#why does my life always seem to involve having to choose which person to disappoint

[nordic-language-love]

Once again I have messages and asks to reply to that I haven't got round to yet because last couple of weeks have honestly been hella stressful but I promise I'm not ignoring you; I just haven't recovered enough to respond yet.

[dia-souls]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Analyzes [ Vol. 2 Sakamaki Shu ]

Original title: 自己満足

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 2 Sakamaki Shuu

Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke

Analyze by: Admin Afra

Admin’s note: Sakamaki Shu is one of my favorite boys and also one of the most disappointing characters 😭. But I personally love this CD and how Shu receives karma for all the words and behavior he had with Yui and that he realizes that no matter how hard he tries to will not dear anyone to himself, Yui has entered Shu's heart without him realizing it, and Shu cannot live without her.

The story begins with Shu complaining about how long Yui has been asleep or in a coma. This is very funny for a boy who sleeps 90% of the time.

But as he said himself, he never thought he would put himself in trouble to take care of Yui, or at least that's what he thinks because the evidence shows otherwise from Shu here.

Shu's main trauma is losing his first and best friend, so it makes sense that it would be a nightmare for him to lose someone he loves. This is the most important reason why Shu tries not to get attached to anyone so that he doesn't get hurt if he loses them.

Shu and Yui's usual roles seem to have been replaced. Now that Yui is in a coma, Shu takes care of her and gives his blood to keep Yui alive.

But as Shu said, the days of living without Yui are driving him crazy. Shu does things that he would never normally do, so he feels crazy after what happened to Yui and what he did to her.

When the flashback ends, we see the usual story of Shu and Yui's relationship. Shu, who is sleeping as usual, and Yui, who tries to wake him up so that he can get to his daily work such as school and attend his classes, and Shu, as usual, finds Yui's efforts useless and annoying.

We can say that this is the normal state of their relationship. But in my opinion, there is something obvious here. Shu thinks that if Yui doesn't do her job properly, she will be blamed by Reiji, which is why she is worried.

Well, this guess can be true to some extent. But in my opinion, Yui just simply wants to be with Shu. In many CDs, Yui has already noticed the bad condition of her heart, and I suspect that it is the same in this one. Maybe she knows she doesn't have much time left and she just wants to spend the last moments of her life happily with the man she likes. But unfortunately Shu does not cooperate with Yui in this matter.

Honestly, it's always strange to me how he can be so tired despite his long sleep time. But Shu chooses this method only to spend his days. Even from his own point of view, he is alive but not living.

He has chosen a life without excitement and monotony so as not to get involved in trauma again, and this can be somewhat smart from Shu's point of view.

When Shu meets Yui again at night, something is very clear about Yui, and that is that Yui resents Shu's cold behavior towards her. Yui is not an expectant girl and does not expect much from her partner. All she wants is affection and love.

Maybe it's hard for Shu to understand this because he is a vampire and has an eternal love and he doesn't know how valuable this little time he spends with his favorite girl can be.

But when Shu told Yui, all I need is your blood, I'm sure Yui was hurt more. It may not be easy to understand that only her blood is important to the man she loves, especially since she doesn't have much time left to live.

Shu thinks it's nonsense, but all Yui wants from life with her partner is pure and simple love.

In the second part, it was really funny that Shu didn't even bother to sleep because he didn't want to be tired of being woken up again by Yui.

Unlike last time, Yui gave in to Shu more easily this time because he was not feeling well and Shu was surprised by this but ignored it as usual.

It really broke my heart when I found out that Yui had put her blazer on him so that he wouldn't catch a cold. I always knew that Yui is a kind girl, but I really wish that she would think a little more about herself, especially when she is not feeling well and is sick, because in any case, it is impossible for a vampire to catch a cold.

Undoubtedly, Yui knows this and even her purpose of doing this was not to try to warm Shu, but to show her love for Shu.

But I really wanted to bang my head against the wall when Shu took this issue and called it a nuisance again.

The thing that upset me the most was that when Yui was in the hospital and Shu hugged her, he noticed that she had lost weight and looked thinner, but still ignored it.

It was very sad when Yui asked him what her existence meant to Shu and Shu again disappointed her with his cold words. It is true that Shu is a bloodsucker and only the blood of humans is important to him, but here something is suspicious about Shu's words.

Shu claims that Yui's blood is the only thing that matters to him, but when he left the hospital, he muttered to himself, "You should never expect or wish for me."

Here we can understand that Shu really values ​​Yui.

But he doesn't expect Yui to feel this way. In a way, we can understand Shu's words that he expects Yui to ignore him. Because he ignored Yui all the time. He just simply doesn't want to become Yui's dependent, and the same goes for Yui. He doesn't want Yui to wish and hope for him because even Shu himself considers himself useless in this matter.

No matter how hard Shu tries to ignore Yui, he eventually realizes that she has a problem, and when he complains about Yui's distraction, she backs to sleep. He tries to take her to his room, but this time Yui's low weight attracts his attention.

But when Yui doesn't wake up, Shu realizes that this is really not normal anymore, and when Reiji explained to Shu about the abnormal condition of her heart, it was not really expected that Shu would not be surprised. In any case, he tried to ignore her all this time. Even he finds it funny how he realized this so late when he spends most of his time with Yui.

It is from this moment that the place of these two people changes and Shu cannot sleep without hoping that Yui's voice will wake him up.

Maybe this was something that was bothering him all the time. Worrying that this voice, which wakes him up every time and he calls her a nuisance, will stop one day. As he himself said, he cannot sleep when he knows that there is no one to wake him up. Shu has always longed to hear Yui's voice even without realizing it. Maybe he always denied it, but Yui had entered Shu's heart for a long time and Shu even dreamed of hearing her voice in his dreams. This is what Shu himself admitted.

Playing the violin for Yui because he knows she loves him, giving Yui his blood because it might keep her alive, and talking to Yui because he misses her are all things Shu does to take care of Yui.

As Shu himself admitted, their usual roles have changed and this is how Shu gets karma. He tries to wake up the one he loves but she still ignores him. Shu now realizes how much his behavior towards Yui has hurt her when someone keeps calling him but he still ignores her.

The fact that Shu missed the same behavior that he always found annoying from Yui shows that none of Yui's behavior was annoying to him, but even Shu was always waiting for them. Because Yui is the only one Shu has given his heart to.

When Shu tells Yui that he misses Yui being loud, we realize that Shu never hated being woken up by Yui. Maybe on the surface he was trying to show that he doesn't care about her, but in reality Shu was not honest with himself either. Even with this pretense, he tried to lie to himself because he thinks that not being dependent on others and having a monotonous life will not cause him to get hurt.

But the truth is that Shu is guilty of not taking advantage of the short time he had with Yui. He now realizes that Yui is not worth just because of her blood. He used to claim that he can survive without Yui, but now it turns out that this claim was just a lie so that he wouldn't try to depend on Yui.

Shu realized his lie to himself and tried to save the person he loves.

Bring back the person he cares about, even if it means staying awake for hours and not sleeping for several days in a row and just studying and researching. surprise The lazy boy who is always tired is ready to not sleep for a few days or even a few weeks to save his lover. A great sacrifice.

But when he knows that this work is useless, what is his reaction? Knowing that he won't be able to see Yui anymore makes Shu panic, so why doesn't he give Yui the last drop of his blood?

This is what Shu himself said. If all options are closed, be willing to let all your blood and being flow into your lover's body so that her heartbeat will never stop. When did you become such a gentleman Shu?

If Yui has entered his heart without Shu realizing it, Shu has no other choice. Playing the last violin piece and expressing his pure feelings to Yui is the last thing this boy can do.

In any case, he claimed that he can live without Yui, but now he accepts his lie and wants to join Yui.

Shu has experienced this trauma before with Edgar. But this time is different. Edgar's death made Shu depressed, but Yui's death makes Shu want to die too. This simply shows that Shu loves Yui even more than his own life, so that he is willing to donate his last drop of blood to Yui. Even if this does not bring Yui back to life, Shu will be sure that his existence and his blood will always be in Yui's body, at least Shu will hear the heartbeat of the girl he loves until the last moments of his life.

What does Yui mean to Shu? If you ask Shu this question again, he will say that Yui is the only girl that Shu doesn't want to lose. Before Yui, he didn't hope for anything and just passed the days. But after Yui came, he slept with the hope that someone would call him. Someone always looks at him and someone always loves him.

Yui simply made Shu no longer involved in a repetitive life and spend the nights hoping to see the day and hear Yui's voice and live again. All this is because he loves Yui more than anyone else.

When Yui regains consciousness, he tells her these words. He will never repeat the mistake of the past because he has already realized that he failed in his decision not to love others. Now that there is a dear person in his life, he will cherish her forever and dedicate his love to her, because without her he will neither be alive nor live.

[sheltershock]

There’s a popular headcanon/piece of fanon that Sasha can’t stand being touched. It makes sense for someone on the Spectrum, and he does use telekinesis quite a lot to avoid touching stuff so it’s a nice headcanon. I’ve also had my moments of discomfort with people touching me, to the point that people pointed out it’s strange that I have the tendency to lower my head/bow to people instead of accepting hugs/shaking hands. 

I really like this idea, so I’m adding onto it. 

Sasha’s reaction to being touched is completely involuntary, and has been happening for as long as he could remember(which is his entire life apparently since he remembers his mom). Whenever someone brushes by, shakes his hand, or grabs him suddenly his entire body suddenly stiffens, heart rate increases, and he gets unreasonably stressed. Over time he’s developed his signature control over emotions so he has really good strategies to reduce the stress and resets about 95% of the mental/emotional labor, though the 5% still sticks with him for a while. The act of calming down takes a little while, it depends on how much stress was involved, but still experiencing touch is an extremely uncomfortable inconvenience in his life. 

The thing is that Milla seems to have physical touch as her primary love language, along with words of affirmation, but mostly physical touch. She’s ecstatic about it, always down to hold hands, hug and high five others. It could be that she likes to literally feel like she’s not alone, but it’s her thing nonetheless.

At first, Milla was deeply concerned and disappointed at Sasha’s sudden reaction to something as simple as holding hands. She initially took it when they had a budding friendship as a secret hatred/disgust of her, but was able to gather from others that it’s not just her, it’s everyone. So after they developed a little bit as friends, Milla asked if there was anything, “particularly offensive about myself,” that he felt towards her and was shocked when he said no. The greatest thing he could come up with was, “well sometimes I can’t rationalize the colors you choose to wear on a particular day, but it always looks good on you.” So then Milla just straight out asked what she wanted to say the entire time, and Sasha just explained that he just doesn’t like to be touched. Simple. 

However, I like the idea of contradictory desires, because it’s realistic. You can love your family, but also don’t want to spend any time with them, for example. And for Sasha, he can’t stand being touched, but he’s also human and still wants affection, but receiving said affection would also induce stress… So it’s a ruthless paradox of being touched-starved. 

When Sasha and Milla start “dating-not-dating,” Milla of course, wants a lot of physical affection. It’s how she shows/feels love and there is nothing wrong with that. She wants to do romantic stuff like hold hands in public, cuddle and be embraced with such warmth and comfort that even in the midst of a blizzard she’d risk getting heatstroke. But she knows that Sasha doesn’t like being touched so it’s a strange, impossible position to be in. Or so she thought. 

The two of them figured out the brilliant, mind blowing solution of…just ask for permission first. They’re already practically experts at communication, and all Milla has to do if she wants to hold her boyfriend’s hand is ask “hey, wanna hold hands?” and it’s that easy. Even if Sasha doesn’t like being touched, he still wants Milla to be happy. She’d listen to him talk about aliens and space and constellations for five hours straight, so why can’t he put his own comfort aside for a little while to make her happy? Of course, they almost always ask telepathically, because it’s really their private business and it’s embarrassing in public if you verbally get turned down because the other person really isn’t up for holding hands right now. 

But like how Milla wouldn’t particularly mind listening to Sasha infodump about special interests for hours, it turns out he doesn’t actually particularly mind touching Milla. Even if she asks, for example, to hold hands, Milla accepts the fact that even when Sasha says yes, he’s still going to tense up initially, because it’s an involuntary reaction. But he can still calm himself down even if they are still physically touching, it’s a combination of experience, strategies, preparation and just that he just likes Milla and secretly wants to be close to her. He can even get to a point that they’re both relaxed and acting like a “normal couple.” That being said, Milla wouldn’t want Sasha to change at all.

When they started dating, everytime Sasha would have to calm down enough to comfortably hold Milla’s hand he’d get embarrassed that it’s this hard to do something that’s really common. But Milla had a completely different view of it and he stopped feeling that way once she explained it. Milla often verbalizes her love a lot, she’d throw out an “I love you” similarly to how some people say “like” in a sentence. But even though Sasha barely says “I love you,” but when they do interlink their hands, Milla can feel the tension, but enjoys slowly feeling that tension lessen up and can physically feel Sasha relax around her. To Milla, it’s a constant reminder that he really cares about/enjoys being around her. And everytime it happens it feels like he’s saying “I love you” to her. It makes her so happy. One time, they ended up cuddling while watching TV, and she, again, liked watching the screen while feeling Sasha slowly relax. But then she looked away and was about to say something, she realized that he’d just completely fallen asleep and she was so happy that she nearly cried. She just loves her boyfriend so much. 

After hearing her say all this, Sasha felt far less embarrassed about it. Whenever they hold hands he’d turn to look at her and she’d have the biggest smile and her joy, warmth and comfort is dangerously contagious. It’s the only type of germs Sasha’s okay being exposed to. 

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Routines

Tim and Marinette lived busy lives.

It was by choice, of course.

They were both prominent figures in their fields that could pick and choose the assignments they wished to take, had more money than they could ever dream of using thanks to the hefty trust fund that being even tangentially related to Bruce Wayne provided, and no one would blame them if they were to lessen or give up their vigilantism. If they wished, there was nothing stopping them from taking a smaller workload, from using up all of their sick days, from taking vacations, from quitting their jobs entirely...

That being said, they likely never would.

And the tabloids loved to speculate on their relationship because of it. How could they spend much time together if Tim was always at work, developing new technology for Wayne Enterprises? Marinette was cheating, how could she not when so much of her job as a designer involved getting up close and personal with models? Not to mention all of the business trips. Surely, the relationship had some kind of monetary motivation, or maybe it was just to more seamlessly merge their companies, or it had only happened for PR reasons.

They let them speculate. They simply didn’t know better.

The tabloids didn’t get to see how they acted behind closed doors, after all.

There would be days where neither of them went in to work. It wasn’t due to some sort of sickness that Tim had caught thanks to his lack of spleen, nor would it be because Marinette had hit some kind of artist’s block. No, it was simply because they wanted to spend time together.

~

They took breaks. Technically. If you squint.

There would be days where neither of them went into work. It wasn’t due to some sort of sickness that Tim had caught thanks to his lack of spleen, nor would it be because Marinette had hit some kind of artist’s block. No, it was simply because they wanted to spend time together.

They would turn on the coffee machine and then make their way over to the sofa. Marinette would nestle herself into his side and smile as he wrapped his arm around her. He would pull her as close as he possibly could so he could still use both arms to type.

He usually took video calls like this. It was always so much easier to maintain a pleasant smile, even when people often looked down on him for his age, because whenever he felt it start to waver he could simply look down at his girlfriend and suddenly he would find that it would be back in full force.

She would prop her sketchbook on her legs and start on some new designs. The designs she did like this were always, inexplicably, more lively than the other ones -- full of vibrant colors and swooping curves in a way that some of her other works lacked. If asked, Marinette would joke that the secret ingredient was love.

And, sure, this wasn’t technically taking a break from work. They were still productive, still did tasks...

But they counted it. They always came back to work the next day with the same euphoric feelings in their chests, the same springs in their steps. How could they not? They’d spent the entire day doing what they loved with the person that they loved. Who could ever want a break from that?

~

Every time one of them came back from a business trip, they made sure to spend the night together.

Tim would lay back in bed, Marinette on top of him. Her head would come to rest on his chest, clutching the back of his shirt tightly. His fingers would find their way to her hair and she would huff a little, knowing that her hair was about to get hopelessly tangled as he fidgeted with the silky strands, but she would nuzzle into his chest all the same.

They would watch a TV show. It didn’t matter whether it was good or bad. As long as there were people and some semblance of a plot, they would gladly stay wrapped up in each other’s arms to watch it.

Tim would rattle off whatever theories he had developed as they came to mind. Some of them were absolutely insane, he knew, and would never happen… but it was worth making a fool of himself if it got Marinette’s face to light up or if he earned one of those little giggles that escaped her when he was instantly proven wrong.

Marinette would, at least, pause the show whenever she wanted to talk, though it wasn’t out of an understanding of how time works. No, it was so she could sit up a little in his lap and point at whichever character had offended her this time. She would go on long rants about how makeup was just as important as outfits in costuming, but it was often overlooked in favor of making the actors look pretty. And, maybe she had already said all of this before, but it’s important, Tim! And he would just nod his agreement. Because it was important -- a TV night certainly wouldn’t feel like a TV night without at least one rant.

And then the screen would go black, the most recent episode done.

Tim would draw back a little and then pretend to be shocked when his hands were stuck in her hair.

“Oh noooooo,” he’d say. “I guess I can’t let go yet.”

“How unfortunate,” she would deadpan.

He’d smile cheekily at her.

“Shut up.”

“But I didn’t even say anything!” He’d argue with overexaggerated offense.

She would smile, shaking her head as much as she could with the fingers in her hair. “You didn’t have to. You have a presence about you.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” he’d say.

And, sometimes, she’d bring her hands up to cup his face. “Not sure if it was a compliment, but I definitely wouldn’t have it any other way,” she’d whisper before pulling him closer for a kiss.

… but, most of the time she would just laugh and say: “It wasn’t one.”

~

Once a month, Marinette tried to teach Tim to cook. Of course, they both knew it was a hopeless endeavor. He’d failed to make mac n’ cheese once, and Marinette -- who had lived the first eighteen years of her life in a Parisian bakery -- wasn’t good at discerning which meals were ‘easy to do’.

But that didn’t stop her from trying.

She would come up with a new recipe, would claim that this one was truly dummy proof…

And then Tim, dummy that he was, would manage to mess it up. Without fail, he would find some way to do something wrong. He would leave the milk on the stove and then be surprised when said milk on the stove decided to revolt against the system. He would raise the temperature on the thing they were baking so it would go faster and then be shocked when the cake didn’t rise at all. He would put too much in the mixer and then not understand why the contents had exploded over the two of them.

Worst thing was, she was pretty sure he was actually trying. He just… couldn’t seem to do it.

So, she would just kiss the disappointed frown off of his face and promise that they would do better next time.

And, every time without fail, he would light up.

“There will be a next time?” He would ask.

“Yeah. You’re lucky you’re cute, I can’t say I love being covered in ingredients.”

Tim would kiss her cheek, and then draw back and lick his lips. “I don’t know, I kind of like it. Something about my girlfriend being covered in tasty food really does something for me.”

“Like I said: you’re lucky you’re cute.”

And, even though she would say that, there was no mistaking the amusement dancing in her eyes.

~

They weren’t particularly religious, it was hard to be when Marinette had a god living in her earrings that obeyed her every command…

Which meant celebrations for the two of them were few and far between.

But, at least, they celebrated their anniversary.

They would sit on the rooftop, the blankets doing nothing to keep the hard tiles of the roof from digging into them and they did even less against the chilly Gotham air.

She’d stare up at the sky with him.

And, since it was Gotham, there were very few stars to be seen through the dark red and black haze of clouds that hung over the city.

But they didn’t mind.

Marinette smiled. “It’s our colors.”

He didn’t look over, watching the colors swirl above them. “Even the sky thinks we’re a good couple.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. The sky god really does have a thing for love.”

He gave a short puff of laughter and finally tore his eyes away from the sky. “Really?”

She shrugged, grinning at him. “No clue. There might not even be a sky god.”

He scoffed and untangled his hand from its blanket prison to give her a tiny shove. She could have dodged the attempt with ease, but she allowed the hand to make contact.

To her surprise, he grabbed ahold of her shoulder and pulled her into him. She gave an undignified little squeak and, if it weren’t for the fact that he was right there, she would have probably faceplanted onto the tile.

But, instead, her face came crashing into his soft, pillowy shoulder.

She looked up at the crooked grin that she had come to love over the years and huffed, pulling her own arms free so she could shove him. For real.

He flopped back, the hand he’d managed to get out coming to rest over his chest as if he were hurt.

“How could you? Roofs hurt, you know.”

“Well, yeah, if you throw yourself down on tiles it’s not going to feel too great.”

He cracked a grin, though he quickly tamped it down to keep up the act: “Victim blaming at its finest.”

She rolled her eyes and leaned over him. One of her hands cradled his cheek, her thumb tracing the tiny scar on his cheekbone.

He looked up at her. And she thought, somewhere, that maybe the reason the pollution in the city was just some kind of coverup so no one would know that they all resided in Tim’s eyes.

And then she cursed herself mentally for thinking something so cheesy.

She had to make up for it somehow:

“You’re the worst, I hope you know that.”

“I am. But you love me anyway.”

Dang it. How was she supposed to feign being annoyed when he looked at her like that? With that soft smile and thick lashes and hair that framed his face just so.

She decided it wasn’t worth trying to pretend.

Marinette let herself match his smile.

“I do.”

“Save those words for our wedding,” he joked softly.

She rolled her eyes. “You haven’t even proposed yet.”

“I could be doing that right now. Who knows, this could all be my plan.”

“It’d be a good plan,” she said. “I’d probably say yes.”

He narrowed his eyes just slightly. “Isn’t that essentially you proposing to me?”

She tipped her head to the side, considering, then she laughed a little. “I guess it kind of is. So, Tim, will you marry me?”

His eyes widened to an almost comical degree.

And then his face lit up with a smile that made her heart flutter.

“I hope you know I want a ring.”

She giggled. “Just say yes, you idiot. We can always get the ring tomorrow.”

His smile only stretched further. “Yes. I’d love to marry you.”

“I love you,” she whispered, leaning closer until her lips brushed against his.

“I love you, too,” he breathed.

Marinette didn’t hesitate any longer, tilting her head to give him a proper kiss. He freed himself of the blanket and she gasped a little against his lips as he wrapped her up in it as well, drawing her close.

She pulled away just a little, her forehead coming to rest against his. She couldn’t seem to get the dopey smile off of her face, but she wasn't completely sure she even wanted it gone.

“I proposed first, so I won,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him playfully.

He smiled. “No, I did.”

[warriorsfireandwater]

Warriors Analysis 2: A Breakdown of the Crow/Night/Breeze Family Dynamic

I said I would do it, so here we are. The big doozy. For this one, I’m going to putting all of the sourced scenes in a linked google doc, because I just don’t want to make this post a million miles long. Instead, for this post, I will sum up all of the conclusions made after reviewing every scene involving the family from Po3 through OotS, with other relevant information from other books included.

Context of this one: I’ve watched (and participated in) a lot of debate over this family. Just about every single argument I’ve seen tends to:

1) rely on a person’s opinion of a character overall to how they feel about the family (”I found Nightcloud annoying” often goes along with “Nightcloud is equally bad of a parent” or “Breezepelt was a bad person so I don’t sympathize with him in the family situation”)

2) misremember canon

3) rely on a person’s headcanons of what actually happened to shape their judgement of the family (”Nightcloud spoiled Breezepelt and told him Crowfeather is bad” when there are zero canon scenes of this happening)

Some ground rules: I’m relying on breaking down the canon scenes in the books. I am NOT inserting my own thoughts or beliefs as to what happened behind the scenes. If there’s anything bordering on that (”this behavior implies X”), it’ll be clearly stated that it’s an interpretation. I ask that if you want to comment or debate this analysis that you do the same. People’s headcanons shaping how they remember the family is the thing that frustrated me enough to spend hours digging this up. As a personal request, please don’t use this post to say “Nightcloud still sucks and I hate her”/”Breezepelt still sucks and I hate him”/”neglect isn’t abuse” - the latter is definitively incorrect and is upsetting to hear as a survivor of abuse. “X character still is bad” just takes away from the point of this - which is not to say “Breezepelt is a good person”, but PURELY to breakdown the family dynamic. With that out of the way, let’s GO:

After looking at literally every scene involving Breezepelt, Crowfeather, and Nightcloud and analyzing the ones that involve or mention them as a family, here’s some key points. The scenes that back these points up are included and detailed in this doc.

Breezepaw is introduced to us as a bit aggressive and rude, and his mentor, Whitetail, wishes to Crowfeather that she would teach him manners (earning her no response from him)

We first properly see Nightcloud during the dog attack in The Sight, when Breezepaw returns from checking the barrier. Breezepaw reports that there is no damage, and Crowfeather immediately questions if he actually checked all the way around. Breezepaw tells him “Of course!”, and Nightcloud says that Crowfeather should trust his son more.

This suggests Nightcloud is ready to defend Breezepaw whenever. However, as ThunderClan is leaving, Breezepaw mutters that WindClan can manage on their own. Nightcloud immediately scolds him and compliments Lionpaw for saving Heatherpaw during the battle.

Later, at the daylight Gathering, Lionpaw and Breezepaw are buried underground. Crowfeather and Nightcloud help dig them out, and Breezepaw is not breathing when he comes out. Jaypaw has to pull dirt out of his throat to save his life.

Leafpool says to Crowfeather that she would “give [her] last drop of blood to save [his kit]”. Nightcloud sharply retorts that “our kit was lucky that Jaypaw was here”.

Nightcloud carries Breezepaw away from the scene “like a kit”. Crowfeather offers to help, but she carries him on her own. She does not push him away/force him away/shout at him, she literally just chooses to carry him. Nightcloud spends the rest of the daylight Gathering curled around Lionpaw and Breezepaw and keeping them resting.

We learn these things from the Sight: Breezepaw and Crowfeather seem to have a tense relationship, but that isn’t fully developed. Nightcloud is willing to defend him from Crowfeather’s doubts, but notably does not defend him when he acts like a punk in front of her. She is bothered by Leafpool’s comment about giving her life for Breezepaw (which I personally find pretty reasonable to be bothered by), but counters by giving her gratitude to Jaypaw. She wants to carry Breezepaw after he nearly dies, but isn’t pushing Crowfeather away or denying him anything like many people claim.

In Dark River, Crowfeather encourages Breezepaw’s bias against ThunderClan, telling him that they “celebrate mixed blood” in a tone that implies it as a negative thing. (It seems implied he does this to get to Leafpool, who is upset by his comment.)

Jaypaw is able to feel Nightcloud’s jealous emotions on a few occasions, but she actually never says anything to Leafpool or Crowfeather about it.

In Outcast, Crowfeather is called to go on the journey to the Tribe. Onestar tells him to take Breezepaw, who has gotten in trouble a few times. Breezepaw makes it very plain he doesn’t want to go and worries that his Clanmates are just trying to get rid of him. Crowfeather wants to go, but “sighs” over the idea of taking Breezepaw. To me, he comes off as disinterested and possibly disappointed that he has to bring him. Crowfeather snaps at Breezepaw for asking to say goodbye to his friends, saying “There isn’t time!” even though literally no one is rushing them to leave. Nightcloud comes to say goodbye, but Crowfeather is distant and doesn’t respond to her.

Throughout Outcast, each POV character has at least one (if not many) moments where they think about Crowfeather/Breezepaw and feel pity for Breezepaw, despite really hating him. Hollypaw especially thinks often about how she appreciates Brambleclaw for encouraging and supporting her, and the apprentices all seem to realize that Breezepaw is angry because his father “doesnt seem to like him”. 

When questioning why they have to help the tribe, Crowfeather just tells Breezepaw “You’ll never understand loyalty.”

When they run into Purdy, Breezepaw is pretty rude to him. Crowfeather doesn’t interrupt a single time throughout multiple insults, then reacts by hitting him across the ear without saying anything, which is noted as “a hard blow”.

Breezepaw nearly dies falling off into a ravine after thinking he’s discovered a faster way. Crowfeather pulls him back and snaps at him, expressing no concern for his life. In Eclipse, Crowfeather pointedly does not compliment Breezepaw’s catch of the rabbit, which angers Breezepaw.

During the reveal of Leaf/Crow in the last book, Breezepelt and Nightcloud stand by Crow’s side and don’t publicly turn on him or say anything against him.

This journey gives us a lot of insight into Crow and Breeze’s dynamic. Breezepaw is pretty obviously a little punk throughout this book, but Crowfeather has no healthy way of communicating with him or discipling him. Instead, he snaps at him, hits him, or ignores him, all of which just feeds into Breezepaw’s anger. Nightcloud is not present for any of this and has no way of controlling their interactions here, which could have been a perfect opportunity for Crowfeather to build a relationship with his son if it were true that Night had prevented this.

Breezepelt shows up in Fading Echoes, training in the Dark forest. A few things are made explicit: he is being manipulated by the Dark Forest and Tigerstar’s words have an almost hypnotic effect on him. The cats present egg him on against Crowfeather, feeding into his belief that Crow does not value him. (Side note, I find it really interesting that in this book, Breezepelt has notable value in the warrior code [which encourages his hate towards Crow] and the DF cats encourage this, saying it is “strong” in his blood. Next time we see him, though, he wants to destroy it.)

Flametail randomly thinks about Breezepelt’s family while spending time with Tawnypelt, feeling glad he has nicer kin.

We get the infamous scene where Lion and Breeze fight. Breeze and Crow were both trespassing on ThunderClan territory and Lion caught the prey Breezepelt was about to catch. He intentionally eggs Breezepelt into a fight (rather than just attacking him himself). Leafpool interrupts, asking how Crow can watch this. Nightcloud then shows up and insists Crowfeather has only one son. Leafpool jumps in between them as Breezepelt is leaping for Lionblaze, and she gets clawed. Crowfeather hauls him off and throws him aside, then keeps talking to Leafpool, who tells him she loved him.

Nightcloud then comes over and pulls Crowfeather away from Leafpool. She sinks her claws into his pelt to do this. However, it’s worth noting that this scene contains MANY references to blood every time claws come out - she does not draw blood and he does not express any signal of pain. It’s likely she used her claws only as a means of holding onto him, not to cause him harm. Crowfeather turns on him, and Breezepelt wails before getting between them, telling Crowfeather to leave his mother alone.

Nightcloud doesn’t react rationally in this scene - but neither does any character. Lionblaze is an ass, Breezepelt is an ass, Crowfeather is an ass, and Leafpool is still walking around making declarations of her former love in front of Crowfeather’s wife.

Nightcloud is one of the cats to react rudely to Hollyleaf’s return, but she doesn’t directly attack/challenge her. (This is actually the last time we see Nightcloud.)

The final meaningful scene is in The Last Hope, when Breezepelt fights Lionblaze. Crowfeather intervenes and says he will not allow Breezepelt to hurt him. Breezepelt retorts he always knew Crowfeather hated him, which Crow denies.

“I never hated you!” Crowfeather growled. “That’s just what you were determined to believe. And Nightcloud encouraged you.”

“It’s not her fault!” Breezepelt spat.

“No,” Crowfeather hissed. “I should have done something much earlier...”

This is the first and only time this is blamed on Nightcloud. This is the only indication we have that this could be true.

Some other notable things:

Crowfeather took Nightcloud as a mate to prove his loyalty, not out of love. (This is said in After Sunset: We need to talk)

The Ultimate Guide also confirms the above, but is a questionable source given the many errors included in it. It states that Crowfeather resents Nightcloud (for not being Leafpool), and that Nightcloud coddled Breezepelt. However, the latter is never shown in the story (and the opposite is actually shown when she scolds him).

In Crowfeather’s Trial, Crowfeather is pushed to recognize his anger towards his son and apologize for his behavior towards him and Nightcloud. Even in an entire book from Crow’s perspective (which provides opportunity for memories, flashbacks, etc), there is no indication that Nightcloud actually pushed Breezepelt to hate Crowfeather. There’s a throwaway mention that Crowfeather was too strict or too rough with Breezepelt as a kit, but it’s never actually said that Nightcloud told him this/kept him away/etc. (IE: it’s impossible to say if Nightcloud screamed this at him or asked him once to be gentle. We just don’t know!)

With all this said, here’s my take on the dynamic:

Crowfeather was a neglectful father and an inconsiderate mate. The only scene we get where he seems to actually get along with Breezepaw is when he is encouraging him to dislike ThunderClan by feeding into hatred for “mixed blood” cats. In all other scenes, he: 1) ignores his bad behavior, 2) is unnecessarily harsh to him or dismissive of him, 3) questions and undermines him, 4) does not have healthy ways of addressing his poor behavior (IE, he ignores and turns away from him rather than discussing it when all the apprentices are in trouble and the other warriors are scolding them, he flat-out hits Breezepaw at one point after saying nothing to intervene in his rudeness), and 5) blames Nightcloud for their bad relationship. Crowfeather is provided plenty of opportunities to interact with Breezepaw while Nightcloud isn’t present (in fact, Nightcloud shows up very little - most scenes of the family have just Breeze and Crow, there are many books where Nightcloud isn’t even mentioned).

Nightcloud was literally just being a normal mom and was often pushed to feeling jealous around Leafpool, often because Leafpool doesn’t have any boundaries around hinting about loving Crowfeather for some reason. I was actually really shocked by how... absolutely fuckin brazen Leafpool is 24/7 about waltzing up to Crowfeather while his wife is standing right there and going “just so you know......... i miss you........... i’d give my life for you......” It’s just WEIRD. IMO, it’s pretty damn reasonable for that to make Nightcloud irritated! Most of the time, she never actually voices her jealousy, we just know about it because of Jaypaw’s ability. When she does, it’s sometimes done by complimenting someone else or giving credit to another cat, like when Jaypaw saves Breezepaw. There is zero text in the story supporting the idea that Nightcloud was overbearing or that she spoiled him: we have TWO SCENES where she has character moments around this. In the first, she is defending him from Crowfeather’s doubt, and in the second, she is scolding him for being ungrateful to ThunderClan for their help.

Breezepelt was a kid that grew up feeling unloved, unappreciated, and angry and resentful as a result. The Dark Forest, not Nightcloud, fed into this belief, but we also have a whole lot of scenes that show why that feeling of resentment towards Crowfeather is there to begin with.

The final hot take: If you believe Nightcloud ‘spoiled’ Breezepelt or that she was ‘overbearing and possessive’, you need to reread Po3 and OotS. It’s just not there.

(Bonus: I love Leafpool but god, girl, you need to read a room.)

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The shifting narrative of God’s interventism and how it reflects on the narrative on John

This post will ignore the issue authorial intent entirely because I can, but it’s also about authorial intent in a way, but I also don’t like to talk about things as happening “accidentally” because a) a serialized story like Supernatural, especially one that got renewed for much longer than anyone could possibly expect or hope in their wildest ambitions, structurally relies on serendipity, because that’s how stories work when they’re work in progress, b) a television show is an extremely multi-authored text and the chance that something happens out of the intent of any of the multiple layers of creators is kind of... statistically negligible. So, yeah, that’s my stance on the topic. Anyway.

The shifting narrative about God is simultaneously something that hangs on fortunate storytelling clicks on an essentially programmed narrative. At first, we don’t know where the fuck God is. Cas starts looking for him with little success. Raphael says he’s dead, Cas doesn’t believe it. Dean relates to his struggle because he knows the feeling of not knowing where the fuck your father is and going looking for him with little success, not knowing if he’s even alive. Then the theory that gets assumed as the truth is that God has left. He fucked off who knows where, who knows why, leaving his creation to struggle alone. Also essentially how Dean had felt after John had died; in that case there was guilt for his demon deal and everything, but the most cruel weight on Dean’s shoulder was that John left him alone to struggle with his devastatingly horrific instructions he doesn’t understand. The angels are also left with horrific instructions they don’t understand. No wonder Cas does his own ‘demon deal’ in season 6, as he desperately tries to do what he assumes his father wants from him, but he doesn’t actually know what that is.

“God has left” is maddening, and everyone is angry about it, but it has its own dignity. God has left us without clear instructions, we are confused and in pain and evil runs amock but at least, we suppose, the evil of it is our own doing. We are alone and we do our best, our best is simply not enough. We wish he gave us guidance, but he won’t. He wants us to figure it out ourselves, possibly. We don’t actually know what he wants. But maybe that’s the point. It’s possible he doesn’t even know what’s happening, he just has left the building entirely.

But then Chuck reveals himself. We find out that he never actually left. He was there. “I like front row seats. You know, I figured I’d hide out in plain sight”. He simply chooses not to intervene. He chooses not to answer. He chooses to be hands-off. He presents himself as a laissez-faire parent, because, he says, it’s better for his children to have the responsibility they need to grow up. He’s absent, but in a different way than we thought! It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s happening or isn’t interested in knowing what’s happening. He’s here, he knows what’s happening, he just stays there and watches as you stumble and struggle and scream. It’s worse, and it pains Dean so much he isn’t even afraid to yell at God. You know we’re suffering and you just don’t give us any support, any comfort.

You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on, for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It’s enabling.

But it didn’t get better.

Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.

Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.

I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

At that point of the show, the writing team almost certainly didn’t have the s14-15 twist in mind. So this was probably intended to be Chuck’s truth. Later it gets twisted (retconned?) into a lie, but about that later.

Here, Chuck is really good at manipulating the conversation. Dean has a perfectly valid point, because there IS a middle ground between being overinvolved and not being involved at all. There is a middle ground between enabling your children and abandoning them completely. But Chuck hits Dean where it hurts, plays the emotional card, basically tells him that he’s too emotional to understand, too emotional to think rationally about it, because he mixes his feelings about his father to the issue and thus cannot see it clearly. He basically tells him he’s too close to it to get it. You don’t understand parenting, Dean, because you’re too blinded by your emotions about your own little life and cannot see the big picture.

It doesn’t really matter here if he’s telling the truth or lying, it already says a lot about Chuck that he’s emotionally manipulating Dean, silencing him by hitting the painful spot.

But the thing is, 11.20 immediately presents Chuck as a liar. He makes Metatron read his autobiography and the very first line is a lie (“In the beginning, there was me. Boom – detail. And what a grabber. I mean, I’m hooked, and I was there.” “I’m hooked too, and yet... details. You weren’t alone in the beginning. Your sister was with you.”) and the stuff he talks about his experience as Chuck is not exactly truthful about anything (“That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.” “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” “You are neither grounded nor a person!”). Metatron calls him out (“Okay. There are two types of memoir. One is honest... the other, not so much. Truth and fairy tale. Now, do you want to write Life by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write Wouldn’t It Be Nice by Brian Wilson?”). Chuck SAYS he chooses truth and gives Metatron a different manuscript, supposedly containing the truth, to which Metatron reacts positively. Metatron believes it, and we believe it with him.

Oh! Oh, this! This is what I was talking about. Chapter Ten “Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don’t”, and Chapter Eleven “The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs”.

Nature? Divine. Human nature – toxic.

They do like blowing stuff up.

Yeah. And the worst part – they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

What about your responsibility?

I took responsibility... by leaving. At a certain point, training wheels got to come off. No one likes a helicopter parent.

This is sort of what he later says to Dean, except that to Dean he talks about “beautiful creatures” “my baby”, talks about helping, none of the harsh tone he’s using here. When Metatron accuses him of hiding from Amara, he retorts “I am not hiding. I am just done watching my experiments’ failures”. What a different language, uh? Then Metatron asks him why he abandoned them, and Chuck answers “Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me”. Then, he admits he lied about “learning” to play the guitar and so on, because he just gave himself the ability, and then appears to Dean and Sam, after Metatron’s passionate speech about humanity.

So, no matter the authorial intent at the time - the truthiness of Chuck’s words was already ambiguous. He kept lying and being called out, or silencing the conversation with some good ol’ gaslighting.

The season 14 finale introduces the big twist: it was, indeed, all a lie. The whole of it. Chuck didn’t abandon shit. It was all him, minutely controlling the narrative of the universe, putting the characters through all the pain and struggles for his own amusement.

The “absent father” narrative was a lie.

What does this tell us about John? Nothing, according to the authorial intent that shines through Dabb’s Lebanon. But we don’t give a crap about Dabb’s authorial intent about John! He’s just one dude and plenty of other authors have painted a different picture. So I’m going to read the narrative the way I want, because I can, and the narrative allows me to. It’s all there.

I’m suggesting that the fact that Chuck lied when he talked about being a hands-off/absentee father parallels how Dean and Sam prefer to think of their father as an “absent father” when that’s not exactly a reflection of the truth.

You left us. Alone. ‘Cause Dad was just a shell. [...] And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe.

Setting aside how “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” sort of retcons and cleans up the Winchester family picture painted by ealier seasons, the fact that John didn’t really count as a functional father figure and Dean and Sam were essentually alone is not incorrect or anything. It is true that John would leave them to their own devices a lot, thus the long stays in motels, the hunger, the food-stealing, and all. But John wasn’t always absent, at all. He trained them as soldiers, he disciplined them, he was around enough for them to be intimately familiar with what happened when he drank. He drove them around.

It’s almost like it’s preferable to Dean and Sam to spin their own “absent father” narrative, putting the accent on the time they spent alone, painting their childhood as a time they had to grow up on their own, rather than acknowledge they grew up under the thumb of a controlling, looming figure they would regularly live in fear of, even when he was not physically present.

The “absent father” narrative is what Dean and Sam need to use to avoid confronting the reality of the father figure whose moods and whims they had to dance around. “I know things got dicey... you know, with Dad... the way he was. And I just... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should have. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, probably looked like I took his side quite a bit.”

John shaped their lives. He shaped their identities. Even in the episodes where he abandons Dean or both children somewhere, he’s portrayed as the figure who drives the car. He symbolically drives the car, you know? John shaped Dean and Sam’s relationship with each other, both on a surface level (the conflicts) and on a deeper level (the parental dynamic).

Heck. The entire first season of the show plays on John’s disappearance as the “elephant in the room”. John is there by not being there, you know? And after he dies, his death - his absence - is again the elephant in the room for Dean, the weight on his psyche that he shatters under.

It is not wrong that Dean and Sam had to spend long periods of time without John. But John structured their lives in quite minute detail. Where they needed to be, what they needed to do, what they must not do, everything had to follow John’s instructions. A drill sergeant, the narrative called him, ordering how his sons needed to live their lives. That’s no absence, except on a level where Chuck not showing himself and pretending he’s not there can be considered absent. That’s a presence, not necessarily always physical, but semiotical and psychological.

John is an absent father as much as Chuck is a hands-off god. He even writes himself into the story around the time Cas has the “season 1” phase (let’s go look for dad/let’s go look for god), which is when John actually was alive and appeared. Then he was no longer physically there, but he was still shaping his characters’ lives, just like he’d always done.

The “absent father” narrative on John is that - a narrative. Spun by the characters themselves because it’s easier and actually kinder on John. Or, better, it allows them not to be crushed by the psychological implications of having to accept that their father was such a looming, minutely formative figure in their lives. They know, but they can wave the “absent father” idea around to avoid thinking about it.

“I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” is something easier to tell yourself. I was the one who did it all. But he wasn’t, and that’s the problem. The fact that John was their father - Dean’s and Sam’s - is the problem. But ironically, blaming himself for every failure is a better option for Dean than fully acknowledging John’s abuse. As long as he blames himself, he has control over it. The moment he acknowledges the extent of John’s influence, he loses control over the entire narrative of his own identity and the family identity, the family dynamics. That’s scarier, just like realizing that God manipulated everything is much scarier than the alternative. “God abandoned us” was indeed a better option, and “John left us alone” was a better option. But neither was true, and the characters faced the implications of the cosmic level, but never got to face the implication of the familial level, because the narrative always danced around it and then Dabb’s apologist version “won”.

But what’s been put in the show is still there. The narrative of John’s abuse is still there. Nothing can take it out of the story.

[imjustasmith]

Some of the Becoming Elizabeth accuracy/fiction criticism on here (as in tumblr) feels so uneven. I’d like to write shows like BE about real life historical characters and I’ve been looking to see what people who knew more about this time thought. Stuff like whether they needed to go so far with TS abuse when it seems unlikely it actually did or choosing not to have Catherine reply to Elizabeth’s letters when she did, feel like valid questions about the choices the shows made with the facts.

But some of the criticisms make out something is wildly and ridiculously innacurate for little reason. I saw people complaining that it’s pure fiction Mary writing to Elizabeth and that she replied (from ep 2 and 3) cause there’s no evidence to prove it. I get no letter exists now but we don’t have every piece of correspondence ever. Mary did feel increasingly oppressed by Edward and ostracised from court, and began fearing for her future as a catholic. Is it such a stretch for her to have written to her sister wanting reassurance or support? And Elizabeth was a Protestant and seems to not tried to mend the rift or defend Mary, so did effectively side with Edward. Which would have heightened Mary’s worry and sense of danger, which would have then been an issue for the council. I thought it was quite a smart way of sticking to the truth whilst also showing Elizabeth see how private choices about family could have political consequences. I found it kinda disappointing to see people making out it was laughable nonsense pretending she had influence when she didn’t (especially as I think they showed that she didn’t), and was on par with something like TSP having KA calling the shots in every council.

And, this isn’t meant to be rude or aimed at anyone, I only use this example as I can remember it rather than it being such an awful comment, but seeing complaints like Edwstd wouldn’t say ‘Elizabeth abandoned us’ because she only moved households…feels like its more proving how much smarter people are than the dumb show. But the scene does say he’s upset cause she left Catherine’s house and sent no word since, then Mary says it’s not like she’s in hiding.

I suppose that was a really long way of asking, what do you think the line is for shows like BE when it comes to historical accuracy. What do you want/expect it to be? Cause I see most people seem to enjoy the largely fictional pedro story. So what is the difference between fun accurate feeling invention and a show pretending stuff happened that didn’t

hi anon, you totally have a point and we can't always please everyone, as every person would have their own preference or limits to where a fiction adaption of real events can go.

for me, it all comes to staying true to the real people you're portraying. i don't mind much added scenes if they help the plot in the right direction and feels true to what happened or could actually have happened.

in terms of BE, some added scenes are okay for the fiction they're playing but other not, the biggest example of a bigger no no that can enrage your viewing public is the s*x/r*pe scenes between elizabeth and thomas. why? because we have more proofs than no that tell us that didn't happen and if you add to that the fact she said yes to a marriage the real elizabeth never said a good thing about...

as a good example of big fictional scenes added to historical adaptions, is the scene of robert dudley dying in hbo elizabeth i. we know for a fact she wasn't there when he died😞 but did the scene helped the story they're telling? yes. was it true to the characters? also yes, (did we need essex there? nop lmao sorry that was my shipper heart talking). Fictional adaptation will always have to made up scenes or reduce time periods/making scenes to portrayed that, as in the same hbo E, in the scene were robert comes back to court, when we know he didn't stayed out long but it was a way to show the turmoil of that time. or how they portrayed robert's involvement in having elizabeth saying "yes" to mqos execution (sorry to always use him as an example but those scenes are for front in my mind), you can see three different but at the same time similar ways of doing that on hbo E, the virgin queen and the german docu women who made history.

what i'm trying to say, is that adapting is a hard work and it will always have your views on it, the important thing is to staying true to the people you're working with, because they were real people not fictional ones and whatever scenes you made up should have that in mind and ofc, it would also be important if you're truly trying to portray actual history (as BE says) or purely fiction with real names (as starz mqos).

[jazy3]

Free Guy Review

!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

If you haven’t seen the movie Free Guy (2021) stop reading right now! Drop what you’re doing and go get yourself a ticket! You’ll thank me later!

I loved this movie! I saw it this weekend for the second time because it’s that good! I first saw the trailer on YouTube a while back and then when theatres reopened a few weeks ago I saw the trailer again and my interest was piqued. I had high hopes for this movie based on the fun looking trailer, the premise, the cast, and the sense of fun and escapism that the movie seemed to embody and it did not disappoint. It’s always nice when you have high hopes for something and it meets or exceeds your expectations.

Free Guy is just such a fun and joyous movie. Never taking itself too seriously, packed with lots of heart, cool cameos, full of gaming and pop culture references, and it’s fueled by a unique concept that is well executed. There are just so many things I loved about this movie! It was a ton of fun to watch and the actors clearly had a blast making it. During the movie I kept trying to figure out where I knew most of the actors from but couldn’t place them. When I got home, I googled it and I instantly realized why. The roles are just so different and the actors embody their characters so completely you lose yourself in the film and get completely sucked in. I was honestly so surprised when I figured out what I knew most of the actors from because the roles that they’re known for are so different from their characters in the movie. Their appearances, established ages, and even the accents are so different that I literally did a double take, but that’s what makes the movie so good! Because the main actors obviously didn’t need the paycheque they were just there to have fun and it shows. I think if the situation had been different and the actors involved had been desperate for money or took the role for some other reason it wouldn’t have worked. The film would have come off as cheesy, forced, cringeworthy, or just plain bad. Free Guy is none of those things. The film stars Ryan Reynolds as ‘Guy’ a bank teller in a video game called Free City, Jodie Comer whose best known for playing Villanelle in Killing Eve as programmer Millie Rusk and her avatar Molotov Girl, Joe Keery whose best known for playing Steve Harrington in Stranger Things as programmer Walter ‘Keys’ McKey, and Taika Waititi whose best known for playing Viago in What We Do in the Shadows as the Head of Soonami Studios and the film’s main antagonist and villain Antwan. Rounding out the cast are Utkarsh Ambudka as programmer Mouser and Lil Rel Howery as Guy’s best friend and bank security guard Buddy. In a nutshell, Free Guy is about a bank teller named Guy who finds out he’s a non-playable background character (NPC) in an open-world Grand Theft Auto style video game called Free City. Guy becomes the hero of his own story after meeting Millie, the girl of his dreams, and winning fans all over the world by racking up points by being the good guy and helping others. After leveling up and helping Millie escape a dangerous situation in the game, Guy wins her over and she falls for him thinking that he’s another player. But when the world that Guy knows and all of the people in it are threatened, he teams up with Millie to save his friends before it’s too late. In the real world, Millie enlists the help of her former programming partner and best friend Keys in a race against time to stop their code and all of the sentient characters from Free City from being deleted by Antwan the developer who stole their code when the game’s sequel launches. I love that the movie had a unique premise and didn’t overcomplicate things. There are so many movies that I’ve gone to see over the last few years with such excitement only to be disappointed. For example, I loved Wreck It Ralph, but was so disappointed by its sequel Ralph Breaks the Internet. The trailers made it seem like it would take the premise of the first movie and move things into the online gaming world, and I was excited for that. Instead, the sequel left the premise of the first movie behind entirely and way over complicated the plot and the end result was extremely cheesy and disappointing. Free Guy’s strength is that it’s a self-aware movie made by self-aware people who are excellent at what they do. The movie doesn't take itself too seriously, nor should it, and that allows the story to flow and the characters to feel real and genuine. The movie achieves that perfect balance between being entertaining and telling a cohesive and important story because while the movie never takes itself too seriously the people behind it are serious about what they do. This was very clearly a passion project for all involved, especially Ryan Reynolds, and it shows! As he’s spoken about in interviews and on Twitter, Reynolds called on a lot of his friends to be in Free Guy and help him out and the end result was fantastic! I loved all of the cameos! The Chris Evans cameo was by far the funniest and the Alex Trebek cameo got me right in the feels. When I saw the movie in theatres me and everyone else in the theatre gave a collective “awww” when he appeared on screen. Enlisting real YouTubers to show up as fictional versions of themselves to talk about Blue Shirt Guy’s popularity was a nice touch and you’ve also got blink and you miss it voice cameos by John Krasinski, Dwyane The Rock Johnson, Hugh Jackman, and Tina Fey. Channing Tatum appears as the avatar of player Revenjamin Buttons which for the most part was hilarious. One of my few criticisms of the film is that they went a bit overboard the avatar’s antics as Guy and Buddy are attempting to leave and it got bit a cringeworthy. But I know other people found it hilarious so to each their own. I love all of the little details and references in the movie. Just listing them all would be a post in itself. If you’re someone that loves pop culture references and Easter Eggs this is the movie for you. The characters are fun and believable, and you get attached to them quickly. The actors commit completely to their roles which is makes the humour, romance, and heartfelt emotion of the film work. You buy it. 100%. Something that I absolutely loved was that the characters felt realistic and that the dialogue, attire, and settings for each character really felt authentic. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched a movie or TV show and walked away thinking, “The person who wrote that clearly never meet a kid, teenager, or twenty something in their life! That was so unrealistic.” The slang’s all wrong. The dialogue is so eloquent everyone sounds like they did Shakespeare in the Park last summer. You walk away thinking, “What the hell was that? No one talks that way!” What I loved about the characters in Free Guy is that they felt like real people you could actually run into or walk past on the street. I’ve read in interviews that in addition to the written dialogue the cast did a lot of ad-libbing and improvisation and the end result is both hilarious and relatable. The dialogue feels real because it is. The big exception to this of course is Antwan who is altogether off the wall and ridiculous. Antwan is such an outrageous, absurd, vulgar, and cartoonish character. He’s so fun to watch and the actors clearly had a lot of fun with his scenes! I’ve read that a lot of his lines with Keys and Mouser were improvised and I believe it. When he goes all Jack Nicholson on the servers? Lord. He’s such a great villain to watch. The characters that are established to be in their twenties like Millie, Keys, Mouser, and the other employees at Soonami Studios talk, act, and dress like they’re in their twenties. The actors that are in their forties are styled to look like they’re in their thirties and honestly, they’re in such great shape it works! I mean I was honestly shocked to find out Taika Waititi’s real age. I love how the costuming really fits each character and allows you to learn more about them. Keys’ clothing is your typical gamer chic which makes because as we learn from his interview with Millie coding is his life and what gets him up in the morning. From Mouser’s clothing we learn that he’s a sports fan, but also isn’t afraid to take risks like with that blazer ensemble he wears in his final scene at Millie’s apartment.

Millie’s clothing shows the contrast between her and her avatar Molotov Girl, and Antwan’s ridiculous coat enhances the overall wackiness of his character. Guy’s clothing tells us something too. He wears the same thing every day until he meets Millie in the game at which point, he starts deviated from his Free City programming and chooses a different blue shirt. I also really love that they put thought into why Keys needs to wear glasses. Something I noticed on rewatch is that Keys is far sighted which is why he has his glasses on when he’s looking at his laptop or computer and sometimes when’s talking to other people, but not when he goes to see Millie at her apartment or when he goes to get them coffee at the end of the movie. Another interesting aspect of Keys’ character that I noticed on rewatch is self-confidence is really something he struggles with in contrast to Millie and Mouser who are very confident. Millie is a genius programmer and Mouser is excellent at what he does, and they are both very confident in their coding abilities, but Keys isn’t despite being every bit the genius that Millie is. At the beginning of the movie when they first notice the issue with Guy Mouser jokes that Keys needs to be better at his job. In response Keys meekly says he thinks he’s pretty good at his job and trails off at the end. Mouser is just joking around, but because Keys lacks self-confidence comments like that hit him hard. Mouser is moving towards his own desk as he talks so he doesn’t notice how self-deprecating and uneasy Keys’ response is. In the interview from the indie games conference that Millie plays for Keys at his apartment, he brushes off the interviewers comment that he’s a genius and says Millie is the real genius because she created the AI engine and he just wrote the code to make it work. Later on, when Keys helps Millie get into the stash house, she calls him a genius and he tells her that as he’s currently sitting on a toilet stealing user code he doesn’t exactly feel like one. Millie responds offhandedly that he never does, but luckily, she knows better. When Keys realizes that Millie was right, and that Antwan did steal their code and their game worked he tells Millie they need to celebrate because once everyone sees their build she’ll be celebrated and she could win a noble prize. Both Millie and Keys are geniuses in their own right. The game wouldn’t have worked without both of their skills and Guy wouldn’t have come to life without both of them working together. Millie’s AI engine made his sentience possible, but Keys is the one who gave him hopes and dreams so that when he met Millie in the game, he came alive. When done right the settings we see tell the story just as much as the characters do and I love how realistic the settings in Free Guy look. The floor at Soonami Studios where Keys and Mouser work looks like a real office and I love that the desks have clutter and personal effects on them like real cubicles do and that they show Keys taking a box of his stuff with him as he leaves. The lobby with the moving water videos and Antwan’s massive but largely empty office fits perfectly with the obnoxious, zany, and over the top character that he is. I also love the contrast between Keys and Millie’s apartments and how those settings tell us a lot about each character and where they are in their lives when the film starts. When Keys comes home from work to find that Millie has broken in, we see that he lives in a stylish one bedroom apartment with an open concept kitchen full of stainless steel appliances, a large living room centred around an expensive wall mounted TV and entertainment system, with his computer and gaming station set up in the corner. On the walls we see artful clusters of black picture frames, through a partially open door we see a bedroom off to the side, the apartment is full of black and white furniture including a plush couch and nice lamps, and features a textured silver accent wall. All of which makes the fact that Millie managed to break in even more impressive because it is clearly an expensive apartment in a nice building. Keys’ style is minimalist and upper scale and based on what we learn about the events that took place before the start of the movie this indicates that Keys got the apartment and all of the nice stuff in it using the money he received when Antwan bought his and Millie’s game. In contrast, Millie lives in a bachelor apartment and spends her time in coffee shops ordering one single black coffee over four hours. This tells us that she kept her original apartment that she had from before the game was sold and is living off the money she got from the sale while she spends all of her time trying to find the proof she needs to win her lawsuit. When we see Millie’s place, we find that it’s cozy, full of plants, throw rugs, quilts, and comfy furniture. She’s got a bike in the corner, you can see her bed from the centre of the room where she’s got her computer and gaming station set up adjacent to the coffee table and the rest of the living room furniture. Her kitchen is smaller and full of wooden cabinets and her bathroom door has DIY multicoloured square panels on it. Keys and Millie’s apartments are very different and through these settings we see the contrast between where these characters are in their lives, their wealth, and their personal style. The song ‘Fantasy’ by Mariah Carey is featured heavily in the film and is guaranteed to get stuck in your head in the best way! Jodie Comer’s cover of it is amazing! It fits the moment where Guy makes it to the island that is Millie and Keys’ original build and shows it to the world perfectly. This movie made me appreciate Mariah Carey’s music in a whole new way and I can’t be the only way. After watching the movie, I went looking for the song on Apple Music, wound up listening to the Mariah Carey Essentials Playlist, and I’ve become obsessed. I knew some of her hits, but after listening to her music more I get why people love her so much. Her five octave vocal range is amazing, and her music is just so fun to listen to. The film has a really great soundtrack overall and I’ve had many of its song on repeat since I saw it. Something I really loved about this movie and the reveal at the end that Keys is in love with Millie and is desperate for her to notice, but she’s been oblivious the whole time is that they don’t do the supposedly nice nerdy guy whose really a jerk trope. So many movies do this where you have a nerdy male character whose unluckily love, looked over, or his love is unrequited, and we’re supposed to root for him because he’s a quote “nice guy”. But really, he’s not. He’s a jerk who feels slighted because a woman in his life doesn’t love him back or notice him and he feels as if she owes him something. The scene at Millie’s place where Millie tells Keys he looks cute when he brags, and Mouser encourages him to tell Millie how he feels is super frustrating to watch but it’s so important to Keys’ character. He asks Millie out for coffee and when she turns him down to jump back into the game, he doesn’t make a big deal about it even though Mouser wants him to. Instead he gets up and goes and gets her a coffee anyway. She goes to tell him her order, oblivious to the fact that he’s memorized it, he tells her he remembers, and goes to get the coffee anyway much to Mouser’s and the audience’s dismay. This is big because Keys clearly doesn’t want to be walking down the street by himself to get coffee. He wants to be getting coffee with Millie so that he can tell her how he feels to see if she might feel the same way, but when she turns him down he goes and gets the coffee anyway because he truly loves and cares about her and he values their friendship enough to put his own feelings aside and suffer in silence rather than lose her and what they’ve built. So, he takes the opportunity to get some air rather than continue to sit there in disappointment. Which is why he’s so confused when Millie runs after him and calls out to him from across the street. He doesn’t understand what she’s doing there. She turned down his offer to get a coffee and he already knows her order so why is she there? I love that they chose to make that scene non-verbal. I think if Millie had come out and made some big declaration of love it would have felt cheesy and overdone. But her running after him and silently communicating through her smile and body language that she understood and that she felt the same way was perfect. It was subtle and beautiful and perfectly acted. It also felt realistic to the characters because in real life when you’ve known someone a really long time and you’ve spent a lot of time with them you don’t always need words to convey what you mean. What Millie wanted to express in that scene was so big and so all-encompassing she couldn’t find the words to say everything that she wanted to say so she didn’t. She just stood there and smiled knowing that being the genius that he is he would understand. It’s like Keys says in their interview, words will fail you, but code never does. His coding worked and now she understands so rather than try and say it all and fail she just looks at him and smiles to show him that she finally gets it. She finally understands what he’s been trying to say to her all this time. And you can see the exact moment Keys realizes why she’s there. The moment where he goes from being confused as to what she wants to realizing that she saw the video and she knows how he feels and that she wouldn’t be standing there smiling at him like that if she didn’t feel the same way. When I watched the scene the first time around, I was anxiously clutching my nachos the entire time because when Keys ran towards her my immediate thought was, “Oh my god he’s gonna get hit by a car and they’re never gonna get to be together! Oh my god!” But then he didn’t get hit by a car and Millie ran out to meet him and for the first time in their relationship she met him halfway and they kissed and it was beautiful! I think because Free City had so much violence in it that’s where my mind went and I’m very glad they didn’t go that route. One of my only criticisms about the movie is that I wish they had stayed on Millie and Keys just a little bit longer. They kiss and embrace and then very quickly they cut to black. I wish they’d linger on that moment just a little bit longer because I love those characters so much and in the scene that follows where Guy and Buddy are reunited we see them hug and then walk away together to start their new lives and I wish we’d gotten just a bit more time with Millie and Keys. I also really loved the parallel between the different kinds of relationships within the movie and how platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. The reveal at the end about Guy being Keys’ creation and a love letter to Millie and her realizing she’s been loving Keys vicariously through Guy and them finally coming together and being on the same page is beautiful because from the very beginning the movie is full of clues, hints, and foreshadowing that all comes together at the end. Meanwhile, we see the friendship between Guy and Buddy and how important that friendship is to him because it’s something that he created on his own. His love for Millie is born out of the programming that Keys gave him, but his friendship with Buddy is something that Guy created all on his own of his own volition. Which is part of what makes Buddy’s death on the bridge so tragic. I cried when Buddy disappeared. Reynolds and Howery play their characters with such sincerity that his death pacts an emotional punch you don’t expect. I love that the security guards at Soonami are so moved by Buddy’s heroism and are so captivated by what’s happening with the live stream that Millie is able to sneak past them into the server room and stop Antwan from destroying what’s left of the game. Something else I noticed on rewatch is that during the final battle after Millie gets booted from the game and Guy has to fight Dude on his own the glasses he’s wearing are very similar to the ones Keys wears in the movie which I thought was a cool nod to Guy being Keys’ creation. This really is a movie in which you find something new every time you watch it. For instance, the second time around I noticed that the foreshadowing that Keys is in love with Millie, but she’s oblivious to it because she’s so focused on the game was really well done. In the video from the indie game conference that Millie plays for Keys at his apartment when asked by the interviewer about their chemistry Millie responds first and says that their friends, their relationship is completely platonic, and laughs off the idea that they have chemistry. In contrast Keys falters and is silent and then eventually says meekly that they’re just friends. Millie is looking ahead at the interviewer and to the side away from Keys as she’s laughing and so she doesn’t see Keys’ reaction. At the end of the apartment scene after Millie breaks in to ask Keys for his help, he tells Millie he cares about her and he almost says something else. It feels like he’s about to say, ‘I love you’ but then he catches himself and instead tells her that she needs to leave. When Keys visits Millie’s apartment to tell her that she was right and they’re sitting on the couch he reaches out and puts his hand on her knee and then snatches it back when he realizes he’s gotten too close. He wants so desperately to be closer to her and in his excitement, he gets closer than he normally would before realizing that putting his hand on her knee in that close proximity is not a platonic gesture. Millie is so caught up in the realization that Guy, the person she’s fallen in love with, is an AI and not a real person that she doesn’t notice. My heart broke for Keys in that scene as he realized that Millie had fallen for Guy and kissed him and was so upset about it and meanwhile, he was right in front of her desperate for her to see how much he cares. It must have just wrecked him to go home that night and realize that Guy was based on the lovelorn character he created and that Millie had fallen in love with his creation while at the same time being so oblivious to his real world affection for her. In the scene at Millie’s apartment after they’ve gotten the server from Antwan and Mouser encourages Keys to say something, I noticed on rewatch just how weak and meager Keys’ attempt to ask Millie out is. He stumbles his way through asking her to get a coffee and trails off at the end so it’s no wonder Millie doesn’t clue in that he’s trying to ask her out. And in Keys’ defence he sent her a whole video confessing his feelings for her and all of the little things he loves about her and then told her to watch it and he has no idea if she did or not. We the audience know that Millie only saw half of it, but Keys has no idea if she saw none of it, part of it, or all of it. He knows she got Guy to remember, but she’s also sending him mixed messages. One minute she’s saying he’s cute when he brags and the next, she’s turning him down for coffee to talk to Guy. From the outside it’s so obvious that Keys is in love with Millie, but she doesn’t see it because she’s always looking the other way, not paying attention, so caught up in the game, and too focused on their work to see what’s right in front of her. On rewatch one of the big things I noticed is that Keys is always on the edge of telling Millie how he really feels but he always stops himself because she brushes him or the idea off and because he’s scared of what will become of their work and their friendship if she doesn’t feel the same way. It’s a huge leap. If Millie doesn’t feel the same way it’s going to make their relationship incredibly awkward and could potentially destroy their partnership so Keys decides it’s better not to say anything or only hint at how he feels rather than run the risk of ruining everything. Something else I noticed on rewatch is that in the interview they give Keys says he thinks of himself as an author and that code is what gets him up in the morning and that he loves the ones and zeros of binary because words can fail you and let you down but code never does. At the end of the movie when Millie goes to talk to Guy in Free Life he tells her that he loves her and while he knows that’s his programming he’s realized that he’s a love letter to her and that somewhere out there in the real world is the author. Such a great callback. All in all, I can definitely say that Free Guy has been my favourite movie so far this year! Definitely my favourite movie of the summer. I went to see it twice in theatres and I’ve never done that for any other movie before. I’ll rewatch them at home sure, but I’ve never actually paid money to see something twice on my own. I’m very excited to see the sequel and my hope is that it will be just as good as the first.  Until next time.

[issaxcharlie]

We say we're friends, we play pretend (2/2 )You're more to me, we're everything

PART 1 HERE

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem reader

Summary: Charlie and Y/N were best friends and a couple as teens, after their breakup they meet again 4 years later on JATP and have to work together. Will they be able to recover more than their friendship?

If Charlie knew anything in life, it was that he had to take things carefully. Especially with such strong feelings involved. In general, when you like someone, the least you want is for that person to see you as a friend, but particularly for them, recovering their friendship bond was the most important step.

“You were so cute!” Tori and Owen are looking at photos of the guitarist's childhood on his phone. A photo of little Charlie in a suit grinning from ear to ear while holding a girl as if he is spinning her around shows up.

That memory is one of his favorites. He was always a very loved boy with many friends, but in the case of girls he was not the most popular. His best friend on the other hand was, at least for him, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and boys were always around her. He knew he needed to find a partner for the dance so that she wouldn't feel guilty or he wouldn't feel humiliated by not having someone to go with.

However, he was rejected, quite a few times. He didn’t want to say anything about the dance to his best friend that week because he knew that she would stay home with him without hesitation. But that day half an hour before, he arrived in a suit and flowers for her, so at least he could have a picture of such an important moment with the person he loves the most, and he was the one surprised.

“It was about time Char, we have to take about 30 pictures before we go. Mom bought you a tie so we can match." She is up and down looking for one of her shoes, not even turning to see her friend who doesn’t know if he understood correctly.

At that moment she finally turns to see him and runs for a hug, Charlie barely had time to raise his arm with the flowers.

“You look so handsome, and the flowers are perfect. Best partner ever, I love you so much C! I’ll be ready in a second.”

She had planned to go with him from the beginning, and thought it was an implicit pact. That realization made Charlie's heart beat a lot faster that day. No matter how many people invited her, she wanted to go with him. He spent the night with his favorite person dancing and singing, feeling grateful for her, this light who always chooses him of all people.

“I looked pretty good in those clothes.” Y/N says as she and Madison sit at the table.

“You always look amazing, but yeah that night was special.” It's also the night that he realized that he was feeling more than friendship for his best friend, but this is not the time to talk about it.

He decides to continue preparing his waffles, than even though it already has like 5 ingredients, it seems something is missing.

Y/N blushes a little and smiles. “Here, handsome.” She hands him a can of pringles that she grabbed from the cafeteria when she saw him making eggo’s.

“Perfect, Y/N Y/L teaching everyone why she's my soulmate.” Everyone at the table begins to complain about what they qualify as the most disgusting thing they have ever seen, while the former couple smiles happily as they secretly link their legs under the table and continue their breakfast.

Little details like that one, or as removing all the products that she would take with milk from her hands because she seems to forget every morning that she is allergic can make a difference.

“You are 22 years old and you are still as careless as when we were children, I do not understand how you have survived these 4 years."

“You were always the one who cared about it and kept me safe, I guess unconsciously having you close my brain says, ‘no worries, Char will take care of it.’ So I’m sorry, I'll be more careful.”

A seriously ill 10-year Y/N on the way to the hospital invaded Charlie's mind, whom quickly shook off the bad memory.

“It’s all good, bright star.”

“What did you say?” Madison asks.

“Bright star. I know Kenny calls her ‘golden star’, but he’s the copycat. I've been calling her like that all my life.”

Y/N just smiles, enjoying the moment. She had not heard those words from his lips for years, and honestly Kenny also calling her a star even If it was sweet, made her remember Charles practically every day, and that didn’t help at all to get over the guitarist.

“You are my brightest burning star.” Madison replies, looking at Charlie with amusement in her eyes.

At that moment the actor understands what is going through his co-star's head and panics.

“So this queen is the one who has you so inspired, I should have realized it before.”

“She’s always my inspiration, period.” Y/N starts to laugh while blushing, and Madison’s attention falls completely on her.

“And I guess ‘Bright’ is a coincidence? And rise through the night, you and I, We will fight to shine together...Bright forever.” The songwriter wants to disappear at that precise moment while everyone turns to see her as if she had a third eye on her forehead.

“But you wrote bright long before you even knew Charlie was part of the proyect.” Owen adds, smirking.

“If you are asking me if I draw inspiration from the people I love, to write... the answer is yes. And yes, of course I love him.” How is it possible for the guitarist to slow things down when she says things like that in front of everyone? All he wants right now is to kiss her. This discovery means that despite the time she still had him in mind, the song cannot have been written for long. Hope is flooding his body.

“Ok but they inspiring each other is the sweetest thing in the world, goals right there.” Tori adds excited, her friends blushing.

All those teasing moments helped them to be more transparent with their feelings, hugging, touching, and basically staying close each time they finished their work obligations, almost as if they were afraid that the other would disappear or as if they were trying to make up for lost time.

“We need a lot more energy, especially from Charlie. Luke lives for music, nothing can give him more joy than being on stage."

"They have been working for 17 hours straight and at least 15 attempts with this musical." Paul tries to reason with Kenny mid-recording of Now or Never, which still does not come out as the director was expecting.

“What was in the recording studio that is not here now? I thought they would show an even greater energy than there after they stepped on stage."

They both turn to each other, as if the light had been turned on at the same time, and Paul takes his phone.

A few minutes later Y/N walks on set, Sunset Curve smiles upon seeing her.

“I wanted to make sure that we are fulfilling the vision of our beloved songwriter. Let's not disappoint her, okay? Let's try it one more time." Kenny shouts before starting to record again.

Instantly the energy is seen a thousand times higher, Charlie more radiant than ever, while Y/N replicates his energy behind the cameras, flooding him with sass and attitude. The young singer also motivates her now friends and unknowingly gave Sunset Curve that extra thing they needed to finally achieve the perfect performance. Kenny and Paul doing a fist bump behind the screens.

Soon their chemistry and energy turned into open conversation. The way they made everyone on set cry the first time they practiced Unsaid Emily or how connected and dreamy they were while dancing to Perfect Harmony when Madison wasn't on set.

But they still weren’t together, at least officialy.

If Charlie was honest, the fear of throwing himself all over and losing her again terrified him. The industry they love so much and decided to work in doesn't let having a relationship be easy, and if things go wrong again, they don't know if it might be possible to fix it again. It was basically a leap of faith.

Nonetheless, he knows he's willing, but what about her?

That morning he enters the set overwhelmed with his situation when he sees an even more overwhelmed Y/N walk by without even turning around, almost running to the recording studio.

“I advise you to give her some space for a few hours. Let's say she’s going to have a pretty difficult day."

"Why? What happened?" Jeremy asks as he and Owen stand next to the director.

“She got a call from the people at Netflix, they have already approved almost all the music except ‘Stand Tall’, the closing song, and her favorite. They will come in an hour to hear her presentation and convince them that it is good enough."

At that moment Charlie has an idea. There is no way that he will leave her alone, if he has the opportunity to help her he will do it and he’ll drag along all the people he needs to achieve it.

"Kenny, do you happen to have the music sheets for the song?"

“Don’t tell me-” Owen tries to ask but Charlie interrumpts him.

“Yes, let’s get to work boys.”

An hour later Y/N is freaking out, and she can't help but wish Charlie was around. Of all the days he could choose to disappear, he chose today.

She walks towards the auditorium, where to her surprise way more people than she expected are present, including most of the cast. But there is no sign of her lover boy anywhere.

Now or never. She takes a deep breath and start playing the keyboard. Her voice is the only thing that accompanies the keys. Everything is going as planned, but she can't help but feel distracted, nervous, and overwhelmed.

She is about to give up this fight internally when a drum before the second verse gives her the strength to continue singing, Owen smiles and winks at her to give her some peace of mind, and just a few seconds later Jeremy begins to accompany them with the bass. She knows whose idea it is and she just waits for him to come out from wherever he is hidden.

"I’m going out of my mind, Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall." His voice finishes waking her up and she accompanies him in the chorus, their chemistry electrifying everyone until every single person is standing, the cast supporting, dancing and clapping while the couple continues to focus on each other, separating out of obligation every so often but taking the opportunity to sing along with Jeremy and Owen who were doing an amazing job too, impacting with their solos.

The song ends and the boys disappear while Y/N talks to the people who came to evaluate her work, who finally approve the last song on the soundtrack that she has been working on for so long and to which she put all her soul.

The very second people outside the cast leave, Y/N looks for who has always been the boy of her life, the one who has proven that even though the years go by, they only need a few seconds to be themselves again, to be everything again. And as soon as she finds him hanging around only with the other 3 members of JATP she runs and jumps on him, entwining her legs at his hips and hugging him from the neck with all her strength, he immediately secures her by putting his arms around her waist.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

The band starts screaming “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!” hoping that one of the two will already dare to take the next step, and Y/N stamps her lips against Charlie's, who reacts almost automatically and kisses her back hard, deciding quickly this is the happiest moment of his life. He finally got the girl, or with what just happened, her fierce girl got him.

Hours later both are in Y/N's apartment curled up on a sofa, enjoying being together again.

“Yes, that sexy, beautiful, adorable and talented man is my boyfriend, Charlie Gillespie.”

Charlie chuckles at her random declaration. “What was that?”

“I’m practicing, and I wanted to say it aloud. I’m just so happy right now.”

His heart melts, she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. His brightest burning star.

His girlfriend doesn't give him time to reply, devouring his lips again. After all, she has four years to recover, and as always, he is more than willing to help her.

Thank you so much for reading!

NEXT PART HERE

Tag list:

@siennanoelle01

@reblogserpent

@kiss-themoongoodbye

@writerinlearning

@rachelle3musicals

[fellulahh]

MC and Diavolo accidentally switch bodies for the day

Taking a sip of the drink that Solomon had just prepared for her, MC narrowed her eyes at the white haired sorcerer. A small, cheeky grin appeared on his lips as he watched her eagerly.

Finishing the drink, MC set the glass down on the counter as she began to grow suspicious of Solomon. Although he was usually sly, there was something that seemed so cunning about the expression he had.

“What is it?” She asked quietly as he began to chuckle. “Solomon what did you do?!”

“You know that conversation you and I were having the other day?” He asked casually as he sat back in his chair.

Without any further discussion, MC knew exactly what he was referring to. Widening her eyes, she turned her head to gawp at the empty glass in front of her. “You didn’t!” She gasped in horror.

“MC don’t worry about it! It’s fine - I did nothing different than what we discussed.” He explained with a smile, “You said you wanted to get your revenge on the brothers after they all took that lust potion around you so guess what? I used the last of this body switching one in your drink.”

Although Solomon found it terribly amusing that MC had just drunk a syrup that would switch her body with somebody else, she wasn’t so thrilled. It wasn’t the fact that he’d slipped it into her beverage - it was actually her idea in the first place - it was the fact that she was now going to face the effects of the syrup.

“How does it decide whose body I switch with?” She asked quietly, glancing up at Solomon with a worried expression.

“The last person you touched.” He grinned, “I just can’t wait to see which one you turn into!”

“Solomon!” MC suddenly panicked as she shot out of her seat.

“What is it?” He asked confused, “you’ll only change bodies for a day?”

“That’s not the issue here!” MC waved her hands frantically, “the last person I touched was Diavolo!”

“Oh shit...” Solomon mumbled. “You mean?”

“I’m going to turn into Diavolo!” MC cried before letting out a sharp breath, “and Diavolo is going to turn into me!”

“Fuck...” Solomon breathed, trying to weigh up the options on what they should do.

“We have to go to the palace.” MC shook her head, causing Solomon to look at her as though she was being ridiculous. “We need to tell him!”

Sighing, she marched out of the room before she could even give him a choice. Time was against them as they raced through the house. The affects of the syrup could take place at any second. MC silently prayed that Diavolo didn’t have some important meeting with all of the high nobles.

She seethed to herself as they travelled across the Devildom. ‘This is a disaster!’ MC kept repeating to herself until eventually they made it to the palace.

Barbatos let both of them into the castle, surprised to see the state they were in.

“Barb where’s Diavolo?!” MC asked quickly, “I’ve got to see him right now.”

“He’s in his study?” Barbatos arched an eyebrow, “would you like me to call for him?”

“There’s no time!” MC shook her head, “please just take me to him.”

Following her orders - and given how urgent they seemed - Barbatos began walking through the palace at a fast pace. Solomon chose to hang back as MC followed the Prince’s servant.

The palace had never seemed so big as they continued turning left and right down various hallways until eventually MC was lead to a colossal door.

Knocking gently, Barbatos awaited Diavolo’s call before letting MC in. As she practically fell into the room, the Prince stood up from his seat in surprise.

“MC?” He asked concerned, “whatever is the matter?”

“My Lord I am so sorry.” She panted as she leant over, “Solomon gave me a syrup that would make me switch bodies...”

Talking had never seemed to hard as she tried to regain her breath.

“He didn’t realise that you and I were together earlier.” She continued, “I drank it to get my own back on the brothers but Solomon didn’t know that I hadn’t seen them today.”

Diavolo’s eyes never left MC’s face as she frantically tried to explain what was happening.

“He says I will switch bodies with the last person I touched.” MC finished.

Recollecting their catch up they’d had earlier, Diavolo remembered the hug they shared as MC left. “Me?” He asked with wide eyes.

“I’m so sorry!” She repeated with an anxious expression.

“What you mean to tell me is you drank a syrup that would force you to switch bodies with the last person that you touched? And that person is me?” He asked, trying to understand the situation.

“Yes...” MC answered as her face sunk.

Diavolo showed no emotion for a minute as he paced in front of his desk. Fear grew in MC’s body as she anticipated a scolding from the Prince.

But then, as he perched his firm butt on the edge of his desk, he looked up at MC. “So once this syrup takes effect, I will be you for the day and you me?” He requested clarification.

“Yes, My Lord.” She nodded.

“Well this sounds positively exciting!” He suddenly grinned, catching MC by complete surprise.

“I’m sorry...” she knitted her eyebrows, “you’re not angry?”

“Why would I be angry? I have nothing important scheduled for the rest of the week and therefore do not need to worry about you being me.” He explained, “and with me switching bodies with you I can finally grasp an understanding on what it is like to be a human!”

Diavolo seemed to find this incredibly exciting.

“I must say MC, my life was far more boring before you came along.” He chuckled. “I think you and I could have some fun with this. How long has it been since you drank the syrup?”

“About 25 minutes, My Lord.” MC breathed.

“Excellent.” He smirked, “Five more minutes should do it.” As he glanced at her, he noticed the worry in her eyes. “You seem frightened?” He questioned.

“I’m sorry My Lord, I just didn’t expect you to react so...well?” She spoke unsure. “I came here thinking you’d be furious.”

“While this isn’t quite how I imagined spending my afternoon, that’s not to say I am disappointed because of it.” He chuckled, “now come on, MC. Wipe that worry off your face!”

In all truth, Diavolo was just pleased he was involved in such chaos without being the one who orchestrated it.

“Now...lets not spend the afternoon fretting.” He smirked, “it’s time we had some fun!”

-

What did they get up to?

Now being in Diavolo’s body, MC decides to give Barbatos some super weird orders. “Can you get out and buy me some peaches without the pit?” “My Lord, all peaches have pits?” “Then find some that dont!”

“Barbatos will you carry me to the kitchen please?” “I’m sorry my Lord but I don’t think I will be able to support your weight...” “how rude! Would you speak to your King like that?”

After about ten minutes though, Barbatos guesses exactly what’s happened

“How did you know it was me?!” MC questions, “because Lord Diavolo always uses his fluffy pen to write out shopping lists! You used the dip pen - a rookie mistake.” “Ah.”

MC walks into Diavolo’s chamber and while alone, takes a sneak peak down his shirt, ‘it’s even better than I imagined!’

Meanwhile Diavolo - in MC’s body - remains sat at his desk trying to calm his mind. ‘Well maybe just one feel...’ he thinks to himself before quickly grabbing his newly accustomed breasts

“Oh my!” He grins to himself

FaceTimes Lucifer, “Hey cutie, how are you doing?” “MC?? Why are you at Lord Diavolo’s?” “We’re talking about you.”

MC pulls a prank on Mammon by messaging him, “hey Mammon, Lord Diavolo’s pretty mad at you...” “ha! If he was it’d be Lucifer messaging me. Prove it.” *MC sends a selfie in Diavolo’s body looking pissed off* “o—oh shit what did I do?!”

Diavolo goes to the House of Lamentation and tells all of the brothers that he (MC) is in love with Diavolo so they should all stop pining over her

He also does whatever he can to make Lucifer blush while in the human’s body. He knows she’s the only one capable of making his heart go soft. “Did you know your hair looks sexy pushed back?” “MC, please.”

Back at the castle, MC’s ordering for a new portrait to be painted of her (Diavolo) to hang above the throne. And of course, the pose she chooses is her dabbing

She also sends a selfie to Solomon, “Hello Harry Potter, it’s Lord Diavolo here to tell you u nasty”

Afterwards, she calls Simeon to tell him “It’s Diavolo here - I’m really sorry to tell you this but MC’s my favourite exchange student.”

When it comes to going to the toilet, MC tries incredibly hard not to look down but as soon as she catches a glance of Diavolo Jr she screams “oh my GOD”

She posts an inspiring article on the RAD newspaper with “words we can live by” and its ‘sex drugs and sausage rolls’

While not pranking the brothers, Diavolo’s ‘testing’ what it’s like to be in a human body. *punches wall* ‘interesting...that was painful*

He momentarily forgets he’s MC and has some of Mammon’s spicy noodles before immediately regretting it ‘oh HELL that’s hot!’

Accidentally mentions something to Lucifer that only Diavolo would know and the eldest brother’s like “...how did you know that, MC?”

When Luke gets excited to see MC (or in this case Diavolo), the Prince tells the angel that he (MC) is going to marry Diavolo and Luke runs off screaming “YOU CAN’T MARRY A DEMON!”

If MC gets approached by anyone and they ask any questions, she answers them very ‘seriously’ “My Lord, I hear there are talks of the exchange program being extended. Do you have anything to say on this?” “Yes. Shakira Shakira. No further questions please.”

[prettyyoungandbored]

Becoming Mrs. Wayne [The Dark Knight] Nine

Pairing: Christian Bale!Bruce Wayne x OC

Summary: Demetria Gallagher knew her cozy life would change the second she became engaged to Bruce Wayne. But what she doesn’t know is she’s getting more than what she agreed to. (I am trash at summaries.)

Warning: None

Taglist: dragonballluver, disgraceful-marvel-trash, barikawho, @claudiahxrdy​ (Let me know if you want to be tagged in this!)

Bruce’s fingers ran through Demetria’s black hair, tucking a strand behind her ear before his fingers slid softly down her jawline.

She was fast asleep, her head resting on his chest, their legs intertwined. Her breathing was gentle, heart beating slowly against his. Her jacket was draped over her like a blanket. His arms wrapped around her protectively.

After having their way with each other, they’d put their clothes back on with the intention of driving back home, but exhaustion overwhelmed them and instead they opted for sleeping on the floor. 

Bruce felt relief wash over him, knowing that he didn’t have to hide from her nor did he lose her in the process. His eyes fell to her stitch on her forearm. The scar would forever be a reminder of his carelessness and he would never forgive himself for as long as lived.

Her eyes fluttered open, a tired smile forming on her lips.

“Morning,” she mumbled, nestling her head closer to him as she basked in the warmth of his body.

He kissed the top of her head, pulling her close to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore, but nothing some asprin can’t fix.”

“I have a bottle in the top right drawer. I also have aftercare stuff for stitches in my desk if you need it. I’ve had to stitch myself multiple times.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “You do it yourself?”

“Alfred helps.”

She hummed. “I’m getting you a blanket to keep in here. Maybe a pillow too.”

He chuckled, his lips hovering over the top of her head. “I don’t need it.”

She lifted her head. “But I might.” 

“Who says I’ll allow you back in here?” he teased. 

“I can make myself very useful to you.” 

“You’re always useful to me.”

She rolled her eyes, lying her head back down. “You know what I mean.”

His fingers circled her back as he rested his chin on top of her head. “Dem?” 

“Yea?” 

“Are all your panic attacks like that?”

She glanced up. “Like what?” 

“Like how it was last night?”

She shook her head. “I’ve never had one that intense before. They vary in severity, but usually it’s manageable.” 

He closed his eyes, cursing himself even more. He knew he should’ve been there. “What can I do for you when you have them?”

 “Just ask me what I need,” she shrugged. “I’ll usually tell you if I want you there or if I want space.”

“You promise?” 

“I do.” Her fingers reached toward his hair, running through it. “I appreciate you asking.” 

She pecked his lips before stretching her arms carefully, aware of the stitch on her arm. “How the hell did we fall asleep on the floor?”

“I think we were both just were too tired to care.”

She got up, helping Bruce up off the ground. She threw on her jacket. “By the way, how the hell did you and Rachel survive that fall?”

He chuckled. “I’ve jumped off higher buildings. That was nothing.”

She cocked her head. “You live in a penthouse.” 

“When you’ve been at it for as long as I have, you get used to it.” 

“So you’re not going to tell me?” 

He smirked, resting his hands on her forearms. “I don’t want you jumping off buildings.” 

She scoffed playfully. “Fine, keep your secrets.” Then it dawned on her. “Speaking of which, does she know?”

“Rachel? Yeah, she does.” 

“Anyone else?” 

“Lucius Fox. He helps come up with the tools and the Batsuit. All this you see in here is his handy work. As for Rachel, I rescued her a long time ago.”

Demetria nodded understandingly. Bruce put his hands on her hips, pulling her close to him. “I should’ve told you sooner. I just wanted to protect you.”

She gently grabbed his hands. “Be honest with me here, were you really ever going to tell me?”

“I was hoping I could step down before we got married so that I could tell you when it was over so you wouldn’t worry. I realize now how foolish that was.” He paused. “I threw the fundraiser for Harvey because I believe he’s what Gotham needs and deserves. He’s better than Batman. I want him to continue so that the Batman can leave and I can begin my life with you.”

She couldn’t bring herself to be too mad at him, realizing his intentions were nothing but good. She also cursed herself for ever doubting him. 

“Well first, know that the right time to tell me anything is when it happens,” she told him. “Second, don’t get me wrong, what Harvey’s done for the city is great but he’s not you. You should be proud for what you’ve done for the city.” She pressed the palm of her hand against his cheek. “I want you to know that if you don’t want to give up Batman, that’s ok. If you feel like you’re done, then that’s ok too. What I don’t want is to be the reason behind your decision.” 

He shook his head. “You’re always my reason. Demetria, you’re everything to me.” 

Her lips curved into a small grateful smile.  “Just know I’m here and I’m proud of you and that you’ll always be my hero.” 

‘I’m proud of you.’ Four words filled him with a sense of security he hadn’t felt in a long time. No, he never searched for glory or praise when it came to his Batman or personal duties, but Demetria’s support meant the absolute world to him. He knew his luck and he’d be damned if he pushed it any further.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his thumb wiping her bottom lip.

Her hands moved to wrap around the back of his neck and his hands wrapped her cheeks. “I love you too.”

He leaned forward, his breath hitting her lips for a moment before his lips brushed up against hers.

His kiss was gentle, but with meaning, just like his declaration. If both had their choice in life, they would choose to stay in the moment forever. To stay trapped in the most meaningful kiss that made the world and its problems around them disappear. 

Demetria slowly pulled back and rest her head on his chest as his hand rubbed her back. Her eyes shifted over to the computer screens, curiosity filling her eyes. 

“So what exactly is this for?” she questioned, motioning her head toward it. 

Bruce looked at the computers. “Helps with tracking.” 

“Tracking what?” 

“Anything and everything.”

She turned her head to him. “Including me?”

His hands were shoved in his pockets, slight embarrassment painting his expression. “Two times. Tops.”

She leaned forward, a playful smirk on her lips. “You’ve spied on me twice? When?”

“First time was the anthrax scare.”

“And the other?

“Huge drug deal happening in the basement of your apartment building. 

She hummed, the memory coming back to her. “Ah, yeah. That was a fun time.” Her eyes then widened. “Wait a minute. You called me that night...and you...you asked-.” 

“For you to spend the night,” he finished. He nodded. “I wanted to make sure you were safe.” 

“So that's why you made me stay at your place for the entire weekend?” 

He cracked a smile. “Made you? I seem to recall you not fighting me on it.” 

“I just thought you were needy.” She looked back over at the computers. “Would you teach me how to use the system?” 

“Why?”

“I want to help you.”

His smile faded. “Demetria, I told you I don’t-.”

“I’m already involved, Bruce. Besides, I’ll stay in here and this is a safe enough space for me. Plus, I worked in journalism. I know how to dig deep and find out things.” 

“I thought your job was to get people on shows?” 

“We had to do background checks and in-depth research.” She put her hands on his shoulders. “Look, I can’t jump off buildings or fight, but I can help with hacking and with research and that’s just as useful to your work as the physical stuff is. Think of it as me 

Bruce couldn’t bring himself to fight her. She’d had a point - she was already involved. She was also helpful with the tip from last night. Maybe she could be an asset.

“How do you know to hack?” he questioned, cracking a tiny smile.

“I know people,” she shrugged casually.

He shook his head. “We’ll try it on a trial basis.”

She perked up, her smile widening. “I promise I won’t disappoint.”

“I see you now know our little secret, Miss Gallagher.”

Demetria and Bruce looked over to see Alfred carrying two to-go coffee cups. He made his way to the couple, offering the first cup to Demetria. 

“You’re a lifesaver, again,” Demetria thanked him as she took the coffee. She took a sip, the taste of caffeine, half-and-half, and sugar welcoming her. 

She watched as Alfred set down the other cup on the desk as Bruce turned the computer systems. Suddenly, the pitch black screens turned to looped videos of The Joker. From security cam footage to his video from yesterday, his presence graced the screen and caused shivers to go down Demetria’s spine. 

The memory of the way The Joker’s eyes pierced in to her in the moments before he slashed her flashed in her head. She exhaled, shaking it off so Bruce wouldn’t see. 

Just when a distraction was needed, her phone rang. She dug into her jacket pocket to find it was her mom calling.

“Oh shit,” she mumbled.  

She walked to the other side of the Bat Cave and pressed the green button. “Hey Mom.”

“Thank god you’re alright! I had Henry calling me at midnight in hysterics, saying you were attacked and hospitalized - I could barely sleep last night!”

“I know I should’ve called-.”

“Thank god for Alfred! Alfred called me from the hospital to keep me and Henry updated. He even called this morning to say you were sleeping in and that he and Bruce had you taken care of.”

Demetria made a mental note to thank him for keeping her mother at bay.

“And Bruce! My god, the poor thing!” her mother went on. “I mean, he got lucky he was only locked in the closet, but it could’ve been so much worse. Thank god the rat guy came in when he did.”

“His name is Batman, Mom.”

“ I called Harvey to check on him and he said Rachel was attacked too?”

“Yeah, The Joker threw her out the window-.”

“Oh my god! Oh my god!”

“Mom, she’s fine. Batman saved her.”

She leaned her head back, closing her eyes. This was the absolute last thing she needed.

“That’s it! I’m coming in tonight.”

Demetria’s eyes widened. “Absolutely not! You are not coming to Gotham!”

“Demetria, do not fight me on this!”

“Mom, I need you to stay where you are. Now is not the time to come here.”

“I need you to be safe.”

“I am safe. They’re increasing security at Bruce’s place as we speak.”

“What about Harvey?”

“He’s untouchable. He’s going to be fine.”

Her mother sighed in defeat. “Alright, but I want a phone call everyday. You hear me?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“And if this continues, I want you, Bruce, and Alfred on your way here or I’m coming in.”

“Fair enough. I promise everything’s gonna be ok. Just do me a favor and keep Henry calm and updated. I’ll call him later.”

“I will. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Demetria hung up, shoving the phone back into her pocket. She made her way back to Bruce and Alfred who were staring at the monitors. 

“Targeting me won’t get their money back,” Bruce said, his eyes glued to The Joker’s face on screen. “I knew the mob wouldn’t go down without a fight, but this feels different. They’ve crossed a line.” 

“You crossed a line first, sir,” Alfred pointed out. “You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation and in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn’t fully understand.” 

Bruce turned away from the monitors. “Well, criminals aren’t complicated, Alfred. We just need to figure out what he’s after.”

The case that held his Batsuit rose from the ground as Bruce stared at it. 

“With respect Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man you don't fully understand either,” Alfred suggested. He made his way toward Bruce, Demetria watching him. “A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of the tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anyone who traded with him.One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away. “So why steal them?” Bruce asked with a slight shrug. 

“Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.”

As Alfred walked away, Bruce and Demetria looked up at the screen at the Joker’s face. 

============================================

Back at the penthouse, Demetria sat in the living room watching GCN’s coverage of the deaths of Police Commissioner Gillian B. Loeb and Judge Janet Surillo. Both were murdered - one poisoned, the other blown up in her own car. Both deaths were believed to have been conducted by The Joker and by the city’s mobs. 

She couldn’t help but wonder if what had happened to her last night was premeditated. One of the henchmen singled her out to The Joker, referring to her simply as “her.” Perhaps she was on the list for round one of victims.

It dawned on her that by confirming her friendship with Harvey in her editorial, she set herself up to be a target. 

She shut off the TV and began pacing the room. What if the orphanage was next or GCN? What if they were going to blow up her old apartment building with everyone in it? What if they were going to try again?

She cursed herself for writing that damn thing. If only she had just let it go, she wouldn’t have gotten herself involved.

She ran her hand through her hair, when she turned her head over to see her laptop. 

That’s when she thanked God she was smart enough to befriend some of the IT people and researchers at GCN. 

She grabbed her cell phone and went through her contacts, before finding the name she needed. She dialed the number. 

“Harvey, are you at the office?” 

“Yeah, is everything ok? Are you alright?” 

“Is Grace at the office?” 

“Of course.” 

“I need you to let go on an errand for me.” 

*********************************************************************************

That night in the Batcave, as Bruce suited up in his Batman outfit, Demetria sat at the desk setting up her new laptop. 

“And what exactly did you tell Harvey you needed a new laptop for?” 

“I spilled water on mine,” she answered, her eyes not leaving the computer. She clicked a key. “There we go! Now if you need me to hack into a place, I’m ready to go. I’m also logged into the scanner and can hear everything, but that’s not as fun.” 

“How do you know which security cameras the buildings use?” 

“Most places have the same system,” Demetria explained. “At least that’s what I was taught.”

“Looks like I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets,” Bruce noted. 

She furrowed her eyebrows. “There’s a difference between my limited knowledge of hacking and you being Batman.” 

He kissed the top of her head. “Are you going to be ok in here?” 

“I have a blanket and pillow and I’m wearing my favorite sweatpants so I would say so.” She eyed his computers. “I’m still working on figuring out those systems but I should be ok.”

His hand touched her cheek. “It won’t always be like this. Soon, you’ll have me all to yourself in bed all night.”

“And I cannot wait, but for now, focus on getting home safe and without a scratch.”

“For you, absolutely.”

He put on his cowl when Demetria said,” “Scanner is already reporting a shooting at West Point apartment on 78th. Gotham PD is on their way. Checking for security footage now to see if it’s the Joker.” She looked over her shoulder. “Better move along.” 

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 14)

Natsume has been putting himself on the line for his sister. He's currently manipulating his way into the Hana Hime den, completely unaware that he's falling for a trap set for him. At the same time, his manipulations involve spending a lot of time with Mikan, and how his feelings of love for her complicate things.

Chapter Fifty-Six

The boys dutifully dress in girls’ kimonos, even if they are embarrassed. Natsume will do anything for his sister, so dressing in drag is really nothing compared to all the other stuff he has done and will do for her.

Upon arriving at the house for the party, Mikan is very excited, waving her hands (including the one not-actually-stuck to Natsume) and dragging him all over, which he surprisingly allows.

Yeah, yeah, the scans are low-quality, but what matters is LOOK AT THEM. She's so excited and dragging him around and he just lets her! I'm obsessed.

They enter, escorted by Shizune, who leads them past the party on the first floor, which is open to all Middle school girls. They are headed to the more exclusive party on the second floor. Many of the Middle school girls gossip about the group headed up the stairs, but Mikan is happy to notice Misaki and Nobara in the crowd. Nobara is excited to see her, until she sees Natsume there too. Her mood changes from excited to scared, asking why Natsume has come to this place and warning Mikan to get him out because he won’t be safe there.

Nobara is surprised to see him, but also scared for him, which gives off the impression that either she didn't think Natsume would fall for the trap or she wasn't aware that there was a trap at all but knows that the Hana Hime den is a dangerous place for him anyway. With this in mind, we can see that something very dangerous is awaiting Natsume. If he does find his sister, it won't be easy getting her out safely.

Chapter Fifty-Seven

Almost immediately after arriving, Hotaru is able to separate from Ruka and Youichi, which spurs Natsume to finally give up Mikan’s hand as well. The MSP is obviously peeved by the boys’ presence and the role she was forced to play for Persona.

The flower princesses have decided to cheer the MSP up by choosing one of the incoming group to bully. Hotaru is absolutely out of the question, as she is the only one the MSP actually intended to invite. The boys are not chosen either, as Natsume is to be sacrificed to Persona and the princesses find them all cute. That leaves Mikan, who is immediately obnoxious and loud, the perfect target for ridicule.

Mikan is very excited about the traditions and rituals of the flower party, but she is very persistently excluded from each one. Even the boys get flower names (other than Yo-chan), but Mikan is ignored when she asks for one.

She is then excluded from the feast, with all the dishes purposefully taken from her and placed in front of other people. She is then given a “medicine” which only makes her smell bad so the other attendees want to stay away from her. Hotaru seems to be distracted by the special treatment she was so looking forward to, but Natsume is visibly bothered by the strange way in which the flower princesses are treating Mikan.

The games they play either exclude Mikan, mock her, or both.

In no time at all, she is thoroughly lonely, depressed, and hungry, her face painted all over.

They all sit around for another game, and the flower princesses decide that Mikan shouldn’t be invited for this one at all. Though Ruka and Hotaru are put off by this, Natsume has had enough, so he leaves the circle completely. Hotaru's way of defending Mikan is to get back at the girls through a game she invented, but Natsume's technique is a bit more straight-forward.

Natsume doesn't even like these people. Mikan, on the other hand...

Natsume has gone to fetch a dumpling for Mikan, a chestnut kuri kinton shaped like an orange. Perfect for her, he says. He then says he’s unbothered by the smell of her medicine, especially compared to the perfumes sprayed all over the place. Natsume doesn’t care about being polite and courteous to the MSP. He’s here to save Aoi, and standing by while these girls bully the love of his life won’t exactly help him save Aoi, so why should he do it?

So they end up bickering over something stupid again, and Mikan seems all cheered up.

She even seems sad to see him go to the bathroom, telling him to hurry so they can eat and spend more time together.

Pretending is so much harder when he can see that she actually enjoys spending time with him. How is he supposed to be okay with his fate when this is so much more pleasant?

He shuts her down, like it’s no big deal, but it is, of course, like everything else he borrows.

But he can’t have her waiting for him when he knows deep down there’s a chance he might not come back. He’s here for a reason after all, and that reason is sadly not to eat kuri kinton with Mikan. It’s to save his sister, who might be captive in a dungeon somewhere.

The MSP warns him not to explore too much, as she won’t be responsible for anything that happens to him.

He begins by looking for a bathroom, but there are no boys’ bathrooms, so he wanders around. His attention is immediately grabbed by some girls talking about “Yuki Aoi”. This is a trap, of course, just like everything else. He follows the girls downstairs into the basement, trying to look for Aoi, but the girls quickly report to Persona that it’s all going according to plan. It almost seems like too obvious a trap, but Natsume is desperate. He hasn't heard from Aoi in too long. He's so eager to find her that he doesn't see the warning signs, like that all the hints about Aoi are a bit too obvious.

Now is time for the Dangerous Ability Discipline Squad to be deployed.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Natsume descends into the dungeons, perfectly aware that he could end up staying there forever, and that he’ll be horribly punished for sure. There isn’t a lot of Natsume in this chapter actually, but his friends grow concerned about his long absence from the party, and wonder if Natsume has perhaps been punished as the MSP warned, for wandering where he shouldn’t.

We learn that the MSP has a very strong barrier alice, one that protects the whole school, and that it is very powerful in the dungeons, where Natsume is.

When we do see Natsume again, he has only gone deeper into the basement, when he sees a cell with a girl in it. He quickly rushes to her side, convinced that it’s his sister, but is disappointed to find that it’s actually Nobara with a wig, unconscious.

The problem is, now he’s locked in a cell.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Nobara, desperate as she was to make sure Natsume was okay, took Tsubasa with her into the dungeons, only to be isolated and put into a trance state. Natsume knows what the trance state means: it’s the only way she can be made to use her alice on missions, as she is usually good-natured.

He knows he’s in danger now, that the DA class has trapped him and that he might have to fight. And just like that, the Discipline Squad is there: Rui, Hayate, and Yakumo, all waiting for him.

Natsume has been acting out of line for quite some time now. He’s been going on missions that go against the agenda of the school, all to help his friends, specifically his "kitten of a different color". He’s been smiling and joking more, happy when he’s supposed to be eternally despairing. The higher ups don’t like that, and this is his punishment.

Rui explains what’s going on, since Natsume goes on missions on the outside and isn’t familiar. The Discipline Squad is a subdivision of the DA class to punish people who aren’t toeing the company line. The Hana Hime den basement is where they usually do their work. Tsubasa was once victim to Rui’s alice specifically as a punishment for his troublemaking, hence the curse mark under his eye. Natsume’s punishment will likely be much more severe.

Persona then appears, holding the unconscious Nobara, informing Natsume that this was the final test: that Natsume should have been obedient and not wandered down into the basement. However, he has failed the test and stepped out of line once again, and this is the last straw.

Ah, how nice to see the Discipline Squad, my beloveds. And Natsume looks so pretty in that kimono.

Natsume is immediately on the offensive, grabbing Persona and demanding to know where Aoi is, but Persona uses his alice on Natsume’s wrists so he pulls away. Persona then instructs one of the Discipline Squad to go and get rid of the four new intruders who have descended into the basement, so now Natsume knows he has an extra responsibility beyond simply rescuing Aoi (not that rescuing Aoi was ever going to be simple).

Despite always putting others first, he never considers that his existence matters to people, and that if he's in danger, his friends will come to protect him.

The squad decides Hayate will go, although he complains because he had apparently been waiting a very long time to be able to beat Natsume up. We can see that Natsume isn’t popular in the DA class either, and perhaps that Yo-chan is the only one who might admire him, even in a class where they’re all in a similar boat.

The silly antics and childish jabs of the Discipline Squad too are very interesting. They act big and tough, and were perhaps given heavy responsibilities, but they’re still children. Every single person in the DA class is a child, someone forced into these actions in some way or other, whether through emotional blackmail, physical coercion, or manipulation. All of these kids are under the illusion that they are more important than they are--simply pawns obediently doing their duty for the school’s benefit.

It’s an effective tactic to pit oppressed or victimized people against each other so they don’t focus on the real enemy, Persona and the ESP. The DA class demonstrates this quite well. Back in the day, Luna was pitted against Yuka. Natsume hates most of his classmates except for Youichi. He can lash out at Nobara, who is loyal to Persona, because he can’t lash out at the man himself. And all the other kids hate each other, get mad at each other, argue amongst each other. Hayate getting angry that Rui is calling the shots even though the real person in charge is Persona (and even further up, the ESP) is a great example of this. They are all so busy being mad at each other that they don’t realize the person pulling the strings is the one they should be angry at.

Anyway, Persona warns Natsume that because four new people have entered the fray, he might want to submit. After all, the dungeon has the highest concentration of the MSP’s alice, and he isn’t accustomed to it, like the Discipline Squad is. But if he refuses to submit, then Persona will give him answers if, and only if, he can defeat all three members of the squad. If he cannot defeat them, well, he’ll be trapped in the dungeon for the rest of his life. Naturally, Natsume has no choice but to agree to the deal. His sister’s safety is at stake, after all, and he would do anything for her, including possibly allowing himself to be locked in a dungeon forever.

Chapter Sixty

Persona leaves Natsume alone with Rui and Yakumo, and Natsume thinks to himself that this is an impossible situation. His upperclassmen are very powerful and their alices suit the name “dangerous ability”. At the same time, he realizes that he has to win, because he wants to save Aoi and avoid being locked up. But Rui decides to take off, sensing Tsubasa in the dungeon, so Natsume is left with only Yakumo, which might make things easier. One on one is easier than two on one, after all.

But Natsume is actually not relieved. If Rui senses someone he’s marked, then there might be another person down with them. In any case, he doesn’t want Rui to meet his friends. Hayate is one thing, but Rui is far more dangerous, and they might be in serious danger if he decides to use his alice. After all, Natsume can hardly use his alice properly, so even if his friends had a chance with their alices, they’ll be at a serious disadvantage in the dungeon.

Yakumo tells him to snap out of it, to stop being distracted, because then Natsume will certainly lose. So Natsume has no choice but to hope for the best for his friends and that the mystery fifth intruder will protect them in his place, and focus on his fight with Yakumo for now.

This translation is a bit unclear, but he's pleading for the mystery intruder (Tsubasa) to protect his friends because he can't.

It’s interesting, from what we see of Yo-chan standing up for the other intruders in the dungeon, that Natsume told him to look out for the others in case something happened. Why did Natsume entrust such a task to a toddler, and not to Ruka or somebody else? Well, for one, Natsume has been entrusted with caring for everyone around him at a young age too. It was his job to be the serious and mature one after his mother died, taking responsibility to be as adult as possible and protect his father and sister, even though that shouldn’t have been on his shoulders at all. He won’t think it’s unfair to ask Yo-chan for this, because he’s been through it too and it’s normal for him.

Another thing is that every kid in the DA class is extremely powerful. To be in the DA class, it’s not enough to have a potentially dangerous alice, or many other kids would be in it. Tsubasa could have been in sooner, or Ruka could have been enlisted. Even Iinchou’s alice could be potentially terrifying if used in the right way. But they’re not DA students, because the alice has to be powerful enough to exploit. Yo-chan isn’t just in possession of a creepy alice; he’s a prodigy as well. He has control of his power and can do terrifying things with it. He’s been put on missions and trained too, even as little as he is, and he can do much more with his alice than the others can. Natsume trusts Yo-chan because he knows how dangerous these situations can be and he’s the most qualified to protect his friends.

Natsume please. He's just a baby.

It’s tragic, but it’s the truth. The DA students are living very different lives from the rest of them, much better acquainted with the school’s darkness than anybody else could comprehend.

And Natsume might be locked inside it forever.

Chapter Sixty-One

We learn that Yakumo has insect pheromones. Natsume is fighting hard, using his alice to protect himself, thinking hard of Aoi to keep himself aware of what he’s fighting so hard for.

There sadly isn’t much Natsume in the chapter. He’s busy at a stand-off with Yakumo and the battle isn’t really going anywhere.

Something of note is Narumi, looking at Ruka’s postcard from his mother, pondering why the children haven’t returned yet. He knows something is up, and has no doubt known the whole time at the very least that there were too many coincidences involved in the banquet to be mere coincidences. At most, he was somewhat aware that Persona was planning on punishing Natsume. With Narumi, it’s hard to tell.

And he was right all along...

Narumi recalls saying that Mikan could be the key to Natsume’s future, because he’d had the hunch that Mikan would become Natsume’s light. Natsume has, after all this time, realized that as well. Nobody wants to be locked up forever, but he especially doesn’t after he’s found something that helped make him happy again. So he will fight hard, because he wants to see Aoi again, and because he wants to see Mikan again too.

Conclusion

Natsume is ready to fight his hardest to find Aoi and keep from being locked away forever. He was aware before that he might not be able to easily make it back out, but it's become harder than he had imagined. Now that he knows Mikan and the others have followed him, he has even more to consider.

It’s a shame that I won’t be talking about Natsume and Ruka’s backstory in this essay. I brought up what I wanted to at the very beginning of this essay, and I won’t say much more than that here. I’ll touch on it in the Mikan POV essay, and I’ll go into every detail I can when I eventually analyze Natsume and Ruka’s relationship, but for now, there’s not much I’ll say.

This may be surprising! No Natsume backstory analysis in a Natsume essay?! But I’d be repeating what I’d said in the beginning. This isn’t just a Natsume essay after all. It’s a ship analysis, and I’ve said what I needed to already. I’m sad to skip it because it’s one of my favorite arcs in the whole story, but I’ll beat it to death in the future, so all is well.

I'm sorry if this was underwhelming. Like I'd said before, this arc is all about discovering Natsume, and Natsume... is Natsume, so he doesn't need to discover anything. I don't want to repeat myself or beat a dead horse just to fill up space. I reckon there will be one more part to this arc! I'm also sorry for posting this kinda late. I got very busy this morning and now everything is off-schedule. I'll try to post at a normal time tomorrow.

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[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.04.16

Time to answer some more of your questions. I have a lot this time, and still a lot left I’ll have to save to another post. You are all very good at being curious and asking interesting questions. There are also some asks that are replies to old asks, and then I’ll include the link to the referenced post.

This time the topics will be:

Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady” Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content? Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview Ask 9 - The garnet necklace Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook? Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53? Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)

Today’s post is a long one... Enjoy!

Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations

Ok, so I did write a shit post about this... (I mean… This is literally all Vmin’s songs so far ), but I still think your questions are worth a proper answer.

Honestly I think speculating about KTH1 is kind of hard, and as seen in the shit post I am quite torn with my expectations... In general I am the type who doesn’t like to expect too much in fear of being disappointed. I rather be pleasantly surprised. That being said Vmin does have a track record of getting involved in each other’s songs. I mean a lot is just speculation of course, but we do have confirmed cases as well, enough to not be too surprised if they would keep it up and do something for Tae’s solo album as well. (Tae saying his mixtape would be named Jimin back in 2016 still haunts me.)

On the other hand, they have already given us a lot of collabs. Adding more would feel more like a statement, at least if it would be only Jimin out of the members on that album. The thing is that if Vmin would have something “real” or at least if they are a bit careful with how they come across... I am not sure they would do something too “obvious”. But where such a line would be drawn is impossible to know. I mean clearly they managed to write and sing Friends and it worked fine, even if they did get more attention as a ship.

We also know Tae has been quite loud about Jimin in ways that single him out, so maybe they would really dare push the boundaries as far as actually including Jimin in the album somehow. It’s also very possible there could be other members, and honestly we probably shouldn’t hyper focus too much on it and that it has to mean something no matter if anyone is on it or not.

I think one of the rappers being on it is probably more likely out of the members, but it seems Tae has shown an interest in collabs with people outside of BTS, so that’s kind of what I am expecting the most. No matter who in the group is on it I am sure fans will make a big deal out of it, and maybe Tae would rather have his own thing for his first album. I really don’t know how his thoughts would go.

But again, looking at how Tae and Jimin has talked about working together, and have had moments like Tae promising Jimin a song or Tae saying they will work together again... It’s definitely not impossible to get another Vmin song. I do feel it’s more likely for any connections to be vague and not instantly noticeable though (at least not anything romantic looking because we know what happened to the Christmas song). Especially considering how they have only recently revealed things like 4 clock’s inspiration more openly and had Friends followed by Sweet Night. My main stance for any possible real ship is still that they have reason to be careful, and yet another Vmin collab, on Taehyung’s first personal album would probably raise some eyebrows considering everything else we already have. But it could also be me over analyzing them, and maybe they just really like and want to work together. Tae for sure has after all been vocal about this preference and want to work with Jimin.

So yeah, on one hand they have a track record that is hard to ignore... But on the other I wonder if they might want to add another “point” for ARMY to look at them and their songs. I also don’t want to assume that if there are songs on there that sound romantic that they automatically will be about Jimin. There will have to be legit possible connections for me to acknowledge them.

It’s tricky. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am kind of scared both that there won’t be anything or that there will be SOMETHING. Thank you for the ask, and I hope I shed some light on my thoughts on this subject. Either way I am very excited and looking forward to an album full of Taehyung’s own songs and the stories he wants to tell.

Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady”

I am not sure it is “lady”, since it’s a bit unclear in general. He also has a part that just seems to go “do be do” and I don’t know if the lyrics are even finished or if he worked with someone else etc. We basically lack a lot of information. But even so using lady/her/she etc. in a song doesn’t have to mean it is about a specific person or that the person is a she or that it is Taehyung’s own feelings (I know he said he usually sings about things he have felt, but just saying it doesn’t always have to be). 

Of course I don’t want to downplay it and say it doesn’t mean anything, but considering their fanbase is majority women, they live in a homophobic country and he has even been denied to sing a romantic song with a man before, it’s not impossible to add that to make it more “relatable” or less “gay”. God, that sounds terrible. I don’t want to start discussions where we don’t take their words for what they are, so I hope you might understand my point of view. That being said of course it could just as easily be to or about a specific woman in his life that we don’t know about. Or as you say, he isn’t actually in love but is simply writing love songs that could be inspired by non-romantic relationships or movies etc. as was the case for his inspiration for Winter Bear.

Tae also used “she” in Winter Bear, and that seems a bit forgotten. Or people try to say it has to be about his grandmother... Which we obviously don’t know, it’s just the woman people jump to since he used “she” and many people don’t like the idea of him dating a woman or writing about a woman we don’t know. Either way I think we need to remember that anything is possible and we don’t know them personally and how they think or why they choose to do what they do.

I think we need to remember that there is always going to be the possibility that ships aren’t real, that the romantic songs aren’t about Jimin and that either one of them could be in a relationship with someone else (all genders included).

Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex

Hello! I want to address something that has been bothering me for a while now. I have been seeing some vminnies have a superiority complex just bcoz they ship vmin. Its very rampant among new vminnies and twt vminnies. I get that we all feel validated and happy when out OTP claim to be soulmates and bff. I feel that way too. But people have to remember that vmin are real people and their relationship is dynamic. Like they did grow from bff who used to tease e/o and fight alot to soulmates who are gentle and caring. Who is to say that one day they wont drift apart (i hope not and dont think thats gonna happen but for argument sake) so there is no reason to feel superior or look down on other shippers. 

If people think vminnies are superior bcoz they are not toxic they probably know they are lying. Lbr i have seen my share of toxic vminnies though may be a lesser number but they are there and its not the ship but its that particular person who is at fault. While i agree that some ship theories cultivate hate and toxicity there may be people among those ships who are just as sane and good as we claim to be. I just wanted to address this bcoz seeing some vminnies on twt saying locals thinking vmin were tgt after coway add is a validation kind of triggered me. I m sure there would have been similar responses to any other ship bcoz they all have been tgt for a decade and are very comfortable with e/o. I just wanted to talk to someone about this and i know you have discussed similar topics in the past. So yeah this was very long.

First of all, on request I won’t show your name, but thank you for sending me this and letting me know who you are. It’s always nice to know who is behind the question. But that being said I don’t mind people asking on anon, I totally get it being a lot easier to ask or question things when you don’t have to reveal yourself. Either way I am just glad to get interesting and important topics and I do think the things you bring up are worth talking about.

As you say, there is this thing when people start to feel and act superior for various reasons, and I too have seen some Vminies do this. Getting a lot of moments is sure nice. But honestly, just imagine if another ship came and mocked Vmin or gloated every time they got more moments. It has surely happened too, and I am sure it doesn’t feel very nice when on the negative end. Just be a decent human, ship moments will always vary and it’s great to be happy about getting moments, but there is no need to compare or look down on other ships. I say it again, shipping is not a competition, just enjoy your own ship and let others enjoy theirs.

As for feelings superior based on group behavior I think we really need to stop looking at groups and start looking at individuals, both when it comes to groups we are part of and groups we consider “bad”. I have said it many times, but individuals of other groups we don’t agree with won’t all be bad, or all stupid or young etc. We might want to tell ourselves they are worse, but it really doesn’t change much. 

Being “less bad” it not a merit and it shouldn’t be a competition. We all have our own selves to answer to and we should judge other people based on their actions and not based on what group they might belong to.

I think size and the toxicity of a narrative can lead to more people in certain groups behaving in toxic ways... But I think any person could happen to fall into these behaviors if not careful and aware. Often the change is gradual too, or you feel attacked by the other “rival group” and thus feel it’s justified to attack back, and so it escalates.

Vminies are at the moment as a group smaller, and thus have less “bad apples”. We likely also have a narrative for Vmin that doesn’t require as toxic mindsets, for example extreme jealousy or Vmin being forced to hide. But there for sure are still toxic Vminies, and there are also a lot of non-toxic shippers in all groups. Usually the louder ones are also the worst ones while the chill and nice will remain in their own lane and ship more peacefully. But being part of a smaller group doesn’t make you superior, your actions is what is important.

As for small moments getting noticed or other types of “validation” for your ship, of course it’s going to feel nice. However, what people see and think of any relationship in BTS is still just an outsider view and literally has no meaning for their actual relationship beyond it being a cute moment. That’s why size and popularity also doesn’t matter as any kind of “proof”. Interpretation will always just be interpretation, good or bad, if you like it or not.

Sadly I think we will get more and more toxic behavior from more ships as the fandom grows and as some things get more normalized within those ships’ communities. It’s about certain behaviors growing into a community culture... The more toxicity that is allowed the more others will follow. That’s why bringing up the problems is important, but trying to do so without shunning people so that they don’t go and create their own space where everyone else is the enemy. After all, being open and welcoming and understanding is much more likely to make someone listen and even change their mind than by attacking them.

I answer for my own actions. So does every person. I don’t want to be judged for everything every Vminie or ARMY or Multi K-pop fan etc. has done. Generalization is a huge problem in general, not just in fandoms or ship wars. I do try to be a positive influence, to not judge too harshly and to remember that being hostile won’t help any situation. But that’s about it. I am glad you brought up this topic, because talking about it is important, but sadly I don’t think there is a lot that can be done about it. Just try to be nice and open minded.

Thank you for the ask, I hope you all understood what I wanted to say.

Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys

Thank you. I really see no need for it. It’s clear as day that they all love each other, and even if one pair would happen to be romantic instead of platonic that won’t change. We don’t have to compare and we definitely don’t have to downplay the moments they share with each other. All shippers should at the very least accept the the things they do and say as mostly genuine. I trust BTS and what they show us, it’s that easy.

I know some also get influenced by toxic fans, but we really need to remember that no narratives by fans matter when it comes to reality and what bonds BTS share with each other. They are all great people and seem to have such love and respect for each other I frankly don’t understand how you can be a fan if you think any of it is played up to the point some claim.

Likely no ship in BTS is real, but if any is, to me I am sure the ones involved would be happy and supported by the rest of the members. That’s why it doesn’t really matter what ship would be real or not real as long as they are happy. We shouldn’t let our own views and sometimes want or hopes affect the way be judge their reality. This applies for things outside shipping as well.

Thank you for your kind words. :)

Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts

Indeed. The brain is a powerful thing. This is very obvious if you are a multi-shipper or a general fan, but BTS truly has a lot of questionable moments between all kinds of pairs. Focus is a interesting thing. If you like something you will notice it more, and you will also remember it more while you forget other moments. Likewise if something is “negative” like a rival ship you are likely to notice them more as well. This happens even if you just watch the general content and get your own bias. Imagine then how it might influence you when others keep repeating either your happy interpretations or things you worry about? You’ll get it stuck in your head and remember it more than other things.

Like isn’t it funny how we might gush about Vmin sharing beds, or worry about ji/kook or tae/kook cuddling while hope/kook literally sleep wrapped around each other in both Bon Voyage 3 and 4? Sometimes it’s all about perspective.

By now we need to realize that fan perspective will influence us a lot. And in particular if a lot of people say it or if it is presented in a way that makes it sound logical and intelligent. Words have power. 

I still think using “Vmin is dead” or spreading worry often in itself leads to people thinking it and it being somehow accepted as fact. In similar fashion getting to hear about certain ships or certain narratives will make us notice things in relation to that. My own words and posts too will have influence on some people that read them. That’s why I try to be so careful, and why I try to avoid using strong words or claims that might cement themselves in someone’s mind. (I’ll actually talk more about the power of language in my big analysis as well)

Thank you for your input, it’s definitely an interesting thing to consider and another aspect of why shipping mentality is so complicated. 

Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta

Hi and yes, I have answered this before HERE, but it’s ok. I know it’s not easy finding old topics amongst my collection posts.

Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 3 - BTSandVMIN

In short I think Vmin wanted to share rooms but that Taehyung got fooled when Jimin stopped him from checking the upper room. Because it seemed like Jimin stopped him from walking into that room by saying he couldn’t peak Tae probably assumed it wasn’t Jimin’s room and that when Jimin said it was his room he was joking (his face was definitely something). So yeah, I think he just got fooled by Jimin’s statement about not being allowed to look inside the room before picking. There are other interesting things about this whole moment, but the one thing we should take away from it is how it is one out of now many examples that seem to show that Vmin have a preference to share rooms/beds. Thank you for the ask. :)

Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content?

I wouldn’t say it’s something recent. I say it often, but we really do get very intense periods from time to time with many of the ships. For example in February 2017 with ISAC, fan signs and everything else we got a lot of Vmin too. I remember being overwhelmed myself, and that was coming out of BST era Vmin. We got many moments every day and that’s just one specific period I can remember. 

 Over the years sometimes we do get these very intense days or weeks with a lot of moments at once. Usually I get asks like “do you think something is up with Vmin lately” or “wow I can’t believe how much Vmin we have gotten lately” but really, it’s hard to tell, because it really does happen from time to time. I also still say we always get Vmin moments regularly as long as we get BTS content, but sometimes a bit more and sometimes less. I am sure there will be more times when we also get “Vmin is dead“ and worried people because we get less moments than they expect. It just happens, up and down and around it goes.

As for what ships are big I will definitely say Ji/kook and Tae/kook are the biggest, but that all BTS ships are big by now. Meaning as soon as we do get moments it will be seen online. Especially if you follow people who talk about it of course. I also think what platform you are on can result in some ships being seen more than others. For example I know ji/kook is by far the biggest BTS ship here on Tumblr while Youtube seems to have more tae/kookers.

Thank you for the ask. Let’s hope Vmin keeps overwhelming us. (But let’s not start to worry if they don’t) ;)

Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview

Ah yes, I have a bit of a soft spot for this interview myself. I am not sure, but I think it might be from 2017 (since Tae wrote a birthday letter to Jimin in 2016), or at least that’s when I found it and saved it down. I haven’t actually tracked the original source. You can find the translation in the link shared HERE, credits to @95z​.

Seeing this close after the chaos of Let’s BTS and other letter confessions it really does seem very cringe for them to express sincere thoughts in these more formal ways. I can’t blame them. 

I do think this interview is yet another example of how much Vmin has tried to adapt to each other, learn and be more open with expressing how they feel. They literally inspire and learn from each other in how to express themselves. Isn’t it completely endearing? 

I also love how they get each other to feel strong emotions and how they are there for each other when in need. On a slightly more analytical note I also can’t help but note the “just a friend” vs “soulmate” descriptions and how they seem to have a hard time putting it into proper words. We already know this of course, but yeah... They really don’t have an easy time describing their relationship.

Thank you so much for sharing this moment. I was going to talk about it in my big analysis anyways, but honestly I can’t save everything for it, and you mentioned it so who am I to keep it to myself.

Ask 9 - The garnet necklace

Oh yeah, I know that JK wore it once and that the talk was that a fan gave it to all of maknae line. Not much was ever confirmed from what I know, but regardless it doesn’t change why I think it’s a Vmin/soulmate necklace and why I see it as special.

Here is the thing, when I use “Vmin thing” it really doesn’t have to be exclusive. To me it’s the context around it and how they have used it and even reacted to it that makes the garnet necklace something special for Vmin. In the case of the soulmate necklace Vmin wore it a lot. Almost constantly during a big part of 2017 and even a bit into 2018. They also wore it at the same time a lot. I find this very cute, and we all know “couple items” is something all fans enjoy even if it would just be a platonic relationship behind it. But if both of them wearing it was all there was, as a lot of Vmin sharing clothes (or BTS in general sharing clothes) I wouldn’t really think too much about it beyond it being cute. It could still be just a cute thing that Vmin did, but I personally see it as something beyond the normal clothes/jewelry sharing.

(At the very least you can remember Vmin did this while people thought their relationship was dead, which doesn’t make much sense to do if you hate or dislike someone.)

The things I find more noteworthy about this necklace is the fact that the fandom picked up on it and because they wore it so much and so often at the same time it was dubbed the “soulmate necklace”. Possibly knowing this Tae also brought specific attention to the necklace at two times, as if wanting to show it off. Interestingly enough, in one of these times Jimin seemed to ignore Taehyung who was bringing attention to it on purpose. For me it came across as another thing Taehyung wanted to show off and that Jimin was a bit more careful about. 

Of course I could have read it wrong, maybe Jimin just misunderstood. But even so, Tae did bring attention to it in specific relation to Jimin. You can watch the clip HERE. (BTS Tell Us What They Love About Each Other & An Update On Tony & Nate From America Hustle Life) 

The other time was in Run ep. 39, right after Vmin talked about being in school together and showing off their school uniforms. If Tae is the one to try and highlight something, I feel it likely has some meaning to him at least.

Either way the necklace is basically a symbol of Vmin’s relationship and the fact that they liked it so much and wore it together during a long period I think they liked wearing it not only because they both happened to like the design but because they both had it. If JK also had one and didn’t use it of course it could include him, but I will still say it remains significant for Vmin’s bond with each other.

As for buying a necklace together they haven’t talked about this one in particular, but Tae did mention he bought his tiger necklace with Jimin in NY, so maybe you are mixing the two things up?

Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs

Thank you for loving my blog and for the ask! :) I am not sure if you perhaps meant in a lot of BTS own photoshoots/units as well, but I’ll focus on CMs in this post since that was your direct example. I might go a bit beyond here, but I saw it as a good chance to revisit some Vmin ad moments.

I wouldn’t personally say we have gotten “way more” but I do think because of their Friends unit they got to do some more interviews together and some CM stuff too. I also think we have gotten more BTS commercials in general now, likely because it’s an income alternative to touring during the pandemic. So that obviously means more CMs, and more chances for them to be paired up. They also have gotten paired with others of course (like in the Bodyfriend CM or Baskin Robbins), but most commonly they aren’t divided in smaller groups at all.

We also have gotten Vmin paired up before, both in photoshoots and in CMs. Of course we saw some great ones in 2016 with Puma and NUGU, but I don’t think we got that much more in 2016 and before than in 2017-2019. I think what we can see is BTS having more endorsements after Covid.

Like honestly, the Puma adds are iconic. Of course the original one, but also the revisits from 2018. Puma definitely seemed to like to pair Vmin in particular. (There are so many good examples from Puma that I’m not including)

We also got a snippet in the Hyundai one, also from 2018.

Another snippet from the Coconut Chicken ad from 2017.

I mean, I don’t know if I should count the snippets at all, like from BTS x VT cosmetics in 2019, but I feel sometimes just being seen in the same frame seems to get attention as being paired up so. (I decided to not include being together when it’s at least a third member in the frame)

And guys... Have you ever watched BTS and the milk song?

What did we get so far more recently? In 2020 we had the Hyundai interview.

And the hyundai #PositiveEnergyChallenge

Fila provided a nice one, also from 2020.

Samsung gave us a snippet recently.

Coway was basically couple goals and like the best one in my own opinion (besides Puma because it is going to take a lot to beat Puma).

But other than that? I don’t think we have seen it that much, have we? I am not complaining or anything, like I am happy with what we got, but I don’t know if it’s that much. I might forget some obvious ones, but these were the ones I had top of mind. Feel free to add ads if you can think of more recent ones that I left out.

So I think we have gotten more BTS ads in general, also more where they are not all of them or single focus, and that we have seen maybe Vmin getting paired a little more after Friends. But to me there is such a small difference I can’t really say if it is anything particular to Vmin or just BTS doing more CMs.

I mean, I don’t have a sheet of who has been paired with who and how many times over the years. But either way I don’t think we should look too deeply into things like CMs or even photoshoots units. Thanks for the ask though, I hope you enjoyed this mini collection. :)

Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook?

So this is a thought sent in after THIS ASK though it really brings up a new subject, which is that of Tae possibly being uncomfortable with shipping. As for Tae saying that to a tae/kooker in particular I think we have to remember it could very easily just have been in the moment and we can’t know why he decided to reply to that person in particular.

The Vmin post was not invasive and it wasn’t romantic. I mean, I do think Tae keeps showing again and again that if there is any person in BTS that is special to him it’s Jimin. But the difference in the posts also likely matters, but we can’t know how much. We don’t know if Tae would feel annoyed if a Vminie wrote the same thing as the tae/kooker did, and we don’t know if it was just in that moment that he got fed up with the shipping discourse in general, or if it was because it was tae/kook.

Honestly any shipper, regardless if a ship would eventually prove to be real or not, should not go and invade spaces where the boys get exposed to it. We don’t know if Taehyung would have reacted in a similar way if it happened to be another ship.

Personally I don’t think tae/kook drifted apart as a result of shipping, because honestly they still kept being pretty intimate physically and engaged in fanservice on stage etc. If they truly were uncomfortable with the idea I just don’t think they would “feed it” much at all. I think as they said in ITS they just, kind of changed and it became harder to talk. I’ve talked more about tae/kook and my views on their bond in THIS POST and a little in THIS POST as well as about BTS possible stance on shipping HERE.

I also think all of BTS has a pretty good distance from hate and fandom speculations in general. I think that because they know about shipping and partly also feed into it they probably expect crazy people to some degree as well, even if they probably don’t like it. Hetero shippers as well, or solo stans etc. have very toxic behaviors at times, but I think BTS can recognize that it is kind of “bound to happen” with their popularity, no matter what they do about it. Not saying they would like it, and they could definitely feel awkward or annoyed because of it, but it doesn’t seem to bother them too much as I think they can detach themselves from it pretty well.

I also think “fan opinions” in form of rival shipping wouldn’t really harm a hidden couple as it first would likely be a sort of “shield” and second because they have their relationships and are likely comfortable with them on their own terms. What fans think is probably secondary.

It is possible that they could get annoyed or frustrated at times, but again, if they truly felt bothered by it they probably wouldn’t do a lot of the things they do. Because I am sure they are aware to some degree that fans scrutinize their every move and ship moments. Both Tae and Jimin are some of the most physical out of the members, and also some of the members that seem to like to initiate fanservice moments... So I doubt they would have much problem and can feel secure enough in their relationship no matter what fans think.

Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53?

Hi, I guess you got curious after I talked about this episode recently in my post Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30 (Ask 8 - Going down the rabbit hole, micromoments and shipping vs believing).

I don’t know hangul, but I do know what “Jimin” looks like. On Jimin’s shirt from behind the scenes of Run ep. 53 you can see he’s written his own name “지민” Jimin followed by what looks to be “ 님 “ which is nim. So basically the text on the container in the picture says Sir Jimin.

Jimin seemed very keen on writing his name on both his own shirt and on Tae’s and even tried on JK’s. He failed of course, but he sure did try. 

Thank you for the ask, and isn’t Tae cute?

Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up

Glad you liked my reply. :) (From Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30  Ask 4 - Idols dating members of the same group). Yeah I get what you mean, talking about it openly I suppose isn’t so normal. But since it seems to be more and more fans who assume it happens to some degree maybe it’s not so strange if it starts getting more talked about as well. I’ll take it as a good sign, even if the information is nothing new in itself, being more open is going to make it easier for fans to realize it’s possible for their idols to be LGBT+ or have hidden relationships.

As for K-Population it doesn’t seem to be too well known, but it’s one of few actual examples to be found. So yeah, interesting that we know it has happened, and also that it shows what risks it could mean to get involved with a group member. I think the risk of a falling out is something a lot of shippers tend to forget. Anyways, thank you for your reply. ^_^

Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)

Oh my... I am not sure I have ever been called sweetheart by anyone ever before. Thank you! You are making me blush with all the praise.  💜💜💜

But really, we can all just watch Vmin in awe and be happy they have each other and feel such immense love for each other, no matter what that love is. It’s kind of amazing. Like even if they are platonic their relationship is so wholesome and they put so much love and effort into it that it’s truly inspirational. I love when we get bombed with moments like this with a very intense period of great Vmin interactions. As you, me too never fail to feel all soft watching them together.

95z is love and what a love they share. Truly wonderful. 💜

You take care too, and really, thank you so much for this lovely message. it means a lot and is very heartwarming.

And with that sweet ask I’ll end the post. There was a lot of very different questions and I feel I could have written more about many of them, but alas I need to remember I can’t write full essays on everything or I would never get anything posted. Thank you all for reading and I hope you found my thoughts and speculations interesting. ^-^

[rugbypolycule]

take your hand in mine

pairing: itadori yuuji x fushigoro megumi

characters: itadori yuuji, fushigoro megumi, kugisaki nobara, fushiguro tsumiki (mentioned),  fushiguro toji (mentioned), gojo satoru (mentioned)

rating: general audiences, no warnings apply

words: 1968

summary: yuuji is half-decent at painting his nails for a beginner. megumi is absolutely smitten and gets pulled along for the ride. they're both in love and clueless.

or: an intimacy fic where yuuji paints megumi's nails. because those boys deserve some quiet time.

ao3 link

Itadori Yuuji isn’t someone who gets embarrassed easily. He rarely pays attention to the opinions of others, and not for a lack of caring. He has such a strong sense of self, such an unwavering faith in his own mind that criticism often flies right over his head. On anyone else, the trait would far too-closely resemble arrogance – even self-centeredness. The pink-haired boy, however, is too gentle, too empathetic and kind. His steady confidence shines in a bright halo that threatens to overwhelm even those with the strongest defenses.

In simpler, more candid terms, Fushigoro Megumi feels like he can’t breathe when Yuuji smiles. If he were more honest with himself, he’d recognise that his feelings of breathlessness aren’t reserved for Yuuji’s full-watt smile. The truth is that around Yuuji, Megumi’s lungs work overtime. He is almost constantly filled with this restless sort of energy, the urge to act. It makes his fingers itch and his pulse lurch to his throat.

It’s a cool day. It had been overcast for a while, the clouds heavy with an oncoming storm so strong it could almost be tasted. Yuuji loves days like these. The feeling of his hair standing on end, the thickness of the air around him, the velvety grey of the sky. It is the sort of day that makes you want to stay inside with lights dimmed and quiet music playing.

Yuuji finds himself in this exact position, scrolling through Pinterest on his laptop. Ever since meeting Megumi and Nobara, he had discovered a newfound love for fashion. He loved bright colours and stark geometric patterns and shiny skin and lips. It felt fresh and energising. He loved the attention to detail that went into putting together a full outfit – the studded belts, sheer scarves, painted nails.

Yuuji loved the look of nail polish. He could wear his dark uniform and still bring colour into his life, and for cheap. Plus, going shopping with Nobara was always a fun experience. She had picked out a bright purple shade for Yuuji, but he had his eyes on a bottle bursting with golden yellow. He bought them both at her loud insistence. They ate sushi that day. It was nice.

Now Yuuji sits on his bed, yellow bottle in slightly trembling hand. His nervous anticipation doesn’t come from fear that people would think he looked weird or strange; he is more worried about messing up the application and look messy, about which Nobara often complained. The concern quickly dissipates, though, making way for Yuuji’s quiet excitement as he opens the bottle.

The breaking of the seal causes a wave of fumes to fill his room. Yuuji’s nose tickles. He sneezes a few times, coming dangerously close to spilling the yellow paint everywhere. Thankfully, his reflexes are stronger than his body’s averse reaction. He slowly lifts the brush out of the bottle, taking care to wipe off the excess varnish just as Nobara had told him. With a slightly steadier hand, he begins painting his left index finger. He moves on to the next, then the next, then his right hand (which is considerably more difficult and why didn’t Nobara say anything about that?) Though he was unpracticed, he didn’t make a huge mess like he thought he would. Save for a few yellow-tinged cuticles, he had done a pretty decent job.

For a while, Yuuji just sits back and admires his work. Nobara had told him to wait no less than 15 minutes before even thinking about using his hands. Yuuji lasts 5 minutes before looking for a cooking video to pass the time. Nothing was smudged, and Yuuji quite happily sits through more than a few videos before the smell of the nail polish becomes too much for him. It had been plenty of time now, so he doesn’t worry about messing up his nails as he opens the door to his room.

He stops short as he finds Megumi on the other side of it.

If anyone asked, Megumi was just walking past Yuuji’s room for no reason. In fact, he was only going to get water, and had to pass by Yuuji’s room in order to get to the common area. The reason he stopped at his classmate’s door at all was simply to ponder the possibility of getting a snack. There was no other motive behind it.

Sadly, all his excuses do nothing to hide his deer-in-headlights expression. Before he can open his mouth in order to deny being there on purpose, a hand is thrust towards his face. Megumi flinches back in a sort of surprised confusion before realising that Yuuji has yellow fingernails.

“Do you like them?” asks Yuuji, grinning at Megumi like an expectant puppy.

Oh. There’s that hummingbird thrum in his bones again. The rapid movement of blood that makes his head light and his breath shallow. Yuuji is beautiful.

“Yeah,” Megumi tries to answer. It’s at times like these, when he’s lost for words and doesn’t know how to move his face to seem genuine, that he really appreciates Yuuji’s personality. Almost anyone else would have thought Megumi disinterested, or worse judgemental because of his monotone and lacklustre response. Thankfully, Yuuji just huffs out a laugh.

“You don’t have to sound so excited about it, Fushiguro.” He rolls his eyes, still grinning, arm still extended. “I thought you would’ve appreciated it more.”

Megumi softly bats his hand away. “I don’t ‘not appreciate it’, Itadori. It’s cool. I’m just… thinking about how it probably wouldn’t suit me.”

Megumi gets whacked on the shoulder. “Hey!” He complains as Yuuji pulls him into his room and sits him down on the bed. The nail polish smell, not having quite left the room yet, makes Megumi’s nose wrinkle up. Yuuji lets out a giggle that sounds like sunshine on skin.

“What are you doing?” Megumi almost whines as Yuuji rummages around in his closet. Yuuji turns to face him, pulling a plastic bag out with him with a flourish. His smile hasn’t left his face yet, and Megumi feels like he’s drowning in it.

“Won’t suit you? We’ll see about that,” says Yuuji, confident as always.

Megumi tries not to splutter. “Well. Yellow isn’t really my colour, Itadori.” He says his name too softly, like he always does. He tenses up and hopes Yuuji doesn’t notice.

To his almost-disappointment, Yuuji doesn’t react. Instead, he pulls out a bottle of purple nail polish and throws it towards the bed, a way too smug look on his face. Megumi wants to kiss him so badly it hurts.

“Nobara got me to buy two,” he almost sing-songs, “so now you have to let me paint yours!”

In another reality, there is a Megumi that rips his gaze away from those brown eyes and mumbles something about Yuuji not making any sense. He leaves the room with his heart intact, and goes and eats ice cream with a spoon with his wolves in the dark.

Instead, he tries desperately to stay quiet, to suppress a gasp as Yuuji grabs his hand to inspect it. Megumi blames the tightness in his ribs on his binder and toughs it out. Except Yuuji’s hand is so warm and impossibly soft and that idiot shuffles close enough that their thighs are touching and it’s all. A lot.

Yuuji is still just cradling Megumi’s hand in both his own, turning it over and staring for so long it’s as if he’s trying to commit the skin to memory. The air is still thick with an oncoming storm, but now a tentative intimacy mingles amongst the electrified atoms. Megumi doesn’t dare move or speak, as if the universe will punish him by way of Yuuji letting go of his hand. He chooses rather to count each of Yuuji’s eyelashes, watch his nostrils flare as he breathes out in quiet concentration.

“You have really pretty fingers.” Yuuji murmurs, completely unaware of how devastating it is to Megumi’s heart.

Having been abandoned by his father, not knowing his mother, and his sister being in a coma, Megumi hasn’t been a close acquaintance to touch. Hell, even when his sister wasn’t confined to a hospital bed, he was too prickly and stubborn to receive hugs most of the time. Somewhere not-so-deep down, Megumi craves touch. Sometimes, he stares at the ceiling and wonders what it could feel like to be close to someone that didn’t involve the rigidity of training or the annoyance of Gojo’s hair ruffles. To feel warm and fuzzy and for it to be because of someone else’s hands.

Yuuji’s touch, combined with his soft words of praise, are a dream come true. Megumi can only cough awkwardly and watch as Yuuji starts to coat his short nails in purple. Yuuji’s tongue is almost the same colour as his hair, and it sticks slightly out of his mouth as he works. At some point Yuuji had turned that low music back on: a steady and slow lo–fi that does nothing to calm Megumi’s racing heart.

Yuuji keeps slowly rubbing his thumb back and forth on the back of Megumi’s hand as he glides the brush against his fingernails. It’s in all ways comforting as it is maddening, and Megumi does not expect the quiet, “you take such good care of your hands,” when it comes.

Yuuji chooses that exact moment to look into Megumi’s eyes. His face is so open and earnest and it’s becoming harder and harder to keep looking back without leaning forward into his space and just…

Megumi lets out a shaky breath. “Really? Thank you,” he replies, trying to sound as casual as possible with his pulse constricting in his jaw. His mouth feels dry.

Yuuji moves swiftly onto his other hand until all that’s left is his pinky. Not wanting to repeat the slight smudges he had accidentally painted onto Megumi’s left pinky, Yuuji pulls this last finger closer to his face, his breath fanning against it and sending shivers up Megumi’s whole arm. He finishes painting the nail quickly and carefully, but doesn’t put down Megumi’s hand.

Megumi can’t help the soft gasp he lets out as he feels a feather-light kiss pressed to his wrist. It’s as if his blood sings. They observe each other quietly for several moments – taking one another in, willing the silence to never break. Yuuji eventually pulls his face away from his work, now admiring the job.

“All finished.” Yuuji’s voice isn’t loud, but it fills the room. Megumi moves on the bed, beginning to pull his hand away. Yuuji drops his wrist in favour of grabbing Megumi’s waist with both hands, eyes almost panicked.

“You can’t leave yet!” His voice doesn’t raise above the volume of the music, but his words are emphatic. Megumi is trembling in his grasp. “You have to let them dry. And since I spent all that time painting your nails for you, it’s only fair that you stay here with me while you wait.”

Megumi is about to protest, knowing his limits are close to being reached. His face is burning hot and surely visible from the mere distance Yuuji sits away. He feels fit to burst.

The sky does before he has the chance.

The first clap of thunder sounds outside, and a pitter pattering of rain begins to thrum against the window. Megumi resigns himself to this still fume-filled room. He lies down on the bed next to Itadori Yuuji, feeling everything. He doesn’t answer when Yuuji asks if he wants to watch something, nor does he pay attention to whatever the pink-haired boy pulls up on YouTube for them.

Instead, Megumi exists in a content closeness to his friend, counting his eyelashes, and feeling the heat of Yuuji’s hands on his waist.

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba

In which Rafael Barba deletes the Twitter app because of the Householder case, and Carmen babysits him. 

Accidental Feminist Icon

The last thing on Rafael Barba’s mind when he was in the hospital room with Maggie Householder was his online reputation. Once he’d turned himself in and been released on his own recognizance, however, he opened his phone to call mami and instead saw hundreds of Twitter notifications, emails from people whose names he didn’t recognize, and missed calls and voicemails from unfamiliar numbers. He didn’t touch Twitter, texting Carmen to ask how bad it was and she advised him to delete the application until at least after the trial. When he went home, mami was there and just as disappointed as he expected. There were tears the minute she saw him, but not any offered comfort. 

“You murdered a child, mijo.”

“You don’t understand, mami. No lo viste. El no estaba realmente vivo.”

“Esa fue la decisión de Dios. No es tu decisión. Tu abuela estaría tan decepcionada de ti.”

“No estoy de acuerdo. Si estás aquí para regañarme, vete a casa.”

“Te llevo a la confesión.”

“Vete a casa, mami. Me confesaré cuando esté lista.”

“Rafa-”

“Go home.”

Lucia stormed out, and Rafael went inside his apartment and went straight for the scotch he kept aside. It wasn’t his good scotch. It was the cheap one that burned his throat and left him sicker than he ever was the next day. Before twisting off the cap, he heeded Carmen’s advice, deleting the Twitter app as he dropped to the couch and began to drink. It was only eleven, not even noon, but he didn’t want to remember what had transpired the day before. He should wade through his email, but someone had posted it. He knew because it was referenced time and time again that they’d found his personal email via some Twitter thread or Subreddit or something else he hadn’t yet encountered. He’d had to mute his phone as phone calls rolled in; the only one he answered confirmed it was strangers from the Internet who had seen the news. Carmen called it getting cancelled when it happened to other people. That usually didn’t involve the loss of a life, so the term seemed not quite right for what was happening, especially given the fact this included more than just the people he was used to. People who had never encountered him were hearing about him in the news. 

He ignored Olivia’s calls, considering the morning’s interactions enough. As he drank, Rafael was able to filter unknown numbers and messages, tossing the phone aside and quickly finishing the bottle. Olivia came by, and he didn’t answer, choosing to lay back on the couch as the room spun around him. Carmen texted him, and he didn’t look. An hour later, he heard her outside of his door with Olivia and unlocking he apartment for her. He’d given her a key long ago so she could get files or suits or drop off leftovers. Both of them came in, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had his suspenders down and shirt open over his undershirt. He’d spilled the most recent tumbler over himself with the pizza he’d ordered. And now, they could see him like this, eyes rimmed red and mood unstable as he thought more than he could about himself. 

“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said softly, kneeling by him. Olivia stayed closer to the door, surveying the room. By the nature of their constant proximity, Carmen had seen the tail end or starts of Rafael getting frustrated, though he always pressed it down with a glass of scotch and good meal. That said, she’d found him too drunk after a trial didn’t go his way. Seen him frustrated as he went through a case he may not be able to do anything about it. Caught him yelling at paperwork as though something would happen. She’d also seen him the next mornings when he came in pretending not to be insanely hungover and was wearing the suit from his office.

“I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t. Is this what happens between an eight o’clock bourbon and the office suit?”

“Shut up, Carmen.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I���m helping you.”

“Sorry,” he said with a huff as his hand ran down his face, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at how properly embarrassed he looked. “My email and phone are bad. How bad is Twitter?”

“Medium. A lot of people understand. Or they feel that they can’t understand, so they’ll watch the story.”

“People understand murder?” he scoffed.

“No. No one does. But we all understand how impossible your choice was. How badly the parents were hurting.”

“I was too selfish to do it for my dad.”

“I know, Mr. Barba. But people want to know how long until they hear more. Want people to wait. Can see why you did it. It’ll blow over. We can change your number and your email. Twitter has a really handy button. Block.”

“My name’s Rafael.”

“You’re my boss.”

“Not for long,” he chuckled bitterly before his gaze softened. “All I wanted was for people not to hurt.”

“You need to go to bed, Rafa.” It was Olivia now, and his eyes suddenly snapped open. It was different when it was Olivia. They were friends, but they kept things to work. Other than the occasional group event, they’d grab dinner after work. She didn’t hear him debate pocket squares or see him drunk alone in his office or help him think of replies on Twitter. He’d probably lose his friendship with Carmen once he wasn’t in the office, he supposed. She humored her boss a lot more than she probably should.

“I’m fine, Liv.” It came with more of a snort than he liked, and he was suddenly pulling himself up to sit, wrapping his shirt around himself as though it were a cardigan. Carmen watched he was steady, and Olivia was sure she now knew what she’d looked like when Noah was learning to walk on his own with her hand on his back to keep him upright. Once things passed, she wanted to ask if Rafael was always this willing to be relaxed around Carmen, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

“I don’t think I’m helping things,” Olivia said softly, and Carmen gave a gentle nod.

“My son’s with my mom for a visit. I’ll take care of him.”

“You’re sure? I can call Lucia.”

“I’m fine, lieutenant. And mami has already been here.”

“Make sure he meets with an attorney tomorrow.”

“I make his calendar. I know.”

“You two can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he grumbled, heels pressed against his eyes. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”

“You’re belligerent, counsellor.”

“Call me Rafael,” he said again, flopping onto the couch when Olivia had left again.

“I thought Lieutenant Benson was your best friend, Rafael.”

“She is, I guess. Is that sad? My best friend used to be Alex, but I pursued that case. As if mami needed more reason to hate me.” 

“You don’t act like you in front of her. Not all the way.”

“This isn’t me.”

“It’s you without a carefully constructed persona.”

“If that’s the case, I suppose you’re my best friend, Miss Frye.” She’d expected to see a bemused smirk or annoyed scowl, but Carmen was taken aback by how sincere he looked as his hand moved to rest on her forearm and squeeze as well as he could.

“My name’s Carmen,” she teased. “Now come on. You need to go to bed.”

“My suit will get wrinkled.”

“I’ll hang it for you.”

“You can sleep in the guest room. It’s not safe for you to go-” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Carmen, where’s Ollie?”

“With my mom. I told her you needed me for a couple days.”

“You don’t need to disrupt your life.”

“I’ll tell you a secret Mist- Rafael.”

“What?” he asked, flopping into bed where she’d pulled the blanket down once he managed to strip to his boxers.

“You’re my best friend too.” She tugged the blanket over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. He smiled up at her, and she made her way out turning off the lights. It seemed silly to say it to someone like him, but they’d worked together a long time, had a lot of late night talks. She liked him more than a lot of people she knew, and saw him more than anyone outside of her family. 

Carefully, she cleaned his living room, dumping his other bottle of cheap scotch out and disposing of both before setting up the coffee to brew at seven, just in time to have him at an attorney’s office by nine. McCoy had approved her to work from wherever she needed to in order to keep Rafael functioning. She’d have been miserable helping Peter Stone with this trial anyway. They both knew about his father, and it seemed he may be a ticking time bomb. She logged into his twitter, going on a blocking spree as she explored his mentions, tweeting from her own account and his that she’d done it and retweeting it from his account. 

She also liked all the kind ones. The ones asking for understanding or expressing empathy. The ones that acknowledged he had an impossible choice and neither one would have sat well with their own conscious. Leave a child and his family to suffer without end or expedite the inevitable. Then there were his direct messages. Since getting verified, he had the ability to only see messages from people he followed. As she combed through, there were a couple of hateful messages she ignored, but most who knew him expressed understanding and a couple even included leads if he wanted out of the city. She marked those down in her notes app before falling asleep in the guest bedroom. 

The sound that greeted her in the morning was Rafael Barba vomiting as the coffee machine roared to life in the background. Silently, she ordered ginger tea and vitamin b12 for delivery, going to fetch the pedialyte she’d brought from home. When he came out, hair wet from a shower, she’d already brewed him tea, cooked breakfast, and given him an expectant look as she slid a glass of unnaturally purple electrolytes to him. He didn’t know what to say, so he took the proffered glas and took a long sip before wincing.

“Grape,” she said plainly.

“Grapes don’t taste like that.”

“Ollie likes it okay. I make him popsicles though.”

“He’s old enough for popsicles? Isn’t he still on milk?”

“Rafael, he’s two. He drinks milk, but he even eats.”

“Does he like books yet?”

“He does. He really likes being read to.”

“I’ll read to him next time I see him.” He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “Do you play him music?”

“Some. Usually my playlists.”

“Play him Bach.”

“You’ll have to tell me what’s best to play him.”

“I’ll send you a playlist.” 

“Why Bach?” She watched as his jaw shifted from side to side, lips pressed together, and that told her all she needed to know. “Drew liked Bach?”

“He’d never know if he liked Bach. Maggie was playing one of his cantatas.”

“Maybe we can take him to an orchestra one day.”

“There are some shows. Kid friendly.”

“He’d like that.”

“I’ll send it to you.”

“You’ll come, won’t you?”

“Me?”

“It’s your idea.”

“You’d still let me around your son?”

“My son is a healthy vibrant boy. If he was in the same situation as Drew, it would be hard, but I’d still want you there. You did exactly what I would have done for him, okay?”

“Did you mean what you said last night?”

“Which part?”

“The last part.”

“You probably are my best friend. And that hasn’t changed. I wish you didn’t have to be put in the situation, but I would hope I’d have been strong enough to do the same. And other people agree with me.”

“God, you’re not actually looking at Twitter.”

“I looked at Twitter. I blocked anyone vitriolic. But, I collected all the kind ones in your favorites for when you’re ready. A lot of your attorney friends have job leads for you if you leave the DA’s office.”

“I’m leaving. And I’m probably going to fucking prison. You’ll be down a friend in a few months.”

“Stop it.”

“They’ll end me in there, Carmen. I sent some of them there.” She wasn’t sure what to make at how at peace with the prospect he was.

“And you won’t go to prison. Don’t focus on that. Even if you do, they’ll have to do something to protect you. And I’ll come visit you.”

“You barely know me.”

“We spend more time together than I do with anyone else. I know you’re good, you have a good heart, you send birthday presents to every SVU detective’s kid and think I don’t know you send them coffee gift cards on their birthdays. You’re a total mama’s boy and despite what a snarky prick you are, you have imposter syndrome out the ass. You’re lapsed enough Catholic not to go to church, but you pray when things are really bad. I also know some part of your brain feels like you’ve let down people who think you do good work by this one thing, but one bad doesn’t outweigh an exorbitant amount of good. I hope Ollie has half of the ethical backbone you do. I know there have been occasions in the past you weren’t perfect, but the man I’ve known deserves every ounce of credit he gets. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and much to his chagrin, Carmen wrapped him in a hug that he returned, refusing to look at her. He was suddenly aware he’d cry if he looked at what he knew was a genuine smile. “I’ve got to get dressed to see an attorney.”

“Who are you going with?”

“Randy Dworkin.”

“He’ll be good.”

“I hate to admit that. And I’m sure I’ll hate every second with him.”

“How about you teach me about Bach this afternoon?”

“You have work.”

“McCoy approved me to be remote.”

“So you’re my sitter?” She could almost swear a smile pulled at the corner of his lip, and she felt pride she didn’t expect.

“I suppose. So Bach?”

“Bring Ollie?”

“Deal.”

[blackicewave]

hot take on the recent chapters

I came up with this while I was on too little sleep & after a friend caught up to the manga, it’s really long and I hope it makes sense - so, enjoy! 

I think what is happening right now, might be Ymir trying to re-establish her former form.

Because Eren has three out of nine titans right now - Attack, Founding, Warhammer. The Founding Titan was the very first of all titans before Ymir started gathering/creating all those other abilities. 

We currently have this written/known about it specifically on the official wiki page:

Its Scream can create and control other Titans, and modify the memories and body compositions of the Subjects of Ymir, but this power can only be used by the royal family under normal circumstances.

According to Marley's Titan Biology Research Society, the Founding Titan is the point where the paths that connect all Subjects of Ymir and Titans cross.

We have been known that only the royal family can properly use it, which is why Eren only managed to use the Founding when touching Dina Fritz's titan (the one that ate his mother) to protect Mikasa after Hannes was devoured and then when coming in contact with Zeke, seeing as he is from royal blood as well. However, the royal family is bound by a vow and the ideology of Karl Fritz - basically, he wanted the Eldians to be locked up and separated from the world because they had been too involved in wars before. So he wanted to protect them, essentially.

The vow is renouncing war to stop Eldia from using the Founding Titan to devastate the world ever again and it possesses the individual to follow the idea. That is why Frieda, even though she viewed the Eldians as sinners, still followed that protocol.

Now, with Grisha devouring Frieda and gaining the Founding Titan and passing it on to Eren, the chain of royal blood inheritors was broken. Which is why, paired with Erens own ideology to go behind the walls and see the world, Ymir zeroed her interest in him as it's seen in the recent chapters.

She herself wasn't of royal blood and being used to fight wars for that king in the backstory most likely built a hatred for humanity in her view - she was viewed as that slave, of which Eren broke her free. He's the only inheritor that hasn't been shaped and controlled by that ideology of King Fritz that she could get her hands on, so she can twist his views or add her own to it in having to destroy the world and humanity in it.

I think that she's using Eren as a vessel to collect all titans. He already has three, and with every other shifter present right now - Armin (colossal), Reiner (armored), Annie (female), Falco (jaw), Pieck (cart) and Zeke (Beast) - she can take them prisoner and force them to join with Eren. 

She basically already has Zeke in her control, having lured him into paths with Eren, and she just took Armin prisoner with another previous titan. Why else would she take him prisoner and bring him to "Eren's ass" as Levi said and separate them by a hoard of powerful, controlled titan shifters if not to ensure they don't get him back until she has taken all of them captive? She knows how powerful Levi and Mikasa are - most likely through Eren's memories. She most likely wants to create a vessel with all nine titans again to merge with Eren fully, maybe even devour him herself, to use her full former strength to get back on humanity and make them pay.

In the first chapter about her backstory it's shown that she was being punished and chased to her "death" because she let the pigs escape - in the last chapter 135, however, in the very first panel, it's shown that she willingly opened the gate to let them escape. She wanted them to run away. Whether or not it was planned that she'd be chased like that and would tumble into the tree trunk is questionable, but I think it has to do with it.

To add to my suspicion of not killing the current inheritors of the nine titans because she needs them later on, look at chapters 114-115 specifically.

Zeke blew himself up in the scene with Levi, and that entirely. He was torn in half. His spine was destroyed and therefore the titan in him "lost" because he had no one to pass it on to. He accepted that he'd die, told himself that. He did die.

But Ymir brought him back. She rebuilt his body and brought him back to life - if she really did that out of pure selflessness and devotion to her people, why didn't she do it with Levi? He's Eldian, too, technically, even if he's an Ackermann.

But Ackermanns are a byproduct and made to protect the royal family, and if we follow my thing right here, then she hated the royal family - she was forced to marry the king and give him offspring, after all. And she was nothing but a child. And she knew how dangerous Levi was - so she planned for him to die while rescuing Zeke, because she had a plan for him while Levi would have only endangered that.

In chapter 110, Zacharias refuses Mikasa and Armin to go see Eren - and promptly dies in an explosion. This might be a hot take, but I think Eren might have ordered someone to do so (because Ymir made him?) - because she needed to split the bond between them. And afterward, Eren escaped. Maybe it was used as a maneuver to get the attention off of him.

In chapter 112 he returns to meet Mikasa and Armin in the table scene - already threatening to transform if they make any move. "I am free. Whatever I do, whatever I choose. I do it out of my own free will."

That's what he says, entirely unprompted really. He proceeds to tell Armin that he's the one being controlled by Bertholt, and I think that mirrors the situation properly. Because it could serve as a parallel that it's not Armin but Eren controlled by "the enemy".

In that chapter, Eren effectively cuts all of the bonds to his friends even though in a few chapters before (when discussing who will inherit his titan once his time is over) he claims to care about them more than anything. And he does. He cares incredibly, he's a very emotional person - but suddenly, all of his emotions are gone. Seems fishy. ‘

He cuts Mikasa off by telling her he's hated her for his whole life, knowing it's her weak spot. He beats Armin up, knowing it's his weak spot because Eren was always there to take hits for him when he got beaten up as a child.

Once again, I think that's Ymir taking control of his memories and using them against him. That, or Eren used those purposefully to get them away from him and out of the danger zone, knowing that he's a time bomb.

In that chapter, it is thickly laid on that Eren "hates" slaves. "Do you know what I hate most in this world? Anyone who isn't free. That, or cattle. Just looking at them made me so angry, now I finally understand why. I couldn't stand to look at an undoubting slave who only ever followed orders."

Maybe, once again, that is Ymir speaking - she was reduced to a slave, and her creation of a titan made to fight was broken down by a vow the Eldian King created. The following inheritors only ever accepted that fate and didn't do anything to break free from it. 

In chapter 130 when Eren tells Historia his plan, he says the following: 

"The only way to put a final end to the cycle of revenge born from hate is to remove that history of hate from this world and bury it in the ground, civilisation and all." - he knows it's a repeating process, possibly because of previous memories handed down to him through the Attack Titan and looking through the royal bloodline with the Founding Titan (first seen when he kissed Historia's hand).

The cycle of revenge born from hate - gotta keep that in mind, cause I think it's very important looking at all of his actions. 

There's this constant reference with his friends. In so many flashbacks, it tells us that Eren wants his friends to have happy lives. To be free. To live long. He adores his friends and loves them with all of his heart. So why tell them he hates them? Why beat them? Why get them involved in all of this? 

Because it isn't him saying those things, and if it is there's more behind it.

In chapter 131 he apologizes to a child for everything he is about to do before it even happens. Maybe because he saw the outcome of it all?

He knows how much he will hurt the world and people, but he does it anyway because he needs this cycle to end.

 I'm not fully sure what the rest of his apology means, talking about how he was disappointed learning that people lived in the outside world. But what I do think is important is the last panel in that chapter, this one:

It views Eren with his eyes shut. Just his head. Usually, whenever he controls his titan, his eyes are open. His own body moves to control the titan. Here it isn't, though. I feel like that symbolizes how it's not him.

We established that he's a very emotion bound person that often rejects logic to follow his heart - he doesn't have his heart here. He can't listen to it. If you are manipulated the source of that manipulation always tries to break your mind first. Rob you of your beliefs and make you follow others. 

The contrast is right then and there - why would he apologies in tears to a child he doesn't know at all and explain his intentions and beliefs when once it happens, and once the child is murdered, he doesn't show any reaction?

Sure, one could argue that he's not conscious after his head was shot off, but who caused the jump and transformation into the titan if not Eren? Possibly Ymir. 

It is shown that the user has to focus on that goal to transform, as in season one with Eren and the well, so either Eren was conscious enough - somewhat doubtful - or Ymir had full control of him then and there already as soon as he stepped into paths.

In chapter 133 Reiner says something important; "If it was me, I'd probably.. want someone else to handle the power of the founder by now. And if I couldn't, I'd want it to be stopped by someone."

There's pretty much a direct contrast once again - are Eren and the Rumbling controlled by someone else? In my opinion, yes. 

Does he want someone else to stop it? He most likely does, why else would Mikasa, Armin, and co be able to move freely? Ymir not so much. 

I feel like he's putting up a resistance to them, which is why she can't control them properly despite them being Eldians. 

They get thrown into paths then, and when they see Eren it's him but his younger version. Around nine or ten, probably.

What I think happened here is that Ymir is keeping him trapped in a younger version of himself - similar to that one time he was wrapped up in blankets in his home and Armin was knocking on the window behind him, trying to shake him awake and conscious again.

She's keeping his conscience reminded of good memories to hold him there and be able to move freely with his body - like I said, she's using him as a vessel to push her actions, her dream, her ideal world and outcome into his hands.

"In order to gain my own freedom, I will take freedom away from the world." Sounds a lot like something Ymir could have been saying, in my opinion. But then again, who knows.

This panel is also important:

Eren, in his young form, is simply standing next to Ymir. And he doesn't do anything. He doesn't react or recognize his friends, and most importantly, he mirrors how Ymir is standing in the exact same way.

She's mirroring herself onto him, projecting her conscience onto his body. It proceeds with "If you want to stop me, then try to stop me from ever taking another breath" -  once again, and I cannot stress this enough, Ymir uses Eren's memories against him.

She knows his friends won't risk him dying. She knows they would do anything to protect him. This is her playing it safe; they won't kill him, ergo they won't stop her from continuing her plan by using him. 

Now in the recent chapter, she's standing on top of his spine and it becomes very clear that she's controlling it all. She's building former titan shifters from his spine, and controlling them to separate the team from Eren's location - and Armin's, most likely even Zeke's. 

She figured out that they won't give up until they found Eren and can talk to him, so she creates that barrier that she's sure they won't manage to surpass. Not with limited supplies. 

When Pieck becomes a danger, she eliminates her by impaling her on that trident - but she doesn't injure her beyond conscience or in a threatening state. She specifically uses Galliard and Berthold against Reiner, and throws those two on him to damage him in his abilities and trick his mind, to manipulate him.

Armin says it himself: "If Eren is only attacking onward like he said he would then this resistance is coming from Ymir." If Eren is attacking onward to follow the goal to end the cycle, then Ymir is the one bringing all the complications. They might work hand in hand, but I do strongly believe that all of the complications are solely on Ymir. Eren never wanted to risk hurting his friends.

In fact, and this is if he is conscious enough to pull any strings right now, I think he might be setting things up to ensure that his friends are the ones that kill him.