#dreaded the day and now it’s here
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Just be glad you didn’t end up Iike the character Carrie white
update: im about to pull a carrie white soon.
(off topic but i actually love that movie a lot, the og at least not the remakes and dumb sequels. it made me wish i had telekinesis myself.)
#the blood curse#dreaded the day and now it’s here#im going to cry i don’t want this anymore#lily of the asks
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#spheal#i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a#regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal?#if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum#with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way#this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr#as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites#it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted#i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did#with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my#backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having#any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh#until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can#wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal
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y'all ever think about Sam & Izzy in a no-name port, in a house, in their house, the place they've met in secret for decades? sharing the few days they can snatch from the unforgiving passage of time, holding each other, knowing it's going to end again before they're ready? knowing that perhaps this is the last time they'll ever get to do this, and they won't know until it's already happened? I sure do
#this post was sponsored by the song '400 bones' by frightened rabbit#trying to commit it to memory just in case#knowing youll always be led back here and hoping you wont be alone#coming up with excuses to stop somewhere you have no business being?#thats the reason you chose it after all. nobody would ever suspect it. its safe. but it wont be safe if youre here too often#does ed know? does izzy have to make excuses and lies just to have some time with sam?#but they couldnt meet anywhere else. not the prince of pirates and the dreaded first mate hands#not like this anyway. itd never be safe#no weaknesses#everyone knows the story of them coming up under hornigold#a few know that they used to be close and wonder what happened#nobody can know that they still are#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#another one for the list of ideas i may or may not do something more with at some point. i sure do think abt it#do you think at the darkest moment that izzy would bring the crew there? betray the sanctuary they built to keep his kids safe?#do you think sam would agree with his choices? do you think hed know?#sams been waiting at the cottage a few days now. he always hangs around longer when izzy wasnt there. just in case. its pouring down#outside. no sensible ship would come into harbour. he waits anyway. theres a knock at the door#he opens it with caution- you never know whos been drawn in by the candle in the window really. but its izzy. of course it is#he sweeps him into his arms; greets him with as much fervour as he normally would. it takes him a minute to notice the bodies behind izzy#...to be continued if i feel like it maybe. im outta tags
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"Hey Ginger, what are you thinking about at 2 am?"
"Well, you know that one part in Graf's 'Apollo' where he concludes that Apollo's deathbringing is not opposed to his joy-bringing but that, in fact, through him both aspects are unified and given equal prominence?"
"Oh, you mean:
"Yeah,,, that's the line right there."
#just ginger things#I actually have a lot of things to comment on but due to general stress and such#I've been going back and reading portions of some of my homeboy Fritz Graf's papers and findings#I'm so in love with the way Graft sketches portraits of Apollo in his work tbh#Modern day Detienne type shit oh my god#The scenes being contrasted here are Apollo's entrances in his Hymns btw (Homeric)#Where Apollo appearing bow in hand is a dread image that causes fear and panic#to all the Olympians when he enters in the Pythian Hymn only for Leto to divest him of his murder-strings (his bow)#and put him back into party mode vs Delian Apollo who had all the congregation#dancing and singing just by appearing#Shakes my fist#I love Apollo so much actually genuinely adore him#apollo#greek mythology#Now to sleep for ten trillion years
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i feel like i was actually doing good n felt human for a bit n now ive dramatically fallen so far back
#rip my toothbrushing streak#i was doing so well i had lost count of the days it was just normal#&& now everyday i just Lay here .... even when i do it i still feel deeply unclean#i just feel gross all over mentally n physically#i am Unclean#&& i am lost#everything is fine and then i Remember#not even a memory just a feeling. the shame. the fear. the Dread#and it feels like everything is tainted#why cant i just b put into storage n sanitized#every inch#my outside body n my organs n my thoughts n feelings Everything#i am just Heavy n anxious#i can feel the sludge#trying so hard to sleep but i just keep rolling n rolling my body feels Wrong#theres nothing i can even do i just have to keep ignoring it n hoping itll go away#the more attention i give it the more ill fall#but i am just so tired o(-<#at least mayb if i get high i can sleep#i hope no one wakes me up today
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I am so so sorry for very quickly venting on here I’ll keep all my rambles in the tags HFNEJDJDJ but my birthdays in exactly a week and m a n I am S O anxious about it aoaoaughhh
#like I’ve always really really loved birthdays!! but this year SO much has happened that I can’t really talk about on here and now I’m not#sure where I’m gonna be for my birthday/ if I’m gonna have a proper house/ if I’m even gonna have anyone to celebrate it with etc etc#and what EXTRA sucks is that it’s one of those really big milestone birthdays so I’m just sitting here dreading the inevitable#I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and I definitely sound very privileged complaining about a BIRTHDAY CHEBDHENDHDJ#but still it’s been weighing me down ARGH!!!!!!#I don’t think either of my parents are gonna be here for my birthday either which sucks yeah!!!! but I’m mainly focused on figuring out#where I’m gonna be living so I’m not homeless 2 electric boogaloo BQNWHDNDJSKSKS#I’ll figure out a way to make it a nice day somehow I’m sure!!!!! I just needed to get this out of my system BCBDBDJDJSJS
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okay so tonight I sat down & drew & scribbled a bunch of drafts in my notebook to decompress and it definitely helped. It was really difficult to write at home but I think being in the mountains & hiking and spending time with loved ones has helped me a lot. I’m supposed to go home Wednesday & I’m going to see how going home affects me, but I’m hoping that I will be able to do some writing & engage in my hobbies when I get home ❤️
#ooc.#tbd.#I do fully expect the first day home to be really terrible#i just have been dreading walking in the apartment#bcs all my cats look down at me when I go up the staircase#and tube would always be like 👁👁 waiting#but I am hoping that spending some time away from home is going to make is easier to process when I get there#lowkey I’m gonna stop by my dads and visit her grave when I get home also#idk I’ve cried a lot but I’ve also had some undeniably good times#so it’s been kind of odd#I feel very lucky that my loved ones have been here to support me#i also went back to Shenandoah and now me and that park are 1-1#it whooped my ass last time I went and hiked but this time I Fucking Won#( to be fair last time was a 10 hour hike and this one was like 1 1/2 but I’ll take the win )#but those hiking endorphins got me feeling NICE#I didn’t realize how much I rely on writing to decompress tho until I took a weeks break#idk shits been crazy it’s been like emtoional whiplash there have been lots of highs & lows u know??
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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the miserable angry person I become when I haven't eaten is, in a word, atrocious. it is 9pm I have not had my dinner murder is about to be on the menu if I don't fix this soon
#i spent. SO LONG (5min) trying to iron a shirt that would NOT be ironed#and then SO LONG (60 seconds) futilely trying to shove the ironing board closed (gave up and left)#and now i want to CRY because i CANT STAND INDECISIVE YOUNG MEN#what is going ON in your BRAIN if you would COMMUNICATE i might UNDERSTAND!!!!! WHAT is the struggle WHAT is going on#if you were INTERESTED as so many people have CLAIMED YOU WERE why didn't you SAY anything why didn't you DO anything!!!!!!!!!!#LIFE IS LITERALLY SO SHORT WHAT IS GOING ONNNN I CANNOT SIT HERE WAITING FOR YOU FOREVER I CANNOT !!!!!#they said it might be because you had qualms about long distance. BOY I WOULD'VE GIVEN LONG DISTANCE AN ENTHUSIASTIC SHOT#not to be like. once again i am the one more interested i am the one so ready to open my heart i am the one more invested#but like. dude. we live in an age of technology. if you want to get to know me. TEXT ME I'M LITERALLY IN THE SAME COUNTRY!!!!!!!#also what a day this has been. i agreed to teach sunday school (i am burned out and felt dread the whole time and then after i said yes)#and then socialized with too many people and then spent about 2 hours commuting and then came home and watched a romcom#that was happy that made me sad because it was happy. i too would like to be treated tenderly and pursued intentionally for once. anyways#in the same day one friend got engaged to her best friend and one friend got involved with a horrible boy and the whiplash was Horrendous#also if you cant tell i am indeed on my period and feel like too much and not enough lol i need to be alone for a little while
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Anyways, you're afraid of how this election is going to go, and you're not sure what you can do to help,
Here's some tips on how to get active in your local community if you are not already:
Look up local groups on facebook.
If you have a local "Buy Nothing" / "Free things in X" group, join it, and see if you're able to pitch in when your neighbors are in need. Probably 80% of the posts in my local Buy Nothing group is parents looking for baby formula, baby clothes, or toys, so even the smallest things you can help with can make a huge difference.
Look up and join a local community garden or gardening group. If you're not good with plants, see if anyone local can show you how to get started with planting, care, harvest, and especially seed saving.
Once you've got it down pat, share your knowledge and share your produce. Gift your neighbors with fresh vegetables and fruits and if you've got tons, post online to see if anyone wants to do some swaps or pick up extra.
Teach people how to save and plant the seeds from any ripe fruits or veggies you give them, and over time you'll have a bigger and wider community growing their own food and sharing it freely.
Look up plants native to your area and try to grow them in your garden to support local pollinators; sharing and gifting Native plants is a great way to make connections and foster communities, almost as much as sharing food.
Join local "What kind of snake is this?" facebook groups and learn how to differentiate between venomous and nonvenomous snakes in your area, and learn to appreciate native wildlife instead of being terrified at the sight of a single scale, and spread awareness of the importance of native wildlife.
Volunteer at your local food pantry, and see if there's anything more you can do to help; try to spread awareness and if its in your ability, see if they need help with delivering food to those without transportation, and see if you can start recruiting more like-minded people as delivery drivers, because most of the time its down to one single person to help over a dozen local families with food delivery who would otherwise go hungry.
See if you have a local library, get a library card, and see if there's anything you can help with, or see if they have local programs you can join to learn new skills, read books out loud to people, or if you have a skill of your own you'd be interested in sharing with others, consider signing up to make your own club to teach others.
See if there are places with local game nights like Bingo, D&D, etc and join in to meet new locals directly.
If you have any kind of local queer programs, join and meet your local queer community members and see what you can do to help or just to make new friends.
If you have a local program or group that strives to help marginalized communities, see what you can do to help; many local cities will have some kind of program where you can help out newly immigrated families with tours around town, giving rides to those without transportation, showing them the local grocery stores, helping them with the local currency, and doing translations that you can join to make a big difference in someone's life for the better!
#politics#us politics#community organizing#queer#idk what else to tag this with#if you're filled with terror and horror and dread about Trump winning then the time to actually prepare for that reality is now#and the best way to do that is to get active in your local community#so you all can rely on each other when shit hits the fan#When Helene hit here literally as soon as the sun rose the next day#the first people out on the streets clearing debris was the locals#anyone who was able was out on the roads and sidewalks dragging downed limbs out of the way#bringing out chainsaws to make roads passable when trees fell across them#checking on neighbors to make sure everyone was okay#bringing food and water out to linemen working on the power lines all day#hooking their generators up to neighbors to help keep their food safe#etc
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very sad this morning seeing Ryan and Shane leaving youtube to start yet another exclusive subscription service :/
#this is a monumentally shitty idea#then entire comment section is UNIFIED ive never seen that before akfjsks#i had to say that early accessing like cc makers do here would have been way better#but now at this point the damage is done and a lot of people feel disappointed that they seem to care more about the money#and honestly i dont think they produce enough content to justify a whole new service#i love the mcelroys way more and what they do is so much better#youtube already has a built in tier sevice why cant they just do that???#anyway i have so many thoughts on this#i honestly watched ryan and shane way more than when they were on buzzfeed#i watched for their dynamic and how fucking funny they are together not for the quality of the shows#so many people do not understand that people watch them for them not for high value production is#first matpat then jacksepticeye soon and now this :/#im DREADING the day gab smolders inevitability retires because shes my comfort youtuber she and her content has gotten me#through some of my worst moments#ill shut up now#someone tell me how many dislikes their announcement has on yt im so curious akfkska#oh also and its like dont they get their fanbase is mostly young people who probably cant afford another streaming service#on top of bills and the cost of living now??
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nothing like waking up to a mouthful of saliva on the verge of throwing up
#tf did i do to you body?#is it stress? fear??#I've had this feeling of nausea ever since that day I received the news#and ik for sure I haven't ate anything bad#god my stomach is killing me#i know you shouldn't resist it and that it's better to just listen to your body and throw up#but I hate throwing up and I hate the dreadful anticipation#okay back#had to pause making this post snd run to the bathroom#the deed is done and I feel so much better despite the horrific experience of throwing up thrice in a row at the same minute#now I'm brushing my teeth#this has been one of the worst ways I've woken up#but hey. at least now that I'm back to semi functional. Here is a fun fact about throwing up#that liquid you feel collecting in your mouth before you hurl? it's not stomach acid (despite me saying so) it's actually good for you#protective solution to coat your teeth mouth and throat so the actual stomach acid doesn't burn or damage you#but i don't remember if it's saliva or something else lemme look it up#okay yeah it is saliva. it would've been crazy if it was stomach wall lining. that shit is expensive to make#expensive bodywise. Repairing it takes a lot of time—i would know#recalling everything I ate yesterday and judging by the emptied content of my stomach—it was the watermelon and strawberry juice's fault#But I drank some before and yesterday#It's the fucking stress isn't it#Even when I fool myself into thinking I'm happy. My goddamn body will betray me and manifest my fear#I really don't know what to do at this point
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So they didn't find anything in the physical examination. They're gonna send me home with pain meds in case it's a minor injury that's been bothering her so she'll go back to eating properly. And otherwise I just need to keep an eye on her.
#speculation nation#animal injury ment/#this is about Tally btw. shes just been acting weird. and she was acting in pain today.#idk. it's alarming to see her so lethargic. shes usually my chaos child.#so i decided to bring her in. ive hated every second being here. but the dread is less severe now that ive gotten the clear. for now.#only definite thing they found was a higher temp but that could be due to stress.#i ended up bringing her in after i moved her and she made a noise of pain. scared the shit out of me.#cried a bunch and then brought her in. and i still need to finish packing and do my drive.#june is gonna be difficult now that the carrier's been out. but maybe i could lure her with treats or smth idk.#longest sigh imaginable... i did not want a day like this today...
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TBOB Spoilers
'IF THE PRETEEN LINE IS TRUE THEN FORD WAS WITH A PRETEEN?' No, it means either Bill was lying about that or they simply weren't together in a romantic sense depending on what you headcanon as true. Let's not do this please.
#Hayley Speaks#I'm not maintagging this but OH BOY we've already hit THAT stage of discourse huh#Dreaded it but I never expected it to happen only a DAY after the book dropped#Maybe I should just stay out of the tags now lmao#This is also ALL I will be saying on this; I am refusing here and now to get into that kind of thing
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