#Too many times in my life I have been made to feel inadequate due to the way I present myself or my sexuality | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elliemarchetti · 3 months ago

Text

Eris Week Day 6: AU/Retellings

Inspired by one of @foxcort’s unhinged prompts because I couldn’t resist although I’m not totally out of my writing/Tumblr hiatus yet. Hope my contribution to @erisweekofficial will still be appreciated even if it’s in Cassian’s POV.

Disclaimer: I know some of you will see this more as Cassian's self-pitying account of an event that highlights his inadequacy as a mate, but in my eyes it's an excerpt of the happy life that awaits Eris and Nesta once her contacts with the Night Court will be reduced to a minimum, only from the point of view of someone who will remain in the past. Still, and for this I turn to the admins of Eris Week, if you find it inadequate for any reason you have every right not to reblog it and I won't bear you any grudge. You guys are amazing, and when my life will be a little more normal I can't wait to read everything that's been written and show some love to all the wonderful fanarts I'm sure the artists have made.

Plot: The Lord of Bloodshed is having the worst time of his life. The heir of Autumn can’t really say the same. This is the famous scene at the Court of Nightmares reimagined with a totally different plot for the whole last book so if it doesn’t really make sense, I’m sorry.

Rating: Explicit

Words: 1529

When the next song began, its notes lighter, the steps easier than the ones they had just engaged in, Nesta didn’t hesitate to take Eris’s hand. She seemed eager, like her partner wasn’t the monster they all told her about but just a good dancer who instinctively knew her body screamed to do those extra, solo turns that had catalysed the attention of the whole room. Cassian realized he wouldn’t have let her go, too worried about the impractical design of her dress, too apprehensive she was drunk on the music and not paying enough attention to her surroundings to succeed. If he had been in Eris’s place, he would’ve scolded her by the end of the music, dragging her off the dancefloor, while the heir of Autumn studied her with his amber eyes as they chatted amiably, chuckles audible here and there. The General couldn’t hear everything they said, but as they got closer he caught a few scraps, words that made the blood in his veins boil.

“… I didn’t see this side of you…”

He wasn’t smiling, but she met his stare anyway as she responded, suave and flirty. She never spoke to Cassian in that tone, always composed, almost defensive, in the rare occasions their topic hadn’t revolved around training or the thousand obligations they were subjected to due to their roles. Maybe it was because he had never spun her, never murmured sweet nothings in her ear, sentences so refined her mouth twitched to one side. Unable to witness more, he turned to Mor, who watched from beside Feyre and Rhys, her face neutral and aloof. He couldn’t imagine how she was feeling, knowing she was the one who taught Nesta those steps.

“Are you inquiring after my eligibility?” Cassian heard Eris joke, his sharp smile turning into a full-on silky laugh at her reply. As it often happened, he felt inadequate in his vulgarity, in his lack of grace. A brute, as the eldest of the Vanserras liked to define him. There was no room for someone like him by the side of a female capable of carrying a political meeting on her inexperienced shoulders and tear someone’s head from their neck in the same week. That duality, the savage rage and silver fire mixed with a beauty able to bring kings to their knees was too much for him, no matter how many times he had claimed her as his, yet his feet moved instinctively, and he reached the pair at the very end of the waltz, trying to ignore how his tapered fingers had descended into the hollow of her bare back or how her cheeks were flushed.

“Move,” Cassian said coldly, halting their private moment. He stood before them amid the sea of people cradled in black, just another piece of Night, until Eris stared at him down his straight nose, ignoring the burning violence oozing from the warrior’s hazel eyes.

“Go sit at your master’s feet, dog,” he hissed, teeth bared, but Nesta was quick to interject, accepting her mates unspoken offer.

“We’ll play later, Nesta Archeron,” the fireling retorted, putting too much emphasis on her last name for Cassian’s liking, before aiming for the dais. For an instant, really just the time of the song, the General deluded himself that he had won, that he could somehow be the knight in shining armour of the story, the hero who saves the princess from the villain and thus obtains her hand and eternal, unconditional love. Those empty illusions were shattered when he followed her into the dark and suffocating corridors of the Court of Nightmares, when he watched her slender figure enter the chamber assigned to Eris for the duration of his visit, her steps cautious and silent as a cat’s. She barely glanced at the slightly ajar door, too focused on her lover’s eager embrace, and Cassian clenched his jaw at the portrait of carefree happiness.

“You’re tickling me!” she giggled as the snake peppered her neck with light kisses, the sound like a harp strumming high and sweet. From his hiding spot, Cassian saw his nemesis’ half-smile widen as he hooked a finger under one of her dress’ straps and pulled, flooding him with pounding, vibrating jealousy. He had to remind himself to breathe when the silk slid down her chest, briefly exposing one of her breasts before Eris could sweep her to the bed, the impalpable skirt mostly gathered between her parted legs, firmly clutched around his waist. As he feasted on her exposed skin, her body went loose and taunt in so many different places Cassian didn’t know where to focus: she was bent and shaped and directed by her lover, her widened pupils hiding under long lashes thanks to the skill of the fingertips massaging her core. The ghosts of nearly faded love bites revealed themselves on the lower part of her ass as she arched her back in ecstasy and Cassian’s face went slack. It wasn’t him who left those marks on her, the memory of the sleepless night spent together forever imprinted in his memory, so she could only have had other partners, or maybe she had previously entertained herself between Eris’ sheets, protocol be damned. The matter quickly slipped out of his mind when the smell of her arousal flowed and swam around him, clouding his senses as she melted under someone else’s touch. There wasn’t enough space inside him, not in his mind or his heart, for what the situation made him feel, he just knew he was hard under his trousers, his body ready to honour and worship someone he had been unable to keep up with when he had the chance.

He was about to leave to deal with his shame when their gazes met. He would have expected those merciless and cold eyes to pin him to the spot, he supposed she would scream in anger, or perhaps warn Eris with quiet disdain that some beast beneath them was spying on their tryst, but instead her irises glimmered and she let out a moan, her flawless red lips, sin personified, parted to draw a likewise perfect O. As if awakened by that sound, her lover crawled back to her mouth, his hands busy undoing his pompous clothing. Cassian knew what was about to happen, he had watched and performed this dance for centuries, in the frenzy of inexperienced youth and in the blind search for solace when the need was too much. He had fucked females on all fours like some kind of wild animal, knees hurting on marble floors and feet losing their grips in the mud, in a foolish attempt to fill the void left by Nesta, but no one showed on their features the pure, feral delight that crashed on his mate’s face when Eris entered her all at once, like a conqueror of death, glowing as he devoured moonlit skin and shared heartbeats. Between one fast thrust and the next, he lifted Nesta’s arms above her head, their matching rings glinting as if lit by an inner fire. He guided her through the orgasm with ease and they came together, a rising cacophony of panting and groaning.

“I hope you’re with child,” he whispered, his words so shocking they made Cassian audibly gasp. There was no way he hadn’t heard the sound, even lost in his unchecked, dark joy, yet he decided to ignore it.

"Why so?" she murmured seductively, gleaming with wanton desire as she drank in his expression, whatever it was. She didn’t seem to object the idea, nor she sounded eager to postpone it as long as she could.

“It would give us an excuse to speed up the organization of this wedding. I know my father wants it to exude power, to convey all the strength of our family, and my mother wishes for every detail to be perfect, but I’m growing tired of this façade,” he replied honestly, then lovingly erased a smudge of kohl from the corner of her left eye, a remark of the familiarity they shouldn’t have had yet.

“She has no daughters and I have no mother,” she pointed out, amazing Cassian with the nonchalance she used to address her traumatic past. “Let her have fun.”

“I know, and I will never show even a hint of displeasure when she will inevitably take you away for the whole day to pick the best party favours and select the optimal spot to best showcase the sheer magnitude of the orchestra you so wisely selected, but the only thing I aspire to is to finally be able to get away from the intrigues and the backstabbing for a while, to travel wherever we want and show you all the wonders Prythian and the Continent has to offer,” he confessed, and Nesta kissed him again, dangling her love and triumph in Cassian’s face, a silent dismissal to whatever his role had been in her night.

Slowly, the fearsome Lord of Bloodshed retreated in the shadow, engulfed in a cocoon of grief and rage at the Mother’s mistake, the sound of his shattering heart deafening in his eardrums.

#erisweek2024 #neris #past nessian #eris vanserra #nesta archeron #cassian #acosf retelling #kinda

61 notes · View notes

zellk · 1 year ago

Note

My question is about Qalaa! She’s got an amazing design in every iteration so I wanted to ask what were your main inspirations for her? Also could you tell us a bit more about her story?

Hi there ! Thank you so much for your kind words about my babygirl ;A; !!! Everything started circa 2014 when I started to play Wakfu again with @shuuzaar and decided to make a red-skinned osamodas. She also now exists in multiple universes (a minotaur or tiefling in DnD, a demon/oni, a dragon, etc etc).

It wasn't a very conscious & willed thing but since I put a lot of 'myself' into her (more than all my other OCs, who have more... handpicked bits) so her build started to grow towards the larger / bigger side naturally. I'm definitely not as big, nor tall as her though (I am short and she's like, 209cm tall or sth).

Her general themes / traits are : A kind, soft & gentle soul in a body that is 'made' for killing / hurting easily because of it's size and strength. Feeling inadequate / dysphoria / struggling to accept her body because it doesn't fit what she likes (petite and feminine girls). Struggle to control flares of emotions & physical strength. And being very, oh so very gay about girls and feminine people (this is a very important part ok).

In time I've been slowly collecting pictures of athletes and people that make me think of her and trying to refine how she looks in my head ! Though, like many of my characters, the specifics tends to change depending on how I feel on the moment... sometimes I want her nose a bit more like this or like that... don't be surprised if her gallery isn't the most consistent in terms of facial features :,^)

One thing that definitely DID inspire me for her though are the marks on her body ! They are inspired from scarifications of the Chambri tribe in Papua New Guinea https://bodyartforms.com/blog/sepik-river-scarification.asp)

As for her story, well, my current DnD group where I play her has given me a lot of opportunities to flesh it out a little more >:^D I'll try to keep it short.

Qalaari was born from an unplanned pregnancy. Her mother, Aamira Molandine, was someone with a very weak health due to a blood curse running in her family (more on that later) ; but despite her health she decided to keep the child and see the pregnancy through. Her father, Temhos Croquelune, is a member of a tribe of "beast folk" (this is tweaked and adapted to fit in various universes when I can) and, while enamoured with Aamira, was really not ready to have a child, and to potentially have to raise it alone should Aamira die while giving birth. After yet another argument with her about getting an abortion for her sake and the sake of them both, Temhos ran away during the night and never came back.

~6 month pregnant Aamira found refuge in the Croquelune tribe under Temhos' sister roof, Olgha (who also had a crush on Aamira & both her and her brother tried to court her). The travel took a heavy toll on Aamira's already weak health and yet she somehow miraculously survived the delivery of her (very) big and healthy baby girl Qalaari. Qalaari was raised in a very loving home by Aamira and Olgha, but developped a big resentment towards her blood father, especially since after giving birth, Aamira remained a very sickly person with a broken heart. Aamira died when Qalaari was 13, which kind of forever scared her and worsened her struggles to control her emotions.

Remember the Cursed Blood thing ? Well basically, it's a curse that either 1) eats you alive if your body is too weak to handle it (Aamira's case, which is why she had a weak health from the beginning) OR 2) enhances the physical potential of your body, but tends to make you lose control and become little more than a beast (Qalaari's case). So yeah... she's trying to get better but she has a lot of healing to do with her inner child and that's not easy... especially with the layers of self hatred the cycles of her life are bringing in :^) !

EDIT : I FORGOT TO ADD that Qalaari is currently exiled from the Croquelune tribe. The circle scar on her clavicle is the mark of the exiled, who are sent away from the tribe for 3 years before they can come back. The practice exists to try and get people to grow 'outside of the community' before coming back in it as a slightly different person. The once-exiled people are reintegrated in the tribe when they return if possible. Olgha, Qalaari's aunt-in-law and adoptive parent, has a mark like this! This exile is definitely not the best solution ever but it's been done for so long in the tribe that it's hard to yknow... challenge the system of it.

Anyway if you've read to this point, thank you for listening to me fail miserably to keep this short... Qalaari is one of my dearest OC, so it's really hard not to gush about her in a 3 hours TED Talk everytime...

Thank you for this kind ask ! Hope you'll have a good day :> !

#qalaari #qalaari coquelune #wall of text #ask #beary ask #answer #ocs #oc #oc talk #ocs talk #zellk #zellkabellk #gritpyre #“ill try to keep this short” <- me when i fucking lie #im sorry it's so hard to not want to gush about everything like i've been discovering so many details about Qalaa's parents / familly #im SO INVESTED in them fskmdjghmkj like ??? the unplanned pregnancy ??? Olgha having a crush on Aamira and ending up taking care of her #because her dumbass brother left her in the dust like an asshole ???#Olgha never talking about her feelings to Aamira but Aamira knows Im sure ??? but she's still heartbroken and yet she's so thankful ???#Qalaari growing with this pure HATRED towards her father for what he did to her mom #but also being such an unreliable narrator because let's be real Aamira wanting to keep the child with her health #WAS NOT REASONABLE #she didn't leave Temhos a choice but it's still an asshole move from Tem to have just LEFT AND RUN AWAY #anyways they are my little drama sitcom in my head and I eat it up so bad

65 notes · View notes

twistedastrology · 8 months ago

Text

Outer Planets & Affliction: What destroys a man.

----------------------------------------------------------

gonna talk abt a much darker topic today bc i feel like it and it's absolutely fascinating to me from a very morbid perspective (which happens a lot 4 me)

im gonna start this off by saying this is mostly focusing on extreme cases/what Could happen due to outer planet affliction, none of this is definite if u have afflicted outer planets bc it depends on the severity of their affliction and how many good counter aspects u have to them that help u heal!! :)

to start, the outer planets to me are Saturn to Pluto, so let me give u a quick rundown of what I think these planets are responsible for when they're heavily afflicted:

Saturn - Destruction of the will, the snuffing of one's inner, driving fire.

Uranus - Destruction of the mind, losing your cognitive function, going insane.

Neptune - Destruction of the spirit, loss or lack of intuition, feeling lost within your own life.

Pluto - Destruction of the body, the vessel decays and lacks the strength to repair itself.

i wanna say as well that all of this essentially came to me in a vision from god, i genuinely had no basis in my head initially, i was just rambling to myself in my head and all of this clicked and then it genuinely made sense and i even had evidence to back it up, so i wanted to post abt it because i love dark stuff like this (my blog name isn't twisted astrology for no reason- i mean like the reason was bc it was a play on twist and twisted transistor by korn But yknow it gains reasons as i go on-)

let's go over why each planet destroys what they do:

Saturn destroys the will because it rules over time and persistance- Capricorns are more often than not very driven people, Saturn grounds them and gives them the stability and willpower to see things through. A strong Saturn is often manifested as a very powerful driving force, as the planet often acts an incredibly crucial pillar, if not the foundation in a person's chart.

Uranus destroys the mind because it's the higher octave of Mercury. It rules over innovation and change, even higher thought. A strong Uranus is often an indicator of a genius in whatever area of life the planet is placed into. Thus, when afflicted, it completely shatters and even lacks this potential altogether.

Neptune destroys the spirit because it's known as the planet of spirituality. It's the planet of our higher self and our shadow self, it's our connection to the planes of existence beyond our own. A strong Neptune is often indicative of enhanced intuition, and can even mean the person has a heightened level of awareness of their place in the world and where they're meant to be in life. So naturally, an afflicted Neptune means a complete lack of perspective and the loss/lack of the ability to realize there is more than the self, making one feel lonely, inadequate, and lost.

Pluto destroys the body because it rules over death, transformation and rebirth. It even rules over destruction itself, and its connection to death gives it an inherent connection to the physical body as well. A strong Pluto can manifest as a strong will, but also as a higher pain tolerance because of that. Therefore when it's afflicted, the soul's vessel lacks the ability to transform and regenerate itself effectively, and ultimately will crumble to pieces throughout the course of life.

OK- lemme write normally now instead of all fancy n shit 😮‍💨 But what's my evidence to prove all this-

well someone i know has very heavily afflicted outer planets, mainly saturn, uranus and pluto, but neptune was kinda roped into the affliction as well- and all of this checks out.

saturn especially hits him hard, which also makes it all karmic so idk wtf bro did in a past life but it had to've been Bad bc he's got some SERIOUSLY afflicted outer planets like jesus fucking christ- and like i dont wanna talk too much shit on here but he's insufferable to say the least and, probably bc of the afflicted saturn, will not do the work to fix it.

would genuinely hate to be him on his death bed like 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

ANYWAY-

like i said initially tho this does not mean if u have a kinda afflicted uranus, ur gonna go insane!!! no sir!!! it's just abt the extremes n stuff and what i have literally seen happen with my own eyes- i think most people have enough soft aspects to get them into the process of healing, maybe not even soft aspects maybe just solid placements- it's all subjective, rly-

but this is also a really good way to talk abt the Power that these planets have- they are NOT to be fucked with bc when afflicted, they can obliterate you and your entire life tbh- i dont think they Want to unless you somehow have beef with them but overall they are just incredibly powerful planets and i truly think when reading someone's astrology chart, you GOTTA look at the outer planets bc otherwise you're missing out on SOOOOO much crucial information.

i always say that i think outer planets, whether in transit or in a natal chart, have the absolute MOST impact on a person despite being so far away.

far away ≠ lack of impact.

i hope this was interesting to read or at least thought provoking bc i absolutely LOVE dark topics like these, probably my moon/neptune in my 8th house tbh- i mean im genuinely fucking petrified of tornadoes like lilapsophobia type shit but i still put that image here because i unfortunately think they are really fucking cool at the same time (ive had multiple nightmares where tornadoes have killed me. but like........ they're kinda cool......and i hate them........)

anyway!!!!! thank u for reading this far into my yapping session 🙏🙏

#astrology #astrologer #astro community #astro observations #outer planets #saturn #uranus #neptune #pluto #afflicted planets #zodiac

17 notes · View notes

gojonanami · 9 months ago

Note

Most wonderful Sab,

I am SO SORRY but I have the most horrible deadline due Thursday, but I PROMISE that after it’s done, I’ll reread chapter four PROPERLY and leave proper commentary!! I want to dedicate, like, two hours to it to properly savour it 😁

But honestly, Sab?? I thought it was so good!!

I loved all the scenes that made up the whole!! I loved the introduction, I loved the sad parting, I love how they called each other and had video calls over food … 🥹🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶 and I love how you tackled this strange limbo period of just before university started with no friends being over and how that left her feeling restless…. And the introduction of Yuta was good!!! Like I was firmly in the Professor Geto camp and I still am, but I thought his introduction made sense!! And him coming late too?? They can be coming in late buddies !! 😆😆😆

And honestly, I thought Professor Geto’s response was super realistic. I feel like the way he behaved would’ve been the way I would’ve behaved. Like the delaying, the procrastinating of feelings, the wish for your partner to have the best of the best, feeling inadequate, work absorbing you… I just feel for Professor Geto 😔😔😣😣 like he just wants the best for his girl, and he wants only the best things in life for her, and if it means letting go of her, he’ll do that just for her 😭😭😭😫😫😫 he’s such a romantic I want to cry 😢😢☹️☹️☹️💔💔💔

And I feel like that birthday scene was so memorable?? Like her just wanting him close and him also wanting to be there but just life getting in the way of things and he was so busy getting to her, he didn’t text her (and god, that’s so realistic!!!!!), and then her ending up getting checked on by Yuta (!!!), and then him coming in and having a cake, and the ‘surprise’, and her just wanting him close and not to discuss life and everything… 😩😩❤️❤️ My gosh, so many feelings and emotions, and pent-up emotions, and love, and sadness !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Professor Geto got her the gift he remembered her wanting??? 🥹🥹🥹💞💞💞💞 our attentive & observant Prince Charming 🫶🫶🫶👰‍♀️👰‍♀️👰‍♀️🤰🤰🤰❤️❤️❤️ Having read part four, I have to agree… the pain makes sense, the pain makes sense. I agree that having a breakup makes sense in their journey. But also, the way you crafted their relationship, their reconciliation later down the line makes sense too!!!!🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️ And I’ll be waiting for it !!! 👰‍♀️👰‍♀️🤰🤰💍💍🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️💘💘😍😍🍯🍯🌙🌙🏝🏝 and for their poodle!!! 🐩🐩🐩 (look, I must admit, I’m super duper duper unhealthily obsessed with dogs and I happen to have a poodle so I’m literally going insane over this detail???? And poodles are so, so cute and I can just imagine Suguru holding a cute black poodle cutie pie!!!)

Sab, thank you so, so, so, so, so, so MUCH for this gift!!! 💘💘💞💞💕💕🫶🫶 I’m so, so thankful you wrote it!!! And I’ll be eagerly waiting for part five and for the extra credit fics!!! 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️❤️❤️❤️🫶🫶

you’re completely fine!! good luck with your deadlines babe!! Thank you for leaving this ask, love 💕 Hahaha I’m glad you saw the parallel of yuta coming in late and reader — I was hoping someone would notice that 🥹🫶

honestly same, like if I couldn’t give 100% to my partner, I’d feel too guilty to be with them. but he definitely made a mistake by making his own choice without giving reader much of a choice in the matter.

I know I can’t wait to write them getting back together and even those awkward initial stages of seeing each other will be fun haha — I can’t wait to have them just be together with no impediments 💕 yes the poodle omg I love that for you and for them — prof geto will be too cute with his little black poodle - I can’t wait 😭

thank you so much for this bb — you made my entire day 🥹🫶😭💕 I look forward to your in depth thoughts (you don’t have to of course if you don’t have time, no pressure!)

#sab [asks]#sab [anons]#sab series [prof suguru]#sab [praise]#sab [faves]

0 notes

astrophyta · 2 years ago

Text

Reading rambles?

so uh I’ve been among other things catching up on a very long to-read list of fiction that’s sitting in my apartment cluttering my space up and I do kinda want to just talk about some of the reads to the void instead of on a platform like goodreads so that’s what this tag will be for, I suppose? my reading speed is pretty slow so these won’t be frequent

Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver

This book has a pretty bad rep for being preachy about climate change amongst a lot of reviews I’ve seen, but tbh with the exception of maybe one scene I read last night where Ovid has an Ecology Professor Meltdown in front of a newsreporter who felt more like a caricature the second time around than in her first appearance, I have to say I disagree, and the aforementioned scene is probably my biggest gripe with the book so far (with less than 40 pages to go, though).

A lot of people do not like Dellarobia either. She is emotionally cheating on her husband for the majority of the work, the novel opening with her attempt to flee her family life to go be with some younger guy she doesn’t seem to know very well. No one has to like a character, even when their flaws are addressed and fleshed out and the author makes no excuses for them, but for me Dellarobia’s response to her lot in life makes perfect sense even if it isn’t pretty or likable. She was smart and curious enough to have gone to college, something unheard of in her small hometown, but she got knocked up by her now-husband and failed her ACT. Her parents are both dead and had very little money to their name despite her mother (iirc) running a successful business of making and mending clothes in town. Her husband’s family are farmers. Until meeting Dr. Byron, she is a stay-at-home mom pinching and scraping pennies to feed her family and literally keep the lights on. It is due to an ecological disaster that she is given her first job, one that pays more than what her husband makes - serving as a lab technician for a make-shift research group operating out of her family’s barn, the best spot in town to be close to an unusual phenomenon of a monarch butterfly migration wintering in tennessee when they would normally be in mexico.

Dellarobia loves her children. she tries her best to love her husband. she plays wife, daughter-in-law, and mother as best as she can, but she knows her life is also the result of a mistake she made as a teenager and that it might not have been so hard if she hadn’t made that mistake. you can come to love another person despite these truths, but this is not enough to surmount the chasm between her and Cub. so, her eye wanders, and she indulges in her delusions of these feelings being reciprocated, not because she truly knows these men well enough to love them but because it is a distraction from the disappointment she feels from her own life. it’s not pretty, it’s unlikable, but I find Kingsolver’s portrayal of Dellarobia to be very honest, and I appreciate when authors are not too afraid to write women like her.

I also feel like there’s so many ways that you can write about Dellarobia that this brief summary feels so grossly inadequate to convey all of the different roles and expectations she deals with in her community and from outside of it. Kingsolver handles these tensions beautifully. She is a celebrated and accomplished author who I had honestly never heard of before picking up this book from a neighborhood little library box while on a pandemic walk three years ago. I consider it serendipitous.

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

Now this book is highly acclaimed, and despite a rough start for me initially, I consider myself no exception to the hype. It is well-deserved.

I’m reading this as an audiobook and still have about half the book to go, so it’s not yet time to write at-length about it, but Zevin already accomplishes so much in the first half that I’m on my toes thinking about how long she will keep us with Sadie, Marks, and Sam. Also, I am convinced that it is not possible to read this book and not get an itch to delve into game development yourself. I’ve seen a couple of tutorials for creating very very simple games with python on freecodecamp’s youtube channel, and I was interested in those before even touching this book but now I’m like…is it too late for me? Maybe I’ll make a game too when I’m 60 and retired.

Misc. other reads

I started a third genshin account for a lore post I wanted to make (my zhongli sq 2 screenshots are lacking, also just need an interactive refresher) and so I’ve been passing the time grinding by listening to audiobooks. I listened to Broadband: the Untold Story of the Women Who Made the Internet by Claire L. Evans, which was wonderful and illuminating. I also listened to Life in Code: A Personal History by my programming idol Ellen Ullman. She has the most compelling argument against AI and machines as analogous to the biological (and vice-versa) that I’ve seen, of course illustrated through a history of her domestic companion Sadie, her cat. I was making my way through Artificial Intelligence by Melanie Mitchell, but the book lends itself better to reading a physical copy rather than passively listening while playing a video game. It utilizes a lot of diagrams to illustrate its points, and it expects you to view these diagrams as supplemental pdf’s delivered with the book as you listen to it. Nope, not for me. But I was thoroughly enjoying it before deciding to put it on-hold.

#tillandsia book rambles

0 notes

lyiria · 2 years ago

Text

imposter

Wow :’) it’s been a while since I last posted. A lot of it has been school bombarding me, but my mental health has taken a liiiiitle bit of a nose dive as well- that’s okay though I’m working on it.

In honor of Pi Day (!!!) and MIT decisions date I want to reflect some on my experience as an adMIT. I know I haven’t made it to MIT yet, but I’m in a weird transition period that’s hard to describe with words but not quite ineffable.

The impetus to post was a discussion on the MIT ‘27 discord server (shoutout to MIT for being awesome and with the times) on the digits of pi. Now when I first truly had to be accustomed to pi it was sophomore year precalc. Covid times. So suffice to say, even though I tried my best to stay motivated and retain all knowledge possible, the digits of pi were not exactly my top priority, especially being able to use calculators on exams. Even now, although I obviously know 3.14 I would be hard pressed to name any more. I always felt too nerdy compared to others at my school, but now in a school full of geniuses, I don’t feel nerdy enough. It’s almost risible, how could I feel incompetent just because I don’t know enough digits of pi?

I know that MIT chooses it’s alumni extremely carefully, I mean when you are MIT you have access to the best students *in the world*. Additionally, MIT has some of the best graduation rates so I am well aware their selection process is extremely fine-tuned and successful. But, I still feel like an odd-one out. I didn’t lie on my application, didn’t exaggerate in my interview, I was simply myself. But somehow, even though I am being told I was a fit, I don’t feel enough. Even though I am valedictorian at my school and earned the highest SAT score in my class, I somehow feel behind all the kids at MIT. My hobbies lie more on the relaxed end with drawing and napping (lol) as opposed to some more useful and awesome ones like robotics some adMITs have. I know imposter syndrome is a well-documented symptom among adMITs and just that fact alone means I am in fact, not an imposter, but sometimes your feelings don’t care about facts (lol again).

I mean, I know some ‘27 adMITs who have won national science conferences and scholarships and I just feel so inadequate compared to them. I have never won a national, or even regional competition for something. Even though I feel totally behind my peers, I know that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Though some may not know, I was a varsity cross country runner sophomore-junior year (I quit for some logistical and mental health issues). I had hated running all of my life due to my stigma associated with it; it was an activity my parents had forced me to do (only for my well-being of course), and that meant I hated it. But 2020 summer I picked up running for my PE course, and surprisingly I was good at it and I didn’t hate it. Although the burn was real and my lungs were killing me, I enjoyed the challenge it gave me. So I decided to try out for XC and made it to varsity. I was one of the slower girls, and even though my coach told me I only had to run at a certain pace during practice, I would pair up with the faster runners and force myself to run at her pace. Of course, I didn’t go beyond what I thought was possible for myself and made sure to take care of myself, but I rapidly saw improvement. All of this to say that being around others who are more advanced than you is not a necessarily bad thing. It can give you the opportunity for faster improvement. By surrounding yourself with hard-working people you are setting yourself up to survive.

So to conclude this post, I would say my imposter syndrome is at an all time high. There are many qualifications that I feel other adMITs have that I lack - but even if this is the truth, I want to use it to my advantage and surround myself with passionate and driven people.

0 notes

riisinaakka · 7 years ago

Photo

Late April on the shore. Finland, 2018. Last weekend we had our annual cabin meet-up with some old friends to catch up with each others’ lives and a chance to spend time together. We cooked delicious food, went for a walk to the sea shore and spent hours sitting in the outdoor bath barrel gossiping and talking about life and so on :)

#my pictures #it was really nice to meet again with friends who share so much history #but after the weekend it has been really hard to shake the feeling of inadequancy and failure (in life in general)#I'm not jelous how well some of these friends have made their life to be at the moment #I'm really happy for them and how their hard work has paid of #and no one has been unscathed #they deserve every bit of happiness they have fought for #I just feel like shit for being so behind (in life)#I have had so many opportunities and good things on my road but I have failed to grasp them due to lack of courage and self-confidence #(and so much useless battling with anxiety and depression..)#like my life was on hold for so long and now I actually have a future ahead of me #and I'm a bit lost #on the other hand it is really comforting and motivational to see how things CAN change for better and one has to just work towards it #it's never too late but some times it just breaks my heart a little

5 notes · View notes

maiyasuniverse · 4 years ago

Text

Summoning

Warning: Fat shaming/ Body image issues

Summary: The reader leaves Stark tower to visit home and tension rises between her and her mother .

................................... (not edited)

"So when are you going to snag you one of those Avengers?" You mother looked at you expectingly.

"Mom, I work with them we're friends and that's all we'll be." Your mind wondered to the man who had been outcast from the group due to his previous choices.

"Let the girl eat, she hasn't been home in months. I'm sure she's tired of the avengers talk." You smiled at your father he seemed to always be on your side without knowing what's going on.

"I was just asking, she's not getting any younger, or thinner. What have they been feeding you?" You thought of all the "midguardian cuisine" you took Loki out to try.

"Thanks for the dinner mom, I'm pretty tired. I'm going to turn in for the night." She looked as if she wanted to scold you but your father was already sending her a heated glare.

Your mother was always very particular about appearance. "You must be small and fragile, no man wants something heavy." "Be dainty and ladylike at all times."

She drilled these things into your mind your whole life and yet and couldn't seem to get the gist of it. You didn't see anything dainty or simply ladylike other than the biological parts. Your arms were strong, hips wide, jiggly thighs and a squishy stomach was you and that seemed to severely bother your mother.

"I need to start working out more." You squeezed your belly while looking in the mirror. "I'll ask Loki when I get back."

"What are you planning after your return?" You spun around to see Loki rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.

"How'd you get here? Why did you come here?" He looked at you with a raised brow.

"Did you not summon me?"

"No?"

"You did, I heard you. Although all I heard was 'Loki when I get back'." Your mouth fell open at his words. "You'll catch flies, pet."

"I didn't summon you. I was just saying that I wanted to ask you to workout with me; what's with you calling me pet?" He just smiled

"You want me to workout with you? I'm not really strong. I wouldn't be much help for strength training. You could pretty easily put me on my ass."

"Firstly, you're a god and my friend, you're strong and completely capable Loki. Second, I don't want to do strength training, my arms are manly already; losing weight is my main objective. I'll diet, but I can still show you some great food places!" Lokis face was now scrunched in confusion.

"Sure, I will. What's gotten into you? You most certainly are not many. You’re the perfect woman in Asgard.” Loki was now standing behind you with his hands resting at your hips. His planted kisses at your neck and shoulder before looking at you through the mirror. “Your the perfect woman to me too, no ones here darling, say what I am to you aloud, your boyfriend, husband, betrothed, and whatever else you Midgaurdian people call it. We’re more than just friends.” You leaned into Loki’s grasp feeling safe and comfortable.

“Thank you Loki; you know I’m all yours no need to get all possessive. My mom does the best job of making me feel inadequate." You contorted your face and mocked her in the mirror. "A woman should be small and dainty like the most delicate flower. Quiet and submissive. Obedient. I'm not a damn dog, why must I submit myself and forget myself to ensure the happiness of a man?"

"That because that's not how it goes. Come to bed pet, I'll stay the night with you. People in a relationship change for each other but it's more of an adaptation not losing part of yourself. I'll show you, what happiness your mother is wrong." Loki laid sprawled across your childhood bed and took up the whole thing. "Here come, I'll bring you back in the morning, my bed in Asgard is truly made for a king"

#loki x y/n #loki series #loki laufeyson #loki of asgard #black reader #loki x plus size reader #loki x black!reader #angst #fluff #thor #mcu #the avengers #marvel #stark #oc

349 notes · View notes

mojjisxng · 4 years ago

Text

hold me like you wanna | sunghoon x reader

genre- angst, fluff, sort of enemies to lovers

warnings- a single curse word lmao, angst (themes of self hatred)

word count- 1.3k+

no capital letters intended

a/n- I FINALLY DID IIIIT!!! writer’s block has really been fucking me up lately, so i’m proud that i’ve actually done this. it’s probably a little short and won’t be very good, but i’m not angry with it. this scenario is based off of the song ‘hold me like you wanna’ by somebody’s child. i put in some of the lyrics throughout (but they’re not i order). i hope you enjoy it 🥺

- issy💕

[9:35pm]

just another normal wednesday evening at dance practice, you know except the fact that i was crying over- no, having a mental breakdown over the boy i both hated and loved the most. park sunghoon. you see, i’ve had a huge crush on him for so many years, but he’s always been so unreachable due to being the most popular boy in school. his utter perfection really began to peeve me and i let all my frustration and insecurity build up. well, up until we had to work on a school project together anyway; that’s when i totally messed everything up, even though i never realised it in the moment. i was so horrible to him while we were working together, making snide comments here and there. this became a regular thing between us both; it had gotten so bad that we had become the worst of enemies. despite all of this, i could no longer pretend and broke down, alone in that practice room.

You're acting like a kid

“why are you crying, dumbass? you look like a stupid little kid who dropped their ice cream.”

i snapped out of my reverie and glanced towards the source of the voice that i know all too well, tears still streaming down my face.

“oh shit- you’re CRYING crying. what’s wrong?”

“you wouldn’t understand,” i retorted.

“try me.”

And you tried your best, and you don't succeed

and that’s when the dam broke and all my twisted up emotions started to unravel and overflow; “i just hate feelings things, all right! i can’t stand feeling so insecure about myself and how i can’t match up to everyone else. even though i try my best with everything, i’m not pretty enough, not loud enough, not smart enough and not even kind enough to ever be loved by anyone; and i hate myself so much for it!” at this point, i was yelling, more in frustration at myself than sunghoon, my face was wet with bucket loads of tears and my fists were clenched too.

I don't want you to feel like I did so...

sunghoon’s soft voice brought me back down to earth, “hey hey just breathe okay, it’ll help you calm down.”

“why are you even being nice to me sunghoon, have you forgotten that you hate me?”

“i don’t hate you y/n, and you’re struggling right now, i don’t want to see you like this, even though you really piss me off,” he remarked as he sank down against the wall. i was trying to process what sunghoon had just said, when he solemnly added “come here.” i tentatively shuffled over to him, apprehensive of what he was going to do. was he going to shout at me, hurt me, laugh at me- oh, he just pulled me to sit in between his legs. all of my muscles froze because i was so shocked at his newfound tenderness. he clearly noticed how tense i was, as he rubbed a hand on my back and explained himself, “i just want to comfort you or whatever because you just sound so broken. it’s weirding me out, you never act like this. what’s wrong y/n, tell me. like were you rejected or something?”

i absolutely could not tell sunghoon the truth because he’d just despise me even more, so i had to vaguely tip-toe around what i truly wanted to say to him.

“no, not exactly. i’m just feeling a lot of things right now. one of those feelings should be something positive, well it usually is for other people anyway. but for me, it’s not an exciting emotion; it just brings me pain everyday. as it consumes me, it makes me feel nauseous and anxious without fail, yet it will only bring more harm if i act on it. it’s just another thing in life that i’m failing miserably at. i just want to give up, i feel too inadequate for anything good to happen to me,” i lamented, in total dejection, as my silent tears dropped onto the wood floor.

You don't have to say anything

the air was still between me and sunghoon for a beat too long, so i looked up, only to be met with a glassy-eyed sunghoon staring at me in pity. “y/n, stop! don’t say things like that; you’re breaking my heart. i loathe that you can say thing like that about yourself. you’re more than what you say you are, even i know that.”

“why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? keep being vicious to me, that’s all i’m worthy of. i don’t deserve true happiness because i’m just a bitter and lonely girl, who takes out her own insecurities on other people!” my body was shaking as i cried and i could not look at sunghoon, it was too humiliating.

but even after the lifetime of self doubt that i held inside spilling out, sunghoon only gently tugged me closer to him, so that i was curled against his chest. he then asserted with utmost confidence, “you deserve the world y/n, actually no, you deserve the whole universe. i know you don’t believe me, probably because you don’t seem to like me very much, but i like you. i like you a lot. so when you started to act negatively around me, i was extremely upset so i reciprocated the malicious behaviour. but hey, it never stopped me from liking you and it sucks that i caused you so much inner conflict. my god this is so embarrassing.”

to say i was gob-smacked would be a complete understatement. the knowledge that he actually liked me, whether i believed it or not, made me feel even more guilty so i started to divulge the truth, “no no no you can’t possibly like me, you’re too good for me, like totally out of my league. oh god oh god OH GOD i’m such a mess...the only reason i started being mean to you was because your perfection irked me so much, that it made me enraged at you. i didn’t want to feel so defeated, so i made an enemy of you instead.”

“oh y/n, you were never one for being up front and simple,” sunghoon chuckled, “but at least we both know that our feelings are mutual.” he didn’t even give me a chance to answer, as he caressed my cheek with one hand, and placed the other on the back of my neck to pull my face closer to his, taking my breath away. he closed the gap between us, moving his plush lips against mine. when i realised what was actually happening, i returned the kiss. however, all good things have to end, and let me tell you, the kiss felt like it ended just as fast as it had started.

we fell deep into each other’s eyes, dumb smiles etched onto our faces and a blush painted onto our cheeks. i was the first one to break the silence this time around, “so ummm sunghoon, i know we got off to a rocky start, but would you be willing to give us a go? what i’m trying to say is, do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow, to ummm that popular café down the street o-or s-something?”

“there’s no other way i’d want to spend tomorrow,” sunghoon affirmed, “but right now all i want to do is stay right here with you in my arms and make up for lost time.”

Just hold me like you wanna

223 notes · View notes

b0rista · 4 years ago

Text

— 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.

WARNINGS: light angst & swearing.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: he's one of my ultimate favorite snk characters, and i needed to cleanse my page of the heavy ass warrior content djjfjf.

"you're either a blessing, or you're a lesson. either or, you and i met for a reason."

with all of the gore and the misfortune that comes with your livelihood, it's connie that gets you through it.

as expected, you first fell in love with him for his humor. not for the humor itself, but for how it shed the smallest flicker of joy upon a heaping tower of despair— as soldiers, you needed that. fortunately, he was the one that brought it to the table. even during your days as cadets, connie lived to make you laugh. hearing a chuckle flutter from your core served as a form of therapy for him, and with time, he grew addicted.

with that being said, he does the stupidest shit in order to get your attention. even when you're together, he'll do what needs to be done. for example, one time, he tried to impress you by doing a trick while saddled up on his horse. in an attempt to twirl like a jackass ballerina, the horse decided that it deserved better, and kicked him clean off its back. at the sight of his 5'2 ass being hoisted eight feet into the air, you nearly choked.

prepare yourself, he's a cuddler. after a particularly hard day's worth of work, connie finds solace in bedding up with you, knowing that you're safe, and with him. he asks that you don't tell anybody, but he actually really enjoys cuddling as the little spoon. to have his head pressed against your chest, his ear to your heartbeat, brings him comfort. of course, he'll never detest to being your big spoon, either. he absolutely loves the feeling of you buried within his touch.

^ if you ever want to go an evening without cuddling, he'll be immediately offended. never, ever, ever will the two of you fall asleep back to back. he simply won't have it, it makes him feel as if something's wrong. and if that is the case, nobody's falling asleep until you've talked about it and successfully sorted it out.

at the beginning of your guys' relationship, everyone worried for you. did he coerce you, y/n? are you being forced? has he threatened you, has he threatened your family? nobody could grasp the fact that connie motherfuckin' springer had managed to pull you.

if there's any sort of sour talk regarding you, no matter how little it is, this man will leap to your defense. one time, jean called your bedhead ugly, and connie propelled a moldy roll of bread into his forehead. in the end, a massive food fight erupted, and you were just standing there with your bedhead like 🧍‍♀️

HOWEVER, there was an instance that actually led to a genuine, real fight between you two as a couple. you'd managed to scuff up your leg during the battle with kenny the ripper and his associates, and when it came down to who was and who wasn't going to tag along for the eren & historia rescue mission, connie belittled you to the team behind your back. not because he actually felt that way, but because he'd do anything to maintain your safety— even if it meant hurting your feelings. telling captain levi that your abilities were inadequate for that particular mission hurt him, but he did what he felt was necessary.

in the end, though, levi saw through the charade. to connie's dismay, you came with to save eren and historia. and during the entire journey, you didn't even utter a word to him. of course, though, during the battle, you put your frustrations aside. once you saw your lover's head nearly get kicked in during combat, you understood his intentions, and you forgave him. as expected, he replied to your forgiveness with humor,, his go-to coping mechanism.

"considering how sexy i looked on the battlefield, i knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

whenever his hair starts to grow out, you're the one that gets to cut it back down! he's able to do it himself, but he really likes it when you do it. you're typically propped up in his lap, sitting face to face as you file down his edges. he always loops his arms around your waist, intently staring you in the face— seeing you so concentrated on his hair, he can't help it.

you wouldn't expect this from connie whatsoever, but he likes it when you read to him. pick a literature of your choice and let him kick back and rest his head onto your lap, pleasE. he'll close his eyes, and for the first time in forever, stay still. the only time he and books ever coexist is when you're reading one to him. he'll also make fun of you whenever you stumble over a sentence,, so get ready.

the day you realize that this motherfucker is nearing six feet tall, you're ready for the holy spirit to whisk you away. literally, you measure his height on the weekly once you realize he just keeps gaining inches. that, and when he starts growing more into his face? lawd, take you now.

"connie, you're getting seXY-"

"what the hell does thaT mE A N-"

many, many proposals. none are meant to be taken seriously, which the both of you know. still, there are far too many proposals between the two of you. one time, you killed a fly midair, and he thought you were the baddest bitch on the block.

"marry me."

another time, he swooped you into the air with his maneuvering gear, and as you held onto him for dear life, you looked him dead in the face: "marry me, you baldheaded bastard."

it can be a reel, how many times the two of you say that bullshit. somehow, it's cute.

he doesn't really take basic boundaries into consideration. like, one time, you caught him using your toothbrush because he couldn't find his. it wasn't fun, you had to give him a serious talking to.

he is, without a doubt, constantly prepared to lay down his life for you on the battlefield. during his time as a soldier, he's grown significantly strong— and once he fell in love with you, he's felt even stronger. not only do you give him drive, but you lend him strength. with that being said, you're somebody he'd die for without even an ounce of hesitation. and knowing him, he's probably made that more than obvious.

when connie's village was destroyed and it was discovered that his entire family was turned into titans, you were one of the only ones to actually comfort him. you were absolutely enraged at how nonchalantly your lover's loss was set aside, and although he'd tried his hardest to conquer the grief alone, it was you who sat at his bedside at night, cradling him in your arms as he wept. never in your life had you seen him so distraught. after that period of time, your relationship with him only deepened in its seriousness.

as expected, you and sasha spend quite a bit of time together! after all, that's your boyfriend's best friend. given her easygoing nature, it didn't take long for sasha to absolutely adore you. naturally, she wonders how the hell you manage to operate with a boyfriend like that, but she tries not to ask questions.

speaking of the wonder twins, they love getting you in trouble. whenever the two of them think up an astonishingly moronic shenanigan, there's a solid 50/50 chance that you'll be looped into it, too. one time, they purposefully dulled jean's razor, and when he went to shave, it only ended in him splitting his face open due to placing too much pressure. as a joke, those two jackasses carved your initials into the handle. when jean decided that he'd murder you, connie tried playing the hero, lEapiNg to your defense. it was stupid, and it didn't work. you still laugh about it, though.

there have been several jokes regarding starting a family and growing old together— secretly, though, connie doesn't want them to just be jokes.

he stole a stray cat for you. yup, yes he did. the two of you were walking about the city, and you saw a gray-haired sleeping beside a trash bin behind a local vendor. you compared its fur to the color of his hair, calling it cute. out of impulse, connie went back to that exact same vendor later on that day, trapped the cat in a box, and brought it to your doorstep.

his forearms and fingertips were covered in claw marks, but to see your face light up the way that it did, any amount of pain was immediately worth it.

after the nickname that shadis had given connie on the first day of cadet training, you named the kitty q-ball. 🥺

during the season four era, the two of you share a house. at first, captain levi argued against it— "put a pair of horny teenagers in a home together, what do you think is gonna happen?"

y'all said fuck it, and lived together anyways. it's you, him, and your lovely child, q-ball. occasionally jean, too. some nights, he doesn't want to be alone.

eskimo kisses. during the prepping of every single mission, you'll get eskimo kisses. it's a small, loving gesture the two of you do before heading into the battlefield. as a sign of your love, you'll press your foreheads together and rub noses, weapons holstered and ready for combat. it's a serious tradition, and it'll never be ignored.

and after a mission, connie has this habit of pinching your cheeks immediately after rushing towards you. it isn't to be cute, either. it's so that he can scan you, and check you for any harm. basically, it's him squeezing the life out of your face while bombarding you with questions.

expect supremely cheesy pet names! bae, biscuit, buttercup, baby thing, sexy bitch, and so on. if it were anyone else, he would 100% make fun of them. but it's him, therefore adorable.

#attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot scenarios #aot headcanons #connie springer #connie springer x reader #aot x reader #connie springer headcanons

157 notes · View notes

brockadoodles · 4 years ago

Text

surprises - n. mackinnon

AN: I completely forgot about this fic until @sportmodepetey asked me about writing for Nate and I remembered that I had!! So here is this, I promise it’s all fluff and softness and not my usual angst. I’m gonna tag @hockeyboysiguess too because she might yell at me for waking her up again with another fic. Also I think I promised an anon I would repost this forever ago and then I forgot sooo.. If you come back anon, here ya go!

Word Count: 5148

Warnings: Babies!!!

Your hands shook as you delicately picked up the test in your hands. Holding one end between your fingers, you glanced at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes looked heavy, filled with worry and your hair was disheveled from how anxiously you had been running your hands through it the last three minutes.

If you had to guess, you would assume that most people your age would be scared of a positive pregnancy test, but you were feeling the opposite. Your heart was racing and you had an uneasy feeling in your stomach, trying to work up the courage to see the result.

Lately, Nathan would look at the results for you. He said it was his way of protecting you from the feeling of disappointment, a sentiment you appreciated, even if every result was still negative. They all had been negative for the last year and a half, why would the next one be any different?

No one prepared you for what it would be like to have trouble getting pregnant, it was never a thought that crossed your mind. When you and Nate got married, the idea of children wasn’t even on the radar. You were both young, he was in the prime of his career, it just didn’t make any sense to start trying at 25. Now that you both were 30, and it was becoming clear just how difficult it was, you were starting to regret not trying sooner.

It was hard not to feel like you were failing your husband, but your body just wasn’t cooperating. It wasn’t for the lack of trying, the two of you had sex all the time. You tracked your ovulation schedule, tried every superstitious trick, and yet each time that familiar wave of disappointment hit you as you’d see Nate’s face falter when looking at the pregnancy test. It was especially frustrating because doctors told you that everything was normal, and sometimes it just takes time to conceive naturally.

Nate never did anything to make you feel inadequate, he was always supportive of you. Holding you while you cried, reassuring you that you were always good enough, no matter what happened. But most importantly, he never lost faith in you, he constantly reminded you that growing a human is hard work, and maybe your body is just taking extra time to prepare. He was always so calm, genuinely believing that it would happen for the two of you when it was meant to happen. That’s why he tried as often as he could to bear the burden of looking at the test for you. If he could take away any sadness you were feeling, he would.

But today, Nate wasn’t here. The Avalanche were on a week-long road trip in New York and he wasn’t due back for a couple of more days. You bit your lip, diverting your eyes away from the mirror and back down towards the white plastic stick resting in your right hand. You didn’t tell Nate, feeling like it wasn’t worth getting his hopes up only to let him down once again.

Your own hopes were high this time, something in your body just felt different. You had symptoms that you hadn’t experienced yet the other times you thought you were pregnant. You took a deep breath and finally shifted your gaze down to the test, eyeing it carefully.

Your stomach dropped seeing the word “pregnant” in the little results window of the test. You rubbed your eyes quickly and looked again, thinking maybe you were projecting your hopes and that your eyes were deceiving you. When you saw the same result, you quickly ripped open another test and went over to the toilet.

Those second three minutes were probably the most nerve wracking of your entire life. You had never had a positive pregnancy result, and after how long you had been trying it was hard to believe that it wasn’t some sort of fluke or false positive.

When the three minutes were up, you hastily grabbed the test, wasting no time to look at the result. When you read the word pregnant again, you looked back up at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were glassy with fresh tears, but you looked happier than you had been a few minutes prior. You took a slight step back from the sink, placing the test onto the marble countertop and placed a hand gently on your lower stomach, slowly rubbing your fingers across your skin.

It took every bit of willpower that you had to not spill the secret to Nate when he came home that week, but you knew that with how long you had both been waiting, that you wanted to confirm with the doctor before giving him the news. The many months of disappointment had caused you to guard your heart, and you couldn’t fathom sharing the news with Nate only to have it ripped apart from the both of you if it ended up not being true.

------------

A few nights later, you were tossing and turning, finding yourself unable to sleep. You looked over at Nate, unable to sleep. His back was facing you and his breaths were deep. His flight had gotten in late, him not getting back home until around 2:30am. When he leaned in to kiss your forehead softly before slipping into bed, you had been asleep. But when he wrapped his arm around you and rested his large hand on your stomach you woke up, suddenly worried that maybe he knew you were pregnant.

This was a ridiculous thought to have, Nate didn’t even know you had taken tests while he was gone, and he always pulled you close at night, but you couldn’t help but feel your anxiety levels rise.

“I know something’s bothering you.” You jumped at the sound of his voice, groggy and full of sleep. Before you spoke back, Nate turned himself to face you before running his hand over his face and up through his hair to wake himself up a bit. It was 5:47am but because it was still winter, the sky was pitch black outside.

“M’fine, baby, go back to sleep.” You tried to reason, reaching your hand up to rub his cheek, fingers gliding softly over the stubble that had grown in on his face. Nate relaxed into your touch and leaned down to press a slow kiss to your forehead before resting his head in the crook of your neck.

He peppered light kisses on your neck, humming out,

“Did something happen this week?”

“No.” You lied, using your hand to tilt his head back up, bringing your lips to his.

“Just missed you.” You added, deepening the kiss. It wasn’t a complete lie, you did miss him and now that he was home kissing you, you couldn’t help but press yourself closer into him, needing to feel his touch.

Soft moans filled the room as lazily dipped in and out of you. You felt your anxieties slipping away as each moment passed. What started as a means to distract Nate also became a release for you, and you fell back asleep feeling safe and content in his arms.

You woke up a few hours later to the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling the bedroom. You sat up and pulled your hair into a messy low bun before you leaned over the edge of the bed, slowly pulling yourself out of the covers and getting up. You stood up and pulled Nate’s shirt down over your body from where it had risen up earlier that morning. You subconsciously ran a hand over your abdomen, smiling to yourself before heading out the bedroom door and into the kitchen where Nate was sitting at the island, coffee cup in hand.

“Morning.” You said, coming up behind him and pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder. You leaned around him to grab an apple from the fruit basket and took a bite into it. Nate turned his body slightly toward you, pulling you slightly so that you were facing him, standing between his legs.

“How was the trip?” You asked, smiling softly at him. His fingers pressed into your sides, pulling up the shirt that was draped over your body as he rubbed small, comforting circles into your hips.

“You watched all of the games.” He smirked up at you before pressing his lips to yours in a kiss.

“Mhm, yeah but I still like to know how your trip was.” You hummed out in between soft kisses. Nate tried to pull you closer and deepen the kiss but you felt your stomach lurch. The taste of coffee on his lips made you feel nauseous all of a sudden. You felt bile rising in your throat, threatening to come out and ruin the tender moment between you and your husband.

You pulled away quickly and Nate furrowed his brow at your sudden need to separate yourself from his touch.

“You alright?” He spoke.

“I, uh, I think my period just came.” You stumbled out, averting your eyes from his as you ran into your shared bathroom. You quickly turned on the shower to drown out the sounds of emptying your stomach. Once you felt a bit better, you stood up, flushing the toilet and washing your hands. You brushed your teeth and made a mental note to make a doctor’s appointment for as quickly as possible to 100% confirm your pregnancy. You still felt a bit nauseous, but a part of you was relieved to be feeling sick, as it was another sign that the home tests had been right. You didn’t want to keep the news from Nate for too long, just long enough to plan a special way to let him know he was going to be a dad.

-----------

You sat in the driver’s seat of your car, holding the small ultrasound photo in your hands. The doctor had confirmed what you felt to be true, you were 13 weeks pregnant. Your doctor gave you a list of prenatal vitamins to pick up on your way home. The Avalanche had a big home game that night and you were eager to be there, not only to cheer on Nate but because you knew just how you wanted to tell him.

You stood next to Aleks, glancing down at her and Nikita’s daughter Sophie. She was wearing a small Avalanche jersey, Zadorav printed in white on the back. Your heart swelled at the sight, knowing that someday soon, your own child will be wearing their own little MacKinnon jersey.

“Do you think you can get Z to help me with something? He has to keep it a secret though.” You asked Aleks, taking a sip out of your water bottle. She eyed you suspiciously, looking from you to your drink. You felt nervous under her stare, knowing that she was technically going to be the first person you told the good news to.

“You’re pregnant.” She smirked, saying it bluntly. You choked a bit on your water before looking up at her in surprise. You quickly looked down to your stomach, which was covered with a loose fitting top. Your “wag” jacket that matched the other girls around you came out to cover the sides of your hips. There was no way she could have known based on your appearance, you weren’t far enough along for there to be signs.

“You’re drinking water, you never drink that here.” She smiled. You bit your lip, cursing yourself for having a strict pregame ritual of drinking a beer during warmups. You nodded at her, not wanting to say it outloud as Nate came skating up to where the two of you were standing. Your eyes focused on your husband, who was now balancing a puck on the end of his stick. He tossed it over the glass to you, winking at you as you caught it, a tradition he started after the first game he invited you back when you had just started dating.

You looked around, spotting a young boy who looked to be around 7 or 8, dressed head to toe in Avs gear standing just a few seats over from you. You leaned over and tapped his shoulder, smiling at him and offering the puck. Nate’s tradition was to give you a puck and yours was to pay it forward and give it to a fan in the crowd. More often than not you chose to give it to a kid, knowing just how much it probably meant to them to receive something from a player that they looked up to.

The little boy eagerly nodded at you and took the puck from your hands before turning toward who you assumed to be his dad.

“Wow, what do you say to the nice woman, bud?” The man said, smiling at you in thanks.

“Thank you!” the boy exclaimed, wrapping his small arms around your leg in a quick hug before looking up at you.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled, looking toward his father to get permission to hug the child back. He nodded at you, and you wrapped your arms quickly around the young boy. Nate watched the exchange from the blue line, passing a puck back and forth with Gabe. He couldn’t help but sigh in sadness. He wanted a baby so badly, and while he understood that it would happen when it was meant to, he always felt a touch of worry when he thought too hard about the what ifs. The moment passed as quickly as it came and he focussed his thoughts solely on the game ahead of him.

“So what do you need Z to do?” Your attention turned back to Aleks.

“Well I haven’t told Nate yet, I was hoping Z and the boys could help me.” You said, leaning in a bit closer to her so that the people around you couldn’t hear you. The last thing you needed was for the news to end up all over Twitter. Granted, Nate didn’t use Twitter but still.

Just as you mentioned him, Nikita came skating up to where the three of you were standing. He tapped the glass quickly in front of his daughter, before waving quickly at all of you and skating away. If there was anyone that would help, it would be him. He was so in love with his children, but also wild enough to want to participate in what you had planned.

A few days later you found yourself on a group FaceTime call with some of Nate’s teammates, laughing as they loudly spoke over each other about the plan you had come up with. You knew that you had to incorporate his teammates and hockey into the reveal, being as his team was one of the most important aspects of his life. You knew that he couldn’t wait to someday share that with his kids, bringing them to games and teaching them how to skate.

After JT and Tyson argued over whether Nate was going to cry or not, Gabe cut them off and grabbed your attention.

“Do you know what you’re having yet?” You looked at Gabe curiously, almost instantly thinking of a new task that the boys could all help you with.

“Actually I want you guys to tell us.” You spoke into the screen. This grabbed everyone’s attention.

“What can we do?” Tyson beamed at you.

“Well I have this envelope the doctor gave me, I was going to just open it with Nate but maybe you guys could come up with something to share the news with us.”

“Like a party?” Nikita jumped in. You would have felt nervous about it, but Z had done this before and you knew he wouldn’t do anything too crazy.

“Yes, you can throw a party if you want.” You smiled back at him.

--------

Nate turned his car on, blasting the heat. It was early, he was tired, and the last thing he wanted to be doing was heading to the rink for an obscenely early morning skate. Gabe had mentioned that everyone needed to be at the rink by 7 that morning, some sort of last minute meeting before practice. He was annoyed but he knew better than to question his captain. He reached down to shift the car into gear when he noticed a note taped to the gear shift. He recognized your handwriting immediately, smiling to himself as he picked the small piece of paper up.

Good morning my love, Snow is still falling, but warm things are coming. If you’re wondering what the next note consists of, When you get to the rink, check your right glove.

Nate reread the note a few times, unsure of what it meant. He quickly set it onto the passenger seat, reminding himself to look inside his gloves when he got to the arena like it said.

When Nate pulled into the parking garage he immediately felt confused. So far, his car was the only one he could see. He glanced at the clock on his phone before double checking that Gabe’s message actually said 7am. It was 6:45am and no one else was there. He was normally a bit early, but never the first one to practice. He shook his head, getting out of the car and grabbing the remainder of his gear from the trunk. Maybe everyone was as tired as he was and just was running a bit behind, he thought as he walked into the practice facility.

Nate took his time changing and putting on his padding, figuring that there was no reason to rush if he was the only one there so far. The note from the car completely slipped his mind. It wasn’t until he grabbed his gloves that he remembered to check inside for something. He felt around the inside of the glove before pulling out another small piece of paper with your handwriting on it.

Congrats, you found clue number two. Although it’s probably not clear what you have to do. You’re probably wondering why everyone is late, Forget about them and head to the place where we sat on our first date.

Nate read the note once more before setting it in his stall and heading out toward the rink. He smiled at the memory of your first date. By all standards, it should have been a disaster. Looking back he isn’t quite sure how he managed to get a second date out of it. He had planned brunch for the two of you, wanting to take you to a little whole in the wall cafe in downtown Denver. Instead, the coaches decided that after their last three losses, they needed an extra conditioning practice. Rather than cancel on you, he asked if you wanted to come watch practice and have lunch afterwards. Much to his surprise you said yes.

He had a terrible practice that day, and he thought for sure that his negative attitude toward his teammates would prevent you from ever wanting to see him again. Instead, after practice, the two of you sat in the stands for two hours just talking about anything and everything while some junior hockey team practiced in the background. You didn’t even express annoyance when some of the players came up to him to say hello after their practice, instead you smiled and listened as he interacted with the younger players.

He left the locker room and headed over to the bench where the two of you sat all of those years ago, he knew exactly where it was that you were sitting. Remembering the dark green sweater you had worn that day, and the scarf you had around your neck to keep warm while he practiced.

When he walked up toward the bench he saw another small note taped to it. He picked it up and opened it.

Welcome to clue number three, This one marks you being halfway done, but I’m just starting the fun. If you search through the practice pucks, you just might find the next one.

Nate was beginning to wonder what this whole scavenger hunt was leading to. You were not the type of person to be able to keep secrets when it came to surprises. If anyone was going to spill about a surprise, it would be you. You always said that you just got too excited to share whatever it was with whoever the person was that you couldn’t be trusted to keep any exciting secrets. He was curious as to how you managed to pull off some sort of prize for him.

Nate set his sticks and gloves down on the players bench and walked into the equipment area to grab the bag of practice pucks. He dumped the bag out and the pucks started sliding haphazardly across the ice. He knew it would be faster than trying to dig through the bag.

His eyes scanned the pucks, looking for a few moments before spotting one with paper sticking out underneath it. He stepped out onto the ice and skated over to where the puck was. He leaned down to pick it up, carefully taking the note off of the puck before skating back over to the boards to lean against them while reading the new clue.

Sorry you had to make that mess, but I promise it’ll be for the best. Don't forget to put the pucks away and then head back to where you always begin game day.

Nate slowly gathered his mess on the ice, stacking the pucks up then sliding them into the bags, before stepping off the ice and heading back toward the dressing room.

When Nate got back to his stall he was confused to see a small gift bag sitting on top of the bench. He looked quickly around the locker room to see if any of the other guys had shown up. It was definitely past time that Gabe said everyone had to be here, yet even Gabe himself hadn’t yet arrived for practice. He picked up the small grey bag and sat down on the bench.

He slowly pulled out the white and gold tissue paper that was stuffed in the top of the bag, setting it down next to him. He reached his hand down into the bag, instantly feeling something extremely soft on his fingers. He lifted the item out and furrowed his brows in confusion at it. He was holding a small stuffed animal version of Bernie, the Avalanche team mascot. He figured maybe the bag was meant for another teammate who had kids.

As Nate was putting the mini Bernie back in the bag, he noticed the back of Bernie’s jersey was different. Instead of “Bernie” printed in white, it said “MacKinnon” and just underneath the name was 29. He knew there must be another clue somewhere and he began to look around his stall for any piece of paper that might have come from you.

He spotted something next to his name plaque, and sure enough it was another folded up note from you.

Now that you’ve revealed all I had to hide, pack up your gear and head where you park your ride.

Nate shook his head, but obliged by what the note said, packing his gear back up quickly so that he could head back to what he hoped was the reveal of whatever grand scheme you were planning.

About 20 minutes later, he walked out to the parking garage and saw you leaning up against his car. You beamed up at him, pulling yourself away from the car and walking toward him.

There were butterflies in your stomach, not only were you about to share with your husband the news, you also were able to share that you knew the sex of the baby.

“Not that I didn’t love this little adventure, but what’s going on?”

“Well, Nate, I think you have to read your last clue.” You smiled, reaching into your back pocket and handing him the envelope. This was it, you thought. Nate was going to know in a matter of seconds, and you could barely contain the smile on your face.

Nate set his equipment bag down next to the car and then gently took the envelope out of your hand. You watched in suspense as he carefully opened it, pulling out the note and sonogram inside.

“Read it outloud.” You encouraged, giving him another wide smile.

“Congratulations the riddles are coming to an end, just know that you’ll have a lot of messages to send. Enjoy the next few months of us on standby, because baby MacKinnon will be making their debut this July.” Nate’s voice cracked at the end of the clue, he slid the small paper over and looked at the ultrasound now in his hand. His eyes welled up with tears and he quickly looked back up at you.

“You’re pregnant?” He spoke quietly, unsure of if this was all real or some horrible joke you were in on with the team. He didn’t think you would mess around with something this serious, but he also couldn’t believe what he was looking at.

Your eyes were also glossing over with tears, feeling an unprecedented amount of joy. You nodded quickly at your husband, taking another step towards him.

“You’re really pregnant?” He asked again, this time with more conviction.

“Yes, Nate. We’re having a baby.” You cried happily, wiping a couple of tears that had begun to cascade down your own cheeks. Nate wasted no time grabbing you and pulling you into a hug.

“I can’t believe this, we’re really having a baby?” He asked one more time, pulling the two of you apart just enough to press one hand flush against your stomach. You nodded in response and leaned up to kiss him.

“Wait there’s another surprise.” You smiled, pecking him on the lips one more time before gesturing to his car.

“I’m not sure anything can top this one.” He replied, quickly looking around for your car before adding,

“Wait how did you get here?”

“Aleks dropped me off, I wanted to be able to drive home with you.” You answered nonchalantly, making a move to open up the passenger side of the car.

The ride home was quiet, Nate drove carefully, with one hand rubbing softly against your thigh. You watched the snow covered buildings pass by you as he continued down the route back to your home.

You were nervous as he pulled onto the street that you lived on, immediately recognizing some of the cars parked sporadically near the house. Nate looked around as he slowly pulled into the driveway.

“Why does it look like the team decided to have practice at the house?” He smirked at you, knowing there obviously was something going on.

“I don’t know, let’s go find out.” You teased, knowing fully why they were all there. You didn’t know what their plan was, but you did hand over your keys that morning to Aleks after she dropped you off, heading back to help the boys with the surprise.

When you walked into your house, you couldn’t believe all of the work the team had managed to pull off in the short amount of time that you’d been gone. There were pastel streamers and balloons draped carefully around the living and dining room. The dining table had an arrangement of fruits and breakfast type pastries for everyone. And out back you could see a set up of a goal covered in white balloons. You jokingly wondered which one of them logged onto Pinterest to get all of these ideas.

Nate looked around in awe. He felt like he was in a dream, one that he was desperate to not wake up from. The two of you had been trying for so long that he hadn’t really allowed himself to think of what it would feel like to have it happen. Having his team there to take part in the celebrations was an added bonus.

“Nate dogg, come outside you need to shoot some pucks.” Gabe slapped a hand on your husband’s back, nodding toward the net that was set up out back.

“Wait, do you know what we’re having?” He quickly turned to you, setting his cup of coffee down on the table near where you were standing. You shook your head slightly, motioning toward the rest of his teammates that were all starting to head out to the backyard.

“No, this is all them.” You smiled, grabbing his hand and leading him outside.

Nate stepped up toward the goal, grabbing his stick from EJ, who was dressed up in the most embarrassing outfit anyone could have imagined. He stood tall, wearing a bonnet over his head and what appeared to be a giant diaper costume that you’d probably find in the clearance section at a Halloween store because it was so ugly.

“Oh my god, what are you wearing?” Nate shook his head at his teammate.

“I lost a bet to Graves.” He rolled his eyes, glancing over at Ryan and shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter, shoot the damn puck.” He added, pushing Nate slightly toward the goal.

Nate fired back a shot, instantly breaking a couple of balloons, silver confetti flying everywhere. He realized quickly that he needed to start shooting to pop all of the balloons, shaking his head at his teammates' knock off best shooter competition idea.

When the puck went flying into the last balloon, pink and purple confetti started flying everywhere. Nate felt like he was moving in slow motion, dropping the stick and running to grab you. He could hear the cheers from everyone around him but all that mattered was you.

He picked you up, twirling you around quickly before gently setting you down. You reached your hand up to wipe the tears from under his eyes, smiling widely knowing that you were having a baby girl. You always knew Nate wanted a girl, believing he would be the best “girl dad” so you knew this moment was extra special for him.

The two of you stood close for a few moments, ignoring the commotion happening around you and savouring the moment.

“You owe me $50, I told you he would cry.” Tyson argued with JT

“I single tear doesn’t count, idiot.” JT shot back.

You laughed at the two boys, leaning your head into Nate’s chest and looking at the scene around you. It may have taken a long time to get here, but you couldn’t be more excited for the family you were creating, knowing that your baby girl was going to be loved by so many.

#bye i love that gif #nathan mackinnon #nathan mackinnon x reader #nathan mackinnon imagine #nathan mackinnon fic #avs imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic

311 notes · View notes

phoebe-delia · 3 years ago

Note

Phoebes did you notice that most of the song prompts are odd numbers? I just think it's kind of neat! But for some lovely chaos in the stats, let us please have song no. 10? Also your doing this is a wonderful gift to the world and I adore you so so so so much

@rockingrobin69, Robin, my darling, hello. First of all, I'd noticed that the first ten or so were mostly odd numbers, but after you pointed it out, I realized how many odd-numbered ones I'd done! How funny. Also, before I get to tell you what song you've selected, I want to say that you and your writing are the true gifts and the feeling is very much mutual, my love. I cannot thank you enough for your constant love, support, and friendship. I absolutely adore you. <3

Another funny thing, Robin, is that you've managed to now select two out of my top three all-time favorite songs by Taylor Swift. (song prompt 3 was, ironically, my 3rd favorite TS song: "it's time to go.") But here, you've requested song 10, which is my number 1 favorite Taylor song of all time: "All Too Well."

The trouble is, I've already written one fic to this before. But no matter! I will persevere. This is technically a sequel to the original fic, but you don't have to have read it to understand this one! It is highly likely when the 10-minute version of All Too Well comes out that I will write a fic to that, but since it's not out yet, here's this. CW: post-breakup, potion/substance addiction, bad coping mechanisms, potions overdose; but there's a hopeful/happy ending!

Paralytici Memorias means "paralyzed memories" in Latin, if Google Translate is to be believed. And finally, an enormous, gigantic thank you to my big sis @avenueofesc for making this coherent and much better.

It wasn't a substitute by any means. It would never replace what it was made to mimic. In some ways, it was hopelessly inadequate.

But it was all he had: just the potion and his memories. If Draco's mind insisted on torturing him by reliving the best moments of his life in sepia-toned images, at least this way he could delay the crushing reality a little while longer.

Paralytici Memorias was his greatest triumph and biggest mistake. At first, he blamed it on completing his due diligence; every good potioneer should know and test the effects of their potion.

But then one test turned into two. Before he knew it, Draco spent the better part of his days coming in and out of deep periods of sleep, reaching for the vial every time his eyes opened to the sight of his empty flat, his engagement band on the coffee table next to him.

He wondered what Astoria would say if she could see him now. If their current level of communication as soon-to-be-weds was any indication, their marriage contract was more of a business venture than a romantic one.

After all, as long as he had a pulse, sperm for insemination, and a sound enough mind to sign over half his vaults, he'd have done his duty as her future husband as far as she was concerned.

"You'll forget about me, I promise."

His own words—written on the parchment he'd sent off with his owl before he could stop himself—were burned into his memory. He still remembered the searing pain in his chest as he promised the love of his life that what they'd had could be forgotten. In breaking Harry's heart, and in shattering his own, his only consolation was knowing that Harry would be happy eventually; that Harry would move on and find someone with the freedom to love him the way he deserved, someone who could offer the intangible riches in which Draco had always been impoverished.

As he reached for the vial that afternoon, it was to remind himself of the priceless love he sold for the price of his heart.

The potion’s effect was hazier than a Pensieve, but this way he could see the memories from his own point of view; could relive it in his own skin. Still, his mind couldn't do justice to Harry's eyes, the bright sound of his laughter, the warmth of his skin.

They were in Harry's car, the name of which Draco had never bothered to learn, too terrified and fascinated by the contraption. He yelped when Harry took a hand off the wheel to grab Draco's shaking one in a reassuring squeeze.

"Hands on the wheel, Potter!"

"I've got it under control, love. You watched me put the protection spells on the car myself, and it would be perfectly safe even without them. I promise I won't let anything happen to you," Harry said without an ounce of condescension.

Draco exhaled shakily, "If you say so."

"I do. Now, why don't you tell me a little more about where we're going?"

"Have you forgotten already? Honestly, Potter, your memory is abysmal."

"I haven't forgotten. I just like hearing you talk."

Draco valiantly didn't blush. And while he described the beauty of the Cotswolds, he found himself mesmerized at the red and orange leaved trees that lined the road as they drove out of the city and into the peaceful countryside, with its steady beeping noise.

Wait…that wasn't right. Why was it beeping?

"Potter, there's something wrong with the car."

"Draco?"

He squeezed his eyes shut tight before he opened them, blinking as the unfamiliar room came into focus. He could feel his pulse pounding in his head as his mind raced in a heady mix of confusion and anxiety. What happened? Why wasn't he in his flat?

"You're in St. Mungos."

Draco's head nearly snapped as he turned to look at a pale-faced Harry sitting in the chair next to his bed. Near Harry stood an unfamiliar woman scribbling on a clipboard. She reached over onto a side table and handed Draco a paper cup. The water was cool, a relief for his parched, sandpaper throat.

"Mr. Malfoy, how do you feel?" She asked after he handed the cup back to her.

Draco closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning. "My head is killing me and I'm dizzy, but I'm okay. What happened?"

"Your fiancée found you unconscious in your flat. We completed a blood test and couldn't match the substance to anything we know—"

"I invented it," Draco grumbled. "Where is Astoria? Harry, what are you doing here?"

The healer pressed her lips together. "I'll leave you to gather yourself for a few minutes, but I'll be back soon to ask you more about that potion, and next steps from there, alright?"

Draco nodded. "Thank you, Healer...?"

She smiled. "I'm Healer Rostova. Press that pager if you need something, but otherwise, I'll be back in a little while." With that, she left the room, the door clicking softly behind her.

Draco turned to Harry, who regarded him with wide, worried eyes. "What happened? Why are you here?"

Harry bit his lip. "Astoria found you unconscious on your couch. She brought you here and then she, well...She called me."

"She—what?"

"She called me. She said you were in the hospital, and I didn't really think much beyond Apparating here."

"Why did she call you?"

"She said you were...talking in your sleep."

Draco blushed. "Oh."

"Yeah," Harry let out a humorless, breathy chuckle. "She figured it out, I think. She said to tell you that she's having her parents terminate the contract."

Draco closed his eyes, letting his head thud against the headboard and then instantly regretting it, gritting his teeth against the sharp pain. "Great. I bet Mother's furious."

"She'll come around."

"You don't know that. You don't know her."

"No, I don't, but hopefully she'll want you to do what makes you happy."

Draco clenched his jaw and looked away. "Happiness is easier to manage when it's artificial. I ran away from the only thing that ever brought me close to real happiness. I can't handle it."

"Then let's manage it together."

Draco closed his eyes, kept his head turned.

"Draco, look at me."

Slowly, Draco forced himself to look at Harry, opening his eyes to let the other man see the tears beginning to well.

Harry's expression was as pained, yet kind. "Do you have any idea how agonizing it has been to miss you?"

Draco's chest seized, sharp with regret. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I thought it was what's best for both of us, I—"

"Shhh," Harry leaned forward, rubbing a soothing hand over Draco's. "We'll make it okay. We'll figure this out together, alright?"

Draco kept his eyes open, let himself enjoy happiness in full color. "Okay. Together."

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry fic #drarry fanfic #drarry fanfiction #draco and harry #harry and draco #draco x harry #harry x draco #cw: addiction #cw: post breakup #angst with a happy ending #hpdm #drarry squad

50 notes · View notes

beifongsss · 4 years ago

Text

playing with fire pt. 2 [sokka]

Pairing: Sokka x reader

Summary: You’re a Fire Nation citizen who saves Sokka and Katara from some angry villagers. Aang “convinces” you to come along with them, finding your knowledge of the nation useful. Not everything is smooth sailing though as both Water Tribe siblings have their doubts about you.

this will be a series :D this marks the beginning of book 2.

w.c.~5.7k

prologue. one.

.masterlist.

The four of you spent the next few days in the Northern Water Tribe to help the community rebuild and to pay your respects to Princess Yue.

Arnook had held a festival to celebrate Yue’s life, claiming that she would hate to see her tribe in such a sullen mood. Deep down you knew he was right, but that didn’t change the fact that your heart ached whenever you heard her name. A lot of your time was spent walking around alone, helping out whenever you could. You still felt immense guilt over what had occurred even if Arnook had publicly declared you to be an ally of the Northern Water Tribe.

You grunted softly as you helped an old woman clean up her shop, the fallen sign being just a bit too heavy for you due to your injuries.

“Woah! Hey, let me help you.”

The weight lessened as the sign was taken from you. You glanced up to see Sokka, holding the sign with ease.

“You shouldn’t be lifting heavy things. Not when you’re injured,” Sokka stated before turning to the old woman. She smiled at him, directing him where to put the sign and he nodded before doing ass told.

She came up to you next, patting your shoulder softly as a smile spread across her face. “You have a good boy. Don’t let him go.”

You blushed at her words, shaking your head immediately. “He’s not- We’re not...together.”

The woman’s eyes widened but before she could say anything, Sokka returned. She thanked the two of you before turning around and heading back into her shop, leaving you alone. You started to walk away, Sokka rushing to catch up to you before falling into step with you. A silence enveloped the two of you, but it wasn’t awkward. Ever since Yue...

Ever since you had lost the princess, the two of you had begun to spend more time together, much to Katara’s annoyance. It had been an accident, to be honest. Both you and Sokka had trouble sleeping after losing Yue, feeling as if you had failed both her and the Northern Water Tribe. He had joined you on one of the bridges in the city one sleepless night, the two of you enjoying each other’s company as you stared up at the moon.

The two of you eventually began to talk. There was something about standing on the empty bridge in the middle of the night that made baring all your feelings easier. It was during these midnight chats that Sokka revealed why he was so full of guilt.

He told you all about how he felt inadequate in the Southern Water Tribe; the only son of the chief who couldn’t even protect his home when Zuko arrived looking for the Avatar. He told you about how he tried to be the best warrior possible, desperate to protect his home and Katara, his sister and his tribe’s last waterbender. After a few more nights, he revealed that the reason he was so torn up about Yue wasn’t because of the brief fling he had had with her. No, it was because his failure to save the princess had brought back all those feelings of inadequateness. Sure, his heart ached slightly due to the feelings he had held for her but he was old enough to know that what he felt was mere infatuation. He had admitted that her words kept replaying in his head, wondering what was the “change” she had mentioned and telling you that he wasn’t too worried. He was already traveling with the Avatar and being hunted by the Fire Nation. At this point there was no “change” that could scare him. You pretended not to notice that he didn’t talk about the whole “being afraid to love” part of Yue’s goodbye.

In return, you opened up to him about your feelings as well. The main topic was always your guilt; the guilt you felt at being part of the nation that had ruined so many lives, guilt at running from home, guilt from knowing that no matter what you did, you would never be able to make up for the mistakes of your past. You told why meeting Yue was so important to you, telling him about how it was the first time someone from another nation had treated you normally and trusted you. And you had let her down. You hadn’t been able to stop Zhao from killing Tui. You told him a little bit more about you running away from home, telling him that you feared ever going back because you knew that you would be punished severely. You had run away from your responsibilities and that was not something to be taken lightly in your family.

The two of you made your way back to your campground silently, earning yourself a smile from Aang and a glare from Katara when you arrived. You packed up your things, knowing that it was time to leave, and prepped Appa after bowing to Master Pakku as he said his goodbyes. Within a few minutes, you were off to Omashu to find King Bumi so that he could teach Aang earthbending.

The only pit stop you made was at an Earth Kingdom outpost, where General Fong tried to convince Aang to fight the Fire Lord in the Avatar state. The issue had caused a lot of disagreement within your group, with Sokka and Aang agreeing with the General and you and Katara wanting Aang to wait until he had mastered all four elements.

“I told the general I’d help him,” Aang said, entering the room where you were all staying. “By going into the Avatar State.”

“Aang, no!” Katara exclaimed, standing up. “This is not the right way!”

“Why not?” Sokka asked, placing his arms behind his head while he laid on the bed. “Remember when he took out the Fire Navy? He was incredible!”

“There's a right way to do this,” Katara said sharply, glaring at her brother. “Practice, study, and discipline!”

“Or just glow it up and stop that Fire Lord!”

“(Y/N), what do you think?” Aang asked, turning to face you with a lost expression. You stared at him wide-eyed, not knowing what to say. Aang noticed and walked up to you. “You’re a part of our group now, and I want to hear your opinion.”

The Water Tribe siblings stopped their bickering as they turned to face you as well. Sokka had a smug smile on his face, coming up and wrapping his arm around your shoulders as you kept your gaze on Aang. Katara stood with her arms crossed, glaring at you as she waited to hear your response.

“Um, well,” you stuttered for a bit before taking a deep breath. “Aang, I agree with Katara.”

Immediately, Sokka’s arm dropped from around you and he stared at you with betrayal. Katara’s jaw dropped before she gave you a tiny smile, glad that someone was taking her side. Aang simply looked at you curiously before motioning for you to continue.

“Aang, there’s a reason the Avatar has to master all four elements,“ you said, avoiding Sokka’s gaze. “You can’t rely on the Avatar State because what if something goes wrong? I want the Fire Lord defeated as much as you do but the correct way to do it is by mastering the rest of the elements. Besides, you yourself said that you don’t know how to control the Avatar State. Don’t do something just because some bossy old general wants you to.”

“People are getting hurt or dying because of this war,” Aang said. “And it’s all my fault. You don’t understand.”

It was silent for a moment before you placed a hand on his shoulder, leaning down to catch his gaze. “Aang, people have been dying long before you were alive and they will continue to die long after you’re gone. This war is not your fault. You have a choice about how to confront the Fire Lord and whether or not you choose to use the Avatar State, just know that I will be there to support you, okay?”

Aang stayed silent for a few seconds before nodding and leaving the room. Katara followed after him, pausing for a few seconds to turn around and look at you. “Thanks.”

You stared after her in shock. Sure, she had said one word but in your eyes that was much better than all the glares you had been receiving from her.

“What was that?” Sokka asked once you were alone, still gaping at you.

“What was what?” you asked, walking to your bed.

“I thought you were going to have my back, not my sister’s,” Sokka proclaimed, following you.

“Sokka,” you sighed, turning to face the boy. “We both know that the Avatar State is a large gamble. What if he can’t access it when he confronts Ozai? He’s the Avatar for a reason. He’ll learn how to master all four elements and he will succeed.”

“You’re just trying to delay us,” Sokka said. “You don’t want to see the Fire Nation fall.”

Your eyes widened before they narrowed dangerously, your glare making the Water Tribe boy shift in discomfort. You stepped forwards, poking a finger into his chest harshly. “I don’t need any of this from you. I thought we were friends Sokka. I’m sorry for thinking about Aang’s well-being. Did you know that he has nightmares about being in the Avatar State?”

This time it was Sokka’s eyes that widened at your words. He knew that Aang hadn’t been sleeping well but he had no idea what his nightmares were about. He winced slightly as he remembered his earlier words, stuttering as he tried to apologize.

“Next time,” you began, effectively shutting the boy up. “Worry less about where my loyalties lie and worry more about your friend.”

You stormed out before he could say another word, leaving him to sigh deeply and throw himself on to his bed as he thought about how to apologize.

Katara had yelled at him when he told her what he had said, not that she’d ever admit to defending someone from the Fire Nation.

A few days had passed since you had left the outpost. Much to yours and Katara’s relief, Aang had declined the general’s suggestion after his tactics to activate the Avatar State had gotten a little too aggressive.

You hadn’t spoken to Sokka since the day of your argument, even though he had tried to corner you multiple times. You weren’t angry with him anymore, just upset over what he had said. Aang and Katara had noticed the distance between the two of you, especially when you began speaking to Momo. The two of you always spent your free time together. As nonbenders, you often had nothing to do while Aang and Katara trained which resulted in a lot of quality time with each other.

Currently, all of you were relaxing in a lake surrounded by tall cliffs. Aang and Katara were practicing their waterbending while Sokka floated on a large leaf, Momo curled up on his stomach. Appa was in the water as well, floating on his back as you sunbathed on his stomach.

You tuned out Sokka’s nagging as you enjoyed the warmth, occasionally getting splashed when Aang and Katara sparred.

“Da, da, da. Don't fall in love with the traveling girl. She'll leave you broke and brokenhearted. Hey, river people!”

You sat up when you heard a new voice, panicking slightly when Appa began to roll over onto his feet.

“Appa, wait!” you cried, trying to scramble off the sky bison. “Don’t t-”

Your words were cut off as Appa disregarded your words, rolling over completely and dropping you into the water. You fell onto Sokka’s legs, causing him to tumble into the water as well. Momo screeched in panic as he managed to get away.

Sokka yanked you out of the water, making sure you were okay before guiding you over to Katara and Aang. He looked at the newcomers suspiciously. “Who are you?”

“I'm Chong and this is my wife, Lily,” the man with the lute-like instrument said. “We're nomads, happy to go wherever the wind takes us!”

You slinked away, eager to change into dry clothing while everyone else was distracted. When you got back to the group, Aang patted the space next to him and smiled widely. You sunk into Appa’s soft fur, smiling as Aang excitedly put on the flower crown they had made for him. Lily sat next to you soon after, asking if she could place flowers in your hair. You nodded softly, allowing the woman to decorate your hair as she wished. When she was done, she did the same thing to Katara, weaving flowers into her dark strands as she braided it.

“Hey, Sokka, you should hear some of these stories. These guys have been everywhere!” Aang said happily as Sokka approached.

“Well not everywhere, Little Arrowhead,” Chong said as he stopped playing his lute. “But where we haven't been, we've heard about through stories and songs.”

“They said they'll take us to see a giant night crawler!” Aang exclaimed.

“On the way, there's a waterfall that creates a never-ending rainbow!” another nomad, Moku, said dreamily.

“Look, I hate to be the wet blanket here, but since Katara is busy,” Sokka said shortly, shooting a glare at his sister as she shot one back. “I guess it's up to me. We need to get to Omashu. No sidetracks, no worms and definitely no rainbows.”

“Wow, sounds like someone has a case of destination fever. You're worried too much about where you're going,” Chong said easily.

“You got to focus less on the ‘where’ and more on the ‘going’,” Lily added, accidentally tugging Katara’s hair as she gestured with her hands.

“Yeah, Sokka!” Aang said, leaning back on Appa. “Relax for a bit. Look at this flower crown they made me! And look at (Y/N)’s hair! Doesn’t she look pretty?”

You smiled at the Air Nomad softly, being met with a large grin. Sokka, on the other hand, sputtered for a moment as he tried to hide his blush and avoid looking at you.

“O. Ma. Shu!” Sokka finally enunciated, cheeks still blazing and keeping his stern gaze on Aang.

“Sokka’s right,” you finally said, patting Aang’s head and missing the grateful look Sokka shot at you. “We need to find King Bumi, so Aang can learn earthbending somewhere safe.”

“Sounds like you’re heading to Omashu,” Chong stated, causing Sokka to facepalm in frustration. You held back a giggle at the situation. “There's an old story about a secret pass right through the mountains.’

“Is this real or a legend?” Katara asked skeptically.

“Oh, it's a real legend. And it's as old as earthbending itself.” Chong stated before strumming his lute. “Two lovers, forbidden from one another, the war divides their people and the mountain divides them apart! Built a path to be together! Yeah, I forget the next couple of lines, but then it goes ... Secret tunnel! Secret tunnel! Through the mountains, secret, secret, secret, secret tunnel! Yeah!”

You all looked at each other uncertainly before Sokka crossed his arms and turned to Chong. “I think we'll just stick with flying. We've dealt with the Fire Nation before. We'll be fine.”

“Yeah, thanks for the help, but Appa hates going underground,” Aang added, flashing a smile. “And we need to do whatever makes Appa most comfortable.”

The four of you bid the nomads goodbye and took off... only to return when you ran into an army of Fire Nation soldiers.

“Secret lovers cave,” Sokka muttered as you rejoined the nomads, annoyance clear on his face. “Let’s go.”

Aang was way too confident for someone who was trapped in an underground labyrinth. After you had reached the tunnels, the Fire Nation had caught up to your group and blown up the entrance, effectively shutting you all in. On the bright side, Chong had remembered the rest of the song.

After taking inventory of all your supplies, Sokka had suggested making a map to keep track of your steps. You had immediately agreed, stating that it was a smart choice. Everyone else had agreed as well, not having any better ideas. After the tenth dead end, however, you began to regret letting Sokka take the lead.

“Sokka, this is the tenth dead end you've led us to!” Katara cried exasperatedly. You nodded along with her statement, feeling a bit frustrated.

“This doesn't make sense. We already came through this way,” Sokka said, looking at the map in confusion. You peered over his shoulder to get a better look and he angled the parchment towards you. He looked at you before swallowing and looking away hurriedly. You were closer than he had thought you were.

“He’s right,” you chimed. “According to this, we’ve been through here already.”

“You don’t need a map,” Chong said as he breezed past. “We just need love. The little guy knows it.”

“Yeah, but I wouldn't mind a map also,” Aang said meekly.

“There's something strange here. There's only one explanation,” Sokka said, turning to face the group. “The tunnels are changing!”

You opened your mouth to tell him off, not getting the chance to do so as the tunnel began to shake.

“The tunnels, they're a-changin',” Chong said frantically as you all began to get closer together. “It must be the curse! I knew we shouldn't have come down here!”

“Right, if only we listened to you,” Sokka said sarcastically. You swatted his arm.

“Everyone be quiet,” Katara yelled suddenly. “Listen.”

Momo settled onto your shoulder, chittering softly as he gripped your hair. You stood next to Sokka, the two of you staring into the dark tunnel. You tensed when you heard a growl coming from the darkness, Momo flying away and landing on Appa who was farther away. Sokka grabbed your wrist and pulled you behind him, raising the torch to get a better look. Everyone panicked when something flew out from the tunnel. You stayed still, Sokka’s hand still on your wrist as everyone else began to run around.

“It’s a giant flying thing with teeth!” Chong yelled, rushing past you.

“No!” Moku replied, ducking onto the ground. “It’s a wolfbat!”

The wolfbat flew around, occasionally diving down towards the group. When it dove towards you, Sokka panicked and swung the torch at the creature. The sudden movement caused cinders from the torch to land on Appa, who began to panic and run around.

“Watch out!” you cried, tackling Katara as a chunk of earth fell where she was standing.

“Hey! What-” her words died down as she saw the chunk of earth, her face losing color as she realized what had happened. “Oh, thanks.”

You nodded in return before running off, pushing Lily out of harm’s way as well. Appa was still running around and he managed to hit the ceiling hard enough to make the tunnel collapse completely.

“(Y/N)! Watch out!” Aang cried. You looked up to see the ceiling begin to fall, panic taking over and rooting you to the spot. Aang watched in horror, unable to airbend you out of the way as the tunnel began to collapse around him as well.

A strangled gasp left your throat as someone threw you to the side before landing on top of you. The tunnel completely collapsed afterwards, leaving the two of you separated from the rest of the group.

“Are you okay?” Sokka asked roughly, scrambling to his feet before helping you up. You nodded wordlessly, rubbing at your shoulder before looking around. Sokka walked over to the torch he had dropped when saving you, picking it up before turning and walking to the pile of rocks. You watched silently as he tried to dig his way out of there, knowing that there was no way the two of you were going to rejoin the group without an earthbender. Or a badgermole you thought to yourself.

“Sokka, stop,” you whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. He tensed up under your touch, causing you to immediately retract your hand. You turned around, facing the dark tunnel behind you. Seeing no other option, you began to walk forwards, hoping that the tunnel would lead you somewhere.

“What are you doing?” Sokka asked, grabbing your hand and pulling you back. “We have to get back to the others.”

You pulled your hand away from him, shooting him a lazy glare. “Look, unless Aang magically happens to master earthbending in the next five minutes, we’re trapped. Our best choice right now is to continue walking.”

Sokka grumbled under his breath before walking away, lighting the path with the torch. The two of you walked in tense silence for a few minutes, both of you too awkward to start a conversation.

“(Y/N)-”

“Sokka-”

The two of you spoke at the same time, flushing slightly when you met each other’s eyes before chuckling softly.

“(Y/N) I wanted to apologize for what I said at the outpost,” Sokka said, coming to a stop in front of you. “I know you’re angry but I wanted you to know that you were right. I wasn’t concerned about Aang’s well-being even though I should’ve been. It was wrong of me to not listen to you or Katara because you had a point; Aang still has time to master the remaining three elements and he’ll be able to do it. I just- it just sucks that we’re caught in a war, y’know? I want it to end before I lose anyone else I love. I’m sorry.”

“Sokka, I wasn’t angry at you,” you whispered, not meeting his eyes.

“You weren’t?”

“Ok... I was,” you admitted, glancing at him. “But I got over it pretty quickly. I was just really upset because you questioned my loyalty. I know that the Fire Nation can be evil. They’ve done so many things to the other nations but they’ve also ruined things within their own nation. I’m from the capital city, Sokka. There’s a reason I ran and it’s because things just kept getting worse. Yes, I’m Fire Nation, but that doesn’t mean that I’m the enemy. I accept your apology, you dork. Now, we should probably keep walking before that torch burns out.”

Sokka gave you a sheepish smile before turning around and moving forwards. You stayed close to him hoping that nothing else would crawl out of the tunnels.

“(Y/N), can I ask you something?” Sokka asked, breaking the silence once again. You nodded silently, motioning for him to continue.

“This has been bugging me since the North Pole, but I didn’t want to bring it up so soon after-” Sokka paused for a second, not wanting to mention Yue. “Um, why did Zuko’s uncle recognize you? And why did he tell Zhao he had to listen to you? And most importantly, how do you know Zuko?”

You flinched slightly. You knew he was going to bring that up, it had only been a matter of time. Sighing, you looked at him. “The truth?”

“The truth,” Sokka replied, nodding his head firmly.

“The truth is that I was trained to be a Fire Nation soldier from the day I was old enough to hold a sword,” you said quietly. “My father is a well-known admiral, Ozai’s right-hand man. When I showed an interest in combat, Ozai decided to do us a favor and let me train with the best of the best. I was good with a bow and arrow but I really stood out with sword fighting. When I was old enough, I joined the army.”

“That still doesn’t explain the whole Zhao situation,” Sokka stated softly.

“When I was fifteen, I stumbled upon some battle plans of my dad,” you continued. “They contained a lot of flaws, even if he couldn’t see them. I fixed them for him and when Ozai found out, he had me join a group of high-ranking officers to plan invasions. Zhao was one of them. I don’t know why I was so good at planning invasions, but whenever Zhao and I disagreed, he would go to Ozai. The Fire Lord would always agree with me, which pissed Zhao off to no end.”

Sokka chuckled at your words. “So that’s why? Zhao had to listen to you because you were ‘Fire Lord approved’?”

“I guess so, yeah,” you replied, chuckling along with him.

“What about Zuko?” Sokka asked. “How do you know him?”

“I already told you, Sokka,” you replied. “I trained with the best of the best. That meant training in the palace. Zuko was my sparring partner growing up.”

Sokka’s jaw dropped. “You had to spend time with the angry prince?!”

“He wasn’t so bad growing up,” you said, laughing lightly. “We were pretty good friends up until I left.”

“Why’d you leave?” Sokka asked suddenly. You continued to walk in silence for a few seconds, causing Sokka to think he had made a mistake by asking. The two of you reached a cavern, the path you were on separating into two tunnels. You looked at each other uncertainly before glancing at both tunnels. You squinted at the tunnel on the right, seeing a faint glow coming from it.

“Let’s go this way,” you said, nudging Sokka. He looked at you and then at both tunnels before sighing and nodding. He was just about to apologize for his question when you spoke up.

“I left because of my father,” you admitted quietly. Sokka stayed silent, keeping his eyes forward as he allowed you to speak. “He once took me with him when he was leading an invasion. He said that I had to experience battle if I was ever going to take his place. It- It was awful, Sokka.”

Sokka glanced at you, seeing the downcast expression on your face. You glanced at him for a second before continuing. “It was a small Earth Kingdom town. The soldiers were barely older than I was. They had surrendered, the Fire Nation had won. But they said that their surrender was dishonorable and they slaughtered them anyway. I couldn’t stay there, not when I knew that was what my nation was doing. So I ran. I settled into the town you found me in and stayed there for a few months. And now I’m here. Stuck in a cave with you.”

Sokka smiled slightly. “It could be worse, you could be stuck with Chong and his group.”

You laughed at his words and bumped him with your shoulder. “I guess you’re right. You’re not the worst person to be stuck in a cave with.”

Sokka’s cheeks burned at your words and he distracted himself by looking at the torch, which was running dangerously low. You followed his line of sight, biting the inside of your cheek as the torch began to dwindle down to nothing. A few minutes later, it went out, a curl of smoke rising up into the air.

“Now would be a really good time for you to say you’re a firebender,” Sokka jested, stopping to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. You chuckled weakly, bumping into him by accident.

“Spirits! I’m so sorry,” you whispered, grabbing onto Sokka’s arm. You swallowed harshly before sliding your hand down his arm, reaching his hand and intertwining your fingers with his.

“I-It’s okay,” Sokka said. He was glad it was dark in the tunnel, that way you wouldn’t see his blush. You did, however, feel him stiffen up.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, slipping your hand out of his. “It’s silly but I’m a little scared of the dark and the torch went out so suddenly and-”

“It’s alright,” Sokka whispered, tugging your hand back to his. “I’m right here okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you. The two of you kept walking hand in hand, trying to feel your way through the tunnel. You could feel your fear intensifying, gripping Sokka’s hand more tightly as you moved forward.

“Did I ever tell you how we met Aang?” Sokka asked suddenly. He squeezed your hand softly, waiting for you to answer.

“N-No,” you replied.

“Well it happened because I made Katara angry,” Sokka said, laughing breathlessly. He could feel you loosening up and smiled softly, glad that he was managing to distract you. “We were out fishing and we got caught in the current. Our canoe got destroyed and we were stranded on a small iceberg. I made some dumb comment about her causing us to get stranded and Katara got angry, telling me that I was rude and sexist. Her waterbending got out of control and she shattered this huge iceberg that was floating behind her. Inside of it was Aang and Appa.”

You smiled at his voice. He was pretty good at storytelling. He continued to keep you distracted as you walked through the tunnel, telling you stories about his childhood in the South Pole and talking about his mother and father before telling you about all the adventures the Gaang had had before you joined. He was in the middle of telling you about their adventures at the Northern Air Temple when you reached another cavern. The words died in Sokka’s throat as you looked around, the ceiling of the cavern covered in various glowing crystals.

“Wow,” you breathed, looking around in amazement.

“What are these?” Sokka asked.

“These are our way out,” you said in realization. Sokka looked at you confused. “This is how the two lovers found their way through the tunnels! By letting the crystals guide them!”

Sokka’s eyes widened in realization before smiling and wrapping you up in a hug. “We’re finally going to get out of here!”

You laughed as he twirled you around before putting you down.

“The two lovers put their trust in their love and by doing so they were able to find their way through the tunnels by using the crystals as guides,” you said. You looked up at Sokka giving him a teasing look. “I guess Chong was right. Love does lead the way.”

Sokka looked at you as you laughed at your words, thinking about all the time he had spent with you over the past few weeks. Your words rang in his head as he thought about just how well he had gotten to know you. He knew about your past, about your qualms with the way the Fire Nation operated. He knew about your little quirks, especially after all the time spent together while Aang and Katara trained. He thought about how you sat and listened to him, genuinely caring about what he had to say and always knowing what to say in response.

All of a sudden, the fact that the two of you had gotten trapped in the Cave of Two Lovers together was no coincidence.

“Sokka?” you asked quietly, noticing that the boy had suddenly gone quiet. “Sokka, are you okay?”

Sokka nodded, his eyes searching your face for a few seconds before he leaned down. Your eyes fluttered shut as his face neared yours, his arms still wrapped around you from the hug you had shared earlier. You felt yourself melt into his touch, your heart speeding up when you felt his lips brush over yours. You were just about to lean up and fully press your lips to his when the cavern began to rumble.The two of you quickly separated, eyes widening when the cavern walls fell to reveal a large animal.

“Quick! Get behind me!” Sokka yelled, trying to shield you from the flying rock. You peered over his shoulder, eyes widening when you saw the badgermole.You ducked under Sokka’s arm, walking up to the giant creature. Sokka’s eyes widened at your actions. “(Y/N)! What are you doing?”

“This is a badgermole, Sokka,” you explained, walking up to the animal. You paused for a moment, not knowing what to do. You hesitantly extended a hand, giggling when the badgermoles pressed its snout into it. “It’s our ticket out of here.”

Sokka gaped at you as you climbed onto the badgermole, only turning to wave him over. He quickly got on behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist to steady himself. You ignored the heavy blush on your cheeks as you stroked the badgermole’s back.

“Hey, Mister Badgermole?” you asked, ignoring Sokka’s bewildered gaze. “We’re kind of stuck in here. Do you think you could help us get back to our friends?”

“Really?” Sokka asked, giving you an amused look. You shrugged, a bashful look on your face. All of a sudden, the badgermole began to move and you held on tightly. Within a few minutes, you were surrounded by bright light.

“(Y/N)! Sokka! You guys got out.”

You looked down, seeing Aang, Katara, and the nomads. You gave them a cheesy grin, sliding off of the badgermole. “Sure did! Sokka and I got out by letting love lead the way.”

“Really?” Aang asked excitedly.

You and Sokka glanced at each other briefly, both of you looking away with rosy cheeks before you replied. “The badgermole was a huge help too.”

Katara looked at the two of you suspiciously as you approached them. You went over to pet Appa and Momo as Aang went to say goodbye to the nomads. When she was sure you weren’t paying attention, she turned to her brother. “So, what actually happened in there?”

Sokka’s eyes widened and he floundered for a few seconds before opening his mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by Chong.

“Nobody react to what I'm about to tell you,” the nomad said before pointing at Aang. “I think that kid might be the Avatar!”

You looked over at Sokka just in time to see him facepalm, causing you to giggle quietly. Sokka shot you a halfhearted glare before smiling softly at your laugh.

All he could think about was what had happened in the cavern.

taglist!

atla: @musicalkeys, @mywigglybaby, @bubblebars, @iguessthefloorislava, @dekahg, @boxofteenageideas, @bottledcostcowater, @butterflycore, @coldlilheart, @the-firebender-girl, @ajediherowitchrunner, @lammello, @astroninaaa, @samsmultifandomblogs, @sadskater25, @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak, @eternallyvenus

pwf: @ilovespideyyy, @binaryssunsets, @a----rag, @existing-but-nonexistent, @milk-n-cheese, @itsthatsadbitch, @nin-tendou, @honey-ruel, @reclusive-chicken-nugget, @teenbiology, @davnwillcome

#sokka x reader #atla sokka x reader #sokka #atla sokka #avatar #avatar: tla #avatar: the last airbender #avatar x reader #aang #katara #toph #toph beifong #zuko #prince zuko #sokka imagine #atla #atla x reader #avatar imagine

815 notes · View notes

fiore-rosewood9 · 3 years ago

Note

♫FrUk :D

Thank you for the ask, I will send a few songs that remind me of fruk, a whole playlist if you may, not only one song. I also touch a few of triggering topics as I explain the nations's personalities and relationships with one another so I apologize in advance if I upset/trigger someone and will put my trigger here - Warning - mentions of abuse, alcoholism, s*exual trauma. Under the explanation there is a playlist of songs that make me think of Ukfr/Fruk, so if anyone gets upset you can feel free to skip my general headcanons about fruk/ukfr relationship dynamics. There are too many songs that make me think of different characters or ships but I collected the ones that make me think the most of them.

I know the original song is by Lady gaga but this version is too sweet and cheesy for me so I chose the rock cover by the group Halestorm since I prefer it, it sounds more genuine and rough and kinda makes me think of the dynamic that ukfr/fruk has, that some people present is as just the enemies to lovers trope or them just fighting which is.....simply unhealthy????? Fruk is much more than that and I wish people would stop seeing it as a two dimensional thing, yeah they do argue on a lot of things and it is not the healthiest dynamic however it does work in my mind because they stick through thin and thick and that requires effort and true love since a lot of people nowdays do not take time to know the other person, they just jump into marriage and have a few divorces and just argue over everything and then separate, fruk is an off and on thing where they break and make. This kind of dedication is hard to find in today's couples. I know they're fictional characters and no one really cares but I practice my psychology skills and my knowledge of people around me, and I sometimes see people with similar or almost the same characters as fictional characters, they may not have all of their hobbies but they do act the same way. And certain pairs, no offence, just make me want to gag my self due to history with bad and toxic fans but if I look at it subjectivly and never encountered mean fans from a certain ship, I would say that they ship simply doesn't work. No ship bashing but as far as I know, people with this kind of personality from this ship that I dislike, and get upset when seeing fan art of, simply just do not get along and had a hard time divorcing, it is not only unhealthy and unbalanced, it is downright abusive because both partners seek control and to have the upper hand and this is not...what romance is about???? It is about two people taking care of each other, understanding personal space and boundaries, lifting each other up and yeah, they will argue a lot, sometimes for small things, sometimes for bigger things, but generally the point of romantic relationships is not someone using you, or abusing you financially and generally being better or bigger than you. This breeds insecurity and jealousy in the other partner and makes them feel inadequate. Usually such problems are not talked over and one of the partners acts passive agressive which is what ultimaltly leads to said divorce. So yeah, people can go away with their (BUT IT IS CUTE, IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE) pairing because real life pairings and how humans communicate and develop friendships and relationships isn't based on what your mind conciders and doesn't concider cute and there are lots of factors on whether relationship will ever happen like common interests, type personality, etc and just block me so I will never hear from them and their childish mindset ever again, which is why I blocked certain tumbrl fan art hetalia accounts who produce art of a pairing I (dislike) lowkey hate, for historical reasons, for manga reasons, for toxic fans who bullied me and made me go on 3 hiatuses reason and ultimatly in real life experience and psychology and how humans and the human mind works and what is healthy and unhealthy reason. Why should I support something where certain people have been hateful towards me and these same people that act like these characters and I know in my life are on bad terms in real life? Why shouldn't I just move on to something more realistic and more healthy, that I have seen that works with humans I know first hand? I am not a clinical psychologist and I have no power or saying in this but I had to write thesis and read books by psycholgists and analyze them in high school and my first year of Uni, in order to pass the year and I have also read reccomended books by a psychologist I went to because I wanted an advice on how to deal with my anxiety and talking to people, because my condition is extremely severe but I honestly feel stuck and try to improve but also feel confused, I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough to

self improve as a human. I sometimes come off as too cold or overly bitter and angry without intending to, and it sucks.

Francis is a really manipulative person and Matthew picked up that from him while part of Alfred's agression doesn't only come from confidence in his own abilities but the fact that England him self is an overly agressive person and is very dominant or at least used to be for a very long time, now he is more mild to keep his gentleman persona but he does suffer from severe anger issues which he hides while Alfred is prone to breaking things and screaming, Arthur is more prone to being rude, sarcastic and generally mean before he loses it. Matthew and Francis do not engage in fight if they can avoid it which is why sometimes people call them cowardly I think? And Matthew is a bit prone to being a codependent people pleaser as far as I see and he seems to have severe anxiety issues. Francis albeit charismatic and beautiful, is deep down in his core lonely.

I think that part of his pervertedness, shocking people with his s*xual humour and all of this sex obsession comes from trauma in his childhood and dressing like a girl. I wouldn't explain what the trauma in question was since it is not canon but I do headcanon that he had s*xual trauma and it is partly why Hungary dressed like a guy. I don't know if this is legit, it is bias from reading too much japanese fan comics relating to hetalia or just general history of humans and how they treated consent and what is moral today, wasn't amoral or against the law a few centuries ago, but I have seen artists touch on it. I think both Arthur and Francis suffer from neglect and they weren't particularly good fathers, in fact no country is, the whole FACE family is dysfunctional and while I love all of them, I kinda pity them. I think Rome was a bit discriminatory mostly towards France and never towards his other children while Arthur had to constantly prove him self and was bullied by his brothers. While other nations have suffered from trauma too (I headcanon that Prussia was burnt on stake and people threw rocks at him due to his albinism and being left handed) something similar happened to Arthur, who I headcanon that he was burnt for being a witch and Francis went a few times through the guillotine, or Arthur still having a bullet scar on his arm from the American revolution or Francis having nightmares from that day where Jeanne was burnt and waking up in his own sweat. Arthur also must suffer from workholism and alcoholism, judging by how much he works and goes to pubs to drink. Everyone chooses their own poison and how to cope with life and many use unhealthy coping mechanisms, hell, even I used unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot in the past and I am not proud of them, in fact, I try to improve.

I can talk about their history and how it relates to their mental health and what scars they have for hours but I would bore you. You came for a song and I am probably boring you so I apologize for writting a lot of words, in advance. I basically think that fruk/ukfr is the ultimate ship for many reasons because they click, I do ship spuk/engita/asakiku and many other things but fruk/ukfr is kinda like butter and bread, it is a great combination. I never said it is 100 percent healthy, however their relationship makes psychological sense and their personalities click. I know people like to present arthur as this dumb tsundere man that blushes and says baka, or he is this garbage rat dad that no one likes or francis is presented or at least used to be this perverted sex machine that touched other countries inappropriatly or at least the 2012-2015 fans saw him this way and while he still has the reputation of a pervert, what many young people in the fandom see as disgusting, I just see as an overly lonely man that just happens to have high libido and copes with it by having casual sex and just has a sex humour, the same way some people have fart jokes humour or darker, more cursed humour, I am really glad that fans mostly left off this whole - Francis is a r**ist and will grope you, in the past, because honestly r**e is not joke and as a character he clearly understands consent and boundaries and I don't think someone like him would do such a thing. Also Greece and Turkey have even higher libido than him and sleep around more, yet he is the ''pervert'', I don't get it??????????? but fruk is just so much more than opposites attract, they have a lot in common so I can't say they're full opposites, no one is truly. I have heard people ask why does anyone ship fruk when it is just opposites attract/enemies to lovers trope and I am honestly confused, because that is extremely rough generalization to say the least, it is like saying - All men/women are the same, it is simply wrong/uncorrect. I think they ''married'' five times - The Treaty of Paris (1657) formed an alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French Alliance (1716–31) formed another alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French blockade of the Río de la Plata (1845-1850). The Anglo-French joint invasion of Qing Dynasty (1856–1860). And the last one which is their official marriage The Entente Cordiale (1904) fought together in both World Wars. As far as I remember Francis tried to marry Arthur but he refused and why he refused is up for subjective opinion but I must write a whole thesis on why Fruk/ukfr works so well and people are not here for that, they're here for the music and I will provide. I also always saw Francis as the more gentle and more submissive partner, I just love to see him drawn in frilly beautiful dresses with bows and stuff and Arthur as the more dominant, I mean as a country he was a powerhouse during the 1600s-1800s and used to be a punkrocker, usually rockers are mentally tough and that man is extremely cunning and witty so...people drawing him as this useless baka uwu overly feminine anorexic boy that looks more like a tween rather than a 23 year old guy just assasinated his character in my opinion and it disturbs me but I am just some awkward human on the internet and no one values my opinion anyway because this is the internet and many people nowdays love to have hot takes and try to gain followers through clickbait stuff which sometimes goes out of control and everything just seems more fake and shallow to me, the more old I get.Okay that was my silly rant no one asked about but I feel really passionate about hetalia and Fruk/Ukfr. Anyway, I apologize again for my long rant and going all over the place, please enjoy this playlist

PLAYLIST WITH SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF FRUK/UKFR

1 - Halestorm - Bad romance - rock cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll4NJs3NBIU

2 - Queen - Somebody to love - lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk

3 - ABBA - Voulez vous - (I know everyone chooses Waterloo and while waterloo is a fruk theme, I think Voulez vous works too) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcgMVXuBJc

4 - London beat - I've been thinking about you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBryyQSrD8

5 - Santana - Smooth - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

6 - George Michael - Careless whisper - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

7 - Robbie Williams - Feel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk

8 - Michael Buble - Feeling good - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI

9 - Edith Piaf - La vie en rose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4

10 - Chopin - Marriage d'amour (Spring waltz) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJ7kDva7JE

11 - Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERw2LuU6Jj8

18 notes · View notes