing over you, his expression unreadable but his jaw tight.

“uh—nothing?” you stammered, trying to slam your laptop shut, but his hand darted out and stopped you.

“‘nothing’ doesn’t look like you snooping through my computer,” he said, his voice dangerously calm.

your cheeks burned. “okay, fine, maybe i was curious—”

“you were curious?” his tone sharpened. “curious enough to invade my privacy?”

“invade your—bro, you’re literally whispering dirty robot sex fantasies to the entire internet. how is that private?”

“that’s different!” his ears flushed a deep red, and you couldn’t tell if it was from anger or embarrassment. “that’s content. this—this is personal.”

you rolled your eyes, leaning back in your chair. “oh, please. you’re mad i figured it out. admit it.”

he leaned closer, towering over you now, his hand pressing down on the desk beside you. “what do you want, huh? blackmail? are you gonna tell everyone?”

you laughed, loud and incredulous. “tell everyone?! dude, relax. i’m not gonna expose your little side hustle. besides…” you smirked, tilting your head to look up at him. “you should be thanking me. clearly, i’m a fan.”

wonwoo’s eyes darkened, and his lips parted as if to say something, but no words came out. 

“you’re a what?” he asks, your pulse skyrocketing as he stepped even closer, crowding you against the chair.

“did i stutter?” you whispered, the challenge clear in your tone.

his mouth crashed onto yours, teeth and tongue and frustration. you barely had time to process it before he was yanking you out of the chair, his hands rough as they gripped your hips and spun you around.

“you want to act like a brat,” he growled into your ear, his voice so reminiscent of his asmr persona that it made you roll your eyes back slighty, “then you’re gonna get treated like one.”

he bent you over the desk, the cold surface pressing against your chest as he yanked down your college skirt and underwear at once. his fingers slid through your folds, already slick just from being around him.

“so fucking wet,” he muttered, almost to himself. “you get off on this, don’t you? knowing it’s me.”

“shut your mouth,” you gasped, but it came out more like a moan as he pushed two fingers inside you, curling them and pressing them hard on your front wall.

“make me,” he challenged, his other hand coming down sharply on your ass. the sting made you gasp, your hips jerking against his hand as you tense on the desk.

the pace of his fingers was relentless, his thumb circling your clit in time with the thrusts. every part of your body was starting to be feveirsh, and you hated—hated—how easily he was unraveling you. you spent nights thinking about how it would be if onyx fucked you, and here you are. of course you would be a mess in a second.

“sorry” he mocked you. “am i too much for you?”

you clenched around his fingers, your nails digging into the desk as you tried to hold back a moan. “you talk too fucking much actually wonwoo,” you hissed.

“yeah, that's what's paying me at nights” wonwoo chuckled darkly, pulling his fingers out and flipping you onto your back with his big arms. before you could protest, he was kneeling between your legs, his mouth suddenly hot and insistent against your core, better than any other vibrator you insisted on using at night.

the sounds—the wet, obscene sounds of his tongue—mixed with your whimpers as he devoured you like a man starved. his hands gripped your thighs, holding you open as you tried to squirm away from the overwhelming sensation.

“stop—”

“stop?” he looked up, his chin glistening. “not until you admit i’m your favorite.”

you glared down at him, breathless and defiant. “you’re such an asshole.”

“and yet…” he smirked, diving back in and flicking his tongue against your clit until your head fell back, a broken moan spilling from your lips.

it didn’t take long before you were coming undone, your body shaking as his mouth pulled your clit. wonwoo didn’t stop, didn’t even slow down, dragging out your orgasm until you were a trembling, incoherent chaos beneath him.

wonwoo doesn’t waste a second after pulling back, his hands flipping you over again so you’re bent over the desk, your cheek pressed to the cool surface as he grinds against you. the thick outline of his cock rubs against your dripping folds, still covered by the soft fabric of his grey sweatpants. you gasp, your hips jerking back involuntarily, and his pearly-white smile flashes above you.

“look at that,” he murmurs, almost smug, as a dark spot begins to spread on his sweatpants from your slick. “you’re soaking me through.”

the way he emphasizes the word makes your back contort in shivers, but you’re too far gone to care. your fingers claw at the desk as he keeps humping against you, his pace quickening. when he finally pulls back, you hear the shuffle of fabric as he yanks down his sweatpants and briefs. the soft clink of a drawer opening catches your attention, and you crane your neck to see him sliding on a condom.

“you’re still melting all over my desk,” he rubs a hand over the curve of your ass. “can’t even wait for me, huh?”

before you can respond, his hand comes down sharply on your ass, the sting making you gasp. he doesn’t stop, spanking you again and again until your skin is flushed and burning.

“you look so pretty like this,” he says, his hand smoothing over the heated skin before gripping your waist and lining himself up. “all messy and desperate for me.”

when he pushes in, stretching you inch by inch until you’re full and breathless, pussy trying to clench at his big grith to adjust. wonwoo groans, his head falling forward as he sinks in to the hilt.

your walls flutter around him, and he moans at the feeling, the sound so real and raw that it sends a jolt straight to your core.

“talk to me,” you manage to gasp, your voice muffled against the desk.

he chuckles, his pace picking up as he leans down to whisper in your ear. “you want me to talk dirty? you want me to tell you how tight you are? how good you’re taking me?”

you moan in response, your hips bucking back against him as his words send you curling.

“yeah, you like that, don’t you?” he continues, his voice thick with lust. your moans grow louder, and he suddenly remembers the videos you must’ve listened to—the whining, the moaning. the thought makes his stomach flip, and he decides to give you exactly what you want.

he starts letting out soft whimpers, his voice breaking with each thrust, the sounds spilling out almost involuntarily. “fuck, babe, you’re gonna make me cum—”

the genuine desperation in his voice drives you wild, and your body clenches around him, pulling him deeper. he groans, his hands gripping your hips so tightly you’re sure they’ll leave marks, but you don’t care.

“please,” he moans, his voice high and strained. “let me cum for you. let me—fuck—”

you push back against him, meeting his thrusts as your own climax builds, your breaths coming in short, broken gasps. the room is filled with the wet, obscene sounds of your bodies moving together, and the tension snaps all at once.

you come hard, your body shaking as you cry out, and wonwoo isn’t far behind. his hips stutter, a guttural moan escaping him as he spills into the condom, his body trembling with the force of it.

he collapses over you, his chest heaving against your back as you both try to catch your breath. after a moment, he presses a soft kiss to the back of your neck, his voice still hoarse as he murmurs, “guess i’m a little better live, hm?”

you just let out a defeated moan, the coldness of the table soothing your hot cheeks.

“keep quiet about this, and i'll keep giving you more.” well, it's just an excuse that wonwoo said to fuck you over again.

[realcleverscience]

here's my personal take on this:

The concern over AI very much IS like past freakouts over major tech breakthroughs, like textile industrialization, the advent of coal and oil, the chemical industry, computers, internet, and so much more. Personally, I'm not persuaded by those concerns that were listed:

"pervade our lives" - we already live in an advanced tech age that pervades all aspects of our lives. all of you are reading this on a computer, possibly on a small phone which you keep in your pocket all the time. AI isn't invading space. It's just piggybacking on tech that's already there.

Error rate: A. I fully expect AI error rates to continue to fall. B. Knowing that AI isn't perfect and may require some oversight - just like humans - allows people to still make tremendously use of its output. E.g. A software coder can have an AI do in 10 minutes what would have taken 10 hours. This is useful, even if the coder will have to look through the result and test it out and work out any bugs. This is all the more the case when this is the expectations we already have for people, and the AI can potentially do things which most people can't.

Plagiarism: I think there are some valid concerns here, but I also think this issue is massively overblown for two reasons. 1) Plagiarism is copying someone else's work as your own. AI typically does not spit out copies of other people's work. Instead, like humans, it takes info its acquired over its lifetime of training and uses that to create its own outputs. So I only see plagiarism as an issue in the niche situation where its outputting other people's texts as its own. Further, I expect that issue to get resolved. 2) This assumes that AI will always be trained on "illegally acquired" data. I'm not at all convinced of that. (E.g. there are already photo and video AIs that are being trained on privately owned image/video content, thereby entirely avoiding the plagiarism issues; and as AI/robots continue to grow, they'll be able to collect and create their own data.) Further, I expect that as AI grows, we'll develop legal structures which make it easier to use public data. (e.g. easier ways for people to "opt in" and get paid.)

Environment: I care a lot about the environment but I'm again not worried about this issue. 1) Most tech companies are already working toward net-zero. If the AI requires a state's worth of energy but it's all sourced from renewables or nuclear, I have no major problem with that. 2) AI is getting much better in every domain, including energy efficiency. Just about every week I read about another breakthrough that will soon massively reduce computing costs. (I have a few examples in a post here.) This is a trend which has been going on for literal decades. 3) I want to see a future where, for instance, everyone can get all the medical care they need. To get there, we could expand the population and train a LOT more doctors or we can improve AI. Of the two options, the AI one is a lot faster and more resource efficient (more on that in a second). 4) AI itself is helping us progress for all three of those previous points. The issue with AI isn't its resource needs (which again, are very low compared to humans). The issue is scale. For instance, let's say we create and AI doctor with a resource footprint that's 1/10th that of a human doctor. That's a 90% resource reduction. Great! BUT, the issue is that now everyone on earth will want their own digital doctor. To put the numbers crudely: If 8 billion people each have a digital doctor with 1/10th the footprint, that's like adding 800 million people to our resource budget. So even though the AI is much more efficient and massively growing it's healthcare output, it's still also massively growing our footprint. The issue isn't the application but the scale of application. And frankly, that's been an issue with most of our tech in modern times. When our species only had a million members, it didn't matter if they felled trees or burnt coal bc it didn't add up to much. These days, even when our processes are super efficient, the issue is that there's literally billions of us. As an example, consider hamburgers. Most of us like burgers and buy them regularly, esp as americans. I'd guess that at least 90% of people who are concerned with AI's footprint also eat burgers - even though burgers are currently much more resource heavy than AI. E.g. The average person eats 50kg of meat a year, with a co2 footprint of 3,000kg. In contrast, today, the average person has an AI-based CO2 footprint of 3.5kg per year. And unlike meat, AI is getting more energy efficient. (I got a cool post with some comparison stats here.) So I think the issue here is scale, but again, I think that will be solved by sustainable energy sources and continued computing efficiency gains.

So it's not that I think these issues aren't important, but that I think they're often overblown, taken out of context, and don't take into account tech trends on efficiency.

Personally, I'm really excited about a future where everyone is fed, everyone is housed, and everyone has healthcare. I'm excited about robots helping people with disabilities or helping to repair the ecosystem. I'm excited for radical advancements in medicine like curing all cancers, healing the blind or deaf, and so many more illnesses. I'm excited for a time when we create art for art's sake and not capitalism's sake. I'm excited for a time when no-one *has* to work anymore. But the only way for us to no longer need jobs is for us all to lose our jobs to AI and to restructure our society toward a post-labor future.

'People are panicking about AI tools the same way they did when the calculator was invented, stop worrying' cannot stress enough the calculator did not forcibly pervade every aspect of our lives, has such a low error rate it's a statistical anomaly when it does happen, isn't built on mass plagiarism, and does not obliterate the fucking environment when you use it. Be so fucking serious right now

[teaboot]

I’m sending this anonymously but this is NOT anon hate

You are such a good person, i think. Your latest post(as of 4:10pm Arizona, US time) spoke to me really hard. My father is a cop, in the united states, arizona, duh. And he used to be such a good person, he was a security guard and a damn good one too, and later in he became a prison guard because it paid better, and then he joined the police force.

I’d like to think that hes one of the good ones, and for the most part he is. A lot of my delinquent friends over the years who’ve had run-ins with him say that he gets them breaks, he takes care of them, hes a good cop. I’ve even seen body camera footage of him in the field and i’m proud to say that hes my dad. He calls out bad actors where he sees them, and he gets punished for it. He doesnt see the system or how his punishments are by design. And he continues turning in his cog, begrudgingly, and slightly out of time, but he thinks hes making a difference

Sorry for the ramble and essay, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog and i think you are a very nice human being. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

P.s. i’m totally basing an oc off of your outlook on security. You strike me as more of a superhero than a security guard.

-🦕 anon

Oh, that’s a super flattering take and a valuable perspective- so thank you! But I’m a gullible dumbass, and not even an incredibly smart or fit one- I just want people to be happy and safe. That’s all. And I don’t want to BE a cop, I’ve NEVER wanted to be a cop, but every time the request comes around I feel like I’m wearing down.

I keep wondering if I could help MORE in a position like that.

Probably like your dad did.

Here, people know they’re safe with me because I shut down the gunhappy jerks, but I don’t know how long it would take to truly make a difference in public security, or how many of my morals I’d have to compromise to get to that point

I feel objectively like a system so archaic and flawed can’t be changed from the inside, but another part of me says that you don’t need to change an entire system to make a difference where it counts

I believe that so many bad situations and life-changing moments can be diverted or changed by a single person in the right place at the right time- and I figure, if I trust myself to do the right thing and BE the right person, shouldn’t I do my best to put myself in those places?

But good intentions, roads to hell, you know? I don’t WANT to be a cop. But I want to be able to DO SOMETHING about the thinks I dislike seeing in conflicts. SOMEONE has to be willing to do that, right?

I’m not religious, you know? But the devil can be very convincing

[kaisaerinlover]

dark content

tw: abuse

laying in bed with kaiser after an extra rough day, a day where he was so much worse than usual. a day where your whole body is left aching in pain. kaiser doesn’t offer you any help or care other than picking you up where you lay limp on the floor to toss you onto the bed so he can feel your warmth next to him.

you’re laid on the pillow trying your hardest not to move, every time you move it feels like a thousand bricks are being tossed at you nonstop. feels like hammers are beating at you. you’re so broken right now it hurts. but that’s what you get for dating someone like kaiser; you shouldn’t play angel with a guy like him. shouldn’t play the “i can fix him” game with someone who is more than just sad inside. someone who’s pain and hurt from the precious years of childhood manifested into a terrifying amalgamation of twisted morals and sick behaviour. you shouldn’t play those types of games with a man like kaiser, because he’s not like anyone you will meet or have ever met in your life. any therapist would truly have a field day with this boy because the amount of times he would have to be in their office is more than infinite, if it’s even possible. it’s impossible, but not for him. fitting for him. he could get better, but his mindset doesn’t allow this. he won’t change it anytime soon, that’s why you’re laid in complete and utter agony trying to bite back the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. even breathing is painful.

he’s next to you, looking like nothing even happened at all. he looks beautiful, hair tied up into a neat little bun at the back, glasses on, face illuminated by the awfully expensive antique lamp you insisted he buy the other month. he’s reading something, your vision is too blurry to see what he’s reading. the sound of him flipping the pages every so often is soothing, you could almost forget about the burning pain you have all over your body. almost forget how he looked as he punched you over and over; screamed at you again. how terrifying it is to be beneath him as he gets so violent with you.

it’s not fair, it’s really not. it’s not fair how he treats you when you are so kind to him; so gentle. sometimes he treats you with the same sweetness you taught him, but it’s not common. but you are different; you would never react back to him with the same brutality his actions teach you. you are a good person, your heart is big and your compassion swells for him even after he treats you like this. you couldn’t explain why even if you wanted to, human nature of this degree is wordless, unexplainable and weird. it’s illogical, but that’s one of the most beautiful things about humans.

that’s kaiser’s opinion anyway, he has you wrapped around his pinky finger. he can hear your shaky breathing next to him; he smirks to himself.

you look at him when you hear him fold the corner of the page of his book so he can find it easier later, and place his book down on the bedside table. you’re waiting for him to turn off the lamp, but he doesn’t yet. your boyfriend clears his throat and looks forwards into the rest of the very luxurious bedroom you both share. “hey, engel” he doesn’t even bother looking at you as he talks. he obviously lacks respect for you. and you acknowledged this long ago. and you stay. you stay with him. you wait silently for him to continue. silence is the best answer after a day like this - he’s impossible to predict. whatever is inside of him follows no logical pattern, if you say the wrong thing you’ll anger him more. “do you know why i hurt humans?” he still isn’t looking at you. you don’t talk still, you don’t bother looking at him anymore. the bruise on your neck that’s darkening even now, hours after the beating, is hurting too much. you stare at the ceiling as you listen to him talk.

he’s smirking as he talks, looking out into the bedroom with his hands behind his head. he carries on again, his voice never lacks confidence “it makes me feel alive.” you never quite understood that about him, you’re still quiet, listening to him, but you extend your arm anyway and lay it awkwardly on his chest despite the pain that shoot’s up the entirety of your arm from doing so. he acknowledges your smaller hand messily splayed across his chest by bringing his own bigger hand to squeeze it tightly, painfully even. he bent your fingers back today a lot, they still ache.

he doesn’t look you in the eye still as he talks. and you don’t want to look him in the eye either. you just both stare into the dimly lit surroundings as you maintain some semblance of skin to skin contact. “i’ve hurt a lot of humans before” he laughs a little. you gasp a bit and jump as he squeezes your hand painfully tight, obviously intending to hurt you. “but hurting you makes me feel the most alive.” your chest is hurting and your hand is crushed so immensely between his much bigger one. you heard the sickening crack of your fingers. you sort of wish he wouldn’t let go, you don’t want to see the damage. purple is a pretty colour, but not when it’s on your fragile skin.

kaiser squeezes hard, he can’t feel alive in any other way than this. than checking his heart rate in a morning. than looking in the mirror and seeing himself standing there, seeing himself in the flesh and knowing he’s alive. he loosens his grip on your hand though and turns to lay on his side to face you. he looks pretty like this, you’re looking at him as well; head propped on his free hand, the other reaching out to caress your battered cheek. he likes seeing what he did to you earlier, likes when he can assess the damage himself. it makes him feel so alive. and even though you won’t admit it his battery makes you feel equally as alive as he does. “you know, prinzessin, i’ve never been hurt before though.” blatant lie, he knows it is, you’ll believe it. he chooses to push his childhood far far behind him. he doesn’t associate with that time of his life, any memory of it that replays will only be viewed in a third person point of view. he doesn’t know that weak child anymore. “wanna know why?” and you give him a response for the first time. you nod and look up at him with your big glassy eyes. you’re like a broken toy, but you know that someone like kaiser can appreciate a broken toy. poor kids who grow up with nothing will accept anything. wealthless kids, abused kids who grow up and enter society as sickeningly ill in the head adults will stop accepting anything, they’ll only accept the familiar brokenness they know best. and if it’s not there in the person they want, they’ll make it themselves.

“it’s because i’m not human.” kaiser doesn’t see himself as human, the opposite actually. having a superiority complex is fun, but it’s less fun when it’s to cover up the hideous truth beneath. he’s caressing your beaten face so tenderly right now, as you deserve. for once he’s treating you kindly. he’s subhuman. but he’s also something better, he’s above everyone else. his intellect is a mean feat in any terms of human endeavour. his talent is unrivalled. he can do things no one else can. michael kaiser can make the impossible into a reality. michael kaiser can give hope to those who thought they could never dream again. he looks at the tattoo on his hand instead of your eyes, the tattooed hand that’s caressing your face; the face he’s grown to both love and despise over the years. the face he wants to destroy beneath his rough fists. the face he wants to hold gently and leave a kiss on. his tattoo is a reminder he’s above everyone else, but also that he’s a piece of shit. he has narcissistic tendencies but it’s mostly a cover up. even he doesn’t believe in his delusions sometimes.

poor you has to bear the brunt of that, but whilst he’s caressing your face you can forget about all the burden you’re forced to carry because of the emotional baggage your boyfriend brings to the relationship. he sighs. he can’t even look you in the eye. he stares off into the window, the one that rain is trickling against now. the city is beautiful at night, but you’re more beautiful. you’re pretty. so cute. süsser prinzessin. but he can’t bring himself to look at you right now. “i’m not like the rest of you, and i never will be.” you can’t tell what he’s thinking when he says that; but you’ve always been an empath. your hand finds its way back to his and you push it from your cheek and intertwine it between the fingers he hurt so much.

you make him feel so alive, hurting you is the best thrill he could get in life. bringing any harm to you is also the most saddening thing. you’re so nice to him even now, someone like him doesn’t deserve it. he’s a subhuman piece of shit and you love him. he’s also a god, renowned by many. he’s a subhuman who needs to be loved and he’s a cruel cold hearted god who needs to be taught gentleness and kindness. he just rubs his thumb over the back of your smaller hand and sighs. he’s a confident guy, no doubt about it, but maybe you won’t be around forever. maybe you will pack up and leave one day - he’s tried every trick in the book to ensure you stay, not that he even has to do that, because you would undoubtedly, but he can’t help but be worried.

it’s shameful to admit that maybe an emperor does need a princess sometimes. he rubs your hand in circle motions and presses a kiss to your forehead. he’s sorry, he’s so fucking sorry for doing this to you. he doesn’t know why he’s like this; you deserve so much more than this. infinity times infinity more. you’re really his princess, he’s sorry. sorry that he treats you like this. sorry that instead of affection all you get most of the time is his fists bearing into you over and over, a barrage of attacks until he’s finally decided you learned your lesson.

you don’t have anything to learn. kaiser loathes you because you’re a perfect human. you’re beautiful and you’re compassionate. you have a big heart and a big personality and he likes your stupid jokes you tell. and he hates that you stay with him. you’re so perfect, you really are. you notice his eyes are glossy. he hates to cry; kaiser fucking hates crying. you also know your boyfriend hates crying, so you open your mouth for the first time tonight. “i love you, micha.” a sweet whisper of love. he feels your other hand, your other thumb wiping up the small amount of wetness beginning to form on his lashes. only you could notice that, god he fucking hates you. “i love you too” he confesses in a rare moment of vulnerability.

you fall asleep in his arms, and he falls asleep too. he’s squeezing you so tightly, he’s holding you so close like you’re something so precious; like a thief of the night might come and steal you from him. every inch of your body aches from his earlier barbarity, but you didn’t care whilst falling asleep and you won’t care when you wake up. your heart is so pure that you simply don’t have the capacity to care about anything other than your boyfriends wellbeing and happiness.

kaiser is thankful he gets to even lay next to you. you’re not one of the same at all. but sometimes he debates your humanity as much as his own; you’re an angel.

[bamgyuuuri]

⤷ this side of paradise ┈ cbg.

sypnosis. choi beomgyu had every quality you hated—loud, obnoxious, and endlessly infuriating. this school trip was supposed to be your chance to escape him, but your hopes were crushed when you found out you’d be sharing a room. however, the more you spent time with him alone, the more you began to see a side of him you never expected—one that made you question everything you thought you knew about him.

pairings and tags. classmate!choi beomgyu x reader (f/m) . enemies to lovers . slowburn . so much tension !!! teasing . mutual pining . fluff . forced proximity . fleeting glances . grumpy x sunshine if you squint . angry confession . incredibly cliche at times hehe

word count. 10.6k

short note … i rly liked how this one turned out too ngl,, an immediate favorite as well !!!! especially since personality wise, i relate to beomgyu a lot ^_^ ik it’s pretty lengthy but i hope u guys like it nonetheless !! do tell me ur thoughts <33

if there was one person in the entire school who could single-handedly ruin your day without even trying, it was choi beomgyu.

he wasn’t just a thorn in your side; he was the entire rose bush, complete with sharp thorns, swarming bugs, and pollen that made you sneeze. beomgyu was the human equivalent of nails on a chalkboard, an untimely alarm clock, or a fly buzzing around your head when you were trying to focus.

he had this uncanny ability to be everywhere all at once, like a human embodiment of murphy’s law. quietly reading in the library? he’d show up out of nowhere, leaning over your shoulder and reading the words out loud in a ridiculous voice, making sure to butcher every single one.

if you were trying to focus in class, he’d find some way to get your attention, tapping your shoulder incessantly, passing you notes with doodles of your face and exaggerated scowls, or “accidentally” kicking your chair leg just hard enough to jolt you.

and if you dared to ignore him? he’d double down, whispering your name repeatedly until you snapped and glared at him, only for him to flash that infuriating grin.

it wasn’t just his actions, either. it was his entire existence. the way his laughter was always a decibel too loud, drawing attention wherever he went. the way he seemed to have an endless supply of energy, bouncing between conversations and cracking jokes that were somehow always at your expense.

“say, do you ever smile? or is the grumpy face just part of your brand now?” he’d say with mock concern, tilting his head like some concerned friend while you resisted the urge to smack that smug expression off his face.

yet, somehow, for reasons you hated yourself for, he was annoyingly attractive. it wasn’t fair. how could someone so insufferable look like he’d just walked out of a magazine?

his hair always had that perfect, slightly tousled look, as if he’d spent hours on it when you knew he probably just rolled out of bed. his eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint that promised trouble, and his stupid, lopsided grin had a way of making your stomach flutter despite your better judgment.

but none of that mattered, because his personality was insufferable enough to cancel out any appeal he might have had. and oh, how you despised him for it. you despised the way he always seemed to know exactly how to push your buttons, how he lived to tease you, and how he always left you simmering in frustration while he walked away, laughing like it was all just a game to him.

choi beomgyu was, without question, the absolute worst person you’d ever met, and you were determined to keep as much distance between you and him as possible during this school trip.

you walked into the room with a spring in your step, already fantasizing about two days of peaceful solitude. no obnoxious laughter, no teasing remarks, no beomgyu. for once, the universe had done something right.

that peace, however, lasted all of three seconds. your smile vanished the instant you spotted him. beomgyu. in your room. unpacking his duffle bag like he belonged there.

you froze in the doorway, disbelief hitting you like a slap to the face. this had to be a mistake, right?

“what the hell are you doing here?” you demanded, narrowing your eyes at his hunched form.

beomgyu didn’t even look up. “unpacking,” he said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“no, no, no.” you stepped into the room, pointing an accusing finger at him. “you’re in the wrong room. there’s no way we’re roommates. you must’ve walked into the wrong room. you’re stupid like that, after all.”

he turned his head to give you an amused look. “nice try, but i’m not wrong this time.”

you scoffed, crossing your arms. “prove it.”

with a sigh, beomgyu fished his keys out of his pocket, holding it up as if it were the holy grail. “room 313. same as the one on your key, right?”

your stomach dropped, and you reluctantly pulled your own keycard out to confirm. room 313. damn it. “this has to be some sick joke,” you muttered under your breath.

beomgyu smirked, leaning casually against the bedframe. “aw, don’t look so heartbroken. i’m flattered you care so much about where i sleep.”

you groaned, throwing your bag onto the bed with more force than necessary. “why you, of all people? this trip was supposed to be my escape, and now i’m stuck with you.”

“relax,” he drawled, stretching his arms behind his head. “i’m not that bad. i’ll even let you take the bed closer to the window. generous, right?”

you glared at him, too annoyed to appreciate the so-called ‘gesture.’ “oh, how kind of you, your highness. truly, i’m honored,” you retorted, voice laced with sarcasm.

beomgyu laughed, the sound grating on your already-frayed nerves. “you’re awfully cute when you’re sarcastic.”

“don’t call me cute,” you snapped, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“okay, grumpy,” he shot back with a wink.

you clenched your fists at the nickname, one he liked to use on you, muttering (loudly) as you stomped over to your bed. “this is my nightmare. why couldn’t i have been paired with literally anyone else? even that kid who collects bugs would’ve been better than this.”

but to your surprise, there was no snarky retort. no obnoxious laugh or teasing remark. not even a single snarky retort, or any witty one-liner.

beomgyu had simply gone … quiet.

you frowned, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. he was sitting on his bed, unpacking his things methodically, almost… calmly.

it was suspicious. he was suspicious.

for a moment, you were tempted to ask if something was wrong, but no, this was beomgyu—he was probably just lulling you into a false sense of security so he could spring some ridiculous prank later.

deciding not to risk it, you kept your mouth shut and started unpacking your own things. still, the silence between you two felt unnatural. it hung heavy in the room, and despite your better judgment, you found yourself sneaking another glance at him.

he looked… normal. no devilish smirk, no gleam of mischief in his eyes. just beomgyu, quietly organizing his stuff like any other person.

weird. really weird. and unsettlingly… not unpleasant.

⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊

as soon as the class regrouped in the common area later that day, you were reminded of exactly why choi beomgyu was public enemy number one in your book.

“i told you, taehyun, there’s no way you can out-eat me,” beomgyu crowed, arms flailing animatedly as he reenacted some ridiculous lunchtime escapade. his voice carried above the chatter of your classmates, loud enough that everyone turned their heads to either laugh along or roll their eyes.

you snickered under your breath, shaking your head. of course, the subdued version of beomgyu you’d seen in the room was just a temporary glitch in the system. he was back in full force now, throwing exaggerated gestures and laughing so hard he almost toppled over.

“i knew it,” you muttered to yourself, crossing your arms. “as if he’d ever stay quiet for long.”

“knew what?” one of your friends asked, nudging you.

“oh, nothing,” you replied, still eyeing beomgyu’s theatrics. “just that a tiger can’t change its stripes.”

but any smug satisfaction you felt was short-lived.

“you’ll be paired with the person whose name is written on the card you pull,” the teacher explained, holding out a basket of folded slips.

as luck would have it (or misfortune, rather), the name on your card was the one person you’d been hoping to avoid.

“choi beomgyu,” you read aloud, your voice flat with resignation.

“ah, lucky you!” beomgyu grinned, leaning toward you with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. “guess you got the best partner, huh?”

“more like the worst,” you muttered, earning a mock gasp of offense from him.

to make matters worst, the two of you were sent off into a different section of the campground, far enough away that the sounds of your classmates faded into the background. it was a simple task—gather specific items from the forest for a scavenger hunt.

at first, you braced yourself for the usual barrage of beomgyu’s teasing remarks and incessant chatter, but as you walked along the winding trail, something strange happened.

he was quiet.

too quiet.

you glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. his head was down, his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets as he kicked at the dirt path absentmindedly. the beomgyu who had been commanding the group’s attention just minutes ago now looked… thoughtful.

“what, did you finally run out of things to say?” you quipped, your voice tinged with sarcasm.

he glanced at you, the corner of his mouth tugging into a small smile. “nah, just… thinking.”

you raised an eyebrow. “you? thinking? must be serious.”

“ha-ha,” he deadpanned, but there was no bite to his tone. unusually so.

the silence that followed stretched on, long and unbroken, like a thread unraveling endlessly between the two of you. the gentle rustle of leaves underfoot filled the space where beomgyu’s usual chatter should’ve been. it was almost disorienting—this odd, fragile quiet.

you bent down to pick up a small, flat stone from the ground, turning it over in your hand. it was smooth and cool to the touch, one of the items on your scavenger list. “this should work,” you murmured, not expecting an answer.

“nice find,” came beomgyu’s voice, soft and low.

your head snapped up, eyes narrowing at him in surprise. there was no sarcasm in his tone, no teasing glint in his eye. just a genuine acknowledgment, plain and unadorned. it threw you off more than you cared to admit.

“oh, uh… thanks,” you said, fumbling over the word like it was foreign.

he offered a small smile—an actual smile, not the cocky, lopsided grin he usually wore—and it made your chest tighten for reasons you didn’t want to dwell on.

as the two of you continued down the path, the quiet didn’t dissipate. instead, it grew heavier, more tangible, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. it wasn’t tense, either. it was something else entirely, something softer and… stranger.

you found yourself stealing glances at him, unable to help it. there was something almost… calming about the way he moved. his usual energy—the constant bouncing steps, the exaggerated gestures—was gone. instead, his pace was measured, his gaze sweeping the forest floor with a calm focus. it was unsettling. but more so confusing.

you crouched down again, this time picking up a pine cone half-buried in the dirt. brushing it off, you tucked it into your bag before standing again.

“so,” you began, trying to sound casual, “are you… okay…? did you hit your head before we went out or something?”

beomgyu glanced at you, and for a moment, you thought you saw the faintest flicker of amusement in his eyes. “i’m fine. why?”

you gestured vaguely toward him. “you’re… quiet. really quiet. it’s weird.”

he raised an eyebrow, a small, knowing smile tugging at his lips. “weird, huh?”

“yeah,” you said, crossing your arms as you started walking again. “what, did someone finally tell you to shut up and you actually listened?”

he chuckled under his breath—quietly, not the loud, boisterous laugh you were used to. it was a softer sound, almost… warm.

and then he didn’t say anything else. he didn’t rise to your bait, didn’t fire back with one of his usual snarky comebacks. instead, he just kept walking, the faint smile lingering on his face as his eyes swept the path ahead.

the longer the silence stretched, the more it started to unnerve you. this… wasn’t the beomgyu you knew. the beomgyu you knew would’ve already made three jokes at your expense and found some way to drive you to the brink of exasperation. this version of him—quiet, calm, almost thoughtful—was an entirely different person.

and the strangest part? you didn’t hate it.

in fact, you found yourself relaxing in his presence, your usual wariness slipping away without you realizing it. without the relentless teasing and constant chatter, it was almost… peaceful.

but the question lingered, gnawing at the edges of your mind. why was he like this now? where was the loud, insufferable boy who had been the center of attention just an hour ago in the canteen? why did he only act like this when it was just the two of you?

the thought made your stomach twist, and you found yourself glancing at him again, searching for some kind of answer in his expression. but beomgyu’s face was unreadable, his focus entirely on the trail ahead.

when you reached a small clearing, he paused, crouching down to inspect a patch of moss. “think this counts as ‘soft greenery’?” he asked, holding it up for you to see.

you blinked, startled by the sudden question. “uh… yeah, probably.”

“cool,” he said simply, tucking the moss into his bag.

and just like that, the silence resumed, wrapping around you both like a thick, heavy blanket. but this time, you couldn’t shake the strange, nagging warmth blooming in your chest.

it wasn’t fair. choi beomgyu wasn’t supposed to make you feel anything except irritation. and yet, here he was—quiet, calm, and somehow disarming you without even trying.

not too long after, you both finally found every item required on the list. with your bag heavier and your mind filled with unanswered questions, you followed beomgyu back toward the meeting point where the rest of the class had gathered. there was an odd weight to your steps, a strange feeling tugging at you—a weird, quiet disappointment that you couldn’t quite shake.

you glanced over at beomgyu as the two of you walked in silence. he carried his bag slung casually over one shoulder, his expression as neutral and calm as it had been the entire time.

when you reached the clearing where everyone was waiting, the energy of the group hit you like a wave; loud voices, laughter, and the chaos of friends recounting their scavenger adventures. you barely had time to process it all when the instructor called everyone’s attention to announce the winners.

and much to you and everyone else’s surprise, the instructor called you and beomgyu out.

your head whipped around to look at beomgyu in disbelief. he was already smirking, the corners of his mouth lifting in that infuriatingly familiar way.

“well, look at that,” he said, his voice now laced with amusement. “teamwork makes the dream work, huh?”

you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way your cheeks heated under his gaze. “don’t get used to it. this was pure luck.”

he laughed—loud and full, the sound cutting through the noise around you. and just like that, the calm, subdued version of him from earlier was gone, replaced by the beomgyu you knew all too well.

you groaned, stepping away as his friends swarmed him with congratulations and playful jabs. as much as you wanted to revel in the small victory, the shift in his demeanor made your chest tighten in a way you didn’t fully understand.

you lingered at the edge of the group, watching as beomgyu fell seamlessly back into his usual role—loud, boisterous, and always at the center of attention. the difference was jarring, like a switch had flipped the moment he rejoined the crowd.

and it felt… weird.

you couldn’t stop thinking about how different he’d been when it was just the two of you. the calm, quiet side of him wasn’t something you’d ever seen before. it was like a secret he’d accidentally let you glimpse, only to tuck it away the moment you weren’t alone anymore.

why was he only ever like that around you? did he hate being around you so much that he didn’t even want to bother teasing you anymore? the thought made your stomach twist unpleasantly.

but then, why did that calm side of him… comfort you? why did it unnerve you in equal measure?

you didn’t get it. none of it made sense.

as the group began to disperse for the next activity, you felt someone nudge your shoulder. you turned to find one of your friends grinning at you.

“so, what’s the deal with you and beomgyu? you guys actually worked together without killing each other?”

“barely,” you said with a huff, trying to mask the strange cocktail of emotions swirling in your chest. “he was… different.”

your friend raised an eyebrow. “different how?”

“nevermind,” you mumbled, brushing past them as you tried to shake the thoughts from your head.

but even as you joined your friends, laughing and chatting as though nothing was wrong, your gaze drifted back to beomgyu.

he caught your eye from across the clearing and smirked, giving you a two-fingered salute.

and somehow, that simple gesture sent a pang of frustration—and something else entirely—through you.

⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊

the day had been long and exhausting. after hours of team-building activities—most of which involved more yelling and chaos than actual teamwork—the announcement of some “healing time” around the campfire felt like a blessing.

everyone seemed to share the same sentiment, slumping into the circle of logs and folding chairs surrounding the crackling fire, their faces illuminated by its flickering glow.

the atmosphere was light and easy, the warm flames licking upward as students laughed, shared terrible ghost stories, and sang impromptu songs. the campfire’s golden light softened the world, turning the boisterous group into a cozy bubble of warmth and laughter.

you were starting to relax, when someone brought out a guitar, the sleek instrument glinting faintly in the firelight.

“anyone know how to play?” the instructor asked, looking around.

immediately, a group of boys started whispering and nudging one another, and before you could fully process it, one of beomgyu’s friends grabbed his wrist and yanked his hand into the air.

“beomgyu does!” the boy announced loudly, grinning like he’d just won a prize.

your head snapped to the side. beomgyu?

“what—hey, not funny, cut it out…” beomgyu groaned, tugging his hand back down and glaring at his friend.

the group erupted into laughter, some clapping and others urging him to go for it. you leaned forward slightly, intrigued despite yourself.

“come on, beomgyu,” the instructor then encouraged, smiling. “let’s hear it.”

beomgyu shifted uncomfortably, his expression torn between exasperation and embarrassment. “i’m not—ugh, fine,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair before finally standing up.

he stepped forward and took the guitar, visibly gulping as he adjusted it in his lap. the firelight cast shadows over his face, but you didn’t miss the way he glanced in your direction. it was quick, fleeting, and yet… intentional. like he wanted to see your reaction.

your heart gave an odd jolt. why did it feel like his eyes lingered just a second too long?

the circle grew quiet as beomgyu plucked at the strings, testing them. his fingers were steady, but you noticed the slight tension in his jaw as he took a deep breath. then, without preamble, he began to play.

the soft, melodic chords of “i will give you everything” by lee janghee floated into the night air, delicate and deliberate. beomgyu’s fingers moved fluidly over the strings, coaxing out a gentle rhythm that seemed to wrap around the campfire like a warm embrace.

and then, he started singing.

it began softly, his voice slipping into the quiet like a gentle breeze, carrying with it something raw and achingly beautiful. it was the kind of voice that could hush a crowded room, that could demand attention without ever raising its volume.

it was soothing, unassuming at first, and then it began to grow—layered with warmth, depth, and an unexpected vulnerability that felt almost tangible.

you blinked, your focus narrowing until it was as if there was only him, sitting there with the guitar balanced in his hands, his head tilted just slightly as he poured his soul into the music.

it wasn’t perfect, not in the technical sense. there were moments when his voice wavered, when the raw emotion seemed to outpace his control. but that only made it more captivating. it was authentic, so deeply, disarmingly honest that it felt like a secret he was sharing with everyone in the circle.

you sat frozen, the familiar ache of something unnameable stirring in your chest. the obnoxious boy who teased you relentlessly, who lived to push your buttons, was nowhere to be found once again.

and as the song reached its chorus, he glances up, and for a fleeting moment, his eyes found yours.

everything stopped.

it was as if the world itself held its breath. the fire crackled in the background, but its warmth faded in comparison to the intensity of his gaze. his eyes were tender, impossibly so, brimming with an emotion you couldn’t place.

there was no smirk, no teasing glint, no trace of the boy who drove you insane. just beomgyu, stripped of his bravado, looking at you as though you were the only person in the universe who mattered in that moment.

your breath caught, the air thick and heavy in your lungs. your heart thudded loudly in your chest, drowning out everything else. his gaze was so soft, so achingly gentle, it made your stomach twist in a way you weren’t ready to acknowledge.

you tore your gaze away, your cheeks burning, your heart pounding as if you’d been caught doing something forbidden. but even as you looked elsewhere—anywhere but at him—his voice pulled you back.

it was soothing in a way that made you feel too much, its warmth and depth settling into the spaces you didn’t know were empty. you felt vulnerable, exposed, as though he’d reached inside and found the parts of you you didn’t let anyone see.

when the final note rang out, the world rushed back in with a wave of cheers and applause. the spell broke, and beomgyu ducked his head, laughing shyly as he handed the guitar back to its owner.

“happy now?” he muttered to his friends as he sat back down, though his usual cocky tone was uncharacteristically absent.

as the circle erupted into noise and chatter once more, you stole a glance at him. beomgyu was laughing now, nudging his friends as they teased him about his unexpected talent. he was back to being himself—the loud, insufferable menace you’d grown used to.

you went back into conversation like everyone else, but your head felt disconnected from your body, your mind still stuck on that one glance.

those… eyes.

why did it feel like he was singing to you?

⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊

as everyone filtered back to their rooms, you felt a strange mix of relief and apprehension settle in your chest. the day had been exhausting, but not in the way you’d expected. it wasn’t the team-building activities or the endless socializing that left you drained—it was beomgyu.

the memories of him during the scavenger hunt, the haunting softness of his voice as he sang, and, most of all, that fleeting, heart-stopping moment when your eyes met across the campfire… they swirled in your mind like an endless storm.

you walked towards the door your room, your steps growing heavier with each one. and as if sensing your inner thoughts, your heart oddly skips a beat when you turned the corner and spotted beomgyu approaching from the other end of the hall.

sensing your presence, beomgyu’s gaze flicked up, meeting yours. for a split second, neither of you moved, caught in a strange limbo. the tension was palpable, thick enough to cut with a knife.

you quickly averted your eyes, willing yourself to focus on something, anything else. fumbling with your keys, you muttered a curse under your breath as they slipped from your grasp and clattered to the floor.

“great,” you mumbled, squatting down to pick them up.

but before you could, beomgyu was already there, his hand reaching for the keys. your fingers brushed briefly, and you pulled back as if burned, the unexpected warmth of his skin lingering on yours.

“here,” he said quietly, holding the keys out to you. his voice was soft, almost tentative, your heart now pounding against your chest as if it was threatening to fall out.

“oh… thanks,” you murmured, your voice embarrassingly small as you took the keys from him.

before you could unlock the door yourself, he surprises you again. “let me,” he says just as softly, gently opening the door with his own keys. he slid the key into the lock and opened the door with an ease that felt far too intimate for such a mundane act.

you stepped inside first at his silent gesture, your mind racing.

the room was dimly lit, the faint glow of the bedside lamp casting warm shadows on the walls. you moved to your side of the room without a word, setting your bag down and busily pretending to organize your things. the silence stretched between you, heavy and awkward, broken only by the sound of beomgyu setting his own things aside.

you couldn’t stop thinking about how close he’d been, how soft his voice sounded, how his hand had felt against yours. you shook your head, trying to banish the thoughts, but they clung to you stubbornly.

finally, you decided to break the silence, if only to distract yourself. “you, uh… you sounded good earlier. during the song, i mean.”

the words came out more awkwardly than you intended, and you cringed inwardly. you couldn’t even dare to look at him.

beomgyu paused, the air between you tightening. “oh… thanks,” he said after a moment, his tone measured. “i didn’t think anyone would actually pay attention.”

you turned your head slightly, catching the faintest glimpse of him rubbing the back of his neck, his gaze fixed somewhere on the floor. he looked… shy.

you tilted your head, curiosity getting the better of you. “are you kidding? why not? you’re… good. amazing, even.”

his lips quirked into a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “maybe. but it’s not really my thing to show off like that.”

you raised an eyebrow, unable to resist a teasing jab. “that’s a first. i thought showing off was your whole personality.”

to your surprise, he chuckled, the sound low and genuine. “touché.”

you laughed softly, and for a moment, the tension eased, replaced by something gentler. something that made your chest feel a little too tight.

as silence crept back in, you found yourself stealing glances at him, the image of him at the campfire still vivid in your mind. his soft, tender gaze, the way his voice had drawn you in—it all felt too close, too raw.

and then there was this beomgyu, the quiet one sitting just across the room. the one who had gently handed you your keys, who opened the door for you, who seemed to peel back the layers of his loud, teasing persona when no one else was around.

why did he only act like this when it was just the two of you? and why did it make your heart ache in a way you didn’t understand?

⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊

the next day, everything seemed to buzz with activity. everyone was excited for the next round of team-building exercises, chatting and laughing as they gathered their things. but for you? the noise, the excitement, it all felt distant. your mind, it seemed, had other plans. it was stuck on one person—beomgyu.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him. and it wasn’t because of his usual loud antics, no, it was the strange shift in his behavior. the quiet side of him that had shown itself only around you, the one you couldn't quite understand. the one that had made your heart do this... odd thing you hated.

all day, your eyes kept drifting to him, following his movements closely, trying to figure out why he acted like an entirely different person when it was just the two of you. he wasn’t like this with anyone else—no, with everyone else, he was the cocky, annoying, loud mess that had driven you insane since the day you met him. but with you? he was soft, surprisingly calm, almost... shy? it made no sense.

you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the rest of the group moving on, the voices around you fading into the background. without realizing it, you had wandered off the trail, the trees around you growing denser as you turned in circles, trying to figure out where you were. you cursed under your breath, pulling out your phone—no signal, of course. and your battery was almost dead. fantastic.

you couldn’t stop pacing, frustration bubbling up in your chest as you tried to figure out which way to go. each step felt like you were sinking deeper into your own thoughts, but the world around you was becoming increasingly unfamiliar. everything felt... off. and that was when it happened.

you collided with something—someone—and before you could react, your feet slipped out from under you, sending you crashing into the ground.

as you stumbled and fell on your ass, a sharp wince escaped your lips. the grass was rough, and the fall left you a little more embarrassed than you'd care to admit. you groaned, sitting up and rubbing your backside, annoyed with yourself for losing focus like that.

but then, a soft voice broke through your frustration, pulling you from your misery.

"are you alright?"

you froze, and as your gaze lifted, you saw him—beomgyu. his bright and teasing demeanor you saw earlier replaced once more by something else entirely—something softer, almost concerned. he was standing there, looking down at you with an eyebrow slightly raised, as if waiting for an answer.

you blinked in surprise. "you? why are you... here?"

beomgyu took a few steps closer, kneeling down so that he was at eye level with you. his hands were still tucked in his jacket pockets, and there was a quiet warmth to his presence that you hadn’t expected. "i saw you wander off," he said casually, but his eyes didn’t match his laid-back tone. "thought i’d make sure you didn’t get too lost."

his words seemed so... genuine. and yet, you couldn’t shake the confusion that swirled in your mind. he saw you wander off? he was looking at you? following your every move just as you followed his? beomgyu was the last person you expected to show any sort of concern, let alone take the time to make sure you were okay.

"but how did you know?" you asked, still bewildered, glancing at him. "you’ve been with your friends the whole time, right? why would you leave them to—"

"i’m not glued to them," he interrupted quickly, his voice light but with a touch of something else—something uncharacteristically flustered yet calm both at the same time.

without explaining any further, beomgyu stood up first, taking out a hand from the pocket of his jacket before extending one towards you. his hand hovered in the air, palm up, an unspoken invitation that caught you off guard. his expression was soft, almost hesitant.

"come on," he said quietly, his voice low and steady. "we can’t look for the others with you on the ground like that, can we?"

you stared at his hand, your thoughts spinning. the way he looked at you, his eyes so steady and sincere, made your chest tighten in a way that was both unfamiliar and unsettling.

your fingers hovered over his for a moment, unsure if you should take the offer. was this really the same beomgyu who thrived on driving you up the wall? because right now, like yesterday, he felt like someone entirely different.

after a beat, you placed your hand in his. his grip was firm but not overpowering, his hand warm against yours. the touch sent a jolt through your system, a strange mixture of comfort and something far more disconcerting.

as he gently helped you to your feet, neither of you said a word. the world around you seemed to pause—the rustling leaves, the distant chirping of birds, even the whisper of the wind—it all faded into the background. the only thing you could focus on was the way his fingers curled just slightly around yours, like he was holding on for a second longer than necessary.

when you were fully upright, he let go, but the absence of his touch left your hand tingling, like it still remembered the warmth of his.

"you good?" he asked, his voice softer than usual.

you nodded, avoiding his gaze as you dusted off your pants. but you could feel his eyes on you, as if he were checking to make sure you were really okay. the air between you felt charged, heavy with something you couldn’t quite name.

beomgyu took a step back, his hand now tucked back into his pocket, but the softness in his eyes hadn’t disappeared. "we’ll find the others soon. let’s just stick together, yeah?"

together. you swallowed hard, nodding again because words seemed impossible right now. something about the way he stood there, a mix of confidence and quiet sincerity, made your thoughts race.

as the two of you started walking, an odd silence stretched between you. it wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either. it was charged with an unspoken tension, the kind that made you hyperaware of every step, every breath, every glance he threw your way.

you tried to focus on your surroundings, on finding your way back to the group, but your mind kept circling back to the moment that had happened only a few minutes ago—how his hand had felt around yours, how his voice had softened in a way that felt far too intimate for someone who was supposed to be your biggest annoyance.

and then there was the way he had looked at you. not with the playful mischief you were used to, but with something tender. gentle. like, for a moment, you weren’t just the person he liked to tease—you were something more.

it left you reeling, your heart pounding in your chest as the two of you walked side by side. you couldn’t quite bring yourself to look at him again, afraid of what you might see—or worse, what you might feel.

beomgyu, for his part, seemed calm, though you could swear he stole glances at you when he thought you weren’t looking. his usual cockiness had been stripped away, replaced by a quiet vulnerability that made you feel things you didn’t want to name.

what was happening? why was beomgyu, of all people, making your heart race like this? and why did his words, his touch, linger in your mind like a song you couldn’t forget?

you shook your head, trying to snap yourself out of it. this was beomgyu—irritating, obnoxious, infuriating beomgyu. and yet, as you walked through the forest together, you couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was more to him than you’d ever allowed yourself to see.

⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊

as you continued to trudge through the forest path, the shadows of the trees stretching long in the fading sunlight, you couldn’t help but sigh. your earlier irritation with yourself for wandering off had transformed into full-blown worry. 

what if you didn’t find the others? what if you got stuck out here, lost in the woods, forever? and worse—what if you had to spend your last moments with beomgyu of all people?

your thoughts spiraled, imagining every worst-case scenario, until a sudden pressure on your shoulder pulled you out of it.

"hey," beomgyu’s voice was calm, steady, as he gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze. "we’ll find them. don’t worry."

the simple gesture, paired with his soft reassurance, made your heart do an annoyingly traitorous flip. gone was your panic—replaced by a wave of heat rushing to your face. of course, you weren’t worried anymore, you were now flustered.

you glanced at him, trying to gauge how he could be so calm in this situation. but instead of his usual teasing smirk or overconfident grin, he was looking at you with that same quiet sincerity he’d been using on you since the day before.

determined to shake off the growing tension between you, you cleared your throat and finally spoke. "so… why were you even around to see me wandering off in the first place? you’re not exactly known for being observant, you know."

beomgyu blinked, startled by your sudden question. then he narrowed his eyes playfully, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "well, excuse me for caring, i guess. i happened to notice you lagging behind, and since i’m such a kind, thoughtful person, i figured i’d check on you."

you snorted, crossing your arms. "oh, please. kind and thoughtful? you must’ve hit your head on a tree branch or something."

he rolled his eyes, but there was a faint flush creeping across his cheeks. "believe it or not, i’m capable of being nice."

"mhm, sure." you teased, narrowing your eyes at him. "so nice that you waited until i got lost before showing up. really great timing there, choi."

he let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. "wow, no gratitude whatsoever. next time, i’ll just let you wander into a bear’s den or something."

"oh, so now you’re a wildlife expert too?" you shot back, trying to suppress the smile tugging at your lips.

the banter came easily, easing the awkwardness that had been building between you. but beneath the light teasing, you couldn’t ignore the way your chest still felt tight, your heart still fluttering from his earlier gesture.

"seriously, though," you said after a pause, looking at him curiously. "why did you come after me? it’s not like you to… well, you know, care. for me.”

his steps faltered just slightly, but he recovered quickly, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. "i don’t know," he said, his voice quieter now. "i guess i just… noticed."

you blinked, caught off guard by the honesty in his tone. his gaze stayed forward, avoiding yours, and for a moment, you could’ve sworn there was something unspoken lingering in the air between you.

but then he cleared his throat and grinned, his usual confidence slipping back into place. "besides, someone has to make sure you don’t get eaten by a bear."

you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the tiny smile that crept onto your face. "right, like you’d be so helpful in a bear attack."

"oh, i would be. they’ll just think i’m one of them," he says smugly, imitating a bear growling with hand gestures, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

as the two of you continued down the path, the unease from earlier began to fade, replaced by a strange, tentative comfort. maybe being stuck in the woods with beomgyu wasn’t the worst thing after all.

as the conversation flowed between you two, it was almost startling how natural it felt. gone was the sharp banter or pointed glares—replaced instead by an ease you hadn’t realized you could have with beomgyu. and for a moment, as ridiculous as it sounded, it felt like you’d been walking this path together for ages.

but then a chilly breeze swept through the trees, interrupting the moment and sending a shiver racing up your spine. instinctively, you crossed your arms and tucked your hands under them, trying to preserve whatever warmth you could.

“cold?” beomgyu’s voice broke the silence, soft but tinged with concern.

“no, i’m fine,” you said quickly, but the involuntary shudder that followed betrayed you.

he didn’t say anything at first. you glanced at him and saw his brows furrowed slightly, as though he were debating something. before you could question it, he shrugged off his jacket and held it out to you.

“here,” he said, his voice quieter now.

you blinked at him, caught off guard. “what? no, i can’t—what about you? won’t you freeze?”

he hesitated for only a second before shaking his head. “it’s fine. i don’t really feel the cold anyway,” he said, his tone casual, but the way he avoided your gaze told you otherwise. “just… take it. it’s no big deal.”

now it was your turn to hesitate, your fingers hovering over the jacket, but the way he stood there, holding it out so patiently, made it impossible to refuse. finally, you took it, slipping it on and immediately basking in the warmth it provided. it was oversized on you, the sleeves covering your hands, and it smelled faintly of something sweet and familiar—like peach and vanilla.

“thanks,” you mumbled, the heat creeping up your cheeks doing little to combat the chill.

“don’t mention it,” he replied, but you noticed the faint flush dusting his own cheeks as he quickly looked away.

still, you couldn’t help but frown slightly. “seriously, though... aren’t you going to get cold?”

he shook his head, his hands now stuffed into his pockets. “as long as you’re not cold, it’s fine.”

his words were simple, but they hit you harder than they should have. your heart skipped, the warmth of his jacket suddenly feeling like it had seeped into your chest.

neither of you spoke for a moment, the quiet stretching between you. it wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was something charged about it—like there was a question hanging in the air, waiting to be asked.

finally, unable to ignore the question that had been eating away at you, you blurted out, “why are you so quiet around me but not around anyone else?”

beomgyu froze mid-step, his gaze snapping to yours. his eyes widened slightly, and for a moment, you thought he might deflect the question, maybe throw out a teasing remark like he always did. but instead, he sighed, running a hand through his hair in that nervous way you were starting to recognize. when he finally looked at you, his expression wasn’t smug or playful, it was… vulnerable.

“do you really wanna know?” he asked softly, his voice barely audible above the rustling leaves.

your throat felt tight, but you nodded. “yeah. i do.”

he hesitated, his gaze dropping to the ground. his fingers fidgeted with the hem of his shirt as though trying to steady himself. “it’s because you’re… different,” he said at last, his voice tentative, almost unsure.

you blinked, his words taking a moment to sink in. “different?” you echoed, your heart skipping a beat as you stared at him.

he nodded, still not looking at you. “yeah. with everyone else, it’s easy to be… loud, annoying, whatever. because, honestly? i don’t really care what they think. it doesn’t matter if I’m too much for them.”

his words made your chest tighten. “but with me…?” you prompted, your voice softer now, almost afraid to break the fragile moment hanging between you.

beomgyu finally met your gaze, his eyes searching yours as if he was trying to find the courage to say whatever it was he wanted to. “with you, i.. i care about what you think, and… actually, i feel like this is who i really am,” he said quietly, his tone raw and uncertain.

your breath caught, and you tilted your head slightly, frowning. “really?” you asked, disbelief lacing your voice. “i don’t buy it. you’re saying the real you is quiet and… shy? come on.”

he let out a small, humorless laugh, shaking his head. “okay, maybe not completely,” he admitted, his lips twitching into the barest hint of a smile before it faded again. “but…”

“but…?” you pressed once more, your voice barely above a whisper now.

beomgyu’s cheeks flushed, and he looked away again, his fingers tugging at his sleeve nervously. “when I’m alone with you…” he began, his voice faltering. “i feel like i can be myself, but… i also feel like i need to be careful. like i can’t mess up. can’t mess… us up.”

your breath hitched. “us?” you repeated, the word hanging in the air between you.

beomgyu rubbed the back of his neck, clearly flustered now. he looked at you, his eyes filled with something so vulnerable and tender that it made your heart ache. “sorry,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “i probably shouldn’t have said anything.”

but you shook your head quickly, your voice steadying. “no, i’m… glad you did.”

he blinked, caught off guard by your response, but the smallest smile tugged at the corner of his lips. and for a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence between you no longer feeling heavy—but something closer to understanding.

before you could ask more about the “us” thing—what it meant, what he meant—the sound of your classmates’ voices suddenly echoed through the forest, distant but unmistakable.

the moment between you and beomgyu shattered in an instant, the bubble you’d unknowingly been wrapped in dissolving into nothing.

you both turned toward the noise, his expression shifting almost immediately. the soft vulnerability that had painted his features was replaced by something more guarded. it was like watching a door close, locking away everything you’d just seen.

“looks like we found them,” he murmured, his voice steady but quieter now.

you nodded, forcing a small smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “right… yay...” you say, trying to mask your true emotions, shrugging off the jacket as you gave it back to him.

as the two of you began walking toward the sound of your classmates, the tension from before had all but vanished, replaced by something unspoken yet undeniably heavy.

but deep down, you felt a pang of something you couldn’t quite name. disappointment? regret? whatever it was, it lingered like a weight in your chest, leaving you more unsettled than you cared to admit.

and as the laughter and chatter of your peers grew louder, you couldn’t help but wish, just for a moment, that you hadn’t found them at all.

⁺ ༄ ༝ ₊

once back with your original peers, the familiar buzz of conversation and laughter surrounded you, bringing a sense of normalcy. the comforting hum of routine should’ve helped ground you, but it didn’t. instead, your thoughts spiraled back to the forest; to the tender and rather intimate moments you shared with beomgyu.

his soft, almost hesitant touch when he helped you up, the uncharacteristic gentleness in his voice, the banter that felt more like a connection than an annoyance… and then there was his small confession, lingering in your mind like an unsolved puzzle.

“us.”

the word echoed in your mind, heavy with unanswered questions. what did he mean by “us”? why couldn’t you shake the look in his eyes when he said it, like it was a truth he wasn’t ready to face?

the day carried on as usual, but your focus was elsewhere. even surrounded by your friends, your gaze would drift toward him. 

and the strange thing was, you weren’t the only one.

more than once, you caught him looking at you. sometimes it was fleeting, his eyes darting away the second yours met his. other times, the moments stretched, and neither of you would look away fast enough.

each glance made your heart thud harder, the silence between those exchanges speaking louder than any words ever could.

as the sun dipped below the horizon and the camp settled down for the night, the realization hit you—you were going back to your room; the room you shared with beomgyu.

your heart rate flared at the thought, your nerves on edge. the memory of earlier replayed in your head—the quiet, the tension, the shared warmth of his jacket.

but this time, you decided you wouldn’t let it all end in ambiguity. no, you’d find out. find out what “us” meant.

as you trudged toward the room, the chill of the night air nipping at your skin, your thoughts raced. this was your last night here, your last night sharing the same cramped space with beomgyu. by tomorrow, this strange, unexpected closeness would most probably dissolve back into whatever it had been before this trip.

if you didn’t do something now—if you didn’t try to get the answers you needed—you might never see this side of him again.

the thought made your chest tighten. you couldn’t let this pass you by.

when you reached the door, you hesitated, your hand hovering over the knob. inside, beomgyu was already there, sitting cross-legged on his bed with his phone in hand. he glanced up when you entered, his expression unreadable.

“hey,” he murmured, his voice low, almost tentative.

“hey,” you replied, your throat tightening as you moved to sit on your bed. the space between you felt heavier than usual, the unspoken words hanging in the air like a fragile thread waiting to snap.

you fiddled with the hem of your shirt, your fingers trembling slightly as you tried to gather the right words. the room was quiet except for the faint rustle of leaves outside the window, the stillness amplifying the rapid thudding of your heart. your eyes flickered directly towards beomgyu, catching the subtle way his fingers fidgeted, the way his gaze occasionally darted toward you and then away again, as if he, too, was battling something unsaid.

finally, the weight of the silence became too much. “so…” your voice cracked, forcing you to clear your throat. “earlier. in the forest.”

his head lifted slightly, though his eyes didn’t quite meet yours. “yeah? what about it?”

you hesitated, your chest tightening as the memories of his words—the softness in his gaze, the tremble in his voice—played over in your mind. “you said something about… ‘us.’” you swallowed hard, the vulnerability in your tone almost too much for you to bear. “i want to understand. i want to know what that means.”

his entire body stilled, his fingers curling into his palms. the tension between you was almost suffocating now, the air thick with an unspoken weight that neither of you seemed ready to face.

he exhaled sharply, a nervous laugh slipping past his lips. “it’s not that big of a deal,” he muttered, his voice lacking conviction.

you couldn’t stand it anymore. the air between you both was thick, suffocating, and every time you tried to get close to the truth, beomgyu just pushed you away again, retreating into his shell. you felt like you were running in circles, chasing a truth that he wouldn’t give you. it was maddening, and you couldn’t hold back anymore.

“beomgyu,” you said, your voice firm and filled with frustration as you stood up from your bed, making your way in front of his. “don’t do this. don’t keep brushing me off. you know this is a big deal, and you’re not going to get away with ignoring it!”

he flinched, his gaze quickly darting to the side, but you could see the tension in his shoulders. he was so close to losing control, and you weren’t going to let him hide anymore. you took another step forward, your pulse racing with every second that passed. you weren’t backing down.

“this is a huge deal,” you pressed, your voice rising with each word. “it’s killing me that you won’t just say it. say what it is, what’s been going on in your head, why you’re so quiet and distant around me so suddenly.” your breath was coming quicker now, your patience running thin. “i don’t care what you’re trying to hide, beomgyu. tell me.”

beomgyu was looking anywhere but at you. you could see how frustrated he was, his chest rising and falling with every breath, his fingers twitching like he wanted to run away. but you weren’t going to let him. you stepped closer again, your voice almost a growl. “seriously, just tell me!”

beomgyu’s frustration was starting to boil over, and the mask of cool indifference that he always wore was slipping, revealing the raw emotions beneath as he finally stands too. “you don’t get it, do you?” he spat, his voice low and trembling with barely contained anger. “i don’t know how to say it. i don’t know how to explain this. it’s so damn frustrating, and you make it even worse by pushing me!”

his words cut through you, and the intensity in his voice made your breath catch in your throat. for a moment, you thought he was going to explode, his emotions flooding out in a wave of pent-up frustration. but then, in the middle of all his tension, his eyes snapped to yours, and what you saw there shook you to your core.

“you think i don’t want to tell you?” he demanded, his voice shaking with a mix of anger and something much softer. “you think i don’t want to just come out and say it? i do, okay? but it’s not that simple. i can’t just… i can’t just tell you like it’s nothing! i… can’t do that. i can’t pretend it’s nothing, not when it’s you.”

his words were laced with a frustration that you didn’t fully understand, but it made your heart race even faster. “you’re so damn difficult, beomgyu,” you muttered, clenching your fists by your sides, “why can’t you just say it? what’s stopping you?”

his face flushed, and you could see his jaw tighten as he wrestled with his emotions. and then, finally, it all came crashing down.

he stepped forward so suddenly that you almost staggered back. his hands grabbed your arms, his grip tight and desperate, yet also gentle and tentative. his voice was a low growl, filled with raw, unfiltered emotion. 

“because, damn it, i can’t just tell you like it’s no big deal. it’s not just some stupid crush—i like you. a lot! and every time i try to act normal around you, it–it feels like i’m going to explode! i can’t just act like it’s nothing because it’s everything; when it’s just you and me, i.. i just can’t handle it. y-you make me so nervous, like i’m walking on a damn tightrope...”

oh.

oh.

you were caught off guard, completely speechless. the words hit you like a punch to the gut, and before you could even fully process what he’d said, he kept going, his grip on you tightening.

“i can’t stop thinking about you,” he spat, his eyes blazing with frustration. “when i’m around everyone else, it’s easy to hide; it’s easy to be loud and obnoxious because that’s the only way i don’t turn into a damn mess around you. but when it’s just us, i… can’t pretend. i can’t be that guy. i don’t know how to be. it’s why i followed you when you got lost in the forest—you make me care too much, so much, that it scares me.”

his voice cracked with the weight of the confession, and his words hung heavy in the air between you, charged with so much emotion that it was almost suffocating. for a long moment, neither of you spoke, just standing there, the tension between you so thick you could practically taste it.

finally, he let out a frustrated breath and pulled away from you, running a hand through his hair, his chest heaving with every breath. “i don’t know what to do with myself when i’m around you,” he muttered, more quietly this time, “i just… i want to be careful. i don’t want to mess things up. i don’t want to ruin whatever this is. teasing and annoying you was all i could do to get even an ounce of attention from you.”

you stared at him, your heart still racing as his words settled over you, and it was like everything that had been confusing and chaotic finally made sense. all of his teasing, all of the weird moments, the way he acted around you— it all came rushing together in one big, undeniable truth.

he likes you. beomgyu likes you.

and just like that, everything felt different. the tension that had been building between you finally snapped, and the weight that had been pressing on your chest seemed to ease, but the tension still lingered in the air.

“you’re… so frustrating, beomgyu,” you whispered, your voice trembling with exasperation and disbelief. 

beomgyu stood frozen for a moment, his expression shifting from confusion to a mix of guilt and frustration. his fingers twitched at his sides, but he didn’t make a move to speak, unsure how to navigate the tangled mess of emotions between you two.

“you seriously just… couldn’t say it, could you?” you continued, your voice rising in both exasperation and something deeper, something that made your heart race. “you had to play all these stupid games, mess with my head, act all ridiculous just for me to finally understand what you were trying to say.”

you could see the way beomgyu’s jaw clenched, his eyes flitting away, as if trying to escape the weight of your words. he ran a hand through his hair again, his lips pulling into a tight line, but still, he remained silent. in the face of your frustration, all he could do was look at you.

“but, you know what, beomgyu? you’re lucky,” you muttered, barely above a whisper, but the words hit harder than anything you had said before. “because, if i didn’t know any better, i… i’m pretty sure i like you too.”

beomgyu’s eyes snapped to yours immediately, his breath catching. his whole body froze in disbelief, and for a moment, the world seemed to come to a halt around you. his lips parted, but no words came out. instead, his hands fidgeted nervously, betraying how overwhelmed he was. his eyes darted between you and the floor, unsure of what to do with himself.

the silence stretched out between you, thick and heavy, making your heart race louder than ever. you could barely breathe as you waited for him to react, but it was your turn now. it had to be.

"you’re so damn frustrating," you murmured, shaking your head. you let out a shaky breath, your words tumbling out with an intensity that surprised even you. "how did we even get here? why couldn’t you just tell me? why do you always have to make everything so difficult?"

beomgyu’s face flushed, but he didn’t say anything. his eyes were still wide, and his body remained tense, as if he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. you could see the vulnerability in him, raw and exposed, and it only made you more certain of what you needed to say.

"i don’t know why, but you—" you stopped yourself, your chest tightening with every word. "i don’t know why, but no matter how annoying you are, you still make my heart race like this. it’s ridiculous. you frustrate the hell out of me, you know that?" you laughed weakly, trying to hide the shake in your voice. "but even when you do, i just... i still can’t stop thinking about you. i still look forward to our stupid banter, even when i can barely stand it."

beomgyu’s eyes flickered with something unreadable, and he took a step closer, as if drawn in by the force of your words. but you weren't done yet.

"and now... after all of this, after seeing the real you, the person behind the jokes, behind the teasing... it’s like i fell for you even more. it’s ridiculous." you let out a frustrated sigh, but your voice softened, almost tender as you looked up at him. "i hate how much i like you, beomgyu. i hate how you make everything so complicated, but i can’t help it. you’re just... you. and i like you. more than i ever realized."

there was a beat of silence, and it felt like your heart was about to burst from your chest. you finally let out a long breath, not noticing that you’d taken another step closer to him until you could feel the warmth of his presence, the heat radiating off him.

beomgyu’s gaze was still fixed on you, wide-eyed, processing everything you had just said. his lips parted, but this time, there were no words—just a shaky breath escaping him as if he was holding back a flood of emotions.

he opened his mouth again, but you reached up, placing a hand gently on his chest, stopping him before he could speak.

"let me just say this," you whispered, your voice steady now, but full of emotions you could no longer hold back. "i get it now. i get why you act like you do, why you tease me, why you hide behind your jokes. but i’m not afraid of it anymore. i’m not afraid of you." you paused, your heart pounding in your chest. "i just want you. all of you."

and in that moment, you saw it—the relief in his eyes, the vulnerability that softened his entire expression. it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, as if everything was finally out in the open.

beomgyu took a shaky step forward, his hand reaching for yours, but this time, he didn’t pull back. he let his fingers brush against yours, just the smallest touch, but it spoke volumes. his gaze lingered on your face, searching for any hint of doubt, but all he found was the truth in your eyes.

"you really mean that?" he asked, his voice so quiet, yet full of wonder.

you smiled softly, your heart thumping louder in your chest. "yeah. i really do."

beomgyu’s lips parted once more, and for a moment, it seemed like he couldn’t find the words. but you didn’t need them. you both already understood. he stepped closer, closing the space between you two, and without a single word, he leaned down, his lips hovering just above yours.

the tension that had been building between you, from the teasing, the quiet moments, the stolen glances—all of it hung thick in the air. every single moment, every brush of skin, every unspoken thought, seemed to crash down in this instant. there was no more room for uncertainty, no more hesitation. only the rawness of everything you had felt up until now.

and then, without thinking, you both moved in simultaneously. his lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss, but it quickly deepened, the weight of everything between you pouring into it. the kiss was slow, yet filled with an urgency, a need to express everything you hadn’t said. the teasing, the frustration, the distance—all of it disappeared with each passing second.

his hands moved to cradle your face, his touch tender, as if he was afraid that even the smallest movement might break the spell. you responded in kind, your hands coming to rest on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your palm. it was as if all the moments you had shared—those fleeting touches, the playful banter, the shared silences—came together in this one kiss.

it was everything. everything you both had been holding back, everything you had been afraid to say, all flowing into this one moment. the kiss was filled with emotion, the kind of emotion that words could never fully capture. the laughter, the annoyance, the softness, the longing—everything.

you felt him deepen the kiss, his lips pressing against yours more firmly, and for the first time, you both gave in completely. there was no more acting, no more hiding behind jokes or walls. just beomgyu, just you. two hearts finally in sync, beating in time with each other.

when you finally pulled away, breathless, his forehead rested against yours, and you both stayed there for a moment, silently savoring the connection. the air was thick with emotion, and in that moment, nothing else seemed to matter.

and just like that, everything finally fell into place.

[jun-was-taken]

There's no gaming experience that's been able to match it. It's one of those rare experiences where it just so thoroughly hits your resonate frequency your brain starts vibrating.

The game's systems and story are so singular in their theme and thesis. Everything you do reinforces the idea that human connection can overcome even the most fucked up dire situations.

One of the mechanics in this game is you can setup bits of infrastructure that people can see and use in their own worlds. You'll see a conveniently placed ladder here, a perfect save-your-ass-I-don't-have-shit-on-me rope there. Someone was looking out for you. You sauce them as many likes as you can. While you're helping the characters in-universe, you're also the guardian angels for other porters that are literally following in your footsteps.

It starts off small. You pack an extra ladder when you know you don't really need it, just so you can go off the beaten track and bridge a gap. Just for the simple pleasure of maybe it'll help someone. Oh man, that cliff was a real pain in the ass to go around. I'm ganna go back and put the rope I wish was there. The next thing you know, you're loading up your truck with literal tons of raw materials to complete out sections of highway.

You've cleared out everyone's stash of metals and ceramics. You stuff your truck, all 28 XL containers of assorted raw materials, beautifully stacked in the back. You're cruising down the freshly paved highway you just helped create. You have a podcast on and you're swerving spooky ghost creatures. One section done. Then two. Then three. The truck bed is lookin a lot lighter. You get to the last section of highway you planned to finish for that route. Time to cash in those last few containers. It'll be a job well done, clean op, time to dust your hands off. You did the math wrong. Ahh shit. You eye the last few containers rolling around in the back. You look around and spot an old rusted bridge. It's well traveled and loved, but it's seen better days. It's a good distance away but you could repair it with what you have in the back. Your truck is rusted and sparking from all the timefall. But the old girl has no quit in her. She'll always take you to where you need to go. You give that bridge a new lease on life, ready for the next set of muddy boots. Then you head back to the DC, planning your next route all the way to do it all over again. But first, a much needed break for the truck and for Sam.

This game is full little stories like this. I've setup a zipline network which involves braving the sketchiest parts of the world. Fighting through literal nightmare hell zones just to set it up. I booted up the game a few months later. I came back to see that multiple porters not only braved the same hell zone, but they schlepped their own materials to not only make sure it didn't rust away, but even upgraded. They had tons strapped to their backs, fighting like hell just so that the safe passage remains open. It makes my heart swell even as I type this out.

Every playthrough will be unique and deeply personal. Acts of service is the love language that ties every porter together. A simple thumbs up means everything. While I get that it's not a game everyone will enjoy, if anything that I wrote interests you, I hope that you give it a try. It's very special to me.

I highly recommend playing Death Stranding if you got a system to play it on

it’s set in this post apocalyptic world where everyone turns into a nuclear explosion ghost after death and the rain makes you and everything else old and for 30-40 years no one’s been able to do anything to combat it except bunker down underground and incinerate the dead. People are isolated because, wouldn’t you be if your neighbour dying meant your city turned into a crater?

but in spite of this all there’s hope that we can connect people again. The NPCs are relentlessly optimistic that we can manage the explosion ghosts if we work together. So much of it is just, building up small contributions and having them pile up and before you know it, you got something big going on. You’re the big damn hero (a guy with insane core strength who doesn’t die) tackling the (literally) heavy stuff but the NPCs are all eager to contribute whatever they can. Here’s some custom boots. A protoype engine. A non-lethal ranged weapon. A place to stay. A bridge to cross a river. A parcel of materials to build with. A generator just as your truck battery is dying. A good luck charm. A remote operated surgical table. A sign that says Keep On Keeping On.

I think it’s important to remember that the small stuff matters. It helped me a lot during the pandemic. The world is heavy and not everyone can lift 100kg, but we can all do something even if it’s just some words to remind people we’re in it together.

Also, Trump canonically died in a ghost explosion and was utterly annihilated down to the atoms.

[thedeathwitchescats]

I dont understand, and honestly really dislike, the concept that the upperclassmen are some how morally superior to the monsters/better people. Yes, that is how it is framed in cannon but said cannon is narrated by neil josten who sees the world in complete black and white and also is completely deranged. Did we forget that the foxes is a team made completely of societal rejects and people who needed someone to give them a chance bc they squandered every other opportunity they could have had? Matt was a drug addict, renne was in a gang and has killed people, allison has some dark shit in her history that we dont even know of, Dan was a stripper ((which in and of itself is morally neutral tho its implies that she has also done other fucked up shit)) and Seth is another drug addict with extreme anger issues who also is implied to have other untouched fucked up shit in his past. None of these characters are morally righteous. The upperclassmen are just older and therefore have been out of their insanely abusive situations for longer which has allowed them to cover their trauma and past egregious actions with a layer of good peopleness. We as readers are supposed to take the in story framing with a grain of salt and remember that these people are all fucked up human beings. We can even see this with nikky, he is the "most normal" of the monsters but he is also the oldest, by a decently large margin. He has sm trauma in his past that he had to shove down and get over pretty quickly to BECOME THE LEGAL GUARDIAN ((which in the US you typically need to be 21 to do)) of the twins. He isnt normal, he isnt a stereotypically "good person" he is just old enough that by book cannon he has had enough time to prefect his mask of good personness. Which we see slip right the fuck off when he assaults neil. None of these characters are good people. That is the entire fucking point of the foxes as a team. Wymack is giving kids with fucked up pasts a last chance to make something good for themselves bc he himself is also NOT A GOOD PERSON ((by typical standards)) and was given a chance to change his life. This doesnt mean liking or not liking any of these characters changes who you are morally, it just means that you see/dont see smt that you do/dont like abt abt a FICTIONAL CHARACTER which is inherently disconnected from morals. Liking nikky doesnt make you an sa apologist as much as liking matt makes you okay with drug abuse. Stripping the upperclassmen of their fucked up pasts to paint them as morally superior shows that you completely missed the point

[wukyma]

yeeop hi, it’s me, the loser who’s writing fanfic for your ghost antinous au! i’ve got some vague and ideas and a decent amount of words done but i saw one of your posts saying you’re writing a document for the au?

i’m thinking i’ll be waiting for that before i make any other big writing decisions, i’m very excited for it :D

Ahhh sorry for the confusion, that was for another thing :'D

Regardless, I do have some ideas for ghost Antinous if you're interested!

(sorry for mentioning but u said u were interested too so @bb-bugspot)

Yappery under the cut 👇

You know that Hermes was also a guide for the dead? One of his "jobs" was bringing souls of mortals to the underworld – the 108 suitors as well, apparently, and whether they were buried appropriately or not doesn't really matter here

What happens? A certain ghosty someone (Antinous) spends the whole day trying to strangle both Odysseus and Telemachus (spoiler: he can't), missing Hermes' arrival to Ithaca like a loser ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

Hermes bringing a hoard of souls to the underworld: let's see... One, two, three, four... ten......... nah I'm too lazy to do that, bye idiots *flies away*

Now we have Antinous, stuck in the mortal plane where no one can see him, having to watch the happy and thriving family, annoyed, jealous, and alone. Like he deserves tbh

And since I was leaning into comedy in the beginning, Telemachus starting to hear (and later even see; idk maybe Hermes' heritage activated or smth) him is a source of all kinds of moments where he has to act like ✨ everything is fine ✨ while there's an angry dude screaming in his ear "PAY ATTENTION TO ME"

If we sprinkle it with sad vibes then Antinous is pestering Telemachus for two reasons:

he hates him and has nothing better to do anyway

it's the closest thing to human interaction he has now lol

Basically talking to (read: pissing off) Telemachus is the only entertainment, and as time passes he just becomes something of a voice of conscience but diametrically opposed, and by that I mean:

"Who does this prick think he is?! Kick his ass Tele KICK HIS ASS"

"Wow, loser (Peisistratus probably idk) actually likes you, what a moron. You too btw"

Probably the first thing Telemachus sees in the morning too,, poor boy; maybe Antinous even tries to trip him up from time to time (they can't touch each other but small things like these work), invades his personal space, swipes off random objects from their designated surfaces, talks shit during family dinners (Telemachus actually thinks some of it is funny but he won't say that out loud, nuh uh) Penelope and Odysseus are a bit concerned about the strange expressions he makes XD

That dynamic goes on until the moment Antinous says a particularly foul joke and Telemachus slaps him (not really hoping for anything since every time he tried his hand just went through); the hit lands, both are like wtf just happened??? That puts an end to random chaos because (1) Telemachus is older now and will/can beat the shit out of him (2) Antinous just doesn't find the same satisfaction in annoying the prince like before, for some reason

So they just....... come to accept the situation and stick together like the weirdest pair of mismatched socks. END

(one more crumb of comedy material: Antinous now drops random objects on people's heads when they disrespect Telemachus or some similar thing)

That's it! There's one important thing I wanna say tho,, what I wrote is just my vision, if you had something else in mind and it doesn't align with this don't worry too much!! I want to know your ideas as well, and honestly, there wasn't a lot of thought put in cooking up an actual plot on my side; write whatever you feel like writing, I'm already happy those sketches inspired somebody X)

(And! Guys!! A bit of disclaimer: it's not like I'm sticking fingers in ears and going lalalalalala when it comes to Antinous' canon jerk behavior, or justify him – this whole au retains ✨funsies rights✨, don't take it too seriously please)

[jellyfishinsideajar]

Dating [Tfp] Ratchet Headcanons

( This old man was the biggest crush Highschool! Me had and he deserves all the love and he doesn’t get enough of it )

The reason you’re with Ratchet is beyond him, whether you’re a human or fellow Autobot, you’re much younger than him. You could do so much better and yet you’ve chosen to love on the old man of Team Prime

He’s very reserved and prefers to keep your relationship private, on the down-low so to speak.

Things like PDA and nicknames aren’t really something he feels comfortable with expressing in front of everybody, especially the kids. He already endures enough of Miko’s teasing about his soft spot for you and yes, it did get worse when you two officially got together. She’s your biggest supporter, deal with it.

At the very most, he’ll rest a servo on the small of your back and gently pat the top of your head.

He’s extremely gentle! Whether you’re a human or Cybertronian, his touch is always so loving and comforting.

While he may voice his disdain for organics, he isn’t entirely despondent of Homo Sapians. He just holds concern for involving humans in their affairs in the first place. In truth, he holds some respect for the human race for coming such a long way. Ratchet would be devestated to see them fall down the same path as the Cybertronians.

If you are a human, it takes a real long time before you two end up dating and even then, Ratchet’s circuits are in disarray struggling to rationalize why someone like you would want to be with someone like him.

If you’re a fellow Autobot, Ratchet is mainly worried how his personal relationship with you might affect his work.

He already worries so much for the others, but you- Ratchet is constantly worried, always checking you for injuries when you return from missions and making sure your Energon levels are properly balanced.

For as much as he cares and fusses over you, you already know he doesn’t even spare himself a moments rest.

You are constantly having to fight him on taking a break, recharging, and just taking care of himself in general. He sacrifices a lot for his team and still strives to do more.

While an honorable endeavor on his part, it’s obvious how much burning the candle on both ends begins to take a toll on him.

Ratchet doesn’t exactly considering himself the most romantic bot, but he makes attempts to indulge you.

Do NOT expect cheesy things from him though, he’s an old mech and he isn’t going to waste time on ‘silly’ grand gestures when he can have an honest conversation with you face-to-face.

As a fellow Autobot, you hardly get downtime. Ratchet spares himself even less time to relax- Yet, in the middle of the night, when the world is quiet and the base is still- You can coax his servos into your own, pulling him back to your shared habsuite and into the metal slab of your berth. Lying close together where your chassis is pressed against his and the thrum of your sparks sync together as one.

It’s considerably harder though if you’re human- While you may spend a lot of time at base with him and the others, you have a life outside of him. Family, friends, work, and college- Somedays, he wishes you to do better than him, to find a partner who can truly and fully commit to you in all aspects of life.

You make him forget those worries of his every chance you get, reassuring him that you know what you signed up for and are more than happy to be with him.

Nicknames like “Sweetspark” “Hummingbird” are his favorite to use and while he isn’t too keen on nicknames for himself, he won’t get after you for calling him “Dear”. He rather enjoys it actually, but don’t tell Bumblebee or Smokescreen- or Primus forbid, Miko. He won’t ever hear the end of it.

Overall, Ratchet is a fine mech who, while may not always have or make the time for you, makes it clear that you are special to him. Regardless of metal or flesh.

[watermelonrindsstuff]

Sometimes I forget that TV series are a form of art created by countless artists coming together to materialize their vision. Binge-watching a Netflix show with coffee and chips in the evening, only to forget about it entirely after a few days, has been my usual experience. But some shows stick around; they make me think, speculate, and reflect. They make it harder to move on, forcing me to question something dormant within me. They slap you in the face, give a middle finger to the status quo, and take you on a ride that’s unpredictable, uncomfortable, fun, and gut-wrenchingly painful.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of those rare shows. It demands you fall out of everything else and be present wholeheartedly. You have to let the beauty and terror of the show consume you. And maybe, if you’re lucky and introspective enough, you might come out of it a whole new person.

Even though it’s a show about mystical creatures like demons, vampires, and witches, it’s fascinating how it remains so grounded, unearthing real-life issues and addressing them with remarkable humanity. The characters aren’t flawless heroes or unrelatable paragons of virtue; they’re messy, flawed, and, at times, unapologetically jerks. Not the passive, harmless kind, but the kind of jerks we encounter in real life; the ones whose actions mirror the complexity of human relationships.

Out of the sprawling cast, you can barely count two or three who haven’t made a complete 180 at some point. And isn’t that true of life itself?

People you once trusted might turn their backs on you when you need them most.

Siblings, feeling unseen or isolated, act out in ways you don’t expect.

Parents misunderstand your calling, your passion.

Friends, the ones you’d have done anything for, out of jealousy and incompetence isolated you.

Then there’s loss; the death of someone you love, followed by the suffocating silence and disconnection it leaves in its wake.

People try their best to support you in all the wrong ways.

Unexpected moments of compassion and support from the unlikeliest sources.

The numbness of depression.

The yearning to do better for the ones you love.

The inappropriate silliness in the face of mortal danger,

The punning as if a joke could stop the world from ending.

I’ve felt all of this. I’ve lived it. And I know everyone, in their own way, has too. What makes this show the greatest of all time isn’t just the supernatural battles or the apocalyptic stakes. It’s the way it takes the raw, messy beauty of life and weaves it into something profound. It’s the creativity, the honesty, and the soul poured into presenting these truths that make it unforgettable.

Despite all its brilliance, the show isn’t without its flaws, many of which stem from its creator: a bona fide egotist. There’s the whitewashing of problematic actions, some of which were disturbingly endorsed. The underlying tone of misogyny often contradicts the show’s branding as a pro-feminist narrative. Add to that the mishandling of perfectly developed characters out of personal grudges and the abrupt departures of main leads, and it’s clear that the creator’s ego left its mark in ways that tarnish what could have been a near-perfect legacy.

However, given the immense contributions of the other writers, directors, cast, and crew who poured their hearts and souls into bringing this show to life. The producers and writers and their audacity to try out extremely crazy ideas and visions and sewing it as flawlessly as possible. The stellar performance of the casts. I can’t help but proclaim it as one of the best show ever! Their dedication and talent shine through every moment, elevating it beyond the flaws of its creator.

[bigskydreaming]

Scott and Jackson's dynamic is the most under-rated in all of TW-land, as far as I'm concerned.

And I think how little it gets talked about....even all the way back in the days of yore and yesteryear aka Season One....

Had a fucking LOT to do with how effectively it spears (to death) the preferred fandom narrative about Scott being all holier-than-thou and that's why fandom "prefers" literally everyone but him.

Because Scott fucking HATES Jackson. He displays it every time Jackson's onscreen. He's never ever tried to hide it or pretend to be above it. This douchebag pisses him the fuck OFF. He's like "you're breathing my air. What if you weren't." Jackson opens his mouth and Scott's like "close that please." Jackson has never said anything to Scott that Scott wants to hear.

There is absolutely NOTHING holier-than-thou about Scott's interactions with Jackson. They rumble in those halls. Throw each other into walls. Jackson is the literal only person we repeatedly see bring out Scott's worst tendencies, his spitefulness, all the less than noble hallmarks of humanity people point to as proof that someone is "only human".....

And fandom from day one was just "Insert Mariah Carey I can't read suddenly" GIF. We don't see that. We see an uptight wannabe Patron Saint of Lecturing People going to door to door like "Have you heard the Good News about being a Better but Boring Person" and THAT'S why we simply choose to focus our attention elsewhere. On all the characters that feel real and relatable and human on accounts of them making mistakes and not always doing the right thing and sometimes being mean, even.

Ahh, TW. The fandom that insisted there was nothing weird about hating a character for being "too perfect" and "the Morality Police" while nursing a grudge about that mean & disrespectful thing the sixteen year old once said about the dead family of the guy who kept breaking into his house and breaking his arm and other things that understandably might piss a "normal" sixteen year old off.

[queenlua]

there are many reasons to be disrespectful of ppl who crow about how their Staggering STEMlord Intelligence™ makes them superior at thinking about "systems" or "humanity" or whatever

but by far the best one is how often these people's aesthetic taste is absolutely dogshit

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

[musical-chick-13]

Like. The last thing I'm going to say is that I see a lot of comments about how "Well Americans probably deserve whatever is coming to them" because [some variation of how we are all equally violent and stupid and of course we elected this guy] and I will be the FIRST one to go, "Fuck America for real, I hate it here" but. There are in fact millions of people who did not want this. Who actively fought against it and will continue to do so.

BELIEVE ME, I understand the impulse to go, "Well with all the shit America has done to the rest of the world, why should I feel bad for them." I understand that compassion fatigue is real. And I DEFINITELY don't think it's the rest of the world's job to fight my battles for me or prioritize my feelings above anyone else's.

But if people are worried for their safety. If they're scared. If they're wondering how they and the people they love are going to survive the next few years. If people are feeling despair and despondence over the fact that they are stuck in an absolutely hellish landscape they did not ask for. Just...please let them have that. You don't have to tell them that you think they deserve it.

[ozcarma]

Does anyone else feel like the incinerator gun chair room from Zero Time Dilemma would have better fit C Team instead of D Team

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently