#i actually wrote a song about this exact thing last year

[strxnged]

one of the guys who bullied me in elementary school is facing serious assault charges. i have no words

[hclymoonsblog]

Memory Arc

GN!Child of Aphrodite x Luke Castellan

Author’s note : I imagined the reader as female but could also be read as gender neutral. Listened to Memory Arc from Rivale Consoles as I wrote.

Warnings : Angst to comfort, with a bit of fluff at the end. Mentions of self-isolation, self-deprecation, nostalgia, fear of death, smoking, acne breakouts, implicit depression from the reader, Luke is insensitive but makes up for it. 

The Aphrodite cabin was awfully quiet. It had been for a while, considering all of your step-siblings had, once again, failed at the tedious task of getting you to attend the nightly campfire. 

It wasn’t their fault, really. But there was no try. Putting on a face and trying to maintain somewhat a form of social life among your peers had been the very least of your concerns. They knew it, and so did you, which is why assuring them that spending your evening listening to music, dining off a few snacks and enjoying silence was perfectly fine with you, had been enough to get them to go. The cabin residents had eventually agreed to leave you on your own, abandoning you to your chosen isolation. 

And, indeed, that’s precisely what was happening. Faint Lana Del Rey was playing in the room – Thunder, the unreleased version, to be exact. You could have recognized the song among a thousand, thanks to its distinct first notes and the familiar grain of the device it was being played on: the mp3 Luke had stolen for you about a year ago, when you first arrived at camp. 

A wave of nostalgia hit you as the boy crossed your mind. You mindlessly inspected the small, grey box, letting your manicured nails trace over the small stickers glued onto the metallic surface. He had never outwardly expressed where he got it from, nor why he chose to gift it to you, among all people. 

You remembered the moment vividly.

***

This was on your second day at camp, at breakfast. You had barely slept, plagued by distressing nightmares all revolving around the implication of being the child of a literal god — or goddess, you weren't sure. It all seemed too surreal to you, and the fact you hadn’t been claimed yet wasn’t helping with it either. Luke Castellan, for some reason, happened to be sitting right next to you at the Hermes table, which welcomed unclaimed children like you, as Mr. D had said in a way that you guessed to be willing to remind you you didn’t belong. Hopefully, that wouldn’t last for long. The thought made you frown unconsciously.

The camp counselor had observed you fiddle with your food for a while, almost thoughtfully. Without a word, he pulled a small object out of his pocket and handed it to you.

“You talk in your sleep.” He commented, giving little to no context regarding his gesture.

Your eyes went from the item, to Luke, to the item again, not moving an inch.

The lack of sleep, combined with all of the information you had to interiorise, made you glare at the box both with curiosity and suspicion, waiting for him to elaborate. Was this another unknown, mystic artefact to, magically, grant you a dreamless sleep?

He blinked, staring back at your emotionless eyes from the insomnia, and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“This, is a mp3,” He explained, gesturing to the small screen and the music note on the back of the device, maintaining the eye contact between the two of you, as if it was trying to get his point across. “You can download songs, and, y’know, listen to music with it.”

“I know what a mp3 is.” You cut him a bit defensively, your cheeks flushing a bit from the slight embarrassment. 

To punctuate your sentence, you pressed a button to switch it on, in order to let him know you actually had owned a similar thing in the past, back when things were still normal for you. Why was this guy showing you off his mp3, anyways?

“I’m sure you do.” The slight mocking tone and the faintest smirk you detected onto Luke’s lips left you questioning the whole point of the conversation. 

Conveniently, the look on your face must have told Luke everything he needed to know as he picked up the conversation. “I thought this might help you relax. Take your mind off things, and, hopefully, make you feel a bit more at home, with songs you like.” 

Your eyes softened. The slight irritation you were feeling towards him evaporated from your body. His friendly gesture had taken you aback, and in a good way. The mp3 may have been in a questionable state, the fact the boy — which was just as much of a stranger than you were to him — had tried to make you feel good, and therefore, welcomed in your new place, was touching.

“… Thank you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.” Luke’s whole face brightened. An unfamiliar warmth spread across your chest. He ran a hand through his dark curls, looking to the side for a split second.

“How did you get that, though? I didn’t know there was a mystery Apple Store at camp.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s just say I stumbled upon it.”

***

Unexpected was the word. Nevertheless, you had truly appreciated the friendly gesture. He had been the first person to act kindly towards you ever since your arrival – at least, not in a way that felt exaggeratingly forced, unlike some other camp residents. You could say this present had sealed the beginning of your friendship. As you stared at it, it left you reflecting onto the day you first met Luke and wondering about where the two of you stood. 

Soon enough, you had no choice but to face the harsh reality of things, which led you inevitably into spiralling into your thoughts.

The two of you hadn’t had a real conversation in months. You didn’t spar together anymore, neither did you share the mp3 he had gifted you, one earbud each, to make him listen to music he claimed to hate — a supposed disdain which had never prevented him from singing, quite awfully, the lyrics along with you. 

You didn’t sit next to one another anymore, didn’t hang out anymore. All of that was quite simply gone.

You had to content yourself of occasional, fleeting from across the hall, nods of acknowledgment. 

People had noticed. They came up to you, asked you about him, probably as much as they asked him about you. 

Of course, you knew. Deep down, you knew why it all went down. 

It is an obligation for demigods to demonstrate constant, unwavering strength and courage. For all you knew, those two had never been qualities that you particularly lacked. 

But when it came to the dark haired boy, it seemed like all the traits you thought you owned came crashing down, and you were left bare, defenseless, while he could see right through your soul.

And you hated that. You thought befriending — though the verb doesn’t quite fit — the best swordsman in camp would help you get rid of the weakness Aphrodite children tend to be associated with. But, truly, it had in fact only been the opposite.

Your barriers all came undone, without fail, one after the other. Your heart only grew fonder, more passionate. And yet, one thing you learned the hard way about being a demigod, is that there is no room for weakness. 

You knew you wouldn’t be capable of balancing both courage and attachment, so the only option left was to flee, to disengage yourself from such a bond, before it was too late. 

Once you got back from your first ever quest, the one in which you almost got violently murdered by a giant scorpion and a bunch of other terrifying creatures, the one which sent you into a concerning amount of sleepless nights, you were convinced of it. 

You wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of forcing yourself through this life without him.

You had believed, foolishly, your avoidance would make things easier.

The truth is that it had only made you feel more heartachingly miserable.

Time had flown by, and despite all your efforts, Luke was still the first thing you thought of when you woke up and the last thing on your mind when you went off to sleep.

For a daughter of Aphrodite, you sure sucked at love. 

The irony of it all left a bitter taste in your mouth.

This was why listening to Lana, despite the affection you held for her, was so dangerous. It always sent you into an uncontrollable overload of emotions.

Fully intending to get rid of the sadness wave before it fully hit you, you stood up from your bed and switched off the device before carefully putting it away in a drawer.

Then, you picked up a pink hoodie, not sure what step-sibling you were borrowing it from, and carelessly put it on. 

As much as you loved the tenth cabin and its coquette aesthetic, you weren’t really feeling that coquette at the moment, which is precisely the reason why you got on your knees in order to grab the pack of Malboro’s carefully hidden under your bed. 

You were glad any of your step-siblings hadn’t picked up on the fact you were smoking, or you would not have ever stopped hearing about it. You could already hear Silena lecturing you about the effect it would have on your lungs, or worse, on your skin. 

Surely the Silena you were imagining in your head was right, though. The frequent smoking, which had been intensifying lately, could explain why you had been breaking out a bit more than usual. 

Thankfully, the perks of being part of the Aphrodite cabin always involved somebody always being kind enough to help the other with spots coverage, so it hadn’t been much of an issue to you. Ever since, you had been perfectly capable of doing it on your own.

You walked out the wooden cabin, shutting the door behind you with a barely audible creak. Immediately met with the cool air, goosebumps erupted on your skin. Maybe cotton shorts weren’t the move for such weather, after all. Too bad. You felt like you had gone through worse — you were more than capable of fighting off the not-so-warm spring evening air. 

It was dark. The moon was your only source of light, since you hadn’t thought about picking up a flashlight before leaving, but that was quite good enough already. Your legs were always bringing you to the precise spot in camp you had in mind, and as you walked, you were straying further away from the woods. 

As tall grass tickled your ankles, you silently prayed to your mother you wouldn’t stumble onto any harpy. The thought still emitted a dry chuckle from you, picturing the creature interrupting your smoking break in the middle of the night. If things went shit, you could always try to charmspeak them away. That would be, in fact, surprisingly entertaining.

Harpies rarely roamed around the beach. That was a reassuring thought to you — firstly because you weren’t too keen on the idea of fighting a monster so late at night, and secondly because that’s precisely where you were heading.

Before you knew it, the smell of salt had invaded your nostrils. The crisp touch of the sand underneath your feet made you shiver as you made your way to the shore, intending to sit down for a while — and enjoy your well-deserved cigarette. 

You put your hand down and shoved it in your pocket, instinctively expecting to get a hold of the familiar surface of your lighter. It was even more unexpected to realize there was no lighter to be found, sending your brain into a haze. The possibilities were endless. You could have either forgotten it in the cabin, accidentally dropped it into the tall grass as you were walking, or dropped it somewhere among the sand–

“Looking for something?”

You spinned around, eyes widening, looking up at the person the masculine voice belonged to.

Luke Castellan. Standing in front of you, holding the silver lighter, but not quite handing it to you. You got a weird sense of deja vu as you both scrutinized the other. 

His hair had definitely grown. The dark curls were more defined than you remembered them to be, and there was a new scar down the sight of his face. The sight made you raise a brow, and you met his eyes once again, examining them as much as the distance allowed you to. As a matter of fact, they looked pretty much the same, except for the lack of emotion. They looked weirdly bland, almost glacial, full of indifference. You weren’t used to him looking at you in such a manner.

“Thank you. I must have dropped it earlier.” You explained, trying your best to keep your voice neutral, hoping he would simply give you the object back, so you could both escape the awkward situation. You didn’t believe for a second he had accidentally found it and magically brought it to you at such a late hour of the night. You didn’t feel like confronting him about it anyways.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Luke stated, letting his deft fingers trace over the small object. Then, he lit it, as if he were checking if it did work. Was there a slight tinge of disappointment in his voice or had you imagined it? You were unsure.

“Happens, from time to time.”

The dry chuckle your ex-friend let out only left you made you grow more confused about whatever was happening. You were left with an uneasy feeling in the chest.

“Sure. Then, I guess you haven’t bought, like, three packs from Connor in less than a week.”

“It soothes me!” You defended yourself, feeling small under his disapproving glare. “Why do you keep records of who he sells cigs to, anyways?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you try to get into meditation, or some yoga shit, detox tea, guided hypnosis from Cabin 15, or anything else, really, for all I care? Why’d you have to destroy your health for some temporary relief?” The dark-haired boy snapped back, gradually rising in temper.

“I don’t know, maybe because, unless you haven’t noticed during all the years you’ve been stuck at camp, there’s not much to cope with here?” You mirrored his voice, hastily getting up from the small pile of sand you were sitting on.

“Oh, all right then, I get it.” He threw his arms in the air as he spoke, his brown eyes flashing in anger. “You’re a little depressed, but there’s no psychiatrist available here to help you fix your issues, so you choose to ignore the hell out of me and throw your health out the window instead. Real smart choice.”

Your mouth opened in shock, and before you knew it, your vision was blurred from the tears building up in your eyes. You felt your heart twist painfully in your chest at his insensitive words, and you choked back a sob.

“Why would it matter if I fuck up my health, wether that be to me, or to you? (You had to pause to catch your breath, your chest heaving up and down from the mix of negative emotions invading your body.) “I’ll be dead in no more than ten years, maybe less— We’ll all be.” You inhaled, your voice cracking at the end of your sentence. “You know it.”

His brown eyes widened. Your two last sentences seemed to take out the anger out of his body, leaving the two of you in a heavy kind of silence. Luke’s face went from great anger to deep sadness. He took a step up, gradually lessening the distance between you two, and put his two arms on each of your shoulders. The boy knelt down, so the two of you were on eye-level. You were able to see every one of each of his features now.

“Don’t say that.” His voice was lower, and his brown eyes had considerably softened, and it’s as if you were back to when you first fell in love, about three months ago. “We can’t think of life as just an end, or we won’t live at all.”

Your eyes dropped to the sandy ground, unable to hold his gaze any longer. You hadn’t cried in so long that the sensation of the pearly tears dripping down your eyes felt almost foreign, to you. “I can’t help but think of it that way. Knowing our days are counted, threatened by the doings of the gods, is too much to bear, on most days.” You sniffled. “Makes me wonder if there’s truly a point living it all, and if it’s not better to try and lessen the pain as much as you can.” 

Luke was silent for a bit, reflecting onto what you just said, carefully picking out the words he was about to use next. “The one thing about being a demigod is that we’re fundamentally different compared to regular mortals.” He mindlessly wiped a tear off your face with his thumb. “We die young, and most of the time, terribly. This is what differentiates us significantly from mortals.”

You pursed your lips. “Is this how you think you’re gonna make me feel better?”

The dark-haired boy chuckled, a small smile etching its way on his lips. “No. Of course, it’s unfair, but what I mean is that not much mortal philosophy actually applies to us. We have to look up to those who worshipped the same gods we did. See— take Horace, and his whole Carpe Diem belief. He happened, in fact, to be quite right. We need to enjoy our days, live them to the fullest, and make the most of what we have.” He paused, looking away for a split second, before looking back up into your eyes. “You can’t just deny yourself from happiness. Not only you don’t deserve that, it’ll only make your existence as a demigod even more complicated than it already is.” Luke first hesitated before tucking a hair strand of yours behind your ear. “And, especially as a daughter of Aphrodite, you can’t deny yourself from love.” His voice was barely above a whisper now.

His words really resonated with you, for some reason. Of course, all your problems wouldn't disappear out of thin air thanks to his philosophical words, but they were all you needed to close the remaining distance between the two of you, crashing your lips against his. It was a bit bold, and indeed, it took Luke aback. He froze for a split second, but the camp counselor was quick to come to his senses. One hand went up to caress your jaw to deepen the kiss, almost desperately, and the other pulled you in his chest, a strong arm securing you against him. 

You were the first one to pull away, gasping up for air, and he begrudgingly imitated you, his dilated pupils betraying him. He let out a slight chuckle and ran a hand through his hair, trying to play it off cool.

“Didn’t expect you’d be taking my advice so soon.” The boy joked, still squeezing you against his side, practically towering over you. “I’m not complaining, though.” He hurriedly added.

“I didn’t know you’d gotten so wise. If I knew ignoring you would turn into a son of Athena, I would’ve given you silent treatment earlier.” 

Your playful words only made him press you into his side even more, until your cheeks were squished into his hard chest. It was actually quite enjoyable, except for the fact you’d probably end up suffocating and it would then ruin the romantic mood set between the two of you. “Don’t you dare. I’m not letting you go anytime soon.” He replied, a bit of a warning in his voice.  “Even if that means locking you up in the Hermes cabin and tying you down to my bed.”

That made you chuckle. It didn’t exactly sound like a bad situation to you, for numerous reasons, although you wouldn’t admit all of them out loud. Luke must have noticed the slight blush dusting your cheeks since a shit-eating grin appeared on his face. But before he could say anything about it, you spoke up. “I’m sorry. For pushing you away, for keeping you at distance. I—”

“It’s okay, I get it. I appreciate that you’re apologizing, but I’m not blaming you.” He pressed a kiss into the crown of your head, wrapping both his arms around your midsection. “I’m sorry, too, for the way I talked to you, earlier.”

“We’re good, then.”

“Never better.”

“ … ”

“ … ” 

“Does that mean I’m getting my lighter back?”

“Well-tried.”

----------------------------

© hclymoonsblog - Tumblr, 2024.

[mothdruid]

I Wish You Would

pairing. Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x afab!reader

word count. 3.3k

warnings. ANGST!!

author's note. this is for @laracrofted 1989 writing challenge. my song was I Wish You Would. and a special thanks goes out to @withahappyrefrain, @bobfloydsbabe, and @rae-gar-targaryen for letting me use your OC's as the bride and wedding dates for the daggers in this fic. well, here is some angsty angst for you all. also, the venue i'm writing about is a real place called The Farmhouse Siloam, and this is the dress I wrote the reader in.

The invitation had arrived earlier that year. It didn’t shock you that Jake was actually getting married, but having something tangible telling you was a little odd. Danica and Jake started off on an interesting foot. The way Jake had talked about her in secret wouldn’t have made it obvious, but once you all met Danica everything about the relationship made sense. She was the exact kind of woman that drove Jake crazy, in a good way. That’s one thing you and Bradley had always agreed on. That Hangman would hang the stars for his Venus, something you found out Bradley would have trouble doing for you.

The relationship hadn’t been terrible, honestly, it was the best relationship you had ever had. One that you thought about regularly, even though you continually told everyone you were over it. So, when Jake and Danica gave you the heads up that they were also inviting Bradley, you gave them questioning looks. Why would that even matter? It was their wedding anyways, they could invite whoever they wanted. It’s not like that final not was still something you thought about daily. But how would they had known that? They couldn’t have when you always told them the opposite.

Neither of you were bad people, but that night would have told anyone the opposite. Both of your words were laced with venom, neither one of you knowing how to convey your thoughts properly. It wasn’t like either of you, but things had gotten out of hand quick. One thing lead to another, escalating past the point of control.

An uneven breath passed your lips while you looked in the mirror. The dress you had picked was something simple. A two strap summery dress with a bustier built in. It was covered in a muted pastel floral print. Cielo and Abby had helped you pick it out. You bought it with the thought of being able to wear it again, and not to draw the attention of anyone specific.

Even though you and Bradley ended on poor terms, you still yearned for him. Almost two years later and you still wished for something. But you weren’t just hoping and wishing for him to reach out to you, you were also wishing you could have changed things. Wished you would have never hung up on him. Wished that maybe you wouldn’t have said the things you did. Wished that you would have swallowed your pride and reached out. Too many wishes, but it was all in the past and you couldn’t change it now.

All you could do now was face the day. Face the fact that you would be seeing him again. Face the emotions that were going to resurface.

You did a small twirl, calming your nerves in the process. If anything you could hide with Mickey, Cielo, Abby, Bob, and Reuben if things became too much. Or at least just Cielo and Abby. No matter what, you would survive. Ignoring the sensation tightening in your chest, you moved to the bathroom to finish your makeup.

-

Bradley stared at himself in the dressing room mirror, ignoring all of those who were fluttering around him. He had known about this day for a long time. Hell, he knew when Jake decided he was going to propose. Jake had immediately sent him and Javy a picture of the ring. Eager. That was all Bradley had thought about it. Bradley had a slightly pessimistic view on love now.

After his last relationship, he took a break from love. It was too painful, the only thing in the world that could hurt everyone. Even those whose walls were so high, heart so guarded. Those like Bradley.

Love had been the most damaging thing in Bradley’s life. The love for his father? Heart breaking. The love for his mother? Life altering. The love he had once felt for Maverick? Trust breaking. The love he had for you? World crumbling. It wasn’t worth it anymore in his mind. He had tried it multiple times, each time ending in pain.

The pain he had felt with you had been different though. It was a shared one, a pain he could tell that you were also experiencing. It wasn’t like when his dad just never returned home, or when his mom took her final breath in the hospital, or when Mav set him back. All of that had been one sided, him being the only one being hurt. But when he saw the tears roll down your cheeks, the way your chest heaved with each breath. That finally click he heard when you hung up. The ache in his chest as he stared at the phone, deciding not to call you back.

Yeah, you had been the one to hang up, but Bradley had been the one who did nothing. He didn’t do anything in that moment except let you slip through his fingers, like sand in an hour glass. He regretted it to this day. Knowing he should have at least reached out but didn’t. It was one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He finally popped his collar up then ran the tie for his suit around it.

He hadn’t been this dressed up, outside of his Navy regalia, in a long time. The last time he remembered was for your cousins wedding. A smile drifted to his lips, but only a small one, as he recalled the way you had tied his tie for him. Your face was so calm and focused, threading the material through the knot and tightening it up for him. His own hands followed the same pattern that yours once did. He was never able to capture it completely, but he always preferred how you had tied his ties.

“Crazy, huh?” Javy said while grabbing Bradley’s shoulder and pulling him close.

“That’s one word for it,” Bradley let out a little chuckle.

The two of them sat there for a moment, silence over taking them. Javy's bright smile faded a little when he met Bradley’s gaze in the mirror. Javy wasn’t oblivious to what today meant for Bradley, Jake neither. Jake had told Bradley immediately when Danica sent out invitations. Bradley was happy you would be there, seeing the union of two amazing friends. But he couldn’t ignore the anxiety festering in his chest.

“If you need anything, just ask man.”

“Thanks.”

-

Throughout the entire ceremony you had fought the urge to throw up. Which now lead to you in the bathroom, waiting for your nausea to calm down. It was the worst symptom of anxiety you got, that and the tightness in your chest. You didn’t think that seeing Bradley would do this to you. You had been preparing and hyping yourself up all morning, only for him to crack it all with one look. A look he didn’t even return.

You moved to the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror. That’s when you noticed something that you didn’t catch prior. Well, you had ‘caught’ it, but didn’t realize the full extent of your choice in lipstick. It was Bradley’s favorite shade. It was a soft neutral, one you wore cause it went with everything. Bradley had loved it because, “It just makes you glow”, or at least that was what he had told you. Your fingertips almost brushed your lips, but you stopped yourself and simple smiled.

The reception was gorgeous, the entire thing had been gorgeous. It was an outdoor venue, a boho-esque farm house that had been transitioned into a wedding venue. People were swarming everywhere, waiting to the newly weds and wedding party to show up for things to officially start. You made your way up the steps of the outdoor pavilion, looking around only to find familiar faces staring back at you. Danica and Jake had been kind enough to put all their good friends at the same table. Bob and Mickey both noticed you at the same time, alerting everyone else at the table of your presence.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Reuben said as he stood to pull your chair out for you.

“As if I wouldn’t miss this,” you replied while sitting down.

“That’s right, can’t stay away from us,” Mickey said with a big grin.

The night had moved fast. Dinner had been an event, Javy making his way over to your guys table to greet everyone. Jake and Danica eventually came over too, only after making sure to say hello to all the extended family, which Mickey was claiming you all were a part of. You, Cielo, Abby, and Natasha had talked about the struggles of finding the perfect guest dresses. Bob chiming in to say that you all looked phenomenal, only to turn red when you all complimented him back while Abby pressed a kiss to his cheek. The only person that was missing from your group was Bradley.

Your anxiety about the situation had subsided when the wedding party walked in. Bradley had actually looked at you, even gave you a small smile. The butterflies you had felt weren’t brand new, but they weren’t something you had felt in a long time. They were a regular thing Bradley used to give you, no matter how comfortable you had become with him. Butterflies on your one year anniversary, two year, and even three year.

Your gazes didn’t stop meeting throughout the entirety of dinner. He calmly sat at the wedding party table, disappearing at some point. The thought about finding him had crossed your mind, but you decided to stay seated, a small amount of anxiety winning that battle. It was a good thing though, the first dance starting only a few minutes after you made the decision.

All of you sat there mesmerized by the gorgeous couple dancing. They looked so seamless together, making your heart swell with fondness for the both of them. After the first dance was the dances they had with their parents. Danica with her father, Jake with his mother. All of it, everything was making something inside of you sad. Not for the people around you, but for the fact that you could have had this.

The night continued though. About forty-five minutes had passed since the music and dancing had started. You were sitting at your assigned table while sipping your wine. It had been your second glass. Even though you wanted to get really drunk, you decided not to. It wasn’t the time nor place, and seeing Bradley didn’t fully constitute it. But there was a still a part of you, one that was becoming a little overwhelming, was yearning for him.

A slow song had started to play, many people dispersing from the dance floor. It wasn’t the first slow song and it wouldn’t be that last. During the first slow song, Reuben had asked if you wanted to dance at one point after seeing the saddened look on your face. You had politely declined though, and Reuben confirmed that he understood. The two of you instead had sat at the table and watched all the varying couples on the floor. Jake and Danica, Javy and Natasha, Bob and Abby, Mickey and Cielo. The first time you didn’t take notice to Bradley’s presence, trying to ignore the silent plea inside of you.

Your heart was screaming at you, telling you to just walk over. It was wishing that you would simply go up and talk to him. Wishing that he would come talk to you. Wishing for so much that would probably never happen.

But this time you did notice his presence.

That’s because he wasn’t there, completely absent from the pavilion.

-

The day was going better than Bradley had anticipated.

So what if his chest was filled to the brim with regret and anxiety. He could get over that. What he couldn’t get over was how beautiful everything was. The venue looked like something from out of a movie, Danica truly looked like Venus, and it was perfect. Including you. Before he even walked down the dirt path they called the aisle, his eyes were locked on you.

How could they not be?

After countless days and nights he had spent with you. The very image of you was seared into his soul, being able to immediately pick you out before even seeing your face. You looked as beautiful as ever. It made his heart race, now being faced with the reality that he was only a mere twenty feet away from you. So, he made sure not to make eye contact throughout the entire ceremony. It was harder than he thought it would be. All he wanted to do was look at you, but he forced himself not to.

That was until the reception started. When he walked up the steps of the pavilion his heart was hammering. The DJ announced his name and he walked through, eyes finally meeting yours. It was brief, but it was enough to make his mind spin. He immediately noticed the color of your lips. It was his color, the one he had always loved on you. The one that made you look radiant, complimenting you in all the best ways. It had always grabbed his attention. It wasn’t an extravagant color, but you made it extravagant.

And you continued to keep his attention all night. His eyes followed you, adverting away fast enough for you not to notice when you looked his direction. It was borderline painful watching you with all of his friends. They were your friends too, but the two of you hadn’t been around all of them at the same time in forever. Not actual forever, but that’s what it felt like to Bradley. More like a lifetime.

All he kept thinking was about how foolish he had been. Wishing all over again that he would have done just something. Called you back, sent a text, or simply just not disappear out of your life. But at the time he thought that was the best thing. Only after did he realize how dumb he actually had been. He had to leave the pavilion for a moment, getting fresh air to relieve himself. He returned only a few minutes later.

Then when Jake and Danica started the first dance he started to feel sick. If he would have been better, that could have been the two of you. He could have seen you in one of those gorgeous white gowns. All he saw when he pictured it was you as an ethereal being. This all had to be karma, finally coming around to bite him in the ass. And it didn’t stop either. Watching everyone take their partner, arms wrapped lovingly around them.

Watching how Bob softly moved a stray strand of hair from Abby’s face. The bright smile that Mickey brought to Cielo. Even the way Natasha was laughing at Javy's dumb jokes. He wished that he could have been like that with you. Whisking you around the floor, whispering in your ear about how lucky he was to have you. But it was simply a wish, nothing more.

So Bradley left.

He didn’t want to sit with the regret and pain anymore. The memories of how foolish he had been to let you slip through his hands. He made his way out of the pavilion, dress shoes hitting the grass quickly as he walked a little bit away from the pavilion. Warm deep breaths filled his lungs as he stared out at the sky. Hues of orange and pink were starting to blend in with the clouds.

Not even a minute later did he hear someone coming down the pavilion steps. He waited for a moment, hoping he would hear the steps hit the stone path, but they didn’t. The small sound of shifting grass was creeping closer to him, making hm let out a sigh. He was whole heartedly expecting to see Javy, maybe even Nat in tow. But when he turned around he was much more surprised.

-

“Hi,” you said barely above a whisper.

“I.. Hi,” Bradley greeted back.

The two of you stood there for a moment, staring at one another. Bradley’s eyes had brightened, a soft smile pulling at his lips. Which you mimicked, offering your own small smile at him. Neither of you knew exactly what to say. It didn’t feel awkward, but it wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable either. You looked up, seeing the gorgeous colors of the sky. Bradley looked up to see a little more pink had settled in the sky.

“It’s beautiful,” you said.

“It really is,” Bradley replied.

There were a few beats of silence before you spoke again.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” you didn’t look at him, keeping your gaze towards the sky.

Bradley looked at you though, wondering why you would ask that question. You had never bothered him ever, he just sucked at showing how much he cared about you. Sucked so much he couldn’t even properly show it to you.

“You never have,” Bradley decided it was a now or never thing.

You looked at him, raising an eyebrow to act like you had no idea what he was implying. A breathy half laugh passed your lips as you stared at him now. You waited for a moment, hoping he might retract it or something. That never came though, so you dropped the slightly confused expression from your face.

“Bradley, I didn’t mean it like that,” your smile was gone now.

Bradley nodded, “I know, but there was a lot I wanted to say and never did.”

Those bubbles of anxiety were floating back into your chest, threatening to pop at any moment. But there were things that you had never said either. It was now or never, say your peace or forever hold it.

“There’s a lot I never said either,” you started to fiddle with your hands, a nervous habit you had always had.

“First, I want to say I’m sorry, genuinely,” Bradley’s eyes were sincere as he spoke, “you didn’t deserve anything that happened or that I said. I was stupid then, the emotionally capacity of a peanut.” You both let out a chuckle after that one. “And I don’t expect everything to be magically okay, but I just wanted to apologize and say”, he paused briefly, “that I miss you.”

It felt like your heart had broken into two. Everything you had ever seen in the media was telling you to ditch him, tell him to fuck off. But you couldn’t, because you completely understood what he was saying. You felt the exact same way. Ever since he left it was like you were missing something, double checking every time you left your apartment.

“Bradley, I’m miss you too,” you grabbed his hand as you spoke.

His hand encapsulated yours. The warmth was something familiar yet distant. He had always ran a bit warmer than you, something you had always appreciated. A soft smile appeared on his face once more. He rubbed his thumb lightly on the back of your hand. Neither of you were sure how much time had truly passed since you found him, but another slow song started to play in the distance. Bradley let out a small huff that caught your attention.

“What?” You asked.

“I just… I’ve been meaning to ask you all night,” Bradley started, “would you like to dance?”

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

The two of you stayed there in the grass. Bradley kept you close to him, hands resting on your waist. You rested your head on his chest while your arms where wrapped around his neck. It was peaceful, anxiety melting off the both of you. It wasn’t completely perfect, but it was something the both of you had wished for.

[omegalomania]

someone put the full q&a that fall out boy did the other night on youtube and while i'm going thru it for highlights there's this exchange that was WAY too long to bulletpoint so i'm just transcribing the whole thing here. this was mostly just patrick and pete talking to each other but i need to note that andy was grinning SO big the entire time at the side and it killed me dead.

so, the answer they gave when the band was asked about the song that took the longest to complete on "so much (for) stardust":

patrick: probably this song "heaven, iowa." this is the truth...i hated that song. i wrote it, i sent it to pete [...] i send him everything, 'cause i don't like any of it. but i was like "i don't believe in this one, i don't like it," really far into the production.

pete: really pumped me up to hear this song.

patrick: i'm GETTING there, man!

pete: "got an elevator pitch for you, it's a fuckin terrible song, i hate it. lemme know what you think."

patrick: by the way, this exact type of anecdote is why i didn't talk on stage for like 20 years. remember that? so this is true - sorry, this is a side tangent but very true, we were playing a show with this band "killing tree" and i was the only one that had a microphone, naturally, and so i go "here's, uh, here's a new song..." and i don't know i said something silly like, "it took me like five minutes to write it" and i was being self-deprecating or something, and pete was like "well that's the last time you're talking."

pete: that is NOT actually what happened! you did the harry caray -

patrick: it was something - that was the next show!

pete: oh. the harry caray one...

patrick: that was a different one. so then there was another show, 'cause...i am...wont to do impersonations once in a while and there's a guy from chicago, an old broadcaster in chicago called harry caray, and i just did this harry caray impression and a few people laughed and i was like, "oh, yeah!" and i kept doing it. but the thing. the thing IS. this probably lasted -

pete: "i'm gonna do this impression until everybody stops laughing."

patrick: you're gonna like it! no, but um...so i kept doing it and it was probably only about a minute? it felt like 30. so whatever. anyway, um...the song that took the longest was this song, "heaven, iowa." we'd been working on it, and i wasn't really sure of it. every day we'd go in the studio, i'd ask joe to lay any ideas he had on the verse, any atmospheric guitar or synthesizer or something, and i'd lay down all these ideas, and then there was this moment - we recorded in a studio in seattle, and there was this weird synthesizer that i had and somehow that was it. i landed that and the whole thing came together, and now it's one of my favorite songs on the record. but there's some moments in there where it's just my voice and some other things, there's some sparse moments, and i don't like that a lot. i don't like...it's like hearing your voice on an answering machine.

pete, gesturing at the crowd: ask them if they like it.

[crowd promptly goes apeshit and patrick shakes his head and looks down while pete just fucking smirks at him]

[chcrryade]

⠀EVERY  TIME,⠀I  MAKE  IT  SO  OUTRAGEOUS!  ˚ ◯ ⁺⠀⠀⸻⠀⠀Born out of just the right mix of spite,  desperation,  and greed,  CHERRYADE  ( 체리 에이드 )  are a last-ditch attempt—a withered hand clawing its way out of the grave—at boy group fame for their managing company JAGUAR.  Following their previous list of tragedies,  the seven-piece ensemble  (cobbled together with more members that weren’t even signed to them to begin with that those that were)  seemed to be yet another set-up,  another failed venture that would last a year or two at the very most before a scandal ripped them apart from the inside out and they were shoved aside to make room for the next five minutes of fame JAGUAR were chasing.

However,  they seemed to be the ones that broke the mould of those that had come before them.  Wrapped in an almost artificially sugary-sweet concept with the uneasy-on-the-eyes colour scheme to match  (although the contrasting tang of their sharp personalities cut through the façade more often than not),  CHERRYADE saw success after their debut release ‘DOUBLE DIP,’  a five-track mini album that made everything seem a little bit more real,  proving all those that had been calling bullshit wrong.  They were here,  and they were hopefully here to stay—for better or for worse,  completely uncaring of whether people liked them or not;  as was per with all of JAGUAR’s attempts before them.

They were  (predictably)  not without scandal,  and allegations were thrown at them not long after debut for both their less-than-stellar treatment of their fellow idols in the industry and having loose lips when it came to secrets that weren’t always their own,  but surprisingly there was nothing to be heard about infighting this time around.  Some said they were just the ones that managed to get along,  or they had turned over new leaves, but others theorised that they were all still horrible,  and this time had simply united to wreak their havoc on their mutual enemies instead.

Still,  despite the articles and the fan videos and the general confusion of the crowds at all of their shows while they wondered if they should be throwing rocks or waving their lightsticks in time,  CHERRYADE persevered.  Next was the full album ‘TASTE TEST’ in March 2022,  one that,  despite the more suggestive nature of the songs within,  was another that was met with widespread success.  Everything seemed to be going swimmingly—until the November 2022 one-time-only reunion of JAGUAR’s first and only co-ed duo JUST4U,  who ran from 2009 until 2016.  Another explosive scene of theirs erupted right in plain view,  for everyone to see,  more insults thrown and glass smashed.  An apology  (that,  although was signed by Seungdae,  no-one believes he actually wrote a word of—witnesses said he was egging them on,  if anything)  was released after the media got ahold of the story,  and after that all things JAGUAR  (and by proxy,  all things CHERRYADE)  seemed to fall quiet for a while.  No comeback was announced,  nor rumoured,  nor..  Anything.  It took the leader of the seven himself making a stand and asking for something to be done for any more moves to be made,  and not terribly long after—May 2023,  to be exact—the mini album ‘SWEET (SOUR)’ was dropped.

It seemed the hype hadn’t died down at all,  as fans were just as excited as they’d been for the previous two releases,  and the attention was back in full swing.  Next came the second full album ‘CLUB SODA’ in November 2023,  and most recently the mini album ‘LEMON ON ICE’ in April 2024.  Allegations and accusations have followed them all throughout their careers,  ranging from bullying to drug use to renting rooms in love hotels to the countless rumours of infighting that seem to crop up every two weeks.  But CHERRYADE just keeps on pushing,  not paying any mind to any article that drags their name through the mud for the nth time. 

They have yet to take the title of JAGUAR’s longest running group  (as that crown still belongs to the aforementioned duo JUST4U),  but fans are hopeful and non-fans are more..  Curious.  One journalist described them as a group that was a little like an incoming car crash—you don’t know how things are going to end up,  but you still don’t want to look away.

So,  whether you’re dancing along to their  (admittedly catchy)  discography,  or praying on their imminent disbandment,  CHERRYADE will be here to welcome you all the same.  Grab a gumdrop and make yourself comfortable,  because it’s almost certain that you’re going to be here for a while.

⁺⠀ෆ  ⠀���  ⠀ ᶻ .ᐟ  BACK2BASICS…

GROUP NAME⠀☆⠀CHERRYADE  ( 체리 에이드 )

LABEL⠀☆⠀JAGUAR

DEBUT DATE⠀☆⠀AUG 1,  2021

DEBUT RELEASE⠀☆⠀DOUBLE DIP  ( MINI-ALBUM )

CONCEPT⠀☆⠀COLOURFUL,  SUGARY GOODNESS!

GREETING⠀☆⠀CRACK,  FIZZLE,  POP!  WE’RE CHERRYADE!

FANDOM NAME⠀☆⠀SODA BOMBS

⁺⠀ෆ  ⠀›  ⠀ ᶻ .ᐟ  LINEUP…

KIL DOYEON⠀✶⠀‘98  LEADER MAIN DANCER

DUAN ‘JALEN’ JIEYANG⠀✶⠀‘97  MAIN VOCALIST DANCER

JEON HAEIL⠀✶⠀‘99  LEAD VOCALIST LEAD RAPPER

QIAO YIJUN⠀✶⠀‘01  MAIN RAPPER CENTRE

HWAN ‘GOGO’ MINHUI⠀✶⠀‘02  MAIN DANCER VOCALIST

AHN JAEHEE⠀✶⠀‘02  MAIN RAPPER VISUAL

LEE HASUN⠀✶⠀‘03  MAIN VOCALIST MAKNAE

⁺⠀ෆ  ⠀›  ⠀ ᶻ .ᐟ  DISCOGRAPHY…

AUGUST 2021⠀‘DOUBLE DIP’⠀MINI ALBUM

MARCH 2022⠀‘TASTE TEST’⠀FULL ALBUM

MAY 2023⠀‘SWEET (SOUR)’⠀MINI ALBUM

NOVEMBER 2023⠀‘CLUB SODA’⠀FULL ALBUM

APRIL 2024⠀‘LEMON ON ICE’⠀MINI ALBUM

[des-no9]

For the fic ask game! What about 2 and 22? :]

From writing asks here!

talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Oh boy. Endlessly. I'm very much a writer that goes in and just....writes? and lets the characters take the lead. It's not often I have a set narrative/outline because I know that doesn't happen or work. That restriction on something creative is where much needed structure falls apart for me.

I write a lot of shorter pieces, not much in the way of sprawling novel narratives, so maybe this doesn't come up as starkly as in long form writers. It's probably more smaller and nuance for short form writers (n my experience anyway).

Well actually a big one narratively for Vanquish was I didn't want her to die so soon, or at all mortally (another narrative thread) when she joins Voss, the githyanki and frees herself from Nezarr. But I think she just kind of told me when I was figuring out her narrative and end that no, she was ready to die then. She was tired, sore, but happy.

I feel the same for Voss, so their endings just kind of aligned to me and felt right after she kind of told me "this is what I want". After living two very long lives (relatively) basically for someone else, they get to have these short last years as theirs and they don't need anymore.

It felt really poignant especially for Vanquish as her whole initial fear was her mortality, death and her loss of control over it, and its what got her in such a horrible situation. So it just feels right and nice and makes me emotional haha.

Sorry for rambling like fuck and getting very emotional lol.

describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

Hah oh boy okay.

Okay well, fellow neuro diverse and mentally unwell writes may understand your head also just constantly being on fire with ideas and narrative threads and characters.

The reason I pick a certain one can be anything from: catharthis, just the need to write, spite, horny, prompt, unexplored part of a char, what if what if always what if (why I love rare pairs and side chars), and ofc just the general exploring the fucked up and unknown.

Okay first of all I need: music for the vibe of what I'm going to write. Lately actually ambient 10hr background noise audios have been saving my life. Particularly these two. Cyberpunk 9hrs rain. Cozy cyberpunk loft in the rain 10hr. They've been constant lifesavers for writing lately. I've been finding a lot of lyric songs overstimulating and distracting for writing. I need tea if I'm going to settle in and write something longer. Always.

I often write my shorter things these days in StimuWrite, just opening it up and going for it. For me it has the same feel of writing directly into the tumblr text box which increases my output somehow idk. Having no spellchecker is insanely helpful for me hah. Otherwise I consistently use g-docs, for better or worse. It helps me because I have 4 devices then I can write on, and I can write anywhere on any position (chronic pain wahoo).

I edit as I go in everything I write though (not always catching the spelling mistakes tho, that's different). Constantly editing structure, word choice as I go. It's just easier for me. I'm not a 1st draft, 2nd draft person. All my work is essentially one draft, edited as I go, then as I finish I go over it again before posting.

I usually write linearly because the things I usually write are quite short. But often lines for future scenes, moments etc will just appear as I'm writing a current one and I just quickly write that at the bottom of the document. That happened twice past two days. I wrote a flashback in the cyberpunk AU fic and the ending of it wrote itself while I was writing the opening, so I just wrote it down quickly a few spaces down, then continued writing, editing it slightly into the context of what I ended up writing that followed.

Exact same thing happened writing an Orpheus/Voss yesterday. Ending few lines just wrote themselves as I was writing another line so had to throw them down. Then I wrote the rest of the fic.

For longer things I won't always write scenes in order. Sometimes I'll just write things and shuffle them around. I don't need constant 'seamless scene transitions'. I'm confident enough im my writing and my readers that they can understand what's happening. And this fic is a series of vignettes anyway. Snapshots of various people's lives. It fits the vibe.

When something's finished, if it's something longer, or something professional or for a zine, I'll let it sit for a few days, longer. I need to step away from it to come back with fresh eyes. It helps me edit more objectively, critically, and just help notice dumb shit I did that I maybe wouldn't have if I didn't give myself that break away from it.

For shorter things though, often I just write, edit/proof, immediately post. Sometimes I know there are things I just need to get out there and not worry about, just get out my system, just be stress free, or things I need to stop looking at and let it go.

Thank you so much for the ask love!!! This was very fun !! <33333 sorry it's so long omg hope you enjoyed reading

[solar-wing]

Im sorry, but HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO WRITE SO MANY GOOD FICS WITH THAT MANY WORDS??????

Do you have any tips for anyone planning to start writing? Can you describe how your creative thinking works? Love your work!

my exact writing process:

going from left to right:

– stare at my computer, willing the idea/scene in my head to appear on the document in words while listening to whatever inspired me on repeat. – sleep after exhausting my creative energy in such a strenuous manner. – eventually, come back to the idea/story only to end up formating the story post (story cover, author's note, summary, masterlists links, etc.) and not actually work on the story itself. – EVENTUALLY, write something and feel proud of myself for all of five minutes.

– eventually, come back and cringe at the screen wondering what the fuck I wrote and how I even got to the point I'm at. – question who I am and what I'm doing while staring at the screen, attempting again to will the scene/story I'm imagining onto the screen in a DECENT format while also wondering how the fuck it got so long. – read a notification from one of you coronal mass ejections asking me when the story I've been ignoring for months is getting updated (rightfully so) – write with passion fear, because I know if I delay any longer, one of you CMEs will eventually unite the rest of you and start a mass riot.

– stare at the post after publishing it and refresh my screen every thirty seconds to see the likes, reblogs, and comments coming in. – sleep (very important step) – eventually, read over my own work after posting it, going back in to make edits after realizing I either have a duplicated paragraph/section or a misspelled word somewhere and it's bugging the hell out of me while trying to just ignore it. – look at my inbox/drafts, trying to decide what request/draft I should finally start/finish, until I don't do that and just end up starting a new random story after getting inspired from the most random thing.

and that's it (i'm so serious, it goes exactly like that)!

but, in more seriousness, there's three crucial things to my writing creative/process.

an idea that was randomly sparked from a song or likely another post I read somewhere.

a super-powered hyperfocused spawned from ADD (attention deficit disorder) that randomly turns on and off.

drafts that have been sitting in my Google Drive for months to nearly a year.

it's funny because I'm sure people have questions of how I'm pushing upwards of 30K word fics out back to back at times, and the whole time, I'm like "This draft has been sitting here and getting slowly added to since April."

One Kent Was Enough was an idea I got last year during the summer (2023), and the draft had literally been sitting in my Google Drive and Tumblr drafts for months. Like I'm pretty sure I had a draft post of it on my old account before it got shadowbanned and I made this one..

All that to say, my writing process is pretty organic to me. It's really a reflection of my personality and how I operate in real life. Though, I I'd doubt that a lot of the stuff I put in there is unique just to me.

As far as tips I would have, the first one would be don't expect to write like your favorite author off the bat. One, you're two completely different people with different personalities, styles, likes/dislikes, etc. Two, if any of you remember how Nightwing and Shadow first came about, then you know seeing where it's gotten now has been a process. I promise I did not just start writing like this.

But, the biggest tip I would give is to just write. I saw a music artist named Doechii say this in an interview: "I have the right to be bad at something when I first start." Like I said in my process, there are many points I will look back at my work and completely hate it. Sometimes, the stories won't make sense to you or you'll feel like you've just thrown a bunch a words on the screen. It's okay.

It adds to your process because eventually, you start to learn what works best for you and what doesn't. Also, the stories end up turning out to be really well-thought-out and good in the end. I'm not joking when I say One Kent Was Enough was a literal mess at multiple points, and many times, I had no idea where I was going with the story. I literally couldn't get past the scene where the boys meet their dads and the rest of the Team for months until I had a breakthrough.

you'll eventually find your own way. just start writing 💛

[wavernot4love]

wanted 2 make a post about some positive things that happened at iDKHOW Buffalo last night, because there certainly was good in there, for everyone involved, and i want to highlight/talk about that stuff!

i make these posts a lot for shows, mostly for myself so i don't forget, but others seem 2 enjoy them too, and i don't think last night's show should be any exception.

- first of all, OPENING BAND in the crowd!!! something i have never heard of dallon doing for that one before, and all things considered, i fully see why he chose to do it here as it fit the clear vibe of just wanting to be close with and sort of revel in the connection with the crowd - and the ability of that to make everything better.

there were no flamboyant theatrics like with visitation, just all of us singing together (it was also just anthony playing onstage), and homie stayed out with us for a long time - most of the song. i was also right up there which was nice.

(i'm just gonna put a keep reading thingy here you can click so this doesn't clog tags/folks' dash due to being long)

was just super sentimental. dallon even brought the "gives me.... and ____ a purpose" thing back, mentioning/gesturing towards anthony, & also the thing where when we're all doing the last "band" he like, leans back and yells it with his hands around his mouth. just kinda got me & made me smile since he didn't do either of those things on saturday, and i always do them out of habit when singing the song because of past shows.

definitely the best moment of the night & the embodiment of everything i love about idkhow. he truly made the best out of everything.

i didn't film all of it, & also my camera angles are bad since i didn't want to shove my phone in dallon (or anyone's) face. this is the only video i really feel comfortable posting from last night since it just felt like everything was alright in that moment, 100%. not that i took many in the first place for that reason, but you get the idea.

- dallon strutting around with a pride flag from someone for half a song!! let me tell you, bro was showing that thing OFF. sadly i just had my film camera in hand in the moment so i just grabbed maybe five shots on that aka i don't have em yet, but i'll have em eventually, and it sure did happen, and it was great. did see a few posts in idkhow's tagged on instagram if ya wanna peep.

- back to what i said in regards to opening band about making a rough situation more positive, dallon brought up this exact point (even moreso than usual, including just on saturday in rochester) earlier in the show while talking about a letter - he went really in depth about turning negative stuff into something beautiful. and was talking about how when he wrote the song, he could only hear what we were doing now (you know the parts, in the chorus) in his head, and now he gets to actually experience it, and so he never stops playing this song even 20 years after he wrote it. i love dallon's love for a letter, man, and hope he never does stop.

- downside has truly become one of my favorite live songs. holy moly dude it had even the otherwise seemingly casual fans going wild, possibly even more than rochester actually. that is a song to freakin JUMP to if there ever was one!!!

- did mention this in my post from last night, but a while after the show (there were only maybe a dozen of us around at this point), on his way out to the bus, dallon kind of smiled & waved at us/said thank you, first to the larger group closer to the venue and then to the few of us a bit further down, too.

can't really word it right, but just the fact that despite seeming quite down, still, bro took care to make sure we all felt appreciated/not ignored was sweet. i think maybe he could tell we were concerned, i don't know, dude, all i do know is there's a lot of kindness in that dude's eyes.

had honestly never really interacted with dallon all these years prior to these shows (besides theatrical visitation crowd stuff), so i hadn't fully realized until these past few days - really given me a different perspective i hadn't fully caught onto before amidst the dramatic aspects of idkhow/dallon & their shows, i guess.

point is, dallon's a kind dude. be good to him. just wanted to say that.

- and finally, last night was my eighth (!) idkhow show, & what's crazy is i have never traveled more than an hour & a half for one all this time. i can't say that goes for any other band, and that fact doesn't go lost on me. western ny loves and shows up for idkhow, & idkhow loves and shows up for western ny always. <3

i just have so much love for all this, dude. i miss the shows already.

this project & dallon's music & the live shows have all been in my life for so long. both of these shows have been special in some way or another, last night being a reminder of how powerful everything idkhow has going is to the point of being able to make something good out of, well, whatever might be going on.

truly hope to catch another show back around here sometime soon. please get out 2 a gig if you can - chances are, like me and everyone i've encountered, really, at their shows, you'll never want to stop going, either, if you do. :p

[fromtenthousandfeet]

That Usher collab/ remix was made with the intention to promote jk at the superbowl. Scooter is Usher’s manager, he knew and everybody knew he was the halftime performer. That Usher Remix was supposed to be the Somebody to love 2.0, which was one of Justin Bieber’s biggest hits. It was also the perfect way to bring Jk into the superbowl as a performer and introduce him to an american audience. It’s not like Usher invited him but jk declined, I’m sure they were going to get him there because they were banking on getting that grammy nomination. If seven had gotten the nom, they had the perfect excuse to push the enlistment date and use that same time to make him appear as a surprise guest at the superbowl, since both events happened days apart in the month of february. Scooter is known for being “kind” and friendly to the recording academy panel, he did the same for JB and Ariana. He expected to get that nom and even a win so that they could move with the military exemption and push jk’s solo career while the other members were already enlisted.

Everything about his solo career is Bang and Scooter’s doing, especially Scooter. I know armys try to hide and deny that, but it’s clear as day. It’s also clear to me that these ceo’s don’t have a creative bone in their bodies. Trying to replicate JB career and even giving him his songs / collabs/ producers. They also mentioned Justin Timberlake, which is a clear reference for 3d, and then his other song is a reference to Michael Jackson. They are trying to throw things that worked for american solo artists and see what sticks. Anyways, can’t wait for 2025 to see their next move, because they have a clear agenda.

Yes, absolutely. I wrote a blog post along these lines last year. I was actually surprised Scooter wasn’t able to work his magic with the Academy (for a Grammy).

I’ll be home by the end of the week and then I’ll have more time to blog (plus a computer!), but what they’ve done with JK is an exact replica of Justin Bieber’s career trajectory. I’ve got video to share. Bang asked Scooter for the JB special for JK.

[maria-ruta]

💐🎵 for veronica?

link to questions meme

💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?

I'm not a flower expert and don't know too much about the flower meanings but,,,

I guess you could always go with Rose/s for Veronica! since she is a toreador and it's their clan symbol

she is pretty much like rose - pretty but has sharp torns and all that

BUT you could also give her Queen of the Night, because wouldn't THAT be such a flattery hoho

also fun fact

Gregory, a man who used to be a dragon (fairy chimera in the shape of red dragon, to be exact) who Veronica and Charlie had a duel with, came to Rene's house after the duel to have negotiation with and also to meet Veronica and give her a gift - an extremely poisonos flower, trapped in a glass ball. Very extravagant and expensive gift...

He said something about the flower being as beautiful as dnagerous, just like Veronica (i dont remember the exact quote lol). Because during the battle at the duel Veronica was able to notice his weak spot on his neck and was attacking him furiously there, so he probably thought of her as a dangerous oponent (he didnt know she was almost out of blood points and probably wouldnt last long unless Charlie hasn't unleashed the demon from the sword he had but shhh)

Veronica wasn't fan of him or his gift and didn't want to see his face at all but she accepted a gift anyway, because if this man was to become Rene's new buisness partner, she didn't want to make things worse

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

im also not an expert on music eitherrr fdhgfjgfjgfjfd

UNLIKE VERONICA!!!! whos very much into music! actually her toreador weakness is that she can become hypnotized/zoned out by good music! (which lead to unexpected conclusion that she either would be hypnotized by her own singing... or she doesn't consider her singing good.... so there is a little angsty note(lol) to that - Veronica never thinks her singing is good enough... because she never became a singer, how she dreamed... even tho her singing IS very good... she doesnt feel it :') )

I think Veronica likes lots of different music genres, from opera singing to rock and pop etc

i cant be specific bc im dum dum when it comes to music, singers, and music history OTL unlike Veronica! typical case of "my character is smarter than me" kind of shit hahaha

NOW TO THE SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF VERONICA HAHA YAY (ill put under read more so i dont take too much of your dash)

the curse - as the vampirism and beast and bloodthirst and such

love profusion - Veronica's relationship with her sire (she got them under her skin... quite literally haha). Especially fits well with the begining of it - when she was embrased and there is no resurection :')

bye bye baby - Veronica leaves her sire and joins anarchs

teach me to fight - her anarch years basically (also the closest of what i imagine her voice be.. i never was good at imagining character's voices alas U_U )

shut up and drive - perfect vibes for Veronica's driving (and not only) hahaha

cold souls - that's actually song not so much for Veronica but for her sire when he found her dying and had impulsive desision to embrace her. I wrote more about it here

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR QUESTION!!!! FINALLY I GOT TO SHARE VERONICAS SNGS WITH YOUUUU <3

[birinboom]

you already know how much I adore your work on Jing Yuan

but what was your favorite piece to write? why? was there a specific string of words or description you particularly enjoyed or are proud of? is there any specific part of your writing you really hoped would pop out to people? was there some dialogue you particularly enjoyed writing?

is there any part of your process you enjoy and would love to talk about? like just, I want you to talk about the love you poured into your work with pride! 💚

The way I’m still crying about the comments you left on AO3, they’re such a treasure to me 😭

I’m sorry I took so long to answer this. Whenever I get an ask that requires me to think I always feel like my brain exits my skull and slinks down my spine to hide somewhere behind my spleen. I can’t think. Did I write something? I suppose so. How did I feel beyond frustration? No clue ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ What were we talking about?

It took me a while to encourage my brain to come back so I could answer this a bit more seriously. I even put everything in a google document so I could work on answering without losing my progress to tumblr being a buggy bastard

What was your favorite piece to write? Why? There are a few that come to mind. I wrote a sci-fi/post-apocalypse drabble for BnHA’s Bakugou, which is one of the quickest pieces I’ve ever written. 1.2K in about 2 hours after lying awake all night thinking about the story, then insta-post. No time to fret, just shove it out the door. Good luck out there! 👋 Despite how short it is I felt like I got a lot of lore into it

Another one is ‘Heat Haze’ (KNY, Rengoku Kyoujurou x f!reader). It’s the longest fic I’ve written to date (16K) and a lot of it just flowed. The most trouble I had was tying a few scenes together, which is always one of the last things I work on. I remember frequently writing 2-2.5K in a day, which is a lot for me

And then there’s ‘The Luck-Bringing Cat.’ Simultaneously one of the best and worst experiences. Best because I was so caught up in the Apothecary Diaries AU I wanted to write, I kept thinking about it, new scenes, exact expressions of the characters. But the dialogue nearly killed the whole fic. I’ve come to realize that I am not good at writing dialogue for Jing Yuan. He’s too eloquent, I’m so much more comfortable with low-brow dialogue. I listened to Jing Yuan’s voice lines over and over. I re-read the Apothecary Diaries light novels so many times in an attempt to mimic some of Jinshi’s dialogue, since he has that same eloquence. I was so close to crying and bashing my head into my desk several times when all I had left to write was the dialogue. And yet I want to write more for this AU. ‘Cause I still love it so much. Thanks again to @a11eya for beta-reading it for me. Without you I might actually have given up

Was there a specific string of words or description you particularly enjoyed or are proud of? I wrote a fic for BnHA’s Yagi Toshinori x f!reader a few years back, and the description of Reader’s Quirk is what comes to mind

(Brief explanation to people who aren’t familiar with the BnHA universe: a Quirk is basically a superpower which most people of this universe are born with. It can be as powerful or as mundane and effectively useless as you can imagine)

The train exited the tunnel and Toshinori’s eyes flicked back to the view he had been staring at; a soft, golden glow on the horizon, a glow that only he could see. He had always been drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. It was comforting, it was home. It was you. Your Quirk, Burning Heart, made you emit a golden light only visible to the people who you loved. Toshinori had used it as a beacon leading him home ever since the first time he saw it. He didn’t know what he would do if that light ever went out - if he wasn’t worthy of your love anymore.

Fun fact, Burning Heart is based around a Danish song I love a lot, called ‘I’ll Leave the Lights On’ (Jeg Vil La’ Lyset Brænde)

I’ll leave the lights onAnd leave my door ajarLook, my heart glows in the nightSo you can find your way home

Is there any specific part of your writing you really hoped would pop out to people? I think it’s always the unspoken words, the ones characters convey through actions because they’re too scared or worried or too drunk on love to say them out loud in the moment. The ones that leave the reader-insert wondering ‘am I reading too much into this?’ The ones that make you want to shake them and shout ‘NO YOU’RE NOT, YOU IDIOT! HE LIKES YOU!! 😫’

Was there some dialogue you particularly enjoyed writing? I’m not entirely sure it counts as dialogue since it’s from a letter. It’s also from a KNY fic I’m still working on, so don’t go looking for it!

Make sure to keep warm; though the birds sing of springtime, the wind still bears the breath of winter.

I always love when I can get just a lil’ bit poetic. I know it’s a contrast to what I said about writing dialogue for Jing Yuan, but I can handle a sentence here and there no prob! Much beyond that, though, and my brain fries 🤯

Is there any part of your process you enjoy and would love to talk about? It’s probably the initial planning stage. It can be like solving a puzzle for me, to fit scenes together, spending hours mulling everything over, and then thinking of a new scene that would fit perfectly! Or maybe the new scene doesn’t fit at all and I have to figure out how to make it fit. Throw thought-spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks

It’s even better if I can share the process with friends so we can scream about it together. Sometimes I feel like I ought to share it more than I do, allow people to enjoy it with me. I’m too shy though 😬

Thanks again for sending me such a wonderful and thoughtful ask!! It gave me an opportunity to really reflect on my writing, something I don’t do enough 💖💖💖

[timextoxhajima]

what's the right word?

my first kpop group was snsd when they first released gee back in 2009/2010 and i was 9/10.

i've been stuck in this hole of 'kpop' since. i turn 24 in april. thats more than half my life.

growing up in a conservative asian family and the elder daughter of two teachers, it's not easy to explain the grievances and troubles i feel like i've experienced. some might not even consider it a terrible thing. yes, i've had a good standard of education and had parents who took care of me but sometimes the challenge was truly connecting with people and finding an emotional support.

nobody else can replicate and/or understand the true depth of the love, admiration, inspiration and reliance a fan has on her favourite idols/groups. throughout the years, i've gone through the eras. going from the snsd/shinee/suju era, and then into the bts/exo/vixx/bap era, and then blackpink/red velvet/wanna one/nct and then i feel like my life had a significant trajectory in the 2019-2020 period because i started dancing.

after having spent a decade being so invested in the idol culture of perfecting every single performance, pushing past boundaries and the idea of 'not being enough' being the exact source of motivation, perhaps picking up cover-dancing wasn't the best idea. especially when i come in a package with a bunch of baggage, anxiety, stress, and other perfectionist ideals.

throughout the years before 2019/2020, my reliance on my kpop idols was emotional. i wrote letters to them like they were my best friends, wished them the best of health and that they were always enough, while wishing i was as good as they were (ironic?). to my past loves: sooyoung, donghae, minho, jonghyun, jungkook, baekhyun, kang daniel, irene, jaehyun and the other members who have helped me through alot - i owe my life to them. quite literally.

tbz and enhypen have a special place in my heart. because not only did they become the usual emotional support pillars i had all the while, they became my mentors. an actual source to learn and be better. enhypen even more, because i've covered at least 5-6 of their items.

this growth in myself and the growth i see in them was so quiet but so sudden last night as i filmed their performances. 'oh my god, i danced to this song back in 2022 and now i get to see it live?'

as a fan, i feel more emotional because not only am i a fan who enjoys their music, i feel like i had connected to them on the 'stage performer' level and though i'm still lacking in many, many ways, i owe my progress and improvement to enhypen. they push me both mentally and physically during practises and their want to surpass themselves always reminds me that love knows no boundaries. the love for the stage and the love to be the best version of yourself.

i'm quite sure there's some psychological term for it, when you rely on someone who doesn't know you exist, and that you gain energy just from this person's existence.

the story is much, much longer but i could write a whole fic about it if i wanted to.

to my strength, my (probably last) love, heeseung.

i could write a billion words about you, and it would still not be enough to share how much of my life, my success, my motivation, my strength i owe to you. the love between a fan and an idol can only go so far, but i promise it will be forever.

i have a knack for choosing the members who seem to be the 'ace' of the group, but you are so unapologetically open about being a perfectionist. that's just my opinion. you know you want to be at your best, and you strive so hard to get there, sometimes i almost feel sad that you think you're not yet perfect. but then again, that's the very thing that makes me look up to you.

saw you for the first time and probably the last time last night. thank you for reigniting this want to surpass myself in every way possible. thank you for reminding me that lacking is the only way up.

[philosophika]

Nine People You Want To Get To Know Better

Hi everyone, I'm back from an unplanned semi-hiatus (turns out moving countries can really do a number on you) and am looking forward to interacting again. On that note, thank you very much to my new mutual, @lordfenric-writes for tagging me! If you don't already know Fenric (can I call you Fenric?), go check out their Content Links Post for access to their 2023 NaNoWriMo project and more! Soft tagging: @tate-lin @lucianinsanity @songsofsomnia @moonscribbler @words-after-midnight @blind-the-winds @sarah-sandwich @mydeadpony @inkovert @sender-paulson @athenswrites @wordsacrossemptypages, @winterandwords and anyone else who'd like to participate! If you want me to remove you from the tags, just send me a message and I'll get right on it <3

Current Book I'm Reading: OK, so the first thing you need to know about me is that I'm a fully institutionalized academic, and although I've (THANKFULLY) left that world behind, I. CAN'T FOR. THE. LIFE. OF. ME. stop reading like an academic. I haven't been able to read fiction in over a year. The only genre outside of non-fiction that I still seem to be able to connect with is horror. And not like ghosts in your attic horror. Obscure, weird-as-fuck horror. Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman & Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova horror (which are both excellent books, by the way). But that wasn't the question, was it? The question was: what am I reading now. Well, (oh god) I've been digging into The Last Man Takes LSD: Foucault and the End of Revolution by Mitchell Dean & Daniel Zamora, which sounds a whole lot more trippy than it actually is. Mainly, I'm interested because the authors point out that Foucault's late philosophy, his so-called 'ethical turn' towards an 'aesthetics of existence', was inspired by a trip he took to California (and the upper reaches of the universe). Since I wrote my MA dissertation on this exact topic (the ethical turn, not the LSD), I thought it might come in handy for future articles...

Last Song I Listened To: Bastille & Hans Zimmer's new cover of Bastille's Pompeii, Pompeii MMXXIII (recommended by a friend). Before that, I was listening to a 'British Folk/Weird Folk/Horror Folk' playlist on Spotify which was pretty interesting... Actually, it reminded me of being a child in the English countryside, stuffing my face with berries by the side of the road and then going to the new-age shop in the village to listen to whale-song CDs, touch magic gemstones, and smell incense sticks. Very hippie.

Currently Watching: The Servant on Apple TV (is the baby real or not!? It's driving me crazy); Foundation on Apple TV (and I swear it's not because Jared Harris is in it or Lee Pace wears chainmail crop-tops. I swear!); and... The News? Does the news count? I watch a lot of 'the news' now. Actually, I can't stop watching... It's been quite sad and terrible lately...

Current Fic I'm Reading: Sorry, I don't read fics! I know it's blasphemy. Believe me, no one is more disgusted with me than I am. But yeah, there you go... Never been my thing, really. Nothing against it.

Next On My Watch List: the upcoming Napoleon movie featuring Joaquin Phoenix; Killers of the Flower Moon; anything A23 produces anytime; Priscilla by Sofia Coppola (which is A23 also so, you know, naturally); and I'll probably re-watch The Green Knight for Christmas (it is a Christmas movie, after all).

Current Obsession: My WIP, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, which you can check out on my writeblr side-blog (@thesorcerersapprentice) has been my main obsession for the past -what?- four years? More or less? I really feel like until I've written this thing, gotten it out of me, I won't be able to write anything else. It just won't leave me alone. I can't think around it; I always end up coming back. It's a story I fundamentally, deep down in my bones, need to write. So it's my obsession: today, tomorrow, and always, right up until the day it's done.

[over-smiles-and-over-wine]

Very long, slightly emotional post incoming.

One key thing that I am very grateful to Brandi Carlile for is her decountrymusicestablishmentification of Brandy Clark. (Rare moment here where I refer to artists by their actual full names, lol). Brandy Clark has a very special place in my heart as three things: a) my first ever crush, b) the first ever gay representation I had in the music I love and build my life around, and c) my first ever inspiration to write songs. She was and is a formative influence on my whole life since a very young age and I would take a bullet for her.

Firstly, they first met writing A Beautiful Noise (nominated for song of the year). And then they promptly got nominated for aNOTHER Grammy for fucking Same Devil the first time they EVER recorded anything together. Those two songs are undoubtedly the closest BC(Y) has ever gotten into anything that doesn't sit well with the country music establishment. If that does not say something I don't know what does.

Also, I've noticed that as soon as BC(Y) and BC(I) started really being around each other a lot, BC(Y) basically stopped wearing dresses, ever, even when she's by herself. She did for most of her career and I always thought she looked very suffocated in them like she would really rather not, but she didn't think she had a choice. And now she pretty much always wears suits and she looks so much happier and more comfortable, which for the aformentioned reasons occasionally makes me tear up a little bit, lol.

Also, on the last album (BC(I)-produced), the songwriting sounds less . . . manufactured and Nashvillesongwriter-y than it had on her previous albums (which were obviously still great, but you could kind of hear that BC(Y) was still in a headspace of being a songwriter trying to get a song cut on a record by someone like Miranda Lambert, and not quite thinking of herself as an artist in her own right). On this one, it's very much not like that. And BC(Y) has said very clearly on multiple occasions that this is largely thanks to BC(I). (See: "I don't like that yoga line." "Why?" "I don't think you would do yoga." "I don't, I hate yoga." "Well then why is it in the song?!") (Also see: "I want everything I do to be in service to the song." "I get that, and I respect it, but this time, I think you should try to be in service to the artist.") (Also also see: "Why did you pick these specific songs to go on the record?" "I picked the ones that sounded most like you had written them in your bedroom.")

And in regards to that one, some of these were songs that BC(Y) had had just sitting around for YEARS that she very much thought no one, including herself, was ever going to get to record for that exact reason, because they didn't sound like things that came out of a writing room in Nashville fucking Tennessee. And these are the BEST FUCKING SONGS BC(Y) has ever written and the best songs by far to be released in the world/vicinity of country in years. And BC(I) very much saw all of this, and in her bullheaded but loving BC(I) way, said "fuck no". And then BC(Y) named the album after herself completely unprompted by BC(I).

This is the one that really makes me cry, a lot: In the bridge of Dear Insecurity, which BC(Y) sings, she refers to someone romantically using the word "she". And this was pointed out during an interview and she said she didn't even think about it. It wasn't a Thing. Neither she nor BC(I) nor anyone else in the studio ever even mentioned it. They just recorded that way because a lesbian wrote it and two lesbians were singing it, so obviously that's the way the song is. And this gets me every time I listen to this song because on all of BC(Y)'s previous work, even when she was singing songs that she wrote about her own life, she changed the pronoun to "he" because she just had to. That's the way things are done if you want to have any chance of getting into mainstream country. BC(Y) is absolutely not thinking like that anymore and she looks so much happier every time I see her and again, a lot of that is the product of BC(I)'s influence.

(Also noted that BC(Y) wrote the song as a duet but just automatically assumed the other voice would be a man because that's how it is. BC(I) did not process this in the slightest, decided it was Lucinda Williams, did the scratch vocal for Lucinda, and then BOTH BCs immediately spent, like, a week trying to figure out how to ask the other if actually, BC(I) could sing the other part of the song. This is the most lesbian story I have ever heard.)

[dorianbrightmusic]

learned helplessness, & sweeping up internal/external hurricanes

i'd say one thing we don't discuss enough with mental health is the sheer terror of having something going on that you can't really describe, or that you don't comprehend well enough to be able to explain. so as a result, you end up dealing with some of the worst mental health symptoms you've ever had simply because you cannot describe them. a therapist, no matter how good, can seldom help if they don't know it's going on; and you can't tell other people that you're distressed, because if you don't get the wording right, they'll suspect you of something else, and then you'll have worried them without even getting help for the original distress.

when i first started having intrusive thoughts, i couldn't tell they were intrusive thoughts: i had an egosyntonic disorder at the time, meaning i couldn't really tell my own will apart from this other thing that was splitting my mind into little pieces. as such, i couldn't say 'i'm having violent intrusive thoughts', since i was scared that a part of me was genuinely turning violent. the result? i could only really articulate that i felt very afraid and unsafe, but not that 'i actually have this terrible feeling that i'm not in control of my body or mind'. trying to articulate 'i know it's irrational but every time i hear this song i wrote, i think i'm going to die, so i had to delete it from my computer and wipe the backup drives'?. couldn't do it, for it was something that could have made no more sense to anyone else than it did to me.

how do you articulate that your internal monologue doesn't feel like your own? you don't. it's not something that makes sense to you, so it'll certainly sound insane to anyone else. so you push it down and desperately hope it resolves. and it does, but the experience of not being able to talk about it, of not knowing what's going on and others never being able to understand when you try to explain – it's isolating, so isolating. so you learn to cling to any morsel of emotion, of validation, that you can get, and hence you learn to be disappointed, because you have an unspeakable conundrum. you hide each bit of yourself and then resent the fact that people complied when you instructed them not to go looking, and resent those who went looking and still never quite pieced you back together. nobody hurt you and nobody pushed you away and everyone was kind, but your experience is now fragmented, and if only someone could see that, could fix that.

i had a bad year last year—my memory gave out, and i lost a sense of joy. i saw static when i closed my eyes. at the time, this was called work-related stress. and sure, i was stressed; but 12 months later, i had a moment of sheer clarity in an elevator, where i finally could describe what'd happened. not just 'i was sad'. i had felt like i hadn't existed. my entire identity had ruptured and i was trying to pilot a body that didn't recognise itself. and that was the exact summation of it all, but had i been able to see that, let alone say that, at the time? no, and as a result, i learnt to be disheartened and afraid, and what was probably depression-adjacent at least and actual depression at most got brushed off as stress. which is fair, because overpathologising isn't necessarily helpful, but when you are lonesome, and you know there could have been an answer, a consolation————

that's the problem with mental health – you can't help someone who doesn't know what's happening to them, who thus can't communicate what's happening to them, unless you can somehow guide them to work out what's going on. and that's not something most people have time to achieve. the result is that we grow isolated and resentful because we didn't get the help that never could have been (but oh, if it could have been). and you stop trusting that people will hear you. given how many mental health symptoms are marked by that sense of not knowing what's going on – intrusive thoughts, dissociation, panic, demoralisation, anxiety, psychosis, trauma, detachment, despair – then it still is quite easy in today's world to feel a sense of becoming helpless to your own unspeakable terror.

[sugareey-makes-stuff]

20 questions for fic writers!

Ooo, this look fun! Thanks for the tags, @lumosatnight (x) and @anaxandria-writes (x) ! This is going to be interesting since I've only started writing again a few years ago, so I'll do what I can to make this writing-centric. This is also probably going to be rambly AF, so you've been warned. And onwards!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

118 (39 are fics, and the rest is all art). That number will change because it's spooky season, and there are definitely some fun things being posted for that very soon.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

91,266, but if you exclude a couple of collabs where I only provided art, then it's down to 68,276. I have a few works that are hidden and haven't been "officially" released yet because these are the WIP text fics I've talked about before, and they need more TLC!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter (31)

Teen Wolf (8)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Little did I know [HP: Perciver, T, 2.5k]

There's a guiding light [HP: Perciver, G, 1.5k]

Love me like that [HP: Perciver, T, 2.5k]

Help Me Out [TW: Sterek, E, 3.3k]

It's Enough For Now [TW: Sterek, G, 300 words w/ art]

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

You know what's funny? I had to take a break from answering for quite a while, and I just started replying back to comments to most recent works yesterday. So, progress! I really do want to show some appreciation to folks who have read and viewed my work, especially across multiple fandoms and ships over the last couple of months. The multi-fandom life is a tricky one to balance, but I'm hoping I can reply to a batch here or there when I have a chance to eventually get caught up with the backlog. If I haven't replied back yet, please note that I have read your lovely comment, but I just haven't had a chance to string together some words to say thank you! I cherish each and every comment I get, especially if I've made someone smile or their day a little brighter with my creations.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've actually been in a whumpy phase lately, but I posted up The Walls Came Crashing Down (TW: Sterek, T, 4,242 words) maybe a couple of weeks ago because it's a Bloody Mary fic, and there was a near-death experience included. There's also so many terrible feels, crying and trauma after that happens. It's hopeful but yeah. I've been wanting make something like this for a long time, so I'm glad I finally did because it was such a fun and challenging fic to write (while keeping it at that exact word count :P).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Navy and Gold (HP: Perciver, G, 900 words) for Cruel Summer Fic fest, because I was given a song that had a lot of fluffy family vibes, and that's usually what I don't write? But I turned it into a wedding ficlet, and I think I surprised myself because it came out really well. Especially in such few words!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten some weird comments on both fic and art. More of the kind where someone wanted or expected a certain thing, or they were questioning that something was missing. Anyway, some friends have defended my honour or else tell me that those commenters weren't worth it, so I'm glad to have that kind of support!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Once upon a time I did not write PWPs. Ever since I came out of writing hibernation, PWPs have definitely slipped in. That's how I actually started writing more when I challenged myself to write drabbles for a smut workshop for Kinkuary. Now, I love writing sexy and kinky microfics and drabbles because they're short, quick and punchy. I've recently graduated to writing a couple of one shots (and heyyy, I'm actually working on a couple for Kinktober as we speak ;D). Kinkuary and Kinktober are usually my inspirations to get things written out anyway, but I'm open to other challenges too. There's a reason why A Study in Kink exists as an HP fic and art series. At this rate, I may need to make a new series for Sterek Sexy Stories. The amount of Sterek smut ideas I have kicking around in WIPs rn is kinda insane. But also, porn with feelings. <333

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not in the traditional sense. The most I've done is add in fandom references into a fic. So for Teen Wolf, I've been adding in little elements from Supernatural, especially if I want to bring a certain type of lore or big bad into the scene. But that's it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully, I haven't. Then again, I've only written short things these past few years (and I'm more concerned about art theft, considering how much of my art is out in the world).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I have not!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I have! @crazybutgood and I got to know each other when we were paired up last year for the Owlery Exchange: To Days to Come and wrote I Just Want You To Know (Drarry, T, 3.5k) together. Epistolary fics are awesome btw! My Harry had a lot of fun bantering and bonding with her Draco, and I love how we didn't even know we were writing to each other until partners were revealed, and it was time for betaing and editing. That's how we became fast friends, which was totally meant to be! :D

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

That's just...I like a lot of ships, okay? I'm a multi-shipper and a multi-fandomer, so that's a tough question!! Hang on tight...this is going to be a long ass explanation. I'm not going to rank them, but I'll list three ships that have impacted my life in a huge way. I'll start with Sterek, because I've only gotten to know them for a little over a year. But Sterek was a blessing to discover at such a shitty time. Literally one year ago, I felt burnt out, like I was losing my muse, and I was recovering from COVID. Everything in RL kind of sucked. But when I got curious and started reading Sterek fics late one night, I was sold. Sterek helped me pause and get to know myself again as a creator, reader and a human. I really needed that, so the timing couldn't have been any better. I latched on to Sterek quickly and tightly because I see some of Stiles' and Derek's traits in me. They're also complicated and deserve Nice Things, and I can relate so, so much. That's why it's been easy to make art and fic for them. Their potential is endless because Sterek made my love for supernatural and spooky things deeper. Every time I write or draw for them, I can do it with ease and clarity. Everything just comes together and works. And it's so satisfying! Perciver is a rare pair I owe so much to. They're the ship that gave me the confidence to write again and they changed the way I currently draw. I think drawing Percy and Oliver helped me understand them as characters, and that translated into writing because I already had visuals. I know them in and out, and I made the fic series, Where do we go from here? because I believed in them. I wanted to share stories that haven't been told yet, but I wanted them to be real. And the fact I've figured out how to bring Perciver to life through art and fic has an amazing journey. They've given me the practice I needed to improve my crafts. It's because of Perciver that I've become a better artist and writer because I finally found my groove. And gosh, it's nice to have a well-established style. I will love these boys forever because they may be opposites but gods, do they go so well together. They get each other, they're each other's rocks, and it's beautiful. Of course, Drarry was my first ship I fell in love with. I still love them to pieces, and it's because of these two that I learned how to write and draw in the first place. I've been able to make some amazing friendships with other folks because of these two, and I cherish that a lot. Also, Drarry was why I entered fandom and the fest scene, and why I've stuck around for so long. What the creators in this community have made year after year is immaculate. And all the fics I've binged over the years got me through some of the hardest times of my life, especially when I was dealing with family issues, school and just growing up. I cannot imagine what life would have been like without Drarry, tbh. I think of Drarry as two sides of the same coin, and their banter and their snark and their complexities make it so they learn to understand each other. It's inevitable why they're drawn and will always be drawn to each other.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't want to say never, but more like when. I've mentioned way back in other posts that there are 2 text fics WIPs that have been kicking around, but since I have sooo much I need to rewrite and recode for each one, I have no idea when I'll have time? One of them is slotted to be a 50k Sterek fic with texting, IG messages and a scrolling playlist and I have half of it written out. Let me tell ya, coding alone takes more time than the writing. The other fic is a sequel to the above fic and has holidays vibes, and it still has the same coding setup, so yeah. I'll figure it out one day, I guess.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue is my fav and something I write out first because it shapes how the fic will read. It's how I develop voices, snark, banter and whatever else, and then I'll fill in the gaps with narrative, description and all that jazz. That's also how I end up getting the best ideas. The dialogue ends being my prompt to move the story along. I'm also a thorough researcher and like to check my facts before writing in little details. Just so I can have some perspective and so I have an idea how I want to explain something from a character's PoV. Also, it's super helpful to drop in little Easter eggs to shape things up and give a scene some context. Facts are fun. And I'm a nerd, but we all knew that. XD I've definitely gotten way better at showing vs. telling once I started writing again. I try to go for smooth or punchy if I can. It comes down to a lot of things like dialogue, selecting certain verbs and descriptors to explain a person's narrative (like what's going on in their mind), how those thoughts are broken up in multiple sentences and how those are punctuated. Those are the things that create beats and rhythms that keep the story going. And since I'm creative who also loves music and dancing, I'm all for that. I actually think I'm wired to think this way, so that's not a bad thing!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Extensive world building and making big plots that need a lot of ends tied up. I used to write longer fics that had all of this, and while I still have copies of these (not published on AO3 for reasons), they're not strong. Rereading things now, these stories could use improvements. It's easy to try to jam everything in one go, but that needs to be done strategically. And you know, sometime less is more. I also don't have a lot of patience to go crazy with intricate outlines (since I'm more of a pantser than a planner), and I've found that writing something that's super detailed ends up boxing me into a corner or else it's like dragging teeth to finish the thing. I think this is definitely related to my writing style having changed over time, which is not a bad thing! I just can't write like that anymore.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Yessss. I've done that with Love me like that! I also happen to know Scottish Gaelic, so I was able to drop words in pretty easily. I love the cultural sense another language adds to a fic because it shows more dimensions than just describing what someone looks like, where they're from, etc. I also like using a few words vs a long sentence. Names, or little sayings that hint at traditions or history are just nice touches. So if I do know a language and I know I can add in some words in correctly, I most certainly will!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, specifically for Drarry (all of my older stuff is on LJ)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably Feel You Breathing [TW: Sterek, E, 8.4k] because it was my 3rd attempt in writing a text fic, which ended up being a success. It's 100% texting, something I totally made for myself, but I'm really proud of it because I had a chance to write from alternating PoVs. Also, this somehow turned into porn with plot and feelings and had some minor world building included based on texts alone. I didn't think I could accomplish that, but I did!

Tagging (no pressure, this is just for funsies): @danpuff-ao3, @phdmama, @outtoshatter, @thistlecatfics, @phoebe-delia, @nanneramma, @theheadgirl, @raisesomehale, @thotpuppy, @bleepbloopbotz, @quackquackcey and anyone who wants to do this!