#dysmorphia mention

[transtalesofdoom]

The Egg Years and being Cis-Adjacent

I originally made this blog to talk about my new and exciting trans experience, so let's go do that. Long post, obviously and I just figured out how to do the Keep Reading thing

I didn't have any inherent dysphoria growing up, I was just a bit of a not-like-other-girls tomboy. Jeans were comfier than dresses, boobs and bras were sooo inconvenient, make up just meant more effort. Books and video games were more fun than going out to party. I wasn't good at dancing anyway. And don't even get me started on shaving your legs.

It became obvious to me that I wasn't strictly cis pretty much as soon as I learned that gender wasn't binary. It was common sense, really. If gender is a spectrum, very few people would actually find themselves on the very end of either side. So most people were just close enough to either end of the spectrum to consider themselves cis. Including myself.

As my understanding of gender grew, it became more and more ridiculous to assume anyone was 100% cis. There's always some criterion you don't fully meet. Of course, people could still use and identify with the label of cis, clearly there was some sort of leeway. But calling myself cis started to feel wrong. It felt like I was ignoring the very nature of gender as a vast spectrum by picking a label rooted in the binary. I was cis, but in a queer way. I started calling myself cis-adjacent when talking to other queer people.

I never had a "problem" with my assigned gender at birth, outside of the patriarchy and sexism and periods, but those weren't trans reasons to resent being a woman. Being a woman suited me well enough. I wouldn't have cared if I wasn't, if I woke up one day without boobs, I'd just go on and fit into shirts much more easily. I considered "gender-apathetic" as a label, but ultimately it felt like too much hassle for something I was indifferent about.

Really, that was what it came down to. I was close enough to being cis, I didn't have any internal problems with calling myself a woman or living as one. Sure, there probably was something more accurate for me out there, but I knew about the struggles trans people faced. A good friend of mine had come out as trans and started his transition. I was happy for him, but I also got to see the difficulties it brought to update paperwork and book appointments and constantly emailing professors about your new name and pronouns. Not to mention the whole coming out to family thing. Or transphobia. There wasn't enough suffering in me to submit myself to this much effort and misery. Or force everyone in my life to learn a new set of pronouns and name for me, irrevocably changing every single relationship I had in the process. I didn't even want to be a man anyway. Just look a little more like one.

And I could easily present pretty masculine without transitioning. I only wore pants anyway. And hoodies were super comfy. I cut my hair short more than once. I considered buying a binder, just to see what that would do for me, but every time I tried looking into it, I just got overwhelmed and, like I said, there wasn't enough suffering to justify spending 50 bucks and at least one extensive research session on it. Ironically enough, during my last year as cis-adjacent, I finally reconnected with a part of my femininity and wore dresses to special occasions again.

However, a new problem had found my body: The unstoppable passage of time. I wasn't a perky teenager anymore. My body gained weight, my boobs succumbed to gravity, and I had very little in common with what was considered a beautiful woman. Even a beautiful butch woman didn't look like me. No one beautiful looked like me, really. I told myself that I had a lot of internalized misogyny and fatphobia to unlearn. That the reason I started disliking my reflection was social conditioning. I was right about that, of course. But there was more to it that I, in my self-righteous blaming of society, didn't acknowledge.

Until the last full moon night of 2023, when my mirror reflected a ghost back at me.

[amethystsoda]

It’s finally dysmorphia hoodie season!!!! 🍁🍁🍁

[l0n3lyl0v3r]

TW An@ V3nt

edit: did not mean to tag that person lol, my bad!

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my boyfriend has been triggering me lately. he has expressed in the past his struggle with @n@ and i honestly thought it would bring us closer. and although he has recovered, he knows that i haven’t. but even though i’m still buddies with @n@, i’m still much larger than he is (he’s literally like a stick and i’m not) and the way he he’s been speaking to/treating me has made me feel even worse about my b0dy.

today for example: he said that he was hungry so we went to my campus dining hall. he got to pig out on food and was rubbing it in my face while i ate around 1oz of cottage cheese (i didn’t even want to but he was questioning why i wasn’t eating so i grabbed something low cal) and then on our way out, he grabs his “stomach” (which he doesn’t have so he legit pulls on his flesh) so i can see it and says “i’m SO full”.

it’s like he’s rubbing it in my face that he’s so skinny. it’s like he’s bragging about having MY dream body. (lowkey that’s not the only thing he’s been bragging about recently but that’s a convo for another time) and i’m competitive so this sh!t is really getting to me. like i’m trying SOOOO hard but every day i don’t see much progress. what else should i do?? any advice?

[underwatersurfboard]

[angriest-ginger]

So, I have a theory about depression, self consciousness and body dysmorphia. (bare in mind that I am not a psychologist)

A lot of people have heard of the fact that the brain causes one your see themselves as 5 times more beautiful than you really are, but what if something about depression/ self consciousness/dysmorphia turns that function off, or even reverses it?

I've noticed that I have features that my mind will tell me are unattractive, but if I see those specific features on OTHER people, they won't seem unattractive or I'll actually find the features attractive on others.

I mean like, I'm sure there's an already documented reason why this happens but I just don't know.

Just a little food for thought.

[nonne-est-luna-pulchra]

I've been feeling pretty dysphoric lately, it's silly, I haven't been feeling like this for a really long time now :// It might also be dyamorphia which is even fucking better :>

[thedragonflycluster]

Birth control has made me feel like I'm going Actually Insane (I can't emotionally regulate), makes me feel disgusted with my& body/dysmorphia and I crave junk food so bad I get stomach aches after compulsively eating a shit ton at once.

Yeah I don't think I can keep up w it anymore. I'd rather find some other option than deal with this mini hell. ☘️

[leftistloudmouth]

dysmorphia // 2022

[mai-addictionsposts]

Thinspo isn't enough. I need someone to walk up to me, grab my thighs, and whisper, "lose it, fatty"

[jeweledstone]

VENT MEMES

VENT MEMES

VENT MEMES

[narratorstrash]

Do you think Cole’s body remained in Yang’s temple? Do you think his body— without a soul to keep it together— solely began rotting away & that’s why he now has a scar? Do you think that’s why it took a minute before he came back to the others in the end of DotD? Do you think he spent that minute regaining his sense of aliveness & steeled himself before returning to his friends?

Do you think his mother felt it when he died in the temple? Do you think she tried desperately, fruitlessly to reach out to him, to comfort him & tell him everything would be okay & embrace him in the afterlife? How do you think she felt when she reached out to hug him only to still be unreachable to him?

Do you think she was proud of him when he went after master Yang with the intention to finish him for good? Was she proud when he saved the trapped students & tried to free their captor despite all the pain & injustice? Do you think she still sat with him while he regained his bearings in the mortal world again, knowing it would likely be even longer before she could possibly get a chance to be with her son again? Do you think she prayed to the FSM for him to live as long as possible despite the pain it brings her?

Does she still dance in the afterlife, even with no partner? Does she still fight for those who can’t & protect the weak? Does she still recall the Geckles & Munts fondly?

Is Lilly still proud of her son?

[yearningsaphic]

Does anyone else look in the mirror long enough and examine your features to the point where you start to get physically nauseous? Just me? Ok

[torchflies]

Okay guys, I'm still drowning at work but here’s something good that's been keeping my head above water 🤣: retired rockstar Tom “Iceman” Kazansky. 

Ice is born to a pair of early hippies in VW Kombi bus painted with all the colors of the rainbow. He gets his first modeling gig after he's scouted at a Janis Joplin show on his Daddy’s shoulders, before or after Big Brother and the Holding Company. 

Anyway, fact is that baby Ice ends up with his face plastered all over everything from Camels ads to diapers. He eventually ends up doing commercials and then bit parts on TV shows and movies. He does Disney for a good long while, with Bobby Driscoll levels of success. But by the time the mid-70s roll around — teenage Ice is the frontman of a heavier crossed with glam rock sorta band: think Def Leppard, Kiss or even Mötley Crüe (way before their time on the Sunset Strip). 

Ice can sing just about anything the band needs him to — think Adam Lambert's levels of range, just straight-up incredible. He's tatted up from dick to tits and has tried just about every drug known to man by the time he's nineteen, starved himself for years, and spends every hour of his life pandering to people who don't give a shit about him.

At twenty-two he realizes that he doesn't even like himself anymore. He doesn't know who he is without being Kairo Jett (his stage name). 

Then, his friends start dying. 

It’s 1981, and sure they were occasionally dying before — booze, drugs or taking their own lives — but now they're all dying of something that doesn't have a name and he's terrified. 

So, he quits and runs away to a life of structure that he's never had. He runs to the USNA, dyes his hair bleach blond, stops wearing heavy makeup, starts eating again and just becomes Thomas Kazansky — then the Iceman, a new kind of stage name.

The Iceman, who has shared the stage with all the greats of rock music, watches Maverick serenade their instructor in the O Club with one of his old songs and has never been more enamored with anyone in his whole life. 

He falls ass over tea kettle the minute Maverick asks him if he's ever heard of the band Tommy Eats the Drum Kit.

Ice doesn't stop laughing for hours. 

[limehaspassed]

Perfectection

(Leon Kennedy x Chubby F!Reader)

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In which Leon Kennedy shows you everything he loves about you. <3

Inspired by my pookie bear, I love you and thank you for feeding into my obsession. Love you @illaxeem

CW: NSFW ,, Voyeurism ,, Cunnilingus ,, Mirror Sex ,, Hair Pulling ,, Praise Kink (briefly mentioned) ,, Light Mention of Body Dysmorphia ,, Body Praise

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It was later on in the night when you finally got the chance to sit down, your day spent cleaning and rearranging things to your liking. You had been unhappy with the state of the house for a while so you decided to change it up. Now, after twelve hours of moving things around, you were finally done. You were beyond sure that you pulled a few muscles in the process.

For a while, you sat on the couch and rested your eyes, that was until you heard a key in the door. Immediately you jumped up, excited to show your boyfriend what you had done while he was at work. When he left earlier that morning, he had noticed you cleaning, he hadn’t noticed your plans of moving everything this way and that.

“Welcome home, dear.” You greeted as Leon walked through the entryway, the door closing behind him.

He gave a sluggish smile, he was also in the same state as you, exhausted. You gave him a soft smile and helped him slip his jacket off, hanging it on the coat rack. He was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you close, nestling his head in the crook of your neck. You chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

“You alright?” You asked quietly, a slight hum to your voice.

Leon nodded against you. “Yeah. How was your day without me?” He asked in return, a slight tease to his voice. He knew that you didn’t like to be separated from him.

“Actually, it was rather pleasant, I got so much done. Do you want to see?” You replied to Leon’s surprise. You were always quick to complain about him working too much and not spending enough time with you during the day, yet now you aren’t complaining, in fact you almost seem thankful.

“Sure, show me what you did.” He let go of you, standing up straight. He wore a soft smile, his eyes warm and sleepy.

You grabbed his hand and led him to the living room. “Look.” You said, motioning to a completely rearranged living room, nothing was left untouched, even the small plants that were arranged on the coffee table.

“Oh.”

“Do you not like it?” Your face fell a bit.

“No, no. I like it, I just wasn’t expecting that. How’d you move all of that? I know for sure that the couch is heavy, I was the one that had to bring it in here.” He was confused on how you did this all on your own. You weren’t weak, he knew that, but you certainly weren’t as strong as him, you didn’t have the same training he did.

You chuckled again and punched his shoulder lightly. “I’ve been working out.”

“When?”

“What? Do you want to work out with me? I’m sure you would love to see that.” You ask teasingly.

“If you’re offering.” He replied bluntly.

You give a quick laugh and walk towards the kitchen and dining room, expecting him to follow. He did.

“Now, what would my big, strong cop like for dinner?” You asked, turning to look at him with a wink.

He chuckled at your tone and shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever you would like. I’m not in the mood for anything specific.” He explains, taking a seat at the table. He leaned back into the chair with a sigh, closing his eyes.

“Alright. How about turkey wraps?” You asked to which he hummed in response.

You started making them quietly, you didn’t want to disturb Leon. His job was oftentimes loud and all he wanted when he got home was peace and quiet. You respected this and always tried your best to remain quiet, keeping your voice soft and low. He never said anything about this but you knew he appreciated it.

It didn’t take long for dinner to be made. You plated the wraps and walked over to the table, setting one down in front of Leon and one in front of where you sat. You took your seat and waited for Leon to open his eyes before eating. When he opened them, he flashed you a gentle smile and began eating, you did the same.

“So what did you have for lunch?” He asked casually.

“Oh. I forgot to eat lunch.” You replied hesitantly.

Leon looked up at you, his eyes serious. “You have to eat lunch babe, it’s unhealthy not too.”

“I know, I was just distracted. I swear, nothing else made me not eat.” You explained to which Leon calmed down a bit.

“Just try to eat something for me tomorrow alright. I’ll be home tomorrow so I can make you up something good.” He offered.

You nodded and continued eating.

It had always been like this with the two of you, he was always watching out over you, making sure you ate. Before you met him, you would often skip meals for one reason or another, but when you got with him, he was always pushing you to eat when mealtime came around. He wouldn’t force it onto you but he would try his best to gently coerce you into eating. You appreciated the way he would look out for you but sometimes, you wished he would let it slide. Only sometimes, that was when you let your insecurities get the best of you.

Dinner came and went and soon it was time for bed. Leon had already laid down while you were in the bathroom, getting ready for bed.

You were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at your stomach and thighs. You couldn’t help but think about lunch today, the lunch you didn’t eat. You felt guilty for not eating but you felt dirty for eating dinner. There was no balance. The pudge of your stomach testified to your feelings. You hated your stomach and thighs, how much bigger they were than everyone else’s, you wanted them to be smaller but you didn’t want to stop eating, you didn’t want to let Leon down.

You were trapped within a box of constant obsession, obsession with being skinny and obsession with gratifying Leon. You didn’t which to choose, you wanted both of them, you needed both of them. You felt as though without one obsession the next one wouldn’t exist. You couldn’t pick between them.

You sighed and looked away, pulling your shirt outwards a bit. You went to grab a different one, one that wasn’t as tight when you noticed Leon standing behind you, staring at you through the mirror.

“You alright?” He asks.

You nod and walk over to him, he was leaning against the doorway. “I just need to grab a different shirt.” You explain.

“Why? I like this one.” He says, placing his hands on your hips.

“Don’t say that when you don’t mean it.” You replied, removing his hands from your hips.

He smiled at you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close against him. “And how would you know what I like and don’t like?” He asks curiously.

“Because it makes my stomach look big.” You reply, looking away. You felt bad for thinking this way but it was the truth, there was no hiding it.

“Where?” He asks, tilting your head to look back up at him. He leans forward and presses his forehead agaisnt yours. “I don’t see anything wrong with you.” He whispers, his breath fanning across your face like a warm blanket.

You meet him with anxious eyes, your thoughts were getting the better of you again. “But-“

“Nope. No but’s” He interrupts you, placing a finger over your lips to silence you. He reaches down and places his hands on the sides of your stomachs. “You’re beautiful. You know that right? If I had to choose who was the most beautiful girl in the world, I would choose you. You want to know why?”

You nod slowly, not sure if you want to know or not. You were scared that he might turn this around and go the other direction with it.

He slides his hands down to you hips and pulls you even closer. “Let me show you what all I like about you. Come here.”

He pulls you over to the standing mirror in the corner of y’all’s bedroom. He places you in the center of it and has you look at yourself in the mirror. You try to look away but he grabs your chin, as gentle as he can, and holds you there. He then takes his other hand runs it over your body, his touch is featherlight, it tickles and leaves a trail of heat in its wake.

He runs his hand up your shirt, letting it rest on your stomach. He smiles lovingly at you in the mirror. “You want to know why I like your stomach so much dear?” He asks you, his voice a low whisper, it sends chills down your spine.

“Why?”

“Because it’s a perfect place to rest my head an it will carry our future children. You’ll be such a good mother, I hope you know that.” His voice holds a fondness you rarely hear, it causes your heart to swell and a blush to spread across your cheeks.

He chuckles at this reaction and runs his hand down to your thighs. He gently squeezes one as he speaks. “You wanna know why I like your thighs so much?” He asks, his voice takes on a more darker tone, one that’s more lustful. “It’s because they feel so nice around my head.”

“Oh.” You say breathlessly. You blush at this, wanting to look away, to hide your embarrassment, but you can’t. You can only look at him. There’s a part of you that’s enjoying this a bit too much.

He leans his head down and kisses your neck softly, using his teeth and tongue to tease the sensitive skin. You gasp at the touch and move your head as much as you can in his grip, giving him further access. His free hand slips between your thighs, reaching upward.

You squirm under his touch. He smiles at you in the mirror and moves his hand further up and rubs against you. You gasp and grab his arm. You squeeze your thighs together under his touch.

“Relax.” He whispers against your ear, his warm breath tickling your skin. He is staring at you through the mirror, his eyes are intense, focused, and filled with desire.

You swallow hard and stare back at him with timid eyes. You weren’t a stranger to this attention but something about this was different, it felt all too much. It felt so real and open, you didn’t like looking at yourself but at the same time, it turned you on in a way you couldn’t describe.

You stare at him for a minute before slowly relaxing your legs, allowing him to continue. He continues and your grip on his arm tightens.

“Let me show you how beautiful you are.” His voice is just below a whisper, barely audible.

A shiver runs down your spine at his voice and you lean against him, closing your eyes. His hand continues to run against you for a bit until he pulls it away, moving it upwards towards your neck.

“Open your eyes.” It was more of a demand than a request.

You opened them and he smiled as he looked at you. His hand delicately ran across your neck before he leaned down and placed soft kisses along the sensitive skin. She let out a breathy moan, a small, timid sound, embarrassment was flooding through her. He smiled at this and pulled away, looking up at you in the mirror.

“Do you know why I like your neck? It’s because you get so flustered when I kiss it. Like this.” He leans down and kisses your neck again, this time with more fervor than before.

Your face turns red at the mention of you being flustered, you’re embarrassed over being called out. This whole process was calling you out and you couldn’t tune him out, he was too close to you, you were enjoying far too much.

He drops his hand, keeping the one on jaw in the same position, slightly tightening his grip. He leans forward and places a kiss to the back of your jaw, just under your ear. He nibbles on the skin, causing another moan to escape your mouth.

“Oh those noises of yours are so divine, my love.” He whispers against your ear, his breath tickling your skin.

Your eyes go wide but not because he complimented you, no because of how turned on you were by his praise. It struck a chord with you, a chord you didn’t know existed until now.

Leon then readjusted his grip on your jaw, tilting your head up slightly. “You know what I like about your jaw? It’s a perfect spot to place my lips. It’s also perfect for grabbing.” He explained in a low voice, his lips so close to your ear that it almost felt like he was kissing it.

You watched him through the mirror as he trailed a hand over your hip, his eyes connecting with yours. He was smiling, always he was smiling at you. God, you wished you could marry that smile already.

He then let go of your jaw for a moment, reaching down and grabbing the hem of your shirt with both hands, he pulled it over your head, letting it fall towards the floor afterwards. He then reaches up and grabs both of your breasts.

“You know why I like your boobs?” He asks, gently massaging them. “It’s because they’re the perfect place to lay my head, plus they fit so perfectly in my hands. It's like they were made for me and only me.” A hint of possessiveness enters his voice as he says this, a glint of dominance clear in his eyes.

You lean back against him, relaxing into his touch. That is until he drops his hands, stepping away from you for a minute. He smiles at you through the mirror, a wicked and twisted smile, one sure to turn your stomach with anxiety.

“Turn to face me and lay on your back.” He demanded gently, his smile softening slightly as he noticed your anxious attitude.

You did as told, looking up at him confused as to what he had in mind. He sits on his knees at the end of your feet and leans over you. He takes his hand and tilts your head back until you could see yourself in the mirror, your view upside down now.

“Don’t look away and don’t close your eyes.” He commands, kissing your chin before moving back to an upright position.

Taking the fabric of your pants in hand, he tugs them down, pulling them all the way off and tossing them to the side. He does the same thing with your underwear, exposing the cold air to your lower regions.

You try your best not to look away as he turns to look back at you, his smile ever so present.

“You look so beautiful, my love. I hope you’ll be able to see just how beautiful you really are.” He speaks softly, his thumb caressing your inner thigh. He then spreads your thighs apart and wraps them around his neck as he leans down, pressing a warm kiss against you.

You gasp, his eyes flickering up to capture yours for a second before he runs his tongue against you, causing a low moan to escape you. He takes a moment to enjoy your moan, savoring the sound before continuing, running his tongue along your clit.

You clench your hands as he continues to run his tongue against your clit, your mouth hanging open as you moan. Your eyes stared at the top of his head, his hair falling in front of his face. You reached down and grabbed it, intertwining it between your fingers. It was soft and cool, contradicting the heat that was your body.

Leon takes his hand and presses two fingers inside of you, stroking you in tandem with his tongue. You hands tighten on his hair and you can hear him groan, something that only adds to your excitement , to your enjoyment.

Leon continues, lavashing you with his touches until it feels all too much, bringing you right to edge. Your core is burning, your heart beating out of your chest, and your throat slightly sore from moaning so much. God, you swear you could see constellations as his tongue only continued to pleasure you, that was until he stopped, pulling away from you completely.

A whine emitted from your mouth involuntarily, coming out as an impulse as you were denied your orgasm. He looked at you in the mirror and smiled.

“Next time, I’m recording that sweet voice of yours.” He says as he leans back over you, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. “Now, get on your hands and knees, facing the mirror, please.”

Your face went red at his words, you were always embarrassed with this position, far more embarrassed about than any other position the two of you have tried. However, despite your embarrassment, you did as told, sitting up and facing the mirror, supporting yourself from your hands and knees.

His smile grew as he watched you, a lustful look overtaking his eyes, desire was written all over his face.

He placed his hands on your hips and positioned himself behind you. He leaned over you again, placing kisses all along your back. You watch him, your cheeks burning hot. The mirror, the position, the constant kissing, and constant praise was all too overstimulating your brain, emotions swirling left and right. It was too much, you couldn’t handle it all.

He positioned himself behind you and slowly pushed himself in, giving you time to adjust. He starts at a slow pace, a rhythmically and constantly pleasing pace. He’s watching you, his eyes staring directly into yours. You go to look away but he grabs you by the hair and pulls your head back up, you gasp at the sudden movement.

Your eyes met his again as he quickened his pace, pushing into you at a faster pace, one that causes you to moan and whine. You were already denied an orgasm once, now everything felt all so sensitive and alive, every little movement of his was driving you crazy.

He angles himself, hitting in the exact spot that sends you flying over the edge, constellations forming in front of you. You could see Cassiopeia and Orian, all handcrafted by Leon, made perfectly for you. It isn’t long until you feel that heat flood back to your core, your body twitching and convulsing as waves of pleasure wash over you.

You could hear him groaning, his hand tightening around your hair, eliciting a moan in response. You never knew that his hands in your hair would be so hot. You never knew watching yourself being railed would be so exciting.

Second after glorious second goes by and you soon feel yourself reaching your climax, you look up at Leon, he’s already watching you. His eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration, it’s almost cute.

“Fuck, Leon, I think…” Your words are interrupted by your own moan, his thrusts reaching even deeper now. Your hands curl into fists and every muscle in your body contracts as Leon quickened his pace, his thrusts more frenzied and pleasure driven.

It isn’t long until you’re pushed over that edge, your eyes closing as your orgasm hits you hard. You can feel him cum inside you shortly after, riding you through your high. Your muscles relax and you can feel your legs about to give out.

“Leon.” You breathlessly whisper his name, opening your eyes to look back up at him.

“Yes, my love?”

“We should do that again sometime.”

He chuckles and pulls out of you, running a hand along your back. You sit down on your knees as he comes to sit behind you, his arms wrapping around you warmly. He places a kiss on your temple before leaning his nose against your hair, breathing you in.

“I love you, beautiful. I love you so much.”

You smile and lean back against him. “I love you too, dear.”

“Now would you like to head to bed or watch a movie in our freshly rearranged living room?” He asks, a slight tease to his voice.

Your smile grows and you close your eyes again, enjoying being so close to him. “Whatever works best for you.”

They ended up going for the movie, however neither of them got to watch it, they both passed out on the couch a few minutes into the film.

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Thank you for reading loves 🖤

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

every once in a while i suddenly become very aware i have a body and i feel everything all at once and it makes me wanna kill myself

[lostmf]