#especially sadness lol
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(I really am not)
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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How much of me is me? (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Another one that I cried to while drawing hehe ♪ Hhhhh I love their dynamic so much <3 <3 ;;#Sans' apparent disinterest in hurting Gaster is deeply interesting to me - we see him punch Gaster in Mercyplates even! :0#I can't help but feel that a good portion of it is Papyrus being there with him when Gaster gives them his arm haha#Would he have been as well-behaved if he'd been by himself? I wonder :)#But generally I read it as him having grown up <3 They've both matured so beautifully by that point it's just ah- such a treat to read#Their transition from their childhood to their teens and young adulthood into themselves is just jdlksafhdsfd it's incredibly well written!#I say ''I wonder'' quite a lot lol but that's just speculation - watching them grow into themselves is So Incredibly satisfying <3#It feels so natural to watch them become themselves ♥ It's beautiful ♪♫#And their sibling dynamic is truly unrivaled <3 They support each other! Lift each other up! Where one stumbles the other catches him!#I love them so much ahh#Papyrus' emotional intelligence gets me so bad <3 The sweetest lad#I feel like it would bother Sans that he/they have Gaster's memories and not their own#It makes me especially sad to think about everything he missed of them - if only you hadn't fallen behind on the footage Gaster! >:0#They already have some pretty incredible identity issues just throw being pieces of him in every sense into the mix#They're grown from him and even when they got away and built themselves that still got subplanted with memories that aren't even theirs!#It's a rough spot#Papyrus though ♥ Always knows what to say hehe#Reaffirming that Sans is the most important person to him - that they are to each other - that no matter what they're brothers#And that no matter what - even having Gaster's memories or being without memories at all - that Sans is a good person#That it's not out of self-preservation or trying to do it for Papyrus' sake (even if that is a lot of it haha)#That /Sans/ is the one making that decision of his own volition and his own morals and beliefs#And that he loves and supports him no matter what <3#''I know you can be a good person. You can choose to do the right thing'' and ''I see you being a good person. You're doing the right thing'#Hhhh <3 I love them <3
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loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask
DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#mirabelle isat#isat spoilers#vaguely. mostly for the tags#i think it'd be sooo funny if like. loop and mirabelle postcanon.#loop has rejoined the party somewhat recently and they are not at all adapting. to be honest. reunion probably happened too soon#bc they are a siffrin which means they are disgustingly sentimental. their ass is not taking the time to discover themself as a new person.#do you really think loop is gonna take their own advice.lol.#lmao even#Ok so anyways i think the party and loop would have a weird thing going on#like theyre all extremely grateful to loop. and they trust loop through the general basis of theyre apparently very dear to siffrin#but fucking nobody knows what to make of this bitch. odile knows they are hiding Something but she has no certain evidence to pin it down.#isabeau can't catch loop alone for more than 5 seconds. has the distinct sense they're avoiding him and he does not know why#bonnie....well tbh i think they'd vibe with loop. bonnie win.#mirabelle. i think she wouldn't really like loop? not at first anyways#do you remember in sasasap mirabelle telling siffrin(loop) that for a long time she thought they were a callous sort of person#bc they never took anything seriously at all. like the whole journey didnt mean anything. until they took an eye for bonnie#i think mirabelle would catch a similar vibe towards loop(lol.) bc like#like loop's main presence in the group is negging siffrin and being weird and dodgy around everyone else#i don't even think they'd be mean to the others but they would do everything in their power to throw the party zero bones#so all mirabelle has to go on for loop is that they're kind of a dickhead to her friend and that they're not receptive to normal group#social activities. i think being on the receiving end of mirabelle's kindness would make loop kind of sad and she'd pick up on it#but like. loop is inexplicably important to siffrin. she doesn't know the details bc neither of them want to talk at all about the loops#and i think siffrin would be especially dodgy abt talking about loop in the interrim between them rejoining and them being Presumed Dead#so mirabelle tries a new strategy to bridge the gap between her and loop. the power of Mutual Haterism#more specifically i think mirabelle would get the impression of loop as being much more of a bitch than they actually are#due to the aforementioned siffrin negging#so like. maybe that's just how they socialize maybe they'd be down to talk about hot takes and gossip a bit
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Hetalia X Alien Stage
Round 5
#hetalia#aph france#Francis Bonnefoy#aph belarus#aph taiwan#hws#BelaTai#Hetalia x Alien Stage AU#holy shit yall can't you believe i did this in a span of like three days??? The thirst of seeing sociopathic Francis Bonnefoy is like drug#to me#ANYWAY GO WATCH ALIEN STAGE BY VIVINOS AND QMENG IT SO GOOD#this is so fun actually ended up practicing framing and colour for vibes!! i might do more this kind of screen redraw thing#Especially final round#Arthur as Till and Fran as Luka for the absolute Toxic Yaoi#Love Arthur as sad loser puppy heheh#so if ur wondering why i pick Taiwan and Belarus as Mizi and Sua when nyotalia cast def would be better suited for it#i just wanna challenge myself plus Fem Heta character is just too underrated so why not#im imagining the Alien Stage AU as if its a movie/Musical and they're actors lol#kopifuran
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If you could draw Loop annoying Odile that would make me so giddy c:
the sillies....
#SORRY it took like forever for me to answer this ask lol but still thank you for the ask :D#i was hit with the ol' artblock........ sad times#isat#in stars and time#isat odile#isat loop#my art#loop + literally anyone is so entertaining but especially loop + odile so i hope i was able to portray their dynamic well !!!#my asks
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fornax w/ ketenramm's hair. that's it that's the post, thank you for understanding (doesn't allow highlights but pls imagine that they have all of their grey hairs)
#fornax#au roe#sad i usually can't make the base hair color lighter bc their eyebrows will blend in with their skin LOL#it's a nice look especially w/ their new outfit :)
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been thinking abt this and ngl theres something that feels so cruel and unnecessary about the final combat in the cr2 finale.. i just dont fuck with it, despite the sheer drama of it all. the clays home being (partially) destroyed Again after they just got it back is so sad. we didn't need to be shown how cruel ikithon is again, like of all things that specifically didn't need reiterating and i think it was honestly a weak narrative choice from matt. fighting ikithon is whatever, sure, that plot needing some wrapping up. but like, i hate that the clays became collateral in it. and even though they all lived, house fires are devastating. add to that the fact that their house is also their sacred temple and has been where their family has lived since they existed And that they'd spent so much time and effort trying to save it and it rly just feels horrible to me. like, they had their beds and heirlooms and clothes and shrines in there and then theyre all destroyed or covered in ash and water damaged from putting the fire out... caduceus has to spend the next year turning it back to a sacred site again. i dont doubt that ikithon wouldnt give a fuck and would kill an innocent family, he obviously would, its like his fave thing to do apparently but i just think that the clays had suffered enough and they deserved better and deserved safety and shouldve been left alone at that point in the story and i think im a hater abt this plot point now actually
#it never sat right with me but i was thinking abt it this morning so u get to hear my thoughts abt it#especially bc its the last ep they dont rly commit to the weight of what just happened enough imo . like thats devastating#kiddo say#at least cad got to torment ikithon abt it#but even then im sad that took his energy. especially when he was canonically so exhausted and was FINALLY home with his family#also good morning . lol
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me before SoTE: Gehrman 🤝 Miquella on being seen as creeps and awful people by fandom over misinterpreting some bits!
me after SoTE: Gehrman 🤝 Miquella on not being able to accept the drastic change (mostly to the worse) of a person they held dear and latching onto their former, "nicer" version, attempting to resurrect that version even although the result is a bit of just a husk (.....AND being seen as creeps and awful people by fandom over misinterpreting some bits lololol)
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I guess they're doomed to be friends no matter what gfjhjgv At least with Gehrman's crafting skills, he can make him many pretty dresses
#soulsborne#bloodborne#gehrman the first hunter#elden ring#miquella the unalloyed#this trope is so unhealthy yet so sad#it is fascinating to think about though!!#but yeah...... happy end? lol gfjggjh#they're the 'he just doesn't understand!' guy#especially miq because with gehrman he is very justified with the grief of loss#meanwhile with radahn it was basically putting him out of 'misery' because he insisted on becoming Hoarah Loux 2#gfhgfghv awful way to put it I know but this is true#I'd argue that the scale on which demigods think is naturally a bit different from average humans tho#like psychology of the guys that have capacity and intention of shaping the world isnt 100% like us simple gremlins#but still heh#I discovered a thing I love to explore#the 'this isnt real you fuck come back' guy
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when ur reading a fenhawke AU fic and you realise we're getting into the "fenris panics and breaks up with hawke and leaves" territory
#dragon age#fenris#hawke#fenhawke#i know it will be fine in the end but i still get sad okay#but i LOVE!!! seeing how different authors adapt canon events into an au#especially fenris' backstory and situation#da2#this is about wicked grace specifically lol#i just know it's coming up soon things are going too well#wicked grace
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Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.
#i still dont really understand how they got away with this kind of thing honestly#female VAs i get that - but first m/m kiss in an anime in episode THREE?????#theres also the maraich/thomas episode where they are *Both* voiced by women....advanced yuri#patalliro#i love how bancorans gender expression is pretty much explicitly to attract only bishounen#you blushed - so you must not be a girl#etc#i also love how joyful it all is#theres never anything sad or tragic about being gay - only that bancoran is forced to kill the bishounen spies/assassins/etc#when bancoran finds out that gay sex feels good after demian; in the manga he is elated. its basically a positive thing#he awakens to his true power...lol#also notable is that while bishounen youth is glorified maraich is 18#this means it portrays being gay as an adult as normal; not a phase relegated to nostalgic adolescent periods of time#according to the NYT japan's psychiatric body called homosexuality a mental illness until 1995#im NOT going to say patalliro changed that or anything lmao but its just significant to me that banmara get to live their lives happily#even raise children together in the manga....???#especially contrasting that with kaze to ki no uta and other manga of the time (no shade intended)#yaoi#<- for tagging purposes#obviously it also got away with a lot by being a gag manga. but still!#months later edit: want to say im not intending to moralize BL manga from the 2000s either. like gen. no hate on them.#as a gay person i just appreciate when characters who act gay are considered gay textually#and its kind of disheartening how gay-as-identity was treated as something incredulous in those manga a lot of the time#even the mere suggestion of attraction to men as a whole and not just the other male lead...yknow#this post is meant to praise patalliro for being unique in its approach to gay content compared to other titles#ive enjoyed plenty of 2000s yaoi titles despite their shortcomings lol#joseiposting#shoujo
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People say cottagecore is dead because of tradwives infiltrating the aesthetic... Well, I live under a wet rock among pillbugs, slugs and centipedes so online discourse can't reach me while I'm having fun
#talkies#cottagecore#if terfs and tradwives reblog this I'm going to laugh so hard like I'm sorry king but you would not like me#i just like cottagecore :o) especially with autumn on the way!#i like decorating my room all old-like.. wrapping things in cloth for keepsake.. and enjoying nature outside the cities... while being trans#lol#it's such a basic thing to like I don't think anyone should let themselves feel sad or guilty for liking it#bc transphobic racists like it also... transphobic racists also like dogs man! and fruit loops! dont ever let them take from you whatyoulove#cosy aesthetic#autumn#fall
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– What's keeping us apart ain't even real, your daddy, his religion, it's got nothing to do with us. – It's not just his, it's mine too. I've got the same spirit in me, why don't you see that?
Alice Englert and Walton Goggins in Them That Follow (2019), dir. Dan Madison Savage & Brittany Poulton
#them that follow#them that follow 2019#alice englert#film stills#walton goggins#film frames#film lovers#screencaps#cinephile#i'm still so salty about this film i needed to make an edit out of it lol#shitty things i do for love#they really tricked me into thinking it's gonna be 'the ballad of jack and rose' but make it *more* cultish american gothic#but in fact it's just a boring mediocre piece of nothing#you CAN'T you're not ALLOWED to cast my favorite people to play fatherhusband daughterwife cult leaders#and then chicken out at the last minute because you're not bold enough to sink your teeth into thought provoking topics#it's just ... sad and wrong and sad#it could have been it SHOULD HAVE BEEN such a poetic tragic metaphor for a child x parent indispensable separation#especially considering an absence of a mother and how the main character feels proud to take her place as the lady of the house#that is obvioisly delicious and semi unhinged but at the same time absolutely expected#because of her religious beliefs and her dad's behaviour????#or they could have gone with the dark fairy tale elements and make it 'the marsh king's daughter' au or whatever#'freedom! sunshine! to the father! i remembered my own father in the sunlit land of my home! my life and my love!' you know#BUT NO. what a waste of walton goggins and alice englert brilliance#fathers and daughters man fathers and daughters#a love of the rack and the screw and i said i do i do#the rejects the eccentrics the loners the lost and forgotten cinema club
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Rainbows (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Papyrus#Sans#This rainbow is all out of order - and so many negative glows ah :0#I didn't mean for them to trend negative! They were just easier to imagine the expressions - maybe I'll take a second pass on the positives#Or in green's case the negative :')#Again in order of when I drew them so kinda all over the place haha#I wanted to go in order! And then I got distracted pft - thus started with red ow :(#Honestly I was thinking of it just being a surprise-pain more than anything lol - like a splinter haha that wouldn't even pierce him!#D'you think that eyeglows could also act like automatic word-responses? Like how we say ''Ow'' when we're surprised but not hurt sometimes#Silly haha#The second is a lot less silly-intended tho more actual pain#It's also sad to think that Sans' red would pretty much have to be sympathy/emotional pain :(#The kind of survivors guilt of not being able to shoulder more but he's so fragile! It's not his fault!#I am quite happy with both of their expressions there tho especially their mouth shapes - and how the colours interact with their eyes#Lineless colours are some of my favourites :) You can tell it's my pencils and not my pen there 'cause it's feathery hehe#For example Edgar's scars are usually with my pen and they have an almost hard-line quality while my pencils are soft :) S'pretty#Switched colours! I unfortunately misremembered what their meanings were oops lol#Well I got them kinda half-right - I like blue as skeptical quite a lot :D I think it suits them both!#Sans as wary and logical and wanting to keep distance to assure his safety and what he can devote energy to - I like it!#And Papyrus using his brother's colour to be grown up in the way that Sans is hehe <3 It's sweet#I misremembered orange lol I assigned blue's alt meaning of ''curiousity'' - orange is meant to be bravery! Oops lol#I think I was thinking of Papyrus' childlike excitement and wanting to know and be involved! Haha#Greeeeens <3 Happy boys happy with each other! I love when they're happy ♥ Interlocked holding hands hehe#Pinks! Along a similar line! I like pink as platonic affection :D And as embarrassment lol but hgg the sweetness! The care and love!#Is my bias showing lol - especially with the bros sleeping on each other haha ♪ They're both happy to know the other is safe!#Couple'a stresses - I like Sans' more I'm not even gonna sugarcoat lol his expression turned out so good haha#And the inverse for the purples! I do like Sans' face but his body :P Papyrus tho - he turned out sad and perfect :')
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something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."
like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...
#like it's sad both on the front of 'dehumanizing my real life'#but also on the front of 'you deserve to have healthy communication in your life'#like if you think this is unrealistic it means more than likely you havent experienced someone being patient and understanding with you#and that makes me very very sad#I'm sorry#also it's just rude to tell me my writing is unrealistic LOL like hey#real people talk all kinds of ways. shut up#I've been told it's also in part cause they always understand their own feelings when theyre talking#but I'm like...#theyre like mid 30-early 40 and theyre immortal and theyre going through a lot of shit#I feel like theyve thought about it a lot#also the comic takes place over the course of a year so far#we're seeing the big moments and the fun mysteries#so#its about grown men who love eachother#sorry that they think about what they want to say before they say it#also as if adam isnt constantly wrong and steve isnt constantly pushing shit down#he's only JUST RECENTLY starting to share his emotions as they come up#instead of pretending theyre not there and letting things boil over#I think people just THINK theyre communicating way too clearly because their partner#who loves them#is listening and responding with kindness#like..#idk I have a lot of thoughts about this#would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE for this to spark a discussion#and especially for it to cause people to reread a little more critically#and perhaps even introspect on their own ideas of communication standards#I've been with my partner for 10 years. this is how we talk to eachother
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also in terms of the bolas playlist it's fascinating to me that the songs added by each person have a slight tendency to represent a consistent aspect of bolas
like
the songs added by slime are their chaos
the songs added by philza are their rebellion
the songs added by cellbit are their rage
the songs added by baghera are their anguish
it's so fucking FASCINATING TO ME but i don't know enough music theory to elaborate lmfao this is Vibes Only
(mouse's songs i can't boil down to an easy noun which is why they aren't mentioned lmao anyway they go hard asf)
(also i went on the longest fucking unhinged elaboration in the tags lmfao i almost didn't have enough tags left to tag "long tags" at the end
(i could have even gone on longer in terms of where their characters were at entering purgatory [philza: cage for a cage; cellbit: fed worker murders; baghera: her past as a federation experiment; slime: turning into a code because of the code pretending to be his daughter] but i ran out of space and also time it's 4AM AAAAA)
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#this is a sweeping generalization btw esp for baghera's she added a WIDE variety of music#qsmp bolas#sorry i forgot that tag existed lmao#i will elaborate slightly:#slime added: find your flame; gas gas gas extended; waltz of the meatball man; foghorn sound effect#philza added: b.y.o.b.; throne; the melting point of wax#cellbit added: hayloft II; brazilian dança phonk (which roier literally played during purg while beating the shit out of bbh lmao)#baghera added: can you feel my heart; still waiting; and coincidentally she added 'it's been so long' (the fnaf song lol)#TO BE CLEAR THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS#baghera also added the government knows [REBELLION] and oops [CHAOS]#philza added given up [ANGUISH]#cellbit added zombie [ANGUISH] and tokyo drift [CHAOS]#slime added as above so below [ANGUISH]#it's not a perfect category; ESPECIALLY for baghera's songs i want to make that so clear in these tags#HOWEVER. it is interesting.#anyway i went after lyrics for these examples but just generally when going through the playlist the first time#i kind of learned that like.#music to murder to was probably cellbit; punk millenial music was probably philza#the wackiest shit was probably slime (was shocked to find out tokyo drift was a cellbit song for this reason lmao)#baghera's i usually could only pin down bc it didn't sound like anyone else's#and mouse's added songs i could not describe the vibe if you threatened me for it but it has one#i guess the closest vibe is 'a college radio station run by anime fans' and even then it's not that close#it kinda excludes songs like the b//ad bun//ny songs#unless college anime fans are also fans of them in which case great!#IDK IT'S 4 AM I WAS JUST MAKING MYSELF SAD ABOUT TILIN I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP#shut up vic#block game brainrot#long tags
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