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i finished watching the clone wars for the first time this morning and WTFFFF i wasnt expecting that level of emotional turmoil 😭😭

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I know Anakin's desilusions of grandiosity are the talk of the town, but something something Padmé dehumanization of herself as a result of so much survivor trauma and so many close death calls. She's the senator with the highest murder attempts on her, she gets assesination attempts weekly and brushes them off, and she keeps chasing for justice to the point of collition, she sees people dying around her all the time but she keeps on living and living, at some point she's flirting with death as much as Anakin does in the battlefield. And something something, Anakin, ironically, in his extreme trauma and fear of death taking the people he loves, being the only one to say "You're a person, and your name is Padmé, not queen nor senator, and you're as fragile as any other live being" Something something the irony that person that most adored her being also the one who saw her as a person Something something Anakin commiting atrocities not for a goddess, no for a politician no for royalty, for a person. Something something how contrarian it is, that Anakin sees himself as a weapon, and Padmé's extreme guilt becoming what seems like superiority.

And particularly here in this comic something something how easily Anakin can walk through that storm Padme has created, how easily he can enter into her headspace and she doesn't flinch, doesn't blink, she isn't even surprised because she expects him and he's the only one that knows and can reach her like this, they're just having a conversation, something something.

Something.

I swear this was the end of me, so idc if i'm rambling, this comic kept me up awake for more than one day, because the power would go out every single time i sat to work on it, damnit

i need to sleep asap, and eat, eating first probably

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hello my lady jane friends!! i’d love to write x readers for guildford dudley and jane grey if you’ll allow me!! please send requests!! or even if you’d just like to chat my inbox is always open ily guys 🤍

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ijbol they ended up adding empanada, pepito, and sunny figurines to the qsmp shop but no chunsik

admittedly im late to seeing it but i havent been watching/keeping up bc i dont wanna support the project until the admins who were treated poorly say something if that makes sense idk lol

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Also, if it was a matter of the merch being created before sunny empanada & pepito, they wouldn't have the new Tallulah design (the new beanie) as that's a lot more of a recent change (around the same time Chunsik was added)

WAITTTT omfg i forgot about that! they definitely could've added sunny, empanada, pepito, and (potentially) chunsik then too! it kinda sucks that they didnt because i personally would've loved sunny and pepito )):

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pretty sure the merch was created before sunny, empanada, pepito, chunsik existed tbf

i could def see chunsik not being there but sunny, em, and pepito have been around for a few months now - they could've delayed the merch release to add them on + timed it out where the admins weren't treated unjustly imo 💀 but i see where ur coming from i didnt think abt it being created that long ago

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no hate to the artist/designer of the qsmp merch, i do think its a really cute idea but i genuinely don't know why ALL of the eggs weren't designed and made - like sunny, empanada, pepito, chunsik, and gegg. if i were to buy them, to which personally i can't see myself justifying it (broke college student things + they're definitely overpriced for how much it costs to make them, but ig its so they can actually pay their employees), i'd also want sunny too! idk i just don't get that choice to leave them out of the merch line lol

i also don't understand the hoodie design choice, the pairing of eggs make 0 sense to me and its kinda disappointing that it claims to be an original egg hoodie but then has pomme, richarlyson, and tallulah on it who aren't even one of the original eggs and could have easily been replaced with dapper, leo, and bobby/juanaflippa. i would've also loved to see a hoodie with eggs like pomme, richas, and dapper on it or alternatively sunny, empanada, and ramon but other than that (and again... the price...) it's a cute design, i just don't understand the choice behind it.

and also tbh i'd rather have egg plushies than figurines like shit maybe i'll learn how to sew and make one myself LOL

i also just think releasing egg merch is super bad timing with everything going on, definitely a good way to make the money to pay the admins but should've been done before the admins were leaving due to lack of communication or being unjustly let go from the project. like, even tho the admins don't own the eggs/create the designs, they create the character and meaning behind them and it feels scummy to "profit" (hopefully using the revenue to pay the admins) off of it right after everything that has been coming to light. idk! just my two cents!

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i love the qsmp - i think the concept was so genuinely sick and i do think it achieved its goal of bringing communities together through language barriers. it encouraged people to learn new languages they wouldn't have thought of prior and even introduced an entirely new way to play the game.

but if im being completely honest, i think it's reached its peak and i do not think the server should have reopened. whether thats indefinitely or up until the restructures are finalized, it should not have reopened as quickly as it did. telling us to have patience and that total restructures take time in the same breath where you reopen the server and announce events without having the problems fixed to add new creators feels gross to me. to me, it shows where the priorities lie and that is not with the fair compensation of the free fan labor that was exploited. (i always thought it was strange how heavily emphasized volunteer was)

there is a huge lack of accountability and inability to take constructive criticism, especially in that last stream, that really rubbed me the wrong way. im sure there's plenty of people hating just to hate, but all ive seen has been constructive criticism and lumping that in with hate will literally get us nowhere. the egg merch feels like very ill timing at an attempt to make the money to pay the employees but feels counter-productive when all it's done is piss people off. its just a mess

and i think what really confuses me the most is how hands-off he's been about his own project, knowing his name is attached but not being more involved to ensure stuff like this doesn't happen. im also confused as to why they wouldn't just keep the server closed until everything is fixed because in theory, they'd be saving more money to pay the workers by not paying to translate words and what not.

i dont know, seeing more and more admins come forwards and talk about their experiences and how they're leaving because they're being left completely in the dark just makes me sad for them and the way they were treated. i dont really have any hopes for the server going forwards, which sucks especially when they'd invite new creators when theres no internal structure because it's being completely rebuilt. i'm honestly really proud of the creators who aren't playing on the server because of this too. its a really good way at putting pressure for a change to be made without rushing said change and i wish other streamers would do the same

i do hope they can come up with a solution so the server can continue, i have no ill wishes for the server but if things keep up the way they are currently, i would not be surprised if it ended (and if not that, i would no longer support the server) 🤷‍♀️

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i like putting my thoughts on tweets i see on here bc its less scary so here's another one LOL

i've seen a lot of discourse over boycotting the qsmp because of the recent stuff with the volunteers/workers not getting paid and i think both yes and no!

a lot of people have been against it with the claim that "boycotting is counterproductive because then the server isn't making any money to pay the workers" but in actuality, and forgive me if im wrong, but wouldn't that ONLY matter if quackity is the one you are watching? and he doesn't even stream that much in the first place (not that he owes it to anyone). so whether or not you do or don't watch tubbo, pac, bagi, whoever would literally do nothing to affect the amount of money the qsmp is earning unless quackity takes a cut from the streamers streams? but i doubt that and i doubt the streamers he invited pay anything to play, too.

i think boycotting would definitely get the point of "hey, we aren't gonna watch until you compensate those you have [unknowingly] wronged!" obviously the reformation process is going to be slow but PERSONALLY i think fixing the issues before opening the server should have been the way to go especially if it's being rebuilt from the ground up and the server has already essentially been created to revolve not only around the ccs but the admins as well.

on the same token, those who have spoken out about their experiences have explicitly said to continue to support the project because even if there are individuals who aren't being fairly compensated, you're still supporting the time and effort they've put into making the server what it is!

just my thoughts on the whole thing. i still think the server should have remained closed longer especially if they were on track to closing down completely. obviously we don't know whats actually going on behind the scenes but hopefully everything is moving smoothly and there's more communication all around! i can't imagine being stuck in the dark about everything.

(i've always thought the way it was emphasized that the position was volunteer was a little strange because it DID feel like exploitation of fans for free labor but hopefully the reformation will get everything solved and people can get fairly compensated for their time and effort!!)

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heres my ranking of eternal sunshine first listen!! i went in with low expectations because i can't stand yes, and? but it honestly ate so bad and this was so hard to do btw 😭

1. true story (THIS HURT TO PUT IT ABOVE ETERNAL DUNSJINE BUT ITS SO GOOD LIKE ear candy idk its literally even more so that girl)

2. eternal sunshine (transition brownie points, OH! IDEK WHAT PART THIS IS BUT IT ALL ATE omg the chorus is so good yea this is THAT girl i dont like the bridge as much but i will say the rest of the song is COLD)

3. supernatural (THE CHORUS IS SO CUTIEEEE yea this song is so cute the production quite literally gives supernatural idk! THE KEY CHANGE WAS SO COOL)

4. we can't be friends (I LOVE BUBBLEGUM POP this one is actually so good i almost put it 1 but i had to calm myself down i also like this one conceptually)

5. ordinary things (the way she says ordinary takes me OUT but this one was cute i like how the backing sounds like old timey record its cute! also the nonna feature is so cute actually she slayed for that AND THEN THE TRANSITION TO THE BEGINNING transition brownie points)

6. imperfect for you (i LOVE this song but that one part in the chorus w the funky melody turned me off of it a little bit im ngl but everything else about this song is actually like shakung crying falling to my kneess /pos)

7. bye (i like the chorus and prechorus also shes so real for this one OH THE BRIDGE KEY CHANGE ATE i also like how it kinda sounds like i wanna say 90s/00s bubblegum pop i EAT THAT UP)

8. i wish i hated you (☹️😢😞🫠 GIRL DID SHE SNIFFLE AND HER VOICE BREAK HELLO ARIANA WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT)

9. the boy is mine (it felt like there was a weird like tempo change but this song was still cute im just not as in love w it as the others)

10. i don't wanna break up again (i like it conceptually and i like the verses but idk if i like the chorus as MUCH like the lyrics eat but i dont vibe w the melody)

12. intro (very pretty 9th track update im sad i ranked this first bc it was so cute and somehow its so low now LOL)

13. saturn returns interlude (i think its cute but theres not much there other than that BUT THE TRANSITION IT PROVIDED ATE)

14. yes, and? (😬)

i love the songs that are super like 90s/00s bubblegum pop and i wish more artists would revisit that sort of sound! even true story gives me that sort of 90s/early 00s vibes its just too good but she basically delivered another skipless album! (if you ignore yes, and?)

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going to have to painfully watch the cocktail stream in american because i wish i could go because it sounds so fun 😭😭😭

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hi y’all i’ve been bouncing a couple fic ideas around this week but idk where i want to really focus at the moment so it’s poll time!!

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HAPPY TUBBATHON DAY!!

i have to miss the first bit of it bc im driving home </3 BUT IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED THE TUBBATHON BEFORE I HIGHLY RECOMMEND TUNING IN! its always so much fun and the cap being 90 days this year is gonna be interesting!! 👀❣️

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twitter is really pissing me off with this. ( / wilbur soot , abuse )

love dream, hate dream, i don't care. you can think he's a terrible person, think he did terrible things WHILE ALSO acknowledging how well-spoken and important it was for him to say something. all of these stupid "he's doing it to save face!" or "this is an insane PR tactic" or even the "this is dangerous!!!" are actually so insensitive and to be quite honest makes you side with abusers!

dream is a victim of domestic violence and has been public about this for YEARS - it is so incredibly important that he spoke out in support of shelby while ALSO condemning wilbur's actions as a victim of domestic abuse to show solidarity, from one victim to another. to show that he KNOWS what it's like, he knows the behaviors and the tactics. he saw them in wilbur's bullshit "apology".

dream even says in his statement how encouraging it was to see, as a victim himself, that people were speaking out in support of shelby. how this was going to raise awareness to see the signs, to help encourage more people to speak out and not fear their abuser or just to be able to stand up for anyone who decides to speak out about it. to go on and completely diminish his words by saying "don't let this fool you!" is actually really gross. diminishing another victim's voice is gross. nobody said you had to like him for speaking up. did he have to? no. did anyone have to? also no! don't know why we're so upset and angry about having more uplifting voices, more support. we should be focusing on supporting shelby, not using another victim's message of support to shit on other people and bring external situations into this. it's gross and draws the attention away from the matter at hand, which is what the abuser tried to do in the first place.

since im here (probably won't be back to waffle until the tubbathon starts lol) i just wanted to point out the parts that really stuck out to me from his response because even though i don't really care for him anymore, i do think his support/condemnation has been the best worded so far.

"she had a reason to be afraid to say your name, but you shouldn't have been afraid to say hers"

i got actual chills from that one because FUCK it's so true. it bothered me so bad that wilbur was so vague about it almost as if he could AVOID it if he never attached her name to it. idk if theres really any legal stuff behind it or what not but other than that he had zero consequences for naming her directly. zero consequences for giving her a direct apology. his "apology" didn't even sound like it was TO HER. he isn't sorry, he obviously doesn't know what he has to be sorry for if he's too much of a pussy to address her directly.

"thank you for being brave"

it is so so important that he described her as such because not only does it continue to uplift her and encourage her to stay strong and continue to be brave, but it shows that speaking out against any form of abuse no matter what it is is BRAVE. it's admirable and hopefully sends encouragement to anyone else who reads it that speaking out against it is brave. point blank period. (and honestly everything in his apology to shelby was so incredibly well-worded - its really the fucking fact that dream who had no involvement whatsoever could apologize but wilbur didn't even know what he was supposed to apologize for lol.)

i've said this before, and i'll say it again. all of my love and support goes out to shelby. i am so incredibly inspired and proud of her for being able to stand up for herself, to speak out against someone even if they had a larger platform and raise awareness to the signs and pieces of shit within the community so we don't continue to support and platform dangerous people. i've watched shelby for such a long time, she was such an important part of my childhood and it actually breaks my heart that someone could even THINK of doing anything like that to her because she is such a fucking light and fuck ANYONE who would do anything to try and put that out. i wish her nothing but the best and all of the healing in the world because she deserves it so so much. my heart goes out to any and all other victims of wilbur, as well.

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This is the only post I will be writing in regards to Wilbur Soot's statement.

It was a shit apology. I'm not going over that. We can analyze it to death but it absolutely reads like the apology of someone who is now represented by some label's legal team. The only thing I'm thankful for is that he did not release text messages between him and Shelby in some attempt to distract people. She doesn't deserve that embarrassment.

But, I really hope you read this, I need you to stop treating this like a party. I need you to stop giving every CC that speaks up about this a hit post or hit tweet by liking it.

Almost none of these people liked a single post of Shelby's or uttered the words "I'm so sorry for what Shelby went through" They waited until it was safe to say something. They waited until they could write a "coming in with a steel chair reply." They waited until they knew it would look good.

They revealed that Wilbur has always been manipulative, a narcissist a bully and mean to his friends. They revealed they've always thought he was a bad person. They've revealed that they don't think he's taking accountability while they stayed silent.

And not just silent for a few days. Some of these people are saying they knew for better for weeks, months, years that he was a horrible person. And they said nothing. They let people spend time and money and energy on a community of a person they knew was dangerous and cruel and they said nothing.

They didn't need Shelby Shubble to come forward and say how bad of a person Wilbur Soot was. They didn't need Shelby's story, if they thought he was a bad person, to not appear in videos with him or be in a group channel with him or mention him on stream or tease content with him or be on Anvil Cards or follow him on all social media platforms.

But they did anyway because, to these content creators, it's better to be silent and let a bad person flourish than cause "drama" online.

These people do not give fuck. I need you all to please take this advice that none of these online creators are worth the time and energy you put into them. You don't know what else they're sitting on. You don't know what they've done. You are lying to yourself, right now, if you think Phil or Tommy or Tubbo or Jack or whoever your current fave is wouldn't have been fine saying nothing if Shelby hadn't spoke first. You're lying to yourself if you think whatever new smp or content creator group you're currently into doesn't have horrible shit that they're all choosing to ignore.

The amount of manipulation required by these content creators to maintain the devotion and investment of their communities is horrific.

Do not trust your mental well being, your comfort, your whatever to these people. Any of them.

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Wait Shubble said it was Wilbur who abused her and to deplaform him? Where did she state that?

she didn't name any names, probably to protect herself (legal reasons, his fanbase, etc.) but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to piece together the clues she gave us. maybe im off base with this but her specifically calling whoever it was dangerous, flat out stating she believed they would do it again, saying how staying silent was only protecting him and that she no longer wished to do so (by speaking out about it), and that she felt as though it was important to share to warn people gives me the impression she wanted people to piece it together because he has a platform with an impressionable fanbase where he could have the means to do it again.

what really solidified it for me was the tweet from lovejoy's former trumpeter.

there's still a marginally slim chance it isn't him BUT i'd personally rather be wrong than to continue to support someone capable of doing such things. 🤷‍♀️

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/ abuse

hey guys!! ive decided to step back from supporting wilbur and anything related to him including the sorry boys + lovejoy (will be taking down my posts since there's very few).

i personally would rather not support someone who is a potential abuser and would rather end up being wrong about it than continuing to support someone who abused someone.

this isn't about cancelling him or speculating or invalidating the victim. this is a real and scary situation. she believes he is a dangerous person who will do it again. she does not want to protect him anymore and made it clear when she said staying silent was only protecting him. she does not want him to continue to have a platform. i refuse to sit there and ignore the blatantly obvious signs. ignoring them only makes you complicit.

my upmost love and support goes out to shelby. NOBODY should ever have to endure what she went through and she is so incredibly strong for being able to speak out about it and raise awareness. i wish her nothing but the best and hope that she can continue to heal.