#even tho i always forget lol
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#i just want to talk about this neat visual novrl#however it is super uhhhhh not normal lol#so i just lie here and stew with my emotions#my attempt to talk about it with two friends is just ignoring me so ill just#yup#delete later#even tho i always forget lol#many triggering topics/situations#normally not into this stuff but idunno weird headspace rn
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Just keep getting back up (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Asgore#The thought of Gaster able to heal himself! Rather to only have himself to rely on in a world that lives to hurt him (and everyone else)#It's an interesting inversion that's for sure#Is it as satisfying if it's not the one who deserves the broken bones? The pain of rejection or of justice retribution punishment?#It's still the same face - and it's not like he's wholly innocent here either#And besides it's always fun to draw tears hee ♪#Get him just a bit disheveled aside from the broken bone - it's hard to imagine him in different clothes even after drawing him in the dress#Softer clothes would be so nice to hold Babybones with but even just dropping a shoulder off his coat or untying his bow tie - it's strange!#I do like the image of his flower crown shedding petals when he gets roughed up tho hehe - tossed around just a little too much!#Breaking his hand right down the middle - it'd be much easier with the holes in his hands as a weak point#All his bones could break easier than his hands before that but now-#It's weird to draw Asgore like that lol I dunno....Works well enough for utility but pffblt :P I always forget his pauldrons anyhow lol#Really rubbing it in that Gaster will be fiiiine he's sooooo special what with his ability to heal >:( Lol#It does make him a bit of a target - a regenerating punching bag? Ideal to see just how far you can push him#It was fun to draw with my green coloured pencil as well ahh <3 Healing magic always gives me a bit of the warm fuzzies#It was the original comic that made me fall in love with Handplates after all ♥ Pretty and feelings <3
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Hi friends! Once again here using my Tumblr like a traditional blog where u share thoughts and updates and stuff haha.
Sorry for being gone for a bit, life was BUSY with plans and now I’m finally back home from a little trip visiting a lovely friend of mine (photos for visual-aid of said trip 😉😇). God I love summer and sunshine!! ☀️☺️🌊🚤🍉
So due to being less active, I did build up quite a bit of notification and message debt. Wanted to take a quick moment and say that unfortunately there is no shot I’ll be able to catch up on all of it in terms of responding to everything, even though I usually really like to stay on top of that; especially with tags and reblogs and comments on my posts! However, I did read and see everything that I’ve missed.
So to all of u that interacted while I was gone: the satisfaction from flustering some of you was absolutely enjoyed 😉~ and on the flip side the backfire from your teasy comments has also been suffered hahaha 🙈. Either way you already know I love seeing interactions from you guys and I’m just so THANKFUL TO HAVE HAD SO MANY TO CATCH UP ON 🥰 sorry again I can’t always be reciprocal, but please know that I adore all of you and am enjoying the heck out of being in your presences with or without direct line of conversation!
Anyway, if it wasn’t clear enough by now, I think the world of u community pals and I hope you all have a day as lovely and awesome as you! (Very lovely and awesome, to clarify haha)
Stay precious 😘💕
#me#photo#even on vacation I didn’t forget about taking pics for you guys~ 😜#feet#tummy#belly#sunbathing#cece speaks#blog post#life update#seriously tho idek how to describe it but…#I actually check out every blog that pops up in my notifications in any way#I know all of you by NAME pretty much :D#I know I can’t always directly interact in terms of messaging#but I really do feel really familiar with ya’l <3#in the best kinda community solidarity way haha#so yes believe me when I say I appreciate u and CARE FOR REALS#even if we've never interacted before#anyway I’m RAMBLING I NEED TO STOP MYSELF LOL#thanks for reading my life updates :D
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Being in the forest, you’ve come across all kinds of things, people, beings. You, being one of them, a fairy, an olden one of your kind, the kin that’s far and few to find just lurking around. So you’re special, held in high regard to those who frequent your area of the forest, respected and highly praised. Most know to bow and smile without teeth when they see you, except for one.
He’s new, you suspect, with his too big green eyes and tilted head. He takes in every part of the forest, mumbling to himself, picks at his bottom lip. His hands rests on his hips, and you notice his chest is naked and his lower half is covered in thick, dense fur. It tapers off into shiny hooves that he taps into the soft grass, and you wonder when the last time you saw a satyr was.
He’s a pretty one, you think, with thick curly green locks and curious eyes. His ears are pointed and they twitch in your direction at your giggle when he trips over a tree root. His gaze swivels over to the flower you rest on, and he perks up at the sight of it, clumsily making his way to you.
Everything’s all giggles from you, until he picks up the flower you rest on, mouth opening as the flower comes quickly to his mouth. Before he can devour you, you screech at him, something in your old tongue that nobody in a thirty mile radius could understand. But he stops, pulling the flower back, his curious green eyes widening when he finally makes out your camouflaged body sitting prettily in the bud of the flower.
“Have you no manners?” You ask, voice a huff that makes the satyr’s head tilt in the other direction. He blinks a few times before his eyes widen in excitement, mouth dropping open as he takes you in.
“You’re a…” his voice delves off, as he realizes what kind of fairy you must be. One he’s only heard of in tales, ones that are as old as time. He can’t believe he’s seeing one in real time, much less almost eating one!
“Give me your name, and I’ll forgive your indiscretion.” You offer him, chin jutting out in his direction. He knows he shouldn’t, knows you guys are full of tricks, that he should only admire from afar. But you’re so pretty in that ethereal type of way, and so, so tiny in his hands, that he wonders just how much damage you could actually cause. So he bites the bullet, doesn’t even realize that with just a name, he’s sealed his fate.
“Izuku. My name is Izuku.”
Izuku, or Deku as he likes to be called, has become so subservient to you as the days go on. Carries you everywhere, despite your wings working perfectly fine. Feeds you the fruit from trees without a single complaint, bathes you in the lakes despite his face always turning so red.
He even touches you the way you like to be touched. Lets you stay in his palm, figure hidden behind thick trees, a patch in the openness of the forest where only you two reside. He holds his thickest finger above you, watches with intent vermillion eyes as you lay on your back in his palm, rubbing your tiny little clit all over the pad of his finger. He could crush you in this position, but all he can think of is how immoral it would be to kill an ancient fairy from trying to shove you on his too big cock.
And despite using his big fingers to get you off for so long, it still isn’t enough. He’s surprised, one dusky morning, when he enters that patch in the forest that’s become you guys’ special spot, and doesn’t find you sleeping on a leaf. No, instead, Deku finds someone who looks eerily like you, only bigger in size—so, so much bigger.
Your hair looks so soft and your skin glows an eery golden haze around it. Your wings look iridescent in the slithers of morning light, as they flap lightly when he enters the thicket. Your body is bare, and it only feels that much intenser when everything is so much bigger, so easier to see in the broadening of your skin.
Your eyes are devious, with a downright cruel smile. You stretch where you lay, yawning a little, flipping on your back as you look at Izuku upside down, body bare and on display. It makes him think back to how hard he would have to strain to look in between your legs, now looking away at just how clear everything is.
“It’s time to prove your usefulness to me, Izuku. Are you ready?” You ask in a voice so sultry, he thinks he might melt on the spot. He should’ve known better than to give an ancient fairy his name, knows he’s spellbound to you and your every wish for eternity. But a part of him wishes he only would’ve met you sooner.
“I’m more than ready.”
#I’ve had this idea in my drafts for like 3 weeks now#but kept forgetting about it and then I got lazy lol#love this idea tho I’ve been wanting to write about fairy reader for a while now#but couldn’t think of anything else!!#it’s something about too big clumsy satyr izuku with this tiny conniving lil fairy that he always carries around#that just makes me :(((((#he’s so beeg but sooo gentle#omg and when you try to kiss for the first time while you’re still tiny#his eyes squint so much and he’s got this big pucker on his lips#he can barely even feel your kiss but it’s soft and light and he thinks he’s in love#and he’s so easy to tease#AHHHHH I NEED TO LAY DOWN!!!!!!#I wont him so bad#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#deku treats! 🍬#also if anyone wants to talk more about this then I’m more than happy to 👀
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I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.
When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.
As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"
She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.
But she's wrong.
That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.
As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#i think. naruto and sakura could potentially work out... but probably in a poly kind of situation.#because naruto will never forget about sasuke. and tbh neither will sakura. at least in canon.#of course i think sakura would do well to end up with someone more level headed. like ino.#someone without all the Complications that those two have...#but at the same time. i still do really love the idea of two people supporting one another through thick and thin.#i like naruto and sakura as a pairing of mutual respect. which is why it doesnt truly work as it is in canon.#especially when it comes to things like the 'joke' punches. but that's Everywhere in this anime.#female characters' anger being turned into jokes. theyre 'scary' but its not Actually scary.#naruto taking punch after punch from her for being foolish. yet it's all just a joke.#tbh id want to do away with that trope entirely. sakura has a temper but she's a good person. a kind soul.#i dont like that kishimoto has her being casually abusive with one of her best friends.#yet another part of the misogynistic writing that i hate.#sure enough. as it is in canon it just doesnt work. but ykno what. 13 year old me is still here. and wants to think of a way that it Could.#all things to think about. i wonder if there is any poly fic with the 3 of them. theres Gotta be.#though that brings the question of whether it'd even fit my ideal concept of the 3 of them.#it's certainly not the popular kind of thing lol. most people pick one of the three pairings between them.#but ya kno what. ive always been a multishipper. and poly ships really enable that truth of mine.#maybe i'll look for some poly fic sometime. just to see if theres anyone doing it like id wanna see.#if it's just two guys fighting over one girl or something tho im Outta there.#and ALSO theres something to be said for sasuke and sakura's relationship when they were kids.#there was trust there. confiding. he respected her. & in the end. he thanked her for her care.#cant be Just the two of them tho. for me. bc that erases naruto's significance to them both.#it is perhaps another thing i'll want to write someday. just maybe.
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Thursdays in Kirkwall, you know how it is
#cut to hawke right after the absolution ending reveal#(just pretend this is is postgame design x'D)#no matter how thin i make the lineart its still too thick smh >:/#even tho i tried making it a bit thinner than last time even#.. well ok i did end up drawing too small and scaling it up so it makes sense lol#but w/e#this is fun anyway hehe#oc: liam hawke#my ocs#my art#absolution art style#id in alt#oh yea also#incorrect quotes#i always forget that lol
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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liberals will happily support liberation on tv or in a book. but they'll never support it when it's knocking on their doors.
how many more tens of thousands of palestinians have to be murdered before you care more about them their idk a fucking tv show. or a burger. or a politician.
like meanwhile the world is never going to be the same. how can it just go on for you like nothing's happening?????????
#this has changed how i view so many people#and then you go and apologize for GENOCIDE#for instance the rogue one fandom has driven me up a wall for years with its racism and xenophobia but this has been wild#and in my personal life... forget about it lol#btw basically every white democrat is dead to me even the progressive ones cough katie porter i never liked her tho lol#and ritchie torres but he's been crazy#progressive churches near me are showing their asses and i am EMBARRASSED#okay except i think the unitarian universalists as always#christian zionists die challenge#free palestine
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Carlos and Paz
#the mcs of my book :]#Carlos goes by he/him and Paz they/he#I always feel weird talking abt my ocs bc like. they’re just some guys#At the same time tho I don’t even have much to say abt them they just buzz around in my brain#but yeah I love them dearly#I actually drew these like two months ago right after I finished writing but kept forgetting to post lol#dahls art#oc art
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ive been lowkey thinking about breaking up
#i just saw her match w someone else#CHARIZ#thats not the reason lol#but it does make me think like#hmmm#maybe she deserves better than someone whos constantly trying to change and prove their change#i think even my friends deserve a friends thats like#idk i have this fear of never being genuine#EVEN THO I AM??#like im trying#but back to the point i think maybe we were never meant to be together past 8th grade#like if we break up i wouldnt mind dating again once we're adults but#maybe we need to develop our identities more and shit#bc (maybe im the problem) but i always kinda feel like im trying to be like HEY THIS IS ACTUALLY ME BTW DONT FORGET THIS IS WHO I AM at#everything#idk maybe im the only whos not willing to stick it out#but maybe we were like supposed to form our identities outside of each other first before dating
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baby guild :)
aka the timber scouts! they're basically just a bunch of kids in a sort of guild prep-course. so, not a real full official guild, but functions like one. all the kids have different woodland animal gimmicks to go with the scout vibe. They have a very loose shared uniform too, they're pretty much allowed to customize however they want as long as they keep the white button-up, brown outerwear, dark brown bottoms, and brown boots. also like a lot of kids in other guilds, their weapons are toys or otherwise "safter" items. But that's pretty much all! They aren't super deep characters, but more general info still under the cut :p
Name: Ceres
Name Origin: Dwarf planet named after the goddess of agriculture and motherly relationships
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 29
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Pocket knife
Ethos (Power): Aegis (The ability to cast a protective shield around others but not themself)
Flaw power is based on: Their tendency to put others first, in a way that makes them a pushover.
Notes: Suffering.
Name: Aquila
Name Origin: The eagle constellation
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 12
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Hula hoop
Ethos (Power): Aerial burst (A powerful burst of air created with their wings)
Flaw power is based on: They're flighty and feather-brained
Notes: Birds just wanna have fun
Name: Procyon
Name Origin: A star in canis minor, the name technically means "before the dog" but refers to the raccoon family
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 11
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: hacky sack
Ethos (Power): Scaling (He can climb any surface)
Flaw power is based on: His rowdy uncontrollable nature
Notes: Yeah he can kick the hacky sack while on a wall, no big deal.
Name: Kochab
Name Origin: Beta Ursae Minoris- brightest star in the little dipper
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 11
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Honey dipper
Ethos (Power): Honeymelt (She can turn solid structures into a more gooey form with the consistency of honey)
Flaw power is based on: Her sluggish listlessness
Notes: Wait until you meet mama bear
Name: Vulpecula (Val)
Name Origin: The "little fox" constellation
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 11
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Jump rope
Ethos (Power): Tactful sense (Heightened senses for what's going on around her)
Flaw power is based on: Her desire to control everything around her
Notes: She's the first on track to getting a second star (according to herself)
#finn's ocs#finn's art#oc references#i havent had much time to draw lately bc reasons esp since i have other stuff i have to draw too#but slowly but surely ive been working on these guys in the background#hopefully they still came out okay <3#i had a lot of fun w the different animal motifs and also differences in their uniforms#i really like the trope of uniforms that arent... uniform. its fun i think it shows a lot of personality#specifically bc the differences show personality traits even better. theres contrast and all#so much fun#ceres was a character i made before i also spent all day with children so like. i understand their suffering even better now#im sure i perfectly know how to depict them now LOL#i only just realized everyone in this group also has brown eyes lol#the shine is different colors#procyon is the acceptation w black eyes tho#i feel like theres something im forgetting or leaving out but i dont remember :'(#so. i guesss if there is feel free to ask. questions concerns etc always welcome ^_^
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hi!! i just wanted to say that ive liked midoyuzu since i was like 14 and its been a few years since then (obviously) but seeing your midoyuzu art now is so!!! its so fulfilling to my past self who had like NO art to go off of, i guess? anyway! your art is super good and i love it so much <3
im glad omg? extremely late to the party but by god i am bringing snacks in here or die trying o7 was pretty baffled the first time finding out more abt their dynamic and looking them up on here to find maybe like two more recent posts and the rest from no sooner than 2017 or so askjdghsjkgdhjks but really THANK YOU!!!!!!!! happy to be of service to your inner 14yo somewhat ;v;
yknow what though the really funny thing is that i wasnt even that into them initially. just remembered that cute interaction at the end of xmas live and thought "huh these two r kinda sweet actually" and that curiosity is always a slippery slope into genuine investment and by god is tripping into it a favorite pastime of mine
#if i had to say tho honestly these two were both the last ones of their units i managed to get attached to properly#yuzuru has definitely become my fav of fine though but my actual rst fav is kanata LOL#also finding out yuzuru likes to draw in general is everything to me you go you funky master artist#cute critter line took me out back w a metal chair why r they so. auhhg#actually my good friend who got me in here Knows i was actually on track to becoming an ibyz liker but then. anvil fell comically on my hea#before i knew it theyve taken over almost every corner of my brain get them out!!!!! get them out!!!!!!!!#and i was already a ryuseitai fan and enjoyed fine casually but oh. oh god im a yuzurup too now arent i goddammit#SORRY THIS BECAME A RAMBLE UM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!#asks#anonymous#sometimes i forget that their actual interactions probably amount to no more than 6 or 7 times in canon and the rest is just in my head#that and i just think its rather nice for both of their characters to get along!! romantic or platonic#really sweet to see midori so pumped up and passionate about the things he loves and yuzuru getting thrown off his rhythm of the always#perfect butler who resigns himself into the background most of the time. theyre just having fun!!! silly guys#and yuzuru rly does enjoy art and nonsensical doodles even if people generally find it horrifying midori loves them wholeheartedly its. yea#okay im still rambling. ill shut up now i havent slept properly in a bed in nearly 48 hours i should go do that
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By the skin of your teeth (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#Pyramid Head#The Captain#Blood#The cuts themselves are just black and white because I'm controlling myself lol - clearly not That much with the rest but hey!#Still it is a very nasty cut for how nonchalantly I've drawn them all haha - ZEX's back too he's just facing forward#I also momentarily forgot that he was in his uniform it's fine don't worry about it lol#All these speculations on where and how about the injuries and then just - What Uniform That I Am Enamoured By? Haha#I've done the same thing with DAX I keep forgetting about his poor ankle and then it comes up and I'm like ''Oh yeah haha I knew that''#How are some details so sticky and others so smoke-like! Some stay in my brain and others - pffbtl how silly#All the same it's still the Funnest Fun <3#There's something so Extra delightful to have Seen a setpiece - an object - an idea - and then get to interact with it <3 <3#Hitting Pyramid Head with Zelnick's frying pan! Forget PH I can't believe we had the budget for the skillet's appearance fee ♪♫ Hehehe#No but honestly Pyramid Head was incredible ✨ Wonderfully scary and distressing and tense and full of fallout! Terrible things!! ♪♫#I've never drawn him before so it was interesting! :0 His appearance in SH2 looks all squished#Like his belly is jutting out across from a broken spine! Quite spooky#I don't think I fully managed to capture that - kinda just looks like his hip bones are very prominent hehe - but maybe some other time :)#I hope they don't run into him again - for their sake tho haha ♪#DAX continually pulling ZEX behind him to try and protect him (and failing) was something I really Had to put to paper <3#As well as snuggles!! Even before they got Really hurt I was like Oh everyone needs hugs so bad :'0 And they do!! They need so many hugs!#Maybe especially Zelnick poor Captain :'0 Give this boy a break#The injuries are more of a self-guide hehe I'm not sure how accurate they are - they Feel accurate based on handedness et al#I was the least sure for Zelnick since he got tossed (poor thing!) but at least bruises are always fun to draw hehe#The return of my rainbow bruises lol - I only use three colours they're just so vibrant!#DAX trying so~ hard not to be taken in hehe what could these feelings be! Familiarly repressed? No surely not ♪#Be nice ♫
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I realized i forgor to post this painting i did for a project a while ago,
except im not showing thou the bottom half because doin it in a school setting made it to emo for my liking and i wish to get it wiped from my memory lmao—
#omfg the worst thing about this tho is that i forgot to add a singular eyelash#and i will always forget and i have not added it even now months after finishing it#she do be getting into an emo phase when she becomes nyxalum tho lol—#so technically then i did it right#but for this time period of my life we only goin to admire the top half#woaahhhh#have a good day#my drawings#dynaton#angels#elita#we love the memories that stab multiple knives like ceasar into your brain#THIS WAS GIANT ASS PAINTING TOO#GRAAGGAHGHGHGHGHFHGGHFGHHGFGH__#anywho ignore me ranting—
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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In case it was ever a question
#💟#Doodles#Lol#Yes I do in fact still think about Vargas every single day#I'd tell you when that changes but that would still be a Vargas thought wouldn't it lol ♪ So for now situation normal! Nothing to report!#Haha ♫#It's not always to this level or even this consistent but it does average multiple times a day and especially around sleep#The dreams have mostly completely tapered off but they're a common comfort/come-down from the day :) Reliable thought pattern#And even tho I'm not posting them for the most part outside of sketchdumps/the occasional video/fanfic/etc. etc.#I can tell you they still grab every sixth or so scratch page lol - and that's not counting their hefty backlog!#Plus I don't always doodle my ideas a lot of them go into my notes#Honestly considering a part two of an incorrect quotes post quite a few have built up and even I've forgotten some of them haha#They're silly ♪#Oh yeah and you'll notice a near-matching uptick in WOY (Wander Over Yonder) :3c Haha wonder what that's about hahaha#And SCII to a similar degree but I don't have anything cheeky to say about that (right now) lol#Also completely off Vargas-topic I think it's really funny how often I forget my bracelet#Obviously didn't here! Got all 'em colours - which is honestly probably /why/ I forget that's a lot of tools for one small detail#But like - I never forget my glasses they are very much ''part of my body'' but I quite often forget my bracelet even tho I wear it way more#I take off my glasses to sleep and shower and the like but my bracelet follows me everywhere! How is it not part of my body just as much!#I guess I have been wearing glasses for longer overall but sequentially! Y'know! Haha
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