#I’m lucky I met them
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i may not have many friends that live a short car journey or train ride away from me but i have friends that i would cross oceans to see for just a couple of weeks and friends who would plan trips just so they are in the same country at the same time as me. i may not have many friends near me despite still living in the same town i grew up in, but i know i have many friends dotted around the world, who i spent mere months with, who care for me as though we spent years together. we may have not seen each other for 3 or 4 years, but the joy is still there. the love is still there
#b.txt#…#just study abroad things x#even the friends I still have in the uk#the majority of them are from my study abroad year#I only have like .. 2? friends from uni here that I still keep in contact w#have maybe. 3?4? ish friends from school. maybe.. not even that tbh lmao#but from my study abroad year?? more than 10!!!#and at least half of those are dotted around the world#but I still keep in touch w them all often#idk#I’m lucky I met them#sometimes I worry those friends don’t care for me the way I care for them tho#but then I’m like ok well.. one literally flew here to stay w u for a week ??? shoutout emily x#and another literally planned a trip w u so u would both be in the country we met in at the same time again#and are planning to do the same in a year ??#so like. shut up brain#there’s something poetic about my friends and I being from so many diff countries#and always wanting to return to the city we met to meet again#korea u are our second home it seems
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this is all that's left for me huh. the word seal.
That’s not all that’s left! You’re still the one mutual who my cousins have memorized the username of!
#despite me and them literally knowing some of my mutuals in real life!#‘omg Tumblr user [takeaguess/nf] just reblogged a post’ ‘[namewithheld] what the hell are you talking about!?’#and then I have to explain it’s my homie who they have literally met and seen 2738 pictures of#BUT IF I TELL THEM ‘GUYS TUMBLR USER THATONELUCKBEE REBLOGGED A POST’ they’re like ‘OMG! YOU HAVE ISSUES BUT OMG!’#lucky* I’m not retyping that though
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The most joyful and pure creature on the planet
#we’ve been frequenting a new brewpub and the staff have very quickly become attached to her#she somehow manages to be kind of aloof to strangers while still having this magnetism that draws people in#once she’s met someone like. twice tho she acts like she’s known them for her entire life#I cannot imagine having the charisma she naturally exudes it’s insane lol#like once a week someone will meet her and tell me ‘wow she’s really special you must feel so lucky’#and I’m like bitch I know!! and I do!!
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Not me going through all my liked songs and seeing all the ones I added because of my roommate before 😭 augh I’m reminded of how I wish I could go back…
#first year of living in the dorms was a haven I took for granted tbh#I somehow got extremely lucky and got paired up with someone who shared a lot of the same interests as me#and who introduced me to the close friends I have now#I’m…not friends with her anymore but I’m at least grateful for her changing my college life I guess#I was so afraid and yet I managed to find a friend group that treated me as their own#I didn’t feel so lonely anymore…we went on grocery store trips and other fun things together#truly a type of peace I want to have again#that was also around the same time I met some of my closest online friends too#I cherish them all no matter what#my posts
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I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.
For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.
#ravenpuff rambles#I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times#several of whom are still in my life now#but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place#I don’t know how to explain it#I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit#and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me#maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind#never had someone quite get that before#and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart#admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming#and so maybe that helps#but it’s like#Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘#‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’#It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word#anyways#I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me#and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream#no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay#its nothing and everything like I always thought of#and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness#yes I wish I could see them in person#but I can be okay with everything I do get
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Someone pointed out that “it’s not my fault you didn’t get his approval. I have given you endless approval” could be interpreted as Tom thinking his love should be equivalent to Logan’s, which is just… it’s not! Of course it’s not!!!! No matter what he does, there’s always going to be a part of Shiv yearning for that. No amount of a good man’s love can cure not getting that original parental love. Something something “you’re not Logan and I’m not Gil. and that’s a good thing.” Like I don’t think I would wish being cheated on or being in a relationship w/ Shiv on anyone, but I also wouldn’t wish what happened to her on any child. Even if she’s “broken”, I don’t think his love could ever “fix” her, even if he wanted to believe that. What makes it a tragedy is I think that both Shiv and Tom did the best they could 💔
#something that’s always been so interesting to me is like . how willfully Tom seems ready to ignore the amount of abuse around them#shiv saying ‘your mom likes me more than she likes you’ was super interesting bc#1. it implies that tom also came from a fucked up bg with a lack of parental love#but also like#shiv firing that back was her trying to even the playing field#like ‘you think I’m fucked up? you think Logan didn’t love me? well YOUR MOM HATES YOU SO.’#something something ‘you should be so lucky I was fucked up long before I met you’ convo last episode#something something Tom not knowing when is the right time for romance somethign something fucked up love is in his blood too#that line is so funny bc wHAT#was tom an ‘I can fix her’ bitch???????#this show is driving me insane#how much of it is projection? how much of it is *real*?#tomshiv#succession#failmarriage#succession analysis#bbge.text#or maybe it’s not that deep idk#idk this all is prolly incoherent but what an interesting debate#what the fuck happened to tom to give him a fuckedup enough view on love that he was willing to join the Roy fam? tag your answers below!!!
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hiding out in the bathroom at a family function . #slay
#it’s my mums side of the family aka the ‘rich’ side and it is so strange to be around them#bc i hardly ever see them and do not know them very well beyond my grandparents + they are so odd#my second(??) cousins who are like 6 and 8 are just sitting on their phones which is so strange like 😭 you are in yr one… why do you#have an ipjone….#last time we met up (christmas) i got into a debate about capitalism with my great uncle and now i’m not allowed to talk abt politics w thi#side of the family fhshhdhshfhsh#but then that same uncle was just talking abt politics w my pa and talking about how they’re ‘so lucky to have been raised poor in the 50s’#which i mean okay then . sure#anyway i’m getting out of the bathroom now bc i’ve abandoned my sister out there
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JONAS BROTHERS ARE THE BEST BAND I’M SOBBING!!!
#I MISSED THEM SO MUCH#THEY WERE SO GOOD#DNCE AND NICK JONAS SONGS TOO WAHHHH#OMG AND THEY THANKED BUSTED#I met the loveliest girls that held my spot when I went to the bar or to pee#I’m disgusted at myself for paying £7 a pint tho#fuck London prices seriously#but I got a shirt#and I was dancing all night#I’m so happy and lucky I managed to get a ticket literally#I was so nervous about it until I got in and I saw them#might have cried a bit too shameful#on the bus home now!!!!#thank you for putting up with my Jonas brothers bull guys#you lot following my main are the real ones😘#I think I finally met the generation that don’t know year 3000 tho#shameful
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I really be cursed for everyone I meet to just end up using me huh
#I live the next town over from a college town#that’s like. everyone fucking hates the college kids#especially cause this particular school it’s all just assholes with rich parents#unfortunately for me it’s also full of cool looking alt people who keep fucking me over#cause I fall for the crust pants and platforms and cool hair#then suddenly I’m talking them outta suicide every night and basically parenting them#like full on making sure they���re getting food this recent one giving him a place to crash so he didn’t have to live with his ex#driving them around paying for everything despite the fact they’re unemployed and their rich ass parents buy them everything#meanwhile I actually work and am struggling to pay my bills every month#I can’t afford to feed myself but god knows they’re getting everything they could ever want#and still being ungrateful and rude#and I’ll be like hey maybe u should go to a professional yk im not a therapist I can’t help with ur whole suicidal thing#and they get mad at me and throw me away cause oh no they have to work on themselves and take accountability#I’m not gonna keep spoon feeding some fucker who’s gotten life on a silver platter#idk there’s two very different sides to punks I’ve met#there’s either punks who are punk cause they have been through hell and fucked over by the universe and have a genuine understanding of the#beliefs it comes with and the morals#and there’s the punks who maybe sure like the music and the style but have never had to so much as raise their voice to be heard#never had to fight for anything#which isn’t inherently bad I wish I was that lucky#but they’re never really aware of that privilege and just expect to be handed everything#and get pissed if they are expected to be held accountable for being an asshole#ghost rambles
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Sorry I’ve been offline. I’m feeling so extremely defeated in the Disability department. I applied for SSI in November and nothing’s updated yet so I called Social Security and they looked into it after I waited an hour on the phone. They said that my case hasn’t even been worked on yet and that never happens, so basically they just dropped the ball on my case and I have no income and people won’t hire me due to my Disability (I’ve applied numerous places online and it’s been crickets). On top of that, nobody cares that it’s Disability Pride Month and I don’t know how to get people to care. I worked really hard on my posts and they’ve barely gone around. I’m just tired of being in a world that makes me feel this microscopic.
#abby doesnt shut up#sorry to rant but …….. yeah. it hurts. a lot.#I’m very lucky that all of my basic needs are met but my parents are being hit with wild medical bills and we’re middle class. like…#they have to sustain the lives of 4 kids and themselves. so I also feel guilty having to have them pay for my needs aside from med stuff and#my dad works 2-3 jobs and my mom just quit hers and is looking for a new one so
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This pride month give @sagechan at least 20 bucks minimum to anyone who sees this. Why? Because they are dearly beloved and mean the world to me and also deserve reparations. You know what make it 25 bucks and a hand crafted poem on paper you made yourself
#bites through the layers of this community until we all melt into one giant lizard monster and take down several buildings#they are the first NB person I met online hen I was figuring my shit out and I so very lucky to have them in my life to this day#respect them or perish#this is not a threat but a prophecy argue with Apollo not me#of course I make a typo that’s it I’m exploding
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Enjoy comic sketch thumbnail Jigs
#enjoy entertainment bebe#I’m trying to make comics the RIGHT way by like#planning them out or whatever pfft#along with everything else I’ve wanted to show how Sylvaine and Kraw met#I’m so all over the place 😭#I wake up and an entire scene plays in my head and I must abide#if I’m lucky enough to have The Motivation#jigs
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i love my family because i’m moving today and asked for the help of ONE person and suddenly i have 6 people in my house because my aunts and uncles wanted to come for the ride 😭
#like 6 people came 3 hours just for the vibes#and not i’m like hi roommates that i never met before here’s my whole family 😃#this makes sense if you live in portugal and are from the north you know my type of family already#and i’m so lucky to have them but 😭😭#ana! shut up
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Someone told me you’re never gonna be 100% happy anyway. So what are we here for? Heartbreaks and paying the rent and distracting yourself with hobbies 2 hours a week to forget you’d rather be d3ad?
#I thought I could have. anew beginning but I keep feeling terrible#and I also have to look for a new home thanks to my landlord#who happily told me she’s excited to get new people in the house 2 days ago#in a way it could be good to change air#go to a bit nicer city maybe#but idk how hard it will be#i feel so emptied out#think of him and want to cut my throat#I am a burden to myself#I’m so sick of hoping I die in a car accident I have been doing that since I am 14#had a 2 year break and here I am#I just hope I manage to see some friends or so-called people#and guess what I have to help my housemate deep clean the house on the weekend#apparently I heard he said on the phone friends of him from Germany are coming on Monday#so I guess that’s it#the only tiny reason I would be sorry about if I die is my parents#my colleague/boss told me I am really lucky to have parents like that after he met them#I feel so much like a failure#I was brought into this world and all I can hope for myself is to stop living#I want to go to a therapist but as I am stranded and probably will have to change municipality I probably have to wait applying for it#I’ve never felt like I needed it more than now#I’ve had multiple times people saying I’m too silent which to me is total bullshit but anyway#when I start talking I go on too long especially about mental things and I end up feeling ashamed#at least with a therapist I wouldn’t be ashamed cause it’s their fucking job to just listen or ignore me but I will let it out and not feel#so cool:(#why can’t I be happy like in 2018#the only year where I could actually answer I was feeling good and like wanted to show it
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#dear god i need to get a place with my friends yesterday#im so tired of seeing my friends maybe once every couple months and then going back home and being alone in my bedroom with nobody to#talk to and nobody to hug and nobody to hang out with when i’m sad. i just sit in my room and spiral and wait for the next time i can see#my friends irl. it’s like the only thing keeping me going. i miss them so much and you’d think it would get easier being away from them.#we graduated 3 years ago and i still think about how fucking sad i was packing up my dorm for the last time. and knowing we were all going#back to our shitty families. every time i get dismissed or made fun of or yelled at here i just remember how lucky i am to have met my#friends and how happy and safe i felt with them and i know they feel the same way and it just fucking sucks being apart like this.#we went to the renfaire together a few days ago and that was the happiest i’d been in so long.#dear god i just need this november to turn out okay so i can breathe a bit and maybe we can actually start talking about finding a place.
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There’s one guy from the four month training program I did who always walks by me in the hall when I’m saying the wackiest shit and I love him so much
#Chris this is about u#still haunted by the fact that u walked by me last week#as I walked barefoot through the office#in a tshirt I scrounged up and sopping wet pants#while I was yelling into my phone about how the jacket I thought was my rain jacket was NOT actually a rain jacket#he doubled over laughing and I just. kept walking#and that was fair I looked like a drowned cat and#I myself felt like I was in a fucking skit#but also this has happened So Often with him specifically#why does he always walk by when I’m having a situation#delete later#going into my tumblr diary because I keep thinking about it and I want it to stop haunting me and writing the words down erases them from#my brain#I’m lucky like that#he met me when I was an ittt bitty baby and now that I’m a teenager at my job I’m still being cringe
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