#i have no doubts in my project just whether im the person to do it

[kaiserin-erzsebet]

Vent in the tags....

[yeokii]

⌗ ADORE YOU ﹕이희승 (TEASER)

꒰ synopsis ꒱ all hopes were crushed when you realized there was no way to get close to your crush, choi beomgyu. your advances to get close to him never seemed to work. so, you decided to get closer to his best friend, heeseung, by joining the broadcasting club. but as scripts change, so do crushes, and you end up falling for his best friend instead.

▸ auditions are open . . . !

ㅤ❕MATCHMAKER ── crush bsf ! heeseung x reader

fast forward  ⃕ [ genre ] : written, fluff, angst, 90s au, unrequited love

meet the members ! beomgyu, gaeul, jungwon, taehyun, juyeon [more tba.]

warnings 𖧷 [only in this scene] unrequited love, yn kinda uses hee, thats all I think

ㅤhe's a real catch ▹ est. 2OK ❨ 이희승 ❩ ⌗ catch adore you here!

⌕ [ archives ] one result found . . . hi (still on hiatus kinda) js came here to post the fic teaser :D (im prolly gna post this after mocks or after my igcses) also ty @yenqa sewlmate for writing the synopsis (ly dookie) send an ask or comment to be added in the taglist !

THE FALL OF NINETEEN-NINETY SIX MARKED A PIVOTAL MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE. Ever since you came into the world, you never really could grasp the concept of love.

You wrapped your head around the myths and tales your mother would read to you every night. You thought that every princess would have her own shining knight in armor. So, after thirteen years of living, where was yours?

Your knight in shining armor, or knights in shining armor, existed within the pages of the comic books you read. You often wondered if they would magically pop out of your books and transport you into their world. Similarly, you wondered whether any of the characters from your adored TV shows would step out and bring you into their lives.

So, it wasn't a surprise when your jaw dropped to the ground as you saw the most beautiful man in your life (well, technically, boy). If the epitome of beauty was a fourteen-year-old boy, it would be Beomgyu.

But it wasn’t just his face that made your thirteen-year-old self swoon over him, it was also the way he acted. You loved the way he conversed, his smooth way of talking at a young age and the way he smiled at you every time he made jokes with his friends. You loved how his eyes lightened every time he’d pull a silly prank.

But the problem was, he never talked to you. You admired him from afar. You never actually had the guts to talk to him, as if. You were content with watching his funny actions from a distance.

There were some moments when you pushed aside your nervousness and talked to him. You remember having butterflies in your stomach the moment you first talked to him. There were times when you both were paired up as project partners for a biology assessment and at that moment, you swore you could’ve worshiped the floor that your biology teacher walked on due to her giving you an opportunity like this.

You knew this was an opportunity to make your move. And you did. You brought him small snacks with little notes on them. Gave him gifts regularly. Maybe even took lessons from your best friend on how to subtly flirt with him. You really thought you had him. Because whenever you used to play out these little acts, you saw the subtle smile on his face. You were so close. It’s like the universe laid it out for you. Gosh, how lucky you were!

Luck. The luck that you thought you had. If luck was a person, you would’ve tackled it to the ground already. Because the day you were about to confess to him was the day he announced his new girlfriend. 

His first girlfriend. You doubt you called it ‘love’ since the only thing she cared about was that he was popular and pretty. That’s it! All that girl could get from Beomgyu was his looks and his reputation. You could’ve scoffed at the sight.

Beomgyu was so much more than that. He was loyal, kind, and trustworthy. And she went for his looks. Even though she had him, you felt as if she was missing out on so much. You were partly sad due to them getting together and also due to Beomgyu getting used to his looks.

So, you were practically prancing when you heard the news of their breakup a month later. Did you care that Beomgyu was absolutely heartbroken? Well, yes, but you felt relieved that Beomgyu was finally unleashed from that mean troll's wrath.

And as he got older, he grew more handsome. And God did you love it. When you entered high school he was a completely different person. He had gotten more flirty and way more pretty. He was way out of your league. 

Out of the years you were in this crappy high school, you made absolutely no improvement in your and Beomgyu’s relationship. Beomgyu, who kept getting new flings every summer and tons of situationships seemed to discard your existence. One could only say ‘What the fuck?’

Your thoughts swirled, and you had a collection of emotions roaming around your head until your best friend jolted you back into reality with a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

“Are you even listening?” Seori’s voice cut through your thoughts, annoyed, since she had to explain what she was talking about in the first place.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” You blinked, focusing your attention on your best friend.

She sighs, “I was saying that I think Doyoung is going to ask me out.” Seori pouts “Why does he not get that I don’t like him that way, jeez.”

Her ramble about her current boy toy washed out in the background. You were once back in your thoughts until you saw him heading into the cafeteria. Beomgyu entered the cafeteria, his smile widening at something his best friend said. 

Lee Heeseung, Beomgyu’s best friend. His ride or die. As long as you can remember, they were attached to the hip. They were basically the package deal. If Beomgyu was the life of the party, Heeseung would hold up his hair while he threw up in the host’s toilet. While Beomgyu was the exact depiction of a social butterfly, Heeseung remained aloof, keeping people at arm’s length. You could only wonder how he dealt with Beomgyu’s outbursting personality.

“Earth to Yn!” Seori snapped her fingers in front of your face which once again, brought you back to reality.

“Sorry.” You sheepishly smiled looking at your best friend's annoyed face. Your friend followed the gaze you had fixed before looking over to her. And her eyes followed the trail of your alleged ‘man’–– Beomgyu.

“Him again.”A sigh erupted from Soeri, having enough of your rambling over your four-year-old crush.

“I’m sorry, alright!” You pouted, your back hunching over the disappointing development between you two which was nowhere to be found. “He’s just so cute, God!”

Your sigh was followed by your best friend. Not long after, your best friend’s fed-up expression converted into a rather eager one.

“I got it!” She exclaimed, her hand hitting your back while she practically screamed. You winced in pain as a few fellow students gave you judgemental stares.

“All you have to do is be close with his best friend, Lee Heeseung.” She slowly said, almost like a mastermind coming up with a villainous plan–well, you would consider your best friend to be some sort of evil criminal.

But this, this opened new angles in your head. It felt like the universe–or more like your best friend–laid it out for you again. Your once unsolvable puzzle showed a new direction, and the missing piece was all in front of you. 

Okay, maybe you felt bad that you were going to use Heeseung like that, even looking forward to it. But, you were really desperate. To the point where you would actually be eager to attend Sunday mass just to ask God for Beomgyu to like you back or even spare one glance at you. Well, what could you do? 

Out of excitement, you pulled Seori in for a hug with a squeal while giving her a kiss on the cheek which she in return, yelped. “Seori, you’re a genius!”

���Yes, I know.” She laughed a bit, escaping your tight grip on her before wiping the spot you kissed her hastily with her hands.

“I mean, how hard could it be?” 

You smiled and your gaze wet up to the boy you loved for most of your life, then slowly to the equally handsome boy.

Jackpot.

adore you tags . @wonsbaer @isoobie @armydrcamers @heegyuwrld @nxzz-skz @txtlyn @enhastolemyheart @positivelyinlovewithjungwon @sumzysworld @eleanorheartschishiya @petalsofink @bluujeans @jvjsssnaa @iamliacamila @m3chigo @oldjws @kyrjnie @heartswonn @aeminju @en-dream @yeahsspider @imstupidcheesecat [closed]

tags . @flwoie @zuyairus @bubblytaetae @yenqa @haknom @redm4ri @hanniluvi @haechansbbg @taejaysreads @shinunoga-iie-wa @teddywonss

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad to be scared to start hrt?

i feel a little ashamed that i am. i try my hardest to be positive about all the things that make men & mascs masculine. i try to appreciate the parts that arent valued by society, like male pattern baldness, being fat, hairiness (love that part especially lol), etc.

but im 15, and i go back and fourth over whether or not i want to start testosterone. i had terrible cystic acne before i started acne medication, i have male pattern baldness on my dads side etc. im not a binary trans guy, so i kinda doubt ill be on it forever anyway if i DO wind up doing it, but its really scary to be told all the stuff that WILL make me a man when im… just a boy. that feels infantalizing but i suppose its true. im scared to be a man admittedly, im angry i never got to have a “true” boyhood because in currently at that age, and im scared of being thrust into it after not getting to be one. theres so much stuff about becoming “ugly” after starting testosterone. i know thats not true, logically, but ive faced so much bullying for not being pretty enough as an afab that i guess i still have that vanity embedded within me.

i feel ashamed for it, do you have any advice?

no, absolutely not- i think it's super reasonable to be scared to start HRT. it's a huge change, it affects your body and mentality in many different ways. it's a lot to take on at once especially considering there are permanent effects if taken for long enough at a high enough dose

i get why you'd be worried at that age. i didn't start HRT until i was in my early 20s. i think its okay to give yourself some time, especially considering you have some concerns about it potentially affecting your health. it would be ideal to find a way to get your blood tested for a few things- liver enzymes, red blood cell count, estrogen and testosterone levels, and so on. if you can't do that, it's understandable. i know it's not easy for someone your age to get a ride to a place like that discretely

is it possible to contact your dermatologist about your acne and see if they would be able to weigh in on that? baldness is a tricky thing. some people do bald but really late in life. some people don't. a lot of transmascs have their hairline recede by a few inches and then it usually stops. the nice thing about hair loss is there are medications that work very well that can help mitigate that. gender affirming care specialists or other doctors who prescribe testosterone are usually aware of the effects on scalp hair, and usually they'll help you test for high blood pressure, any issues like that

honestly i get where you're coming from here. i've seen this way too many times. people get pissed off about someone being a type of trans they don't like so they just bully the person until they consider detransitioning or never start transition at all, and then continue to mock and harass them anyway. i see this all the damn time and it bugs me like why would you do that to someone. who cares

people think it's ok to bully trans men & mascs right now because of all of the transandrophobia and antimasculism in general. testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly", people are projecting their hatred of men and mascs on to a hormone that almost everyone produces naturally. it's just hateful senseless bullying. people think the younger the trans man/boy/masc is, the more valid they are to bully them.

it's okay to identify as a boy for as long as you need. you actually never have any obligation to adopt the label man if it doesn't fit you. many people identify as boys instead of men. some people are guys and not men. it's okay some people find they have to take their time to transition from boy to man. you're only 15 you are still a child, you don't have to worry about being a man for quite a while

it's definitely okay to feel conflicted and confused here. if you're able to, take time to yourself where you shut all that noise from other people out. if you're able to just ask yourself a few questions like why do i identify as a boy, what about it makes me happy, what kinds of things do i want to do in transition. just try to get a feel for what's going on so it makes it hard for people to get in your head

remember that when people attack you like this they're projecting something they deeply hate about themselves on to you. my therapist told me that last week and i thought i would just relay that. it's alright to be affected by it, but they really are just being assholes. it's good to be a trans man/boy/masc. transmasculinity is good. testosterone is good. testosterone saved my life. i'm glad to get up in the morning every day because i at least look and sound like myself. i love my body. i love the way i look. i'm stronger. i stand taller. my face is the right shape. my voice sounds right.

life is good

i hope you found any of this helpful. good luck, it's okay to feel guilt or shame for a bit. i did NOT want to come out as FtM for a VERY long time it was hard. i get it. take care of yourself, let me know if you have any more questions

[llvmos]

Hiiii I have a request- so basically dalton and reader are dating and he's like needy for reader but in the fluff kinda way he gets that aggressive love (like when you see a cat and you just wanna smother it in love) towards reader and after not seeing reader for a while he like attacks her in hugs and kisses and just A LOT OF FLUFF♡♡♡♡♡

OMG yes im obsessed with the thought of Dalton being like that. I feel like he would just constantly have his hands on the reader or would be kissing them when their trying to do something. Warnings: LOTS of fluff, gn!reader, established relationship, making out, probably ooc dalton, no plot, clingy!dalton a/n: this is the first fanfic ive ever wrote and honestly, im not too mad at it for it only being my first time ever even trying to write fanfiction. i went back and forth deciding whether or not i wanted to use 2nd person pov or 3rd person pov. so let me know which one you guys prefer (theres a poll at the bottom of this post) anyways i hope yall enjoy it!

Word count: 875

not proofread!!

I missed you. — Dalton Lambert

With fall break ending, all students at JPU are crowding the dorm halls trying to return to their rooms. You had went back home to New York to visit your family while your boyfriend, Dalton, had stayed behind in his dorm working on his upcoming art project.

As you watch the numbers next to the doors go up, you spot the one you were looking for.

223.

You pull out your key that Dalton had given you and put it into the keyhole. You turn the key and open the door.

As you walk into the room, you see Dalton sitting in his chair, painting, looking like hes thinking about adding something or changing something.

He snapped his head in your direction and looked at you as he smiled.

You brace yourself as you see Dalton coming towards you. You drop your bag of things you had brought with you.

Dalton hugs you as if his life depended it and rests his head in the crook of your neck, leaving little pecks where your neck meets your jawline. He lifts his head up and grabs the sides of your face as he brings his lips to yours with much force.

“I”

Kiss.

“Missed you”

Kiss.

“So much.”

Kiss.

You run your hands through his soft, sand-colored, waves and pull away from the kiss, ignoring his frown.

“You couldn’t of missed me THAT much, it’s only been a week.”

Dalton looked at you as if he was offended.

“Are you seriously doubting my love for you?”

“No, no, i didn’t say tha-”

Your words were cut off by his lips smashing into yours while you both smile.

“Okay, okay, love. Let me go to my dorm and unpack my stuff.” You say, after pulling away.

“What? You just got here, you’re already leaving again?”

“Stop being dramatic. My room is just a floor up.”

Dalton frowns as he gives you his best puppy dog eyes.

“Pleeeeease. Just stay a little longer? We can put your stuff away later, i missed you.”

Although you try your best, you can’t help but give into his pleads.

“Fine, but I do want to put my stuff away soon.”

His only response was multiple, repetitive kisses.

As the kiss deepens, his hands went down to grab your waist.

“I love you.” He mumbles as your lips continue moving in unison. He wraps his index fingers around the belt loops on the top of your jeans, pulling you towards his bed.

As he backs up towards his bed, the backs of his knees meet with his mattress, causing him to sit down, bringing you with him.

As you position yourself to straddle his legs, he pulls away from the kiss.

“What?” You asked, with pure confusion in your voice.

“You’re so beautiful.”

You smile and shake your head as a pink tint spreads across your face.

“So cheesy.”

His only response to your comment being him grabbing both side of your face and kissing you once more. He pulls you closer if even possible and moves his lips away from yours.

“I missed you.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” You responds with a heavy tone of sarcasm before placing your lips back onto his. You guys once again, get caught up in the moment and lose track of time.

“I really…need to…unpack.” You mumble in between kisses.

“Fine. Can I come with?”

“Only of you help.”

Dalton groans, telling you that he would rather stay here and continue where you guys left off.

“Either way, I gotta go unpack.”

You stand up to go walk over to your stuff when you caught a glimpse of the painting he was working on when you arrived. You walk up to it and look at it.

The painting appears to be a park bench underneath a tree, similar to the one you and Dalton were sat on when you shared your first kiss together.

“Is this what you’ve been working on all week?”

Dalton looks up and sees you looking at his painting.

“Oh. Yeah. It’s uh… Armagan told us to find our favorite memory and ‘capture it’. Her words, not mine.”

He sounded nervous and somewhat self conscious when he realized you saw his painting.

“It’s really good. Is this the park bench?”

“Yeah.” He looked away as he answered to try and avoid whatever judgement he thought you would give him.

You smile as you thinks back to that moment.

“It’s amazing.”

He looks back up to you and smiles.

“Really? I mean landscapes aren’t really my forte but i think i did pretty good. Actually, I went to the park and sat on the bench while i made the rough sketch. I wanted to get all of the details right. The tree looks a little rough though. But, I already painted it so…”

You smile and look at him.

“I missed you. A week is too long to go without hearing your rambling.” You walk up to him and kiss him before quickly pulling away.

“Upstairs. Unpack. Let’s go.”

“Ugh…fine…” Dalton groans and walks out the door but not before quickly giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“I will drag you by your ear if you don’t start walking.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

[the-kr8tor]

Okay listen the reason I made R throw hands is cus I was salty at one of my friends (who I kinda...maybe...have a tiny itty bitty little crush on) kept complimenting my smile and I can't handle affection well so I had to self project ALSO THE NEW CHAPTER? I NEED TO READ IT BUT I GOTTA STUDY (I read like half and I am speechless istg i love ur writing katy- it's insane how much you've improved from ur first fanfic to now) Daily Hobie HC! Love languages time- personally, I think he's all of them (+teasing), both giving and receiving. Hobie likes to know that you're there with him, whether it's holding onto the pinkie of your hand with his or looping a finger into your belt loops. Subtle, nonchalant clinginess, basically. Unless he feels like being an ass. He'll sometimes come up behind you and lightly tap your hips, letting you know he's there as he just unwinds silently, leaning against your back with his face buried into your hair. His arms are usually wrapped around your waist, resting lazily there as he calms his mind with your presence. (Or perhaps, if you're like my sona and wear layered necklaces, he'll gently attempt to untangle them) In large crowds, in order not to lose you, Hobie will silently loop a finger through your beltloops, or slip his hand onto your pocket, or even just grip the edges of your pocket. Whatever gets him to be able to at least hold you, in a way, he's happy. With gift-giving, no doubt he'll be leaving little trinkets with notes attached to them. Sometimes, it's something from his inter-dimensional travels, or just a nice smelling candle he nicked that he thought you might've liked. The notes he leaves with these little gifts always manage to make you smile, with a tiny doodle of you and him, a few scribbly love hearts around both of you as well. No doubt you have a little box dedicated to these sticky notes, always bein sure to put them in immediately after receiving them. Unbeknownst to him, you pull that box out and look over the doodles whenever you feel a bit too worried about him, and it calms your nerves easy. Quality time with Hobie is always amusing one way or another. Whether it's a sleepover leading to you waking up to him DIY-ing another leather jacket on the floor with silver studs scattered every where, or both of you just have a relaxing time painting each other's nails, or even allowing you to colour in his tattoos as he dozes off. If you're currently struggling to overcome something, he's your number one supporter, and always by your side. He'll always make sure you know how much he's proud of you, planting little kisses on your shoulder and muttering how well you're going. He'll murmur how much he loves you against your lips as you kiss a hundred times if he needed to. Hobie is always up for doing something for you if you're dealing with something, cue the multiple times he's helped you through stress or periods or just overall with life. Although he isn't really the best therapist, he'll still let you rant to him while he focuses on making some snacks for you, simply just making you 'sit there and look pretty', while in reality you're watching him carefully to make sure he doesn't try to blow anything up. Istg I'm getting jumped rn it aint letting me do these daily hobie hcs >:( -🐦‍⬛

🐦‍⬛ anon is actually Y/N bc you're having a friends to lovers arc innit?

Study first! You can read it after like a lil treat! Thank you so much 🥹 I think my writing has stagnated a bit but I'm glad to hear that it hasn't! Ly muah i needed that ❤️

DAILY HOBIE HC!! 🎉

Oh i forever stand by the fact that he loooooveesss pulling you in by your belt loops 🥴 highkey my favourite trope ever

AS SOMEONE WHO WEARS LAYERED NECKLACES I LOVE THAT YES PLSS I NEED HIM TO UNTANGLE MY NECKLACES!!!

The little doodles with the notes oh im dying that's so sweet i want that 😍🥹🥹🥹 (when will it be my turn?)

Colouring in his tattoos!!!!! So cute! Until you accidentally use permanent marker 😂😂😂

Who's jumping you? Imma throw hands real quick!

[rianafying]

god i feel like i haven’t done a journal entry in ages. so much has changed, for starters, im in love with someone, and im in a relationship with them. and im nearly done with university. i have a job(ish), and some extremely engaging projects. there’s a lot of really good things happening in my life. and even the worst things are good. like the stuff i’ve been struggling with the most is just adhd struggles and the older i get the better i get at managing them and making piece with what i can’t manage. my heart is full. i’m doing well. my friends are doing well too. my home country just got rid of its tyrant dictator and government and is rebuilding itself and i couldn’t be more proud of my people. i feel older. and it’s the best feeling. it’s like i have a bigger perspective than my problems. i can see beyond my current misery and it’s been very easy to have hope and love. now i know all this is heavily due to my significant other helping me and being there for me and loving me. but also the effects this person has on me will last even if this relationship doesn’t. my little sister’s becoming an adult. my mother’s following her passions. my nanu’s happy too. and i’m looking forward to cutting ties with my father as soon as i graduate. in this horrible world, right now im experiencing a moment of peace and joy. i know things will fall apart eventually and i’ll have to deal with it until my next little pocket of happiness. but i can do that. all it takes is love and patience.

what worries me most is whether or not i can find enough success in fashion that i could stay in melbourne and not have to go back to dhaka. or even regardless of where i am, im scared i’m not good enough. cool enough or skilled enough to work in fashion. i often doubt i have the skills to succeed in anything at all. these fears are not reasonable but they’re not unreasonable either? like the truth is that i do have the creativity and i have a lot of skills but i might lack the discipline or the literal physical ability to do what is required of me. my adhd makes me too fast and too slow. im too sleepy to elaborate further. i hate bureaucracy and corporate jargon also. and i hate paperwork. and insurance stuff and invoices. i hate it with a passion. i need to do it more and more the older i get. anyway, im about to turn in my last assignment for this trimester tomorrow night and i haven’t even done half of it. until next time.

[shortnsnips]

i like putting my thoughts on tweets i see on here bc its less scary so here's another one LOL

i've seen a lot of discourse over boycotting the qsmp because of the recent stuff with the volunteers/workers not getting paid and i think both yes and no!

a lot of people have been against it with the claim that "boycotting is counterproductive because then the server isn't making any money to pay the workers" but in actuality, and forgive me if im wrong, but wouldn't that ONLY matter if quackity is the one you are watching? and he doesn't even stream that much in the first place (not that he owes it to anyone). so whether or not you do or don't watch tubbo, pac, bagi, whoever would literally do nothing to affect the amount of money the qsmp is earning unless quackity takes a cut from the streamers streams? but i doubt that and i doubt the streamers he invited pay anything to play, too.

i think boycotting would definitely get the point of "hey, we aren't gonna watch until you compensate those you have [unknowingly] wronged!" obviously the reformation process is going to be slow but PERSONALLY i think fixing the issues before opening the server should have been the way to go especially if it's being rebuilt from the ground up and the server has already essentially been created to revolve not only around the ccs but the admins as well.

on the same token, those who have spoken out about their experiences have explicitly said to continue to support the project because even if there are individuals who aren't being fairly compensated, you're still supporting the time and effort they've put into making the server what it is!

just my thoughts on the whole thing. i still think the server should have remained closed longer especially if they were on track to closing down completely. obviously we don't know whats actually going on behind the scenes but hopefully everything is moving smoothly and there's more communication all around! i can't imagine being stuck in the dark about everything.

(i've always thought the way it was emphasized that the position was volunteer was a little strange because it DID feel like exploitation of fans for free labor but hopefully the reformation will get everything solved and people can get fairly compensated for their time and effort!!)

[superaznchick]

i had a whole rant typed out like 2 days ago that i made while emotional but it will rot in my drafts forever now because i have now spent the required amount of time in the timeout corner and properly digested my emotions to come back and make a fresh new post

idk what corporate girly out there slaving in front of a laptop needs to hear this AGAIN, because i certainly have heard this before but subconsciously dismissed it because Surely That Won't Happen To I, but it DID so i am now yelling at you from the other side

DONT FUCKING TRUST YOUR MANAGER!!!!!!!!! the nuance here is that YES they can be nice, and they can 100% be the best person ever, and they might not even consciously manipulate you. but you are never safe from subconscious manipulation or just straight up incompetence.

if your manager does their job well, it means you are manipulated. BUT if they do their job BAD, you STILL get manipulated!! this is because even if they are incompetent, you will always end up bridging the gap for their incompetence and it will weigh you down and you will NEVER get credit for your work. in fact, you are in danger on both ends of the spectrum - if you manager is good, they'll take credit for your work. if your manager is bad, they'll STILL take credit for your work AND make you suffer for it because they won't even have the skills at least get you the reward you deserve.

ive spent the last 3 years under my do-nothing manager always giving him the benefit of the doubt, "oh he's just a silly lil guy this is his first management job he doesnt know what hes doing" type shit, and i have nothing but stress and resentment to show for it.

i have LITERALLY been DOING HIS JOB FOR HIM. i revamped our meetings, i put sprint processes in place, i drew our team scope/borders and weighed in on who should staff projects. and on TOP of that i did tech lead and regular ic work. i was doing both my job and at least 50% of his because im not a fucking manager and theres only so much i can do.

but all this time my actual skill set as an engineer is deteriorating because ive been begging for mentorshop/coaching since day one i joined the team, which is 100% the manager's job to coach and level up their engineers, but these needs were completely ignored in favor of me trying to get this dumb fucking team together because my manager literally does nothing. he doesn't do his fucking job, and he gets away with it because he has high soft skill!!!! his boss likes him!!! so he will not be punished!!!!!!

i on the other hand am severely punished because i have revealed my hand as a do-all "superstar", im the one that gets 3 projects with the same deadline that i have to do all by myself, im the one thats expected to do all my work and more AND i am the one that takes the brunt of flack when external teams are ultimately disappointed that the deadlines are not met. i get no protection from any of this shit because my manager is fucking incompetent and refuses to step up. whether he consciously or subconsciously does this DOES NOT MATTER!!!! you will ALWAYS eat it at the bottom line!!!

treat your manager like your enemy, never trust them. size them up in your first few 1:1s to see how much they can do for you in terms of your career. if they are NOT delivering results within the first 2-3 months, CLOCK OUT!!!!!! decenter work from your life, shut the laptop at 5pm sharp, put in your bare minimum to not get canned and turn your brain off from all work problems. sometimes the corporate grind is worth it but ONLY if you have someone competent managing you and they are smart enough to recognize that engineers under them need reward and respect to be retained. if they won't or can't retain you, just let it happen!!!! dont overextend yourself it's never worth it

obv im yelling this from my jail cell as a software engineer so idk how much of this is applicable to other fields, but that's my two cents. i have spent way too much time being upset and angry these last few weeks to not vent about it. if this applies to you, pls save yourself the heartache and learn the skill of decentering work for when it comes in handy. im not advocating for indiscriminate quiet quitting bc that can actually be harmful to your financials, but the art of quiet quitting should still be mastered for when the appropriate time arises. use your discretion

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

seiga kaku?

im gonna actively try to keep myself concise and to single points because its been so easy for me in the past to get lost in wicked hermit thoughts and veer off who knows where... Part of it surely has to do with how a long time ago i used to have an rp blog on tumblr where i spent everyday thinking about seiga to some extent!

General opinion/How much I care about them: there was a long period of time where i would say without a doubt she was my single favourite character in touhou. I couldn't properly point to any one reason, or any tidy chain of events that might have led to it, other than learning about her, reading and seeing various very formative doujin works featuring her and the th13 crew, and maybe some old-fashioned projecting led me to latching onto every aspect of her... These days, there's a lot of touhous I obsess and go wild over and to even greater extents than her, but seiga objectively has the longest history of making me go a little nuts, whereas even aya took a little more time to nettle into my brain.

I like Seiga a lot and ive thought about her a lot, is what im getting at!

A ship I love: seiyoshi (seiga/yoshika) is funny in that it has a lot of little 'requirements' to me. Like if intepreted as just purely the evil hermit controlling a tool that she herself murdered to obtain, i think thats boring. But likewise, if its intepreted as just the hermit tragically trying to preserve her departed beloved, well that might be better but still lacking to me.

i couldnt possibly get across my ideal backstory for them right now, but the ultimate gist of it is that Seiga definitely did care for the living Yoshika who then died unexpectedly, before Seiga could decide herself whether she would commit to teaching her the ways of the hermit or simply get bored and move on. Her main motivation in performing the most ludicrously evil magic and create a jiangshi was because she refused to let even the natural order of life and death take anything away from her.

....Thaaaat all aside, i think their interactions in present day are just really funny 😄 Seiga 'spoiling' her dear Yoshika who laughs off being a meat shield because its not like she can die again!

A non-romantic relationship that I love: I think Seiga and Futo have the most oddball dynamic among the taoists and also Futo is probably the only one Seiga wouldn't have intense romanctic tension with. Futo who is a weirdo herself, acknowledges Seiga as their wise teacher of the arts (calling her seiga-donno) and yet also does not think of her as above any of them in their little personal hierarchy because Futo knows Seiga has no interest in being a proper retainer to Miko, so all of Futo's formalities almost come off as either sarcastic or as a really esoteric form of endearment. Meanwhile, Seiga probably thought a long time ago Futo would grow weary of things like loyalty and matters of noble blood or talking like an ancient old person, but none of that happened and Futo remains the same as ever, which has been altogether surprising, charming, and exasperating for Seiga (and everone else but they're all mostly charmed 😊)

The NOTP: i guess you'd have to work especially hard to get me to gel with pairing her up with any of myouren temple's folks. I get the temptation since every other taoist has one or two easily paired up counterpart there, but its not enough to just cross a checklist and leave it at that!

(that said, if you were gonna pair up buddhists and taosists thematically, i get why one might put seiga with shou since they were technically most vital in backstory with miko/byakuren respectively, and also because they both have a servant, one jiang-shi and a mouse. but i always thought seiga made a better parallel witn nue personally)

My biggest headcanon about them: most of this post is already headcanon, but as for another 'big' one...

I believe over the last thousand and whatever years, Seiga made semi-regular (as in maybe once every few years or a century?) visits to the tomb where Miko and gang slept, indulging and refreshing her memories of them, chatting up Tojiko who is now a ghost. And then sometime in 2011 right as her hermit senses told her it was finally time to meet them all again, she went to to tomb to greet them all only to find out literally the entire place was gone 😨

so all within like a week or something, Seiga had to go on a mad investigative quest where she discovered they had all been whisked to Gensokyo at some point, had to learn what the heck Gensoyko even is, how to get herself there, and then arrived just in time to get blasted by the incident resolvers. Really busy time in her life!

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: ha... one day, my multi-part seiga backstory fic incorporating every stray headcanon i've ever had. and then i quit writing forever maybe n_n

That aside, a funny scenario would be Okina appearing trying to stir drama because Seiga is basically the reason why Miko divorced Okina. And Seiga has no idea who she is or about any of that because Miko never mentioned it 😌

Something that makes me think of them: pretzels.

also its someone elses fault but luo tianyi is just the seiga vocaloid to me 😑

[visualnovellover]

Now I did mention i would make a lengthy introduction with my pc's but im again too busy for that so here's just some info that's interesting enough:

Rini gets really engrossed in whatever he's doing whether it's chores, school works or even doing a job, he gets really focused and isn't verbal unless spoken to.

And because he gets so engrossed, he also easily gets too dedicated on it- too much that he'd rather end up killing himself if he doesn't finish or see it through. Which is something his twin Ria worries on a daily basis.

Here's an example: 'Ria stood at the doorway, eyes narrowed at the sight of her little brother hunched away at his desk, the sound of papers flipping and pencil scratching were somehow loud in the quiet hallways of the orphanage. Dawn is drawing near and yet there he is, still writing away in his little project that shouldn't have taken so much of his time and rest.'

So guess her reaction when she found out he became an initiate at the temple. As much as she lets her little brother go and do his own thing, she sometimes can't help the urge to make him stay inside where he's safe. Even if it's the orphanage, she'd much rather be the one to carry his part of the debt just to keep him safe.

Rini wasn't really too into being a member of the temple, at first he only joined because he heard there would be an allowance and also because he was debating on getting a chastity cage after that encounter with that bastard when he left the orphanage (the tutorial person)

But after a year of being in the temple greatly changed his perception of it. Ria joked to him once about how he should back out so that they can continue their dream of leaving this city- until she noticed the brief panic flickering in his eyes and having no response to her joke, they both knew then and there that Rini is in too deep of being a member of the temple.

Ria gains a bit of control whenever she scolds or discipline Rini, but that rarely happens between them as they both trust the other's actions and decisions with no doubt.

That is until Rini fucked up and banished away Ria's first parasitic child of Ivory Wraith. Was it an accident? No. Did Rini knew it was hers? Yes and no. Did Rini do it without remorse? Yes because at that time he's already a monk and is aware of the monsters that lurk around town.

So what happened?

Well: 'Not even a minute after he left the library he was roughly pulled by the collar and his back collided with the lockers. The loud bang left the students around them speechless, the halls now awfully quite. Rini let out a hiss between clenched teeth as he bleary opened his eyes to see that fucker who did this- but his mouth was left wide open at seeing the same face he always see in the mirror. His sister hold his collar in a tight fist, the dark look in her eyes made his knees trembled and the hair on his skin rising. She's mad. But for what? Rini tried to talk, but his nerves failed him as his mouth couldn't seem to say the words that was on the tip of his tongue. She's mad and dangerous. A predator eyeing up its prey that's backed in a corner, waiting and watching what its next action will be. A foreign yet familiar feeling was in his veins, the same heavy lump on his throat was back and for once since their childhood, Rini truly felt afraid of his sister right now.'

And then it proceed to a beating that left Rini with a broken nose and in tears. Ria cut classes and was gone for the whole day until she came back and apologized for hurting her little brother.

Ria does the more promiscuous jobs instead of Rini. Her main income comes from dates with Avery and mostly selling the produce Rini gives to her from the farm along with selling antiques to Winter.

Rini always tries to pay for her debts but is always denied or the debts were already paid. It always leads him to feeling useless and a visit to the confessional afterwards.

During their stay in the youth ward, there were a lack of clothes between the orphans that the twins would share each others clothes. And it made Rini more comfortable and accustomed to wearing feminine clothing that he would sometimes wear skirts or dresses whenever he feels like it, or his usual clothes being sent to the tailor for fixing up (that lead to a funny and embarrassing encounter with Sydney as he's buying a new set of uniform while wearing his sister's uniform).

Bailey is wary around Ria, and just as they agreed on, would send the person who pays to fuck with Rini to her room. It only lasts a few seconds before the same person is staggering out of her room.

Robin became their first friend after a month being in the orphanage, the older orphans dubbed them as the three R's (Ria, Rini and Robin) due to the three of them always being see together, Rini always in the middle clinging on to Ria and Robin's sleeves or hand.

Rini doesn't like Kylar and it only became worse after he found out Ria is going out with him. It took a lot of bonding before Kylar was in his good graces, but he would always give Kylar a piece of condom whenever he can- either as an advice or a warning not to take things to far with his sister. (Which Kylar then throws it in the trash afterwards)

Ria banned him from going to the lake, the forest, and the sewers. Especially the lake during a blood moon. And Rini doesn't mind and follows it - after that one time he was searching for wolfshrooms in the forest and faced Black Wolf, he immediately decided to never go back unless his sister is with him or he's hanging out with any of his classmates in the lake.

Sometimes Ria feels a sense of aching and a need to protect towards her little brother. She thinks it's merely her motherly instincts kicking in but when she listens to his laughs she can't help but feel like she heard it before. In some stone walls with deserted halls, that laugh being the only thing she hears. Ria shrugs it off, yet she can always hear it in the bottom of the lake. It without a doubt always manage to fool her into thinking it's Rini laughing.

Rini also feels that sense of aching, instead of a laugh he feels lost whenever he wanders in the cloister. Despite the fact he already walked past this halls multiple times, he can't help the feeling of unfamiliarity as he lets his hand feel the walls in his fingertips. Like seeing something old turn into something new, not knowing how to feel at the changes that has happened. But that can't be. This is the first time he has seen and been in the temple, so why does the hallway feel so wrong and different from what he remembered?

Ria and Rini managed to remain kind in this fucked up town, however there is a fine line in between that is tested whenever they see the other getting hurt in anyway. The last time it happened was when a delinquent pushed Rini off the stairs that his left arm with a broken bone and leaving him incapable for long weeks. Unfortunately Ria witnessed it happened with her own eyes. The day after the delinquent came to class with their left arm and face completely beaten up. The students know better than to mess with Rini (Whitney however didn't got the memo)

And that's all im sharing now! there's plenty more lore i have with this two that it's not healthy anymore-

[vesselsscarlet]

I sent some asks to crow that never got answered so im not sure if im one of the anons you are referring to specifically. The last ask i sent was one giving my thoughts on extending the deadline as a creative myself. I cant remember all i said, but i was suggesting working on the project somewhat before you decide on whether or not to extend the deadline, suggesting that might be the best way to ensure the best quality final project. I was trying to give a suggestion as a creative, not trying to compare your project to my own creative projects, but it might have come off wrong.

I never sent anything in for a lot of personal reasons. Having my letter perceived by vessel was nervewracking, having my letter perceived by you two was nervewracking, im nervous about interacting with pretty much everyone online for reasons id rather not get into, and because the way you two were talking about the lack of submissions had me doubting my letter would ever get to vessel to begin with and having less letters sent had my fears of being perceived even stronger.

So maybe my suggestions arent particularly welcome because of that, i can understand that. I also was, to be perhaps a bit too blunt, frustrated with your frustration and to some extent or another passive aggressive. But for that last bit, thats unfair of me and i should be more considerate. Im sorry you two are struggling so much with this project not turning out as you wanted, and if i badly handled the asks i sent thats on me. Please try to take care of yourselves, stay safe, etc

Hey anon.

First of all, thank you for understanding and also saying sorry. It means a lot.

The asks Crow received were mostly by a lot of anons, so we cannot actually tell which ones were yours and which not. But the quantity of anon-asks and us being frustrated, with the wordings of some asks (again, we don't know who the anons behind them were) made us upset and also very sad. Because we wanted to make that happen for all of you. The simple reason why we didn't want to extend the deadline was because we announced the ideas back before Christmas 2023. So there was plenty of time. And one can send us a DM and ask for more time if it was needed. We would have found a way.

But being passive aggressive and frustrated because we were (I hope you understand why we were upset etc.) didn't make it easier for us, and we lost motivation in this one. Because we felt like – we are not doing anything worth for Vessel to see, or thinking that you guys would not appreciate it in the end etc. We had serious doubts why we actually had wanted this to work and why we were still putting our hearts in it.

Its fine if you didn't submit anything in the end because of said personal reasons. We cannot blame you on this. But...

But... I don't want to repeat myself again.

It would have been a part of a project anyways.

Vessel would have gotten your message, maybe not in the book we aimed to do but maybe for another project. And we ensured that. Many times. So I don't understand this... We don't want to repeat ourselves all the time.

What I personally don't understand is the part of you being frustrated because we were frustrated. You are allowed to explain it but we were just because of reminding people and constantly dealing with asks of things that we already answered or getting compared to different projects, asking why it was the case of not getting too many submissions, extending the deadline etc. etc.

We decided to take a look if my final words ever reach people and what they say to it.

And then we decide what's best.

One is for sure:

This project isn't going to be handed over this year by me to Adam or Sam.

– Lia

Crow said to this:

After dealing with condescending and passive aggressive asks, I simply didn't feel like answering anything that is not an actual question regarding the project because it only brings in other anon asks and it's a never ending cycle of the same stuff, that I don't want to deal with anymore.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

ok im the same anon as the one who talked abt y/n parents and im here to talk abt them again.

"These children’s energies are so dark that you would have mistaken them for a different colour. Why are these children so sad? Your mom and dad rush downstairs and your dad ushers both you and Spencer outside before you have a chance to ask them anything." I have a feeling that maybe y/n's parents are abusing them or torturing them, and my guts is leaning towards sexual abuse actually. It was already suspicious that they were fostering so much children and the fact that y/n says "You’re still fostering children?” in shock is like she believed that would have stopped already as fostering children is no easy task. there is obviously some sort of motive back there and her father is not helping his case when he tries to veer y/n off the topic of him fostering children. and this proves he is guilty or something. i know you said y/n completely trusts her parents but i have a feeling this has something do with stockholm syndrome which is a psychological condition where a victim finds it easy to empathise with their captor or abuser. (i study medicine and psychology) this could be a reason why she trusts them so blindy.

“Why don’t you stay here so we can catch up?” Your dad places his hand on your shoulder and squeezes it. For some reason, Spencer doesn’t like that. “Spencer can pick you up in the morning.” and "He keeps a watchful eye on your dad. He hugs you, but his hands are low on your back–too low for Spencer’s liking. It’s almost like your dad is groping your ass. It could be just him, but something isn’t right here" This two parts are just so suspicious, and honestly it reminds me of a pedophile. and this brings me back to the time she mentioned she was raped and had gotten pregnant. i reread that part and it doesn't makes sense to me. if i were a parent and my child told me she had gotten pregnant, even if it was a prank or if she were young, my first instinct is to ask her what happened and who was it. and honestly how her parents reacted were genuinely concerning psychologically. "The whole time, your parents listened with concerned ears, but as soon as you were done, both their demeanours changed. "You know, it's not nice to lie about things like that, Y/N," your mother scowls. "This is not the time for one of your stories," your dad adds "But I'm not lying! This really happened! "I'm serious young lady, stop with the stories." " Them not believing her because she is ten is one thing, but telling her that she was lying and that, in her father's words by the way, that "lying about stuff like this can ruin people's lives. It makes them look bad because people will believe anything, but it also makes you look bad because they know you're a liar. Now, enough with the theatrics and go get cleaned up for dinner." this sentence just puts me off so much, it's almost like while they are so protective of y/n having a boyfriend, they don't seem to care much about her or more like they were trying to hide something and it leads me to believe that instead of talking about y/n r*pers, it is somehow about them projecting what he feels in that sentence because for some reason, it oddly feels personal like he is telling her it would ruin his life. it doesn't feel right and i also lowkey feel like a profiler right now. i have a feeling the reason why they didn't make the reports abt y/n's r*pe, is because then the police would investigate about her parents and the assaulters which would make them on fbi records. and if they do become suspects in a particular case, and if they have something to hide, everything would be revealed.

and while some people may believe her parents are protecting her from the truth, thus not allowing her to be an fbi, i seriously doubt that is the truth and if they are hiding something, then i have a reason to believe the reason is not to protect her, but them. because if y/n knew then she would investigate it, whether by herself or with the team ( i believe the former is more likely ), and her parents would be in trouble. also the fact that her mom made her send away hannah as they have "too much foster kids" why do they keep fostering kids then? and that fact that even y/n feels that "There’s something about this house that doesn’t sit right with you. After spending one night here, you feel fear and sadness… but why? Shouldn’t these kids be happy they’re here and getting adopted? When you were a kid, kids came quickly and left quicker. You never got to spend time with the other kids long enough to form relationships with them. You’re the only biological kid of your parents, but they’ve always wanted more." the question here is why? why would they want more and why is that they are in fear like there is something going on behind the scenes. forming relationships with them seems out of the question as the kids don't stay long or in other words "left quicker". and this reminds me of "the promised neverland" actually. "Like, why don’t you hear laughter in the hallway? Why do the kids like to cower in their rooms? Why are they quick to do their chores, but spend hours doing something that should take thirty minutes?" the fact that i thought of the same thing is actually so real because it is genuinely so suspicious in a way where i can't wrap my head around it. y/n also mentioned something which is that she paused in the middle of the stairs to look at the pictures on the wall. and she realised that they’re all of her, when she were a baby, early toddler years, late childhood era, etc. some of them are even younger pictures are of her running around in the backyard naked with the sprinklers on, and others are of y/n and her dad cuddling on the couch. and mind you that none of these pictures contain her own mother. and honestly this is so freaky, like having pics of you child is one thing, but having pictures of your child only without you wife is another thing and its not even just normal pictures, like if i were them, i would put like graduation photos or achievement photos or maybe even a family photo but its photos of y/n being naked and her and her dad cuddling? yes maybe it is him just being affectionate but honestly this feels more than a child pedophile case and the way he hangs them in the middle of the stairs, it is almost like he enjoys looking at them whenever he walks pass and if this doesn't pulls an alarm trigger in y/n's head, i don't know what will.

moving on y/n mentioned that "The kids don’t look at you when you enter, they stiffen at your presence." why? i have a feeling y/n's parents have something to do with this. most times this happens due to abuse, whether verbal or physical and i have a strong feeling it's both. maybe y/n is known to be the "favourite child" and her parents make the kids know that one way or another. or maybe they are scared she might be like her parents. "You get no response from them. Why are they so scared?" i know i repeated this so many times but it all links back to y/n's parents being abusive. and also this conversation is just so frustrating because when y/n asked for the boy's name, he says it is james but her father shuts him down and says his name is joshua. now at this point even y/n is getting suspicious because she was questioning if he just standing there listening in because it seems too convenient that he would pop up right as she was asking questions. He says that "Josh has a big imagination. His favorite superhero is named James, and he loves dressing up as him and pretending he is him. He gets confused a lot.” You scrunch your face up in confusion, and your dad clasps his hands together eagerly. “Okay, breakfast time is over. You all have your morning chores to do.” which makes all three kids pack up their things quickly before leaving the kitchen in a hurry but as Joshua passes by y/n, he mutters “my name is james.” which leaves her in suspicion about this whole thing.

continuing, y/n brought the necklace she found in the rubble of her apartment after it was burned down but what is intriguing is that when she set the necklace on the kitchen island right in his eye line, He immediately stiffens the moment he looked at it yet he doesn’t say anything. i forgot what happened but i feel y/n was either meant to die that day and her parents (or dad) knew she was withholding information or at least getting too close to finding out something so she has to go. but this is completely out of their style especially with how her dad loves y/n. also why are her parents always on the move, it almost like they don't stick to one place because of something. im not too sure but that is all i got

also could i be anon 🦊/⛸ hehe

ooooh you're so fun to talk to. the diabolical smile on my face as i was reading this. all i'm gonna say is that her parents aren't normal and they definitely have something up their sleeves *cue evil laugh*

you coin the term anonymous fox? 🦊 i'm not sure what the other emoji is (a ice skating shoe?) but i can definitely call you foxy anon from now on

[fratboykate]

Whether it’s already written or just an idea in your head, what would be the work of art that you want to be remembered by? Like if you went down into industry history, what do you want it to be for. Or maybe those are two different things

this is complicated because with the exception of VERY few cases people aren't remembered for ONE thing. it's typically a body of work. or at least a few highlights from a full body of work. that's my opinion at least.

for example, scorsese is not one of my favorite directors but i think it's undoubtable that he's an icon of cinema who will never be forgotten. but he won't be remembered because of one project. it'll be because he's scorsese and that legacy comes with both the good and the bad he's made. he'll also be remembered because he's become a champion and a voice of reason in terms of what cinema should be and stand for (truly...fuuuuuuuuuck marvel) in a time where a lot of filmmakers are afraid to say what they think to not rock the boat. i think the people who "go down in history" make work that is memorable and stand for something. they're more than the sums of their parts.

if i were to choose what i wanted to be remembered for it would be for my incessant fight for better latino/afro-latino rep in media and my desire to bring authentic queer stories into the genre space. im tired of sci-fi being a primarily white and straight medium being down by white and straight people. we're overdue for a takeover. if i can be part of the group that finally breaks through and am able to get a massive world-building show with a queer afro-latina lead out there then i'd be happy as hell with what i did with my life and this difficult career i chose. BUT - and i've been telling y'all this for a while - the more i see the industry devolve the more doubtful i become of that happening.

this article came out this week and truly, it's bleak out here. it's going to get a lot worse before it MAYBE gets better.

the straight white men in charge are going to systematically erase us because we're not "cool" anymore. diversity was trendy for a few years but now diversity is "controversial". they're going to greenlight fifty more "yellowstones" and ignore stories about minorities because the industry has now decided they want to cater to "middle america". whatever the fuck that means. i personally heard the shift in every meeting i took this year and it got progressively worse as the strike approached. it's not like non-bigots are the majority. they've simply decided we don't matter anymore. the diversity "fad" is over. they're going to go for straight and white because that's safe. they might hire actors of color to be the face of a show here and there but the shows are still going to be written by white people and it's going to be a white character but in the body of a person of color. or they're going to hire the rare creator of color to still appear like they're diverse but then gut their work. studios have done that to shows i've sold them more than once. they sanitize the ideas to the point where characters end up being shadows of what they once were. i write shows for people of color with women of color as the driving force. they turn those shows into series for white people that just happen to have a bastardization of a women of color as a lead.

92% of execs in this industry are white. they're the people killing the quality of all the shows. im digging up one of the best threads i've read during the strike because it communicates how shows these days aren't bad because of writers. they're bad because execs rule now and the vast majority of them are mediocre white people who are terrible at their fucking jobs. y'all have NO IDEA the shit we deal with every day.

true story: im a queer afro-latina woman. every show or film ive ever sold has a queer afro-latina woman as a lead. MORE THAN ONCE...truly soooo many times...have i sat in a notes meeting with 5-7 straight white execs staring back at me and telling me that my characters aren't "authentic enough". then they start giving notes that make everything literally worse. straight white people have, hand on fucking heart, given me notes on how to make a queer latina "better". with a straight face. fuck off and get out of my way. but they don't. they insist you make the changes, ruin your shit, and two years of free work later kill your project before it ever sees the light of day. that's the reality of being in this business and wanting to make content about queer people or people of color. its not that we're "out of ideas" it's that they're ruining the ideas and then not buying them after they string us along for the ride for a few years of development.

so...im going to keep fighting the fight in hopes that i'll someday get to make something i can even be remembered for. but those hopes dwindle every day because the industry has no desire to make what i want to make anymore. for the next few years they're going to produce more average white people shit like "yellowstone", "virgin river", "jack ryan", and "emily in paris" and expect all of you to tune in. and you will. so nothing will change. they'll have no incentive to change it.

[princemonday]

runext finale thoughts:

weird asf group name and weird asf lineup. like idk why two of them are there but im not gonna send them hate and if they have good music ill still stream even though my faves didnt all make it. yk like a normal person would 🤷🏻‍♀️

so when i heard that korean votes would be used for the top two i knew exactly what hybe was up to. they wanted wonhee to debut. it probably would have been way closer...maybe fourth or fifth place if they used international votes and they didnt want to risk it. whether they meant to make jiwoo collateral or not is up for debate though.

i really think the judges just didnt like jiwoo bc what the fuck. i think hybe (and, consequently, the judges) knew who would be top two if they made the finale votes mostly korean and in doing so planned for the other four to not be jiwoo.

so i kinda predicted jiwoo falling out but jeemin? wow. i didnt expect that. she was never in my picks but she seemed to have that factor. i thought she and youngseo would be top two with youngseo being first and when i found out about korean voting, i assumed jeemin would take yunah or moka's spot. i cant even begin to theorize how that didnt happen.

iroha and wonhee were the judges favorites. this was clear as day. iroha was very much favored by the judges. she got second place on her team in given and taken and third overall after the bang! performance (stages where she made mistakes.) i think irohas personality is very charming and if theres no jeemin or jihyun we need a main dancer like her but shes still very young to me and her vocals arent very developed (see money and shut down performances.) wonhee is honestly a topic i dont want to discuss again but since im going over all the winners heres my opinion plainly:

shes too young. she trained the least out of everyone. she has a constant lost duck expression. she (like ena) had the potential to train some more and become a banger main vocalist (her tone is very pretty.) she fumbled the fearless performance. she ate the ssfwl and feel special performances up (showing her rapid growth.) her debut definitely robbed jeemin and jiwoo but the hate for her is absolutely disgusting. thats all.

youngseo....yeah i mean whos surprised? not really much to say other than good for her. i guess i dont like her voice but that doesnt mean its bad. she deserves it even though she was never in my picks. i will say though that she has tsuki syndrome. which ive classified as having very intense charisma and facial expressions so everyone thinks youre the perfect example of stage presence. over the top expressions doesnt mean talented idol. of course youngseo is talented also but if i had to point to the contestant with the best stage presence and expressions it would be jeemin no doubt. (neither of these girls were ever in my picks so im being v unbiased here)

moka....will rule the world. so proud of her. eat sleep moka.

yunah being sixth is wild. i think they just did that for shock value. shes the mood maker yall. live laugh yunah.

lastly minju....again good for her. very versatile and professional. her vocal tone is the most unique in the show and if they don't have jiwoo they'll need a stand out vocalist like her. (still hate that she had the entire i dont care performance while hyewon had like 3 lines even with voicing her uncertainty but we move on)

heres what my lineup out of the final 10 wouldve been vs my predictions vs what happened

my ideal lineup (in order from first to sixth place)

jiwoo, yunah, moka, jeongeun, minju, iroha

my predictions for the final lineup:

youngseo, jeemin, minju, wonhee, jiwoo, and moka or yunah (without korean popularity vote. with it jeemin and wonhee would switch places)

the final lineup:

wonhee, youngseo, minju, iroha, moka, yunah

really hope to see the other girls in other projects soon. esp jiwoo. justice 4 jiwoo. ill make another post going over my thoughts of the eliminated contestants soon </3

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello! May I request a match up for Honkai Star Rail and Tears of Themis? Thank you in advance :) -🌸

Mbti: INFJ

Zodiac: Gemini

Sexuality: Asexual

Appearance: 5ft5, hourglass figure with light manilla skin, small button nose, and brown almond-shaped eyes. I also got a small mole under my nose and straight black hair that goes down mid-back.

Personality: People have described be as an enigma due to my open yet secretive nature. With strangers, I tend to be on the quieter side, but I have no problems in chatting with people. I tend to put up a front where I am oblivious and cheery, when in reality, I'm more pessimistic and way more observant than what I appear. When I am with few people I trust (trusting people takes a lot of time due to my past), I am childish, grandmotherly, witty, curious, and get excited about the little things. Im willing to try new things, and I am open-minded in general. I really value my alone time as I tend to get overwhelmed when I am with people or with loud noises. I also have a distaste for being the center of attention, so I tend to shy away from the spotlight. I try to be soft and kind to others despite the fact that deep down, I know that I am calculating, manipulative, moderately depressed, self-destructive, and low-key traumatized (from past bullying). In a way, I am two-faced. I refuse to hurt people as I know firsthand what it feels like, so I keep that side hidden away.

Likes: subdued pastels, learning new things, science, sustainability, books, oversized sweaters, loose dresses, naps, Winter, snow, heavy rain/ thunderstorms, trying new things, video games ( more story based), the macabre, tasteful gore.

Dislikes: loud noises, homophobia, childhood bullies, hot weather, being forced to do something, the church, getting sick easily, not respecting my boundaries. Weird textures against my skin. Not showering regularly, not knowing what's happening.

Hobbies: reading, writing, sleeping, drawing, watching youtube and baking, embroidery, singing (people are surprised when they find out) . I love to skate in the wintertime!

Love Language: Quality time (Sometimes I just say “spend time with me” like a little kid )

Hi 🌸Anon! Thank you for your request! Thank you as well for your kind words; it's always nice hearing that people like my writing. I hope you like your matchups!

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

Caelus loves playing video games with you. They're one of his main pastimes so be prepared for him to be good at whatever you play.

More than happy to spend quality time with you. Whether that's sitting down reading together, skating when the weather is cold enough, or baking, he just loves being in your presence.

Blushes when you hold his face. He doesn't know how to react to the affection so he'll just copy your actions and hold your face as well. If he's feeling particularly sappy, he'll lean his forehead against yours with his eyes closed and just enjoy your presence.

Caelus would love to listen to you sing. He's join in but he doesn't want to sing too loud and miss hearing your voice. If you ask him to join in though, he will.

Expect him to dance a bit while singing. He gets into the songs really easily and he finds that dancing helps him stay in time.

Caelus will try to help you overthink less, especially when it involves him. He'll be very honest and clear with his thoughts and emotions so you don't have any room to doubt his words.

If you are overthinking, Caelus is more than willing to sit with you and listen to your thoughts. Then, he'll help you work through what you're thinking and find a solution.

In Tears of Themis, I match you with...

Marius would love to do creative things with you. He would be happy to work on his own project while you work on your creative endeavors but he's also happy to work on something together.

Would enjoy going skating with you in winter. He's pretty good at it but might pretend to fall over "on accident" a few times just to have your attention. He'll always assure you he's fine afterwards though.

Quietly honoured that you feel comfortable enough with him to trust him and open up. He knows that's taken a long time and he will do his best to make sure you never loose that trust in him.

Marius will tease you whenever you ask for hug. But the teasing will happen as he's wrapping you into the warmest hug you've ever received.

If you're comfortable with it, Marius would leave soft kisses on your scars. Its his way of saying he's glad you're here with him and he's proud that you've overcome that part of your life.

If you ever need support, he's there for you. Marius wants you to know that he's always there to lend a helping hand or listen to your thoughts or problems. He never wants you to feel like you're alone.

[iztopher]

For the RPG Maker Dev ask, 8 - 13, 17, 18 and 20 - 30!! (but also, since this is I think Most of the questions, feel free to answer all of them!!)

XZONI!!! THANK U SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS, im sorry it took me so long to answer haha i had to be on my laptop instead of mobile for it

8. What is your opinion of RPG Maker? Answered here!

9. If you could change something about the RPG Maker engine, what would it be? Answered here!

10. What is your stance on RTP and custom assets? The short answer is "I don't think we'd have this discussion if more people used XP". TLDR everyone who acts like they make a game less valuable and you should never use them pisses me off, but also I think they get uglier with every installment

11. What kind of art style do you prefer for graphic assets? 2D. Love stuff in the XP style! I really enjoy blends of pixel art and painting, like Aveyond 1. I want to make a game like that eventually.

12. What kind of sound profile do you prefer for music and sound assets? haha. I don't know enough about music to answer this honestly

13. What kind of fonts do you prefer to read game text in? Something simple and easy to read, otherwise I'm not picky. Usually the default fonts suffice just fine for me.

17. Which game mechanic do you think devs could do less of? Personally I despise chase scenes and they will 9/10 prevent me from playing a game but also I get why people make them. I also don't like super complicated battle systems.

18. Which game mechanic do you think more devs should add to their own projects? Answered here!

20. What is your current project about? Answered here!

21. Why did you start this project? Answered here!

22. What or who are your inspirations for this project?

Gonna answer this one for away in the woods! Biggest inspiration is without a doubt the Hermit ending of Aveyond 1. Other inspirations include the poem "If No One Ever Marries Me'", the song "I Stand Alone" from Quest for Camelot, and what I described as "every NPC old lady tucked away in the woods in an RPG", so essentially the old, single woman who may or may not be a witch archetype.

23. How well do you do with project conceptualization?

I am absolutely horrible at coming up with ideas to begin with - it's a good thing that I take as long to make a game as I do, or else I'd be out of ideas - but once I've figured out an idea I like, I think I'm pretty good at nailing it down and conceptualizing it into something I can actually make. I like to think I'm especially good at conceptualizing maps and how the game actually comes together.

24. How well do you do with project implementation?

Er, not good. You know the idea "slow and steady wins the race"? Yeah I'm slow but not steady. I'm really trying to find a workflow where I make more consistent progress.

25. Aside from playing your game, how can other people support you and your project? If I share stuff about it, I love hearing feedback!

26. Why do you want to make a game? Literally just because I like using RPG Maker. It makes my brain go brrrr.

27. Who are you making a game for? Myself first and foremost, other than that it depends on the game. seaglass was kinda internally dedicated to all my internet friendships; Inn Need was of course for Tei & Ji as collaborators (and the IGMC judges, lol), and away in the woods was conceptualized as for me, Ishti, and Moonie, and... I'm self conscious and embarrassed saying this, but like, aromantic people in general? And of course, all of them are for anyone who would enjoy them <3

28. What do you want your players to think/feel after playing your game? All of them: I want them to have a good time! Anything more specific depends on the game.

29. What is the most memorable feedback you got for any of your projects (whether its status is conceptual, in the works, or finished)? I am so sorry I do not have an answer to this one LOL

30. What kind of feedback is most helpful for you? Answered here!