#in the last fandom i was in someone tried Debating Me and saying my headcanon (about aspd) is dumb and amateur

[irlkomaedanagito]

ghdsfkjghdsf is that a common thing?

I don't really get how he'd be misdiagnosed anyway; it would need brain scans, especially since it's so rare at his age, and if anything it would have been misdiagnosed as other conditions for a while. Only going off cry-stars here- I have no expertise myself- but she's said that can happen and there was a recent case in Japan where a young guy's dementia was mistaken for depression for ages.

If we doubt Komaeda's FTD it can only be via doubting his honesty imo (but I still think he's telling the truth). I also love seeing analyses of him through the lenses of other disorders as comorbid instead of alternative diagnoses- especially autism, but I've seen interesting takes wrt OCD and BPD too- but canonically I feel like bvFTD, extreme post-traumatic stress and political radicalisation adequately explain his issues.

TO BE FAIR it probably isnt As common as i think it is, i just saw one reddit post thst explicitly claimed the FTD was a misdiagnosis and that it totally makes way more sense for komaeda to have autism and bpd, and a surprisung number of people... agreed? for some reason??

which i need to state for the record a) i am autistic myself and b) have absolutely zero problems with headcanons, even if they arent ones i ascribe to personally

what i DO have a problem with is people erasing canon neurodivergencies and/or erasing traits CENTRAL to a character in order to square-peg-round-hole the headcanon THEY have as the most correct one

"nagito has ftd and was autistic before that?" cool! neat! seeing how those two disorders being comorbid with each other could be really interesting!

"nagito does NOT have ftd, the devs were wrong, they actually wrote an autistic character and didnt realize it" stop talking.

this is very like, misanthropic i guess but after SO MUCH SHIT ive seen it just speaks to an unwillingness to empathize with or relate to anyone that isnt exactly like you. and you cant just headcanon real people around you with Misdiagnosed Autistic (most.... times....) so this pops up in fiction

like. i am autistic! i also have two (2) personality disorders, and neither is bpd. this has led to a non negligible amount of autistic people completely stereotyping my other disorders as evil in order to prop themselves up ("i thought i was a narcissist/sociopath, which wouldve been awful, but really i was just autistic! phew!!" with implicit, sometimes EXPLICIT value judgements being made)

i have had a friend i had in real life, to my face, say he didn't believe i had either personality disorder and really i was secretly just autistic

...if we had been better friends, maybe he would've known me well enough to know that that's almost... comically untrue. lol

so in my opinion there do exist a certain minority of autistic people who see autism as the only neurodivergency that Matters, or at least the one that matters the most. and the only way they can feel any sympathy for anyone else is if they are also autistic

and i know this is a minority! and i just see it a lot because i am an autist in fandom and a lot of other autistic people are also in fandom! AND that this is a mindset prone to ANY minority- most people think their Problem is the Worst Problem, it just... happens. however i am just as irrational and prone to biases as anyone else and ive chosen this as my completely irrelevant hill to die on

that one reddit post made me so goddamn mad bc of All This PLUS its double insulting when someone says "i have a special interest in psychology!" as a way to say theyre extremely knowledgable, and doing genuine analysis with the lens of "i am looking at the text and trying to make an objective diagnosis" and then STILL DO THIS!!! because they have this veneer of "im just a guy asking questions" before diving right into a weirdly consspiratory subset of "everyones an idiot about mental health except for ME"

...which tbf i dont think that about myself. i am very good at writing a wide variety of mental illness due to a combination of research and life experience BUT i could really only tell you like. actual non-surface level FACTS about aspd and to a lesser extent, npd. because thats what i chose to focus on. there are far and away lots more people that know more about me about other things, and im fine wit that

i am however also aware of this extremely hyperspecific social phenominon. and thus it is my burden to bear. my mountainous molehill.

also r/danganronpa just fucking sucks like in general. every time i see a kokichi opinion there i get a little closer to pulling the trigger. i think the real moral here is reddit is garbage and should not be used for anything other than product reviews

(also fwiw i agree w ur personal take at the end, with a lil bit of ocd tendencies that like, started off manageable and nowhere near diagnostic level badness, since things he might do to manage his cycle and even the constant thinking about it are very much reminiscent of obsessions and compulsions. but ftd in of itself can cause ocd symptoms so after that it got... worse. thats my personal take on it ^^)

[awesomesauce2929]

Choose violence ask:

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

worst discord server and why

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

worst part of fanon

ooooh 🌶️ spice level is high, let's go. warning that there will be vent-like explanation here, this is going to be raw

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person? Personally I use block button freely when I see accounts with bad vibes, bad behaviour, especially they are insulting someone with nasty swears and those who put others under the bus for drama. But there was a guy who attacked a ship for a sake of promoting his own art which he reposted (the art was made 2 years ago), after finding out his other horrible antics and allegations and how he throws others under the bus like it is his breakfast, I blocked him, he was really annoying.

worst discord server and why? well. here we go. basically I was friends with one of the admin, had a good time in the server for 1 year and half, after sharing my vent on my personal twitter, they scolding me, dropped me from the proofreader of their fan translation project because I said I couldn't do Chapter 3 at the time. They didn't even communicate that, in fact they got someone to be proofreader without telling me. They justify it by saying my mental health was bad and gaslight and isolating me further until I could not take it anymore, I lashed out. I apologise but the server was so tense that I got paranoid, anxious and got trust issues. I became inactive in that server on 1st January. I tried to reconcile and explain myself to the admin about my actions and I was sorry I was, but they send a crazy google document to me being passive aggressive and absolutely rude, with no respect or regard to my feelings whatsoever after I got over the shock and took some time to realise it wasn't worth explaining myself. the end. But this year I found two amazing servers that helped me to get better mental wise and I'm much happier in 2024 than 2023.

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? emmmm, I don't think that kind of thing happened to me so far because I don't hate character, I am mostly indifferent to some of them, I just see the fans playing up the antics as they are an active force compare to the character which is a passive tool to be used. But I will say that the opposite does happen to me, my interest in characters, especially interacting with others civilly or positively or both, grew well and I love creating headcanons about them or even fics hehe.

worst part of fanon the debate of the who is the most powerful saint, especially the gold saint is overdone. Camus being an abusive parent and most people ran with it, I don't personally like that headcanon because that is used to overhating the aquarius. and I think that is it really.

[tr1ck5]

(Part II of II) I do like how, in more recent years, more people are coming to Rinoa's defense, and more people are looking at her more positively. I think it really started when she became playable in Opera Omnia and Dissidia NT (both in 2018), because she's a Game Breaker in both games (and she's actually a Game Breaker in FF8 if you know how to use Angel Wing properly), and when she didn't reunite with Squall in Dissidia NT, so many people were pissed. So many people still want them to reunite in Kingdom Hearts. And almost every YouTube video I've watched of Opera Omnia where Squinoa interacted and were cute with each other, pretty much all of the comments have been positive AF

I admit, I myself wasn't the biggest fan of Rinoa or Squinoa when I first played FF8 20 years ago, even though I did use her in the active party as much as possible and tried to make Squinoa's optional interactions positive. I wouldn't say I was an anti back then, but I just didn't care for her nor their relationship. But now, after revisiting and replaying it 20 years later, Rinoa and Squinoa have grown on me. I can't really explain how my views changed; maybe it's just me maturing in the last 2 decades and understanding Rinoa's characterization and backstory and Squinoa's relationship, as well as having access to some of the few officially-translated Ultimanias, a lot better now than I did when I was 12 🤷🏻‍♀️

Certainly, for a lot of things in life, what you thought or believed in when you were 12 is gonna be way different when you're 32 👀

Sorry for the split Asks, it ended up becoming so long that I had to send 2 Asks 🤪

Oh I also absolutely agree that there is more, WAY more to Rinoa's character than being made to be saved all the time. But there IS a bit of that though, especially in the beginning... and that's completely reasonable to me considering she is essentially a civilian; she wasn't brought up in a military way and hasn't had the training that the others have had! And what I love is that it is something that she notices and brings up to the group herself: Rinoa: "I guess...I'm just scared. Sometimes...when I'm with all of you...I... feel like we're on the same wavelength......you know? But when the battles start happening, it's different. Everyone's tempo seems to pick up and... ...I get left behind. I try to catch up, but it's no use... How far is everyone going? I can't hear anyone... Once I catch up, I wonder... Is everyone safe? Will they welcome me with open arms? ......Is everyone ok? Will we all make it back together? When I start thinking like that..."

But she eventually makes up for it, because she is resourceful and smart and stubborn! And that is something I like to bring up in my own fanfic (warning: total headcanon territory); Squall himself sometimes forgets she hasn't had the same training they all did. She's a quick learner!

I also agree that by the time the game ends, with everything that's happened between them, yeah, the Seifer crush is definitely dead. What I like to think though is that Rinoa still hurts over the good memories she's had with him; grieves over the Seifer she knew pre-war crimes lol. There's a beautiful bittersweetness to it that I think is worth exploring a little, at least.

I think the 'don't interact, block and move on' strategy is always the way to go for much of online discourse. And I don't mean that when talking about stuff like politics, economy or philosophy etc; debating can and does have its place (when done in good faith of course) but there's... nothing to debate when it comes to personal tastes. No one's gonna convince you to like guacamole if you don't and you're not going to convince someone who loves it to suddenly hate it. That's how I see fandom preferences. Life is too short. Eat or don't eat the guac. Love or don't love the Rinoa. It's aight. It doesn't matter lol!

I think we definitely all collectively aged up and matured for sure! I do remember that back then people seemed more critical of Rinoa's character in general; maybe it was because we were teenagers ourselves back then? And now as adults we're more forgiving of what we couldn't realize back then was 'typical teenager behaviors'?? Haha I'm armchair-theorizing around, here. 😛

Add to that the fact that a lot of stuff like character growth and themes in FFVIII is subtle af. You kind of have to dig through a lot of optional dialogues and read between the lines on a lot of things to really 'get' the whole picture. I know 10 year-old me definitely did not have that attention span back then haha!

[pebblestompmyway]

Here I am again, commenting about stuff nobody asked me to but idc.

Headcanons and rants are my favorite jam in this fandom and I can't help but feel the need of saying something to this (the words, not the author). I confess that I've never thought about that and now it made me just realize something:

Some people take things for granted when they don't have the advantage their rivals have, picturing themselves as weak, leading them to think the others were born with it and never earn it.

It easily reminds me of the rich families vs the poor ones... or, most accurately, the pretty privilege thing. Obviously, the debate about who suffers the most (ugly people or pretty people) feels like a battlefield..., and my point here is that it might happen in the movie as well: the movie tries to convince the audience that Lou had things for granted, that he knows nothing about efforts [because of his looks] and, just like him, neither pretty people, Oh! And that his words are just mental manipulation, not allowing people to question about them and leading the uglies to always get right without being questioned by others except the enemy, and if there are, they change their mind or else... boom! Enemy.

Nonetheless, the things I object is that Lydia was the only Pretty doll who called Moxy "boss"... and I'd like to think that she did it to get on Lou's nerves, and that the Uglydolls got their respect because they passed the Gauntlet and didn't kick the baby... even so, it makes me question if Lou was being right all along or the Factory lied to him about the last thing (pretending the dynamics were established before his very existence). I mean, the prototype thing is important for the world they live in, because it clearly defines someone's fate even more than their own values, and it's all taken slightly, like a stupid little excuse.

And that's all for today, I wrote even more paragraphs about this but I erased them because reasons...

P S: The "prototype" thing respectfully was a shitty waste [to me] and ruined the reason why he didn't pass. I mean, the things he's done to the Uglydolls, Mandy, Moxy, Tuesday and the robot baby (why don't I count Nolan? Because it clearly was either you stay safe with your group or risk your own life and die in the jaws of the robot dog) were more than enough for him to stay, having that cheesy love and compassion speech from those useless robots in mind. I don't think it was needed because it obviously made Lou more sympathetic by the implications and overshadowed the moral part.

I want to think that Lou, no matter how much I love him, lied about his condition just to victimize himself and he could perfectly go to the Big World if it weren't for conveniently being an ass to everyone (including himself).

Something just struck me as I was writing something...

But, in the movie, when Lou is confronting Mandy and Moxy in the pipe, he quotes compliments that the Pretties have given him and then proceeds to say, "Do you know how long I worked for that adulation?"

He had to work for it. He never mentioned that he had been flawless from the start and everyone naturally saw him that way.

And, I'm also now realizing that I had accidentally set it up that way in my stories and especially in the prequel, Basting Stitch. That I set it up in a way where the Pretties used to think lowly of him and see him as inferior.

BUT ANYWAY-

The thing that I really wanted to note was that Lou has been working for those adulations for (insert your fanon amount of time here) and then Moxy and the Uglies just waltz into the Institute and automatically gain all of that and more by simply leading up to a reveal that Lou's a prototype?

The Pretties called Moxy "boss" by the end of the movie and not once had they ever even referred to Lou in that manner. It was always just Lou. They never called him boss, or sir, or anything that would suggest respect or authority.

Yet Moxy and her friends gain all of that in a span of, what, 83 minutes? And no, it's not like they took one step into the Institute and everyone suddenly bowed down to their feet, they worked for it too, in their own right, but still.

Lou had genuinely put, presumably, years of effort into gaining the reputation he had by the point of the movie. And outside all of that, he trained them to go to the Big World, regardless of his rapport with the Pretties.

Anywho, that was my rant. Sorry.

[bowtied-pasta]

Another callout post? On my blog? Yes.

If you simp for…

Slenderman

You have a suit kink

You absolutely have daddy issues and it’s terminal

Do I have to say anything about the tendrils or can we just all agree to not say anything about the tendrils?

Splendorman

You have a thing for that one trope where the characters are living in bliss until someone fucks with one of the characters and the other ones flips a switch and goes batshit trying to save them

How’s it feel to simp for a man that like 4% of the fandom recognizes enough to write about of their own free will?

You either headcanon he has a “normal” voice or that he has the silliest fucking clown shit going on, no in between

‘Fenderman

Much like Slender simps, I don’t believe I have to say anything about the very obvious attraction to tendrils that you have

How’s it feel to simp for a man that like 4% of the fandom recognizes enough to write about of their own free will?

You have your own version of him in your head and much like me, you have completely trashed the og scummy version of him and made him absolutely dateable

Kagekao

You probably hate wine

You have a thing for bullies that would absolutely be mean to you, regardless if that means they like you or not

You probably haven’t seen the art where his talon like toe nails actually fucking stick out of his stereotypical converse black shoes

Dark Link

You had a crush on Peter Pan when you were a kid

How’s it feel to like a character that 90% of the fandom doesn’t even know is a creepypasta?

Can I hear a “Ben is too much of a twink, so I became attracted to his goth twunk version instead.”

Zalgo

You want to be a prince/princess/royalty of some kind

You are a monster fucker and I cant explain enough how attracted to mouths you must be

You suffered through so many y/n fics that painted him as the bad guy, looking for a fic that would finally allow you to fuck him

Jeff

You absolutely read those y/n fics on quotev and wattpad and you were somehow smitten from the moment he cursed you out

You prolly have commitment issues or just emotional issues in general

You attempted an sfx version of his smile at least once. You cant lie to me

Jane

You are punk or you think punk is hot

You definitely have mommy issues

Tim

You have daddy issues

You tried smoking at some point because of this man, and if you decided you didn’t like it, you immediately moved on to try vaping

You probably like pink drinks from starbucks

Brian

Something something you like kidnapping tropes

In addition to that, you probably also like this man as a yandere

Dont even get me started on your mask kink, you cant deny it

Toby

You probably have adhd

You very likely believed his favorite food was waffles at some point, no matter how long you thought so

You like found family fics

Ben

You dont communicate very well at all

You like to call yourself a gamer. Wether or not that’s true is up for debate and I quite frankly don’t care enough to have said debate

You either despised the canon green hair picture of BEN that came out or you like it. There is no in between

E Jack

You would trust this man to patch your wounds and I can’t tell you enough how wrong you are for that

You have never tried to actually taste what kidneys are like, but growing up, you would answer those y/n quizzes as if you had eaten many organs in your short life

You, for some reason, think this man would smell good… and I’m sorry you think that

L Jack

I said this last time, but you fuck clowns

You like to say you don’t have a favorite candy, but if this man happened to give you something you didn’t like then you would be incredibly disgusted… but we both know you would eat it anyway

You don’t know if you prefer his monotone lack of color or if you think his rainbow self is nicer, but stripes… my guys, stripes just does it for ya, huh?

Helen Otis

You either are an art major or you make the mistake of over romanticizing the major by thinking it’s sexy

You can’t draw to save your life

Therapy sessions probably sound like a good date idea to you

The Puppeteer

You listened to Discord by Mandopony a lot when you were growing up

You have a bondage thing and refuse to admit it

You hate dolls because their creepy, but hell if you dont wanna be this mans “doll” for some reason

[asocial-inkblot]

Post Ideas, #3

Headcanon: Neither Zuko nor Azula were trying to backstab each other in the last turtleduck pond scene.

So after looking over the answers I got, I came to the conclusion that #3 would be a good idea to write about first. This one’s been on my mind for some time.

One of the never-ending debates within this fandom appears to be about which sibling tried to double-cross the other first, after returning home to the Fire Nation. On one side we have people claiming Azula had to have gone out of her way to bring Zuko home and reinstated as crown prince, for the sole nefarious purpose of destroying him...somehow? (I think for someone to come to this conclusion, he/she would have to focus more on facial expressions and sound effects than dialogue and plot. Intentional on the part of the series crew I’m sure.) On the other side, we have a much smaller but still note-worthy crowd that believes it was actually Zuko that was out for sibling’s blood while the two of them were in front of the pond, due to his response to Azula’s questioning. 

Both point-of-views didn’t come from nowhere and I can sympathize with either. However, I now believe that neither fire sibling was trying to harm the other (what happened before and afterward doesn’t matter much to that scene in question). 

My reasoning is as follows:

In The Awakening Zuko and Azula have finally made it back home (as have Mai and Ty Lee). Lo and Li present them to the people as their returning Princess and Prince.

Now the heroes have returned home!

Your princess, Azula... [Crowd cheers.]

And after three long years, your prince has returned...

Zuko!

Zuko reacts to the praise, but not with scorn, anger, apathy or even regret.

He reacts to it with anxiety.

Zuko approaches with a worried expression. [Crowd cheers.]

We next see them while Zuko is doing his favorite pastime at the pond, and Azula walks up to him.

Why does Azula walk up to Zuko? Why does she come to the garden that we have little reason to believe she has a strong attachment to? Well, in Azula’s own words:

You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already? Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately.

She notices his mood. She knows he’s gloomy about something but doesn’t want him to be. Especially not when things are (from her pov) going so well for him. The Mai line has been interpreted by some people from the fandom as a sex joke. I think the takeaway is the same regardless, but I’m pretty sure Azula is just trying to cheer Zuko up by (dryly) joking about the general disposition of her friend (who at this point is also his girlfriend) and by hinting to him (Azula’s not a very straightforward person like Zuko tends to be) that his presence is making a hard-to-please Mai, very happy. I think her saying Mai’s name twice was deliberate too.

I don’t sense any malicious intent on her part here.

Zuko responds to Azula’s prodding. She replies back casually, and then he states what he’s most worried about:

I haven't seen Dad yet. I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished.

So what?

So, I didn't capture the Avatar.

Up to this point, their words and even tone-of-voice are calm and unassuming. Then the mood changes when Azula asks what the problem is again.

Who cares? The Avatar is dead. [Zuko looks away.] Unless you think he somehow miraculously survived.

This moment kills me because Zuko does something right away that I noticed he actually does more than once with Azula.

He looks away! It’s brief but it’s there. Everyone’s different, but when I look away after someone confronts me on something, it usually means that I’m 1. afraid of something or 2. ashamed of something. Zuko has reason to feel both here. He’s being confronted by Azula on a gravely important matter.

So after he looks away, Zuko remembers how Katara told him about the spirit water while they were in the Crystal Catacombs, before Azula arrived.

[During flashback.] This is water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole. It has special properties, so I've been saving it for something important.

Wait, hold on a second. Did Katara just...not mention anything about the water being able to bring people back from the dead (aka help them survive as we saw Katara do for Aang)? Nope, she didn’t. She doesn’t imply that it can do that in the previous episode either. Here’s her saying the same thing but with another line and extra bit of info at the end:

[Holds up a vial.] This is water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole. It has special properties, so I've been saving it for something important. [Moves in front of Zuko.] I don't know if it would work, but...

Even Katara doesn’t know what it would do. So why would Zuko? I think it’s obvious by this point that Azula wouldn’t know about it either.

After Zuko’s done having his probably-would-have-been-good-to-know-about flashback, he responds in a way that actually makes sense when you think about it.

No. There's no way he could have survived. [They glare at each other.]

Of course he’d respond that way. Why should he think anything else or assume he should tell her any differently? Who ever heard of someone coming back from the dead anyway? (Don’t answer that.) They glare at each other sure, but is that really evidence that either of them at this point had it out for each other? Sometimes people glare when someone proves them wrong. Sometimes people glare as a response to someone else’s glare. An angry expression isn’t synonymous with “watch your back”. 

Now I’ll admit, Azula looking immediately displeased implies that she’s caught on and will bite back (though not necessarily try and horribly harm him, which she doesn’t do), but that’s only after Zuko lied to her (remember, we’re focusing on this scene only). She may not objectively know that he lied, but in her heart she knows, because he’s her brother. And he likely has failed to fool her in the past. I also don’t think Azula is the type to care all that much about reasons, only outcomes. Ends over means. So even if she knew for a fact that Zuko wasn’t trying to hurt her here, she’d still be livid and would still probably want to teach him a lesson about lying in such a way that multiple people could get screwed over.

Now to those still unconvinced about Azula’s innocence: What reason do you think she would have to want to harm Zuko for no reason?

To those sure that Zuko was being the crappiest sibling ever here: What do you think Zuko was trying to accomplish exactly? 

Honest questions btw. Why would either sibling want to hurt each other in this scene? They’re not “good” people (and Zuko’s especially bad at being a sibling at this point) but...why? 

I also think another argument to be had is whether Zuko is even cruel/conniving/smart enough to suddenly want to “throw Azula under the bus”. That would mean knowingly feeding her to the man that burnt him. Would he want her to be burned? Would he do that, and at that exact moment? We can only hope he’d never try to do something so low.

With that said, one of these days I’ll make a post about Zuko’s overall intelligence and intentions towards others (including those he has some bad blood with). It’s a number on that post somewhere.

Next up in important-ish discussion topics: #5

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

Henlo! I'm curious what your fave Sonic character(s) is ^^ and do you have any headcanons for them?

oh boy! okay i'm going to do my best to answer this but i have been in this fandom forever and could write a dissertation on just like,,, one character. so instead i'll sparknote some cute things about my top 4 and if you want to hear a more elaborate response i can do separate posts for each of them! it was hard enough to pick a couple characters since i love them all 😊

1) espio the chameleon

i love this little purple man so much oh my god. for starters, i'd like to think he isn't as serious as a lot of people make him out to be. yeah he seems chill but let's be real, he's arrogant and i love every second of it! he definitely radiates hot topic vibes but we're talking ronnie radke, hollywood undead vibes. definitely an e-boy but not in the fake alt way, he just radiates soft-grunge vibes? he's bisexual with a male lean and definitely dated mighty at some point, but i personally ship him with wave (more on that in a second!) his best friend is silver (i ship them too tbh) but his friends are rouge and shadow for the most part. he's the character closest to shadow (personality wise, not emotional proximity) and i adore their interactions in shadow's game so i sorta ship them too...? ahhh this is supposed to be about headcanons! anyways, i think he's fun to be around and has a thing for people with good stories to tell: wave about the past, silver about the future, and rouge/shadow with the present as agents. i think the cooperation between the chaotix detective agency and GUN is something people should write more often! oh, and he likes green tea boba ✨

2) wave the swallow

god, she made me realize i like girls and i still absolutely adore her. it was taken down but at one point years ago, her birthday was listed as november 11th which makes her a scorpio, and as a fellow scorpio i stand by it! she's also definitely bi but with a female lean, and her best friend/occasional partner is rouge. they remind me of maddy and cassie from euphoria, but wave isn't as bitter as maddy ofc. i feel like people forget that storm and jet are pretty damn incompetent without her, she literally does everything for them and that's a big nod to her people pleasing. yeah she's arrogant, but she's not wrong in being self absorbed because she keeps things running! she radiates hayley kiyoko, p!nk, 100gecs, and paramore vibes. she's a baddie but a softie! i think her and espio would be amazing together (even platonically) because he loves learning and debates, and she has a lot to say and needs someone to respond, as opposed to zoning out. i feel like she could be a famous rollerskater on tiktok or something, and would have her own line of custom gear! she might be cold and competitive, but she's really sweet and just has no way of expressing it... poor girl. i think her and sonic could be amazing friends, and i'd love to see more art of them being pals and going on adventures together!

3. shadow the hedgehog

hehehehehe oh boy, as the current love interest of my fixation character, shadow is getting more attention than usual these days! i always liked him but my fave boy and girl were espio and wave for the longest time, so finally getting to fixate on shadow is great for me! shadow is neurodivergent, basically in canon. his memory issues are both trauma related and just a part of his programming. something that i admire about espio and shadow being friends is that the former loves authority and doesn't need it, but the latter despises it but needs it. shadow was created to obey, and so even if GUN wrongs him a thousand times, he needs them. it's why he keeps going back to eggman, and helps sonic when asked. shadow might not admit it, but he has a saviour complex! although i agree that with modern music he'd listen to like mcr and pierce the veil etc, i think he'd also resonate with sex pistols and other music from the decades he missed while in stasis (footloose is probably one of his fave movies just because of the killer soundtrack!) he loves flowers and does his best to take care of plants, has nervous tics, and the reason his quills turn upwards is because of all the chaos energy he has! super sonic's quills turn up when transformed, and shadow is constantly tapped into that energy: even with inhibitors it's a lot to manage. shadow also loves reading, and i think his favourite book would be The Wars by Timothy Findley (amazing read, please check it out because it reminds me so much of Shadow oh my god)

4. INFINITE!!!

okay i have to keep this one short but he is currently my favourite character, and i could talk about him forever. i know SEGA claims his real name is Infinite, but i headcanon that in the village he came from he wasn't given a name because he was considered a burden and a curse (due to his heterochromia and other reasons). for me he was called araperi or ara (nothing/no in Georgian) because they only referred to him via negative reinforcement. the scar on his eye is because either he or another jackal tried to claw it out when he was little because it made him an outcast and he wanted to belong. he only started school when he was in highschool and never really learned how to read english (i base a lot of his village lore around Georgia and my experiences with Georgian culture- even though my culture was erased when i got adopted lol). he only learned english through musical theatre, and is fluent but not very literate in english (can't read or write very well). he radiates younger sibling vibes so i headcanon that he has 4 older sisters who all treated him pretty bad on varying levels. after a year or two of highschool he ran away with some friends and after meeting more nomads, squad jackal was eventually formed! infinite (or finn as i sometimes call him) was definitely into theatre (his favourite musical being sweeney todd) and he's an AMAZING singer, acting too (which is sorta canon because he adopted shadow's personality and fighting style after their first encounter and rehearsed a whole monologue lmao). his singing voice sounds like clem turner's but with a bit more rasp, probably because i feel like he'd listen to bring me the horizon and kim dracula! infinite is actually a big puppy once he likes you, he's just secretly awkward and insecure as hell (maybe the last part isn't a secret, haha)

wow, this was longer than expected and i feel like i hardly said anything, but this is sorta where i'm at with these four! i could talk about them forever though, so feel free to ask follow ups or request a full post for them, any ships i mentioned (or didn't) or if you want a post about anyone else!

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Hello! I have a given question if you don't mind. I absolutely fall in love with akiugetsu and I was a little heart broken when they didn't end up together. But something I don't understand is why did they drag out this complicated relationship. They were both suffering and wanted to end it but didn't and they both were with others but still continued. If they were still in love why couldn't they work on it to be a couple again?

Hello, dear anon and a fellow AkiUgetsu enthusiast!

I don’t mind Given asks at all. They are both a nice change to 19 Days posts and also a challenge since Given is a very different kind of work to analyze.

So far, I have talked about AkiUgetsu a couple of times:

My thoughts on AkiUgetsu’s story

My thoughts on Akihiko forcing himself on Haruki

About Ugetsu and Akihiko’s lack of motivation

I will probably repeat some of the things I have already said, but quite a lot of time has passed since my first ever Given ask. I have had many interesting discussions, thoughts, and notes since then about AkiUgetsu, so I wanted to take this ask as a chance to perhaps update some of the previous things. Given is the kind of very layered and complex story that you always find new things to mull over.

To me, it looks like you kind of had two questions: Why didn’t AkiUgetsu end their relationship earlier if they were both unhappy? Why couldn’t they have tried to fix it and the story took the AkiHaru road? I’ll be dividing my answer according to those two matters.

“why did they drag out this complicated relationship”

I would say AkiUgetsu is by far the most complicated relationship in Given, so I don’t think there is one clearcut answer to that. Both Akihiko and Ugetsu had their own complex and conflicting feelings regarding each other. And to make matters even more complicated, they were both poor at communicating when it came to each other.

I tend to visualize AkiUgetsu in two ways: a cycle and two layers on top of each other. I think both of those dynamics of their relationship contributed to them not being able to let go of each other and dragging it out as you put it.

Circles repeat themselves, but even they have a beginning that started it all. I think the beginning of the AkiUgetsu circle was when Ugetsu wanted to break up for the first time (vol. 4 ch. 17):

Ugetsu loved Akihiko. Before meeting Akihiko, Ugetsu’s life and passion had only revolved around music and the violin. But the more he fell in love with Akihiko, the more Ugetsu realized his passion was being pulled away from his music. Instead of chasing new heights in the violin, he was “chasing” Akihiko as in his mind was more filled with him. (There were also reasons regarding Akihiko, but I will get to those a bit later.)

I think that kind of disturbance of his priorities made Ugetsu both uneasy and scared. It felt like he was losing control. His music that was such an essential part of him that it borderline defined him was becoming almost stagnated. He was in this place where Akihiko loved him and he loved Akihiko but he was staying there at the expense of his music.

The bottom line is, he didn’t want to break up with Akihiko because he didn’t love him (anymore) but rather because his love for Akihiko was threatening something that was at the very core of Ugetsu’s existence. And I feel where he was coming from in all that. In fact, it’s something I can even relate to in his character.

But it seems to me like he never explained any of that to Akihiko. He just said that they should “end this already”. That choice of words was the end result of his own contemplating, so it sounded as such as well. Like there was this laundry list of problems in their relationship, and they should put a stop to it already. To Akihiko, this all seemed to come as a surprise and shock. Like he didn’t know what Ugetsu was talking about and despite them fighting a lot, Akihiko still thought they had been happy. And if Ugetsu didn’t explain his thought process and real reasons - like I strongly suspect he didn’t - I’m sure it all sounded to Akihiko like Ugetsu didn’t love him anymore.

It wasn’t told to us in the comic, but I have always had this headcanon that Akihiko suggested they stayed roommates. Maybe he suggested it as such or maybe he originally asked for time to find a new place and it never happened. Maybe he suggested they stayed under the same roof to see if they could still be something. Regardless, I think it was Akihiko who was reluctant to accept Ugetsu’s decision. And that ultimately wore out Ugetsu’s resolve which was on a shaky basis to begin with. After all, he still loved Akihiko and wanted to be with him, and deciding to break up was painful. So, when he allowed Akihiko to stay as a roommate, it was like an in-between solution that ended up entering them both in the painful cycle.

Then for two years, they were stuck in a circle that replayed the highs and lows of their relationship (vol. 4 ch. 20):

Whenever they had been apart for a while, they remembered the good they had together. They knew each other in and out and had years of history together. It was as if they both took comfort in the other one always being there. No matter who Ugetsu dated or where Akihiko spent the night, they could still fall back to each other when it all went back to “normal”. It was familiar and safe in many ways. Ultimately those honeymoon phases discouraged both of them to seriously move on. Ugetsu dated people halfheartedly and Akihiko could feel like he was needed in Ugetsu’s life again.

But the lows of the circle were also like small break-ups over and over again. For Akihiko especially, it was like being suddenly reminded of their real relationship status. That he was in this position from two years ago once again. Ugetsu didn’t love him and he was pushing Akihiko away. And Ugetsu being unable to take the last step and make up his mind already was frustrating to Akihiko. He still had feelings for Ugetsu, so he needed Ugetsu to put an end to it. All the while he didn’t know that Ugetsu was feeling the same and was waiting for Akihiko to walk away.

So, as I said, complicated with a side of poor communication.

Besides the cycle that was very hard for both of them to break, I think they were stuck also because there were two layers in their relationship as roommates. (vol. 3 ch. 16):

Officially and on the surface, they were just roommates. On paper, they weren’t romantically involved anymore and both free to date and sleep with other people. So, in this regard, Ugetsu had a full right to date whoever he wanted without that making him a “whore”, “slut”, or “cheater” as I have seen him being called in the fandom. He and Akihiko weren’t in a romantic relationship anymore, so he was single.

But I still understand why Akihiko got angry when he walked in on Ugetsu sleeping with that other guy and why the situation escalated. Below their official relationship status, under the surface, they were still very much romantically involved with each other. Akihiko still had feelings for Ugetsu, and Ugetsu still had feelings for Akihiko. They had sex together, they were still intimate with each other. It wasn’t said out loud but they weren’t just roommates and they were both aware of that. So, when Ugetsu slept with someone else which he was free to do, it still hurt Akihiko because it disregarded what they had going on under the surface.

That second hidden layer was also something that kept them dragging their relationship on as well. They had this “roommates with benefits” relationship going on while the strings of their previous official relationship were still firmly attached.

As far as the fandom discourse goes, I think this is where a lot of debate is brewed. The two layers created this “yes, but...” situation between AkiUgetsu. And I think people sometimes knowingly ignore one of them to support their interpretation of Akihiko and Ugetsu one way or another. I don’t personally think that you can be black and white about their situation.

What ultimately kept them together was both of them being unable to let go and waiting for the other one to sever their relationship. And so, together they sunk deeper and deeper while clinging to and rekindling memories despite both being miserable and in pain. Ugetsu wanted to be with Akihiko but he couldn’t feel at peace with him and he didn’t want to keep hurting Akihiko. Akihiko clung to Ugetsu because he loved him and some of that love still lingered, but the more he refused to let go the more he was putting himself down.

“If they were still in love why couldn't they work on it to be a couple again?”

Even though AkiUgetsu is most definitely my Given OTP, their final break-up still made sense to me and I think it needed to happen. I think the end of their relationship was already sowed in the beginning of their relationship.

As I already said about Ugetsu, despite loving Akihiko, he wasn’t at peace. He was also (and originally) in love with music and couldn’t have both fit in his life without feeling suffocated. I also mentioned there were reasons regarding Akihiko to which I would come back later. I think those reasons were another big factor why their relationship couldn’t work despite them loving each other.

Ugetsu didn’t originally want to break up just for his own sake but also for Akihiko (vol. 4 ch. 17):

When Akihiko was faced with Ugetsu’s immense natural talent, he both fell in love with it but also resented it. It excited him but discouraged him at the same time. And eventually, he lost his drive and motivation for music (violin) and gave up on it.

I think that reaction was a defense mechanism of sorts for Akihiko. In the presence of such intense talent, it was scary to try his best and still come second. That would have only confirmed what Akihiko already was thinking about. So, it was safer to give up, but that was painful, too. Giving up on one’s passion doesn’t kill the passion. It just gets shoved almost violently away in a place where you can pretend to have forgotten about it. That only became easier when Akihiko started playing the drums where he could find a proper distraction from the violin.

I don’t think any of that escaped Ugetsu. He noticed Akihiko’s lack of motivation and thought it was a shame. He knew Akihiko was good and had plenty of talent, but he had lost his trigger to evolve. On some level, Ugetsu realized Akihiko was giving up on the violin because of him. That Ugetsu’s music was painful for Akihiko. That his music was making Akihiko feel and do things he didn’t want to.

So, even though they loved each other when they broke up for the first time, it was the kind of love that made them unhappy. Now, could they have worked out those issues back then with proper communication? To some extent, maybe. Maybe they could have talked about Akihiko’s insecurity and figured out solutions for it. Maybe Ugetsu could have found a balance between the violin and Akihiko.

I want to say maybe, but...I tend to lean more towards a no. To me, those issues were about how they reacted to each other. I think Ugetsu would have always made Akihiko feel inferior and Akihiko would have always made Ugetsu feel like he had to make an either-or decision. I think those feelings would have always been underlying in their relationship.

And by the time they broke up for good, I think their relationship was at a point where there was nothing left to safe. When Akihiko finally decided to walk away from Ugetsu, I’m not sure if there still was the kind of love left between them that could have been salvaged. Over the years, it had twisted and changed shades. I honestly couldn’t have seen how they could had gone back after the pain they had put each other through. Instead of loving each other like they had used to, their relationship had become more about being afraid of letting go.

I don’t think neither of them - and especially Akihiko - could realize the state of their actual feelings until Akihiko spent some time living with Haruki. It both broke the cycle but also effectively helped Akihiko see the situation from a proper distance. He had loved Ugetsu but it had turned suffocating and he was scared to go back to it. He didn’t want to go back to it. He also realized his passion for music again, now with the trigger that Ugetsu had talked about. I’m not saying all this to make Ugetsu sound like the villain or poison, but Akihiko needed to get away to see things with a clearer mind.

Then there is also the development of AkiUgetsu to AkiHaru to consider. Now, I feel like I have to make something clear before entering this part of my answer. I do not ship AkiHaru. In fact, it’s probably my Given NOTP. Personally, I don’t see any romantic/sexual chemistry between them and I think they would have been better off as friends regardless of how AkiUgetsu ended. For me to feel their relationship, I think their development should have been executed better/differently.

But all that being said, the overall move from AkiUgetsu to AkiHaru made sense. It was the poetically satisfying storyline choice for Akihiko instead of AkiUgetsu being the endgame despite everything. From darkness to light. From the basement to the balcony. From losing motivation to being driven again. From coming in second to being someone’s number one. From angst to fluff.

As much as I’m not interested in AkiHaru, I do recognize its poetically symbolic value. I think to an author, Ugetsu-Akihiko-Haruki was an excellent opportunity to build parallels and “healing” type of character development. So, as such, I understand why the story went as it went despite preferring some other routes.

Thank you for your question, dear anon! It’s always nice to bump into AkiUgetsu folks!

[neroushalvaus]

Top 10 favourite characters from any fandom

I was tagged by @limalepakko , thank you! Since I have recently listed male characters here (or you know, in August, but we all know time hasn't been a thing for many moons), I took the liberty to list characters in general this time. I also went with which characters feel right at the moment, so does not show all my favourites. I also try to keep these short. (edit: okay so these are not remotely short, I will post a list first and have the explanations be under the cut, read if you want to hear my ramblings c': )

1. Fantine, Les Misérables 2. Javert / Jean Valjean, Les Misérables (yes i am cheating) 3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black 4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple 5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale 6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies 7. Rock Lee, Naruto 8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey 9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E 10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

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1. Fantine, Les Misérables

I love Fantine with all my heart. I remember reading Les Mis for the first time and her story sending chills down my spine. Her character development makes me so sad, from a girl who falls hard and fast and won't deny anything from her lover, to a woman who is so beaten down by society that she can't do anything but laugh at her fate. But I love how she doesn't lose her pride or her fighting spirit and how she still has the guts to spit in Valjean's face when she sees him after being arrested. And I love how all she does is for her daughter and how despite selling "the gold on her head and the pearls in her mouth" she is content, because all that matters to her is that Cosette will live.

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2. Javert & Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

I was really trying to limit this list to one character per fandom, but alas, I am but a weak little person. Thus, I am cheating already. The thing is that when it comes to Les Mis characters, Fantine, Javert and Valjean are the eternal top 3 for me, but I'm never quite able to say who I love the most. Last time I picked Javert for the male character meme because I love the symbolism and critique of society his character embodies, but let it be known that Jean Valjean is the best character in all of literature and I will fight you on this. The original soft on crime icon (aside from Jesus Christ but they're the same and you know it). Valjean's character journey is such a complicated one from an ordinary man (no worse than any man) to a person, who had been shaped by society and criminal justice system to be a very dangerous man, to someone you could compare to a saint if you wanted to... To an ordinary man, who would do anything for his daughter. He has so many character-defining moments, the biggest ones being in my opinion the trial of Champmathieu and letting Javert go instead of killing him. I just love Jean Valjean so much and could speak about him for hours.

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3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black

Hopping away from the Les Mis hole and into a OITNB hole. I was debating on whether I'd put Boo or Pennsatucky on this list since I love them both so much, but I've been feeling so much love for my angry butch king that it had to be her. First of all, I'm just so happy to see butch lesbian representation where the butch identity is not just a joke. I know OITNB sometimes uses Boo questionably, but in general she is a nuanced character and one of the most interesting ones in the series in my opinion. I'm so sad they forgot all about her on the last seasons. I love everything about her, how she has trouble with feelings besides anger and often deflects serious stuff through humor, how fiercely protective she is of those she loves (boosatucky otp forever fucking fight me), how proud she is of her butch identity ("i refuse to be invisible")... Also, not to express attraction, but... Mama I'm in love with a criminal. And not to be a slut for how characters view religion/spirituality/God, but the relieved smile she has in one of her flashbacks when she says "there's no God... there's nothing", like you can't just do stuff like that and expect me not to love the character to bits.

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4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple

Last time I listed Poirot and was a bit frustrated I couldn't list Marple, but now it's time to right that wrong! I love this little old lady so much. I love Agatha Christie so much for just going "you know who is the person who knows everything that's going on in a community, and thus would make the perfect detective for a detective story? the nosy old woman". As she is introduced in The Murder at the Vicarage: "Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner — Miss Weatherby is a mixture of vinegar and gush. Of the two Miss Marple is much more dangerous." She is so likable and witty, you can't help but love her. My favourite portrayal of her is by Geraldine McEwan, she looks so gentle but has such a sharp gaze. I would spill all my secrets to her any day. I also am compelled to tell you that when I was a child we had a costume party at my school and I dressed up as Marple and learned some old lady things in English (it was before third grade so I didn't know much English back then) just for the occasion (such as "thank you, my dear", "what a lovely necklace you are wearing" or "there has been a murder"). Teacher might have thought me rather morbid but I remember that day being quite good.

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5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale is such a great series and a book and Aunt Lydia is such a great character. The way she's capable of being absolutely cruel and vicious, but how she is also protective and caring in her own way. One of my favourite scenes in this series is when Serena Joy (my other favourite, can you tell) tells Lydia to "remove the damaged ones" from a line of handmaids and Lydia tries to argue with her. Sure, she is responsible for some of the punishments these women are now "damaged" by, but she truly believes those punishments were for a greater good and now the handmaids deserve their place with the others as much as anyone else. It is chilling and the character is such a dark shade of morally gray, but I can't get enough of it. The actress who plays her, Ann Dowd, has so interesting thoughts about her, like here. I just love this character so much I could scream.

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6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies

I'm mostly talking about the movies here because Renée Zellweger's performance is iconic. Plus the movies are what made me love this character first. But I'll give it to the books, they're one of the few books I've laughed out loud while reading. Anyway, how do you even begin explaining the love I have for Bridget Jones... I love how she is a character so many people can relate but who would be a comic relief side character in some other story. Yes, yes, it is really bad that she is constantly described as fat when she really is not, but when I was growing up she gave me hope that people who are viewed as fat and/or unattractive by other people can be admired and appreciated, and they don't have to be super talented at everything and highly intelligent and some kind of a super smooth social butterfly to "make up" for what they "lack". And also that they can have standards (i once dodged a bullet by rejecting someone by pretty much subconsciously quoting Bridget Jones so..). I also love how the comedic tone of everything does not dismiss Bridget's feelings. For example in some other movie we maybe would concentrate on how "stupid" Bridget was to trust that Daniel was in love with her, but in Bridget Jones we concentrate on how Bridget was hurt by Daniel cheating on her, how he is the one who did wrong. Idk I just love Bridget Jones so very much can you tell.

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7. Rock Lee, Naruto

Aka the boy who would have kicked Madara in the balls if Kishimoto had any sense of drama and good storytelling. I think I robbed Lee by not putting him on the fav male characters list. You know that post that goes like "gays be like 'these are my comfort characters', 1 literal ray of sunshine, 2 war criminal" etc? This child is the sunshine. I've been reading and watching Naruto again ( @hapanmaitogai is my sideblog for that nonsense) and I'm so ready to adopt Lee and/or Gai. Rock Lee is just such an earnest character, he has a goal he will give anything to achieve and he's the one true underdog in this manga. I love how he's so kind and polite (it's not so clear in English but in the Finnish translation he speaks as formally as he does in Japanese, he uses singular polite "you", calls Sakura "Sakura-neiti" = "Miss Sakura" etc... i love one polite boy). Also, he has the best fights in the series. Like Lee vs Gaara is a Classic, but we simply can't forget that time Lee absolutely crushed Sasuke in just a few minutes, or that time he politely asked Kimimaro not to kill him while he drinks his medicine. The best boy. I love that boy so much.

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8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey

Last time it was Thomas' turn, so now I must talk about the snakiest snake, the queen of weaponized handmaidenry, Miss O'Brien. She is such a great character especially in the first two seasons (I obviously love her on season three as well but Julian Fellowes really tried to make it hard by not explaining her actions at all, didn't he. Well, luckily I am ready to stuff the gaps with my headcanons). She has some of the best comebacks in the series and brings some needed realism in some conversations. I also love how she uses her position as a lady's maid for her advantage and how she is proud of her profession despite being highly aware of the power structures in the Abbey. And then there is the soap. That is such a good character moment, because for a character who always plans ahead, who is ruthless and cunning and intelligent... I don't think O'Brien thought about the soap thing at all before she left the room ("Sarah O'Brien, this is not who you are" hit me like a train). Just once she did something with nothing but anger motivating her and that became one of the defining moments of her character. And one of the defining things of the future relationship between her and Cora. That's why I find the Sarah/Cora ship so interesting, because there will always be the undercurrent of bitter regret. Also Sarah O'Brien and Thomas Barrow are the greatest brotp and Fellowes was a coward for driving the smoking scheming gay best friends apart, and

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9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E

I'm not saying L.M. Montgomery is entirely responsible for me having a fondness for strict, older women who first act unkind but have a heart of gold, but she most certainly did not help. Between characters like Marilla Cuthbert and Elizabeth Murray, how can you not fall in love with the type? It's been a while since I read the Anne series, but I really love how Marilla's character has been adapted into the Anne with an E tv series. Geraldine James looks like she was born to play her, she has me in tears so often. She has the ability to portray someone like Marilla, who is a very hard and stern person but feels deeply for her loved ones. I was watching the episode that dealt with Matthew's heart attack and Marilla berating her brother while hugging herself like she was trying so hard to hold herself together absolutely destroyed my heart.

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10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

It was a tough choice between her and Sister Evangelina. I just love these nuns very much. Sister Monica Joan is such a lovable and wise character. She is so knowledgeable of many subjects, from the Bible to astrology, and I feel like her unspecified memory problems and confusion are handled very tastefully. I also love how she's such an important part of her community despite not working as a midwife anymore. She is such a kind woman and gets visibly upset when others are treated poorly. And how could I not mention her saying "I do not believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place", like... I love her so so much.

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I won't tag anyone, but if you read this and you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and you're no allowed to mark me as the one who tagged you!

[hopeswriting]

FANDOM: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

EVENT: Flufftober 2020 

PROMPT: Breakfast in Bed

AUTHOR: @hopeswriting​

RATING: G

PAIRING: Adult!Verde & Adult!Fon

SUMMARY:

Verde is sick and Fon brings him his breakfast in bed to be nice.

WORDS: 915 (BONUS: 1502)

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Fon releases a burst of Storm flames through Verde’s room, then two more before he takes a step in. He’s not fool enough to think he disabled every devices set up by Verde though, but it’ll have to do.

He puts the tray on the bedside table, and turns on the lamp.

Verde is hidden under the blanket, doesn’t move, breathes evenly as if sleeping. Fon kicks the bed.

“Don’t make me knock you out to actually get you to sleep. Hand them over.”

Verde plays dead. Fon flares his flames and he bursts out of the blanket, his skin pale, his stubble unkempt, with dark bags under his eyes, and his hair in a total disarray.

He throws his phone at him.

“The others too.”

Verde rummages under the blanket and throws a couple of more phones, gives up two laptops from under the pillows, and a third one from a secret place in the headboard.

“Your watch too.”

Verde glares at him throughout the whole process of throwing his watch at him, aiming for it to go straight through his skull if the force—and the flames—he used is anything to go by.

Fon rolls his eyes.

He fries the devices one by one with his flames, and slips in the bed. He releases one last burst of Storm flames through the mattress and the bed frame to disable the last of hidden devices.

“Be glad I'm leaving you your glasses. And speaking of them, you didn’t even take them off. How much of an idiot do you think I am?”

“A lifetime wouldn’t be enough for me to answer you.”

Fon plays deaf out of the sheer generosity of his heart. He picks up the tray, and holds it still on his lap the time for Verde to settle against the headboard too.

“How do you feel today?”

“Perfectly fine. And I have things to do, so I would like it if you could release me already.”

“You’re sick. Science told us that, or are you going to deny it? Here, try some bread.”

Verde slaps the slice of bread from his hands. “And whose fault is that? Who’s the idiot who infected me?”

“Yes, because you live such a healthy life Verde. I can’t possibly imagine how else you could have gotten sick.”

“I’m the smartest man in the world.” Fon slumps against the headboard and starts munching on the bread. “I could single-handedly bring society into a new age, a society you’re part of, but here I am.”

“Single-handedly? That’s quite rude to all your fellows competent scientists.”

“You’re right, actually. They might even contribute more than me, as I’m certain they’re not being forcefully bed-ridden as we’re talking.”

“Are you going to just keep talking?” Fon holds a spoonful to his mouth. “Here, try some soup then. I don’t want you to go on a coughing fit on me again.”

Verde drinks his soup obediently, and oh, he does plan to keep talking then? God forbid.

“Where’s Reborn when you need him?”

“On a job.”

“Where’s Luce? She can’t possibly agree with this.”

Fon scoffs. “Luce can’t save you now. She said she won’t take a step in the mansion again before we’re all proven to be in perfect health.”

Verde grumbles, and mumbles, and mutters, kicking his feet—kicking Fon’s feet, and on purpose, Fon is sure.

He slumps against him, rests his head on his shoulder, so obviously sick Fon can’t believe they managed to debate on the fact so many times already.

“You’re all incompetent.”

“For the record, Viper proposed to attach you to the bed until you’re healed, and I’m the only one who stood against that. So you might want to show some gratefulness sometimes soon.”

“You’re all incompetent, brainless, primitive, and a total waste of space.”

“You want some yogurt?”

“You’re all so incompetent, brainless, primitive, and a total waste of space, and—”

Fon shoves the spoonful of yogurt into his mouth. Verde spits it out right back on the tray.

Fon musters all the patience he can.

Was it him that also stood against Lal when she proposed to daze him in Rain flames? What an unwise man he was then.

“This is disgusting Verde.”

“That was incredibly rude. I was talking.”

Fon smiles, with teeth. “I’m listening.”

“Well, as I was saying, you’re all so incompetent, brainless, primitive, and a total waste of space, and I hate you all.” He pushes his glasses back up his nose, smirking smugly. “That’s all.”

Fon crushes the spoon in his fist, stabs it in the tray. He grabs his chin.

“You listen to me well. You will play nice with me from now on, or I will stop playing nice with you and make this whole recovery so much worse than you could imagine. You’ll never be afraid of anything more than falling sick ever again, because every time you’ll catch the symptoms I’ll come haunt you in your dreams like the most frightening omen of death.” He leans his forehead against his, and brushes their noses together tenderly. “Rightfully so. Did we understand each other?”

Verde blinks slowly, a sharp focus shining in his green eyes. “Interesting. I feel unreasonably turned on right now.”

Fon raises his eyebrow. “What’s so unreasonable about that?” He headbutts him lightly, and settles against the headboard again so Verde can rest his head back on his shoulder. “Now be reasonable and finish your soup sagely.”

*

BONUS:

I headcanon Fon as a sweetheart at heart who can and will go feral if needed, but let’s go with just Feral!Fon instead.

That’s just who he is at his core, his default state, just completely feral, Take No Shit and Give No Fuck, very indulgent to his every desire, 24/7.

Now of course he learned all about being mannered, and harmless/trustworthy looking, and sweet, and restrained because it is needed for the job sometimes, and he can play the part flawlessly, but even then sometimes he just can’t bother.

Just… No, You Live In A Society And I Intend To Break Every Last One Of Its Rules!Fon, you know?

Fon being an actual Storm à la Gokudera, but so much worse (or so much better I guess, depending on how you see it asdfgh).

And so when he meets with the other Arcobaleno, he kind of just sets the tone for all their future interactions.

------

He meets with the Arcobaleno at the meeting of the Chosen Seven, and his vibes instantly rub Reborn’s, Verde’s, Lal’s and Luce’s the wrong way.

On the other hand Skull and Viper decide to love him, and it’s the birth of such a chaotic trio, Reborn can only be jealous and admiring.

(And he can’t help but side with them whenever it’s time to face consequences, because he just can’t let such a harbinger of chaos being censored.)

------

Reborn takes one look at Fon and immediately feels so deeply offended and challenged. “I can see you’re a little shit who likes to be a pain in the ass with the people you care about, but this is my role and there can be only one of us.”

Fon takes one look at Reborn and goes “We could have been such a wonderful team, but I can see you like to be the only one in control and I don’t like being told what to do, so you will have to go down.”

It’s not even an hour in the mansion on their first day, and Fon tries to rip Reborn’s smirk off of his face, and pluck his smug black eyes, and cut off his sliver tongued all with his bare hands, because “No, sorry, I’m Take No Shit Give No Fuck!Fon, so you’ll just have to be your insufferable self with someone else.”

It’s their first fight of many more to come.

------

Luce has none of their bullshit. She is pregnant, and she can’t believe she even needs to point it out because “Hello, can’t you see this big belly of mine? You will behave or god help you.”

She straight up uses her flames on them to daze them whenever they’re about to lash out on each other too much.

Not in a way where she’s forcing her flames on them or crossing boundaries of course, but just enough they don’t want to risk losing their own limbs if they were to power through her flames.

And when she really can give no fuck either, she just straight up… fakes some kind of help-my-pregnancy-is-going-wrong induced attack.

She just collapses on the ground, wailing, her arms tight around her belly, fake tears rolling on her face, begging like she’s being murdered in the worst of way.

The others are losing their mind other this because “What if one day it’s for real??? And what if we’re too late because we wasted time thinking it wasn’t?????? You can’t keep doing this, we’re begging you to stop.”

And Luce looks them straight in the eye and goes “Well maybe it’s time for you to act like adults who are actually adulting like they should.”

And then they all laugh because “What kind of unrealistic demand is that? Woah, you’re so hilarious Luce, who knew.”

(They just start doing it behind Luce’s back like little kids being naughty and not wanting their parents to catch them.)

------

Skull takes absolutely none of their shits either and it puzzles them all because “Uhmm, excuse you? You’re a civilian?? And we’re literally the Strongest people in the world???”

And he’s like “What, like it’s hard???”

(And it really doesn’t look like it’s hard for him, and it makes them lose their mind like nothing else ever did.)

Now Skull isn’t BAMF in this, and didn’t learn to use his flames in any significant way before meeting them, but he simply has the highest amount of flames and can go on for the longest time.

(And he’s actually very high on the list of the ones whose flames have the most raw power.)

Skull just retreats in what he calls his Cocoon whenever they want to try anything.

He surrounds himself with thick, dense (and powerful) amount of Cloud flames—the others swear they could actually cut like butter—, and chills in the middle of it until they tire themselves trying to push through.

(And then when they grow out of their urge to bully/take advantage of their “weakest” link, and they actual have a healthy relationship with him, he uses his Cocoon to avoid any consequences whenever he messes with them.)

Fon loves trying to break through his Cocoon. Fon is the best at trying to break through his Cocoon. Fon gets worryingly better and better at trying to break through his Cocoon.

Skull asks for proper flames trying from Viper and Lal because hell no, he doesn’t want to find out what will happen once Fon actually breaks through.

------

Verde never regretted his intelligence more than now he has to be around these people because of it.

And it’s actually saying all that needs to be said because he actually never regretted his intelligence even once in his life before.

He takes it upon himself to be the bigger person, and just ignores them and lets them to their devices. He fully expects the favor to be returned.

The favor is not returned.

Mostly because the others always want him to help them with their new childish plan of the day, or playing referee, or tacking side.

But also they’d be simply heartbroken to have to play favorites, and so they simply have to mess with him too.

And even then Verde takes it and bears with it because he’s the Smartest Man in the World, and he has other things of utmost importance to do, thank you very much.

But he’s just a man at the end of the day, and always snap at them eventually.

It’s always the most interesting weeks to live in the mansion when he does.

------

Lal just wants some predictability in this godforsaken house. She wants to have landmarks, a routine to fall back to.

Is that too much to ask? Apparently. Is it going to stop her? It will not.

If the others aren’t willing to cooperate with her, she simply will make them do it anyway. This is a treat.

She falls in a master-and-their-pet type of relationship with them, and the others find it funny because “What, you want to train us? Good luck with that.”

It’s a lot less funny when they go “Hold on, this isn’t right, is it actually working???”

Lal finds it cute they bothered doubting her skills to begin with. One of her jobs is literally to teach people to look death in the eye and tell it to fuck off, but they thought they??? were??? going to be a challenge????

She thinks the fuck not.<3

Her team ups with Luce or Verde (or both) are feared by the others.

------

Viper is there for the sheer chaos of it all. It would be Reborn’s role but he’s too busy competing with Fon, so it’s Viper’s instead.

They’re in it for the blackmail and information gathering too. Nothing like people lashing out when you want them to be their most open selves.<3

But they’re not neutral at all, on the contrary. They’re the wild card.

Some days they want the brand of chaos that will specifically piss off Reborn, so they team up with Fon and Skull.

Some days they want the brand of chaos that will piss off everyone else but them, so they team up with Reborn.

Some days they want a brand of chaos that is organized, so they team up with Lal and Luce.

Some days they don’t want to deal with any kind of chaos at all, so they team up with Verde.

The others treat them cautiously in this regard, and they love it. They love it even more when they dig a knife in their back and abruptly switch sides lol.

They absolutely do favorites too. (Fon/Skull and, surprisingly, Verde.)

------

And you know, I’m a big Polyamory!Arcobaleno shipper but I strongly feel in this one they’re just strongly and intimately platonic.

Just, you know, Arcobaleno as Family. The Arcobaleno bonding together by giving each other the childhood they never had.

And maybe they don’t deserve it, but I love them so much so they need to have this anyway.<3

*

This verse was a lot of fun to flesh out a bit! If it spoke to you too, maybe we can talk together about this? I’d love to!

Thank you for reading! Any and all review are appreciated ^^.

[what-even-is-thiss]

People are allowed to disagree with your interpretation or headcanon.

Obviously they shouldn’t be mean about it but... not every counterpoint is a personal attack and you’re allowed to both leave the discussion with the exact same opinion that you came into it with.

Like you don’t have to convince someone that you’re right in order to have a friendly debate or argument with them. I personally don’t care if someone disagrees with my analysis but discussing it with them is still fun.

Politeness is still important. Respecting people’s boundaries and clearing up misunderstandings is still important. But I don’t want debate to disappear from fandom entirely. I love critical thinking and discussion. I love discussing my point of view and hearing other points of view.

For a long time now I’ve been afraid of expressing my point of view. I’ve been afraid of expressing counterpoints. I want to try doing that again. And I just wanna say... debate can be an act of love and passion. For me analysis and debate and friendly discussion is all a love letter to the source material and the fandom. Without it I’ve been feeling dull. Without passion. Without purpose.

I’ve tried to move from being a Logan to being maybe more of a... well Roman/Remus hybrid I guess. Being chaotic 24/7 rather than taking the time to be intellectual. It’s not working out for me. I love being funny. Don’t get me wrong. I love it. But... that’s not all of who I am. After the last couple times I was attacked I’ve been scared. But... it’s been over a year now. Maybe I’m different, maybe the fandom is different. I’m gonna try. I don’t know if I can remember how to be a Logan anymore but I’m gonna try because I used to absolutely love it.

Hi Fanders. Can we talk? Can we debate? Can we get excited over ideas together? Can we be happy when we’re proven wrong? I hope we can. Because I loved doing all that with you last time. I like it when we get our brains turning.

[courtingstars]

Notes on The Vanishing Prince, Chapter Three

Yay, Chapter Three at last! I had more notes than I expected, probably because I was looking forward to writing all of these scenes for SO LONG.

This was a pretty self-indulgent chapter on my part, for a lot of reasons. XD But I hope it still included some enjoyable moments, for those who have been looking forward to Furihata and Akashi’s feelings for each other progressing!

So keep reading for notes about Reo’s tarot skills, Akashi’s reasoning about his emotions at this point, and Furihata’s bisexual ogling of BASICALLY EVERYONE. (I can’t lie, the idea of Furi literally staring at everyone around him trying to figure out if he thinks they’re hot or not was super funny to me? Which was probably obvious. //laughs)

(Cut for tarot stuff, notes about platonic vs. romantic feelings, and me rambling on and on about bisexual representation and how I’m way too emotionally invested in N700 trains…)

Mibuchi and Tarot Cards

Some readers might be wondering if I made up the idea of Reo (I always call him Reo even though I use his surname in fics, I can’t help it, he’s just Reo to me??) being able to read tarot cards. And the answer is, I did not! According to one of the canon fanbooks, Reo’s special talent is tarot card reading. Back when I started planning The Vanishing Prince, I knew basically nothing about tarot cards. But I thought it might be interesting if Reo’s hobby appeared in the fic, since there’s going to be a lot of supernatural stuff going on.

Then I randomly started learning a little bit about tarot cards last year. I decided to explore it further, partly to write this fic, and partly for other writing-related reasons. (And it turned into this whole bizarre slash amazing THING that I won’t go into here.)

But anyway, a little over a year ago, I actually did a real-life tarot reading for Akashi, just to see what came up… And weirdly enough (or not, according to people like Reo, haha), the cards I drew fit PERFECTLY with the plot of this fic! So for the reading in Chapter Three, I used the same cards I pulled that day. That’s also why it uses the classic Celtic Cross spread layout, because I was still learning the basics at the time.

(I also did a reading for Furihata on that same day… So did it fit with this fic too, and will it come up in a future chapter? We will see. //grins)

Needless to say, I’m still no expert on the tarot! But I did my best to show how the cards could apply to what’s been happening in the story. (And what may happen later as well…) I also tried to balance the more traditional meanings of the cards with Reo’s interpretation of what they could mean for Akashi. Many experienced tarot readers like to use their intuition and the images on the cards as a method to interpret a reading, rather than the traditional meanings alone.

Reo will be in this fic a lot, so I don’t want to say too much about my characterization of him just yet… But I’ve always thought of him as someone who is guided by intuition in many ways, based on his canonical skill with the tarot. So I felt that he would probably mix traditional card meanings with his own instincts as he saw fit.

Akashi’s Feelings and Platonic vs. Romantic

So given how attached Akashi (Oreshi) clearly is to Furihata at this point, I think a lot of readers might be wondering why he still thinks his feelings for Furihata are platonic? Which is… an excellent question. //laughs There’s a LOT going on behind that, which is going to be unpacked over the course of the story.

But this chapter does briefly mention a part of his reasoning, so I thought it was worth pointing out… At the end of Chapter Two, Oreshi mentioned his other self was ignoring a major reason why he still believes his feelings for Furihata are platonic. In this chapter, Akashi mentions that reason in a different context:

“Akashi was under the impression that romance was supposed to include certain urges, about wanting to kiss and touch the other person. Supposedly, it involved a form of physical desire that was intense, possibly even explicit… As far as he knew, Akashi had never experienced any of that.

“True, he was still young. But teenagers were supposed to want to kiss each other, at the very least. Weren’t they?”

I didn’t connect it directly, but this is what Oreshi also meant in Chapter Two. Basically, he’s under the impression that romance has to involve certain forms of physical desire. And he isn’t experiencing that toward anyone, as far as he knows. Again, there’s a LOT going on there, and it’ll come up again in the fic. But it’s worth mentioning, since it’s not exactly obvious!

Personally, I find the question of what makes a relationship platonic vs. romantic to be really interesting… Especially since some people have romantic relationships that aren’t as physical. The nuances can get murky, so that’s definitely been a part of Akashi’s internal debate, which started back in Part Two of Storming The Castle.

About That Locker Scene

So now on the topic of being self-indulgent… I really couldn’t resist including that Seirin cameo scene. XD I love Seirin SO MUCH, and I really miss writing about all of them! Plus, I thought it would be kind of funny to answer a question that absolutely no one asked…

Which is, if we assume that Furihata is attracted to Akashi, then which guy would he find the most attractive on his own team? I honestly can’t remember why I came up with an answer to this question. //laughs But I did at some point, and now you all know my theory. (Basically, ikemen/pretty-boy point guards who are very skilled, but don’t have the most successful humor and are actually kind of huge nerds? Lol.) I also had a backup answer, which was probably obvious in the scene too. XD

And on a random side note, the phrase “some kind of magical ab factory” is one of my favorite phrases I’ve ever written. Pfft.

Also, if you’re wondering why the Rakuzan players didn’t get more of an appearance this time, don’t worry! You’ll definitely see more of them soon. (A lot more. Probably way more than anyone wants. //laughs)

On Furihata and Bisexuality

Anyway, in all seriousness, I’ve been looking forward to writing these scenes where poor Furi is trying to figure out his sexuality for FOREVER. There are a lot of reasons why… The two biggest ones have to do with LGBTQA+ representation, and explaining a key part of the romantic plotline of the series.

So I’m sure a lot of readers were wondering how in the world Furihata managed to be in denial for so long about his attraction to Akashi… Especially given that he’s called Akashi handsome and pretty, and has literally been ogling him for most of the series? //laughs So this is loosely based on something I noticed when I was younger, both in terms of my experiences and those of people I knew. When I was a teenager around fifteen years ago (I know, the dark ages, haha), the concept of bisexuality was really underrepresented, and often ignored. It did exist, in theory. But a lot of the time, most people just assumed you had to be gay or straight—or otherwise you were confused/undecided. Which was, of course, not exactly helpful.

The Spark of Light series takes place in 2010. While the overall understanding of bisexuality was improving by that point, there were still plenty of issues (and still are, to be honest). Also, the idea of bisexuality wasn’t necessarily being discussed in mainstream Japan… Being attracted to more than one gender has existed in their culture for a long time, of course. (Just look at their history and literature!) But from what I understand, due to a whole bunch of complicated reasons, there hasn’t been the same emphasis on recognizing the modern idea of bisexuality as there has been in, say, Western countries. That being said, things in Japan are changing a lot recently. And I could go into that, and how fascinating it is, but I’ll save it for another day!

What I do want to emphasize, though, is that not very long ago, a lot of teenagers tended to assume they were either gay or straight, period. For all kinds of reasons, many of us didn’t really consider anything else. And because of mainstream social conditioning—and homophobia—it often made sense to focus on your attraction to the opposite gender, without trying to figure out if you were attracted to other genders as well. To be honest, I’m guessing this still happens in a lot of places, given how much pressure there still is to be straight/have heterosexual relationships.

Which brings me to the issue of representation… One of the places I used to notice a lack of bisexual representation, oddly, was in fandom. Back when I started to post fic online (circa 2005), if fans had a headcanon that a character was attracted to another character of the same gender, it was typically framed as, “They’re gay.” Even if the character had relationships in canon with the opposite gender.

In fanfiction, this was often explained with something along the lines of, “He thought he liked women, but he really didn’t/was repressing his sexuality.” More often, the issue wasn’t addressed at all. Of course, gay-but-repressed is a completely valid interpretation, and happens in real life! But I always found it kind of strange that no matter how much the character seemed to have enjoyed their past relationships, people rarely concluded, “They’re bisexual.” I see bisexual headcanons a LOT more in fandom now, which is awesome! And I really wanted to contribute to that.

So when I started A Spark of Light, I knew Furihata would be finding out that he’s bisexual. I wanted to go with that interpretation, instead of implying that Furihata never actually wanted a girlfriend when he joined Seirin, or that he was confused, etc. I also wanted to attempt to portray what it’s like to be attracted to more than one gender, when you’re still figuring out your sexuality and you suddenly realize you’re attracted to more types of people than you originally thought you were? (And that some of the attractive people you ogled, but just assumed it was in a purely aesthetic/platonic way, were actually some of your crushes. //laughs)

So long story short… Furihata having such an obvious crush on Akashi, and yet not realizing it for so long, was definitely intentional! (Whether or not it worked well in the story being a separate issue, haha.) Because sometimes teenagers don’t hear often enough that they could be bisexual, so they don’t fully consider it, and it can take a while to figure it out, and sexuality can be fluid/change over time… And also, adolescence is generally a kind of weird period in life. XD (And so are the ways that social expectations affect our self-perception, especially when we’re young.)

In any case, this is just the beginning of Furihata exploring that issue, and what it means for him. But I wanted to make sure to clarify some of it as soon as possible, to give some idea of what I was trying to portray.

And Finally, Some Feelings About the Train Scene

I have to admit, I got a little emotional when I was FINALLY able to write Furihata riding on another N700 train, and thinking about how he has a crush on Akashi. <3 I’ve been looking forward to this moment in the series, and for Furi to realize he’s always been attracted to Akashi, ever since I wrote this part in The Fast Train to Kyoto WAY BACK in the fall of 2015:

“Akashi was sitting beside the window, just like before. He had a laptop computer balanced on his tray, and was typing away. Furihata couldn’t help noticing that he looked more unreal than ever. The ember-like glow of the sunset shone on his skin, mirroring his crimson hair and eyes. He looked like a picture of some kind, and way more mature than a teenager, with his blazer slung over an armrest and his shirtsleeves rolled up at the elbows.

Furihata had meant to speak first, maybe make up some excuse for running off, or even apologize for being such a nutcase. But when he opened his mouth, his tongue and throat felt strangely dry.”

So yeah, that’s how far back some of the foreshadowing goes. XD; I do enjoy writing subtext, but it’s so nice to finally be at a point in this series where the characters are having to face up to their changing feelings, and figure out what it means for them going forward. Also, I’m just so happy that I was able to get to this part, even though it took so damn long! It was worth the struggle. <3

I hope those of you who have been following this series enjoyed the chapter! And I hope you’re as excited as I am to be going back to Kyoto with these precious nerds. (It might get a bit intense, I won’t lie. //laughs) The next chapter is more or less ready to go, so my current plan is to post it in about two weeks. And I’m also hoping to post a lot more of the story during the summer. <3

[romanticslimecreature]

It’s been a few months since our last fandom meltdown (not the fun kind), but I want to get some of my thoughts out there because I’m afraid another one might be brewing soon.

First of all, it’s okay to have different perspectives. This fandom has a place for hyper theorists, casual theorists, casual ego fans, even people who don’t know what the egos are or who don’t care about them. Even within those groups, different headcanons are not only allowed, but should be encouraged. Healthy (healthy!) debate is really fun.

Second, this fandom is not a group from which people can be banned. Any time a disagreement comes up, I see people saying that such-and-such people should not be allowed in the community, or people interpreting any disagreement as saying they are not welcome in the community. When engaging with others, you should be civil and respectful, but association is determined on an individual level. No one can be banned from being a fan of Jacksepticeye.

Going off of that, I know we like to use the term “community,” but remember that a city is a community too. I saw a post saying that you wouldn’t befriend someone you don’t like just because they live in your city, so the same goes for fandoms. Even this one. I love how friendly we are most of the time, but you do not have to be friends with people you don’t want to be friends with just because you are fans of the same YouTube channel.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but for the love of goodness, be respectful of the people behind the channel. Don’t pester Seán or Robin or anyone close to Seán for ego hints or whatever. Don’t use people close to Seán to get to him. And don’t rush the process. It’s okay to be excited and theorize, but putting pressure on the creators is not helpful or enjoyable for anyone.

It’s okay to leave. Just like it’s okay to move out of a city. You don’t have to explain yourself or apologize. You also don’t have to tell all your neighbors that the city is an awful place to live. It can seem like being a fan of the channel is different from other fandoms, like there is a connection that feels like a personal obligation. But you are under no obligation to stay if you decide you don’t want to be a fan anymore. It’s okay. Along the same lines, it’s okay to take a break from interacting or from watching the videos.

In conclusion, being a fan of something is supposed to be fun. Have your headcanons, your theories, your mutuals, your shitposts. Interact with who you want to interact with, avoid who you want to avoid. It’s okay. If anyone tries to harass you for doing fandom your way when you’re not hurting anyone, they’re not having fun either.

This has been a long post, so I thank anyone who has made it to the end. This is not me trying to call anyone out or shame anyone. I think sometimes we all need the reminder that it’s okay to have fun.

[storiesofwildfire]

So, for those of you who have been around for a long time, you might remember that my backstory for Loki ( which is mostly based on Norse mythology and my own personal headcanons ) used to include Sigyn being Loki’s wife and how Loki lost her and their unborn children relatively shortly after marrying her.

I covered this topic for a few reasons, one being that Sigyn is a significant part of Loki’s life in the mythology and I didn’t want to gloss over her, another being that for a long time when I first started roleplaying Loki, I had a lot of Sigyn blogs follow me and try to back me into a corner when it came to shipping. I had a lot of people treat it as “well, the ship is canon, so you have to ship with me” and for a long time, I wasn’t really sure how to say no to those people.

In the last few months, I decided to remove Sigyn from Loki’s backstory. Well, for the most part. I removed her being married to Loki and I removed them trying to have children together. I also removed the part about her death as the reason they ultimately ended up no longer together. 

I have spoken a few times since then about my particular and personal hangups with Sigyn and Loki’s relationship, but I’ve never really elaborated too much on why I made these changes in the first place.

My current biography describes a brief meeting with Sigyn that ultimately doesn’t turn into anything and was more or less instigated by Odin rather than Loki’s actual interest in Sigyn. I did this for a couple of reasons. One, to actually acknowledge that Sigyn does exist and not completely write her off. Two, to pay tribute to mythology’s canon that when Sigyn and Loki first met, Sigyn actually did not like Loki. Sigyn didn’t like Loki until Loki pretended to be someone else, so their relationship, at least in my opinion, is not exactly built on the foundation of trust, love, and common interest. 

Now, before I go super deep into this, I do want to state that I am perfectly well aware that there are many different interpretations of the mythology. While I do not believe one is more “correct” than the others, I do try to stay as close to the original myths as I believe I can when deciding which interpretations to go with ( more or less, I just try to stay away from the myth retellings that were clearly heavily influenced at a later date and time by Christianity ). If you decide to go with interpretations that are different from my own, that’s perfectly fine and I respect that! Just please respect that these are my views and choices in turn.

Now... To speak bluntly, I really don’t like the idea of Loki and Sigyn. In the mythology, Sigyn isn’t really elaborated on all that much. Her entire purpose resides heavily on being Loki’s wife and being part of Loki’s life and I’m not exactly interested in a being that exists for the sake of another being. I believe there is a lot of room to work with when it comes to Sigyn, honestly, and there are so many cool ways to flesh her out that I would be interested in, but because of my own personal experiences, it’s hard for me to get behind this ship.

People either highly romanticize Sigyn and Loki’s relationship as being #relationshipgoals or they use Sigyn as a way to demonize Loki by making them an abusive partner/cheater. I don’t personally think there’s a ground for either of those arguments without putting a lot of work and plotting into the relationship itself.

In the mythology canon that I chose to adhere to, Sigyn didn’t like Loki when they first met. She didn’t like Loki until Loki pretended to be another person. Loki’s interest in Sigyn was not because they wanted her, it was because of Odin. More of an arranged marriage sort of deal than because either party was genuinely interested. Mythology canon also can’t seem to agree on if Loki and Sigyn had one child or two, as their children are sometimes interchanged as the same person, sometimes insinuated to be twins, and sometimes Vali is actually described as being Loki’s child with an unknown woman. I have even seen some debate on if Loki’s child(ren) with Sigyn is even actually Loki’s, or if they only claimed such to keep up the appearance of a decent marriage. From what I’ve read and studied, I see no real basis for the idea that they are wholeheartedly and undoubtedly in love and I see their relationship more like one of convenience, appearances, and duty more than anything else.

It also kind of roots back to another way Odin kept control over Loki ( you know, after forcing Loki to become his blood brother... )

Ultimately, I changed my backstory because I wrote Loki meeting Sigyn, falling in love with her in a particularly difficult time in their lives, and choosing to be with her willingly, but the truth of the matter is, I think I was far too out of left field with how I portrayed them to be any sort of myth compliant. 

So I decided to keep their meeting, the fact that Sigyn did not really like Loki upon meeting, and the reason behind them meeting in the first place was Odin’s influence, in hopes of binding Loki to someone in a forced marriage would keep Loki under control. As Odin worked Loki’s entire life to keep Loki on a short leash and under his thumb, this made perfectly logical sense to me in mythology and in Marvel.

I did not want to emphasize how important Loki’s relationship with Sigyn is because, honestly, in my opinion, it’s not overly important. It’s more of a multifaceted tool than a genuine relationship. 

Please don’t get me wrong, I do think there are a lot of ways to make Sigyn an interesting character. I also think there are a lot of ways to make Sigyn genuinely appealing to Loki. The problem with their portrayal in the myths is that they don’t really expand on Sigyn much outside of Loki. For Loki to hold any sort of interest in her, she’d need to be strong, independent, and have a life outside of them and their relationship. I also don’t want to pretend like they got together because they fell in love when that simply? Isn’t really the case, at least not in the interpretations I follow. 

So, because I don’t really ship Sigyn and Loki and because I wasn’t interpreting their marriage correctly, I decided to take Loki’s history with her out and pay a bit of tribute to them meeting and not really liking one another without forcing them into a marriage. By Asgardian norms, Loki’s still rather young, and even if Odin tried to force them into an arranged marriage, the likelihood of that sticking just? Isn’t super high given everything else that’s going on in Loki’s life. 

I felt like that left some room open to discuss plotting with Sigyn rpers in the future without automatically adhering to the two most popular tropes I see in the fandom which are “Loki and Sigyn are such a perfect couple who are so madly in love” and “Loki is an abusive partner to Sigyn and she’s too good for him.” Neither of which I think are actually close to canon.

I’m definitely willing to plot with Sigyn rpers and even children of Sigyn, but I am not willing to automatically say that Sigyn and Loki are married and have children together. Something like that would take a lot of plotting and ooc communication and build up. I’m not super fond of the ship, but with the right Sigyn, I could see it happening, but only with the proper development.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch on why I decided to change Loki’s backstory from being happily married to and losing Sigyn to hardly even knowing her in a bit more detail. 

At the end of the day, I felt like this decision was more accurate to myth canon and it fit the best into Loki’s life as a mixture of mythology and Marvel.

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Nate

Our next aro-spec creator is Nate, better known on Tumblr as @astriiformes!

Nate is an asexual, aromantic, neurodivergent and mentally ill trans guy/person continuing the tradition of aro-spec creators demonstrating an impressive diversity of talent. He writes, cosplays, creates filk music and produces visual art--and that’s when he’s not playing D&D and attending conventions!

You can find him on Twitter as planar_ranger and on 8tracks as azhdarchidaen. He’s also found on AO3 as azhdarchidaen, with a prolific selection of works for the Gravity Falls, Doctor Who, Critical Role and Pacific Rim fandoms! If you have a dollar or two you’re wanting to invest in worthy aro-spec talent, please take a look at Nate’s Ko-Fi!

With us Nate talks about expressing emotions through creativity, the intersection of aromanticism and perfectionism, the importance of storytelling as self-expression and his passion for D&D as a way of giving voice to his aromantic experience. His love for fandom, creativity and storytelling shines through every word, so please let’s give him all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

While I didn’t know the word “aromantic” until I was 15 or 16, and took a while to embrace it even then, when I look back on my childhood I can definitely see some of the earliest signs. Perhaps the most prominent was my mild disappointment at age 12 or 13 in discovering the Star Wars EU novels only to learn that Luke Skywalker, one of my most pervasively favorite characters since I first watched the movies and likely my earliest aro headcanon, ended up getting married! I ended up writing what was technically my first fanfiction after that discovery, an alternate take on the post-Return of the Jedi universe in which he didn’t.

But I didn’t really start to realize I was aro, or even know it was an identity at all, until two things happened. First, I joined an LGBTQA+ group on a writer’s forum I used to frequent and started to not only learn the vocabulary but also that identifying as something other than straight or cis was even allowed. Second, I entered what was essentially the closest thing to a romantic relationship I’ve ever experienced. By some measures it probably was one, but there really wasn’t much romance involved – because I wasn’t pushing it (for reasons that are now obvious to me), and the guy I was sort-of-dating was pretty respectful of my boundaries and was probably waiting for me to make some of those moves before trying himself. The relationship eventually broke off several months after he moved to Europe. He messaged me to say he felt bad about the fact that our long-distance “relationship” was probably holding me back from finding someone I could be happier with, and he would be more comfortable breaking it off. The fact that I felt no real sadness over that was a fairly big bit of evidence for my aromanticism, second only to the fact that I had actually become more comfortable with our situation when he moved across the Atlantic Ocean.

Clues like those eventually lead me to adopt the label and really begin to understand myself, I think around age 16 or 17. I went through a slow process of accepting all my queer identities one-by-one and kind of see them all as pretty interconnected. The aro one was in the middle.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I really like making things. For all the frustration I experience trying to write something I’m happy with, or panicked near all-nighters trying to finish props before a convention, I really am at my happiest when I have projects to engage in. I take a lot of pride in my identity as a content creator as a result, though it also means I can set discouragingly high standards for myself. That being said, there’s nothing that makes me happier that someone enjoying something I put time and effort into and being able to go “I made this.”

Writing was definitely my earliest outlet (I did draw things when I was younger, but I didn’t show my art to anyone until this time last year). I was posting fics (under a different username, fortunately; I don’t want my early teenage writing unearthed ten years later) on ff.net by early high school, a narrative I’m sure I share with plenty of other creators. I’ve done more interesting things with my writing since migrating over to AO3 though, and I continue to feel like my writing is growing (even if, sometimes, I worry it’s going too slowly).

Getting into cosplay was something I picked up only a year or so later, though again, comparing my current work to those first few attempts feels almost silly. My first cosplay was a patched-together Eighth Doctor mostly made out of thrift store finds that looked only debatably like the real deal. Since then, I’ve gotten better at sewing my own things and have realized one of my true strengths lies in elaborate props. My two most recent cosplays were Stanford Pines from Gravity Falls, with a fully-illustrated and screen-accurate copy of the third journal, complete with blacklight effects, and Taako, from The Adventure Zone, with an Umbra Staff that I had re-covered in fabric and had fully-functional LED “stars” built into it, stars I could make twinkle via a secret remote. I’m attempting two characters that are even more ambitious for conventions this year, but we’ll have to see how that actually goes…

My filk contributions aren’t massive, but the community aspect (and that it connected me to someone who is now one of my closest friends, who made me go from enjoying the genre to contributing to it) and some of the things I’ve done as a result of it make me feel it has a place as part of my creative identity. You haven’t lived until you’ve performed decades-old songs about space travel with your friends, in cosplay, in a crowded convention center! (Okay, a debatable statement. But a truly wild experience.) It’s also been a good outlet for me in some ways, because music is a powerful way to get across emotions. I play viola and piano, and have for years, so I knew that to some degree before I started writing my own lyrics to things. But personalizing songs by making them be about things you have really strong feelings for is another level entirely.

And then, art. Like I said, I never really shared it with anyone (or drew much at all) until about a year ago. Part of that was due to wanting to try my hand at digital art but not really having an understanding of what programs to use or how to get started with it, and part of it was the inertia of feeling like “if I’m not good at something immediately, I shouldn’t try at all!” The thing that really got the ball rolling for me is the long D&D campaign I’m currently in. When I was excited about other stories, chances were someone else had drawn art of it that I could enjoy and reblog. That’s not really the case with one you’re telling with only 5-6 other people. I had a sort of epiphany moment a couple months into the campaign, as the story really started picking up, that if I wanted to see the kind of art I appreciate for this new story I was falling in love with, I would probably have to do it myself. I’m still not incredibly happy with my work, since I’m surrounded by friends who are incredible artists and my style is fairly simplistic and oddly stylized, but I have gotten to a point where I draw fairly regularly, and generally put up what I create on our shared campaign blog. The same D&D game has wrenched over 15k words of original writing from me, which is pretty astonishing. Most of that isn’t anywhere to be found on Tumblr just yet, though – it’s largely still-top secret character backstory.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

The most obvious way is that I write fics about characters being aromantic and dealing with their aromanticism. All headcanons, unfortunately (I’m yet to find a canon aro in anything I love that I didn’t help create myself), but there are several stories on my AO3 about characters from Pacific Rim, Star Wars or Gravity Falls realizing they’re aromantic. And the fics that don’t deal with that are still all gen – I’m too romance-repulsed to write anything else, and I feel the world needs a lot more genfic anyways.

One other way, though I feel a bit silly calling it “art”, is that I am intentionally playing an aromantic character of my own creation in my current D&D campaign. I’ve been playing for several years now, and did have another character back in high school who I also imagined as aromantic. (Partially because of an awkward flirting mishap – an enemy tried to get my character off her guard with romance and it all backfired because she didn’t know how to respond. All my own fault – I don’t even know how to roleplay that!) But none of the campaigns I’ve played in until this one were particularly intent on exploring characters and their feelings all that deeply, or really making them a part of the story.

With my current character, it’s become incredibly validating to view him as aromantic and asexual, like myself. It’s that same impulse that got me started doing more art – if the fiction I like isn’t going to provide me with aromantic characters, I’ll have to make one myself! And it’s slowly leading to some very interesting explorations of aro identity and the normalising of it in our world. We’ve established that identifying that way isn’t particularly unusual for elves and talked about what that means for worldbuilding. Do they hold platonic relationships in the same regard as romantic ones? Is there a special kind of relationship that signifies that? What if we put friendship under the banner of the goddess of romantic love too? Though at the same time, I’m exploring some of the same feelings I experience with him – he’s a particularly lonely person, who worries about people actually wanting to stay with him, both of which are prominent features of my own aromantic experience.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

Like many of us, I do worry that my genfics will be less enjoyed or circulated as a result of choosing not to include ships. And whenever I post a fic about a character actually being aro, I definitely get that little stab of “Someone is going to have a problem with this” fear.

I also feel that my experience with aromanticism has shaped a lot of my perfectionistic tendencies. Because I worry so much about trying to remain important in my allo friends’ lives, and because I think of so much of my identity as associated with creativity, I tend to get really wrapped up in my work needing to seem amazing somehow, to make people think I’m worth their time. It’s a silly thing to get preoccupied over, but it has had an impact on me. In some ways wanting my work to be really good is not a bad thing – it encourages me to do my very best whenever I can – but the motivation is really all wrong.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I’m honestly pretty disconnected from them. I might be less-inclined to be if this website wasn’t suddenly experiencing such backlash against a-spec identities, but as is I’m almost afraid to engage with anything that might make me a target. Which is really unfortunate. That being said, whenever I do make any aro content and I see it circulated to other aromantic people, I get a lot of joy from it. The comments on my multiple aromantic-focused fics are some of my favorite ones I’ve ever received. If I can channel my experiences into something that elicits that kind of a reaction from our community, I consider my work well done.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

When I’m able to talk to other aromantic people about headcanons (or even some of my very understanding allo friends who absorb them from me, too), pretty well! Unfortunately, that’s a pretty tiny fraction of my fandom experience. Even some of my interests where you’d think I wouldn’t run into problems have been difficult at times. I once had someone dressed as a character often (non-canonically) shipped with the one I was cosplaying, and they assumed that I would be interested in hearing that they shipped our character. Instead, they just made me very uncomfortable, particularly with the way they chose to do so.

In general, the expectation that as a member of fandom, producing fandom works, I will be interested in creating and consuming romantic content is hard to deal with. I’ve had people ask me to put ships in my fics, the aforementioned convention incident, and been heckled over having aromantic headcanons at all. That being said, aromantic headcanons were how I met at least a few of my good friends. Finding each other may be hard, but since we all feel so isolated I think that finding other aro creators inhabiting the same or similar spaces can lead to pretty quick bonding, or at least an appreciation of each others’ works. I do like that.

I’ve also, as I have mentioned a couple times now, realized the worth of telling my own stories, particularly if I have other people to share them with who will respond positively. Right now, most of my D&D group is not aro, but they are a group that respects my and my character’s identities, and being able to tell an aro narrative that means a lot to me and get a positive response is a breath of fresh air. I count them as fellow content creators and they’ve really encouraged the story I want to tell. I hope that someday the inspiration I’ve gained from that will lead me to publishing my own original fiction (with aro characters, of course), but it’s been due to this small start that I’ve decided that’s something I could realistically pursue.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Comments on my fics are one of the biggest things that keep me writing, so they’ll always be a boon to me. Even old ones. It makes me happy to see people still reading and enjoying them. Same goes for reblogs of any of my stuff – art, writing, filk, cosplay photos, anything else I might post. The biggest thing that keeps me wanting to create and share more creative works is knowing that other people are enjoying them, so if you do enjoy them, any way you can let me know that is wonderful.

I do hope that in some point in the future I’ll have original fiction available and a science writing blog (I consider non-fiction to be creative expression, as long as you’re putting your spark into it!), but neither exists quite yet. If you follow me on either of my main platforms though, those might pop up someday. Seeing either be circulated when the time comes would be massive. I also intend to, perhaps in the much nearer future, start publishing D&D content (likely homebrew 5e subclasses, but who knows) on the DMsGuild, starting with a pay-what-you-want model for downloading my content. If that goes up and I make something you’re interested in, and you want to pay something for it at all, I would be massively grateful.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

I’ve been working on a Critical Role Modern AU story since January or so that places heavy emphasis on the platonic relationships in the show (Percy and Keyleth’s is particularly dear to me, so they’re likely to get a fair bit of the spotlight) that’s my most current fandom fic.

I’m also tackling two ambitious cosplays at the moment, though the timeframe is making me wonder if I’ll actually pull either off. Especially given what I need to get done. One involves sewing pseudo-historical menswear, and I’m going to have to learn how to make armor for the other one. If I can figure it all out though, I’m really excited about them both!

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

Hopefully the next chapter of the CR fic, if I get hit with the inspiration (and motivation) to work on it soon. I also have another aromantic Luke Skywalker fic I really want to get down on paper at some point, though thus far it’s proven a little elusive.

My two big cosplay projects are Percy de Rolo (from Critical Role), which I intend to take to a local convention, and Erwyn, my own D&D character. I hope to do a photoshoot with the rest of the players as their own characters sometime late this summer.

As for art, I fully intend to keep drawing major or touching moments from my ongoing campaign, likely with much more frequency than any of the things above. It may not be as engaging for people to interact with as my fandom-focused projects are, but I still really do love sharing it.

[yuunemi]

BOOK REQUEST - REQUEST RULES -

!! DO NOT REBLOG OR REPOST ANYWHERE ELSE !!

If you wanna send in book requests then you’ve come to the right place! Though I’ve said that the library isn’t so strict, I can’t say the same for requesting books. I’ve tried to keep them as simple as possible so below are your guidelines and rules to follow!! ^^

REQUEST STATUS : CLOSED

Rules and Guidelines

1. I am NOT OBLIGATED to answer and/or do every ask and/or request sent. I’ll still try to answer all of them but this is just to let you know that I CAN & WILL DELETE asks and/or requests under the circumstances of

The ask was rude and/or the question asked was involving personal information

The ask was pointless (e.g. It was hating or being toxic to someone or something that doesn’t involve or relate to me.)

The ask was about a Political Talk or a Religious Talk. I don’t mind sharing my opinions if asked but those two topics are a no-no. I also don’t like it if things turn into a debate—This is a writing blog, not a debate blog.

The request sent didn’t follow the rules below (e.g. It requested something, I don’t write for.)

2. Below are the list of things I DO NOT Write for :

NSFW or Explicit Content (The most I can do is Suggestive Content)

Pedo

Incest

Poly-Relationships

Religious Things

MxM or FxF (Unless it’s Platonic or Sibling Relationships, then it’s a-okay!)

3. Check my Book Archives for the fandoms I write for.

4. Last but not least, when you are requesting, please give me all the details and be specific. I don't mind if it's long since not everyone explains things well. If you are requesting headcanons, I only accept A MAXIMUM OF 3 CHARACTERS because I may or may not add other characters I want to write for. Besides, you can always request it again once I finish writing yours.

However, the same doesn’t really apply when you request in groups. I’d still accept them. They might just end up in separate posts—it depends.

5. I CANNOT GUARANTEE that I will be able to write for every character, so if I can't, then I will most likely replace them.