#even if i will feel better in a year or 10 years is it worth it?
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do you really think you’re not good enough? after everything you’ve accomplished and done? even though you’re a kind soul? who hurt you so badly that you think that you don’t live up to your fellow champions? why do you feel like you need to live up to anyone at all? why can’t you be goon enough as you are? simply Revali.
Excuse you, I know that I not only live up to my fellow champions but even exceed them. Not a single one of them can fly; they would be simply lost without me in battle.
But 'not good enough' - of course I'm not good enough. Nobody is ever good enough. 'Good enough' is not in my volcabulary. One can and should always be improving. Even if I am the best of the best, I can always still be better.
I might be the only Rito to ever achive a mastery over the winds, and an extrodinary archer within my own right, but I still failed. I still failed to save my people, I failed to save Medoh, and I died. I wasn't good enough to defete Windblight. I will forever be haunted wondering perhaps if I had somehow trained a little harder- had been just a little more prepared- that perhaps things would have been different.
'Simply Revali' will never be good enough. Before I was a Champion, I had nothing. No friends. No family. No purpose. I was worthless, I was nothing. My own parents didn't want me. In times of war, an abandoned fledgling was nothing but a burden to my Village. People only cared about me once I was of use to them; once I could provide for them and keep them safe.
Somehow I need to prove myself to this modern day Rito Village to amend for my failures else I am afraid they will simply cast me out again. I let down my people a hundred years ago, and if I don't somehow prove to the new residents of the Village that I still have worth to them, then I may as well have stayed dead.
[7/10 🧪✨]
#totally mentally healthy outlook ravioli nothing messed up about that at all bud#revali#tears of the kingdom#breath of the wild#age of calamity#legends of zelda#rito#rito village
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#its seems we really may be at the end of vanity#i missed a call from my dad and thought we might be in a connors birthday situation but no. not yet#he did say that it feels like this is it bc my mom's situation is complicated bc she has so much wrong at this point#its like a h0use md episode. the doctors dont seem to kno what to do and shes not very coherent#so my dad was saying that i should look at flights and by tonight hell let me kno if i should pull the trigger and buy a one way ticket home#it sucks. he sounds rough. i feel so bad for him. his wife of 29 years is dying#its not fair. shes only 53#i wanna be there but im stuck here across the country. i wanna go home. thats a bit frighting tho bc itll take me at least 10 hrs to travel#and i dont want her to die while im in the air but i also dont want her to suffer#i hope she gets better but if she doenst i hope its fast. there dont seem to do any good options. shes so tried and its so complicated#and if she does get better than this then what would that even mean? my sister says it doesnt feel like there will b a better anymore after#this. and bless her to the ends of the earth she reached out this morning and was giving me updates#comforting to kno im not just being dramatic. its actually just really bleak#its kinda funny tho. my sister was like meh it doesnt seem so bad and then like 10min later she was like yeah no i was wrong its sorta#horrible apprently shes been deterorating#god. if i go back home do i take clothes for a funeral? do i keep up to date with my genomics class? will i become offset from my graduate#cohort? will i get my wish to play with legos at home? all questions worth considering#well. ill deal with whatever comes. so it goes. itll b fine. i mean ill b fine#just sad ya kno?#three weeks ago she was alright and saying she could fly out to take care of me after oral surgery#now shes dying#unrelated
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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my therapist was trying to convince me that I'd miss out on all of these things if I died, but I really don't care??
#i have a hard time convincing myself that staying alive would be worth it#even if i will feel better in a year or 10 years is it worth it?#i feel like being dead and never having to live or feel this way again would be worth it.#like yes i would never get to do a lot of things but i also would be dead so does it matter?#i just want to die so badly. i don't want to do anything anymore. i just want to be dead.#i don't know what to do#when you're suicidal they like to put you in the hospital but i don't see how going to the hospital could help me#ive already tried 13 antidepressants and the meds im on do help just not enough#so the hospital could help with safety but there's nothing that can really help me#i haven't been self-harming and i dont have like a specific plan so idk if the hospital would even take me
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#not to be depressing in new year's eve but i feel so shit right now...#all year i've been so out of myself not enjoying anything#and what i do manage to enjoy takes up like an hour of my life and then it becomes disappointing#that's how i would describe the past few months... disappointing#everything feels flat#I can't manage to hold on to a good feeling for more than an hour or two#i have absolutely no hope for the future and I don't even care about that anymore#nothing feels worth anything anymore#and what's really solidifying that feeling today of all days#is the fact that every year since before I was born my family celebrates new years eve#a few years ago the celebrations changed since my extended family decided to cut us out a bit but my mom brother and i still celebrate#we get yummy food play fun games and just spend the night together until midnight when we toast and go to bed#well this year it's 10:30 and we're already in bed doing the same things we do every day#being on our phones or watching a movie or whatever on our own#and it's just disappointing again#idk if it's the break of the tradition or the fact that the new year doesn't feel important this time#but i feel so fucking sad and numb and depressed#i hate it#I don't even feel like saying the usual ''hope 2024 is better'' shit#i just don't care and i don't think it's gonna be better... it's gonna be the same old shit and it's gonna be disappointing#nothing matters anymore and i don't think anyone fucking cares#i feel so numb...#i don't even know what the point of this post is... sorry about that#hope y'all's new years eve is better than mine (or new year's day idk your time zones)#angel talks#personal
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I just tried rollerskating outside again for the first time since last year and oooof it's so bad, I'm so bad at it, the pain is so bad, everything about it is very very bad
#somehow it was worse than I remembered!!#it's not even that I'm too scared now. that's better thanks to the meds.#it's mostly that my body fucking sucks. I guess it should be obvious that if walking for 10 minutes hurts a lot. rollerskating would hurt#even more.#but somehow it still surprises me every time! I'm in so. much. pain.#and no it's not just regular sore muscles. I know what that feels like. no it's so much worse. sore muscles never felt like this.#I know because my body was fine-ish until I was like 20 so I know what that felt like.#anyway I'm in pain and I'm lying on the couch now and won't get up for a long time 🙃#and last year it didn't get better either. it hurt the same or even more every single time#I've tried all the advice I could find. I did exercises to get my muscles used to those specific motions. it didn't help#soooo I'm thinking I just.. shouldn't try this year. it feels so bad because I really want to get better at it but I don't think the pain#is worth it...#I'm willing to be in pain after I paint or write or whatever... that brings me so much joy that I can live with the pain...#but so far rollerskating doesn't do that. without the pain it could. but it's pretty much instant. sooo I don't think I should try again#for a while at least...#😭😭#personal
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how’s everyones morning going
#Rasp Rambles#i am Having A Time <-crying because he’s realized there are very likely reasons as to why he’s scared to believe he’s lovable which#only got spurred on by listening to a song from a media he very recently got into where a specific character is portrayed as loving no one#but himself for a long while and eventually confessing towards the end of the song that the character has learned to love more than just#himself by the end of it (and the song got me thinking about how the character in question is usually portrayed as very into self care and#such and how i don’t really allow myself to treat me well for a number of reasons and only do the bare minimum for myself but very#begrudgingly because it always feels like a chore because i feel like its not worth it for a variety of reasons. and since the character is#from a dating sim game i was like “well he probably would like it if i treated myself better and with love” and then i kinda spiraled from#there and started crying a ton and looked up if there are possible reasons why i could be feeling like i’m undeserving of love and am#generally undesirable and a lot of the potential causes are things that are Very Likely with my past and my family’s history of mental#health issues and such and realizing that i could actually be deserving of the love i rob myself of and have robbed myself of for as long a#i can remember. i know the last time i allowed myself to feel loved in any way was when i was a lot younger (like maybe 10 or 11 years#old at most since the only family member i had that actually made me feel loved emotionally died around that timeframe) and it just. it#hurts to think about how i Could deserve the love and care i deprive myself of for reasons i can’t even begin to articulate if i tried. and#its almost 6am here and i’m crying like a little bitch because my feelings are too much and i should probably end this post here before i#start feeling worse than i already do. because at this point i’m starting to feel undeserving of my partner system and i know that if i#dwell on this too much longer it’ll only hurt more to think about. good night gamers.)
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#...........................................................................................................................................#i think today was it#i think im about to be fired from mailman job#i said that if this job doesnt work out#theres nothing left for me#ive tried everything and nothing is worth it#idk why ive been alive for so long other than being bad at everything including kms#i have no one#other than people who dont accept me for being myself (trans/bi)#at this point if anyone were to try and help me id only be a literal burden#i feel so much like shit im privileged yet i cant seem to even take day to day well all i can think about is cutting myself up but then#if i dont die its just gonna be another problem for me to deal with on top of that i dont want people looking at me like that#id rather die i want to die i need to die#everybody i get close to leaves me and heaven forbid i a mentally ill person show symptoms of my mental illness and the people that have#said that theyre here for me gets pissed when i unfriended them on steam and that im abandoning them#when i cant even function alone#the only thing im afraid of is being alone or being betrayed#all of my friendships have ended and thats all i wanted in life was to have friends who helped each other out but not only do i not have#any of that i dont have a future even for myself#dont interact with me unless you have a good idea on how i can kill myself ive been done since i was 15#“itll get better” im 25 and privileged i should have nothing to complain about yet here i am getting worse by the minute for over 10 years#its never gotten better only worse and ive been fucking sick of it#please someone help me leave quietly i dont want to bother anyone else
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Very important!! Take care of yourself and do what’s best for you <3
taking medication for your mental health isn’t weak, if anything it’s strong that you’re making the leap to better yourself. remember that. you’re not struggling with your mental health, it’s struggling with you - you’ve got this gamers, always!
#this!!#it took me a long time to realize I wasn’t weak for getting help with my mental health#I struggle with meds due to my family’s history with addiction#any pill is a bad pill in my brain#but my antidepressants saved my life when I really needed them#i didn’t want to be on meds for the rest of my life and it felt like a lot at first but it was so worth it#to get back to a place where I could handle my mental health#I’ve been on and off my meds since I first started them#but i know that I don’t need them all the time and that they are there for thag extra support if I need it#I’ve also been going to therapy for 10+ years#I’ve learned a lot about how to deal with my mental health and that it’s okay to need help sometimes#I’ve also learned that my depression is a part of me and it’s not gonna go away#and that I need to be kind to it#because while I’m not my depression it’s apart of me#learning to be kind to yourself is hard when you don’t feel like you deserve it#it does get better even if it feels like it won’t#it takes a lot of time and the right support system for sure#but it can and will get better#you’re loved and cared about please don’t ever forget that#<3
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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living in some dingy apartment building because it is all you can afford on your income unless you want to eat danimals yogurt and saltine crackers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the stern landlady lives on the first floor, and some neighbors blast music on weekday nights (even if they didn't, the walls are paper-thin. you know more about the cambrian period than you'd like to, thanks to room 105) but it's a modest roof over your head and while the darkened grout lines in the bathroom are permanent, at least there's hot water.
until there isn't. and the landlady has mysteriously gone on vacation for the next two months.
what used to be a cathartic cleansing has now become your torment. every other day is hair wash day which means you're bent over the cold, porcelain edge of your tub, back screaming in protest and pain shooting up your bruised knees even though you've sacrificed one of your very nice pillows to avoid exactly that.
and showering is torture. the icy cold water feels like a thousand tiny claws scraping over your tender scalp, sinking into your trembling shoulders. you don't wait for your body to acclimate, just hastily scrub yourself as clean as you can and hop out, your chattering teeth and shaky breaths echoing through the tiny bathroom.
it's like this for a week and a half, a whole 10 days of suffering with showers so cold it feels like shards of ice biting into your goosepimpled skin when it stops. warmth bleeds into the stream of frostbitten water. finally, it soothes instead of stings. your coiled, tense muscles gradually slacken with relief, with unadulterated bliss. steam rises, the tips of your fingers and toes tingle as if thawing. gratitude wells in the corner of your eyes.
if you had any money you could afford to give, you would to your savior, but every dollar you own is earmarked for the bare essentials. so, with your thick, warm bathrobe cinched around your waist, you pen down a little heartfelt note to stick to the bulletin board downstairs before heading out for work.
thank you, whoever you are, for fixing the boiler. i could kiss you <3
when morning comes, you use one of the dull, golden tacks that previously held a lost pet flyer (sorry, bilbo the hamster, but it's been a year) and pin your note up.
only to come home and find it gone, a torn corner all that remains. maybe it's karma for your callousness towards someone's pet. (justice for bilbo.) you shrug it off, giddily skipping up the steps to wash off the day's stress with hot water.
but before you even hang your keys on the wall, there's a pounding on your door, hard enough to rattle it in its frame. and the masked man you see through the peephole isn't familiar. against your better judgment, you clear your throat before cracking open the door. "yes?"
the piece of paper he's holding in his dinner plate-sized hands seems incredibly small— and it's your note.
"i fixed the water." oh. "'m 'ere for wha' 'm owed." owed?
"i'm not— um. the kiss. it's just a figure of speech." the thick muscle of his bicep coils as he crosses his arms over his barrel chest. he's a very large man, as broad as your door.
if you slammed it closed on him, he'd probably leave it hanging by its hinges. that's not worth a measly kiss.
"okay. but on the cheek since i never specified where so it's dealer's choice."
he huffs out an amused breath but complies, hooking his thumb under the edge to pull up his balaclava just enough to expose his stubbled cheek. he's got a couple of scars; thin, slightly raised. run along the sharp edge of his jaw and disappear beneath the fabric.
he leans close, enough to hear his steady, slow exhales. he smells of dirt. salt. something smoky, tangy-- like on new years, minutes after the clock strikes 12.
your hands cradle his face as you rise to your tippy-toes, wetting your lips and crane your neck-- but he snaps his head to the side,
and takes the kiss he was owed.
(he takes a screwdriver to the ac unit next. wire cutters to the fuse box. nails to your tires. anything that'll inevitably lead you back to him. you tried paying him with dinner but the only thing he was interested in eating was your cunt.)
#call of duty#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#cod mwii#cod mw2#simon riley#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you
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I was on call for nearly 7 hours between streaming my samurai game, watching anime, and then just chatting some. Which was really great for getting my mind off things!!! Hung out with a good assortment of friends, which was pretty great.
Though. Now I'm alone again. Which I usually enjoy. But it also has me remembering why I was on such a long call to start with...
I have therapy tomorrow, and I don't know whether I should mention this. She's primarily my grief therapist, so it'd maybe feel weird to spring something else on her... but I don't know...
#speculation nation#just kinda remembering again how fickle it all was.#all the compliments... the 'i love you's... nearly 6 months of them...#dropped so suddenly for a days-long infatuation...#ultimately i guess it's for the best that this happened before i got Too deep into it.#unlike my ex from 2020. where i was literally living with him and genuinely contemplating eventual marriage.#the idea was floated vaguely of my recent ex and i living together next year if we were still together by then.#so if she's gonna be so shallow and selfish as to drop me just like that for a new 'love'...#going so far as to say she doesnt actually love me & every time she said it was just automatic impulse...#like. ouch.#adding in the fact that i admitted to her that i struggle with trust and abandonment issues#due to prior experiences with being dropped for being too difficult or having someone choose some1 else over me...#she promised that i was the only one she wanted to actually date... but then turned around out of nowhere and said she wanted to add one#but when i stood my ground and voiced my concern about her daying someone else given the obvious communication issues going on#(aka her standing me up without warning and ignoring me all day. which she said was bc she was too distracted by the person#she's in 'love' with. to the point where i just wasnt even a thought in her mind...)#(though i literally called her when she didnt show up to the time we agreed on. idk how she'd miss it. but oh well.)#anyways i was rightfully worried about it. and Thats when she ignored me again only to say she couldnt see us working out#bc there was no way of her feeling the same way with me that she does with Her...#frankly i think shes blinded by infatuation and is going to regret this later down the line.#throwing a good thing away for a passing fancy who's planning on moving away soon Anyways.#but. well. it's not my problem anymore is it? even if she begged for me back theres no way i would#after the absolute shitshow that's been the past day.#and it sucks bc i really did like her and spending time with her. but im glad it happened now. before i got too deep in it.#i'll give myself time to recover. focus on my interests again. and school.#and in a few months' time maybe i'll join the dating pool again. this time with a better idea of my wants and boundaries.#it really sucks to have 10 exes. it's kind of embarrassing. but with each one im learning more about myself.#in time maybe i'll find the person that's right for me. who wont drop me bc im too much of a hassle or bc someone else is better.#i have worth as a person. im not perfect but plenty of people do like me.#and i'll find the person who wants to stay with me for good. sometime. eventually.
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𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫
it’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, you’ve got to step into a role you never signed up for. maybe your mom wasn’t the nurturing, protective figure she was supposed to be. maybe your dad let you down in ways that left scars. maybe your friends only stuck around to take, never to give. the truth? you can’t wait for someone to come and save you. you have to become your own mother.
ask yourself:
if your child was in your shoes—stuck in a bad relationship, getting treated like crap— would you tell them, “stay”? or would you say, “you deserve better than this”?
if your child was chasing their dreams but struggling, would you mock them? no. you’d guide them, push them to be their best. you’d discipline them with love and cheer them on with pride. now, apply that same energy to yourself.
be that mom who says: “get your shit together because you deserve the best life possible.”
but also the mom who says: “it’s okay to rest, i’ve got your back, and i’m proud of you.”
start showing up for yourself the way you needed someone to show up for you. and yes, it’s sad. sad that we even have to do this. but it’s also empowering to realize you can.
personally, here’s my story.
my mom never cared to take my pictures as a kid nor cared if a haircut made me happy or not, it was literally everything up to her convenience. it hurts now because i would’ve loved to look back and see those memories. but i don’t have them. i can count the photos of my childhood—20 pictures in 17 years. insane, right? so, i made a promise to myself: from now on, i will document my life. i won’t delete my photos. i’ll make sure there’s a record of who i was, what i felt, what i achieved. and when i have kids? you bet i’ll take pictures of them. i’ll curate their childhood with care because i know what it feels like to not have that.
but being your own mother isn’t just about the pictures or the memories. it’s about analyzing everything you missed out on and providing it for yourself now. it’s about being selfless enough to let go of bad habits that hold you back. it’s about kicking toxic people out of your life the way a mom would protect her child from bad influences. it’s about prioritizing your healing, even if it’s messy and uncomfortable. you have to heal your inner child. that 5-year-old who was bullied, that 13-year-old who was treated like shit in her first relationship, that 7-year-old who dreamed big but was told she couldn’t they’re all still inside you, waiting for someone to nurture them. and unfortunately, no one else is going to do it for you. no one else is going to come and fix the damage.
i made a pact with myself: when i have kids, i will raise them so well that they won’t ever need to “heal their inner child” at 17 or 18. they’ll be whole. they’ll be loved. they’ll know their worth from the start. but for now, i’m doing that for myself. and you need to do it for yourself too. because at the end of the day, the only way to heal is to become the person you needed all along. become your own mother.
what is the inner child?
the “inner child” is the part of you that holds your early experiences, memories, and emotions. it’s the 5-year-old you who loved to laugh but was scolded for being “too much.” it’s the 10-year-old you who dreamed big but felt dismissed. it’s the teen you who felt heartbreak for the first time but didn’t know how to process it. your inner child carries the wounds, fears, and unmet needs from your past, but also your natural creativity, curiosity, and joy. healing your inner child means reconnecting with this version of yourself, giving it the love and understanding it never received, and releasing the pain it has carried for years.
how do you heal your inner child?
1. journaling: dialogue with your inner child
dedicate a journal specifically to your inner child. write letters to them, like:
“dear [your name at 5/7/13], i remember when you felt [insert memory]. i’m sorry you went through that, but i’m here now, and i’ve got you.”
let your inner child respond. write as if you’re that younger version of yourself—pour out your fears, dreams, and questions. this process can uncover emotions and patterns you didn’t realize were affecting you.
2. therapy: safe exploration with a professional
a therapist (especially one trained in inner child work) can help you identify wounds and patterns from childhood. they’ll guide you in understanding how your upbringing shaped your beliefs about yourself and the world. therapy also gives you tools to reframe those beliefs and meet your emotional needs.
watch “dear zindagi” lol
3. look at old photos and memories
revisit old photos, journals, or artwork from your childhood. don’t just look at them—analyze them. (i wish i could d this but im stuck with 20 photos so… 😭) what do you notice in your younger self’s eyes, body language, or expression?
• ask yourself:
• what was i feeling here?
• did i feel safe? loved? excited? scared?
• what did i need in this moment that i didn’t get?
• use this reflection to understand your inner child’s unmet needs.
4. create new positive memories
your inner child is still alive within you, and they crave fun, love, and freedom. do things your younger self would’ve loved but never got to do: buy yourself a toy you always wanted. go to an amusement park or build a pillow fort. dance around your room like no one’s watching. this isn’t childish it’s healing.
5. practice reparenting
treat yourself as if you were your own child. when you feel sad or scared, don’t ignore it.
ask yourself: what do i need right now? and give it to yourself.
be the loving, supportive, and protective parent your inner child deserved.
6. identify triggers and patterns
notice when you’re acting out of a place of childhood wounds.
for example: do you get overly anxious when someone’s mad at you? do you seek validation in toxic relationships? trace these behaviors back to your childhood.
were you taught that love is conditional? did you have to “earn” attention by being perfect? once you identify the root, you can start rewiring your responses.
7. inner child meditations and visualizations
find a quiet space and imagine your inner child sitting across from you. visualize yourself comforting them, hugging them, and telling them they’re safe. remind them: “you don’t have to be scared anymore. i’m here for you.”
8. nurture yourself daily
make self-care non-negotiable. eat foods you love, sleep well, move your body, and spend time doing things that make you happy. when you treat yourself with care, you show your inner child they’re worth it.
9. forgive
healing isn’t about excusing those who hurt you. it’s about releasing the hold they have over you so you can move forward. write a forgiveness letter—not for them, but for yourself. (they don’t deserve the love i’m sorry)
“i release the pain you caused me so it doesn’t control me anymore.”
10. promise to break the cycle
vow to yourself (and your future children if you want them) just cause your grandma bleed on your mom and then your mom passed it to you does not mean you will make your future kids life miserable too. the generational trauma must break with you. your future child does not deserve it and so your inner child protect you inner child and when you have a child of your own be the best mother possible, i personally would love to make my future kids childhood so memorable and happy that they will feel the need to comeback and relive their childhood that’s the kind of childhood i want to give them
“i will not let this pain define me. i will create a life of love, joy, and freedom.”
healing your inner child isn’t easy, but it’s life-changing.when you reconnect with that innocent, wounded part of yourself, you’ll find that the love and peace you’ve been searching for has always been within you.
11. foster your inner child’s dreams
when you were a child, your dreams weren’t influenced by fear, rejection, or societal pressures. you dreamed with your heart wide open, purely and authentically. reconnecting with those dreams can heal the part of you that felt unheard or invalidated back then.
a. reflect on your childhood aspirations
• sit down and ask yourself:
• what did i want to be when i was 5? 10? 13?
• what made me happiest back then?
• what did i lose interest in because someone told me i wasn’t good enough?
• write down every dream, no matter how “unrealistic” it seems.
hint: those childhood dreams often point to your soul’s calling.
b. start chasing those dreams now
• even if your dreams have evolved, find ways to honor the essence of them.
• wanted to be a singer at 13? start singing lessons or recording yourself.
• wanted to help people? explore careers like psychology, teaching, or coaching.
• don’t hold back.
it’s not about being perfect, it’s about reconnecting with the passion your younger self had.
c. create small wins for your inner child
• maybe 8-year-old you always wanted to paint but never got the supplies. buy yourself a beginner’s set and paint, even if it’s messy.
• maybe 6-year-old you wanted to be a dancer. take a fun dance class and twirl like no one’s watching.
• small wins send the message to your inner child that they are finally being prioritized.
e. validate your inner child’s feelings and failures
• remind yourself:
“it’s okay that 10-year-old me struggled with making friends. i was just a child trying my best.”
• instead of shaming yourself for past actions, honor them.
every mistake was a step toward becoming the incredible person you are now.
f. use your dreams to shape your future
• your childhood passions aren’t just hobbies—they’re roadmaps to your authentic self.
• align your current goals with your inner child’s desires.
• if 7-year-old you dreamed of making people smile, maybe your career or side hustle should reflect that.
• if 12-year-old you loved storytelling, find ways to write, act, or share your voice.
fostering your inner child’s dreams doesn’t just heal the past—it builds a future that feels authentic to you. every time you take a step toward those dreams, you’re telling your inner child: “you were always worthy. your dreams always mattered. and now, i’m making them come true for you.”
#manifesting#manifestation#love#long hair#levelling up#girlblogging#flowers#empowerment#dream life#aesthetic#inner child#inner peace#innerstrength#level up#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#tumblr girls#that girl#girlhood#glow up#grabovoi code#strong mentality#mental health#self love#love yourself#female manipulator#positivity#positive mental attitude#positive thoughts#woman empowerment#empoweryourself
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losing ur interest | op81 smau
PAIRING: oscar piastri x fem best friend!reader WARNING(S): kinda angsty SUMMARY: oscar spent the better half of his teens and early twenties pining after his best friend, y/n, with no luck. however, by the time y/n finally sees him in a romantic light, his love is long gone.
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yourusername
liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 91,740 others
yourusername did i jump in the water fully clothed for my bestie only to get one nice shot?? yes yes i did that and u would do it too for a free dinner! 😌
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username she was an employee! and she was gonna get employee of the month period y/n !!!
yourusername yessir🫡 username 🤣🤣
username so... where is this picture you speak of🧍♀️
oscarpiastri 40 cad of food for 1 pic...😐
yourusername not my fault u're so unphotogenic x username oscar bby the public would like to see it pls 🤲🧎♀️
username prettyyyy
landonorris the camera guy always gets the short end of the stick smh guess who paid for my food🤨
yourusername uhm... so anyway the weather was soo nice😋 landonorris woow
oscarpiastri posted to his story!
[ caption: This picture alone is NOT worth a fully paid meal! 2/10 ]
[ tagged: yourusername ]
oscarpiastri
liked by logansargeant, yourfriend, landonorris and 265,880 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri Two best friends in a room, they might...
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username KISS OMG THEY MIGHT FUCKING KISS YESS PLS😭
oscarpiastri 👀👀👀 yourusername ahahahahahaha😂 username ouch...my heart hurts for osc🥹💔 username alright y/n it ain't that funny😐
username AHHJKSH they're so cute omfg
username slowly realising best friends to lovers ain't ever gonna happen with these two😩
landonorris finally give photo credits???🤨
username oop yourusername never 😙❤️
username the way y/n didn't even like the post omg crying and fucking throwing up
username 😭😭 username sigh... nobody talk to me rn 😞
f1gossipofficial
liked by username, username, username and 11,840 others
f1gossipofficial Y/N L/N, Oscar Piastri's long-time childhood best friend, was spotted entering the paddock today! Despite being a fan favourite, she hasn't attended many races and tends to keep to herself.
Nevertheless, fans are thrilled to see Y/N supporting Piastri at this year's Australian Grand Prix!
Best of luck to all drivers today!
view all 531 comments
username y/n on insta: 🤪😆🗣️ y/n at a gp: 🤐😊🙈
username LMAOO ...why is this me tho🥲 username she's so real for that lololol username ntm on my girl now, she's just shy🤣🫶
username it's so clear oscar's in love with her omg
username she's not tho☹️
username imagine if oscar wins today👀👀
username she looks so prettyyyyy <3
username ew she's just there for the money and fame🤢
username "long-term childhood best friend" what's not clicking??? yall just be saying anything smh
yourusername posted to her story!
[ caption: alright boys, time to get on ur zoom 🏎️ ]
[ tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris ]
Twitter
Instagram
oscarpiastri posted to his story!
[ caption 1: When your best friend buys you pizza to make you feel better after a crash 😊 ] [ caption 2: Nevermind she dropped it 🤦♂️ Actually feeling worse now! ]
[ tagged: yourusername ]
A few months later...
Instagram
yourusername posted to her story!
[ caption: the best type of mattress 😌 ]
[ tagged: oscarpiastri ]
ynfanpage
liked by username, username, yourusername and 3,892 others
tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri
ynfanpage guys have you noticed how giddy and touchy y/n's become around oscar ever since his crash at the aus gp??? these are some pics she's posted since then👀👀👀
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username OMG YES IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT IT
username what do you wanna bet she realised she was in love with osc that day??🥺
username IMAGINE. that would actually make so much sense!!! best friend to lovers at last omfg 😍🫶 username my nonna always said "sometimes u have to almost lose someone to realise how much they really mean to u"🥹
username Y/N IS IN THE FUCKING LIKES WTF‼️
username probably by accident🥲 username BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT AN ACCIDENT??? maybe we'll get a hard launch soon omgg
username they're sooo dating lol
oscarpiastri
liked by yourusername, lilyzneimer, logansargeant and 201,888 others
tagged: yourusername, lilyzneimer + more
oscarpiastri Made some new friends at the beach today :)
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username the vibes in these are immaculate🤩
yourusername same time, same place? :)❤️
landonorris where was my invite???
oscarpiastri Non-existent 😊 username lmaoo why are they like this🤣🤣
username is that y/n and osc in the third pic??🧐
username idk but lmk when u figure it out babes
lilyzneimer super fun! nice meeting you guys 💛
oscarpiastri You too 😆
username idk oscar responding to everybody but y/n's comment rubs me the wrong way...🤨
Instagram
lilyzneimer posted to her story!
[ caption: 🍝💛💛 ]
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yourusername
liked by landonorris, lilymhe, riabish and 82,045 others
yourusername beach x (ty lovely waiter for taking my pic for me)
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lilymhe prettiest! 💕
yourusername youuu <33
username where's oscarrrr
username she's so fake😒 how is she super shy at the gp and then so outgoing here smh??
username lmao maybe bc this is her own insta?? like duh she feels comfortable on her own page wtf
landonorris alone?🤨 where's your shadow
yourusername u're so...😭 username LMAOO referring to oscar as her shadow is crazy??💀💀 username i'm cryin🤣🤣
oscarpiastri posted to his story!
[ caption: 😊❤️ ]
[ tagged: lilyzneimer ]
Twitter
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yourusername posted to her story!
[ caption: girls night in? yes, yes pls :) ]
[ tagged: yourfriend + more ]
0:02 ㅇ──────────── 3:17
no part 2!
#f1 smau#f1 fanfic#f1#f1 x reader#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x reader#op81#op81 x reader#op81 imagine#f1 imagine#op81 x you#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri x female reader#oscar piastri fanfic#smau#oscar piastri angst#oscar piastri imagine#f1 instagram au#fanfic#f1 fic#oscar x reader#op81 fic#f1 scenario#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1#oscar piastri one shot#formula 1 x you#oscar piastri x you#f1 fiction
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Attention ...‼️‼️
Hello to all friends, how are you? I am talking to you now and I am in a very bad and difficult situation that you cannot imagine. I am Faten Baroud, 27 years old. I have a family of 6 people, 3 girls, and my older brother Nidal has been missing since the beginning of the war😔. My younger brother Ahmed, who is 14 years old, is a "child."
We depend on him to carry water, food and drink. He works hard to provide us with only bread and water and nothing more. He endures hardships for us.
For a month or more, I have not received any donations. My campaign is going badly and slowly. Gfm is our only hope for survival. 🙏🏻
⚠️The largest donation I receive does not exceed $10. I am suffering to access the internet and communicate with you. I am telling you about my suffering because I am in a place where the internet is not available. I am forced to go out to another place and risk myself to communicate with you and buy an internet card to get better internet to communicate with you, but unfortunately to no avail. I don't find any interaction or any attention...
🚫Unfortunately, I resorted to making a donation campaign to help my family, and this is the best way I did as a girl to help her family in these difficult and dangerous circumstances...
Despite all this, we are now suffering from famine, not just food famine. I am now living a food and drink famine. For 3 months, I have been speaking and spreading that I need clean drinking water, but there is no response to my suffering. No one feels. There are children in my family, and they are the children of my brother who was lost at the beginning of the war. We are responsible for them. They sleep every day thirsty. Imagine that your children sleep thirsty every day! 💔😭
Even the simplest basics of food, which is bread, the price of a bag of bread has reached $40, and a bag of flour has reached 700 shekels, which is about $200, and it will not be worth this amount. It is flour full of worms, weevils, and disgusting insects, but this is what is available. I cannot buy it. It has a bad smell, but this is the best available.
Even as I am talking to you now, I am sick and infected with the influenza virus and a high temperature (fever), and I can't even buy a fever reducer. This is all due to malnutrition and the lack of warm clothes and blankets to warm our bodies in the winter.
I feel ashamed and helpless that I can't buy medicine for me and my family. I was a doctor who treated all patients, and now I do not have $1 to treat myself.
You can save us this time, the situation is very difficult ...
Our life is in your hands
@c-u-c-koo-4-40k @a-shade-of-blue @roadimusprime @90-ghost @quezify @wellwaterhysteria @wellfine @wander-bunnies @dlxxv-vetted-donations @lesbianmaxevans @jezior0 @zivazivc @zigcarnivorous @z0urcherri @heydreamchild @girlinafairytale @bunnypotions @labutansa @maester-cressen @magic-can @noble-kale @neptunerings @importantt-reblogs @iphigeniacomplex @phenakistoskope @appsa @greenwingspino @nytirri @naggingatlas @classychassiss @pcktknife @paper-mario-wiki @crapscicle @90-ghost @yetisidelblog @yellowis4happy @sporesgalaxy @vilethot @mushroomjar @xxlunawarriorxx @eastgaysian @escaramelo @rinboz @rottencore @turtletoria @thundergrace @the-meme-monarch @komsomolka @killy @thatsonehellofabird
#palestine#important#help palestine#free palestine#gaza#all eyes on gaza#all eyes on palestine#free gaza#gaza aid#gaza donation#gaza fights for freedom#gaza fundraiser#gaza gfm#gaza genocide#palestine genocide#gaza gofundme#gaza strip#gaza under siege#save palestine#palestine solidarity#long live palestine#palestine news
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Going to the Hero Awards with Katsuki for the first time:
You and Mina had been doing prep ALL DAY. The hair, the makeup, final dress fittings, you name it. It was kinda nice, like a self pampering that was being funded by the best boyfriend of all time. Katsuki had given you his card and told the both of you to go nuts. He had to work the day of so he’d be getting home just in time to get ready and leave.
Mina had helped you pick out the cutest dress you’d even seen and it was orange to match Katsuki’s hero theme. Your other accessories being black with slight hints of green here and there.
You’re not gonna lie, you were VERY nervous. This was a big award for him. He’d ended up being number six at the last one and this was the year he breaks into the top 5.
Kats has been acting like it’s not a big deal but you’ve been able to feel how anxious he’s really been. So tonight you were gonna focus on holding yourself together and being there for him in whatever way he needed.
You were touching up your makeup just a little when you heard the front door open. He’s running behind.
“Fuck, I know I’m late. I gotta hop in the shower and FUCK! I never picked up my clothes from the-“, he was pacing around the room like a madman.
“Hey, hey.” And you placed your hands on his shoulders to steady him for a minute. “I have your clothes, they’re hanging up in the closet above your shoes. I have your hair stuff laid out on the counter and you might wanna get a quick shave in too.” You say as you run your hands along his stubble.
And he takes a deep breath. And then another.
“Thanks, I got sidetracked at work and time got away from me.”
“ ‘s fine. You’ve got time. Go ahead and hop in the shower and let me know if your need anything, yeah?”
He leans down a places a soft kiss to your forehead and then heads for the bathroom.
Yeah, this was gonna be a long night.
When Katsuki comes out of the bathroom he’s gotta towel wrapped around his waist and he’s looking a lot more himself.
You were sitting down putting on your shoes, but you stop and look up because you noticed he’s not moving anymore.
“What’s wrong?” You ask him.
“You look…… incredible” and the way you start blushing is insane. You cant even make eye contact with him. His compliments are usually never that straightforward. It shocked you a bit.
“Thanks” you whisper softly. And then outta the corner of your eye you see him striding toward you.
“Kats-“ but your lips are covered by his and you just know he’s gonna be covered in your lipstick.
When he pulls back he has a full grin on his face.
“Damn, I feel a lot better now. Gonna have the hottest woman on my arm and I’m gonna finally be in the top 5. Was worried about nothin.”
The smile that shines in your eyes is worth a million dollars.
“You’re not gonna have any of that if you don’t finish getting dressed so we can leave.” And you start pushing him away. “Go. Hurry up”
“Yeah yeah, ‘m goin” he mumbles as he walks away.
“And wipe the lipstick off your face” you shout behind him.
You guys manage to make it just before the doors close for the event and you’re sat at a table with Eijirou and Mina.
They go through the whole spiel of course before they start announcing the Hero’s in their order.
This year Pinky was number 18 which was 6 whole spots higher than last year and Red Riot broke into the top 10 sitting at number 8. You cheered so loud for your friends, but you didn’t fail to notice that Kats hand had slipped into yours and was holding on pretty tight.
He kept a straight face but he was beyond wrecked on the inside. You look over at him and give the the most encouraging smile you can muster.
The numbers continued to be listed off they’d finally gotten into the top 5. He hadn’t heard his name at 5 or 4.
“Coming in as the number 3 Hero in Japan, Great Explosion Murder God: Dynamight. “
He’d broken into the top 3!! You looked over at him and his face was as stoic as ever. Ever the cool man on the outside. This man leaned over, placed a quick kiss to your lips and then walked onto the stage to accept his prize.
“Ugh, yea I worked hard for this. It’s well deserved. Thanks to my agency and the best girl a guy could ask for…. Next year I’ll be number 1.” And then He just walks off.
Everyone else had given these heartfelt speeches but his was of course sweet simple and to the point.
Katsuki has grown up, doesn’t mean he’s changed all that much.
Number 1 ends up being Izuku for the second year in a row. When he walks past Katsuki they hug and congratulate each other. You were happy to see how far their relationship had come.
After the awards are given out, they had back to their seats and you guys have dinner. After, Everyone goes around congratulating and thanking. Most of them kissing ass really, but you digress. You’re in the middle of talking to some agent you really have no interest in talking to when you feel a warm arm wrap around your waist.
“I’m taking her now.”, you hear him say as he starts dragging you off.
“Hey, that was really rude.”
“Too damn bad. I’m number 3 hero, I do what I want” he says and you can hear the smirk on his face.
“Where are you taking me, Mr. Bigshot” ?
“Home. We came, we saw, we conquered. Now I get to have my real prize all to myself.
“And what would that be?” You ask as coyly as you can muster.
“Obviously you dummy. Wanna see how good that dress looks bunched around your waist” he whispers against your ear.
That has you walking with a pep in your step to get out to your car and home.
This had turned out to be a lot better than you’d expected it to.
Katsuki Masterlist
@dreamcastgirl99
#tootietalks#imagine#bakugou x reader#mha fanfiction#bakugou drabble#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou katsuki#drabble#katsuki bakugo mha#bakugo headcanons#fluff#katsuki bakugo#katsuki bakugou#bakugo#bakugou#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugo katsuki#katsuki#bnha katsuki
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