#even if you did get my country wrong
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Blonde hair and glasses combo 🩵🩵
#he looks great#what an angel#even if you did get my country wrong#despite guessing it immediately then getting it wrong when you saw the sky tower#dan and phil#dnp#danandphil#phan#amazingphil#my gifs#dnp gifs#danandphilgames#dan and phil games#daniel howell
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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care
#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month#i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it#oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion#‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to#be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really#even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his#father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus#imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re#going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on#account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated#the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and#fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions#you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking#he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time#he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again#house md#robert chase#caseyposting
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I like your drawings of Cinder in nice dresses. What inspo do you use for designing her clothes?
Thank you! Basically, when I was younger I had the delusion of “memorise every country in the world or else you’re a bad person,” followed by, “learn a brief history of every country in the world within 8 years or else you’re a bad person.” I learned in the order of history-mythology/religion-clothing, and I ended up loving the traditional clothing around and in Iran, Turkmenistan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, China, Vietnam, Indonesia, Mongolia, Bhutan, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, Bangladesh, India, etc. It’s fairly difficult to find information about clothing in English, so I mostly pull from Hanfu for Cinder. Currently, I pretty much design how people would wear one today, ignoring old colour rules, pairing it with hair/accessories from separate dynasties, keeping bangs in hairstyles that otherwise would not have them, and sometimes adding in things that are more fantastical than historical. I would love to one day make futuristic designs, but I want to do that tastefully and respectfully, so, for now, I’m sticking closer to current-day interpretations.
#sorry for the word spam#Borders have changed so much that I don’t know the proper group names for things that are the same in several countries#or the same in certain time periods but different later on#so I felt it was safest to name a bunch off the top of my head#I can’t watch certain shows anymore#I could excuse The Gilded Age because I hate all of the outfits in it#I tried Lupin (2021) and don’t even get me started on what they did to that necklace#not only did it not look anything like the real (and immediately destroyed) necklace#but it also looked nothing like the one Napoleon gifted to Marie Louise!!!#there’s an aoqun design for her that I’ve had in my head for 2 years but I can’t pull it off correctly#and it was blue#it seems my default is the red qiyao ruqun#it’s so hard to find good info I’m sorry if I’m referring to anything wrong#Ireland is also surprisingly difficult to find clothing info#pretty easy to understand once you find it#but idk why it was that hard in the first place#apart from the majority of the fabric decomposing#ask
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neve came back and I IMMEDIATELY started crying
#is it my adoration of neve as a character or my country’s political climate? remains to be seen#neve gallus#had been talking to a friend pre-game about how she didn’t appeal to me and boy the fuck was I WRONG#I just walk into her room and stand there and feel guilty#(because I couldn’t save minrathous in ADDITION to treviso#not because I’d save it instead)#my heart will always be in treviso with its people who have no means of fighting back#and not with tevinter and all of the things it COULD’VE done!!!!!!!!!#bitter especially because of my current real life country tbh and all the….. everything#but y’know#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#datv#dragon age: the veilguard#thinking especially heinously mean thoughts of my sister#who has been in a wlw relationship for several years - I had her girlfriend at my wedding - but she feels so strongly#that she’s the EXCEPTION to lgbt people (and therefore votes conservatively every election)#it is so so so so SO frustrating because I even came out to her at one point#which I would NOT have done (since she’s a republican!!!!!!) in the hopes that it would help her feel not so alone#because I KNOW it tore her up for DECADES and I don’t think people deserve to struggle like that#and then she turned it back around in her maga hat and her pro-[redacted] posts#and ALSO told my parents just to get back at me for something#I don’t understand I don’t understand I don’t understand#I don’t understand how you can hate other people so much#and I don’t want to have that conversation with my parents#and I know that I will and I am……… fucking Christ I am struggling with that#jesus fucking Christ did I not know that a casual dragon post was gonna be the place where I reflected like this
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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man living with toxic relatives really is the worst, you come home and you just deal with more bullshit when you should be relaxing
#sil talks.🎤#your girl is losing her mind#everything i do is wrong#ive been told i might be 18 but i have an experience of a highschooler#even tho my aunt literally does not know what i did in turkey and believe me it ain't highschooler lever#and when I ask her something it's always why are you asking me google it#like maam arent you supposed to be this super experienced 50 year old why are you bitching at me when I ask question about a country i just#moved to 2 months ago#like god damnit#i dont know how much of this i can take#and im not even mnetioning her constantly saying “the new generation doesn't want to do anything”#the new generation doesnt know how to use google#the new generation doesn want to work#the future of coorparate america is screwed because the new generation doesn't know how to do anything#WHO RAISED THAT NEW GENERATION?????#YOU#YOU DID#SO STFU#her kids literally don't know how to communicate with other people and when i do something I'm constantly in the wrong lmao#mind you she knows my manager loved me and I'm getting a raise this week#and after i told her she said i have experience of a highschooler and I'm not ready for new york#well i sure as hell ain't gonna be ready for it living with you#god i hate it#ah and also me needing to hide my hips#delete later
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nationalism and patriotism are getting weirder and weirder concepts to me the older I get
#j. talks#obviously I might be the wrong person anyway for these because I have been between countries since I can remember#but how is there a reason to feel these. and no I get how people fall into these but genuinely how and why#I get hearing your languages spoken and feeling like hearing someone you love even though they might be a stranger#I get seeing a shade of green and thinking oh those remind me of rivers and forests and fields that might resemble a feeling that is cozy#and I get some things. but overall it's community and all working it out together that is how we can function#and learning from each other. pls tell me about your traditions and let me taste your food#how on earth could you put one country above another one culture. yeah idk#I have been very sappy here again. been talking with my mom to a translator we met in S. who was such a passionate#speaker that I could barely speak because if I did I would have cried but he said hopefully we see each other again when things feel easier#and I wish that too. for things to feel easier. ok sappy me over bye
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why are trump supporters all Like That
#i can't even say it's all republicans atp because it's NOT it's like specifically his weird ass cult followers#and almost all the women look the exact same too white middle aged blonde wears either tons of makeup or none and pink camouflage#when i say Like That i mean not even just the republican part of it i mean the fact that they are so dead set on being right#all the time no matter what and can't accept ever being wrong#and they are so defensive about this country like omfg why can you criticize every other country#but the SECOND someone criticizes the usa they're evil#like do y'all hear yourselves? oh my god???#“but we're the greatest country in the world” EVERY PATRIOT IN EVERY COUNTRY THINKS THAT THEIR COUNTRY IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD#anyway#i am unable to vote due to my living situation but i am begging you to vote blue if you are able 💙#vote blue#harris walz 2024#kamala harris#tim walz#if you like that orange fuck and you bring yourself into my replies i'm not even going to engage in a debate with you you're getting blocked#also why are they so obsessed with white pride... they're like “because people are taught to feel ashamed for being white” nnnooooo???#when did that happen#i'm white i don't feel ashamed for being white and i don't feel proud of being white i feel like i'm just a person? who exists???#like everyone else????
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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one time i was talking to my american online friends about stuff and i was like "haha yeah people always say i look ambiguously european but cant place what i am specifically" and they were like "i dont think europeans have a look though." what do you mean. you dont believe different ethnic features exist...?
#just was reminded of it lol#one i no longer talk to used to insist that i was british because of my not-british accent and would not believe me when i said#no... i dont live there#id told them i was aussie. they didnt believe me though. like they thought i inexplicably had a brtisih accent despite never#having been there ever#another i said i didnt get a SSCoE for HS but a diploma. thats not what diplomas are here but they kept insisting i was wrong#like i have the certificate....its not a diploma.......... thats not what it says.#but they were like just call it a diploma : / its basically a diploma#i know AU isnt that different to the US but at least we are usually a little less annoying#i did see that asshat who was like 'uhhhh climate change means you dont have snow? not for us australians a-durrrrr X D' or w/e#what a twat. even from a purely selfish perspective we still also have climate change. its very noticeable. come on#anyway for a full decade i basically never met anyone online who wasnt USamerican....................#so. i do have some amount of frustration.#they got mad at me for saying bikkie or pressie as slang even tho theyre super easy to figure out from context. also it doesnt matter#'STOP using slang you KNOW us americans WONT UNDERSTAND'#we were talking about christmas!?!? pressie is straightforward!?!? even if not...why are you so indignant#on a more awful note i knew one sheila (white) who was like very vocally/performatively into blm#but then one time when i mentioned aboriginal australians she was like 'what...ive never heard of those before...'#youve known me for years even if you never looked at anything in your life ever id definitely mentioned them before#pretty fucking important. both for my country and when caring about indigenous/first nations peoples. oldest surviving culture on earth#but she was like how was i supposed to know about them : /#because i thoguht you cared about these issues!?!?!??!? also just generally ohhh my god#how could you be vaguely aware of AU history as being similar to your own and then say you didnt know we had indigenous peoples#like. what do i even say#do you think... only america has indigenous peoples??????#its fine not to know a foreign countrys history in depth but just...the absolute basics....about an issue you claim to care about...#sigh. ok this is too long. i feel that last one is justified to complain about tho
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those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again
#i'm so exhausted i just have to rant even tho nobody will care#i have some trouble sleeping because i'm either waiting for another attack to happen#or reading the news about dozens of missiles flying at my country#or hiding in the bathroom while listening to explosions because it's supposed to be the safest place in our appartment#and then i open social media and see all the destruction and casualties and deaths that happened overnight#and at the same time i see people adoring and praising and defending russians and their culture and language#and creaming themselves because of their “mysterious russian soul”#and telling ukrainians that they are stupid and toxic and that what they feel about their killers and occupiers is wrong#well newsflash y'all#russian culture is nothing but blood and death#russian language is nothing but blood and death#it's not just fucking putin doing all of this shit#he wasn't there when ukrainian nation and culture and language were oppressed for literal fucking centuries#did russia invent human cloning for putin to be all those soldiers at the frontline and all those people building drones and missiles?#open your fucking eyes and think for a fucking second#i go to sleep every night fearing that i may not wake up#and then in the morning i see people admiring russians and foaming at the mouths defending them#and then also fucking michael sheen of all people sending his love to them#and i become so insanely pissed#get a fucking reality check#i'm so sick of people excusing russia and its actions#once again guess i'm a walking big bad angry ukrainian stereotype#well that's what war does to you#i won't wish for anyone to experience this but also it may be the only thing that makes some people aware of what a rotten thing russia is#i'm so done and i don't want to feel all of this and i don't want to be a human and i don't want to have thoughts#maybe it's for the best if a missile flies into my room so i won't have to be here any longer and witness all of this shit#(it's a thought i've been having lately and ngl it kinda scares me)#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#btw i've just discovered there's a limit of 30 tags
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yk every time i see a post about somebody wishing bad things on another person i think ‘dirt-strider to kiryu’ you’ve broken me brain
You see a post thats like i want to stick him in time prison so that he gets so bored he starts breaking his own bones to get even a hint of stimulation and its tagged me at kiryu and you scroll down and its a post thats like i want to feed him chips from my cupped hands like a wild stallion and its also tagged me at kiryu also hiiiiiiiii
#Thanks for the ask !#i wont lie to you i want to do yo kiryu what they did to the family in reddot story the pancake family#his life is a bit too easy i want to give him more obstacles thats why im kidnapping him and breaking my little prince’s ankles and#releasing him in a forest in another country altogether and he has to survive with his injuries until they heal and they will heal wrong and#it will forever hurt to walk now and also when he sees another human being now he will always flinch and he has nightmares every night about#being feverish and starving to death and years into his recovery i meet him again and invite him to watch a movie with me but when i put the#tape in its actually just a highlight reel of his time in the wilderness and he gets scared but he cant move and its because i gave him some#tea earlier and oh this ? its laced with drugs. and he sits blearily beside me and im holding his head up so he watches the screen and he#recalls every terrible thing thats happened to him i put the tv on full volume so he can relive the leaves and twigs cracking under his#hands and knees as hes dragging himself across the forest floor and and his clipped shouts of pain whenever his broken bones catch on a root#and his enraged screaming as he grapples foxes and coyotes that are trying to scavenge the food he painstakingly gathered and he can listen#to the way his voice devolves into something unrecognisable and hes wondering how i got this footage but then he realises this scene is#familiar hes on his last legs and he hears footsteps approach not those of an animal but of a person. he looks at the screen and he sees his#own face staring into the camera wild eyed and filthy and that on the other side of the camera is the hitchhiker who ‘found’ him and he#realises it was me who did this. i could have rescued him at any time the gratefulness he feels to that kind samaritan curdles in his chest#it comes with the withering realisation it was all a game and the one who put him through it all was right beside him and i laugh and put my#hand around his shoulder and ask if he liked the movie and he fights his paralysis and he grips me by the neck and throws me to the ground#and he says you .. you ... and i frown apologetically and say That bad huh ? well we can put on another. and he cant even say words anymore#hes so angry that he grips my neck and he strangles me and the whole time my face gets purple im laughing and laughing and laughing at him#anyway thats one of my greatest fantasies its a fantasy because i couldnt do that to the poor guy im not that mean but i do want him to kill#me and for me to deserve it. very important that i started this fight and that he ends it thats what i want to have ... and also to like#cuddle and stuff ... because i like him ...
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AM I HAVING A FUCKING STROKE?!
or did Rishi Sunak really basically just admit IN FRONT OF THE WORLD that taking the UK out of the EU was a terrible decision? Also what I heard: "This country we took but dont acknowledge until it benefits us is in the best position in the world in terms of access to the market"
#Rishi Sunak#Ah lads looks like the Uk remembers we exist again for the benefits of exploitation#Cause mark my words thats whats gonna happen. We now benefit the Uk to exist in the Uk#I mean dont get me wrong our political system is an absolute SHAMBLES too but JFC talk about shooting yourself and your party in the foot#british politics#Brexit#Northern Ireland#I might... just move back to Northern Ireland lads#Níl aon tinteán mar do thinteán fhéin#HEY MA! IM COMING HOME MA!#If you cant tell... im conflicted.#I'm happy Northern Ireland is apparently in a good position well see how long that lasts now England is acknowledging us again#but I'm also hella salty over BOTH countries politics#We only ever get mentioned by the british government when it suits them and I refuse to be 'something good' a torry did after all the years#of pure bullshittery#cant even spend UK STERLING in England without being treated like a criminal#Not to mentiion the sheer bullshittery of 'we only post to the uk' and then being told Northern Ireland isnt part of the UK WHEN IT CLEARLY#FUCKING IS CAUSE I FUCKING GREW UP IN THE TAIL END OF WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS!#AND THATS JUST SURFACE LEVEL PETTY SHIT THATS HAPPENED!#Good Friday agreement at risk anyone?#northern ireland protocol#No one remember?#Northern Ireland has so much potential and the tories will do their best to bleed us dry#we havent much more to give you sir#just fuck off and sort out the cost of living crisis please#Stay in your own fucking lane and sort THAT shit out#I had so many rant tags I've just discovered Tumblr has a limit given over half of them were deleted from the post XD#Long story short YAY Northern Ireland now please leave us alone Rishi#Just to be clear... I love England. Its the Tories and the government that are grinding my fucking gears right now
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suffering from the consequences of my actions (headache because i ran two (2) necessary errands in one day)
#ugh this fucking sucks#horrible day with horrible decisions#because the connections still suuuuckkk bc of flood damage i decided to drive to the train station#instead of taking the bus#bad decision#did not get a parking space#so then i had to drive into vienna#bad and scary#already had a headache before getting to the doctors appointment#and i like and respect my psychiatrist#but she thinks there's something else wrong with me#and wants me to get assessed for trauma stuff#which like why does every mental health care professional end up thinking there is something else something trauma related#like i know that SHOULD tell me something that they all end up at that conclusion#but like I don't see it or at least not anything like actually THAT bad#sure my parents weren't perfect#but if THEY fucked me up so badly then how in the fuck could anyone raise functioning children#i had it soooo mucb better than the average child even in my first world country#unless i have some michelle remembers level crazy shit going on like i do not think this makes any sense#but why do they all think trauma????#the actually traumatic stuff only happened later when i was already messed up#IN the hospital and BY the staff#but they insisted from the beginning i was hiding something like that back then as a teen i was protecting my parents or whatever#and literally please tell me why i am like this l#i would be thrilled#if i knew#i'd be absolutely ecstatic if you hypnotized me and i suddenly remember sth actually that horrible and not just.#mommy never hugged me and had high expectations.#because that is not something I can see as an explanation#anyways then i had to drive home with a bad headache and go shopping with a headache and now my head hurts at home
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In my mind yhe reason Satoru Shoko and Suguru work so well together but also are doomed is because they're three different variants of depression. Satoru reads to me as "I'm not suicidal I just don't really want to exist" and "I'm not depressed bc I'm not sad. I just don't really feel things" y'know where it's teetering between denial and just being straight up oblivious. Shoko is well aware of her depression and kinda doing stuff about it (substance abuse which is. Uhh y'know complicated) but also is clearly intensely fatigued (in my mind it's a mix of her shitty job her depression and also some form of chronic illness) so like. She doesn't have many great opportunities to do things about that. And Suguru is a danger to himself and others.
So basically how I see it is they understand each other on something of an instinctual level and know that they Aren't Completely Alone, but also they're all Really Bad at actually communicating (I think there's multiple reasons but mainly Because Jujutsu Society Is A Nightmare And Also They Are Pretty Much Eachother's Only Friends) so they can't meaningfully help eachother when they start getting worse so that's part of why everything went to shit (most of it is Suguru but alos he clearly doesnt have like. Any actual models for Maturity and Dealing With Problems Without Violence. So most of the jujutsu adults were just kinda letting that fucking Ticking Timebomb tick away y'know)
#JJK#Idk. I need to buckle down and get obsessed with Shoko bc I think there's a lot to dig into with both what's in canon and#What I specifically think about her but also. The fact she's not very often In Canon means I sometimes struggle to tell if what I think#About her Makes Sense or is Complete BS and there's Some Room for BS but like y'know try to keep it to a minimum. But also#Shoko has a chronic illness if you disagree with me you're wrong.#Anyway I do have a lot of thoughts like. Suguru definitely is Responsible For What He Did. But also Jujutsu society is again#A Nightmare and trying to think through it I really. Don't think he has even a basic framework to work through shit without violence#(special grades being defined by their ability to overthrow a country is uh. That's in my head Forever.)#Like for sure he has some cruel and awful beliefs he's not doing anything to address properly but also like. God just. Aaughhhh#Imagine being fuckin told hey. You're not crazy. Now come to school for murdering curses (and maybe people don't worry Abt it) where you#Have two (2) classmates. Also you are basically a nuke jsyk and there's this other guy who's super powerful and changed he world#He's ur classmate anyway have funnnnnn. Like oh ok this surely won't fuck Someone over
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#it was all too much#you knew and you said the most perfect thing you could have said#but nothing ever happened#you got my hopes high when I was so so low#words didn't match actions#when I had the money to take myself away#I chose to stay with you#I could have given me a well needed timeout#sun and ocean therapy#but I wanted to share this experience WITH You#the thought of leaving for holidays without you crossed my mind but it felt so so wrong and was no option#you knew what I needed but everything was more important#why did you even talked about it?#giving someone high hopes who's barely alive and completely and utterly on their lowest and then not following through is just cruel#I waited and waited and waited for something that was never going to happen#it's painful knowing I had 'the last money' from my father and could have spent it visiting HIS FAVORITE COUNTRY#he would've totally approved he would have been proud#I will never forgive myself for that#I spent his last money during those months I waited for 'us' to DO SOMETHING#I literally didn't care what all I wanted was a tiny holiday and time out together - so we could get much needed distance peace and quiet#I stayed around because I thought we have to leave together so we could get closer again#I hoped for us get close again get that special one of a kind bond back while making new experiences and memories#just the two of us for once#and then you didn't look on your phone those days before new years eve you obviously didn't care at all if I wrote you or not#you didn't care if we would spend new years eve together#you didn't care about us starting together side by side in the new year#you didn't drove 5 to 10 minutes but had the decency of writing 'would love being on the tower together with you like last year right now'#the year started with a lie obviously you DIDN'T MEAN it otherwise everything would have been different#I can still not fully comprehend what happened few hours later you fucking broke my heart my trust our bond our relationship ALL IN ONE#you made me feel worthless (500 euro was worth breaking everything) you made me feel unloved and totally betrayed you gave a shit on my dad
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