#im not going to tell myself to a stranger who does not understand and will report my every move to people who care about/cause my pain

[lights-at-night]

.

[quenthel]

Maybe bc it's been a long time ago and old problems seem smaller but I'm having such a hard time w figuring out exactly if I want to transition or not. Like I'm not unhappy rn but I feel like I would be more happy as a transmasc Lesbian but also it's very scary to me....

[justagirl-janey]

hi im Jane and i like it when men hurt me

NO under 18

read ALL OF THIS before messaging

DMs always open (mutuals only) for dick pics & asks for abusive messages, no need to ask first!!

misogyny kink but NOT in a tradwife way

blog touches on themes of

misogyny/patriarchy/dykebreaking

abuse/cnc/violence/oral/deepthroat/hardcore facefucking

ageplay/incest/older men

limits/turnoffs:

snuff/gore

scat

bestiality

receiving oral

monogamy

Men who ask for consent or show me respect

don't message me if you're going to respect me

yes this is fully a kink blog and you should fully expect me to stay "in-character" the whole time. i know what im doing, im having fun and playing pretend and I am responsible for what I do and what I expose myself to. I practice risk-aware consensual kink (RACK) and I expect you to too.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: is this real/do you really think this?

A: no. also santa and the easter bunny aren't real, the world is round, bus drivers don't go to sleep at the bus station at night and dogs arent all boys and cats arent all girls, and gender is a construct. this is all play-pretend. have fun :) im playing fake, acting :)

end of frequently asked questions

have fun and i genuinely hope you enjoy yourself :) my DMs are open in general to anyone of all genders although I hope you understand the reason why I only keep them open to people whom I follow, I specifically keep them only open to people who are visibly, from what I can see on their blog or from interactions, that they are at least into enough overlapping kinks as me to be of the same general "vibe", ie misogyny kink or dykebreaking kink at the very least. otherwise, well, im a girl on the Internet and i have a few hundred followers and visible to thousands more, you do the math on how much of my time would be wasted from irrelevant or at least a stressful amount of DMs. as I said this is a very specific kink blog with a very specific character im "always in" so messages and interactions of a different kind I can get elsewhere, dw, know that I am a well-rounded individual. (and no, you're a stranger so I am not telling you my other socials ^_^) I understand that that might cut off some people who might still vibe with and enjoy interacting, but for that my asks are still open, where there's less pressure :) also know, that trust i give you to let you message or ask me also comes with a responsibility, so keep with the vibe, respect my limits and what I'm actually into and we'll be golden. if the girl does not feel loved, she will leave.

[free-boundsoul]

I keep thinking about the ea

I have a few thoughts. Pre warning I shoulda been in bed 2 hours ago so imma little loopy

Im picking up early Gavin vibes from Porter, in the way that he's always mentioning his Empowered-ness to Treasure. Always reminding them that he is 'other'. (Maybe he's trying to maintain a boundary by reminding himself that they are unempowered and mortal and he doesn't have an eternity with him. And he doesn't want to bring them into it when he's afraid of losing his own life by stepping out of line)

"I said, no you don’t. You couldn’t possibly understand what this is like, you’re a human."

Oof Porter, this fucking stung. Also felt a bit...belittling? I think that's the word I'm thinking of. Which felt even worse when he compared their "problems" were mundane and his held so much more weight. (Which, in the grand scheme of things, is probably true. But we shouldn't weigh one thing over another. You never know what someone is going through. What they could be hiding. How their life is going and how close they are to the edge. How one wrong word or action could be the straw that breaks the camels back. Pain shouldn't be measured)

"Now that’s rich, coming from you. Tell me, have you ever taken more than a moment to think of the chain of events that has led to us standing here in this room together? The kind of internal tumult that has led you here into the arms of a total stranger, inconceivably vast power imbalance and all? And you think I’m the only one who needs help? You think you have a leg to stand on telling me that I need to work on myself while being completely blind to your own issues? Those are some beautiful stones you’ve been throwing in this glass house, wherever did you get them? God. When I want to be false-therapized and patronized by a hypocrite, I’ll let you know."

My first thought (after the pain that sparked in my chest at this dig) was that what if Treasure is going to therapy? Trying to better themselves after meeting Porter because he was right. Their friends did take advantage of them and they had been too scared to talk about it, confront them. They wanted to be better for him but was scared to admit that they were going to therapy because of things they heard growing up. That therapy was a weakness or a waste of money. It was only for crazy people or people who had trauma and their life wasn't so bad.

They can see that Porter is suffering. He needs a healthy outlet. And communication is key to any relationship. They didn't communicate well enough to their friends, so they want to communicate with Porter, be there for him like no one was for them until him.

But they're only human, and they're new to this and they can't help but feel frustrated. They say things they regret. It's a folly of being a person.

"What’s that? Say it with your full chest, Treasure. If you want the words to hurt, you have to say it like you mean them. No no, come on now. Say it. Spit it. Let’s be honest with each other for once, all the way. Good. And now, in return: I’m not the only coward in this room. If you think for one second that what we have here isn’t both of us running away, then you need to turn that appraising gaze inward for a bit. If I’m avoidant, then my god, what does that make you?"

Im sorry but my only thought with this was imagining Porter lightly holding their throat, fingers pressing lightly enough for them to feel it as he leans in close. His breath ghosting their cheek as he keeps those silver eyes, swirling with frustration and pain, locked on theirs.

"So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go figure out what I need to do to save a few dozen lives, if not multiple Houses. I’ll leave you to solve whatever your equivalent conundrum would be, like… should you actually do your laundry tonight or just push the pile farther over on the bed? Again? Good night."

Of course he had to get the last words in and they are scathing.

Now, I keep thinking about how Treasure might react and there are too many options.

Treasure fixating on the fact that because they are human, they aren't enough to be in a relationship with Porter. Maybe they go to Wonderworld to see if anyone there would turn them?

Treasure distancing themselves from Porter. If their problems are so mundane, they won't talk about them. Whenever Porter asks how their day was it just becomes "Oh, it was fine. Nothing interesting happened." No matter if the day was joyous or frustrating or even devastating. Their 'human' worries can't compare to all that Porter is going though, they shouldn't waste his time on them.

Treasure feeling like they're only a distraction that Porter picked up so he could momentarily forget what he does for his King. They wanted a relationship with him. But how could they be with him if they only have seen one side to him? Eventually people get bored of a distraction, right? How long would it take for Porter to lose interest and then he'd be gone?

Darkest turn would be if Treasure asked Porter to make them forget about the Empowered world. He was right, they were only human. They didn't belong in his life after all, leaving Porter to be the only one who remembered the time they spent together.

But I mean... it could always end up in angry make up sex too. 🤷‍♀️

[zabala0z]

S3 is once again killing me again with all the lore and I love it. School started up so I might be slower with my thoughts but I got episodes 92, 93, 94 and 95 to talk about!!!

MAG 92: Nothing Beside Remains

Elias makes me want to eat my phone, similar to that one guy from MAG 65 :) I was like screaming the whole time. Of course he can see everything, he literally called the police before Daisy came. I took that as "oh he has spies" but no he can see everything, I hate that. Is Jon eventually gonna get that ability or does The Eye give different gifts. Elias hasn't shown any "compellling" sort of power so I assume the latter. ALSO MORDECAI LUKAS?? I need to see a statement from a Lukas member cause what is up with that family, I'm dying.

Guess Basira is now working there. Hope Elias is paying her. the fact he won't tell Jon shit is so funny to me. So The Stranger is now, basically, the confirmed main villain. BBEG yknow? Mildly terrified, I hate circuses and mannequins so this season is gonna like body me

Not much to say on MAG 93 but whatever entity has the whole "gross shit" as its deal, I'm guessing this falls under it. Purple fungus, the obsessive cleaning, etc. Also yaaay Breekon and Hopes!! Again!11!! get out! Poor Georgie. Love her for being like "Do you even have qualifications??". Jons explanation helped me a lot because during Elias's explanations, I'm mostly just muttering curses to myself because I HATE Him. Avatars. Baller. So Jude Perry was the avatar of The Desolation (destruction, fire, etc) Michael Crew was the avatar of The Vast (sky??, emptiness, general loneliness) and then like Jon is an avatar and I'm guessing so is Elias. I think you can have more then one avatar but anyways.

MAG 94: Dead Woman Walking

Jon refereed to the entity as "The End" which, using my notes, was mentioned in Mary keys statement when gertrude asked where the book came from and Mary said "The End" and said she could never serve it, not finding death interesting. Wild that she can't feel fear anymore??? Like damn. This kinda read as someone in a depressive state in some form. Or like a nihilistic person. Cause like "everything ends, time, it has already ended". Wild.

Not much to say on MAG 95 but I did understand the context vaguely which is more then what I can say for the other war statements. Also Martin and Basira friendship??? Love it. She gets really engrossed in books. I dunno if she was like lying or this is something supernatural related but I love Basira

MAG 96: Return to Sender

Literally screeching oh my god. The fact these things just hijacked this mans business is almost funny. They also talked with a circus ringmaster. Nikola Orsinov? gregor Orsinov? A different one. the statement was given 1996 and Gregor was the leader around the 40's but Nikola, by her description I think, sounded young. So. Who was this ringmaster? Maybe Im getting the timeframe wrong. or they're like eternal. Maybe they like just shed skin and steal a new body, just going by the same last name- okay I don't know.

Also, SARAH BALDWIN???? Welcome back girl. The fact the gorilla skin was stolen by gertrude means she was trying to stop The Unknowing, and likely that's why its been this long for it to happen, because they need that skin. Ew. The Stranger loves skin a little too much. Also Sarah being filled with sawdust and cloves. Great. If Not Sasha was shot, would we have seen that? Or is it different with every one of those, NotThem.?

Anyways, I think that's everything. Every statement, I'm kinda thinking, "which entity does this fall under" now that I know the surrounding universe. Tough since I only know 6 by name and I think there's more. 6 too many entities for this world though

[yooboobies]

tell the public (me, a fellow sopie) why you love sope so much? we all want the know!! and pls make as big as you want, today im in my yoonseok feelings

You ALL want to know?👀

The most honest answer to this question would be that I don’t know. I don’t know how it started, why it started- one day I just really loved Sope as a whole.

But to be fair i do have some thoughts on this. I started out as a Tae girl and along with him I started growing fonder of Yoongi as well until to the point when it was just Yoongi. I got myself deeper and deeper and deeper in the rabbit hole - got to know BTS more, got to know each member’s story and I found myself caring so much for this heart shaped boy named Hoseok.

I learned about his story - we all know it so I won’t go deeper into it because I will cry - and I just couldn’t help myself and unconsciously started caring for him so much more.

I found myself digging deeper for Sope content - found Hwagae Market and from that point on there was no going back. Their dynamic is something really special to me cause it reminds me of the one I have with my best friend. She always describes us two to strangers or new people as sun and moon, she always says while I am the moon and the night sky in her life that she needs, she is the sun and the daylight in mine that I need.

And Sope is that to me. I love the side of Yoongi Hobi brings out so much. Carefree, shy and happy. And I love that Yoongi can always make Hobi laugh and how endeared Hobi is whenever Yoongi does something so mundane like it’s the greatest thing in the world.

I love how Yoongi stayed with him for New Years, even tho they barely knew each other back then, because that’s just the kind of person he is and that’s how special their friendship is. He didn’t want the sunshine to leave Hobi so he stayed ans kept the lights warm in Hobah so they never died out and kept radiating in him. I believe that he is the warmest person today because Yoongi made sure to never let those lights go out.

I love whenever they talk about the things they did together in the earlier years they always do that with such fondness - I love that they used to do things together such as going out and watch underground rap performances and all… I love how it was so important to them.

I love how silly those two can be together up to a point where they made a whole performance together wearing shiny jackets and coming up with the funniest dance just because they can. I bet it didnt take much convincing from Hobi - Yoongi agreed easily. I love that they have this as something we will always remember of whenever we think about Sope.

I love Hwagae Market because it wasn’t JUST a name for their ‘show’ - if you know the lore its what connects Gwangju and Daegu together, that meeting point, the market 🥹 It’s so special and I miss it SO MUCH I WANT HWAGAE MARKET BACK 😔😔😔😔 I love how it was THEIR thing - how they just did whatever they came up with let that be try not laugh or playing the flute or sharing the same outfit or just talking…. It was utterly and completely a Sope thing that I will cherish forever.

I love how they bring out the best from each other, I love how in the end they are each other’s vitamins not just Hobi for Yoongi. Their dynamic is - how I like to describe it - a little bit of everything. Soft, because through soft actions they care for each other let that be going the mv shooting from making songs together and supporting each other to just making sure the other is doing okay and ate enough. Funny because lets be honest those two are HILARIOUS together. Uplifting - they make even the gloomy days happier and better for each other. Full of love and care.

Sope means everything good and happy to me. They are the ones you have to get to know well to understand who they are because they are so easily misunderstood and I relate to that a lot . You would say Hobi is always just loud and overly energetic and too much while he is really not. He is a very serious, very hardworking and very collected person, it just happens that he contains so many warm sunshine he doesn’t want to keep it all to himself so he decided to share it with us. You would say Yoongi is cold and emotionless but he is the kindest and gentlest and most caring person in this earth. And I will never stop proving this.

But most importantly

Even tho they had MANY hardships BOTH OF THEM stayed gentle.

[bingobongobonko]

Hi Bingo! I just wanted to say that I've been lurking and looking at your art for your lancer campaign for a while now and I think it's so cool! You've kinda inspired me to check out the system for myself too! I hope it's not too much trouble/making you retread anything you've talked about before, but I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on the system and how it's worked out for your campaign! I really love mecha stuff, but I think the genre can be pretty rife with militarism that I'm not super into. I get the sense though that you've been able to find a good way to slot these really cool characters into the setting and focus on their interactions while also getting the fun of that sweet sweet mech combat. My inquiry is very low stakes haha, so nw if you don't have time to gather all your thoughts (I know that if I was tasked to talk about my own campaigns my head would burst into flames just trying to sift through what I'd want to say :P) Anyway, just a little friendly wave to you to say your art is very inspirational, and keep up the great work!

OH WOW this is . whuhh. WOW! sorry im like. wtff. i mean i ramble about my characters a lot but i didn't think anyone else actually gave a fuck which is completely ok, i just WHUHH..!!! holy shit. excitement aside, i get where you're coming from. honestly i was never into the mecha genre, but lancer rpg really made me realize how cool it is! like im not a really technical guy, and i feel like lancer is VERY strategy-heavy in combat; unless you know what you're doing and what everything does, you can easily get overwhelmed with all the features and all the things to consider in the math. for me its a lot because i struggle with spatial understanding and any sort of mathematics. that's my only real gripe on the system, but that might also just be every other system as well. it's more of a personal issue than that of the system, my friends all picked it up super quick. as for the genre, yeah, i find militaristic shit a drag and mecha has the same feel to me. its got a layer of professionalism and seriousness i don't enjoy, nor wish to play along with, so i get what you mean yeah. thankfully my friend who dms the campaign is just. Holy fuck; she just has a huuuge extra care for character stories and weaving them into the narrative she explores. so really, its her i've to thank for making mecha stuff FUN for me. lancer can certainly run hand-in-hand with militaristic-focused rp, i was in a oneshot with that sole focus and while it was interesting, without that interesting narrative stuff you kind of lose steam, but ive grown so fond of dog days cuz of how my friend lets our characters develop AND helps them do that. that and the way she sets up the story, just. FUUUUCK. the military is an afterthought in what is a fight against time and para-causality sinking its teeth into what little sanity we have. we fight against something that is a victim and a perpetrator. we're the worst people to be tasked to be saving an entire planet too, but here we are. as cheesy as it is, it's all about who you play with. thats the feel i get about most systems. honestly why im so ehhh about playing with strangers, when i'd rather play with people i like. all systems strike me as more of a tool; its the way you use em yk? the experience you get from them are more reflective of who you're telling a story with (or fighting alongside, there's no right way to play. i just really like narrative storytelling). so really, ive to thank my friends, especially @spaginithethird who introduced me to lancer in the first place as a dm!!!!!!!!!! TO A LOT OF SYSTEMS ACTUALLY shes rlly knowledgeable abt this stuff and very very very sweet too o7 so yeah really, its a really fun system BUT to me, i wouldnt be playing lancer if i didn't have a narrative to go by and follow with people i like. i am always sayin this but its my favorite thing when it comes to ttrpgs

[sunset-of-the-void]

okay ive been trying to organize my thoughts forever and its not exactly working so. i'm just gonna launch things in as short and concise as i can make it so i dont ramble incoherantly forever (/lh)

so,, i'll start with my perception of norton, because by god i think i should think about him more,,,

i'm not gonna touch on his mom because i have no clue what the fuck happened to her honestly, but i think norton's dad has always been kind of. accidentally distant? like in a way you could tell he cared for his son, but there was probably always an air of stress/tiredness about him (similar to norton as he aged) that got worse from the black lung and aging, and also the way that they were never guarenteed to have necessities all the time was something that occupied his mind a lot. (i imagine personally that while the two were never close, norton could understand the reasons why hence choosing to stay by his side once he fell bedridden)

also, while norton probably didn't work in the mines for his entire life, he'd probably do small jobs on the side to help out with funds, especially considering his lack of an (official? authentic?? i cant recall the word im looking for) education in canon, so you know. he's been aware of the concept of money and status for a while i'd assume, even moreso when he starts working in the mines as a teenager (which i'd assume is when his father's illness starts worsening as well) and people there are just. ruthless i'd imagine. considering in his trailer he looks (debatably?) younger than the other men it's probably from both a mix of him being a newer worker and possibly being worse off than them as well plus the stress on him having to be the only provider for two people, one of which is ill as well, as a teenager proobably doesnt help much with the situation either...... i've not much to add other than this, though touching on his personality in the manor, despite being reserved and a liittle grumpy he is very sweet once you get past the walls he put up! he's the type of person to help someone who needs it (albeit he may make a show of being reluctant about it) but he does know what its like to struggle and how much a helping hand could mean to someone. he's still very empathetic in my mind :]

very very briefly onto andrew because if i dont limit myself this will be soo much longer. but i'll try not to get too excited and i'll cut out most of his life (pretty much all of it up to about laz cemetary)

so basically andrew also had similar situations being born in poverty, while norton managed to gain financial security as he became a prospector (i think?) andrew didnt really. get that at all. even when working with laz (if he did, there wouldnt be a reason to be tempted by grave robbing, right???) and i personally assume people would price gouge him for the sake of him being "impure" or whatever, so even with the pay from mikhail/percy it never really lasted quite long enough,,,,

andrew only left after getting caught by marshall, and fled immediately after the (accidental) murder. (to summarize it shortly andrew panicked and stabbed him a few times with the shovel and then accidentally buried him while he was still alive in a nearby patch of dirt) and he showed up to the manor with. practically nothing. he had a change of clothes, his shovel, and some trinkets that were dear to him, and to me he kind of traveled on foot the nearly whole time to the manor (using the funds he had left from the final deal of the "slabs" to take a train as far as he could with the money)

so now like.. the actual current important thing (sorry dhsjdjfj......)

once andrew shows up to the manor he's in ah. generally pretty bad shape. and people kind of have one of two reactions of either "wow this guys one of the stranger ones" or "this guy needs. a lot of help" (depending on how you look at it) and norton kind of realizes almost immediately from andrew's general anxious demeanour and gaunt figure that he has nothing going for him, so why would he make that worse?? plus in the manor norton kind of gravitates away from nobility/aristocracy i believe and andrew is very. noticably not either of those, andrew is just grateful that norton's not reacting negatively to his very presence and he puts a lot of trust in norton. (like, norton gets a fuck ton of life stories that luca and emil dont hear about) im working on a fic of their first technical interaction and im not sure if i'll ever finish it since ive been stewing it since like.. april but they're cute to me

Hello! Very excited to read through this

To be honest i dont think norton's mom is mentioned like ever. At least in nothing i personally have read. I do agree that hia family would have been distant. They were in living in poverty and it puts a strain on anyone much less a family. To me it aids in norton's cutthroat nature of just having a life of anything but the suffering of poverty.

I would love to read the fic once you finish it! I really like andrew and norton getting each other as they have both been ostracized from society for being poor and then for Andrew being albino! I was going to have a lot more to say but i dont think it would have added much to this. I will be marinating on thoughts for this thank you so much for the ramble friend!

[hesitatingspirit]

I. Boy v. World

it feels like the world is against me sometimes.

and i dont know how to make it clear that i just want to be left alone. say hi my name is adam nice to meet you please dont hurt me im just a boy please i just want to be treated like one of you. you dont have to even talk to me but if you refer to me just maybe say he but if not its okay & i’m still too aggressive. say nothing at all and i’m just too difficult to even bother with at all. loser from the start, this is an eternal summer and you’re god’s least favourite cold-blooded experiment. strap in and enjoy the ride: you’ll be here for a long time.

If I am offended by someone calling me a woman, I am too much. I am one of those trannies that makes everything about them, the spitting image of the blue-haired, big-mouthed, angry-faced caricatures of trans individuals created by the right. If I am not offended, I am making a bad name for my fellow trans siblings by not standing up for myself when people misidentify me. I am normalising the idea that people are allowed to “mess up” on purpose, label me as whatever they want. I can never win: The only way would be to never get misgendered again. To not even have it be a possibility…

But we all know that this can never happen.

No matter what I do, I am always wrong,

because what did I expect when I chose to do this?

I mean,

Everyone knows how the world feels about people like me.

What DID I expect?

Would it have been easier for me to just stay a girl?

Easier for which one of us?

The world is run by spiders weaving complex webs of lies and careful misinformation, all vague enough to seem true to those who only catch the news in passing and parrot it at work, conversing at the water coolers. But being wrong is a disease, and baby, it's contagious: Mask up and shut your mouth and maybe even your ears too.

They are just trying to provoke me. They want to make me step out of line, so when I finally say “hey im a bit uncomfortable” They can finally say

I knew there was something about him!

He is one of those, he lied!

He DOES make his identity his whole personality!

No. It seems that my identity has become YOUR personality,

because my gender defines everyone but me:

The way people react to my face usually tells me all I need to know.

I can recognise a cold gaze from around the corner,

through a brick wall and from a mile away

I'm a psychic, honey, and I'm never gonna change,

so dont shoot the Messenger, okay?

and it goes like this it goes

boy with mustache makes a face when stranger calls him a girl

boy with mustache apologises for the trouble in case stranger noticed

stranger scoffs i dont see why it's such a big deal you can't expect everyone to understand

boy says i know and i’m sorry

boy goes home and forgets what he looks like.

It kinda goes like this:

different place wake up with a different face who am i today well everyone sees different things

but you know me i ride my own wave, this is My summer soundtrack

i am a skateboarder i am a stoner i am a rockstar

i am a bleach blond baby boy abandoned by god and i will never die again

mask after mask name after name

another ring around my eyes after another night awake

bags full of sleep deprived weekends staying busy with a racing head

lids heavy with the memories of endless nights

it’ll weigh me down ‘til i’m lowered into my early grave

and all the brick roads and sunsets up in my favourite singer’s hometown will never hit me the same

ghosts see the world differently,

ever so slightly colourblind

translucent lids half-covering eyes that have grown so tired from all they’ve seen

an eternity an observer

an eternity more to go

the people who care what you look like or hate what you listen to aren't really people that should be in your life anyway. so i don't care too much when they cut me off.

i don't care at all,

i just find it so insane that somehow i'm hurting people by being alive. by breathing.

if i enjoyed the shapes of the words she and her in your mouth if i enjoyed the twang of their sound waves if i could love the way the words hit my eardrums then my existence would be pure, a gift from god and i would be a miracle

but because i stand up for myself

because i have committed the crime of wanting to be happy

i am irredeemably evil

forever unclean,

stain on society and a file best left unopened.

top secret, confidential. don't ask, don't tell, but tell them what you don't know, tell them what you want to think. don't ask, don't tell, but they’ll always ask, and you’ll always tell.

“we don’t talk about her anymore.”

“she went crazy.”

“i heard it was drugs that did it.”

“i heard it was schizophrenia.”

“i think she was into witchcraft.”

god forbid a boy want to be loved: god forbid i avenge my death.

porcelain is so easily cracked,

you don't think i have a right to self defense?

i have to crawl out of my grave because this city is all i know. and this place can get so damn cold.

my rebirth will be slow. it will be terrible. and it is commencing.

[littlelovelyspiderling]

Hi! It's me again with my ramblings, I'm so sorry, but I realized something while re-reading the chapter!

This is the first time I've noticed this and I feel so stupid for not realizing it before but

"Johnny giggled sheepishly, taking Peter’s hand in his and holding it against his color-stained cheek. Beautiful, the Human Torch thought wistfully. Most people used far cruder language when complimenting Johnny’s appearance. While he’d never complain about being called “hot” or “sexy” or “seductive” by his fans, the press, or even Spider-Man, it softened something in him that the webhead admired him in a way so tender and sweet and innocent compared to what he was used to—and perhaps a tad less inappropriate and predatory."

"So this was what it was like to have your crush like you back. Johnny didn’t think he’d ever felt this happy in his entire life. He was no stranger to throngs of girls throwing themselves at his feet, tearfully professing how ardently they adored him—or worse, fellow celebrities of varying ages and professions cornering him at parties or in dressing rooms, their wandering hands and whispered promises sordid enough to send Sue on a sisterly killing spree if she ever found out; not that he’d tell her about that."

It's not just a coincidence, right? It's not the first time that Johnny's constant sexualization and harassment as a celebrity has been mentioned, even Peter mentioned it once if I'm not mistaken.

Is this something I should be prepared for? Don't get me wrong! I'd love it if you get to dig deeper into that part of his life, I just wanted to point it out. 😸

ohhh someone noticed 👀

okay here’s the thing. im still deciding whether or not im gonna go into anything super specific about it, but i feel like any person who gets shoved into the spotlight rapidly and from a very young age is often very tragically overly sexualized by the media, their fans, and adults already in the industry. i think there’s a lot of pressure for them to fill a certain role and meet certain standards even if that’s not in any way appropriate for their age. (justin bieber, billie eilish, pretty much the entire cast of stranger things, etc). despite sue’s attempts to shield him from it, johnny would no doubt be exposed to a lot of this being a 16-yr-old mega celebrity

another thing. i think a lot of young celebrities end up leaning into their own sexualization as a sort of defense mechanism / to feel like they’re in control of it, if that makes sense? like “you’re gonna sexualize me anyway, so i might as well do it to myself first.” and i think johnny is a bit of a victim of this. he does enjoy a majority of the attention that comes with being who he is, and maybe part of him doesn’t understand that it isn’t normal for people to look at him and speak to him the way they do, him being a literal child. this all happened so fast to him while he’s still like developing as a person that i think he just accepted whatever attention he received as positive and simply an occupational hazard of his new fame. being sought after and desired and hot is what everyone wants, right? and he’s a superhero; he can protect himself from any truly bad actors…even if he shouldn’t have to. i also think he kinda turns it into a joke and laughs off the bad side of being a 16 yr old “sex icon” to avoid having to think about how uncomfortable it actually makes him

anyway, that was a lot. all this to say yes, including those things was not a coincidence, and while i don’t plan to make it a majorrr story arc, it is something i wanted to acknowledge and leave space to explore further. 🫡 but obviously it’s a very sensitive topic so i want to be careful with how i approach it

[whispersbelongingbird]

Headcanons for Fuegoleon and Mereoleona’s reaction is Leopold was a traitor? You can include Yuno if you want to for extra angst

Well quite obviously Fuegoleon was devastated and in denial. His little brother who was practically the reincarnation of the sun, traitor? No way it was true.

When Fuegoleon finds out it is indeed true he would blame himself for what happened to Leo. Look back on how he could have made things work out. Wallow in the fact that he couldn’t be there for his little brother.

Mereoleona is pissed. She doesn’t know Leo is playing this prank on but it has to stop right now. Mereoleona will go out hunting for him until she finds Leo and sets things straight.

If Mereoleona does eventually find Leopold she won’t lash out as expected. Probably more calm and understanding. Once everything if fixed (if it ever will) then she will start yelling at him. She wouldn’t want Leopold to run off again without having a chance to talk to him about what led him to this.

After it was officially announced that Leopols had gone against the Clover kingdom. Fuegoleon tried his best to appear normal in front of his squad, he was always goof at concealing his emotions but lately it has all be slipping. Sometimes he’d just sit down and think about the good times, rich with smiles. Usually ends with a single tear rolling down his face until Mereoleona finds him.

Mereoleona’s relationship with Leopold was different than with Fuegoleon’s. She was more harsh on the kid and showed affection in weird ways but Leopold would always understand. He understood her and she understood him, but for once she thought Leopold was a complete stranger.

Mereoleona was never good with touchy feelings, always leaving that stuff for Fuegoleon. Though, sometimes she thinks she could have tried more. She could always tell when Leopold was upset even when it was a small thing. Whether it was a small little fight with Yuno or getting yelled at from his parents, she could tell. She just wishes she could have used that to her advantage.

Yuno was also in disbelief. He spent days searching for Leopold trying to look for answers, trying to get him back. The other day they were all over each other, smiling and laughing so what happened?

The boy got no sleep at all. William had given Yuno’s missions to others because he clearly wasn’t in the state to go anywhere or do anything. Langris took over his vice captain duties and all that paperwork. His squad were very soft on him and careful with their words. Mimosa, William and Klaus were the only ones able to talk to Yuno without him yelling at them to go away.

William tracked all of Yuno’s sleepless nights searching and all his missed meal’s. Day by day things only got worst and it was hard watching knowing there was nothing he could do to help.

A week passed and Yuno got a letter from Leopold.

‘Hi Yuno! This is kind of silly isn’t it? After all this time im writing everything down on a piece of paper, huh? Haha, how are you holding up? I hope you’re doing well. I know you’ve heard about the news and I know you’re our searching and worrying but please do not, that is the last thing I want. Yuno I love you, I really do. You will always have a special place in my heart and nothing will change that. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay by your side. But if I did i would have just felt worthless and hated myself. Selfish isn’t it? Please Yuno, forget about me, move on. Don’t blame yourself, don’t look back. You can achieve so much if you just keep going forward! I believe in you, I always will. Even if you hate me and you’re out for my head. Nothing in this world will ever change my undying love for you’

He read it and he cried. He cried so much. He didn’t tell anyone about the letter and he didn’t get rid if it. He put it in a box and placed it on his nightstand then went to sleep.

Im not the best at writing angst so I hope this is good enough!

[tellmehowtofeel]

Please read

This may be my subconscious cry for help, but this is not a cry for attention. Yes, this is a public domain and yes, this will and can be accessed by anyone, but that does not mean I want it to be seen by everyone. I want people to read, I want people to feel. I want to put myself out there and be understood, but I don't want to be seen or heard. I want to say how I feel and what I do without being judged, but in the world that is an impossibility. While this will be a blog filled with negativity, I want you all to know there is positivity and the world, I do see and feel the positivity in the world, but there is not enough to remove the bad. I'll try and sprinkle it in where I can, but don't come here to feel full of sunshine and daisies.

If you come here, expect to read dark feelings, see the inner workings of my mind, hear the decisions I make In my head or the actions I pursue to try and understand myself. I cannot apologise for what you see on here for I did not force you to come. if what you see affects you, do not continue. unless you want to, I can't stop you. If this makes you feel seen, if this makes you feel less alone, if this makes you feel like you can make it, then read. Do not take my words or actions as gospel, and do not take them as advice. I know that I do not treat myself as I should. Im trying to fix that.

You may be questioning the blog name.

tell me how to feel.

I hate having to self regulate, I find it so difficult to name the emotions I experience, to function in my head when I can't focus on anything but the flurry of emotion around me. I want someone to just look at me and tell me how I feel. tell me what to feel and when to feel it. Someone to stop the highest of highs going to the lowest of lows without any in between moments.

To be clear, I do not want some random stranger on the internet to read anything I post and tell me I have some sort of mental illness or that im being dramatic. Unfortunately, I don't care for your opinion nor your diagnosis. If you want to be respectful and start a conversation or leave a comment, that is welcome here.

If you've made it this far and you want to know who I am, then here you are.

This is an anonymous blog, for that reason I keep it disconnected from my main blog and from my life. So, you can call me Layla. I'm 19, from England, currently at uni, I'm bisexual and that's pretty much all you need to know.

[selfshipseaside]

omg i totally agree with the “dnis are just a way of trying to prove you arent a bad person” thing (DEFINITELY not the exact quote sorry lol) and thats definitely the reason why i dont have one… theyre just so stupid to me :P like whats stopping someone from just. lying to you yknow? i just block and move on… but also i have this irrational fear that bc i DONT have a dni ppl will assume the worst of me… its really silly… and dumb… and i dont really believe it but it does scare me!!! also considering the fact i have a bit of a problematic f/o im terrified every day that bc i dont explicitly say in every post of mine that I DONT CONDONE ANY OF THEIR ACTIONSSSSSSSS that someones gonna come in my inbox and tell me im the scum of the earth for shipping with them 😭 they arent even THAT bad. kind of went on a tangent a bit there but i compleeeeeetely agree dnis are SO performative !!! i think all discourse labels are performative honestly liek. i dont know. i just think its all really stupid and im just like you i choose not to associate myself or my blogs with shipping discourse… of course i have opinions but i think my followers and mutuals know what to expect from me… i really went on a tangent here 😭😭 sorry… you can ignore this i wont mind :P i hope youre having a lovely day/night :)

I completely understand! The age-old rule of don't trust strangers on the internet, unsurprisingly, still applies today! People can lie, even if they're a "good person". People can tell the truth and seem completely unproblematic, even if they're a "bad person". We simply do not know anyone's true self or intentions. We cannot know those things by simply sharing fictional people and gushing over them or telling people who we do or don't want interacting. It's not that simple. People will tell you who they are, and sure, believe them. But know that their actions will speak louder, surely. Being performative is a huge issue in our community, and people who genuinely are affected by performative activism and this whole new genre of being a "good" person...it's impossible. There's far more nuance in these social inter-community spaces and issues than anyone wants to admit. But you see, being a "good person" should be second nature right? That's what everyone wants to say. But, that's incorrect. We all go through enough turmoil as it is, and we have to continue to be as good as we can despite that. It's easy to be an asshole. That's why we have the problems in this community that we do, because simple respect and being kind is more expensive than it ever has been. Out-casting people and finding identity in hatred is the new gig, apparently. Often times, we are not what we believe in, we are what we do. If you believe in protecting children, and then go and tell a child to off themselves...well that's just plain ol' hypocrisy. Anon, you're really cool in my mind! You and your f/o are extremely valid! Keep on shipping! Problematic f/os are cool, and I think it's safe to say that most of us with problematic f/os don't condone their actions. Hopefully, at least.

[ifeltfree]

Yeah, of course I'll talk with you about it. I'm sorry to hear you're recently diagnosed. I'd say it gets better, but I'd be lying. What does change is that you get tougher, more resilient. If you're lucky, you have people around you who understand and support you well. The seizures never stop being terrifying.

It's an awful disease and one that is extremely misunderstood. Isolating is the right word, for sure. I was diagnosed at 16, so I know how hard it can be to have it as a teenager/young person as well. It feels like it's stealing from you. It is. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Your feelings are justified.

As far as how I cope? Poorly, for a long time, but recently things have been looking up. I was seizure-free for about five years before a recent set of breakthrough seizures (I crashed my car too, lol what a time), so I'm relearning how to deal with the fear and paranoia.

Logistically, I've done a few things:

I was able to get my job to let me work from home 3/5 days of the week.

I sleep. A lot. I still hang out with people and I have a lot of friends, but I had to accept there are things I can't do.

I spend a lot of time in quiet. Overstimulation doesn't help. I found this out the long way - took me forever to realize shutting up one or a few of my senses cut down the brain activity (I'm dumb).

I don't drink. I used to drink - probably too much. Substance abuse and epilepsy don't mix. That wasn't the reason for my breakthroughs, but I do have a little sobriety app. Kinda fun, honestly.

I talk to my friends about it.

That last point is something that I'd never done before this year. It's hard, of course, but I think it's helped that my friends now know I'm having crises of sanity, faith, philosophy - whatever - every day of my goddamn life. It's impossible to live with this disease and not think about what's real, what's not, if I'm losing time, what exactly is a soul...you understand.

Also, seizures are impossible to describe, but I try. That helps as well. Horrifies my friends, but they've said it's ok to talk about.

Every seizure I've had (barring these last ones, or I'd have killed myself) has stolen my personhood from me. I'd wake up as a different person, and then I'd just...live in a stranger's apartment, wear a stranger's clothes, wake up in a stranger's bed. After about a week, the feeling starts to fade but nothing ever goes back to that first reality. That disorientation is, for me, one of the worst parts of epilepsy. It's fucking scary. And if you go through that, I am so, so sorry.

If you want to talk about this more, let me know. I'm much less serious than I seem, and I write like this because I'm overeducated after being scared shitless by my brain. So.

Anyway, feel free to publish this and I hope you feel better soon.

Also, tell your tattoo artist what happened - they'll thank you for not coming in, and they also need to know you're not a flake. Don't want to make them responsible for an unconscious body when they don't have to be! :)

thank you for talking to me more about this. you worded a lot of this really well and its reassuring to know its normal to feel that way that i do about it all. my family thinks im exaggerating it so sometimes i question if im blowing things out of proportion.

anyway, thats terrible that you crashed your car. thats such a huge fear of mine and i cant imagine going through that, im so sorry. its so unfortunate that you have to miss out on things, but im glad you figured out what works for you to keep you in better shape. im gonna try and be mindful about the things you mentioned and see if they make a difference for me, thank you

i dont have much of a support system, most of my friends stopped talking to me after college and i find it hard to meet new people where i live. its significantly harder to cope with shit like this when youre on your own. im sure you get it. and i totally understand what you mean by losing your sense of self. it feels like everything is foggy, all the time but even worse on days i have seizures. it almost makes me mad cause its not fair that after everything else that comes with it, i have to have a diluted watered down personality too.

again thank you for this. ill definitely reach out if the urge arises and you definitely can too. im always open to talk, about anything

[weeping-mistytree]

Just because we have some coincidences with similar things doesn't mean anything at all. Like, she always tries to pair up with me, don't she have any sense of individuality? We are friends not lovers not soulmates no nothing, thou, I don't know who she thinks she is trying to Sneak out into my life and my energy like it's nothing, she knows that she doesn't belong here yet she is still around.

Always asked her with does she want from me, and answers me " just your friendship" well, I don't believe her at all, I do believe she like me in a romantic way since always and have make me different proposals to live together and to get married Wich I'm sorry but I'm not gay or anything, I am asexual and heteroromantic, I would NEVER date a friend or have some sort of romantic relationships with them besides friendship because for me friends stay friends and a friend doesn't approach you since day one with a marriage proposal and a declaration of Love, like you don't do that to a complete stranger, right? That's not normal and she is way too attached to me, she even have told me that if I stop talking to her she will die or get extremely depressed, well I'm sorry but I do believe she needs professional help with that kind of attachment.

I know platonic queeromantic friendships exist but I'm not one that gets attached like she does with her friends, thou, I do love them but not in that degree, for me is too much and need my solitude and individuality respected, and my boundaries also because I still remember when she said that " of course yeah, I will erase my feelings for you, like is easy " and she to this day denies that she said and ask for those things between us. And she still is saying then and wish for them, but she is taking more rude responses like " I don't care if you don't want " everytime I tell he that I don't want her to visit me or me going to her town and stay at her house. That's not right, right?

She says that I'm believing things that are not true but her attitude since day one has proving me right, I'm sorry I can't reciprocate but I don't see myself sharing a life in the way she does it, this having bothering me for quite some time and had to let it out and anyway possible, sorry about the ranting.

Most won't understand or find it silly from me and I know some would say " oh, come on just date her or something " , but as I said I'm not gay, im basically straight and asexual ( Wich funny enough, after a couple of months talking with her and knowing her gay adventures, she miraculously told she was asexual too, like ???? And then that she's straight when I told her that I wasn't Biromantic and I though, and then again she is asexual, she gives me that feeling that she just wants to pair up with me and do and like the same things, what's individuality right? ) though, and she knows it, she always gave me a weird feeling since the first day she spoke to me through another, at the time friend, and honestly that's not for me. Who call their friends nickname like " baby, princess or other extremely sweet nicknames??? No one from my friends behave in the same way and she and I are from the same freaking country and the same north part of it.

I feel extremely weirded out that she is like that towards me, I don't know any of her in real life friends to know if she's like that with them too.

I'm sorry I just had to let it out.

I don't know if this have any typo or something I speed wrote it, sorry.

[orionsangel86]

I promise my tone is not malicious and I come in peace. This is in regards to the likes/reblogs situation. One of the issues that gets lost in the arguments for why reblogs died down is because, when this site was crawling with over zealous individuals who thought they were fighting the crusades, many people would get attacked over art or a post they didn’t tolerate. And no I’m not talking about actual bad stuff but like dumb things like not necessarily shipping a fandom’s main ship or adult content for actual adult ships and so on. God forbid some of us don’t follow the made up fandom rules. Some of us aren’t even trying to be an active part of those circles, we just wanted to reblog pretty pictures, cool art styles, or neat short fics. Like it was never that deep or real for some of us, it was just a little hit of dopamine, ya know? I’ve since removed myself from all fandom experiences as it’s just less hurtful that way. The other issue that also contributed greatly was the purge. So many artists had to abandon this sinking ship and I don’t blame them. So many of them relied on commissions and stuff and it sucked that they got hurt more than one way. The whole situation sucks, I’m sorry 😞

Hey, im sorry you had such a bad experience with fandom. I recall those days. I didnt spend 8 years in SPN fandom to not come out with some battle scars from all the nonsense! I remember vividly following an artist who posted amazing destiel art, but who was a multishipper who also posted w*ncest art and I remember getting angry anons being like *how DARE you reblog art from someone who ships w*ncest!!!* it was dumb and I ignored it. I always ignored all that crap.

I can understand not wanting to reblog for fear of getting stuck in some discourse and I was very saddened by the purge when so many great creative blogs quit tumblr for good.

I totally get having anxiety about reblogging as well. Its a stronger commitment to just liking something. But you can set up as many anonymous side blogs as you want and reblog stuff on there if it helps with the anxiety, and as always just ignore the discourse. Ive had 2 posts "breach containment" and some of the absolutely brainless comments i get on those posts are enough to set my blood pressure rising... but I ignore them because its not worth the effort to argue with a stranger on the internet imo. Nowadays idgaf about fandom discourse. Im just here vibing in my own little world and I'll be having as much fun here as possible. I just get a bit sad when i see no one is reblogging the awesome art i reblog or the gifsets someone spent so much time on. I wish more people would interact.

So when I see a backlash to posts begging people to keep the site alive by reblogging, it does get my hackles rising and I wanna shake those smug people who are like "oh you just want clout dont tell me what to do" because im like "well why the fuck are you even on tumblr then? Go back to twitter or instagram since that attitude is more suited to those places".

I want tumblr to succeed. I want it to gain more popularity and continue to be a hub for art and creativity and fun. There are so few places left on the internet for these kind of things. But we are a community, and communities only thrive with regular interaction, and interaction on tumblr starts with a reblog.