#and is it worth it to just save one person?

[auti-starshine]

The fearmongering around medical transition for transmascs will never not be upsetting to me.

“you’re gonna look ugly as a man” “but you’re such a pretty girl, don’t change that” Wrong. You will look different after T, but you will look happy. You will probably grow hair and gain weight and look pretty different, and none of that is bad or makes you less desirable. You are going to look like you and that’s all that matters.

“T makes you angry” “you’re gonna be a scary man i won’t feel safe around you” Wrong. Testosterone does not “make” you angry. Messing with your hormones will mess with your emotions for sure, but you will not immediately become some scary predator when you start T. Being a man/masculine does not make you a threat, a predator, or inherently angry. That’s radfem shit.

“bottom growth is gross” “no one will want you with bottom growth” Wrong. Bottom growth is cool and a LOT of guys end up loving theirs a lot more than they thought they would. For a lot of people it is a desirable trait, there are people who find bottom growth hot and attractive. And! If you’re sure you don’t want it there’s things you can do to work around that, just talk to your provider.

“bottom surgery is super painful and not worth it” First off, call it phalloplasty, because that’s what you’re talking about. Second, yes it’s painful, it’s surgery. There are risks to it and complications can happen, but that’s true of any surgery. Phallo might not be for you, but it is life saving care for other folks. It is beautiful and should be talked about as life saving care and not as some afterthought thing that no one actually does.

Being transmasculine is a beautiful thing. Transitioning medically is not something every trans person wants, but if you notice yourself holding back for the reasons i’ve listed above (or similar) maybe reconsider.

[sucker-just]

I really get Desperately Wanting A Vitamin. Right now I'm trialling light therapy glasses (just blast the shit out of your eyes in the money and bam you're doing more stuff) and retrying vitamin D (had a test come back literally undetectable levels and my feet have started hurting again). I'm going to try THC this year too maybe, it might help with some stuff if used judiciously.

I always feel like I'm a failure positing that there could be Another Vitamin, like I'm some soulless husk of a wellness junkie for saying hey, maybe taking up running again would be nice. Maybe a sleep study. Maybe I need iron tablets again. Add in the fish oil and the b vitamin and some magnesium. Maybe try another antidepressant or get a more structured food plan. Fantasize about hey, maybe if I got a formal diagnosis on some stuff I could try better treatments for that. Maybe I should try psilocybin or something just to see if it helps. Maybe I need to do my floor practise (getting up from the floor no hands style) or lift weights or pat my cat more or do any particular thing to improve things.

As if it's an admission of failure to want things to be better, like if I was strong enough to be better by this point I would be and it's pure wishful thinking to want to have been broken in some easily fixable way this entire time, a way to abdicate responsibility for the pain of admitting that failure. I think it's from years of mental health problems being equated by people with authority over my life as simultaneously with "attitude", something that is supposed as entirely within my control, and being fundamentally irredeemable as a person, which is not, in a pattern of shifting rhetoric that places the fault on whatever is most convenient for the placer. That and a fear of being in any way like those dead eyed people who run to sun their testes or fast for days on end drinking nothing but salted water or take ozone enemas to run away from some glaring internal crisis, oftentimes interpersonal sometimes their own mortality or such, and never really seem "okay". They always seem deeply hurt or deeply hurt covered with a manic glee at how great the new thing they have found is, how much it will or is going to fix, until it doesn't again. You see a lot of those guys on the internet. I get stuck in a dual dilemma of, you just need to have the right attitude to get better a choice you are making actively but unknowingly constantly and forever but could totally stop any time so you don't need to do something to make it better but also you'll never really change and how stupid you look here with your dumb glasses that blast your eyes and new migraine meds and vitamins and hopes for maybe more energy.

I think sometimes it gets so mortifying to even think, like imagining how you would save all your friends in a fire or cow those who've hurt you, a juvenile fantasy best suited for some romantic fantasy manhwa. But like, this one is worth betting on a little maybe. Better living is possible maybe and hey if it doesn't work at least you get to tell people how much keto really sucks (so so so bad) and that blasting your eyes has been tried already. I'd be living worse if I hadn't learned to brush my teeth or gotten an IUD (one of the most premium Vitamins for me), maybe there's more. Maybe there's more for most people.

My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Editing Part ????: Final Steps (That You'll Repeat)

HI THIS POST WAS SUPPOSED TO GO UP IN JANUARY. Uuuh things. Are happening. In the US. Alas.

ANYWAY, to wrap up our editing tips. Some of this you'll do on your own, some of it you'll need feedback on, a lot of it is going back and forth between various edits. It is a process.

Tone and Voice

In review, is your character's voice consistent? Do they remain solid as a character, or do they wildly change in how they speak and act in the middle of the book for no reason?

When it comes to tone, are you writing with a consistently used vocabulary and structure? I'm not talking about dialogue - does your story feel the same, no matter if it's in third person or first?

A tonal shift or word change might happen if you've been working a long time on a project, and that's just a matter of going back through the book to make sure things match up.

Tension and Pacing

Does the action rise and fall naturally? Are your characters given room to breathe when appropriate?

Have you resolved (or addressed) all your subplots? Did you leave any romance or relationships dangling? Are there any chunks of your book that feel like a side-quest that doesn't contribute to the rest of the plot?

How is your scene pacing? Like your book, your scenes can't be 100% tension - they need to rise and fall. Fights and action should build naturally. If you're dropping a character into a situation with no foreshadowing, or if they obtain some new nifty power without really earning it, you might be throwing the pacing off.

Again, this just takes going back over to see what little things you need to set up to make the pay-off worth it.

Line Edits

Hopefully you've saved this for last, I know you won't, I know I won't, but fiddling with the language is going to be better done at the very end. Look out for:

Overused Words and Phrases - I find with each project, I become overly fond of one particular word. It's useful and fantastic until it pops up a little too often, and then I need to work on changing it up. Same with phrases - if you're brain is like mind, it'll find a neat little turn of phrase and repeat that six or eight times when you only needed it once.

Hedging Words - Almost, nearly, not quite, seems, appears, etc - these words are perfectly fine in academic writing, but they weaken your descriptive work. Instead of saying "he almost hit me" for example, describe the motion and the character's reaction. If someone seems upset, how can you describe that through their body language?

Dialogue Tags - You can use fun dialogue tags, and you don't have to delete every -ly abverb attached to "said." However, as boring as it seems, keeping it simple with mostly using "said" and "replied" will do most of the job.

Re-Checking Sentence Structure - If all your sentences within a paragraph follow the same structure, your reader is likely to start to skim. Change things up with shorter sentences paired with longer ones. Chunk actions scenes with short, punchy sentences, make sure descriptive paragraphs don't have sentences that go on for way too long.

Feedback

There's no easy way to find a good critique partner. I wish there was. You can and should join writer's groups and offer exchanges, be they online or in person. Sometimes you can love someone's work, but you don't mess with them as a critique partner. It happens, keep trying.

When you do find a critique partner, it's always good to give them guidance on what you're looking for. Some good questions:

Pacing - When did they put the story down? Why?

Consistency - Was anything confusing? Did the character's choices make sense?

Plot - Where there any twists that were too obvious? Did the stakes feel important? Was the plot satisfying?

A Note on "Predictable" Plot

There is a consistent argument about predictive plots versus originality, but thinking too hard about it may lead you astray. Certain genres have expectations - cosy murders will be solved, romance will end with the leads getting together, etc. Readers often go into stories wanting some predictability, because it's the journey of the story that matters the most. Making sure the story is engaging to read is far more important than trying to be original.

That said, you'll find in your second and third drafts that you will be able to put your own design on familiar stories. Treading familiar ground in the first draft is common, but when taking another crack of it, you can raise the stakes and make that ending much more satisfying.

Good luck!

[gatorbites-imagines]

hi!! This is my first request, ever!! I am in dire need of more Tim Drake content. I absolutely love the way you write. Perhaps a continuation of the 2024 kinktober one? Or just anything you’re feeling.

I love your writing so much I don’t care what you write, just something with Tim please (been going down a DC rabbit hole) 🙏

Don’t push yourself if you don’t want to do this ask, just thought I’d try my luck !!

Take care of yourself!

-🖍️ anon

Tim Drake x male reader

Headcanons

Reader is a knight, somehow. Because I’ve been eating up kingdom come 2 all week. And you probably get real sweaty under all that armor.

Yall would be shocked how hard I was struggling not to add a whole chunk about feet in this, for some reason. I don’t even think I’m into that??

How you got to the present doesn’t matter much. Maybe you are some magical hero from times long passed who live forever, or you are some chosen one from a different realm. Maybe you are even from our time, but you were chosen by some ancient deity to become their sword. You were a knight, somehow.

Being a knight meant you needed to train, a lot. Be it with a sword, a spear, bows, maces, no on and so forth. You also needed to train in your armor, which of course had to be a full body covering one, but whatever gives you power lets you be flexible in it.

At least your boyfriend, Tim, loved to watch you work out. It made the suffering of the sweaty armor and grueling work somewhat worth it.

Tim was a Gothamite, so of course hes into having a boyfriend who can slice the head off an enemy from horseback, or having a boyfriend who can hit someone thousands of meters away with an old-school bow.

You also both knew that Tim loved all your training for one other very important reason. Or maybe it was multiple other reasons. It meant you got to throw him around, sometimes with armor and sometimes without. But it also meant that you were sweating buckets at the end of the day.

It was a bit of a ritual for Tim to help you take your layers off, all the way down to your chemise and braise, which would be almost see-through from sweat as it stuck to your body like a second layer of skin.

Tim, being a bat, meant it took you a while to realize just how into it your boyfriend was. He was good at hiding it, also feeling embarrassed about it and all.

This meant that in the beginning, Tim really was just helping you take all the shiny armor off, saving the memories of your scent and the feeling of your sweaty body for later, when he was finally alone.

You get it out of him one way or another, most likely from feeling real hot under the collar yourself, so you pull him in for a kiss. Being all up and personal without the layers of metal between you, also means you can feel just how hard Tim is.

It takes some prying, kissing, and you hooking both your arms around him so his face is smushed into your sweaty chest hair for Tim to admit his attraction to you like this. He always loves you, but like this? God, you are like ambrosia.

After that you keep letting him help undress you after long days of battle or training, but now you have a better eye for what turns him on.

It’s hard to suppress your own shudder of excitement when you see his eyes laser focused on your pits when you stretch your arms behind your head, to shake out the soreness.

It was hard to imagine any Bat allowing themselves to want something so much, but it also made you feel almost warm inside, knowing Tim felt safe enough with you to express these wants and urges.

And yeah, maybe you start really making a show out of it, stretching and groaning, flexing your body to show off your sweat-glistening body, posing just right for the light to reflect off of you like a glazed donut.

Tim was of course a huge fan, burying his hands in your body and feeling you all over, only seeming to grow more giddy with time as you let him get his fill. He did seem really shy about wanting to lick your pits when you asked though, but he clearly wanted it.

Maybe it started out smaller, like kissing and rutting together after training or battles after you get the armor off.

Then it becomes you grabbing the back of Tims head and telling him to lick your neck or chest, and Tim is very happy to go along with it. When you coax his face up under your arms he freezes for a moment before just burying it in there, snuffling like a pig in mud when he really gets going.

It’s a bit of an ego boost, to have a guy like Tim huffing up your scent and moaning like it’s the hottest thing he’s ever smelled and tasted. His desperate rutting against you only adding to it, like the cherry on top of the sundae.

Coming at Tim in armor makes him do a doubletake, since you went into this training session without a cod piece for your armor, and the chainmail pulled up and to the side just enough to give Tim enough room to bury his face between your thighs.

It becomes one of his favorite spots to be, kneeling by your feet, face tucked into the area where your thighs meet your body, his nose pressed into that crease as his tongue laps at you. Even better if you grip at his hair with your armor-clad hands.

The clinking of your armor becomes a bit like a pavloving response, in both of you. Specifically, the sound of your armor being taken off, as well as the smell of the polish you use for it. It’s a bit embarrassing sometimes, but at least you have a layer of metal to hide how hard you get sometimes.

And as much as you let Tim lick and worship your body after workouts, you still drag him into the showers afterwards. For a good winddown, but also because you guys have so many friends and allies with sensitive noses. You don’t wanna scar then more than you two probably have.

[rovingotter]

SPOILERS for the movie Logan and for Deadpool & Wolverine. Also cw for discussion of suicide.

...

I adore LOGAN but one thing I've always found low-key troubling about it is the way Logan's suicidal ideation is essentially validated (if that's the right way to put it) at the end.

In the beginning of the movie, he is planning to die as soon as Charles passes on, because he can't see a value for himself outside of that. He can't see a future outside of this reluctant caretaker role. He has an adamantium bullet that he carries with him and toward the end of the movie he admits to Laura that he thinks about shooting himself with it, and not long after that conversation, he sacrifices his life to save her and her friends.

And like, yeah, obviously that is a better way to die than just eating a bullet. He accomplishes something, he gets a bit of peace and closure in his last moments. And his death also feels unavoidable, both because it's the final Wolverine movie and because the movie introduces the idea that his own bones are slowly poisoning him. But still, he is dead as a result of his own actions, which is what he wanted and what he was seeking in the beginning, and the movie's beautifully tragic ending essentially says that, yes, his impulse to die was correct, he just needed to find a better circumstance to die in.

I love DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE for the sweet and irreverent way it slyly subverts this noble sacrifice. Yes, it's not the same Logan. Yes, THAT Logan is still dead, his ending intact. But Worst Wolverine is just as broken and fucked up and suicidal, if not more so. He's seeking that noble self-sacrificial ending that will make him "valid." He's seeking to replicate the other Logan's path.

But Wade says no. No, fucker, you are coming home with me. We are going to have dinner with my friends and my dog. You are worth more than what your death can accomplish. You are not a sacrifice, you are a person.

I love that.

[reboundttv]

You know, @barleyalive101 - I was planning on just leaving this alone. I didn't feel like it would be worth my time for what feels like a throwaway comment from someone doesn't even care enough to properly spell "barely," so I was gonna leave it.

BUT.

Congratulations you won the spin.

Your comment here fails because it depends upon the fallacy of false equivalence - that is, that because in this specific situation Vi's love for a person (Caitlyn) is greater than her hatred of something/someone (Enforcers/Piltover), that means that in any similar situation Vi can, and should, choose her love over her hate.

But while I do say that Vi hates Enforcers because of what they did to her/her family, I must also point out that her hatred is towards the institution. There's an inherent impersonalness (that's not a word) to it. That's another reason why they all wear masks like Stormtroopers. Vi doesn't know which Enforcer(s) killed her parents; she just knows that Enforcers did kill her parents, and that Piltover keeps the Undercity poor and hungry and sick.

This falls apart when Silco is involved, however. The last things Vi knows/remembers about Silco are that:

He is responsible for the death of Benzo and the Enforcers

He is responsible for kidnapping Vander

He Killed Powder (maybe)

That last one is reaching a bit, but remember that the last thing she sees before Marcus chloroforms her is Silco standing over Powder with a knife. She spends seven years in Stillwater trying to reckon with the possibility that her sister is dead. That Silco killed her.

Silco isn't impersonal. He's not some kind of institutional thing. He's a person. A real person of flesh and blood that Vi can beat into submission. Vi's tragic characteristic of "self-sacrificing love" means that she can laser-focus on him as a means of absolving herself of her sins towards Powder. And of course because Arcane was written like a tragedy, Vi FAILS in spectacular fashion.

So we get to Season 2. Vi is kind of rudderless. She is in denial of what her sister has become, and is warring between her head (Jinx cannot be redeemed, she must be stopped) and her heart (she is still Vi's sister, she can be saved).

What does this have to do with Caitlyn?

Because Caitlyn is a Topsider. A Piltie. Everything about Vi's upbringing and life experiences should have made her completely abandon Caitlyn the first chance she got.

But she didn't. And then Caitlyn saved her life. More than once. Caitlyn brought her to the Council to plead her case. Caitlyn seems to really care about her, and not just because she was a means to an end regarding Silco or Jinx. And then Vi finds out that Caitlyn read the riot act to the enlistment officer.

Caitlyn is not acting the way Vi expects a Piltie to act. Vi is falling in love with her because she seems to be different. That tempers or blunts Vi's mistrust and hatred towards Piltover, and by extension the Enforcers. And also because she's falling in love with Caitlyn, Vi feels the need to be a protector for Caitlyn, a caretaker. Especially once Caitlyn's mom is dead. Once again: Vi is the only person who sees Caitlyn break down after Cassandra's funeral.

Vi is privy to the Caitlyn that the rest of Piltover doesn't get to see. Which is why she ends up, like I said in my original post, in the impossible position of trying to protect Caitlyn and Jinx/Powder from each other.

"Caitlyn made Vi become an Enforcer, why would Vi join up with the people who killed her parents"

Because she loves Cait more than she hates Enforcers.

Because she understands what it's like to lose your mom because she lost her mom AND her dad when she was ten fucking years old.

Because the main character quality that Vi has, is to be a protector and to care for and love the people closest to her. She's never actually been loyal to Zaun; her hatred of Piltover/Enforcers stems from what they do specifically to her and the people she loves the most. So it makes sense that she would feel that strongly towards Cait, who is in a position of needing to be cared for after her mother's death and the memorial attack.

Because she heard Cait go to bat for her against the people who didn't want Vi to be an Enforcer. So she believed that Cait was different.

Because her loving heart has put her in the impossible position of somehow needing to protect Caitlyn from her sister, but also to protect her sister from Caitlyn.

BECAUSE SHE LOVES CAITLYN MORE THAN SHE HATES ENFORCERS.

[ihopesocomic]

See, this is what I love about Hope. She COULD be petty. She COULD let Fade die. It would be easier than her stepping in to stop the hyenas and potentially risk her own safety. But she saved him anyway. She could have let him die but she stepped in to save the life of the son of the man who killed Quiet and Clever, tried to kill her, and tried to have Adamant kidnapped. She didn't have to do anything. But she did. And I love her for that

I love a good Hope Appreciation Post. She's turning into one of my favorite characters to portray, because while she's optimistic, she's not irrationally optimistic. If she was in her final form, she would've killed Edge right then and there. Because it's not enough to just be a nice person, you have to be honest, and honesty sometimes entails acknowledging that the world is better off without those who do harm. But Fade is worth saving. After all, he's Adamant's age. And he saved her, not in the most tactical of ways, but in the only way he knew how. And if Adamant was willing to change for the better, she has to believe that he can too. - Cat

[camsons]

t4t will save us all. There is nothing more wonderful than being a trans person in a loving and stable relationship with another trans person. There's a certain deep bond that's gained through the inherit understanding of an entire life's worth of pain and suffering, one that I don't think is really possible with a cis person. At least for me. I just. I fucking love trans women so much holy shit God fucking damn God I love trans women so much. I love trans women more than anything in this world. I don't know how to articulate this at all other than just.

I LOVE TRANS WOMEN.

I LOVE BEING A TRANS WOMAN IN LOVE WITH OTHER TRANS WOMEN.

I LOVE MY TRANS GIRLFRIEND.

I LOVE YOU ALL TRANSGENDER WOMEN.

T4T WILL SAVE US ALL.

[innerchorus]

are there differences between shapul and esfan? theyre the same character to me.

It took me a while to figure out how I wanted to respond to this mainly because it sounds like something my partner would say to antagonise me but let me give it my best shot.

I do think there are some differences between them (and I will of course mention those in this post) but I think it's more interesting to answer this question by looking at why these two characters are so alike, and specifically why the fact that they are so alike doesn't mean they are merely cardboard cutouts of each other and is vital to understanding them as characters.

First, while Shapur created a strong impression and is an important character to myself and many others, it's worth noting that he appears in relatively few scenes in the manga. That's enough to glean some info about what he's like as a character, but we don't get to spend as much time with him as we do with the main cast. Maybe that's part of why you feel this way.

We do, however, get to see a bit more of his younger brother, Isfan.

When you say that Shapur and Isfan are so alike they seem the same to you, my first response is pretty much "well, what did you expect, given the circumstances?". It's clear from the outset that Isfan wishes to follow in his brother's footsteps.

Here he is in Chapter 59, freshly arrived in Peshawar.

Straight away we learn he wants to avenge his brother's death and offer his service to Prince Arslan in his brother's stead.

From Chapter 64, right before his fight with Gieve.

Here we learn that not only did Shapur save Isfan, he actually taught him. The novels even mention that 'while his brother served as a military general in the royal capital, Isfan became an agent of the royal capital and stayed in his hometown to guard it,' so even before we meet him in the manga, Isfan was stepping into a role that had previously been occupied by his brother, a role that Shapur had trained him for.

It's very clear that Isfan looks up to his brother, idealises him and aspires to be the kind of person he was, not just in a military sense but also sharing his morals, viewing loyalty to one's country and protecting the weak as far more important than riches (as stated in Book 12 of the novels, this is something Shapur said that Isfan adheres to as well). Is it such a surprise that after being so closely taught by Shapur and clearly modelling himself on him, Isfan seems so like his older brother?

That's really why I think saying they're 'the same character' feels reductive, because the reasons why they are so similar tell you so much about them.

And despite Shapur appearing in only a few scenes before his death, the same thing works in reverse. When we meet Isfan, we also learn more about Shapur. I don't think there's any need to list it all as that's not really what your question was aimed at, but I hope you understand my point.

The two brothers do seem to share character traits (they can be hotheaded/rash, as seen with Isfan's fight against Gieve, him rushing hastily to attack Chassum Fortress, and in Shapur throwing down his helmet at Atropatene after learning the king had fled, and particularly in his rescue of Isfan where he rushed alone into the snowy mountains to save him) but again, they're related, sharing the same father. So it's not really a surprise. This does, however, also highlight a difference between them, one that comes down to age and experience.

When we meet Shapur, he's in his mid 30s, and a Marzban, one of the highest military positions possible in Pars.

When we meet Isfan, he's around 20, and although he's clearly got some combat experience he's not at his brother's level just yet. And while they share some traits like I outlined above, while Shapur likely had the age and experience to moderate his reactions a little bit (see how he backtracks after his initial outburst at Atropatene, and defers his conflict with Kubard for another day which never comes), Isfan doesn't, and on certain occasions (like rushing ahead at Chassum) his inexperience shows.

I also want to cover character design, because I think it's a deliberate choice by Arakawa to have there be some resemblance between the two but not have them appear totally identical. One, it highlights that Isfan has a different mother (the manga appears to give him her lighter hair colour), and two, I think it indicates that Isfan isn't just Shapur v2, he's not meant to be just a carbon copy of his brother. Maybe that's also why we haven't seen Isfan wield a spear, Shapur's weapon of choice.

That those visual differences highlight the difference in their birth circumstances feels important. Shapur was born into high status as his family's heir. Isfan was born to a enslaved mother and if not for Shapur's actions his father would have allowed him to die simply to pacify his wife. While Isfan now occupies the same privileged position that his brother grew up in, it could easily have been different.

Those circumstances (Isfan and his mother's abandonment in the mountains) also lead to a distinct difference between the two, which is fighting style. Okay, we don't see much of Shapur in combat but he's clearly a classically trained Parsian warrior. This is likely the nature of the training he gave Isfan, too. But Isfan has an element that is unique to him, something that wasn't influenced by his brother but relates to wolves.

In his fight with Gieve, Tanaka describes Isfan's movements as 'wolf-like' and in both the novel scene and Arakawa's manga adaptation, Gieve is surprised by Isfan's movements (specifically the kick seen below) which depart from orthodox swordsmanship with the unpredictability of the wild.

I don't think we would've seen Shapur pull a move like that!

Yes, I know it makes no sense for Isfan to have these wolf-like traits when the actual contact he had with them was very limited, but I'll forgive Tanaka this conceit because it's fucking cool okay?

Anyway I hope this satisfactorily answers the question. I'm aware I am very (very) into these two characters and not everyone will be as interested in them as I am, but I hope some of the the points in this post were of interest. Hopefully I didn't forget anything, I didn't get a chance to proofread!

[dammit-tazmuir]

Who said anything about desiring extinction? Are you mad at the oligarchy, or are you "I just unlocked the secret of true resurrection, then watched almost everyone I personally care about be slaughtered in front of me because people too stupid to see through the oligarchy's lies thought I and my people were the real danger, despite us having been desperately trying for so many years to present an actual sustainable method to save the planet and the masses, so FUCK IT! The only person left alive who I trust to give a shit already agreed to a suicide mission holding my nuke. We're all doomed anyway. I may as well speed up the process, because unlike the rest of humanity, I can actually fix things now! Would I have gone through with it if I hadn't learned this? Maybe, but who cares. I know it now. But first thing's first, they're not getting away with abandoning— okay no get back here I will eat the entire rest of the solar system if it means stopping you—" mad at the oligarchy?

Like... Man. I do think he was on the verge of being willing to just kill everyone. Surely something would survive and adapt. Deep sea life, microbial life, evolving something new once we're all gone. It would have been the worst blow earth had ever experienced but at least it would have been the last humanity caused. The fallout would diminish eventually, on a cosmic scale.

But that wasn't the goal. At no point was extinction the goal. It started as a threat in the extremely dangerous but desperate bid that it would finally make people listen. If they'd stopped the trillionaires and investigated the facilities and went, "Hold on! The crazy zombie man was right, this IS a sham!" he wouldn't have hit the button, at least not yet.

If they hadn't stopped the trillionaires, but they also hadn't slaughtered his friends and partners, and Cristabel hadn't shot herself, and he hadn't figured out the soul or the world-soul, if the governments instead went "okay okay let's talk," would he still have set off the nukes? Maybe! If he didn't, I certainly don't think he'd have take his fingers off any buttons until long, long into negotiations, so it may have just come later.

And that's not to shift blame. He's still the one who made the choice to bargain with nukes. If he hadn't, they wouldn't have slaughtered his people right then. He'd still shown he was fine with solving problems with murder if on a much smaller scale before that. He still always had the choice to stop. It's just always worth asking, then what? It's so much easier to say what he shouldn't have done than to come up with anything he should have.

Appealing with science never worked, appealing with literal unprecedented magic didn't work, and even appealing with the threat of extinction didn't work. So what exactly would have? He made those choices, but not in a vacuum.

The 10,000 year grudge though is 100% on him. Like dude it's been twice as long for you now as it had been since the Egyptian pyramids had been built when you were born. These people barely know shit about their history. Also you created a universe that no longer has a concept of queerness as anything unusual enough to label but you made indentured servitude legal. Your backstory is a tragedy but you've had way more choices since then. You can't blame the past forever.

re-reading Harrow and "once you turn your back on something, you have no more right to act as though you own it" seems to make a lot more sense after the events of Nona ???? the trillionaires abandoned Earth and now BOE, their descendants, are fighting John to reclaim the planets and a myriad later John is still holding a grudge for what they did. for John this is still personal and it will always be personal

[leashybebes]

fic: blue and gold (21/28)

oh we really are on the home stretch! today's @bucktommyfluffebruary prompt is road trip and my fill is here and below.

this is the start of another three fill mini-arc. have fun!

"Babe, it's a fourteen hour drive," Evan had protested when they'd first started planning. "Even in shifts I don't wanna do it all in one day. C'mon, I know you have as much leave saved up as I do. Let's make a vacation of it. Find a motel halfway, see the Grand Canyon on the way back. Do a proper road trip!"

Somehow that had translated to Evan driving for two hours, getting them clear of the city as the sun rose, then pulling into a truck stop under the pretence of picking up extremely subpar breakfast sandwiches. He was happily settled in the passenger seat by the time Tommy returned from the restroom, shooting him that I know you think I'm the cutest thing ever and you're not gonna fight me on this look, and now he's dozing, soft snores blending with the radio Tommy has turned down low.

Evan wakes up as they cross into Arizona, stretching in the passenger seat and turning to face Tommy. He looks sleep-rumpled and warm and perfect, and Tommy can't be mad about the couple of hours he spent solo getting them across state lines.

"Want me to take over?" Evan offers.

"Nah, you're good. You can do some extra tomorrow if you want."

They're aiming for a motel in Winslow for the night, purely because Tommy's familiar with the area from flying into the regional airport a couple times. Tommy thinks he might suggest stopping in Flagstaff for some lunch, maybe taking the scenic route through Coconino after if Evan wants to take some photos.

Tommy's never been much of a road trip person - it's hard to get enthusiastic about spending a day on the road when it would take a couple hours in the air - but like so many things he's finding it's not so bad with Evan at his side.

---

The next morning Tommy returns from grabbing breakfast burritos to find Evan, just out of the shower, wrapped in a too-small motel towel. The burritos probably would have been better fresh, and they hit the road an hour later than planned, but it's worth it.

Evan's determined to do all the driving today, but they stop in Albuquerque for lunch and Tommy persuades him to swap for the last couple hours. They get coffees to go before they get back on the 25, but Tommy doesn't think that explains the way Evan's practically twitching in the passenger seat.

"Don't be nervous," he urges. "She's going to love you. She already does."

"Yeah, over the phone," Evan says.

Tommy nods at his phone in the dash cradle, the last couple hours of their route mapped out.

"Give her a call, let her know our ETA. Check out my message thread while you're at it."

He knows what Evan will find when he navigates to the thread headed Mama.

I'm so excited to meet him. What's his favorite food? Does he prefer beer or wine? I'm so excited to meet him.

[revilloutionaire]

is it just me or was endeavor's arc never about him deserving redemption??? nor was he ever actually redeemed? like, atonement vs redemption are two very different things, and watering him down to "he is a horrible person henceforth he does not deserve to be written a redemption arc." in my opinion, that's just a tragic waste of his character.

endeavour's existence as a hero actually brings a very important and nuanced layer to the world of MHA and also brings up the question; is a person's good deeds enough to measure their worth?

think about it: todoroki enji is an abusive father and husband. he bought his wife, participated in a genetics scheme, neglected two of his children, pushed his eldest to his limit psychologically, and physically abused his youngest.

but think of endeavour: the number two hero. his efficiency rates are the highest in the country. he keeps property damage to the absolute minimum and runs an agency with an expansive network of sidekicks. and what is this man's job? he SAVES LIVES. it is his literal JOB to SAVE PEOPLE, and he is THE BEST in his field. it would be one thing if he were incompetent, but endeavour is literally incredible at his job.

the dichotomy proposes a philosophical question: would you remove this man from his job when he is so instrumental to the protection of the population?

i understand how severe his abuse was. i understand how severe abuse IS. it ruins the very foundations of who you are. todoroki enji effectively has ruined his family. but he has something that many abusers do not have: guilt.

his guilt does not absolve him of his crimes. he is aware of this. but he is attempting to take accountability. and while he is entirely too late, would you rather have the man not try at all? and for the people who want him locked up: what is endeavour serving a prison sentence going to do for the population? sow growing fear and distrust in a society where people are losing faith in their heroes?

there's one more layer that people forget, or in some cases, refuses to acknowledge: he loves his family. he only comes to love them far too late. and thats another thing people forget: abusers can truly love the people they abuse. and enji loves his kids, you can see it in the way he embraces natsuo after he thought he almost died, how he embraced touya even if he thought he would die with him, how proud he is of shouto as a hero, and how thankful he is for fuyumi. he still remembers rei's favorite flowers and always has them sent for her. the problem is that it's all too late. too little, too late. but it's THERE and i find the writing incredible.

i just think that endeavour is such a brilliantly written character. not redeeming endeavour would've made him a cartoonishly evil character, and undermined the themes mha depicts. what makes a hero? what level of morality does someone need to have? if a man is a murderer, but ends up saving another in a heroic act, is he now a hero? redemption is never something people deserve. it is something they earn, and whether endeavour was truly redeemed was a personal decision, that only the people he abused could ever make.

the beautiful part of it all, was that every todoroki had a different response to it. because every single one of their responses were valid.

natsuo walked away and went no-contact. enji would never see his future daughter-in-law, or grandchild, or anyone from natsuo's family ever again. and that's something enji will forever have to live with.

rei stays by her husbands side. she chooses to forgive. if only because she feels guilty too.

fuyumi genuinely wants to reconnect her family, not just for enji's sake, but for her own. because she wants to cling to the only family she has.

shouto wants to establish his own identity away from his father, and become a hero in spite of what enji has done to him. because it's who he is.

and touya wants to burn it all down.

these are all very, very real responses to abuse and destructive family dynamics. and it was all beautifully written. keeping up with the todorokis is honestly some of the best family writing i've seen in shounen. its rare to have a full family written into the picture with such realistic and complex problems, that show their lives as a family not just from childhood, as almost all animes do, but how their dynamics shift and change as everyone in the family grows and moves on with their lives. families aren't just shed for narrative purposes like it's mostly written in manga and shounen. they stick with you almost your whole life. and endeavour is an important part of the tapestry created- "not redeeming" him is the same as throwing him out of the picture.

because endeavour is a realistic depiction of an abusive man. and i know from personal experience- abusers are not cartoonish monsters. they're real people with emotions like everybody else. and the harm they inflict on others always backfires on them- they'll feel it for the rest of their lives. and so does endeavour. he destroyed his own family, and he's not getting it back. he knows this. so he's not going to try and get all of them to love him again, he knows that would he pointless.

hence the atonement. he's going to be there from now on, however he can, because he knows that nothing he can ever do will fix his mistakes. he will never be at that dining table with his family.

anyway lol end of ramble i just think he's an amazing character and stories should explore more themes based around him and the todoroki family

[windssong]

To Hold The Sun // Astarion x gnTav

series summary: 5 years after the main events of Baldur’s Gate 3, you and Astarion have spent that time searching for a cure that would make it possible for him to walk in the sun again. During one of your adventures, you come across an ancient tome that promises a cure and much, much more.

Chapter 1 - And The Three Magic Words Are…

chapter summary: You are determined to do whatever it takes to make sure Astarion can feel the suns warmth once again. What you didn’t expect, was an ancient spell from an ancient book to do more than that.

words: 3k+

tags/warnings: 18+MDNI, brief smut, romance, high fantasy, canon level violence, fluff, some angst,

authors note:

This is one of my favorite ideas I’ve come up with yet. Just pure, high fantasy fun. Enjoy reading!

If you could only choose one moment to anchor yourself to, it would be right here. Shuddering underneath his dancing fingers, chasing each other's lips forever.

Astarion sucked in a gasp of sweet air, letting out a moan locked deep within his chest. He fell against your body as he came inside you. Legs tangled together underneath sheets that stuck against salty skin.

All that was left were two souls breathing heavily against one another.

He nuzzled his nose into your hair, catching his breath. You ran your hands through his white locks. You were the only person allowed to do that. It was soft falling in between your fingers. Like water in the palm of your hands, he drowned in your embrace.

Both of you had returned to the city late last night. The same city you and your companions saved years ago. You decided to find rest and say hello to some old friends at The SongFire Inn. Lakrissa had opened the Inn a few years back, along with Alfria who was also running her own bardic school.

The SongFire Inn was built near the edge of Rivington. Not too far from Wyrm’s Crossing but far enough away that you had to squint to make out its bridge from your window. For how spacious the Inn was, it still had all the comforts and furnishings of a welcoming home.

It was a nice change of scenery compared to the dingy and questionable Inns and abandoned homes you’d stayed in over the years. Although, sleeping beneath the stars is where you were most at ease.

A fireplace blazed across the room. The flames licked the humid air. Its golden light flickered across your naked bodies.

Since you had known Astarion, you had come to one simple conclusion. That there was no greater comfort than his presence. He was a tattered blanket slowly stitching itself back together. Every day, new patterns formed and colors made anew. You didn’t mind the icy air finding its way through little holes in the fabric. It kept you warm all the same.

He was still inside of you when he started laughing.

It took you a moment to gather your thoughts. Your head was still spinning from the aftermath of your orgasm. “What’s so funny?”

You could feel his smile spread against your shoulder. “Nothing darling. You just feel good. You make me feel good.”

He kissed your neck, lips drunk against your skin. “Thank you.”

His fangs ghosted over the faded marks where he first fed on you all those years ago. Then over the spot where he drank from you last night, when you ripped each other's clothes off, covered in weeks worth of grime and rain from your travels.

The pads of your fingers drew circles on his pale skin. “What did I do to deserve you?”

He grinned, peppering kisses along your collarbone. “I have absolutely no idea. It’s a mystery to me as well.” He paused above your new scar.

His shoulders tensed. You could practically feel the muscles tightening underneath his skin. You continued massaging the nape of his neck, hoping to distract him from the memory you knew he was reliving.

That memory, that fear of almost losing you 2 tendays passed, continued to stick with him. He couldn’t shake it. You knew it still bothered him, even though you had made a full recovery.

His arms tightened around you. He held you like he did then. On that frozen lake thick with snow and blood. Your blood.

The first time you heard him pray was on that cold night. It was more of a plea, to whatever god would listen. He knew it was futile, it had always been for him. But, he continued anyway, waiting for the health potion to kick in and take all your agony away.

His eyes raked over the burn mark right in the middle of your chest as it faded into and around your neck. Maybe if he stared hard enough, it would go away and everything would be okay again.

The skin around the circular mark was still inflamed and showed no signs of healing properly. He hated how painful it looked. He saw how your hands gripped the fabric over the scar, face wincing in discomfort over the past couple weeks.

The amulet left behind its imprint. The design that melted into your skin was a cluster of vines growing on top of each other. He could make out what looked to be a small dagger hidden between the overgrown plants. The thick scar tissue made it difficult to tell.

He became all too aware of his scar on his back.

You brought his lips to yours again, snapping him out of that awful memory. “Astarion.” His name rolled off your tongue in a soft whisper. You licked your lips, tasting yourself there. “I’m okay now. You know that, right? I’m not going anywhere.”

The Vampire Spawn sighed. He slipped out of you, sitting up against the wooden headboard. You missed the fullness of him as he left you empty.

“I do.” He glared at your scar. “Mostly. Doesn’t mean the thought of you choking on your blood doesn’t haunt every corner of my mind.” His face was cloaked in pain, the memory still so fresh.

It was a little over 6 tendays ago when Gale sent you that fateful letter and enchanted amulet that led you to your near doom.

After 5 years of research, The Wizard of Waterdeep had finally uncovered a potential lead for a cure. One that would let Vampires walk in the sun again. And potentially, cure Vampirism as a whole.

What he had discovered was an amulet. One that apparently belonged to one of the very first Vampires. Before her untimely death, Maeve wrote a book titled, To Hold The Sun. It was said to be a collection of spells she created herself in a desperate attempt to walk in the sun again.

After Maeve’s mysterious death, her remains, amulet, book all disappeared. Even her Vampiric Castle, Crimsons Haven, said to be the size of a small country, was all lost to the ever forward momentum of time. No one knew whose hands or what cavern held them. Or where her kingdom had fallen to ruin. Or if they and Maeve even existed in the first place.

That was, until Gale came across the amulet himself while adventuring. His research indicated that the lost tome could be found using the amulet as some sort of compass. Whoever wore the priceless artifact was guided to where the book rested.

Astarion didn’t like the styling of the necklace. Said it was, “too old-fashioned,” for his tastes. So, after teasing him about his sense of fashion, it was up to you to wear it. The circular material was warm against your skin. It glowed a soft yellow. A mini sun in the palm of your hands.

With the enchanted item and another adventure underway, the two of you let the amulet guide you onward.

It was a long shot.

You knew that. Astarion knew that.

Years spent searching countless books, poems and glyphs, investigating every town, cavern, and hideout on The Sword Coast had led to absolutely nothing. You couldn’t even find a temporary spell that worked. Just empty chests and promises.

But, even with all those disappointments and hiding in the dark away from the light, Astarion still smiled as if he already found the cure. He was free and finally able to forge his own path, without a puppet master's strings forcing him to do his bidding.

It was the happiest you’d ever been, on this journey with him. Yet, you couldn’t help but feel jaded after turning over nearly every root and stone in Faerun, only to find nothing but dirt and bones.

But this new piece of information changed things. It gave you, and most importantly Astarion, hope again. No matter how much of a long shot it seemed to be, you would take it. Even if it hurt you.

The amulet led to a cave only accessible across a frozen lake. That night, a blizzard raged. It was so cold, your eyelids refused to shut and fingers and toes went numb.

With an Elixir of Ice Resistance, the potion helped you travel that extra mile over the icy tundra. Astarion complained about the aftertaste and your coat that was apparently, in his words, “warmer than his.” You reminded him he was a Vampire and wore the Hoarfrost Boots Wyll gifted him when they all had reunited. Meanwhile, it took your full concentration not to slip and fall on the ice. Astarion walked past you when you did eventually fall over.

When you finally made your way over the treacherous landscape, you reached a shallow cave, finding To Hold The Sun nestled in the arms of a dead bandit. By the look of the body, it was in a frozen state of decay. It was difficult to tell how long it’d been there. Days, weeks, years, his body was forever trapped in the freezing temperature.

Maeve’s amulet burned like a beacon of light against your chest as you inched closer to the tome. There was no sign of damage on the book. It looked as brand new as a fresh plate of armor or newly forged steel. You would’ve never guessed it was centuries old.

After years of traveling and searching, you finally found something of substance. The relief was palpable. You could see it on Astarions face too. Eyes full of wonder. You didn’t want that flicker of hope to leave him ever again.

This was it.

You were unaware of the dark magic radiating off the tome until you held it in your hands. Astarion was too late to notice to stop you in time.

Darkness enveloped you, covering whatever it touched. The ball of shadow circled you in a violent rush of energy. Faces made up of a vine like substance flashed before you. Dead creatures from the past. They looked like Vampires. The red eyes told you were right.

Then, a blaze of heat moved through your chest. The amulet started melting into your skin, leaving behind its ancient mark. It paralyzed your entire body, but you could still use your vocal cords. The scream that ripped passed your lungs cut through Astarion in ways he’d never been cut before.

He tried desperately to reach you, but the darkness sent him flying back onto the icy lake. But that would not deter him. He tried again and again and was met with the same fate.

The thin layer of ice began to crack. Red tentacles moved their bodies up through the wedges. Those sinister vines bubbled up from underneath, topping the surface. They moved along the cracks like trees in the wind.

Eventually, the magic was sucked back into the book, and you were left on the cold ground, suffocating on blood. It was as if the necklace entered your body just to choke you from the inside out. If it wasn’t for the potion you had left in your bag, you would’ve been dead.

When you picked up the book again, you used part of your coat to store it into your bag. Astarion refused to ever let your skin touch that cursed tome again. He wanted to leave it there or destroy it himself for what it did to you. But, you couldn’t risk another missed opportunity. So, to his dismay, you took it.

You understood his worry. The mark just below your neck still stung with a fiery grip. The closest thing you could describe the feeling too was Karlachs burning hands. But even that felt more like a warm touch versus the searing pain of the scar.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Your fingers found his own, eyes softening. “I put myself at risk, and that wasn’t fair to you. And me.”

Astarion shook his head, meeting your gentle gaze. He squeezed your hand, testing to see whether you were really there or not. He paused, choosing his next words with care. “I… I think we should stop looking for a cure.”

The air exited the room and your lungs. “I don’t understand.” You said.

“You will. Someday.” Astarion slid out of the large bed, hand outstretched towards you.

You frowned. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you. And what you want. I thought you wanted this?” You took his hand anyway.

“What I want is you. Right here.” He kissed each knuckle for every word. “Safe. With me. That’s more than enough for me.”

You took your hand away, holding his face with your palms. “But you could have the sun?”

The flames illuminated your bodies in a golden glow as you held each other.

Astarion brushed his forehead against your own. His red eyes matched the embers. “Are you trying to make me say, “you’re all the sun I need,” or whatever? Because if you are, that’s petty vanity I wouldn't even stoop myself so low for. I’m impressed.”

You let out a short laugh, pushing him away playfully. “You wish.”

He grinned, catching you in his arms. “Come on now. Let’s get cleaned up.” Astarion led you into the bath connected to the large bedroom Lakrissa let you rent for free. You made sure to leave some coin behind anyway.

After an hour or so in the water, you returned to bed in comfortable clothing.

Astarion fell asleep in your arms. You, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep. You kept replaying the previous conversation over and over again in your head.

Did he really want to stop? Every day, you two put your lives in danger in pursuit of this cure. Why was this incident any different? Why was this the breaking point?

Your fingers brushed against his skin as you watched him sleep. He looked so at peace.

You wanted to give this gift. To walk towards the light without the fear of burning away.

The more selfish part of yourself thought of your old body withering away as he stood there, helpless and ageless.

So, you quietly slipped out of the covers and closed the door to the other room. You sat with your back against the wall, bag in hand.

Since the accident, you tried your hardest to ignore the book. You were going to deliver it to Rolan tonight, to see what he could decipher from the ancient language. His tower held information beyond even his understanding. There were answers to be found there, and Astarion was sure they’d find them eventually.

But, the book was calling to you. It had been since the moment you laid your hands on it. There was a soft whisper in the breeze on the road back to Baldur's Gate. Then another when you entered the Inn, and another one right now. An invisible string was pulling you closer and closer to the tome.

Before you could register what you were doing, the book was open in your hands. The magic stayed at bay this time. It covered each page in a sea of black smoke. The language was unrecognizable. Yet, it was obvious that each spell was written in someone’s blood.

As you flipped through the old pages, the scar on your chest burned. The pain grew worse as you went through the tome. It was almost unbearable, but you couldn’t stop. You were rolling down a cliff and you couldn’t fight gravity. That was, until it ceased as soon as you stopped on a certain page.

There was a large Castle drawn in dried blood. It took up two pages. You assumed it was Crimsons Haven. Dark vines covered the Castle like moss. It looked similar to the twisted tentacle like force that attacked you just days prior. And the pattern on Maeve’s amulet branded to your neck. The details stretched far beyond the realm of any artist's abilities. It was so real, you could dip your hand into the sketch and crawl right into the ancient Castle.

Was your hand halfway through the page?

Then, three words unknown to you, words you’ve never heard nor spoken before, left your lips.

The wind made a ghastly noise, piercing your ears. Creatures dressed in robes of red and black filled the entire room, rushing past you violently. Gathering all the willpower you could muster, you shut the book as the scar burned away at your flesh. The shrieking seemed to last for hours, but it was only a moment later when it stopped altogether.

You took your hands off your ears, surveying the surrounding room. You figured you were the only one who heard the horrible sound given Astarion had yet to come and check on you.

Everything was in its exact place, except for the book. It was gone.

You scrambled to your knees, looking everywhere for the old tome. Only a tiny, red tentacle of smoke remained reaching up from the wooden floorboards. “Shit.” You ran a hand through your hair. And just like that, your hopes of finding that cure were dashed away once again.

You pressed your lips together, trying to stop an avalanche of tears from falling on top of you. When you stumbled out of the bathroom, head low and tail between your legs, you found Astarion staring out the window.

Your blood ran cold. “What are you doing!? Get back!” Before you rushed over to cover the window, you noticed there was no sunlight shining through it.

That couldn’t be? It was still morning.

“What in the hells...” Astarion pointed frantically out the window.

As you walked closer, you saw a large shadow looming over every building as far as you could see.

The whole town was covered in a cloak of red and black smoke, and it ran for miles. All the way from Riventon, passed Baldur's Gate and to the ocean. Didn’t matter where you looked, it was caged in like a wild animal.

Astarion lifted your chin with his finger. “Up, darling.”

Your eyes broadened, taking in the brand new scenery in front of you.

A Castle was floating in the sky, blocking out the sun.

The kingdom-sized Castle was shrouded in a layer of shadow, wrapping around the structure in red and black vines. Similar to the magic guarding the book and the amulet stuck to your skin. Layers of dark and Vampiric magic swam over the ancient stone in a protective cocoon.

The strangest part wasn’t even the floating Castle on its own or sea magic swimming around it. It was the position that left you at a loss for words.

It was floating upside down. The tips of the Castle towers nearly touched the buildings below. It sailed above the landscape, one brush away from crumbling to the ground.

“Oh no.” You said, taking a step back. The realization hit you as hard as the spell did.

It was the same Castle from the ancient tome. Crimsons Haven. Down to the exact details. And now it was here, looming over the city you had saved.

“What have I done?”

Astarion held a finger up. “And what exactly do you mean by tha-” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “Your scar. It’s gone.”

Your fingers brushed over the burnt area. He was right. There was no longer a layer of thick skin there. It had healed instantly.

But now an even bigger problem remained. Thanks to you and that book. And it was looming over the entire city, ready to swallow it whole.

—

CH 2 - coming soon

[aayakashii]

YOU ALREADY KNOW I'll be posting Valentine's Day themed headcanons for each House in Tokyo Debunker!

All prompts come from this post here ♡

And dividers are from @saradika-graphics 🫶

Taglist: @wannaberecluse

Frostheim | Vagastrom | Jabberwock | Sinostra | Hotarubi | Obscuary | Mortkranken

Valentine's Day in Hotarubi

Subaru

how does he show affection?

He openly tells you (despite his shyness) that he wants to spend time with you. Subaru invites you for afternoon tea every single day, and every single day, he is ecstatic that you are giving him your precious time. If there is a day in which you can't go, he feels like his day is incomplete. Which is why he then started to invite you to spend every lunch together as well. Maybe he should also invite you to breakfast and dinner?

does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

He likes hugs, but can't ask for them nor give you one of his own volition to save his life. You ask him if he's okay with hugs every time you feel like hugging him, and every time he goes beet red when he says yes. You're gentle when you embrace him, as if he's porcelain under your touch. He hesitantly leans his cheek against your head, and you can feel the faint scent of aromatic herbs on his clothes. His heart slows down; he melts against you.

is he good at flirting? how does he flirt?

He's too anxious for that, which can be endearing in of itself. Despite that, he still makes small comments that take you aback: he turns to you, a small smile on his features as he quietly tells you how much he enjoys your company and how grateful he is to spend time with you. It may not be a planned pick-up line, nor a seductive remark, but it still warms you up all over.

is he good at gift - giving or does he struggle to get it right?

He's great at it. More than anything, Subaru loves to listen to you. He knows every little detail about your personality and your tastes, and that makes him the perfect gift-giver. He spends time researching a way to give you a proper Valentine's Day gift that you would truly love, and he's always successful.

is he quick or slow to give his heart away?

Slow. He knows what's happening – he has read enough books to know some metaphors for love. He knows his racing heart, clammy palms, and blushing cheeks aren't mere anxiety; the pit in his stomach isn't fear nor anger; he isn't sick, he isn't feverish – he's in love. Subaru immediately decides to just bring it with himself to his grave. Why bother? He's hardly worth it. But when you spend more and more time with him, his feelings seem to create a life of his own and choke him, angry that they're being pushed aside and left unsaid. One day, much to his dismay, they win the battle.

does he find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Hard. But, by the gods, he tries it. He takes it like a challenge to be won. He needs to prove to himself that he can be sincere with you, anxieties be damned. He tries and tries. It gets easier after the first time.

does he get jealous in a relationship?

He does. He's not one to explicitly express his jealousy, but you still can tell from the way he stares, eyes half-lidded and darkened with something that looks too venomous to be only disdain. To anyone else, he might look serious, but you know better: he's seething, a quiet storm brewing under his skin. He stares at the guy that's being way too friendly with you, and if looks could kill, that man would have probably been mauled to death by now. You quickly jog your way back to Subaru, and he relaxes his fists. You intertwine your fingers with his, and suddenly, as if he never knew hatred, he gives you a genuine smile. All is well.

what is his ideal date?

A beautiful, quiet, rainy afternoon at Hotarubi. Every day you visit him is his ideal date. Subaru doesn't like crowds nor does he like leaving his quarters – he's happy to be with you, in his favorite place. That's all he needs.

would he ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He wants to ask. He wants to take the reigns for once in his life and prove to you that you can trust him, you can lean on him as much as he leans on you. He wants to spend his life bettering himself and conquering his fears, so he can become the person he thinks you truly deserve. Let him ask.

how does he feel about valentine’s day?

He remembers he used to receive chocolates back when he was still acting, but they were all giri choco. He never had the experience of living a normal student life before Darkwick, and even then, he barely had any thrilling experience. He doesn't want to create expectations, but he can't lie; he wants to know what it will be like to spend Valentine's with you.

does he get protective easily?

He does, but he's afraid he might be too paranoid. He gives you space, only quietly watching you when he sees you walking through the campus. If he could, he'd just have you walk with him wherever he went. But he can't, so it's yet another feeling he pushes down and tries to smother.

does he believe in true love?

Yes. But he has read so much about it and performed so many plays in which love was at the core of everything that he wondered if true love has to be like that: tempestuous and painful. You're teaching him that it doesn't need to hurt at all.

Haku

how does he show affection?

He lingers. Always at the peripheral of your vision, although distant. He watches you from balconies and windows; finds you in the middle of a crowd and lays his head on his hand, content with observing. Sometimes, you catch his gaze, and he blinks his tired eyes as a smile quirks his lips upwards, thinking of gods-know-what. Don't worry, he'll get closer if needed. You know he always does.

does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

He likes hugs but won't take the initiative to give them. Doesn't mean he won't be constantly waiting for you to wrap your arms around him so he can wrap his around your waist. Hugging him is always disarming, though – he makes sure to press your whole body flush against his and nuzzles your hair, inhaling the scent of your shampoo with the same eagerness he had when he still took drags of cigarettes. He sighs loudly, perfectly content, and drowns you in his sandalwood scent.

is he good at flirting? how does he flirt?

Please. You know he is. It's actually unnerving how easily he turns you into putty in his hands as he teases you with his unabashed comments. Despite that, his flirting is always laced with a hint of self-belittlement, as he puts you on a pedestal for him, a mere mortal (or so he says), to worship. He isn't sure if he deserves to be flirting with someone that's way too good for scum like himself, but he does it anyway.

is he good at gift - giving or does he struggle to get it right?

He's good at finding small, meaningful gifts that he likes giving to you in the spur of the moment. He might try to give you a more valentines-esque gift, but he genuinely feels like none of it would feel genuine, because he'd just be following a trend, not giving you what he thinks truly fits you.

is he quick or slow to give his heart away?

Slower than most. Haku started talking to you in the same way he always talked to the pretty people in whom he had a sudden interest – he flirted without much thought, all double entendres and sweet pet names. But when he noticed his interest wasn't waning this time – in fact, it seemed like he exponentially needed more and more of you near him – alarm bells began ringing on his head. Did he want to pursue this? Did he think he deserved this? He had to fight a long battle with himself before he could muster the courage to confess to you.

does he find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Easy, but he only says when you two are completely alone. He says it reverently, like a prayer, looking at you as if you held the answers to all of his problems. And maybe you did.

does he get jealous in a relationship?

Kinda? His jealousy translates into passive-agressiveness (towards the other guy, not you) and INTENSE self-deprecation. He says things like "haha it's okay, I knew it was too good to be true, to have you give me the time of your day..." and it makes you wanna scream and shake him by the shoulders because what the actual fuck is he talking about? (kiss him while you do this and he'll stop sulking.)

what is his ideal date?

He's another festival goer. After all, despite all everything, he still loves japanese culture. He wants the whole cliche: a festival during the night, the both of you wearing yukatas, walking around the stalls while holding hands, getting masks (a tanuki one for him) and eating hearty food. And at the end of the night, he would find the perfect spot for you to watch the fireworks show. Because you bet he would only be looking at you.

would he ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He thinks about proposing every single day, but his mind gets the best of him: he's too much of a coward, and he can only allow himself to dream of a future with you. Which is why you will probably have to ask him and prove once and for all that, yes, no matter how much he hates himself, you still love him more than enough. And you'd like to keep on proving that every day if he allowed so.

how does he feel about valentine’s day?

It's a little bit tiring. He used to dodge all the students that went after him to give him chocolate all throughout high school, so now his Valentine's Days are usually spent in isolation, so he can nap. However, he can't lie: he's kinda looking forward to his first Valentine's Day with you.

does he get protective easily?

Kinda. He's always keeping an eye out for you, checking if you're in trouble or not, but he doesn't pounce at everyone and everything that approaches you. He knows your friends can probably help you too and that you're no weakling. If true danger is nearby, though, he will always keep you safe to the best of his abilities. But otherwise, he trusts your strength too.

does he believe in true love?

Yes. He stopped believing he would know what it is like to feel it, though. Until that one day.

Zenji

(P.s.: in these headcanons, Zenji will be alive because I don't wanna write heavy angst in this series '^^)

how does he show affection?

He is all sorts of loud about his love for you – sings about you, recites poem about you, talks his friend's ears off about you... Sometimes you have to reel him in, because while you're already used to his antics, not everyone has fun when that tall, boisterous man starts playing biwa in the middle of a cafeteria, on a school day. Unfortunately, not everyone has taste, after all.

does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

He LOVES them, but usually, you have to initiate them. Zenji likes to be as dramatic as possible, so when he sees you, instead of hugging, he straight up kneels and kisses your hand. It's when you roll your eyes and pull him up to embrace him tightly that he finally melts in your arms. He rests his head on the top of yours and sighs happily. (He loves it when you do that, which is why he keeps this routine).

is he good at flirting? how does he flirt?

He's. Actually kinda bad at it. He can write about love as much as he wants, but when it comes to trying to woo you, he's slightly clumsy. He may memorize some charming line he'd love to use on you, but as soon as you look into his eyes, he goes scarlet red and all chance he had to charm you without stuttering is gone. You're still very much charmed, though, because he's oh so endearing.

is he good at gift - giving or does he struggle to get it right?

He's a bit confused, but he got the spirit. He gives you things that he genuinely thinks you might like, but unless you two have the exact same taste in everything (which he firmly believes you do), he might miss sometimes. He likes to give you antiquities, books and old musical instruments. To him, there's nothing more romantic than art itself.

is he quick or slow to give his heart away?

He's quick. It all sweeps him under his feet, as a ferocious wind storm. He doesn't waste any time once he knows that he's in love because why would he? It's a reason to celebrate, whether you return his feelings or not. Your answer will define the tone of his poems and songs from then on, though.

does he find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

It's easy. Being open about his love is so easy to him that it looks like it's natural. He was born to say those words, and he'd be damned not to voice it as frequently as possible to you. He loves you, and he could say that as many times as you'll allow him to.

does he get jealous in a relationship?

Not really. Zenji trusts you so much that he genuinely feels that nothing can come between you two. Of course, if someone is being overly-touchy, he's not gonna like it, but he'll just tell them to respect your boundaries, and then he introduces himself as your boyfriend.

what is his ideal date?

Going out to see a traditional music concert with you would be the perfect evening for him. He gets to appreciate art with you, the one person he wishes to show every little thing he loves. Seeing your eyes admire what he has loved since he was a kid warms his heart in a way he could not put into words, no matter how many times he tried.

would he ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He wouldn't mind proposing first, but he WILL get teary-eyed if you propose to him. It's as if after all of those years of his life, in which he unabashedly loved everything that surrounded him, the love he has put out is finally making its way back to him. Finally, Love decided to prove to him, once and for all, that It loves him back; through you and the promise of a lifetime together, Zenji knows he is loved.

how does he feel about valentine’s day?

Oh he loves it. Love is in the air! He always had so much fun observing the couples and all the brave people that gathered their courage to confess to the ones they love the most! And now he gets to celebrate it too, with the one he loves? He can't wait.

does he get protective easily?

He's a worry wart, but he tranquilizes his anxiety by just. Hanging out nearby, wherever you are. If he can see that you're safe and happy, he's satisfied. But if notices you're not having a good time, or worse, you're in danger, he immediately runs to your side and does his best to tuck you under his arms and run away with you.

does he believe in true love?

If loving so deeply is an art, Zenji is a whole masterpiece. He's true love itself.

[galaxy-fleur]

Does Leon has any feelings of love or regrets towards Ada in remakes? Are the differences between this and original games?

Love? I personally see no hints of that in the text itself. Regrets? Now that's a more open question worth discussing. Here's a link to my post breaking down their relationship as a whole in remake-verse so far, if you're interested in checking it out!

Overall, I think everyone has noticed how snappy and cold Leon is to Ada in RE4R. In a way that feels almost totally unnecessary at times. And it is. That's the entire point of it. For someone who is now - seemingly - more weapon than human, Leon goes to great lengths to demonstrate his one-sided grudge, almost childishly so. That's partially why Ada later points out how he hasn't changed in the first place. His attitude towards her screams of it. He may believe that he is now a soldier with a clear head on his shoulders, but he wouldn't be nearly as fixated on their past if he had really lost his humanity in Racoon City.

He most likely isn't even aware that his actions are solely emotional. He thinks he's being fair and rational, considering what Ada did. But he's not. And Ada is definitely more than aware of this.

And that grudge truly is purely one-sided. Ada's manipulation of him back in Racoon City wasn't particularly harsh or callous on her part. In fact, time and time again, she went out of her way to either shield him away from the truth of it all, or to push him away for his own sake. More on that in this post of mine!

Ada's deception of Leon six years ago is not the real reason Leon is still this upset and resentful. It's only a representation of it. What he's actually angry about is his own inability to see through it and make the 'right' choice at the time. Or what he thinks was the right choice. Ada serves as a physical reminder of everything he did wrong that night. It just so happens that all of these feelings of frustration, anger, and hurt are all directed at her. Because it's easier that way. It's easier for him to be angry, petty and snappy with her than to admit to himself what he's really feeling here.

He's not as angry with her for betraying him as he's angry with himself for falling for it in the first place. His every action in RE4R is connected to his lingering feelings of regret for Racoon City. And yes, Leon is angry with Umbrella. With the US government. With Ada. All of these things are true. But who gets the most of his anger? Himself. His inability to let go of the past, to let go of these regrets for failing everyone on that night feeds directly into his illogical attitude with Ada. Inability to move on.

That's the main inner conflict he resolves with successfully saving Ashley by remaining true to himself.

So, does he have lingering regrets when it comes to Ada? That depends on what you personally view as regrets. I suppose you could say he does, in a way.

[star-anise]

Related to this video, though I take a while to get there, as someone who's worked in domestic violence shelters:

I realize Gabby Petito's life and murder have already been armchair-psychoanalyzed literally ad nauseam. I don't want to rake up old muck for the fun of it. But I had to stop watching the recent Netflix documentary about it when it got to footage of the police stop, and after listening to both of them, the officers concluded that she was the primary aggressor, and threatened her with jail. (After that I looked: an investigation into the incident said their biggest mistake was failing to arrest her for domestic violence.)

SO HERE'S THE THING: This is not an isolated incident. I've seen it happen so many times, in so many places. Dare I say, it is a truth universally acknowledged: police are, in aggregate, absolute dogshit at responding to domestic violence. Not because they're awful people or even bad at their jobs, but because their basic, essential jobs, their training and tasks and tools, are just not the things we need to solve the problem. Police work interacts with domestic violence the way a hammer interacts with the inside of a computer processor. Something sure happens, but it's probably not going to fix the problem you came in with!

Why? And what can we do differently?

The basic job of the police is to find evidence of a crime, and arrest the person responsible for it. Through this function, they also deter crime because their presence implies the potential threat of arrest. The end goal of this work is either to prevent crime entirely, or to focus on identifying a criminal who, if arrested, can be convicted of a crime. They care about the cases that will stand up to the scrutiny of a judicial court.

If you want a deeper dive into this, the aptly-titled No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder is a good place to start. There are a lot of initiatives out there to try to make the police be less absolute dogshit about domestic violence. I commend the various attempts made with police departments all over a world, because even something that's just medium dogshit is worth the effort. Even small improvements still return a benefit in terms of lives saved.

My point is:

Police are extremely oriented towards detecting crime, and disregarding other factors in a situation. "I don't care if you're starving, it's against the law to steal from a grocery store" and all that.

The crimes police tend to focus on are the ones with solid evidence that will stand up in jail.

So, in 2021, police get a call because a passerby saw a man hitting a woman, next to their white Ford Transit. Later, an officer pulls over a white Ford Transit with two people in it, who are in fact the people the call was about! They are Gabby Petito, who will be dead in two weeks, and the man that will kill her.

To condense from the full, Gabby's description of their fight earlier is: "I was just saying I'm sorry if I'm in a bad mood. [...] I had so much work I was doing on my computer this morning. [...] I've been really stressed and he doesn't really believe that I could do any of it, so, we just been fighting all morning and he wouldn't let me in the car before."

That man's description is: "We see this gets worked up sometimes and I try and really distance myself from her. So, I locked the car and I walked away from her. What happened this morning is that she's trying to start up a little website [...] but she just got worked up, because we were trying to get going and get our day going [... she] was trying to get the keys from me. I was just trying to, I know I shouldn't push her, I was just trying to push her away."

The officers on site set about solving what is, to them, the critical question: Did a crime occur, and if so, who did it?

So they look at the available evidence: the cuts and bruises on Gabby's face and arm, and that man's face and arms. They get testimony that seems to say: Gabby tried to grab her keys, and that man pushed her away. That means she is the one who assaulted him, and he responded in self-defence.

(They actually go back and forth about whether it meets the legal definition of assault, and because she denies intending to harm him, they don't press charges in the end. All the same, they give that man a hotel room to give him space from his "abuser" for a night.)

So, in the video about DARVO above, Dr. Yudin describes how the basic problem is that the aggressor tends to miss how their behaviour caused the incident to occur in the first place, and only clock that something is wrong once they experience negative consequences. When, if you back up, you can see the bigger pattern.

For example, the police come in and perk their ears up at what I'll call Incident 1, when it reaches the level of "violence that leaves marks the police can see without trying too hard". That's when Gabby reaches for the keys.

So I have to ask Annoying Question #1: Okay, and she reached for the keys because...?

Incident 2: That man locks the van and starts to walk away with the keys.

This does not, as the police understand it, rise to the level of criminality. I'm not a lawyer, but I still think it's something they should have paid attention to. They should know, because she tells them: He wasn't just locking her out of a vehicle, which she could deal with by walking or calling an Uber; he was locking her out of her principal residence and place of work.

Annoying Question 2: And he locked her out because...?

Incident 3: Even he has to explain this one. She just "got so worked up" about her "little website" that he had to make her go outside and take a walk! So she can calm down! Because she just gets worked UP, amirite? Gabby even endorses this by blaming her "bad mood" on her "OCD".

Annoying Question #3: And she was "worked up" into a "bad mood" because...?

Incident 4: She was trying to work, and he wanted her to "get going" instead, while also expressing doubts about her competence at "any of it".

I'll stop here, but the thing is: Yes, it is very hard to pick apart the moving pieces when you get to see someone for 15 minutes and then have to figure out the whole trajectory of everything. But that's often the amount of time it took us at the shelter to decide whether or not someone was in an abuse situation that warranted giving them a bed for the night. Sometimes it's not the amount of information, but the lens you use to analyze it.

The full transcript actually goes on at agonizing length, as the police use the tools available to them to try to solve this problem, think about the laws and mandated policies, the potential effects of pressing charges... it takes them over an hour and fifteen minutes. I'll admit, I absolutely could not read the entire insufferable thing. I don't hate myself that much.

The officer in question later said, "I would have done anything to stop it if I would have known that was coming. If I would have known [Laundrie] was going to murder her, I would have taken vacation to follow them, because I care about people, to the point where he was going to murder her … and I would have intervened and citizens arrested him in Wyoming! I would have taken my own time. I would have missed my family to go do that."

In my opinion, that's the stupidest crime prevention plan I've ever heard. This cop is making up a demented action movie in his head based on having psychic superpowers because he cannot imagine a way to do his job differently.

Thankfully we don't need divine revelation and a good PTO package to be less dogshit. We just need to change the focus from "Who committed a crime?" to "Is everyone okay?"

(I mean, he did focus, once he decided Gabby was the criminal, on that guy's safety. But that's not the same thing.)

Things we would ask during a domestic violence assessment:

-Do you feel safe around your partner? Are you afraid they might hurt you? -Has your partner ever hit, choked, pushed, or kicked you? Do they keep dangerous weapons around you? -Does your partner ever try to control where you go, or who you see or talk to? -Does your partner interfere with your access to money or the necessities of life? Do they try to stop you from working or providing for yourself? -Does your partner minimize their actions or blame you for their abuse? -Do you feel safe leaving them? -Do you have people in your life you can turn to for support? -Do you have somewhere you can go? -How can I help?

Having written these questions out, it's obvious why the police didn't ask them. If they had to provide this level of care, and actually set people up with the resources they needed, they'd be completely overwhelmed. Waiting until the crimes are committed and deciding who to punish for them is soooooo much more efficient.

And who cares if efficiency costs lives?

(Author's note: ...Good lord, and I planned to do things this afternoon. I've been writing this for hours. I don't have a good way to wrap this up, except go soothe the fury somewhere else now.)

I just found a really great explanation of DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).

I'm dealing with too much shit right now to expand, but... it's fucking everywhere.