#even tho I know it doesn’t matter
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Just two wood elves in love~
#i will never get over the body freckles#they’re just so 👌👌👌#also the lighting doesn’t do either of them justice#lyari is still the only Tav who hasn’t built his own background and personality while I played#he did however change into a ranger from a rogue and I completely restarted his campaign for it#literally only because I had been choosing rogue dialogue options#even tho I know it doesn’t matter#but I love him dearly he’s so damn pretty in good lighting#I’ll have to get some shots of him#halsin#halsin x tav#bg3#my screenshots
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Minthara says “in Her name” when you first meet her and she’s following the Absolute but when you recruit her and she expresses that she no longer follows any god, but she still has an intact paladin oath, and she says “in your name” occasionally because she’s no longer Lolth’s paladin or the Absolute’s paladin, she’s your paladin
#😭#she might not think you’re a god or whatever but you’re the only one that ever came to save her#and if you let her read your mind you’re the only one she knows has no intention to hurt or use her#like I feel like what Minthara wants most of all is to not have to look over her shoulder or wait for the shoe to drop#like every relationship she’s had as a lolthsworn drow has come with the caveat that everyone will take her out if they have the chance#and if it benefits them even a little#lolth literally encourages this so long as you aren’t obvious about it#and lolth will 100% punish you the second she has an excuse to#and then the absolute like while she was being controlled probably felt more like genuine love than Minthara ever experienced#but it came with Orin and punishments for failing#and her being literallly mind controlled into her#so it’s still violent and threatening even if the extent of that is only realized after she’s pulled out of it#but then there’s you who pulled her out of that#who can clearly and plainly show her that you have no intention of hurting her even if it benefits you#and who went out of your way to rescue her when no one else she was devoted to ever would#and you offered her the means to not only stay safe from the absolute but to get revenge on it#of course it’s ‘in your name’ now you’re the only person that gave Minthara a reason for her to follow you#that wasn’t threats of violence and suffering#you literally gave her the opposite#she’s YOUR paladin it doesn’t matter if aren’t a god#you could be tho#Minthara#minthara baenre#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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Constantly torn between genuinely loving the remake timeline’s depiction of Reeve and Cait and being immensely sad that pretty much all of my favorite lines of theirs from the original were totally excised or bc of plot developments will never be said
#Reeve is never going to argue with barret about the reactor bombings. bc the immense damage wasnt avalanches fault and he knows it.#he also looks a lot more wishy washy as a result. which I’m not a big fan of admittedly#his hypocrisy is something I like in the original bc it makes sense. the damage Shinra causes is something he can turn a blind eye to#bc hes so focused on midgar’s development and improving the reactors to better the lives of the ppl who live there#the reactors blowing up and killing ppl is his direct jurisdiction and he cares a lot about the ppl in the city. and so!#avalanche frustrates him even when he knows logically speaking that they have legitimate reasons for the things they do#(like this is additional canon but not least of all bc his fucking mom lives in the city.)#starting him out as already sympathetic to avalanche robs him of like. half his arc#also he’s so much angrier in the original to me whereas in the remake he’s so sad. and both are understandable!#but I liked the anger. I liked it so much#and Cait doesn’t get to have his lovely request for the party to not forget him before he’s crushed in the temple.#bc that sacrifice mattered to that version of him even if he can be replaced!!!#I do love his extra dialogue when holding up the altar in rebirth it’s great but!!!#SIGH.#idk man I love their original depictions deeply and I feel like they got shifted into being more sympathetic but less complex. it’s a shame#still love them tho. I would kill and die for rebirth Cait#text#Reeve tuesti#Cait sith#I think about them so much and I wish ppl appreciated their original arcs more#ff7
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Art challenge: color a characters hair without making the parts that should be in shadow / shaded / darker than the rest of the hair a lighter color instead.
Difficulty level: IMPOSSIBLE
#idk. when I started doing this. but once I started I never stopped. I can’t stop#I cannot shade hair normally I CANNOT make the behind the neck under ear area a darker color I CANT#I USED TO BE ABLE TO BUT NOW I CANT#even acknowledging it as a thing I do I still.. can’t#it’s always gotta be lighter#there is always some mysterious bounce light or spotlight shining upwards on the character or thru there hair iDK#there is no physical sense behind it I think I just saw other ppl do it thought it looked pretty and started doing it myself#and. I still think it looks pretty ! but also! I think it’s probably holding me back!#like surely there is a time and a place for this pretty thing and maybe that time isn’t ALWAYS#at myself… ghghg my refusal to think hard about lighting is one of the things I get disappointed about w my art a bit#like… I can sit there like. wow.. almost all my pictures have nebulous unclear lighting. maybe I should work on that#and then I do not ever work on that#I used to do lighting pretty well when I was younger but know a days I typically dont…#le sigh. it’s whatever tho#either I’ll eventually buckle down and get out of my comfort zone and try doing good clear lighting that makes sense#or I won’t! I’m not a professional artist me not being the best lighting doesn’t actually matter lol#pepper words#I mean. I think sometimes I have managed to color hair with the underside shaded recently. but it rlly is not the norm for my art#typically it mostly only happens if the character has a light base hair color. if they have a darker base hair color.#9 times out of 10 that shit is getting under lighting / nebulous highlights from nowhere lol
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No pls col I know u wanna tell us it doesn’t matter, but I REALLY WANNA KNOW WHO IS THE KHUN VAD REINCARNATE
#century of love#IDK the one writing this story prob didn’t have any good ideas about making it convincing#they prob have no good reason to tell us why Vee is Khun Vad and why Khun Vad did not reincarnate with the same face#COME ON#I waited so long for it#TT#ok but I can also accept that it doesn’t matter#but wouldn’t it be even greater to know that San made his choice by his own will even tho he was told who the Khun Vad reincarnate is?#I mean if it was Vee; San was rejecting him from the get go and finally he fell in love with him#it’s by his will#and even if it turns out Vee is Khun Vad reincarnate it doesn’t take the story away that San made his choice before any “confirmation
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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i feel bad about something -> i pick at my skin to relieve stress -> i get upset about the damage i just did to myself -> i keep picking because i don’t know how else to ‘fix’ the problem i just made -> i realize how much time ive wasted doing all of this -> i continue picking even after it becomes actually painful as ‘punishment’ -> i finally get tired and/or something else calls my attention and i stop, clean up, and attempt to move on with my day -> i feel bad about everything that just happened -> i continue to feel bad about this and everything that happens afterwards until i can’t take it anymore and need a release so i don’t implode -> rinse and repeat
#i feel like this most likely qualifies as#self harm#even though it’s generally not in the traditional sense. whatever.#i’ve reached a point where most of the time it doesn’t even hurt anymore like there’s sensation but it’s not pain per se. usually when i#start to feel actual pain i stop because i don’t want to do any actual lasting damage#sometimes tho i feel like i just fall into a frenzy. theres something bad and evil underneath my skin#and while i don’t know what it is i’ve been aware of it all my life and am constantly striving to excise it#because it is the source of all my flaws and faults and the cause of everything bad that’s ever happened to me#someday i’ll get rid of it entirely but no matter how close i get it eludes me#<- damn okay we get it you have compulsions … relax dude
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Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.
Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.
I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”
#me: there’s time..#also me: THERES NO TIME#now see the thing they don’t tell you about taking lexapro is that you’ll have the motivation and energy to reinvest in hobbies when you’ve#been in depression hell for so long#also thank god it makes the excessive worry thoughts thiiiiiis loud 👌#like nooo babe there’s time#there’s always time if I’m okay with the crushing feeling of splitting my attention TOO much that I don’t connect with either fandom#that’s spooky#shaking and screaming like ‘don’t look at the notes it doesn’t matter’#and it truly doesn’t#sigh#I just keep coming back to that Brennan/hank green clip#where Brennan is talking about feeling like you just /dont/ belong even tho u did commit to trying you’ll always have that scared little#kid at the back of your mind with no friends reconfirming that no one likes you#I don’t know..#in theory people like me#but /i/ can never be normal about it#and I keep like.. I dunno#it’s tough spending your whole life never being the one people seek out#never the one that people WANT to hear talk#constantly feeling like too much and wondering if I should pull back#for people to get weirded out when I pull back#it’s exhausting#and it’s lonely#and even after 24 years I’m still the same insecure kid talking in the group chat while everyone else is silent#like am I too much am I too desperate#even like talking to my mom- who’s opinion of me truly doesn’t matter anymore just constantly interrupt me or talk over me#or ignore me so I’m repeating myself over and over just to give up#personal#fuck
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never going to get past matrix resurrections choosing to make neo someone with a distorted perception of reality being gaslit and manipulated into compliance by his therapist, i’m so normal about it
#N posts stuff#i’ve written a fic about this like. three times but i keep losing the final draft bc i get too nervous about posting it#anyway there’s no way to interpret neo any differently imo#even tho he’s ultimately right about the world being a simulation he exists in the world uncertain of Both options#the world he’s in is real but it might not be. the matric isn’t real but it could be. he doesn’t Know and he can’t Tell#regardless of ‘which is right’ this state of being is Still a distorted sense of reality#and it’s not something being Put Upon him it’s something being Used Against him - there’s a difference#he’s not Certain of one and having to stay stalwart under the analyst insisting something different about the world#he can’t tell which is real and he Relies on the analyst to differentiate For him - and the analyst takes Advantage of that to lie to him#and even when it’s obvious the analyst is Wrong neo isn’t Allowed to question him bc ‘he’s the crazy one’#doesn’t matter which world is real - neos uncertainty Still IS an uncertainty in reality - delusion with insight / double book keeping#Also so normal about model morpheus reaching out an arm to let neo grab his sleeve as a reality check#without saying anything or drawing attention to it in any way - just tacit understanding and help#i'm SO normal about that moment guys Trust me
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Cyberpunk 2077 is my favorite anti-capitalist game that I spent 70 dollars to play
#like is it worth 70 dollars#I Guess?#I know it took years and so many people to actually put this game together#and the basegame and dlc for seventy dollars total is such a steal in comparison to say#a certain life simulator game I play#but the actual game Cyberpunk in itself is so inaccessible already#like my gaming laptop can run the sims with all dlc and custom content on ultra graphics EASY#buy trying to run cyberpunk even on the lowest graphics is like#ROUGH#and like paying 70 dollars for the LOWEST graphics setting is pretty mid#like yeah they got Keanu Reeves as the cool brain parasite#but that only speaks to me on a personal level because I have a mental health issue that causes me to have Keanu Reeves as a brain parasite#in my actual real life#the story is so great but there’s so many side quests that no matter how many hours I play the game for I’ll never actually COMPLETE it#cyberpunk is my FAVORITE game and I do NOT regret buying it bc the story is there the world is there the characters are there#but it feels so superficial knowing I spent a quarter of my paycheck to spend 30 hours being like#‘that’s right Johnny Silverhand we should fuck em up’#i think it’s more that cyberpunk feels like a story the world really needs right now#but it’s only accessible to such a niche group of people#especially since the game got so much hate on launch#and yeah there is the anime now but the anime doesn’t even TOUCH a VAST MAJORITY of night city#the anime doesn’t have the same depth and wonder that the game has because the game is about a city and the show is about 1 group of people#cyberpunk 2077 really resonated with me in such a unique way and I love it so much I can’t even begin to describe my hyperfixation#but the graphics and first person camera give me motion sickness#and my wallet cried for three days when I bought the game#and so much of the actual political ideology is lost on me Because of the price point#I’m gonna play it anyway tho bc I’ve never seen my own brain parasites represented as video game characters before#twink speaks#Twink plays cyberpunk 2077#not cc
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i know periods of loneliness come and go and i know that it’s Okay!!!! or whatever but also i’m really sick of it lmfao and it feels like it’s lasting Too Long this time and i really want a change but also every time this has changed i’ve just ended up feeling lonely in different ways . does anybody know what to do about this
#like it’s not about being ‘friendless’ tho ofc that’s been a factor at times#it’s that even when this isn’t a factor i still feel like it’s useless and that i’m just as lonely as i was when i was alone#like DAMN maybe i’m the problem fr and i’ve found the few people in my life that will ever love me#and that’s all i get.#okay DEEP BREATH. IM ONLY TWENTY. IM ONLY TWENTYYYYYYY#but u know what. when you’ve felt this way for almost half your life . through periods of friendlessness and periods of being surrounded#by friends. it’s real hard to believe that it will ever go away fully.#like what if it doesn’t matter and it’s just me. and i’m not the kind of person that gets to feel any way but this . but whatever i think#it’s actually chill#*through gritted teeth* i’m only twenty.#and i never mean to sound ungrateful for the people i do have bc i really feel lucky in a lot of ways . but 1) they’re all far away#and 2) it’s really easy for that to feel like that’s not enough when i’m seemingly surrounded by people who are just so natural at#connecting with people . when i had to fight and claw my way towards every meaningful thing that’s ever happened to me#and i’m sure that’s not fair but i mean….. you can only feel on the outside of everything for so long before you start to believe that it’s#your fault and that it’s where you belong . but no i’m chill#i’m CHILL.
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thinking abt how much of my life i’ve lost to depression and i truly want to throw up
#day to day doesn’t feel like much but. oh no it’s been like fully a decade#i wish therapy wasn’t so expensive#bc for a while i was on meds (that. didn’t do much tbh.) but that made me feel like i was Treating It so i was making progress#spoiler alert it did not. and now the fact that i’ve wasted so much of my life is making it worse#bc everyone else i know has like. lives and people in them#and i pretty much just have my parents. and my mom is also going through it#i have relied SO much on them and that also feels bad!!! feels like i’ve taken advantage of them!!!!!#i know people talk about how much it messes w your memory but i figured it was short term bc the days all blend together#i literally had a moment yesterday where i forgot i went to college at all#the whole thing feels like a missed opportunity bc i didn’t do anything i wanted to really#i was too afraid to go to clubs that looked interesting. i didn’t think practically abt what i was studying#i mostly didn’t have roommates but when i did i was Bad At It#i managed to go through the whole time only speaking to like. three people#so you can see how it’s kind of. completely forgettable#i have worked jobs bc it’s a paycheck. never really enjoyed them never really made friends (even tho now i’m kicking myself for not keeping#in touch with some people) but i have always kept a very strong work/life division even in school#because i was there to do a Specific Thing so that’s all that matters yknow#anyway. sometimes i DO wish i could go back to high school bc even tho it sucked. it was structured#and i had resources and more time to try things and like. a life outside of my computer. a little bit#yknow. i feel like people have more sympathy if you’re anxious abt everything and never gone outside#when you’re 16 as opposed to 25
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what i like about movie beetlejuice is none of the lore makes any sense or is even attempted to be explained, he’s just some fucked up guy and all the writers wanted to say about him was “look at this fucked up guy” and we all said shit dude he sure fuckin is and that was that
#how’d he get out of civil servitude? doesn’t matter#what’s the deal with his name? mind ur business#why was he trapped in the maitlands’ model? not a fuckin clue#what was the marriage scheme even for? nobody knows#he’s a fucked up lil guy tho THATS for sure#and bc i know it’s coming i am very well versed in the theories and earlier versions of the script ok i know all of that#i’m just talking about what the writers gave us in the actual movie#which is…..almost nothing lmao#and we eat it up!!!!!#i speak#movie
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How They Show Affection aka OC Dynamics / Kohaku Edition
#chasing nova 🌟#artists on tumblr#my art#art#drawing#oc#original character#kohaku nanase#tora nanase#yuki shinomori#kiryu suzumura#haku and tora are literally best siblings i cannot express this enough#no matter what haku will always be there for tora and he'll protect her till his last breath. she's THAT important to him.#they basically grew up together since tora was adopted when they were both young kids#i like to imagine that haku doesn’t really give yuki a lot of like skinship but he just sits beside her or back to back (his fave) to just#let her know he’s there and that he isn’t going anywhere#and haku and kiryu are best rivals. the coolest brotp ever#even tho techincally haku doesn't see it as a rivalry and it's just a friendship to him#but kiryu decided haku was his rival and so it just goes on like that LOL#izuart
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Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)
#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like#like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵💫#but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it#even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭..#like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s#execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all#because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and#that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all#more like a deity and he doesn’t like that#but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever#he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people#so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his#aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool#and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry#but he’s incredibly flawed as well#I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao#I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before#he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿)#that’s literally not part of him#like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with#him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt#about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿…..#I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️#rambling#I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him#he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors#because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him#it’s very 😭❤️…
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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