#somehow it was worse than I remembered!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

running-in-the-dark · 2 years ago

Text

I just tried rollerskating outside again for the first time since last year and oooof it's so bad, I'm so bad at it, the pain is so bad, everything about it is very very bad

#somehow it was worse than I remembered!!#it's not even that I'm too scared now. that's better thanks to the meds.#it's mostly that my body fucking sucks. I guess it should be obvious that if walking for 10 minutes hurts a lot. rollerskating would hurt #even more.#but somehow it still surprises me every time! I'm in so. much. pain.#and no it's not just regular sore muscles. I know what that feels like. no it's so much worse. sore muscles never felt like this.#I know because my body was fine-ish until I was like 20 so I know what that felt like.#anyway I'm in pain and I'm lying on the couch now and won't get up for a long time 🙃#and last year it didn't get better either. it hurt the same or even more every single time #I've tried all the advice I could find. I did exercises to get my muscles used to those specific motions. it didn't help #soooo I'm thinking I just.. shouldn't try this year. it feels so bad because I really want to get better at it but I don't think the pain #is worth it...#I'm willing to be in pain after I paint or write or whatever... that brings me so much joy that I can live with the pain...#but so far rollerskating doesn't do that. without the pain it could. but it's pretty much instant. sooo I don't think I should try again #for a while at least...#😭😭#personal

4 notes · View notes

cjlouwho · 1 month ago

Text

✌🏻

#I’d just like one day that I get to enjoy without every happy moment being ruined #by a family member mentioning my dad and the way he died #it sends me to my own private hell #and I’d love to just enjoy a day #I remember writing how bad my birthday was because my mom wouldn’t stop mentioning my dad and how he died #she even got me gifts from him and wrote as though he was writing #and then talked about his death all day #and while I didn’t get gifts from him #the rest was pretty much the same #and I miss him too. like horribly bad #but I also talked with him about death a lot #and he told me how he’d hate for our lives to center around his death #and he’d hate for us to not be happy #so I try and I try and I try #but it’s like it’s not allowed here #because my mom’s grief- according to her- is worse than mine #because I didn’t choose my dad but she chose her husband #and somehow that makes all the difference #and ‘while I know you’ve never had a Christmas without him I haven’t had one without him since we dated…’#why can’t both of our pain just be pain??#and why can’t we be allowed to make happy memories now?#sorry for rambling it’s been a long and v hard day

29 notes · View notes

shortnotsweet · 6 months ago

Text

APPLES IN THE SKY (excerpt from THE THRILLING AND NOT AT ALL REPETITIVE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MAN AND KID DANGER: “A CHRONOLOGY OF ENTIRELY TRUE AND HEROIC EVENTS COINCIDING WITH THE END OF HISTORY”) [1] [2] [3] [4]

[ Henry’s face is unreadable. In the background, desert mountains and vegetation rush past. Smoke rises in the distance, backlighting ambiguous red shapes that could be plant life, flaming crosses, or even ominous figures. The camera cuts to the back of the car with the invalid license plate reading “HERO”, speeding towards a red horizon. Ray twists back in his seat with a smile, reflected in the lens of Henry’s sunglasses. In the review mirror, Henry’s expression is contemplative. The shot pans to a bird’s eye view of the car eating up highway miles. ]

Charli XCX’s “Apple” from BRAT (2024): “I guess the apple could turn yellow or green. I know there's lots of different nuances to you and to me—I wanna grow the apple, keep all the seeds, but I can't help but get so angry you don't listen to me. To the airport—the airport.”

PANEL NOTES:

The smoke is an implication of wildfires in the surrounding area, which Henry and Ray simply drive past because there’s nothing else to do. Maybe those days are behind them. Maybe they’re just not adept in the art of firefighting, and the bigness of a wildfire is too rural or too raw for them to even adress. I think there’s a sort of irony to it, and it’s either heroes ignoring a disaster past their prime or simple not caring; they’re speeding off into an undefined future and therefore no longer grappling with apathy, but sliding into it. Thus, the road is interpreted as a junction between natural conflict running its course and urban obligation.

This was vaguely inspired, albeit not lifted directly, from my millionth or so reread of “Cuticle Tear” by atbash on AO3. Granted, it takes place in a broken-down truck and is not needlessly melodramatic, but AO3 user atbash does more with obligatory dialogue and omitted assumptions than I could do in 20 panels or so.

Specifically, the lyric “‘cause I’ve been looking at you so long now I only see me. I wanna throw the apple into the sky, feels like you never understand me, so I just wanna drive…” struck me as somewhat in line with the feeling—and example—I got from the fic.

Of course, neither yellow or green are used in the actual color palette, but the song carries themes of intertwined identity and generational effects passed down. I think Ray has imparted a lot of the best and worst things about himself to Henry, through the means of their friendship, professional, and mentor relationship. He’s not his dad. It’s worse, almost, that he’s not, because then it would at least be hereditary.

“Apple” is my favorite BRAT (2024) song right now, so of course it’s stuck in my head; I think there’s a flippant, escapist quality to it and can imagine two friends listening to it on the highway, checking out, but also—there’s not quite a realization, more like an unspoken feeling that what you are is a product. And it’s someone else’s fault. And when you look at each other, you’re seeing something else, or maybe you’re trying to. There’s something distantly escapist and obviously upbeat about the song, but there’s a disdain there, too.

It’s hardly visible, but the license plate on the car reads “HERO” singular, which is invalid but implies they have either a fake plate or Swellview is just so strange that their town itself has exceptions as to how they’re issued, again violating the laws and conventional physics of surrounding territory. They’re a weird exception, as always, and they’re getting away with it.

Their identities are so intertwined at this point that theyre conflated, so there’s an obligatory ego flattening going on as well as an erasure of both or one of them—most likely Henry’s—to accommodate. You might call it being a teammate, although how Henry feels about it after all this time is unsure.

Ray did this to him, the good and the bad doesn’t matter; it’s the fact that he did it.

#henry danger #henry hart #captain man #ray manchester #henray #dangerverse #kid danger #my art #smt smt smt this is the most depressing roadtrip thats ever occurred that just wasnt a straight up kidnapping #blah blah blah he’s not his dad but if he was this would be worse almost. or better. there would be an excuse somehow.#ok i had to repost bc smt the app went all weird and i got paranoid #their identities are so intertwined that its a joint thing and henry knows but cant even say it out loud because that’ll break the illusion #and its almost worse to find out than to wonder. so he’s looking at him and thinking do you remember me. in the sense that however much ray #sees him as that little sidekick or extension of himself vs a seperate entity is so ambiguous it might not even matter.#anyway just girl things to think about tehehehe

50 notes · View notes

icewindandboringhorror · 9 days ago

Text

recent things and such~

#photo diary #image 1 - kind of interesting lacy looking clouds. Image 2 - pinky purple sunset stuff #image 3 - These REALLY cool flowers I saw in a field ? growing wild so like.. weeds I guess. but I like the color of them and how the #petals are small and layered. Image 4 & 5 - More recent hair growth progress. I still think it will never get much longer because #it's been basically the same lenght for multiple years now BUT I do feel like maybe it's getting like... just the tiniest bit longer?? Just #not as obvious of progress as the first few years. Like now if I take it out of the braids and actually hold it so it goes straight down th #very tips of the hair on one side goes down to the tip of my pointer finger. and on the other side goes a little past my thumb. and I #remember maybe last year or two years ago it was only to my knuckles or like midway down my thumb. so.. perhaps it's not reached a #maximum genetic possible length just YET as I'd thought it had maybe lol.. perhaps I could slowly gain a cenitmeter or two #here and there gjbjh.. Unfortunately incredibly doubtful it will ever be down to my knees though as I had wished. oh well.#image 6 - writing again... as always... Slowly chipping away... And looking for ways to make it go faster lol. The original premise was 8 #main characters with 6 quests for each. Then it was 5 with 6 quests. Now it's 4 with 4 quests each. And even that I'm like hmm... what #about having only 3... so it could be done faster... lol.. I think mostly just because I have no gaurantee of investment. So it's like #I could spend years and years doing 500.000+ words of writing and then have about 3 people total actually play the game and nobody cares #and nothing ever comes of it. You know? So I have to balance that somehow. And rather that put out the 100% complete version #be putting out like 'here's ENOUGH of it for you to see what the concept is and what it's like. and IF theres any investment then I #can put in the effort to finish the few bits that I left in more of a preview form'' type of thing. And then it's like.. well if I'm #limiting the initial scope anyway - how much is enough to cut away? and how much would be TOO much? etc. etc. I'm pretty sure I #already have it down to a balanced minimum but some days when I'm very stressed over my ability to actually finish anything I'm like..#ehhhh..maybe I could make another main character into a side character.. as a treat lol..#image 7 - cabbage noodle beef stir fry sort of thing. As usual I kind of cook the beef too long because I'm afraid of getting sick if it's #underdone despite preferring medium rare steak lol.. Funnily because usually making something at home has the advantage of you #being able to do it Exactly The Way You Like It whereas me cooking meat is often like.. ah yes.. the worse way that I dont even like. love #to make a tough chewy anxiously overcooked protein puck for myself. :3 Images 8 - 10 -- various plants from the deck. though #some of these pictures are old and they're no longer alive lol.. Most of my plants actually do live through the winter because I #painstakingly move them inside and outside and inside and outside depending on the temperatures. But sometimes.. one cannot #help but be lost. Especially the temperature change sometimes can make them more prone to mold and stuff. and humidity is #hard to control indoors. There's always one or two that deteriorate despite my best efforts. But that's better than every single one of the #dying because they alll freeze when it gets to 20F one night and I left them outside or something lol #ANYWAY.. hrm.. still working on friend quiz thing... and sculptures.. and videos maybe?? costumes... rghhhghhrrr.. (< to do list angst)

9 notes · View notes

lesbiansplaining · 4 months ago

Text

not to bring tiktok drama on tumblr but like every time a ‘scandal’ comes out with one of these ‘production companies’ that make fan films i always hope we’re finally gonna discuss how they professionalize something that should be an hobbyist endeavor… and yet every single time i’m disappointed.

#like I know we’ve been talking about it here on tumblr and i remember seeing like one or two videos on tt about it #but other than that creators really don’t seem to be engaging critically with the impact that the very nature of what they’re doing has #and look i truly do love the art that some of the people involved in the project make #like arone is truly one of the most talented cosplayers i know #ethan is an amazing actor and I’ve followed him since before he was even in the marauders #dorian is a great writer and idk the others as well but I’m sure they are all great artists #((naming the just cause i feel like being vague would be worse in this case))#and i do believe they engaged with the project with the best of intentions #without knowing or trying to afford grace on past controversy #and it truly is a horrible predicament to have your work be tainted like that for something you had no control over #but like i do think we should be questioning the very idea of how this fanfilms have been made is inherently a problem #like fanfilms are essentially fanfiction on camera #so as long as a few cosplayers want to get together with their iphones write a script and shoot at the local park I don’t have a problem #but if you are putting in place a product that somehow requires you to fundraise consistently for two years then I have a problem with it #ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SELLING THE SCRIPT TO DO SO #cause even if that script hadn’t been ai generated #that script is fanfiction and you do. not. sell. fanfiction.#seriously like… do we need to go over our abc again?#like fanart and cosplayers are a bit different in the sense that people sell fanart/do commissions and they can be professional cosplayers #but for any other fanmade project that requires you to put pen to paper (or keyboard to chatgpt ig)#you need to be engaging with several ethical questions regarding any exchange of money #and personally i don’t think that there’s been engagement with those ethical reflections #and this isn’t about any of the people involved and not even about mischief productions specifically #it’s about a wider issue in how we have been collectively normalizing a way of doing things that should not be normal #and like yes star using ai and being overall not good is bad but like can we talk about EVERYTHING ELSE please

19 notes · View notes

shirogane-oushirou · 3 months ago

Text

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch #on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or #old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing #and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me #even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me #housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong #(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display #outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in #some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt #my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's #only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then #disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -

8 notes · View notes

july-19th-club · 25 days ago

Text

reading an academic book about the jacobites right now and charlie. good lord charlie. what if a guy was like baru (insane foreigner (technically, from the same ethnic heritage but never been there and knows little of the language and culture) thrust into position of royalty and war leader of a conquered but rebellious northern territory, alcoholic womanizer with more bad habits than good but people who don't know him fucking love him) but crucially. bad at everything baru's good at

#he couldnt read he couldn't do math he couldnt do strategy taught from day one about a destiny nobody ever adequately prepped him for #fumbled the cause worse than anyone's ever fumbled it but still remembered as a hot cool dude bc he somehow managed good PR #despite for the next forty years becoming more and more of an asshole to everyone in his life until finally he died #right before his daughter. who was named after him. and who spent her own dying years fighting what was probably cancer #AND taking care of his old alcoholic ass. after he drove away both her mother and his ex-wife with his abusive and stingy tendencies #what a guy. fascinated by his entire life. would he still have been a debauched rake prince if he'd won somehow?#was it the product of defeat depression and aristocratic failure to cope with consequence and having only one purpose in life?#or would he have been that guy anyway. i think he would've #but he would've been remembered differently #bonnie prince charlie is an ideal that charlie stuart could only ever be by never setting foot in scotland again in his life

5 notes · View notes

lazaruspiss · 9 days ago

Text

im gonna say it. normies are real and i Do Not trust them...

#thinkin about some of the braindead stuff ive heard over my years in fandom #and its like... unless its dead dove/whump spaces theres always that one guy yknow #even then. im sure there are normies there too somehow.#ig my best description for what i even mean is like #u see smth new/weird/gross/etc in a creative work. if u go 'thats too much and they shouldnt do that' ur a normie #its different from anti tho but thats more confusing to try n explain #uhm.#anti = 'this art is a one to one reflection of their moral values'#normie = doesn't think it auto makes someone evil but just thinks weird art shouldn't exist #like cyberbully creeps vs the kinda guy that marketers base their approaches around #i hate normies but its not a deal breaker for me like i can still be nice #cyberbullies are mean tho. kinda comes w the territory. i dont like that #im not gonna keep calling them antis bc like. they are just cyberbullies at a certain point #im not forgetting the rape/death threats ive seen ppl get haha...#ive gotten less directly threatening hatemail but ive still gotten hatemail. which. its still cyberbullying lol #lol i was so ready to just be a normie hater for a min but then i Remembered... it gets much worse than normies...

4 notes · View notes

whoslaurapalmer · 9 months ago

Text

I was listening to the penultimate peril audiobook on my phone but I wanted to play meow tower and hear the cute little music so I went 'I'll put the netflix episode on'

I couldn't do it. I was filled with such unspeakable rage I had to put on something else

#there ARE things i like in the episodes but going from the book. to the show. getting smacked with show!kit #who is always WORSE than i remember. somehow. made me so angry #it's 2024 and yet i will never stop being angry at you netflix!!!!!!!!!

11 notes · View notes

molloytheboy · 2 years ago

Text

hey quick question um

is it even possible to open TVL without getting fucking slapped in the face

#needed to refresh myself on the hands incident for a fic and its somehow even worse than i remembered 😭#and this is just the preamble #vc #nickistat

39 notes · View notes

castleinthemist · 1 month ago

Text

#somehow these are much worse than i remember them looking LMAO #taupe replays misery cord

3 notes · View notes

demento-mori · 5 months ago

Text

throw the whole man away

#binging the paranormal activity movies. micah is somehow even worse than i remember #him and his fucking camera #paranormal activity #horror movies #horror

3 notes · View notes

diluc33rpm · 1 year ago

Text

the romance/relationship system in bg3 is genuinely some of the worst designed shit i've ever seen in any game with that feature but at least the memes we get out of it are funny. once saw someone comment something along the lines of 'patch note: waving at gale will no longer cause him to buy a house for the two of you to retire in' and i've never recovered since