#even if most people dont see me as Not A Girl BC they see me as a lesbian | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

s4pphoiduser · 1 year ago

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in a world with an aftg show (because it Has to be a show, not a movie) seth would have a Pretty Guy actor playing him who looked even prettier when he was sneering or scowling and people would make edits of him with the velocity + slo-mo effects and be like "i can fix him"

#and kevin would be it boy of the century and matt would be THE 2000s icon along with allison #neil's the one who looks scrappy and jumpy (which he is) but everyone's gonna be in love with his sharp tongue and hater behavior #everyone would either hate andrew or love him and obv i fall into the second category i'd be no. 1 andrew minyard apologist/defender/lover/#everyone (including myself) would love nicky if this adaptation of him didnt come with all those predatory jokes godbless #everyone else is an icon. yes even aaron who's way too detached from the foxes but he partially slays just being a fox and king of idgafdom #the girls are icons obviously duhhh #but i think with riko the actor would be soooo good and pretty like scary pretty that people make edits and the captions are like DISCLAIME #wymack would have sooo many edits with the sound of whatever's trending that's equivalent to the usher DADDY'S HOME one #i actually have so many thoughts ab an aftg show despite how much i dont want it like i cant help it! aftg slays too much!#these bitches r all too damaged! i love them all too much! i think ab them all the time!#lots of people hate but aftg and the foxes r genuinely some of the most well written relationships to me probably bc i can personally relat #and i think a show would allow for other scenes that we dont see in the book bc theyre all from neil's pov and we don't really find anythin #know anything ab the other foxes beyond what neil knows himself #and LEST I FORGET. JEAN MOREAU. ICON OF THE CENTURY METHINKS...!#neil josten #andrew minyard #kevin day #dan wilds #allison reynolds #renne walker #matt boyd #aaron minyard #nicky hemmick #seth gordan #s4pphoiduser #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #the raven king #the king's men

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artanogon · 3 months ago

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thinking more about being trans

#because i want the voice drop of testosterone because training my voice has not been enough for me. i want some of the body shifts with it #and i want top surgery at some point #half because aesthetics + dysphoria and half bc they're just inconvenient #but i dont want to be a “man”#i dont want the capacity to grow a beard or a bunch of hair and have to shave all the time to keep up my looks the way i want #i dont want to “pass” the way some people do #i dont want bottom surgery for sure and i don't have any desire to have a dick or anything. ideally i would be like a doll with no features #i certainly have no plans to stop dressing feminine #i like being my androgynous twink self #and theres certainly a lot of aspects of femininity i do enjoy #jewelry makeup skirts certain aestheitcs long hair etc #i just want to be able to wear those things in a way that i am no longer a woman but a feminine man instead #i want to be one of those weird 80s twinks who would steal your boyfriend while wearing your dress and looking better in it #or like half the men you see in regency shows with the long hair/fine features/gentle manner etc #idk. i dont want to be a man. i genuinely feel like im putting on the wrong skin saying im a transman #genderqueer/agender is the closest i think ill ever find #but god i just wish id been born a man and then had the freedom to explore looking like a girl #little fucked up freak femboy stuck in some body that doesn't feel like its mine #maybe going on t will help me feel comfortable with growing out my hair again tho #idk. spitballing #it doesnt even matter that much rn. i have to delay my t appointment because of other medical shit #but man are there a lot of thoughts up here that will never in any way make sense to most people or be accepted by greater society

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orcelito · 4 months ago

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I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.

When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.

As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"

She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.

But she's wrong.

That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.

As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.

#speculation nation #fanny watches naruto #i think. naruto and sakura could potentially work out... but probably in a poly kind of situation.#because naruto will never forget about sasuke. and tbh neither will sakura. at least in canon.#of course i think sakura would do well to end up with someone more level headed. like ino.#someone without all the Complications that those two have...#but at the same time. i still do really love the idea of two people supporting one another through thick and thin.#i like naruto and sakura as a pairing of mutual respect. which is why it doesnt truly work as it is in canon.#especially when it comes to things like the 'joke' punches. but that's Everywhere in this anime.#female characters' anger being turned into jokes. theyre 'scary' but its not Actually scary.#naruto taking punch after punch from her for being foolish. yet it's all just a joke.#tbh id want to do away with that trope entirely. sakura has a temper but she's a good person. a kind soul.#i dont like that kishimoto has her being casually abusive with one of her best friends.#yet another part of the misogynistic writing that i hate.#sure enough. as it is in canon it just doesnt work. but ykno what. 13 year old me is still here. and wants to think of a way that it Could.#all things to think about. i wonder if there is any poly fic with the 3 of them. theres Gotta be.#though that brings the question of whether it'd even fit my ideal concept of the 3 of them.#it's certainly not the popular kind of thing lol. most people pick one of the three pairings between them.#but ya kno what. ive always been a multishipper. and poly ships really enable that truth of mine.#maybe i'll look for some poly fic sometime. just to see if theres anyone doing it like id wanna see.#if it's just two guys fighting over one girl or something tho im Outta there.#and ALSO theres something to be said for sasuke and sakura's relationship when they were kids.#there was trust there. confiding. he respected her. & in the end. he thanked her for her care.#cant be Just the two of them tho. for me. bc that erases naruto's significance to them both.#it is perhaps another thing i'll want to write someday. just maybe.

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violentdevotion · 1 year ago

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wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?

i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.

centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.

#avds.got.mail #kieran tag #ik men like soldier boy so ill wait to see him do some evil disgusting horrendous thing that would make most ppl go ew he sucks but make #cis men ages 18-35 go wow hes soo cool #i like kimiko too but i dont think im allowed to say shes my fave when sometimes when shes like i dont want to be a weapon anymore :( im #mad at her and thinking get over it. i like mm but hes kinda this mother hen character and i dont rly tend to favour characters who are the #rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here #hughies whatever. i rly like his dad though lets go simon pegg #in the 7: homelander sucks. i find a train fun but his athlete storyline wasnt compelling to me personally bc the more i thought about it #the more i thought his superpower sucks. despite it all i find the deep kinda fun. i like that hes a scientologist.#didnt like transparent. was meh about lamplighter. didnt like whats his name sonicboom?? had a personal vendetta against that hijabi supe #we saw for like 2 seconds girl what are you doing there !!!!!! why are you playing into the diversity market !!!!#like edgar but in the way everyone likes giancarlo esposito's characters #nadia is whatever she was always meh to me even as a background character but i rly love the idea of having the superpower to explode #peoples heads with your mind i cant help but think of the xmen and think about if there was a mutant with the ability to explode heads with #their mind and that was their only ability and what a hard fucking sell that would be for xavier #(ive never read the xmen comics and have only seen some of the movies so i like to imagine charles xavier as lilo in the lilo and stitch #cartoon where every episode she would find an experiment with a unique function to destroy and would have to find it a home where it could #help instead. like yeah this experiment fattens people up and eats them lets put him in a resturant or smth #but with mutants #this mutant makes ice lets send him to a fridge company. this mutant explodes heads lets.... erm.#)

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tinylittlebab · 2 years ago

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ill be skinny. it will happen. ive been trying for so long now. once it was just trying to eat less and be smaller but not much real focus on my physical appearance. now its all about that. 11 years of my ed and 7 years of wanting what i want now. i dont live with my parents anymore. i have more control. i will achieve it.

there was a time where id eat 300-700 consistently. ill get that back. i will.

#most of the years ive had an ed i had no access to a scale so it was very jard to track progress #maybe i did lie my ass off and fool ppl around me into thinking its actually healthier for me to have a scale bc ill restrict worse without #one which is half true. not that kts anyones right to make that choice at this point. at least not in 2 months when im 18 its not #part of the problem im having is i wanna be small but i have so little muscle that ill have to be very dangerously underweight to look even #close to how i want. many peoples ugws are under that line. mine was once. before i learned that its genuinely very very dangerous #and a lot of the people who look the way i wanna look are only just below that line which is where id like to be #they look that way bc they have more muscle. most ppl cant maintain a bmi of 14 or less for that long. eventually your body freaks out #ppl use instances like eugenia coonie as proof that you can actually do it but like. most peoples bodies wont hold out that long #and many of the ppl in thinspo pics eother only maintained it for a short bit before gaining or getting really sick or they weighed more #and had more muscle. and like. my goal isnt to be all bone. i dont wanna push it that far. bony people arent physically nice to hold anyway #i just wanna be light enough that somwone cpuld carry me and people might view me in a certain way #i wanna be seen as cute and fragile and shy and like. young and sweet. ots hard to explain exactly what i want peopel see see me like but i #want when people look at pictures or videos of me for them to think i look sweet and wanna be gantle and nice to me #and when i walk around places instead of seeing an awkward weirdo they see a timid cute girl whos really tiny and pretty #i know ill never be that but. maybe if i lose enough weight and dont have much acne and leave my hair down then maybe i can come close

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lumalalu · 7 months ago

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its always confusing to me when im out with ren and ppl greet us both as ladies like i know i look like a cis alt girl to most people but ren is just some guy for the most part so its like ??? what r u reading on him that u can tell he doesnt have a penis ???? but my running theory is that when i dress up really cute and transtrender-coded ppl look at me and theyre like "oh thats definitely a lesbian. so that other thing cant possibly be its boyfriend. this is lesbians im looking at."

#im okay being guydykes i think #Weird Queer lesbians make me a lot more comfortable being seen and interpreted as a lesbian #even if most people dont see me as Not A Girl BC they see me as a lesbian #transmale lesbians and bi lesbians and multigender lesbians and really just #anyone who really really blurs the edges of the hard definitions other queers try to force on us #those people existing make me feel so so SO much better abt it yknow?#like neither of us are dykes in any easily-understood or Traditional Girl way but #i can be guydykes #im alright with that #also like its funny being online and seeing people constantlyyyyy talking abt skinny white transmascs who pass well bc like passing is cond #tional at BEST lmfao #'passing privilege' go outside w one of these tboys and get called slurs and maybe then you will see #doubtful but still it seems like u could maybe use a reality check #🕷❣

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lilac-melody · 2 years ago

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Hm hm~

#im lost in my own memories as well as recounting what my mother has told me #i will admit i do not fully recall things from before i was 5. but i do have some vague memories. i KNOW Part of Your World was the...#well...first song i ever memorized. i remember putting the movie in my vhs player and rewinding the song . waiting. then pushing play again #to listen to the song and sing along with it. i would sing With ariel. i spent hours doing this with plenty of songs :)#until i got the hang of it and could perfectly (or as perfectly as a prek age kid can) sing it. i did this with a LOT of songs from movies #i sang disney. i sang barbie. (most specifically “free” from princess and the pauper. tbh tho i mostly sang Barbies part and not Ericas???)#but i did sing all of the other girl parts in that movie...#anyway. i joined choir come middle school. was in varsity. joined the highest choir a little 1st year in HS can join when i got into HS #something i still hold pride in bc we had tryouts for it :) i had multiple solos for choir concerts. in my 2nd year of HS i was bumped up #to Chorale choir (aka THE highest choir...intermingling boys and girls) and i even tried out for Show Choir #which you can only try out if you are in Acapella (the highest a freshman can be in) or Chorale. and only 10 to 12 girls make it in #and i made it in :)#sure by then i felt overshadowed but i had a ton of fun :) i quit choir my last two years bc...#well. i was pursuing a possible medical career via classes #but i still sing to this day. its so Relaxing and releases SO much serotonin. and tbh whats the weirdest part..?#when i try to record myself singing i get all nervous. but the moment i hold a microphone? even if im recording? my confidence shoots up #and my anxiety goes away #i love the stage. i love singing. idc if its ''cringe'' or im a Horrible person for ''loving disney'' but without disney songs?#i might not have grown into the person i am with singing as my biggest passion #so YES im going to see TLM live action in theaters. I. Dont. Care. if people think the movie sucks before they even see it #that shit SHAPED my childhood

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ironmanstan · 2 years ago

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unfortunately i look extremely approachable for some reason and paired with this i think way too slow to keep up w new social situations + this is like art school and i cant plan how to act for this yet and now 3 times back to back already i have gone through the mortifying ordeal of having art student girls introduce themselves to me -> i out of habit introduce myself w my old name -> they ask for my art instagram -> i give it to them without thinking and then have to explain why my name is rohan on there

#ME. A MORON: YEAH UH WELL YOU SEE #fumbles the bag in 4 million different ways and ends up saying im trans just for them to go 'oh ok!' ALL THAT FOR NOTHING #hate it here #every time someone finds out they get all apologetic but like i dont even really care x__x id care more if u knew and did it on purpose #i dont hate my old name and i stuck with it 4 a while bc i didnt like anything else that fit enough to change it to something i felt-#better represented me outside of just meaning but also in gender yknow. and i still have to use old name w most ppl so like whatever #but then well i do my idiot antics and then everyone feels awkward bc they think they are like hate criming me JKNFMNJNFDK #i dont know how to exist like this. i am used to giving everyone my insta i dont use and being done with it #partially also bc thats like me sorting people into 'people i can be acquaintances with' and 'people i can be friends with'#i.e. people who i cant come out to and people i can. the former being the vast vast majority.#like i have not. ever ever in my life met another queer or trans person irl until literally yesterday.#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE LMAOOO #in theory if none of these girls ever speak to me again i can start over and start dodging everyone until they prove themselves lmaooo #but if they are all okay with it then maybe its fine. who knowsss. not chancing it w the other muslim kids tho lmao #the gamer speaks uwu

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of #last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year #but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going #i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year #i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh #im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is #so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that #i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up #and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm #man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it #and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps #like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real #and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn #ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it #and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually #but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm #ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by #ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit #ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway #okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries #maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then

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milkbreadtoast · 4 months ago

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exactly this...🥹😭❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Oh my god.......

#talk tag #(oomf is pendwelling btw)#“s class women are drawn so lovingly I've only seen yerim so far but i really agree... 🥹😭#(i got up to ep 12 last night)#they are drawn with so much love care and respect... unlike in sooo many male dominated action fantasy series i've seen...#it feels like such a bare minimum thing but seeing a teenage girl being drawn like an actually realistic teenage girl-#and treated like a human being.... i feel like i can breathe for once #instead of gritting my teeth in pain every time a woman is onscreen #like when i look at yusuke murata or hiroyuki imaishi's shit #or just like MOST anime + male male mangaka works #(ik those r jp but kr men are just as disgusting)#i dont like to assume authors genders but from what ive heard abt the misogyny in kr...#im like. 100% sure seri/biwan 작가님들 are women (and i heard the og novel author is also a woman)#ive been thinking this for a while but...#but it's really obvious that all these kr novels with male protags that i love like TWSB s classes etc are written by korean women...#my oomf told me s classes is... and i rly suspect TWSB is too. ofc again i dont like to speculate out of respect but... Yeah #I'm guessing the academy's undercover professor too...#(orv is confirmed to be written by a married couple)#i always thought this but protagonists like jung yeseo clearly feel like male protagonists written by women...-#not bc theyre feminine/'written like women' but bc theyre written like. normal people. who arent misogynists. and well.#TWSB and i was surprised to see it with AUP too are clearly feminist novels tho... both of them(def for twsb since im more familiar w it)-#make a point of showing women in positions of power at every opportunity and specifically the HIGHEST positions of power...#eg for twsb: emperor(empress) king(queen) and even God...#anyway im really proud of all these authors and they really deserve every bit of success #to circle back to the post: I LOVE BIWAN-NIM'S ART SOOO MUCH... SERI/BIWAN MY GOATS🥹😭#her shim cheong #my s class hunters #s class #s class liveblog

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comas-are-for-sleeping · 11 months ago

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every day i feel myself becoming a little more pretentious and i HATE MYSELF for it

#my ass is literally writing a whole thing abt how our political system is fucked #and that the things we consider political arent actually #...bc most of these things are basically life and death #if politics is governing a body (as in population(s))#but one of the ways to govern said group is actively making it harder for the majority to live let alone succeed financially/personally/etc #but i feel SO PRETENTIOUS for saying all this #rlly fucking feel like one of those mfers going 'but what even is reality' like shut me the fuck up #but also... am i wrong #and why isnt this the position people take more often #when some legislation or what have you is statistically actually KILLING PEOPLE #why is it still an issue of politics #bc i feel like also the idea of something being political makes it so easy for people to bow out #like 'oh yeah i dont really mess with politics its too complicated'#like stfu?? these are people's lives??#why do you only care about yourself??#so maybe its not that 'nothing is political anymore' but rather that politics needs to be destigmitized #like girl i get that maybe you think that seeing homeless people on the streets ruins your aesthetic (SARCASM) but those are people's lives #why are we ok with not only ignoring them but actively making their lives WORSE #and that's only one of the hundreds of issues???#like we did not agree for our (i say not a tax payer) tax dollars to be spent on bombs for israel #tbh did not agree to use them for bombs in general!!#like if i could say 'here is where i want my tax dollars to go' then that would be so great??#granted i literally know nothing about anything but like #how is it that our schools are underfunded and people are in crazy amounts of college debt but we can drop billions of dollars on military #aid #like make it make sense #and why is that a political issue #like at this point we're even politicizing people's mfing BODIES #HOW IS MY BODY A FUCKING POLITICAL ISSUE #cause thats what it really boils down to

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johnmalevolent · 1 year ago

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i watched tate no yuusha back in 2019 when it still aired and i remember not liking the fact raphtalia turned into a grown woman in a short time. so the other day i was like hm years have passed and maybe my sense of judgment has changed and maybe i'll get the point of raphtalia's development better. but no. i hate it more now

#krispeaks #im giving tate no yuusha the biggest benefit of doubt ever like. maybe its bcs i avoid isekai animanga so im not familiar with the tropes #(← screaming in denial)#I DONT GEEEEEET WHY MAKING RAPHTALIA A LOVE INTEREST. OR MAKING HER GROW UP QUICKLY.#it doesnt happen with her friends (although theres the 'raphtalia grows faster bcs of her level + the yuusha's influence' but that-#-still doesnt sound good. like either make her a love interest (& risk naofumi picking her to be sketchier after the accusations from myne)#or keep her a child or at most a teenager. since this thing is so full of loli bait anyway #you dont even know how much i clinged to naofumi calling raphtalia his daughter back then cos i rly dont want them to end up together #its weird to me. its weird to me!!!! like idc if people ship them but personally i cant. its the fact that raphtalia rly wants naofumi to-#-see her as a grown woman and not a child anymore. she's not shoyo she just grew up too fast like. raphtalia saying stuff like-#-how she's jealous of naofumi pampering filo-brushing her hair. petting her. just treating filo like a normal girl #and raphtalia denying that she doesnt want that anymo-with the kids meal and the toys too. saying shes a big girl and not a kid anymo now #girl lost her childhood twice. parents killed. friends kidnapped. slaved and tortured. got saved by a yuusha who saw her as his daughter #and yet she had so little time to enjoy being a child bcs thats just how being raised by a yuusha impacts non-humans #which is just. god. tate no yuusha did my girl so wrong. wdym being around specific types of people makes you mature faster.#if that doesnt sound weird to you idk what is.#i was so excited about the found family aspect so i kept watching #because it couldve been so good. it could've been game changing. it could've been my gintama #but it seems to good to be true i guess #anyways i rewatched it bcs there was no info for a long time that i assumed it was discontinued which was weird bcs it had quite the fandom #and the other day i found shield hero season 3 2023 and it was like *hoh cat face* so i rewatched it last night to regain my memories #before finally watching the other two seasons. wish me luck etc #should i give this a personal tag...#nyaofumi #not a slander at naofumi btw i believe my guy. i wanna ramble ab his characterization but personally i have no beef towards him nor raph #its the story and the writers that make me rage

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youraveragemushroom · 1 year ago

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‘….’

#i dont think im made for love because i fall into devotion too quick #it becomes worship i exalt before i fall or whatever and i set myself up for failure every time #self fulfilling prophecy and all that the usual #but i cant bare to actually imagine love in a reciprocal way #i feel like thats why i find myself ending up heartbroken by the best people #because they are the best and i have to ruin it bc i cant stand to let myself be happy #or more than that i cant imagine fathom believe whatever that someone could actually want me #and i get it im in the same boat buddy #and tbh idk if i even want someone to like me rn or if im just starved for attention #bc ik i cant offer anything real or substantion rn probably ever #thats the thing about devotion right i was born into some beliefs i cant shake #and nobody deserves to be second on someones list only beaten by the most contentious relationships i have #number 1 will always be whoever makes me cry the most ive come to realise #i spent a minute contemplating using the american vs british spelling of realize #this is the kind of neuroticism that straddles the line between quirky and unpleasent #unfortunately i dont have the pretty privilege to get away with being a great value manic pixie dream girl #which whatever i feel like im too anxious and self aware to be that carefree #but that doesnt mean i dont want the noise to fade to a gentle static #the last time it was quiet in my head it was when i could see a veritable sea of stars #next year i might spend the day in the woods or a field far out on the other side of texas #ill find the right time to see the right stars ill try to come back to see the ones i saw before #the universe collapsing in on itself thats what it feels like to be alive #but when i look up and i see the twinkling lights it settles the restless creature within me #stops it from clawing at the walls of my heart #it nestles in the thicket of my aortas and ventricles #it settles and finds temporary solace looking up at the stars with me #the stardust in my veins the one i share with every living creature a byproduct of being a child of the universe #it sings a song to us matching amplification but in antiphase to leave us in silence #well i wouldnt call it silence because thats the vaccuum of space #maybe its serenity maybe we find equilibrium in contextualization

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snekdood · 2 years ago

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i think ppl need to make more content emphasizing the relationship between white supremacy and the oppression of women. bc maybe. just maybe. all this shit w/ nazis siding with terfs and videos/articles about the connections between white supremacy and their oppression will make them snap out of it.

#i would but im not nearly educated on this stuff enough #i do what i can #ok now @ terfs. think about it for a second. if the white supremacists are siding with terfs. do you reaaallly think they're invested in #protecting women?#the terfs i mean. do you really think terfs are invested in protecting women when its nazis who are the most sympathetic to their message?#are you really gonna sit here and say 'the trans menace' is such a bigger threat and so much more important that you need to link arms #with nazis to eliminate people for *checks notes* wanting to be them fucking selves as they feel on the inside?#what ever happened to 'be whatever you want'#whatever happened to 'women can do everything men can do'#bc if you see me as a woman. why in tf cant i become a man if i can do everything they can do?#and if women can do everything men can do- y'know. the common feminist understanding you terfs seem to fail to remember-#then why in tf are yall so scared about the supposed 'men' in your sports?#aside from the fact that trans girls on e are evenly matched with you already in sports. ignoring that scientific fact for a second to play #around in your reality. how are you gonna call yourself a feminist if you dont think you're actually GENUINELY evenly matched?#even though the science literally says you're evenly matched. how are you a feminist and think women can do 'everything men can do' but #cant actually compete in a few instances actually #like you're not a feminist. you're a conservative. thats a conservative belief. any limiting beliefs about what women can do #is a conservative belief.#'women can do everything men can do except for when i feel specifically weak against them' fuck off

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ssaltlicker · 2 years ago

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Seeing how this website interprets biology is a fucking trip. The see-sawing between “sexual dimorphism isnt real” and “sexual dimorphism is actually very set in stone and black and white” and “anyone who doesnt fit into a calculated average isnt actually ____”. Its amazing.

#like im all for being progressive #but as a person studying biology. VERY few people here grasp any of it #the people that see like. lionesses with manes and scream theyre trans #please. please shut the fuck up #its menopause. its like telling a human woman in her 60s that she must be trans because she has facial hair #good god #its one of those things that sounds quirky and cute to say until you think about it #people are so ignorant of aging and genetics #that anything that doesnt fit their fucking #elementary school understanding of sex #is suddenly a huge thing #like. a lot of animals mount the same sex for dominance #not sexuality #yes animals can be gay but there are huge non human factors at play #mating isnt even a romantic thing for most species #so thats not really an indicator #just. stop pushing human morals and culture onto animals. please #also yes im sorta pissy bc i dont fit the cis girl model and ive had people TELL ME that i am trans #my brother in CHRIST it is my GENES.#i am completely chill with the sex i was born as thanks #no disrespect to trans men obviously but purposefully misgendering me is cringe as well. stop taking away my girl licenses

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cosmicanakin · 10 days ago

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where the waves rest easy ⎯⎯ DEAN WINCHESTER.

⎯⎯ you and dean take the kids to the beach, where he opens up about his past, his love for you, and the life you've built together after leaving hunting behind.

♡ KARI YAPS! @deanswidow also contributed a tiny lil idea 4 this so dedicating this 2 her <3 ur dean's babygirl bc it felt right 🤍 love u pooks !!!!!

📖 JACKLES library.

IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE DEAN QUIT HUNTING.

two years since he put the colt and his sawed-off shotgun away for good. since he walked away from the life that had defined him for so long. since he said goodbye to the monsters, the blood, and the constant weight of death hanging over him.

two years since sam died.

god, you still catch him looking at the horizon sometimes, his jaw tight, his hands clenched into fists like he's bracing himself for something—like he's expecting the next apocalypse to come knocking at your front door. but it never does.

because dean walked away.

he walked away for you. for your family. for SAMMY, the little boy with his brother's name and his father's stubbornness. for JEMMA, the baby girl who's only been on this earth eight months and already has DEAN WINCHESTER wrapped around her tiny fingers. he walked away because he couldn't do it anymore—because burying his brother nearly killed him, and he knew if he didn't stop, he'd be burying you next. or the kids. or himself.

and you know sam would've wanted this for him. he would've wanted dean to have what they'd always dreamed about when they were kids: a home, a family, a life that wasn't overshadowed by death and duty.

so dean quit.

he got a job as a firefighter, of all things—because of course he did. being a firefighter lets him save people without the baggage of what came with hunting. it's hard work, but it's honest work, and it keeps his hands busy. it keeps his mind busy, too, most of the time. and you? you're a kindergarten teacher, which means your days are filled with crayons, storytime, and glue-sticked chaos.

it's not the life he ever thought he'd have��hell, it's not the life he ever thought he deserved—but he loves it. he loves you. he loves his kids. and even on the hard days, when the itch to hunt creeps up on him, or when he sees something on the news that makes his instincts scream at him to grab his gun, he reminds himself why he stopped. why he has to stay.

because this is worth it.

you and the kids are worth it.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

it's a friday when DEAN suggests going to the beach.

you both decided to take a day off—something rare, since your lives are usually so busy between work and the kids. but today, the sun is shining, the weather's perfect, and dean woke up with that lopsided grin you love so much, the one that makes him look ten years younger.

"whaddya think?" he asks as he pours you a cup of coffee, jemma balanced on his hip like she's always belonged there. "a beach day? sammy's been talking about it all week, and i think the squirt here could use her first dip in the ocean, don't you?"

you laugh, taking the coffee from him and leaning up to kiss his cheek. "sounds perfect."

so you pack up BABY with towels, sunscreen, a cooler full of snacks, and all the other million things you need when you have two kids under three. sammy's bouncing with excitement the entire drive, and jemma babbles happily from her car seat, her chubby hands reaching for DEAN every time he glances back to check on her. what a daddy's girl.

when you finally get to the beach, the first thing you notice is how peaceful it is. it's not too crowded—just a few families scattered along the sand, kids building castles and couples lounging under umbrellas.

and you can tell the moment DEAN steps onto the sand that this place means something to him.

you've been here before, of course—this is where he proposed to you. but there's something about the way he looks at the water, the way he takes a deep breath like he's letting go of something heavy, that makes you realize just how much this spot actually means to him.

"you okay, baby?" you ask softly, slipping your hand into his.

he turns to you, and for a moment, the smile he gives you is so FULL of love it makes your chest ache. "yeah, sweetheart," he says. "just… this place. it kinda reminds me why i'm here, y'know?"

you nod, squeezing his hand. and then sammy tugs on his leg, demanding to go play in the water, and DEAN laughs, scooping him up and spinning him around before setting him down and chasing after him.

you watch them run toward the waves, and your heart feels so full it might burst.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

a little while later, you're walking along the shore with him, jemma cradled in his arms. sammy's still splashing in the water, his laughter carried on the breeze, and you can't help but smile as you watch him. he really is a miniature version of DEAN—same green eyes, same freckles, same mischievous grin.

"he's got your stubbornness, too," you say, nudging DEAN with your shoulder.

he chuckles. "yeah, well, he gets that from both of us, sweetheart. don't kid yourself."

you laugh, leaning your head against his bicep as you walk. the sand is warm beneath your feet, the waves lapping gently at the shore, and for a moment, everything feels perfect.

"you remember why i proposed to you here?" he asks suddenly, his voice soft.

you look up at him, surprised. "of course i do. but i wouldn't mind hearing it again."

he smiles, his eyes distant for a moment as he looks out at the water. "it was right after we found out sammy was on the way," he says. "i was scared out of my fucking mind, if i'm being honest. not about you—about being a dad. about screwing it all up. but then we came here, and you were sitting right there"—he nods toward a spot near the water—"and you just looked so… happy. like you weren't worried about anything. and i realized that if i was gonna do this—if i was gonna have a family, a real life—it had to be with you. because you make everything better, y'know? even when it's scary. especially when it's scary."

his voice cracks a little at the end, and you blink back tears, reaching up to cup his face. "baby…"

"i mean it," he says, his voice rough. "you saved me, sweetheart. you and the kids—you're the reason i'm still here. the reason i didn't just… give up after sam."

you kiss him then, pouring everything you feel into it. he kisses you back, jemma squirming a little between you but not enough to break the moment.

when you finally pull away, you're both smiling, and for the first time in a long time, you see nothing but peace in his eyes.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

the rest of the day is spent soaking up the sun, building sandcastles, and chasing sammy around the beach. DEAN lets him bury him in the sand at one point, laughing as both SAMMY and JEMMA work together to pile sand on top of him.

"i think they're plotting against me," he says, grinning up at you from his sandy grave.

"probably," you reply, laughing as jemma pats a handful of sand onto his chest.

as the sun starts to set, dean takes both kids down to the water to look for crabs. sammy's eyes light up every time he spots one, and jemma claps her hands excitedly, even though you're pretty sure she doesn't know what's going on.

you watch them from a distance, your hand resting on your stomach. it's still early—you haven't told DEAN yet—but you know he'll be just as thrilled as you are when he finds out you're expecting again.

watching him with SAMMY and JEMMA, seeing the way he lights up around them, there's no doubt in your mind that he was meant to be a dad.

and as you sit there, watching the man you love with the family you've built together, you realize that this is what happiness looks like.

it's not perfect—it's messy and chaotic and sometimes downright exhausting—but it's yours.

and you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

later that night, after the kids are asleep and the house is quiet, DEAN pulls you into his arms.

"thank you," he whispers, his voice barely audible in the darkness.

"for what?" you ask, resting your head against his chest.

"for this," he says, his hand moving to rest over your stomach. "for giving me a reason to keep going. for giving me a family."

you smile, tears pricking at your eyes again. "you don't have to thank me for that, my love. you've given me just as much."

he presses a kiss to your forehead, holding you close. and as you drift off to sleep, you can't help but think about how far you've both come—how far he's come.

because DEAN WINCHESTER may have walked away from hunting, but he's still a hero.

he's YOUR hero.

and he always will be.

♡ SPECIAL TAGS. @beausling @a1ecmcdowell @jasvtsc @titsout4nicholas @aileenunfiltered @frosttbitessam @bluestrd @archiveofvirtue @ultravi0lence14 @rubyvhs @ohsc . . . ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა

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