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ladyofthebears · 10 months ago

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I am genuinely, consistently confused by people who are team green solely based on the argument that Rhaenyra should have saved Alicent. Not only because the dance of the dragons is meant to directly parallel the Amethyst Empress and the Bloodstone Emperor but also because it seems their arguments are built on this very shakey ground of “Rhaenyra should have stopped her father from marrying alicent and everything that happened after that was because of her inability to act.”

Lets take a second and look at it from both a book and show stand point.

In the book, Alicent is much older then Rhaenyra and consistently has beef with her 8 year old step daughter. Perhaps she was coerced into marrying Viserys, perhaps she was abused in the book, but what was a literal child meant to do about it? A child who just lost who own mother to be placed on the knee of a knew women who tells her to call her “step mother”.

In the show, Rhaenyra and Alicent are at a similar age. In the show, both of them are being taken advantage of and changed by older men. Unfortunately, Alicent is being taken advantage by two man and ultimately is married to Viserys. Rhaenyra had only lost her mother half a year earlier and whilst Alicent was her closest friend, she very obviously felt blind sided and hurt by the revelation. Perhaps if Rhaenyra was older and not so emotionally fraught, she would have been able to take a step back and realise that Alicent was the victim in that situation. Unfortunately, she was also just a girl, a girl who felt alone and now felt her best friend was abandoning her as well. I am not saying Rhaenyra was right to push Alicent away, I am saying her feelings were valid. I think what further made it worse was the fact that Alicent was so quickly giving Viserys everything he had ever wanted- a son. Ultimately, both of these characters are but girls, they make mistakes, they misspeak, they lash out. Rhaenyra distances herself from Alicent not realising Alicent is a victim, Alicent is forced to bear children and bears a healthy boy and is pregnant with another, Rhaenyra feels discarded and unwanted and becomes even more distant and angry. Alicent tries to offer an olive branch but Rhaenyra indirectly insults how Alicent is being forced to live. Granted, Rhaenyra apologises afterwards but those words had to have hurt Alicent. Rhaenyra, in her ignorance of the truth of Alicents situation, cannot move past the apparent betrayal of her best friend. Alicent tries again to bridge the gap but ultimately stumbles and accidentally brings up the fact she had a male heir with no problems, something Rhaenyras own mother was unable to do. And around and around they go, with Rhaenyra and Alicent both tryingbut ultimately alienating eachother. The breaking point is when Rhaenyra is taken to a pleasure house with daemon. You can argue with me all you would like, but Alicent was a victim to Viserys and Rhaenyra was a victim to Daemon. She famously says that they were meant to burn together, but that is only so because Daemon made it so. From a young age, he favours her, he takes liberties with her, he gives her gifts and makes her feel special and scene. He is TEXT BOOK grooming her. So when Rhaenyras uncle (who has always been so special to her and given her rare gifts and indulged her) invites her our for a night of fun, she says yes. And when he initiates sexual contact with her, she reacts. She feels wanted and seen by him, and she is a 17 year old girl coming into her own, and she reacts to his escalation of grooming. And ultimately, when he once again plays with her emotions to make her desire him as he desires her, she leaves and finds her pleasure elsewhere. I am not here to argue about Criston Cole- they were both consenting and whilst one could definitely make an argument about the power dynamic on either side, I am not that person. During the confrontation, Alicent lashes out at Rhaenyra for having freedom she did not have and seemingly squandering it. She immediately is on the attack accusing Rhaenyra of things loudly and harshly. She insults not only Rhaenyra but also Rhaenyras family which she is now a part of. And in doing so, completely alienates herself from Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra, feeling cornered, tells a half truth and evades Alicent. And when Alicent speaks to Criston Cole, she does so softly and kindly. Looking at the two confrontations, it is no wonder one party was more willing to be completely honest as opposed to another.

At the end of the day, Alicent and Rhaenyra started out loving each other. Ultimately they are forced apart by the decisions and actions of men around them until what they had is so broken and unrecognisable it can no longer be fixed.

Alicent, at her core, was a victim. Unfortunately, her pain leads her to continue the cycle of abuse until she is almost unrecognisable from the girl she once was. She over reaches and abuses the excess of power she has from her husband (and rapists) sickness. She instills fear and hatred into her children, and continues her own parental abuse onto them. She became the abuser she once sought to escape.

Rhaenyra, was also a victim. She was much more privileged than Alicent in many ways, which is what allowed her to not be trapped in a loveless and painful marriage as Alicent was. She manages to make the best out of her situation, loving her husband as a life partner and not a lover. She breaks the cycle of abuse started by Targaryens generations before by not marrying her children at 13, by not picking favourites among them, by loving them and teaching them to be honourable boys. She ultimately is caught in the trap of her groomer and marries him, and he unsurprisingly abuses her. Whilst he fought for her and stood by her side, he ultimately hurt her too. Rhaenyra spent her entire life feeling discarded and alone, first by her father, then by her mothers death, then her friends apparent betrayal, by her uncle time and time again coming and going and speaking ill of her dead brother and taking his egg, by the realm once Aegon is born. She manages to be a healthy and loving parent despite her very obvious abandonment and attachment issues.

Unfortunately, all the children grow under their respective parents cycles, and the dance happens because ultimately, evil men did evil things.

Rhaenyra was a girl. A girl who could not realise her friend needed saving, a girl who felt alone. And Alicent was a just a girl, a girl forced into a widowers bed by her father, a girl who only knew pain until she thought it was normal and expected. They both deserved so much better at such a young age.

But ultimately everyone must grow up and change, and they changed so much and grew so separately, they could never again fit together as they once did.

#house of the dragon #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #baela targaryen #helaena targaryen #alicent hightower #daemon targaryen #jacaerys velaryon #rhaenyra targaryen #dance of the dragons #anti daemon targaryen #anti greens #anti otto hightower #anti aegon ii targaryen #anti aemond targaryen #anti viserys i targaryen #anti men

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wheelercore · 2 years ago

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It's literally a song about a man (Karen in this case) going back to his emotionally distant ex girlfriend (Ted) for a night, lamenting about how they keep on getting suckered back with a promise of something they will never get- a fullfilling loving relationship/family.

And it makes sense why this is the song thats played in the scene where Karen decides not to cheat! The song is about a hook up specifically, but in terms of Karen and Ted this is about her resigning herself to going back to being a housewife upon seeing Ted cuddling on the laz y boy with Holly. It's the promise, the "kiss", something he "said" but her knowing that it's a lie.

Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

I keep lookin' for somethin' I can't get

In fact, this is the whole little fair subplot with them and Holly. Again, it's not explicitly shown but it's the promise that he'll be a more attentive father (to Holly at least) and the three can pretend that they're a happy family, as they are at the fair, but Karen knows it's a lie. She won't get that.

Broken hearts lie all around me

And I don't see an easy way to get out of this

Her diary, it sits by the bedside table

The curtains are closed, the cats in the cradle

Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this.

And there really isn't an easy way out of this for Karen. They could divorce, but again they live in a conservative christian small town. It's not looked nicely upon. She could cheat, but that would destroy their family and her/their reputation if shes caught. However, the curtains are closed and the cat has got into the cradle- their relationship is dead, but she has to resign herself to it.

The diary also, her (the girlfriend in the song) inner thoughts and feelings written down in there while she participated in something ultimately meaningless- the hook up. Thoughts and feelings she doesnt share with the singer, ie Ted will play the part and lure Karen back into this "lie" but he will still keep his "diary" on the bedside table. He will still be emotionally distant and that will not change.

Is there any just cause for feelin' like this?

On the surface, I'm a name on a list

I try to be discreet, but then blow it again

I've lost and found, it's my final mistake

She's loving by proxy, no give and all take

'Cause I've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times

It was a long hot night

She made it easy, she made it feel right

But now it's over, the moment has gone

I followed my hands not my head, I know I was wrong

Now these lyrics illuminate so much about Karen's discontent about the relationship and it's so telling that they used this song in particular. "I'm a name on a list" & "she's loving by proxy, no give and all take".

Karen feels used.

She's just a "name on a list", which is telling considering that she's his wife, but it doesn't feel that way to her. Karen feels like she isn't special to him in any way that matters, she's just a name. One out of the list of women he could have chosen to marry. Karen can try all she wants to give love and try to make something out of their relationship/family, but it's just a black hole. Karen will get nothing back from Ted, he's only loving her "by proxy": meaning as someone else, someone fake.

But as we see in S3 when they're out in the fair, he made it seem "easy" and "right" for a moment to Karen like they could be something real. But the song quickly dashes that, it only lasts for a moment and everything goes back to what it used to be.

Listening to (I Just) Died In Your Arms and thinking about the wheeler parents... If you even care

#ted wheeler #karen wheeler

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avelera · 2 years ago

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I've been thinking about "Giving Sanctuary" and by extension how I view Dream and Hob as fathers to adult children who have died, and kind of wanted to articulate how I view them in that light, because there's a very specific kind of fatherhood I envision for both of them and it's not the same.

Think of this as sort of a "Behind the Scenes" DVD commentary for "Giving Sanctuary" :)

Dream as a father - so with Dream, I see his marriage to Calliope and his fathering of Orpheus as something he did while he was young.

Now, canonically speaking, Dream is billions of years old and 3,000 years ago is hardly younger within that span if we take that at face value. But if we don't, and we take it more that maybe Dream's maturity is more closely tied to humanity's sophistication, as the lord of their dreams, then bear with me for a second and imagine that in terms of maturity, Dream is roughly in his early 20s when he marries Calliope. (This is also slightly inspired by Tom Sturridge having become a father in his early 20s and my sense he brought some of that to his performance of Dream.)

There's a very specific energy that comes with Dream and Calliope getting married out of a certain "young love" that's technically adult but maybe not fully grown or wise yet. The kind of young love that could absolutely be destroyed by losing a child together. Years later, when Dream rescues Calliope, they feel like a couple now in their 30s who still feel fondness for one another but have understandably remained apart ever since. They're different people now, people who were fundamentally changed by the loss, and the people they are now don't necessarily have an interest in getting back together, even if they can *remember* their old happiness together.

Likewise, to me, Dream feels like someone who lost a child when he was young, perhaps so young that most people of his age (speaking in human terms) have never even had a child much less lost one. He has no peers to share the grief with. Certainly none of the other Endless have families and those that have children, like Desire, don't seem to view them parentally or affectionately, they're just pawns.

So even within his own family, Dream is unique in having had and lost a child that he cared about. He doesn't have anyone to really relate to about it and I personally headcanon that the Dream we know, the dour figure that is weary of life, whom Death is trying desperately to rekindle before he self-destructs from his own depression, came into being with the loss of Orpheus. As an adult, Dream has been shaped by a loss that happened in his early adulthood. It has given him maturity but not necessarily wisdom, rather it has left him bitter, distant, and brittle because he never properly healed from that loss or came to terms with it.

Hob as a father - in contrast, Hob feels like someone who became a father relatively late in life, and after a great deal of planning. He waited until he was well-established, rich, with a knighthood, and able to shower all his life's accumulated achievements on a child that was very carefully planned.

Then, despite doing everything right, he lost that child anyway. His son was an early adult, Hob was at the time of Robyn's death, mentally, I'd argue, a middle-aged man, and it shattered him. He "didn't go out much after that" and it sounds like, if you do the math, he didn't go out much for roughly 20 years. There is a very specific grief one hears about with parents who lose adult children, especially at an age where they don't expect to have any other children, a lifetime spent together, putting your hopes in them. Hob clearly loved Robyn, who was his only son with his by then deceased wife, leaving Hob utterly alone after having such high hopes. Parents you hear about who went through this are destroyed and never really recover emotionally. I could go into some specific examples but first of all, they're all just gut-wrenching, and second I don't want to make light of those losses, but suffice to say those accounts are informing how I write Hob.

Hob and Dream relating to one another as fathers of deceased, adult sons - Now going back into the fic a bit, there is that energy of two men of roughly the same mental (if not literal) age, one of who lost a child as a young man, one almost too young to have a family at that point (again, according to my perception, not the literal numbers) and how he relates to Hob who more recently lost an adult son while more mature himself, having waited a long time to have one.

I think on some level, Hob pities Dream all the more for perceiving that this loss hit Dream while he was almost too young to have fully enjoyed a life himself. Certainly this loss has poisoned Dream for a much longer period than Hob has been poisoned by his own. The bitterness is so entrenched in Dream by now that he almost wishes he *could* erase the memory of his family, because he's lost so much of himself to mourning them, whereas Hob still would not trade their memory because being more mature when he lost them gave him a certain relative resilience and wisdom about the world, he can cherish the memory and mourn them without wishing the pain would just go away.

Hob is also, by extension, in a slightly better place to advise Dream through his grief, even though he's technically younger, because unlike Dream, Hob always knew he'd lose them but Dream very reasonably approached Calliope and having a child with Calliope from the belief that he would never lose them both (it's arguable if he thought Orpheus would be a god or demi-god and thus immortal too but let's say for the sake of argument that he did expect Orpheus to be immortal too). He was even more blindsided by the loss that never should have happened, whereas Hob was blindsided by a loss that happened sooner than he expected.

Dream feels his mistake towards Hob was not warning Hob in advance that to have a wife and child would mean losing them, given the gift of immortality was limited. He has no advice for Hob because the entire exercise around giving Hob immortality was Dream proving the point that no one could suffer through what he has gone through, or survive eternity, without wanting to die. He is, especially within the fic, looking for confirmation of his own worldview that life is unbearable through putting Hob through the same experience. He can try to help Hob by assisting him materially and being there for him as a friend, but Dream is also learning how to do that, how to be an adult, mature partner, as he does so.

Whereas for Hob, looking out for someone else is something he has done as a mature man. He misses being a husband and father. Having Dream to look out for isn't something he has to learn how to do, it's something he has always felt more natural doing and he's restored to a stronger sense of self by having the chance to do so again.

Anyway, that's it, just a little behind the scenes DVD extra for Giving Sanctuary :)

#1689 fic #giving sanctuary #sandman meta

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uptoolateart · 3 years ago

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Gabriel and Adrien Agreste as Zeus and Apollo / Hermes

So, there are these mind-blowing books from some decades ago, by Jungian psychoanalyst Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D. – Goddesses in Everywoman: A New Psychology of Women and the follow-up, Gods in Everyman: Archetypes That Shape Men’s Lives.

If you’ve never heard of them, basically she takes a set of gods and goddesses and explores them as archetypes (energies and aspects) that we see in ourselves or in the people around us. The idea is that all of us, male or female, can channel any of these archetypes, but we probably lean more heavily towards one or two of them. For example, I’m very much an Artemis, with some Athena and Hephaestus mixed in.

I read these books and found myself applying the archetypes to literally everyone I know – even story characters. And I want to talk about the key archetypes we see in Gabriel and Adrien Agreste, because I think it helps us understand their relationship as father and son.

Gabriel as Zeus

Gabriel’s key archetype is absolutely Zeus. According to Bolen, Zeus is your typical ‘alpha male’. He’s head of the pack, in control of everything and never the one controlled. Because of this, he probably has a lot of money and is extremely successful in his ventures. He also attracts a lot of women (of a certain kind, I’d wager), and he’s unlikely to remain faithful. Your average Zeus is used to getting his way and doesn’t take well to being challenged.

He may also be abusive. Think just how many people Zeus destroyed in the myths, sometimes simply because he could. He wasn’t a loyal partner. He was an inconsistent father, usually distant and ‘in the clouds’, with high expectations of his children and a tendency to write off anyone who didn’t meet his standards.

The child of a Zeus father will feel emotionally left out in the cold and never good enough. This can lead to a deep-seated fear of abandonment. In ‘Sand Boy’, we see that Adrien’s biggest fear is of being caged in; and as Cat Noir he fears Ladybug rejecting him the way his father does. All through season 4, Adrien struggled with feeling like Ladybug didn’t need him. He didn’t put himself on her level as her equal until the very end of ‘Strike Back’.

Bolen observes that the Zeus man will often marry a trophy wife and have children purely for the purpose of continuing his personal legacy. He isn’t very interested in who the wife or children are as individuals. Everyone is an extension of himself, or a tool to be used. For this reason, the wife is often wealthy in her own right, a means to gaining greater power for himself.

In ‘Psycomedian’ we learn that Gabriel’s career began with designing a French fry costume, which tells us that at some point he was a ‘normal’ person. He didn’t start out rich; he worked his way up. He’s ‘new money’. From Felix and his mother’s cameos on the shows, we can work out that Emilie, on the other hand, came from ‘old money’, which means Gabriel ‘married up’ – a common Zeus move to use his marriage as a means of elevating his own station.

Equally, Gabriel doesn’t seem to view others as individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. Even of his own son, Gabriel only says things like, ‘He’s the image of perfection,’ or, ‘He’s an Agreste.’ (Seriously, what does that last one even mean?) He doesn’t view Adrien as a human being with his own mind. We could infer that this is further evidence for the sentimonster theory, but I think it’s more about Gabriel. If Adrien does transpire to be a sentimonster, we have to ask which of them is more human – because I say Adrien.

Bolen also states that this kind of man is cut off from his heart. He’s all head – cunning, without sincerity of emotion. And because power is his highest priority, his deepest fear is of losing control. We saw this in ‘Risk’ when Gabriel passed the ring to Nathalie and then had a moment of panic over being unable to control the boy he thought was his son (Felix posing as Adrien). It was one of the only times we ever saw him lose composure.

Bolen suggests that such a man can only be healed and made whole through some huge life crisis, such as traumatic grief, which forces him to examine life through new eyes and reflect before it’s too late. Emilie’s death could have been this moment for Gabriel, but the quest for power has become more important to him even than resurrecting his wife, regardless of how that quest first began.

Adrien as Apollo

Apollo was one of Zeus’s most favoured children. Interestingly, Apollo was a twin (with Artemis), just as Adrien seems to be a twin to Felix, despite them being cousins.

Apollo was the sun god (Artemis was the moon goddess), and we can think of Apollo boys as the ‘golden child’. Adrien even has a halo of golden curls that fit this image perfectly. The fandom also commonly links Adrien to the sun and Marinette to the moon.

Bolen tells us the Apollo archetype is highly skilled in just about everything he does. He’s the ‘perfect’ son who can seemingly do no wrong – intelligent and talented, constantly striving to do better…because he knows that if he is less than perfect, he will lose all his father’s love. Apollo was also a musician, just as Adrien is skilled at piano.

Apollo types know they will never be at the top. They will never be the alphas. They have had that understanding beaten into them (sometimes literally) by their fathers ever since they can remember. They accept their standing and renounce any desire for ultimate power. In fact, in ‘Sandboy’, Cat Noir emphasised that losing his power is not his biggest fear. He has never minded being second to Ladybug, as long as she does not reject him altogether.

Cat Noir as Hermes

Happily for Adrien, he has another side, and that’s his Hermes archetype. Hermes was the messenger god, and a bit of a trickster, immediately loquacious and playing pranks from the moment of his birth. Hermes is also musical, and very playful. He’s outspoken and extroverted and doesn’t really care what others think of him. Sometimes a Hermes type can push things too far (Felix), but when channelled for the good, he can balance out the insecurities felt in an Apollo.

Adrien isn’t just one of these things: he’s a combination of them. I think his challenge for a long time has been in trying to channel each archetype separately, under dual identities. In ‘Cat Walker’, Plagg made him see that he has both these energies in him all the time and the journey to wholeness involves merging those energies together. We saw a glimpse of this, at last, in the final moments of ‘Strike Back’.

Now, all that’s left is for him to rise up against his Zeus father and put an end to his exploitation – and to see that he can indeed be loved for simply being who he is. And when you achieve that, surely you’re the one who is truly at the top!

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hecalledme-jagi · 3 years ago

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You’re My Lighthouse Amidst the Fog

I’ve had this in my drafts for the last few days bc it just didn’t feel right and the ending was off, but I’ve finally slain the beast that is this one shot. So take the spoils of my adventure.

I missed my Gap Moe boy, so here's some fluff-comfort, a Jumin Han one shot.

Inspired by Me and My Husband by Mitski

Fake smiles, fake people, fake kindness, fake, fake, fake!

Annoyance

How Jumin managed to survive in this world for so long baffled you. There was no wonder as to why he turned out as such a messy minded man.

Fake laughter, fake concern, fake

It was happening again, you were spiraling. This happened as a teenager, but less so as you got older. Perhaps that’s what made it easy for you to understand and patiently stand by your husband, a frozen lake just beginning to thaw.

You were attending a large business party, something that became a common thing, now that you’ve married the great Jumin Han. However, he has yet to arrive to the party and you are stuck to fend off the vultures. He never allowed you to attended these sorts of things alone because he knew how they worked, but it hadn’t occurred to you that his concern was properly placed this time. It only hit you after you had convinced him that you could handle yourself, and only after you had been at the party for an hour. It was a problematic scene, to be alone with a multitude of potential business partners. Having to accept offered drinks out of fear of tarnishing a potentially good partnership. It would seem Jumin protected you from this side of his world, and a new found admiration for your, occasionally dorky husband, formed in your heart.

More talking, more drinking, more, too much

Perhaps it was the alcohol that was getting to you. You weren’t necessarily a light weight, but a few sips from a verity of different kinds of alcohol could make anyone sick. You felt like an idiot in the dress Jumin specially picked out for you, which you ordinarily would’ve loved if not for the current circumstances. You felt like an idiot with the plastered smile on your face. You felt like a clown in your makeup, and the pleasantries you shared with strangers was making your head spin.

You found a less then crowded corner to settle your stomach and surging emotions, but people followed you there too and suddenly the room was closing in. They were asking you the same questions everyone else had been asking you, causing their voices to muddle together.

Disinterest, boring, distant, cold, so cold

how impersonal can they be? Was the thought that popped into your head. It was an overwhelmingly loud thought, you almost said it out loud.

These strangers pretended to be friendly and it was driving you mad.

Fake, fake, fake, what’s real?

You couldn’t breath. The thoughts were suffocating you and all the fake smiles were burning your skin.

“Excuse me,” you weakly said, pushing past everyone and finding your way outside.

You stood on the balcony, finally free and in the crisp air, hoping it would dispel the mess inside your head. You breathed, deep and shaky breaths, as you leaned against the balustrade. Voices and warm light roared behind you, music softly played, and you wondered if Jumin had arrived yet.

You were emotionally and mentally spent. This life was difficult, suffocating, how Jumin could stand it baffled you. It was strange, those that truly knew you and Jumin would say you were the stronger one, but in reality there was no stronger or weaker. You stood together, facing different storms, but fighting side by side.

Warm tears welled in your eyes, you were overwhelmed, you missed Jumin, you wanted to go home. You wanted to wash the clown makeup off and be held by the one person who was himself in every sense, hoping tomorrow would be better.

Jumin arrived shortly after you made your escape and was quickly swarmed by a mass of people pining for his attention, but all he cared about was finding you, even if that meant being rude to others(he could always apologize later).

He scanned the room for your easily spotted face, growing uneasy by the lack of your presence. You were the only one in that room that truly mattered to him, and standing still would be torturous for him, so he briskly made a loop around the hall— awaiting word from his bodyguards of your whereabouts, with bated breath.

To most, only you managed to scatter this emotionally dense man, but in actuality, you were the one that kept him from scattering. The anxiousness that came from a moment of absence was terrifying, and that’s why finding you was of such importance. After being with someone like you, real and kind, this crowd was like an abyss that’s willing to devour anyone that came too close.

Turn the lights back on, it’s dark, dark

“Mr. Han,” the bodyguard came up beside the man, who was beginning to get caught in the strings of his mind, though by looking at him you’d never know.

“Yes? Did you locate my wife?” He looked blankly at the guard, who answered with a nod.

“Mrs. Han is out on the balcony,” and like that Jumin was gone. Leaving his bodyguards where you left yours, and there you were, standing under the moonlight. A sigh of relief came, his tense shoulders relaxed, and the pull of his tie no longer felt like it was chocking him.

“There you are..” his deep and calming voice dispersed the hurricane, and the blue sky could be seen again. “I apologize for keeping you waiting, my love.”

You turned to face him, the glisten of your tears made his brow furrow, and his steps quickly approached. You had never been so thankful to see the furrowing of his brow, and to hear the subtle tapping of his shoes. His hands cupped your face, and he cleared the tears that threatened to fall.

“Are you alright..?” He studied you intently, running through a checklist of things that shouldn’t be out of place on you, and preparing to fire the bodyguards that failed to do their job. You leaned into his hands, closing your eyes. The hysteria of your heart and mind, coming to a crawl. The affectionate response calmed the growing anger in him, and it was replaced with the desire to be closer to you.

Clinginess, what a strange desire.

“Yes.. I’m alright,” you weakly gave, and a sigh of momentary relief rang from the usually composed Jumin Han, who lost all composure when it came to you. You could feel the concern in his hands, in his furrowed brow, in his gentle and deep voice.

You could hear him beginning to ask another question, so you interrupted, “I was feeling overwhelmed..” telling him how you felt was easy, and telling you how he felt was like breathing.

“I see.. as was I,” he responded for only you to hear.

Comforting, warm, personal, connected

“Can we stay like this..?” Your face twisted as you felt the tears welling up again. The feelings you had been trying to suppress, until you were in the comfort of your own home, began to burst out through your tear ducts and voice. He made it so easy to just let everything go. Seeing you like this set him on edge, he held you close, ensuring no one saw you cry, and providing you with love. He wasn’t the best at comforting others, but comforting you felt like it was his sole purpose in life.

“Would you like to go home..?” He peered down at you, as your tears caught the shine of the moon. To him this party meant nothing, he’d much rather be in the comfort of his own home and spend time with his beloved wife. Unlike all the people he spent his days with, you were the only one that was real.

“No.. I’ll be alright,” you sniffled, “having you here is enough..”

A gentle smile came and he kissed the top of your head, once again realizing why he fell in love with you. You’re unapologetically honest and beautifully imperfect. You struggle and fall down, but you still have the courage to get back up and what a stunning trait that is to have.

In that moment, he realized that you both had struggles and growing pains, but each day you were doing better. It was just him and you together. The fake people that surrounded the both of you could try to steer your boat off course, and sometimes the fog would roll in to do just that, but you were each others lighthouse. It didn’t matter if you ran off course, at the end of the day you could remind each other just where you wanted to go and who you wanted to become.

“Very well..” he pulled you back to his chest, becoming the lighthouse that lead you through the fog, and back home.

˚✧₊⁎𝒥𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑎⁎⁺˳✧༚

I do not own any characters, all ownership goes to Cheritz. Thanks for reading!

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levisgirll · 3 years ago

Note

Oh can I request a scenario? I've read that some people headcanon Levi as person who isn't really into marriage. And that got me thinking about this. A scenario in where Levi and his s/o mutually break things off because she always wanted to be a wife and have a lovely wedding and to have her husband's last name and he didn't want any of that causing her to think there was no future with him . So they become distant friends and she does get married years later and he is invited. And it's bittersweet since he feels like he might have missed out on a future with her but seeing her so happy he's content with her living her dreams even if it wasn't with him.

I'm here for some bittersweet love ❣️

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

➧text: hello there!! oh my god this is such a unique request I got and I love your ideas in this request?! aHH WELL HERE WE GO! but oml- we do need some drama/angst and some bittersweet love with Levi and Y/N so I will happily write this request out for you (was lowkey wanting to do one) so I hope you enjoy this request and I hope its not that bad!! 😭 but once again, thank you so much for sending me your request and for supporting my blog 🥺❤️❤️ I am so sorry this took a while as I got this request while I was starting my new job and it was hard to balance out my personal life and work life! but I am kind of getting the hang of it so feel free to send another request, I really do love your ideas! <3

synopsis: after a long time being in a relationship together, with Levi. Things start to slowly drift apart and shatter. Levi although, tries to keep it stable, but it has eventually been called and broken off by Y/N, as you were not able to handle the situation anymore, thinking there would be no future with Levi had made you upset and making you want to get out of the relationship. Y/N ends up finding the one, and marrying them. How does Levi react and feel? His one and only love taken away by a stranger leaves him devastated. What does Levi do? What does Levi say to Y/N.

angst, sad/happy love, modern au world, headcanon fanfic ♡ —

After the war, and everything they have been throughout the years, Y/N and Levi decided to move and live together outside Paradis and start a new life there.

It has been a year, and Levi and Y/N have been dating for rather a pretty long time. Things have been pretty good in their relationship, both were happy and living their lives.

Y/N has been thinking a lot lately about marriage though, and especially with her one and only, Levi. Y/N would get lost in her thoughts of how they would officially live together as a married couple, how she would finally be Levi’s wife instead of his girlfriend. She would also wonder and think how lovely and special their wedding would be, how Levi would propose to his girl, and for Y/N at long last have her husband’s last name, being called Mrs. Ackerman would get her all blushed up.

Levi noticed for a while how his girlfriend would zone out, thinking about something and he would wonder what it is that is making his girlfriend so happy and squeal. Y/N was on the coach, while hugging around the coach pillow so tightly and then giggle.

“What’s making you smile like a cute idiot?” He said with a small smile and ruffed his girlfriends hair as he sat beside her on the coach and Levi put his arm around her waist, bringing his lovely girlfriend closer to him.

Levi would not complain though, seeing his girlfriend in this mood, made him think of nothing else but her, and it made him so happy too. He just wanted to cuddle her up and smooch her whole face up as she laughs.

Y/N then wondered and though, ‘Maybe, maybe it’s the time now!’ Y/N then thought of brining and slipping in the topic of marriage into their conversation.

She said turning her face around to face Levi’s handsome looking face and she said in a cheerful tone, “Welll, I was thinking about the future lately.” Levi then frowned, indicating with his expression that he was confused as to what his girlfriend meant by future.

“What do you mean love?” Levi was direct and straight-forward, he wanted to know what his lover meant by what she said. Was she going to leave him? Did she had other plans for the future? He was starting to overthink.

“Y-You know!” Y/N said all blushed up, and as she was about to get up, he held on her wrist. “Nope, you are not going till you tell me love.” Levi was determined to know, and that lead to Y/N sighing and finally speaking her thoughts. She started to then throw him a marriage hint at him.

“I just, want us to be more serious about our relationship.”

“And, that is?”

“Like...I was thinking, of how great of a family we would make. Along with one day if I will take your last name!” Y/N said all in a cheerful and shy tone, his girlfriend was clearly all happy and her smile doesn’t seem like it would go away on her pretty face. She then was excited to hear his response, about how instantly he would prepare marrying Y/N.

But...Levi picked it up right away what she meant, and stayed quiet. Y/N’s confidence and love towards Levi showed that you were ready for a married life with him, and having his last name, clearly indicated this was the kind of a serious relationship she meant.

Y/N took in with the way how he did not respond and thought of him being worried, “D-Don't worry! I am sure you will be a great Father, I mean you are such a great boyfriend to me and-”

But Levi got up and put both of his hands on her shoulder which made her jolt, this made Y/N have a sinking feeling in her stomach, something felt wrong, the mood and vibe wasn't right and she started to feel anxious. “I, don’t think I can.”

Now, she felt as if her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widen and she gasped and was now speechless. She couldn’t believe it, and now her whole expression, happy vibe and her cheerful mood she was at a while ago, disappeared dramatically.

“I’m not into.....marriage.” Levi finally spoke, not thinking straight of what he just said, and of how sudden this topic was. Levi said this as he did not want to make her feel distressed, in fact himself feeling distressed. But, he had no idea how those words, completely shattered the Y/N he knew that was once cheerful, lovely and happy, gone.

She wanted to be with the man she first loved in her life, ever since she met him, and be his wife. But, she was lost and confused, didn’t Levi want her by his side too?

“Levi, Is that what you really think?....Don't you want me too? I though I meant something to you.” All her spirit was now gone, she looked down and had a very sad expression, her eyes soon to tear up.

Levi again, was speechless, he did not know what to say to her for once. He was caught off guard. That’s cause, he never really talked about this topic with anyone actually, unlike other people who have close friends or families who may have talked about marriage, Levi did not and it was just Y/N in his life he trusted and shared many things to.

So, when this was brought up in the conversation, this caught him really off guard and he just...stayed quiet, not sure what to say.

But to Y/N, that was an answer to her already, and without giving Levi any more time or in fact, not wasting his time, she slightly pushed his arms off her shoulders and walked away from him, going to the bathroom.

Y/N took this as a way he never wants to marry her and that shattered and broke her heart.

After a couple of weeks, both Y/N and Levi’s relationship kept falling apart, and as Levi tried his best to keep the relationship stable. Y/N, could not keep up with it, with her overwhelming mixed feelings of shame and sadness. This lead to Y/N having her feelings hurt.

One day, Levi enters their shared flat after coming back from a grocery store. He decided to cook dinner for his girlfriend tonight and have a romantic dinner with her, he wanted her spirit back, her love back, and after some time thinking, sorting out his emotions, Levi then knew that he would be willing to do anything for her happiness.

But, as he entered the living room, he saw Y/N with a suitcase and her backpack.

“What...” Levi said with a gasp, and his eyes widen, he stood there being shocked. Surely he was misunderstanding the situation...right?

“I am leaving, I can’t do this anymore.”

Levi dropped the bags he was carrying, on the ground, and he felt his heart skipped a beat. Did he hear it right? Did she actually say that?

“No, No. No!” He approached his girlfriend and held on her shoulders.

“Babe, we can fix this. Please stay with me, You don’t need to leave...I-I can’t lose you too.” He started to tremble slightly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing!

“Stay with me, my love?” Levi then said once again, looking at her face who was now emotionless and she slightly pushed him away and that was the last time he ever saw her again.

Levi and his S/O mutually break things off because Y/N has always wanted to be Levi’s wife, having a lovely wedding and making a great family with him. But Levi didn’t seem to want any of that as he never spoke to her after that time and that caused his girlfriend, well now, ex-girlfriend, to thinking he didn’t want any of that and thinking there was no future after all with him.

Levi did not expect any of this, his ex leaving him after what he told her, and this leaves Levi all heart broken and being emotionally damaged. An emotional rejection from Y/N that damaged his mood and self-esteem. But, he still moved on and continued on with his life. He took most of the blame because he had to let her know sooner that, he would actually do anything for her happiness and love again, but he was apparently too late.

He would still be in their same shared flat, he cleaned it everyday and still kept two plates whenever he had breakfast or dinner, thinking one day he might see her. “She will come back to me...right?” He would mutter sometimes as he sat on the same coach they once shared and cuddled on, alone as the evening was approaching.

After what felt like forever, Levi was on his way to this well-known café that was mentioned by Hanji and he decided to check it out. But, to his surprise, he saw you, sitting inside the café, all alone drinking some tea. His heart fluttered, and his cheeks went red. Is it her?! Is it actually my Y/N?

After such a long time, he finally found her, and as soon as he wanted to approach Y/N, and thinking today is the day he will tell you how much an effect you had in his life and when you weren’t by his side, how he never realized that it took him long to figure it out that he would absolutely do anything to win you, your love and happiness back. He wanted to tell you all that, anything you wanted he was willing to give it to you now that he has finally found you. And explain to you also how, during the time you both lived together, he was actually trying to figure out with that time to make everything work out for you.

But, Levi stopped.

His heart sinking once again, that feeling he felt after such a long time.

He saw a guy, approaching you instead and....you were with him? Y/N’s face then brightened up, and she looked much happier, you smiled even more. Y/N got up from her seat and the man hugged her so tightly while caressing her back, and she was chuckling. And the man himself, seemed to be also deeply in love with you.

He then, noticed their rings, were they perhaps engaged, in their honeymoon, or perhaps they weren’t married and it was just matching rings...right? Levi wondered, begging that what he was thinking was true.

He then saw, his and Y/N’s old friends entering the café, and greeting both of them, one of them was Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie and Historia. He overhear how they were saying that they were such a happy couple and they loved and shipped them a lot. Happy for Y/N finding happiness once again.

“I am out of time.” Levi muttered, now reality hitting him. He never had time to begin with, he knew ever since she left him. Time was lost and didn’t wait for him.

"What is this feeling?" it felt like as if someone clenched into his chest, his heart is being pulled out of his chest, his stomach having a sinking feeling. Now, he really did lose her.

But wait....maybe he has a chance? he decided to just wait, just maybe it was all a misunderstanding? Having that small hope, that everything was just an assumption, and jumping into conclusions.

After what felt like forever, he waited for them to get out of the café and approached them, to Y/N.

Her eyes widen, she couldn't believe she was seeing Levi after all these years. “Could I speak to Y/N alone, please?” Levi said sadly, and was looking at Y/N instead of the guy.

The guy seemed to have read the mood and he let Y/N to talk to him in private, to sort out whatever was going on.

“How...have you been?” He finally said, after breaking the silence between them. Y/N nodded and looked back inside the café, “Do you wanna talk and perhaps, catch up?” Y/N uttered, and open the door to the café, she was still the friendly woman he loved and she still looked absolutely even more beautiful to his eyes, he just didn’t want this moment to end.

They then, started to catchup, how things were going for both of them, how they both were and then Levi asked if she was alright. Y/N finally told him that she has been engaged and she would be getting married soon, she let all their friends know about it and to be invited, and she said she would be happy if he would be able to come too, inviting him to her wedding. Levi was now having mixed of emotions, sad but also happy that she was not in a terrible state, and not sad after what has happened. She has picked herself up and lived her life, and finally her dream becoming true and a nice man who loved her, also wanting to marry her too.

They decided to be distant but in good-terms friends, and she was hoping that one day he could meet her fiancée properly. Levi just sat there, smiling. Smiling because he was actually happy to know that there was someone out there to love her, and not treat her bad, and give her what she wanted, which he could have done if he had done it earlier. But of course, it was Y/N, who wouldn’t love her?

He was actually happy for her, seeing her smile, and happy, and she had grown and matured to be such a beautiful woman. “You...will be such a great Mother.” He finally, said with a smile, and that warmed Y/N’s heart. Hearing that, especially from him, made her so happy and glad to hear that since she always wanted to be, but afraid she wouldn’t be. She looked down, at her teacup and tears were running down her cheeks, she was crying happy tears. Y/N never knew how his words would actually be heart warming for her, and he was ready to even support her anytime.

On the day, finally the wedding day, it was filled with love and laughter form everyone, and everyone congratulating them, all their friends crying and cheering for Y/N and the man she was gonna marry.

Levi of course came, and sat at the back, away from the crowd, and he was feeling heart-warmed seeing Y/N being happy once again and her smile and her sight was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, he found it breathtaking, capturing every moment.

“That....could have been us.” He uttered to himself and got up, leaving the wedding as it almost came to an end, he thought his presence wouldn’t really matter to him much now and he left the wedding.

“Hm, where is Levi? I still haven’t thanked him properly.” Y/N said looking around, and her husband held on her hand and gave her a sweet smile, “Don't worry, I am sure we will see him soon. But he left this for you.” Her husband, handed to her a bag filled with gifts, and a card saying ‘Congratulations, Wishing you a long and happy marriage Y/N.’

After a long day, Levi finally got back home. When Levi goes back to his flat now, no longer calling it ‘our flat’, he still had Y/N’s stuff that she left behind and haven’t thrown them away or moved its position. Y/N really did have a big impact in his life.

He looked through their old memories, gifts she gave him, pictures they took together, letters she wrote for him that was all placed inside a box and he was taking them out one by one. Smiling at them, as how great of a person she was to him.

But, he did really just wanted to grab your hand one last time, say that he always loved you, kiss you one last time, and have you by his side in the flat one last time, looking at your sleepy face and waking up to see your lovely face and sight every morning. He missed it and those days would warm his heart, Y/N did made Levi feel so special before and he was grateful to even be her boyfriend for that period of time. She showed him and gave him love which he thought he would never get, but because of her, he did.

Levi really thought from now, he won’t be able to find that kind of love anymore that he had with Y/N. But, he was very thankful to even have it in the first place. Because to him, Y/N was his everything and he did still care for her. Levi felt convinced though when he met Y/N, it was her and the last relationship he will have and he would be proud to say that she was once his lover and girlfriend.

He stayed still, sitting on the coach and laying down, looking at the ceiling. Levi was smiling, but his eyes then started to tear up slowly. “I promised her that, whenever she is happy....I should be happy too. So why am I like this? Fuck, I am terrible.”

Levi deep down just wanted to know, and he thought to himself saying, ‘Does Y/N even remember our past relationship, Did I have an impact in her life? Did I mean something in her life? Did she forget all our memories and moments together?’

After questioning himself this, he then realized that...when he said to Y/N he was not into marriage. It was a lie. He was actually lowkey scared and in that moment, it was said out of fear. Fear of how he might not be a great father or husband and might fuck things up, and he wanted to be ready and prepared he was the man for you, the one and only for you. He then, whimpered silently to himself in the dark, letting out all of his bottled up emotions.

It’s their bittersweet love, and it’s bittersweet since whenever he thought of the past, it would involve a feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time. But, he finally was at peace now, after seeing you for such a long time, and now knowing you are doing well and great, being taking care of by a great man. He does feel like he has missed out that future Y/N was talking about before, but seeing her cheerful and joyful, he was now content with Y/N and satisfied with her living her dreams, even if it was not with him, he would still support her with all his heart.

okay I did not expect to make this fanfic so sad but a little heart warming at the same time??! I definitely did not tear up while writing this- ANYWAYS! This is my first time to write something like this so please, let me know what you think of this and I hope you somehow liked the bittersweet love between Levi and Y/N!

If you enjoyed and liked this hc fanfic, please let me know by leaving a like, reblog or a message! I love you all and thank you for the support <3

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hotkoyo · 3 years ago

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SFW Howie Alphabet Headcanons

Author's Note: When will my husband come home from war?

Disclaimer: These headcanons are based on how I imagine Howie to be based on the game. You don't have to agree with what I say here as everyone is free to have their own ideas.

𝄥 𝄞 ── 𝄇

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

VERY affectionate. I honestly feel like he grew up surrounded with so much love and now he’s just overflowing with it. Howie is all about showing his love through warm hugs, having his arm around you, swinging your hands as you walk, head pats, you name it. Another one, in my opinion, is words of affirmation. He'd tell you how much you matter to him through words, like quoting lines from his favorite movies and saying "I love you" before you both go to sleep.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Affectionate. Lots of play fighting and cuddling during movie sessions. Singing to Disney songs at the top of your lungs. You guys make friendship bracelets for each other (and he never takes off his). Definitely one of those dudes who drive their best friend everywhere.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

If it’s not apparent already, this dude is a giant golden retriever and he lives for the cuddles. He is born to cuddle, baby. Due to his size, it’s natural that he ends up as a big spoon more often than not but he definitely loves the moments he gets to be the small spoon.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

So domestic, even when you guys just started dating. It’s easy to imagine yourself settling down with someone as warm and comforting as Howie. He would love to settle down and build a home with you and you guys love having conversations about your dream house and how your life would be like in five, ten years. He’s alright at cooking in general but can cook some amazing Chinese dishes that his mom taught him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would be hard for him to get out of a relationship, to be completely honest. He’s one of those people who easily gets attachment issues and finds it hard to move on from a relationship. If he really has to be the one to end the relationship, he would want to talk it out with you and try to end your relationship on a good note. I feel like he’s one of those people who really values respect, even when things aren’t working out anymore between you two.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Howie is a hopeless romantic and while he does have his insecurities, I feel like he would really love to commit to someone. In terms of marriage, it really depends on you. I don’t think his career would hinder him much when it comes to popping the question, to be honest. If he feels like he’s comfortable enough with the relationship and sees that you are, too, I think he’d propose to you when he feels like the time is right.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Howie is a textbook example of a gentle giant. He knows he’s strong so physically, he knows when to hold back a bit. Emotionally, it’s canon that he’s a soft and caring boy through and through and he would never hurt you on purpose.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Ugh, he LOVES hugs. It’s canon that the Yan fam is really good with hugs so if you need a pick-me-up, he’s your man. Whenever you guys are alone, he acts like an overgrown koala because he can’t get enough of hugging you. If hot chocolate is a hug, it’s what Howie’s would feel like. Warm, familiar, and comforting.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He knows he loves you when he does but holds back a lot in fear of coming off too strong. If he feels that you feel the same, then he would say it pretty quickly into the relationship or during a spur of a moment. If it seems that you need more time, he would hold back just so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s the type who’s less jealous and more insecure. His jealousy isn’t going to make him act rashly and put you on the spot. It’s slow and creeping and you might not notice at first because of how well he conceals it but it becomes apparent by the way he starts to act distant.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Warm and gentle. His kisses make you feel so safe and loved and he likes to take the time to show you how he feels through the gesture. He loves to kiss you everywhere but his favorite places to kiss you are your nose and temples.

Also, kiss him on the forehead and he’d melt into a puddle. Another one of his hotspots is at the back of his neck. Kiss him there and watch him sputter as he tries to gain back his bearings.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He loves kids, kids love him. He humors the kids a lot and is a great impersonator so prepare yourself for some improvised skits in front of the kiddos. Can’t say no to the kids, though, so you might have to step in from time to time. Kids treat him like a human jungle gym. Which he actually is.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

I definitely see him as a morning person. Also, he’s so fit that you can’t tell me he doesn’t workout every single morning. Probably goes on an early jog and is one of those people who seems so chipper even if it's only seven in the morning.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Have you seen actors with their stage makeup on? There’s no way Howie’s skin stays so smooth and supple without some form of skincare routine. Has his own skincare routine and loves doing it with you together in front of the mirror (while making faces at you). After a good skincare session, he'll sit on the couch or in bed with you cuddled up to him as he reads scripts from his new upcoming projects.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Depending on how much he trusts you, it could be sooner or later. The thing with him is that he keeps things bottled up to himself. It’s hard and it’s tiring and the moment he feels safe with you, the dam breaks and he starts to reveal things about himself.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It’s definitely hard to annoy Howie and even harder to provoke him. He has the patience of a saint and unless something is very wrong, you can always find him just chillin lol.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s quite sentimental so he definitely remembers your relationship milestones. He remembers a lot of small things about you; like how you like your cereal and your best friend’s name from high school. Some of the details can be fuzzy at times but he tries!

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Canonically: The moment you said yes when he asked to be your boyfriend at Luca’s "sister's wedding".

Headcanon: The time you both visited his family in Chicago for the holidays. You were walking home from dinner when the snowfall turned into a snowstorm. It was terribly cold and windy but you both kept on laughing at the situation and you looked so gorgeous with snow stuck to your hair under the waning streetlight that he didn’t even care that he's freezing his butt off.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Isn’t too protective in the traditional sense because he knows you can take care of yourself. More protective of how you feel because of his words and actions so he’s careful in what he says and how he says them because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Highkey loves to be protected tho. Thinks it's kinda hot.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Puts a lot of effort in his career, obviously. Howie is always so passionate and ambitious when it comes to being a top actor. Relationship-wise, he’s a simp. Dates are mostly casual with him but he puts extra time and effort in choosing or making gifts. All the extra and expensive bits goes into your anniversary dates.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

A lot of times, he leaves his wet, sweaty workout shirts at the corner of the room and somehow always forgets no matter how many times you’ve scolded him. Sometimes doesn’t close or tie snack packages properly so when it's your turn to eat them, they’re often stale. A terrible snorer when he’s had a long day on set.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Quite concerned. He likes to highlight the nice parts of his body through the clothes he choose to wear and tries to follow a healthy diet in general. He worked hard for his body and as much as embarrassing as it is to admit, he loves to show off and be admired for it (especially by you).

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

A strong believer that every person is complete and whole on their own. He believes that every person is their own and just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that your life must revolve around that person. Even so, he is a romantic. So even if he knows that he's complete without you, he does prefer to have you by his side.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He can play the piano really well. Aside from dance lessons, his parents put aside a lot of money to sign him up for piano classes when he was younger. Now, he plays them whenever he’s deep in thought and it’s always relaxing to hear him play.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, Howie doesn’t like broccoli. Keep those away from him. Please. When it comes to partners, Howie stays away from people who make him feel less. Basically people who put him down for being who he is and liking the things he likes. Narcissists, if you will.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’s a snuggler and he nuzzles into your side a lot when he sleeps. Whether you get too warm is your problem because this dude is Strong™ and won’t let you push him aside that easily. And, God, I hate to say this but he’s definitely a snorer. Not all the time but when he’s really tired.... let’s just say you won’t be getting a decent sleep.

#howie yan #roadkill howie #fictif howie #fictif roadkill #roadkill #fictif #fictif nix hydra #nix hydra #howie yan headcanons #fictif howie headcanons

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yuyupowers · 3 years ago

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aristocrat!seonghwa

aristocrat!seonghwa x fem!reader

genre: fluff

trigger warning(s): patriarchal society mostly. let me know if there’s anything else!

author’s note: none of the pictures are mine!!

for reference, i’m using british peerage (hierarchy). there are five ranks: baron, viscount, earl (count), marquess, and duke - the highest being duke, and the lowest, baron.

second son of a duke

i imagine seonghwa to be someone who values tradition

unlike hongjoong who finds who finds the numerous aristocratic mannerisms pointless, hwa believes upholding these (rather stringent) rules is a sign of respect

perfect gentleman pt.1

excellent in swordsmanship, horse-back riding, and hunting

well versed in poetry, literature, art, and finance

(can maintain a conversation about politics but honestly it kinda goes over his head)

a bit on the shyer side, but a decent conversationalist

good at keeping the flow and mediating in case anyone becomes a little too heated about their opinions

definitely cares about his and his family’s image

naturally caring and tends to dote on those close to him

(translates into excellent manners)

holds the door open, offers his hand when stepping out of carriages, makes sure to walk on the side closest to traffic, diverts conversation when things are too “distressing,” wouldn’t be caught dead alone with a woman that wasn’t related to him or his fiancée/wife

and surprise, surprise !!

this is where you come in

you’re the second oldest daughter, fourth child out of six; born to an earl

hwa’s family had the highest title bestowed upon aristocracy

whereas your family accumulated more wealth and land than the park family

and since both you and hwa were prime marrying age™, your parents decided upon a mutually beneficial marriage

the first time you met seonghwa was under the watchful eye of both your parents, when the park’s invited your family for dinner

tbh, you were pretty relieved when you met him

“prime marrying age” was different for men, so you were just glad he wasn’t some old geezer

and he seemed like a decent person !!

a well put together gentleman, and his image was only consolidated throughout dinner

all in all, you didn’t have much to complain about from the initial impression

though it was kinda annoying when your little sister would not shut up about how he was the handsome man she’s ever met

even if you agreed

and didn’t she say that when she met woo?

anyways

after the first meeting with the park’s, both your parents set up multiple occasions for you two to meet

whether that be evening walks, picnics in the park, etc,,,

you learned a great deal about seonghwa

how his favourite is black, how he loved the stars and that his favourite planet was mars

how he loved kids and doted on your youngest siblings (much to your sister’s glee)

how he enjoyed spending a quiet afternoon with you reading dickens, discussing afterwards the contrast between carton and darnay

how he was always considerate of your feelings and opinions

you liked to think you were a decent judge of character and thought overall that seonghwa was a kind and caring person

but you also noticed a few characteristics that-

you wouldn’t say it was off-putting or anything but,,,

it might bother you in the future

see, you were pretty good friends with hongjoong

and while you weren’t as extreme,

(you didn’t sneak out weekly to hang out with a bar maiden that you definitely did not have a crush on)

you certainly agreed with him on certain points

like hwa, you thought that abiding by certain mannerisms = display of respect

but unlike him, you didn’t care all that much about your image

okay, that was a lie.

you couldn’t say you didn’t care about your image

(social ostracization isn’t exactly fun ya feel)

but you thought it was,,,exhausting

it’s one thing to be respectful, but it’s another thing to say things you don’t mean

to fake humility

to undermine people that are supposed to be your “friends” or “one of you”

to be perfect, when “perfect” was such a subjective term anyways

it just felt so fake and that left a bitter taste in your mouth

even now, you could see all the efforts seonghwa made to constantly keep his image of a “perfect gentleman”

with perfect mannerisms and perfect answers and perfect-

yeah, it kinda frustrated you

not to mention how obedient he was?

of course you didn’t fault him for being a dutiful and filial son, but his loyalty blinded him

and it wasn’t like his parents were bad people !!

no, you’d say they were much kinder than the average noble family

especially considering their status

but when they made important decisions for their son without consulting him,

(because they were more experienced, because they knew better, etc,,,)

and he accepted whatever decision they handed to him?

well,,,

nevertheless, despite being his fiancée, you, by this point, had realistically had known seonghwa for a couple months

and you didn’t feel like it was your place

(at least not yet)

to point this out

so the two of you continued your cordial but emotionally distant meetings

that is until “the incident” (as hwa fondly likes to call it)

okay, so-

one day you paid hwa a visit and the two of you decided to take a walk in his family’s garden

chattering about this and that

a lovely time !!

it was a bit overcast, but it didn’t look too threatening

so the two of you ignored the clouds looming in the horizon and wandered deep into the garden

big mistake

the weather took a turn for the worst, and soon it was pouring

by this point seonghwa was a little panicked

he knew that for women, getting ready could be excessively long and tenuous task

(courtesy of his little sister’s complaints)

and now !! you were getting rained on !! because he didn’t bring an umbrella !! just in case !!

!!!!

he turns to you, ready to shield you with his jacket and lead you back to the manor

but he’s at a loss by what he sees

he had expected you to be upset, to huddle closer to him, to,,,idk, maybe reprimand him for this thoughtlessness??

but instead, he finds you staring up at the dark sky, eyes shimmering with barely contained glee with the biggest smile he’s ever seen from you adorning your lips

he likes your smile

and if he was already confused (he was), he was about to become even more so

because the next thing he knows, you’re hiking your dress in one hand and grabbing his in the other, running through puddles of water and mud and everything in between, laughter falling from you like the rain

up until this point, you had been acting like the perfect (you hate that word) lady

polite, demure, charming-

in public settings, you only spoke when spoken to, with a voice that was purposely soft and soothing

you chatted with his mother and sisters about traditionally feminine things over tea with impeccable manners

whenever you two met, you were always prim and proper; never a strand of hair out of place

but here you were, getting not only yours but his clothes soggy and muddy, laughing without a care about how pleasant it sounded or how loud it was

seonghwa liked to think he wasn’t a judgemental person-

he wasn’t repulsed or anything by your sudden change in demeanor

just.

really confused

and when you looked back, you could tell,if his expression was anything to go by

but your grin only grew wider, because you could work with this

he wasn’t enjoying himself per say; a bit too confused and bit too stiff to do so

but he wasn’t horrified or disgusted

okay maybe he was a little grossed out; he liked to be clean thank you very much

you could work with this.

and so over the next few months, you showed him things he never dreamed of doing

some of which he liked, some of which he didn’t

some he was willing to try, some, less

like sneaking into the restricted section of the library (he’s never been so scandalized in his life)

or visiting the kitchen in the middle of the night so you could teach him how to make some basic recipes (which he surprisingly enjoyed)

or meeting hongjoong

(“of COURSE it matters if they got the colour wrong?! lord help me you’re the most insufferable person i’ve ever met-”)

and the more the two of you explored, the more he,,,real he became.

and vice versa.

gradually, the mask of perfection he worked so on hard to maintain was slipping before you

don’t get me wrong, he’s still kind and caring and a gentleman

but sometimes he would whine and complain when you encouraged him to do something he was less than enthusiastic about (usually something that involved getting him messy)

or he made The Face™ (the disgusted one) to you and when he didn’t like something or someone

or he would be stupidly stubborn about some random fact that you KNEW was wrong but he just WOULDN’T admit if even when you showed him proof

(“seonghwa for the last time toads don’t give you war-” “LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” “eye-”)

once, he even playfully stole the strawberry from your cake

(big mistake. he’s never doing that again. he never knew a woman could move so fast or be so scary.)

it made you so, so happy because the two of you were finally getting to know each other

actually know each other

then one day, while the two of you were reading underneath a tree at the park

“,,,hey love?” (hwa)

“yes?”

“why are we doing this?”

“what do you mean, dear?”

“i mean,,,i’m not complaining, but i guess,,,why did you decide to show me this part of you? the part that runs around in the rain?” hwa

you don’t reply right away

instead, you shut your book and idly stared at the willow swaying over the pond, wind running its fingers through its drooping leaves

after a few moments of silence

“,,,i wanted to know you and what you believed in. actually believed in.”

seonghwa tilts his head slightly to the side

“love, i hardly think my convictions have changed”

“but do you know what your convictions are?”

and you know when you hear something that resonates with you?

something that strikes deep in your core and makes you rethink everything you’ve know?

yeah,,,this is one of those moments

now it was seonghwa’s turn to set his book aside, falling deep in thought

after an unnaturally long stretch of silence, you began to panic a little

because ?? maybe you misread the situation and got a little too comfortable-

cause i mean you were questioning his core values, which is something he takes very seriously

o god you messed up didn’t you o crap you need to apolog-

“will you help me figure it out?”

“,,,huh??”

“will you help me figure out my convictions?” he asked

and you swear, you’ve never seen such a smile from seonghwa

one that conveyed a plethora of emotions, ranging from honesty and vulnerability, to confusion and loss, to lightness and warmth

it filled you with an unnameable feeling

like something sliding into place, fitting perfectly; like it was always meant to be there, filling you with comfort

shyly intertwining your hands for the first time, you looked up to meet his gaze with a pattering heart and a smile matching his own

“,,,of course.”

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 3 years ago

Text

We Were Something, Don’t You Think So? [Chapter 2: The Middle Of Nowhere]

You are a Russian Grand Duchess in a time of revolution. Ben Hardy is a British government official tasked with smuggling you across Europe. You hate each other.

This is a work of fiction loosely inspired by the events of the Russian Revolution (1917-1923) and the downfall of the Romanov family. Many creative liberties were taken. No offense is meant to any actual people. Thank you for reading! :)

Song inspiration: “the 1” by Taylor Swift.

Chapter warnings: Lots of shouting, if you never learned about the Russian Revolution then here's your mini crash course, references to historical stuff like violence and disease, Kroshka the mule emerges as the only emotionally stable character.

Word count: 4.1k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist! 💜

Taglist: @imtheinvisiblequeen @okilover02 @adrenaline-roulette @youngpastafanmug @m-1234 @tensecondvacation @deacyblues @haileymorelikestupid @rogerfuckintaylor @yourlocalmusicalprostitute @im-an-adult-ish @someforeigntragedy @mo-whore

I wake up feeling harder, as if sleeping on the ground with all its stones and cool indifference has taught my spine to straighten, to endure. This is a welcome revelation. I will need to be resilient, for my family and for myself. I also wake determined to set things right with my rescuer. I am a perfectly charming person, Mother and Papa have always said so; I’m not painfully shy like Olga, or aloof like Tati, or rather dull like Maria, and I certainly don’t run around putting frogs in people’s shoes like Anastasia. I make for excellent company. Surely Ben will realize this and we will become inseparable travel companions.

Outside in the overcast brisk morning air, Ben is already busy tacking the mule. He glances over and tosses me an apple. It bounces out of my floundering hands and rolls off into the woods. This is not an auspicious start to the day.

“You’ll still have to eat that,” Ben says. “There’s no extra food. I was only able to ask for as much as I could justify needing myself.”

“Right.” I go fetch the apple—rummaging around in leaves and sticks and shrubs—and take a bite, even though it’s bruised and definitely tastes like dirt. I beam at Ben triumphantly. I am tough! I am daring! I am enchanting! I can pull my own weight on this journey!

Ben doesn’t seem to notice. He pats the mule’s thick brown neck and smiles fondly at her. “How are we feeling this morning, Kroshka? Hmm? Who’s a lovely mule? Who’s going to take us all the way to the Trans-Siberian Railroad without even one measly word of complaint? That’s right, you are! Yes you are!” He lands a smacking kiss on the velvety grey fur of her muzzle.

I attempt polite conversation; more than that, I endeavor to learn about my dashing yet evasive rescuer. “So, tell me Ben, have you worked for Sir Buchanan long?”

“Four years,” Ben replies curtly.

“And you are…” I think of his notebook. “A…writer of some sort for him…?”

“I’m his press attaché.”

“Ah.” I recognize the French word for ‘attach,’ but not its meaning in the context of employment with an ambassador. “I can’t say I know what that entails.”

“I handle Sir Buchanan’s relations with the Russian newspapers. Drafting statements and briefing him on local opinions and the like. And since his health has declined, I find myself delivering some of his particularly confidential correspondence.”

“Oh, I see. And he could spare you for this mission? It seems like a burden that would be better carried by a man with military or exploratory experience.”

“My Russian is passable. And I can tolerate rougher conditions than most.” He points to a pile of clothes he’s laid out on a tree stump. “Those are for you. There’s a stream out that way.” He flicks a thumb towards the east. “Get ready however you need to, but be prepared to leave in fifteen minutes.”

I examine the clothing: plain and practical undergarments, a heavy wool sweater, stockings, boots, and something unexpected. I hold them up with clammy hands. “These are…” I swallow noisily. “Trousers.”

“Yes. They’re travel attire. Comfortable and easy to maneuver in if we need to move quickly.”

“I’ve never worn trousers before.”

“I thought you were amenable to a…a…what did you call it? An adventure. A grand adventure.” He says this melodramatically, like there’s some humor in it. Like he’s mocking me.

“I suppose I am,” I mutter, still scrutinizing the trousers.

“Fifteen minutes,” Ben reminds me sternly. Then he begins to disassemble the tent.

I trudge off through the woods until I find the stream. I clean myself with ice-cold water, drink it down until my teeth ache, change out of my nightgown and into these strange new clothes—Trousers! Mother would lock me in church for a month!—and gaze up into the cloudy, pastel blue sky that peeks between the fingers of the trees. It is very still here, and cold, and deathly quiet. I try to remember the last time I was truly alone, without Mother or Papa or my siblings or servants or guards within shouting distance. There is none that I can remember; perhaps there is none at all. Out here in the Siberian wilderness I feel unmoored from civilization, diminutive, vulnerable, peculiarly inconsequential. I decide I don’t like being alone. By the time I return to our campsite, Ben is ready and waiting beside the loaded cart. His right hand is resting on a clunky metal monster with ‘Olivetti’ written on it.

“I’m a press attaché,” he says with a mischievous grin. “And you’re a typist.”

“A what?”

“You work for Sir Buchanan’s office as a typist. That’s our story, anyway. You came along to assist me during my audience with the former tsar, and now we’re traveling back to Sir Buchanan’s headquarters in Saint Petersburg. So if anyone happens to ask, that’s what you are to tell them. Oh, and you’re British. Your English sounds clean enough.”

“Alright,” I reply, still gaping at the metal monster like a black box with gnashing fangs. “But what is that?”

Ben’s jaw falls open. “You don’t…?” Then he rubs his forehead, sighing deeply. “Jesus Christ. You’ve never used a typewriter. Of course you haven’t. Great. Fantastic.”

“We always write by hand. My penmanship is flawless, Mother saw to that.” She’s still battling with Anastasia, but that’s a war that may go on as long as the one between the sun and the moon.

“Okay. Okay. This works out, actually. Because I’m not going to entertain you all day. So here is your assignment.” Ben slaps the back of what he tells me is a typewriter, and then waves for me to come closer. He reaches into the pocket of his coat and produces a British passport. Every line is filled out except for the name. He slides the paper into the machine and makes some bewildering adjustments. “So, you insert the paper, set the carriage—that’s this roller-type piece here—and type.” He taps forcefully on the keys until two words appear in the blank reserved for the passport holder’s name: Lana Brinkley.

“That’s me?” I ask doubtfully.

Ben smirks, amused. “That’s you.”

“So you could have given me a better name if you wanted to!”

“But then how would you learn humility?” He removes the fraudulent passport, shakes the paper until it dries, folds it into a neat little square, and slips it back into his coat pocket. “If you’re typing a longer message, the typewriter will ding when you’ve reached the end of each line. Then you use the lever to move the paper down, reset the carriage, and resume typing.”

I nod, but without much confidence. This seems complicated.

“You said you wanted a carriage,” Ben teases.

“Yes, one with magnificent draft horses and velvet seats and preferably no less than two servants. Not…whatever that is.”

“Well, if you’re going to pass for a typist, I’m afraid you must learn to type.” He finds me a stack of blank paper in his collection of bags and trunks, and then climbs into the front of the cart as I get into the back. The trousers, I hate to admit to myself, do make it easier to move around, although I’m not sure I approve of how much they accentuate the shape of my body. The thought of Ben looking at me in them gives me a plunging sort of feeling that is half-mortification and half-thrill…not that he has exhibited any interest at all. “Before we go any farther, do you have anything with you that I don’t know about?”

He means things like the heirlooms I have squirreled away in the large steamer trunk: the jewels sewn into my dress, the photograph. I can sense that he wouldn’t want me to have them, although I’m not sure why. In any case, I have no intention of giving them up. The jewels are the only thing of value that I have to trade if we find ourselves in a desperate situation. The photograph is the only string left that connects me back to my family, my home. “No,” I reply primly.

“Good.” He whistles at the mule and she tugs us through the trees and out onto the dirt road that leads, eventually, to the train station. As we ride joltingly along, the creaky cart wheels bumping over every rock and mound and muddy trough, I practice my typing: very slowly at first, and with only my index fingers. I read aloud as I go, gradually picking up speed.

“There once was a German princess born in the Duchy of Hesse. She was very beautiful but very shy. She had a wonderful talent for playing piano, but would run and hide if anyone asked her to perform in public. One day, when she was attending the wedding of her sister, the princess met a prince from a distant kingdom. They were only children, but they instantly knew they had found true love. They snuck off together and carved their names into a window pane. Over the years, each conspired to marry the other. They refused many suitors and wrote each other hundreds of letters. His family did not approve of the princess’s religion and lack of charisma; her family did not approve of the prince’s distant and troubled nation. But at last it became apparent to all that no earthly forces could keep the couple apart. Ten years after their first meeting, the prince and princess were finally married. And they lived joyously and peacefully in each other’s service for the rest of their days.”

Ben lights one of his hand-rolled cigarettes. The smoke doesn’t bother me; on the contrary, it reminds me of Papa smoking his pipe in his study, in the garden, as he read to us by the fireplace, as he danced with Mother in ballrooms back when she could still dance. It reminds me of home. “I’m not sure if you’ll ever give Shakespeare a run for his money, but I’ll admit I’m marginally entertained.”

I smile to myself, sentimental warmth rising in my face. “It’s Papa and Mother’s story.”

“Huh. I didn’t know your people were allowed to marry for love.”

By ‘your people,’ he seems to mean royalty, and there is some derision in his deep voice. “Well, surely duty must come first. But when love can accompany it, that’s a happy coincidence.”

“And what if duty compels you to marry a man who is, say, cruel? Or dreadfully boring? Or in love with another woman? Or who closely resembles a mole-rat?”

I resume my typing with a new exercise. For each letter of the alphabet, I type a French word that begins with it. “I don’t think that sort of thing happens very often.”

“But if it did.”

I shrug, not especially enjoying this topic of discussion. “Then duty comes first, as I said. But I believe most royal couples are perfectly content. At least nine out of every ten.”

“That many!” Ben marvels sarcastically. “Have you ever considered that your own personal experience, as pleasant as it may be, could be coloring your perception of how the world works?”

I ignore him and continue my typing. Attaché for A, bisou for B, croissant for C, doux for D…

After a moment, Ben says: “You aren’t going to regale me with another fairytale? I’m devastated.”

“I’m busy practicing my French now. Please don’t intrude.”

“You speak French as well as Russian and English?” He sounds impressed; for a split second anyway, just long enough for me to catch it like a firefly in my fist.

“And Italian, and Latin. And I’ve just started on Japanese.”

“But no German? That seems like it would be an easier beast to slay.”

“I’ve always purposefully avoided learning it, even though Mother’s family is German. I never envisioned myself marrying a German. I figured Maria could take that bullet. She doesn’t care, she’d marry anyone who could give her a castle and ten babies and a bulldog or two. I would say she was a milkmaid in a past life, but Mother’s heart would stop dead if she thought I subscribed to reincarnation.”

“Not fond of Germans?” Ben asks. “Well, who can blame you. Half the world isn’t fond of them at the moment.”

“I suppose they weren’t so awful before the Great War. But they’re rather boorish, aren’t they? They always sound like they’re angry. Like someone just stole their horse and they’re screaming at them from the front porch to come back or else.” I smile dreamily as I type. “I’ve always fancied the thought of marrying a prince from a glamorous, romantic kingdom. Maybe Italy or Greece. There has even been talk of me marrying Uncle George’s eldest son David. He’s rather beguiling. Tall and slim. Clear blue eyes like a lake. And he’s going to be the king of the British Empire one day, you know. We could holiday together in beautiful, sunny colonies like the Bahamas.”

“You’re still as important as all that? Important enough to make a marriage of that political significance, I mean.” Ben glances back at me and lifts one thick, dark, inquisitive eyebrow. “Seeing as your family doesn’t have a kingdom anymore.”

This is an insensitive thing for him to say. I frown down at the typewriter. “A wife almost always assumes the kingdom of her husband, so why should she require her own? She needs only sound breeding and a suitable temperament. And besides, we might yet return one day.”

Ben twists all the way around to stare at me, the reigns falling out of his hands. Fortunately, the mule seems to know her own way around. “I’m sorry, what?”

“It has been a brutal few years. The Great War, the supply shortages, the bad harvests…the people are frustrated, and understandably so. They lashed out blindly, at those who didn’t deserve it, at us. But the dust will clear. And when it does, I think the Russian people will come to their senses and realize that they want us back. That they need us.”

“Are you insane?” Ben snaps. “Are you utterly brainless? What’s floating around in that skull besides fiction and languages you’ll never use once you’re married off to some prince who only sees you as a broodmare?”

“How dare you! You can’t speak to me like this—!”

“For years, for a bloody decade, Sir Buchanan warned your father about what was coming. He tried to get him to moderate his views, to give the people more voice in government, to stop murdering them when they protested. And when none of that worked and the end was apparent, Sir Buchanan tried to convince your father to abdicate long before he did. Don’t you understand?! None of this needed to happen! Your family could have fled to Britain years ago, before the animosity against your father spread like wildfire across the globe, and Russia could have established their own parliament like Britain’s and negotiated a peace treaty to stay out of the war and none of us would be here now if not for your father’s selfish, pointless obstinacy—!”

“My father is a good man,” I choke out as hot, furious tears burn in my eyes.

“And he was a terrible ruler!” Ben shoots back like artillery. “He ordered protesters to be butchered, he sent untrained boys to die in some other country’s war, he clung to the throne for no one’s benefit but his own—”

“And what about my benefit?” I demand, still weeping, feeling monstrously like a child. “What about my mother’s and my sisters’ and Alexei’s? He must have feared for our futures if we were dethroned and left without any resources, any security, anyplace to call home—”

“He did you no favors,” Ben says harshly. “Half the country—the country that you obviously have not even a rudimentary understanding of—are moderates scrambling to secure the Provisional Government and disentangle themselves from the war while still somehow preserving their dignity and that of the millions of dead soldiers Russia has already laid on the altar. The other half are trying to instigate a wholesale communist revolution. There is no one, no one, who wants the tsar back. And you better pray to God that the communists don’t manage to seize power before King George gets your family out, or your father just might be guillotined on the steps of Saint Basil’s Cathedral.”

I bolt to my feet unsteadily, grip the side of the lurching cart, and leap out onto the dirt road.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Ben shouts after me.

I take off sprinting down the road, the wind whipping my face, sobbing as I run beneath the shadows of trees until my lungs are columns of flames and my legs feel wobbly and boneless. I can hear the pounding of the mule’s hooves approaching, the hurtling of wooden wheels, the slapping of leather reins. I am forced to slow to a vigorous march as my body betrays me, wheezing and aching and as ineffectual as a woman is so often assumed to be. The salacious trousers have come in handy once again. Who would have guessed.

Ben pulls up alongside me, reining in the mule to match my pace. “Hey! Get back in the cart!”

“I’ll walk the rest of the way to the railroad station.”

“It’s 200 more kilometers!”

“See you there.”

Now Ben jumps out of the cart. The mule, perplexed but not rattled, comes to a halt and waits in the middle of the road with her long ears angled in opposite directions. Ben rushes in front of me and leans down until we’re at eye-level, breathing heavily. I can smell smoke on him, and something else too: maybe cologne, maybe soap, maybe aftershave, maybe just the scent of a man in his prime. His lips are pink and full and soft-looking, I notice, as if for the first time. His cheeks are irritated and red from the wind; the ruthlessness of the climate here doesn’t agree with him. It is the only way in which I am stronger than he is. His green eyes are wide and blazing. “Get. In. The. Cart.”

“No,” I whisper, tears all over my face.

“You can’t just run off like that,” he pleads, less angry now. “Where are you going to go? There’s nothing out here except trees and…I don’t know…probably bears and wolves and maybe even Siberian tigers. You can’t get ripped apart by wild animals. Don’t you want to make it to London? To argue for your family’s liberation? They could find no fiercer advocate than you, of that I am convinced.”

“How would you possibly protect me from a bear?”

Ben unbuttons his coat and pulls up his white wool sweater to show me a pistol tucked into the holster clipped to his belt. “Just in case,” he says, smirking crookedly, lowering his sweater again. “Now I am keeping no secrets from you, and you are harboring none from me. We’re even.”

I nod, sniffling, thinking of my jewels and photograph hidden in the steamer trunk. My words are so strained I can barely hear them myself, my hands are trembling; hell, I’m trembling all over. The possibility is unimaginable. “Do you really think they’re going to kill Papa?”

Ben sighs, shaking his head. “No, I don’t,” he replies gently. “I think the Provisional Government will be able to keep the communists in check for now. I think they will leap at the opportunity to ship the former tsar off to Britain without the potential controversy of a trial and execution. And I also think we should get back in the cart and keep moving now.”

“I’m sorry your boss gave you this assignment and now you have to risk your life for a family that you evidently hate,” I lash out like a cornered animal, hissing and brandishing its glinting claws. “For a grand duchess that you hate. This must be an awful inconvenience for you.”

“It’s rather more complicated than that,” Ben says. “There’s some opportunity in it as well.”

Of course: his leather-bound notebook full of observations, his scrawled recollections to one day build into a famed article about our journey. An article full of what he truly thinks about me. I feel suddenly, violently nauseous. I feel horrified.

What happened to the grand adventure that I imagined? Where did it go?

And all at once, I can’t even remember how I pictured this journey unfolding; I can’t conjure up some rose-colored vision of me and Ben falling into an effortless friendship, flirting lightly and innocently, discovering new corners of the earth together, parting ways in London as lifelong confidants. Now I can only see Papa as he murmurs folktales older than Christianity with candlelight dancing on his smiling face, as he chases me and my sisters around the gardens with outstretched arms and sparkling eyes, as he carries Alexei from one room to the next when my brother’s joints are inflamed and excruciating and useless, as he never unburdens his mind to his wife or children but spends long afternoons chopping wood as the sun sinks into the west and the lines in his pale face grow deeper.

He couldn’t be responsible for bloodshed, for mercilessness. He’s not that kind of man. He’s never been that kind of man.

“We really should keep moving,” Ben prompts.

“Fine,” I fling back as I shove by him. I mop my tears away with the sleeve of my wool sweater, climb into the back of the wooden cart, and sit as far as I can from Ben with my bent knees hugged to my chest. I stare silently off into the forest as the mule drags us towards the Trans-Siberian Railroad, towards Moscow and Saint Petersburg and the Baltic Sea and London, towards the conclusion of this tenuous partnership and the redemption of my family. I am looking forward to soon never having to see Benjamin Hardy again, and yet I’m also not; and this is a difficult paradox to put into words of any language.

We don’t stop until it’s almost dusk. Ben hops down from the cart, leads the mule off the road by her bridle (and gives her an encouraging scratch on the forelock when she hesitates), and begins to set up camp in a small clearing encircled by heaps of frost grass. Dinner is loaves of bread again—even more tough and dry than yesterday—and metallic-tasting water from canteens. Dessert is a hand-rolled cigarette for Ben and a handful of honeyberries I found in the bushes for me. And when Ben grapples with the tent, I come over to help him with it just to prove I can.

Ben builds a fire, and we sit wordlessly on opposite sides of it with the reflections of flames in our eyes. Ben jots down today’s thoughts in his notebook, every so often glancing off into nowhere and tapping his chin thoughtfully with the end of his pen, biting his full lower lip absentmindedly as he sifts through the ocean of word in his head to fish out the right one. Meanwhile, I read my copy of Tarzan of the Apes. I stumble across a few English terms I don’t know—quixotic, cartography, constellations, ruminate—but I don’t ask Ben about them.

After a long time, when the moon and stars have emerged bright and ancient in the night sky, Ben closes his notebook and watches me. At first I ignore him. And then, eventually, I can’t anymore.

“What?” I ask irritably, keeping my place in Tarzan of the Apes with my pinky finger, which is nearly numb from the cold.

Ben’s words are calm, restrained, painstakingly chosen. Firelight is fierce and bloody on his face. “I had two infant brothers die of pneumonia, a perfectly preventable illness had they had access to good doctors and proper nutrition and a warm dry home, which they did not. I had a sister die in childbirth because there was no midwife available to attend to her. I have had friends come home from the war with limbs or half their faces missing, a fate which I myself am spared only because of my employment with Sir Buchanan. You have no idea what the world has been through while you were off playing board games and reading novels in greenhouses and lounging on lakeshores with your idyllic little family. You have no idea what life is like for the rest of us. And perhaps that’s not your fault, and it is unjust of me to resent you for it, and I must learn to temper this wrath I’ve been carrying around in my chest since childhood. But it’s still true.”

He stands, clutching his notebook with hands that are red from the savage Siberian wind, and vanishes into the tent.

#ben hardy fic #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast fic

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chrisevansszn · 4 years ago

Text

Valleys and Mountains Pt. 3 🏔

1.7 word count

18 and older ONLY ‼

You and Jason made out for a few minutes and then you climbed on top of him in the driver seat. You begin gyrating on this dick and you felt it grow. Is that what you want to do? If you do this….you aren’t any better than Chris.

Jason took out a condom and held it up. He gave you “are you sure?” look. You took the condom out of his hands and opened it. Jason sat up and slid his pants down, and then you took your pants off. You put the condom on Jason and sat down on his dick nice and slow.

There is no going back now!

Jason fucked you so good! It’s been weeks since you and Chris have had sex. It started with you riding Jason I the front seat but then you both got into the back seat. Jason kissed you all over your body and did everything to you. It didn’t last too long it was over within 30 minutes. You didn’t stay to chat either. You have Jason a kiss and got back into your car and drove off. The entire car ride home you couldn’t believe what just happened. You NEVER thought about cheating on Chris…ever. Until you know what. You pulled into the driveway and got out, walked into the house, and went straight upstairs for the shower. Chris was sitting in the dining room on his laptop. You ran the shower and jumped in letting the hot water cascade down your body, for some odd reason you are beginning to feel guilty. Tears begin to stream down your face. Get it together! You finished your shower and got yourself together emotionally.

You grabbed your phone and went to go lay in bed. Jason texted you the usual, but all of sudden you begin to have thoughts of Chris and his mistress having sex. These thoughts are just now hitting you. What was he saying to her while they were having sex? How many times did they have sex? Did he tell her he loved her?

Then a knock at the door. You had to once again gather yourself together.

“Come in.”

Chris opens the door softly, and peeked his head in.

“I just wanted to say goodnight.” He stepped in the doorway.

“Oh, goodnight.” He was fresh out of the shower, no shirt, gray joggers, and his hair was messy. Chris is literally a walking Picasso with all of his tattoos.

“Y/N, I was thinking about what you asked for earlier. It just caught me by surprise. If you want to speak or even meet up with her. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

You took a deep breath.

“Chris, I am not mentally prepared to do anything like that. I wouldn’t be able to contain myself emotionally. I would probably kill the bitch."

Chris went silent.

“You know….I haven’t asked why yet.”

“Huh?”

“You heard me.”

You could see the regret in his eyes. You aren’t sure if it’s because he was cheating or if it is because he got caught.

“Why did you cheat on me? We have sex at least four times a week. We take vacations. I cook. I clean. I love sports. I’m a total package. So…why did you cheat on me?”

“She made me feel young again….the thrill?”

“She made you feel young?? A thrill??”. You chuckled.

“Baby please. I know I fucked up and bad. I know this. I cannot live without. I’m being honest and upfront, and I want to make it right again.”

Chris has made his way into the room and about two feet from you. His ocean blue eyes seemed darker than normal.

“Chris. I am going to bed. Goodnight.”

You pulled your covers up and rolled over on your side. Chris walked up to you and put his hand on your arm.

You pull away.

“No sir. Goodnight Chris.”

He stepped back and made his way out of the room. You grabbed your phone and texted Jason goodnight.

You and Chris continued to sleep in separate rooms for the next month. Little conversation was made from time to time. You and Chris haven’t had sex since you found about his little whore, but you have been sneaking and seeing Jason. You finally told Jason you were married but was in a bad place. He seemed to not care one bit. You and Jason would meet a couple times a week for sex. Random places, hotels, and such. He never invited you to his home though.

You came home from work one evening and Chris was sitting at the kitchen table replying to some work emails. He smiled at you when you walked in. You smiled back. You were beginning to let down your guard a little with Chris.

“Y/N. Let’s go to dinner. Can I take you out?”

You hesitated. Can't seem too thirsty.

“Sure. Let’s go to dinner.”

Chris jumped up from the table with a huge smile on his face. He opened the front door.

“After you baby.”

It’s been a while since you’ve heard Chris say baby. You’re not going to lie; it gave you butterflies.

He opened the car door for you, and you got in. He jumped into the driver’s seat and started his truck.

“Where do you want to go?”, he said.

“Surprise me.”

“Deal.”

Chris backed out of the drive and headed down the street. The car ride was a little quiet, but you could see Chis smiling at you out of the corner of your eye.

“What is it?”, you asked lightly.

“I’m so happy you said yes to dinner.” He smiled at you.

Chris pulled up to the high-end restaurant Sorellina.

“Oh…is this what you’re doing?”, you asked.

“For you, absolutely.”

He pulled up to valet and jumped out the car to open the door for you again. He grabbed your hand and lead the way. Holding hands with Chris didn’t feel right for some reason, but you let it slide.

The waiter sat you both at a booth in a corner by yourselves. Chris sat across from you.

“You look so beautiful.”

You blushed. “Thank you.”

“Tell me about your day.”

You and Chris caught up on a lot. Remember you both have been distant for some time. You both ordered alcoholic drinks, appetizers, and dinner. You laughed with each other and got absolutely tipsy. Dinner lasted about two hours. Chris paid, and you packed up all of the left-over food and headed back home. Jason had been texting you, but you haven’t had time to reply.

Y’all finally arrived home and went inside. You headed straight for the primary room. Chris came in a few minutes later.

“I need to grab some clothes really quick.” He headed towards his walk-in closet. You sat on the bed taking off your heels. You stood up and walked behind him into his closet. He turned around and glared at you.

“Are you ok?”

You walked straight into Chris’ arms and kissed him life you’ve never had before. You don’t know if it’s the alcohol or if you wanted that thick dick?!

He kissed you back so passionately, from you lips, to your ears, and down to your neck. His hands are palming and squeezing your ass. Your pussy is throbbing! You reach down for Chris’ dick and it’s at full attention. He is ready for you!

Chris picks you up and carries you to the bed. He climbs on top and continues to kiss you. You lift up a little and take your shirt off. Chris unsnapped your bra with one hand. Your big juicy breast fall out your bra and Chris grab on with one hand and takes the other in his mouth. You let out a moan.

Chris continues work his way down gently kissing every inch of your body. You sit up for a quick second and pulled his sweater over his head. His gold chain falls onto his chest. The way that chain makes your kitty purrrrr! You lift your hips up so he can slide off your pants and panties. He drives into your walls and eat you like Thanksgiving dinner. His tongue CANNOT be touched! He was so close to make you orgasm when sat up and took off his pants and underwear and penetrated you.

You back arched up into his body.

“That’s right mama. Take all this dick.”

It’s been too long! Chris stroked you up, down, and all around! He sat up on his knee and you took all of his dick into your mouth. He stroked in and out of your mouth while holding the back of your head. His dick repeatedly hitting the back of your throat causing tears to stream down your face. He finally turned you over on your stomach and finished fucking the shit out of you. That man was puss hungry!

Chris ejaculated inside of you and held you close while kissing your back.

You missed his dick so much. You rolled over and looked Chris in his eyes and gave him another kiss. Does this mean everything is ok? Helll no!!

“I’m going to jump in the shower.”, you tell Chris.

“Ohhhh. I will be right there!”

You made your way into the shower. 10 minutes later Chris still hadn’t come into the shower. You didn’t think much of it. You finish showering, dry off, and throw on your robe. You walk out of the bathroom and Chris is standing there and he is not happy.

“What’s wrong?”

“Who the fuck is Jason and why is he calling your phone back-to-back to back at this hour?”

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

@whxre4cevans

@supernatural-fan151

@fallenoutofrose

@itscrazycherryblossomcollection

@coldmuffinpartycloud

@art-estrange

@coffeebooksandfandom

@arabescapr

@posiemax

@tantricevans

@coldmuffinpartycloud

Hope this chapter is good!! 💛

#chris evans #chris jamal evans #cevans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #marvel

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oddaodd · 4 years ago

Text

Her Eyes

· Tommy Shelby arranged marriage imagine ·

warnings : arranged marriage.

(Heapings of fluff and a pinch of angst if you squint)

Y/n never imagined her family would have the nerve to marry her off as part of a deal between the one Thomas Shelby and her father, who had insisted that he couldn’t properly trust the Shelbys if they weren’t united as a family, but there she was, standing outside the church ready to meet the man she would spend the rest of her life with. Her father was a powerful man with many important connections and despite Thomas’s desire to never marry again after grace, he found himself having to accept to the deal. When he fist saw her, scarcely some hours before their wedding, he was intrigued by her beauty and kind eyes, but he put on a nonchalant facade as he introduced himself to the woman whom he would have to live till death do them part.

“Thomas Shelby” he outstretched his hand.

She stared at him for a bit “y/n” was all she managed to say as his rough hand wrapped around her soft one with a firm shake. There was something about him, almost like dream she couldn’t quite place. He was a very alluring, almost hypnotic man and she felt oddly drawn to him just a few seconds after first laying eyes on him.

“Lets get this over with, shall we?” He monotonously said, breaking her out of her reverie before stepping into the church.

The first few months were really hard because Thomas refused to let her get close to him, both emotionally and physically, Grace’s memory still freshly lingering around him. Y/n however was determined to turn their marriage into something more than just a business deal. She would play with Charlie, she would bring Tommy tea whenever he was at home, and she always tried to get him to smile which wasn’t easy, but after a lot of persistence, slowly but surely Tommy let her in. Truth was, despite the circumstances he was somehow glad he met her. Thomas never thought he would find a match to his wit but there she was. They could spend hours and hours just talking as time unsuspectedly passed by. She was an unusual person to say the least, smart, kind, caring, prim and proper, sometimes ladylike, sometimes not, and with very expressive eyes. That’s the first thing he noticed about her when he saw her for the very first time, the pool of mixed emotions in her eyes before their wedding, she didn’t look perfectly sad, but she didn’t look perfectly happy either. He found himself enthralled by her eyes and in the end they were what made him relent to her subtle yet kind acts of affection. She found herself quickly falling for him and he too did for her, although he would never admit it to anyone least of all, to himself. Their relationship grew to become something along the lines of a friendship and she always made sure to give him space not knowing quite sure if he reciprocated her feelings or not, he was a difficult man to decipher after all.

One night he came home to find her sitting in the grass out in the garden all by her lonesome just staring at the sky and his stars. As soon as she saw him she invited him to join her. He sat next to her under the quilt, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at the stars when she was sitting next to him. He had had an overly tense day and seeing her there, toying with the grass between her toes and a quilt over her shoulders, just enamored by the night sky made all his worries disappear for a while. . Thomas had learnt a lot just by looking at her, she was brought up to be the perfect high society lady, but when she was alone or with him or Charlie she could really be her own carefree self, knowing they wouldn’t judge her and he felt glad he had become one of the few who could see her like that. She felt his stare and turned round to look at him, she could feel her cheeks going red when their eyes met and in the heat of the moment, she leaned in to kiss him. A tiny pang of insecurity poked at her insides when he didn’t immediately kiss her back, thinking that she might have had misread the look in his eyes, she pulled away, but he stopped her by placing both his hands on either side of her face and looking into her eyes where he could see a strange strain of vulnerability before kissing her. Hesitantly she kissed back and they became so entangled in each other that everything around them became non existent. He made love to her that night with the stars as witnesses and after that, their relationship flowered into something else.

Time passed and they grew closer and closer together. She earned the trust of the rest of the Shelbys and soon enough she felt like a part of the family, even more so than with her own family.

Every year Y/n´s family held an event to “ rejoice with friends and family” as they put it, but y/n knew it was more of a “I´m richer than you” parade to which all of her family’s friends and relatives were invited to. Knowing that her mother would make a fuss if she didn’t attend, she and Tommy found themselves in y/n´s family home one Friday evening, dressed in the heights of fashion, drinking the most expensive champagne money could buy and sitting through her mothers inquiries about their married life. Y/n´s mother was relieved that y/n had married after all, her biggest fear was any of her daughters not living up to the standards according to which she brought them up to be.

“So, Y/n dear, are you with child yet?” Her mother asked in feigned sweet tone.

Y/n choked a bit on her champagne, not expecting her mom to blatantly ask that. Tommy turned to look at her and after taking a drag of his cigarette replied with a serious face“Not yet Mrs. Y/l/n”

“Oh but you are planning to aren’t you?” Her mother insisted.

“Not at the moment mother” y/n chimed in a bit too harshly for both her and her mother’s liking. Tommy grabbed her hand underneath the table with his free hand to reassure her a bit, but it did little to put out y/n´s feelings of discomfort “and anyway, why does it matter to you? You already have plenty of grandchildren from my sisters” she said this time with a politer tone.

“All im saying dear is that you are not getting ny younger and I would certainly not blame Mr. Shelby here” her mother said pointing at Tommy “ if he were to decide the deal he made with your father isn’t worth enough to put up with a woman of your likes” she finished before taking a sip of her glass of champagne and looking over at the couple to asses their reactions.

Y/n opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn’t find the words she needed. Tommy took her silence as an opportunity to get his word in after another long drag of his cigarette “with all due respect Mrs. Y/l/n, I think we are way past the business part of this marriage”

Her mother gave him a forced smile indicating that she didn’t believe a word of it before replying with “of course you are Mr. Shelby”

Tommy smiled at her mother in reciprocity before putting out his cigarette and turning to look at y/n “ Let’s dance, love” he said.

They made their way to the dance floor and swayed to the music “Now I know why you weren’t exited to come” he said looking down at her, trying to lighten her up a little. She barely nodded, too consumed in her own thoughts, her mother’s words ringing In her ears. She would be lying if she were to say it hadn’t occurred to her before, that the distant nagging thought of Tommy only pretending to enjoy her company for the sake of not having another problem to deal with hadn’t kept her up some nights in the past.

“Let’s just go home” she mumbled into his chest.

And so they did and for the next few days Tommy could see that she was a bit distant, sure she always smiled and acted like everything was fine, but no matter how well she acted, Tommy could see right through it, all because of her eyes. She was a proud woman and he knew she would never admit her mother’s words had gotten to her.

One day she was working on some of the flowers she had planted across the property as Tommy approached her. He must have been very silent for when he called her name she gave a little jump.

“God you scared me” she said with a laugh, wiping a bit of sweat of her forehead “Are you in a habit of startling unsuspecting gardening women?” She teased.

“Only on you” he replied looking down at her.

She could see there was something in his mind, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was so she stood up shaking some of the dirt that had collected on her dress before loosely wrapping her arms around him so that she could still see his face and inquired “ What can i do for you dear husband?”

He raised his eyebrows and his mouth curved up ever so slightly. She smiled at him knowing she was the only one who could get him to smile and waited for his response.

“Marry me” he said in all seriousness.

She gave him a coy smile “ But we are already married” she said doubtfully, not knowing what had brought Tommy to request such thing.

“Aye, but i want you to be my wife knowing that I married you for you, because I love you , not as a part of a business deal” he earnestly said before producing a small golden ring with a tiny orange opal from his coat pocket and grabbing her hand (that was covered in dirt) in his “ So, Y/n will you marry me?”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it wasn’t that, it was the fist time Tommy had verbally proclaimed his love for her. Her eyes welled up in tears, a whirlwind of emotions raging inside in full display. Tommy brought one of his hands to her face to wipe away the one tear that did dare to fall. “Of course I´ll marry you Thomas Shelby” she said grabbing his hand in hers and looking at how he, with his other hand effortlessly slipped the ring on her finger before chuckling tearily and crashing her lips on his. They had a small ceremony right there on the garden that same weekend, saying their vows in front of the Shelby family. Unlike their first weeding, everyone seemed happy and even though it wasn’t an “official” wedding, they both knew it was the one that mattered.

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby one shot #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby one shot #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders one shot #tommy shelby fluff #thomas shelby fluff

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b0ba-chan · 4 years ago

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Hiii 🥺 Can I request suna, akaashi and sakusa (separately) proposing, (and then ofc the celebratory sex too)

sososososo cute

s. rintarou

the fact that you were able to cuff suna was a surprise to everyone. its not like he was a player or anything, he just did not seem like one to settle down. bringing it up to his friends that he wanted to propose, it was a big shock and they tell him to go all out. and as much as he wants to, he cant. its just not him. a simple ring and a simple picnic at the park. it may not be too extravagant, but it was where you guys had your first date. just know the inarizaki vbc alumni are there to spy, which he told them not to do, but of course when do they listen? suna almost wimps out, but when he has you in his arms, slow dancing under the sun with slow music playing from his phone, he can’t help to blurt out “marry me” of course you thought of it as a joke, but then it wasn’t as funny when he pulls a ring box out of his pocket. of course you say yes. in the distance you can hear the team screaming, hollering at the two of you.

ok but when yall get home its the sweetest he has every been with you. kissing you all over and giving you cute love confessions that you dont hear everyday. he wasnt very vocal with his feelings, but in this moment he has you withering under him, moaning out that you love him so much and he can’t help but to stare at the ring on your finger

a. keiji

this man right here. imma switch the time skip up a bit, but instead of going into manga, he became an author that he dreamt of being. you had been there since day one of his career and he was so grateful for you and your support. you helped edit his work and try to find publishers who will take him. he was able to become this successful writer he was today because of you. but there was one work of his that you never read, one that he’s been working on ever since he met you. the two characters he created followed your relationship and after years, he knows you’re the one. when the book released, you didn’t even know it was an existing work of his. and every time you read his books over, he’s always with you. this book was different because right off the bat you knew it was about the two of you and as you continue you can’t help but to read the book in one sitting with him sitting next to you. at the end, the main male lead is on his knees and the last words of the book says “will you marry me?” tears start to form in your eyes, shakily putting the book down to see akaashi kneeling in front of you holding a ring box. “so will you marry me?”

you two couldn’t even make it to the bedroom, being tangled up on the floor in the living you. you’re on top of him and grinding down eagerly. and the anxiety has eased from akaashis system and how its all adrenaline and to feel you as if its the last time he ever will. but he knows for a fact that it will not be the last time and you two will be together forever.

s. kyoomi

yall got into a fight before he proposed and it was honestly his fault, but on accident. it kind of hit him hard when he realized that he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. and oh god was he terrified. he thought it was bad when he found out he was in love with you. but he did what any sane person was to do and called komori. komori, of course being the good cousin he is, helped pick out a ring. when he bought it and held the box in his hand, he thought, oh this shouldn’t be as bad as he thought it was. but as the days go on he gets more stressed because he starts to over think. and when he over thinks, he grows distant. of course this is alarming to you so when you had enough, you ask him whats wrong. of course he says nothing but you try to urge him. because sometimes he just needs space but this time he needed a nudge. thats when he raises his voice a little and you being defensive you fight for your own grown. but when it gets too much, you walk out of the living room. frustrated, sakusa just says fuck it and says “dammit i just want to marry you!” pulling the box out of his pocket and slams it on the closest table. of course you’re shocked your angry tears turning to happy. “w-what? really?” when he nods, you can’t help but to jump into his arms and sob

he holds you so close, through the years he got used to you and your germs and loved the company you brought him. the warmth that he felt physically and emotionally made him feel safe and at home. being physically close to you took some time but when he got there, thats how he showed his love. tears were being poured from both parties as you two invaded each others privacy. lips melding together and love confessions being given and received between moans. he knows he’s cold most times but you know exactly how to make him melt.

#this took forever but i feel fluffy #suna #suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna rintarou x reader #akaashi #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #sakusa #sakusa x reader #sakusa kyoomi x reader #sakusa kyoomi #boba!post #boba!answers #bob!drab

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ohbae-me · 4 years ago

Note

okay so, im about to go ham because i truly stand strong in my shoujo fantasy.

In my opinion, im pretty sure (like 89%) lucifer tells us that whenever mammon breaks off a relationship with someone, they go broke completely after. so hes had previous relationships before, as for the rest of the boys, im pretty sure lucifer has, but nothing serious, he wont let anyone in, MC is literally the only person who has pushed past his walls and seen him for more than pride. satan, 100% he has never had a relationship, levi, has had a couple of fwbs and other relationships but they always fizzle out, never lasting. asmo has never had a serious relationship, always just flings. belphie never had a serious relationship and same with beel. i truly believe MC is their first true loves, i know what youre thinking "theyve been alive for so long, theres no way someone couldnt have been special to them" but the thing is, theyre so different with MC; their entire dynamic and relationships changed with MC, MC saw them for more than their sin and got to know them to their very core, while yes the other relationships never lasted, thats not to say the boys didnt love them; but just not in the way they love MC. i believe MC to be a true love, not just a love, the difference for me is all of the boys would gladly give up chasing MC once she finds herself happy with another brother, instead of forcing them to choose yk? the "as long as youre happy, it kills me everytime i look at you smile at him, but i love you too much to let you be miserable with me" and i dont think any of them have experienced. also, with the whole "new relationship" thing, the honey moon phase, while yes every couple has it, i feel like with MC it would just, last. not to say they wouldnt have fights; ofc they would, but its different with MC, everyday the brothers would wake up and chose the option to love and fall in love all over again, speaking further on that, i dont think any of them would truly get over MC. and i mean that; (i dont think MC is going to die, obey me devs have something planned LOL, plus theyre super powerful, like the other anon said i dont think theyd be able to really function without them, even if they do "get over" mcs death at some point.) after MC dies i feel like the family dynamic wouldnt be the same, the brothers would get quieter and would never truly forget about it? and every relationship would fail because theyre not MC (you dont have to agree but i love reverse harems), like i 100% hc that after MC chooses another brother or after they die, mammon would try and try to find new flings, even after its been decades mammon finds someone whos super similar to MC, their look, personality, etc, but one wrong move and theyre out. (say MC doesnt like pickles, but the replacement for MC does, he would immediately start crying and call mc a stupid human who he shouldnt have fallen for.) anyways in conclusion, i truly dont think MC would ever die canonically in the obey me game, the devs are sneaky (love you devs), but even if they would, i really feel like they would never get truly over it. some part of me truly believes that the brothers would go back to being distant, how they were before. they would sit at the table and eat in silence, asmo would begin partying ten times harder (since we already know he uses his ego to cover up his major insecurity of people not liking him and how he feels about himself) and the brothers would become even more indugled in their sin. also, for every relationship they would have, they would just compare them to MC, and yeah but I cannot see MC dying. the other stuff about what the brothers would be like after MC dies could also be applied to when MC chooses her s/o. i think the brothers would be super fucking hurt, that was their first love, their first understanding who walked out and chose someone who wasnt them. anyways thats all, you dont have to reply i just felt like i needed to get this off of my chest, also im gonna be pretty frequent on your blog ( i love ur writing ) so im gonna call myself cake anon! have a great day! - cake anon

Hello Cake! iluuu! Thanks for this, i really love getting every ones take on these things! And there is defs a lot that i agree with here.

I agree with the Mammon part. Out of all of the brothers, i feel he is probably the easiest to get emotionally attached in a relationship, so i see him as the one with the most previous relationships. Asmo coming in second, but his being mostly flings or poly/open relationships. I’m sure Mammon has had some serious ones as well as many flings, where Asmo’s have never been overly serious and certainly never long lasting. I’m also sure Luci has had a few, some more serious than others, but he wouldn’t get overly attached emotionally. I’m sure he’d be too busy with Diavolo since arriving, being the workaholic he is. I’m sure not many partners would be willing to deal with that level of non-commitment and emotional unavailability from him.Levi I feel like all his relationships never left that awkward early stage, and his only ‘serious’ relationships would have been strictly online, maybe a couple meetups that made him nope right out of it. Satan, again, has probably just gone on some casual dates but didn’t have much interest in actually dating rather than gaining connections. i feel like Beel is the most likely candidate to have had healthy previous relationships. He is pretty well balanced emotionally and has a good outlook on love and family values. I’m sure he’s had a few serious relationships and has dated his share of people. Belphie gives me vibes of had one or two previous serious relationships that did not end well at all and now he’s a salty sob over it lmao.

I still don’t feel like MC is necessarily their first true love, but maybe the first different kind of love for them. MC has reached them in ways no one else has, they don’t try to change anything, they fit in well with the whole family, they understand their sins etc. I have loved a few different people in my life, and each one was such a different experience for me. The first guy i loved, i consider to be my first true love. However, it didn’t work. And then i met the man I eventually married, he wasn’t my first true love, but it was a better kind of love, yk?

And uugghh you ripped my heart out with how the brothers would feel if MC chose a different brother!!!! Because they all would be so heartbroken it’s not them, but they really truly just want mc to be happy and cared for, and they know their brother would keep them safe and provide well.

A few asks ago, i mentioned that the brothers would move on eventually. I think there is a big difference in moving on and getting over that I maybe didn’t articulate very well. If MC were to die or choose someone else, they would move on eventually, but they might not ever really get over it. My heart hurts just thinking about how they would feel trying to move on. Like you mentioned, the empty, quiet dinner tables, lackluster parties and festivals, it would be like they lost their best friend. (i giggled picturing your mammon scenario with the pickle because that’s exactly how he’d react to something so small lmaooo)

I also agree that i don’t think the devs will kill mc off (again), that just seems like a really crappy way to end the game!! I’m curious to see how they would make different routes go if you can only romance one of them end game, vs you being able to have them all? I wonder if we’d get a choice in the whole becoming immortal thing or not?

Sorry if this reply was too long and rambly, i absolutely love discussing these kinds of things!! I always welcome these asks!!!

#obey me #obey me asks #sheptalks #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

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thetorchwoodarchive · 4 years ago

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Found family event masterpost

Thank you for all your submissions! Below the cut is the list of Torchwood fic recs focused on found family, as submitted by you, our followers!

we built a family (home) by myre ( JackIanto | Complete | 17844 | M )

When Jack gets back, things are different—he’s different—and he’s not sure where he fits anymore, but he should’ve known that there was a place reserved just for him.

Ianto Jones' thoughts on Life, Death, and Summer Squashes by Arnica ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 17762 | T )

The first thing he remembers afterward (and the rest of his life will always before and after Thames House now) is waking up to the sound of hospital machinery droning away, Gwen's head heavy on his legs as she drools on him with Rhys snoring away in the chair next to her, his hand spread wide across her back, head tipped back as he sleeps. Then there's Jack, sitting sideways in the window with his gun drawn and resting in his lap as he does something with the wrist straps in his hands.

Two of Us Are Hung From the Same Twisted Rope by ShastaFirecracker ( JackIanto, ToshOwen | Complete | 15799 | T )

An accident with some sort of brain-scanning alien device leaves Owen and Ianto sharing Ianto's body. Hijinks and nightmares ensue.

Does Africa Know a Song of Me? by etmuse ( JackIanto, MarthaTom, GwenRhys | Complete | 17618 | T )

Jack gets a call from UNIT. They need his help in Namibia. And when they arrive, Jack and Ianto (because Jack wouldn't leave him behind) discover the only communication they have with the team is letters.

Torchwood One Archive by james ( JackIanto | Complete | 11346 | M )

AU after season one. Jack has returned to Torchwood and to Ianto. Ianto is determined to make the best of it but he knows it won't last forever. Their time together threatens to get even shorter when the Doctor shows up unexpectedly.

In Bits and Pieces by reiley ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 83306 | M )

Sort of a fill-in-the-blanks story throughout the entire series: How they pull the pieces together after the world shatters, focusing mainly on Jack and Ianto, but all the others are there, too. Takes place between 'Exit Wounds' and 'The Stolen Earth', goes through all of series 1 and 2, and far back into the past.

Lost and Found by Kaneko ( JackIanto | Complete | 3642 | E )

Straddled over the rift, the Hub was a place where things were lost and found. Strange objects washed in like driftwood. Things went missing. There was never any sign of where they'd gone.

Personnel Issues by PinkFairy727 ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 41434 | T )

The Torchwood Three email newsletter: an excuse to gossip, bitch, plan dates, fight, and discuss squirrel rats. Co-authored with sparking_off.

Warnings: canon character death and swearing.

Just this once by Beleriandings ( JackIanto, ToshOwen, GwenRhys, LoisEsther | Complete | 239639 | T )

(Everybody lives.) (Or: when a certain Doctor arrives to save Owen Harper from a stricken nuclear power station, it begins a chain of events that will lead Torchwood Three down a very different path. From time locks and telepathy to tea and coffee, high-speed chases to unresolved sibling issues, their new lives (and new and old loves) may be different, but their bonds of friendship and family grow stronger every day. But when every child on earth starts speaking with one voice, the team are torn apart again as they’re forced to fight for their lives, and to confront monsters they’d thought they’d left behind in the past. But with all of them working together – along with some allies they’ve made along the way – Torchwood Three will stop at nothing to save their friends and set the world to rights. The consequences will ripple out across the universe and into the distant future. But they have to start somewhere, and the present is as good a place as any.)

Club Wales by pocky_slash ( Gwen&Ianto, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 19898 | T )

In the wake of Jack's disappearance, Gwen finds comfort in a new friendship with Ianto. Gossip, bonding, and other hijinks of understanding ensue.

Hell or High Water by aliciajazmin ( GwenJohnTosh | Complete | 3102 | T )

Toshiko, Gwen, and John have been married for a year now, beginning a life of adventure and crime (but only against those who deserve it). A mission going wrong results in the discovery of an orphan.

The three of them and the orphan must then decide what they want for their future.

A E I O Moo, I love Y O U by aliciajazmin ( GwenJackIantoRhys, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 627 | G )

Jack finds a new song to introduce to Anwen.

AKA Roses are red, violets are blue, Jack likes to sing: A E I O Moo.

Never Has He Ever by Jackdaw816 (JohnAndy | Complete | 1666 | T )

Hub lockdowns are great for juvenile drinking games and revelations of the self

Coping by innocent-until-proven-geeky (JackIanto, Gwen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack | Complete | 910 | G )

After the events of Exit Wounds, Jack, Ianto, and Gwen are exhausted.

Hug by innocent-until-proven-geeky ( Gwen&Ianto | Complete | 401 | G )

Not-wanting-to-let-go hugs.

March 31st in the Torchwood Family Household by innocent-until-proven-geeky ( JackIanto, GwenRhys, GwenJackIantoRhys | Complete | 117 | G )

Happy Trans Day of Visibility! Please enjoy this little ficlet of trans Torchwood polycule. In my headcanon, Ianto is a binary trans man using he/him pronouns, Jack is genderfluid using he/him pronouns, and Gwen is nonbinary using they/them pronouns with Torchwood and she/her pronouns in public.

Here For You (a friend's night out) by BookWerm ( Ianto&Tosh | Complete | 354 | T )

An answer to the prompt : “I’m their best friend” with Ianto and Gwen or Ianto and Tosh

The Lonely Cheryth by BookWerm ( Alice&Jack, Steven&Jack, Others | Complete | 6581 | G )

Steven's Uncle Jack is a mystery. One that he's determined to solve.

A fic through quite a bit of Steven's life (yes, he lives through Children of earth) that was quite a bit of fun

A Moment (An Eternity) by Clare_Hope ( JackIanto, ToshOwen, GwenRhys | WIP | 10923 | T )

Owen slid underneath the closing door just in time to escape the room about to be flooded with radioactive coolant. Tosh didn't die of her wounds because with Owen there, she got medical attention before it was too late. The entire Torchwood team made it through that terrible day. Everything should be alright now. But Jack is really, really not alright.

Below 20° Celsius by Clare_Hope ( JackIanto, Team | Complete | 5182 | T )

20° Celsius is generally considered to be the lowest a human's body temperature can be before dying. This is bad news for Jack, who is a bit colder than that when he's pulled out of Cardiff Bay after drowning continually for a couple hours. The good news is that he doesn't have to deal with it alone.

Work Friends by Clare_Hope (Ianto&Tosh | WIP | 3431 | T )

After everything that happened with Mary, Ianto is the only one who doesn't seem uncomfortable around Toshiko. She can't read his mind anymore, but pretty sure she knows what he's thinking: We've both seen someone we thought loved us killed by Jack. I understand. I might be the only one who understands.

Of Motion in Perpetuity by Beleriandings ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 106708 | M )

When Gwen, Jack and Ianto investigate a cold case from end of the nineteenth century, they find themselves pulled back in time against their will, fighting to protect each other and to get home.

Conditional Iteration by Beleriandings ( Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto, GwenRhys | WIP | 35431 | T )

Gwen can only watch, helpless and raging and grieving, as Jack and Ianto die in Thames House. The next moment though, she finds herself pulled out of time, back to the moment it all started to go wrong. Maybe second chances aren't in quite such short supply as she thought.

Coffee Break by firesnap ( Gwen&Ianto | Complete | 2069 | G )

Gwen and Ianto steal a few minutes to chat and make plans.

Another Rainy Day by SerenityJane ( Team | Complete | 3088 | T )

Tosh darted the occasional look at the closed door, curiousity warring with courtesy. So was Gwen, but she looked more like someone was dangling sweets in front of her nose and telling her she couldn’t have them. No prize for guessing who the candy was. Owen was watching the girls, and desperately trying not to think of pink elephants.

The Right Kind of Doctor by joonscribble ( Owen&Team | Complete | 2008 | R )

Three times Owen Harper was good at his job. Set between season 1 and 2.

Stargazing and Truth-Telling by earlybloomingparentheses ( JackIanto | Complete | 4632 | T )

A month after the events of "Exit Wounds," Jack Harkness heads off to an unknown galaxy on a mission for UNIT, and Ianto and Gwen are left behind to stare up at the stars and wonder when he's coming back. As a small act of rebellion against Jack's perpetual mysteriousness, they decide to play a game: they have to answer each other's questions with absolute honesty. There's a lot Ianto needs to get off his chest, his feelings about Jack Harkness not least, but the truth is tricky--it's never safe, and it's certainly never easy.

ghosts in my head by Sholio ( Team | Complete | 2637 | T )

Owen doesn't sleep, but he does dream. And the dreams he gets are mostly nightmares, because of course they are.

Facing Light in the Flow by engagemythrusters ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 3821 | T )

A slice of a life nobody had dreamt they would ever have.

The Door Wide Open by sherlockpond ( GwenRhys, JackIanto, ToshOwen | Complete | 5333 | G )

Torchwood incurs a tough life on its field operatives. They deserve times where they feel like they need to be vulnerable in front of each other. [6 times the team were emotionally honest with one another - set during various points of S1 and S2]

Flatpacked by Beleriandings ( Ianto&Rhys, JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 6946 | G )

Rhys has a day off, and decides to spend it peacefully looking at homeware in Ikea. He's not expecting to bump into one of his wife's coworkers there; much less, a shapeshifting alien that likes to eat batteries. But then again, that's Torchwood for you.

On saving the world, and what happens after by Beleriandings ( Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto | Complete | 2447 | G )

After the events of Journey's End, Gwen and Ianto wait for Jack to come home.

Domestic Disharmony by thirteeninafez ( Gwen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 3163 | G )

In which Jack and Gwen get stuck in the Archives and discuss green milk, thermostats and Ianto Jones.

After the events of Journey's End, Gwen and Ianto wait for Jack to come home.

Pastries, Avoidance Tactics, and a Bottle of Scotch by pocky_slash ( Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 6220 | G )

In which Gwen said something she regrets, Ianto makes a poor dinner choice, Rhys offers sound advice, and Jack has a key. A different sort of "Meat" post-ep.

Respite by Beleriandings ( Gwen&Ianto, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 2591 | G )

Even by their usual standards, Gwen thought it was absolutely fair to say it had been a rough week.

Blood on Steel by Sholio (Owen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack&Owen&Tosh&Ianto | Complete | 12257 | T)

An alien booby trap turns the Hub into a deathtrap. Lucky thing it doesn't react to someone with no vital signs. Now Owen is their only hope. More specifically, he's Ianto's only hope.

The Cartography of Feeling by Sholio (Owen&Ianto | Complete | 20846 | T)

"We're sodding gladiators," Owen said. "Fuck this entire day and Jack Harkness too."

(Or: Owen and Ianto are abducted by aliens and forced to arena-fight. But the worst part might be the control device that connects them in an emotion and pain-sharing bond.)

Haul Out the Holly by Flamingbluepanda (JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 1069 | G)

Sometimes you need a little magic in your christmas

with a lil’ help from my friends by Flamingbluepanda (JackIanto, GwenRhys, OwenTosh | complete | 1307 | G)

Everyone needs a Hug sometimes, Torchwood Included

(Or, five times Jack thought about hugs and the one time he thought of nothing at all)

I’ll think of you each time I watch from distant skies by Violetmessages (JackIanto, GwenRhys, Jack&Team | complete | 3749 | T)

In which Tosh makes a discovery and the team comes together to show Jack how much they love him.

Halfway Back by Sholio (Gwen&Jack&Owen&Ianto&Tosh | complete | 13953 | T)

Team Torchwood run a sanctuary for magical creatures, and this time they've got a basilisk on their hands.

Team Means Pack by Sholio (Gwen&Jack&Owen&Ianto&Tosh | complete | 2615 | G)

Post-Countrycide in a universe with werewolves.

Stormwrack by Sholio (Gen | complete | 2111 | T)

The last time Owen was in the Brecon Beacons, Welsh cannibals tried to eat him. This time, it was pouring buckets on him, and he was dead. At least the latter might help with the cannibal problem, although given his luck, probably not. They might just consider him well-aged, like a side of bacon.

Sky’s the Limit by Blackkat (JackIanto, SuzieTosh, Ianto&Suzie | series | 6,694 | T)

Ianto and Suzie meet as strangers on a rooftop, and bond over aborted suicide attempts, failed plans, bastard fathers, and the fact that they're batting for both teams. Friendship is a beautiful thing.

Forever and What Comes After by violetmessages (JackIanto, GwenRhys | complete | 10028 | T)

“Hm, imagine if they did,” Ianto said. “Torchwood would have to come out of retirement.”

In which Gwen and Ianto relax at a spa, Jack and Rhys attempt bad science, and Anwen is just along for the ride.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time by paycheckgurl (JackIanto, GwenRhys | complete | 3351 | T)

This wasn’t exactly how they planned their Christmas going, but they were going to make the best of it.

Remnants of a Forgotten Past by paycheckgurl (Gwen Cooper & Jack Harkness & Owen Harper & Ianto Jones & Toshiko Sato | complete | 7523 | T)

Torchwood's latest case hits close to home for Tosh when it seems to center on Lodmoor Research Facility's Newest project...of a destructive off world variety.

Written for Torchwood MiniBang

Midlife Crisis by Princessoftheworlds (JackIanto | complete | 371 | T)

"You do realize," begins Owen one day during their usual lunch meeting, chopsticks dangling from his hand, "that technically, Javic is your mid-life crisis?"

Found you made us a star by Princessoftheworlds (JackIanto, OwenTosh, GwenRhys | complete | 6477 | T)

Millennia after having lost their team, Jack and Ianto set about reuniting with old friends and crafting a Torchwood for a new future.

#follower recs #genre:team fic #chartropes:team as family #event:found family fest

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