#everything feels flat
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#not to be depressing in new year's eve but i feel so shit right now...#all year i've been so out of myself not enjoying anything#and what i do manage to enjoy takes up like an hour of my life and then it becomes disappointing#that's how i would describe the past few months... disappointing#everything feels flat#I can't manage to hold on to a good feeling for more than an hour or two#i have absolutely no hope for the future and I don't even care about that anymore#nothing feels worth anything anymore#and what's really solidifying that feeling today of all days#is the fact that every year since before I was born my family celebrates new years eve#a few years ago the celebrations changed since my extended family decided to cut us out a bit but my mom brother and i still celebrate#we get yummy food play fun games and just spend the night together until midnight when we toast and go to bed#well this year it's 10:30 and we're already in bed doing the same things we do every day#being on our phones or watching a movie or whatever on our own#and it's just disappointing again#idk if it's the break of the tradition or the fact that the new year doesn't feel important this time#but i feel so fucking sad and numb and depressed#i hate it#I don't even feel like saying the usual ''hope 2024 is better'' shit#i just don't care and i don't think it's gonna be better... it's gonna be the same old shit and it's gonna be disappointing#nothing matters anymore and i don't think anyone fucking cares#i feel so numb...#i don't even know what the point of this post is... sorry about that#hope y'all's new years eve is better than mine (or new year's day idk your time zones)#angel talks#personal
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Who would win?
The desire to continue writing my fic?
Or writers block
#itsallmine#big old orz#I HAVE IDEAS#I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO HAPPEN#BUT CAN I WRITE DOWN WHAT I WANT TO HAPPEN???#NO????????#everything feels flat#I need to give it a break#might start publishing the first chapter or something#but come on brain. wrk pls
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truly one of those zs top hits moments
#my art#one piece#zosan#i could do one of those 'give a 20min presentation with no prep time' things re: Thriller Bark Moment#i just think that they (gestures very violently)#i also tried something new with my flats! trying to get more texture in ways that feel 'natural'#procreate has been amazing for sketching/lines but csp is still where i gotta go for everything else (my 8yr love/hate affair)#one piece tag
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anyways . silly thing
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#animatic#i want it done.get out of here u stupid dog#ITS CHEESY.IM SORRY ! IMSORRY <embarrassed .truly#but i think. a gf revival would not be complete w/o me trying my hand at a shitty animatic. this 1 is for me dwg#as annoying as the whole process was it was kind of fun ngl. . like ive never been good at keeping a consistent style or chara model#and this was rly good practice for that .. i think looking at it now its like. no its crazxy its insane bc i dont ever want to do it again#at least in the immediate future but watching it back im like ok well.icouldve at least done that better. or tried to loosen up my vp and#made it feel less flat . <thats the devil talking & trying to get u back in on it.thats what i mean liike its fun but its evil and tiring#also im so creatively burnt out ik i couldve done so many fun ciphord gore things but i ug a 'shrug' pff 'shrug' i ?. yk#if only i didnt have the disposition to want to finish everything in one sitting. i think thats why i like static illustration#more bc u get more like. topical variety in a shorter amt of time u feel. anyways i remember hearing this song 4 the first time and in#my need to apply everything ever to my hyperfix i was like omg crop circles soo stanford lol. omg a deal he made when he was young.. & no#it doesnt feel so great does it .. (ciphordd)..then the eyes & fate i was alr convinced but when it got 2 the stanley part ab the taking hi#fathers brothers name i was like ok well fuck filbrick 1 . but rewritten for canon events anyways HELLO???????? AND U WILL DIE THE SAMEE?#much cooler version is still stuck in my head but i hope that u can get the same rudimentary vision i have
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I would really like to read one piece of writing, amateur or not, that features Apollo and Zeus having a positive relationship. One. Any one. It could be 30 words long for all I care. I just need confirmation that one other writer actively producing content in the Greek Mythology sector doesn't think of Apollo as Zeus' toy, sexual or otherwise, or of Zeus purposefully surpressing Apollo because he doesn't want him to surpass his power, or of Apollo only being obedient to his father over all else because of fear and physical abuse, or of any other reason possibly invented except some sort of mutual understanding and respect.
It should not be this difficult to find content where they do not hate each other.
#ginger rambles#I am at the end of my rope actually#None of my stuff is long enough to post on ao3 but fuck it I'll just post wips here#This is ridiculous#Like categorically ridiculous I feel like I'm going insane#One or two Apollo whumps is fine#cool even when written well#but oh my god everything?? All of it???#Really???#Shoutout to that one fic on ao3 that was doing snapshots of Zeus being a good dad to all his kids#And just hasn't got around to the Apollo chapter yet#I am praying for you Author you hold one of my last threads of sanity#I'll post some stuff about Apollo and Zeus in the early days sometime soon#I'm actually just flat out annoyed now lol#zeus#apollo#writing
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request!
sorry if you've done this already, but what would Ghost and Soap's first leave together look like? could be sfw or nsfw, everything is up to you
yes yes yesss this is sfw because my descriptive brain took over, also autistic ghost supremacy 🫶🫶
ghost x soap
Simon wasn't ready to meet Johnny's family yet. Hell, they'd only been dating five or so months before deciding to stick with each other on leave, and by that point it was far too stressful and overwhelming to think about meeting a whole bunch of new people to mask around and make good impressions. Ghost needed the time off to re-regulate, and honestly, Soap wasn't up to introducing a boyfriend he had barely warned his mother about beforehand.
So instead the two taxi'd over to Manchester from the airport, arriving at a tiny, cheap flat with even cheaper security cameras dotted on each outside wall and above the front door. "Enough of a deterrent, even if half don't work," explains Simon, seeing Johnny looking around curiously. He unlocks the door and pushes it open an inch, baited breath for a couple of moments as he appears to listen for anything unusual, before opening the door properly, flicking on the warm overhead lights and pulling Soap in by the hand, who gazes at the inside of his flat whilst Ghost locks the door again.
"Dinnae take you for an interior designer, Lt," John grins, glancing at the taller man before going back to admiring the space. It's dusty, sure, but otherwise not quite as awful as expected, and although cramped, holds a feeling of comfort and rest. The two are standing in the kitchen, cupboards naked oak wood and counters hand-painted daffodil yellow, the honey-coloured floor tiles chipped but superglued back together. The image of Si sitting cross-legged on the ground fixing them fills Soap's mind, his heart fluttering at how domestic his lieutenant suddenly seems.
There isn't a wall between the kitchen and living room, and Johnny takes that opportunity to wonder straight through, taking note of a comfy-looking secondhand sofa to cuddle up on together later. An old TV with a jumble of cables is stood upon a coffee table, which simultaneously doubles as an actual coffee table, evident by a few mismatched coasters with just as many water marks as the surface they're supposed to be protecting. Splintering wood in the tried-to-be-aesthetic bare floorboards are covered by a granny rug which contrasts the baby blue walls surprisingly well. Two doors lead off from the living room, and Ghost walks over to the first one, opening it to show the other.
"Bathroom," he comments as if it isn't obvious. There's nothing extraordinary about it, but Soap does notice his unwavering loyalty here and on base to his very specific shower products - of course. He nods and they move on, entering the fourth room. Si hovers at the doorway whilst Johnny wanders inside, taking in the bedroom.
Most of the space is taken up by a double bed pressed up in the far corner, white paint on the metal frame missing in spots, showing its age. The bedding is black with little bone prints patterning it, soft cotton and all matching. Shoved next to the bed is a chest of drawers, one of the handles missing and replaced with a nail bashed into the wood. Hung up precariously on the picture rail over it is Simon's formal uniform - clearly unused for years due to his skilful avoidance of social events. Again, the floor is stripped of carpet (the bedroom in slightly safer condition than in the living room) and the walls are painted, this time a pale pink and dotted with glow-in-the-dark plastic stars.
"Never got them as a kid," Ghost mutters, gesturing to the stars and then the general soft colours of his flat. He shuffles awkwardly on his feet, avoiding eye contact - and subsequently his boyfriend's loving smile too. "You want something to eat? I don't have anything," he adds quickly.
"We can go doon to the chippy?" John suggests, walking over to kiss him tenderly. "Or if you don't feel like seein' people, I could order us something." The taller man nods at the second option, then proceeds to wrap his arms around Soap's waist, burying his face into the crook of his neck and pressing his lips to the skin, simply savouring his warm embrace.
"I love you, Johnny. I'm happy you're here."
The next few days go by far too quick for either's liking. They're spent with long mornings just laying in bed, doing fuck all on their phones in the oddest cuddle positions known; alternatively, smothering each other in hugs and kisses until they have to give them attention until they're satisfied. Time is spent plodding around the flat, wearing pyjama trousers and fluffy socks and with blankets draped over their bare shoulders.
Meals are cooked with very little skill but a whole lot of try, so at least that's something. Neither go out much; just to the shops when they need something or one night to get fish and chips from the good place across the street. They eat sitting on the countertop or the sofa, watching some shitshow with a laugh track that winds Simon up.
Evenings involve making out during conversation, quietly murmuring and laughing between kisses, chests pressed together so their hearts can talk directly. Ghost realises he's never felt so safe and content on leave before this one night when they're lying in bed, a dim lamp the only light in the room as he runs his fingers through Soap's hair, now slightly curly from growing out whilst not on base. It's quiet, but not in the lonely, terrifying way it usually is when he's alone in the flat, left to his own thoughts for however long between deployments.
Maybe, just maybe, leave will become something that he doesn't dread anymore. And perhaps next time - he thinks, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's forehead and flicking off the lamp - it might be nice to meet Johnny's family.
#thank you for the request!!!#i feel like in general their first leave together would be a little awkward#ghost wouldnt really know how he's supposed to act with a guest in his flat#but the guest is soap so everything's all good#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#ghoap#soapghost#ghostsoap#cod fluff#soap x ghost#ghost x soap#autistic simon ghost riley
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do you think the reason agatha’s trial felt weird is because she was the only one who did not actually buy into the mythos of the road since she knew the truth? like that was why no perspective change and all the other reasons why people thought it was a fake trial
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#txt#i really liked the idea behind how the witches road came to be#like showing her and nicky coming up with the lyrics and everything#but i felt like there was a lot of these last two episodes that felt weird or jarring#i think that’s partly the fault of it being such a short run time for the whole show in general (tbh that’s probably like most of it)#but there were just also weird choices? idk#like jen’s big declaration about protecting them in honor of Lilia or w.e and then just.. flying off to nowhere??#or the way Both billy and agatha kept switching how they felt about each other with like every sentence#I did really like her thing where she helped him get tommy a body though#and her and rios vibes were off too. like it felt like there should have been a little more build up before they fought after the road?#like when they were still talking on the road it felt like they could have done more with it#just like jen getting her powers back could have been more#or billy standing up for agatha could have been more#billy’s homecoming and attempting to banish agatha too#I liked that his parents were there but it was so quick and then he just.. leaves again?? no problem?? and I guess they’re fine with it now#like it felt like the things they did well. they did really well#while everything else felt.. idk.. kinda flat?#which honestly was the same feeling I had after watching agatha’s trial episode#honestly this show need at least another 3 or 4 episodes if not more#and I know people are going to make this all about agatha and rio but i really don’t think that’s the issue#i do think the story could have benefited more from showing more of their actual backstory or a few more interactions with them or just#like i said earlier done more with what they had. again that scene on the road before rio dips could have been used way more effectively#and I don’t mean in like having them be soft or lovey like I know a lot of people wanted (never be against that) but I don’t think it was#needed.. but Something was??#i feel like overall what everyone went through on the road didn’t actually truly effect them or change them?#like jen left. agatha and rio were like back to liek the road never happened. everyone else but billy is dead#i think the only person who was truly changed was maybe billy?#which makes the whole journey feel so unsatisfying? like things could still have ended the same while still showing them changed? idk
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I’m not surprised honestly, but I don’t need an award to validate how much I love it. Veilguard is my personal goty, that being said if it can’t be that. Go Metaphor!
that is very true.
i'm just feeling some kind of ways about the positive aspects being completely dismissed in favour of endless criticisms, some deserved and some not.
the same thing happened with inquisition back when it released.
it's funny when i see large parts of the fandom - and even outside of that - now getting misty-eyed over it.
i do remember all the thinkpieces back then on how the inquisitor is actually the worst protagonist, the companions the weakest, the tone too goofy, the plot and chars too railroaded, the lore and stories retcon'd and/or ignored, and so on and so.
i talked about this before and i suppose it's the cycle of bioware games and the bioware fandom at this point. in additions to that, we sadly live in a time now where grifters picked up on it and i do genuinely think that influenced the decision process to some degree.
#also i should add to clarify: i do not mean legitimate criticism i do mean things that are criticised that are either flat-out wrong#explained or make sense given the make of the series as a whole#anyhow i remember all the endless criticisms of inquisition#and i see v much how it influenced veilguard#it's the game most ppl asked for going by the relentless criticism & dissection of da3#and now it in turn gets criticised for the things it tried to correct#the not the chosen one protag#the sanitisation of social and religious issues of factions#of countries and kingdoms#etc etc etc#it's ironic#very fandom#this is ofc only one aspect of everything that made the game what it is for good and bad#but i do think it's one that cannot be overlooked#i suddenly feel nostalgic for bioware... have been here since bg2 & tob#i was there gandalf i was there 3000 years ago#text: personal#text: asks
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guy who is so not worried n just goofin
#beatneku#neku sakuraba#daisukenojo bito#dork art#drawing ryoji was giving me beat thoughts bc those were my number ones as a kid sigh#there was more sketches but i frankly dont feel like redrawing them rn bc the file crashing was not a joke lol#i was gonna keep this as flats bc of that too n also bc i need to be comfortable not finishing stuff but then i had to. sigh#actually im changing the caption: this file crashed badly a few nughts ago n deleted Everything it was agonizing lol#remember to save ur stuff even if u thought u did#sidenote i still refuse to believe these two are 18-19 n not 25-26
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i need..... zest in my life....
#unfortunately this usually requires money to access things that may give me zest#i am feeling so so so so flat. and bad#whatever fancy label u wanna stick on it - i got that thing thats like yeah i'd like to do things however that is not enough#to convince me to do things#and when i do things i start em and then go ummmm this sucks#everything SUCKS
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the worst part is i can't even say he's wrong. they certainly did figure out how to contribute the city by joining the wrgp. but like. this is one of those things where it literally does not make sense. this is insane levels of logic. "we're not sure how to contribute to the city. we think entering a magic the gathering tournament will help." like. imagine saying that fr when your parents ask what you're going to do after you graduate college. "idk. thought i'd play card games and figure it out, man"
#yugioh 5ds#yusei fudo#anya rewatches yugioh 5ds sub#i'm cackling over this#like dude you FUCKIN SAVED THE CITY#ushio calling this out too with like ''uhm. you guys kinda saved the city? you don't have to prove anything?''#and they never fully answer why they feel they have to prove something#they just do#arguably this implies an insane level of overachieving from yusei crow and jack#since they're not satisfied with JUST saving the city#but like. it does kinda suck that neither crow nor jack got to move on from playing card games with this set up?#yusei moves on to working on the moment - that works SO MUCH with this statement#and their statements made here#i suppose if you take jack's ''the team that wins will have glory'' statement at face value him continuing to do dueling also makes sense#but it also DOESN'T because like. he ALREADY HAD glory. he's the fuckin former king#this tournament changes nothing. he continues on as if he's still trying to reach it#and it just. there's a lot with jack's writing this season i WILL NOT get into#but oh my god jack atlas is a woman to me the way she was mishandled#and crow's... a lot of it falls so fuckin flat#the three boys were ROBBED but also yusei fully never gets to ever reclaim being a teenager#he ends the series forced into a role he never once indicated he wanted#following the footsteps of his father who he never once indicated he wanted to follow the footsteps of#yusei's character suffers because the show never bothers to address this constant hero complex he has#it's never confronted in any MEANINGFUL way like atem and judai's were#atem's hero complex cost him everything in the waking the dragons arc for example#and judai's led him straight down the path of becoming the supreme king#but for yusei? it's never like. deconstructed. ever.#and it feels like suuuuch a missed moment to go hey yusei. you do not have to be the hero of the city. you are a teenage boy.#what you have done for the city IS ENOUGH you do not owe your life to everyone
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hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.
guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there
#text#it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys.#we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh.#every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture#this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede#like ok in fandoms right. theres often#the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas#we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit#by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now#and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful#but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times.#metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone.#and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like.#ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet#but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all.#its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars#maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all.#but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things.#anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything#i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want
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Yearly redraw number 9!!!!!
[Image ID: A digital painting of a girl resting on a ledge. She strikes a casual pose, popping a bubblegum bubble and scratching the back of her head. She's dressed in a 2010s-skater-grunge sort of style with a pair of high waisted jorts, denim vans, mismatched slouchy socks, a black tank top, and a ratty, splatter-painted overshirt that says "PUKE" in bold block letters. In the foreground beside her, a skateboard with the same splatter-paint design, and mismatched wheels matching her socks, is propped against the wall. It's covered in stickers, including some cats, a lesbian flag, and a bumper sticker that says "defund the M****rfuckers" with asterisks. The background is a placid suburban scene in watercolor style, with trees casting dappled shadows over the foreground. The sun is low in the sky, as though it were both early morning and late afternoon at the same time. Her large yellow headphones and pink gum bubble create a visual link between her and the wheels of her skateboard, as though the skateboard were a part of her. END ID]
#yearly redraw#dairydraws#character design#character art#skater girl#skater aesthetic#i really tried this year to make her look like part of an environment#every year i do this and it does kinda just feel like she's propped against a flat backdrop#this one i really wanted levels of depth to the scene#i also used a perspective guide this year! yippeeeeee!!!!!#i had to redo her pose a few times#i was trying to thread the line between kind of like a staged hot girl pinup photo and like#a candid incidental look into a quiet moment where she happened to be sitting like that#i realized that breaking the unwavering eye contact she's had with the viewer for the past 8 years helped with capturing that second vibe#i fucked up with the shadows a bit because there's definitely kind of an illusion that she's floating above the wall instead of sitting on#but i really like how i placed everything in the frame this year. maybe not the house but like all of the main focal objects feel nice#last year i told myself i wanted to go more abstract with it next time and then this year i was like. nah#im sick of cartoons. time to give a shit about anatomy#and then i still kinda gave her a broken neck anyways. ahh whatever#i also gave her a sunburn!!!! to make it seem like she's been outside all summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#paintings
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TOS-Era Michael Burnham
#Michael Burnham's in-denial 'burned out high achiever' swag...#Michael Burnham#Michael Burnham art#whenever I picture Michael in my head she is troubled by something so tha t's how I tend to draw her...that + Vulcan upbringing#the Michael Burnham in my head is so powerful...flat affect and limited facial expression queen <3#she feels the entire spectrum of human emotions but doesn't fully understand them in herself or others <3#<- my headcanon...everything I ever say abouther is headcanon#the ONLY clip I've seen of her was when she showed up on the ship in her red robe (KILLER look)#and when that lady Georgie(?) said (paraphrased) 'we're a good ship - more or less'#Michael looked her DEAD in the eye and said 'less.' HEHEHE#I wish Discovery seemed to have more of Michael acting Vulcan-ish but it seems like she acts more human pretty much right away which isn't#what I personally want to see v_v not that it makes the show bad or anything - I just want to see very specific things HEHEH#also I literally cant with people who're like 'Why's her name Michael when she's a girl?' there are ALIENS. there's a guy named NOG. HEHEHE#bea art tag#st discovery#st discovery art
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i swear to god there is nothing better than taking a shower and climbing into bed after putting on a freshly washed blanket and sheets
#and guess who just finished making their bed 😏#i relate so much to edd's bed making kink lmao#i have a whole system#soft pillows go in patterned shams#firm go in solid color shams#flat sheet MUST be smooth and tucked into the elastic of the fitted sheet#blanket must be folded like an envelope inside#its nothing groundbreaking but if i dont do it ill feel fucked up#my friend is shocked that i sleep with a flat sheet.....like yeah dude thats what youre supposed to do#and thinks its weird that i tuck everything in#do you not understand that i need to be swaddled#and a made bed just looks better yknow
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#so anyway i’m on a train and this is my quick recap#of what i’ve been up to the last year#firstly i found out i have adhd because i was so burnt out and anxious i was sent to the hospital with a suspected heart attack lol#which they’re currently looking into to see if i have any heart problems or just anxiety 24/7 🙃#either way it’s been a great explanation for why i find everything so difficult everyday when i didn’t even know i was finding it hard 😐#my mum also almost died which was very much not fun and a little traumatising#i also can’t remember if i mentioned this before i disappeared (i must have) but i bought my own flat here in london which was my lifes goal#and i’ve spent the last like 8 months renovating to my own taste#it’s been a crazy and overwhelming experience doing all#of this by myself#but nether the less she persisted !!!!#and i’m finally in!!!#living alone? would highly recommend#and lastly this genocide has broken my heart completely and disrupted my ability to enjoy a lot of things and was why i wouldn’t bring#myself to come on here and talk about things that really didn’t matter in comparison#i have a friend directly effected and i feel v personally effected as someone who is west asian/muslim#so yeah it’s been difficult#and then the liam news hit me like a truck#it’s just been a Time#and the months slipped away from me like water#the only good thing that’s happened i guess is that i discovered sleep token this year and they immediately became my favourite band#i’m seeing them next month and have had them on repeat non stop#so apologies in advance for turning into a sleep token blog lol
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