when i was 17 and in the eating disorder trenches i saw people online talking abt how the fat liberation movement & unlearning fatphobia helped them recover and i did NOT like hearing that i was SO mad about it i was like well having an eating disorder doesnt mean im fatphobic!!! This is ableist etc etc. And then i learned abt the fat liberation movement and started unlearning fatphobia and guess what . it does help
Babe, it's not real. That's not real hunger, you know. You're just craving another blood sugar spike. Why give in to that? Just ride it out and you'll see how perfect your body is without you feeding it junk.
I was watch Supersize vs Super skinny and they mentioned a thing called overeaters anonymous (which is fine I’m not shaming anyone who’s a part of that), but it got me thinking.
It's crazy to me how there's alcoholics anonymous, overeaters anonymous, and they are great support systems for people. As far as I know, no one has an issue with those groups. Yet you put the restrictive eds in one space (like Tumblr or Twitter) and suddenly we are "enabling" each other to get worse.
I'm writing a bigger post about my experience with the new PT yesterday (my head's still full of fog), but aside from being a generally positive experience where my pain was kept to a minimum and she let me guide the intensity of the session, it was also a relief to finally be around someone who understood EDS and wasn't afraid to explicitly roll her eyes at the gatekeeping that goes on with diagnosing people.
We talked briefly about how POTS isn't officially in my health partners file because I "don't meet the criteria" (diagnosis requires a change in the heartbeat of over 30bpm. Mine presented as 29 the one time they tested me while I wasn't in a flare. lol, lmao even.)
But specifically, we were talking about how I don't always present as typically EDS either because I've grown increasingly stiff in parts of my body, and without missing a beat, she said, "Of course you are; pain stiffens the body. It's an inflammatory response."
Like it was the most obvious thing to her and not something I'd need to hedge my way around explaining lest I become An Annoying Patient.
She then went on to detail how a lot of patients referred to her by rheumatology for fibromyalgia are actually hypermobile and are likely good candidates for hEDS screening, but because they're "stiff," they're being missed. But it's not like you, a lowly PT, know better than a rheumatologist (who shouldn't really be diagnosing EDS because it's not a rheumatic disorder), so the patient goes on not getting the full extent of the help they need.
And I remember how it was taking everything in me at that moment to just not to just cry with relief because oh my god. You. You get it.
i’m not even hungry, i’m just cold so cold cold cold
my abs were visible 3lbs less and i stopped tracking bc i stopped eating but then i started eating again so this is great i spent a whole month being depressed and just ate my way through it instead of sleeping and starving fuck this
I just wanna be skinny. I want bones and bones and bones and bones and bones and bones, I always loved the bones. I wanna be weightless, shapeless, invisible, like a ghost. Flat tummy, ribs, hip bones, bruised knees, fingers like wires, collar bone shelves. Please, Ana, please, give it to me NOW