#eating disorder trigger warning

[malaierba]

Thoughts on Toshiro’s eating behavior, restrictive ed/disordered eating habits, and ARFID (obvious warnings apply).

Been thinking about how Toshiro’s eating is described in the manga. Especially when you consider the context within which he snaps — which is jokingly referred to as “he has hangry”. Interestingly enough, emotional deregulation IS a common symptom of EDs. That, alongside all the symptoms that Ryoko Koi chooses to illustrate in him… it’s done too accurately for it to be dismissed as him simply choosing not to eat and starve, as if it were that easy.

Basically, I think Toshiro’s inability to eat is ARFID-coded, and that’s symbolism in itself. I also think food is one of the few areas in his life where he exerts control effectively.

Assuming that he was under the influence of the dungeon (not necessary for this analysis to work tbh), his behavior is a quite accurate depiction of how desire works for people who are chronic ascetics in general, and ED'd in particular:

According to Maizuru, he’s a person who's denied themselves all their life (“saving Falyn was his first selfish request“),

Who seems to only experience a sort of self-agency when it's linked to deprivation (not really eating food from anyone who wasn’t Maizuru as a child, turning down her food as an adult even though he’s otherwise easy to pull around),

Who's actively reaching towards something for the first time in their lives (so he doesn’t know how to work towards it without burning himself out).

A common trigger (perhaps the main one) in EDs is the desire for control. The logic often goes, what's easier to control than what you eat? what do you own more fully than your body? It tracks in Toshiro’s case: when he is picky that's one thing he can fully control, no one could force him to eat not when he was a child nor as an adult. Toshiro's “whims” are most indulged when he restricts or rejects food, rather than when he reaches for it.

The reason why I’m getting ARFID vibes from him is Maizuru’s wording. On the screenshot I shared, she said “he never ate much, but he ate plenty of what I made”, making it sound like he’d try stuff made by other people, but in the end, Maizuru was the only one who could tailor it to his tastes the best (and made it with love). Rather than fighting him or forcing him, he worked with him, which is the best course of action for parents with kids who are being picky eaters.

There’s also the wording used by Maizuru: I think he's ARFID and perhaps ortho coded, or some other restrictive ED. Here we have to note that EDs aren't exclusively or even always about weight, weight is often a secondary effect of the behaviors that are motivated by the ED. In layman terms, they're eating disorders not weight disorders.

With the established, I do see a narrative relevance to giving Toshiro this type of relationship with food:

It sets him in obvious opposition to Laios: You need to eat and take care of yourself to succeed, neglecting yourself equals not taking your goals seriously vs. I’ll sacrifice everything recklessly, myself included, in the pursuit of my goals.

Tangentially related but lol, can’t help but think of Laios getting SO mad when Toshiro’s reaction to his plan (admittedly thought of on the spot) to get back Falyn is “you aren’t even EATING” which, SO fair, you can strategize and make detailed long term plans all you want, but as they say the secret to your future lies within your daily habits.

It makes him a mirror of Falyn, her passiveness reflecting Toshiro’s own. Falyn explicitly says at the end of her adventure, while she’s turning down Toshiro’s marriage proposal, “I’ve always wanted to travel; I’ve always just done what my bother and Marcille want, I want to try doing what I want now”, which is reminiscent of Maizuru saying “He was always such a well-behaved, reasonable boy, so much so that it worried me sometimes. The only time he ever made a personal request was for this task” <- person disconnected from their desires. (More on this idea here, I love it as a narrative choice).

And then (here’s where I get suppositional). It could be an extrapolation of the way his upbringing has permeated so deep within himself that he overtly controls what he eats even under normal circumstances. This extreme exertion of self-control, this constant self-monitoring, would be unsurprising in the guy who’s a little too good at following social scripts and masking (fun fact, did you know that ARFID is often co-morbid with autism?).

I often think of him in this scene, where he seems to be telling Senshi that he’s had enough / he doesn’t want something (featuring the other Weird With Food character, my beloved Kabru, maybe trying to help him? or maybe hassling him too lol):

Looks like some habits are hard to break. But, Laios does get through to him when he kicks his ass, and Falyn seems to have reached him too with his words, so perhaps there’s hope.

Look at him forcing himself to eat a burger while holding so much distaste in his heart. Did he and Laios order for each other? At least Laios seems to like his meal.

[gingerjolover]

Hey your phoebe ed fic was incredibly Comforting dude. No pressure but it’d be amazing if you could write similar for jb <3 regardless so much love. im very lucky and grateful to be in recovery but sometimes a little comfort is needed nonetheless

hi sweetheart! i am so so proud of you <3 thank you sm! i am always worried about sensitive topics but im so glad it was comforting to you:)

Trigger warning: disordered eating habits and eating disorder talk, nothing too graphic (your girl is emetophobic lol)

As someone who has had and recovered from an ED, if you need any support or resources please feel free to reach out and if this will trigger you, please skip!!

I think very similar to Phoebe's scenario, Juien is pretty good at keeping tabs on you and she involves you in pretty much every aspect of her life so it's very hard to hide anything when you're in too deep.

In the beginning, maybe it's minor changes, swapping out your favorite foods for lower calorie options. I imagine Julien is like making lunch and uses some random swap you've made and she eats it and is literally like "baby, what the fuck is this?" and remaking it. she doesn't believe you when you tell her that you prefer it to the original but maybe grocery shopping is your responsibility so she doesn't complain.

She sees you when you stand in the mirror a little too long, she takes note of how many times you change your outfit before letting out a frustrated huff. She really tries to compensate for you, making sure you know how attracted she is to you and how beautiful you are. maybe you're pulling away during affection or suddenly nervous during sex and she doesn't get hurt she gets confused.

Its the calorie counting and the excessive working out that alarms her, like you already went to the gym twice today and she finds you in the kitchen, crying in front of the blender because you accidentally added too much of something and its gonna fuck up your macros, and she's immediately scooping you up being like "honey, i think you have a problem, and i want to help, how can i help you?" just being the sweetest most supportive person ever.

slowly but surely, julien helps you swap those ingredients back to normal, maybe sets you up with some of her support systems that she had when she was going through her own issues. she is nonchalantly supportive, not wanting you to feel like she's suffocating you but she's celebrating the parts of your body you dislike and are leaning to love again, leaving kisses and tracing shapes on them while staring lovingly. she's taking you on runs or doing yoga and focusing on gentle movement that makes you feel good. you stop counting calories, making sure that you're listening to your hunger cues and you guys are cooking together.

i really think she'd just be a great companion. i don't think she'd force you into anything and shows you that recovery isn't linear (she knows firsthand) and supports you the entire way through every high and low.

[montywithchildhoodtrauma]

So from the look of the new hotel Lucifer might be staying with them from this point on, becoming a beloved main character with the rest.

I love this fact but... I haven't seen the topic of his depression come up yet with this new living situation.

Sooo head cannons.

Warning, this will contain suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts, self harm, throwing up, and thoughts of self harm. If this triggers you in any way shape or form, please, for your safety don't read.

People often talk about depression meaning you sleep a lot and you're sad all of the time. And yes that is one thing that can happen, but people don't often talk about the exhaustion of being too tired to do anything and your brain to loud and filled with hateful thoughts that force you awake. Lucifer often lays in bed for hours, the night ticking away slowly. He knows that he has to get up soon but the thought of not getting any sleep hurts his head. But he can't, and he doesn't know why- hes exhausted and tired but his head wont shut up-

He stays in his room for days on end. Any attempts to coax him out of his room fail, after a while they just start leaving plates of food that never get eaten outside of his room.

He often forgets to eat. Doesn't deserve it anyway

Sometimes he purposely doesn't eat. Hes just gonna throw it up again-

He wanders the halls of the hotel when everyone else is, theoretically, asleep.

Man drinks so much coffee he should be double dead, five times over.

The only one who hasn't vented to Husker. (Its only a matter of time- Huskers hidden all of the wine and champagne)

Everyone now has their own custom Duck! Alastor's is set to explode soon but lets not talk about that (A lamb duck is set carefully at the bottom of a lovely statue, wonder who it could be for...)

After staying in his room for days he does wayyy too much for everyone, it's concerning.

Depression meals! (Its- two slices of bread and cheese?)

Non depression meals! (Very nice- Coffee isn't a meal)

He and Alastor have been given separate kitchens due to... complications...

Pancakes and jambalaya don't go together- Holy fuck, they don't go together-

He keeps his windows shut and covered at all times, no matter how stuffy his room gets- It would be so easy to just fall, everyone would think its an accident, no one would care~

The windows stay shut. One little lock between him and a free fall

He tries to avoid Nifty as much as possible, not that shes really interested in him anymore, she just... freaks him out.

Depression meal squared! ( All he did was add a second slice of cheese)

Wonder where all this blood's coming from... it's staining the corners of Lucifer's sleeves.

A few knives from the kitchen have gone missing... ah Nifty probably took them.

Interventions won't work! Hes the king of hell!

Damn it, the puppy eyes get him every time.

Refuses to join in on the trust exercises. Hes almost as stubborn as Angel on that front.

He often forgets what hes doing or what he should be doing.

I'll make a part two if anyone wants me to!

[goldenrexic]

[drewsbarrymcre]

I haven't been eating. Like, i'm avoiding food.

[rotthinsatan]

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[aquilacalvitium]

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[alexanderthevulgar]

So i think that after Oda died Dazai started to starve himself and here we are.

Anorexia nervosa is a condition where people avoid food, severely restrict food, or eat very small quantities of only certain foods.

Anorexia nervosa can be fatal. It has an extremely high death (mortality) rate compared with other mental disorders. People with anorexia are at risk of dying from medical complications associated with starvation. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

[cogximyun]

In NEED of someone breaking my ribcage so I can have a smaller waist _:(´ཀ`」 ∠)

the fit would look ten times better if i just ) ( a bit more :(

[gallifreyinstituteforlearning]

Hello! I know this question might be a bit unsettling for some, but how easily can Gallifreyans/Time Lords get addicted?

How easily can Gallifreyans/Time Lords get addicted?

A very interesting question because, on the face of it, Gallifreyans might seem like they're immune to things like addiction, but let's take a closer look ...

🧬 Individual Susceptibility

There's nothing in their 'normal' biology or psychology that predisposes them to addiction more than humans. Just like humans, Gallifreyans are individuals, and their susceptibility to addiction would vary widely. Factors such as personality, experiences, and genetics play significant roles in determining how prone someone might be to addictive behaviours.

🤔 Types Of Addiction

💊 Substances: When it comes to substances, it's likely that Gallifreyans develop addictions in much the same way humans do. While their advanced biology gives them greater resilience to some toxins or addictive substances, it's not an absolute safeguard. We know that they definitely can and do consume hallucinogenic substances because there's a term for people who do.

⚡Power and Ambition: Historically, more than several Time Lords have exhibited signs of addiction to power and control, though we could name quite a few humans, living and dead, who have this same issue.

🍔 Food and Eating Habits: Food addictions might be a little less common simply because Gallifrey's diet is seriously dull. When they're not eating reconstructed fungi, they default to a very specific set of traditional dishes for special occasions. Generally, they don't really pay much attention to food.

💼 Work and Productivity: Workaholism could be more of an issue. The relentless need for knowledge, status, and scientific achievement might lead some Time Lords to focus excessively on their work, to the detriment of their personal lives and well-being.

⚡ Adrenaline: Being born and raised on Gallifrey is quite a numbing experience, so it makes sense that many Gallifreyans have become thrill seekers to rail against their traditions. Whether that is classed as an addiction is up to you.

🏫 So ...

While Gallifreyans aren't inherently more prone to addiction than humans, they aren't immune either. Their susceptibility to addiction is likely influenced by the same factors that affect humans: individual personality, experiences, genetics, and circumstances.

Related:

How do recreational drugs affect Gallifreyans?: The effect of human drugs on Gallifreyans, and some of their own.

Do Gallifreyans have grocery stores?: Food and food technology on Gallifrey.

What does the Gallifreyan political and social environment look like?: Overview of the general structure of Gallifreyan society and politics.

Hope that helped! 😃

Any purple text is educated guesswork or theoretical. More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →😆Jokes |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired 😴

[gingerjolover]

prompt: any of the boys take care of reader after noticing she has disordered eating habits

Trigger warning: disordered eating habits and eating disorder talk, nothing too graphic (your girl is emetophobic lol)

As someone who has had and recovered from an ED, if you need any support or resources please feel free to reach out and if this will trigger you, please skip!!

since I have a lack of Phoebe content I will be writing her first, BUT i do plan to do this prompt with all the boys.

Phoebe:

I'm imagining a scenario where Phoebe keeps pretty good tabs on you, like always checking in and making sure you're okay and taking care of yourself, especially when she's touring and just not around as much. And this isn't because she thinks you're incapable, but she strikes me as the type of partner/lover who wants to be very involved, especially when she's not physically around.

The why isn't so much important as the what. Because she's not around and the boy's busy touring schedule, you've been able to dodge situations where she might've picked up on the fact that you were skipping meals and meticulously tracking what goes into your body, if anything substantial at all. It isn't until she comes home, and she doesn't really notice the first day because you spend most of the day in bed and you narrowly avoid your first mealtime together by blaming eating a big lunch before you picked her up from the airport.

But she knows something is up the next morning when she wakes up early (on purpose) to surprise you with your favorite baked good and presents it to you in bed. You offer to walk Maxine first, saying you missed the pup and walking with your girlfriend, which Phoebe believes, but there's something gnawing at her gut because you left the pastry on your nightstand, not even sparing it a second glance.

You'd both be walking Maxine, hand in hand, when Phoebe tells you one of the few times Julien fell hard on stage, and you laugh a little too hard that you get lightheaded. Phoebe is immediately on high alert and may be coming off a little aggressive in her questioning, "No seriously babe, don't say you're fine, you chuckled and almost fucking passed out," and you immediately close in on yourself, wanting to hide but she keeps pushing and pushing until the dam bursts. You're literally in the front yard when you just spill how you haven't been eating, and she's instantly riddled with guilt, scooping you up and rubbing your back. "Baby, hey... I need you to talk to me... you know I love you, I want the best for you, what's going on?" just so supportive and soft and sweet with you, the side of her you don't see super often since she's so nonchalant and chill normally. She doesn't immediately force you into a program or into a big meal; she does convince you to get checked out at urgent care, where they give you resources and fluids before she finds a safe snack for you to slowly reintroduce.

When you get home she lets you talk it out, letting you rest your head on her chest, her fingers massaging your scalp and back. She feels guilty for being so aggressive, knowing you're a bit ashamed of your recent habits. She does her best to console you without reinforcing any of your behavior, "I know you're struggling baby, I do. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, but I'm here now, and I'll always be here, even when I'm not physically home," and "You're stuck with me forever, I need you healthy babe," trying to make light of the situation. She's googling the best way to support you when you eventually fall asleep on her chest; Maxine snuggled with the two of you on the couch.

She tries not to be overbearing as you slowly work out of your habits. she'll be on the road again, you'll be at work getting a random series of texts along the lines of "good morning my dude," "make sure you eat today," "love you so much," and then when you don't answer her texts she'll call, sheepishly asking you what you had for breakfast.

She tries not to watch you like a hawk, but there's always a part of her that's a bit overprotective, especially when you start eating intuitively and listening to your hunger cues; she gets a little flighty when you tell her you're not hungry, but she knows to trust you, and if you needed help, you would ask. At the end of the day, she just loves you so much, and even if she is chill about it, she's obsessed with you and only wants the best for you.

[mxmorbidmidnight]

CW: mentions of disordered eating, comments about weight and internal stress about body size.

When I was a little kid there was this teacher who would tell the girls (only ever girls) when were eating lunch that we were eating too much food. This wasn’t the only thing she did.

I was really excited that day, my mum as a treat had gotten me a lunch order. It was a reasonable amount of food, if anything not that much. She sat across the table from me with some of the other kids and she looked at me and said

Thats a lot of food

I was so embarrassed. From that day on I always left a bit of my food in my bag when I went out to the playground. I was afraid people were judging me when I ate, thinking I was lazy or gross.

I remember distinctly when I was very young standing in the shower and looking down at my belly and being afraid that I was too big. People in my family are fat and growing up I saw how everyone treat them like they weren’t a person.

I remember my mother once said to me when I was eating a bag of beef jerky

you need to control you’re eating or you’ll be as big as a house

That teenage metabolism is going to go away one day

Please let us change the way we talk to children about weight.

[ethereal-bumble-bee]

the fact that it doesn’t even feel like a disorder anymore, it’s become so normal

[rotthinsatan]

interaction post for edblr, whats your safe food?

don't answer with tags!

Just reblog or post on the chat

[montywithchildhoodtrauma]

Lucifer short!

Warning! This short has self harm, vomiting, suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts, hunger, purging, vomiting, depression, and implied self harm. If any of this triggers you in anyway shape or from, please, for your safety, don't read!

tic tok, tic tok tic...

Lucifer was beginning to regret getting a clock.

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

He lifted his head, bleary eyes trying to focus on the round little clock on his bedside table. 4:23... It was if it was taunting him...

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

He could easily break the dam thing, but then there would be glass and metal all over the floor, and he didn't want to deal with that at the moment. Well there was one thing he could do.... The scratches on his thighs and upper arms throbbed for a moment and the idea of adding more cuts to himself at the moment made him feel queasy and sick. (Even if he did deserve it.)

tic tok, tic tok, tic...

Lucifer groaned as he forced himself to sit up slowly, his mouth was dry and it felt like someone shoved sandpaper down his throat. He wasn't sick, he knew that. Something else was wrong (Stop being such a whiny bitch, nothings wrong you're just being stupid.) but what?

tic tok, tic tok, tic...

Well, besides the fact that it was 4 in the morning and he hadn't slept at all in the last 38 hours. Had he forgotten to do something? Something that Charlie or Vaggie had asked him to do?

tic tok, tic tok, tic...

Lucifer winced as his stomach curled in on itself tightly, riiight, food. Wasn't that some sort of necessity? Lucifer laughed dryly at his unspoken joke, then winced as his stomach tied itself into a bunch of knots. It wouldn't hurt to get a small snack... it was almost morning anyway. (You know you don't deserve it, why go through all the trouble of getting food just to get rid of it again?)

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

Well, it wasn't like he was gonna fall asleep anytime soon, he might as well go get a snack. Lucifer flung the thick blanket off of his legs, he didn't move for a moment, he just stared at the floor. It wasn't that far down, but his legs trembled at the idea of actually getting up out of bed. (Its funny to think about how you're the king of hell when you can't even do something as simple as getting out of bed)

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

Lucifer whined and pressed his hands over his ears, his legs curled up against his chest.

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

He was vaguely aware that he reeked of sweat and musk, probably from being in this warm as fuck room. Sweet Caroline, he needed a shower.

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

"Shut up, shut up, shut up-" His stomach twisted tighter and the fresher cuts threatened to open up again at the new friction they were put under.

tic tok, tic tok, tic tok...

Lucifer screamed in frustration and hurled the clock across the room, it hit the wall with a loud crack. (Great, you broke something else. Can't you do anything without hurting something? Maybe Lilith would have stayed if you weren't such a fuck up.)

tic tok, tic tooooo-

The clock sprung apart pathetically, spraying that part of the room in mechanical gears, metal, and glass. Lucifer stared at the mess numbly, not quite registering what just happened. His throat hurts worse now and he was no closer to getting out of bed than before. (You can't even handle having a clock! What are you going to hurt the next person who talks to you? Maybe thats why Charlie didn't call you for years)

Well, he was already in bed, why not stay there for a few more minutes? He could get something to eat later...

Pulling the blanket back over him, Lucifer nestled himself back into the too warm bed and forced his eyes shut.

Knock knock knock

"Dad?" Lucifer groaned and tugged the blanket tightly over his head, how could he be so stupid? He lived with people now! He can't afford to throw things around all willy nilly!

"Dad? Are you okay? Vaggie said she heard something break" Charlie's voice careened through the door and hit the side of Lucifer's already throbbing head.

Fuck if Charlie saw him now, what would she think? "Oh yeah! I just thought I uh... saw something" Oh yeah totally nailed that one. Lucifer winced and gripped his throat, it was the first time he really used it in the past two days and fuck, it stung.

"Uh, well can I come in? I know its late but, no one has seen you in days..." Lucifer flicked on a light and cringed at the state of his room, then looked down at himself.

"W-well I- I'm not exactly dressed?" That was somewhat true, he was wearing his binder, (That counted as sleep clothes, right?) and a pair of shorts, almost every weak point on him was exposed and practically glowed in the dim lamp light. "It is 4 in the mor-" Lucifer broke off with a cough and dimly wondered when the last time he drank water was.

"Are you alright?" The doorknob rattled and Lucifer froze. Fuuuck he remembered to lock the door right? Right?

"Yeah! I'm fine! I've just been doing- things" he dragged his blanket up to his chest and broke into a coughing fit, his headache pounding with each cough. This was fine! He was fine-

"Dad," The doorknob turned slowly and Lucifer swore he could feel his heart stop, "I'm sorry, I'm coming in."

"NO! DON'T! I'm FINE!" Lucifer scrambled out of bed and managed to slam the door shut before he slid down it and clutched his head tightly, "J- just leave me alone for a bit, yeah? I'll be down later today" He could hear Charlie yelp and shuffle away from the door. Fuck! Did he hurt her? It was silent for a moment before he could hear Charlie slowly start to walk away.

"Alright, I'll see you later then..." Fuck, Charlie sounded so sad... Lucifer glanced at his day outfit and looked down at himself. He snapped himself 'clean' and made himself look presentable before he pushed the door open and quickly grabbed Charlie's wrist. The taller glanced down at him, surprised.

"Hey-" don't throw up, don't throw up, holy shit- don't throw up- "I'm sorry, I'm just a little... stressed at the moment"

Charlie looked him up and down for a moment and Lucifer was promptly reminded of her mother, she wore the same calculating gaze as Lilith did. It was almost uncanny.... "Not that I don't believe that but uh, what have you been doing for the past two days?" Charlie tilted her head to the side, her disheveled hair falling over her shoulder.

"Just uh, king stuff" Lucifer choked back a cough, "You know, its not easy running hell!" Lucifer puffed his chest up proudly, it really wasn't! Charlie looked unconvinced, but what was he supposed to tell her? That he had been stuck in bed for the past few days, unable to sleep? That he had been hurting himself? That he had been breaking shit in his room because of a stupid headache?

She would hate him.

"Alright" Charlie said slowly, still unconvinced. She shifted her captured wrist to gently hold Lucifer's trembling hands. Her face lit up and Lucifer then knew she came up with another grand plan, "Well, it's not good to work nonstop! Sooo~" She bounced on her feet, Lucifer watched her, vaguely wondering where all her energy was coming from.

"I'm making today a mandatory relaxation day!" Charlie grinned at her father, "Not just for you but for everybody! We can drink hot chocolate, read, watch tv~! OOOH! Do each other's nails! I know Angel and Nifty would love that!"

Lucifer swallowed thickly "Yeah, I'm sure they would!" Charlie glanced down at her father as if just remembering that he was there.

She frowned and took his other hand, "are you sure, you're alright?" Holy hell why did she have to have such a big heart?

Lucifer tried to give her a convincing smile, "I promise I'll let you know when I'm not" Charlie heaved a sigh of relief and let go of his hands. The lie felt sour in his mouth but it was fine. He could handle himself!

"Alright, be downstairs in the lobby at breakfast time, kay?" Before he could answer she was already bounding down the hallway and slamming her door shut.

Lucifer stood there for a moment, wondering what in the nine rings of hell he had gotten himself into.

...

Breakfast... was loud. At some point Angel had gone from very loudly hitting on him and practically sitting on his lap to helping Husker at the bar once the grumpy bartender made his existence known. Alastor was, thankfully, not anywhere to be found, but he had learned that was often the Radio demons way. He didn't show up unless something particularly interesting was happening. Beside Lucifer was Charlie who was excitedly talking to Vaggie about her plans for the day.

Lucifer dimly wondered if Charlie had a plan for everything she was doing. He pushed around his food for a bit, trying to keep his pounding headache at bay as he tried to follow what Fran? Fred? Frannie? The egg thing, was saying.

Though he had been told that most of what they said was complete and utter nonsense. (Much like the things you make. No one really cares about your creations, or about you) Lucifer stabbed his hash browns and pushed them around, not really feeling like eating despite how his mouth was watering at the smell and his stomach curled with hunger at the food in front of him.

"-d"

He really didn't deserve it anyway. (Why should anyone waste food on someone like you? It's only a matter of time before someone kicks you out of here)

"ad!"

Perhaps he could get away with eating a little and then claim he was full? Would that work?

"DAD!" Lucifer winced and looked up from his plate and stared at Charlie.

"Y-eah?" Lucifer stammered looking up from his plate, Charlie looked at Lucifer, concern riddled all over her face, oh boy she would never win a card game ever.

"I asked if you were okay, you've hardly touched your food" Oh... shit.

Lucifer chuckled dryly, "Yeah, I'm just not feelin' too hungry this morning." Why did it feel like someone was staring at him? Lucifer glanced behind him to look at the bar where Husker was staring at him, one eyebrow arched. Lucifer bit his bottom lip and decided to just ignore the demon, slowly turning his attention back to Charlie, who was still staring at him with her doe like eyes.

"Well, can you eat like... half of your food? You haven't come out to eat in days"

"Charlie... I'm really not hungry" Was it just him, or did the invisible gaze of Husk get sharper?

"Please?" Charlie begged and Lucifer swore he could see stars in her eyes, "For me?"

Oh fuck him. His inability to say no to Charlie would lead to his second fall. Lucifer sighed and twirled his fork in his hand for a moment before he stabbed his hash browns again and chewed on it slowly. Holy fuck- when was the last time he actually ate? Oh fuuuck this was so god dammed good-

Lucifer didn't notice Charlie and Vaggie fist bump in a small celebration as he began to stuff his face full, finishing off half his plate in a matter of seconds. A hand rested on Lucifer's shoulder and the shorter man went stiff, a piece of meat hanging from his mouth as his pupils shrank to the size of pins "Daaam, its not like it's gonna get up and walk away from ya', yer eatin' like its your last meal" did Lucifer ever mention he didn't like being touched while eating? He snapped and growled at Angel, pulling his plate closer to his chest.

It was his. All his. Don't fucking take it- Angel put up one set of hands in mock arrest, a look of surprise covering his face for a moment. "Je-sus- he almost bit my hand off!" Angel whined, heels clicking as he stepped back from Lucifer as the shorter snapped at him again before he returned back to his plate, eating faster this time while also glancing at the spider warily.

"This may come as a surprise to you Angel, but not everyone likes being touched" Vaggie said, hand resting on Charlies as if she needed to pull her girlfriend away from the king at a moments notice.

"Uh, dad?" Charlie leaned her head down to look at Lucifer, who at some point, dropped his fork in favor of just stuffing his face with his hands. He glanced up at her, eyes still wide and pupils small.

"You're ok, no one's gonna take your food, it's yours. We have more if you want more, ok?" She outstretched her hand, palm up, Lucifer froze again, a low growl coming from the back of his throat. It was his-

"Uh, princess, I think it might be best if we leave the short feral man alone" Angel said, walking swiftly behind the two as Vaggie nodded in agreement.

"Yeaaah, he doesn't seem too... stable, at the moment" Husker gruffed and Lucifer's gaze snapped to where the winged cat now stood. Charlie shushed the three and let her head rest on the table, hand still as she locked eyes with her father.

"Its okay. He won't hurt me. He never has, and he never will" Charlie's voice was soft and gentle, Lucifer glanced at her hand again leaning forward slowly to sniff at it. His eyes darted up at her again befo- what in the ever loving hell was he doing?! Lucifer sat up, trying to shake off the weird daze he had settled in as he glanced around at the group and then at his gloved hands. Dammit, he really liked these gloves...

"Dad? Are you al-"

"PEACHY!" Lucifer grinned (God, his head hurt), "Apologies for..." Lucifer looked down at his plate, food was splattered on the table next to it "The... mess, BUUT!" He quickly stood up and picked up his plate, (More- he needed more- it wasn't enough- fuck, he was so god damn hungry-) "I need to go clean myself up for the rest of the days activity's!" He quickly exited the room before anyone could stop him.

...

The food felt heavy in his stomach, (Nasty bitch, stuffing your face like the rat you are) Lucifer quickly walked past his covered mirror and made a beeline for the toilet. He ripped his gloves off and stuffed his fingers down his throat.

...

Thankfully, no one talked about what had happened during breakfast or asked about what he was doing during the hour he was gone, much to his relief. He couldn't stop himself from squirming in his seat as Husker grumpily painted his nails. It was very clear the taller demon hadn't liked Lucifer snapping at his friend, not that Lucifer didn't feel bad. He very much did feel bad!

But- Huskers own claws were digging into Lucifer's skin and fuck, it hurt! (You hurt yourself all of the time, why can't you take someone else doing it? Pathetic little shit.) But he didn't say anything, instead he glanced over at Angel, Charlie, Vaggie, and Nifty. Angel was gently combing through Charlies large mass of hair and was braiding it carefully while Charlie struggled to paint the constantly moving Nifty who, at several points in time, tried drinking the nail polish. Vaggie had already gotten her nails done and was just watching the movie quietly.

He scratched his leg, picking at a healing cut that itched like nobody's business. "Stop movin' yer makin' me miss." Husker growled, Lucifer wanted to point out that he would miss no matter what with how tightly he was holding the nail polish cap. He thought better of it and stilled himself, forcing his other hand into his pocket.

He managed to stay still for about... five seconds before his leg started bouncing and he pulled his hand back out of his pocket to fiddle with his pants again. Husker growled and shoved the nail polish back into the container and tossed it onto the couch, deeming his work done. He huffed and leaned into Angel's side, choosing to watch the movie rather than finish Lucifer's hand. Lucifer didn't blame him, he wouldn't want to work with himself either. He HAD to live with himself and he hated it.

Lucifer glanced at his nails, the polish hit some of his skin but he didn't mind, he kinda liked it. It was imperfect, and that's what made it beautiful. "Thank you" He whispered, not really caring if Husker heard or not as he turned his attention to the tv. Missing the small twitch of Husker's ear.

...

Whoever told Charlie that Uno is a fun and relaxing game should die, twice. And then they should get cooked over an open flame before they die a third time. The game had started simple enough, be the first one to lose all their cards. Simple, friendly and shouldn't have made much of a fuss. That was until Husker had started treating it like a poker game and then suddenly bets were involved, rules changed constantly, and they caught Nifty trying to use the cards to kill bugs.

One thing led to another and suddenly there were teams, fire, and many many thrown pillows. Lucifer found himself using a metal pan to wack away a bunch of softball gun pellets Angel had pulled from who knows where. He found himself grinning wildly trying to aim his hits at Husker and the Egg as Vaggie launched a 'bomb' (To be honest, Nifty had gotten wrapped up in it as a little surprise for the other team)

So wrapped up in the mock war with the other team, Lucifer didn't notice Charlie smiling softly at him, an almost relieved look in her eyes.

...

Lucifer panted, his headache had come back full force and his stomach was in knots again but holy fuck- was that fun.

"We totally won that" Lucifer wheezed, lifting up a fist to fist bump Vaggie, who was also laying on the floor with Charlie draped atop of her.

"Oh yeah, absolutely" She agreed, knocking their knuckles together.

"What- No! We obviously won!" Angel countered, lifting his head up from where he was bent over the top of the couch.

"Then why do you look like you lost?" Lucifer asked, lifting his head up to look at Angel, (Wrong move, god- wrong move- holy shit his head hurt!)

"I" Angel proclaimed, pointing one arm up into the air, "Am taking a victorious breather" He huffed and put his arm back down, letting his head dangle.

"Yep, keep tellin' yourself that"

"Yer doin the same thing I'm doing!" Lucifer laughed and glanced at Husker.

"Am I? Somethin' tells me Husk doesn't want a piece of this~" He wasn't sure if the pillow to his face was worth it or not.

...

Lucifer leaned against the door, listening to it click shut. To say he was exhausted would be an understatement. Lucifer stripped off his clothes and tossed them onto the floor, leaving his binder and shorts on. He stumbled into bed, the edges of his brain fuzzy from the wine he drank at dinner. (He mostly just had wine for dinner but, ya know, no one wanted a repeat of breakfast so they just let him get tipsy while Charlie tried sneaking bits of food onto his already small plate.) Lucifer sighed, face flushed and warm with alcohol, no doubt he would be paying for drinking non water and eating hardly any food later, but for now, he snuggled into his bed, waiting for the call of sleep to drag his head further into his pillow.

It never really came.

...

Lucifer whined as his body trembled with exhaustion, his head hurt and his mouth tasted like acid and regurgitated wine. He winced as his stomach twisted again and he stuck his head deeper into the toilet. God, this was so pathetic.

Lucifer panted as sweat dripped down his face and into the bowl. Suddenly the world tilted violently and then went black.

...

"-ound.... in the bathroom I d..."

"Toilet...."

Something was stroking the side of his head, their hand was so cold compared to how warm he felt. He winced and leaned into the hand.

Was someone crying? Someone sounded like they were crying... was it him? Was he crying? He didn't think so... the voice was too high pitched to be his...

His stomach lurched again and he turned his head away from the hand as he spit up, pain wracking his body.

"-HIT!" There were sounds of general commotion and suddenly he was weightless. His head lolled back and the rest of him went limp. And suddenly, it was quiet once more.

...

Bright- too bright- Lucifer groaned as he forced himself to sit up again, he open hi- This was not his room.

He was fairly certain that he didn't fall asleep in the lobby. Very certain actually. From what he could tell he was alone at the moment, he glanced to the side and found a glass of water and two little pills. With trembling hands he pushed the pills into his mouth and took several greedy gulps of water, it wasn't long until the water was spilling out of the sides and dribbling down his chin as he gasped between gulps.

"My, my you're going to choke if you drink your water like that~" Alastor's voice crooned.

Lucifer gagged in surprise and choked on his water.

"Told you~"

"Wh-" Lucifer coughed again, "What the hell are you doing here?" Lucifer glared up at Alastor, the radio demons grin didn't waver as he sat up straight.

"Believe it or not, I~ live here! That, and Charlie asked me to keep an eye on you and if you needed anything, other than me leaving you alone, that all you have to do is ask!" Lucifer groaned and set the cup down, just short of dropping it on the table. Alastor inspected his claws as if there were better things he could be doing, there probably was (No one actually wants to make sure your sorry ass is ok).

Lucifer grumbled and fiddled with the thin blanket on his lap, doing his best to ignore the radio demon, who also seemed content with the deadly silence.

"You know-" or not. Lucifer glanced up at the taller.

"Charlie's well being is important to me, to us, right?" Alastor arched an eyebrow as he waited for Lucifer to answer.

"O-of course, I do care about her" he croaked in response. He squeaked as Alastor moved toward him quickly, their faces inches apart.

"Then why did you hurt her?" His head cocked in a very uncomfortable looking way.

Lucifer blinked in surprise, "I- I didn't" He didn't think he did anyway...

"Oh not physically!" He moved away again, "For some unfathomable reason she cares for you, and to see you in any sort of pain harms her, hurts her" That- couldn't be true...

"SO!" Alastor clapped his hands and stopped his pacing to stare down at Lucifer. "If I catch you, if any of us catch you, harming yourself, starving yourself or anything of that sort, we will tell our beloved Charlie"

Lucifer hardly believed that, they hadn't really spoken in years, and while Lucifer was fairly certain that the only reason he hadn't killed himself was because of Charlie, he never really saw her really caring about him.

"You know, you should have seen her face when she found you! I've never seen her so terrified before! I swear you could see her little heart shatter into ittsy-bittsy pieces" Alastor trailed off, his eyebrows furrowing, a more painful looking smile etched in his face. Lucifer's heart clenched at the thought of Charlie being upset and him not being awake to tell her it was going to be alright.

But the idea of this little shit trying to intervene on what he was going with his alone time, he was about to tell the dick-shit just as much before the door slammed open and Charlie came rushing in. He didn't have time to say anything before he was wrapped tightly in her arms and she was a blubbering mess. Lucifer didn't hesitate wrapping his arms around her as tightly as he could, which wasn't very tight due to his small stature and he really hadn't been doing anything healthy for the past few days...

Something hot and wet slipped down his cheek and dripped onto Charlie's outfit.

"I'm sorry" He croaked, his breath hitched as he clung to Charlie for dear life, "I'm sorry, Msorry" He kept repeating the words as he rocked back and forth, tears falling down his own face and sobs wracking his own body uncontrollably. He glanced at Alastor and nodded, a silent agreement to the younger man's previous terms.

Alastor nodded and promptly left the room.

...

Lucifer sat there, stroking Charlie's tangled hair gently as she sniffled in her sleep.

His own eyes felt like they had weights attached to them, he knew despite his best efforts he wouldn't get any sleep. At least he could watch over his little girl while she rested.

...............................................

That was.... much longer than i thought it was going to be.

@yes-that-is-very-you

[drumlincountry]

Heyyyyy uh @staff there's uhhhh. A lotta eating disorder shit here. In fact, 100% eating disorder shit? in your recommended popular tags there? What's with that?