#especially having been recently diagnosed with autism myself

[ticklishraspberries]

hi

I read your post about your courage to talk about tickling in therapy. And that you are thinking about sharing bits of it with us. ❤️‍🩹 If you feel comfortable? Please, do so. I started therapy a while ago, but haven’t had the courage or mental unloading level to talk about this chapter, tbh.

Hello!! I'm gonna use your ask as the place to talk about this, so yes, I really hope this can possibly be helpful to you and others!! This is mostly going to be about dealing with shame surrounding tickling and sort of...why I think it became a kink for me? Trigger warnings for mentions of grooming, sexual abuse, and pornography.

So, I grew up with unrestricted internet access as a child. My parents had no idea how to deal with growing technology, and they really didn't understand how to put child safety features on or how to even check the history, so I could pretty much do whatever I wanted.

From a very young age, I started experiencing the feeling that I thought about tickling differently than other people, but there wasn't really shame about it, I just knew that it...mattered more to me than others? I would describe it as more of a fixation, and now as an adult who has been diagnosed with autism, I'd say it might have something to do with that.

As a very young child, I would look up things about tickling, and I was immediately met with fetish content. Back in the early 2000's, even fanfiction was mostly sexual. Harry Potter ticklefics were all, like, an underage Hermione being non-consensually tickled by magical plants, or Voldemort or Snape using it to torture Harry.

As an impressionable child, I began to internalize the idea that this likely innocent interest in tickling was a dark, perverted sexual deviance and developed a debilitating sense of shame towards it. It's why the word would make me cringe, why I stopped letting my family do it to me, why I would feel disgusted and embarrassed when it happened in shows and movies.

Recently, my partner, our mutual best friend, and I had this very deep talk about fetishes. We all have one that we are deeply ashamed of (obviously I'm not going to share theirs) and both of them have never judged me for a single second about tickling. Whenever it happened in media we were watching, my friend expressed not knowing how to handle it for my sake, because I would very clearly get uncomfortable.

He encouraged me to really think about why it made me uncomfortable, especially in a room with 2 of the only people in my life who would never judge me for it, and I decided to take his advice and really dwell on it.

There had been a reason that I had to bring it up in therapy previously, it's a long and frankly far too personal story to share, but I had really danced around what it was and my therapist ended up asking if she could guess what I was talking about, and she correctly guessed that it was tickling. My therapist is super chill and comfortable talking about literally anything with me, and she didn't make me feel judged at all. In fact, she was like, "I think a lot of people find that hot as like, foreplay at least!" and fully promised me that it was normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Basically, with a mixture of self-reflection, discussing it in therapy, and talking about it with my partner and our friend, I have come to this conclusion: Being exposed to tickling as a sexual fetish at such a young age, as a child with no prior concept of what sex was or consent or anything, I was conditioned by pornography and inappropiate fanfiction/fanart the believe that there is something perverted and predatory about me liking tickling.

As someone with sexual trauma that was occurring around the same age that I discovered these things online, seeing the constant non-consensual and underage elements in these things made me see myself in the same light as people who were abusing me.

The ironic thing about this is, tickling is not inherently sexual to me, but I never let myself experience it platonically until very recently, because I was convinced I could not separate the sexual aspect from the innocent fixation. Tickling between myself and my platonic friends, or just playful/romantic tickling with my partner is also fun for me, and it doesn't turn me on. But I really struggled to acknowledge that these things could coexist, because I only ever saw the sexual side of it at the most impressionable age.

I have really bad intrusive thoughts, and a lot of self-esteem issues that make it very hard for me to trust myself and view myself in a positive way, so my mentally ill brain essentially convinced me that I was perverted, that I was a predator, etc. for simply...liking tickling. Even though logically I can understand that I am not a bad person, I don't want to non-consensually tickle people, I value consent, all of those important things, I felt like there was just something inherently wrong about liking it, and so, while I have preached being comfortable with it on this blog, I didn't even realize how deeply I have hated myself for years for it.

That is one reason why I think this blog and this community have been therapeutic for me, and why I still rarely write NSFW fanfiction. Tickling is a kink for me, yes, but I can fully separate when a situation is sexual or not. Recently, I have been able to start healing this. The friend I mentioned earlier knows how I feel about tickling and is still comfortable with it happening between us, which has really helped me begin to view it as a fun/safe/platonic thing again, and I'm getting way better at not getting uncomfortable when it happens in media.

My therapist has suggested doing some deeper work on this, but I kind of feel like I got to the bottom of the problem and am already feeling a lot better about it. However, I'm sure it will come up again.

I just wanted to share this because I always said talking about tickling in therapy would be my worst nightmare, that I would never do it, etc. and it ended up being a really positive experience that has made me so much more comfortable in myself and liking tickling.

I hope this could be insightful or helpful to some of you!! Thanks if you read this far.

[woobifykamukura]

ghdsfkjghdsf is that a common thing?

I don't really get how he'd be misdiagnosed anyway; it would need brain scans, especially since it's so rare at his age, and if anything it would have been misdiagnosed as other conditions for a while. Only going off cry-stars here- I have no expertise myself- but she's said that can happen and there was a recent case in Japan where a young guy's dementia was mistaken for depression for ages.

If we doubt Komaeda's FTD it can only be via doubting his honesty imo (but I still think he's telling the truth). I also love seeing analyses of him through the lenses of other disorders as comorbid instead of alternative diagnoses- especially autism, but I've seen interesting takes wrt OCD and BPD too- but canonically I feel like bvFTD, extreme post-traumatic stress and political radicalisation adequately explain his issues.

TO BE FAIR it probably isnt As common as i think it is, i just saw one reddit post thst explicitly claimed the FTD was a misdiagnosis and that it totally makes way more sense for komaeda to have autism and bpd, and a surprisung number of people... agreed? for some reason??

which i need to state for the record a) i am autistic myself and b) have absolutely zero problems with headcanons, even if they arent ones i ascribe to personally

what i DO have a problem with is people erasing canon neurodivergencies and/or erasing traits CENTRAL to a character in order to square-peg-round-hole the headcanon THEY have as the most correct one

"nagito has ftd and was autistic before that?" cool! neat! seeing how those two disorders being comorbid with each other could be really interesting!

"nagito does NOT have ftd, the devs were wrong, they actually wrote an autistic character and didnt realize it" stop talking.

this is very like, misanthropic i guess but after SO MUCH SHIT ive seen it just speaks to an unwillingness to empathize with or relate to anyone that isnt exactly like you. and you cant just headcanon real people around you with Misdiagnosed Autistic (most.... times....) so this pops up in fiction

like. i am autistic! i also have two (2) personality disorders, and neither is bpd. this has led to a non negligible amount of autistic people completely stereotyping my other disorders as evil in order to prop themselves up ("i thought i was a narcissist/sociopath, which wouldve been awful, but really i was just autistic! phew!!" with implicit, sometimes EXPLICIT value judgements being made)

i have had a friend i had in real life, to my face, say he didn't believe i had either personality disorder and really i was secretly just autistic

...if we had been better friends, maybe he would've known me well enough to know that that's almost... comically untrue. lol

so in my opinion there do exist a certain minority of autistic people who see autism as the only neurodivergency that Matters, or at least the one that matters the most. and the only way they can feel any sympathy for anyone else is if they are also autistic

and i know this is a minority! and i just see it a lot because i am an autist in fandom and a lot of other autistic people are also in fandom! AND that this is a mindset prone to ANY minority- most people think their Problem is the Worst Problem, it just... happens. however i am just as irrational and prone to biases as anyone else and ive chosen this as my completely irrelevant hill to die on

that one reddit post made me so goddamn mad bc of All This PLUS its double insulting when someone says "i have a special interest in psychology!" as a way to say theyre extremely knowledgable, and doing genuine analysis with the lens of "i am looking at the text and trying to make an objective diagnosis" and then STILL DO THIS!!! because they have this veneer of "im just a guy asking questions" before diving right into a weirdly consspiratory subset of "everyones an idiot about mental health except for ME"

...which tbf i dont think that about myself. i am very good at writing a wide variety of mental illness due to a combination of research and life experience BUT i could really only tell you like. actual non-surface level FACTS about aspd and to a lesser extent, npd. because thats what i chose to focus on. there are far and away lots more people that know more about me about other things, and im fine wit that

i am however also aware of this extremely hyperspecific social phenominon. and thus it is my burden to bear. my mountainous molehill.

also r/danganronpa just fucking sucks like in general. every time i see a kokichi opinion there i get a little closer to pulling the trigger. i think the real moral here is reddit is garbage and should not be used for anything other than product reviews

(also fwiw i agree w ur personal take at the end, with a lil bit of ocd tendencies that like, started off manageable and nowhere near diagnostic level badness, since things he might do to manage his cycle and even the constant thinking about it are very much reminiscent of obsessions and compulsions. but ftd in of itself can cause ocd symptoms so after that it got... worse. thats my personal take on it ^^)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friend I thought he was autistic and making him cry?

I (25F) have been casual friends with "M" (25M) for several years. We're not super close friends (or at least, I'm not super close to him, I suspect he is more emotionally invested in our friendship than me. Also, according to several classmates back in college, he had a crush on me. Idk, but seems possible based on his actions. I'm gay and now have a gf, he's always been very chill and respectful about any feelings he may or may not have). Honestly, our interests, energy levels, and socializing preferences are not super compatible, but he's a good person, and we've stayed in touch after college, occasionally meeting up every few months for a hike.

For the last 5 years, I assumed he was autistic. I am also autistic (got diagnosed in my teens) and noticed a ton of autistic/neurodivergent traits as soon as I met M. TBH that's one of the big reasons we became and stayed friends, we may not be 100% compatible as friends/people but neither of us have to climb over all the neurotypical social rules and stigmas just to hang out. I've talked about my experiences with autism with him, in a commiserating/companion-type way, and we both talked about our very different childhood experiences with speech therapy and special ed.

Anyways, I had casually told my gf and mom that M's autistic (my mom got diagnosed with autism a few years ago, after I did, and my gf recently got diagnosed after both of us recognized she had similar autistic traits as me). M visited me 2 or 3 months ago and we went hiking, like usual. Afterwards, we were hanging out at my house (I live with my parents, my job's close and there's few apartments here) and M was talking about how he got fired from his job a few months ago, and was having trouble finding a new job. He was about to leave, and I left for a few min. When I came back my mom was telling M about how he should talk with HR at any future job about his autism because he was probably fired in large part due to ableism (I agree ableism played a role in his firing, probably because his bosses were shit at actually communicating and assumed everyone were mind readers). M was pretty obviously uncomfortable, and my mom is not tactful or very sensitive, so I intervened and we left.

The two of us talked for a few min. It turned out that he is Not Autistic (or at least, not diagnosed). I told him the reason my mom thought he was autistic is because I assumed he was and told her. It turns out that he has a lot of shame and negative emotions about his time in speech therapy and special ed as a kid (he had always talked about it as though they were annoying, sometime unnecessary, sometimes helpful, so I didn't know this) and some internalized ableism directed at himself. I mostly talked about my experiences with autism and getting diagnosed, and emphasized that, although I thought he had autism/neurodivergence, I'm not an expert and not trying to tell him what he is, and also that autism (especially for me) is not a bad thing. It was awkward and uncomfy for both of us, and by the end M was visibly very upset. I apologized and let him go. Before he shut the garage door I heard him start to sob. A few hours later (he lives about 2 hrs away) I texted him to apologize and reiterate what I had said earlier. He said it was ok, but idk. We've texted some, and called once since this, but haven't seen each other yet.

You may judge me on any or all of the following (potential) dick moves:

assuming M was autistic without him actually telling me

telling 2 other people he was autistic without his permission or telling him

allowing mom to bring up a sensitive subject like this

how I handled the situation afterwards, including telling M I think he's autistic and talking about myself

any other asshole thing you may ID from this story

What are these acronyms?

[avpdvoidspace]

Do you ever struggle with being demonized for your quietness? I have, pretty much my whole life. I think it's a huge problem in society, if I'm being honest. I'm tired of acting like my whole child-self was in the wrong for not being able to bring myself to talk in a lot of situations, especially since I didn't get diagnosed and treated for my disorders until I was an adult. To be honest, I think it's society's way of demonizing people with AvPD, non-verbal autism and selective mutism. Thinking people like us are "rude" or "suspicious" for only speaking when spoken to, or having a non-verbal episode where we can't speak at all. I was suspected of being violent or "hiding something". Also I was deemed "weird" and treated like some alien due to other neurodivergencies as well.

People on this website sometimes act like being quiet is also a weakness or result of privilege. My parents were encouraging me and trying to get me to speak all the time, though. No one was saying "you don't have to speak if you don't want to". My father used to get angry with me about it, calling me "weak" and my mother used to guilt-trip me for it, claiming I "never tried hard enough" for her because I couldn't get myself to be neurotypical.

I also grew up in a world of domestic violence. My mother told me the abuse she faced from my father started getting particularly worse when she was pregnant with me. I was a little child born on-edge and having to walk on eggshells. My parents would get into violent fights with each other and my father would hit me, too. Both my parents worked and instead of spending time at home playing or bonding with family like other kids did, I was made to go to headstart when I was only like 2. I know it might seem like not a big deal, but thinking about it, I didn't have the same experiences that average kids do, and I still don't know if whether or not that contributed to my avoidant personality. I didn't even realize most kids don't even start school until they're 4 or 5 until I was much older. People have been getting me out there and encouraging me to socialize with others since the very beginning. It never worked.

I spent my whole life hating myself for it. I felt like I was never competent and that I was a burden on my mother. And there were many times I did try to make connections with others but they ended up either backstabbing me or shaming me for my interests. I regret a lot of the times I allowed myself to be known by others. There are many memories of me simply saying things to people that make me feel awful. Terrible disorder.

I did manage to make and keep some friends. But also I'm still not truly myself with most of them and still afraid they're going to end up demonizing me too if they knew more about me. Being queer and growing up with having kinks has left me with seeing so much family, strangers, and even other queer people say people like me are "freaks" and "degenerates" to my face without knowing they're talking someone who's exactly the kind of person they think should be killed.

I saw a post recently and honestly, it doesn't even apply to me. However, it still managed evoke a lot of negative emotions and memories I am experiencing right now...

So there's this post going around that goes something like "discourse about letting kids not say 'trick or treat' is concerning"(paraphrasing) which was weird to me at first because I've never seen anyone say they allow their kids not to say it. I've always said "trick or trick" during Halloween as a kid, even adding some "meows" because I liked being a cat. So it doesn't even apply to me.

But then there were people acting like not saying it comes from a place of privilege. Someone was like (paraphrasing again)"when I was giving out candy, all the black children were lively and sweet, and all the kids who didn't say it were white and probably middle class".

And that struck me a bit. I'm mixed race. People treated me like a potential violent threat because of my quiet nature, which was a result from trauma, not anyone "babying" me. I was always working class. My parents didn't even own a car. We used public transportation to get everywhere.

BIPOC kids who are quiet get treated as threats! Of course you fucking enjoy lively black kids. If one of them was quiet, you might demonize them...

Then there were people saying "you people just need to grow up."

It's so strange that traits that apply to non-verbal autism or CPTSD get deemed as "social anxiety", because tumblr thinks that is the lesser disorder.

I don't know. I got a lot of bad memories spring up from seeing that post, and I just wanted to vent about it here. So many people demonized me for being quiet growing up and it made me believe I was a monster for so long.

I'm not even saying I encourage the behavior of refusing to talk to people. I had a nice conversation with an old woman at Dunkin yesterday. I enjoy small talk and listening to others talk, even when I can't add much to the conversation. I just worry about other children who are like how I was growing up, being traumatized and quiet and being treated like shit for it... I don't trust anyone sees "quiet" as "rude"

I'm sorry about the length and I hope you're doing well.

anon, I'm sorry this took me so long to post. I just want to say that your ask really resonated with me and I've thought about it several times since receiving it. I get similarly frustrated when I see priveleged people praising marginalized for being more friendly, more whatever, for similar reasons. Or setting up an oppression competition between two groups they're not even a part of.

[scrollypoly]

Life Update

I've been p inactive recently, especially with original posts and talking about my fic or headcanons or stuff. I kinda just wanted to talk about what's going on and what the outlook looks like rn ^^

For the past couple of years or so, I've been struggling more with what I believe is undiagnosed ADHD and possibly even autism, as well as depression and a rebound of my anxiety. This is due to a slew of things, one of which is we moved a couple years back to a new state where we didn't know anyone at all. It was a culture shock, going from a big city to a very small town (200 people!!), and while I liked the move to a more rural and peaceful area, it's not been easy.

What's been especially difficult is finding good jobs and keeping up with my college courses. My first job put me back in the closet essentially, as I would constantly be around coworkers making hateful comments and would even go so far as to harass customers that weren't gender conforming or even just decently dressed. I went from that job to working one that completely overworked me, from being yelled at for things out of my control, working long hours, and at some points not even getting my full paycheck. I left this job only a couple months ago, and I only worked it over the summer. But it was enough to completely shred my anxiety, and I'm still working on calming myself down.

All of this, coupled with the painful death of my grandmother recently, has left me feeling pretty much isolated and alone in my area, and I have yet to find good friends that I can talk to like I had back home. I still have those friends, but the persistent exhaustion of life, trying to juggle full time work hours with online classes that are a struggle for my brain, and everything else. Last month my brain just. Broke. I had been on a persistent slide of a breakdown and I was just hanging on until I could have a break.

I finally made that break for myself. Over the holidays I visited @benilos and gave myself a break. I have my next term of classes off, and I'm gonna be using the time to use my newly acquired health insurance and get 1. Diagnoses, and 2. Medication or some got dang therapy. That's the plan for now at least.

For the past couple of years now with all of this going on, writing and drawing havent really been priorities. Right now they definitely aren't, in fact I will probably be putting my fic on ao3 on a indefinite hiatus. My brain is too much of a fried egg to be able to write it, and I've been holding guilt at being unable to write for it or update it, to the point that right now I don't feel much happiness at the prospect of writing it. I won't be abandoning it, for anyone that reads it and is worried. But it is definitely going on the back burner.

In the meantime, you may see me posting generally about my AU or benilos's AU too, since we have an official crossover. I'll be trying to drum up motivation to begin working on it, and that'll come in the general vicinity of just. Talking about my stuff. Interacting with other people in this fandom still gives me anxiety spikes, iykyk, but my inbox on my side blog, and my dms are still open as well. Things are probably just gonna be slow for a little while.

If you've commented on my fic, or reblogged or liked any of my posts or art or writings, I appreciate you so much, especially if you reblog my stuff cuz no one reblogs anything anymore lol. Thank you guys for staying around this long 💗

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, I don’t know what to do about my long time friend, so I reach out to you for help. Your insights are always spot on and I want to thank you for this blog, I’ve learned a lot thanks to you. I’m xnfj, my friend is infp and likely autistic, we’re both 27.

She is really sweet, but I feel confused. The thing is that she doesn’t greet my family or people in general. When we were younger, it felt so surreal that I didn’t know how to react – so I ignored it even if it made me feel terrible. Later I asked her multiple times to greet at least my family members, as it makes me feel weird, she started greeting but only sometimes.

Not only she won’t greet first, but even when someone greets her, she won’t reply, which feels extremely inappropriate, especially when it is my family. It happens all the time when we go places, she won’t greet the host, etc. When I asked her why, she said it costs her too much energy to say hello.

Recently, me and my parent ran into her twice on the street. One time I think she was pretending not to see us, the other time she said hi only to me and quite literally ran away. (Yet I know that saying hi is not such an issue for her when it comes to people she likes, that’s when shouts hello even from across the street, which makes me feel twice as offended – to see this extreme difference of behavior towards some people that oftentimes she barely knows.) Then she acts as if nothing happened. Anytime I touch the topic, she denies it, explains it etc. and doesn’t understand that her behavior affects others – or she just doesn’t care.

I understand that with autism greeting can be difficult, but it doesn’t work for me – also when I made it clear that it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel like I have accommodated a lot of her issues out of friendship, so I am taken aback to see it is one-sided. I really wish we could continue being friends but I can’t imagine hanging out with her without feeling angry deep down.

And even if she started to greet, I would feel like it is forced and insincere. So my question is, what do I do? I am so confused and full of conflicting feelings. Break up? Distance? Explain myself? Or not? If you have any insight, I will really appreciate it. It’s been a month that I haven’t talked to her as I literally don’t know what to say or do. Thank you so much in advance and wish you a pleasant weekend!

----------------------

You say you understand that it "can be difficult" for her but it doesn't sound like you actually do understand. You might feel bad to hear that, but this is not about assigning blame. I'm attempting to pinpoint the source of the problem in order to discover the best solution. As far as I can tell, there are two aspects to this problem:

Problem #1: Lack of Understanding

When someone's psychology is very different from yours, it's going to be very difficult for you to understand each other, because the other person's experience is simply too alien to "make sense" to you. I always say: Just because it doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean there's no sense to be found. This huge gap in understanding is not an insurmountable problem, but it is a significant challenge to grapple with. It requires you to push your empathy skills to the max.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurological and developmental disorder. "Neurological" means that a person's brain is literally wired differently than the average neurotypical person, which is why we use the term neurodivergent to indicate the difference. "Developmental" means that typical psychological development is somehow interrupted, so autistic people will exhibit some deficiencies in information processing and difficulties with everyday functioning.

Perhaps an analogy can make it more clear: Imagine that a friend was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy and was gradually losing muscle mass and control of their lower body. Even though they can still walk, they need a wheelchair most of the time because it quickly becomes painful to use their back and legs. Would you say to them, "Hey, I'm throwing a big party and since you can walk, I hope you will stand up and greet every person properly when they arrive at the door, otherwise they'll think you're rude and I'll feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by you"? I hope you would never dream of placing such a demand on someone with a physical disability.

A neurological and developmental disorder is not as visible as a physical disability, but it is just as real and can be just as painful. There are certain kinds of information that autistic people simply cannot process very quickly or at all, which means that their mind can easily get overwhelmed by sensory/information overload.

Unfortunately, being different from the norm, whether physically or psychologically, presents a lot of challenges in life. Since you've never had to deal with the kinds of challenges your friend faces, it might be hard for you to understand just how difficult it is to live in a world that not only doesn't accommodate you but actively pressures you to erase yourself. You are very lucky to have the ability to learn and adapt well in social situations. Please recognize that not everyone is equally endowed with this ability at birth.

New situations, by definition, present more unknowns, which makes them more unpredictable. Meeting someone new, in an unexpected time or place, means there's a lot more information to process and keep track of. In the best case scenario, an autistic person can push themselves through a new social situation with certain coping strategies, but it will exhaust them and perhaps ruin their day. In the worst case scenario, they will get overloaded and experience a mental breakdown, which would not only be deeply embarrassing at that moment but could damage their self-esteem in the long term if it happens again and again.

Since there is a lot less information processing to do when interacting with known people in predictable situations, it is quite logical for autistic people to prefer familiar social contexts. If they can feel comfortable, relaxed, and prepared enough, they might even be able to get energized and feel some joy in socializing, which could be a rare occurrence for them. It's possible that you have seriously misunderstood your friend's motivations.

Problem #2: Unreasonable Expectations

You fear the relationship is "one-sided", but that would only be true if the other person were actually quite capable of doing what you requested of them yet still chose not to. She's been trying to tell you that she isn't capable but you don't want to believe it. It seems you are viewing ASD as a psychological problem of "bad choices" or a personal "character flaw", since you still judge her by your own neurotypical standards. If you truly understood ASD, you would see how unreasonable and unfair it is to expect your friend to be like you.

Having unreasonable expectations means you are the primary source of the conflict. The discomfort and embarrassment you feel is yours, generated by you, which means they are your responsibility, and you need to learn to handle them better. Other people bear no responsibility for your feelings unless they have gone out of their way to make you feel a certain way. Is your friend purposely trying to inconvenience you or embarrass you? If not, why do you respond as though being personally attacked? Being NFJ, it's likely that Fe and Ni are playing a significant role in your negative reaction to the existence of someone who doesn't meet your expectations.

For example, due to Fe, it isn't uncommon for FJs to:

believe that similarity/commonality is the backbone of successful relationships, which leads to low tolerance for difference and even approaching differences with skepticism or contempt

believe that "successful" socializing involves everyone following the same social rules and customs, which means feelings of discomfort, embarrassment, or shame are easily triggered in social situations that stray outside the norm

believe that there is something "off" or morally "deviant" about people who don't follow social rules and customs, which leads to boundary violating behaviors that try to change, eliminate, or punish such differences

believe that individuals should downplay, even deny, the things that make them different for the sake of everyone else's comfort

For example, due to Ni, it isn't uncommon for NFJs to:

get stuck with one very narrow point-of-view, which leads to being too close-minded to see, let alone accept individual differences

hold themselves to high standards, which easily morph into unreasonable expectations of others

believe that they know what is "better"/"best" and try to remake the world to match their idealistic (read: unrealistic) vision

Every personality type has its set of common flaws, so it is likely that you have exhibited the above personality flaws unless you've undertaken some serious type development. If these flaws get in the way of your relationships, then you have a choice to make: i) Are you going to address the flaws, which would make you a much more open-minded, adaptable, and compassionate person in all your relationships? Or ii) are you going to decide that it's not worth changing for this one person and that it would be easier to only make friends with neurotypical people from now on?

Your question is about "what to do" in this situation. It's not my place to tell people what to do. I can help you understand the problem and even get to the bottom of it, but the solution should be chosen by you, based on what you believe is best for you.

[yuttikkele]

ok I’ve never labeled myself as autistic or on the spectrum, but sometimes I have considered it as a possibility, and now is one of those times.

I don’t really want to get an official diagnosis (because it won’t help me either way), but I also don’t want to self-diagnose. I mostly just want to talk it through with someone who won’t think I’m crazy or think I’m trying to get pity points. So, if someone more well-versed on the subject wouldn’t mind talking it through with me or just give me their two cents, I’d much appreciate it!

Here’s some of my thoughts:

lately I’ve just been thinking about how I enjoy things and how I don’t feel like other people enjoy them the same way I do. That’s why I say I can never enjoy any piece of media “normally.” Even if it’s just an episode of a show I saw in passing, or even if it’s not something I’m particularly interested in, I feel like I’m consuming it with a different mindset.

of course, this all could not be autism and instead be something else entirely. I just know I’m “weird” and I enjoy things “weirdly” (obviously. I have a tumblr), and I’m trying to figure out what the difference is and how people can enjoy things “normally.”

autism is just the first thing that comes to mind for me. especially recently with all of the jokes about Sonic and autism combined with how quickly and strongly my Sonic phase returned after watching Sonic 3.

I also find myself relating to autistic coded characters or characters I myself would headcanon as autistic. That also got me wondering, as a neurotypical person, can I be like “WOO YEAH AUTISM PROJECTION!” onto a character I like even if I’m not autistic? I’ve never thought it was wrong before, but I could be incorrect, so I thought I’d ask!

I have a lot of traits that autistic people would have, but I can’t tell if they are actually autistic traits, since I know many neurotypical people do some of the same things neurodivergent people do, just, they’re not neurodivergent.

While it’s not all-important that I find out if I’m autistic or not, it would explain a lot about why I am the way I am, which is kind of what I’m curious about! So if you have any help or advice, it’d be much appreciated! Thank you!

[wheelie-sick]

I think you've mentioned being "moderate support needs" autism before, right? Would you be comfortable expanding on that a bit more? I'm trying to figure out roughly where I fall as my parents won't tell me my actual level diagnosis, only that I was diagnosed, but all I can seem to find is either "you are completely independent and a totally normal person just quirky hehe" or "you are literally incapable of doing anything at all for yourself and require 24-7 care" and I am neither of those

level is one factor of support needs but isn't the only one

I generally put myself on the low end of medium support needs or the high end of low support needs. I'm a border case and it's additionally complicated because my support needs are entangled with my comorbidities and unrelated physical disabilities. it's hard to tell them apart. I'm going to try to isolate just the autism.

my support needs are complicated and I honestly don't really fit into them neatly because of the really vast variety of abilities I have to do iADLs. I was initially not expected to be able to live independently because of my support needs. I wasn't expected to need a full time caregiver, but I would need someone. I currently am living in my own apartment with roommates and a lot of support from them and my family.

there are several iADLs I am entirely unable to do-the biggest one being financial management. I have no control over my finances. recently I've been given an "allowance" of sorts to try to build the skill of budgeting but I need substantial support with that as well. shopping is another one where I actively need support.

iADLs have "pieces" to them. for a lot of iADLs I'm able to do some pieces but not others. I can drive but I can't navigate a bus system or the bus process. I have tried and failed, it was very embarrassing. I have to have the bus driver walk me through everything in the bus process even when I have the route planned for me. the bus process is way more complicated than developmentally abled people realize.

there's scaling of support as well. that's where a lot of my decision to call myself medium support needs comes in. my level of support needed for iADLs varies a lot from nearly full support (like with finances) to completely independent (like managing medications and using technology)

anyways enough about me

I would strongly recommend familiarizing yourself with iADLs and ADLs (sometimes called bADLs by the community) and figuring out what level of support you need for them.

always worth mentioning that struggle ≠ support needs. you can struggle a lot with something but if you don't need support it's not a support need. even if you'd benefit from support, if you can do it without it's not a support need.

also always worth mentioning that the community is very very very very skewed towards the lowest support needs people. you should not be comparing yourself to them. it will give you an inaccurate estimation of your support needs. it's easy even for people in the middle of low support needs to feel very alienated from the community just because so many people are completely 100% independent and thriving that way.

if you are able to live independently without external support you are not MSN. (having support ≠ needing support)

if you are not able to live independently I'd argue you probably sit somewhere in that category.

MSN is definitely the hardest category because it's, well, the middle. it's the gray area. it's the not-quite-either and unfortunately that makes it very hard to figure out if you're in that category (especially if you're on either of the edges)

I wish you luck anon 💕💕 I hope you're able to figure out where you sit. being in the middle is very frustrating and alienating

sorry this took so long to respond to

[mentally-obscure]

I've learned recently that I'm living with ME. It makes sense why I've found that operating from a mindset of how much energy I have available for the day has been essential for the last several years, especially while trying to diagnose the cause.

One of the things I've found the most trouble with is feeding myself. I love to cook. I'm good at cooking for myself - if I want to make it, I can figure it out. However, at this point, I'm starting to lose my ability to cook much at all. At first I had to start relying on box meals (thank you Helper meals!), but it's transitioning to premade meals as I have less and less ability to use energy to feed myself and keep myself working.

I'm going to start working on a meal chart system in the next few weeks, where it is a chart based on how much energy you have or how likely something will cause a crash. I know I will rate it on a scale, likely using a monochrome color scale. I feel like others might benefit from this too, even outside of ME/CFS. I know meal charts are useful in ADHD and autism. I never got through starting the chart I was going to originally make - this can hopefully fill that hole.

[tippertot]

one of your most recent posts reminded me to say, I love your interpretation of gabbro so much !! it’s so refreshing to see someone write them as more than just “haha funny zooted alien lol” (nothing against people who have that headcanon but it’s just so much more meaningful to me to have a character whose brain just works a bit differently than others! it doesn’t have to mean they’re high all the time lol) especially since I see a lot of myself in them and the way you write them

(this isn’t really an ask so no pressure to respond lol, i just wanted to get this out since they’re definitely one of my favorite characters - in the game and in your fic ::)

thank you! i actually do enjoy zooted Gabbro interpretations when it explores a version of Gabbro who uses drugs as a form of extreme escapism (what are you escaping from? what is this sloppy, red-eyed mask hiding? what happens if you no longer have access to this form of escapism? what could cause you to choose to deny yourself the drugs you've grown to rely on?). it can be used as a character-study tool similar to their meditation, but in a way that may be more relatable than meditation to the average reader

that being said, i have at least slightly more familiarity with neurodivergence than i do with self-medication, so that's the direction i went with! and it's been awesome hearing different people describe how they relate with the way Gabbro and other characters think. i don't feel qualified to diagnose my characters myself, but whenever people tell me how some of characters (Gabbro included!) remind them of their own experiences with autism or ADHD or things like that it makes me feel super warm and fuzzy, like i've managed to make these characters real enough that people can see themselves in. so thank you very much for sharing!

[respondedinkind]

Quick (long) update.

|| I know I haven't been around in a hot minute, thought I'd give a quick update.

Sorry for vanishing like this, life has been a little wild recently; I started therapy a few weeks ago, next to me finding joy in a new game where I slipped into the fandom (rather hard lol) and realized that I am, right now, much happier with doing art and creating fics rather than RPing.

This might sound a little odd to some - but the thing is, my brain simply doesnt hold enough energy to do *all* the creative things I want to do. For example: RPing is incredibly fun but also *incredibly exhausting*, and whenever I put a lot of time into RPing, I am literally unable to do art or write fics. It's taking so much of my creative-energy-meter that it's empty quick, leaving me with being frustrated as I don't really get to create anymore.

So I decided to pursue creating art as well as writing fics for now, which means I basically vanished from RP tumblr in return. I know this might be frustrating to some - especially my writing partners - and I want to apologize for that, for said frustration I might have caused.

But it is what it is, and I am not going to change much about it anytime soon. I am actually feeling rather happy about being able to do art, write fics, and *not* worry about writing replies and possibly making partners wait. It's a sort-of-pressure that I've taken off of my own shoulders...

Which is needed right now as I, as mentioned, also started therapy. It's going to be a journey, and I was just diagnosed with general anxiety as well as depression (which could actually be a 'double-depression' on top of it, means it is a chronic depression as well as an 'episodic depression'). It feels... incredibly relieving, in a way, to finally have an official diagnosis and to know that yes, something IS going on with me, I am not just crazy in my head and/or lazy. However, the whole therapy-thing is only going to get harder from here on and I am already working on things that have been talked about, think about them in my head, work with what I have realized about myself and try to handle it.

I do have a whole diagnose-session going on in August for ADHD / Autism as well, which will *also* require a good chunk of my energy. So yeah, things are happening.

Long story short: I decided to put my priorities elsewhere for now, for my own mental health's sake, and my happiness. Reducing stress was *needed*, especially since I am only going to be more stressed while working on me, on my diagnosis, and on all the problems I finally want to be able to figure out and address, possibly solve. ---Something also happened in my private life a couple of months ago that basically, let's call it 'triggered', my sudden energy to finally ask for help after trying to handle everything for literal decades. So yeah. It's been a yeah so far lol.

I want to thank each and every single one of you for having been with me, RPed great stories, formed companionships over weeks and months; I won't delete this blog nor do I plan to 'archive it'. I'll just leave it like this and maybe, who knows, I will return to it (and my other blogs) at some point. I just don't want to put stress on me as in 'I will come back in x day / months', I'll just see where life takes me and when I find the energy to be here again, I will.

I love Khan, love Stephen, love Bones. I haven't lost my love for them, my attention is just elsewhere. (Including that cute game I have been playing, falling in love with some characters...)

I wish you all the best, sending you lots of vibes, happy thoughts, my eternal gratitude and some strength for whatever you need to deal with in your life. Remember that you are loved, that your thoughts are valid, that you are worth it. ♥

-waves-

PS: I do miss you, the people I formed friendships with. I miss you, our RPs, our conversations. In case we have been interacting much on here, but not actually exchanged other ways of staying connected besides tumblr - discord, for example - you are absolutely allowed to hit me up and I'll give you my discord. ♥

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Do my symptoms align with autism?

I’ve been looking into whether I might be autistic recently. I’m not self-diagnosing. I just suspect I might have autism, and I wanted to put this here to see what other people think.

Reasons why I think I am:

1. Stimming

This is definitely the main one. I think I stim way more than a neurotypical would, even when I was a kid. I pace, I walk in circles, I spin around over and over and over and over again and I don’t really get dizzy. I especially like to listen to music while doing this.

Before spinning in circles, I used to pace around in circles with my hands clenched together. It sort of helped me focus and think and daydream.

I do the spinning thing multiple times a day, and if I’m forced to go a few days without it, I get antsy and a little frustrated. (When I spin, I do it on the hardwood floor, keeping my balance by placing my hands on the back of the couch, and doing it on carpet is a lot harder. This is my favorite “type” of stim, so if I’m on a vacation where we’re at a hotel without hardwood floors, that’s why I can’t do it sometimes. But then I will anyway on carpet because I just have to.)

I do tend to rock when I’m by myself — or, swaying is more like it, but yeah, rocking too. I’ll sway a bit more than I will rock.

I’m literally pacing in circles as I type this out lol.

2. Hyperfixations/special interests

(Are those the same thing, or two different things? Please correct me if they’re classified as different things.)

I have what I’d call special interests — gender, Amphibia, Dork Diaries. I look up genders and try to learn as much about them as possible, everyday.

For Amphibia and Dork Diaries, I usually just read fanfic or write my own. The other thing I do a lot is daydreaming, though, and those are the top 2 things I daydream about. I’m constantly in my head, and I’m usually daydreaming in the back of my mind, like, all day. (About those two things.)

The thing about my hyperfixations are that I don’t talk to other people about them. (I don’t like talking in general, really.) I just keep them to myself and learn about them/daydream about them by myself. I never felt a need to share and I don’t infodump on people.

3. Fidgeting

I’m not sure if this is the same as stimming, but I’m separating these two.

Usually when I’m sitting still, I’m fidgeting. I’ll be tapping my pencil or foot 90% of the time. I do it a lot, and I don’t even notice sometimes when I do.

I don’t know where to put this either, but I also bite my nails. I don’t just bite them either, I pick them off. It calms me down and helps me relax or gives me something to do when I’m nervous or just plain bored. (I’m well aware this isn’t healthy, please don’t attack me in the comments section.)

4. Procrastination (executive dysfunction?)

I know lots of people procrastinate, but I think what I experience lines up more with executive dysfunction. (Which I’ve learned is also a trait of ADHD, so I don’t know if I have that instead.)

It’s so so hard to focus on a school task or something that’s boring. Or even something that’s exciting, like writing on a fanfic or book, I procrastinate on so much. I set plans to do things but I don’t get them done. Even when it’s something stupidly easy to do, sometimes I just don’t do it. And when it’s hard, when I don’t even know where to start, it’s nearly impossible to start. (I usually force myself to get it done anyway, with big projects, but with smaller things and little homework assignments, I don’t always do. Then I kick myself for it later.)

5. Routine

I eat the same food every day for lunch, at school. (Uncrustables sandwich, yogurt, applesauce, and/or yogurt with m&m toppings I can put it in.) At home, I eat different foods for lunch — I make my own cheese burrito when we have soft shell tacos and shredded cheese. If that isn’t available, I make cheese sandwiches. If that isn’t available, sometimes I remember other things that are quick and easy to make for lunch — like pizza rolls. And if I don’t have that either, sometimes I’ll just skip lunch entirely. Or eat a small snack that doesn’t require effort to make whatsoever, but it’s usually not enough to qualify for “lunch”.

I don’t wear the same clothes everyday, but I never go shopping. I could wear the same clothes for years and be fine with it (as long as I’ve not outgrown them). The only time I get new clothes is when I see a shirt I really like. Which is usually Stitch (Lilo and Stitch, anyone?)

It’s really hard to break routine.

So there’s this thing at my school, where you can tutor/help out at an elementary school for service hours, and eventually get a scholarship to a 2-year college. The scholarship thing is major.

It took me months just to email the teacher and ask when I could come in. I’m probably severely behind on my volunteer hours. And the stupid thing is, now it’s not even hard. I just went on the first day, and it was established that I would do it every day, so there wasn’t a way I could back out anyway. And now I go and it’s no problem. It’s so stupid.

6. Social Situations

I might have social anxiety, I don’t know. I get anxious at the thought of new situations, having to meet new people, etc. I heavily dislike talking to people I don’t know. It’s why I prefer not to talk to the cashier at McDonald’s, or rehearse what I’m going to say at the restaurant.

When people ask, “Hi, how are you?”, I answer “Good, how are you?” They say something back, maybe mention a tiny bit of what’s going on in their lives, and then it’s over. For that, I have a pre-recorded answer. For other situations, as I’ll mention later, I’m actually mostly comfortable.

I speak pretty softly, and sometimes I have to force myself to a louder volume.

7. I prefer to do things on my own

I’m independent in a lot of ways, unless I need help. (And, um, not financially independent or anything, I still live with my parents.) And even when I need help, like with homework, it’s hard to let other people help me sometimes. I prefer doing things on my own.

Reasons why I think I’m not:

1. I’m fine at social interaction.

I usually pick up on social cues, and communication has never been much of an issue for me. (Sometimes I will sort of freeze up or trail off when talking, and suddenly my brain won’t make my mouth say things. Aside from that, I communicate well.) I understand that bad social interaction was a pretty big indicator of autism, but I’m not bad at it, really.

Actually, the one difference from this is that I do have pretty bad eye contact. I try to look at people’s eyes when talking because it’s polite, but then I look away, and then I look back, and then I look away, and I don’t know how long I’m supposed to maintain eye contact before looking away again. I don’t like it.

I am deaf, and I wear Cochlear Implants for me to hear. My social interaction is affected by this, as noisy situations are notoriously difficult for me to hear in. I’m asking “What?” multiple times a day lol. Sometimes I can’t hear a word the other kid is saying in school, and I just smile and nod because that’s all I can do, because it’s just too noisy. (I’m throwing this out here in case it’s something you might need to take into consideration, but it is completely unrelated to any potential autism.)

2. I don’t have hypersensitivity (I don’t think so)

Loud sounds don’t really bother me, nor do bright lights, or textures, or certain flavors or whatever. I eat the same thing a lot because of routine, not because of uncomfortable flavors or food textures. I think there have been times when everything was just a little too much. Then I usually find the nearest bathroom to calm myself down in. I don’t know if this is overstimulation or not, tho. Or if it’s specific to neurodivergency, or just me being an introvert and getting overwhelmed by people. And it’s not that often at all.

3. Very little aggression

I know that like a lot of things, autism is a spectrum. One of the symptoms is aggression, and I have very little of that. Usually when I’m frustrated with homework and my mom’s trying to help, I’ll get snappish with her (and then apologize later, because she wasn’t doing anything wrong and only trying to help).

Sometimes I do feel really mad, but I just grit my teeth and deal with it internally instead of lashing out. Like arguing in my head until I’ve calmed down and moved on.

4. Meltdowns/Shutdowns

I’m fairly sure I don’t have either of these. I think that’s also a major autism thing, one that I don’t have.

Things That I Can’t Put Into a Category Because I Don’t Know Whether It’s Indicative of Autism or Literally Just a Me Thing:

• Repeating words and phrases: I don’t do that out loud, but I will in my head

• Vocal stims: I very rarely do these, and if I do hum or make a noise, it’s usually entirely involuntary, usually because I was excited. I don’t mean to

• Repeating words: I very rarely do that also, but it has happened before. (It happened today once, when we were playing a game. Nothing came of it, it wasn’t weird, I just repeated a word my mom said — I can’t remember what it was, not a bad one though)

• Facial expression: I don’t think I have a blank-face that many autistic people do. I’m often smiling when I’m happy, or laughing at things that are funny. (Which aren’t even that funny to other people. Sarcasm makes me laugh a lot. I laugh a lot more easily than other people do.) I feel like occasionally it is hard to force myself into a facial expression if I’m not feeling that way

• Unusual posture: I literally just looked this up. I’m basically running through all of the autism symptoms and explaining mine, and this is one of them. I think I might have unusual posture. One of the things is shifting all your weight into one leg, and that’s something I definitely do, especially when I have to stand still. (And whenever I have to stand really still, and I’m not putting all weight into one leg, sometimes my knees will lock, and it’ll make me light-headed. I almost passed out one time from doing that. Never again.) I don’t really know if my posture is unusual aside from that. It might be and I just never noticed. Or it might not. I don’t know.

• Clumsiness: I never considered myself clumsy, but my brother has told me that he thinks I am. (Considering he’s my younger brother and says a lot of stuff to annoy me, take this with a grain of salt.)

• Oh, speaking of: metaphors. I think for the most part I understand them. Like grain of salt. And if I don’t, then I look it up.

• Sarcasm: kind of hit or miss with me. Sometimes I think my brain knows the other person is being sarcastic, because there’s just no way they’re serious about what they just said. But my brain makes me treat it like they are being serious, especially if their tone sounds serious. It’s hard to tell sometimes. But when I do get sarcasm, when their tone sounds obviously sarcastic, then usually it’s funny and makes me laugh

• I don’t like being away from home for a long time. Even a week gets me extremely homesick, and it feels like it’s getting worse as I get older. Maybe because I know I’ll have to move out eventually, or move away to college. Moving away for college, or moving out and far away, TERRIFIES me. This may not be an autistic thing, but I don’t know, so I put it here. Maybe it’s because my routine and my whole life would be upended. I don’t know.

• Speaking in monotone: Much like my facial expressions, I feel like I speak pretty “normally”. I don’t have a monotone voice usually. (I feel like sometimes I do, though? Not often)

• Putting pressure on the front of your feet: Apparently that’s a thing. I don’t think I do that. I don’t think I’ve done that in the past

• Decision-making: Related to the executive dysfunction thing. I think I put off big decisions. (I‘ve only somewhat-but-not-really decided which college I’m going to. And I might change my mind.)

• Sometimes when I try to joke, people think I’m being rude. I don’t know if that’s a tone issue on my part, or if the joke is in poor taste or seems more mean than just a joke (when I only ever intended for it to be a joke). Also for clarification, none of my jokes are ever racist or homophobic or anything, and I never try to be mean when I joke

• Special object: I don’t think I have one, unless you consider my phone. I don’t go anywhere without it lol. But like little things to fidget with, that bring me comfort, I don’t really have that. I just fidget with my hands, I guess.

• Verbal Instructions: Those are really hard for me to follow. If I only have verbal instructions and not readable ones, you can bet it’s a lot harder to get the thing done. I usually need a lot of clarification or things repeated to me, although that’s partially due to deafness. (I don’t think entirely, though.)

Other things about me that may or may not be relevant/important for you to know:

- I am aroace (no sexual or romantic attraction for anyone)

- I think I’m aplatonic too, and mostly anattractional (or grey-attractional, if that’s a thing). Online friends are easier for me than irl friends. I don’t even know what qualifies as a friendship

- I’m deaf (but I already explained that). I do hear with my Cochlear Implants, but I know it’s not that exact same as hearing people. I don’t know if that’s why I’m not as hypersensitive to loud sounds, or if I’m just not hypersensitive at all. (I don’t think this is something you could help clarify, though, seeing as it’s specific to me.)

I have taken a few autism tests and gotten answers like “you have moderate autism symptoms” or even “high symptoms” sometimes. For ADHD, the test answers ranged from “No” to “Potentially” to “Moderate ADHD”. (Don’t worry, I know that the tests aren’t meant to be substituted for the real thing. I just took them to try and see where I fit, if there were any indicators, etc.)

I am planning to talk to my mom soon and see if it’s possible for me to get a diagnosis. Things aren’t too hard for me right now, but I am getting older and I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to live on my own — which isn’t entirely related to this, but I feel like if I need help, I should get diagnosed as soon as possible. (If I have it at all.)

Basically, my reason for posting this was to get a second opinion, especially from people who are autistic themselves. Does this sound like autism or ADHD or something else entirely? (Is it possible to have both that have symptoms that cancel each other out?) Am I just neurotypical, but like, weird?

I want to be clear, I know you can’t diagnose me and I should see a professional. I just wanted a second opinion, in case it’s just me overthinking everything.

Also, I’m so sorry for this being so long. It’s probably a pain to read. I’m just trying to be as specific as possible.

Hi there,

I’m sorry I’m just getting to this. My goodness this was a long inbox! Lol.

This was very thorough and detailed, so it was nice to read. Nice formatting too.

I would say some traits align. But like you said, I’m not a professional. So I can’t really say. I’m curious about what my followers think too. Hopefully some chime in.

I would recommend writing what you told me here down to bring with you during an assessment, if you have one. This will be very helpful when determining a diagnosis. As it’s very detailed and thorough.

Hopefully this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[hecateisalesbian]

The Pride of- July?: A Final Thank You

WOW! I believe we did it! 30 Whole Days, an entire month, full of Pride! I’m honestly astounded that we were able to complete this! And I’m even more flabbergasted with how many people liked it! When i started this i thought only my mutuals and maybe one other would see this but no! This gained almost 200 notes and so many people participated in this! And I’d like to thank them all! And some even gave a few final words and talks. About Pride and Disability!

@outmaww

Thank you to Outmaww for being part of this and participating for the Lesbian Flag Day! You kicked off this project by being our first representative and I just wanna say thank you so much! 🩷

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@theosb0rnway

Thanks Oz for being there last minute when I was trying to find a representative for the Gay Flag! You pulled through and I’m very grateful for that! And for representing the Agender Flag too! Keep being awesome 🩵 💚

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@haystarlight

Thanks Sofi, I couldn’t have done this without you being an amazing bisexual disaster! And also being able to keep me in contact with Human! You are an amazing person and I hope you continue to be amazing 💜

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@solstakao

Let me start by saying that you are the best trans girl ever! 🏳️‍⚧️ I hope you get the boobs you desire lol. Thank you for representing the trans flag and being so funny! Thank you Jasmine ❤️

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@winter-socks

Not only did you represent the Trans flag, you also represented the Androsexual AND the Grayace flag! Thank you for that! And Puff even had a final closing statement about him and his disability!

“Being androsexual is a big part of my identity and what I find attractive. Androsexual means to be attracted to masculinity or just men in general, my LGBTQ+ identity has been all over the place, past few years. But I’ve found myself, I remember looking at pictures on Google that showed masculine people and I feel very attracted to them. Just something about masculine people makes me swoon over them !

I also have autism, self diagnosed. I’ve recently figured this out and have made connections between my experiences and autism through research. I have always been depressed, it seems from what my mom has told me, my family has a history of anxiety. I stim in different ways, experience noise sensitivity, have a hard time with boundaries, and more things that contribute to my autism. I hyperfixate on things for months to years, these things make me happy and people have said I’m obsessed. Which I am lol !! But it’s just how my brain works and I’m happy to have figured myself out, it all makes sense now. :)

Having autism is hard though, I can take stuff the wrong way, especially in real life where I have a hard time finding tone in people’s voices. So I end up taking them seriously. This is why tone indicators are a big thing for me and many others, we need people to use these so we don’t take them the wrong way. And I can get upset over the smallest things such as a noise I don’t like, it’s really hard. I always bring my headphones with me just in case it gets too loud. :)”

So thank you to Puff! You are a gem :) 🩵 💜 🤎

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@iridescentdiscord

Omnisexual AND DemiKING! You are amazing and supported me from the beginning! I’m very grateful you did this and for your kindness! Thank you 💙 🩵

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@mouse-in-a-piping-bag

Kat, my fellow Genderfluid, I am very glad you participated! You represented Omnisexual, Demisexual, and Genderfluid, and even created this amazing art!

Thank you Kat :} 💙 💜 🩶

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@rainbowangel110

What words can describe how amazing you are? You are one of my best and favorite mutuals and you are incredibly talented! I mean, just look at this lovely asexual art you made!

Thank you Rainbow 🌈 🩶

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@imhumanguysiswear

My first Mutual and an asexual king! I hope you can return soon to Tumblr! We all miss you! Thank you for doing this :) 🩶

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@dreamondelphinus

I Hope that you and your friend Bella have a wonderful life. Asexuals and Aromantics don’t deserve hate and definitely don’t need to be ‘fixed’. Keep being you :) 🩶

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@boilinghotsoupandcrackers

Your blog is super funny and I love seeing your posts on my dash! Thank you for representing Aroace and genderqueer! You are so cool! Thank you :) 🩶 💚 💜

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@zedleaked

You went very above and beyond with art and talking about your experience with being Aromantic! Your art looked beautiful

“To break the professional language for a sec, figuring out whether you are aromantic or not is hard, especially if you are not asexual as well. When I was figuring myself out I often found that I never really developed crushes on others and that made me feel weird since romance is so mainstream and talked about and for some reason I don’t feel these weird butterflies in my stomach or something? I guess I’m just weirdo! Sure, I can find people attractive and cute but I didn’t feel that romantic feeling. As a kid I would try and just scan other kids in my class to try and figure out if they’d be a good partner. I didn’t know that there had to be some kind of feeling to get in a relationship with someone. I just thought people would go ‘hey this person is nice and cute, I will be their partner!’ but that’s definitely not how it works. I would find it hard to differentiate romantic and platonic love because I mean… love is love…? I mean some would say romantic love is doing stuff like cuddling, holding hands, kissing, hugging… but you can also do that platonically, right? There’s just that extra step in romantic love that I just can’t see because I can’t experience that extra step. There are moments where I think I feel love but I realise that at the time I was just really eager to be their friend as I get very excited when meeting someone like me but if I really thought about if I would be in a romantic relationship with that person… the answer would probably be no. Some aromantics can feel lonely as they can’t feel romantic love and they don’t have the desire to devote their life to a person, but remember that you still have those platonic relationships and they can be just as strong if not stronger than romantic ones, nothing is better than hanging out with a really awesome friend. If you believe you’re on the aromantic spectrum but are unsure, try doing some research for yourself as there are many terms under the umbrella that may fit you! Demiromantic for example is when you only feel romantic love when close to someone or grey-romantic is when you feel fluctuating levels of romantic love but as a whole barely experience it”

Thank you Zed :) 💚

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@artkittycatty

Genderfluid Partner in Crime and Pansexual! I adore your art and your chaotic and optimistic energy! You truly brighten my blog and im very thankful for your contribution to this project! I mean, just look at how cute this art is!

Thank you 💜 💛

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@your-bigender-big-brother

Thank you for being apart of this and being educational to everyone! You even made my post even better by explaining even more about being bi-gender!

“If you'd like some further information on the bigender identity, I have a Gender of the Day post here! I also have a bigender masterpost here on my main blog.

Additionally, here are some other bigender flags! One of the most common ones currently being used by the community is the upper left one!

Want some bigender blogs to follow?

@talking-bigender @bigendering @bigender-culture-is

And as a little bonus, I have my own bigender flag down below, called the sunrise/sunset bigender flag.

- Your Bigender Big Brother 💙💚”

Thank You 🙏 💚

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@msmoon-and-the-cyberdemon

Thank you for being so enthusiastic about this and being wonderful! I hope your future is bright aswell 💚

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@loud-whistling-yes

Thank you for representing Demigirl and for just being proud!

“Hey guys! 👋 I'm the guest for today's pride of june! If you guys have any questions about demigirl as a gender identity, or any questions about it in general, I'm more than happy to give you my part of the answer! Do remember that everyone sees gender differently, and while there's no "right" or "wrong" answer to gender, I hope my answers might help anyone with whatever they're looking for. Happy pride everyone!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜”

Thank you Ah Wei 🩷

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@demigender-culture-is

Demigender Culture is YOU! Thank you for being in this and representing the demigender flag :) And you even made this!

Thank you! 💛

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@honeymilkhijinks

A polyamorous pansexual! And a non-binary! Thank you for participating in this and being you! 💜 💛 ❤️

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@jd-leifdeloos

thank you for being part of the Polyamorous flag day. It’s hard being accepted but you being there was very cool! Thank you so much ❤️

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@just-one-more-utmv-fan

Thank you for sharing light to the very unknown sexuality Gynesexual. You even made this!

You are helping more people learn about it just by reblogging all of this project :) 🤎

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@that-one-enby-ranger

Thank you for representing Abrosexual, a sexuality that I feel a lot of people forget about! You are amazing 💚

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@dejimonkaizaa

You were amazing for this project and you even decided to talk about your life as an intersex person!

“I have a condition called simple-virilizing congenital adrenal hyperplasia, or what’s usually called “classic CAH.” I was born with XX chromosomes and assigned female at birth, and I also have ambiguous genitalia and a hormone profile of typical estrogen and atypical testosterone called hyperandrogenism. This means I have one of the dozens of variations that can make a person what we call intersex. In many ways, I love my intersex body and identity, but much like any other person could, I do not feel my assigned sex is my gender. Being intersex is part of me, but I am also an intersex man. I am a transgender man, but I might fall better into a category called utltergender—while I will transition to be more masculine, I was already born with many of these features. What I would like for perisex (not-intersex) people to understand about being intersex is that you won’t always understand, and that’s okay. We will have bodies you don’t understand. We will have transition patterns you don’t understand. We will have identities you don’t understand. We are not born male or female in a world where everyone must be, and even when we identify ourselves within the binary, we are never truly accepted into it. Yet, to this end, you must advocate for us, because we are not enough to win fights on our own. We do not have communities like every other queer identity—most intersex people don’t know any other intersex people in real life. We don’t have clubs, we don’t have bars, we don’t even have representation at pride events much of the time—we are invisible. Make space for us. If you want to put I in the acronym, know why you do. Know who and what we are and why we are important beyond a quick gotcha against the binary.”

Thank you for being so open! 💜

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@askatrigenderlgbt

“Hey everyone, this post is going to be a bit different. Pride month is nearing an end and I was ask to make a special something for this project I'm in.

I want to talk about my journey with discovering my sexuality and gender identity, along with my battle with my disability battle with ADHD.

I was around 15 or 16 when I started to question my identity. I didn't understand what or why I was different from everyone else around me. I didn't understand why I faked being in love with boys or found myself only falling in love with fictional boys but not real guys. Then I began to think harder. I realized that maybe I wasn't so straight.

As I was finding my way I explored different labels, explored my gender, and eventually finally admitted that I needed therapy for my health.

At first I thought I was bisexual and nonbinary. At the time it felt correct, but time past and I realized it didn't make sense or feel right. I needed to keep looking. Then I identified as lesbian and demigirl, but once again later down the line they didn't feel like me.

Finding your identity takes time, trying things out for a time and seeing what makes you feel you. There is no rush, no impending doom waiting around the next second.

I finally found my gender when I was looking online about different genders in the trans and nonbinary umbrella: trigender.

Trigender is a gender similar to gender fluid. One identifies as three genders, whether all at once- like a mix of colors- or flux between the three- like colors melting into another.

Trigender was the labe that felt right, where I felt myself click into place. I felt like a woman, a man, but in between- nonbinary. It made sense and felt just right for me.

As for my sexuality? I am still into women, but I now use Gynosexual as my label. It is a gender neutral way to say that a person is attracted to women identifying genders or feminine traits. Which I am.

I also figured out I am ageosexual. Ageosexual is a sexuality on the asexual spectrum. Ageosexual is a sexuality where one isn't disgusted seeing anything sexual in nature, able to watch 'adult fun' without being uncomfortable, but still having no desire for sexual intercourse of any kind.

I can handle a sex scene or joke in media, but even the thought of actually having sex makes me uncomfortable and nauseous. I don't like even the thought of anyone I may date in the future see me naked, god forbid touch me. I will hold hands, kiss on the cheek, peck on the mouth, cuddle, hug, but anything else is a no. Just no.

So after finding the labels that fit me and have found myself comfortable with them, I settled on my pronouns next: they/them. I didn't like being referred to as just she/her, just female. I liked the more neutral they/them as it feels better and more like me. It felt right. But everyone around is still having to get used to my pronouns and using them. Learning is still going on, my family no used to my pronouns as they spent years with my old ones.

But my mental health during this? I went to see a therapist at 16, working on my depression and anxiety first. I was prescribed medication to help deal with my issues and given tools to help manage what the medication can't. Medicine isn't a cure for mental health, it just helps manage the issues one has.

After I was given the starting tools I worked on myself and tried hard in high school. I was more energetic, I felt less tired, and I had more motivation. It didn't last however. I began to have issues with attention, I kept getting distracted easily, forgot things constantly, was restless, overall a mess without knowing why.

Then my doctor prescribed me with a medication I recognized my mother taking. It was one she took for her bipolar. So I thought for a while I had bipolar, stupid I know but hey I wasn't thinking clearly. But soon I was diagnosed with ADHD, given medication and tools I needed to manage things, and found myself more relaxed- and given confirmation that I do not have bipolar. I could sleep longer than four hours. I could finally have my thoughts slow down. I even could focus better.

But the struggle wasn't done. You see, during one summer on a boiling hot day, I tried to end my life by heat stroke. I had turned my heater on full blare on the hotest day that week. Then I took a nap, hoping to anyone listening that I wouldn't wake up. I woke up, drenched in sweat, realizing what I nearly done. I turned off the heater and quickly tried to cool myself down. I only confessed about till six to seven months after that happened. This was when I was around 19, probably 20. I had dropped high school before this, the stress of dealing with family problems, moving, and the pandemic just beginning. I wasn't great mentally.

I have also experienced cutting before, something common sadly with people dealing with depression and constant stress. It wasn't a good feeling. The pain of cutting was not what I enjoyed ever, but I am ashamed to say this, but I did like how it made me numb to everything.

In the present day I am much better, not perfect but not a mess, I'm simply okay. I've been through so much and have many years to go hopefully. To end this post as it is long enough as it is I will say this:

Your journey will not be like anyone else's, it's your life and you will find the pieces of yourself in time. You just have to find what feels right and what is comfortable. You may have a hard time with your disabilities, mental or physical, but you have support around you ready to help. There are people who want to help you get better, you'll find them. I know it. Just be kind to yourself, allow time to feel out what it is you need. And allow yourself to make mistakes.

The worst thing I ever did was try to be perfect, to be strong. In actually, it's okay to be weak and to be imperfect. We all need to learn by making mistakes, grow from them. And sometimes we need to let out emotions, to stop trying to hold everything inside.

It's okay to be yourself.”

Thank you :) 🩷

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@notsofunsenpai

Thank you for participating and being a representative of the Pansexual Flag! You are wonderful 💛

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@bloggingboutburgers and their partner @civiart

You guys did so much! Not a lot of people know about QPRs and you did not shy away from the task of educating! You made this amazing art

And this amazing explanation

“What it's like to be in a QPR? Well, at the very least the QPR I'm in is very comfortable I'll say far most! It's hard to define in exact words to describe the relationship. It's the closeness and comfortable vulnerability of being with someone that you see as your life partner. The more meme-esque way I like describing it is Akhts is my ride or die!! Life is crazy and so unpredictable! It throws hands at ya in anyway it wants to and you just have to figure out how to roll with the punches and face it! It gets hard to face it on your own, so it's nice to build a dynamic with someone where you can share the messiness of life. There's that element of closeness you have with them that's just really comforting and fills your heart in a special way. It's always an honor being able to spend time together with a beloved and feel that solidarity confidence in one another. It's like the dynamic and development for this relationship just lead up to it naturally without the mix of romance and sexual attraction. It's definitely a relationship of what feels right to each individual. At least for mine, I'm really happy being in a QPR with Akhts! The dear really gives me a lot of comfort, company, and honestly sharing the braincell too. I'm honored to have her company and will absolutely prance my adoration for her! Life feels so much more fuller with her!"

Thank you both! I wish you the best of lives! 🩷

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And finally, I’d like to thank my mutual and friend @bloodied-dagger, who made this wonderful musical piece to end off pride month

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Wow! This got long haha! In all seriousness though, thank you all! You all did such a wonderful job and really helped me on this project. But now Pride Month is Over. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be prideful though. The US Supreme Court made a ruling on June 30th saying businesses had the right to deny service to queer people. This is devastating to the queer community and is ranking us equivalent to a second class. We should be recognized as human beings and shouldn’t be made to feel guilty, dirty, or sinful for being who we are.

Now that July is here lots of queers are joking about Gay Wrath Month, but July already has its pride. July is about Disability. Disability is still rarely accommodated even in 2023 and we need to draw attention to that. People with disabilities shouldn’t be looked upon as if they were lower than those without. So this month mine and your challenge is to help those with disabilities. Donate to funds or just simply don’t be a jerk or make ableist jokes. Be kind this month.

All of my Art will be posted in a big post on my art blog @accidentally-drank-paintwater if anyone wishes to see all of them together. Happy Pride!

[thefakerachelray]

February is Turner Syndrome Awareness Month!

So, I rarely talk about this on here, but February definitely feels like the right time to do it. I was born with a condition called Turner Syndrome (TS), and since February is both my birth month and Turner Syndrome Awareness Month, I thought it would be a good time to spread some information about this condition that a lot of people don’t know much about!

Turner Syndrome is a condition where a person is born with only a single X chromosome in each cell, and the second sex chromosome partially or completely missing.

There is also a “mosaic” form where the second sex chromosome is only missing in some cells. TS can take a lot of different forms!

It’s more common than you might think! Approximately 1 in 2500 AFAB individuals in the US have TS according to Cleveland Clinic.

One common symptom is short stature (which is why TS Awareness Month is the shortest month!)

Heart issues are more common in people with TS than in the general population, as are thyroid and kidney problems. There is also an increased risk of scoliosis, osteoporosis, nearsightedness or farsightedness, and hearing loss.

TS can affect cognitive function as well, especially in the areas of executive function, attention, and social skills. It’s not uncommon for people with TS to also be diagnosed with ADHD or autism.

Kind of a funny note on the social skills thing: my experience has been that in social situations people with TS are usually kinda quiet, but if you get a bunch of us together we WILL NOT STOP TALKING.

You often see a LOT of different symptoms of TS listed, but the reality is that it presents differently for pretty much everyone, so it’s important for people with TS and their doctors to know their own personal concerns.

While most people with TS that I know (myself included) identify as female, there are people with TS all across the gender spectrum!

That being said, you may see TS referred to as a “female condition” in a lot of places, including medical sources. Just keep in mind that a lot of people no longer consider that to be universally true, and there has definitely been pushback against that language in recent years.

TS is typically diagnosed either at birth with genetic testing or at the normal age of puberty due to a lack of typical physical development.

Treatments often include growth hormone replacement during childhood and other hormone replacement therapies later in life. Care is usually managed by an endocrinologist, and most people will be followed by a cardiologist as well.

Butterflies are used as symbol for TS! The idea of going through hardship and coming out stronger (like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly) is something that resonates with a lot of people with TS. I actually have a butterfly tattoo!

If you want to learn more…

Here’s the Cleveland Clinic’s page on Turner Syndrome

And here’s Mayo Clinic’s

Here’s the homepage of the Turner Syndrome Society of the US! They have a lot of good information, although their website is a little confusing and probably needs updating.

If you’re on Facebook, here’s a post with some general information from the TSSUS page you can read and share!

These are definitely not the only sources out there, so feel free to do your own research.

Since I live in the US, I’m not really familiar with resources in other countries, but if anyone knows of some non-US based sources feel free to add them in a reblog!

[tamrielf]

I noticed you haven't been as active on social media as you were even a few months ago.. is there any reason? I hope ur okay🖤

aw thank you for checking up on me🥺 honestly i've been struggling on and off with my mental health and trying to find medication that works. i've had it switched a couple times recently and even had a super bad reaction to one that landed me in a mental hospital. (well it was a combination of medication and other stuff.)

i think ive finally found one that works but as most psyche meds do, they've been making me act different. i've grown a bit tired of the kind of content i've been making for a long time now. my interests haven't changed at all. i still have the same interests, i'm just bored of the way i've been presenting them and myself if that makes sense😂

idk if bored is the right word. the "aesthetic"/overall vibe of my social media usually reflects the way i feel. and right now when i log on i see all the things i like but its presented in a way that doesn't feel like myself. its still me but i think in the last couple months i've grown a lot now that i've actually taken steps to learn about my newly diagnosed autism and started getting legitimate help for my bipolar disorder.

what it really comes down to is i just need to organize my brain and my pages on here a lot. i plan on revamping my tumblr and all my other social media to fit how i'm currently feeling. but i just haven't felt like doing it because the smallest tasks like that have reaaally been draining me mentally. it fucking sucks. but its been a lot better since i've had a bit of time to adjust to all the changes i've made for myself.

so i'm thinking i'll probably do a big "update" to all my social media either within the next few days or soonish lol sorry its taken me so long to answer ur anon. like i said, i've been mentally exhausted for a long time now and i just didnt know what the problem was until i was able to start thinking more clearly. having bipolar disorder is so difficult. because its both mania and depression. and it makes it extremely difficult to organize my thoughts when i'm struggling. idk if "regular" ppl deal with that but its always been an issue for me.

my content will most likely still be the same. i just might start adding some new stuff here and there and incorporate a lot of the new styles and aesthetics i've been into as of late. and perhaps diversify my content a bit too, because i have a lot of interests and fascinations with many things that i don't even post about online! 🥰

i hope i was able to give u an answer in the least confusing way possible. i'm terrible at explaining things. especially about myself😂 hence why most of the questions i answer always end up being paragraphs 😭

[sentimental-androids]

Nonverbal.

This is the word that professionals, parents, and MANY neurodivergent people use for themselves when they find themselves unable to talk, or, yk, verbalize stuff.

If you look up nonverbal, like the definition, on Google, just about every entry will say something along the lines of "unable to verbalize or use speech to communicate".

Nowhere does it explicitly say that you have to be unable to speak...forever.

So uh...what's the deal, tumblr?

Like. Listen. I am autistic. I'm professionally diagnosed with ASD. I also have direct family members who have ASD. And literally for as long as I've known about autism, and specifically nonverbal as a term, it's been used to describe anybody who lacks the ability to verbally communicate. For any amount of time.

Recently, someone, idk who, came to me on tumblr, and all but told me that to call myself nonverbal was ableist. They said that nonverbal as a term is used explicitly for people who aren't EVER able to talk.

They told me to use the phrase "speech loss" instead.

Initially I was off put by this. Speech loss. I mean I guess that is technically a way of phrasing it, and I don't really want to be ableist, so... sure. Why not.

But the more I thought about it, the more absurd it started to seem. Speech loss?? Speech loss?????

It's such a mouthful. Doesn't roll off the tongue like at all. I have speech issues even when I CAN verbalize and even just this little thing makes trying to talk about my issues frustrating enough that I don't want to do it.

And for what?

It's the same thing. It's literally the same thing. Both are periods in which an individual is physically or mentally unable to communicate verbally or in any spoken form. (Surprise, I don't get to choose when or for how long I experience "speech loss".) It is still a LACK of verbal communication. By definition....

It's still nonverbal.

I also recently was able to talk to someone else about this issue! And it hit me how chronically online this cold take is. Like, I'm sorry, but no professionals are calling it "speech loss". That's an internet (specifically tumblr) born issue. People in real life, in the real world that actually matters, aren't calling it "speech loss".

I also heard from that individual that some people are pushing to call it "nonspeaking episodes"...which is even worse/more clunky than speech loss. Why would you suggest that. People with ASD commonly struggle with speech. This is just an added frustration.

And like not only does that tell me that people aren't considering how it actually sounds irl (probably bc nobody irl is using either), it also shows that...it isn't even like. A widespread or known thing. Bc its a new issue that some jokers made up for some reason!! Like it's not even coordinated enough for there to just be one overcomplicated word for it.

So this is my little psa.

Stop saying it's ableist. It's not. Stop saying it's inaccurate. It's not.

If you or a loved one has been told that it is, it's not. You need not consider that fact any longer. It was honest to goodness probably someone looking to stir up drama.

We don't need any more division in the community, especially over something that...literally is a non-issue. Nonverbal people are all valid nonverbals. Leave em be.