#even the friends I still have in the uk
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i may not have many friends that live a short car journey or train ride away from me but i have friends that i would cross oceans to see for just a couple of weeks and friends who would plan trips just so they are in the same country at the same time as me. i may not have many friends near me despite still living in the same town i grew up in, but i know i have many friends dotted around the world, who i spent mere months with, who care for me as though we spent years together. we may have not seen each other for 3 or 4 years, but the joy is still there. the love is still there
#b.txt#…#just study abroad things x#even the friends I still have in the uk#the majority of them are from my study abroad year#I only have like .. 2? friends from uni here that I still keep in contact w#have maybe. 3?4? ish friends from school. maybe.. not even that tbh lmao#but from my study abroad year?? more than 10!!!#and at least half of those are dotted around the world#but I still keep in touch w them all often#idk#I’m lucky I met them#sometimes I worry those friends don’t care for me the way I care for them tho#but then I’m like ok well.. one literally flew here to stay w u for a week ??? shoutout emily x#and another literally planned a trip w u so u would both be in the country we met in at the same time again#and are planning to do the same in a year ??#so like. shut up brain#there’s something poetic about my friends and I being from so many diff countries#and always wanting to return to the city we met to meet again#korea u are our second home it seems
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Beach Boy!
Barney, jumping for joy during a trip to the beach in July of 2012.
#I don't usually post politics stuff online - even in the tags!#BUT I am currently in a state of massive relief after seeing the exit polls for our General Election in the UK today#This happy pic seemed an appropriate one to post in light of it looking as though the Tories will be out by morning!#I mean... I won't fully believe & celebrate until the *actual* results are in but the exit poll is usually pretty bang on... so YAY!#Prediction is that we will have a landslide victory for Labour - even if it's a bit wrong it looks like Labour *should* win easily#I don't massively like the current Labour party but I loathe the Conservatives & what they've done over the past 14yrs#Where I live the Tories are still actually likely to win (ick!) unless the Green Party pull off something amazing#but I don't even care about our local result much - I just want Labour to win overall & it looks like they will#Oh! Happy Independence Day to our friends across the pond!!#We will all be keeping our fingers crossed for your upcoming election results later in the year!#throwback thursday#barney#border collie#beach
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selfies dedicated to the random little shit that just decided to go up to a complete random, bother them for their snap then go ‘oh. its a tranny!!’ after hearing me speak then look disgusted and his shitty little friends <3 sorry you couldn’t deal with my scemo femboy swag i hope you get better soon im not gonna stop existing <3
#OH if you recognise the Signifiant Scemo History Location of my city you get a medal and a senior discount#ngl it’s fucked with me a bit but im trying to confidentpost my way through it ;-;#mf looked like he was still in high school too so I fully expect he has the Andrew Tate brainrot like a lot of UK lads but still#i was just texting I wasn’t doing anything#at least he was still a kid tho adult men get violent when their friends laugh at them like that for that reason#just the moment they hear you speak and they put it together and they just#I wasn’t even wearing a skirt or shorts today not that that would have made it okay but idk I was just existing#urgh idk I’ll stop tag ranting#scenecore#scene#emocore#emo#scene revival#scene aesthetic#scemo
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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May I please request some soft parrlyn please
morning vs night gfs
#(it is just past midnight here as i post this) (which means in the us it's like noon. and in the uk like?? evening or late afternoon.#timings which make me giggle (oh what a word. stole it from e into my vocab) bc they don't fit hehe#anyways. coffee vibes bc the colour sprites make a reappearance (drew on phone and was lazy to properly colour) but i didn't want it to be#obviously green and blue. like elphaba and a smurf. so like. undersaturatef and wrapped in coffee coloured warmth.#today is a tuesday and because of schedules tuesday is my socialish day which means that i#(main lovelang irl is obviously physical touch people don't even have to guess anymore they just Know) go about hugging my friends.#one of the favourite most comfy stuff is this??? did this to like three people today bare minimum!#so like maybe me and friends are the insp behind some of the fluffy ship poses ig you're welcome#anon did you know this has been sitting in my inbox for a while and you were the first out of Four Requests for parrlyn#latest one being a very recent one that appeared in my notes as blank and then opened to bolder large font parrlyn written out#which was lowkey a driving force in remembering that this blog exists.#have sorted out the emotional stuff? romance rn remains a slightly sore spot but it's more or less scabbed over and i guess sometimes i like#to poke at it a bit because i won't feel the same way for a while may as well check out the novelty. anyway lots of complicated feelings#but shipping urge still strong. soft wlw for the win! yay#lately dealing w everything i feel like ocs more. but ah well? bit of fanart in the midst of everything#six the musical#six the musical fanart#catherine parr#anne boleyn#parrlyn#parrleyn
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so wait, since i was just reminded of the recorder thing donna talked about in the giggle, i now have a question for uk ppl: do yall learn the recorder in school? like in a music class? and like how much do yall have music class over there?
#this is a very interesting topic for me as a music educator from the us#ik a guy from ireland and he said there was no music class in schools for him and like not the same country BUT same island#(as northern ireland. not the others in the uk but still)#and its so wild and fascinating music education is a fascinating field and the way we do it in the us seems to be largely vvv unique to us#for clarification on how things are different so ppl have a better idea on how to answer my question lol:#in the us music class is standard in elementary schools and most places have general music until abt 5th/6th grade (year 6/7)#(general music = basics- music games learn recorder SOME notation-reading; often classroom instruments eg boomwhackers claves maracas#orff instruments if you're lucky/from a school district that isnt poor. also some world music)#its less standardized after that and not every school will have music after middle school but concert bands and choirs are both huge here#choirs start right on the heels of general music classes (sometimes start earlier + students elect to be in choir instead of general music)#bands USUALLY start in 4th grade (year 5) but sometimes can be later 5th/6th (year 6/7) or even 7th (year 8) (WAY less common)#depends on the state generally 4th is most common i think (choirs start at around the same time i think so probs 4th but choir isnt my area#orchestras are weird bc theyre a lot less common but can commonly start younger bc of one of the big approaches to music ed (suzuki method)#so like maybe 3rd grade (year 4) maybe 4th w/ band (year 5) but i have a friend who teaches at a private school#& said they have 1st/2nd graders (year 2/3)!! orchestra is also not my area though#also marching bands: vv common! usually just in hs (starting 9th grade / year 10) bc it supports the football team at games#but starting in 8th grade (year 9) is also common (sometimes even 7th / year 8)#theres two different styles: collegiate/show band and competition. former is very rah rah pop music etc; competition is more abstract#show bands are clearly designed to entertain whereas competition is designed to be more impressive and tell a story#so more impact moments abstract shapes/lines on the field and has movements - opener ballad closer (fast-slow-fast)
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also i'm team rinharu for the record. obviously
#shrimp thoughts#thought i started from nitorin and kind of... disliked rinharu. i don't remember if it was because i simply found some shippers obnoxious#or something else BUT i was team nitorin until... man i don't remember if i converted pre-s1e12 or even later... i started writing#(redacted) like... right before s2 started airing. i think a good chunk of why i was a nitorin person was my spite protectiveness of#nitori AND the way people kind of idk. assumed he would be a shrinking violent uke to rin's big rough seme which i took delight in flipping#god. i remember how popular aggressive top rin was pre-s1e12 AND THEN... AND THEN#during s2 i don't think you could find many rinharu shippers who thought rin topped lol. ach! the times of top bottom discourse!#ach... i lost contact with everyone from that time#ACH... THINKS BACK TO THAT ONE CATFISH SITUATION#there's still an artist who used to post cql/md/zs art whom i know and i think was once mutuals with? in the free! times#or maybe i just followed them because they were a great fanartist? idr OTL anyway i'm really happy seeing their art now because#it was already lovely and full of personality but now it's just. literal perfection AND it's still recognizable as theirs :')#omg i checked the url of a friend i had back then and not only are they still active on tumblr they have EXACTLY the same url blog name#and bio... obviously i won't reach out because WITH WHAT but i'm happy they're still here aaaa.... i hope you're happy.....
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I need a massive sudden hyperfixation shock to happen again
#that era when i'd just got out of the onceler divorce of summer 2021. and then listened to everywhere at the end of time in october#and it was ruining my life and i couldn't sleep and there was nothing really good happening#like it wasn't Bad bc at least i wasn't depressed anymore like i was in the summer but it was still just dead. and i couldn't get#the last 6 minutes of eateot out of my head#and then. suddenly. got shot with the *blurry screenshot of stan and kyle as adults* beam#south park post covid trailer released. everyone who had ever been in that fandom was awakening from their graves#it was like 'future episode??' 'why have they got noses' 'what the fuckkkk' 'is anything real anymore?' etc#it was such big news that it instantly shocked me out of my existential crisis and reawakened that hyperfixation for the 9347384th time#and i vividly remember going on tumblr the morning after it aired and trying to avoid spoilers bc i hadn't watched it yet#but i accidentally saw a sentence something along the lines of 'kenny's a billionaire philanthropist now' and. ok i had to see a picture?#so i did and he looked like the epitome of a cool uncle#and then i was walking to uni that morning probably looking like i was crying or something bc like. kenny successful future#and the whole thing just brought my general mood up so much?? so by the time it was 2022 i was absolutely fine#and then 2022 was so good. up until like august and september#and things got a bit dangerous again like my mood was alright but the slightest thing could bring it down#and then my best friend/housemate got a girlfriend and it was that whole drama and her existence basically ruined my last year of uni#and since then i've become so bitter and cynical and all victimy and it's so annoying and i don't even realise i'm doing it#so now i only ever notice negative things happening and have done since like the end of 2022#and i just need one of my old hyperfixations to do something insane again. like sp post covid.#i need. idk victor hugo to come back to life and publish notre dame de paris 2. or something#or for pip to come back to south park. that would actually fix me forever tbh#or the golden ratio to announce they're touring the uk for free. okay no ykw that would fix me#orrrrrrrrr idk. secret history made into a film but it's actually good#anyway. the south park kids as adults with noses set off an entire like 8 months of Pure Optimism in 2022 and i need her back more than ever#ramble
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one of my flatmates whom i thought i was chill w is now saying racist shit about me to my other flatmate AND being a giant fucking dick to us both about a contract renewal...when she literally doesn't have a visa or the right to rent in the UK.
#and has an illegal sublet going on!!#kill the cop in ur head etc but i am not letting a white european woman weaponize the law against me <3#i will weaponize it right back!!#thankfully flatmate no. 2 is being super understanding of the situation even though she's got a bad bargain too#like mate we're all trying to cut our losses here!!#two of us are being transparent and communicating w everyone who needs to be involved!!#but one of u mayonnaise dumbasses is being rude and making unfair demands of two people who CAN prove legal right to stay in the UK <3#acc to the lease#if she continues living here WHILE illegal#i and the other flatmate are liable for legal action to be taken against us which is nawt something i wanna be embroiled in ofc#like respectfully ma'am you have done NOTHING to earn my goodwill and we are not friends#i was still willing to be accommodating and considerate of u!!#but ur being rude and racist and inconsiderate!! so gn and fuck off
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Okay so an artist I like will be eventually touring in my country but I didn’t sign up for access for tickets (I think?) so I’m unsure whether I can still buy tickets or not
#starting from the start I had no idea that they were going to be touring in the uk#until a friend sent it to me like some time this week#me being me and in exam mode#I was like I’ll look at this after Friday my last exam#however when I click the link#because my friend was telling me that she was talking to this other girl about this and the process of signing up#also my friend isn’t a big fan so without her I would’ve had no idea#since I literally have no social media except for like YouTube and Snapchat#but even finding out info on YouTube is hard since I turned off notifications for it like ages ago#so this situation is kind of my fault#anyway I digress#but yes so I click the link and it shows that the registration period is closed#I missed it by a day#also I’ve never been to concert so I have literally no idea how this works 😅#so I’m assuming the sign up thing is for pre-sales#which I’m still confused about but I think it’s when you get early access to the tickets before other people#so I’m thinking oh maybe I’ll still be able to get tickets#but now I’m not so sure#but I’m so confused 😭😭#because from the FAQ questions I was under the assumption you could still get tickets without showing interest#since there is a cut off point not a max amount of sign ups so in theory if let’s say everyone signed up it would be the same as not#having the sign up thing#but I think I might not be able to get tickets period#which is okay it is just a concert at the end of the day#I can do other fun stuff#I’m still going to try get tickets#but I’m 99% sure I’ve missed the chance#but it’s okay#gatherrambles#gatherbabblesaboutnonsensicalstuff
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also I’ve always been super impressed with how private the guys are considering. like with their level of fame and success i’m surprised they aren’t papped more and followed lol maybe it’s just not that bad in england bc in america a celeb sets one foot out in public and they’re practically mobbed, it’s crazy. so i’m glad they’re able to just live their lives for the most part (hopefully, idk what their interactions are actually like in public obv lol)
that's because no one actually cares about bastille here babe
nah fr though dans talked about not wanting to be like 'famous' and kind of watering down their personality in early interviews and not saying anything controversial to try and stay out of the limelight, so i guess that worked lol.
#ask#anon#i do think its funny tho i think the one i compare them to in my mind is the 1975#in terms of them coming up at the same time in the same kind of scene#and how famous/controversial matty healy is now even though bas have like a third more monthly listeners on spotify#like i think if they wanted to they could've been bigger 'celebrities' but also that just doesnt seem to be what dan wants at all#which like fair play man hes raking in that pompeii happier money working with all these famous people#and can still just walk down the street living the dream man#also another tangent but idk if youre american but is the us fanbase just more intense than the uk one also#cause i was talking to an american fan at kew and she was telling me some wild things and saying their fanbase is super insane over there#so idk if thats part of it but ngl its like a running joke among my friends here that i ride or die for bas#like respectfully they think its a super weird band to be into in the year of our lord 2023
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Once again I have messages and asks to reply to that I haven't got round to yet because last couple of weeks have honestly been hella stressful but I promise I'm not ignoring you; I just haven't recovered enough to respond yet.
#i'm flagging big time ngl#sorting the whole trip back to the uk has been exhausting#haven't even finished booking flights yet and i still have to get a train ticket from london to my city#and then either tell my bf i can't stay that night bc being a bridesmaid i have to stay over at the wedding venue#or tell my friend i can't stay over the night before the wedding bc it's been 10 months since i saw my bf and cats and i wanna cuddle them#why does my life always seem to involve having to choose which person to disappoint#i honestly feel like life right now is just throwing me choices that involve losing either way instead of winning#it's never like. trying to choose between chocolate cake and salted caramel ice cream where both options are a win#it always feels like choosing between having my hand cut off or my foot cut off#and when i tell people this they're just like 'but you shouldn't see it that way! it's so sad that you choose to view it like that.'#so yeah i'm exhausted because i'm depressed and poor and stressed out about going back to the uk#just wanna sleep for a week but noooooo#at least this week is fairly light. short commute relatively easy classes and i like the staff i share the classroom with
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.
#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk#and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time#and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly#but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it#and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf#idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead#and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources#it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do#vi.txt
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friend organised plans for today on the 16th of march
we’ve talked about the plans at least once since then
we talked about the plans last Thursday
we talked about the plans this Thursday (though one friend wasn’t there tbf)
friend send reminder about plans yesterday
friend sent another message this morning with suggestion for dinner
two friends pulled out today at 5 hours then 4 hours before
and idk I know people are allowed to pull out at short notice if they need to but this continues an ongoing pattern with no apparent good reason and I’m just. tired. Especially when these are some of my only (basically are my only) irl friends
#one can’t come because her parents have a family member visiting from the uk next week#and they want her to help make sure the house is ready#which ok surely she could help do that in the rest of the time this weekend other than Saturday night…?#and the other didn’t give a reason#and like I said neither of them are obligated to come but idk I’m just tired of not feeling like spending time together is a priority#especially when im struggling so much rn with feeling disconnected from people and never feeling like any kind of priority for anybody ever#idk if priority is even the right word but I just want to feel like people /want/ to make time for me or find energy for me#ANYWAY#I have sorta made some new friends w my book club people but they’re still in that I like you and we hang out sometimes but idk if I’m fully#comfortable around you and if we’re ‘friends’ yet? stage#but other than this group + them that’s literally all my friends#a group of people who feel so unreliable I wonder if they spending time with me#(sometimes anyway)#and a group of people who idk if I can consider friends yet and don’t feel entirely comfortable talking to yet#and idk i guess it’s not the end of the world bc these 3 people are the ones I’d pick to come over the others anyway bc we get on better#but hey#anyway there’s my tag essay stream of thoughts lol
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Also like they idea that West gets hurt at his house and needs to go to the hospital or just get checked up. Zuke is VERY worried but doesn't have an easy and quick way to get to West.
So Zuke goes to 1010 to ask for a ride, only to realize Haym, Eloni, and Zimelu can't drive at all, and Rin is at an interview with Neon J. So the only option is Purl (idk what Eve is doing but she's also unavailable).
And Purl decides to help just because they know the rest of 1010 are friends with him. It was one of the first nice things Purl did for Zuke. It was definitely awkward in the car, but it was a decently nice bonding exercise for the two (and West).
#rambling#eritalks#noart#love the relationship#that i have going on for these two#one sides rivalry on p/url's part#and z/uke honestly trying to be friends on his part#i mean heck#z/uke is probably the nicest person to p/url out of everyone#even w/est and c/yril can be dicks to p/url#even after they start dating#i mean p/url is a dick right back#but it's still nice to know that p/url always has someone in their court#even if they don't want that person there#lol
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The #3 fact about yourself
I RELATE TO SO MUCH BUT IT WAS JUSTIN BIEBER😭😭 My mom said I’ve read your stories on your kindle and I’m like no you haven’t and she said she has and I thought she was joking so I said I don’t believe you and she told me okay keep believing that 💀. Now she’s always calling me freaky, like LISTEN HERE WOMAN. No one asked you to go through my private stuff okay! At least my dad had the decency to just put my journal on my bed instead of opening it up and reading it. It said DO NOT OPEN! DO NOT READ PRIVATE!!! And he told me one day when I stayed with him for the summer and I was like 🫢😳😨 but he told he didn’t open it just that he picked it up off the floor and put it on my bed
🧚🏾♂️💚
YEAH LIKE WTF!!!!! I swear if I have a daughter and she has a private journal then the last thing I’d do is read it! Like… that’s so fucked up of my mom to read it!!!
and LMFAOOOO not the Justin Bieber fanfic 😂😂 I swear dads just turn the blind eye but moms are… different bahaha. But at least your mom told you!!!
With my mom, she didn’t even TELL me she’d read it. So for days she knew and I was none the wiser! Then one day I went to write in my journal and it wasn’t in my drawer so I asked my mom if she’d seen it and then she tried to have a talk with me?? But it was a kinda hostile/confrontation type of talk like SUUPER judgmental. But I was determined not to feel awkward about it and so I just didn’t think about it and played it off cool and nonchalant and my mom was like “wtf okay…” and it kinda worked even tho inside I was MORTIFIED and EMBARRASSED and BETRAYED! I bring it up with my mom a lot now, how she invaded my privacy and how fucked up it was 😂😂 and she does the whole mom victim mindset thing all like “yes okay fine I’m the worst mom ever”😂😂😂😭😭 but she learnt from it bc she NEVERR goes through my stuff now.
#I do kind of understand why my mom was concerned tho#like why is her 13 year old daughter writing heavy SMUT#like my mom didn’t even have the sex talk with us she wanted us to be innocent for as long as possible#and bc I lived in Pakistan in my childhood we never got the sex talk there#only the talk about periods and puberty#so all my knowledge about sex was literally from fanfiction#then when I moved to the uk I STILL never got the sex talk bc they all got it when they were younger so I missed it#but bc of fanfiction I knew my stuff 😂😂 I remember being in year 10 explaining it to my uk friends bc they didn’t fully understand it 😂#back when kids were still kids at the age of 14 even…#NOT ONE OF US WAS STEPPING FOOT IN SEPHORA BTW#we were out being kids#but that’s a different story#anon#🧚🏾💚 anon
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