#this is a very interesting topic for me as a music educator from the us
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so wait, since i was just reminded of the recorder thing donna talked about in the giggle, i now have a question for uk ppl: do yall learn the recorder in school? like in a music class? and like how much do yall have music class over there?
#this is a very interesting topic for me as a music educator from the us#ik a guy from ireland and he said there was no music class in schools for him and like not the same country BUT same island#(as northern ireland. not the others in the uk but still)#and its so wild and fascinating music education is a fascinating field and the way we do it in the us seems to be largely vvv unique to us#for clarification on how things are different so ppl have a better idea on how to answer my question lol:#in the us music class is standard in elementary schools and most places have general music until abt 5th/6th grade (year 6/7)#(general music = basics- music games learn recorder SOME notation-reading; often classroom instruments eg boomwhackers claves maracas#orff instruments if you're lucky/from a school district that isnt poor. also some world music)#its less standardized after that and not every school will have music after middle school but concert bands and choirs are both huge here#choirs start right on the heels of general music classes (sometimes start earlier + students elect to be in choir instead of general music)#bands USUALLY start in 4th grade (year 5) but sometimes can be later 5th/6th (year 6/7) or even 7th (year 8) (WAY less common)#depends on the state generally 4th is most common i think (choirs start at around the same time i think so probs 4th but choir isnt my area#orchestras are weird bc theyre a lot less common but can commonly start younger bc of one of the big approaches to music ed (suzuki method)#so like maybe 3rd grade (year 4) maybe 4th w/ band (year 5) but i have a friend who teaches at a private school#& said they have 1st/2nd graders (year 2/3)!! orchestra is also not my area though#also marching bands: vv common! usually just in hs (starting 9th grade / year 10) bc it supports the football team at games#but starting in 8th grade (year 9) is also common (sometimes even 7th / year 8)#theres two different styles: collegiate/show band and competition. former is very rah rah pop music etc; competition is more abstract#show bands are clearly designed to entertain whereas competition is designed to be more impressive and tell a story#so more impact moments abstract shapes/lines on the field and has movements - opener ballad closer (fast-slow-fast)
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Hi! I’m a femme. My partner is butch, and previously identified as stone butch but has been gradually moving out of that label over the past year. Something which has been really important for our relationship, and their healing, is having an emergency plan for when they become triggered especially as they have been re-evaluating their boundaries. I have a slightly different emergency plan from their emergency plan; mine is designed to help me help them, as a partner. I thought I could share it, as it might help somebody out.
❤️🚨the triggered state emergency care plan for a partner 🚨❤️
Identify - Recognise your person is triggered. This can be a little different for everybody, so if you’re not sure I suggest discussing with partner what a triggered state might look like for them at an appropriate moment, when they feel secure and comfortable to have that conversation. My partner is often but not always non-verbal when triggered. They will have stiff, controlled body language, sometimes not moving. They will not respond towards the sound of my voice, or touch. They will not seem like themself. They will stare at nothing. They will often be very pale and clammy. It can be quite scary if your partner presents like this- but do not panic! Take a nice deep breath and remember they’ve got this, and you’ve got this.
Remove - remove the trigger, as much as possible. Be calm and clear about what you are doing. My partner and I agreed that when they are in a triggered state, I have their permission to move their physical body away from what is triggering them if necessary, for example if they are on top on top of me I can roll them safely off and away from me, or get them from a chair to the floor. Please do not offer or suggest this if you are not confident that you can physically move your person safely and without potentially re-traumatising them. Do the best you can; there is 0 shame in not agreeing to do something if you’re not sure you can do it. The key thing here is that because my partner and I both know they may be unable to consent in the moment, we have establish an ongoing prior consent agreement in the interest of their safety. We both understand the risks involved, and have discussed the best approach to mitigate the risks. This is understandably a very difficult and complicated topic for them to discuss, so establishing this has taken a very long time- and I suggest you take your time talking to your partner about what they want as well. Examples of removing could include switching off the TV program or music, immediately stopping any kind of physical activity that had been happening (doesn’t have to be sexual but it could be), or removing something which has a particular touch or scent. I will always tell them what I am doing, regardless of whether they respond. It might be that this is a new trigger or you’re not sure what’s triggered them. Stay calm, and logically assess what happened immediately before. Chances are you can make an educated guess- for example, your partner might have gone into a triggered state in the middle of you watching TV together, something thats normally fine. What was on TV? Were you cuddling up together? If you’re not sure whats triggered them and they can’t tell you, don’t get too wrapped up in trying to figure it out. You can reflect on that later- right now you just need to do your best, and focus on them getting grounded back into the present.
Ground - Once the trigger is mitigated, I help my partner use their preferred grounding techniques. These are methods to help relax their nervous system and bring them back to the present moment. I can maybe make a separate post about what these are if anyone wants them. We have practiced their grounding techniques together, and expect their techniques to evolve over time. Sometimes it is enough for me to just sit and observe whilst my partner does their grounding alone, other times they need me to gently prompt them or do the grounding with them. I will speak calmly and clearly to my partner and maintain relaxed body language. I stay with them and let them know I’m going to stay. I respect their personal space. I let them know what I am going to do before I do it, and remain focused on their evolving situation.
Soothe - through grounding, my partner will come back into themselves slowly. They are usually tired, and not very talkative. At this point I offer compassion and understanding. I ask them what they need, ie: “would you like your warm blanket” *nods head* “okay I’m going to grab that for you. I’ll be upstairs for 2 minutes.” I might offer a soothing touch if they indicate they’d like that- more typically I would let them come to me and ask for it rather than suggest this. This is very often running my fingers through their hair, or gentle arm scratches with my long nails. Following a period of disassociation, I would encourage my partner towards self-care. They prefer to be alone for this, so I give them space. I do household bits and bobs so they’re not burdened by it later, like meal prepping and filling up their bike.
Re-assess - I check back in on my partner later. Once they’ve been triggered they will be affected by it for some time afterwards, and are more likely to go into a dissociative state again. If that happens remain calm, and go back through the process.
Reflect - I will invite my partner to come to me for reflection on what happened when they’re ready. In the meantime, I will take time out to privately reflect on it. I talk to my therapist and use my journal, and my art practice. I acknowledge everything that my partner being triggered brought up for me, and how I feel now. I observe my feelings without attaching to them. I make note of what worked and what didn’t, and try to recall what happened before, during, and after my partner was triggered. I do this away from my butch. They might speak to me about their experience of it, and they might not be able to. I accept that I am always learning and so is my butch, and I show myself compassion as we work this out together. You’ve got to remember you cannot care for your partner if you are not also caring for yourself!
Disclaimer: I do not suggest that this is for everybody, and I strongly recommend you seek support from a trauma informed healthcare professional if you’d like advice on supporting a loved one on their healing journey. I have learned so much over the past year and I am learning all the time- there is no such thing as the perfect supportive femme with this, and it is important you show yourself compassion, keep learning, keep communicating with your partner, and keep trying your best!
#This was long sorry!#I hope it’s at least a little helpful for someone hopefully#Trauma#stone#stone butch#butch femme#butchfemme#butch/femme#femme4butch#butch4femme#queer trauma#butch lesbian#butch#Femme#femme lesbian#stone identity#Trauma management#Advice#mental health
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when and how did you learn so much about music theory?
honestly i've been gradually accumulating theory knowledge wherever i can for like, 15 years now. i don't have any formal education in it aside from learning the basics in piano lessons as a kid and marching band in high school. no joke a lot of it really was some mix of wikipedia articles, youtube videos, and reddit threads, as well as just talking with people who know more than me. i also read academic music theory papers every now and then (not really gonna do much for a beginner but interesting for finding new ways of thinking). in the past couple years i learned a LOT from the book Twentieth Century Harmony by Vincent Persichetti but everyone i've recced it to said it's the dullest thing they ever read so ymmv
in terms of actually practically applying theory though the most important thing is always to just learn how to play songs you like and try to reverse engineer it. find out why certain chords or scales or grooves feel certain ways, and then steal those ideas for yourself. doing that over and over again will give you a diverse toolbox of musical devices - like line clichés, minor ivs, secondary dominants, tritone substitutions, altered dominants, to name a couple of devices i use ridiculously often - & whether you know the "real" theory terms or not simply recognizing the patterns and knowing how to apply them will get you very far. most people who have ever listened to music already understand some degree of musical structure intuitively, if you've ever made up a song to sing to your cat or whatever you've pulled from that. i guarantee most songwriters who "don't know theory" work in that way, nobody is completely winging it.
kind of went off topic from the original question there lol. the answer to "how" is that i'm a sick little freak and learning about theory is the only thing that brings me joy
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Milton Erickson and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar... (Essay)
Finally, I've finished this essay about connections I'm finding between hypnosis, Judaism, magic, and intimacy. It's ~4.5k words, extremely "me," and I'm really thrilled to share it. Enjoy!
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My weakness is getting deeply invested in very niche topics.
Hypnosis was my first and most lifelong obsession. It was my confusing, shameful sexual fetish that I eventually took by the horns and -- through my desire to learn as much about it as humanly possible -- turned into a job. But not a normal sex work job where I do hypnosis for money -- a weird job where I just teach about it. The kink community, and the further-specific niche where people want to hypnotize each other during intimate experiences, became my home.
But the value of study doesn't really come from the quantity of people I'm able to engage with. It comes from the way it enriches my life. It creates and benefits from the capability to see overlaps between all of my various interests.
On the surface, it may appear that two skills have no relationship. But the deeper you get into each one, a synthesis appears.
At a certain point when you are learning hypnosis, all seemingly-unrelated information seems to fit effortlessly into your hypnotic knowledge. You can listen to a song and suddenly you learn something new about how to hypnotize someone. Maybe it was a lyric that gave you an evocative emotional response; maybe it was a pattern in the music that you thought about replicating with the rhythm of your hypnotic language.
Over a decade into my own hypnosis learning, I got very lucky and found a second passionate home in communities of Jewish text study about a year ago. I started from almost zero there and found myself again to be a greedy novice, obsessed with digging into it.
Of course, as I got further, it became that I read a page of Talmud (a text of rabbinical law and conversation) and suddenly I learned something new about how to hypnotize someone. And as I progress, it is starting to go the other way: I learn about Torah study by reading about hypnosis and intimacy.
There are two directions this essay can be read. “How can intimacy and hypnosis teach us about Jewish text?” And, “How can Jewish text teach us about intimacy and hypnosis?” One half is of each part written by me as an authority, and the other half is by me as an avid novice. The synthesis of these two parts of me -- just like any synthesis between concepts -- may perhaps create something new.
Models
I’m sure most communities have a version of the idiom, “Ask three people a question and get five answers.” For a long time, this was a source of frustration for me in the hypnosis community. Is hypnosis a state of relaxation and suggestibility? Kind of, but also no. Is it more accurate to say it is based on unconscious behaviors and thoughts? Well -- kind of, but also no.
So what is it? Well, it’s probably somewhere in the overlap of about 20-30 semi-accurate definitions and frameworks for techniques -- what we’d call “models.” Good luck!
Why is hypnosis so impossible to define and teach? How have we not found a model that we can all agree upon yet? I think many people share this confusion, and it's complicated by the fact that most sources for hypnosis education teach their model as the model. It makes sense -- it would be difficult to teach a complete beginner a handful of complex frameworks with which to understand hypnosis when that person is just trying to muddle through learning “how to hypnotize someone” on a practical, basic level.
…Or would it be? By the time I got involved with Jewish study, I had long given up on chasing the white whale of some unified theory of hypnosis. I was firmly happy with the concept that all ways to describe hypnosis are simply models -- and all models are flawed, while some models are useful. I was delighted, when entering Jewish community spaces, to hear the idiom, “Three Jews, five opinions.”
This concept is baked into Jewish text study, in my experience. You can look at any single line in Torah and find innumerable pieces of commentary on it, ancient and modern, with conflicting interpretations. Torah and other texts are studied over and over -- often on a schedule -- with the idea that there is always something new to learn. And this happens partially by the synthesis of multiple people's perspectives adding to and challenging each other, developing new models. My Torah study group teacher always starts us with a famous line from Pirkei Avot, a text of ethical teachings from early rabbis: “If two sit together and share words of Torah, the Shekhinah [feminine presence of God] abides among them.”
The capacity to develop and hold multiple interpretations at once enriches your relationship with the text. So too do I believe that being able to hold multiple interpretations of what hypnosis is and how it works enhances your skill with it. It is not a failure of the system -- it is the best thing about it.
Intimacy
It is intentional to make the distinction of “relationship with the text” -- not “relationship to the text.”
My job on the surface is to teach hypnosis, but the meta goal is to simply teach something that helps people develop profound intimacy with others. I think that hypnosis is a kind of beautiful magic that is well-suited to this, but it’s not the only path to take.
One of my favorite educators, Georg Barkas, describes themselves as an intimacy educator who teaches rope bondage. Their classes and writings are highly philosophical and align closely with my own ideas about intimacy -- as well as my partner’s, MrDream, from whom I’ve learned so much. I frequently cite Barkas when I talk about hypnosis because I feel the underlying ideas they have about rope bondage are extremely applicable to all kink and intimacy -- and I will continue that trend here.
Barkas recently published an excellent essay looking in detail at the concept of intimacy itself. They posit that our first thought of intimacy is usually about a kind of comfort-seeking and familiarity. That’s contained within the etymology of the word, and socially it’s what many of us think of when we define our relationships as “intimate”: settling in to engage with a partner who we love, know, and understand.
But, Barkas asks, what if we place this word into a different context? They talk of how in scientific endeavors, the goal of “becoming familiar with” is unpredictability and discovering things that are surprising and unexpected. This perhaps offers a different view of intimacy: intimacy where you do not engage with your partner as though you know everything about them; intimacy where being surprised by them and learning something new is the goal.
My partner MrDream teaches about this often in hypnosis education: approaching a partner with genuine curiosity and interest -- “curiosity” implying that you don’t know what to expect, with a positive connotation. There is a kind of delicate balance between being able to anticipate some aspects of what is going to happen hypnotically -- to have a general grasp on psychology and hypnosis theory -- versus holding tight to a philosophy that neither you nor the hypnotic subject really knows how they are going to respond. The unexpected is not to be feared, but celebrated and held as core to our practice. Hypnotic “subjects” (those being hypnotized) who can relax their expectations will often have more intense experiences.
Thus we come to the first time in this essay where I mention Milton Erickson, my favorite forefather of modern hypnosis. Erickson was a hypnotherapist active through the 1900s and is famous (among many things) for presenting a model of hypnosis that wasn’t necessarily an authoritative action done to a person, but a collaborative and guiding action done with a person.
In his book “Hypnotic Realities,” he talks about how his view of clinical hypnosis is defined by how the therapist is able to observe each individual client and directly use those observations to continually develop a unique hypnotic approach with them. The client’s history, interests, and modes of thinking are utilized for the trance, as well as any observable responses they have in the moment. For example, a client with chronic pain may have the frustration they express over that pain incorporated into the trance. This is in deep contrast to hypnosis where the therapist comes in with any kind of “script” or formula to recite ahead of time.
It’s important to Erickson’s model that the therapist doesn’t know exactly what to anticipate, and it’s also important hypnotically that the same is true for the client. A common “Ericksonian” suggestion is, “You don’t have to know what is going to happen, and I don’t know either.” In order to develop the most effective approach with each patient, Erickson would enter into a session with some presumed knowledge, but ultimately learning -- not assuming -- how to best hypnotize each individual person.
We circle back to the phrase, “a relationship with Jewish text.” In my opinion, engaging with Torah is exactly this kind of intimacy. Torah is something we come into in order to poke and prod at it, to interact with it and to see how it interacts back at us. The teacher of my study group always cites a model where Torah itself is a participant in our partnered learning and group discussions. We ask it questions, we push its boundaries, we strive to glean something new and yet unseen. A line that may seem simple on the surface can reveal much more when we explore its context or put it into a different context entirely.
This is easier for me to say as someone who is coming into learning Torah for the first time, but I am able to look ahead to when I will be fully familiar with the text and still be able to take this expanded definition of intimacy with it. Not coming to it without a sense of comfort, but still engaging with curiosity. MrDream teaches a model for hypnosis that is based on the idea of exploration -- exploring your partner no matter how long you have been with them. You are always coming to them as a different person, shaped by your ever-growing experiences and identity, and your partner changes as a human as well. I believe Torah is also dynamic in this way, as the context within which it exists -- and the way we interpret it -- is constantly shifting.
Ritual
I have been engaging with spiritual ritual on and off for as long as I’ve been learning hypnosis. The concept of magic has always been alluring to me -- not from a motivation to meet specific goals, but for something more difficult to pin down. I like that ritual, in an esoteric framework, is about looking at various metaphors between ingredients and actions; a candle representing an element of fire which may in turn represent intensity, or purity, or something else. Drawing meaningful connections between concepts like this is a skill I’ve developed in parallel with hypnosis, as well.
I was recently talking with a friend of mine who is also interested in esotericism -- we were sharing our frustrations with various books on magic and ritual. We wondered why so many sources would go on to teach prescriptivist formulas and associations, and not much else. Do this, and that will happen. This symbol represents that. My friend and I agreed that the ritual value of ingredients comes from how you personally assign meaning to them -- but why was everything always trying to teach us their meaning, as opposed to teaching us how to cultivate our own associations?
A week or so later, I happened to go to an excellent class that explored whether or not there was a place for smudging and smoke use in modern Jewish ritual. The teacher first took a careful, measured approach towards looking at indigenous smudging practices and the concept of appropriation. What followed was 30 minutes of history and text exploring examples of smoke in early Judaism, and then 30 minutes of a handful of interpretations of what “smoke” could mean and represent with relation to Jewish ideas -- directly practical to modern ritual. It was utterly excellent and immediately profound for me, as someone who has been yearning to blend my experience with esoteric ritual with my relationship with Judaism.
Observant readers will note that through this essay I speak passively about Judaism -- I am a patrilineal Jew, which for better or worse means that it is not a simple matter to say, “I am ‘fully’ (or ‘not’) Jewish.” (I am in the beginnings of working with a Conservative rabbi -- who affirms that I’m Jewish -- to make my status halachic [lawful], which is deeply exciting.) Opinions on that aside, a relevant piece of information is that the Jewish holiday we celebrated most consistently when I was growing up was Chanukah. While a lot of Jewish practice has been something I’ve been striving towards as an adult, Chanukah has always been “mine.” It was fast approaching after this class, and I felt motivated to use my newfound knowledge to make more ritual out of lighting the candles.
I was deeply surprised when all I did was light a stick of incense before saying the blessings over lighting the menorah, and my experience transformed into something intense. I smelled the incense and couldn’t help but think about what I’d learned about the Rambam’s commentary that incense in the time of the Temple was about making the Temple smell sweet to pray in after the burning of sacrifices. I thought about what I’d learned about the presence of God being smoke and clouds to the ancient Israelites. I thought about things I’d learned from other places -- hiddur mitzvah (the value of beautifying a practice), and a midrash (parable) about God loving the light and rituals we do in a very personal way simply because they are from us.
Esoteric ritual has often felt to me like exerting effort in making the associations of ingredients work for me. But this was effortless. I was doing something that was entirely my own, solidly founded by the broad and deep study I’d done, by my personal relationship with the concepts, by my identity.
In other words, the power behind this ritual came from knowledge, and the knowledge came from my intimacy with it. And that intimacy was not just with the study I had done -- it was also the process of being surprised in real time by what I was learning through the ritual itself.
Hypnosis gains “power,” in so much as we let ourselves use the term, through these same acts of intimacy towards knowledge. It operates directly based on various ingredients: how much we know about hypnosis theory itself, general psychology, the person we are working with, and ourselves. Hypnosis is a ritual -- it is setting aside special time to do something with a collection of ingredients that you have personal associated meanings with. If you can’t connect to those deeply enough, it won’t reach its full potency.
Knowledge, Perception, and Unconsciousness
One of my favorite concepts to teach in hypnosis is, “A change in perception equates to a change in reality.” This is derived from Erickson by MrDream, and it’s something he and I have had a lot of conversations about to refine. The implication of this is not something as trite as hypnosis having the power to change a person’s perceived reality. It is the concept that if you look at something from a different perspective, you gain various different capabilities.
For example, when you are feeling stuck in a situation and you think about what a close friend of yours would do if they were in your shoes, you gain the capability to see more options, to change your actual view of the reality of the problem and therefore change your actions towards it. In hypnosis, this could be the difference between simply telling someone to relax their legs versus another perspective of telling them to imagine what it would be like if their legs just started relaxing. It could be the idea that when a person does feel relaxation from a simple suggestion, their perception changes on what is happening -- they build more belief in hypnosis, and that belief in turn makes the next suggestions easier to buy into.
Erickson’s model of hypnosis is predicated on the idea that hypnosis itself matters, that hypnosis is a time within which someone’s reality changes. In his ideal hypnotic context, the subject feels like they no longer can expect things to behave as they usually do in their “waking” reality. They are thus opened to many different kinds of new experiences and capabilities. To Erickson, perception matters -- by itself, it’s a primary driving force behind literal change and response.
This ties back to our idea of intimacy -- just as I aim to approach my partners with this profound curiosity, just as I aim to approach Torah, I want to have this intimacy of the unexpected with trance itself. I want to allow myself to be surprised by hypnosis, by the things I don’t yet know about it even after more than a decade and thousands of hours of trance. But more than this, in an Ericksonian sense, simply changing my perspective to this motivation is one of the things that lets me get there.
I went through a guided study class about Shabbat (Judaism’s weekly sabbath of rest) with a partner, and so much of the class was in the abstract that it at times felt difficult for me to latch onto. We were learning all of this background context about a view of Shabbat where instead of spiritually striving and reaching on that day, you come in acting as though your spiritual work -- like your other work -- is “finished.”
In one session, we spent a chunk of time parsing through how we could interpret that as actionable. It felt like it just wasn’t clicking for me -- the midrashic texts weren’t offering enough for me to feel like I could make judgments on questions like, “Does this imply I shouldn’t meditate on Shabbat in this context?”
It wasn’t until I slept on it that I found a very simple piece of the puzzle: putting aside the questions of concrete actions, in an Ericksonian sense, the internal act of shifting my perspective would absolutely change the way I behaved and interacted with the day. It would become more indirect and unconscious -- instead of carefully analyzing my actions as I might with other Shabbat prohibitions on work, I could simply let myself act in ways that fit that perspective of “spiritually resting.”
The abstraction of the class made more sense -- perhaps it wasn’t trying to give us direct answers, but rather create a psychological environment for us that was well-suited to this more unconscious processing. Or rather, in addition to the sort of typical conscious halachic interpretation. If I allow myself an opinion here, I’d say that I care about halacha as actionable, but as always, I tend to care more about feelings and what’s internal.
This also lent credence to ways this class and the class on smoke and ritual changed my experiences. I was not given a set of actions to take, but rather a variety of perspectives that unconsciously made me think and behave differently. The concept of “knowledge is power” is both true and alluring in many different contexts, and yet had often fallen through for me in most ritualistic frameworks. The way that it succeeds, I believe, is when you develop a relationship with knowledge that actually changes your internal perspective and perceptions.
Limitation
With this we return to the concept of models and interpretations. It is serendipitous to be going through these experiences at a time where I am avidly working on my next book -- the thesis of which is that in order for us to progress as hypnotists, we must get comfortable moving fluidly between many differing definitions and frameworks (models) of what hypnosis is and how it works.
It is as the Ericksonian principle would say: If you take a perspective on hypnosis that boils down to “hypnosis is about relaxing the conscious mind,” you will do hypnosis according to that perspective. You will use relaxation-based techniques and make an effort to get someone to think “less consciously.” If you instead take a perspective that is “hypnosis operates based on activation of the conscious mind,” you may do hypnosis that causes someone to think and process in a more stimulating way.
Both and neither are true, and they can coexist. I believe that most models can be useful -- some more useful than others. But the best thing you can do is to not assume that one model is the most correct one -- instead, it is to develop the capacity to work within many at once even while being aware of their boundaries.
Jewish text, in my experience, provides models -- perspectives that themselves give guidance on how to understand things and act. I think especially about midrash and stories that are explicitly intended to fill in the gaps or give an alternate view on something. The question of, “Is there one correct way to do/see things” is more complicated here, but there are areas -- especially in those subtle shifts of mindset for ritual or interpreting text -- where the answer is still “no.”
My time so far in Jewish study supports this in a different way. There is a human element of collaboration and challenge. Learning as we do with a chevruta (study partner) adds another person to the relationship -- it is no longer just between you and the text. There is another human who you are building something with, and it is “intimate” according to our exploratory definition in an even clearer way.
The purpose of a “scene” inside of kink (a “session” of kink play) is to operate in a semi-limited framework -- limitations exist on who is involved, where it begins and ends, how partners communicate, and what themes/topics/activities are involved. These limitations -- though they may be quite broad -- are partially what allow for intense experiences. A scene needs to exist in a different “space” than our daily lives, and it needs to operate by different rules and involve different ingredients. Here, we also see overlaps with the definition of a “ritual.”
This doesn’t just facilitate intensity (and safety) -- it facilitates learning something new about your partner. By taking your relationship and putting it into a limited context, it allows you to observe it in a more careful way, where novel changes can be more obvious.
Studying with a chevruta is much like this. I have had study sessions where my chevruta and I are meeting for the first time and the only thing we are aware of sharing is our desire to dive into a piece of text. I’ve also had chevrutas where we know each other outside of study, and some of our time is schmoozing and catching up. But in all cases, we are limited in scope, and that limitation creates ease of access towards the common goal of expanding our knowledge and relationship with the text. We are focused; we are motivated. We are creating something that we can only create through who we are as individuals and what we are doing as avid learners.
This has surprised me at times with its tenderness and intensity. Building well-founded interpretations with someone is in and of itself very intimate -- not sensually, but humanly. It has given me something I have always wanted -- an intimacy that is pervasive not just in application of knowledge, but in the development of it. A feeling of sacredness and joy from being able to see so many different perspectives.
I long for this connection, this alchemy. Yes, all models are limited. But within those tight, restricting limits is the potential energy of creation.
“And I Must Learn”
There is an infamous story in the Talmud, in Berakhot 62a, where Rav Kahana hides under the bed of his friend Rav Abba. Rav Kahana hears Abba and his wife giggling and starting to have sex, and remarks out loud that Rav Abba is acting like someone who is famished. Rav Abba, mid-sex, understandably says, “Kahana, why the fuck are you under my bed listening to me fuck my wife?” Rav Kahana replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”
There was a version of this essay that began with this tale. I am enamored with the vast overlaps I can derive from its briefness: that intimacy can be studied sacredly both as a general concept and specifically with your partner; that we are obligated to learn ourselves, our partners, and general human desire; that there can be a thread of wholeness in every action of your life if you give every action sacred attention.
Even this, though, is a limited-context interpretation. The rabbis of the Talmud were certainly not sex-positive, especially not as we currently use the term. The surrounding triptych of conversations is similarly humorous but seems to comparatively describe sex as dirty or gross, and this bit of text cannot really exist separately from all of the places where there is halacha derived about sex that is about controlling women’s bodies or preventing queer and trans people from being able to live authentically.
But -- we are allowed to interpret like this. We are allowed to play with context and see what we discover.
For me, this is about finding the connections between my actions and my interests; parts of me that synthesize the whole. It is about developing intimacy with Torah, with my learning partners, with my romantic partners; with the people within the writings, with the authors, and with the readers.
Reading Torah is the same as hypnotizing someone is the same being intimate with someone is the same as doing a ritual. All things on a broad enough scale overlap this closely. There is value in this “zooming out” to a wide enough context to see the connections that exist -- just as there is value in celebrating the limitations that arise, models nestled alongside each other, when you “zoom in.”
We need both to be able to treat our learning -- all forms of it -- as something special.
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Sparkstember Day 18: Balls (Bullet Train)
Sometimes (oftentimes) it's true that all you need are Balls. I personally absolutely love Balls. I'm a big fan! Ekhem. Today I'm using the help of (I mean, copying most of the passages from it) my earlier Balls rant that I have written down after my first listen of it back in January. I really love this album and I don't want to completely skip over saying a couple words on it at least but I really don't think I have the headspace to write anything very good for it today. I'll still try though!
So yeah, Balls. It's a great album, fun and chill (in my sense of what I call and consider chill anyway), consistent, as Sparks albums tend to be, and as I suspected / hoped it does fit this specific vibe of driving around at night somewhere city-like and illuminated. Or being on a train deep at night and looking at the world zooming by (if you'd even see much of it on a train at night anyway.....). And I do think that it's not so dissimilar to Gratsax (I'd say now that it's definitely darker and moodier than its predecessor...). So it's interesting to think about how it's considered to be one of the "weak" ones (by music reviewers at least) while Gratsax is so beloved in comparision.
I will admit, I don't really know what the big problem with this album could be. As I said, it's fun, it has the melodies, it has the energy, it has the theatricality (I like seeing how more and more orchestral instruments such as strings are being incorporated into the music, in a way the jump into Lil' Beethoven two years later doesn't come of as THAT much of a shock because of this. The evolution of sound here is fascinating!) I really like the intense beats, just as much as the more laid-back and moodier pieces. And there's lots of gold to be found in the lyrics department as always.
One more thing I wanna say is that at some point I wondered if this music sounds older than it is. Maybe it does? But then I remembered that this was 2000 and honestly when I think about it, there just IS something about this album that fits so well with the Y2K image and vibe and all. Sparks 2000 and all that.
Favourite songs (and other highlights):
Balls: I mean. It's Balls.
Scheherazade: absolutely LOVE this one and I had the strangest impression of it sounding very familiar when I first heard it. Months later I found out that it was just briefly featured in TSB so I think that explains it (I will talk more about my TSB viewings on TSB day. EVERYTHING has to be explained in excruciating detail, lmao)
The Calm Before The Storm: bugsonas 4ever. Song itself is amazing too
How To Get Your Ass Kicked: how can a song about getting your ass kicked be so pleasant and relaxing, it always keeps cracking me up, how perfect that is actually
Bullet Train: I love it how introducing the topic of the song with a "It's the [topic of the song]" is a reoccurring theme on this album. Thank you Sparks for this ode to technology and art (these lyrics always have me giggling). And also it just goes hard as heck
It's Educational: a perfect fusion of / sequel to I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car and Progress (it's mostly the vocal delivery that reminds me of the latter)
The Angels: such an odd one here but I still like it a lot, I apparently said that it sounds "surprisingly mainstream for Sparks but somehow in a positive way". It's very sweet and I absolutely love how Russell sings here, it's so different from what we're used to but that only makes it hit you even more in the feels, lol. And I actually prefer the alternative version of this song that's featured as a bonus track, and I do think that's in big part because you can hear Russell better on it (or that was my first impression of it at least and it kind of stuck)
#balls dayyyyyyy#how weird that i went with a different drawing idea than the bugsonas considering that i'm such a big fan of them#(maybe the bugsonas COULD appear later. still don't have an idea for the final day so hm. thinking about this)#but yeah i couldn't pass up the opportunity to draw russell in this era of glasses & haircut combination#and i love sparks' tour photos too much to not give them some sort of tribute at least once#and honestly! i think this is my favourite drawing so far. might even beat out noisy boys#it turned out better than the vision i had of it in my mind!!! that NEVER happens. yet it did this time#(yet also i'm adding this to the series of me making my life harder for myself that it needs to be#because i insisted that the text has to be handwritten for WHATEVER reason. looks good tho so that's a win)#but also man. lil beethoven day tomorrow#i feel so sick about all three of the upcoming albums still and it brings me close to having an existential crisis#to think about how it's been almost a year already since i first heard LB. that's just soooo wrongggggg#i've already been thinking pretty hard abt these albums over the past couple of days (just like every day before that too tbh)#truly nothing else like them in this world. tune in tomorrow to see the madness unfold!!!#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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Donghyuck/Haechan Natal Chart Reading - Part 3: Childhood and Education
Disclaimers:
☁️ This natal chart reading is for entertainment purposes and this is just my perspective. Take this with a grain of salt.
☁️ My intention from this reading is just to understand Donghyuck better and appreciate the person he is, where any sensitive topics come up I do not claim to know them as fact or wish to speculate.
☁️ This idol has given two different birth times, 10am and 6pm. This reading is based of his 6pm Natal Chart as I am not sure which birth time was given more recently and this chart seems more accurate to me.
Please do not copy my work and credit me if referencing!
🪐Neptune in 3rd House is a very interesting placement and there is a lot to cover here. 3rd house can suggest a lot about your childhood and early education. What I have picked up with the Neptune ruling third house is that Donghyuck was probably very imaginative and spent a lot of time daydreaming as a child, which is encouraged by the Aquarius placement as this is a naturally imaginative sign. Likely had a lot of ideas and was clumsy due to his mind being elsewhere. Can suggest anxiety in childhood - either in the child themselves or in circumstances which caused the child to worry excessively. For Haechan I imagine this would have been a result of being left with his grandparents as the eldest of 4. He likely felt a lot of uncertainty and insecurity around his family situation. Third House Neptune in Aquarius also suggests distance from your parents growing up. Neptune in the third house also suggests a parent was absent from your life during childhood, which we know was true. When Aquarius is in the third house, these adults tend to like to distance themselves from their childhood and as such Donghyuck likely prefers not to think about that period of his life. Donghyuck would have learned a lot through play, imaginative games and socialising with other kids. This placement also has a tendency to concentrate heavily or not at all. This house is on the Pisces cusp so Haechan would have learned best with no distractions. Neptune also rules dance, music and acting so Haechan is naturally talented in these areas and would have been drawn to them since he was little and started dance classes young. 🎭
👨👩👧👧 3rd House can give some insight on childhood as well as sibling relationships growing up - in Capricorn this represents being the responsible sibling, could have “parented” other siblings or feels a need to protect them. Capricorn in 3rd also shows the importance of the native to their family - Donghyuck is a main authority in his family and has caused a big shift in dynamic - which could of course be the fact that Donghyuck has brought a large amount of wealth to his family through his career.
🦁 9th House is always interesting as it can tell you about someone’s father and their relationship. A Leo Moon in 9th House suggests a father who is creatively inclined, proud, brave, dominant and hard-working. Hyuck likely has a good relationship with him and regards him very well, although a theme of independence also comes up with this placement. To me it makes sense as Donghyuck has lived most of his life away from his Dad, but clearly admires him and his sacrifices for their family. You also inherit certain traits from your father - the fact Leo is his Moon would indicate Hyuck has inherited many of his father’s mental traits - his bravery, his fire-like passion, and likely his creative talents too - I think Donghyuck mentioned in ‘Lost Boys’ that his parents met while they were working as musicians?
☀️ Donghyuck’s Gemini Sun and Mars Conjunction tells us more about his father, as Sun represents father and Mars represents warrior - so often this combination can suggest a father who ‘fights’ for a living, like being a fire-fighter, soldier etc or it can be a father who is very warrior-like - fierce and courageous, leading his family through difficulty. Often these fathers are also strict and have high standards for their children.
✨ Square between Jupiter and Uranus can signify an inner conflict between having a very busy career and spending time with family - Donghyuck is likely hyper aware of all the important moments he has missed due to being so busy, and maybe feels a sense of guilt about it :(
✨ Opposition between Gemini Sun and Sagittarius Pluto - People with this placement are very sensitive to criticism. Also shows a deep fear of losing people, and maybe a fear of losing control. For Donghyuck I think this stems from his childhood, which as we now know had multiple losses and large adjustments. He must have missed his parents terribly and this may have impacted upon his sense of security as an adult.
✨ Opposition between Saturn and Ascendant/Saturn Setting - A negative aspect here, symbolising that as a child he may have felt lonely, worried or struggled with feelings of loss/abandonment. It could also mean he has avoided romantic relationships despite many offers because he has had to overcome feelings of unworthiness. However Haechan has allowed himself to gain a new family in NCT, and his closeness with the members certainly suggests he is not isolating himself. It could be that he has worked through this trauma already, or that he is in the process of it. His childhood has also made him a very resilient and tough person - these people are very reliable and level.
🐻 Uranus in 3rd House - This placement is associated with geniuses who can only really focus on what interests them, so it's quite likely Donghyuck would have performed less well in some classes and excelled in Music & Drama class. Probably got in trouble for pranks, and could have been teased by other children. Interestingly this house yet again points to an unusual upbringing. Being the oldest of four, and being raised by his grandparents due to his parents working away must have put some weight on Donghyuck’s shoulders. It signifies a feeling of responsibility or often being the child in trouble (either through his mischief or being the oldest). Haechan also feels very protective of his family’s privacy.
⛵ Square between Uranus & Ascendant - This placement seems to suggest big changes in someone’s early life which cause them to lack roots or a predetermined identity - basically, they aren't given much of a secure/fixed identity. Usually it manifests as moving a lot as a child or other big changes in childhood which prevent you from putting down roots and having a strong sense of who you are. This is very interesting because there was a lot of adjustment in Donghyuck’s childhood, and things got even crazier when he debuted in SM rookies at age 14, essentially ending any normal/private teenage years he otherwise would have had.
🗡️ Chiron & Pluto Sagittarius in 1st House in Retrograde - Signifies that his deepest wound is from early life and being in 1st house, it was quite core in making him who he is. Being in retrograde means that Donghyuck’s pain is internalised, an emotional rather than physical reaction. The Sagittarius element reveals that Donghyuck experienced pain or loss when developing his core beliefs/sense of stability and identity. Can make it hard for him to truly believe in anything and know who he identifies with. There is a need for finding meaning in life and to put down roots as he feels lost and unstable. Having a religious faith is likely very helpful to him. Chiron in 1st house can also bring about self-consciousness about your body/looks, which could have stemmed from ways he was treated in childhood. Because it is in the 1st house, this pain is visible to others around him; the people who know him are aware of the walls he puts up, his self-image issues and know he doesn't verbalise all of his feelings. Along with his Leo Moon I again think this means Hyuck prefers to ‘show’ his feelings rather than talk about them, and needs people around him who can understand and comfort/reassure him without needing him to verbalise his insecurities.
🏰 Midheaven in Virgo - 10th House cusp, Scorpio Rising/Ascendant - Donghyuck will guard his private life very closely, and issues can occur if the people around him don't consider his privacy as important as he does. This is especially true for the privacy of his family.
🌊♀️ Pisces in 4th House - 4th House can symbolise relationship with Mom and how the native sees them - for Donghyuck, this is a Mom who is creative, free-spirited, good-hearted and had to sacrifice a lot while raising her children. Speaks of a Karmic past-life bond with his Mom. ❤️ So cute. Through his mother, Donghyuck has learned unconditional love, loss and sacrifice. 4th House also speaks of childhood generally - Pisces is a childhood in which one or both parents were absent either physically or emotionally. A lot of adults with this placement tend to struggle with emotional expression. It can also manifest as an adult seeking love from people who do not love them. Often adults with mutable 4th houses find it hard to talk about their childhoods and again are very private and protective of themselves, which seems to be the case with Donghyuck, combined with his Scorpio Ascendant. Pisces in 4th is often a childhood where someone had to learn to care for themselves at a young age and ‘grow up’ quickly. HOWEVER, I think this is more about Hyuck moving to Seoul at 12 years old to become a trainee, rather than about his family.
💘 His Leo Moon and Sagittarius Pluto Trine shows an especially deep relationship with female relatives. One woman in particular will have a profound impact on Donghyuck’s life and he will learn and grow so much through her despite early difficulties. I want to say it’s a soul bond, and with the Pisces 4th house I believe this is referring to his Mom, though it could be his Grandmother who he also respects greatly.
👶 North Node in Cancer 8th House & South Node in Capricorn 2nd House - Haechan will dream of creating his own happy family. This is so cute because we obviously know how much he wants to be a Dad one day to show his child “a father’s love.”
~~~~~~~~
Thank you for reading, I hope this was interesting! ☁️ 💖
Previous - Part 2: Career, Passions and Work Life
Next - Part 4: Friendships and Relationships
Back to Masterlist
#kpop astrology#nct astrology#haechan#lee donghyuck#nct 127#nct dream#astrology#nct#lee haechan#nct imagines#nct headcanons#astrology observations#natal chart#natal chart reading#sugaringcozy#kpop tarot
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hi! I’m just curious about something you mentioned about not being explicitly into everything you post - do you think it’s attracted unwanted attention? would you rather discuss non-kink topics on here as well? I think it would be cool if you incorporated some of the other stuff you’re passionate about (anime, music, etc) 🖤
The real me is not as sexual as this account displays. I've been celibate for half a year and I masturbate maybe once or twice a week for like 20 min. I still write and draw NSFW content, but that's for my main art account that isn't linked here (this isn't for privacy or anything--i just have art moots that probably don't wanna see fat bears eating cake on their timeline 24/7).
90% of the stuff I write/have posted about, I'm into, and I enjoyed writing, especially my longer posts! If I wasn't interested in something, I wouldn't write about it for free. The issue was messages in my DMs, especially near the beginning of this account. It's why I tried enforcing the rule that if you send me face pics, I'd block you, because a lot of the people that messaged me I did not find sexually attractive. Without a face, it's much easier to RP. Also because of the dick pics. Don't get me wrong, some of you guys had very respectable cocks but I can't deny that it made me feel gross to be sent them without my consent.
The worst part was actually enjoying talking to some of you, and then realizing you clearly just used me as a dumping ground for your fetish pics, without any consideration as to who I was. It was like my DMs were just "Send Photos of Your Gut to 19 Year Old Girl Here" without any personality, any interest in who I was. Just a nameless girl who you could imagine your fantasies with. I'd ask about your day or what you were interested in, and I'd get a pic of your gut in an office chair with "whoaaaaa just drank two liters of soda :/ so bloated rn." How do I respond to that? "Good"? 😭
I think the worst DM I got was a guy saying I was "in denial about being a housewife," which I mean, I've dabbled in misogyny kink content before. Bimbofication is literally on my profile. I've never brought up my feminist views or politics, although I would consider myself a feminist, since all people should have equal rights and freedom of expression. I also believe housewives can be feminists. There is nothing on my account about my political views, nor about my career or education, because it's not important to writing porn about feeding dudes cake.
When I brushed him off with a "Haha," he just kept going, paragraphs and paragraphs about how he wanted me to be his trophy wife and clean his shit out of a bucket??? You don't even know me??? And I never responded, but it really just made me realize--just saying I'm into femdom, no matter what it is, is seen as a political transgression to these people. I'm literally into gentle femdom and want a chubby hubby/wife that I can make happy and secure financially. None of my posts are "Women are superior, men should be locked in cages." Most of my posts are "I want a gym guy who enjoys my cooking and jerks off a lot."
I DO use female supremacy tags sometimes because I use dozens of tags, and that's on me. I just type "fem" and click the ones that come up. I've also written works that are VERY misogynistic, like calling myself a fleshlight or literally writing fics about me getting gangbanged. I feel like this guy just saw "femdom" in my username and lost his mind. By tagging my stuff like this, I honestly was asking for trouble to come, so yeah, I think I just got unwanted attention I wasn't ready for.
In regards to talking about others topics, I just figured no one gave a shit, and people probably don't, but I am very passionate about metal music and music history. I have a useless amount of knowledge about various 90s/2000s metal bands and music from that time. If I get asked questions about it, I'll answer, and I DO need to follow more people on this website, but my current answer is: I don't know, maybe. I'll see how I feel.
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Using the internet and technology with high needs autism
I have been trying to put this into words for a while, but due to the exact thing I am making the post about, it has been very difficult.
First of all, a short (ish - I am not the best at concise) background of me and technology: Used to play games on dad's phone, and later watch YouTube videos on family tablet (with parent restrictions). However, ability to navigate devices was very limited, and if something went wrong I just panic and give to an adult.
We used computers a bit in school for work and educational games. Every time we went to the "computer area" I would cry because I knew I wouldn't be able to find the webpage on my own, or sign in to something, or type in a word document. At these times in school, usually another pupil would just sigh loudly and then come and do the computer thing for me over my shoulder.
I had an MP3 player that I got for I think my 8 or 9th birthday. The only thing I knew how to do, was play music and google search. But I still didn't really understand what a "link" was, or how to find important information. We were supposed to learn online research skills in school, but nobody ever explained the most simple stuff to me, so I lack the basic knowledge.
I got my first phone at age 10. This was when I also first get Instagram, my first social media (parents set up for me). I was in a group chat for my school year, but the only time I put a message there is when mum asked me to ask a question, about a non-uniform day for example. Nobody interacted with me in there, and apart from the messages I don't know how to navigate the app. I posted a few pictures a few times, but only when someone else recommended, and I didn't interact online.
I have poor language comprehension, slow processing and take longer to learn new skills. My computer skills and especially typing skills are majorly behind my peers. I have slowly learned some skills allowing me to be even on Tumblr in the first place, but I still need a lot of support and it makes me very anxious. Part of my difficultly on social media, is the social interacting part. Mostly due to low interest.
But my biggest challenge is poor comprehension. I get very anxious and upset when I come onto Tumblr and all the posts I try to read don't make sense to me. Especially when the post is about a topic I care about - if I read it and I can't know what people mean, then I will just be very upset for the rest of the day.
Second biggest challenge, not being able to express opinions on important topics. Often, I can't even understand something. Then, I can't form an opinion because it's too complex. Or, I have an opinion, but I don't understand if someone agree or disagree with me from what they write.
I work so hard to gain skills and learn enough to even be here, and then all I can find about people like me is other people arguing about our existence. Want to express my frustration at this. To even write this post I had support from mum, and it takes all my mental energy.
It is true that I have low interest in socialising - direct impact of autism. So social media maybe not best place in the world for me, by default. But I still want to understand and be included. Not be treated like place to just ask "am I counting as high support needs". I don't understand even my own needs enough to answer this for myself - I definitely can't answer for anyone else.
A lot of my challenges, come direct from autism. That's just a fact. Wish it was easier, very often. But also wish it was easier online - I can't be part of outside community, only online.
I post here to express thoughts and feelings, that is also just what this post is doing. I did less big big edit on my words this time, wanted words to be closest to how I think it (don't think in words so not possible to show abstract thoughts direct, but closest to first translation).
#autism#autistic#nonverbal#nonspeaking#high support needs#nonverbal autistic#nonverbal autism#language comprehension#language disability#language disorder#technology#accessibility
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WIBTA if I break off an old friendship with someone who stayed by my side despite my mental and general life issues, after everyone else had left?
This friend from high school had been a great friend, kept me company when I was all alone, supported me through two bad breakups, we went to the same college and we were very close.
Until I started talking more openly about politics, being queer, mental health etc. She's the facebook liberal type, slightly left of center. She gave me the freedom to be more open with her by being cool with taboo topics, then turned sour when it extended beyond what she knew. Examples, she'd change subject if I talked about queer media when normally she's telling her friends how she had a sleepover with her "wife" and saw each other naked. She was surprised to learn that you're not supposed to out someone against their will. She believes cops are bad only in USA. We're not Americans.
She started being open with me too, she told me how she hated it when her classmates talked about their favorite music, how she hated any fandom stuff they talked about besides discussing fanfics with another fandom friend, how she makes excuses so she can go wherever she wants alone and not with friends. She told me she spies on my exes on facebook insta etc and tried to tell me what they've been up to and only stopped telling me about after many requests and explanations as to why that made me really uncomfortable.
A few months ago she and I had a fight, she exclaimed that my politics was too American (I'm just an average leftist like most of 30+ tumblr and my other friends), that my politics was too fandom oriented (she avoids fandom so much she has blocked activists for even hinting at being a fandomgoer, like discussion of racism in fandom is waste of time and silly to her, fan-anything can't be taken seriously), mocked me for having childish interests (just knowing pop culture in general) then we stopped talking.
After some months she texted that she really misses talking to me as I was her only "progressive friend" who understood her when she wanted to discuss feminism, movies, world politics etc. She said she needed me to be her gateway to pop culture knowledge as I knew so many cool new things. She begged me to be friends again, and since I missed hanging out with her a lot I started chatting again. But I told her that it was hard for me to forgive her and I'd leave for real if she hurts me again.
This time she let go of the normal daily stuff we used to talk about and only stuck to Topics of Debate. She asked me to teach her progressive thinking, educate her, but when I asked if she wanted to touch on lgbt+ topics or physical -mental health related topics outside of her comfort zone of basic sexual health, she danced around a lot instead of giving an answer. I snapped and asked yes or no, she said no.
I asked her if she understands that even if she didn't feel like those topics were her priority, I'd probably want to talk about them with her as a queer neurodivergent person and friend, would that be an issue? She kind of ignored it to say that basically her priority was just local political gossip, religion, and a little bit of solarpunk stuff, outdated at that. I was disappointed but let it go and we decided to talk later.
The other day she messaged me with her usual gossip about how her friends are being too excited about some music stuff and what book she thinks I should read (we have completely different taste). And I got a panic attack. Since then I've had multiple panic attacks at the thought of having to talk to her.
She has been one of my oldest friends, she supported me and took my side in every breakup I had and she forced me to go outside when I was severely depressed, she was practically family, but now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I bring up any topic she dislikes she's going to turn away, if I come out to her as trans she'll joke and start to avoid me, she doesn't want to learn anything new even though she takes pride in being a great learner, if I talk about things that make me happy she'll ignore it. I don't know if she'll go and tell others how cringey my interests are. Maybe she'll go to my exes and tell them I used her as support and threw her away when she didn't meet the standard as that's been a line of thinking among my exes.
I'm also struggling with BPD and anxiety, so maybe I'm hating her now and will want her back later, it's my brain being a jerk? I think I'm overreacting and she won't do any of these, but I also feel so drained after we talk these days. I need friends who I can talk to about mundane things, friends who share memes with me and tell me what anime they're passionate about, what new recipe they liked, instead I feel like I'm just there to drag her down with my issues and politics and dumb jokes. But multiple people think I used and discarded them for not agreeing politically, I'd usually disagree but what if I am the problem and I expect too much?
So I'm asking, am I being a jerk if I cut her off?
What are these acronyms?
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The SOURCES
Hi everyone !
Last week, I introduced you to my research subject and today, I will talk to you about my secondary sources (I already talked about My primary sources in a previous post).
On one hand, I choose 4 chapters of the Negus that I find relevant about my topic. The first one is “audiences” for Stevie Howie’s songs which need an “active ear” to be understood. The second one is “mediations” for the sharing process that involves meaning as we will see by working on Stevie Howie’s Instagram for example. The third one is “identities” and could be interesting to study because of Stevie Howie’s identity and experiences, to look at how he expresses those. Lastly, I will look at the chapter named “politics” for the strong messages that Stevie Howie is sharing with his audience through his songs as we saw through “Nameless”.
On the other hand, I found three secondary sources that could be interesting even if I have to dig further into them. The first one is a scientific revue of musicology named Allowing Myself Room To Speak: The Journey Of An Artist/Teacher by Dr. Stephanie A. Baer which seems to have informations I could use. We can find it into the GEMS revue (Gender, Education, Music and Society). The two others that I have to look into are : The sex revolts : gender, rebellion and rock’n’roll by Simon Reynolds (1995) ; The second sound : conversations on gender and music by Eckhardt Julia (2017). I choose the first book because the rock’n’roll genre is very important into Stevie Howie’s work and I was thinking that the sexual theme was only found in his work whereas in reality it seems to be a recurent theme in rock’n’roll. For the second book, it gathers testimonies of people working into the music field and talking about the role of gender and sex. The summary of the book gave me a glimpse of the questions they ask: “Together, they address questions like: How do life circumstances find their way into music and sound art? How does music reflect historical and social structures? What does discrimination do, and how can we navigate around it? How to unlock networks? Is the under-representaiton of women and LGBTQ people in the field a symptom or a cause? Is art itself gendered? And can it reflect the gender of its maker? Is a different way of listening needed to more accurately understand those voices from outside the historical canon?”. It may not be relevant, but I think it is still important to look at the later to be sure to not miss good information. (But the book is at the Hear and is not available for the moment due to a move of the library :( )
Thank you for reading !
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Virginia Woolf "A Room of One's Own."
The essay was published in 1929. Almost a hundred years have passed. Surely all the problems that Wolfe talks about have been resolved and there is no point in talking about them? Unfortunately no. I had no idea what this book was about. For some reason, I was sure that this was Virginia Woolf’s autobiography, in which she talks about her craft. But it turned out that this was an appeal in the name of justice. First of all, this concerns the infringement of women's rights. How women were not respected and not valued is very difficult to read. Women were forced to write in attics when they had a rare 30 minutes, to hide them at the slightest rustle, and published works under a male pseudonym. The girls were allowed to write prose, but no lyrics. It was believed that women could not think. In general, girls in Victorian England, if they were lucky, were taught languages at home, since college was closed. They had to stay at home, knit, cook, raise children and serve their husbands. It’s interesting, by the way, what Virginia Woolf said about female composers of classical music. They simply don't exist! More precisely, I personally could not remember a single one.
I had to look. I've certainly found a few of these, but none of the names are familiar to me! But I read some interesting information:
“Fanny Mendelssohn
During her lifetime, the sister of the famous composer was known only to her family. She was constantly encouraged to write music, but... Then give what she wrote to her brother. It is known that he published several of her works as his own. She died young, from a stroke, at a concert rehearsal, where, along with other people's works, she wanted to openly play her own. The inconsolable widower did everything so that Fanny would posthumously receive her calling. Her correspondence, diaries, notes were published, her works were given her name back.”
Virginia Woolf believes that these men were simply afraid of smart women. They were afraid to show themselves in an unfavorable light compared to them.
In general, the essay is not limited to the topic “women and literature”, it touches on the general position of women, the topic of how important equality is for us. Although it is a stream of consciousness, the book is easy to read. In the process, the author gives us food for thought. “A room of your own” makes you think about how important personal space, income, and education are. Who is the creator? Why have we lost perhaps great works? Why is equality necessary? Why were women belittled? Why do women and men creators need their own room? And much more.
This was my introduction to Woolf,and now I am very eager to get to know her further.
@litterascriptamanet @coffeeacademia @chaoticelegant @silverystardustt @betryl @arcanewraith @ancientsstudies @abernathyvalois
#classic academia#academia aesthetic#chaotic academia#romantic academia#dead poets society#light academia#aesthetic#dark academia#virginia woolf#a room of one's own#book review#reading#writing
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👀👀👀
Ollo, I am scootin' in for the matchmaker!
First of all, to dear Coffee...CONGRATS AGAIN! And second of all, Helena, please help me find the bestest trooper for me 🙇
let's see how short I can make this...
I am an essentric individual! I have a ridiculous number of hobbies and activities that I like to do, ranging from crafts (drawing, painting, knitting, crochet) to studying (Mythology, history, metaphysical topics) to indulging (fandoms, tv/movies, music). I went to school for Early Childhood Education, as I love kids...but my mobility changed and now I can't safely be in that profession. And I have music (or movie noises, or ambiance) on literally 24/7 as I cannot stand silence.
Positive traits: Very good memory (I remember most conversations I am part of), protective of my peoples, empathetic, and smart (analytical brain). I have been told I'm self-sacrificing, kind, quirky, funny and a good listener by loved ones
Negative traits: Forgetful of the strangest things (if I have fed the pets, holidays), protectiveness can be coddling, emotional, and distrustful of others. I am a bit lazy and have been called a defeatist.
I tend to use a wheelchair when I leave the house as a mobilty aid (sometimes in the house too, but i am stubborn and hate it) and tend to have an over-active mind so I rarely get any sleep. I also tend to go through depressive spells sooo... you'll have to warn them about *gestures vaguely to myself* that
If you need more information than that...👀
*slides over a datapad with @moonlightwarriorqueen on it*
You can find me here!
Thank you for reading all this and I wish you the best of luck with your event
😘💜💜💜
AAAAAAAAA MOONIEEEEEEEE TYYYYY oh...ok Helena is grabbing the phone....oh she looks serious...ttyl I guess...
Helena: *slams fist on countertop* Do. I. Have. A. Match. For. You.
I have been eying him in your favor for a while but your application has solidified my choice...
...which is why I have decided to pair you with ARC Trooper Jesse!
Jesse is loyal, caring, and an overall good man. He may not know much about mythology or metaphysical topics (maker, force osik is enough to make his head spin) but he will be willing to listen and learn from you!
He is interested by many different kinds of art, and he'll love to watch watch the way you craft. (Also, expect him to ask sheepishly if you'll make him something; perhaps a small crocheted plush or a drawing that he can tuck in one of his armor's pouches)
And domesticity? Whether it's just the two of you or starting a family, he loves it. The two of you will probably cuddle up and watch movies together when he's on leave, and he loves exploring your playlists and hearing new music! (New to him at least; he's got some catching up to do)
He may have a hard time with being overprotective when it comes to your mobility issues. He knows that you are capable but that doesn't stop him from wanting to help you. He'll most likely go to Kix and ask about ways he can assist you or make you more comfortable. Many cuddles will ensue.
If you're feeling down or out of touch, he'll gauge the situation and adapt to your mood, whether that means cheering you up or making sure you know he loves you.
Here's Jesse's comm code! Thanks for stopping by!
.....Thanks again Moonlight!! I wish you and your new trooper nothing but the best! 🩵🩵🩵
Coffee's 400 follower celebration at Midnight Oil caf house
#coffee's 400 follower celebration#arc trooper jesse#arc trooper jesse x reader#the clone wars#star wars#coffee speaks#maquell's matchmaking service
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Hello Ekateryna! First of all, I hope you’re well and that you haven’t been too badly affected by recent events. This situation is disastrous.
I went to church recently and lit a candle for you and your loved ones. It’s nothing more than a small act of faith, and some people would find it stupid. But they say that as long as you have hope, you have life. In our hearts.
Concerning your latest piece of fiction on time travel (about Harry and Tom), there’s a question that’s been bothering me. Let me explain: back then, people spoke differently; accents were different, elocution was different, expressions were different; people even used words that today are considered obsolete. Anyway, my question is: how does Harry manage to fit in despite all this? Doesn’t it occur to anyone that the way he talks is really very odd or even very inappropriate? (The way we talk today might be considered vulgar or completely out of place by people of that time). I understand if you find my question fussy, but I’m genuinely curious.
On the same theme, in relation to the divergence of the times: does Harry have enough general knowledge to, for example, talk about politics or current affairs, or wizards and Muggles in those two spheres? Does he know the music, the fashions, the… OK, I mean, does he know enough about the times to fit in without people thinking, “This guy’s an alien”? Or, on the contrary, do the people they talk to at Hogwarts find him strange, but don’t tell him so? Does Harry come across as eccentric? That would be really funny, in a sad-funny way, but funny nonetheless.
I hope you don’t mind my asking. In any case, thank you for the time and energy you devote to your stories. I send you my love and I wish you courage for the future. I send you my love.
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Hi! Thank you so, so much for caring and lighting the candle for me and my family... This means a lot to me. I was so touched to read your ask, and when I told my Mom about it, she actually cried.
And thank you for an interesting question! I do have an explanation for how Harry is perceived by everyone. Since there is an intensifying war with Grindelwald, a lot of people are displaced. Harry arrived to Hogwarts as an orphan. We know there are other students in a similar situation, like Aline, who changed the countries, so most people automatically assume that Harry also came from some other part of the world. Everyone suspects that he’s an illegitimate part of the Potters family, so the general idea is that he was sent away for some other people to raise him, as far from England as possible, but that he still received proper education. So he knows English and he knows the spells, but a lot about his behavior and habits come across as somewhat unusual.
No one asked him anything for now for different reasons: some depend on Tom to make a decision if someone is worthy of any consideration; others don’t want to touch the mess with the Potters; some despise Slytherins too much while others are just not interested. This will change now the more Harry becomes a part of Tom’s closest circle.
As for Harry’s knowledge, I think he’s completely clueless about the majority of things :D He knows some things about WW2, but any specifics allude him; he can recognize some music but he’ll never be able to tell what period it is from. Right now, he doesn’t really talk to most people for these general innocent topics to come up, but it’ll start popping up here and there, with more people remarking on how weird Harry is.
Tom, in turn, just attributes any weirdness to the differences between his world and Harry’s (fake) one. It’s really a very convenient excuse :D
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Lindsay Ellis actively disavows and dislikes radfems. Re-evaluate yourself.
Any female public figure who cares about her physical safety will disavow radfems (with few very brave exceptions! you know who they are and what they're going thru), if I picked who I like based on who is approving of radical feminism, I'd be left with 3 women I'm allowed to like. I would absolutely hate for all female public figures to be harassed, doxxed, threatened and smear campaigned because they let out they're accepting of a group who puts women before m*n.
That being said, being a radfem is not why I love Lindsay Ellis, I loved her way before I started up my radfem beliefs. I love her because she is incredibly intelligent, witty, insightful, brave, reckless and passionate, I love her because she made media that was so iconic and educative, I watched her videos in awe even without being specifically interested in the subject! She made me interested in things I would never even bother to learn about, because she spoke of them with so much insight and knowledge, it was invigorating and irresistible! She taught me about storytelling, about how movies are made, about 3 act structure of an animated film, why film and musical directors make the kind of choices they do and what they're trying to convey. These are things I would otherwise never seek out in my life!
The thing about Lindsay is that she speaks about these subject with so much confidence and knowledge, it was easily observable that she is better equipped and better fit to speak on it than any m*n who was also trying to speak on the subject. She also has better sense of humor than any m*n on youtube. I sometimes still think of some of her one-liners in real life and burst out laughing.
She is one of the very rare women who dared to speak confidently, passionately, on a topic that is male-dominated, that is highly valued and supports a rich industry that m*n usually bank on - she dared to out-do them in every aspect of it, and be a woman online, who makes jokes, has fun, and doesn't back down when being stepped on. She presented not only a strong inspiration to any other woman wanting to speak on academic, Hollywood, movie-producing and video-essay making topic, but a threat to any m*n she proved to do it better than. For the crime of doing that, she had to be erased from youtube, and it's a loss for women above all. This does not happen to prominent m*n who make jokes on the internet - not even if they go as far as admit they're rapists and pedophiles, not even if there's a recorded history of racism, fascism, bestiality, violence. She got cancelled for a tweet that compared one movie to another, with zero ill intent or malice. The same sentence made by any m*n, would be supported and extremely well liked - and she found this to be the case too, when m*n made the same comparison, they were very well liked for it.
Cancelling Lindsay Ellis was a message to all of us, to what will happen if we relax a little and speak confidently and make money while making jokes and educative, incredible useful and passionate content online. She was one of the best on youtube and they're showing us what will happen to rest of us if we dare to be so good we pose a threat to them, and inspiration to other women.
I miss her so much. One final reason I love her is her hair. Her hair looks like a normal human hair and every single time I saw her, I felt so much better about my hair looking exactly the same. I wish every woman just came online on video with hair like that!!!! That is how it should be.
Lindsay Ellis did not deserve what she was put thru, and no woman who was put thru any of that deserved it either. I don't care if those women are in support or opposed to radical feminism, I love all women. Lindsay made me laugh and made me learn and get interested and inspired like few other women did. Her way of storytelling and putting together an essay was unique and so highly enjoyable, she was the first to do it! With her segments she did like news reports, it made me think of the old times and television and it felt so good. I am already seeing it stolen by the male youtubers. They're the only ones that benefited from the situation.
I don't want to lose any more prominent women, I want us all to defend them with all our might when they're attacked by the mob. Let's make cancelling women prohibited. Only m*n should be cancelled - and all of them should be.
#lindsay ellis#female youtubers#cancelling#i miss herrrrr#i wish i had money for nebula so i could watch her new stuff
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urls: notatypicalhumanatall -> almondbasmati -> miffyboyfriend -> angelboydollface
am i in post limit jail: no
ABOUT ME:
hey, my name is drystan and i use he/him & they/them pronouns. i am gay in all directions and i am just a guy.
my posts are very disorganized (apologies) and consist of the most random shit ever
i am indian; i have many diagnosed and undiagnosed disorders of all sorts. i am pro-recovery and trying to get better.
DNF:
any form of : racist, queerphobe, anti feminist, terf/swerf/tirf/radfem, exclusionist, ableist, zionist/anti palestinian, neonazi, pro capitalist(ancaps included), pro genai, neoliberal, anti sjw etcetc
if you believe in the tme/tma binary & think transandrophobia is fake OR if you tag posts with the word queer as q slur OR if you have "men dni" on your blog
if you are a modern art hater (no srsly)
if you are a pro ed/pro ana/thinspo blog (if you have a sideblog for vents & you're not a fatphobic fuck you can interact from your main)
if you are a nsfw/kink/18+ blog
if you are pro paraphilia &/or radqueer (pedos, zoos, necros, transid etcetc) OR if you are a proshipper (fauxcest/incest, rape, loli/shota etcetc)
if you like &/or support (current mutuals/irls excluded) : jk rowling & h*rry p*tter, neil gaiman, vivziepop, colleen hoover, matty healy, kanye west, drake, noah schnapp (taylor swift likers are on very thin ice!)
OTHER INFO:
my asks & messages are open (NO CHAIN ASKS (for instance "spread positivity and send this ask to 10 ppl") PLEASE THEY'RE SO STRESS INDUCING)
my notifs are broken!!!!! i might not have responded to tags/tag games and asks and replies or anything else because i did not get a notification. please send me a message in that case and i'll respond asap.
none of the images on this blog are mine unless stated otherwise. all credits go to original owners of the images. if you'd like me to remove any images from my blog, please inform me.
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE tell me if i have interacted positively with a bigot on accident or spread misinformation so that i can remove it from my blog thank you.
i block liberally. if you don't like me or agree with my views, please block me.
i post/rb untagged soft gore and vent posts with suicide and other hard topics sometimes. please proceed at your own discretion.
CLICK TO HELP PALESTINE:
blinkies and userboxes under the cut
(warning for flashing lights & eyestrain.)
credits: @/radiotrophicfungi @/xxx-ang3l-with-a-sh0tgun-xxx @/sweetpeauserboxes @/burntoutuserboxes @/gluttonyedits (lmk if i have missed someone and i'll add them)
if you're still reading, i might as well dump my personality onto you:
my interests include and are not limited to: space & astrophysics & quantum physics, chemistry, biology, linguistics, psychology & sociology, politics, criminal law, forensics & criminology, history & art history, illustration & animation, photography, magic (card tricks and the like), divination (tarot & cartomancy), mythology, fashion, cinema, theater, literature, poetry, music, travel, food, geology
favourite music genres: indie, slowcore, shoegaze, rock, metal, grunge, pop, synthwave, lofi, alternative, ambient, breakcore, j+k-pop
my favourite movies (some of them): the menu, the shining, the substance, hereditary, black swan, get out, scream, knives out, enola holmes, ocean's eleven, oppenheimer, kill your darlings, lisa frankenstein, good will hunting, red white and royal blue, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, perfect blue, howl's moving castle, princess mononoke, whisper of the heart, nimona, across the spider verse, ultraman rising
my favourite shows (some of them): sex education, brooklyn nine nine, bbc sherlock, leverage, veronica mars, the mentalist, sharp objects, the queen's gambit, angels of death, monster, serial experiments lain, dandadan, ace attorney, cherry magic, spyxfamily, carmen sandiego, winx club, we bare bears, ben 10
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okayyyy also. tagged by @joelletwo for 5 topics i could talk about for an hour with no prep.
now. two things. 1. i have infernal podcast dude energy and could say a lot about nothing. weird trait to have if u dont like talking to people? hard to say. 2. GESTURES AT BLOG. im ALREADY. talking at length abt my beloved shit. so im just ruling out turtles, alien robots, trek, etcetcetc all the shit thats been a main blog topic for the last past. 4 years?
I'm gonna say.... western voice actors? not that i could really. Give a lecture so much as. I'm way more familiar with them that than I am live action actors. And I'm kinda just CONSTANTLY like. Oh you know so and so from every cartoon youve ever fucking seen? And FEEL a real. gap. with people when they dont have a same reference point. probably like how ppl feel with me when i dont know their acting guys jhadbgjfga. Like u can name 5 VAs from ur childhood cartoons/animated movies right? And personal interest like, hey btw u know like the entire cast of tng was in disneys gargoyles? U know keith david can SING? And diego luna? Hey you know about Canadian actors who are in all the dubs and video games and yeah cheap shit? You know Scott McNeil right? You know Ian James Corlett? You know. THE IAN. of being Ian. Hello. is this thing still on?
I really like and care about the topics of education, children's rights and pedagogy? Not academically so much as, personal interest. What seeing very clearly that there was a lot of arbitrary rules that involved things like. The Government. and Systems. as a child does to a motherfucker I guess? I'm always INTERESTED in a discussion about it, is how i mean I guess. Like focuses of multiple intelligence and "applied knowledge" (and short comings there of). I mean long and short of it. Kids are full human beings and until u can grapple with that their feelings and opinions um. Actually matter. I hate you? jdhbgjhdb. And Naturally the world being good for kids has the prerequisite of it not sucking ass for adults too....
UHhhh guh. User design/civil engineering? You'll hear it from me until the day I die, crushed under the tires of a ford f1 giga truck with the LED 20million watt bulbs. PROTECTED BIKE LANES. for the love of god. I just know a lot of designers I guess and like engineering, conceptually. But like, u know that famous bridge everyone crashes into. If theres 80million warning signs and people are still crashing... maybe theres. other factors. Or you know ofc like, traffic planning, vehicle accidents, structural disasters. A lot of them are not just. Things happening. Tragedies. There's politics there. Usually a lot of Money stuff. and structural racism. The real reason your fridge is full is that there's a bunch of half empty condiment jars hiding all your forgotten left overs. And widening the roads isnt gonna do shit for traffic.
Jackass entry: Themes and motifs of anyyytthing ive watched with another person or saw, and like they also know it. I realllly like, visual theming and narrative shorthands. Anything that breaks like, maybe people in this setting dont have the same customs, but their gonna do something so you the audience can recognize it. Non literal/accurate use of colour and lighting, for mood and clarity. Breaking the physical shape and scale of things so they can appear and be readable on screen. COSTUMING COSTUMING COSTUMING. A well styled character can do soooo much for your understanding of a work, especially with large casts, and a poorly styled one can take me right out. Well. anyway. yes i love animation u all knew that.
uhhhhh Thatgamecompany/giantsquids studio. im giving myself a free space. lol technically I DO. blog about this. the music. at least. BUT beloved. games. Me and everyone else I guess. Hey speaking of u know its laura bailey and troy baker as the voices in the pathless? And you know how a lot of the games have themes of coming into being/growing/rebirth. And LOTS of environmentalism. And implied cultural world building, and wordless stories. and beautiful metaphor rich otherworldly visuals. and gameplay styles that really connect with the emotional story their going for. and ofc, the music. oh the leit motifs. well. there u go. sword of the sea when?
tagginggg. uh did anyone get @deadgrantaires or @army-of-bee-assassins yet? anyone elseeee who wants to regale me with things they knowww about. id love to know.
#some shit#KINDA. gave up. cause i hampered myself with the restriction not my fandoms. jadgbdhf BUT YALL ALREADY KNOWWWWW i could take u thru#my fav mirage issues or like. my favourite implications of tf stuff.#like. all the things i like to watch and like. this is a story about familys. or rebellion. or why people care about each other.#why its important to keep living. and everything iver ever blogged about. lmao#i also skipped on things like. cool machinery i like or how products are WORSE now days. even tho. djjhdbfj. if i have to talk to a#less known person i would consider those like. safety topics. dgjhdf#if u wanted to be really vague i could to a tangential daisy chain all themed around the colour blue. ofc.
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