#even long before i knew i did | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kaiserin-erzsebet · 16 days ago

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Vent in the tags....

#dont read if you dont want to know a bit too much about my issues #ok #i dont know how to feel self confidence as an academic #i dont know if it is a female academic thing or just grad school #but i really struggle with knowing if im good enough to do what i want to do #and i dont want to put anything on my advisor #he's very nice and very knowledgeable and well-respected in my field #and ive heard way worse from other people in my cohort about their advising relationship #but....his confidence in me comes in the form of being quietly sure I'll do well #like apparently i wrote one of the best exam answers he's ever seen for my qualifying exams #but he didnt tell me this #the department admin person told me this #my advisor was just like “good job you passed”#or him just saying repeatedly that i WILL get a prestigious fellowship #even long before i knew i did #i dont know what else to ask from this relationship or if it even is a him problem #but i don't know how to build my own confidence #i have no doubts in my project just whether im the person to do it

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fbfh · 4 months ago

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Imagine topping Leo in a chair?

LITERALLY love you for this. riding Leo in a chair is in like your top 5 favorite ways to ride Leo. your faces are so close together and he can feel every intimate rockwing bouncing squeeze of your tight juicy little hole gripping his throbbing cock like a vise. his eyes are so wide and his grip on your soft hips is nearly enough to leave pretty little fingertip bruises polkadotting your thighs (which he's obsessed with) and your hips (which he's also obsessed with) and your ass (are you sensing a pattern here????) and god everything you do drives him crazy but CHRIST the way you hold his face so sweetly in your pretty hands, so innocent and tender while simultaneously milking his cock for all he's got. and he'll give it to you. Leo will let you ride him in that chair that he can't look at after that without going half mast. he'll let you ride him until he's shooting blanks, until both of your cum drips on the floor, mixing in messy creamy beautiful puddles. Leo will throw his head back in pleasure, panting, chest heaving and giving you the best view of his perfect neck that's just begging to be covered in hickeys and bites. Leo will let you ride him in a chair until he passes out. can't walk. pounding down gatorade and liquid iv to try and rehydrate. and he'll thank you for it.

#drabbles #leo valdez #leo valdez smut #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez drabbles #heroes of olympus #heroes of olympus x reader #heroes of olympus drabbles #heroes of olympus smut #op's birthday #op's bday smutathon #off to a poppin start am I right ladies #also funny story #my dad (a certified piece of shit) used to buy us the worst groceries #long story but every week there was a recipe I had to make that required like 3 limes or lemons depending on what citrus we had #and he would buy produce that was simultaneously organic and locally sourced AND horribly low quality #the lemons and limes would be rock fucking hard and I had to juice those motherfuckers #so every week I had to go down to the workbench thing in the basement and use a literal bench vise to squeeze them until they were soft #i'm not even exaggerating right now I wish I was #I had to use industrial tools and equipment to work with that shit #like bro why was I 12 using a vise on lemons??????? AND HE KNEW #HE SAW AND LAUGHED AND I EXPLAINED AND HE LAUGHED AND DID NOT FUCKING CARE #before you ask yes I'm trying to get a sooner therapy appointment #so yeah #going through it!

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circusk · 2 months ago

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i care him so much guys . guys. hes blorbo bingus

#someone on discord wanted him to be tarred and feathered #fop #just doodles #dale dimmadome #fop a new wish #thinks about his childhood and cries so hard i throw up. thinks about how he could've gotten help but none of the adults in his life cared #enough to get him what he needed #thinks about how he could've avoided continuing the cycle of dismissal and neglect #after he escaped the stupid ass evil dungeon he could only eat plain white bread for a month until his body adjusted to Actual Food #and he took 5 hour long showers every single day and would scrub until he drew blood #hes very deeply traumatised and having a real rough time adjusting to 'normal life' and doug just waves everything off #'chin up sport!' and buys him some random shit before going down a new rabbit hole business endeavour #imagine he finds out about the ransom. that doug knew and just didn't care enough to get him. oh mygod #HE HAS THE PICTURE. IN THE NEW SHOW. so he definitely finds out eventually #and doug wouldnt even try to hide it he literally just Did Not Care #i'm sick.

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statementlou · 1 year ago

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hello :) could you maybe explain a little bit how dan wootton blackmailed louis?

ugh sorry for taking a while to get to this. The problem is I feel like the only two ways to answer this are by spending a week and a half of full time labor sifting through old posts and evidence to get every detail right and lay out an airtight case, or to halfass something very serious, and so I felt a little stuck. So since I can't seem to find a good halfway point, apologies but here is the half assed version, if you want to get into it more I invite you to do your own deep dive or talk to other people, but here's how I remember things. Louis has almost never on video explicitly said things about Larry not being real and/or anything negative about fans and their theories (mostly the opposite), up until the last couple years when he obviously decided to make a major change he didn't talk about Freddie much at all let alone saying he was his kid, honestly not that much about Eleanor even; except for in two major interviews with Dan Wootton, each of which lined up with a serious traumatic Tomlinson family event that they managed to keep out of the tabloids until the very end (Jay's illness and Fizzy's struggles with substance abuse). After the fact of those events a lot of small things that didn't make sense at the time came together to look very much like Louis traded those interviews (and those answers) for having his family's private matters kept private. Story trading of this kind is a publicly known real thing that happens, and there were various clues that suggested he was being leaned on about those stories to lend legitimacy to the idea that it was something that happened in these cases. Given what we know about Dan Wootton and how he operates even before the recent flood of information and even more now, I think it's more than likely that he has been holding the threat of outing Louis (as he has done to many other public figures) over his head for over a decade, and has used his family's tragic struggles to get Louis to dance like a fucking puppet for him and I will REJOICE at his downfall when it comes whether it is now or 20 years from now... because someday it will, he has made too many enemies to stay above it forever

#I did start to try to deep dive before I realized it was too much #but I was reminded that when Louis was doing txf as a judge while fizzy was struggling #many people thought he had been pressured somehow into it; later when we knew what had been going on people were like #oh maybe he just wanted to be close to home to deal with fizzy stuff or somethng #but also: keeping fizzy stuff quiet would potentially be the info we didn't have at that time that could answer that q too of what they use #given the DW🤝simon jones🤝simon cowell cursed connections #(for the newbies: simon jones aka DWs bestie is Louis' publicist for no apparent reason even now long after he has gotten free of the rest #of the modest/syco/simon cowell shitshow)#anyway another example of story trading in our fandom is zayn's baby sister's teen pregnancy #which was known to the fandom early on but kept super quiet by respectful fans- during this time Z did some unprecedented actual interviews #for no obvious reason #and then iirc pretty much the day she turned 17 a very lowkey article reported on her marrying her bf and mentioning a pregnancy #but as if it was recent not like 7 months along #and even when she gave birth soon after it was all kind of... glossed over and around and not reported until a little later #blah blah blah #I felt like it was weird to talk about this for some reason but when I thought about it #I don't know if it matters. Like maybe talking about him not being a dad and being gay or whatever at all is bad #but assuming we're doing that anyway. why not talk about the struggles around that #and the creeps holding it over his head #dan wootton

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camgoloud · 5 months ago

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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care

#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month #i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it #oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion #‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to #be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really #even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his #father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus #imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re #going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on #account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated #the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and #fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions #you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking #he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time #he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again #house md #robert chase #caseyposting

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worstloki · 1 year ago

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something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret

#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY #but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to #and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters #so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants #Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him #Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in'#he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are #and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact #but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters #even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing #he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back #and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug*#ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?''#but make it Thor 1 #make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh #Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood.#Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it #Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too #lets get that breakdown moving along

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motogpnewbie · 2 months ago

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Tik Tok decided to make me feel things today Pt1

#that first line makes the 2020 injury even more traumatising cause you know he was think omg I can’t ride anymore like kill me knoe #also it’s so fascinating how intrinsically tied Marc’s emotions are depending on how his professional life is #like he’s always saying my personal life is seperate to my professional life and that’s true to some extent #but he is so tied to racing and making people feel happy and making the team happy #like in all in before mugello when he was going to announce that he was having his 4th surgery they said he didn’t have to ride and know #all I can think about is did he come back in 2020 to soon because he thought he was ready or did he come back because he thought he owed it #to Honda because he knew the bike wasn’t great and they would need him #marc marquez #mm93 #and he’s so okay with pain as long as the pain wasn’t for nothing like 2021 must have been excruciating but he was getting podiums so the #pain was worth it but 2023 he was in pain and not enjoying and he was wasting his career so the pain stopped being a means to an end and it #became so bad he thought about stopping #even now after the surgeries there’s still going to be chronic pain and not just from the arm but the shoulder and because of all the hits #he’s had to his head he’ll probably get headaches easily #I do love that Shira is his emotional support dog that was with him throughout all the PT #like who’s he going to nap with now that Alex is moving out

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tricoufamily · 10 months ago

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visiting the hometown

(want everyone to know this edit came to me in a dream and i changed the lore just to do it)

#in the dream i was like editing it but i was also there? it was weird. it started as a dream about lawson in a zombie apocalypse #ok important tags first so i can write an essay #ts4 #ts4 render #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #beckett #lawson #blood sports #but yeah if you haven't been here before beckett and lawson never knew each other as kids #if they did it would be a butterfly effect and mess w a bunch of other plot details. so i decided to work around it #also if ur new they've had a friends with benefits thing going on for a long time but lawson is in love with him. beck doesn't know #originally beckett was put in foster care as a baby bc of neglect and was bounced around foster homes for years #he was a troubled child always getting in fights a kleptomaniac undiagnosed autism etc etc foster families tried and just didn't want him #then when he was around 12 a very nice old lady named cora got him and they ended up forming a great bond they loved each other #she was going to adopt him then when beckett was around 15 or 16 his birth mother reentered the picture and wanted him back #it started a really nasty legal battle and cora died. we can't say for sure it was the stress of this fight but beckett certainly thinks so #anyway he did go back with his birth mother and things got really bad for him. he dropped out of school started doing worse crimes and so o #but none of that is what even changed #now LAWSON is also from west virigina like beckett. it's a small town lawson was new he had no friends #he was a very clingy possessive child who cried and threw tantrums so much #he met beckett and the rest is history. beckett didn't really mind how lawson acted he didn't really find him annoying like everyone elsedi #besides he didn't have friends either #lawson has wealthy parents they were welcoming to beckett at first if a little apprehensive. then he stole something from their house #and lawson wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore. but he still did in secret. they still have no idea that beckett's even still aroun #or just how involved lawson is with him and his. activities 😬 they just think he's their good little college boy #in the original beckett moved to Not Gotham City when his mother got him back but in this version lawson is going to college there #and beckett's been distant from him for a while things are awful for him and lawson says hey. what if you gave the city a try. and he did #so really you could say the events of blood sports are all lawson's fault the end

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tj-crochets · 9 months ago

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The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)

#I need to go back and check if I've actually shared that cat pattern #and the octopus pattern. I think I shared that? I do not remember #I seem to be doing better with the anemia tiredness #but then I had a stress-related flare up of my various health issues #handled the first one okay but the next day had a significantly worse stress #found out if I get stressed enough two days in a row while on long term steroids #I can crash really hard before it's time for my evening dose of steroids #I have learned better! I know now that if I start shaking badly and it's not low blood sugar it's 'take the next dose a little early' time #and I knew stress doses of steroids were a thing! I just though they were for physical stressors #despite me also knowing emotional stress can be an allergy trigger for me (yes I know that doesn't make sense)#(blame mast cell dysfunction)#it was only like an hour early and I have previously talked to my endocrinologist about stress doses #I just did not put two and two together lol #I'm okay now I'm just recovering and slowly hand quilting that baby quilt

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lovecoredeity · 3 months ago

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what is a good reason for someone to promise their child’s hand in marriage to someone who they hate

#this is about my ocs Cashmere and Vicuña #I think it’s like an ‘they owe Vicuña for.. reasons??’#because the promise was made before Cashmere was born so it wasn’t that they even knew Cashmere was sickly yet #and the gist is that they’re royalty and Vicuña is a duke from a whole other kingdom #and a vampire #I feel like something something did something for the family a long time ago before the current generation of royals was born and it’s like #a long lasting ‘you owe me’ kinda of deal #maybe Vicuña helped one of the previous rulers ascend to the throne?? who knows not me

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perilegs · 3 months ago

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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us

#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left #and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them #and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up #today keekki was being himself #then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it #and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those #but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew #i laid on the floor next to him #then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news #at this point i was about to call the vet anyways #and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate #so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch #crying with keekki in my arms #i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down #when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic #anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing #anyways. this fucking sucks #i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight #its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms #i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone #it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses #as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him #its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything #and that was my last moikka keekki #i hope he felt how loved he was #my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me #idk man im going to stop rambling now

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moongothic · 1 year ago

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Crocodile's inability to truly get people to follow him is so interesting though, because in that way he's like the polar opposite of Luffy, who has the ability to draw people in and get them to follow him instead

And like it's not surprising Crocodile can't get anyone to be truly loyal to him (Daz Bones aside), since his primary method to get people to do as they're told is through (threats of) violence and money (if he has any). Like yes, that will get people to do as they're told, but you can't buy loyalty, you can't beat people into trusting you. And so, when shit hits the fan, who the fuck would stay for you, when you're like that

Of course, Crocodile is like that due to his trust issues, and god only knows what caused those trust issues. It's possible he was always like that, or past trauma caused him to become like that-- if it's the latter though, even if he was like more trusting of others once in the past, people still didn't stick with him in the end. The trust was one-sided

I think this also reflects in a really interesting way in Cross Guild actually, 'cause like. Despite being scared shitless, not even Buggy is willing to keep on taking Crocodile's shit. Even that clown has his limits before he starts a mutiny against Crocodile

And while Buggy hasn't really done anything to "earn" his current position in the world (like he hasn't Proven Himself in Combat, he's just Faked It Until He Made It), because he has treaten his underlings with basic kindness and respect, even if he's been lying through his teeth the whole time, that has been enough for Buggy to gain his followers' trust. And that's why Buggy's able to rile up people to follow him. While Crocodile can't.

Unironically makes me wonder what Daz sees in Crocodile that makes him want to follow Croc to literal hell and back

And I wonder what it really would take for Croc to be able to inspire people to follow him and be loyal to him, if it's even possible

#Moon posting #Sir Crocodile #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #To be fair Miss Goldenweek did try to break Croc out of jail #But her primary goal was to release the people in jail she already knew (like Miss Merry Christmas and Mr 4)#Where as she met Crocodile for the first time at that prison. They did not know each other #And when Croc refused to leave they just. Didn't seem to argue against that. Like they weren't going to follow him to Impel Down #I have additional thoughts but I'm saving those for another post lest this one become too long #Also that draft might change a lot based on what happens in the next two chapters #Debating if I wanna even post it before or after we see how shit goes and edit it accordingly

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asmo-cosmetics · 6 months ago

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when i say i ship asrian what i need you to understand is that i mean i want asra to apologize and beg for julian back. possibly in messy tears