#I myself felt like I was in a fucking skit

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

There’s one guy from the four month training program I did who always walks by me in the hall when I’m saying the wackiest shit and I love him so much

[wakingfantasies]

Excerpt from "Here With Me - The Pros and Cons, Part One."

“Really is maddening that… Despite being surrounded by so many people and none of them, not one person, went to help or even come to ask if you’re okay…”

“Oh, I did notice that, yeah,” you responded while looking around you, a small little offended glare in place. “Welcome to America, I guess. Bunch of rude fuckers. People’s phones would be out, recording my death and no doubt, I’d be all over everyone’s for you page via TikTok and so not in the way that would be welcomed.”

A light scoff left his lips, “Is there any other way on TikTok? I mean…” His shoulders raise in a shrug, “I dunno, I’m not on it, but it doesn’t seem quite appealing, does it?”

It was said so innocently, so casually, your lips stretching into a smile and eyes flickering with amusement. You could have fun with this, his statement sounding so… Almost boomer of him, despite the young age in comparison to actual boomers. Which only brought on further amusement in your eyes. “Not a fan?” starting off casually. Trying to ascertain how bad this could be.

“Well…” he started, brows raised a bit as his hand reached for the back of his head, scratching his neck. “Not that I ventured much into it, but…” He gave a shrug, “It’s just dances, isn’t it? Like I said. Not very appealing.”

You couldn’t help it. The roll of your eyes came immediately as did the laugh from your lips. “Oh, God, it is not all dancing. There’s so much more to it, it’s all sorts of things. All sorts of content from all kinds of creators. Actors doing skits, some they wrote, some they didn’t, or even just jumping on a trend that showcases their acting skills or recreations of famous scenes from movies, shows… Their interpretation of it, even if it’s lip synching, it’s them. Musicians showcasing their music by either remixing,” You paused a moment, raising your brows, letting out a soft laugh. “…which you know a lot about remixes, I’m sure…”

He gave a deep hum, giving a nod, “Yeah, yeah, more than I care for, admittedly…”

“Right, well, there’s that and singing, performing, either putting out a song or performing it live. Editors, doing video edits of either original material or… Or even video edits of their favorite shows, movies, actors… Artists? Speed drawing videos showing their skills and how a sketch turns to an actual fucking piece of art. Because not all artists can get their work in a gallery, but they can post a video on a platform that will literally show up on people’s screens,” a soft laugh escaping, and you saw how he smiled, tilting his head and looking at you as you spoke. “And then there’s cooking — you’re a foodie, right?”

“I…” he started, his smile growing as he gave a nod. “Yeah, yeah, I… I consider myself a foodie, sure. That’s on TikTok as well?”

Lips stretched across your face as you gave an earnest nod, “Yes. The good and the bad. Cooking food, sharing recipes, rating dishes or restaurants—shops, like… It’s such a tool for small businesses and in this fucked up economy, it’s so needed. And...” You hesitated a moment, before giving in to a reluctant nod, “It’s helped writers as well. Promoting their books, sharing their writing, connecting with readers and… You know, that stuff. And aside from content creators, the art of it, there’s simply fans of all of it, discussing all of it, connecting with others discussing it. I don’t know if you’ve considered that part but…”

You let out a sigh, “Whether you grew up having to hide just things you like or never really recovering from the isolation we all felt during the start of the pandemic…”

Shaking your head, “Connecting with others over things you love, or just even things or people you like… Without judgement, it’s so important. Also serving to just… Y’know, give yourself a voice. Not just about entertainment but… Just life and how it can knock you down. Pick you up. The fucked-up parts that traditional media is just never going to give you a chance to scream at the world, people on the app do. They’re given that chance, and they take it, and it’s great. And if you’re feeling down, there’s people that use the platform to pick you right up.”

Tilting his head, a bit, the corner of his lip let out a smirk, “So… Definitely not just dancing then?”

You laughed, shaking your head, “No, no, Mr. Quinn, not just dancing. And the fact that people are so quick to just boil it down to just dancing is… Not only ridiculous but fucking reductive. Yeah, it has some big downsides to it. Like any other form of social media, there’s toxicity and negative impacts and even people manipulating other people. A narrative that doesn’t align with the truth, but then —”

“That…is most social media.” His nose scrunched a bit, “Well… In the name of all transparency… Not just social media, but… Traditional media as well. Interviews and misquotes running amuck… I guess it’s not any better or worse.” His lips nudge to the side as his shoulders give in to a shrug. “I suppose I shouldn’t have downplayed it, especially since I didn’t know much about it… Until now, of course.”

[eminsunnytoons123]

(these are another two vents I need to get off my chest for all my besties, Sisters, Brothers, pen pals, my two girlfriends And my boyfriend. Im now doing this just for comfort, im only saying this so they can all know....)

Okay, so first.... I have told some of my cousins that im bisexual (I didnt told them that im trans, genderfluid and polyamourous), And when I told them that, they gave me dirty looks And Said: "girl.... Whyy?" And they started telling me: "you're not a muslim if you are part of them" And "thats haram" And that stuff, so I told them I was just joking, but I wasnt.... And I told them this a few Days ago And I felt really bad I did that... And this same thing happend yesterday when I became active on my tiktok account again... So clearly, when I made a new introduction post, I Said I am a bisexual, genderfluid, trans and polyamourous Lady/Guy, And then this one girl Said: "you ain't muslim 💀💀".... LIKE GIRL I FUCKING AM A MUSLIM!!!! WHAT!? NOW I CANT LIKE BOTH GENDERS!?!? And that girl was a muslim too because of her display name....

Second, I had another dream about my blue haired auntie And my former five besties, And I dreamed that she And them five forgave me for my actions, but when I woke up, I realized it was just a dream.....

Im very sorry again, y'all.... Im not saying im a horrible person and that I hate myself. I really LOVE myself And I think im a good person, its just that my blue haired auntie And five former besties of mine make me feel like that... (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)

And I really want to cry after hearing whats been going on with @s4gefr0g lately... And I feel like Bella @moshywoosh is still going through lots of pain from her family...

And again, this is for all my besties, Sisters, Brothers, pen pals, my two girlfriends And my boyfriend to know..

@splashy900 @kxllboii @cheezekennith @muppet-fan-real @aquamarine-dream-queen @dayzsaclark @oscarandgrinchfan @moshywoosh @ilovescaredysquirrel2 @nuggetaubrey @sharkyy599 @nightkit92 @familyoffood @mysafespaceblog13 @thelazzyblogzz @sugar-miss1 @shrimpathizer @shypeachrunaway @iggyguyy @sophia-does-skits @typical-sophie @peaceforpeople @ben5569 @itsmyaltaccountforshiitybloglol0 @ducktoonz903707 @artismeyou-12 @blackstar044 @acen402 @diego-r-the-artist-2009 @nia1sworld @rumplestiltsbear @s4gefr0g @beeware-of-lulu @leafith @bluebird-in-a-cagedrawing @muppet-fan-frr @thegroovyskull @blo0st4r

[punks-never-die205]

Hey there, it’s the Anon that sent the “Not responding to them when they say ILY to see how they would react” for the the first time.

Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for sending that ask! I have seen it a few times done through memes and skits as like a little prank. I must have stepped a bit out of line when I ask that and I am really sorry may have caused hurt or discomfort to you in anyway or anyone else who follows your blog. Definitely a lesson learned here, I didn’t mean for it to be so harsh, I got influenced by watching some other creators and wanted to see how other blogs and creators view these certain takes. But I have now seen the negative aspects of those influences and may have stepped over the line a bit here.

Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but I have been following your blog for sometime and after seeing your response it really made me feel frustrated and angry with myself, I could not just carry on, 😣 I wanted to take responsibility and hold myself accountable for this because that was very insensitive of me to ask, and I’m terribly sorry. 😞 I’ll be sticking to Fluff and Smut from now on.

I Hope you have a wonderful evening

Allow me to apologize a little too -

Anon, if I felt YOU directly had been out of line, I would've just deleted the ask. It's on me for not being clear about that when I was answering the ask.

I'm not surprised to learn the idea came from memes and pranks - it's been a frustrating trend lately, a kind of casual cruelty I've seen in pranks and such lately. That's not a fault of yours specifically - it's certainly been a trend. (Which, man, let me get into the rise of cruelty as pranks and bullying, alongside the rise of fucking purity culture. whew.)

I'm glad for two things - one, that my reaction caused you to step back and look at things more clearly. And two, that you were inclined to reach out and say so. Those are great reactions!

You absolutely do NOT have to stick to fluff and smut - angst, dark content, etc. is welcome here - and I recommend you continue to dive into it. By approaching the width and breadth of topics you're able to grow and continue to be even better. It'll help you recognize in the future when cruel things are layered with a veneer of "oh it's just a prank/joke".

That not only helps you put nuance into your asks for a blog like mine, but it would also help you put it into your own creations.

My point is: manipulative behavior in fiction is not something to be avoided. I don't want you to avoid it because of my answer - which I only meant to provide in context, not as a statement of YOUR morals. (this is what I'm apologizing for, honestly, because my disgust was at the IDEA, not at YOU, and I wasn't clear about that, otherwise I would not have caused you to feel thus.)

But thank you ^_^ I hope you have a wonderful evening as well, and hey - we'll both come away from this having learned something, and I think that's perfect.

[crazybojoe]

Asylum's Delusion

I didn't know what to call myself, but there were 3 paths I could possibly undergo if it weren't for my case to be a hallucinating drunkard. I could only remember the day I was left by my wife Cris, bittersweet like the play of Romeo and Juliet. The following memory felt a blur to my alcohol. Some sort of realm called Outworld was what I fought up against, I wasn't the chosen champion among them. My memory could only sum me up to meeting a descendant of the Taira which then was followed by a Fire God and two ninjas behind him called the Lin Kuei. It all felt so surreal, as if the world I live in, or should I say Earthrealm perhaps, was technically in danger. The smoke alarm should've rang the moment those fires ablaze in anger from the Fire God, but it didn't. Yet I still question why did I hear it go off when it didn't blare its red flash, perhaps it was just the battery of the light running off...

Or was it?

And continuing on, I went off to a new realm called Outworld. Yet when I walked through the clean slate of stone slabs beneath me, it felt like barbed wires and broken glass, I couldn't tell if my feet were bleeding but they looked fine or so I thought. Princess Kitana and Mileena's skin felt like bones, the vision of their skin coating their muscle anatomy and organs but again it didn't feel like they were alive at all. Then this problem about Shang Tsung conspired around the man who called himself the Keeper of Time, which all led to a conspiring destruction of the world called Armageddon. I could've sworn I climbed up those steps and reach the top but instead of blazing fire I felt at my feet, my legs sunk into the cold feeling of snow...? I don't even see any of it, but I could feel it. Once I beat the asses off Shang Tsung and that Kratos looking weirdo, the Keeper of Time felt an earthquake. Though I couldn't shake as I didn't feel a thing or two, which made me think it was just all a skit. I vaguely remember his words about saying "Thank you for your aid, may we meet again Johnny Cage."

...

After that I just found myself strapped with white cloth and belts inside a room of pure white walls and floor, there was no window or door. It was just a room covered in white, nothing else to see but the plain and lifeless color as my mind stares into the unknowingly blank room. The edges are barely seen and traces of a door were camouflaged into the bright empty color, then I heard his voice again.

"Jonathan Carlton."

I recognize the voice as I turn to see the Fire God again, it was him. But how did he get here?

"Join me once more Johnny Cage."

His voice eerily calls to me, a crooked smile forming into his face as he looked deformed. What the actual fuck am I looking at? His eyes are just as empty as the room, why is he looking down at me like that!?

"Worry not of the room that will cure you again, you will drown in madness of our existence."

From each word, I could see more people appearing as the begin to surround me. They were all there, but I know they don't exist. Kenshi, the Edenian royalty, Raiden, Kung Lao and many more of the people I remember. Screaming in fear and agony as I try to escape.

The words they chant and beg into my ears deafened me as I write this log. They said...

LISTEN.

[the-catboy-minyan]

I have mixed feelings about ארץ ‏נהדרת, but the Ben Gvir ‘Objection!’ bit in the icj skit was so great, actually made me and my mother laugh out loud when we watched it

same, I stopped watching them like 3 years ago I think? I never fully understood their humor anyways because I don't follow the news closely enough to get all the jokes.

a couple of months ago I walked in to my parent's living room to see Eretz Nehederet on and it was a skit about "Queers for Palestine" that completely made fun of their intelligence and didn't criticize them for being "people on the left who are misinformed about the situation in a country that's miles away from them and projecting US politics on us", but as "dumb lgbtabc with their blue hair and pronouns calling terrorists freedom fighters". ignoring all the actual issues on the american left and summarizing it as "lol gay people are idiots".

I just felt really offended, I was a queer leftist at the time (still am but distanced myself more from the crowd they were making fun of), and I was witnessing the left descent to becoming terrorist apologists in my own friend groups and online circles, and here they are showing it as a problem of intelligence when it's so much fucking deeper than that.

(also idk what skit you're talking about did I reblog it? I only remember reblogging one about how a lot of charities go straight to Hamas leaders)

[makesitprecious]

It hit me when Em asked "what really happened?" And he immediately deflected to saying brightly "oh you haven't seen the SNL sketch?" An SNL sketch mention felt like a rock dropping in my stomach. He could have been completely honest - no cameras were on, it was just the three of them in his Not Coping In A Healthy Way memorabilia cave, he could have said to these people he's already swindling the honest truth: "it was really fucked up. I saw all my coworkers die. I thought this animal was my friend and it ripped my first crush's face off. Additionally, I blame myself for the chimp's death because the first bump - our friendship - distracted him long enough for the sniper to take the shot."

I remember being horrified when SNL did a "COVID bacteria doesn't have a Christmas party date" sketch and they dressed up an actor with a headpiece that looks like the known scientific bacterial drawing. The social distancing or commentary on people buying toilet paper skits before this had been funny I'll admit I laughed, but this felt too far. People were still dying in the thousands of this disease every day when they did this "poor COVID is dateless :(" sketch. At that time in some countries they had to line deceased bodies in sports stadiums because they couldn't be buried fast enough. The united nations workers were having mental breakdowns because they're accustomed to war and natural disasters like hurricane or earthquake aftermath, but not this sheer level of death and grieving without a cure.

SNL's skit didn't feel like "coping with trauma" like London Bridges or Ring Around The Rosy or the witty test posts here. Covid skit was immediately what I thought of when Juke talked about the chimp skit in a creepy parallel to his past then petered off when he started getting PTSD just from talking about it. Also wtf Mad Magazine for that cover

i think the moment i really Got what nope was trying to say was when jupe was talking about the gordy’s home snl sketch and it cut to a flashback of him as a kid, terrified and bloody after a horrible trauma - and then cut right back to him gushing about the performance of the actors that turned that trauma into entertainment

[syrupspinner]

i just beat Retro City Rampage DX

if grand theft auto was good

im not fucking around. sincerely, i had infinitely more fun with this game that with gta5. first of all, the story: every time a character in gta 5 spoke i liked them less. i care about none of the people the story focuses on, and the poison levels of caustic south park assholery just suck all of the enjoyment out of the serious crime drama. even then, the game feels stuck between being an irreverent self-parody and a serious crime drama. retro city rampage just chooses one thing to be and does it successfully. sure, im not the target demographic of the Ready Player One nerdy 80s references, but i can respect picking a fucking lane. also, unlike gta5, i never felt the need to skip a cutscene! trevor and michael gave me a fucking migrane after a few hours, but RCR just uses silly skits to introduce the next gameplay setpiece. it feels WAY more congruent with the vibe of a chaotic sandbox, its quick its entertaining and it doesnt ruin anything, its fucking congruent.

a lot of this is thanks to the scope of RCR as an indie game. every time gta5 introduced something new, like the stupid app you need to pick up dog poop or that shallow buisness-purchasing mechanic, it just felt like it was a corporate mandate to make the game more "Triple A" whatever that means. since RCR doesnt have the bloated expectations of an industry breathing down its neck, it can just be a video game. like, the driving sections between gta5 missions are drawn out and waste player time for no reason, because the map is soooooo big and cinematic and its really big and graphics cool big gigabyte. RCR just has a city big enough to be a fun sandbox.

gta5 and RCR both use missions to introduce things you can do in the world, but the later's sillier tone lets the missions be more interesting, less grounded, and feel like one mission isnt less relevant than another. when (i had to google his name) franklin starts a story mission with seven minutes of strip club gameplay, im annoyed because i want to get this drive over with so i can see if this next mission is another repetitive shootout. when Player, the actual name of the character in RCR, has to take shifts from the grim reaper for a few minutes to come back from the dead after being killed by his babymama, im on board for the cartoon shenanigans. this is the importance of tone and cohesion, and just plain 'ol gameplay variety

this game like, made me realize why people like gta. theres a lot of fun in just fucking around and cause chaos, but the missions and story mode give you a direction to point the destruction in. i think the biggest thing turning me off from gta was just how... much it was. its like a demanding, greedy child. RCR feels more like its just a buddy that wants to have a good time.

i dunno, im worried im not articulating myself well enough here. maybe im just biased towards indie games? i mean, i definitely am, but i just feel like AAA games are way more likely to preoccupy themselves with things other than making the game more engaging and enjoyable until they collapse under their own weight. meanwhile, RCR has a a reasonable scope, a concise and pointed direction, and more than anything a respect for the player's time and enjoyment.

so yeah, i totally recommend this game! it goes on sale for like, 4 bucks canadian, so its probably even cheaper with real money. if the reference humour isnt your thing theres the gameplay, and youll know if you like the gameplay after >2 hours in the sandbox.

[slimmestslime]

just went to a con yesterday, pretty decently sized and wasn’t like. fifty people this time. was really fun though

(rambling \/)

saw sooo so many hazbin cosplayers and merch. lord fucking above i was drowning. BUT. i did see a cool as shit daft punk cosplay duo, some hyperspecific guys that im pretty sure handmade their cosplays from scratch. one guy’s stuff was like half articulated and it was a mecha type of thing. so that was pretty awesome. one girl came in on stilts for this like. monster-girl type cosplay? i could be stupid. but it was really cool

the merch booths were half/half. its convention prices As always, but there was some pretty banger shirts and stuff like terrariums and bonsai displays. There was a guy ripping us the FUCK off for 50 dollars a shirt (which were poorly printed), when directly across thw convention a guy was selling 3 for 50.

found a booth that i coined the Plushie Emporium because it was all entirely licensed plushies in like. a box you could walk into. was really cool but by the time i did my 10th lap or so i walked in. realized im five bucks short of buying anything in there nd walked back out. told the lady that i really liked her stock and i dont think she understood me. which um. i feel really bad for.

obligatory japanese food booth, and also two 3dprinted stalls which were neat. one of the stalls decorated like, ram sticks with a pokemon figurine and then other stuff. and im regretting not buying them now… fuck… and they had really nice 3d printed pokemon that were low-poly esque. …my only regret is not buying anything at that booth..

anyway! apart from merch, me and a friend attended some panels. one documenting 90s-late 2000s cosplaying, and another talking about oold old anime. and how anime evolved into the mainstream. both were pretty cool and funny. but we attended this one panell, “who’s line is it!” or, something. and its an improv panel. and holy fuck was it good. like it was rising improv artists doing really funny skits. was genuinely awesome

OH and. ONE person recognized me. he went “Hey Hank.” and i did the fucking thing where you freeze up and all you can say is “Hi!”. nd i felt like such ass i was about to go find the guy again and freak out and be like “YOU KNOW MADCOM TOO?!” but um. my friend told me not to worry abt it. but he was the first person to point me out!!! And of course he sounded like the fucking nerd emoji!!!! i think my brain forgot i Was indeed cosplaying as the wimbleman himself. and i just factory defaulted. sucks but whatever. he probably forgot by now (But i didnt

+before i forget, we played taiko and the controllers they had fucking Sucked. i dont know what wronged them but it SUCKED. i would have been FINE if i knew the KA placement WAS AT THE TOP OF THE RIM!!! I WAS HITTING THE SIDES!!! evil.

anyway. photos! Which isnt many.

^ obligatory wimbleisms, i didnt get many photos of my cosplay cause. i was mainly just Roaming around

^ funny stuff we found. and yes there was unironically good plushies there!! Really good. but then they had these too.

all in all. good convention. got myself a sakura miku figurine, wanted a nendoroid, Didn’t find any at all. but otherwise was fun. and this is technically my first proper convention, my first one was…. small. AND my first time cosplaying!!

i hope i can evolve Walmart Wimble out of the clearance section and actually upgrade the coat, figure out a better headwrap that isnt a cap, aand wire LEDS into the goggles. <- ( took engineering classes for 3 years, I Just Need Materials and a slight handholding. ) OH and bandages. cant forget about bandage wrap for the arms and head.

but yeah im sore as shit. :3!

[klfoxartcommtext]

So an absurdist Norwegian comedy duo I was completely and utterly obsessed with for many years announced that they are playing their first ever live show in November this year in Oslo. Although I haven't been actively fangirling over them for 5+ years, I loved them so fucking much that I felt I just...had to go! I initially decided against it after much painful deliberation. My hyperfixation has moved on of course, with my JxB AU story being the main focus of my life currently. I had the ticket sales open at the launch time - and due to going to a relative's wedding this month in a different part of the country I was beyond skint - so I was completely torn. I thought about how much money I'd have to shell out for it over the next few months (and I don't have much to spend to begin with) and all the commissions I could purchase with the money instead - and I backed off. Decided not to. I'd moved on - they made me manic - I didn't want to be like that anymore, they were in my past etc. etc.

Cut to 3 days later and I hadn't been able to stop thinking about them. My subconscious was bugging me with it and I was dreaming about the show nightly - part of me was hoping the show would sell out and take the decision out of my hands. I looked back at their website - and indeed, the gig sold out in less than 2 days. But - they added a special extra gig the day after! 😭 Clearly the universe (and my heart) was trying to tell me something (LOL) - so I caved. Completely caved - bought a ticket with money I didn't have.

Just to give some additional context, because I do enjoy talking about it - I was such a huge fan of these guys that one of them actually 'discovered' me and got in contact with me. He added me as a friend on FB (he is literally made of sunshine fyi. Part of the reason for said obsession ofc) and saw how much fangirl content I was posting about them on my personal FB. Not only was he not creeped out (or if he was he hid it very well) he eventually asked me if I'd like to post content on their official social media sites. Being that they were my complete existence and his interactions with me were literally adding years to my life, I of course accepted. Went ahead and posted on their sites for about 3 years, loving every motherfucking second. I made fanvideos for them for their Birthdays which they both responded so incredibly to. Although I loved the one who contacted me, the other member - well, he was my super special pash. Completely and utterly delicious - and even though he didn't nearly interact with me as much as his wonderful comedy partner, he did eventually add me on FB himself and would wish me Happy Birthday/Happy Christmas etc. - completely lush. Not only were they aware of me but they apparently 'talked about me a lot' - fuck offfff and when I first went to Oslo on my 'pilgrimage' as I called it (it wasn't to try and stalk them or anything. I just wanted to visit all the places they'd filmed their skits) - my main contact between them (who was following me on all my social medias) literally 'tracked' my movements via Instagram, liking all my posts as I was posting them, and messaged me saying he wished he could be there to show me around. These guys are legitimately famous in Norway, and also around the world through some viral videos. They're actors and composers in their own right - just amazing, amazing guys. Completely and thoroughly lovely. I obsessively collected every bit of work and merch I could get my hands on from them, both physically and digitally - amassing a huge collection including a lot of crafty creations and fan merch I made myself (don't pity me please, I had so much fun. I was living my best life) - got a tattoo dedicated to them - yeah, huge fan. Eventually I ran out of fan fuel and 'moved on' - didn't really follow them for many years, changed my social media accounts for various reasons, started a new phase. Didn't stop my main contact tracking me down on my new Instagram and following me there though. LMAO!

So long story short, I have to do this. I have to be in the same room as them - watch them perform their songs - it'll be incredible. I'm not banking on meeting them, but if I did, it would of course be insane. Again though, just seeing them live will be more than enough.

I worked out that this 3 day trip will knock me back around £500. I've been working overtime this month so I'm hoping I can pay for most things this month and still be able to start new commissions soon, as I have so many plans still. My Mum's Bday is next month as well, so I think July will be pretty brassic for me. I'm holding out hope that I can commission at least 1 new piece next month, but I'll literally have to see how things work out. I don't want this trip to stop me from commissioning new works over the next 5 months, and if I'm thrifty it won't. Especially from August on, I should be back on track will full(ish) force.

[the-mothmaam]

The Cycle

I blamed Jessica for being caught in a narcissitic cycle. But I've been caught in a cycle of my own. My research into narcissim helped show just how close its always been to my life. I'm almost certain my dad had it now that I reflect on the kind of person that he was.

He loved to be in the limelight. He never liked to share the stage much when he was Pack Master. All the cool things he did he hyper inflated their importance, because they gave him importance. This usually became more about his skits and inventions, like the Pinewood Derby tracks, which - yes, dad that was both cool and impressive as Hell.

But I didn't have the support I needed from him. And he kept leaving. Mom did the best she could, but she was emotional enough for three parents. The truth of the matter is that I had a pretty fucked up childhood, between the physical abuse and the devaluing my parents put onto my sincere best efforts.

It makes a lot of sense why I would be attracted to someone like that. My presence helps give them the attention they desire. My need to emotionally reinforce people inflates them. And so I feel useful. And if I'm not useful, I'm a nuissance - or at least that's what I was trained to believe. It's why I self sacrifice so much.

I'm shit at self soothing too. I'm always lonely. Always so needy. And that's my cycle. I find people who "need" me and then because I don't know how to self soothe I become clingy, hoping for someone to fix the abyss inside of me that never seems to be filled. And when they don't I break down or lash out. It happened with Glynn, it happened with Cody, it happened with Eto, and it happened with Jessica. In each instance I felt my usefulness slip away and so I became needy and drove them away.

If I can't be enough for myself. I'll never be enough for other people. My inner critic tears me down so often, and with such conviction that I find it hard to believe I can ever permenantly get a leg-up on it. But something tells me that if I don't try then I might end up doing the same thing with Amy, who, since I have a business relationship with, she'll be even less tolerant of it.

Nobody can fix me except myself. And while I have flaws I need to get it into my head that I'm not broken. I don't know how or when I got it in my head that I am, but I have surrounded myself with people who only reinforce that throughout my life.

I wish this mattered for anything in the past that I've screwed up, but I guess that's what life is, fallling down, getting back up and trying better next time. My emotions are just so painful when I think back on everything that I've lost. It's hard for me to cope with loss. Mom talked about her eventual death last night and I nearly broke down in tears. Why can't I be more okay with the transient nature of people AND life? Why do I feel that any of it is due to me to be static? Maybe I'll ask Amy. Something inside me makes me think its just human nature. But that's really fucked up because the human condition runs counter to that axiom. So it seems like, if that's the case everyone, everywhere is always going to exist more stabily. When is it ever going to be enough for any of us?

Shit. I guess I need to work at just being more appreciative of what I have while I have it.... just like they suggested I do in the hospital.

I hate that there is so much Truth that I've never been privlage to just floating around me like some miopic miasma. But that's another problem for another entry / time / session.

[babyboibucky]

The Match - Part 2

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The aftermath of matching with your boss on Tinder.

Word Count: 3,344

Warnings: FILTHY SMUT, boss x employee affair, oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected office sex 🤷🏻‍♀️

A/N: Hmmm yes, part 2 of The Match is finally out and I hope this did not disappoint 😂

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

“Am I really doing this?”

You asked yourself in the mirror before making a face, “Of course I am.” You huffed out and adjusted your breasts inside your bra.

After your brief yet tension-filled encounter with James, you sprinted to the bathroom as soon as you reached your floor. And mind you, you did that while wearing a tight pencil skirt and a pair of heels. It really surprised you how your thirst made you do that with ease.

If there was an olympics dedicated for thirsty bitches trying to get some, you’d probably bring home the gold with how fast you moved.

You checked your watch for the time, you still had ten minutes left so you made sure to fix yourself up. Of course, the logical part of your brain was screaming for you to get a grip because really? You were going to let your boss fuck you? In his office? During work hours? You were at a damn risk here; you could get caught or even worse, lose your job. But was that going to stop you?

Hell fucking no.

Checking yourself out in the mirror one last time, you let out a deep breath and walked out. Maybe you were just being hyper aware given that you were headed to your boss’ office to get fucked, but you felt uncomfortable as you passed by your colleagues. You offered them polite smiles and tried to act normal. Thank god the elevator was just a few steps away.

“Oh thank goodness, there you are.” Your manager immediately blocked your way and handed you a couple of folders.

“I need you to make a report out of these. I have a presentation before lunch.” She explained.

You frowned, “I’m sorry but aren’t you supposed to do these, not me? Besides, Ja— Mister Barnes called requested me to see him in his office.”

Your manager used to be on the same level as you were but was promoted a couple of months ago. Why? You absolutely have no idea. She wasn’t the best at her job, in fact, you felt like the promotion should’ve been yours. Since she became your manager, she had been passing some of her tasks to you and snatching away the credit like a fucking bitch.

Your managed narrowed her eyes at you, “The James Barnes requested for you? Why?” She asked suspiciously, hands on her hips.

Of course she would be suspicious, you never worked with James before. But the fact that you were going there for a completely different reason made you sweat.

You breathed out through your nose, shaking your head and avoiding your manager’s gaze. “I...who knows? I mean, I have no idea why. He just told me to see him in his office and that’s about it. I really don’t know the reason, why would he even ask for me? Probably not a big deal, it’s very normal to ask a subordinate into your office, right? Do you know why he asked for me?” You were a blabbering mess at this point.

Your manager scoffed, “If I did, I wouldn’t ask you.” She responded before waving a hand. “Anyway, I’ll take care of him. Go and work on the reports now. Before lunch, remember.” She commanded, pointing a finger at you before walking away.

“Wait! But I...” you trailed, looking at the folders in your hand before checking your watch. Five minutes left. “...I was gonna get fucked...” you whispered in disappointment before stomping your way back to your cubicle.

The tantrums you made when you reached your desk didn’t go unnoticed. Who wouldn’t be grumpy anyway? Your manager just cockblocked you on your way to get some D, and it’s not even some regular D. James would probably be balls-deep in you now but instead, you were getting fucked by a report that wasn’t even supposed to be your responsibility.

You were typing away on your computer when you noticed the office chatter start to die down, the loud conversations transforming into hushed whispers. The HR probably paid your floor a visit, you thought and continued to work on the report.

“Any reason why you’re here and not in my office?”

Shit.

Your whole body froze at the sound of James’ voice. No wonder the entire floor grew silent, he was always in his office or out for a meeting. He wasn’t one to visit his subordinates but here he was, standing by your cubicle and looking down at you with dark eyes.

You stood up and noticed that your colleagues were watching, whispering to each other and most definitely wondering why James paid you a little visit.

“I’m sorry, I uhh there was a—“

“Mister Barnes!” Your manager greeted, a little too chirpy, when she saw James. “I was just about to head to your office to tell you that she’s working on an important report. She’ll come to your office when she’s done. I’ll make sure of it.” She said, offering James a huge smile that made you want to gag.

James kept his eyes on you, completely ignoring your manager. You licked your lips and tried your best not to break eye contact.

“And when was it okay to bypass your boss’ orders?” James asked your manager, his eyes still trained on yours.

You bit back a smirk when your manager ended up sputtering out an apology while you and James continued eye fucking each other. While being surrounded by your colleagues. This should worry you actually, the attention you were getting from everyone else seeing that the James Barnes went out of his way to see you. You couldn’t care less at the moment though, not when James was undressing you with his gaze.

“She’s not doing any report this morning. I need her in my office.” James said and tipping his head, asking you to follow him.

You were out of your cubicle in a second and quietly trailed behind James on his way to the elevator, ignoring the curious looks from every colleague you passed by. As soon as the both of you stepped inside the elevator, the torture began yet again.

Standing beside James, a little bit closer now than before, you could feel your skin prickle with goosebumps. The thought of him being all over you in a few minutes was driving you insane. Shit, you were really down to fuck him.

“You know, I don’t like waiting.” He said, turning to you.

“I’m sorry, James. I really—“

“Ah ah ah.” James tutted, backing you up against the corner of the lift— a blind spot, to keep the both you away from the CCTV inside. “That’s not how you called me earlier. Why stop now?” He asked, resting an elbow against the wall caging you with his body.

You let out a tiny whimper, your eyes landing on James’ lips as he bit them. “I’m sorry, sir.” You whispered.

He hummed, leaning forward until his nose touched your cheekbone. “Good girl.” He whispered roughly into your ear.

Your hands found their way onto James’ necktie, tugging him down when you were unable to hold back your desire. But then the elevator dinged and the both of you scrambled away from each other when the doors slid open, revealing a few employees coming from a different floor.

A chorus of greetings for James echoed as they slowly filed into the elevator, pushing you and your boss into the very back. You let out a soft gasp when you felt James’ hands on your waist as he moved behind you, feeling his erection press against your back.

“Can’t wait to have you to myself.” He whispered, sliding a hand down to you ass, giving it a firm squeeze that almost had you keening if not for the company.

-

Just a few hours earlier you were worrying about crossing paths with your boss whom you matched with on Tinder. Now, you were still worried but only about whether you and James would get caught while his face was in between your legs as you sat on his desk.

“Oh my god, right there...fuck...” you breathed out, head thrown back when James’ tongue circled your sensitive clit.

The moment you James’ office door slammed shut, he was immediately all over you. Pinning you to the wall as he hungrily kissed you, hands wandering all over your body, gripping whatever he could.

James was desperate to have a taste of you, his eyes showed it all. But surprisingly, he managed to make you even more desperate for him than he was for you. He pulled away from the bruising kiss, made you stand still as he walked over to his desk, plopping down on his seat.

His eyes scanned you hungrily as he removed his coat, followed by his tie and then unbuttoning the cuffs of his sleeves before rolling it up to his elbows.

“Take your panties off.” James had ordered.

Your breath hitched at the roughness of his voice. Following his orders, you reached beneath your pencil skirt and slipped off your underwear and letting it fall to your ankles before stepping out of them.

“C’mere.” James said and his voice was so tender it made you feel soft.

It’s amazing how James could go from sounding soft to almost feral, now that he was lapping up your cunt like a starved man while his subordinates went on about their work just outside.

“Let me see those tits. Been wanting to see them since I saw that bikini photo you had on your profile.” James growled, reaching up to pull down the cups of your bra, setting your breasts free.

Okay, maybe you sort of overdid your Tinder profile for someone who wasn’t really interested to hook-up. It was only one beach photo though, but now you weren’t regretting uploading it, not even a bit.

You keened when James pinched a nipple at the same time he started tongue-fucking your cunt. The entire scene was straight out of a porno, like one of those Naughty America skits minus the bad acting and terrible monologue between a CEO and his secretary.

“Keep it down, will ya? Gotta stay quiet, else we might get caught.” James warned, pulling back to watch your wetness drip down from your cunt to your asshole.

You blinked your eyes as you panted, watching James as he inserted two fingers into your sopping pussy. “Fuuuuck, James...” you whimpered.

“That’s not my name, baby.” James said, stilling his fingers and chuckling when you began wiggling your hips to get some friction.

“Sir, please...” you pleaded.

“You’ve always been an obedient one, aren’t you?” James cooed, bending down to lick a stripe against your folds while pumping his fingers in and out.

“Even doing a report that isn’t even yours, so fucking obedient.” He grunted.

Your moan was cut short when James’ phone began to ring, your eyes widening in panic when he answered it with nonchalance as if his fingers weren’t knuckle deep in your pussy.

“Hi, about time you called. You have any updates about the deal? He asked casually as he stood up from his seat.

James went on to discuss business with whoever it was on the other line. And this was all the while you sat on his desk with your skirt bunched up to your waist and legs wide open. You were about to close your legs, thinking that this rendezvous needed to be put on hold, but James was quick to grab your thigh to stop you from doing so.

You made a face at him, incredulous that he didn’t seem to have any plans of stopping. In fact, he started unbuckling his belt while keeping his eyes on you.

“Excuse me, can you hold for a sec?” James spoke into the phone before putting his mic on mute.

“Not a damn sound.” He told you and raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response.

Your mouth parted and you weren’t sure anymore whether you were nervous or aroused that your boss was about to fuck you while having a conversation over the phone. James pinched the inside of your thigh when you failed to respond.

“Yes, sir.” You quickly breathed out with a nod.

“Hi, sorry about that. Where were we?” James asked as he unzipped his pants.

Tinder never really piqued your interest that much. It was truly boredom that made you download it. There have been times when you felt like the app had its favorites; hearing your friends gush about this amazing guy they met through the app and all that shit. You almost gave up on the app that Friday night but thank goodness James appeared right before you called it quits.

If your friends were lucky for bagging an amazing guy on Tinder, it was safe to say that you hit the fucking jackpot because not only was James an amazing guy in general, but he had a very, very impressive cock as well.

You felt your pussy throb at the sight of his cock, springing free from the confines of his Calvin Kleins. It was thick and the vein on the underside of his shaft was so prominent you might as well give it a standing ovation.

James ran a tongue over his bottom lip, taking it in between his teeth when he stepped in between your legs to slide his cock along your folds. That gesture alone made your eyes roll to the back of your skull as you threw your head back from the pleasure.

James casually talked on the phone as he lined the tip of his cock to your entrance. Placing a finger on his lips to remind you to stay quiet, he watched your face as he slowly slid inside. You choked on your moan when you felt a slight sting from how his cock was stretching you out. Inch by inch, James pushed himself inside of you until he was fully sheathed.

He stretched you out so fucking good that you suddenly clenched around him, making James cough into the phone to mask the grunt that escaped his lips.

“Fuck.” He breathed out. “That sounds like a tight plan, Sam.” James said through gritted teeth, looking at you pointedly as if warning you to stay put.

James started off with slow, languid thrusts, gauging for your reaction to ensure that you wouldn’t make any noise. Unfortunately for you though, James was hitting all the right spots and it would only be a matter of time that you’d end up whimpering as he fucked you onto his desk.

He sped up his thrusts, pushing into you with more force making you slide up onto his desk every time he slammed back in. Your elbows were aching from how you were leaning your entire weight against them but fuck, you wanted to remain in that position to watch James’ cock disappear into your cunt.

James appeared to be struggling from holding back as well, seeing how his face was turning red and how the veins on his neck were starting to show up. His free hand gripped your thigh tightly, keeping your legs open as he began to speed up his pace.

One particular thrust made you see stars and unconsciously, you let out a moan that immediately turned into a gasp when James wrapped his free hand around your throat.

“That sounds great, Sam. When are you free to meet to further discuss the details?” James asked, his eyes glued onto yours as he pounded into you mercilessly.

His grip around your throat tightened each time you squeaked out the tiniest noise. You were so out of it now; James was fucking you so good that it slipped your mind that you were at work and that James was, well, your boss— the CEO of the company actually.

James could feel your pussy flutter around his cock and quickly put his phone on mute before grunting, “C’mon, baby. Cum for me, make a mess on my cock.”

His command spurred you on and your climax hit you with no warning at all. The coil in your abdomen simply snapped, reducing you into a trembling mess as you came around James’ cock the same time he let go of your throat, only to cover your mouth with his hand as you let out a long, muffled whimper.

“Great, I’ll have my secretary schedule the meeting then. It was great talking to you, Sam.” James literally let his phone slip from his hand as soon as the call ended.

He held your waist with both hands as he chased his own orgasm, fucking you harder until he slipped out and came on your mound.

“Fuck...” he panted as he jerked off his cock, milking it until your folds were covered in his release.

Holy fucking shit, your boss was truly down to fuck. And it was one hell of a fuck too.

-

You had just finished cleaning up yourself when you somewhat regained your consciousness. Now what? This was what you were worried about, the aftermath of fucking the CEO.

“You good?” James asked as he sat down on his chair.

You nodded and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, “Yes, sir.”

“Bucky.” James corrected.

“I’m sorry?” Wait, what?

James shrugged, “If we’re going to start working closely, I prefer if you called me by my nickname.” He explained.

You frowned, “I don’t understand?”

What the hell was going on? James sorted through the stack of his papers on his desk (most of which were crumpled when you ended up grabbing them as he fucked you) and handed one over to you.

“You’re promoted as the head of your department.” He announced with a small smile.

Now you were offended. Did he promote you for letting him fuck you? Was this his plan all along? You couldn’t understand a single thing that was going on and James was attentive enough to figure out what you were thinking. You stared at the formal letter discussing your promotion and then back up at James.

“The promotion has nothing to do with us fucking.” He reassured. “Do you think I don’t pay attention to my employees? I know each and everyone in this company, their performance and how they do their jobs. And you...” James said, standing up and walking around his desk until he stood in front of you.

“I’ve been watching you for quite a while now. You have impressive skills. Your reports are exquisite, you know how to manage a team, you’re very smart. Quite the entire package.” He explained with a shrug.

“I’m not sure how my manager will take this given that—“

“That promotion was supposed to be yours but I asked the HR to give it to her instead. You deserve being more than just becoming a manager so now you’re a department head. You’re required to directly report to me moving forward.” James bit his lip as he tipped your chin.

You were at a loss for words. All this time, you thought that your hardwork and efforts haven’t been paying off.

“What do you say?” He asked, tilting his head. “And just so we’re clear, the promotion has been decided before I even stumbled upon your Tinder profile.” He explained.

You let out a chuckle, still unable to believe what had just happened. Your boss fucked you, gave you one of the best orgasms in your entire life and also gave you a promotion. Talk about good fucking luck, all thanks to Tinder.

“Uh I...yes...I’m accepting the promotion.” You said excitedly.

“Good.” James said, taking a step back from you giving you your space back.

“The announcement of the promotion will be e-mailed in a few. Congratulations and I’ll see you tonight.” James said with a smirk.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Tonight?”

“Yeah, we’ll celebrate your promotion. You’re not just the head of your department, baby. You’re mine now.”

-

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar  @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2​ @unmagically​ @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes​ @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr​ @asemistablehundredyearoldman​ @reidbuck​ @lizzarooni​ @girlfriday007​ @5-seconds-of-mendes​ @whoth3hellisbucky​​ @bonkywobble​ @lost-in-the-stars03 @its-yasbxtch @twinerd14 @bluehour-553​

The Match Special Tags:

@marvelslag​ @weird-mumbling​ @propertyofpoeandbucky​ @lostinthoughtsandfeelings​ @mostly-marvel-musings​ @squishybabies​ @megzdoodle​ @little-baby-vixen​ @annathesillyfriend​ @xhollycowx​ @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @5-seconds-of-mendes​ @gogolucky13​ @countonthesun​ 

[storiesforallfandoms]

backstage ~ pete davidson

word count: 1960

request?: yes!

“Can you do a Pete Davidson smut on the set of SNL”

description: in which a backstage tour turns into something a little more

pairing: pete davidson x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist (one, two)

“And this is the writer’s room,” Pete said as he led me into a room with a large desk surrounded by multiple chairs. “This is where we come up with the skits and the jokes. There’s John, being the loner he is.”

“You say that like it’s a joke but you’re my best friend so what does that say about you?” John asked, not looking up from his laptop.

Pete chuckled and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Moving on - ”

“Hold on!” I cut him off. “We are not just sweeping past John Mulaney like that. You know how much I love him.”

This made the older comedian look up from his laptop and smile at me. “Oh, I like this girl. She’s got good taste.”

Pete rolled his eyes at the two of us. “You can come back and talk to John before we start filming. This is a big set and I told you I’d show you all of it.”

I playfully pouted at him before waving goodbye to John and continuing to follow Pete through the unfamiliar building.

Pete had been dying to give me a tour of the SNL backstage basically since we had started dating. Our schedules never lined up enough to be able to, but I had finally managed to get a full weekend off and Pete decided to take advantage of that.

The set was much larger than I thought, with every castmate having their own dressing rooms, plus special rooms for the hosts and musical guests. So many rooms for writing and editing, and the massive set where everything was filmed, usually in front of an audience. I didn’t understand how Pete didn’t get lost every day, even if he was familiar with the place.

“And finally,” he said once we neared the end of his tour, “my home away from home.”

He pushed open the door with his name written on a wooden plaque. The room definitely screamed “Pete”. Besides the smell of weed smoke that seemed to linger no matter how long Pete wasn’t there, the room was also littered with little things he liked to have with him at all times: pictures of his dad, his mom, the two of us, little gifts I had always given him for every season premiere, little things from his other friends.

There was a comfortable looking couch along the wall that was begging for me to lay down on it. I sighed in relief the moment my back touched the couch, my legs and feet aching from the heels I decided to wear.

Pete chuckled at my reaction. “I told you to wear something comfortable.”

“And I told you I wanted to make a good impression on your co-stars, which includes a nice outfit.”

I had decided on a long sleeved white shirt and a short, plaid skirt to wear on set, with a pair of black booties that were nice when I put them on, but now that I had been walking around in them for almost an hour I was regretting my wardrobe choices.

Pete smiled and came to lay down on the couch on top of me, his legs between mine and his hands on either side of my head. “Baby, you could wear a garbage bag and everyone here would still be impressed by you.”

“Well, I’ll do that next time then.”

He chuckled and lowered himself so he was kissing me. It was a quick kiss on my lips before he dipped his head to kiss my neck. I giggled as the slight stubble he was starting to grow tickled my neck, followed by a moan as he found the spot on my neck that always drove me wild.

“The skirt does give me some easy access, though,” he mumbled against my neck as one of his hands traced up my bare leg and dipped under my skirt. I gasped as he ran a finger over my clothed clit - or, just barley clothed as I was wearing a G-string. “God, baby, I’ve barley touched you and you’re already soaking wet.”

I moaned as his finger slipped under my G-string and inside of me. He was quick to cover my mouth, a cheeky grin on his face at my reaction.

“You have to be quiet, baby,” he said. “Anyone could come catch us at any time.”

I bit my lip to try and keep quiet as his finger slid in and out of me, first at a slow pace. My moans came out as squeaks and whimpers of pleasure as his pace began to pick up and he slipped another finger into me. I was basically writhing underneath him, which I could tell he was taking a lot of pleasure in.

With two of his fingers in me, he pressed his thumb against my clit and began to rub painfully slow circles, causing my body to arch against him. It was becoming harder to hold back my moans and I had to cover my own mouth with my hand.

“God, this is so fucking dirty,” Pete commented. “Finger fucking my beautiful girl on the couch of my dressing room? Where all my co-workers come in and hang out with me? Man, I’ll never be able to look at this couch the same.”

“It’ll be a nice memory of me,” I said, trying my best to smile up at him but another whimper being let out instead.

“I’ll never not think of you when I’m in this room again,” he confirmed, lowering himself to kiss my neck again.

I was already nearing my climax when Pete’s fingers were removed from my wet core. I looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and my lips pouting. He brought his wet fingers to his lips and took them in his mouth.

“Fuck,” I breathed. I didn’t think it were possible, but I managed to become even more wet at the sight.

“Flip over on your hands and knees baby,” he told me.

I excitedly did as he told me, spinning to be back on to him on my hands and knees. I started reaching for my panties to take them off, but his hand caught hold of my wrists before I could.

“Leave them on,” he said. “I think it’ll be extra hot to fuck you with your skirt and panties still on.”

I nodded excitedly and got back into my position. Pete stood for just a moment, long enough to undo his jeans and let them, and his underwear, fall to the floor. My heart was racing as I felt the couch dip behind me again and Pete pulling my panties to the side as he lined his head up with my entrance.

As he pushed himself inside of me ever so slowly, his other hand came to rest on my back, pushing me down till my head was buried in the couch cushions.

“Best way to keep you quiet,” he said. “I don’t intend to go easy on you.”

“I don’t want you to go easy on me,” I responded.

I looked over my shoulder to see the smile on Pete’s face. He took hold of my waist with both hands and started to thrust slow at first, making sure I was comfortable and fully stretched around him. Once he was sure I was okay, his thrusts gradually got quicker and rougher until he was pounding me so hard that the only sounds in the room were that of skin slapping against skin.

I buried my face in the couch again, trying my best the muffle the moans that were basically turning to screams of pleasure. However this process was basically moot as the sound of our skin slapping against each other and Pete’s own moans and groans of pleasure would definitely alert any passersby of our activities.

Being adventurous with our sex was definitely nothing new to Pete and I. Whenever one of us was in the mood, we’d initiate it wherever we wanted. In bathrooms, fitting rooms, in the back of his car, wherever we could get some form of privacy while also being a little too out in public.

But there was just something different about having him rail me in his dressing room mere minutes before he was set to go live. At any moment someone could walk past, or one of the producers could come knock on the door. Or, heaven forbid if he didn’t lock the door, someone could just walk in and catch the two of us. All of that just made our secret rendezvous a little more naughty and sexy. While I didn’t want to be caught by any means, the thought that it would be so easy to be caught drove me wild.

Pete’s thrusts became so rough that I could hear the couch legs scraping across the floor as it moved. My legs were already feeling like jelly and I had a feeling I was going to have trouble walking to set with Pete when this was over.

His hand ran up my back and through my hair before giving my head a rough tug back. I yelped at the sudden pain that I felt in my head before it dissolved into a moan. Pete pulled me back till my back was against his chest and leaned in close to my ear.

“You feel so good,” he breathed into my ear. “God, even after all this time, you’re still so tight around me.”

“You keep talking like that and I’ll cum around your cock in no time.”

The hand in my hair crept around my front to grab me by the throat. “You say that as if it’s not what I wanted.”

His other hand slipped between my legs and began rubbing at my clit, causing all sorts of pleasure to run through me. My body started to tremble as I felt myself nearing my climax. The hand around my throat squeezed slightly as I let out a cry of pleasure, my walls tightening around him.

Pete grunted in my ear a few more times before I felt him filling me up as well. I took a deep breath in when he let go of my throat, although my head was still spinning.

Pete pulled out of me just in time for a knock to come on his door. “Give me a second!”

He quickly pulled his pants and boxers back on as I adjusted my skirt and panties. Although I was sure whoever was at the door wouldn’t notice the wet spot that had suddenly appeared on the couch, I still decided to cover it with a pillow just in case.

One of the producers was stood at the door. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that we’re starting in roughly five minutes!”

“Thanks, I’ll be there soon,” Pete responded. He shut the door and looked back at me. His eyes travelled down to my legs as an amused look crossed his face. “You got something on your leg there hun.”

I looked down to see a single string of warm liquid running down my inner thigh. “Oh fuck.”

I reached for a tissue but Pete stopped me. “Wait, don’t clean it yet. I’d love to know you’re in the audience watching me with my cum running down your legs.”

“Okay, that’s hot, but I don’t want your co-workers thinking I peed myself or something.”

“I’ll tell them the truth if you want.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him towards the door. “Go to set! Let me clean up. I’m sure there’s more there that can fulfil this fantasy you have.”

Pete smiled down and gave me one last kiss before rushing to set.

[asylumwise]

I've just started watching the rerun and I think I'm gonna cry??? The brainrot is real. Gonna just liveblog in this post so I can reread my train of thought later. So, for your entertainment: my rundown of the KPWT

(edit: added skit titles for clarity)

That intro is just... ✨cinematic masterpiece✨

But can you image how it must have felt for them? Standing there in their swag outfits just waiting for the screens to rise while that thriller music is making your heart race and you hear a whole arena screaming?

They all look so fucking proud of eachother during the introductions 😍

Them welcoming us in different languages is also verrrrry... 🥵

I know live translating/subtitling is a noble art but was there no way to prepare the scripted parts in advance?

(TayTimeTem skit)

Love this first song, had it in my spotify playlist since watching the live stream 😂 I'm also getting really good at singing in phonetic Thai

Having not read the original novel, I was never really into the TayTimeTem-thing, but omg this show makes me wish we had 20 eps so they could have explored that storyline thoroughly as well. Especially Us would have given us everything

(Jeff solo)

I can't begin to explain the way "Why don't you stay" pulls on my heartstrings. For me, it's up there in my top 5 of most beautiful songs ever (with Harry Styles' Sign of the Times & Pink Floyd's Wish you were here, for example). It breaks my heart to hear how Jeff's still a little hoarse after his covid infection 😭 there were definitely some flat notes there that wouldn't have been there otherwise

(Slot Machine performance)

Wish I could see a live performance of Slot Machine one day, looks like they're amazing live. I've been listening to them on Spotify and I really love their music!

Pretty sure that Mile's more showing off and having a good time than actually playing and I love that for him. He's so fucking precious.

Jeff. Look at you. Jeff. Gorgeous rockstar. You were born to stand on such big stages. Jeff. Please conquer the world. I wanna see you live one day. Love you Jeff

My mouth fell open the first time I heard him hit those notes in Lost Stars - he's a fucking talent and I'm sure he can be the next big thing in rock. It's quite hard to explain to people in the real world how much I love him 🤣

(VegasPete skit)

Bible YES. Do it to me. Props to the music and choreography team. And the scene setting 👌 also A+ on the BibleBuild acting.

(Nodt solo)

OMG the Big sequence 😭😭 I don't know who came up with it but Nodt is killing it. You can almost touch the pain on his face. I also love it how the crowd goes wild when he confirms Big was in love with Kinn.

(Us & Build duo)

Having just been to Tomorrowland, that amount of EDM and laserlights is really triggering 🤣 But omg their dancing looks so much fun

(Anita & Barcode stuff)

YES MOM. Having Anita dance to Doja Cat makes no sense at all (not for her character nor for her amount of screentime) but I'm so here for it. Might be the pansexual in me speaking.

And BAM suddenly we understand why everybody's always hyping up Barcode. That kid is gonna be BIG. He's a totally different person when he's on stage doing his thing - hard to imagine the cute and shy kid he is rest of the time.

Love how Anita/Namphueng is like 'let me put a coat over you' while he's already wearing like, 5 layers

'My older son is handsome, my younger son is sweet' - 'isn't my mom handsome?' WE WERE ROBBED

I know it's controversial but I love that little grain of KimChay closure they've given us. I liked how they ended in the series: Kim realising that he has a lot of groveling to do and Chay taking agency - but not ending together, giving Chay space and time. He's 19 - I like to imagine he takes a few years to grow up and learn to be himself before they collide again, and take it from there.

(Jeff solo WDYS english version)

THERE IT IS. I was waiting (after having watched the clips on youtube for daaaaays). This is devastatingly beautiful for me (again, for reason I can't explain myself). It's not even the fact that it's in English - by now I've become so used to the Thai version that the sounds are wrong. But omg the scenery and setting. The piano, the build-up, the choir and Jeff just releasing it. I honestly don't know why this man isn't world wide famous yet (yes I will die on this hill). It will take a long time before I'm over this.

(KinnPorsche beach skit)

Honestly the beach bar part is one I liked less. Even if we have KinnPorsche being adorable and MileApo going 60% tiddies again. Mile has an amazing and soothing voice tho. And his fingers while playing guitar are 🥵

At first I thought the places on the those wooden signs might be clues to future stops of the world tour, but 'Iceland' is on them and although that would be awesome, I don't see it happening anytime soon 😅

(Minor family skit)

It will never not be funny to me how they give us a Minor family montage with the melancholic music and sad Vegas moments and then have Bible flying over the stage half naked to Imagine Dragons' Believer.

And that's not even mentioning what comes next.

Ta entering on skateboard is such a Macau thing. But I have conflicting feelings about the outfit - but only because I thought Macau was like 15 and that makes my tingly feelings very inappropriate.

Ex is the finest daddy to ever daddy (or more like, ultimate zaddy). Do you think this is just a regular friday night in the Minor family household?

Just, what was the train of thought behind this act? What was the process? Who came up with the idea "the minor family is hot, let's put them in leather and harnesses". I have questions.

Ex has a very peculiar accent, lots of rolling r's.

(Sailor Moon skit)

Oooh this is the part I missed during the livestream! I know what's coming tho and I have even more questions.

But Perth is clearly living his best life so good for him.

I should have watched Sailor Moon as a kid.

So much respect for them doing that skit in high heels. And omg their legs? How are they so elegant??

Tong, you absolute king. MVP.

The state of Perth's wig is atrocious.

(Justice Bao skit - had to look that up)

Next part. I love how Apo is hanging there literally going 'This was all Mile's idea and I'm just going along for the right because I (platonically) love that bastard'.

(Bodyguard/Magic Mike skit)

Wait you're telling me there was a poledance and it wasn't Bible doing it?

As someone who often comes into contact with high-end events & awardshows in their professional life, I'm really impressed with the production value of this show 😳

That bodyguard/Magic Mike part. How did the people on the front row SURVIVE???? 🥵🥵🥵

I've been using the 🥵 emoji a lot.

(Pond intermezzo)

Oh those clips 😊 little babies <3

I want that t-shirt. What was the deal with the merch again? When is it open for international orders?

(Cast speeches)

Hello I'm in love with Perth's Australian accent. Hello Perth baby sending love from Belgium!

Even though I only understand half of what they're saying (due to the slow subtitles), I'm so fucking touched by all of them. Love how they're all getting emotional the longer it takes. I'm really enthralled by these sixteen (16) men. How they clearly like and love eachother and lean on eachother. How they all express their gratitude to everyone and especially P'Pond. I love that man so much for what he did for them. And us ofcourse!

STOP IT BUILD I'M GONNA CRY WITH YOU

Apo's speech I'm - 😪 And omg Bible?? Who ever made these babies feel bad? Imma smack a bitch.

I feel like the translator just gave up halfway Mile's speech. Fair enough 😂 he's giving off real "I do what I waunt" vibes, mr. one-of-the-CEOs-of-BOC. But oh the 'family' part 😭

(Cumulus)

Aaah the long awaited Cumulus. They're really good musicians and what they're lacking in the vocal department, they're more than making up in fun.

Thai pop/rock music has some absolute bangers. These are alle going in my spotifiy playlist.

Yeah I'm gonna need about 200 high quality photo's of Jeff and Barcode singing together with the latters foot on Jeff's knee.

I hope they're saying sorry to those background singers for being such a bundle of chaos

(Finale)

THAT TRAILER I don't know what to say guys, this movie can actually only disappoint after the expectations that trailer raised.

I want to go clubbing with these guys so bad. Or even better, go to Tomorrowland (biggest and best EDM festival in the world) with them. I'll secure a spot on the bill for Ta, he's doing better than 50% of the dj's I've heard there.

Their dancing is... sorry sweating and dirty thoughts only

How is this WHOLE cast so exceptionally beautiful?

However much I love this and however much fun they seem to be having, they also look dead on their feet. But who wouldn't be after this marathon of a show?

Ooooh the famed Macarana remix! This is actually... really good? I want this in clubs this summer! (not that this mom of two is doing a lot of clubbing nowadays)

Wow Ta is actually a really good dj

(the end)

Bye boys, love you. So happy I got to see this show in full and with complete concentration. Thank you for giving it your all!

I don't think this full show is going to be the one that's going on tour, it'll probably a much smaller version. I'm very curious about what it's gonna be tho and if it's coming to Europe (to an easily accessible city), I'll sure as hell go see it!

The show's over and I have 6 minutes to spare so that's me rewinding tot 01:58:00 for Jeff's WDYS on piano kthxbye

[tepkunset]

Saw Disney’s Moon Knight S1E2.

My thoughts in bullet points this time:

Literally out loud yelled “WIFE?!?” when Layla said that and then felt like my eyes rolled back into my head. What the fuck is up with the MCU and needlessly inserting marriages into characters who are not fucking married??? Marc is not married! Marc can barely hold onto a relationship! In current comics he has no desire to be in one because of that!

They completely butchered everything about the Mr. Knight identity. It’s like the saw a picture of the suit and then just made up a comedy skit around it. Wild idea guys, but here me out: Why don’t you use it how it’s used in the comics? You know, what your show is supposed to come from?

We’re 2 episodes in and 95% of the time has been dedicated to Steven fronting, to the point where it’s making Marc out to be this monster siphoning off him. I don’t understand why the writers chose to make this decision. No offence to fans of Steven, but he is the boring one and I find myself repeating what I said after the first episode: I want more Marc! For anyone reading this without comic context: Marc is the one who is usually at the front. He is the host, not Steven. I have nothing against Steven, I just am getting tired of him hogging all the screen time.

The saving grace of the episode is Khonshu's bitch energy. I’m so glad they got that right at least.

[onlydylanobrien]

Dylan O'Brien - NME Magazine Interview

Dylan O’Brien: “I was in this transitional phase – close to a quarter-life crisis”

From YA heartthrob to legitimate leading man – how the 'Maze Runner' star hit his stride after a whirlwind decade

Definitely!” hoots Dylan O’Brien when NME asks if he still has to audition. “I’m not Tom fucking Hanks, bro.” He’s clearly amused by our question, but forgive us for thinking the 29-year-old actor gets cast on reputation alone. A decade into his career, and he’s making an impressive transition from teen TV star and YA franchise hero to charismatic leading man.

New York-born O’Brien cut his teeth on MTV’s hit Teen Wolf series, before landing the lead in the Maze Runner film trilogy based on James Dashner’s hugely popular novels. Leading a band of bright young things that included ex-Skins tearaway Kaya Scodelario, Game Of Thrones’ Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Will Poulter, he honed his craft while racking up nearly a billion dollars at the box office. “My career is a constant acting class,” says O’Brien. “To be able to do the Maze Runner movies simultaneously with Teen Wolf was amazing in terms of getting in reps and working my [acting] muscle.”

Now for the sometimes tricky bit. Many actors struggle with the post-breakout period, but O’Brien is making it look easy so far. This year’s Netflix hit Love and Monsters proved he can carry an old-school family adventure, and new film Flashback (out next week) reveals an appetite for weirder, more cerebral work. He stars as Fred Fitzell, a young man reluctant to buckle down to life as a nine-to-fiver with a boring corporate job and a long-term girlfriend (Mindhunter‘s Hannah Gross). When he runs into a freaky-looking acquaintance from his teenage years, Fred becomes obsessed with finding an old high-school friend he used to drop a mind-bending experimental drug called Mercury with. It’s difficult to say any more without entering spoiler territory, but Flashback is a wild ride underpinned by the idea that we can exist in several realities at once. Even if you follow every plot twist, you might not fully understand the end. “Oh, it’s definitely a headfuck,” O’Brien agrees. “There’s not totally an answer to figure out. There’s a lot of different things that people can take from it.”

Speaking over Zoom from his LA home, O’Brien is bright, thoughtful and really good fun to talk to, especially when he relaxes into the interview, but he clearly knows where his line between public and private lies. When he first read the Flashback script, written by the film’s director Christopher MacBride, his “mind was blown” by just how much he related to Fred. “I felt like I was in this transitional phase of my life that was, you know, sort of close to a quarter-life crisis type thing,” he says. “For whatever reason, it was like me and this script were meant to be. I remember reading it and thinking: ‘I am this guy right now.'”

“There were a lot of things in my personal life that were neglected for a while”

When we ask why O’Brien felt as though he had reached a “transitional phase”, he gives an answer that’s vague but not exactly evasive. For understandable reasons, he doesn’t mention the incredibly traumatic motorcycle accident he sustained while shooting the final Maze Runner film in March 2016. O’Brien suffered severe trauma to the brain and said in 2017 that he underwent extensive facial reconstructive surgery after the accident “broke most of the right side of my face”. Tellingly, he’s never really revealed what happened on set or how it affected him.

Today, O’Brien dances around the details of the accident and other issues he was dealing with at the time, but doesn’t shy away from discussing his inner conflict. “You know, it was a lot of personal things combined with at-a-point-in-my-career things,” he says after a brief pause. He says he’d have been going through some of this stuff anyway, simply because of his age, but it sounds as though success intensified it all. “It was like this whole fucking storm of shit,” he continues. “I was simultaneously so fulfilled and happy about these, like, otherworldly and surreal things that I had experienced in terms of where my career had brought me. I had all this confidence and fulfilment and beautiful people [in my life] – such amazing things to experience at a young age. But at the same time, there were a lot of things in my personal life that were unchecked and sort of neglected for a while.”

O’Brien says that in time, he realised he had to “stop for a second” and “re-explore how I wanted my life to look going forward”. In fairness, you can see why he needed a breather: his career took off while he was still a teenager. After his family moved from New Jersey to Los Angeles County when he was 12, O’Brien contemplated a career as a sports broadcaster – his Twitter bio still bills him as a “no longer suffering Mets fan” – then began posting YouTube videos as moviekidd826. A funny, slickly edited skit titled ��How to Prepare for the SAT in 45 seconds’, shared when he was just 17, shows he was a born performer and storyteller. YouTube success led to him getting a manager, but his breakthrough role in Teen Wolf still came out of the blue. At the time, he was treading water at a local community college and taking auditions on the side.

Still, he has since taken a rather fatalistic view of this career-making moment. “It’s totally weird because, when I think about it now, I don’t see how it could have happened any other way. I can’t picture myself doing anything else now,” he told Collider in 2011. “It was really sudden and a little random, and not provoked by anything. It was just out of nowhere. It wasn’t my intentional doing.” Today, O’Brien summarises his skyscraper career trajectory succinctly. “I guess I just graduated high school and started acting,” he says. “And then I felt like I was just flying by the seat of my pants and never got a chance to stop.” Thankfully, straight-out-the-blocks Hollywood success hasn’t taken away his sense of perspective. When I say how easy social media makes it to compare yourself unfavourably to others, O’Brien jumps in: “Yeah, that’s very true. I was watching the Billie Eilish doc the other day, and I was like, I’ve done nothing. I’m not an artist at all!”

“No one thought ‘Love and Monsters’ was going to be good!”

O’Brien is also self-deprecating when he talks about being cast in Flashback, suggesting it happened because he had such an intense connection with Fred. “I was honestly like, ‘Who is watching me right now?’ That is the best way I can describe how I was feeling when I came across this script,” he says. “Chris [MacBride, director] and I had this conversation that went so well in terms of [my] understanding this script that I think he’d sent around a lot and [that] very commonly wasn’t understood. I think Chris has even said that the night before shooting, he suddenly had this thought, like, ‘Wait, do I even think he’s a good actor?'”

Though O’Brien has firmly ring-fenced elements of his private life, he’s actually pretty frank about his acting vehicles. He readily admits he was expecting a snobbish response to Love and Monsters, a CGI-heavy hybrid of post-apocalyptic action and romcom that dropped on Netflix in April and topped the streamer’s daily most-watched list. “It means so much that Love and Monsters has gotten the response that it’s gotten,” O’Brien says. “No one thought this movie was going to be good.” His blunt honesty makes me laugh out loud. “No one did though!” he says in response. “And so, fuck that. You know, most of the people who say something to me about the movie, they’re like: ‘I watched Love and Monsters, and it was… good?’ And honestly, that just cracks me up.” For obvious reasons, we hastily decide not to share our response to the film – namely, that it was a whole lot better than expected.

In Love and Monsters, O’Brien plays Joel, a survivor of a so-called “monsterpocalypse” that has bumped humans to the bottom of the food chain. Though he’s known in his colony as a bit of a coward, Joel sets off on a treacherous 80-mile journey to find his high school sweetheart Aimee (Iron Fist‘s Jessica Henwick), which means evading the hungry clutches of various supersize grizzlies including a giant monster-frog hiding in a suburban pond. It’s a simple but pretty out-there premise that wouldn’t work if O’Brien’s performance was even slightly condescending. Instead, his unselfconscious sincerity really sells a film that has as much in common with the family-oriented Robin Williams movie Night at the Museum as darker fare like The Walking Dead.

His obvious affection for the project really comes across during our interview today. “When I read the script, I just thought it was so sweet and funny and smart and unique, but at the same time reminiscent of all these movies that don’t really get made any more,” he says. That’s a fair point: Love and Monsters is neither a fail-safe superhero movie nor a slice of classy Oscar bait. “And when they were talking about how to market this movie, it was so funny hearing all these conversations like, ‘How do we actually get people to watch it?'” he adds. “But that’s a big part of the reason I wanted to do this movie: because it felt like something I missed seeing.”

“I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who want to make something out of love”

So in a way, Love and Monsters was a risk for an actor seeking to establish himself outside of a bankable movie franchise and a hit TV show. O’Brien has only made four films since his final Maze Runner outing in 2018, and insists he hasn’t been tactical with his choices. “I don’t have anyone saying, ‘We need to get you in an Oscar vehicle’, or any of that kind of shit,” he says. “I’m really lucky to be surrounded by people who think like me: that you should do what you’re drawn to, and make something out of love.”

He’s recently finished shooting a mysterious crime thriller called The Outfit in London with Mark Rylance. Directed and co-written by Graham Moore, who won an Oscar for his screenplay to Alan Turing biopic The Imitation Game, O’Brien calls it “quite possibly one of the most special pieces of writing I’ve ever experienced”. He first read the script on a plane and says he “actually stood up and clapped” when he got to the end. Considering O’Brien probably wasn’t flying Ryanair, this reaction presumably attracted a few baffled glances.

Anyway, it must be pretty intimidating walking onto set with Rylance, a multi-award-winning actor revered by his peers – Al Pacino once said he “speaks Shakespeare as if it was written for him the night before” – but it sounds as though O’Brien took it all in stride. He says he’s confident in his abilities, but admits to having a slight wobble whenever he begins a new project. “I’m always sort of re-questioning everything – like, ‘Can I even act?'” he says. “But I think there’s something very natural about that. I think even Rylance could relate to that feeling. Acting is like starting a new year at school every single time.”

At this point in his career, O’Brien has made peace with the fact that some people will have preconceptions about him based on what he’s known for: Maze Runner and Teen Wolf. “People will put you in a box no matter what,” he says. “There was definitely a time when that would get to me, especially when it felt like somebody had a perspective on me that in my soul, I just felt wasn’t accurate.” Still, there’s no doubt he wants to show us what’s really in his soul with more films like Flashback. “If anything,” he adds bullishly, “it just makes me think: ‘Right, I’m really gonna show them now’.”

‘Flashback’ is out on digital platforms from June 4