#thanks for asking me!!! v appreciated

[bellocan]

hiii 1, 9 and eleven for relationship asks!!

1. do you prefer pure, innocent romantic interactions or do you prefer obsession and possession? or maybe a mix of both as long as it's relatively healthy and consensual?

ive never really had anyone like me to the point of obsession and possession! but i think id like a mix of both. i like cute and romantic gestures like leaving little flirty love notes or getting flowers or being incorporated into their creative pieces in some manner. there was a girl in high school that liked me that would refuse to leave my side when i was being dumb and isolating myself in the cold. and she'd keep my hands warm with hers. and she'd share an earbud with me and let me listen along with her. i didnt appreciate it back then but it melts my heart reflecting now.

after. my last relationship though. i also want to have zero doubts about the long haul so a little healthy possessiveness would give me a little reassurance! i want to indubitably be someones partner... i like feeling like im theirs and theirs only.

9. what was your longest ever relationship? how and why did it end?

my longest relationship is my first and only. it was ldr and it lasted about 4 and a half years. and i was engaged to them actually. had a nice little intimate christmas proposal in private and everything where i started off with christmas presents and led up to the ring!

in her own words, before she ghosted me, the relationship ended because "nothing has changed between us." she didnt feel like either one of us were growing. despite her finally working and being able to support herself somewhat. and despite me giving all my effort to address our pain points. although a lot of her pain points were nebulous due to fact of them solely involving just how she felt... and of course no matter what a person does, the other will simply feel how they feel. i would assure her that meaningful growth takes time and that measurable growth isnt instantaneous. i feel like she wanted to see her living conditions and her life in general change completely in a short amount of time.

in my own opinion, the relationship started falling apart about halfway through. she reached a point where she said she felt emotionally numb potentially as a result of her meds and couldnt feel intimacy anymore and didnt want to be intimate. i asked her to clarify since physical intimacy isnt my only want in a relationship and isnt even a deal breaker. and she said she wasnt sure. womp womp. despite her saying those things she ended up in bed with one of her university friends/flings. she said that she "just let him share the bed with her since he didnt have a place to sleep and nothing happened between them." and nah i dont quite buy that one bit anymore. especially since her roommate found the need to message me about it. there were a million different solutions she could have went with and she chose the worst one willingfully. at this point i tried breaking up with her or at least go on break. and she more or less guilted me into staying by accusing me of just wanting physical intimacy and sex lol... projecting much... from that point on forward i still put in as much effort as i could muster. but emotionally i was definitely colder. i definitely wasnt as vocal about my love. and then covid hit and the distance became greater. and it looked like it was getting back on track when the travel ban lifted and she stayed with me at my apartment for a month. and i actually believed that it was getting back on track at that point despite feeling uncertainty. and then she drops the break up a few months after blindsiding me.

11. describe your ideal type of romantic interest!!

i love creatives! whether theyre dancers or singers or writers or musicians or artists! i. feel like i have many types... i like confident passionate direct girls... ive been enamored by an architecture major whose hard work was both inspiring and. attractive. i would also put the girl at work i call texas girl in this category. watching her fiddle with components and be determined to resolve issues in any way she can... is attractive. i also like shy quiet. cutesy girls. mellow and sweet. i guess my ideal type would be someone confident and bold and direct... but can also be shy and sweet in private? someone thoughtful and kind. someone thatd make me feel supported and secure and undeniably loved. my love languages are words of affirmation and quality time!!! my romantic interest would be patient and mindful. and we would work as a couple to fix issues instead of shifting blame.

[beescake]

you invented solkat I think

ACK i am goop. i am merely a student trained by the og solkats of the past decade

[feliville]

i've also followed you since 2017!!! you've always been the biggest artist inspiration to me; i was always so so so inspired by your color usage and how saturated and homey it all felt. seeing your art grow over the years (as well as my own) has only fueled my inspiration further!! thank you so much for drawing and putting your art out there, it genuinely means more to me than i can express.

🥺🥺🥺 AAA YOU'RE SO SWEET, Thank you SO much !!!

[sendmyresignation]

if you wanna indulge me, id love to hear your opinions on sing (all of mine are detractory which i know isnt the complete view of the song)

omg id love too!! sorry this took me a sec to formulate post-work haha. i know we don't agree about sing but honestly that's the beauty of music opinions- I feel like it becomes easier to define what I like about things when faced with legit measured criticism anyway

for me, i want to start with the structure and instrumental since it's usually not mentioned (most of the criticisms of sing are exclusively lyrical or intention-focused). it's so cool. and evocative. and full of tension!! my favorite use of synth on danger days, plus the keys and the drums (man i love the dd studio musician drums lmao), really emphasizes sing as a suspended moment both in the album (necessary bridge, tonally, between bulletproof and planetary imo) and in the track itself- its alllll building up to that bridge and final chorus. but there's all these little pieces- the backing vocals, there's so many hidden guitar parts that riff just under all the noise, that opening like, tambourine. sorry for not having a quote on hand but Ray's said he really loved writing sing and it's so totally obvious to me. especially live- part of the reason I was soooooo excited for sing swarm tour edition is that even during dd ray was like absolutely shredding for sing after the bridge. and everytime time it's so good. part of the reason the lyrics don't bother me is sing could stand alone instrumentally and I'd still want to listen to it. (sing also reminds me of Ray's solo music- the sentiment is more significant that the lyrics and the music is itself a vehicle for storytelling)

also though, i think there's a lot of intention with sing (it's up to the listener to determine if that paid off obv) but within the context of dd the record as a pirate radio station, sing has always read as a trojan horse song. making it a single too, like once a song takes on a life of its own outside the record there's new meaning and circumstance. so both within and outside the killjoy universe sing is a vehicle for not just the bridge but the overall sentiment of dd (how fucking excited was gerard when glenn beck took the glee bait) like, yes, i do agree they could've benefited from another pass over the lyrics (i will always defend keeping "sing it till your nuts" bc its sounds like sing it to your nuts though) but I don't personally get the criticism that sing isn't "specific enough" about what exactly it's against or is too optimistic about "sing it for the world"-- i think there are songs on the album (notably planetary right after it!) which do that job just fine. dd is gerard in arguably top lyrical form so theres a lot of meat in the rest of the record like. sing it for the world is a purposely simplistic art is the weapon. like those are the same sentiments rendered very differently!

also like. i do think there was a very directed target at the younger part of their fan base here (girl/boy) which is sweet. to me. like i did hear sing first when i was a young teen (one of the few dd songs i was familiar with) and it did feel huge and empowering at that moment. my chem are their best when they are navigating the dualities of their specific fame, which includes simultaneously making very serious, adult rock music which is concerned with violence death grief and sex, as well as being a role model for younger people and taking them seriously and neither of these are in rhetorical conflict with each other. so like whatever sing is a little juvenile. but it's still filled with passion! taken as a legitimate project with a creative instrumental and a narratively-driven music video. I like that aspect, it works for me. I'll never call it my favorite my chem song but its certainly not the worst when you add in the bridge (i wanted to prove my point without the bridge but like. damn!! it's a good bridge!!!). that's my spiel.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Saw you talking abou edgelord, how could anybody forget him? Also, I always think he sounds like Hollow Ichigo from Bleach’s English dub.

I don't watch Bleach so I had to look the guy up and. You know what. Yeah. Yeah.

[fluxweeed]

hey. hope this message doesn't bother you. I love you. I love your work. you are one of my favorite fic authors, I am absolutely obsessed with everything you write. reread everything ten times over, drarry or not, fluffy or angsty - even when it absolutely shatters my heart (e.g. for lack of wanting, SUCH a great fic btw i'm so obsessed with it). the four doors? life changing. two to lie and one to listen? engraved into my brain for eternity. what's mine is yours? what a ride holy shit, im VERY normal about it. wrapped? my comfort read. and so it goes.

if I could aggressively smother you with kudos and love I WOULD!!!

awhile ago you said that there's no such thing as "big deals" in fandom and I 100% agree but at the same time you are a big deal TO ME!!! not in the sense of any kind of hierarchy but purely based on the fact that I think you are such a cool person and your writing is amazing and poignant and your presence in fandom makes it so much better. it's been a pleasure following you here on tumblr and just reading your tags and posts.

idk I just think you rule. that's it. thank you for hanging with us. MWAH 💛

ahhhh anon sorry for leaving this message sitting in my inbox for a couple of days but !! i have zero idea how to react to this!! you're so kind!! thank you!! please discard any and all inclinations u have that i am a cool person bc i can assure you i am NOT!!

[akamikazae]

I didn't notice that you reblogged that kakashi/gojo post and was about to send it to you right now going "Look!! Sasuke is his son!!" lmaooo

Hehe! YES !! That post is v good lol ~ I will always support the Kakashi dad agenda! Thats his son and you can’t tell me different! 😌✨

[nicomrade]

Hey i just came across your tumblr and we'll probably never see each other again but. i fw your vibe (it's awesome) also the france part is also cool id love to live there one day (i live in the netherlands, stinky and boring). also i think your gender description in your carrd is also how i feel about my gender. especially the she her for friends and fellow she slash he s . have an awesome day youre like a distant relative to me

anon we need to do a life swap like in those twins seperated at birth movies cause the fact ure from the netherlands specifically means u have access to my favorite beer in the world (the owlbert) and u say u wanna come hang in france so lets swap for like a month and then well get bored of the novelty (i realize i like owlbert much less when its easily available; you realize france isnt any better than the netherlands) return to our original lives w a new sense of appreciation for the ordinary and with an unbreakable bond linking us. i think in those movies our parents would have to get married so theres also that to look forward to

[rexscanonwife]

I am not exactly a newcomer, but I still enjoy giving people opportunities to talk about their OCs. So, please take this as a space to talk about Kepler as much as you would like to, if that's alright!! I may not be 1000% familiar with the intricacies of Star Wars, but I'd still be happy to hear ^-^

Hiii omg thank you so much for asking! 😭💖🫶💖 I really appreciate it! And tbh even a basic understanding of star wars is enough to get u thru most of it, what I love about the universe in general is that yes there are lots of rules but at the same time there's no rules at all?? You can do whatever you want as a fan and there's not rly anything ppl can do to stop you 😂

but for people who ARE seeing this for the first time, my star wars s/i is a Jedi Knight and my bff and I worked together to basically make an oc to be her Padawan! his name is Kepler Quinn and he's my perfect beautiful boy that I love 🥺

a lot of his character development comes from both coming into his own as a person through his training and through his relationships to others. He's been through a lot of rejection in his life already, so he kind of put up walls and has to learn to let people through them! Especially my s/i, who decides to dedicate herself to training him and making him see himself the way she sees him: as amazing! He's got a lot of really impressive skills, he's very in tune with the force when it comes to listening to it for insight, he's just not naturally a good fighter. That doesn't get you very far during a war 😅 but she thinks he's perfect! and she, and the other friends he makes are all part of his story.

(ps. here's some drawings of him made by my bff @star-whores69)

[twig-gy]

Yk, something that has always kinda struck me as weird is the your silence deafens more than any sound line from mind, like if I had a guy I didn't like and argued with all the time I'd be happy to have them shut up for once

MIND SAID THAT? IT MAKES WAY MORE SENSE FOR MIND TO BE SINGING VIOLENCE AND HEART TO BE SINGING SILENCE. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT?!?!?!?!?!

the only thing i can think of is metaphorical silence on like. ‘why won’t you do what youre told’ or something

[taegularities]

...

[kindahoping4forever]

Literally I CARE that you post :-) Sooooo many other people do too. And even though I'm sure you know and I'm sure others have said so already I want to make sure to share my experience with you. Because I don't really like social media, and I'm really bad at keeping up with things but when I want to now what is happening with the bad and what is going on with these four dudes that make me absurdly happy I come here. To you. To your content. And it makes my day. And I thank you for that. SO MUCH

Thank you both!! Kind hearts such as yours are the reason why I keep the anon option on my blog! 💙💙

[ghosts-of-love]

hi idk if this is weird to say but I've noticed that the way you write captain is soooo autism and it's really really good and he's so precious to me. I don't know if you're doing it on purpose or if he's just very in character (because canon cap is very autism) but either way. the way you capture him is perfect and I love him.

hello and thank you for this!! ❤️❤️ this isn't weird to say and in fact i have received a lot of asks/comments/messages about this before so i'll try to keep this brief:

i think it's a mixture of on purpose and in character in that i try to keep the Captain as in character as possible, and in the show I do think he's got the 'tism so that's why it's reflected in my writing. however i used to feel bad about writing him like that when i am not autistic so instead i chose to replicate a lot of my anxious traits that i feel overlap with certain autistic traits - i think you can see this most of all in 'forced proximity'.

there is a real possibility - one that I have been considering more and more, mostly on account of all the people who have messaged me and all the irl people who have asked me - that what i thought was a general overlap between anxiety and autism may not be an overlap but i might just be autistic as well.

in any case I'm gonna keep on writing the Captain the way that i'm writing him because it works for me and seems to work for you all too? he is also very precious to me 😌 wouldn't change him for the world!

[wigglys-dikrats]

i hit a neat follower milestone and i wanna thank all y’all for following me for whatever i contribute to this big blue marble

[chryblossomjjk]

...

[woozi]

thank u for giving this lil blog lots of love even though i'm not as active as i used to be 🥰