#end of high school does that to people
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When the shorter grows up 😮
#danganronpa#danganronpa fanart#danganronpa 2#danganronpa goodbye despair#danganronpa kuzuryuu fuyuhiko#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#danganronpa oc#sdr2#sdr2 goodbye despair#sdr2 fanart#sdr2 kuzuryuu#sdr2 oc#oc#oc reika#mikami reika#canon x oc#end of high school does that to people#traditional drawing
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it's like, i really do enjoy most of the bats as characters and i really do like a lot of their comics. but also i am sooooo tired of them being hailed as better than literally everyone else. both in fanon but also in comics (modern ones are esp egregious imo, like WHAT was that shit about batman and the joker being the most dangerous men on the planet. hi. have you heard of lanterns? speedsters? supers? actually if i keep listing groups who could kick batman's ass we'd be here all day). they're like kudzu. that shit needs to stay in its native environment (funky little neo-noir detective stories) and stop being an invasive species (putting down everyone else to make them seem cooler). put bruce wayne back into a murder mystery setting that isn't about saving the world but is about saving one person or one family that no one else would've saved right now or so help me god. the whole invasive species cross contamination thing is unhealthy for both him And the other ecosystems he keeps getting transplanted into. please. it's so dark in here
#rimi talks#imo it's also like a massive escalation problem like Everything has to be huge immense world ending bullshit plots#rather than ''i am going to solve a local mystery to help local people'' things. which are important also#um. points at action comics 792. you see like superman does here? caring about one person who someone thought wouldn't matter to anyone?#sorry im just going to go on a superman tangent but ac791 and 792 both absolutely gutted me and everyone should read them#both are pretty standalone and both ruined me#one is about something tragic that happened when clark was in high school#and just wanted to try and help a girl everyone was bullying for being fat. and they became friends and had a good time at a dance together#and then the second one is about him noticing the chatty guy who runs the newspaper stand where he stops sometimes is missing#and then just stopping at nothing to try and find him. even though he's someone he barely knew outside of being a regular at his stand#and it just really got me. my god. more of that pleaseeeeeee 😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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How it feels every time I play High School Story...
#are “pep rallys” really like that?#when the hell is homecoming?#how many people actually go to sports games?#when does the academic year start and end?#why does the series structure make it seem like there are 3 quarters. but common sense dictates tha thete should be 4????#just a sample of the many questions i have though of because of hss#own post#high school story#hss#playchoices
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Thinking of how "left me like a book on a shelf" is from River's POV and therefore does not mean it is the entirety of the story much like how "the Doctor does not and has never loved me" was uttered from a River who was grieving.
Like the Doctor could have spent a long time putting the TARDIS in stationary orbit around the Library. The Doctor could have puttered about with the Library from years before it was shut down to ensure that everything would go smoothly while doing his best not to change a single thing. And on days when it is too hard, he just stares at the Library from his perch on the TARDIS door. Waiting, hoping, thinking. Trying to find a way out for her. For them.
And he does!
He finds a hundred ways to get her out of the data core. But...something always goes wrong. It's somehow never good enough. She's back, but she's not entirely there.
So he scratches it out, slaps himself, and tries again.
And again.
And again.
But his plans always fail.
But they don't. Not really. His plans could work. Could have worked. His beloved Sexy would help him. She'd always help him when it comes to her Water. But he was too scared. Too frightened of failure. Because one single mistake. One. Single. Mistake. And she's gone. He can never get her back. Forever.
So he runs. And runs. And runs. Until centuries has gone by and companion come and gone. Until he met a younger, more alive version of her. And then they had Darillium. And oh the joys of wonderful joys, what a night that was.
But things end. Even for him. They had to part ways again. Had to say goodbye. So he tries again. Picks up what his previous self had shelved. He tries. Oh how he tries.
But still. That fear exists. Is it worth it? Can he finally accomplish what he'd started a literal lifetime ago?
(He doesn't.)
Off on another lifetime with a new body. He's a...she now? Oh and shorter! Wow. That's new! I wonder what Ri–
On the rare moments she allows herself to succumb to sleep she goes to their his her study. She takes a moment to take everything in. It's unrecognizable now – the study that once was theirs filled with warmth and laughter and-
Every single space was taken. Covered by plans of plans of plans spanning...two...lifetimes now. Sexy still kept it just as it was the last time he she had been in there.
Their His Her favorite throw was still where it was – on their his her favorite corner of their his her favorite couch.
Nothing had changed but everything had changed.
She curled up and buried her face hoping it would still smell of her (It did. They never knew how it worked but somehow her smell still lingered anyway. They thought they were hallucinating at first but other people had been able to smell it too. Sometimes they forget but Sexy also lost her too).
She was a he again. The same face they had four lifetimes ago. The same face who was the first to keep the memory of their meeting.
But wh- what? Why? How? Is this it? Is this the body that finally brings her back home? A fitting act really. He put her in there and so he'll also put her out of there.
But... she wasn't there. Nothing was there. Nothing but chunks of debris and ashes and smelted...somethings.
When he blinked his eyes open (when had he closed them?), Donna's worried face greeted him. He blinked again and blinked. Nothing changed. Everything has changed. He had waited for far too long. He had made her wait for far. too. long. He feared of failing her but now he actually has failed her.
Everything was bland now. Was it just him or is everything a bit...on the side of grey? Donna looks at him like he might break. (He won't. He's a Time Lord. Time Lords don't break.) Even Sylvia had taken to treating him a bit more kindly.
He goes off alone with Sexy. His return to the Noble-Temple (Temple-Noble) household becomes fewer and further in between. One day he finds himself in Venice. Wonderful Venice. His Pond and her Roman (who wasn't yet a Roman) had gone here. There were vampires. And running and –
River?
No silly. River wasn't there.
He blinked. And blinked again. Made sure the sky was blue and the clouds still fluffy white. But was that his leather jacket that just whizzed by past him? Wait. Hold on. That was... Was that? Oh no. It wasn't. It couldn't be. Did they? No. They couldn't have.
But of course, apparently they did. Because that was actually his leather jacket wearing self that just passed by him again(?) tugging along his very-much-not-dead wife along running from... Hold on. Why are they running? What- Who's shooting at her?!
#cues in iconic doctor who intro lmao#hi don't mind me. i'm just being my melodramatic PMS self#it's reaaally wonky i think but argh whatever just spitting out my grief and frustration. come to think of it i find words flow easier when#i am upset lol? hmmm what does that say about my high school self who used to write chapters with 1k as minimum.#it's difficult dealing with people who simply say river is just another one of the doctor's marriages so this is me dealing with it#i had trouble knowing where to stop and then thought OH why not put nineriver in but make it Post-Library River???#lmao and i ended it there because i needed to stop (i have 3 – THREE – exams tomorrow)#dw musings#that turned into a sort of fic ish#doctorriver#doctor x river#doctor who#tia talks tish#river song#eleventh doctor#tenth doctor#twelfth doctor#thirteenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#ninth doctor#the doctor's wife#tardis#what other thing can i tag my sort of fic#tia writes tish#post-library river song#yowzah#i pond queue#11th doctor#12th doctor#10th doctor
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Y'know me never believing love at first sight makes a lot more sense once I realized I was AroAce.
I was the annoying kid who would always go "Um actually it's infatuation not love." when "love" songs came on that was about one night stands or men finding women attractive on first meeting and saying that they were in love or whatever.
I am so AroAce that even younger me knew this Love nonsense was bullshit.
#text#aro#aromantic#ace#asexual#aroace#younger me: why are they getting married when they only knew each other for two days thats dumb#Younger me: why does anyone need to get married I don't see the big deal#Younger me: what do you mean you would stop loving each other if one of you switched genders? that shouldn't matter should it?#Younger me: Why is everyone obsessing over each other and dating? can't they just turn that off and focus on school like me?#Younger me: why are kids so annoying with PDA in the hall. can't they just turn off that need like me?#Younger me: Why does a partner need to be the most important person in your life? why cant you just live with your friend instead?#Younger me: Why don't people like the idea of multiple partners? no one gets mad over the idea of having multiple friends?#Basically younger me was so incredibly aroace and im shocked i didn't start to realize it until end of middle school and early high school
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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really weird how I have seen almost no mention on here, and none whatsoever from non-jews, of the fact that there were massive protests in israel this weekend, in defiance of major government crackdowns on protest and horrific police brutality, and the largest union in the country called for a general strike to pressure the government for a ceasefire. I’m sure it’s not because of so many people on this website (many if not most themselves sitting on stolen land or in the countries that stole it) have decided there’s some mysterious quality about israelis that makes them uniquely evil and monstrous and means there are absolutely no innocents or decent people among them. it could not possibly be because the narrative that has come to prevail on the western left is that there’s something unique to israelis that makes them all uniformly bloodthirsty monsters who mindlessly cheer on and enable their government’s atrocities, with no internal dissent whatsoever. heavens, no. why who could even imagine what such a (((quality))) might even be?
#I have basically stopped participating in leftist spaces irl or online at this point and just donate money to pcrf and btselem among others#because the dehumanization and 10/7 denialism and hamas apologetics are so fucking upsetting#hamas and netanyahu were working hand in glove for years! hamas does not give a shit about palestinian lives!#congratulations on social media rotting y'all's brains every bit as much as fox news has rotted your grandparents' brains#I get frustrated because I've got jewish friends who are in the same situation as me and a lot of them have ended up lurching rightward#and getting incredibly frightened when historically this is still by far the safest our people have ever been#but when antisemitism has become so fucking rampant on the left it's pretty fucking hard to get them to listen to me!#if my dumbass high school self could protest the war in afghanistan without becoming a 9/11 truther or claiming it was 'justified'#then we can absolutely protest the war in gaza without engaging in 10/7 denialism or apologetics#goyim can interact but do not fucking clown#antisemitism#jules.txt
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🐑 Alternate Universe- Magic, Mutual Pining, Demonic possession, Furbies
Oh dear...
Alex is attending one of the most prestigious magic academies in the country, on the orders of his parents of course. Even though Laiz Fier Academy reviles even the name of the only type of magic he's ever been good at. His parents swore he'd find another specialty here, and he'd let himself believe them, like the idiot he is. He's scraping by in classes. Barely. At least he's managed to make a couple of friends and figure out how to sneak into the library stacks to find books that will actually help him hone his skills.
However, Alex realizes now there's a reason why it's not recommended to do your first summoning alone. Because, while he does manage to summon a demon, it doesn't exactly end up in the silvery urn he'd laid in the center of the pentagram.
So now he has a talking, demonic Furby to hide. One that, despite its too-wide eyes and disconcertingly smooth voice, Alex thinks he might be developing feelings for.
(Fake fic ask game!)
#legolas tag#legolas ask#julie and the phantoms#willex#so okay in my head#Alex is super good at a specific branch of magic#which usually would be awesome since he was born into a high power magical family#unfortunately the thing he's good at is demonic magic#which is.... unpopular to put it lightly#his parents send him away to school in the hopes that he'll latch onto something else with so many options to explore#that doesn't happen#he meets Luke and Julie (both music magic) and Reggie (animal magic)#and they all become friends#and they all figure out how to sneak into the stacks together#where Alex finds all the hidden away books on demonic magic#cause it's not actually Evil like people think#just... darker in source than most#Alex may fall down a bit of a spiral about his abilities and worth though#and ends up attempting to summon an actual demon to help him learn magic#but... well he must have messed up the binding part of the ceremony?#Cause he does get a demonic magic coach#but said coach (Willie) goes into the Furby Reggie got him as a prank birthday present#and well... Alex knows he should figure out how to undo it and send Willie back to Hell or wherever#but then he has to rush to hide him first before he gets caught#and then they end up chatting a fair amount over the next few days#because Alex is a world class insomniac and Willie just doesn't sleep#but Alex is kept too busy with classes and stuff to go back to the library to find the stuff to sort out the mess he's made#and if Willie knows how to do it he isn't sharing#(he totally knows but it's his first time in the human world in ages and Alex is nice and kinda cute tbh so...)#and...they become friends? And also develop massive crushes on each other?
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actually On Your Feet gave us two good things (well. three if you like Realize which I do). Kohane's "it's frustrating" line and the great crack fic idea of Vivid Bad Squad getting cancelled online for skipping school to yell at The Kotaki Taiga as he was about to go back to America.
#no because. he went there to continue radder's dream yeah? the one about becoming world successful musicians#and they had a record label for a bit. they were definitely going to make it at least somewhat.#so we can assume taiga is at the very least a semi well known musician yeah?#one that someone about to either leave or enter japan might know about. who will see this musician they enjoy#being shouted at by a high school girl in her school uniform about how they will surpass him or something along those lines#with three other kids (in uniform from a different school) standing behind her#and then going onto sekai universe twitter to post about it and the taiga kotaki fans taking it by storm#taiga gets off the plane in america and finds he's trending and it's because people are making fun of a blurry picture of his ex pupil#meanwhile vivid bad squad just don't know because it was contained entirely on twitter and.#be honest can you see any of them having twitter because i can't. an maybe but akito doesn't have time for social media and toya is toya#and kohane is a tumblr girlie if i've ever seen one#however it does give the great concept of someone else seeing it and debating if they should say anything#because mmj definitely has an official account they could have seen it on and also there's ena shinonome and mizuki akiyama#but anyway this also means when they do put on the event to surpass rad weekend (or whatever their goal ends up being)#there will be a crowd of people looking at it and going “isn't that the group of kids that twitter made fun of ages ago?”#and then taiga kotaki stans on sekai universe twitter will be stunned because they did in fact surpass him#if it wasn't for the gcses i would write this but alas. enjoy my weird thoughts#bagel's rambles#project sekai#i am scared to main tag this one but. fuck it we ball
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kinda want the netflix writers to spite the homophobes and biphobes and make min ho bi next season
#or dae idrc but they’d be more pissed ab min ho#xo kitty#min ho#‘theyre forcing the gay agenda’ bitch this is like. the third very clearly canon bi girl i’ve seen#(there’s also lok but less clear)#like. oh my gosh let people be bisexual#and i would get it if people took more issue with other aspects of the show (which i can’t comment on considering my background)#but no. it’s that a girl can swing both ways. ugh.#so yeah make min ho bi season 2. don’t care if he does or doesn’t end up with kitty just let bi people exist#like half of my high school friend group was#bc also!!! queers tend to flock together. it makes sense if one of the other guys is queer
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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coming from someone with anxiety problems who just had a very disappointing shower
concept
A few years after the war Percy goes to bathe shower bath doesn't matter what does matter is he's healing right so he forgets to do his normal routine of like warding the door and checking all the rooms in his flat or whatever his routine happens to be that started during the war
so he gets in the shower/bath and not five minutes later notices the door is just slightly open and ends up just staring at the door for like 5 minutes scared of literally nothing but things that haven't bothered him for what feels like a long time and ends up having to get out
#percy weasley#is this what the kiddies call projecting lmao#percy has real things to be stressed about i on the other hand freaked myself out thinking about that college humor video i saw years ago#the one with the voice over telling you about what people would do after high school that ends with voice saying like#“me? oh i drowned in a pool when i was 8”#i dont know i dont know but that freaked me out so much when i was like 12#and apparently still does oof
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hey! 8, 32, 63, 68?
hey mia! thanks for these asks they were cutsie
8. Played any sports?
i did soccer, basketball, softball, track, and dance growing up. none of them ended up sticking past high school though lol
32. What is your favourite color?
lavender! or periwinkle
63. Would you change your name?
i would love to, bc it honestly is very strange, but so many people obviously know me as that name that i just don’t honestly see myself ever doing that, so thank god for nicknames! as for last name, i would also love to change it to my moms maiden name but like… not even she has her maiden name. so i feel like that would be a bit strange lol
68. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my mom. that diva has lore
#beep beep#<3#been dropping way too much family lore recently i need to dial back#but also so many people from high school have been posting things like “hey guys. i go by this name now” and tbh that does give me hope#but at the end of the day i don’t rlly feel like explaining to ppl who’ve known me by my current name for like 20 years that i’ve changed i#edit: i forgot to answer the last question!! sorry#my mom is LITERALLY just like me she was like “look i know that being broken up with is emotionally exciting but—” and i was like bingo!#i’ve always thought i was a freak for doing that but turns out she and i have the exact same thought process
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dream time
#have to get this down before i forget it#been having weird/not good dreams lately until last night (mere hours ago bc its still dark out this morning)#writing this on my way to work and in the dream i was on the bus to work. however an important difference between reality and the dream is#that in the dream i was sharing my bus ride w mr larroquette. as one does#this was like mouse bites era john im sorry thats the best way i can describe how he looked#and i guess it was like we kinda knew each other?? and we ended up talking about poetry writing and stuff#wish i could remember the specifics of that#at some point we got off the bus and got onto another one unfortunately a common theme in my dreams is going somewhere in a complicated way#and on that bus ride i sat next to him again and he was like oh i normally listen to music for this part of my trip#and i was like ope don't wanna keep you from that! but he didnt mind talking for a bit more and we talked abt music#bc apparently id recommended he listen to the album big world by joe jackson and he said he didn't like it on first listen but hed try again#when we got off this bus and were walkin to where i worked (i guess he worked around there too???)#we went back to talking abt writing and i was talking abt my old poetry writing class and the kind of things i wrote#and he expressed an interest in reading those old poems and i was like oh ok i guess ill look for em#but i was thinking to myself noooo those arent good i wrote those in high school you dont wanna read themmm#and then it became like hard to get down the street bc people were moving slow on the sidewalk (classic new york moment)#so we went out into the street to like cut around#and there was some truck like causing things to get backed up#and so john started like yelling at the truck driver to move out of there LMAO#and i think thats all i remember w him. but i just remember talking w him was very calming and comforting#come on man. what are you doing in my dreams#later in my dream i just remember telling people about this so im telling you all now#anyway .
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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