#even if I feel inadequate for it

[afflatusssss]

It was the weight of guilt that sent Icarus crashing down a second time; he wondered if he was always destined to be punished for loving something brighter than himself, even in death.

[lunalivvy]

jordan playing it off bc they think marie only hooked up with them bc their minds got messed with so they’re acting indifferent towards the situation even tho they obviously like her and she likes them back but now she thinks they don’t like her like that because-

[birdcatt]

love whatever's going on in her life. go girl give us hate and misery!

(context: there are 2 eos heroes, one amnesiac and the other non-amnesiac. the pictured leafeon is the non-amnesiac hero. the 2 heroes are siblings, and also grovyle who they've assimilated into their sibling gang long ago)

[vegaseatsass]

My Stand-In Episode 10

Just a few scattered notes of things I have on my mind.

I have been very very very obsessed with the moment where Joe breaks up with Ming after Ming's mom went in on them. See, originally I took Joe at his word: He's tired. He's tired of the constant melodrama, the neverending battle just to exist. Ming and his family already killed Joe once, he just wants some quiet contentment and to not feel like he's fighting for his life every time he holds his boyfriend's hand. Honestly, I really loved that, that their breakup this episode wasn't a contrived fight full of blame and accusation, but was simply Joe realizing he's too exhausted and walking away.

But then it hit me like a load of bricks, that no, actually. Joe didn't end things in that moment because he wants peace and quiet. He left before Ming could hurt him again. He left because he didn't believe Ming would stand up to his mother or his family - or more like, he didn't want to let himself start hoping he could, and get disappointed. Since the funeral, Ming has been giving Joe everything he ever wanted Ming to give him and more (I mean if you don't count "respecting his boundaries" as something Joe wants but 1. Ming is kiiiinda starting to get there by the end of this ep lmao? 2. I'm talking about everything Joe wants to feel from Ming on a visceral level, more than what would make his relationship safe and sane). Ming has been telling Joe over and over again that he loves him, showing Joe over and over that he chooses him, showing Joe at every turn that Tong is nothing to him. No matter how much Joe or Ing push Ming or test Ming, Ming just keeps coming back and reaffirming his commitment to Joe, adapting to who Joe is now and offering him anything and everything he can give, sincerely, determinedly vowing to put him first. Joe has been trying so hard not to let himself want it or believe in it, but by the time they're in that meeting room with Ming's mom, he is back in honeymoon mode with Ming, truly starting to believe he gets to have the kind of relationship (two-sided. equal. where Joe is taken care of and spoiled and chased, not just the caretaker and spoiler and chaser) it used to feel too greedy to dare hope for.

And then Ming's mom reminds him of how easy (Joe thinks) it will be for Ming to pull the rug out from under him again, and send it all crashing down. Just like in his first life in honeymoon mode, when he realized Ming was here for Tong and not him, that this relationship that was making him feel so whole and safe was all a lie.

Like with something as big as breaking with a family that will never accept his sexuality, Joe has no instinct to "test" Ming or give him an ultimatum. I don't actually think it's with real disappointment in Ming himself that Joe gives up on Ming choosing him before Ming even gets the chance to try. I think Joe is probably completely sympathetic to the choice he expects Ming to make, and intellectually, doesn't begrudge it of him, the way he would (or should) begrudge so many of the actual terrible things Ming has done to him. But it still hurts so much to have reality force its way into their bubble, and remind Joe that even Ming trying his absolute hardest can't protect Joe from feeling that crushing loss again. So he takes himself away from the situation before it has the opportunity to hurt him again.

Idk if I'm getting at why I'm so obsessed with this, but there's just something to me about how happy Joe must have been feeling at Ming's side, to need to proactively remove himself from the situation to avoid getting his heart shattered like those mugs. Like "I'm tired" means "I can't do these high-lows anymore. I can't feel this good and have it taken away again." This is exactly why he's been trying so so so hard to freeze his heart around Ming: So he's not vulnerable to the particular kind of hurt he never recovered from in his first life.

And I just find it very moving that the source of that hurt this time isn't Ming making disastrous choices. It's something neither Ming nor Joe has control over. And Joe knows that! But it still hurts too much to hope and want things.

Meanwhile, Ming is like: Hope and want whatever you want, beloved. I am now Mr. Makes Shit Happen. I can do anything as long as you're alive in this world.

Which is another thing I've been thinking a lot about. Sol and Ming both trying to make themselves into these superperson supershields so things will be Different This Time, and smacking up against some natural end limits to their abilities. For Sol, no matter how hard he turns himself upside down trying to make himself into someone Joe can pick instead of Ming, the attraction will never be there, and Ming always WILL be there, reminding Joe of his feelings for him. For Ming, the limit on his absolutely determined devotion to Joe is his family. And Sol and Ming, both trying so hard to be bigger and more than they are, when they come face to face with their limit still refuse to back down. No matter how laughably futile it is.

To me, Ming standing there looking all tiny at the bottom of the stairs with his dad looming at the top is the equivalent of how manically out of his element trying to do the impossible Sol was in episode 9. But just like Sol, Ming can't stop now. No matter what happens in episode 11, Ming has to try to fight this impossible fight. Neither of them is willing to leave anything on the table after losing Joe once before.

Idk I wonder if they will have to work together before the end hahaha... we'll see.

I had more thoughts but this is once again a monster post so I will end by simply reiterating how amazing and hilarious I think it is that Tong tried to get Ming to pay him HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF BAHT for the privilege of removing the only source of happiness from his life. Like come to the meeting room, Ming! Let's make a deal where you go back to being depressed and alone, and give me all the money I want! Surely this will work out in a way where we can both walk out satisfied! The lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch <3 <3 <3 <3

[pinkd3mon]

Feeling loved

Bonus:

[toxicroyjamie]

Roy obviously knows that Jamie admires/respects/looks up to him but I like to think there's some part of him that wants Jamie to think he's like. Cool. On some level he's just a middle aged man who peaked in his 20s and craves validation from his cool gen Z coworker. I'm not like a regular coach I'm a Cool coach

[sephospaganplace]

There are so so so many ways to experience the gods.

There is no right or wrong way. There is no blunt way. Its all feeling and ephemeral.

If you've felt warmth, if you've had a dream, if you've seen a crow that stares at you for too long, if something inexplicable happens and you're lucky suddenly, if you've caught eyes with a stranger and felt like you knew each other, if the candle flickers a certain way, if one time when you're singing your voice sounds gorgeous in a way you weren't expecting, these are all the presence of a god.

God phoning is popular on witchtok but half the time what they're saying is bullshit. I've very very rarely heard a voice and every single time it was my own voice, just suffused with something, saying something I normally wouldn’t say. Or maybe I would. I've never heard a clear, distinct, audible voice. Its an invisible world we're connecting with, its a different plane. We cannot experience it the same way we experience every day life.

We'll never sit down at a coffee table across from the physical manifestation of our god, and know that its them, not until after. And even then we can never be sure. That’s the nature of it. There are no absolutes, there cannot be. That’s what makes it beautiful. That’s where belief comes in. It isn't about being good enough or worthy enough or devout enough, that doesn't exist. That isn’t what its about at all. You are worthy even if the divine doesn’t manifest in a way we've been told is the only real way, and you are connecting even if you cant see it now. My most intense spiritual experiences are never something I realize are happening in the moment, its always only after that I can see it clearly.

The gods are all around us.

[valewritessss]

The amount of criticism and hate the wottg book is getting makes me scared to like it bc it feels like if I do then I’m doing something wrong😅

[devildomditzy]

I dunno how to tell you guys this but…

My current boyfriend is jealous of mammon 💀

[finniestoncrane]

hello apologies for not getting back to replies or messages or asks, i'm running on a queue so i'm not ignoring anyone i'm just going through it

i'm going to take some time off work next week to try and rejuvenate myself but this has been a loooooooong ass period of the blues

[archiveofyearning]

you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good you do not have to be good

[sakusasunaru]

when will we get another akihane song. its all i want orz screaming and crying and rolling on the ground

[joyridingmp3]

my father called me his son when talking to my mother. she told him to tell me and he was like "hmmm....maybe one day later" but still nice to know

[mxbitters]

on behalf of my gramma i think i should be allowed to tear people who make ai generated cross stitch and crochet patterns limb from limb thank you very much

[keepmovinjunior]

when i was a little girl i went to my cousins birthday party, which was a dress up, and every other little girl there had to get up on a stage and say what they wanted to be when they grew up. i had all of these things in my head ready to say like, astronaut, zookeeper, teacher. but then every single other little girl that went before me was saying princess. and i was like, wait, is that what i’m supposed to want to do / say?? and i got all shy and then when i finally got up there i said like 5 other random jobs and then added “and princess.” quietly on the end so i could fit in with the other girls. basically i’ve been playing meg since day one lmao

[deadlittledogs]

The other day as I was driving home and feeling all sour because recently my brother keeps calling me a lesbian and I was ruminating on that accusation like “I don’t think I’m a lesbian. I don’t think I’m anything anymore. I have no attraction to anybody male or female because I’m not even a real person.” and as I passed by a matted down dead skunk on the road I realized I had spent the past 6 hours at work fantasizing about a faceless woman holding me. Waugh.... Cruel and bitter realization. Didn't like it.....