#words are mine haha B)

[afflatusssss]

It was the weight of guilt that sent Icarus crashing down a second time; he wondered if he was always destined to be punished for loving something brighter than himself, even in death.

[peachiejeongin]

hello you magnificent human being.

I see your requests are open and I’m always ready to send my ideas to capable writers haha

so: Seungmin + angsty angst + redemption + happy ending (bc I’m a weak and unstable bitch)

reader is pregnant, at the beginning maybe she knows, maybe not. Seungmin is having some existencial crisis (maybe he feels like he’s not living he’s youth as he should), gets distant, neglecting his relationship. he cheats on reader (maybe not, and it only looks like it), reader finds out, confronts him, he says some really mean words about her, the relationship, the baby. maybe (I know, tons of maybes, I have ideas but also want to give you freedom to write whatever you want! hahaha) he implies he doesn’t want the baby or mentions something about an abortion?

however the reader reacts, what he does after, the redemption and else is up to u.

I hope you like the idea as much as I do. happy writing🧚🏼‍♀️

Fractured Foundations | Seungmin

Synopsis: When secrets flow and hearts break during an argument, you are left wondering why you entered into this relationship.

Pairing: bf!Seungmin x fem!reader

Genre: Angst. So. Much. Angst. (But a fluffy ending!)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of drinking, implied cheating (he does not), arguing, mentions of Seungmin not wanting the baby, break-up This is a pretty triggering fiction, so if you need to skip this one, please feel free to!

Notice: No, I did not sob my eyes out while I was writing this; what are you referring to?! Nevertheless, my darling! Your suggestion is out of this world, and it broke my heart just reading it! The only thing I did not include was the idea of abortion just due to some past experiences of mine and because the topic is insanely controversial; however, I hope you enjoy the story all the same ! As I stated in the warnings, this fiction is one that is more on the triggering side, so please feel free to skip out on reading if you need to :)

The apartment felt cold, even with the heater on full blast. You sat curled up on the couch, a half-forgotten mug of hot chocolate cooling in your hands; your eyes were fixated on the little plastic stick on the coffee table. The two faint lines stared back at you, blurring slightly through your tears.

You should have been happy; this is what you have been dreaming of for so long - to start a family and have a minature you running around the house. Yet, all you could feel was an ache deep in your heart - one that had been festering for weeks.

Seungmin had not been the same lately, and you could sense it. He was not the boy who used to hold your hand under the table at crowded restaurants or sneak kisses when he thought nobody was looking. He was not the man who used to talk about the future like he could not wait to spend every moment of it with you. He was not the man who shared your dream of settling down and beginning a family of your own.

These days, he came home late, smelling like a mix of winter air, cigarettes, alcohol, and someone else's perfume. He did not touch you like he used to, and he did not look at you with the love he had once felt if he even made the effort to glance your way at all.

You tightened your grip on the mug, the ceramic bearing into your palms. The words you had practiced in your head over and over felt heavy in your throat.

How do you tell somebody you love that you are carrying their child when you are not even for certain that they still want you?

The sound of the door unlocking snapped you out of your consuming thoughts. You wiped at your face quickly as Seungmin stepped inside, his shoulders stiff and his expression unreadable.

"You're home," you commented softly, forcing a smile.

"Yep," he muttered, kicking off his shoes without looking at you. He walked past the couch, heading straight for the bedroom.

"Seungmin?" Your voice cracked slightly, and you hated how desperate it sounded. "Can we talk?"

"I'm tired," he stated as he stalled in the doorway, his back still turned to you. "Can it wait 'til tomorrow?"

"I don't think it can." You swallowed the lump in your throat, your fingers trembling against the cooling mug.

He turned then, his face annoyed and his eyes carrying a sharp, distant stare.

"What is it?"

The words were right there, ready to spill out. Yet, as you looked at him - the man you used to know better than he knew himself - you doubled down.

"I..." you hesitated, suddenly unsure. "I just want to make sure you're okay. You've been pretty distant lately."

Seungmin sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm fine," he replied. "Just stressed."

"About what?" you pressed gently.

"Work. Life. Everything and anything." He glanced at you then, his tone hardening. "And I certainly don't need you breathing down my neck right now, so just drop this."

Your stomach twisted, a painful knot forming in your chest. You wanted to cry, to scream, to break down and tell him everything. Instead, you nodded, your barely audible voice mumbling an, "Okay."

Seungmin disappeared into the bedroom, leaving you alone in silence.

For the first time, you had felt like you were truly alone.

---

The days that followed felt like they were unfolding in slow motion, each one darker than the last. Seungmin stayed locked in his own world, a stranger in the home you had built together. His absence lingered, even when he was physically present, silence replacing the laughter you once shared.

You told yourself to wait for the right moment to bring it up, to tell him about the baby, but the fear of his reaction gnawed at your gut. Every time you opened your mouth, his distant gaze or clipped tone shut you down.

The breaking point came one Friday night.

Seungmin had been out late again, the smell of whiskey clinging to him as he stumbled through the door. You were sitting at the kitchen table, a plate of untouched food in front of you.

"Seungmin," you called, your voice shaking slightly. "We need to talk. it can't wait any longer."

"Not this again," he groaned, leaning against the wall as he kicked off his shoes.

"I'm serious," you stood up as your hands trembled. "I can't keep doing this. You're never here, and when you are, it feels like you aren't. What's going on with you?"

"What's going on with me?" he repeated, his tone slurring out of frustration. "You're the one who's always picking fights here recently."

"Picking fights?" Your voice rose, anger bubbling over your previously meek demeanor. "I'm trying to save this relationship, Seungmin! You won't talk to me! You won't let me in!"

"Maybe because I don't want to, y/n!" he snapped, cutting you off.

The words hit you like a harsh slap; you stared at him, your heart pounding so hard you felt it in your ears.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm suffocating, okay?" He clenched his jaw, rubbing his temples aggresively. "This life we have? It's not what I wanted."

"Not what you wanted?" Tears blurred your vision as you took a shaky step backwards, nearly stumbling in the process. Seugmin exhaled sharply, pacing the small space of the kitchen.

"I'm 24, for fucks sake. I should be out living my life, not tied down to some boring routine."

"You feel tied down?" you echoed, your voice breaking. "Is that all I am to you? Some weight holding you back?"

"I don't know!" he shouted, his emotioned boiling over. "I don't know what I want anymore, but I do know that I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it clearly isn't!"

The room fell silent, save for the sound of your muffled, shaky sobs. Slowly, you reached into your jacket pocket, pulling out the small ultrasound photo you had been carrying around for days.

"Maybe this will help you figure it out," you responded, your voice quiet, trembling even as you placed it on the counter in front of him.

Seungmin frowned, his eyes narrowing as he glanced down at the photo. When realization dawned, his expression twisted into something you could not quite discern - shock, confusion, maybe even rage.

"You're...you're pregnant?"

"Yes!" you replied, tears cascading down your face. "I found out a couple weeks ago, and I just went to the doctor to confirm it. I didn't tell you sooner because I knew, I knew this was how you were going to react."

Seungmin shook his head, a stressed hand clamped onto his forehead.

"This can't be happening."

"What do you mean?" you demanded, your voice rising several octaves. "This is happening, Seungmin. We're going to be parents, and you don't get to act like it's some inconvenience!"

"Inconvenience?" he repeated, his voice hard. "Do you know what this means? We're not ready for this! I'm not ready for this. I don't even know if I want-"

"Don't you dare," you cut him off, your voice growling with anger. "Don't you dare say something you can't take back."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to keep it."

The words hung in the air like a knife between you: sharp and unforgiving. Your breath hitched, your hands shaking as you stepped back from him.

"You're unbelievable," you whispered, pain prominent in your tone. "You know what? I'm done. You can figure out what you want without me here, because I'll be damned if I raise our child in an environment where I am treated like this."

Without waiting for a response, you grabbed your coat off of the rack in the living room, slamming the door behind you as you walked out.

---

You did not know where you were going, but anything felt better than the asphyxiating walls of that apartment. Your hands gripped the steering wheel as you drove aimlessly, hot tears streaming down your cheeks. The world outside blurred into a kaleidoscope of color. You could not stop thinking about what Seungmin had said.

"Maybe you should've thought about that before deciding to keep it."

The statement echoed over and over, each repetition cutting deeper than the last. You pulled into an empty parking lot and parked the car, burying your face in your hands as sobs washed over your body.

How had it come to this? The man you loved, the man you thought you would spend forever with, had looked you in the eyes and shattered every hope you had held onto.

After a few moments, the tears slowed, leaving you hollow and exhausted. You reached for your phone, scrolling through your contacts until you landed on a familiar name.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered after the second ring.

"Changbin," you sobbed. "I need somewhere to stay."

---

The apartment was eerily quiet without you. Seungmin stood in the middle of the living room, holding the ultrasound photo you had left behind.

He felt horrible.

The anger and frustration that had fueled his words had disappeared, replaced by a sickening pit in his stomach. He had not meant to say half of the things that he did, but in the moment, it all came tumbling out.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he muttered under his breath, sinking into the couch. He could not stop playing the look on your face - the way your shoulders had slumped, the tears in your eyes and anger in your voice as you left.

For the first time in weeks, he let himself confront the feelings he had been burying. The truth was, he was terrified. Terrified of losing his freedom, of not being good enough for you, and now of fatherhood. Instead of talking to you about it, however, he had lashed out, pushing you away when he needed you the most.

Seungmin stared at the ultrasound again, his thumb brushing over the tiny image.

'That's my baby.'

The thought sent a wave of emotion crashing over him, of fear yes, but also a deep unfamiliar sense of awe.

Yet, he was convinced he had already ruined everything.

---

Changbin greeted you at the front door in sweatpants and a hoodie, his face full of concern.

"What happened?" he questioned, his voice filled with concern but also tiredness. You shook your head, not able to speak without choking up. He ushered you inside, grabbing a nearby blanket and wrapping it around your shoulders.

"Take your time," he told you softly, sitting beside you.

The story spilled out in fragments - your fears about the pregnancy, Seungmin's distance, the fight, everything. By the time you had finished, Changbin looked angrier than you had ever seen him.

"That idiot," he mumbled under his breath. "I swear, I'm going to knock some sense into him."

"Don't," you replied quickly, your voice hoarse. "It's over, Changbin. I'm not going back." Changbin frowned but did not argue; instead, he pulled you into a comforing hug.

"You don't have to decide on anything right now. Just focus on taking care of yourself, okay?"

---

The next morning, Seungmin woke up to an empty apartment and a gut-wrenching sense of dread. He had tried calling you, but your phone went straight to voicemail. Panic set in when he realized he had no idea where you had gone.

It was not until later that day that he worked up the nerve to text Changbin.

'Is she with you?'

'She's safe. But don't plan on coming here. She needs space.

Seungmin sank down onto the couch, running a hand through his hair. You were safe, and that was all that mattered for now, but he knew that he could not leave things like they were.

The empty apartment was becoming unbearable; Seungmin missed the warmth of your embrace at night, the sleepy sounds you yawned in the morning, everything. Nothing felt right without you there.

His first attempt to fix things was impulsive; he showed up to Changbin's house unannounced, despearate to see you.

Changbin opened the door, his expression a mixture of disappointment and stifled frustration.

"She doesn't want to see you."

"I know I messed up," Seungmin responded. "I just need to explain-"

"You don't get to explain," Changbin cut him off. "Not yet, at least. You can't just apologize and expect her to forget everything that happened."

Seungmin faltered, shame washing over him.

"Then what do I do?"

Changbin sighed, his tone softening slightly.

"Figure out why you acted the way you did. Fix yourself, then fix the relationship."

---

Seungmin took Changbin's words to heart. For the first time in weeks, he had sought out therapy.

Sitting in the therapist's office, he struggled to put his thoughts into words.

"I feel trapped," he had finally admitted. "Like my life is moving faster than I can keep up with, and I took it out on my girlfriend." The therapist nodded, encouraging him to continue. "I think I'm scared. Scared of failing her, of failing the baby, of being stuck in a life I don't know if I'm ready for."

"That's understandable," the therapist gently assured. "But you need to know that running from your fears doesn't make them go away; it just hurts the ones you care about."

Seungmin left the session feeling lighter, though the weight of his actions was still pressing down on him.

He knew he could not fix things overnight, but he wanted to show you how serious he was about changing.

He started small, dropping off groceries at Changbin's house, knowing that you would not accept them from him directly. He began attending prenatal classes on his own, learning everything he could about what you were going through.

One day, he left a note for you with a small gift; it was a baby onesie that read, "I already have the best mom."

---

Weeks passed before you agreed to see him. You met at a park, the winter air crisp and cool. Seungmin looked nervous, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he approached.

"I'm not here to ask you to forgive me," he began, his voice steady but soft. "I just want you to know how sorry I am."

You crossed your arms, giving him a wary, "Go on."

He took a deep breath, his gaze meeting yours.

"I was selfish, and I let my fear and insecurities control me, and I hurt you in ways I can't even begin to make up for. You didn't deserve that."

"You're right," you replied quietly. "I don't." Seungmin nodded, swallowing hard.

"I can't change what I said, but I'm working on being better, for you, for our baby, and for myself. I understand if you never want to be with me again, but I'll always be here for our child. No matter what."

His sincerity caught you off guard. For the first time in weeks, you saw a glimpse of the man you had initially fell in love with.

---

The months that followed were not easy. You let Seungmin attend the doctor's appointments with you, but you kept your defenses up. Seungmin did not push; he showed up for every appointment, every class, and every moment you allowed him to be apart of. He listened more than he spoke, letting his actions do the talking.

One night, after a particularly long day, he found you sitting in the nursery, staring at the crib. You were far along at this point, about six or seven months; the realization of having this baby was finally beginning to set in.

"Everything okay?" Seungmin asked gently, leaning against the doorframe.

"It's just...a lot," you hesitated before nodding. Seungmin walked over, standing behind you and resting his head on your shoulder and wrapping his arms gently around your belly.

"I know, but you're not alone in this. Not anymore."

---

A few months later, you found yourself laying in the delivery room, clutching Seungmin's hand as your baby lay in the hospital's makeshift cradle just in the corner of the room. Seungmin's cheeks were stained with tears, his love evident within his expression as he walked over to the baby.

"I didn't think it was possible to feel so much love," he whispered, his voice breaking. You smiled through your exhaustion, watching as he gently cradled the baby for the first time.

In that moment, you knew he had changed.

And as he leaned down you press a gentle kiss to your forehead, you felt it too - the hope of a new beginning.

[boxofthings]

got any roach-centric fic recs? like idc the pairing, ghostroach/soaproach/ghostsoaporach any thats roach focused plzz

*cracks knuckles* I GOTCHU ANON this is my time to shine

If anyone wants to reply with their own pls do!

(These are in no particular order)

GhostRoach:

i left my heart in the mountains (right next to yours)

I'm going to want you 'til the stars evaporate

and here i stand (in the dirt with you)

These are all by Santihan and ugghh these were the fics that pulled me back from my near decade-long ghostroach obsession sabbatical. Well-written, emotional, they are amazing, my favs, I will rec these til I die (the first two are painful :'))

Things That Burn by abel_obel

Such a good one, I always go back to this when I'm in a ghostroach mood. Good ol' classic person A gets injured and person B freaks out

Roach Wouldn't Really Do It...

Exhaustion's a Funny Thing

Both by tinyduckies! Def read the TWs for the first one, but arghhh, I go back to these ones a lot!. I really like how the first one's more realistic/gritty when it comes to the aftermath of surviving Loose Ends

Second one's just a lovely depiction of Ghost and Roach's dynamic. Loved the banter and the second chapter ends real sweetly :)

The Barracks: Part 2

Ulterior Motives

Both by doberman, these two are much longer fics (which ghostroach is in desperate need of) and are such interesting reads!!

The first one is an AU that takes place in a pub with Ghost being his repressed, unhealthy self, and Roach coming in as the new co-worker to sweep him off his feet lol

The second one is ongoing and takes place slightly after MWII with Ghost meeting Roach outside of deployment

Sovereign by Applescone

God, this one really puts me in an introspective mood. It's so well-written and just feels so grounded and human. Takes place years after Loose Ends, with Ghost and Roach rekindling their relationship whilst dealing with the complications of Shepherd's betrayal and death

我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆 by Alex_Upshur

Ok I know this is in Chinese, but just use a translator like I did and yeah, while it won't be as accurate as the author wrote it, it's still a really lovely fic and i adore it :') A lil bittersweet look into the 141's lives and sweet moments with Ghost and Roach <3

Of Doubts and Dreams (Retold)

The Hook Up

All written by Call_Of_Booty, an og ghostroach author from wayyy back during the og trilogy (and ff.net) days. The first one's a rewrite of one of their old fics and it focuses on Roach and Ghost's dynamic up until the night before Loose Ends.

Second one's about Roach deciding to leave the SAS whilst he and Ghost have complicated feelings for eachother due to past hookups. Both great reads!

Distance Makes the Heart Pissed Off by krwaken

I'm sure every GhostRoach shipper knows this one lol. A lovely 200k word slowburn of these two <3

Fear & Delight by EpiKatt

Hornet's Nest with more GhostRoach :))

Tell Me Why This Has to End by Feral_Raccoon

ANGST :( Post-Loose Ends. Ending broke me haha

and you wrote your name / right there next to mine by cheese_n_crack

more Loose Ends angst :( A bittersweet ending with Ghost and Roach looking at the stars in their final moments

You'll Get Sick Anyways by ghostslefttit

Very short, but very cute lil fic with Ghost taking care of a sick Roach :))

If We Crash (I Hope We Do) by mintyiecat

Man I can't even begin to describe how much I love this one. Portrays Ghost and Roach's relationship post-loose ends where Roach is now a civilian. Loved how the author depicted their relationship as not flawless. Felt very human and raw. Very sweet ending :)

GhostSoapRoach

Something in the Orange by fixfoxnox

Y'all been knew this would be on here lol

Follows Roach's pov where he's been reincarnated into the reboot timeline with all his memories from his old life and him trying to make his way back to Ghost. This one makes me sad as hell. Has all the feels :')

Something in the Orange by insomniamemoirs & RandomWordsAndStormyDays

Funny how my top two GSR fics are named the same thing, but hey, they're both amazing. I was apprehensive because of the "calling Soap Roach by accident" trope, however they really diverted my expectations and made these three really feel like equals in a relationship. Really love how they made sure to establish a strong dynamic between Soap and Roach instead of pitting them against each other. And Roach isn't just some 2D character here, he's very nuanced and I love it!

Freezing Waters by AmphibianEft

Sweet fic of Roach getting injured and Soap and Ghost freaking out and taking care of him

Stress Relief by Anonymous

Just Soap and Ghost taking care of Roach after Hornet's Nest (smut) :)

SoapRoach

Leg Day by tinyduckies

Good ol' smut lol (09 soaproach mm)

Everything That Isn't Said by pajamabees

More 09 smut

Taste by fixfoxnox

Just 3.5k words of Roach wanting to kiss his captain :)

fall for me by punishervest

Just a sweet moment between 09 Soap and Roach with Soap reminiscing on his past with Price but also considering how he wants something more with Roach <3

She (Means Everything To Me) by mylareading

Just 1.9k words of Soap being down bad for Roach (super sweet)

Roanig (Roach x Konig)

I Really Like The Way You Stare At Me by turqu0ise

The fic that introduced me to roanig <3 Just a cute fic focusing on the development of their relationship

Subatomic by tinyduckies

Another nice fic focused on the development of their relationship. Loved the interactions they had in this :)

These are the ones I have so far! I'm sure later on I can add to the list, and if anyone wants to reply with their own feel free :)

I've also been made aware there are Keegan/Roach fics, but I haven't gotten around to reading them yet, but def check out their tag anon! Hope this was an adequate rec list haha

[sixofcrowdaydreams]

Six of Crows Russian Edition

Today I found this gorgeous gem at the bookstore!

So a few years ago I moved overseas to live in a Russian speaking country. I am not in Russia, for the record. The national language here is not Russian, but it is commonly spoken in my city.

Today at the bookstore I looked for a copy of Crooked Kingdom for the cast of Shadow and Bone to sign this May when I go to A Storm of Shadows and Crows convention in Paris. I don't own a copy of SOC or KC in English and there's no chance of finding one where I live. The next best option was getting a book in the local language and calling it a souvenir of my time abroad. To my delight I found this lovely Russian edition of Six of Crows!

More stunning artwork below.

There were multiple versions of the books to choose from. The original art and the Netflix artwork were available too. The most impressive part was finding copies of the original covers WITHOUT the Netflix sticker. (Haha, suck it Netflix.) To the right, not pictured were King of Scars and Rule of Wolves.

I've never seen this cover variation before. It was an exciting find!

The Russian version I bought is illustrated by (I assume Russian?) artist Eva Eller.

I didn't see a copy of Crooked Kingdom with illustrations by the same artist at this bookstore, but it must exist. Mine was the last copy of SOC with the Russian artwork. Maybe it was sold out?

Google Translate titles the book Six of Ravens, lol. But that's just a translation error because a little google-foo showed that ворона (pronounced vorona) means crow. Interestingly, while typing the title, I learned that вор (pronounced vor) means thief. Interesting how similar the words crow and thief are in Russian. Checks out.

Above is the art printed on the side of the pages. Love how it still includes the side of the pages colored, just like the original books.

The hardcover underneath the jacket is a crow. It's not the same as pictured on the original CK cover, but it is similar. Love the messy, broken, bent feathers, yet the crow is still able to fly. Metaphor for our six characters? Absolutely!

The book was wrapped in cellophane so I didn't realize there was even more art inside! Here is the inner cover. IT'S BEAUTIFUL! The back is the same. It captures the foggy haze of Ketterdam so well.

The flaps of the book jacket are images from the inner cover. But there's a cracked texture over them that gives it a gorgeous grittiness.

The candle is the left side of the inner book jacket. Sorry the image isn't flat, I didn't want to damage the jacket by straightening it out.

The right side of the book jacket shows all the Crows!

Let's appreciate how Matthias looks snow pale and serious. Inej is taller than Nina -- she must be standing on a step stool. No clue why both of their eyes are closed, especially when Nina is the one pointing to the paper. They are lovely. Kaz has on his scheming face. Jesper is as handsome as every version of him should be. And Wylan looks bored AF because A.) he's already memorized the map he drew or B.) he can't read whatever document Kaz has in front of them. Wait, no, Wylan is making heart eyes at Jesper. All of the above can be true.

Inside is a small illustration at the beginning of each chapter, which changes with each section.

You can also see the Crow's names written in Cyrillic. Inej, Kaz, Nina, and Matthias translate easily. Jesper uses the д (letter D) and ж (pronounced like zhe) letter combination that makes his name sound like Zhesper since there is no J in Cyrillic. It's worth pointing out (again) that Wylan's name does not translate perfectly. There is no W in the Cyrillic alphabet. (As someone who also has a W in their name, I sympathize with Wylan here.) I'm no expert in Russian, but I'm pretty sure -- with the help of google translate -- that Wylan is pronounced as Oo-ai-len. Poor boy can't catch a break.

Each of the five section of the book use different chapter art. They all do an excellent job capturing the atmosphere.

The paper is so thin that you can easily see the printing on the opposite side. Not ideal for an edition that's otherwise this lovely. Oh well.

Given that Ravka is fantasy Russia, it's not a surprise to find the Grisha Verse books in Russian.

I am so excited to bring this book to Paris for the cast to sign!

[alexawynters]

Scarlet Whispers pt. 8

Gif not mine, as always

Trigger Warnings: Smuttttttt. Horribly written smut.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Female!Reader

Rating: M. Minors DNI

Masterlist with parts 1-7 here

Chapter Eight

Translations: котёнок - Kitten; malyshka - baby; lyubov - love; dorogoya - darling; I probably missed some… I should have probably been doing this the entire time, no? Eh… My b.

A/N: Its uhhh.. My first time writing smut for the public so uh… be gentle pls? Lol. Lemme know how it went. Writing dialog and smut makes me cringe haha. This was also written while I was in the hospital. Is it bad that the 5 day stay was almost a vacation compared to life? Haha, living the dreeeaammm. Someone pls hit me with their car or something so I can go back and have 0 responsibilities for another week. Promise I won’t sue 😛

Once again, edited while floaty. Apparently that’s the only time I can get the motivation to open my laptop. In my defense, I’m currently in the middle of a move and starting a new job so pls forgive my laziness. I’m a tad overwhelmed. It’s finnnne. 

____________________________________________________________

During your time at the aquarium with Wanda, you hadn't noticed how late it had gotten. Logically, you knew it was around dinner time because you both had just eaten, but you didn't realize until you both entered the dimly lit cottage that it was so dark outside. Despite the long day you’d had, you weren't ready to go to bed just yet. Body thrumming with an unfamiliar energy, and you could tell it stemmed from Wanda's hand still holding onto your waist. Now that you were home, it would be socially acceptable for her to let you go, but instead, she chose to linger.

Never one to enjoy having others in your personal space, regardless of if you were touch starved, you were thrilled to discover that you didn't mind the witch being so close to you. In fact, the mere thought of being separated from her made your stomach roil with anxiety. Looking at the redhead next to you as you traversed the hallway towards your room for the evening, a new kind of craving overcame you. This one was different from the hunger you had experienced just before dinner, and you realized that you couldn't get enough of the witch’s touch and presence.

Reaching your shared room Wanda finally moves to separate from you, and as she heads opposite from you, her hand falling away, you make a split-second decision. Well. Decision was being generous. More accurately you allowed your impulses to take over, unable to think logically - you couldn’t let Wanda get too far. Not that there was anywhere for her to go in a bedroom you both shared, but your brain wasn’t exactly running on all cylinders at this time.

“Wait!” 

You don’t know what, or even if you were thinking, knowing only that in the scant few feet the witch was away from you, your whole world felt like it was collapsing. A lightly calloused hand shot out as you turned to grab her hand again, and in your exuberance, you accidentally ended up yanking the woman towards you. In an unexpected feat of grace surprising both of you, you managed to catch Wanda. Despite her velocity, you were able to use her momentum, spinning both of you. A small jolt of pain wracked through your bones as your back landed harshly against the smooth wall, with Wanda safely in your arms. Chests heaved for air, both of you having fully expected to collide, ending up in a heap on the floor.

After the initial surprise wore off, both women giggled, though neither made a move to separate. “What is it, Y/N?” the older woman asked. Amusement colored her gaze, mixed with something else you couldn’t quite decipher. You were still learning new facial expressions to this day. 

“I-” You started then stopped, trying to assemble your thoughts and determine just how vulnerable you were willing to be. “Thank you, Wanda. For today. For… everything. This was..” you trailed off, unable to find the words. “Everything.”

You hoped Wanda would understand what you meant by that even if you yourself weren’t quite sure just yet. What you were sure of is that you wanted to return to Wanda at least a fraction of the care and devotion she had shown you in all this time. You knew you didn’t want her to walk away, heart aching at the concept. What you didn’t know was what you wanted to do next, you hadn’t exactly gotten that far, but you couldn’t stomach the thought of being apart from her.

The redhead’s gaze softened at your words. “You don’t need to thank me, lyubov. You deserve so much, and I just want you to be happy.” 

The words “with me” went unspoken, though she was dying to let them out. Instead, well-manicured hands lifted the tips of her fingers to gently push some fallen strands of your hair from  your face, as she studied you curiously. A feeling you both were on the precipice of something settled firmly within the witch’s chest. Wanda was fairly confident she knew exactly what that something was, but she wouldn’t plunge you into anything you weren’t yet ready to fall into.

Though certain in her assumptions, Wanda was unable to clearly read your surface thoughts. A jumbled mass of emotions, each thought no more than fleeting before another took its place, your mind was a whirlwind. The next steps had to be taken by you, and if you weren’t up for that yet, the redhead was content with where you both were at this moment. 

A palpable tension filled the air, conveying an unspoken awareness that something transformative was about to occur. Anticipation lingered in the atmosphere, creating a delicate blend of nervousness and excitement. There was an understated, magnetic attraction that drew you closer to Wanda. Completely unaware as you were, enthralled by the alluring softness of her lips which stoked a longing within you to know if they felt as velvety as they appeared, you were unconsciously learning forward.

It was a moment of breathless expectation, where time seemed to stretch. The world had fallen away, leaving only the two of you suspended in the beauty of the impending inevitability. Eyes finally connecting with Wanda’s, a silent, mutual understanding was shared, and in that moment, you made a decision.

”May I…?” your voice a husky tremor, thick with emotion.

Never had Wanda found you more endearing than in that moment. Your innocent consideration that you would need to ask her permission after everything. As if she hadn't been waiting for this very moment for so long. As if this wasn’t what she had been waiting for since first discovering the Darkhold, and all the possibilities of a multiverse.

“Please, Y/N.” The witch’s reply was all but a breathy whisper.

As your lips and hers finally connected in a gentle, exploratory kiss, an electric current seemed to pass through their bodies, igniting a fire within your souls. It was a moment of pure magic, a culmination of all the emotions and desires that had been building between you both. Breaths mingled, blending together in a perfect harmony of passion and longing.

The softness of the kiss spoke volumes, revealing a depth of connection that you were certain words could never fully capture. A tender exchange, filled with a delicate balance of vulnerability and trust. Each touch, each movement of Wanda’s lips against yours, was deliberate, as if she was savoring every precious moment of this newfound intimacy with you.

With every passing second, the world around faded away, leaving only the two of you enveloped in a bubble of pure bliss. Time seemed to stand still as you explored this uncharted territory together. A feeling as if something inside, you hadn’t known had been missing, was now perfectly slotted into place. Home.

When it came to kissing you, Wanda marveled at the stark contrasts between your Avenger variant, and you. While your other variant was self-assured, often taking command of a kiss with practiced skill, you, on the other hand, were gentle and tentative. It was evident that you were willing to let Wanda take the lead, which she found incredibly empowering, almost addictive. She knew she should probably take this first kiss slowly for you, however, your submissiveness was simply too delicious for her to pass up such an opportunity.

Long, slender fingers came to rest just under your jaw, firmly holding you close, Wanda using her body to press you harder against the wall, as if trying to merge your two bodies into one. A gasp escaped you at the length of the witch’s body pressed so intimately against you. Wanda, ever opportunistic, took advantage of your open mouth to deepen the kiss, her lithe tongue swiping softly at the seam of your lips in askance. 

You couldn’t even fathom a moment where you would ever deny Wanda this request, opening your mouth to grant her the access she desired. Her skillful tongue sensually slid against yours, eliciting a barely suppressed whimper from you. With a little coaxing Wanda was able to entice your tongues to engage in a seductive dance, leaving you breathless and heady. 

Eventually, the kiss broke, leaving both of you craving more. It had opened the door to a world of possibilities, and in that moment, everything changed. The bond between the pair of you had deepened more than you could know, and more than Wanda had hoped for. Despite initial reservations, your heart knew then you would follow Wanda anywhere, irrevocably tied to the witch forever. There was no one you wanted or trusted more.

While trying to catch your breath, no words were spoken. Taking this moment, your intrusive thoughts began creeping in because of course they were. Desperately you hoped the woman wouldn’t view the kiss as a mistake, praying that you measured up to your superhero counterpart. That you were truly what she had been looking for all this time, even if you weren’t anything special.

You would do anything to have her lips on yours again, and briefly a thought occurred to you that this woman could murder you, and you would probably thank her for the privilege. Therapy, maybe you should ask Wanda if she could get you in to see a therapist, because that wasn’t concerning at all. 

It wasn't in you to feel ashamed just then though, not when the very thought resonated in your soul. Gods, was this what you had been missing your entire life? And it had been right under your nose, for ages you had been unknowingly depriving yourself, hellbent on self-sabotage.

As you finally caught your breath, the witch gazed at you hungrily, causing a shiver to race down your spine.

"What do you want, detka?" Wanda asked, voice sultry. She tilted her head as if curious, but in reality, she was relishing in your disheveled appearance, eyes raking over your blown pupils, and kiss-swollen lips. So responsive for her, and this was only a kiss. Your first kiss with her, to be specific. Wanting to completely ruin you, it took every ounce of self-restraint for Wanda to wait for your answer instead.

Chest heaving, your brain struggled to pull together enough brain cells in order to provide her with an answer. When you finally spoke, your voice had a throaty quality you had never heard before.

”You. I want you.”

Green eyes, the color of jade, sparkled in such delight they could have practically illuminated the room with their vibrant glow. As you stared into her mesmerizing gaze, you got lost in her presence. Your mind was a myriad of thoughts, unable to focus on anything else. Every word she spoke, every movement she made, had a profound impact on you. As if the witch had cast a spell over you, weaving her magic effortlessly, and you willingly succumbed to her enchantment, eager to be under her captivating influence. 

A mischievous smile played upon her lips, adding an air of mystery to her already enchanting demeanor. The grin hinted at the hidden depths within her, the playful intentions that lied just beneath the surface. So, as Wanda’s mischievous smile lingered, you couldn't help but be drawn further into her web of enchantment, willingly surrendering yourself to the metaphorical spell she had cast.

"Oh, lyubov, will you let me ruin you?" she asked teasingly, her voice filled with impishness and a hint of excitement.

Swallowing nervously, you felt desire building deep within you. Your experiences in this matter were limited, but you trusted the former avenger all the same. Still, you had a sneaking suspicion that whatever Wanda had in store for you would likely test your limits, even if you had no idea what those were yet. Eagerly, you nodded, ready to throw yourself headlong into this unknown, trusting the witch implicitly.

The moment her silky lips met yours once again, a hunger ignited within her, surprising both of you with its intensity and passion. Wanda pulled you close, her fingers curled in your hair, keeping you in place as she plundered your mouth. You could do little but let her lead the way, trying not to embarrass yourself with how much she was turning you on. Her sharp teeth tugged on your lower lip before biting down hard enough to draw blood. A pitiful whine was barely restrained by you as Wanda lapped at the new wound she had caused.

Deciding to test your boundaries during the kiss, the redhead gently wrapped her other hand around your throat. Not tight enough to cut off your oxygen supply, but the pressure did restrict some of the blood flow to your brain, leaving you in a deliciously foggy haze. A breathy moan escaped you, which Wanda eagerly swallowed as you gladly ceded control of the kiss to her. Pride out the window, you were no longer capable of trying to withhold any sounds she could draw from you. Wanda found it delightful that so far you were proving to be the perfect little котёнок for her. The redhead eagerly anticipated discovering what other surprises you had in store for her.

The other hand not on your neck moved from your hair down to the first button of your shirt and hesitated. “Is this okay, Y/N?” She asked, voice surprisingly soft for someone who currently had one of their hands wrapped around your neck.

Sluggish thoughts hazy with lust, you nodded with what would have probably counted as an embarrassing amount of enthusiasm. Having someone as gorgeous as Wanda in front of you, asking for your consent, you found you couldn’t be bothered by your eagerness. You were a simp, and you were fine with that. Anything to get more of Wanda touching you.

The former Avenger grinned, finding you utterly adorable. She was charmed by how needy you were for her. Unable to help but revel in the power dynamics between you, relishing the opportunity to challenge your blissed-out mind and watch as you struggled to comply with her demands. It was a delightful game for Wanda, and she was going to have fun training you.

Before she could continue though, the witch wanted you to be absolutely sure. Regardless of how long she had waited for you, if you weren’t truly ready, Wanda didn’t want to push you. She wanted all of you, everything you had to give, but if you still weren’t ready, weren’t sure, she could wait. Wanda would wait forever if she had to. 

 “Lyubov moya, if you want me to stop at any point, just say the word, and I’ll stop immediately, okay? Full stop, I promise, and I won’t be upset with you.” she insisted, voice thick with longing as her nose grazed gently across yours in a reassuring manner. 

Even now, Wanda was always putting your safety and happiness as her top priority, endearing her evermore to you. How could you have ever doubted that this woman had anything but your best interests at heart? The purest of intentions?

Knowing it was a bit over dramatic, while you appreciated her reassurances, if the witch didn’t do something in the next few seconds, you felt like you might combust. Releasing a needy whine, you hoped to convey your desperation to Wanda who only chuckled at your behavior. 

“Relax, malyshka, I’ll take good care of you, I promise. But first, I need you to use your words, darling.” The hand on your throat easing its grip a little, allowing more blood to your brain, giving you back some of your intellectual capacity.

With Wanda’s body covering yours, you petulantly ground against her in the hopes of achieving any sort of friction, causing her lips to quirk upwards in an amused smirk. You weren’t going to get out of this until she had confirmation of your understanding, and if she happened to tease you into a petulant, writing mess in the process, well, that was just the cherry on top.

Giving in, you let out a keening whimper. “I understand Wands, please. Just touch me. Please!”

A wolfish grin overtook Wanda’s face at your begging. Green eyes locked with yours, and she could see the desire and longing in your eyes, mirroring her own. The way you looked at her, with a mixture of vulnerability and trust, made her heart flutter with a sense of joy and fulfillment. You were willing to surrender yourself to her guidance, to allow her to take the lead and shape you into the person she knew you could become. That kind of implicit trust and faith you had in her shot her arousal through the roof.

With each passing moment, Wanda's excitement grew, knowing that she had the opportunity to train and mold you into her perfect little котёнок. She relished the thought of all the fun games that lay ahead, confident in her ability to guide you towards your full potential. Your willingness to submit to her desires fueled her passion, making her all the more determined to own you completely. This power was the ultimate high, and she didn’t think she could ever get enough of it.

Her hand moved from your throat to wrap around your waist with a firm yet gentle grasp, pulling you closer to her in an undeniable display of ownership. The touch of her hand on your hip sent a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins, igniting a fire within you that you had never experienced before. It was a possessiveness that transcended the boundaries of mere desire, a possessiveness that spoke volumes about the depth of her emotions for you.

Far from being suffocating, her dominance was a testament to the strength of your bond. A tangible manifestation of the passion that burned between the two of you, it was a flame that only grew stronger with each passing moment. Her assertive touch was a declaration, a proclamation of her utter devotion and fierce protectiveness towards you.

In that instant, you couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the intensity of her feelings. A sensation that both thrilled and comforted you, it was a magnetic pull that drew you closer to her with each passing second. Feeling as if you were the center of her universe, the focus of her unfaltering attention, and you visibly preened under her attentiveness. Your hands which were clenching the bottom of her shirt held fast, unwilling to let her move more than a few inches away.

Now that she had your consent and had subtly established your place with her, Wanda's svelte hands returned to the task of unbuttoning your shirt. Unable to resist the allure of your lips for long, she passionately kissed you once again. As your lips moved against each other with a sensual rhythm, Wanda swiftly unbuttoned your shirt. Before you knew it, your shirt was completely undone, revealing your torso to her exploring hands. A shiver ran through your body as her slightly cool palm pressed against your abdomen for the very first time, the gravity of her body pressing you further into the wall. While you had felt her touch on your skin before, it had never been this intimate, this exhilarating.

As her hand glided over your bare skin, heat coursed through your body, the sensation sending shivers down your spine. The flames within you steadily stoked by every caress. Your breath hitched as her touch lingered, tracing delicate patterns along your abdomen.

Growing desperate you deepened the kiss. Your hands instinctively reach for her, moving from the hem of her shirt to tangle in her hair as you pull her closer. The magnitude of the moment was almost too much, feeling the desire consuming you from within.

Wanda's lips slid against yours with a fervent hunger. Her roving hands continued their journey, tracing every curve and contour of your torso with an almost reverent touch, sending pleasure coursing through your body. As your lips moved in perfect synchrony, heightening your senses, it left you yearning for more. The room was filled with a heady mix of desire and anticipation, as you both gave in to the draw of the moment..

Lost in the haze of passion, you couldn't help but give yourself completely to Wanda's touch. The way she explored every inch of your body with a delicate yet possessive hand left you breathless, craving more of her commanding aura. It was a dance of pleasure and surrender, a symphony of sensations that left you craving her touch like a drug. You had never needed anyone or anything as much as you needed Wanda to continue doing whatever she wanted to you.

As the kiss broke, both of you gasped for air. Wanda, still breathing heavily, leaned back to take in the sight of your newly revealed skin, her eyes darkening with want. Though never having been confident in your own body, often choosing to cover up, to hide in your self-consciousness, the way Wanda was looking at you now though left no doubt she liked what she saw. Yet still your insecurities plagued you, especially now that you were no longer covered up and there was nothing for you to hide behind.

The witch didn’t need to read your mind to know where your thoughts were going. The expression on your face, the way you tried to curl in on yourself made it plain. Voice thick with desire, Wanda needed to reassure you. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N. Don’t ever let yourself believe otherwise.”

Though you didn’t truly believe her words, her tone and the way she held you like she couldn’t get enough was almost capable of convincing you in and of itself. You decided then that throwing yourself into this was the fastest way to get out of your head. Throwing caution to the wind, you slammed your lips against Wanda’s again, desperate for more of her.

Impatient, you couldn't resist the urge to guide Wanda's hands lower, craving for her to touch you more. Deft fingers brushed against a particularly sensitive spot, sending a surge of pleasure  shooting through you, and tearing a quiet gasp from your mouth. Your body responded eagerly to her every caress, arching into her hands, silently begging for more. Emboldened by your response, Wanda's touch grew daring, her kisses to your neck pressing harder leaving red welts that would purple over by tomorrow. Her marks on you would tell all who you belonged to. Her fingers began exploring your body with a newfound confidence. The touch was both gentle and possessive, leaving you with the utter clarity that she wanted to mark every inch of you as her own, even the parts of you no one else would ever see.

The room was filled with the sound of your shared breaths, heavy with desire. Feeling the urgency building within you, your body pressed closer to Wanda's, seeking to ease some of the pressure within. Her touch was all at once overwhelming yet not enough.

Determined to elicit every delicious sound she could from you, one of Wanda's hands finally moved to your breast. Gently she cupped it while her thumb teased you by gliding around your areola, avoiding your hardened bud. She took great enjoyment in your whimpers and gasps as she teased you. If she had it her way, she would keep you like this, never giving you quite what you wanted. Wanda would ease you into that eventually though. For now, this was enough.

Eventually she had mercy on you, letting her thumb lightly graze across your nipple. A deep, throaty groan emanated from within you, your hips bucking against hers, unbidden. Taking the opportunity you had presented her with, Wanda slotted her knee between your thighs, applying firm pressure just where you needed it most. You whispered an exhaled curse as your head slumped forward onto the older woman’s shoulder. Your grip on her tightened, the urge to just rut against Wanda’s leg nearly overpowering what little was left of your rational mind.

Wanda could feel the subtle grinding of your hips against her leg, and she encouraged it, pressing harder each time you arched towards her. The witch grasped your hips firmly, helping to set your rhythm as you desperately sought more friction between the apex of your thighs.

For someone who hadn't even taken off their pants yet, you were surprisingly worked up, but you were far too focused on chasing your high to be overly concerned about it. Sensing how close you were, Wanda pulled away from you, calling forth a keening whine from you. The older woman chuckled softly at your desperation. Her raspy voice next to your ear made you shudder. 

"Patience, dorogoya, I don't want you to come just yet unless it's in my mouth or on my fingers."

Wholly unprepared for her words as you were, they almost single-handedly threatened to ruin the witch’s plans as you nearly came on the spot. Wanda was aware that you had likely never edged before, and while she should have shown some mercy, she found no enjoyment in that prospect. Her intention was to have you so drunk for her to the point where you would become a helpless, trembling wreck, willing to do anything she desired just to reach that peak. Then, she planned to repeatedly push you off that ledge so many times that you would be a boneless, quivering mess for her by the time she was done with you.

As her words hung in the air, you felt a mixture of anticipation and hesitation. This was a new territory for you, one that you weren't entirely sure of what you were getting into. But as you looked into Wanda's eyes, filled with desire and a touch of mischief, you couldn't deny your feelings. You wanted to experience everything she was willing to show you, to give yourself fully and trust in her to guide you through this journey of pleasure.

With a deep breath, you nodded, your voice barely above a whisper, "I trust you, Wanda."

A smug smile played on Wanda's lips as she gently held your cheek. "Good," she purred, her voice laced with satisfaction. "I promise you won't regret it. Now, let’s take this to the bed.” She didn’t want your first time together to be rutting up against a wall.

Wanda grasped your hand, leading you the remainder of the distance to your shared bed. Once there the witch assisted you in removing the remnants of your clothes, gently pushing you backwards onto the bed. Before joining you, she took a moment to admire your naked body, as you looked up at her with a combination of desire and excitement. You were uncertain of her intentions, but the fact that you were willing to trust her filled Wanda's heart with joy.

With a gaze that could only be described as ravenous, she studied you and quietly uttered a curse. "Fucking exquisite" she husked, hoping to drive home her words from earlier.

Squirming under her intense gaze, you blushed deeply at her compliment. No one had ever called you that before, not in your entire life. The longer you laid there, alone under her scrutiny, the greater your need for Wanda grew. Before you could ask her to rejoin you, she was already removing her own clothes with purpose. You waited with bated breath, as Wanda revealed her body which you swore could have been sculpted by Michelangelo himself. Honestly, you thought it was a little unfair for someone to look so perfect. You felt absolutely privileged to be in this moment with her, that she had chosen you of all people to witness her glory. No one you had ever seen, in person or even on tv could compare. Wanda was a goddess, and you wanted to worship at her altar.

The redhead knew she was an attractive woman, but your loud thoughts were giving her quite the ego boost. She had you right where she wanted you, but Wanda would be damned if she allowed your self-deprecation to continue. There was not a single doubt in her mind that you were equally deserving to be here with her.

“Your thoughts are loud, malyshka.” She almost giggled at how red your face turned when she called you out, reminding you of her powers, and your gaze dropped.

 “While I’m flattered, darling, you need to know.” Wanda said with certainty as she began crawling up the bed towards you. Once she had crawled up the length of your body, the witch trailed her fingertips along your thigh, and up your torso to your face. Curling a graceful finger under your chin, she tilted your face upwards until you made eye contact.

“You are stunning, lyubov moya. There is no one else I would want to be here with right now. Not in the entire multiverse, believe me, I’ve looked. No one but you. Can you trust me on that, Y/N?”

Green eyes searched Y/E/C for any sign of lingering insecurity. With the witch looking at you so earnestly, your doubts faded into the background. They would likely never be completely silent, but in this moment, those thoughts were just white noise. Speaking was currently too difficult for you so instead you simply nodded at her words.

No longer able to hear your uncertainty as loudly, Wanda felt you were ready to continue. “Good, but just to make sure, I’m going to show you.”

Before you could ask what she meant, Wanda kissed you again. Her hand, which was previously under your chin, caressed down your chest and cupped your breast. She gave it a gentle squeeze, causing a soft sound to escape your throat.

As Wanda's touch re-ignited the flicker of pleasure within you, her lips and tongue traced a path of heated kisses down your neck, leaving a hot trail of saliva behind. Her skilled hand continued to explore your body, evoking an oeuvre of gasps and moans. Eventually, her lips settled on one of the places you desired the most, enveloping your nipple.

Once Wanda's lips closed around your hardened bud, a jolt of pleasure shot through your body, causing you to arch your back in response. Her tongue teased and circled the sensitive bud, sending ecstasy pulsating through your veins. While Wanda continued to lavish attention on your aching nipple, her other hand trailed down your body, caressing and exploring every inch of your skin. The combination of her skilled touch and the intense pleasure coursing through your body made it difficult to think or focus on anything else. 

Her hand continued its exploration, gliding over your skin with a feather-light touch. Every brush of her fingertips, each flick of her tongue against you sent your arousal to new heights. Your senses were completely consumed by her, the world around you fading once again into a distant blur.

Completely at Wanda's mercy, you found yourself basking in her every touch and caress. The pleasure she was bestowing upon you was the best high you had ever felt, addictive and irresistible. Your mind was filled with a primal need, a craving for more of the pleasure that only she could provide.

Wanda switched breasts, moving to lavish attention on the other one ensuring it didn't feel neglected. Her hand continued to tease your flesh, raising goosebumps to form on your skin. 

Unable to sit still, your own hands came up to tangle themselves in the redhead’s hair. Head held firmly in place by you, Wanda's hand slid lower, exploring the wetness that had pooled between your thighs. Svelte fingers teased your entrance, and you gasped as the anticipation nearly undid you.  Back arched, begging for more, you whispered a “please!”

Helpless to deny your plea, Wanda's fingers dipped inside you, your slick allowing them to slide in with ease. You moaned lowly as she began to move her fingers in a slow, deliberate rhythm, curling and stroking against your most sensitive spots. The pleasure built within you, radiating through your body like an electric current.

Your hands tightened in her hair, pulling her closer to you as your hips instinctively rocked against her hand, seeking deeper pleasure. Wanda matched your movements, her pace increasing, driving you closer to the edge. Her lips found yours once again, swallowing your moans as the pleasure consumed you.

The room was filled with the sound of your shared breaths, the wet, almost obscene sound of her fingers moving inside you, and the symphony of your pleasure. Each stroke of her fingers sent you spiraling further into this rapturous euphoria, your body trembling with desire.

Lost in the carnality of the moment, you could feel the heat building within you, the pressure mounting until you were teetering on the edge. Sensing your imminent release, Wanda's fingers quickened their pace, driving you towards oblivion. Moans growing louder, they mingled with the sound of your ragged breaths.

“Are you gonna come for me baby?” She asked, voice dripping sweetly with lust, not letting up the pace even a little. The woman knew what she was doing to you, and couldn’t resist drawing it out just a bit. 

Beneath her, you squirmed and bucked in place, desperation eeking off you in waves. You hadn’t exactly had many partners to begin with, and you had certainly never been especially vocal with any of them. Wanda couldn't have you being all shy on her now though. She wanted to hear each and every sound she could possibly draw out of you as proof of how good she was making you feel, her fingers hitting that special spot deep inside of you that had always been just out of your own reach.

“Now dorogaya, use your words. Are you going to be a good girl and come for me? If you can’t answer me then I guess I should stop.” Wanda slowed her pace and you all but wailed your frustration.

“Yes, yes I’m going to come. I’m so close, Wands, please don’t stop!”

Truthfully that should have been enough for her but sadistically she wanted to push your boundaries further still. She smirked at your pleas. 

“I won’t stop, Y/N, but you can’t come until I give you permission.”

You didn’t think you had ever been on such a precipice of euphoria before. It was right there if only Wanda would let you. Part of you wanted to ignore what she said and let yourself go, but the part of you that yearned to be good for her won out in the end. 

You begged pitifully. “Please Wanda, please let me come! I’ll be your good girl, please, just let me come!” You would say anything the woman wanted as long as she would let you finally finish.

It was positively sinful how your submission made Wanda feel. She wanted to experience you like this every day for the rest of your lives. The tremor of your voice as you begged, how quickly and completely you accepted her commands, it was positively sublime.

“Well when you beg so prettily for me, how can I resist? Be a good girl, Y/N - come for me.” Her fingers curled deliciously, mercilessly hitting your new favorite spot. 

With Wanda’s permission, the world shattered around you as your orgasm crashed over. Your body convulsed with exquisite hedonism, every nerve ending alive with sensation. Wanda's name were the only words from your mouth as you rode the high, your orgasm careening over you in a tidal wave of pleasure.

For Wanda, feeling your wet heat tighten around her fingers, practically refusing to allow her to pull back to even help you through your peak, was so perfect. You didn’t know it, but it was enough to make Wanda topple over the edge alongside you, her head dropping to the crook of your neck while she whispered sweet nothings in your ear, struggling to bring you gently down from your high. 

As the aftershocks of your release subsided, Wanda gently withdrew her fingers, her touch lingering for a moment before she pressed a soft kiss to your lips. She held you close, her presence a comforting anchor as you came down from the heights of pleasure. You whimpered at the feeling of emptiness after being so joyously full.

Breathless and sated, you nestled into her embrace, feeling a profound sense of contentment and connection. And as you lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, you felt that this was just the beginning of something beautiful between you both. You had made the decision to trust Wanda with your body, heart, and soul, and in this moment, everything felt so right.

Wanting to return the favor, and make Wanda feel as good as you did, but as you tried to shift in her embrace, the former avenger simply held you tighter. Feeling rejected, you wilted in her arms. Perhaps you had already failed to live up to her expectations, so much so that she didn’t even want you to touch her. How heartbreaking to have failed so soon, to never get the chance to prove yourself.

Voice soft, Wanda alleviates your fears. “Not tonight, darling. Tonight was all about you. Rest with me for a little while, detka, I just want to hold you. May I do that, Y/N?”

Murmuring a quiet assent, you settled into the comfort Wanda provided. You both laid there, basking in the intimacy you both had just shared, feeling content and happy. It wasn’t long until your eyes began to droop, signifying you were about to nod off.

Sensing how close you were to sleep, the witch gently roused you. She giggled at your grumblings for the disruption but insisted you both needed to clean up. Shaking your head, you whined as you tried to hold her in place with you, unwilling to let her go for any reason. Wanda  had to actively restrain herself from cooing at your adorable stubbornness.

“Come on now, it’ll be just a few minutes and then we can go back to sleep, okay darling?”

Petulantly you shook your head, and Wanda full on belly laughed, holding you tightly to her while she did so. Her laughter was infectious, and you couldn’t help but chuckle as well, knowing you were being a bit ridiculous.

Eventually, both of you calmed down, and Wanda pulled away from your embrace, mentioning that she would be right back. You let her go, but you pouted the entire time she was in the bathroom. After a few moments, you could hear the sink running, and then the witch returned to you with a warm, damp washcloth in her hand. With an unprecedented level of care, Wanda cleaned between your legs, removing any trace of the night's activities, while being mindful not to overstimulate you.

“There we go, detka. All clean. Let me just throw this in the sink, and we can go to sleep.”

Doing exactly as she had said, Wanda quickly returned, swiftly maneuvering her way into the cozy bed beside you. With a few gentle movements, she skillfully arranged the soft sheets to envelop both of you, creating a warm and comfortable cocoon.

Once she was finished setting up the sheets, you wasted no time in crawling back into her arms, burying your face into the divot where her neck and shoulder met. You felt like you had been through the wringer, but in the best way. When she had gotten up to clean you both, with her no longer being in your arms, your emotions had run all over the place. Now all you wanted was to be as physically close to the redhead as possible, to reassure yourself that she wasn’t abandoning you after such a vulnerable act.

Wanda was not at all opposed. Quite thrilled in fact, and as she held you, one hand came to gingerly trace random shapes along the side of your face, whispering nonsensical words of love and solace. Pillowy lips placed a soft kiss to your forehead.

As you drifted off to sleep, feeling safer and happier than in your entire life, you heard Wanda whisper in her native tongue. You were curious, but too far gone to ask her what she meant.

“я так люблю тебя, дорогая. (I love you so much, darling.) I promise I will always keep you safe, and I will never let you go.”

A/N 2: ... Why do I have a higher word count for a chapter with smut than any other chapter? .... Reasons. We're going with "reasons". So uhhh... yay? nay? Yeet myself off a cliff? Also if anyone wants to be added to the taglist just lemme know in the comments.

Taglist: @dorabledewdroop

[zyhkoo]

🎬 zyhkoo’s movie theater ☆

october event

{ ticket status: open }

🍿 THEATRE RULES

i’ve been writing dc for a while and wow, i’m getting a lot of attention haha. anyways, heres my first event! i might extend this to november considering i can’t write every single day. october is coming, and its my birth month! also a very creative day for writers, so i wanted to do something. thank you for everyone who liked and reblogged my works!

🎞️ HOW IT WORKS

i will be listing themes, prompts, faves, settings. all you need to do is send me an ask and your ideas!

i do not have a limit on how many fics im writing, but i will write as much as i can!

please expect delayed responses, i am a busy person and i only do this for fun.

i will be choosing what’s in my askbox, so there may be a chance i won’t be able to do yours, but no worries! send as much as asks as you want.

i will only do one prompt, if i like yours a lot i might do two. i will cross out the prompts i have already done

word limit will be 1k-8k depending on my mood.

i accept anon asks of course, but i prefer answering from non-anons.

i think..i’ll do spicy fic? it really depends, but i’ll add it as an option anyway. i’ll be likely to not choose it.

i accept platonic requests! i love platonic dynamics.

last but not the least.. i will be using songs i like as prompts! hope you enjoy.

🍿 CURRENTLY SHOWING

ticket format: character, prompts, setting, your ideas.

🎥 ACTORS

characters available: bruce wayne, dick grayson, jason todd, tim drake, cassandra cain, stephanie brown, barbara gordon, damian wayne, kate kane, koriand’r, raven, wally west, roy harper, zatanna zatara, selina kyle, donna troy, conner kent.

📼 PLOTS

type of fic: fluff, angst, headcanons, nsfw, platonic

📀 MOVIES

list of prompts

falling behind ー laufey

promise ー laufey

lovesick ー laufey

second best ー laufey

fragile ー laufey

daylight ー taylor swift

casual ー chappell roan

still into you ー paramore

the night we met ー lord huron

mr. loverman ー ricky montgomery

champagne problems ー taylor swift

i can do it with a broken heart ー taylor swift

buy the stars ー marina

love. ー wave to earth

enchanted ー taylor swift

hot to go! ー chappell roan

my love mine all mine ー mitski

me and my husband ー mitski

i won’t say im in love (im in love) ー hercules

astronomy ー conan gray

heather ー conan gray

all too well ー taylor swift

cardigan ー taylor swift

boats and birds ー gregory and the hawk

roommates ー malcom todd

die with a smile ー lady gaga & bruno mars

good luck, babe! ー chappell roan

stella brown ー jelani aryeh

a night to remember ー beabadobee & laufey

send my heart with a kiss ー stephan sanchez

glue song ー beabadoobee

sparks ー coldplay

yellow ー coldplay

nothing ー bruno major

dandelions ー ruth b.

paper rings ー taylor swift

too sweet ー hozier

like real people ー hozier

angel baby ー troye sivan

strawberries and cigarettes ー troye sivan

guilty as sin? ー taylor swift ft. jason todd

love like you ー rebecca sugar

pretty please ー dutch melrose & benny mayne

🎥 TICKET EXAMPLE

‘ for your event can i have bruce with ー me and my husband and fluff and (your idea here) ‘

thats all, please enjoy!

[wufflesvetinari]

hi!! okay so i really loved that one fanfic you wrote (3:16) way back when, it's honestly one of my favorite fanfics ever but I have a question for you!! I've honestly adored your writing style and techniques and I was wondering: what is your writing process? Not just plot wise (although yes that!) but also prose-wise? because honestly, the first thing that drew me into your fic was how FUCKING good your prose was and I was just in absolute awe reading what you had written, and it sort of started me on a journey to improve my own prose and make it sound nice.

so uh yeah!! what is your writing process and if you have any advice for how you write so beautifully (Not just prose wise!! plot and character wise too haha) or just like. writing advice in general, i am ALL ears <3

oh this is so incredibly sweet, thank you!!!

i've tried to marshal some thoughts...tbh i am always envious of effective writing that is UNLIKE mine, so there are lots of ways to go about this. (and also i am just Some Guy.)

i'll focus on prose things i think about during writing/revision b/c otherwise we will be here all night...but imo some of this overlaps with effective pacing, character, etc.

Prose is character – some writing is “voicier” than other writing is, living closer in a character’s POV.  but in most cases, if you are in any way in a character’s head, your prose is part of their characterization. dick grayson will use different words and notice different details than damian will. being intentional about a character’s voice has the nice iterative effect of strengthening their characterization, which then makes your prose more confident as you understand their voice, and on and on it goes

Allow “workmanlike” phrases – sometimes cliché exists for a reason; you don’t actually need every sentence to be a poem. in fact, you NEED simple writing to string together your powerhouse lines without turning it all into purple prose/losing the reader/ruining the pacing.

Examine “workmanlike” phrases – that being said, another failure mode is RELYING on these phrases instead of digging for something more interesting now and then. i might write the phrase “a chill went down her spine” – ok this is fine, but I’ve read this sentence 15,000 times in my life and seeing it in my own document should be a trigger to slow down and decide if there’s a more specific or vivid description that conveys character or mood or theme better. or is just prettier lmao. i think to myself: how does it feel to be scared? what is a physical reaction that’s REAL that i have experienced, and am not just taking from a list in my head called “Descriptions Of Being Scared That Writers Use”?

The fucking thesaurus lmao – do not find/replace willy-nilly obviously BUT if the only word you can think of is Not Exactly The Right Word Dammit then the fucking thesaurus is a perfectly valid brainstorming tool to get closer to what you are trying to say. even if u don’t find the right word, it’s often a jumping-off point to a better way to approach the sentence

Note your “is”es – ok this is the annoying one. imo this really strengthened my writing but i hated it so so much. when revising, find any instance of “is/was/seems.” (ex: “He seems impatient, and there’s a pile of paperwork sitting in front of him.”) There’s nothing WRONG with that sentence, but it’s worth checking to see if it’s an opportunity for a more active one that gives more character detail (“He taps impatiently on a pile of paperwork.” there. done.)

Condense – ok look at that example again. i phrased things more actively but i ALSO condensed two concepts (He seems impatient + there is paperwork) into a sharper sentence that ALSO tells us a bit about how this character acts when stressed. imo you can accidentally find really interesting prose this way, in addition to improving pacing.

Vary sentence structure – that being said, sometimes the way to go is a beautiful run-on, so long as that sentence has intention packed into it! if you are writing long lovely flowing sentences, it’s going to hit hard if you drop the emotional reveal in a short, choppy, standalone one. or if your sentences shorten as the mood of the scene changes, or or or.

Use detail to let a scene breathe – personally, i never want to write the phrase “there was a pregnant pause” or “there was a brief silence” if i can help it. this is personal preference, but i think the principle stands: you can instead control your reader’s sense of timing, create an implied pause, by giving detail in the right place. the reverse is why it bothers me when a conversation is interspersed with paragraphs of introspection lmao: in my head i’m wondering why pov is taking so long to respond

Use repetition – oh my god this is my cheat code. if you are really proud of a beautiful, distinctive phrase you wrote? use it again!!! make it a callback at an important moment!!! make it thematic!! do it on purpose. trust me it’s cool

Get out of their head – ok here’s an experiment. take a concept (“Dick is scared”) and tell yourself that you have to express this, but you CAN’T describe anything about Dick himself in order to do it. you can use the way the crumbling buildings of gotham loom above him, or the weather, or the way people react to him—but you cannot say a word about his actions or thoughts or feelings. chances are, you’ve now created some interesting prose getting at the concept abstractly. cool! use that, and also go and add the direct feelings back in if it makes sense to do so

"Unconscious" writing - uhh ok this one is weird, but sometimes for a VERY early draft—like, when I am staring down the blank page—I will stop…trying to write a story? I will instead begin to write, uh…poetry about what is happening in the story? Just, impressions, details, stream-of-consciousness…this will all have to be cleaned up and made linear later. but for now, go nuts. and usually it gives me a) some workable, pretty prose and b) an entry point into what i am trying to say so i can go back and write the “real version”

Dissect!! Good!!! Writing!!! - i'm sorry, this one is so boring. but if there's a writer who really WORKS for you, read very slowly and break down what's so effective about it on a prose level. i do this with ursula le guin. also, do this with poetry!!! which poems slam you to the ground and take your lunch money? how?

i know you also asked abt plot and character but i've already written so much lmao plz forgive me. i am not a big craft book person but i did enjoy refuse to be done and a swim in a pond in the rain. i also try to collect tips i find in this tag!

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

OMG PT 3 OF FLAMES PLS

HI! This will definitely get a part 4, so don't think I'm just leaving it up in the air haha. I hope you like it!

Flames - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 3

Summary: When Ethan gets out of the hospital and shows up at your door, you decided to give him the opportunity to earn your trust back.

Part 1, Part 2

Contains: mom!reader, mentions of things that you do when you have a baby(such as breast feeding and diaper changing), Ethan's struggles with mental health, mentions of homelessness, angst, and a few moments of fluff sprinkled in as Ethan tries to learn how to be a dad. If I missed anything, let me know:)

A/N: I love this little series that myself and the original requester (@l3ndryz) have come up with. This is definitely a little dark, but the story will get a little happier as I write it.

*I'm going to tie up loose ends to other series' I previously started and lost inspiration for soon, I promise 💕*

When you heard the words “Is that your baby?” you didn’t know how to respond. As your heart started to race, part of you felt like you were going into shock. You were quickly pulled out of it when River started to cry.

“It’s okay, baby,” you said, bouncing her as you looked back up to Ethan. “I don’t know what to say to you.”

“What do you mean? Is she…is she mine?” he asked, the fear in his voice obvious.

“Plan B doesn’t work if you’re ovulating, apparently,” you sighed, looking back down at the baby, smiling as she dozed back off.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his eyes trying to read yours in hopes of understanding, “Did you know before you left New York?”

“Yes,” you said, coldly. He looked like he was about to cry.

“You knew and didn’t tell me? That is so fucked up,” he said, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

“No, what’s fucked up is that you and your twisted little family decided to kill people,” you snapped, “I didn’t know that Quinn was your sister. I didn’t know that Detective Bailey was your dad. And I sure as shit didn’t know that Richie, the one that chased me around the house with a knife before Amber stabbed me, was your fucking brother. I don’t even know who you are!”

“Baby, please let me explain,” he said, your eyes getting dark in rage.

“Don’t call me that. We’re done,” you started to shut the door again, as he begged from the other side.

“Please hear me out…I have no where else to go. I was hoping the one person that I love more than anything would at least try to understand,” he sobbed, as you opened the door again. There were so many things running through your head. You needed to make sure your daughter was safe, but that little voice inside your head was screaming for you to at least talk to him.

“Do you have any knives on you? Guns? Anything that could harm me and your daughter?” you asked, as he shook his head. “Come in.”

You placed your daughter in the bassinet as Ethan watched you, so sad that he’s missed out on this experience.

“We can talk, but you have to be quiet. She hasn’t been sleeping well the last few days,” you sighed, knowing that your shirt with spit-up on it and your hair that hadn’t been washed in days probably gave that away.

“I don’t know how to start,” he said, laughing a little.

“I don’t think this is funny,” you said, your eyes connecting with his.

“It’s not...Dad wanted revenge for Richie…and I couldn’t just not help,” he sighed, as you looked at him to continue, “But at the end, after you left, I wanted to stop it.”

“So why didn’t you?” you questioned, as Ethan started to fidget with his fingers.

“Quinn stabbed me when I was about to,” he sighed, looking over to the baby, “I really wish you would’ve told me.”

“I couldn’t. After Amber I had this gut feeling that you had something to do with it. As bad as I didn’t want to believe it, it was always on my mind,” you said, staring at the floor as you thought back to Mindy’s accusations.

“I know you don’t trust me…you have a good reason not to. But I don’t want to miss out on this baby’s life,” he said, his voice cracking as he spoke.

“Ethan,” you paused, trying to think of the right words, “I don’t know how to let you be a part of her life. You hurt me so badly, and I’m not sure how to move past that.”

“Can you at least let me try to prove to you that I’m okay?” he asked, “I was in the hospital for a long time. I’m going to start therapy out here, too. Please just give me that chance.”

You sat there thinking for a few minutes. You didn’t want to say yes, but you didn’t want to say no either.

“When you said you had nowhere to go, what did you mean?” you asked, avoiding answering until you knew.

“I mean no one wants me…All of my family wants nothing to do with me. I can’t really blame them, though.”

“If you stay here, can I trust you?” you asked, as he nodded. “This doesn’t mean that we’re okay. I will give you the chance to be around her, but you won’t be left alone with her.”

“Okay, thank you,” he said, looking back over to the baby, “Can I hold her?”

“No, not yet. You need to prove yourself to me,” you said, as you started to walk into the kitchen.

“Can she be left alone?” he asked as he followed you, panicking at the idea of it.

“She can for a minute. She’s swaddled and in a safe place,” you smiled, walking over to the sink. “I want you to clean these.” You said, pointing to the bottles sitting on the counter beside the sink.

“How do I do that?” he asked, making you roll your eyes.

“Okay, let’s start with the basics,” you sighed, “This is a bottle brush. This little thing on the end unscrews and you clean the nipple part of the bottles with it. I want you to use the baby dish detergent in the pink bottle. After that, you’re going to put them in the sterilizer.”

“I think I can do that,” he said, moving in front of the sink.

“Do I need to take the knives out of here? Or can you be trusted?” your snarky tone and the accusations were starting to trigger all the things his psychiatrist warned him about. He ran through all the steps in his head as he tried to calm down, before speaking.

“I know I’ve done things to break your trust, but you’re going to have to let me prove to you that I’m not the monster you think I am. Please stop mentioning the knife stuff.”

“Okay,” you gave a half-smile, leaving him to clean the bottles as you went back to your daughter.

After twenty minutes, she started to wake up. You recognized her cry as a hungry one, so you picked her up and lifted your shirt. You adjusted so she was able to latch when Ethan walked back in the room.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, turning his back to you. “I finished the bottles, they’re in the sterilizer.”

“Quit acting weird, this is natural. It’s not like you haven’t seen my boobs before,” you laughed a little, as he turned around.

“So you do both? You bottle feed and breast feed?” he asked, watching you feed her.

“Yeah. After doing this so many times, your nipples start to hurt,” you groaned, “Like right now.”

“I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“You just did. You cleaned the bottles I haven’t had the chance to get to the last couple days.”

He smiled, happy that he did something to be helpful. Once she started to turn away because she was full, you pulled your shirt back down and looked over to Ethan.

“Come here,” you said, as walked over and sat down beside you. “I’m going to show you how to hold her.”

As he positioned his arms, you passed the baby to him.

“She’s perfect,” he said, finally getting a good look at her tiny little features. “What’s her name?”

“River Judith Landry,” you said, as he started to grin.

“You gave her my last name?” he asked, looking back down at her. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“You are her dad.”

Ethan held her for a while, getting tired himself as he started to drift off.

“Hey,” you said, gently scooping her out of his arms, “Never fall asleep with her in your arms.”

He looked sad as you pulled her away but understood why. You put her back in the bassinet before sitting beside Ethan.

“We need to talk about sleeping arrangements,” you said, looking over at his tired expression. “I don’t know how my parents will feel about this…but they tend to be cool with things so we should be fine. I didn’t go into detail about what happened with you,” he nodded as he waited for you to continue, “We have a guest bedroom beside mine. You can sleep in there while we figure everything out.”

“Okay, I appreciate you giving me a chance,” he said, yawning as relaxed into the couch.

“Please don’t make me regret it,” you sighed, “I have another bassinet in my room that she sleeps in right now, at least until she’s a little older. She���ll be up every few hours tonight, if you wake up and want to come help, you can.”

 “I’d love to,” he mumbled, as he started to fall asleep.

As Ethan slept, the light snores slipping past his lips reminded you of all the nights you’d fallen asleep on his chest when he’d stay over. You couldn’t help but wonder how life could’ve been so different had he not gone along with his dad’s plan. You weren’t sure if he was behind any of the actual murders that happened, but when you thought back to the night at the apartment, you realized that had to be him. Why else would someone completely go around you, then lock the door the second you ran out of it? You wanted to ask, but you didn’t want to know at the same time. You weren’t sure if he’d tell you the truth, and the last thing you needed was for him to start lying. You knew how you’d react, and until you had a better understanding of his mental health, you pushed your thoughts to the back of your mind.

“Hey,” you said, gently nudging Ethan, “My mom’s home. I want you to come meet her.”

He rubbed his eyes as he tried to wake up, “Okay.”

As your mom came in through the garage door, you led Ethan through the kitchen to the dining room.

“Hey, mom,” you said, a smile on her face as she introduced herself to your guest.

“I’m Ethan,” he said, shaking her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, sitting the groceries down on the table.

“I hope you don’t mind, but he’s going to stay with us for a little while,” you said, searching her face for any negative reaction to the situation.

“Okay, you’ve had so many friends here lately…I’ve gotten used to having a full house,” she laughed, “What do you want for dinner?”

“Honestly, I’m okay with anything,” you said looking over to Ethan.

“Yeah, I’m fine with whatever,” he said, as River started to coo in the other room.

“Someone’s awake,” you smiled, the excitement in your voice as you headed back to the living room. Ethan was right behind you, determined not to miss out on another second of time with her.

“She really doesn’t know anything?” he asked, as you picked the baby up.

“Shhh, she’s going to think I’m fucking nuts if she finds out you had anything to do with what happened in New York.”

“Okay,” he said, “Is she like, awake? Like she’s not going to instantly fall back asleep?”

“Not for a little bit. These moments only happen a few times a day, so I like to enjoy it,” you said, laying her down on the couch as you crouched beside it.

Ethan watched you play with her hands and make goofy little noises at the little sounds she’d make. He never expected to come to your house and see a baby in your arms. He thought it was the end of the road for him, especially if you didn’t give him a chance. He wasn’t sure what he had to live for, but within a matter of hours his whole outlook on everything changed.

“The new baby smell is the best thing ever,” you said, sniffing the top of her head. “You want to play with her?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…I don’t want to hurt her,” he said, as you nodded.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.”

She soon started to drift off to sleep again when your mom walked in to let you know that dinner would be ready soon.

“Look at my precious granddaughter,” she said, taking her from you. “It’s crazy how fast they grow up. Before you know it, she’ll be a teenager.”

“You’ve only told me that every day since she was born,” you said sarcastically, as she handed her to you to head back to the kitchen.

“I say it so much because it’s true,” she sighed, “I’m so proud of you. Doing all of this on your own isn’t easy, but you’re doing such a good job with her.”

Ethan started to feel guilty as she spoke. As badly as he wanted to tell her that you wouldn’t have to do this by yourself anymore, he didn’t know if that was true. Yeah, you’re giving him a chance, but he was terrified that you’d rip his chance away if he did the slightest thing to fuck up. The only thing he could hope for was that you would realize he was the same person you fell in love with, regardless of all the lies he told. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he was determined to get you back and have a life with his daughter.

As you sat at the dinner table across from Ethan, you started to notice how hungry he was, but he wasn’t trying to show it. You were wondering when the last time he ate was; or maybe this was the best thing he’d eaten in a long time. When his eyes connected with yours, he started to chew a little slower as you offered a sad smile.

“So, your dad will be out of town the next couple days,” your mom said, “And I’ll be working late the rest of this week, but Chad and Tara are coming back tomorrow, right?”

Ethan’s eyes widened at the mention of their names. He was trying to get in your good graces, but he started to feel like everything would all fall apart the second they saw him with you.

“Yeah, Mindy might come over, too,” you said, taking a bite of your food.

“I’m so happy they help you out. Chad is so protective of that baby girl,” she said, as Ethan started to feel jealous, “and he did so much to help you out before the baby was born.”

“They’re really good friends,” you smiled, looking back over to Ethan. You could tell he was in his feelings at your mom’s words. “Ethan’s going to be really helpful with her, too.”

He flashed you a weak smile when his eyes met yours.

“It does take a village to raise a baby,” she said, smiling at him.

After dinner, you noticed that the baby’s diaper needed to be changed. Ethan followed you upstairs to the nursery as you started to laugh to yourself, wondering how he’d react to the diaper changing part of parenthood.

“You want to take notes?” you asked, as you laid her on the changing table and started to undress her.

“Oh, uh…I…” he stammered, as you looked over to him.

“You’re eventually going to have to do this if you want the full parenting experience,” you laughed, “Shit, I forgot to refill the diapers earlier. There’s a box of them in her closet that’s open, can you grab a stack out of it for me?”

“Yeah,” he said, feeling confident in his ability to at least help with that. He handed you several diapers as you refilled the little cubby on the changing table.

He watched you take the diaper off, almost gagging at the sight. “Don’t freak out, you’ll get used to it,” you said, trying to assure him.

“That smells awful,” he said, stepping away for a second.

“Again…you’ll get used to it,” you laughed, as you got her cleaned up. “Okay, it’s so important for you to pay attention to stuff like this,” you said, drawing his attention back over. “She’s getting a little diaper rash, and if I don’t put the cream on her now, it’ll get worse. It can be painful for her, so that’s just something you have to look out for, okay?”

“Is she in pain now?” he asked, looking at her as she started to coo and kick her feet.

“No, she’s okay,” you said before talking to River. “Quit trying to kick me,” you said in a soft voice, as she started to coo a little louder. “Don’t be mean to mommy.”

He smiled as you finished changing the diaper, your maternal instincts radiating off you. Ethan was in love with you before the baby but seeing you like this made him fall so much harder.

“You’re a good mom,” Ethan said, as you turned to look at him. “She’s lucky she has you.”

“Thank you,” you smiled, “It’s crazy…I went from being this college kid that wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, to being a mom. If you would’ve told me a year ago that this was how my life was going to be, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

As the night started to wind down and River was asleep once again, you walked into the room beside yours to Ethan.

“Hey, I know you didn’t come here with much…what do you need?” you asked, taking a seat at the foot of the bed.

“Oh, um…I’ll figure it out.”

“I didn’t ask you to figure it out. I asked you to tell me what you needed,” you said sternly, as he nodded. “Do you have all the hygiene products you need?”

“God, this is so fucking embarrassing,” he sighed, looking over to you. “I’ve kind of been homeless the last few weeks since I got out of the hospital. I had a bunch of stuff, but someone stole it yesterday.”

You frowned at his words. The idea of the father of your child on the streets made you feel sick.

“Come with me,” you said, leading him to the bathroom. “Chad showers here a lot because he’s always getting spit up on. He’s her puke target almost always,” you said, laughing a little, “He has this three-in-one body wash. I don’t know how you guys do that because I need like, five different products when I shower. But there’s clean towels in this cabinet, and I have extra toothbrushes in this drawer.”

Ethan had a few things running through his mind. He couldn’t believe you were being so sweet when you hated him earlier in the day, but he also couldn’t shake the sadness of the idea of Chad being so close to you and your daughter.

“Chad’s still with Tara, right?” he asked, trying to play it as cool as possible. You saw right through it, knowing he was asking because he was scared that another man was taking his place.

“Yeah…Ethan, I don’t want you to feel discouraged to build a relationship with your daughter because Chad’s helped a lot. He’s not her dad, you are. I’m trying to give you this chance, but I need you to not get jealous or angry when you see him with her.”

“Okay,” he said, his gaze not leaving from the floor. “I’ll try to get used to it.”

You smiled at him, before thinking about what else he needed. “Oh shit, clothes! Do you have those?”

He nodded, before realizing he hadn’t had a chance to wash what he does have. You noticed the look on his face, “Hang on a second.”

You ran to your room and searched for some things for him to wear, and when you made it back to the bathroom, he felt like he could cry when he saw what you had.

“Is that my sweatpants and shirt that I gave you?” he asked, “I can’t believe you still have these.”

“When we didn’t get to see each other much because of exams, you gave them to me to wear when I was missing you a little extra than usual,” you smiled, “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still wear them all the time.”

You walked out of the bathroom before he could respond, knowing that you’d just expressed to him that you had missed him while he was gone. He smiled to himself as he cut on the shower and stepped inside.

As you heard the shower running faintly down the hall, you started to wonder how your friends would react to Ethan being back in your life. You knew Chad would really be hurt because he felt so fucked over by Ethan. The two of you were the ones that struggled the most after you found out your boyfriend was Ghostface. He defended Ethan to Mindy countless times until the night that Anika died, and even started to trust him again before everything happened at the theater. He felt so deceived; he had a good reason for feeling that way.

Then you started to think about all the things Ethan had been through. He was manipulated into helping his dad, stabbed and left for dead by his own sister, spent several months in a psychiatric hospital, and experienced homelessness before he showed up at your front door. Your heart broke for him, but you still needed to work on trying to build up that trust, if that was even possible.

When you heard the shower cut off, Ethan popped into your room shortly after in his clothes that you gave him.

“Sorry I didn’t have boxers or anything. Maybe we can go shopping tomorrow to get some of the stuff you need. And we can get the laundry that you do have taken care of.”

“I can’t believe you’re being so sweet to me after everything,” he said, watching River as she slept in the bassinet.

You sighed, smiling as you watched him look at her in awe, “We’ve both been through a lot. I might not be able to trust you right this second, but I believe that you loving me was never a lie, and I can tell you really want this chance to try to make things right. I’m willing to try for her, but the second you give me a reason to doubt your intentions, or you make me uncomfortable, that’s it. No more chances.”

“I promise you that I won’t give you any reason to not trust me. I know you’re probably a little scared, too. The meds I take helps a ton, but I do still have moments where I struggle. I just hope you can be patient with me and try to understand. You don’t owe me shit, but I want you to know that I’m genuine about all of this.”

You nodded at his words, before he stood up to go to the other room. “Goodnight,” he mumbled, before stopping to take one last look at his daughter before walking out.

“Hey,” you said, as he’d just made it past the doorway. He turned back around to face you. “I know I mentioned this earlier, but if she wakes you up with her crying tonight, I’d really appreciate the help if you want to.”

“Of course. I’ll do anything I can to get extra time with her,” he smiled.

“No pressure, though. I know you haven’t slept well lately, so I completely understand if you just want to sleep.”

“No, I’ll wake up. I’ll see you soon, I guess,” he laughed a little, walking into the room next to yours.

[klikandtuna]

2024 FIC ROUNDUP

Oooookay I barely know what I’m doing here but I’ll give it a shot. 😁

What fandoms do you write in?

It’s allllll Good Omens. After S2 broke my brain, I started sending tiny snippets of fic ideas to a couple of friends, which over the course of a few months really snowballed beyond any pretense of control. I’m gone, y’all. This is my life now.

How many words have you published in 2024?

WELL this number is about to jump with the posting of Find Every Sky next week, but at this moment I’m sitting at

✨758,377✨

Which is pretty cool! To be fair, a good chunk of that was written before I had joined AO3 (it took those couple of friends about six months to convince me to join up), so it wasn’t all written this year, though certainly most of it was.

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Aside from actually joining the fandom at all, this award definitely goes to the TWENTY-TWO CONSECUTIVE WEEKS, May-October, in which I posted TWO CHAPTERS PER WEEK without missing a single update. Find the Light and Sky Clear Blue were written back-to-back without any break inbetween, and while the schedule for SCB got a little dicey for a while, my beta-reader and I managed to keep that Tuesday/Friday ride going allllll the way to the end. Pretty proud of that.

What are your top three favorite fics you wrote this year?

This is so unfair because they’re all my babies 😭😭 I pour so much of myself into everything I write that I really hate choosing favorites, buuuuut I’ll try.

When You Go (101k Reverse Omens, complete but there’s a sequel coming, rated E)

My human AUs receive by far the most attention (and I’m not complaining!), but I want to give some love to my Reverse-Omens fic because I’m pretty darn proud of it. Each chapter bounces back and forth between an ongoing present-day storyline and anecdotes from their past, and it was my first attempt at switching tenses for effect (which I really got the hang of in Sky Clear Blue, haha). I feel like I really nailed the characterizations here, and it was a joy to a) flesh out the Starmaker as the Seraph Baraqiel and let him be his full glorious self, and b) experiment with what the Fall might do to someone as sweet as Aziraphale; while I did give him the demon name Azazel, I did NOT make him a goat demon because frankly that’s all wrong for him. I went a different direction and it’s FRIGGIN COOL, Y’ALL ☺️

Sky Clear Blue (289k human AU, complete, rated E)

Obviously 💛 Time travel, coming out, the beautiful transformative power of love. My biggest piece to date, started as a tiny seed and germinated into something really beautiful. Also at some point I started illustrating every chapter which was a real game-changer, and makes me feel a weird obligation to KEEP DOING THAT for all of my fics.

Naked and Afraid: Jingle Hell (24k human AU, complete, rated T but only for, like, mildly suggestive themes)

Okay my new favorite thing EVER is to take an extremely silly premise and make you FEEL THINGS 🥰 "Aziraphale and Crowley are participants on Naked and Afraid" is not a thing I would have expected to be received with joy and tears, but here we are, and I'm very very happy with how this one turned out.

What was your biggest Pit of Despair moment?

...That's awfully dramatic, but I guess when the SCB posting schedule was really catching up to me and writing was more of a HAVE TO thing instead of a just-for-fun thing. But that didn't last long, and it never got to the point where I wasn't enjoying myself. Writing is a real passion of mine and I'm having the time of my life with these fics.

What have you learned?

Honestly...I've learned that I can do this. I really can. I can take an idea, just the tiniest glimmer of silver in the aether, and follow it and draw it out and spin it into something magnificent. I can write things that make people Feel (including myself!). When I reach, the story is there, and I can trust that I'll find it as I go along.

I've also learned that a good beta-reader is worth their weight in gold, rubies, mithril, any incredibly valuable thing, and that it's okay to open myself up to criticism, and that accepting suggestions from someone smart and articulate and caring makes my writing soooo much better.

What fic did you want to do, but never made it off the ground?

The Naked and Afraid piece would have been my answer here, except I found a way to make it happen 😁 I have a bunch of half-formed, nebulous ideas floating around, but really I've just been going for the stories that I want to tell. I guess we could count the When You Go sequel here, haha. As soon as I've had some time to absorb and process Season 3, the sequel is ON

Did you beta any fics? Any faves you want to give shout out?

I kiiiiinda did one soft beta-type-thing just last week, but that was my very first time! I'm usually soooo busy with my own projects that I barely have time to read anything anyone else writes, much less offer thoughtful feedback. Maybe one day...

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

See just above — I don't have the tiiiiiiime. I did read For Loving One by @thescholarlystrumpet and it was gorgeous (she even embedded a piece of fan art I did in one of the chapters, which was very exciting for me), and I read Love, Uh, Finds a Way by @heretic1103 which was a delight, annnnnd oh! oh! I stumbled upon Lay Thee Sinner, 'Neath the Cross and Pole by @thenerdalert and have been enjoying the updates!

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Okay NOW I'm excited, because as I mentioned above, I've got a brand-spankin'-new BIG multichapter human AU on the waaaaay and the first chapter is going to drop on December 31! The title is In His Hand a Burning Coal and it has officially consumed my entire heart. Can't WAIT to start sharing this one. It's tapped into some deeeeep, lifelong reservoirs of love and nerdy passion for me, and I think that comes through in the writing.

ALSO, in late February we're going to do something REALLY FUN. What do y'all think about a Choose Your Own Adventure FANFIC?? Like, I post a poll with options for the next chapter, you vote, and I write in the direction of the winning option? I'm super excited to give this a try. I do dearly love a good prompt, and if we can get a bunch of people in on the voting action I think it'll be an absolute blast. Soft and sweet? Hysterical crack? Enemies-to-lovers or a tooth-rotting meet-cute? ALL OF THE ABOVE??? YOU choose! 😃

Is there anyone you'd like to thank?

First and foremost, always, I thank @suzypfonne. A random comment on one of my fics has become a friendship I treasure dearly. She's smart, she's funny, she's deeply kind and caring and generous, and she's the best friggin' beta-reader I could imagine. She has made me a better writer, and I'm always excited to turn over a doc to her. 💛💛

Huge thanks as well to @sparklyshinymagpie, who messaged me out of the blue one day to say "hey I could help code the social-media stuff in your fic, if that's something you'd be interested in." HOLY SHIT YES. She has put a huge amount of time and work into making my stories so much prettier, and our next project will be compiling the PDFs for my big stories so I can finally make print copies available for purchase! She is VERY talented and patient and I APPRECIATE HER VERY MUCH

I'm also tremendously grateful to @e-rated-beardo for the unspeakably gorgeous gift that is this incredible recording of the titular song from Sky Clear Blue. One of the lovliest gifts I've EVER been given!

And a final thank-you to @lolalu16 for her tireless cheerleading. They sometimes get early access to chapters, just because I like them 😁

OKAY this was fun but also took forever, haha. I'd love to read others' posts on this subject, so feel free to go for it!

[sojourner-between-worlds]

How can a single of line of text/ dialog be translated [for subtitling] to mean two entirely different things and reference two entirely different characters in the process?

I asked a friend of mine about this, who has experience with French translation, and she was also completely baffled about how something like this could happen, so now I'm yelling it into the tumblr void and hoping someone yells back.

Like, I completely understand that certain things like idioms, puns, and slang terms get a little lost in translation and have to attempt to have an equivalent replacement found, but this... is not that. I also understand that since this is a Japanese anime from 2008 that older translations can be a bit... off in places, I guess, since they were more often than not subbed by fans. (And, since they're old, unless they are super popular, the less-than-legal sites often never get updated to official subs.) In this case, there was also a DVD release that is no longer available for purchase in the US (except off Ebay and shipped from overseas). I have no way of verifying if the same subtitles appear on the DVDs as appear when streaming on Crunchyroll. So the discrepancy is between the "official" Crunchyroll subs and either the DVD release or fansubs. But either option still makes this...weird. Even if the DVDs are older, there shouldn't be this big of a discrepancy. But I also can't blame it solely on "bad fansubs" because in all my years of watching this with varying subs across varying less-than-legal platforms, I have never had anything that has stuck out to me like this exchange this does. Difference in word choice, sure, that's basically inevitable; but I've never seen a conversation where the words spoken are about two entirely different characters.

For greater context, here are the two different ways the dialog in question is presented:

Source 1:

N: He's even stronger than before. Y: His opponent was weak, right? B: Yeah, he was completely played by Jack. Y: He's bored.

Source 2:

N: He's getting even stronger. Y: Was he facing a wimp? B: Yeah, Jack completely toyed around with him. Y: He was probably no big deal then...

So as you can see, this exchange is mostly the same. The baffling part is that last line. In the first one, Y is making a personal observation about someone he knows; in the second, he's making an impersonal observation about someone he doesn't know. The difference is getting information about a character (both the one spoken about and the one speaking) and just being a throw away line that doesn't mean anything at all.

This has been driving me nuts for literal years at this point, as to how this big of a difference in translation could happen. Again, it could have been a whoopsie on the part of a fansubber but everything else largely lines up between the two (as far as I can tell), and you'd think it would at least still be referring to the same character, which just makes it Weird to me.

So if anyone can actually explain how this happened, I would love you forever, haha.

[essentiallyleaf]

day 26. selfcest. with. miyeon.

854 words.

tags.

kinktober ‘23, idol x futa!idol (???), selfcest, narcissist miyeon, supposedly a mostly comedic piece but at the same time it’s not very funny, narrator might sound too salty though really they’re just annoyed [beep beep cop out alert beep beep], the real cop out is that miyeon sounds awfully similar to me in this and that’s scary, okay maybe outside of the selfcest part, this entire fic is a huge cop out for me having zero creativity and wit to be honest, sorry for the excessively long tags i’ll stop now, no i won’t, yes i will, no i- okay not funny.

notes.

-5. honestlycantwaitfortheendofoctoberly, leaf.

Miyeon always wanted to write an autobiography, maybe a script, or rather, to get it written for her, ‘cause “Who’s got the time for that, y’knowhatImean?”, and definitely not because she hasn’t used pen and paper for anything other than autographs since she - barely - got out of high school; “Maybe a book of quotes, that could be quicker. What? Whose quotes, you asked? Mine, who else’s? HaHA”

Nah, her life is not really book material. It’s more like a b-movie (or, Bee even?), with all the bad jokes and none of the ironic laughs. This one time she was asked, if you could describe your entire life in a frame - one shot, one opportunity; would your mom be making spaghetti in it? - what would it be? With an intense glare and an abnormal amount of dramatic pauses in between she answered, probably me, in front of a mirror, side-eyeing my own reflection, y’kno, because I, am my only, enemy, the biggest obstacle, on the road to success; wow, that deserves a spot in the book.

It doesn’t come as a shock that a person like her had weird dreams, dreams where she randomly comes across a woman that looks exactly like her, and starts researching about her, trying to get more information, discover where the woman comes from, what she does in her life; it also doesn’t come as a shock that none of that is a product of her own imagination, she just really likes any film with Jake Gyllenhaal in it and can’t come up with any original ideas, even in the hours of the day when her unconscious is completely free and unbound from the chains of the real, or even of the realistic. Joining this exhibition of the unshocking, the first words that Miyeon utters when she gets to meet the woman (even in a dream, where every texture, every face is out of focus and blurred, where humans have twelve fingers and mushrooms have eight legs, she can see the woman’s features clearly - almost like she spent about the same amount of time in a day sleeping and looking in the mirror and could draw her own face blindfolded - and they exactly resembles her own) are “Oh my God, I look so beautiful”. So beautiful that she wants to feel the woman’s sharp, V-lined jaw, her perfectly angled, straight, thin nose, her thick, juicy, pink lips and fuck, how good they’d feel on-

Her tongue invades the double’s mouth like she’s about to have a taste of heaven, and ascending is what Miyeon does as she gets a sample of her own flavor. She feels the woman’s body up all over, hungry for contact, swiping and gripping and tugging now on her soft thighs, now on her bouncy cheeks, now on her perky tits. I need this real fucking fast, she thinks as she feels dampness between her legs, so she kneels to pull the dress of the other her up to her waist, and what she finds is no underwear (it would have been worrying to know that her perfect double does wear it, to be fair) and a gargantuan semi-erect penis. An absolute utopia, truly, for Miyeon to be in front of the two things she loves the most, fused together: herself and dick. No questions asked then, - and honestly, who’s ever questioned anything in their own dreams, even when it’s sucking yourself off - she wraps her lips around the mushroom head and starts bobbing like it’s her favorite hobby, and it is. It’s like she’s practiced her entire life for the moment she gets to taste the cock she never knew she wanted, and that cock thrusts hard back into her moaning throat because only one can know what she always wanted. And as Miyeon loses herself, - in the music, the moment - that’s where it stops, and her body is turned around and put on all fours, her round ass in the air. She feels her slick being spread around and onto her puckered hole, and as the woman’s tip pushes into her back entrance. One thrust in, and then out. Two, a little further. The third time, the huge girth leaves her hole gaping. Four, five, six, and when she loses count (quite soon, and not because of her poor math abilities), that’s when she breaks. That’s when her moans turn into screams, when her hand automatically goes to her clit and starts rubbing, the pleasure from her own fingers causing her muscles to relax even more and her double’s length to reach even deeper into her. The sound of hips bumping into cheeks and of her own feral wails is all she hears before she feels herself cumming and concurrently several spurts of cum fill her ass.

When Miyeon wakes up she has another quote for her book in mind, one to be remembered for generations to come, surely, and just as surely not a stolen one: the opportunity to meet face to face with your greatest enemy comes once in a lifetime - and the enemy will certainly not miss her chance to blow.

-

footnotes.

getting repetitive. contritely, leaf.

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Li Zeyan’s Metropolis Date (Eng Translation)

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 都会之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

[Translation under the cut]

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】

──────────

【Important Notes】 

some of you might already know this, especially those of you who follow my translations, but still gonna explain since it’s the pivotal point of this date 🤭

The term “哥哥” (gēge) literally translates to “elder brother”, you might be more familiar with the Korean or Japanese alternatives of this term (oppa/ onii-chan). if not used to address your own elder brother, you wouldn’t dare to use it with just anyone – so, when a Chinese girl addresses a boy as her “gege”, she’d use it to address sb she has a very close/ intimate relationship with, address her boyfriend, or take the leap and address a guy she has a crush on to be cutesy LOL. which is why the use of “gege” in this date is so multifaceted — the term which was initially used as a courtesy becomes a “barrier” in fear of being “friend-zoned”, but makes come back in the parts when used by MC’s friends to tease her or when MC hesitates to address him as “gege” in private b/c of the crush connotation haha.

✦ the use of “gege” with the connotation of boyfriend/ crush prevails in the canon verse too, MC used to address Li Zeyan by this term when they were little and after the first comeback, we’ve had MC use this term many times in the past years: ♡

setting and timeline:

the present day story takes place in New York, around 1925/27, and before the great depression (1929).

──────────────────────────────────────────────────

【Chapter 1】 

Hubbubs of laughter intermittently resonate from the stretch convertible as it glides through the night, weaving through the distant and nearby lights before coming to a halt in the front courtyard of the mansion.

Myself and a few female friends of mine, slightly tipsy and carrying a faint scent of alcohol, support the ornate headpieces wobbling on our heads as we step down from the car, laughing and playfully nudging one another.

Female Friend: Can you believe Jennifer actually invited that actor! Seriously, when our eyes met, I was practically drowning in those eyes; I didn’t even hear a word he said…

Thinking back to that man whose words were dripped with flattery, I lazily let out a yawn.

MC: Enough, Louise. Perhaps your brain is just filtering out those unpleasant bits of news, you know?

MC: He should thank his lucky stars for starring in a silent movie; otherwise, no one would buy into his performance.

MC: If it weren’t for Jennifer, the editor-in-chief, insisting, I wouldn’t even want to mention his name in the article chronicling tonight’s nightlife… it’s just a waste of space for another line.

Amidst the laughter of the girls, I suddenly seem to feel a certain gaze on me. I stop talking and turn my eyes in the direction of home. Sure enough, I spot a familiar figure.

With one hand resting on the marble railing of the terrace, Li Zeyan looks in my direction, his eyes lowered. The light outlines his physique, carving out a slender silhouette.

Through the thick darkness of the night, those somber eyes lock with mine for a moment. Then, he turns and walks into the villa.

Female Friend: Would you look at that, your old-fashioned gege is still awake at this hour… Could he be waiting for you?

I receive a teasing elbow nudge from my friend, but I offer no retort.

“Old-fashioned.” That term does seem to match him quite well.

In this era where there is never any shortage of merrymaking, he rarely makes appearances at gatherings like banquets and social clubs.

Tonight, before heading out, I asked him if he would like to accompany me, and unsurprisingly, I was met with a rejection.

—

───── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ─────

LZY: No, I have no intention of attending.

LZY: It’s not that I have any other rendezvous to make an appearance at, but I do have more pressing matters to take care of.

LZY: You go ahead, but don’t stay out too late.

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

—

Perhaps he does have something else he’s really eager to pursue, or perhaps he simply wants to steer clear of certain people… who knows?

Reflecting on the unexplained decrease in our interactions since becoming adults, a hint of melancholy suddenly settles into my heart. I press my lips together, incline my head, and speak nonchalantly as if unaffected.

MC: [blushing]  It isn’t something worth caring about, is it? Anyway, he’s not my “real gege”...

──────────

Creak—

The sound of the gate slowly being pushed open rings out in my ears. I turn my head and see Li Zeyan behind the door, quietly arching an eyebrow. Undoubtedly, he has heard what I just said.

A flicker of guilt passes through me. Aware of my companions’ fixed gazes behind me, I walk into the house with my chest held high, close the door behind me, and walk past Li Zeyan.

LZY: Had a good time?

MC: Oh, it was pretty good… the atmosphere at the whole banquet was quite lively.

MC: Jennifer also showed us the new gemstone she recently bought. It was so… sparkling!

I nonchalantly remove my gloves and fling them onto the sofa, envy in my eyes as I raise my hands to gesture an approximate size in front of Li Zeyan. A light chuckle reaches my ears.

LZY: If you fancy it, you can expect to receive an even finer one in the future.

MC: [blushing] I wish, but the qualities of the gemstones in New York in recent times have been really unappealing.

Li Zeyan’s eyes travel over my absent-mindedly pursed lips, but he doesn’t comment on anything. Instead, he simply taps his fingertips on the staircase railing rhythmically.

The air lapses into silence again, with only the swaying shadows of the trees playing on the floor of the hall. I stifle a yawn and walk past him as if nothing has happened.

MC: Alright, I’m going to go and hit the hay in my room. Tomorrow, there’s still…

LZY: MC.

Suddenly, a low whisper reaches my ears from behind. My hand gripping the railing pauses, and I stand on the stairs, turning to look back at Li Zeyan.

His intense gaze bores deep into me, and the emotions in his deep-set eyes appear more complex and difficult to discern than at any time in the past. After a moment, he finally speaks.

LZY: There’s something I believe I need to tell you.

LZY: Next week, I’ll be moving away from home.

MC: …

My lips part, and my heart suddenly pauses for one beat. My eyes wander over his face, trying to find any hint of jest in his words.

Did he say this in a fit of pique because of what I said earlier? But he’s clearly not the kind of person to behave like this…

While I stare at him with bewilderment and helplessness, Li Zeyan offers me no additional explanation. His brooding eyes trace over the intentionally rolled-up hem of my skirt before resting on my face.

LZY: Your father is waiting for us in the living room.

LZY: Come over after you’ve changed your clothes.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】 

I rush back to my room at lightning speed and take off the intricate and ornate feather headpiece from my head.

After changing into a dress that won’t elicit resigned criticism from my father, I head down the stairs in the direction of the living room, my mind in turmoil.

The sparkling crystal chandelier bathes the spacious room ahead in bright light. From a distance, I can hear the sound of gratified laughter, intermingled with my father’s heartfelt sighs. 

MC’s Father: …Zeyan, don’t ever speak such words. If the disaster of that year had befallen me, your parents would have made the same choice.

MC’s Father: I remember when you first came to this home, MC was only five years old–– clinging to you all the time like a piece of sticky candy, oblivious to day and night. [1]

MC: Why is it that the moment I step in, I hear you speaking ill of me~

I walk over to my father and give him a kiss on the cheek, then take my seat next to Li Zeyan naturally.

He holds my gaze briefly before averting his eyes, but his tone carries a subtle softness that is almost imperceptible.

LZY: She was no bother. If anything, I find myself missing those times, too.

LZY: A plate of cookies was all she needed, and she’d joyfully sit by my desk, reading storybooks with me all night long.

MC: …I also really liked gege back then. No matter the time, you were always there to accompany me.

My father laughs, a wistful expression on his face. I also lift the corners of my lips to match the atmosphere, but my gaze lingers inquisitively on Li Zeyan’s elegant side profile.

Leaving… why did he have this idea all of a sudden?

I used to believe that no matter how much time elapsed… he would naturally remain by my side as a matter of course.

But this decision that came like a bolt from the blue seems to be telling me that I’m the only one who thought that way.

LZY: Yes, I’ve been keeping an eye on a promising aviation company. Their airplanes…

LZY: A number of stocks I acquired in the past few years have yielded good profits. After liquidating, my plans for the next steps include…

A baritone voice resounds from the seat next to me. Li Zeyan is recounting eloquently, seemingly answering some questions from my father, but I can’t pay attention in the slightest.

MC’s Father: …MC, won’t you raise a glass to your gege’s future?

My lower leg under the long table is gently touched, snapping me back to reality. I glance over to see Li Zeyan leisurely leaning back in his chair, his leather shoe brushing past me.

The brief touch just now was probably just an inadvertent act since he was shifting his sitting posture. However, it brings my attention to the fact that I’ve been staring at him for quite some time.

I let out a cough as an afterthought and quickly glance at my father.

MC: My apologies, I was a little lost in my thoughts just now, so…

MC’s Father: Of course, I am just as reluctant to part with him as you are… but I’m confident that when the time is right, Zeyan will come back to visit us.

This matter-of-fact comforting solace sweeps over my heart, gently veiling a certain “expectation” that I have never voiced.

An indescribable sourness swells within me. I raise my wine glass towards Li Zeyan beside me, wearing the same naive and coquettish smile as usual.

MC: …gege, here’s to every expectation of yours turning into reality.

Li Zeyan lowers his eyes, his slender fingertips promptly picking up a goblet glass from the table. Then, he leans in slightly towards me.

Accompanied by the soft clink of glasses, his deep and low voice resonates in my ears.

LZY: Thank you. I really like this toast.

LZY: I’ll turn these words into reality.

──────────

The moonlight behind the floor-to-ceiling windows filters through the sheer curtains, casting long and slender beams. I toss and turn on the soft bed for a long time before finally sitting up.

…Even if everything seems to be set in stone, I still want to fight for that last shred of possibility to make this man stay.

–

It’s very late at night, and the corridor is empty and quiet. I tread lightly past the door of my father’s room, then head briskly towards Li Zeyan’s room at the end of the corridor.

From a distance, I can see a sliver of light escaping from the room–– to my surprise, his door is only partially closed.

A soft meow reaches my ears. Holding my breath, I watch Li Zeyan seated on the sofa, comforting Betty, whose hind paws are entangled in a ball of yarn.

He cradles it in his arms with one hand, and his well-defined hand trails down the cat’s back, with a touch just right that is neither too firm nor too gentle, preventing its struggling attempts.

His fingertips swiftly probe into the entangled mess of threads. With a few simple movements, the trapped paws are liberated.

Betty: Meow~

Betty purrs contentedly, nuzzling its head against Li Zeyan’s shoulder. His eyes also seem to be dyed with a subtle smile.

The familiar scene overlaps with memories of the past, and suddenly, I feel a little dazed.

—

───── [FLASHBACK STARTS] ─────

Under the ardent daylight, the greenery in the courtyard stretched ponderously.

The doors and windows lining both sides of the mansion had been opened early in the morning, allowing the summer breeze to weave through unhindered, bringing with it a touch of rare, refreshing coolness.

I was huffing in anger as I strode down the corridor, heading towards Li Zeyan’s room in the most familiar manner, intending to “interrogate” him.

MC: GEGE! Did you stop…

I walked into his room, only to find a profound silence all around. Li Zeyan was lying on the sofa with his eyes closed and seemed to have drifted off to sleep.

Perhaps to block the dancing spots of dazzling sunlight, he casually rested the back of his left hand on his forehead, casting a gentle shadow over his eyelids.

His slender legs were rarely in such a relaxed posture, crossing casually. The business book in his hand had slipped to the floor at some point; its pages were blown by the breeze, producing a rustling sound.

Without realizing it, I lightened my steps and walked to the side of the sofa. I gazed at his dark strands of hair cascading down, gently resting on the prominent bridge of his nose.

Perhaps it was the light, but I suddenly noticed that there seemed to be some subtle changes on this face that I saw day and night.

Had his jawline become sharper? Or perhaps the knuckles of his hands seemed a little more pronounced? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

I could only feel my heartbeat accelerating for no apparent reason, as though something that had been overlooked for a long time was now breaking through the surface.

As if drawn by an inexplicable attraction, I involuntarily leaned down towards him, wanting to touch his cheek. 

The next moment, I saw Li Zeyan suddenly open his eyes and lift his hand to clasp my wrist.

LZY: You…

He spoke in a low voice, his tone still carrying a hint of drowsiness. It seemed he regarded everything to be a dream.

His eyes took on a softer expression, and the hold of his palm on my hand did not loosen. Instead, he drew me even closer to him.

His breath caressed my face, and I could almost see my own reflection in his eyes. It was like almost in the next second, we would–––

MC’s Father: Where did you run off to… Betty?

My father’s inquiring voice suddenly echoed from a distance, akin to a pebble thrown into a lake, shattering the interplay of light and shadows before me.

Li Zeyan was frozen for a moment, and then a clarity flashed in his eyes as if finally waking up. He let go of my wrist. Suppressing the ineffable emotions in my heart, I swiftly distanced myself slightly.

LZY: …Why did you come in out of the blue?

MC: …the door was already ajar, and I didn’t know you were sleeping…

I muttered softly, but then I suddenly recalled something, my voice gaining a touch of confidence.

MC: I also have a question to ask. When James checked with you about whether I was available for a trip to the island next week, why did you reject him on my behalf?

Li Zeyan didn’t respond right away; he lowered his hand and picked up the rumpled book from the carpet.

LZY: Your father mentioned we have to go to the horse ranch next week; looks like you forgot.

LZY: Besides, there is no need to get involved with a guy whose family business is going downhill, yet he still dates a different girl every week.

MC: [girlie is stumped and flushed haha]  But before this, you said about Oren that he was secretly lingering in underground bars!

Li Zeyan calmly flipped open a page, not making eye contact with me.

LZY: [HEAVENS THE WAY HIS TONE DROPS HERE] I’m simply stating the facts. Besides, you’ll have better choices.

MC: Like who?

In my frustration, I kept pushing for an answer, but then, the air suddenly lapsed into silence, and Li Zeyan’s fingertips also came to a pause.

My heart suddenly began racing by a few beats, and I stood up from the sofa in an attempt to conceal myself.

MC: …anyway, I won’t allow you to interfere in this matter anymore!

In a rush, I walked towards the door as I spoke. But suddenly, I heard Li Zeyan calling out my name.

I turned around. The daylight outside the window had already transformed into the fading colors of twilight, and with that light falling on his back, I heard him speak.

LZY: I will give you that answer in the future.

LZY: Until then, don’t barge into my room unannounced like this again.

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

────

[Tidbits]:

[1] MC’s dad mentions a specific type of candy here (牛皮糖 - nǚpítáng), which is made from sugar and sesame seeds; and has a chewy and sticky texture.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】 

LZY: Come on inside, I haven’t locked the door.

Li Zeyan’s voice suddenly transmits from the room. I snap back to reality, only to realize that my hand, which I raised to knock, has been hanging in mid-air for quite some time.

Tightening my lips, I calmly walk into the room and seat myself next to him on the sofa, my eyes scanning the room.

In the long time that followed afterward, I have refrained from setting foot in this room again. In stark contrast to my memories, the surroundings appear conspicuously emptier.

In one corner of the room, a leather suitcase lay open… the realization of the fact that this person is leaving suddenly becomes palpable.

LZY: You’re here at this hour; is something wrong?

MC: [blushing]  …you can’t leave!

Two voices collide in unison. Before I can even register the situation, I have already grabbed hold of his hand.

LZY: …

The hazy lighting interweaves with the moonlight, and something seems to flash across Li Zeyan’s expression for a brief moment.

A searing warmth transmits from his palm, and in belated realization, I draw back my fingertips. However, I feel my hand being discreetly clasped, as if he is unwilling to let me escape.

LZY: What’s your reason for saying that?

MC: It’s not for any reason. I just want… gege to always remain by my side.

Even though it has been a long time since I have addressed him by that term when we are alone with each other, I still purposely soften my tone. I can’t help but expect that Li Zeyan would, just like in our childhood, give me that helpless glance and yield to my coquettish demands.

A silence hangs in the air as Li Zeyan lowers his gaze to mine. In the next moment, his palm enveloping my wrist loosens ever so slightly.

LZY: MC, I am not the same as the toys you wanted when we were little.

LZY: Just the word that you “want” this is not a reason enough to sway me.

I’m slightly stumped and speak without thinking.

MC: But we’ve been living a good life for all this time, haven’t we?

MC: We have the ancestral estates and assets, a steady stream of income… I don’t understand why you’d want to make any changes.

Li Zeyan lets out a very soft chuckle and tilts his head towards the window.

The lights of the distant structures shimmer brightly, reminiscent of a flowing banquet in the boundless night. They reflect in his eyes, exuding a mix of pride and ambition.

LZY: There is nothing in this world that remains unchanged forever, MC.

LZY: Even the prosperity that you indulge in today began after the soldiers returned from the European battlefield.

LZY: Everything we see now was beyond imagination just a few years ago.

LZY: This era can sweep away all outdated existence, and at the same time, it can also give people everything they desire… as long as they can grab hold of it.

Li Zeyan shifts his gaze back to me as he says this. Even though his tone seems to be gentler than usual, it also carries a hint of unswerving determination.

LZY: So, I had already made this decision a long time ago.

MC: …when?

Did it stem from the day he made his first profit in the stock market, relying on his own business acumen? Or was it when he caught the wind of the other “old money” people gossiping about him? Or perhaps it was even earlier?

In a state of bewilderment and urgency, I await a response, but Li Zeyan doesn’t answer my question. Instead, he just gazes at me fixedly, leaning slightly in my direction.

The tranquil glow of the lights paints his eyelashes, and my heart pounds wildly as I watch Li Zeyan approach. He lifts his hand, tucking a strand of hair that was lingering by my cheek behind my ear––

–– like an explanation, or perhaps a reassuring promise.

LZY: [in the most tender tone possible x1]  I am so happy that you’re here to persuade me to stay.

LZY: [x2]  But, there are certain things I want that I can only obtain by leaving.

──────────

Jennifer: Alright, honey, I’m not here to rush you about the manuscript or anything, even though that special column you promised me has been overdue for a solid three weeks~

My friend’s teasing reaches me through the light fabric. I pull down the covers sullenly, glancing at the blonde girl sitting at the edge of the bed.

MC: Once I’m back in the writing zone, I’ll submit it to the magazine first thing… but, setting that aside, did you manage to find out any news about him?

Even though I don’t explicitly utter Li Zeyan’s name, Jennifer shrugs her shoulders.

Jennifer: You know, your gege rarely attends any banquets within the circle.

Jennifer: I’ve been making discreet inquiries on the airline side, but all I’ve found is that there’s this new guy named Victor, whose company has become a rising star in the industry… but it doesn’t seem to have any connections with him.

—

[T/N]: Yes, his writers are using his EN name “Victor” as his pseudonym 😂😂

—

I press my lips together, thinking back to the day Li Zeyan left and how I was so angry that I refused to see him for one last time.

If only I had known earlier, I would have abandoned those inexplicable emotions, opened the door, and had a few words with him.

Jennifer: I have an idea. What if we were to spread the word that you’re planning to hold a banquet at the estate next month to reveal the person you’ve chosen to be your fiancé?

Jennifer: If he does have the intention toward you, there is no way he will able to keep it hidden.

I blink. This suggestion sends a few ripples through my heart–– daring as it is, it might be the most effective method.

With my tacit approval, this piece of news spreads from the mansion along with Jennifer’s departure, gradually circulating from one banquet to another.

Half a month slips away rapidly, yet I still don’t hear any updates. The day of the banquet approaches amidst apprehension and anticipation.

──────────

Large swaths of Phalaenopsis and Dendrobium orchids embellish various corners of the entire property, delicate and beautiful. Under the crystal chandeliers, the elegant fragrance of the flowers intermingle with the intense scent of perfumes, pervading the air.

With a smile, I express thanks or greetings to those who approach to congratulate me in pairs or groups, but my eyes continue to search for that figure I’ve been waiting for amidst the passing crowd.

Suddenly, a figure in a suit and leather shoes blocks my sight. A tall man walks over, raising his glass in a toast toward me.

Man: I’m Adam Arnott, a classmate of Jennifer’s from the academy.

The surname makes me realize that he hails from another wealthy family. I nod politely. However, the man shows no intention of leaving.

Man: I heard from Jennifer that you have a column in her magazine? Honestly, I find that quite impressive.

Man: In terms of killing time, it’s much more meaningful than being obsessed about choosing jewelry. Perhaps we can chat more…

Despite his courteous choice of words, the subtle condescension in his language leaves me agitated. I turn sideways with indifference, picking up a cupcake.

MC: Allow me to correct you. I don’t consider it as “something to kill time.” Had you read my articles, you wouldn’t have had that kind of judgment.

Man: Miss MC, you surely do not treat it as some serious work, do you? Forgive my bluntness, but it seems rather meaningless for people like us.

The way his attitude drips of being pampered as though he were a prince causes me to furrow my brows. Subconsciously, Li Zeyan’s image surfaces in my mind.

MC: Well, in that case, here’s to the everlasting prosperity of your family’s business… however, I’ve heard that nothing in this world remains unchanged forever.

The other party probably wasn’t expecting me to counter like this, causing the expression on his face to turn somewhat unpleasant.

Man: Why don’t we ask the talk of the town, the “new money” person, and whose viewpoint he stands by… Mr. Victor?

I nonchalantly turn my head and observe this rumored aviation tycoon from behind, involuntarily raising an eyebrow.

His slender physique is wrapped in a royal blue suit, complemented by a black and white polka dot tie around his neck. He stands out among the crowd of men, looking effortless yet debonair.

–– It’s the men’s fashion style I recommended in my articles. This person has actually read my column very carefully.

The corners of my lips can’t help but curl up slightly, watching that tall, straight figure turn around. But the instant I clearly see his visage, my lips part involuntarily.

With my heart beating like a drum, he walks to my side at a pace that is neither too fast nor too slow, bringing with him a subtle scent of sandalwood.

LZY: Of course, I stand by her viewpoint.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】 

My eyes widen, and my gaze sweeps across the face of the person in front of me without even a single blink.

Perhaps due to the Southern sunshine, his complexion seems a shade deeper compared to the last time we saw each other, but his facial contours appear to be even more pronounced.

The fringes that he used to groom in a “proper” manner have now been slicked back into the trendiest hairstyle of the moment, showcasing his deep-set eyes and prominently arched eyebrows.

A pair of thin-rimmed glasses rest halfway on the bridge of his nose, not quite settled, and he casually pushes them up with his finger pad.

Through the lenses, a glimmer of smile seems to be shining in those deep eyes… or perhaps revealing certain emotions that were veiled in the past, but now, at this moment, seem evident with greater clarity.

LZY: The cream is about to melt.

As Li Zeyan speaks, he effortlessly takes the wobbling cupcake from my hand.

His broad and slender hand, wrapped in a moon-white glove, extends to pass me a piece of handkerchief.

Casual and comfortable, as if it weren’t a reunion after so long of separation, but rather our everyday interaction from back when we were still together at home.

I suppress the indescribable mix of sourness and joy in my heart, watching as the man converses with the people around him before raising an eyebrow.

Man: Ah, so you’re so Miss MC’s gege? Well, I suppose that explains your biased comment.

LZY: I believe the words I said just now are sufficiently objective.

LZY: If I’m not mistaken, with the inauguration of transatlantic flight routes, the stocks of shipping companies dropped at least ten percent. Your family’s business should be no exception.

LZY: To be able to maintain such unwavering optimism even in the midst of all these… I must say, Mr. Arnott’s attitude is truly admirable.

The man’s countenance grows slightly more ashen, while Li Zeyan stands next to me, calmly raising his glass to the crowd.

LZY: I rarely attend any social gatherings, so I haven’t formally announced it in a public setting. But six months ago, I had already disaffiliated myself from MC’s family.

LZY: And I’m not attending this banquet today in the identity of her “gege.”

I don’t know if it’s my illusion, but the tone of his latter statement seemed to have a slightly slower pace, triggering my heartbeat to accelerate uncontrollably.

Not as my “gege”… then, in what identity did he come? Perhaps, he knows about the news I’ve put out?

I clink my goblet glass with him, trying my hardest to maintain my usual casual expression, and lift my head slightly.

MC: I suppose I ought to be thanking you. After all, you’ve just returned, and here you are, immediately coming to my rescue.

Li Zeyan and I hold each other’s gazes for a brief moment. A subtle curve graces the corners of his lips as he also softens his voice.

LZY: I was being sincere, though.

LZY: I haven’t missed a single column you’ve written in  《The New Yorker》.

A wave of warmth accompanies his words, traveling from my ears to the throbbing center in my chest.

I gaze into those familiar and serene eyes, gently tapping the tie hanging down from his neck.

MC: Well, in that case, allow this writer to make one more suggestion.

MC: If it were replaced with a corrugated pattern in the same color, it would complement your suit today even better.

Li Zeyan sets down the goblet glass in his hand on the long table.

LZY: I didn’t bring an extra tie. Can I leave it to your care?

MC: Of course, come with me.

As I speak, my hand that was initially reaching to grasp his palm pauses mid-motion, and in the end, I settle for only holding onto his cuff.

He and I walk through the clustered bouquets of flowers and the crowd of people in their fragrant clothes, making our way toward the upper floor of the hall in a manner that couldn’t be more familiar.

Eyes from all around fall upon our departing figures. I don’t know if these people noticed anything, but I don’t care either.

All I know is that from the moment of parting, the thought that I painstakingly disregarded for the longest time became gradually clear: I desire to be with him in an identity that goes beyond our familial ties.

Will he be angry? Or will he helplessly discourage my intentions? Or perhaps, in reality, he does harbor certain unspoken feelings towards me…

──────────

Suppressing my tumultuous heartbeat, I close the door, and the chatter and music outside finally fade away.

The air falls silent for a moment. I let go of Li Zeyan’s cuff, turn around to rummage through the intricate accessories, and speak as if casually inquiring.

MC: Finally, I can breathe a sigh of relief… have you had a chance to meet Daddy yet?

LZY: [the muted joy in his tone HHHHH]  Yeah, I went to his room to say hello after coming back, and we talked for a long time.

MC: Ah, he must’ve been so delighted; after all, he reminisces about you every now and then. “If Zeyan were here…,” is a sentence he says more often than not.

I exaggeratedly mimic my father’s manner of speaking, and my eyes secretly fall on Li Zeyan, hoping to catch his expression.

MC: You said earlier, “not as my gege”... then, in what identity are you here?

Maintaining a brisk tone, I continue sifting through without pausing my movements, as if this will be able to cloak my erratic heartbeat.

Li Zeyan doesn’t answer my question, and his footsteps come to a stop behind me. Even though there is a somewhat elusive distance between us, I can almost feel his body heat.

LZY: I’m not the one who can give that answer.

I turn around, somewhat puzzled, only to see a black, gold-plated box being extended towards me.

The huge ruby inside, set against the velvet backdrop, sparkles with a flash of dazzling brilliance.

MC: This…

LZY: A gift for you. A certain someone mentioned before that the quality of gemstones in New York isn’t good enough these days.

LZY: So, it was transported here on my company’s first transatlantic flight, all the way from Europe.

Li Zeyan removes the ruby from the box as he speaks, placing it in the palm of my hand.

The slight coolness of the gemstone accompanies the warmth of his fingertips, and I hear Li Zeyan speak in a soft tone.

LZY: Even the most impossible fantasies can become reality.

LZY: MC, as long as you say the word.

I’m utterly dazed, suddenly recalling the brief conversation we had under the stairs the night before Li Zeyan left.

From the past to the present, he has always borne the weight of all my wishes, even if I’ve only mentioned them in passing.

The sound of my heartbeat drums against my ears. Without uttering a word, I simply tug on his tie and rise on tiptoes towards this man who used to be my “gege.”

The distance between us bridges bit by bit, my somewhat quivering breath fanning across Li Zeyan’s face.

He watches me in complete silence, his eyes burning. He seems to be waiting for some form of confirmation, yet he doesn’t evade my actions.

That is, until, a fleeting kiss lands on the edge of his lips, and we briefly exchange our warmth with each other. I pull back slightly, avert my eyes, and speak.

MC: …what if this is what I desire?

LZY: …

I don’t hear his response. In the next second, my waist is suddenly shackled in place.

A deep kiss, which has been held in check for a long time, finally descends, erasing the last vestige of distance.

Two sets of lips that have never touched each other before roll back and forth, their inexperienced and slightly shaky intertwining exchange breaths that have long been familiar but never explored so deeply.

In those eyes of his, I see emotions mirroring my own. Patiently restrained feelings, a fluttering heart… but now added with a touch of certainty.

LZY: I’ve probably held onto this expectation for longer than you.

LZY: What I longed for has always been right there within sight… and you made it a reality for me.

The brilliant chandelier overhead leaves shimmering spots in the field of vision, leaving one slightly dizzy. It feels like a firework that has been brewing for a long time has finally burst forth.

Turns out, we both harbored the same feelings all along.

The eyes that turned to look back when we passed by each other, the hands that reached out to touch only to retract… all the entanglements and poignant emotions of the past gently dissipate in this moment.

I close my eyes and hear his voice resonate, but now carrying with it a deeper undertone of mirth than ever before.

LZY: Allow this gem to be a commemoration of this special occasion.

LZY: For that first dance in a while, how about sharing it with me?

────────────────────────────────

[Tidbits]:

[2] so in love with this imagery here. “白月光” (white moonlight) in chinese means first love but it comes with the connotation of something “unattainable.” here, it’s the color of his gloves, the “barrier” between their hands truly touching~ 🤧

[3] “ruby” is a symbol of passion, protection, everlasting love-- indeed the perfect move for Li Zeyan to choose this stone as his ~betrothal gift~ 🥺

[4] welp, if it wasn’t clear already LOL, sharing the “first dance” at this banquet is their official announcement of their engagement~ 🤭🤧

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

【Anika’s personal notes】 

link to my twitter meltdowns for easier navigation LOL: ♡ || ♡

─────────────

[prof-peach]

You've mentioned that you are dyslexic and I was hoping you might be willing to answer some questions? No pressure if it's too personal though.

I'm trying to revamp my blog* and make sure it is accessible to as many people as possible. I have already figured out contrast for colorblind individuals, but moving on to the font has been a nightmare. I know comic sans was designed for people with dyslexia, but my old literary magazine teacher is in my head telling me I can't use it. Are there any other fonts that make reading easier for you personally? Or just other things I could do to the text (size, color, boldness, ect.) that would make it more accessible for you?

*not the blog I'm sending this ask from

Sure, though don’t know how much help I’ll be!

Colour choices are very helpful, dark mode literally saves my life on a number of websites, a lighter text on a darker background often helps me focus up. I find a larger font is better too, more because when I’m reading my eyes will jump around irrationally between words to do so.

Most people will apparently go from A, to B, to C, ect ect. In order?? Sounds wild to me haha

I tend to go from A to E, to C, back to A, to B if I’m lucky. Takes me a while to get through big chunks of text. A lot of how I adapt involves a physical item on my end. A card, a pencil, a piece of paper, something to separate the line of text I’m on to stay on that one point.

I am not educated in terms of what others go through, this is just my issues, and I won’t lie, there’s defo a little tism and adhd in the mix, it’s a hot pot of distractions haha!

So bigger text makes lingering on one word easier, least from where I’m standing.

Breaking things up into more manageable chunks is handy, formatting helps, big paragraphs (which even I am guilty of writing) are hard to get through in one sitting. I gotta highlight where I got to, get up and come back to it sometimes. Or if I’m in a rush read it like 4 times for the information to go in and stick around. Even then I’ll forget stuff.

As for comic sans. I personally loathe it with a burning passion. It’s a combination of art eye that hates how it looks, growing up with teachers using it “for legibility” but not realising it’s like…a child font. It bugs me so much. What’s worse is I live with a really talented graphic designer, who makes all his fonts himself more often than not, and so his hatred for it only fuels mine haha!

‘Helvetica Neue’ is designed for ease of reading, used in public transport particularly in new york subway systems, it’s whole thing was to be glanced at and quickly be legible. So try that one? Might be easier on the eye.

Sorry I don’t have better advice, I can only say what I do to work around it, but it might help a little? I’m sure people can message you or chime in on how they adapt and cope with dyslexia.

[dranna]

Doubt

AO3 / Commissions / Links /

Ryan Gosling!Ken x Gender neural reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, feeling excluded, sobbing, not beta read

Summary: you always loved Ken, his silly, all so excited personality, wondering over every tiny thing. But recently you noticed something strange. He started to get nervous, fidgety and sad (?) around you.

a/n: lineart is mine🧡 / It was inspired by this quote from Sense and Sensibility-- “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. “

tags my beloveds: @ken-dom (let me know if you would like to be tagged:) )

It’s impossible to describe,

How much you adored this Sunshine, 

He is the sneaky little Smile,

That bless your face,

During the cold and boring weekdays. 

He is loud, jumpy and silly,

Excitement and wonder are part of his personality,

There is not a single day, 

That goes without him discovering everyday things,

However he does it with such delight, 

It bewitches your heart every time.

Yet recently,

You noticed something unnerving,

His whole demeanor changed,

Self-forgetting disappeared, 

And anxious guarded took it’s place,

He become reserved and fidgety,

Not in the way you loved him to be,

His beautiful eyes became glossy,

And sadness was clouding their vision.

You didn’t understand, 

What caused this distress,

So one day in Baribeland,

After a 3 days long suspense,

You decided to put an end,

To this gloominess,

“Ken, what’s been going on?” 

“B-been going on?— n-noting! Haha..”

“Ken.. “

— you sighed,

While looking at him,

Questions in your eyes.

It was a dreamy day in Barbieland,

Just like every other beforehand,

The sun was throwing his warmth,

The mermaids were singing to its charm,

The beach was hot and comfy, 

Kens and Barbies were playing gleely,

Alan was standing alone and cheering,

Even Weird Barbie was joining,

There was nothing out of the ordinary,

So what caused his misery? 

You two were sitting under a palm tree,

Away from the loud team. 

You glanced at him again,

He looked nervous and uncertain,

He was staring at the other Kens,

With eyes filled with fear and tears.

Yes, you had no idea what's happened,

But how would you? 

He hid this knowledge deep,

Sealed with secrecy, 

Sooner or later you will see it too,

And you will realise, 

How pathetic I am compared to the others,

He thought, 

Rocking back and forth. 

It was an other perfect morning, 

As he was ‘beaching’ on the beach, 

Looking perfect and sun-kissed, 

While he was drawing something for you,

Lost in concentration,

To make it perfect for you.

He was a cowboy today, 

Wearing his black jacket and pink scarf,

Decorated with the most magnificent hat,

And a rope lasso at the belt.

“I have no idea what They see in Him! 

He is such a loser at everything” 

— Ken heard the voice of his ‘archenemy’,

The Other Ken, 

While he was sunbathing. 

He was surrounded with other Kens,

Listening to him intensely,

“What do you mean?”

“Haven’t you noticed?! 

It doesn’t matter what he tries, 

He fails miserably every time.

Also, 

Y/N is so beautiful and confident,

Lovely and intelligent,

I have no idea what they see,

In such a loser as him. 

He is always jumping around,

Being the loudest—“

“It’s not nice to talk about someone,

 Behind their backs like that!”

“Yes, you shouldn’t say such meannes!”

— Joined the others,

So this conversation lines ceased,

But Ken froze in place,

Only heard the Other Ken’s words.

He gazed down the drawing,

He was working on,

So endlessly and proudly before,

But the warmth escaped from his heart,

Leaving icy marks.

“ … Ken ? Ken??”

— Your worried voice pulled him back,

Into the sunny present,

You two were still sitting under the shade,

Covered by anxious silence.

“Ken, please talk to me.”

He looked at you with huge tear filled eyes, 

Streams flowing down both sides,

“I-I’m n-nothing-g.” 

— His voice was so quiet and broken,

If you didn’t see him in front of you on the sand,

You wouldn’t believe it was him.

“What is it about? 

What do you mean?!”

“I-I’m a loser aren’t I?!

I’m a failure in every task,

I’m always the one in the back,

Who the others laughing at, 

Doesn’t matter what I try,

I’m just never enough—..

S-so I understand,

If you decide,

I-if yo-u w-want to leave me b-beh-inde.”

“How can you say that,

It’s not true!

I don’t understand where it is coming from?”

“Yes it is!”

—At this point he was sobbing hard,

An ocean forming in his eyes,

Hugging his knees to tight, 

His hands went white,

You couldn’t bare to see him like that, 

So you gently touched,

His shaking shoulders,

“Who told you these things love? 

“H-hear-d it from t-the O-other Ken.”

— At the word ‘love’,

His head shot up,

Silent pleading in those blue eyes.

“You.. you still want..us to be,

Boyfriend and girlfriend..?”

“Of course I do!”

“B-but..”

“I love you silly!” 

— With these words,

You pulled him close,

Holding his shaking form.

“Whatever you heard it's not true, 

I adore you,

I love your enthusiasm, your awe,

Your never ending shiny self,

Your astonishment of tiny things,

And the babbling facts coming from within,

I love you the way you are,

Please never change,

And question my heart."

– Taking off his hat you held his face,

Hinting it with kisses,

Which bloomed in teras,

“And what if you fail?

Do you know what's more important?”

“What?”

–Suffocating pain was replaced,

With soft tenderness,

In his voice.

He looked at you,

Like you hanged the Moon on that perfect sky,

Admiring you beauty in the dark,

“You stand up,

Holding your head high,

Smiling to the sky,

It doesn't break your spirit,

In fact,

You try again!

– You placed a kiss on his forehead,

“And again”

– Now a smooch on his pretty nose,

“And again.”

– And kisses on his cheeks,

Which were now burning red.

You two sat there,

In your quiet spot,

Holding each other close.

The sun started to set,

Yet you stayed, 

Whispering sweet truths in his ear,

His sobs started to stop then disappear,

Leaving behind dried up rivers,

Which you pet better.

Doting started to bloom,

In his plastic heart,

With a newfound passion and warmth.  

He shuffled closer, 

If that's possible,

Gently hugging you more,

“I was making something for you,

When I heard them speak..”

– You heard them whisper quietly,

You looked down to see worry rising, 

So with a gentle tap,

You encouraged him to continue.

After a little shuffling and careful moves,

He took out a paper from his clothes,

Then gently placed it in your palm,

Nervously waiting for your reply.

You glanced down to see,

A drawing of a happy horsie,

It looked like a child drawing, 

But you can't help but smile, 

At the thought of him drawing this.

“I like it so much!

I–”

“Really?!”

–Instead of a reply, 

You just pulled him close,

Praising every tiny detail of it.

The glow worms' light were in sync,

With the music of yours heartstrings,

From Ken’s mind, 

Disappeared everything blue,

His chest was filled with comfort and heat,

With the lovely words,

From your pretty lips,

The night dragged on, 

But your pair didn't mind,

Your soul were set in a feeling so sublime.

.

Probably his drawing would look something like that:

[ggjunkie]

Heavenly Hazards

Chapter 14

Right alongside the newest abundance of flowers, you notice a black card, standing out starkly against the soft pink cards attached to the flowers. Curious, you pick it up and inspect it more closely. It’s an invitation to another one of Adam’s band rehearsals. The sight of it makes your heart clench.

Conflicting emotions swirl in your mind. The idea of being around Adam right now sounds like an awful way to get over him. Just thinking about seeing him again, watching him perform with that effortless charm, makes your chest tighten. Yet, at the same time, a small part of you is flattered that he thought to invite you. It’s a gesture that shows he cares, or at least wants you around.

But then again, you remind yourself, he’s a dickhead. He’s infuriating, confusing, and infuriatingly confusing. He sends mixed signals, makes grand gestures without considering your feelings, and his presence in your life is a whirlwind of emotional chaos.

Still, he wants you there.

You fight it out in your head, the internal debate growing more intense with each passing moment. The logical part of you insists that staying away from Adam is the best way to move on and protect your heart. But the emotional side, the side that remembers his smile, his unexpected kindness, and the way he makes you feel alive, argues just as passionately.

Finally, you let out a long sigh, accepting your weakness for Adam. You know that resisting him is easier said than done. The truth is, despite all the frustration and confusion, a part of you craves his presence. You can't deny the pull he has over you.

“Okay,” you say aloud, as if affirming your decision to the empty room. “I’ll go.”

–

You arrive at the rehearsal venue, the familiar buzz of anticipation and anxiety coursing through you. The black card invitation clutched in your hand, you make your way to the doors of the rehearsal room. Just as you’re about to enter, your scroll buzzes with a new message.

Pulling it out, you see it’s from Adam:

ADAM

Sorry, ended up getting called for a meeting haha my b. Don’t go hang out with the band boys without me. You’re all mine. I’ll visit you when I’m done.

You stare at the message, feeling a mix of disappointment and irritation. Totally in character for Adam—he invites you and then bails, expecting you to just sit and wait for him. The casual possessiveness in his words, “You’re all mine,” sends a shiver down your spine. You’re not sure if it’s the thrill of being wanted or the frustration of being treated like a pawn in his game.

You end up hanging with his boys.

Marsh, the bassist from last time, welcomes you in with a broad smile. "Hey, glad you could make it!" he says, ushering you into the rehearsal space. Even though Adam, as the lead guitarist and vocalist, is out tonight, Marsh reassures you they can still work as a rhythm section.

You’re introduced to Tommy, the drummer, first. He seems meek and quiet, his oversized sweater almost completely drowning him. The sleeves hang past his hands, and the fabric bunches around his small frame, making him look even more shy and reserved. He gives you a timid smile and a small wave. You politely wave back.

Next, you meet Casey, the pianist. He’s loud, proud, and more than a bit blunt.

"You the chick Adam’s banging? Or, sorry. ‘Making love’. You don’t have to correct me, too." He says it with a genuine, albeit awkward, apology that leaves you unsure of how to respond.

“If you’re looking for your boytoy, he won’t be here today. Sorry,” Marsh says with a shrug, breaking the silence.

“Actually,” you begin, scratching your cheek nervously, “I was hoping I could stay. Maybe watch y’all play…”

Marsh raises an eyebrow in surprise. “You… want to watch us?” he asks, genuine confusion evident in his voice. You can tell he’s used to Adam always being the center of attention.

You hesitate for a moment, unsure of how they’ll react to your request. Finally, you nod slowly, afraid to say the wrong thing. “Yeah, if that’s okay with you all.”

To your relief, Marsh grins and claps you on the back. “Of course it’s okay! We’d love to have you stick around. Especially since you’re our number one fan!”

“Well, Adam’s number one fan,” Casey chimes in with a smile.

You pause for a moment, considering your words. “No, no,” you say, shaking your head. “Y’all were right. I’m the band’s fan, not Adam’s. In fact, I’m kinda glad he’s not here.”

“Are we about to hear your gross gossip? What are you, a 13-year-old girl?” Casey, the pianist, says with a teasing grin before clicking off his keyboard. “Spill everything.”

You blanch at his words, feeling your face erupt into flames. “Oh, no no no no! I’m okay! Really!” you stammer, waving your hands frantically in front of you.

Tommy, the drummer, gently places his drumsticks down, and you hear the faint click as Marsh’s bass amp turns off. They all lean in, their expressions a mix of curiosity and amusement, waiting for you to speak.

Caught off guard by their sudden interest, you hesitate for a moment before letting out a nervous laugh. “It’s really not that interesting,” you say, trying to downplay the situation. But seeing their expectant faces, you realize they’re not going to let you off the hook that easily.

“Seriously, there’s nothing to talk about!” you protest, feeling increasingly flustered by their relentless silent pressure.

“Then why are you glad he’s not here?” Casey persists, his tone more curious than accusatory.

“Did you get into a fight?” Tommy asks.

“Did y’all break up?” Marsh adds, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“No! There’s no fight, and no break up! You can’t break up what isn’t there!” you exclaim, frustration bubbling up inside you.

The band exchanges hesitant glances, a collective realization dawning on them. It’s as if they’ve stumbled upon a delicate truth that none of them were prepared for.

“…y’all aren’t dating?” Casey ventures cautiously, breaking the uneasy silence that hangs in the air.

You feel a knot form in your stomach as you meet their questioning gazes. “You say you aren’t dating?” Marsh echoes.

It hurts to say, the ache in your chest mirroring the longing in your heart. Deep down, you want it so badly that it feels like a physical pain, but you know you have to stay strong.

Tommy's quiet voice breaks the silence, his words heavy with concern and empathy. “Do you want to?”

Your lips press into a thin line, the weight of his question hanging in the air like a heavy cloud. It's a question that digs deep into the core of your being, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions that you're not quite ready to confront.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” you respond, your voice barely above a whisper. The words feel like a shield, a barrier between you and the raw vulnerability of your feelings.

“But Adam says—“ Casey begins, only to be interrupted by Marsh. “They don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Marsh interjects, shooting Casey a pointed look. He then turns to you, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Ever thought about playing with the band?”

You pause, caught off guard by the unexpected change in topic. “Oh. I don’t know how to play. Sorry,” you reply sheepishly, feeling a pang of embarrassment at your lack of musical ability.

“Nah, you’re good!” Marsh reassures you with a grin. “Ever thought about learning?”

You consider his question for a moment, the idea of learning to play an instrument with the band both daunting and intriguing. “I don’t know which one to play,” you admit, feeling uncertain about where to start.

“Well, if our boys want to work on Variation 7, then I can take you to learn how to play bass! I bet Adam would be pleasantly surprised,” Marsh suggests with a knowing grin, his eyes sparkling like the cat who caught the canary.

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment at how easily you were swayed by the idea. Maybe Adam would be impressed by your newfound musical skills and want something more...

But then you shake your head, chiding yourself for really sounding like a 13-year-old girl.

You nod, trying to convince yourself that learning an instrument is indeed an important skill, despite the sneaky thought in the back of your mind about using it to seduce someone into dating you. But, you reason, there are other benefits too—like improving hand coordination and fostering creativity. Yeah, that sounds legitimate.

“I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to learn, right?” you say with a hesitant smile, trying to sound more confident than you feel.

Marsh grins and gives you an encouraging slap on the back. “There we go! Let me pack up my setup, and then we can go take one of the other rooms.”

Marsh packs up his equipment, carrying his bass and amp as you both make your way to a different practice room. He guides you to a chair and carefully slides the bass's strap onto your shoulder. You adjust it, trying to mimic the way you've seen Marsh handle the instrument.

He nods appreciatively at your care and plugs the bass into the amp. As the sound crackles to life, you tentatively pluck one of the strings, producing a loud note that makes you cringe. Marsh quickly adjusts the volume, slightly cranking it down.

"Sorry about that," he says with a reassuring smile. "Just getting the levels right. Okay, let's try that again."

Feeling a bit more confident, you pluck the string once more, this time producing a clearer and more controlled note. Marsh nods in approval, encouraging you to continue. You strum a few of the other strings before he decides it’s all set up correctly.

“Alright!” he begins, his enthusiasm contagious despite the initial noise. “Let me show you the basics. The bass can be broken up into three different parts: the body, the neck, and the headstock. Or, as Adam calls it: the ass, the tits, and the clit. I... don’t know if he knows where that is,” he adds with a chuckle.

You can't help but laugh

—

Time passes, and with Marsh's patient guidance, you manage to learn a simple baseline. As you play the last few notes, Marsh's face lights up with pride, and he theatrically wipes a fake tear from his eye.

"I'm so proud!" he exclaims, beaming at you with genuine delight.

You can't help but roll your eyes at his theatrics, but a small smile tugs at the corners of your lips. In response to his teasing, you flick his head playfully. Marsh is such a little shit. Him and Aeson would get along like a house on fire.

As you and Marsh make your way back to the room, a familiar sound catches your attention—a boisterous laugh that can belong to only one set of golden wings.

Your heart skips a beat at the realization, and you exchange a glance with Marsh, both of you freezing in your tracks. It dawns on you both simultaneously: Adam is in the room.

You’re confused as to why Marsh would hesitate to go in. Then, you remember the text Adam had sent earlier– ridden with jealousy, ordering you not to hang out with his friends.

For someone who has no claim on you, Adam's behavior is incredibly possessive, and it fills you with a mix of indignation and self-righteousness. Who is he to dictate who you can and cannot spend time with? You refuse to be controlled by his expectations or his attempts to assert dominance over you.

With a surge of determination, you straighten your posture and square your shoulders. You won't let Adam's presence derail your plans or dictate your actions. You're going to move on from him, dammit, and no amount of possessiveness or jealousy on his part will change that.

As you nudge Marsh out of the way and swing the door open, his bass still hanging off you, Adam's eyes immediately lock onto you. His whole face lights up with a radiant smile, the sight of you filling him with unmistakable joy.

But then his gaze drops, and his expression changes in an instant as he sees you wearing Marsh's instrument. His face falls into something unreadable, a mixture of confusion and surprise flickering across his features.

Then, like a storm brewing on the horizon, something more familiar emerges—an undercurrent of anger simmering just beneath the surface. You can feel the tension in the air as Adam's emotions begin to boil over, his jaw clenching and his fists tightening at his sides.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” Adam seethes as he storms towards you and Marsh.

“Adam,” Marsh begins, his voice calm but tinged with apprehension. “I was just teaching them how to play.”

“Oh, that’s it, huh?” Adam's voice drips with venom as he closes the distance between himself and Marsh, his anger palpable. “You better back the fuck off.”

“Adam—“ you start to interject, but Adam's attention snaps to you, his gaze piercing and intense. You fall silent, the weight of his anger settling heavily in the air.

For a moment, his anger softens around the edges at the sight of you, but it continues to burn beneath the surface.

“Give me a second, beautiful,” Adam says, his tone slightly gentler before he turns back to Marsh. “I’m dealing with some band stuff.”

“Adam,” you try again, “He didn’t do anything,” you insist, desperation creeping into your voice as you plead with Adam to see reason.

“Oh, but I bet he wanted to,” Adam retorts, his words laced with bitterness and suspicion.

“All we did was play the bass,” you protest, hoping to diffuse the situation before it escalates further.

“So?” Adam snaps back, his frustration mounting. “I played you my guitar. And look where that led us! Spoiler! It led to you in my bed… uh couch. But metaphorically or whatever the fuck—“

“Adam,” you say, your voice trembling with emotion. “I was learning to impress you!”

Adam's reaction is immediate and intense as he straightens his back, from where he was growling fiercely into Marsh's face. Marsh visibly sighs with relief, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. Adam blinks, looking utterly bewildered for a moment, before shaking his head and turning to you.

“You wanted to impress me?” he asks, his voice softening with a mixture of surprise and disbelief.

You shyly nod your head, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping into your cheeks. The admission hangs between you, vulnerable and exposed, as you wait for Adam's response, unsure of what to expect next.

Adam's expression softens, his anger momentarily forgotten as he takes in your confession. For a moment, there's a flicker of something in his eyes—vulnerability, perhaps, or maybe even a hint of warmth.

A soft smirk plays on Adam's lips as he addresses you in a low, teasing tone. “Baby,” he coos, his voice dripping with seduction. “Why didn’t you just say so… Come show daddy what you’ve learned.”

Embarrassed by his suggestive words, you glance around the room, hoping to avoid any further attention. To your relief, it seems that Adam's bandmates are preoccupied with their own conversation, whispering harshly at Marsh. However, as soon as they catch sight of you watching them, they fall silent, their gazes turning towards you.

Feeling the weight of their scrutiny, you shift uncomfortably, acutely aware of the tension in the air.

Adam, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the room, gently ushers you forward with a hand at the small of your back. You comply, feeling his touch send a shiver down your spine, and allow him to guide you towards a chair.

As you settle into the chair, you watch as Marsh approaches with his amp, the tension from earlier dissipating as he takes the chord from you and plugs it in. You offer him a grateful nod of thanks before turning your attention to your hands, focusing intently on the bass in your lap.

With focused determination, you begin to pluck out the simple bass line that Marsh taught you earlier, repeating it a few times until you inevitably stumble over the notes. Despite the mistake, you can't help but feel a surge of pride in yourself for how far you've come.

Glancing up, you catch Adam's gaze fixed on you, his expression a mix of admiration and hunger. There's a predatory gleam in his eyes that sends a shiver of anticipation down your spine, igniting a familiar heat deep within you.

You can definitely tell from the way Adam is looking at you that he's impressed, and the thought fills you with a sense of satisfaction. Despite the lingering tension between you, there's a palpable connection in the air, drawing you closer together with each passing moment.

With a sense of determination, you gently hand Marsh his bass back and rise to your feet, feeling a slight lightheadedness wash over you from Adam's intense gaze. Despite the dizzying effect he has on you, you remind yourself firmly that you're going to move on. You will!

"I'm gonna head out. Thanks for teaching me bass! I had fun with you guys," you say, forcing a smile despite the tumult of emotions swirling inside you.

As you make your way towards the door, you repeat the mantra to yourself like a silent prayer: You're going to get over him. You're going to get over him. You're going to get over him...

Just as you reach the threshold, you feel Adam's gaze burning into you, and you can't help but glance back. He motions towards his scroll and mouths "call me" with a mischievous grin.

Despite your best efforts to resist, a small smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you shake your head in exasperation. Goddamn it.

[kingdoms-and-empires]

Hey, wanted to say I am in love with your work. Really fantastic! May I ask: Do you have any pieces of advice for inspiring CoG writers or Interactive Fiction writers? Thank you and can't wait for more.

Im absolutely welcome these types of asks as they help remind me of what ive learned myself. Im going to try and say what i think every aspiring writer should hear to help them start out. Here we go: 1) Ensure you know what how much youre writing from the very beginning and plan accordingly. If it is a smaller story, do not be super ambitious, use it as a starter game to learn the basics of choicescript and learn the social media aspect of producing a title. If it is a large story, say over 800k words long, then you NEED to have an outline for each arc to help you know A to B for the story beats. Make outlines upon outlines and you will be doing yourself a favor. ESPECIALLY when coding. 2) THIS ISNT LIKE WRITING TRADITIONAL NOVELS. Know that Interactive Fiction is frustrating to write. You can write 3k words for a choice group, and players will only see 500 words or less worth of content for that choice group. Do not feel disheartened, for it is what it is. Just know youre doing a good job providing content and playable interaction with choices! Just be aware and mindful of not injecting bad or useless content in these choices! Have it matter in some way, either to represent/flesh out the world, characters, who the MC is, consequences, relationship changes, and foreshadowing.

3) Do not get too caught up with reader interaction. Your main job is to write write write. Create a hard limit for how many asks you answer, how much time you spend interacting with readers, and know what type of questions you should answer. Simply put: Be strategic! There may be a great question, but it could be too spoilery or it could take too much of your time to answer. 4) I learned this the hard way. Do not release information about the ROs until you actually reach the part in the story we meet them. If i can go back in time, i wouldnt have announced mine so soon haha. Youre gonna be eager to share your work and talk about it, but youll only be shooting yourself in the foot with people who only seek romance from your game! Also, dont overshare about em. You could retcon something and a reader may get upset with the change. Keep it simple! 5) Set low goals. Do not overpromise. You will feel guilty for failing and it may/will affect you mentally and your willingness to write. 6) You are not perfect, and that's okay!!! I struggle with this (and honestly everything ive listed here), but reminding yourself that its okay to not be perfect will help. You're human. It's hard to remember, and take it seriously, but you have to try. 7) Choice of Games (and more specifically Hosted Games) offer amateur writers a chance to share their work with others. Though games are becoming more and more expansive and huge, don't feel like you HAVE to do the same. A Mage Reborn is widely considered to be one of the best titles to have come out in recent years, and is listed at having 160k words! Small package (160k is by no means small in any capacity, dont get it twisted) big impact! 8) Know what type of game and title youre writing. If your project is focused on romance, dont spend more than necessary on worldbuilding, action, or thematically unrelated things. Stick to what the focus is, and your strength! 9) Ask for help. Seriously. You are combining coding and writing, so there's bound to be errors and things you wont understand. The CoG forums and Twine communities are always ready to help. Reach out to the communities or other authors for help. Just remember that some may be too busy to really help, so don't feel disheartened if one doesnt have the time. There are others, and you usually only need one to say yes to help figure out what youre struggling with or why you keep getting that error message. 10) Understand that you are giving a piece of your soul out there. It sounds corny as hell, but it's the simple truth. There is literal risk involved as a creator, no matter if you write, develop, draw, sing, perform, etc. There's obviously the risk of spending too much time on a hobby or dream for too little gain, but what im referring to is the all too common story of a creative putting their heart and soul into something important to them, and receiving no attention or being told it sucks. It will damage you, and perhaps even break you. Because again, you may have given it your all. So please take care of your mental health. It's okay to retreat and stop for a while. That doesnt make you a failure. Most of us creatives do this because we love the subject, and want to share what we can with others that love the industry, hobby, or topic theyre in. Remember that love, and remember what made you fall in love enough to put yourself out there. Remember you started for the art and craft.