#god my stomach is killing me

[sorcerous-caress]

nothing like waking up to a mouthful of saliva on the verge of throwing up

[ittybittybumblebee]

holay shitt my burgers guys from my burgers show

[kelin-is-writing]

Fuck you Endeavor. Fuck you All For One. Fuck you to all the Pro-Heroes. Fuck the Hero Society and FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI too 🥰

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 18

PREVIOUS

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

NEXT

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

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[catcze]

Babe. Babe. Tattoo artist Wrio;;;;;;; OH EVEN BETTER TATTOO ARTIST, EX BOYFRIEND WRIO AAUUWGSHHDIXKKXJ JJX

[immediatebreakfast]

Oh Mina,

Today we mourn you as you let the men around you promise to cut off your head if your being stops fighting the poison in your blood. We mourn the marriage life that you should have had after so many months of worry, and uncertain despair.

We mourn Mina's happiness as she leads all of the group towards the goal of slaying the man responsible for the suffering that he has caused. Such suffering which looks so small at the scale of the world, yet it means so much for all of the living, the dead, and the ones far away. The ones that had the misfortune of being face to face with that monster, just like she did.

Mina speaks of mercy, yet she doesn't even see her own salvation. There is nothing left to her from her own grieful perspective, nothing that could chase away the feeling of suicidal satisfaction as all of the men around her promise her to kill her. Mina finally feels that she will saved from the Count's grasp...

Maybe if she repents with all of her might, maybe if she suffers in the correct way, maybe when Mina finally crosses the line between living and undead her beloved husband takes a stake through her heart in the same as Lucy, but without a moment for Mina to feed on her fellow humans... Then maybe god will open the gates of heaven, and offer her soul peace.

[flowercrowngods]

"Stevie," Eddie says, wincing at the stale air in the room. It's almost pitch black, except for the lamp in the corner that colours everything dark blue, and the glow stars on the ceiling that they'd put up together, making pretend constellations in pretend galaxies.

"Go 'way," Steve mutters, head buried beneath two pillows and hands clasped tight around them, as though that will be the thing that fixes him, that keeps the bad away. Eddie sighs, not at Steve, but at the awfulness of it all. He fiddles with the blister pack in his fingers, and allows the condensation from the water bottle in his other hand to soak his palm.

"Please, baby," Eddie says. "You need to take your meds. The doctor said - "

"Fuck the doctor," Steve curses angrily, muffled.

"Maybe later, once you've taken your meds," Eddie says calmly, or aiming for calm. He hates seeing Steve hurting, and Steve hurts a lot. More than he'd like. More than he knows he realises.

Steve emerges from his pillow prison slowly, blinking like it hurts him to do so, and Eddie knows it does, so he just holds out the water bottle, cap off, and Steve drinks greedily, throat working hard, whilst Eddie pops out two pills. Steve makes a pitiful noise as Eddie hands them over, but reluctantly takes them, screwing up his eyes against the taste before swallowing down more water.

"You did so good," Eddie says. Steve shakes his head then moans. "It's okay," Eddie says. "Back under the pillows now. The pills will work soon."

"I hate this," Steve says. "I hate that you have to see this."

"I know you do. I hate seeing it. But only because it's my favourite person in the whole world suffering. Not for any other reason. Please don't think it's for any other reason," Eddie says softly. Steve makes a small noise, already piling the pillows back over his face. Eddie reaches out and strokes the back of his hand.

Steve's hands clench, then unclench, before relaxing.

"I'll be around, if you need me," Eddie says, before standing. He pauses at the door. He looks at Steve's prone form, the invisible war in his head. "It's not rotten work, you know? Never, actually."

He pulls the door to, but doesn't close it entirely, just to make sure he can hear Steve if he needs to. He never, ever wants Steve to think he's a burden. Not when he loves that boy more than breathing. Not if it's you, not if it's me.

not if it’s us

[vulpinesaint]

it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me

[antxnous]

I canNOT decide whether to make Joshua bare chested for this project or not

ranting abt the progress in tags…..

[spaciebabie]

i love you lamb cotl i love youuuuu silly goober!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wildflowerteas]

never write fic that requires you to use your brain. i am in the trenches.

[boxwinebaddie]

anyways *me ignoring my stannic attack* speaking of tkak ( the delicious uncle nina tsot toxic yuri ) i'm conflicted bc writing it in the old english is kind of impossible to read...but having stas say shit like "gwendolyn, your frock looks rather fetching, particularly the bodice Not That I Was Looking Upon It!" and "alas boys! i am ruined! fetch me the mead so that i may drown my eternal sorrows in it before i throw this cruel wretched form from the bell tower" and "butters you are true ally and kinsman! tucker...may your next meal contain many Poisons" IS SO FUCKIN FUNNY THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE TO

[dlsintegration]

jacob's ldpdl playlist is horribly damaging in its chronological entirety but his ep6 going into ep 7 songs literally just made me cry so bad

[buster-loves-pr]

*Madison is on her monthly and is just sitting at a table looking pissed. The other rangers are peaking behind a wall

Xander:Chip go

Chip: Why me?

Xander: because why not,

Chip: I’m not getting yelled at.

Vida: How about you go Xander?

Xander: Why not yourself Vee? You’re her sister.

Vida: And I know my sister when it’s that time of the month. She’s scarier than me

Chip: Very scary

Madison: If you guys don’t shut up, I’m breaking the project in half and we’re all going to fail the Project!

[okcoolthanks]

Looove feeling like a fucking child whenever I talk to kids my age ebecause I always feel like I’m either talking about my toys or like they’re better than me because I spent a majority of my childhood trying to make myself just as smart as everyone else because I genuinely thought I was stupid and didn’t deserve to live

[hehebread]

do u feel paralysed by the horrors of the US military war crimes and their unabashed support of Israel’s apartheid regime