#even long before i knew i did
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Vent in the tags....
#dont read if you dont want to know a bit too much about my issues#ok#i dont know how to feel self confidence as an academic#i dont know if it is a female academic thing or just grad school#but i really struggle with knowing if im good enough to do what i want to do#and i dont want to put anything on my advisor#he's very nice and very knowledgeable and well-respected in my field#and ive heard way worse from other people in my cohort about their advising relationship#but....his confidence in me comes in the form of being quietly sure I'll do well#like apparently i wrote one of the best exam answers he's ever seen for my qualifying exams#but he didnt tell me this#the department admin person told me this#my advisor was just like “good job you passed”#or him just saying repeatedly that i WILL get a prestigious fellowship#even long before i knew i did#i dont know what else to ask from this relationship or if it even is a him problem#but i don't know how to build my own confidence#i have no doubts in my project just whether im the person to do it
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Imagine topping Leo in a chair?
LITERALLY love you for this. riding Leo in a chair is in like your top 5 favorite ways to ride Leo. your faces are so close together and he can feel every intimate rockwing bouncing squeeze of your tight juicy little hole gripping his throbbing cock like a vise. his eyes are so wide and his grip on your soft hips is nearly enough to leave pretty little fingertip bruises polkadotting your thighs (which he's obsessed with) and your hips (which he's also obsessed with) and your ass (are you sensing a pattern here????) and god everything you do drives him crazy but CHRIST the way you hold his face so sweetly in your pretty hands, so innocent and tender while simultaneously milking his cock for all he's got. and he'll give it to you. Leo will let you ride him in that chair that he can't look at after that without going half mast. he'll let you ride him until he's shooting blanks, until both of your cum drips on the floor, mixing in messy creamy beautiful puddles. Leo will throw his head back in pleasure, panting, chest heaving and giving you the best view of his perfect neck that's just begging to be covered in hickeys and bites. Leo will let you ride him in a chair until he passes out. can't walk. pounding down gatorade and liquid iv to try and rehydrate. and he'll thank you for it.
#drabbles#leo valdez#leo valdez smut#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez drabbles#heroes of olympus#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus drabbles#heroes of olympus smut#op's birthday#op's bday smutathon#off to a poppin start am I right ladies#also funny story#my dad (a certified piece of shit) used to buy us the worst groceries#long story but every week there was a recipe I had to make that required like 3 limes or lemons depending on what citrus we had#and he would buy produce that was simultaneously organic and locally sourced AND horribly low quality#the lemons and limes would be rock fucking hard and I had to juice those motherfuckers#so every week I had to go down to the workbench thing in the basement and use a literal bench vise to squeeze them until they were soft#i'm not even exaggerating right now I wish I was#I had to use industrial tools and equipment to work with that shit#like bro why was I 12 using a vise on lemons??????? AND HE KNEW#HE SAW AND LAUGHED AND I EXPLAINED AND HE LAUGHED AND DID NOT FUCKING CARE#before you ask yes I'm trying to get a sooner therapy appointment#so yeah#going through it!
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Kinda in regards to the Empress & BodyGuard 2-
Is Zaphira (sorry if I spelled her name wrong) an elf or do humans have pointed ears in your universe? If no elves, how do the pointed ears happen? Are there different length of ears and if so do they mean somethin?
Love your art & use of colours!
Thank you! and thank you for asking! (this sketch took me way too long .. and the colors still look washed out on my desktop screen but im not editing a third time ..)
Zaphira is human, there are no elves, as such, in this world, though humans tend to live longer than IRL and have differently shaped ears-
the shapes are rather diverse (example above) and culturally (so far) they have no significance, they are merely a trait just like different nose shapes or fantasy hair colors
the worldbuilding reason is that these are extremely diluted demonic influences- in the past demons were frequently in the human world, though largely in secret/disguised, and long time exposure to demonic presences can have varying effects, the most immediate and common being a longer life or wounds healing faster than normal; there might have been other long time effects but the only trait that stayed even after their disappearance is the ear shapes
(there was a mass extinction event of demons that wiped out all above a certain age, since demons generally dont die of natural causes their life neither depends nor revolves around reproduction so there were extremely few left and those were too young to keep most of their knowledge and culture alive, as they rarely wrote anything down; Shargon is of the current oldest generation and witnessed it happen, just like most now adult demons, Thor and Eadrya are both a bit older than him and thus the oldest living demons, which doesnt mean much considering the technically endless lifespans of them)
and to explain me including Shargon in a human appearance- hes the only demon that spends as much time in the human world as at home, largely to escape the others since they are not interested in going there and would otherwise attack him any chance they get (the human world is rather uncomfortable for demons to be in and they have better things to do than to chase him that far), while hes generally very weak compared to them, something he is very good at is shape shifting, mainly the speed of which, being able to shift between full demon and the smaller more humanoid form extremely quickly, or even mid forms that are a mix of both - even in motion! while for the others it takes them quite a bit and forces them to stop which is the main reason he keeps escaping them not able to keep up with his rapid shape shifting (though it does take its toll .. also a reason hes so skinny)
he is the first (only?) one that at some point will learn how to shift into a much more human looking one (depicted in the sketch) too, but its rather dangerous since it involves supressing and compressing his demon heart and system... which is what keeps demons alive (its somewhat like holding your breath for way too long) so the only time he would make use of it is in extreme situations, like avoiding detection by maschines that can pick up demonic energy or escaping shackles made of celestial silver (which drains their energy and can scar/hurt them permanently, like silver to vampires(?werewolfs?) in a way)
....the point is that if he shifts into a human form he has very long ears, meaning that is basically the extreme form that doesnt occur in humans and hints at the origins for those ear shapes being demonic exposure in the past
#ganondoodles#art#original characters#original art#oc#ocs#oc lore#man i cant ever keep it short can i#its 1am again ............#welll i hope that answers your question njdflndflnjlsd#also as a sidenote- zaphira and midas are siblings but not biologically#she was adopted into the royal family and is good chunk older than midas as he was born a while after shes been there#he was supposed to take the throne after their parents died in an allegedly accidental fire but he was like ... 6 at the time#and begged her to take up the throne instead despite the people not being very fond of her due to her agressive nature#.... which was proven correct in a way given she waged war for many years after taking up the crown#(.. bc she found out their parents were killed by a neighbouring country and the fire placed to get rid of traces)#(no one but her and a few officials knew of that being the real reason she attacked that country and not just a lust for power)#(midas still doesnt know -even now)#( though it got out of control and she ended up taking over multiple countries .. hence her title)#(after her wife died she swore to never engage in war again and been spending the last .. 20?30? years trying to repair the damage she did)#just adding that again bc its kinda central to her entire problem of everyone and their grandmother wanting her dead#and her being determined to do as much as she can before midas has to take over and pick up the pieces#..............though none of it goes as planned of course#ANYWAY i need sleep#sorry for the long text spam#i cant help but yap about my special lil guys
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i care him so much guys . guys. hes blorbo bingus
#someone on discord wanted him to be tarred and feathered#fop#just doodles#dale dimmadome#fop a new wish#thinks about his childhood and cries so hard i throw up. thinks about how he could've gotten help but none of the adults in his life cared#enough to get him what he needed#thinks about how he could've avoided continuing the cycle of dismissal and neglect#after he escaped the stupid ass evil dungeon he could only eat plain white bread for a month until his body adjusted to Actual Food#and he took 5 hour long showers every single day and would scrub until he drew blood#hes very deeply traumatised and having a real rough time adjusting to 'normal life' and doug just waves everything off#'chin up sport!' and buys him some random shit before going down a new rabbit hole business endeavour#imagine he finds out about the ransom. that doug knew and just didn't care enough to get him. oh mygod#HE HAS THE PICTURE. IN THE NEW SHOW. so he definitely finds out eventually#and doug wouldnt even try to hide it he literally just Did Not Care#i'm sick.
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hello :) could you maybe explain a little bit how dan wootton blackmailed louis?
ugh sorry for taking a while to get to this. The problem is I feel like the only two ways to answer this are by spending a week and a half of full time labor sifting through old posts and evidence to get every detail right and lay out an airtight case, or to halfass something very serious, and so I felt a little stuck. So since I can't seem to find a good halfway point, apologies but here is the half assed version, if you want to get into it more I invite you to do your own deep dive or talk to other people, but here's how I remember things. Louis has almost never on video explicitly said things about Larry not being real and/or anything negative about fans and their theories (mostly the opposite), up until the last couple years when he obviously decided to make a major change he didn't talk about Freddie much at all let alone saying he was his kid, honestly not that much about Eleanor even; except for in two major interviews with Dan Wootton, each of which lined up with a serious traumatic Tomlinson family event that they managed to keep out of the tabloids until the very end (Jay's illness and Fizzy's struggles with substance abuse). After the fact of those events a lot of small things that didn't make sense at the time came together to look very much like Louis traded those interviews (and those answers) for having his family's private matters kept private. Story trading of this kind is a publicly known real thing that happens, and there were various clues that suggested he was being leaned on about those stories to lend legitimacy to the idea that it was something that happened in these cases. Given what we know about Dan Wootton and how he operates even before the recent flood of information and even more now, I think it's more than likely that he has been holding the threat of outing Louis (as he has done to many other public figures) over his head for over a decade, and has used his family's tragic struggles to get Louis to dance like a fucking puppet for him and I will REJOICE at his downfall when it comes whether it is now or 20 years from now... because someday it will, he has made too many enemies to stay above it forever
#I did start to try to deep dive before I realized it was too much#but I was reminded that when Louis was doing txf as a judge while fizzy was struggling#many people thought he had been pressured somehow into it; later when we knew what had been going on people were like#oh maybe he just wanted to be close to home to deal with fizzy stuff or somethng#but also: keeping fizzy stuff quiet would potentially be the info we didn't have at that time that could answer that q too of what they use#given the DW🤝simon jones🤝simon cowell cursed connections#(for the newbies: simon jones aka DWs bestie is Louis' publicist for no apparent reason even now long after he has gotten free of the rest#of the modest/syco/simon cowell shitshow)#anyway another example of story trading in our fandom is zayn's baby sister's teen pregnancy#which was known to the fandom early on but kept super quiet by respectful fans- during this time Z did some unprecedented actual interviews#for no obvious reason#and then iirc pretty much the day she turned 17 a very lowkey article reported on her marrying her bf and mentioning a pregnancy#but as if it was recent not like 7 months along#and even when she gave birth soon after it was all kind of... glossed over and around and not reported until a little later#blah blah blah#I felt like it was weird to talk about this for some reason but when I thought about it#I don't know if it matters. Like maybe talking about him not being a dad and being gay or whatever at all is bad#but assuming we're doing that anyway. why not talk about the struggles around that#and the creeps holding it over his head#dan wootton
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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care
#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month#i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it#oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion#‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to#be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really#even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his#father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus#imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re#going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on#account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated#the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and#fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions#you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking#he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time#he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again#house md#robert chase#caseyposting
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something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret
#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY#but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to#and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters#so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants#Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him#Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in'#he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are#and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact#but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters#even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing#he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back#and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug*#ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?''#but make it Thor 1#make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh#Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood.#Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it#Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too#lets get that breakdown moving along
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Tik Tok decided to make me feel things today Pt1
#that first line makes the 2020 injury even more traumatising cause you know he was think omg I can’t ride anymore like kill me knoe#also it’s so fascinating how intrinsically tied Marc’s emotions are depending on how his professional life is#like he’s always saying my personal life is seperate to my professional life and that’s true to some extent#but he is so tied to racing and making people feel happy and making the team happy#like in all in before mugello when he was going to announce that he was having his 4th surgery they said he didn’t have to ride and know#all I can think about is did he come back in 2020 to soon because he thought he was ready or did he come back because he thought he owed it#to Honda because he knew the bike wasn’t great and they would need him#marc marquez#mm93#and he’s so okay with pain as long as the pain wasn’t for nothing like 2021 must have been excruciating but he was getting podiums so the#pain was worth it but 2023 he was in pain and not enjoying and he was wasting his career so the pain stopped being a means to an end and it#became so bad he thought about stopping#even now after the surgeries there’s still going to be chronic pain and not just from the arm but the shoulder and because of all the hits#he’s had to his head he’ll probably get headaches easily#I do love that Shira is his emotional support dog that was with him throughout all the PT#like who’s he going to nap with now that Alex is moving out
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visiting the hometown
(want everyone to know this edit came to me in a dream and i changed the lore just to do it)
#in the dream i was like editing it but i was also there? it was weird. it started as a dream about lawson in a zombie apocalypse#ok important tags first so i can write an essay#ts4#ts4 render#ts4 edit#the sims 4#beckett#lawson#blood sports#but yeah if you haven't been here before beckett and lawson never knew each other as kids#if they did it would be a butterfly effect and mess w a bunch of other plot details. so i decided to work around it#also if ur new they've had a friends with benefits thing going on for a long time but lawson is in love with him. beck doesn't know#originally beckett was put in foster care as a baby bc of neglect and was bounced around foster homes for years#he was a troubled child always getting in fights a kleptomaniac undiagnosed autism etc etc foster families tried and just didn't want him#then when he was around 12 a very nice old lady named cora got him and they ended up forming a great bond they loved each other#she was going to adopt him then when beckett was around 15 or 16 his birth mother reentered the picture and wanted him back#it started a really nasty legal battle and cora died. we can't say for sure it was the stress of this fight but beckett certainly thinks so#anyway he did go back with his birth mother and things got really bad for him. he dropped out of school started doing worse crimes and so o#but none of that is what even changed#now LAWSON is also from west virigina like beckett. it's a small town lawson was new he had no friends#he was a very clingy possessive child who cried and threw tantrums so much#he met beckett and the rest is history. beckett didn't really mind how lawson acted he didn't really find him annoying like everyone elsedi#besides he didn't have friends either#lawson has wealthy parents they were welcoming to beckett at first if a little apprehensive. then he stole something from their house#and lawson wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore. but he still did in secret. they still have no idea that beckett's even still aroun#or just how involved lawson is with him and his. activities 😬 they just think he's their good little college boy#in the original beckett moved to Not Gotham City when his mother got him back but in this version lawson is going to college there#and beckett's been distant from him for a while things are awful for him and lawson says hey. what if you gave the city a try. and he did#so really you could say the events of blood sports are all lawson's fault the end
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The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)
#I need to go back and check if I've actually shared that cat pattern#and the octopus pattern. I think I shared that? I do not remember#I seem to be doing better with the anemia tiredness#but then I had a stress-related flare up of my various health issues#handled the first one okay but the next day had a significantly worse stress#found out if I get stressed enough two days in a row while on long term steroids#I can crash really hard before it's time for my evening dose of steroids#I have learned better! I know now that if I start shaking badly and it's not low blood sugar it's 'take the next dose a little early' time#and I knew stress doses of steroids were a thing! I just though they were for physical stressors#despite me also knowing emotional stress can be an allergy trigger for me (yes I know that doesn't make sense)#(blame mast cell dysfunction)#it was only like an hour early and I have previously talked to my endocrinologist about stress doses#I just did not put two and two together lol#I'm okay now I'm just recovering and slowly hand quilting that baby quilt
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A big part of the Haikyuu rewatch is watching the characters interact and worrying that I fandomized their relationships too much in my head, particularly with the Karasuno first years because Hinata and Kags keep Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at arm’s length for so long. But then I remember. Oh wait the squad is literally Hinata’s phone background by the end of the story. You don’t put a picture of just some dudes in your after school club as your phone background.
#ane discovers character development takes time who wouldve thought#personally I think wthe change happens when Yachi and Tsuki start tutoring them#It’s around the time that there’s a shift in their bickering so that it’s more. ‘familial’ isnt the term I’m looking for but like#the kind of razzing you can only do with someone you know#Tsukishima for example starts bringing up specific things they studied together to dunk on Kageyama not remembering any of it#And another subtle thing I noticed- cause again I started going like ? did I fandomize my entire perception of Tadashi too much?#cause for the first season he doesn’t interact with ANYONE but Tsuki. Like practically not at all except to brag about Tsuki to others#But I have a sneaking suspicion that this starts to change around the time that he starts getting on the court more often as a pinch server#Probably because it gives him more courage#Cause I remember him having a lot to say in the Shiratorizawa match#and I remember him getting along with Yachi! So like I’m keeping an eye out for those changes#haikyuu!!#Also my favorite part about rewatching Haikyuu is how the reveal of Kag’s backstory really does affect. Your entire perception of him#Like I know its probably cause he’s my fav but I always feel so frustrated when people assume the worst of him and so sad that even Oikawa-#who knew him back when he was a very happy and shy kid- doesn’t even question why his personality had such a sudden shift#but then I realize that the only reason I’m so aware of these changed is because Kageyama has ‘opened up to me’ as an audience member befor#Furudate waited hundreds off chapters to tell us that he’s been grieving a loved onesince a little before the very first scene of the manga#So that it would feel like we earned it#Idk how to explain it like when you meet someone who’s hurting it takes a lot of effort and patience for them to tell you why#in the same way bc we stuck by the story for so long and watching Kageyama learn to be more open#we got the privilege of learning why he was closed off in the same place#but Kageyama didnt give anyone at his old school the chance to stick around- not Kindaichi or Kunimi or anyone#So it makes total sense#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#yamaguchi tadashi#tsukishima kei#yachi hitoka#karasuno first years#my post
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Crocodile's inability to truly get people to follow him is so interesting though, because in that way he's like the polar opposite of Luffy, who has the ability to draw people in and get them to follow him instead
And like it's not surprising Crocodile can't get anyone to be truly loyal to him (Daz Bones aside), since his primary method to get people to do as they're told is through (threats of) violence and money (if he has any). Like yes, that will get people to do as they're told, but you can't buy loyalty, you can't beat people into trusting you. And so, when shit hits the fan, who the fuck would stay for you, when you're like that
Of course, Crocodile is like that due to his trust issues, and god only knows what caused those trust issues. It's possible he was always like that, or past trauma caused him to become like that-- if it's the latter though, even if he was like more trusting of others once in the past, people still didn't stick with him in the end. The trust was one-sided
I think this also reflects in a really interesting way in Cross Guild actually, 'cause like. Despite being scared shitless, not even Buggy is willing to keep on taking Crocodile's shit. Even that clown has his limits before he starts a mutiny against Crocodile
And while Buggy hasn't really done anything to "earn" his current position in the world (like he hasn't Proven Himself in Combat, he's just Faked It Until He Made It), because he has treaten his underlings with basic kindness and respect, even if he's been lying through his teeth the whole time, that has been enough for Buggy to gain his followers' trust. And that's why Buggy's able to rile up people to follow him. While Crocodile can't.
Unironically makes me wonder what Daz sees in Crocodile that makes him want to follow Croc to literal hell and back
And I wonder what it really would take for Croc to be able to inspire people to follow him and be loyal to him, if it's even possible
#Moon posting#Sir Crocodile#OP Meta#OP Spoilers#To be fair Miss Goldenweek did try to break Croc out of jail#But her primary goal was to release the people in jail she already knew (like Miss Merry Christmas and Mr 4)#Where as she met Crocodile for the first time at that prison. They did not know each other#And when Croc refused to leave they just. Didn't seem to argue against that. Like they weren't going to follow him to Impel Down#I have additional thoughts but I'm saving those for another post lest this one become too long#Also that draft might change a lot based on what happens in the next two chapters#Debating if I wanna even post it before or after we see how shit goes and edit it accordingly
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when i say i ship asrian what i need you to understand is that i mean i want asra to apologize and beg for julian back. possibly in messy tears
#you can't convince me he wasn't the shittiest most manipulative awful boyfriend ever. no one understands me#as always debate and arguments are not welcome on my posts and you will be blocked#but like. listen ok. my headcanon is basically that they were fwb (for a rlly long time)#and julian fell in love with him because of course he did#and asra knew even before he ever admitted it because julian is obvious af#but asra was essentially just using julian and specifically dominating julian as an outlet to feel powerful#so the whole dynamic was basically humiliating for julian because they both knew that he loved asra and they both knew that asra#was using him for sex#but then asra actually did slowly start to fall in love with julian#which julian would obviously never notice because he hates himself#so it was pretty easy to hide. so asra hid it because he hated the thought of being vulnerable in front of julian#and then eventually let julian leave him with his whole dramatic shit of 'asra you deserve better'#and he couldn't say anything because he knew it was his fault#because that was what asra had made him believe#and then finds a way to twist it in his head to basically what he told mc in julian's route#that julian was 'deciding what's best for him'#instead of admitting that he was in love but he couldn't admit it because he thought he was above someone like julian#asrian#the arcana#wank //#<- i don't really see it as wank but i also really do not want asra stans bitching on my posts 🙏
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also, just so you know, the eras tour was my final moment as a swiftie
#i kinda knew it before i went there#y'all know i wasn't even sure if i should go there or not#and i did and it was awesome but i guess i had my own reasons to enjoy it#now it's all gone and honestly yeah i'm happy i was there but#that's it for now#i'm kinda done with her#hate me or not i don't really care#i just wanted to get it off my chest#oh and yeah there will be no eras tour essay on this blog simply because i moved on long ago and i don't even feel like#writing it#so... yeah#sorry oops#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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out of curiosity, *do you practice what you want to say in your head
#polls#nano bits#posts brought to u by me being reminded even calling attendance#made my tummy churn all the way up to college ngl#whenever i wanted to say smth in class and yk how u have to raise your hand?? i practiced a couple of times#what i wanna gonna say before even raising one#regardless of if i knew the answer or not. if teachers called on me without my mental preparations i WOULD#blank out#it was annoying to everyone asfhshdhdhd to me too but the kids were oftentimes mean about it if i took too long#Also there was that one time that shame from being told off by another student because i sang a lot#(possibly some sort of vocal stimming) just. kept me from singing for a long while. And BOY DID IT SUCK#but that's neither here nor there#anyways. (reaches out a hand) let's unravel our traumas together (light-hearted jesting)
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