#draining the water and making it a dry noodle is also choice

[najia-cooks]

[ID: A close-up on a dish with glossy noodles, spinach, carrot, mushroom, and sesame seeds. End ID]

잡채 / Japchae (Korean noodle stir-fry)

Japchae is a popular Korean dish made with glass noodles. Sweet potato starch noodles are fried in a flavorful sauce, combined with colorful, tender-crisp vegetables, and dressed with sesame; the result is chewy, savory, garlicky, slightly sweet, and highly satisfying. Because of its versatility and the ease of preparing large batches, japchae is frequently served for banquets at weddings and birthday celebrations.

"Japchae" is a compound of "잡" "jap" "mixed," and "채" "chae" "vegetables"; both syllables are Korean readings of Chinese characters ("雜" and "菜"). Like the name, modern japchae dishes combine Chinese and Korean elements: the cellophane noodles now considered central to the dish originated as a Chinese import towards the end of the 20th century. From the 17th century until then, japchae had been a royal court dish consisting only of stir-fried vegetables (frequently mushrooms, cucumber and radish).

Japchae, along with other Korean foods, is becoming more prevalent in the Philippines and Malaysia, by way of privately owned Korean restaurants usually owned by migrants. Dr. Gaik Cheng Khoo writes that, despite the South Korean government's campaign to promote the globalization of hansik (한식; Korean food), it is these independent restaurateurs who actually engage in Korean "gastrodiplomacy" by interfacing with clients in their particular contexts.

Recipe under the cut!

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Ingredients:

For the dish:

8oz (230g) 당면 / dangmyeon (Korean sweet potato starch noodles)

1 medium carrot, cut into a thick julienne

1 small yellow onion, sliced

2-3 green onions, cut into 2" pieces

6oz fresh spinach

1 cup (65g) sliced shiitake or wood ear mushrooms

4oz beef substitute of choice, or 1/2 cup (30g) soya chunks (chunky TVP)

1 clove garlic, chopped

Neutral oil, to fry

Sesame seeds, to garnish

Both dangmyeon (which may be also labelled "sweet potato vermicelli") and soya chunks / nutra chunks (from a brand such as Nutrela) may be found at an Asian grocery store.

For the sauce:

2 cloves garlic, grated

4 Tbsp Korean soy sauce

2-3 Tbsp brown sugar, to taste

2 Tbsp toasted sesame oil

1/2 tsp ground black pepper, or to taste

For the marinade:

1/2 cup vegetarian 'beef' stock from concentrate, or vegetable stock (only if using nutra chunks, which need to be hydrated)

1 tsp dark soy sauce

1/2 tsp brown sugar

1/2 tsp toasted sesame oil

Instructions:

1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Meanwhile, prep your vegetables and mix all ingredients for the sauce and marinade.

2. Mix beef substitute and all marinade ingredients to coat.

3. Once the water is boiling, blanch the spinach for 30 seconds to a minute, until bright green. Drain and shock in cold water. Squeeze out excess water, roughly chop, and dress with a bit of salt.

4. In the same water, boil sweet potato noodles for 6-8 minutes, until translucent and softened. A firm pinch should break the noodle.

5. When noodles are fully cooked, drain and shock in cold water to halt cooking. Cut them in a few places with kitchen scissors to make them easier to eat. Toss with a bit of sesame oil to prevent sticking.

6. While noodles are cooking, begin stir-frying the vegetables. Heat 1 tsp oil in a medium skillet on high. Stir-fry carrots, onion, and a pinch of salt for a minute or two until slightly softened.

7. Set aside and add more oil to the pan; stir-fry mushrooms for a couple minutes until they have released their water. Add garlic and sauté until fragrant.

8. Add green onion and cook for 30 seconds to a minute; do not allow it to soften too much. Set aside.

9. If using nutra chunks: drain and reserve liquid. Fry for a minute on high, agitating often, to brown. Pour in the rest of the marinade and cook until dry. If using another beef substitute: fry according to package directions.

10. Heat another Tbsp of neutral oil in a large skillet and add in noodles and about half of the prepared sauce. Stir fry, tossing often, until fragrant. Remove to a bowl and stir in vegetables, beef, and the rest of the prepared sauce. Garnish with sesame seeds and serve warm.

Leftovers may be served hot or cold, as a side dish or a main, or over rice.

[sevenstarcigerette]

Low Calorie Meal Ideas!

☆

Breakfast: French Toast!

*(Makes 3 pieces)*

Ingredients:

- 3 pieces of 40-calorie white bread

- 4 tablespoons of egg whites (60 calories)

- 0-calorie sweetener (to taste)

- 1 teaspoon cinnamon (6 calories)

- 3-4 tablespoons unsweetened almond milk (15-20 calories)

- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (3 calories)

- 0-calorie cooking spray

Instructions:

1. In a bowl, whisk together the egg whites, almond milk, cinnamon, and vanilla extract until well combined.

2. Heat a non-stick skillet over medium heat and lightly coat it with cooking spray.

3. Dip each slice of bread into the egg mixture, ensuring both sides are coated but not soaked.

4. Place the coated bread in the skillet and cook for about 2-3 minutes on each side, or until golden brown.

5. Serve with your choice of toppings. A personal favorite is to mix the 0-calorie sweetener with some cinnamon and serve with berries.

Total Calories: Approximately 230 calories (205 calories without added toppings).

Lunch: Wrap!

Ingredients:

- Low-calorie tortilla: about 50-70 calories

- Grilled chicken breast (about 2 ounces): around 60-70 calories

- 1/4 avocado: about 80 calories

- A handful of lettuce: about 5 calories

- 1/4 cucumber: about 5 calories

- 1/4 bell pepper: about 5 calories

- Mustard (1 teaspoon): about 3 calories

Total: 208 -238 calories

You can also have it lower or higher cal depending on if you add less or more chicken and avocado

Dinner: Stir-Fry!

Ingredients:

- 1 package (7 oz) shirataki noodles (about 20 calories)

- 1 cup bell peppers, sliced (about 25 calories)

- 1 cup broccoli florets (about 31 calories)

- 1 cup snap peas (about 26 calories)

- 1 medium carrot, sliced (about 25 calories)

- 6-8 large shrimp, peeled and deveined (about 60 calories)

- 2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce (about 20 calories)

- 1 teaspoon minced garlic

- 1 teaspoon minced ginger

- Cooking spray or a small amount of olive oil for stir-frying (optional)

- Salt and pepper to taste

- Optional: sesame seeds or green onions for garnish

Instructions:

1. Rinse the shirataki noodles under cold water and drain them well. Pat them dry with a paper towel.

2. Heat a non-stick skillet or wok over medium-high heat. If using, add a small amount of olive oil or cooking spray.

3. Add the minced garlic and ginger to the skillet, stirring for about 30 seconds until fragrant.

4. Add the shrimp to the skillet and cook for about 2-3 minutes, or until they turn pink and opaque. Remove the shrimp from the skillet and set aside.

5. In the same skillet, add the sliced bell peppers, broccoli, snap peas, and carrots. Stir-fry for about 5-7 minutes, or until the vegetables are tender-crisp.

6. Add the shirataki noodles and soy sauce to the skillet. Toss everything together and cook for an additional 2-3 minutes, until heated through.

7. Return the cooked shrimp to the skillet and mix well. Season with salt and pepper to taste. If desired, garnish with sesame seeds or chopped green onions.

Total Calories: Approximately 181 calories for the entire dish!

☆

☆

Re-uploading theses recipes because my old account got terminated :((

[thedepressexpress]

hi! when I get depressed it's really hard to make sure I'm eating as much as I should so here are some things I eat when I don't have the energy to do shit

these are depression meals so they are in no way balanced and an ideal diet, this is to get you through it. if you have depression, some of these on your shopping list are a good idea. I update this list whenever I remember something

I'm also assuming the only equipment you have is a bowl, spoon, sink, microwave and at most, a can opener. in no particular order:

granola bars and adjacent things like nuts, dried fruit, etc

frozen sausages: break them in half and microwave, if they're too cold to break you can run them under hot water or leave them out for a couple minutes, you need the break them or they might explode

canned corn: open and eat with a spoon, you can strain and microwave if you want it hot

cheese: put it in a bowl and microwave till it melts or till it's crispy, your choice but if you do just cheese don't use a porous bowl

instant noodles: don't use a pan, use a bowl, empty the contents in the bowl, add water till at least half of the noodle thing is submerged, microwave for 2-4 minutes, mix and eat

regular noodles: use a bigger bowl than you normally would, add some dry pasta to it and enough water to cover the pasta but not much more, it might overflow, and microwave for a few minutes more than the package says to boil, drain the water and put in whatever, condiment, sauce, cheese, sausages, frozen veggies, and microwave again, it's more time intensive but also more nutrients so

canned beans: you can eat as is if it comes in a sauce, but if you got the ones with the clear liquid you can strain and rinse and if you don't have a strainer, open the can just a little from the tab and open a faucet, let the water run into the can and adjust the position of the lid till the water can go in without any of the beans coming out, it'll dissolve the liquid and it'll flow out, leave it for a bit then shake it, turn it upside to drain, let it refill then leave it again, repeat till the water over flowing isn't that weird liquid

crackers/biscuits: keep a stash of biscuits that you can eat, bonus if you can eat them with milk or tea or coffee or juice

juice: buy your favorite and keep a bottle in the fridge or frozen if you suspect you're starting to spiral and might need it in a few hours

readymade meals: whenever you go to do your grocery shopping, buy just one premade meal

vegetables: keep a vegetable you like that you can eat raw like cucumbers or carrots

fruits: keep a fruit you know you can eat or you know you can drown in something else, for example I don't like apples but I can eat them if they're covered in peanut butter

sweets: you can keep a favorite hard candy to get yourself salivating idk for me if helps activate some hunger while getting rid of the painful part of being hungry

butters and spreads: you can find premade sandwich spread with chicken in them, or jams or spreads that are savory like peanut/almond/cashew butter or sweet like a chocolate/vanilla spread

rice: if you make rice and ever have some left over you can freeze it and eat it later, you can also do that with rice in a bag

tofu: you can eat it raw as long as you drain the liquid it comes with

condiments: almost all of these things can be improved or 'seasoned' with ketchup, mayo, mustard, ranch, tartar sauce, marinara, etc. it'll give some flavor and make it taste better but don't microwave sauces unless they're properly mixed with the food especially mayo based ones, they can get weird

frozen vegetables: any time you're using the microwave to make these things, throw in a handful of frozen vegetables and microwave for a little longer

cereal: pair cereal with foods like yogurt instead of milk, you can add chocolate drink powder to the yogurt before adding the cereal which is really nice, you can also make it directly in the yogurt container if it's small enough

electrolytes: you can make them a bottle using two dashes of salt (1/4 tsp), a 2second squeeze of a honey bottle (2 tsp) and some kind of juice for a better flavor

potatoes: stab them all around with a fork, microwave for about six minutes, turn it over then microwave again, keeping microwaving and turning till it's soft on the inside and you can eat it

order out: if you can afford to order food, order it, some tips to get the most out of what you order 1. order a family box of food to store in the fridge 2. when you microwave it, do it with some water in a glass with your bowl/food in the microwave

if opening the tab on a can is keeping you from eating, try this. it'll open the can, you can use a knife, the back of a spoon, etc.

if it keeps you from spiraling, it's worth doing. and if it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly. eating something is better than eating nothing.

hope this helps, if you can, please add more things!

[crowleycoded]

Gina's Mac and cheese (ish) recipe

*2-3 cups of shredded cheese. Combo, all one, more than that, less than that I don't care. How cheesy you want it?(tn I used like half marbe half extra old white ched)

*milk (2 cups? I just poured it's gonna be a consistency thing anyway)

*butter (the real shit if you wanna do this RIGHT. And also salted duh)

*flour (again this is an eyeball thing for me. If you really want you can look up a basic roux recipe that's all this is it's the base to a bechamel sauce fancy words for fat and flour) idk ill talk about this more when we get there. Trust.

*flavouring accoutrements (garlic powder, mustard, chipotle powder, salt, pep. This is your world I'm just teaching you how to live in it)

*parmesan of choice

*small onion

*half a pack of bacon

*bread heels, like. 2 or 3, whatever you have. (unless you own your own breadcrumbs already. If not imma teach you to make em right here right now)

*noodles of choice. No I won't tell you how much because we all know nobody actually knows that shit.

STEP ONE: MISE EN PLACE

Prep time, baby. First off, oven on 300, and a pot of water on to boil the noods. Onion? Dice it tiny as fuck. Bacon? Fry it up, crispness is At your discretion. Bread? Slap it on a cookie sheet and throw it in that hot oven for like. 5 ish minutes. You're not toasting it you're just drying it out. (if you plan this in advance you can simply leave them out to dry morning of but I don't roll like that). Once your bacon is cooked, take it out and drain the grease out of the pan. Pop in some butter (garlic butter if you're really vibin) and those diced onions. Cook that shit on like medium low until they're a good golden colour, almost starting to crisp up. Take the pan off the heat and let it be.

STEP TWO: MAKE THE TOPPING

(but first put your noodles in the boiling water if you haven't already. Also salt and some oil in there pls) In a food processor or a blender (if you don't have these, use a knife and go the fuck to town) blitz your dried bread, a good spoonful of your fried onion, and your cooled and degreased bacon strips until pulverized. Dump in the amount of parm you feel is correct and blitz again. You're gonna use this as topping. If you feel you've made too much don't worry. I have a solution later to come. Now put the oven up to 350.

-at this point I recommend you go no further until your noodles are cooked, drained, and run under cold water to STOP THEM COOKING.

STEP THREE: GET DAT SAUCE

Alright now for the only really intimidating part. The roux. First off you're gonna take like 2 cups of milk and pour it into the pan with your onion and put that on about a 5. You wanna get your milk warming up and this way you get all the pan goodies. If you're using mustard, throw about a tablespoon or two into that pan too while you're at it.

Now in a good saucepan, (Big Pot) throw in like. 2/3 cup of butter at least. At least. Use more than you think you need that's the thing here. Melt it up. Once it's melted and started to bubble, toss in flour. Start with like. Less than half a cup? While you do this, whisk like a madman. Don't add more flour till your flour you have is combined. If it gets to look doughy and thick you've added too much flour. Easy fix, more butter. This isn't healthy it's Mac and cheese. Whisk it up and it should be less of a dough and more like a batter consistency. Continue to cook and whisk on medium high until this turns a nice golden colour and thickens to a paste. Now take that pan of milk and onion and stuff and throw that in the pot, along with any spices or seasonings now. (I used chipotle powder and seasoning salt, and garlic powder). Now WHISK SOME MORE we don't want no flour lumps. It's gonna get thick. You're fine. Add more milk if you're worried, and also turn it to low.

Once that's smooth, you get that cheese in there. Get it melted. Fuck yeah.

STEP FOUR: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE.

Now. Once your cheese is melted, we are at prime time. Remember when I said I had a solution if you had too many breadcrumbs made? Throw all the extra in here, leave enough to coat the top before baking. Now you combine your noodles. Take your time, be thorough, and Fold don't STIR, dammit. From the bottom. Be patient. Once it's fully combined and beautful, you pour that shit into a buttered baking dish. Size determined by how much you made, I used a tall 9*9 pan. Spread your crumb topping on top evenly and bake on a low rack for 20 minutes or until topping is golden brown.

[more-savi]

Veg Manchurian

Veg Manchurian Recipe

Veg Manchurian is a popular Indo-Chinese dish made with deep-fried vegetable dumplings served in a flavorful sauce. Here's a recipe for both the veggie dumplings and the sauce:

Ingredients:

For Vegetable Dumplings (Manchurian Balls): 1 cup finely chopped cabbage 1/2 cup finely chopped carrot 1/2 cup finely chopped bell peppers (capsicum), preferably red and green 1/4 cup finely chopped spring onions (both white and green parts) 1/4 cup finely chopped cauliflower (optional) 2-3 cloves of garlic, minced 1-inch piece of ginger, grated 2-3 green chilies, finely chopped (adjust to taste) 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour (maida) 2 tablespoons cornflour (cornstarch) 1/2 teaspoon black pepper powder Salt to taste Oil for deep frying For the sauce: 2 tablespoons oil 2-3 cloves of garlic, minced 1-inch piece of ginger, grated 2-3 green chilies, finely chopped (adjust to taste) 2 tablespoons finely chopped spring onions (white part) 1/4 cup finely chopped bell peppers (capsicum) 1 tablespoon soy sauce 1 tablespoon tomato ketchup 1 teaspoon red chili sauce (adjust to taste) 1/2 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon black pepper powder Salt to taste 1 cup water 1 tablespoon cornflour (cornstarch) mixed with 2 tablespoons water to make a slurry 1 tablespoon finely chopped spring onions (green part) for garnish Also Read - Malai Kofta Recipe For Vegetable Dumplings (Manchurian Balls): In a large bowl, combine all the chopped vegetables, minced garlic, grated ginger and chopped green chillies and mix. Add cornflour, black pepper powder, flour and salt to the vegetable mixture. Mix everything well to form a consistency. If the mixture seems too dry, you can add water. Shape the mixture into dumplings or small balls. They can be round or slightly flattened. Heat oil in a pan and deep fry. When the oil is hot, fry the vegetables in batches until they become crisp and golden brown. Remove them with a slotted spoon and drain off excess oil on paper towels. Keep them separate. For the sauce: Heat two tablespoons of oil in a separate pan over medium-high heat. Add chopped green chillies, grated ginger and minced garlic. Saute them for a minute or until they become aromatic. Finely chop capsicum and white green onion. Fry them for 2-3 minutes until they become slightly soft. Mix tomato ketchup, red chili sauce, sugar, black pepper powder and salt and add soy sauce. Mix salt and sauce well. Add 1 cup water and bring the mixture to a boil. As soon as the sauce comes to a boil, reduce the flame and add the cornflour solution (cornflour mixed with water). Keep stirring continuously. This will make the sauce thick. Add the fried vegetable dumplings (Manchurian balls) to the sauce, cook slowly and cover with the sauce. Cook for two to three minutes to absorb the flavor of the pakodas. Garnish with green onions (finely chopped). Your Vegetable Manchurian is ready! Best eaten hot with noodles or boiled rice. Adjust the amount of chili sauce as per your choice .   Also Read - Flax Seeds Benefits in English Read the full article

[just-here-for-the-moment]

So, since you murdered me yesterday, its only fair that I try to get a little something back from you. I want you to give me something good - I need a good ol' bath -preferably with either Frankie "Oral King" Morales or Marcus "Pants Python" Pike. Your choice, but know that my life (or afterlife) depends on it. Meaning - the sooner the better, love.

You know what? It's a Friday night, I'm feeling generous (and still a little bad about murdering you) - you get BOTH!!!

Bedtime Stories by JHFTM

Rating: Explicit, 18+ ONLY Warnings: oral sex/F receiving; fingering/F receiving; mentions of anal sex; mentions of food; shameless fantasizing about Marcus "Trouser Snake" Pike's surprisingly filthy mouth

Frankie “She Comes First” Morales…

You come home from work on a Friday night just absolutely shattered. Frankie knows what you need, baby. He’s going to draw you the hottest bath you can stand, fill it with your favorite bath salts, and make you sink into it - no arguments, sweetheart. While you’re soaking up the warmth, he’s going to bring you a big glass of Southern sweet tea (homemade with sugar, none of that fast food shit), and sit on the edge of the tub to give you the world’s best foot massage.

What that? You didn’t know that the King of Cunnilingus also gives excellent foot massages? Well, now you do! And he’s not going to stop until you are putty in his hands. While he’s doing that, he’s going to ask you about your day. That low, calm voice of his, the little circles he’s rubbing into your skin, and the heat of the water almost put you to sleep. But Frankie’s not done yet, far from it...

When the water gets cold, he’s going to drain the tub and refill it extra-hot. Then he’s going to scrub your back, getting aaallll the spots you can’t reach. When you’re a limp, happy noodle, he’s going to rinse you off, wrap you in a big fluffy towel, and then lay you out on the bed. You’re honestly so happy and relaxed that you could fall asleep right there, laid out naked and air-drying gently under the ceiling fan. Just as you’re about to drift off with a smile on your face, you feel Frankie’s big hand on your ankle, shifting you into position so that one leg is bent with your foot flat on the bed. Then he does the same with your other ankle, and you realize exactly what he’s about to do…

“Ohhh… Frankie baby.” You’re so relaxed you can’t even open your eyes. “You don’t have to do that, love. I’m so relaxed already.”

“But I want to, sweet thing. I love doing this for you.” His voice is low and even, and he’s kneeling between your legs, rubbing circles on the inside of your knee with his broad thumb. You’re so blissed out that you almost can’t respond. The moment hangs there, and he’s starting to think you’ve fallen asleep. But it’s just that your brain is slowly processing what he wants to do, and how good he is at it, and how many times he’s made you come so hard before just from eating you. And you start to get aroused, despite your drowsiness. So you try to speak, and when you do, your breath hitches: “Okay.”

And that’s all the assurance he needs. Frankie knows you love this, he just always needs to hear it; he makes sure that you give your consent. And when you do he’s off like a shot, leaning down immediately because he’s already got both you and himself into position. All he needed was a yes.

You feel him take the first lick, separating your folds, and he loves the way you taste. You’re still warm and damp and clean and relaxed, and Frankie likes to start you off relaxed, because he knows it won’t be long. He knows how good he is at this, how to push your buttons and in what order and when to flex his fingers and when to hold them still. He knows when to lick with a broad, flat tongue and when to flick your nub with the hard tip of it, and he works every angle you have until you’re arching your back and moaning his name. Your hands can’t find a resting spot and they’re moving on their own almost; tangling in his hair and then palming flat on your abdomen and then gripping the bedspread and then squeezing your own breasts. Frankie loves it when you start to thrash around, making little squeals like you’re about to sneeze. He knows you’re close.

He feels your pelvic muscles start to tense and he does that thing with his tongue one last time and you are suddenly off in space, arching your back so hard you’re practically bent in half and squeezing his head between your thighs. He works his fingers slowly, massaging that sweet spot of sensitive tissue behind your pubic mound with one broad finger and laying a long, sucking kiss to your clit. A few tears leak out of your eyes from the release, and you can’t remember your own name for a moment. There’s only you, and Frankie, and that mouth of his, now laying soft little kisses to your mound and your inner thighs as he pulls his fingers out gently.

“Was that good?”

---

Marcus “Anaconda” Pike…

You knew that Marcus had something special planned for your anniversary. There was no way he would tell you what it was, exactly. But from the little secret smiles and hurried phone calls in the past few weeks, you knew he was pleased with his clandestine planning.

The big weekend came, and you started off on your lovely trip to the beach. A nice relaxing weekend to get away from it all, to disconnect your phones and reconnect with each other. The drive was easy, the sightseeing was fun, and the hotel he had picked was beautiful. When you checked in, Marcus made you wait at the bar. And when you got off the elevator and opened the door to the suite, you saw why.

He didn’t want you to overhear that he had rented the Presidential Suite. An enormous extravagance (you would have been happy with a regular room), but for Marcus it was perfect. He wanted to show you a good time, and let you live it up in luxury for 48 hours. When you saw the bathroom you gasped: not only was it bigger than your whole bedroom back at your D.C. apartment, but it had the largest bathtub you had ever seen.

When you finally closed your jaw and turned to look at Marcus, he had an enormous grin on his face. He knew that you were tired of the tiny shower and shallow tub in your apartment, and he had made sure to ask for the suite with the best soaking tub. You wanted to live in it.

Marcus turned the faucet on and tested the water, then told you that you could spend the entire evening in the tub if you wanted, no need to get dressed up and go out to a fancy dinner. You squealed and kissed him and made him promise to get in with you. Then you had the best idea ever.

“Ice cream in the tub? Whatever my girl wants,” Marcus had grinned. He ordered up room service and then rubbed your shoulders as you sat on the edge with your feet in the warm bubbles. When the food arrived, Marcus set it up within easy reach on a little table tray. He had ordered french fries and your favorite ice cream: chocolate chip cookie dough.

“God, Marcus. I could die happy right now.” You sat shoulder-deep in the warm water and teased his toes with yours, swirling your feet in the water to try to reach him. Marcus wiped his mouth off with a napkin and tossed it on the tray.

“I hope you don’t die. I was kind of looking forward to a nice weekend.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you. “I had plans for later.”

You crooked your finger at him and he shifted to come over to your side of the tub. “What plans did you have in mind, Mr. Pike?”

“Oh, you know…” Marcus moved you away from the wall of the tub gently and then spread his legs open, sitting you down in the V and wrapping his arms around your torso.

He continued. “I thought we could start with a nice bath, maybe take this into the bedroom, see where the weekend goes.” He nuzzled your neck and your nipples popped to attention.

“Mm-hmm. Go on.”

“Well, I thought maybe after this I could rail you into the mattress. Make you come so hard and scream so loud that someone calls security.”

You giggled. “And then what?”

“Well,” Marcus kissed your neck and scraped his teeth gently over your ticklish spot, palming both of your breasts in his huge hands. “Once you’re nice and relaxed from two or three orgasms, I was going to break out the industrial lube and see if you wanted me to go in through the back door. Give you one of those nights you won’t ever forget.”

You gasped theatrically and he nuzzled your ear with his nose. “Because the last time we did that, sweet girl, you ended up being such a filthy little cum slut that I nearly had to tie you down. You were wiggling so hard I thought you were going to pop right off my cock.”

You moaned, somewhere between a hum and a wail. Marcus nipped your earlobe and continued his dirty monologue. “So if you want to get fucked into next week, baby girl, you’re going to have to be good for me this time. Don’t make me work so hard that it turns into a struggle fuck.”

Your eyes closed and you bit your lip as Marcus continued to run his hands up your sides, down your breasts, and finally, finally down to your sweet spot. He used two of his thick fingers to spread your outer lips open and then massaged your clit slowly. Your breathing stuttered as your mind started to ooze away into bliss.

Marcus’s next words were spoken in his normal, sweet, even tone, and it contrasted gorgeously with the depraved words. “Are we good, baby girl? Are you going to be a good little fuckdoll for me? Or do I have to tie you down?”

~The End~

[3pirouette]

Fic: An Experimental Design (3/?)

Title: An Experimental Design By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Disclaimer: They're not mine. Distribution: AO3  Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: Sequel to “What Number?”, also prompted from Steggy Bingo Bash Prompts.  Takes place about a week after that fic.

Chapter 3: Military Sanctioned Cohabitation

A/N: For the Steggy Bingo Prompt “Science Experiment.” This chapter is also inspired, in part, by the following quote from the movie Waitress, “I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness to it.”

~*~

Howard stared at them in disbelief. “You mean you…” he rolled his wrist around, watching as Steve turned a peculiar shade of red in front of him.

“Fondu.” Steve filled in quickly to end the torture, his face turning bright red. “Well, almost.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and huffed. She was still exhausted and already far past embarrassed, the use of euphemism was only prolonging her discomfort and wasn’t helping them at all. “Skin to skin contact helps, but then the quality of the pain changes. It only completely resolves once I’ve achieved orgasm.  We’ve been dry humping like teenagers, Howard.” She squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes.

Howard’s mouth hung open, his eyebrows at his hairline for a moment before he cleared his throat and looked down at his hands. They were sitting close, but not touching, across from him in his lab. It was late morning, and he’d emptied anyone and everyone who might overhear by kicking them out for lunch. Howard leaned forward, putting his hands on his knees. “And it’s only Steve?”

Peggy licked her lips, suddenly anxious. “When I fell in the briefing room, Colonel Phillips touched me. It felt like he’d torn my skin off.” Her eyes shifted between the two men. “I haven’t touched anyone else since Steve pulled me from the lab.”

Howard held out his hand slowly.

Peggy looked between Steve and Howard, and at Steve’s gentle nod, his promise that he’d be there for her if anything went wrong, she reached out and gently pressed her fingertips to his.

Relief flooded her face as she grasped his hand tighter. “Nothing.” She took a deep breath, smiling at both men. “Nothing good, nothing bad. Just… nothing.”

Howard chuckled as he let go of her, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life to hear that a woman felt nothing at my touch.”

Steve frowned, holding out his hand. Peggy took it and they all noticed her shoulders immediately relaxed, even though she was already happy.

“What just happened?” Howard asked, looking almost frantically between them. “What did you do?”

“I’m holding her hand,” Steve said harshly. After he left Peggy sleeping in the medical room he’d gone immediately to Phillips’ office where he’d been yelled at for over an hour. By the time Phillips ran out of things to say, Peggy was awake and asking for him. They’d barely had time to brush Peggy’s hair and find her some clothes before Howard was rushing them into his lab. Steve, who hadn’t slept in almost two days, knew he was unusually cranky and didn’t much care. “It calmed her down. Is that really that complicated, Howard?”

Peggy turned, looking at him, eyes reproachful. “Steve…”

“I haven’t slept since we left,” he leaned forward, putting his hands on his head and pressing his eyes shut tight. “I’m sorry, I’m exhausted.”

“Right, long few days,” Howard mumbled, even though he’d never, ever heard Steve bark at anyone like that, even going days without sleep. “I can understand that.” He didn’t understand it, though, and added it to his list of bizarre symptoms. Howard stood, zipping around the lab and coming back with a small ring with two keys on it. “You should get some rest.”

Steve and Peggy both looked at the keys, but Peggy beat him to the question. “What’s that for?”

Howard smiled and dangled them. “Seems dangerous to keep the two of you apart, and Phillips wants the you off base for a while. It’s an apartment just outside of London.” He bounced the keys, making them jingle in front of their faces. “Military sanctioned co-habitation.”

“Howard…” Peggy began to protest, but Howard held up his other hand, stopping her.

He dropped his hand and shrugged, handing Steve the keys. “You actually don’t get a say in this- it’s more of an experiment than anything.” He sat back down. “You told me the longer you’re apart, the worse it gets, right?”

Peggy nodded, still skeptical. “Correct.”

“Well, have you two tried not being apart?” He held out his hands, waiting, but neither could answer him. He already knew that they hadn’t, that they’d separated to their respective bunks every night like the stupid, rule following idiots they were. “Right. Well, there’s our first experiment: Cohabitation for the night.” He pointed at the two of them, eyes serious. “Legitimate research here. Touch each other, hang out, but no hanky-panky, got it? Clothes stay on, yes?” Steve and Peggy nodded. “I want to see if proximity, casual touches, can keep this thing at bay.”

Peggy’s jaw tightened. “What if it can’t?” she asked quietly, her fear only partially hidden by how calm she was.

Howard just shrugged. “You two do what you gotta do, then we try something else.” Howard caught Peggy’s eyes, holding her gaze. “I never want to see you, or anyone, in that much a pain again. But if Dugan can’t find me anything to go on, if he can’t even get me a clue as to what the hell they did to you, then I’m going to have to keep you two apart just so we can figure it out.” Howard dropped his head, taking a deep breath. “You use the numeric pain scale, right?” Steve nodded. “It gets above a three you do what you have to do.”

~*~

It was small and sparsely furnished, the way most things seemed shabby and not quite what they used to be since the war had started. Peggy slipped her duffel off her shoulder and walked around, hands gently gliding over surfaces as she passed them, leaving Steve behind to lock the door and settle their bags. The front room was serviceable: a little coffee table and a small couch and a radio. The kitchen was little more than a nook, but it was useable and she tried not to think about when the last time she’d actually cooked herself a meal was.  The bathroom was small, but cleaner and more private than anything on any base she’d seen. If the water was more than lukewarm, that alone would make this little experiment worth it.

She stopped at the door of the bedroom.

It had been months since she’d last slept on a real bed with real sheets and soft, fluffy pillows instead of the harsh, all weather canvas cots and bunks in flimsy tents and drafty bunkhouses the SSR provided. The bed took up nearly the whole room, mocking her.

“When I make love to you, Peggy, it’s not going to be up against a wall or behind a medical tent or in some goddamn mudhole where we’re both wondering if we’ll be caught any second. It’s going to be on a soft bed with nice sheets so I can take my time and kiss every inch of you, ok? I’m not… you deserve better than some tryst in the woods, ok? You deserve better and I’m going to make sure you get better.”

Steve’s voice echoed in her mind, his promise so sweet so long ago.

That choice, the choice to wait and discover one another when things were calmer, when they had all the time in the world and no duty but to one another, had been stolen.

Stolen by men behind surgical masks and clipboards.

Men who’d stripped her of her clothes and dignity.

Men who’d watched as her body had burned between pain and passion and she’d writhed on the table like some kind of snuff film actress.

A sob escaped her lips, biting and harsh. It surprised her in its ferocity, but the emotions behind it didn’t surprise her at all. She’d been holding them back for too long, trying and failing to channel them into her work.

Steve was behind her in an instant, his strong frame supporting her when her knees nearly buckled as the waves of emotion washed over her, tears pouring from her eyes. He spun her in his arms, tucking her gently to him, whispering words that made no sense to her in her hysterics.

Steve gently lowered them both to the ground, the wooden floorboards creaking below them as he held her tight.

~*~

Peggy woke up in the bed, tucked tight under the blanket, alone.

It was dark out; there was only blackness beyond the curtains, but there was light in the room coming from the crack left in the door. Beyond the room she could hear Steve puttering about in the kitchen. She took a deep breath, the sting at the back of her eyes from crying a feeling she hadn’t had in a very long time. She rubbed them, feeling worn out.

Steve had held her as she’d cried until she had spent herself. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours, she wasn’t sure. She vaguely remembered him lifting her in his arms, remembered him wrapping her up under the quilt then wrapping his body tight around her, her eyes fluttering closed with exhaustion.

It wasn’t surprising that her body was drained. Between the emotions and the physical sensations, she’d been through every extreme she could think of in the last day. Her limbs felt heavy, her stomach was flip flopping, and her head ached fiercely.

She rolled to the side and the sharp scent of Steve’s aftershave filled her nose. She took another deep breath, and felt some of the tension in her body drain.

Perhaps Howard was on to something, after all. She pealed herself from the bed, the chill in the room enough to make her shiver, but not enough to remind her of the cold of the front.

She padded quietly out of the room, squinting at the light as she emerged.

Steve smiled from where he stood at the small stove. “Good nap?”

Peggy pushed her hair behind her ears and nodded. “What are you making?”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “Chicken noodle soup.” He stirred the contents of the pot, “It was all that was there. Lots and lots of canned goods.”

Peggy’s smile was small, and she licked her lips. Slowly she moved over, hugging Steve tight from behind. Her head fit snugly between his shoulder blades, and she felt a bolt of calm move through her as he rubbed his hand over hers. “Thank you.”

He let his fingers lace with hers. “For what?”

“Everything.”

He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing the side of her thumb fiercely. “Always.” He set the spoon he was holding down and turned in her arms, wrapping her tight in his embrace. “I love you, Peg, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

She was successful at keeping her tears at bay with his words, but her breath still shuddered a bit as her heart pounded. She didn’t let go, but held him tighter, and he didn’t seem to mind staying right there with her. After a long moment, she smiled into his chest. “Despite everything, this is nice.”

Steve hummed in agreement, his hand cupping the back of her head gently, combing through her curls. “Not looking over our shoulders, wondering if someone’s gonna catch us.”

“Being able to hold you whenever I want.”

“For as long as I want.” He kissed the crown of her head, smiling softly. He rocked her gently back and forth, but cut the motion short and pushed her away as he turned quickly, flicking the dial on the stove off as the soup bubbled over in its pot. “Ok, maybe not as long,” he laughed, reaching for the towel by the sink.

~*~

They sat on opposite ends of the couch, Steve’s feet flat on the floor and Peggy’s feet in his lap as he quietly sketched. She was trying to read the same novel she’d been attempting to get through for two months, but it couldn’t quite hold her attention. Every few minutes Steve would ponder his next line or curve and drop his hand to her ankle, rubbing gently.

It was a wonder, these small touches. They seemed so taboo, yet so natural, and it felt completely right to give in to the need to simply touch one another all the time. They’d held hands through most of dinner, the soup easy enough to navigate with one hand, and Steve had kept his chest pressed to her back as she’d quickly cleaned the dishes, his hands resting gently on her hips.

It felt odd to be the master of her own time, to not be needed urgently here or there, to not have a meeting weighing on her mind or a report due on the colonel’s desk. She’d shoved the paperback in her duffel hastily, thinking maybe she’d finally be bored enough to invest in the mediocre love story.

Steve’s hands were infinitely more interesting.

The way he carefully kept his pencil away from her skin.

The way he stroked gently in the same pattern over and over again.

The way his hand was warm and calm and never demanded more or strayed higher than mid-calf.

She was calm. Serene.

She didn’t even feel the slightest tingle of pain.

Hours ago, the idea of being pain free, after weeks of dealing with near constant aches and stings throughout her entire body seemed unattainable. Now, it was happening and within her grasp. She sighed happily, causing Steve to look up at her, hand still gently moving on her ankle.

“You ok?” he asked, slightly concerned.

“Zero,” she smiled softly at him, her eyes warm. “Nothing at all. It’s… blissful.”

His hand pressed firmly against her leg as he smiled. “I’m glad.”

~*~

Peggy hesitated before coming out of the bathroom.

The shower had been delightful, the feeling of the water on her skin without the underlying sparks searing through her made her muscles melt with relaxation. She’d taken her time, pinning up her hair and stretching out the little bit of night cream she still had left to try to last another day. When she’d finally looked at herself in the mirror, the calmness evaporated a bit at the image of her in her ill-fitting, army issue pajamas with her hair pinned up and devoid of any make-up. Even though they’d agreed that things would stay strictly to casual touch, she still felt a pang of disappointment that the first time they were sharing a sleeping space that wasn’t a hastily constructed tent in a warzone wouldn’t be the romantic affair she’d often daydreamed about.

With a deep breath she stepped out of the bathroom and into the small bedroom. The only light was from the bedside lamp, illuminating Steve as he sat on the side of the bed, waiting for her.

He swallowed heavily and looked for all the world like the skinny, awkward boy she’d first met. “I wasn’t sure what side you wanted…” He trailed off as he stood and gestured to the bed; freshly made, pillows fluffed and waiting.

She got the feeling that he was somehow trying to impress her, standing there in his own army issue pajama pants and slightly threadbare undershirt. He didn’t seem put off by her appearance, either, and she tried to feel good about it. The thought warmed her, but did nothing for her own nerves.

She shrugged, moving past him into the dim room. “No preference, really.” The words came out far more confident than she felt, her hands tugging at the ends of her sleeves. She stepped to the far side where she had woken up earlier this afternoon. “Shall we?”

Steve nodded, pulling the covers back on his side as she pulled back hers. They both gingerly got into the bed as Steve reached over and turned off the light with a soft click, bathing them in darkness as they both settled.

“Ok?” Steve asked quietly.

“Oh yes, yes,” she replied quickly, staring up at the ceiling.

Silence stretched between them for long, quiet breaths.

“This is weird, right?” Steve asked suddenly.

Peggy laughed, a feeling of relief flooding her now that it had been said out loud. “Oh yes, quite.” She turned on her side. “Not how I imagined this at all.”

“This?” Steve turned his head, and she could make his outline out in the dark.

“Sharing a proper bed.” She held out her hand and he took it reflexively, squeezing tight.

Steve didn’t think twice before lifting the blanket and tugging at her hand. “Come here.” Peggy slid over, cuddling against his side without hesitation. “That’s better. Finally get you in a nice, soft bed and you’re all the way over on the other side of no man’s land.”

“Howard said no hanky panky,” Peggy muttered, nuzzling against his chest. “The closer I get to you the higher the potential for panky.”

Steve chuckled, gently sliding his hand over her shoulder. “Yes, but he did also say casual touching. This is casual.”

Peggy hummed happily, already feeling the pull of sleep. “Yes, and it’s lovely.”

~*~

Dugan stepped over the debris, cursing under his breath. Morita’s words behind him weren’t that different.

“You think they left us anything?” Morita asked, picking through the rubble of the abandoned base.

“Don’t know,” Dugan dropped his gun to his side, reaching down to pick up an abandoned waste paper basket by a desk. He turned it over, but it was empty. “But we better find something if we’re gonna help Peggy.”

“We bring back every single piece of paper we find,” Jones said, traipsing past them, “we leave nothing behind.”

[such-justice-wow]

Girl,👏 where 👏 is 👏 that 👏 katsu 👏 chicken 👏 yakisoba 👏 recipe?

Uhh? Recipe?

Cut in half then flattern 2 chicken breasts with a combination of a liter vodka bottle and your bare hands

Toast some panko crumbs in olive oil until golden brown while also boiling some instant noodles in another pan

Think you're burning the panko because you smell burning

Realise you actually left the other pan on the heat dry, after draining noodles. Rince the cinders out and put away

Microwave like a handful or two of peas in some water in a bowl

Chop 1 whole small white onions and about 7 leaves of bok choic

Coat the chicken in flour then egg with a little soy sauce and finally the panko in the pan. Add more untoasted panko because you misjudged how much you'd need

Lay on a baking tray and put in an oven heated to fan 180C

Clean pan full of panko and fry the onion and bok choi in some vegetable oil for about 15 minutes while you Google how to make yakisoba sauce

Realise you ran out of oyster sauce and Google oyster sauce substitutes

Disagree with them

Drain the peas in the same sieve as the noodles because you only have one sieve

Add to the pan of fried veg with a little more oil

Make up a sauce of about 2 table spoons soy, 2 of ketchup and 2 of Worcestershire sauce. Add some granulated sugar. A pinch or two to taste.

Stir together until everything is evenly coated

Leave on a low heat to keep warm while you flip the chicken after about 15 minutes

Fry the tiny bit of left over egg in one side of the pan. It's almost unnoticeable. You could have just thrown it away.

Wait another 15 minutes or so and take chicken out, cut into the thickest point of the thickest one to check its cooked through

Dish up by cutting the chicken nicely (and so you can be a weeb and eat with chopsticks) and laying on top of the noodles. Add a drizzle of Worcestershire sauce and soy sauce on top for the aesthetic and also flavour

Taaadaaa

[harvest-moon-cookbook]

TEMPURA UDON (Tempura Noodles)

(From BtN)

https://www.hwcmagazine.com/recipe/shrimp-tempura-udon-noodles/

Ingredients:

Udon Soup (vegan options below)

6 Dried shiitake mushrooms steeped in hot water for 30 minutes to soften-make sure you cover the mushrooms and use about 1.5 cups of hot water. Do not throw out the shiitake mushroom broth as this will be used in the soup broth)

1 cup Shiitake mushroom broth from the water used to soften the dried mushrooms.

1.5 cups Water

2 tsp Dashi powder (we used Ajinomoto Hondashi) (if you want to make vegan exchange with vegetable bouillon powder to taste)

1 tbsp Mirin Japanese cooking wine

1 tbsp Tamari (Soy) Sauce

Salt to taste

2 Green onion chopped - garnish

Udon Noodles

6 oz Udon noodles frozen (we like to use the frozen packages as they are pre-measured and are a little sturdier noodle compared to the fresh in the refrigerator isle) There are also gluten-free udon noodles available via amazon. (Kobayashi Noodle's Gluten Free Fresh Noodles are made from non-GMO 100% Japanese white rice or brown rice)

Water to boil noodles

Salt for the water

Shrimp Tempura (can exchange with vegetables to keep vegan)

10 Raw whole shrimp with tail (if you want to make vegan just exchange shrimp with slices of onion, pepper, thin sliced sweet potato or asparagus with peeled stem)

Oil for deep frying use a light flavored oil like vegetable or canola and enough to be at least to be 2 inches deep in the cooking vessel of choice.

1 cup Potato starch or cornstarch

1/2 cup Cake flour or 00 flour

1 Egg beaten (if you want to make it vegan just skip but note the batter consistency is a little heavier)

1 cup seltzer water super cold or cold water iced

Bowl of ice larger than your tempura batter bowl

Salt to taste as the shrimp come out of the fryer

Dipping sauce for Shrimp Tempura (optional)

1/2 cup Water

1/4 tsp Dashi powder

1 tbsp Tamari (soy) sauce

1 tbsp Mirin

1 tbsp daikon grated (squeeze to remove the excess juice)

Directions:

Prepare the Udon noodle broth - Pour boiling water over your dried shiitake mushroom, enough to cover and steep for about 30 minutes to allow to soften. Do NOT throw away the shiitake broth as this will be used in the soup broth. Remove the stems from shiitake mushrooms and slice thinly to use as a garnish for your soup. Set aside.

In a pot add your shiitake mushroom broth, water, dashi (if making vegan gluten free vegetable broth), mirin, tamari (soy) sauce and salt to taste over medium heat for about 10 minutes – keep warm. Skim the film off the top of the soup.

Boil your udon noodles in salted water for 2-3 minutes per package instructions and then rinse with cool water and set aside.

Prepare your shrimp- Peel your shrimp but leave on the tail. Remove the black/white vein from the back of the shrimp by running your knife along the back of the shrimp just and pull out the vein and discard. Lay your shrimp on its side and scrape any remove the black from the tail of the shrimp.

Make the shrimp long and flat - Lay the shrimp belly side up and make several horizontal slits about 1/8 apart only about half way through the shrimp. Be very careful to not cut all the way through. Then take the shrimp and flip over so the back side is up on top and lay flat on your working surface. Take your thumb and your pointer and middle finger and press down slightly to make flat. You will hear a slight crunch and that is exactly the effect you are going for. You want to break down the proteins so they lay flat and stay flat and long during the cooking process. Rinse the shrimps and dry extra good with a paper towel. You need to get the shrimp EXTRA dry!

Add cooking oil to your cooking vessel of choice. You need to make sure that the oil is at least 2 inches deep. Preheating your cooking oil to about 180 degrees C (360 degrees F). Your oil should sizzle when you put in a little bit of the tempura batter. Your oil should not be so hot that it is smoking.

In the meantime, prepare your tempura shrimp assembly line. Place ½ cup potato starch or cornstarch in one plate and set aside. Prepare your tempura batter. In a medium bowl add the other ½ cup of potato starch, ½ cup cake flour/00 flour (if need to be gluten free, try rice flour), 1 beaten egg and 1 cup extra cold seltzer water or just regular water. Mix, so very gently just to combine the big lumps but essentially it should be very lumpy and just barely combined and then it is perfect. Get this tempura batter on top of a larger bowl filled with ice to keep it cold. (if your batter gets warm it activated the glutens and this results in a tough batter and you want yours to light and crispy) You should now have in front of you your prepared shrimp, a plate of potato/corn starch for dusting, prepared tempura batter sitting over a bowl of ice and ready to go hot oil in your pan for frying.

Double check your oil to make sure it is ready to go. Place a little bit of the prepared tempura batter into your frying pan and if it sizzles you are ready to go.

Dip your shrimp into the potato starch/ corn starch to dust on all side and shake off the excess. Next dip your shrimp into the wet tempura batter on all sides and then slowly and carefully place your shrimp into the hot oil for frying. Fry the shrimp for about 1 to 1.5 minutes. You will know when your shrimp are done because then you pick up the shrimp they will be crispy on all side and the shrimp will stay firm and will not limp. If your oil is not hot enough, you will end up with a soggy shrimp and if the oil is too hot your shrimp will be tough. Remember you are looking for a 180 degrees C (360 degrees F) oil and your shrimp should sizzle aggressively when placed in the oil.

Remove the shrimp on to a plate lined with paper towels to drain and season with salt to taste.

Serving up your Shrimp Tempura Udon Noodle bowls. Place your cooked udon noodles into a serving bowl, ladle over the hot broth, garnish with sliced shitake mushrooms, sliced green onions and shrimp tempura.

We like to make extra shrimp tempura on the side and we serve with our dipping sauce. Mix water, dashi, tamari, mirin and grated daikon. Dip the prepared tempura shrimp into the dipping sauce and enjoy!

Notes

Buy whole raw shrimp with the tail on. Leaving the tail on makes for a super cute shrimp tempura.

Peel the shrimp but leave the tail on for aesthetic reasons.

Make sure you remove the vein from the back of the shrimp

Scrape and remove the black from the tail as this helps prevent some of the splashing during the frying as the tail can hold hidden moisture.

Make sure you dry your shrimp with a paper towel very well

To make your shrimp long and straight, you need to make cuts diagonally in the shrimp on the underside about half way through the shrimp, be careful not to go all the way through. Check out the video below on how to do this.

Next turn the shrimp with top side up and with your thumb and first 2 fingers on both hands gently press down until you hear that little cartilage crunch as the shrimp lengthens.

Make sure your shrimp are dried super well. This is super important.

Preheating your cooking oil to about 180 degrees C (360 degrees F). Your oil should sizzle when you put in a little bit of the tempura batter. Your oil should not be so hot that it is smoking.

Place potato starch in one bowl and dip each shrimp inside.

Next, dip each shrimp into prepared tempura batter. We used a premade tempura batter mix and mixed with super iced cold seltzer water. The reason why the water needs to be super iced cold as it prevents the gluten in the flour from activating. If glutens start to activate this can make the tempura batter tough or heavy. However, if you cannot find this then you can use cake batter, an egg and water/seltzer water instead.

Do not overmix the tempura batter as this will cause the glutens to activate and make your batter tough. Just toss the tempura flour mixture and the seltzer water or water just until combined. It will still have lumps and that is perfect. Lumpy tempura batter is preferred.

Keep your batter cool while frying your shrimp 1-2 at a time for about 1 minute. You will know when the shrimp are done as it will be completely crispy and the shrimp will be stiff and not limp when taken out of the oil. We put a bowl of ice under our tempura batter bowl to keep the batter cool.

Do not over crowd your frying pan. We used our wok and you need to have at least 2 inches of cooking oil at the bottom.

Be super careful and make sure that the younger kids steer clear of the kitchen and keep that handle safely off to the side. Be careful as you dip the battered shrimp carefully into the hot oil to fry. Drop the shrimp in and circle it around so that you lay it down in the oil going away from you.

Do not overcrowd your frying vessel with too many shrimp at a time as this will lower the temperature of your oil and they may stick together. It goes fast so just do 1-2 at a time.

Vegans, no problem as many low moisture vegetables are super delicious fried in tempura. Be sure to try thin slices of sweet potato, onion, bell peppers and asparagus. All these vegetables are super delicious.

We always season our tempura with a little salt immediately upon coming out of the fryer.

[najia-cooks]

[ID: A plate full of thick noodles in a light sauce, topped with carrots, cabbage, scallions, red pickled ginger, and vegetarian beef. Second image is a close-up showing the texture of the beef. End ID]

焼きうどん / Yaki udon (Japanese fried noodles)

Yaki ("fried" or "grilled") udon combines thick, chewy udon with vegetables, seared meat, and a savory sauce. It's flavorful, filling, and, if you already have udon on hand, fast!

Udon have a place in 和食 (washoku; "Japanese food" or "harmonious food")—'traditional' Japanese food that predates the increased opening of Japan to foreign trade and influence in the Meiji period. Yaki udon, though, like curry udon and yakisoba, is a more recent entry into Japanese cuisine, and is associated with 洋食(yoshoku; Western-style food).

Udon may be purchased dried, frozen, or, if you have a local east Asian grocery store, fresh; or, you can make them yourself at home.

Recipe under the cut!

Patreon | Tip jar

A couple different types of sauce are commonly eaten with yaki udon; instructions to make each are given below.

Serves 2.

Ingredients:

For the dish:

2 servings (400g) fresh uncooked udon (180g dry; 500g frozen)

1 small yellow onion, thinly sliced

3 leaves green cabbage, cut into bite-sized pieces

2 inches (55g) carrot, julienned

3 scallions, cut into 2-inch (5cm) pieces

3 shiitake mushrooms, thinly sliced

1 Tbsp neutral oil

Ground black pepper, to taste

Benishoga (pickled red ginger), to garnish

Green "cannonball" cabbage (the kind most commonly sold in the U.S.) is the type usually used for yaki udon; if you choose to use napa cabbage, add it in a bit later in the cooking time than the rest of the vegetables.

For the meat:

1/4 cup (9g) heo lát chay or bò lát chay (optional)

1 cup hot water

1/2 tsp vegetarian 'beef' stock concentrate, or 'beef' pho seasoning

Heo lát chay (vegetarian pork slices) or bò lát chay (vegetarian beef slices) are Vietnamese meat replacements that can be found in the dried goods section of an Asian grocery store. They may also be labelled "vegetarian food," "vegetarian meat slice," or "vegan food." Pork belly is the most common meat used in yaki udon, but any meat or seafood substitute will work—or just omit the meat.

For the sauce:

Version 1:

1/4 cup usata sosu (ウスターソース), also often known as sosu (ソース)

1 tsp Japanese soy sauce, such as Kikkoman's

The linked recipe is for a from-scratch version of usata sosu, but you can also check my yakisoba recipe for a quick version.

Version 2:

Another common choice of sauce for yaki udon combines mentsuyu and soy sauce, instead of combining usata sosu and soy sauce (in the same proportion given above). If you don't have mentsuyu, you may substitute for it by combining:

2 Tbsp Japanese soy sauce

2 Tbsp sake

1 tsp mirin or granulated sugar

3/4 tsp kombu dashi powder, or powdered shiitake mushroom

Along with the 1 tsp soy sauce from above.

Instructions:

To cook the noodles:

1. Bring a large pot of unsalted water to a rolling boil. Shake excess starch off of the noodles and add them to the pot.

2. Cook, stirring occasionally with chopsticks or a pasta spoon, until the noodles are cooked through and no longer taste raw. This will take 10-13 minutes for fresh or dried noodles, and 13-15 minutes for frozen. If your frozen noodles are parboiled, they will only need to be blanched for 30 seconds to a minute: be sure to read the package instructions.

The noodles should be slippery and neither hard in the center (if dried) or mushy on the outside, but firm and "koshi" (こし or コシ; "with body," "al dente").

3. Drain and rinse with cold water to halt cooking and rinse off excess starch. Set aside.

For the meat:

1. Whisk stock concentrate into hot water until combined. Add heo or bò lát chay and allow to soak until rehydrated.

2. Simmer lát chay and stock in a small sauce pot until all the liquid has evaporated. Set aside.

For the dish:

1. Heat a large skillet or wok on medium-high for several minutes and then add oil. Sear lát chay, turning once, until browned on both sides.

2. Add sliced onion and continue to sauté, stirring occasionally, until translucent.

3. Add carrots, cabbage, mushrooms, and black pepper and stir to combine. Fry for a few minutes until vegetables are softened.

4. Add noodles and scallions and, using tongs or a spatula, stir to combine. Cook for a minute, until scallions are wilted.

5. Add sauce ingredients and stir. Cook for another few minutes, stirring occasionally, until the sauce has thickened slightly.

Top with more black pepper and benishoga and serve warm.

[fattywrites]

Cheap, Simple Recipes

So I’ve put together 10 of my cheapest recipes. Each one - according to my grocery costs - runs about ~$5 to feed ~6 people (or one very, very hungry fatty). 

1. cabbage and sausage >>put like half a stick of butter in a pan (this is necessary). Get in melting. Go in with a sliced onion and one of those rul cheap smoked sausage links cut into slices (I cut mine super thin so that I get more bites of sausage). When the sausage is looking brown and the onions are soft, hit it with an entire head of cabbage. You can cut the cabbage how you want to. Sometimes I slice it thin like slaw, and this only takes like 40 minutes. Other times I cut it in bite-size squares, and this takes an hour and a half. It’s up to you. Anyway throw a whole head of cabbage sans core in there. If you can barely stir the pan, you’re doing it right. Season with seasoned salt or creole seasoning (or regular salt, I guess) and let it cook covered low and slow, stirring it like every 10-15 minutes until the cabbage is all softened and buttery and your mouth is watering. I honestly make this like every two weeks cuz it’s life, so be warned, it’s addictive.

2. haluski >>Shred an entire head of cabbage and start melting some butter in a rul big sautee pan. When the butter’s melted throw in the cabbage. You can also throw in a sliced onion if you want. Don’t forget to salt and pepper (I use creole seasoning, keep in interesting). Get that going. Heat a pot of salted water (I use creole seasoning to salt the water, too. No chill) to a boil while the cabbage is going. Add in a bag of egg noodles to the water, cook & drain them. The cabbage should be ready. Add in the egg noodles. Carefully fry them up with the cabbage, adding more butter if you need to. Once it’s getting a little crispy, take it off the heat and serve.

3. congris >>I’m going to be honest, I have about 7 different recipes for congris and I don’t remember which one is my favorite so I’m going to give you 2 options Option one: drain a can of black beans over a measuring cup. Get a sauce pot hot with some coconut oil, fry up a lil garlic, a small onion, and like half of a green bell pepper. Add in 2 cups rice and fry it in the oil for 3 mins (I actually set a timer cuz I’m bad at noticing when the rice is toasted). Hit it with the beans, then take your measuring cup to your water supply and fill it to the 3 cup mark (move fast don’t burn your rice). Add the water in (stand back it’s gone bubble up). Mix it. Season it with EITHER adobo seasoning OR a chicken bouillon cube (Maggi is the best ijs). Add a touch of oregano. Bring it to the boil, boil it until the water’s looking kind of evaporated and you can see the rice, then cover it, drop it to low, and let it steam for 30 minutes. You actually want the rice to be dry not sticky, and for there to be a crust on the bottom of the pan. Option two: drain a can of black beans over a measuring cup. Get a sauce pot hot with some coconut oil and fry up like a 1/4 or a 1/3 cup of sofrito (the green one. It has a different name in the grocery store but literally everyone I know whose latinx calls them both sofrito lmao). This is not going to take long. Add in your 2 cups rice, toast it 3 minutes. Add the black beans in. Fill your bean-juice filled cup up to 3 cups, add it in. Use EITHER adobo seasoning to taste OR add a chicken cube (Maggi is best). Boil it until the extra water has evaporated off, drop it to low-low and cover it, let it cook 30 minutes until the rice is cooked by dry and there’s a crust on the bottom of the pan.

4. split pea soup >>Heat your oil of choice in the bottom of a pot, then add in some onion, garlic, a carrot cut into pieces, and if you have any, some sweet pepper. Let it cook a little. Wash and drain 2 cups (or a 1lb bag) of split peas. Add them in. Cover in water, add in chicken bouillon for your salt, then throw in a leftover steak bone. Cook for 2-3 hours or until the peas have turned to mush. Can be eaten on its own but I like to crumble a piece of corn bread in the bottom of my bowl and then ladle the soup over it, oh ma god.

5. bacon beans >>Cut up like half a package to a full package of bacon and fry them in your soup pot. When the fat is rendered out, add in 1-2 jalepenos diced finely with their membranes and seeds removed (you can put the seeds if you want but that’ll make this rul spicy). Wash and sort 2 cups or a 1 lb bag of dry pinto beans (no soaking required). Add them into the pot when the bacon’s looking incredible, then add enough water to cover the beans by like an inch. Add a chicken bouillon cube and about 1/3 cup of red salsa (whatever’s in your fridge is fine). Mix it up, and cook it covered (or uncovered if it looks soupy) for a few hours. It’s done when the beans are soft and tender and when your entire house smells so good you don’t even know what to do about it. Like the split pea soup, I usually serve this over a crumbled up slice of corn bread.

6. ham and peas >>Dice up a package of fully cooked ham (you can use those precut ham chunks, you can use a ham slice, you can use ham slices for sandwiches if that’s all you have, you can also use smoked sausage cut in quarters and diced or hot dogs diced up, I won’t tell on you lol). Add a good amount of butter to a sauce pan, add some sliced garlic, put it on medium heat, go in with your ham and sautee it. When it’s starting to get brown, add in a bag of frozen peas. Let it heat through and mix around until the peas are that gorgeous bright green color they get. Then take it off the heat. This literally takes like 10 minutes.

7. pasta e ceci >>fun fact, I got this recipe from my Italian Renaissance history professor. This dish predates the use of tomatoes in Italy and it was a staple dish among the peasants. Put some olive oil in a pan. Slice up a few garlic cloves, put them in the cold oil, then turn the heat on. Once that’s sizzling dump in a can of chickpeas with their juices. Add a little bit more water to make sure they’re covered, change the heat to high. Add adobo seasoning (or salt, I guess) and like a half tablespoon of dried rosemary depending on how old your rosemary is. Let it boil for like 5 minutes, then mash 1/2-3/4 of the chickpeas. Add in 2 cups of a small pasta shape - elbows, shells, bowties, etc - then add enough water to cover the pasta by like an inch. Still on high heat, cook it, stirring occasionally, until the pasta is done and the chickpea sauce is thicc. This takes about 15 minutes but it also depends on how much water you add and I am a lawless hellion who doesn’t measure things so I can’t help you there. This tastes amazing asf though.

8. beans and greens >>Soake a 1lb bag of washed/sorted white beans the night before.Day of, add garlic to a good amount of butter or olive oil in a soup pot, then heat it. Water your outdoor plants with the bean water, then add the beans to the pot and add fresh water to cover the beans by an inch or two. Add in some chicken bouillon as salt, a can of diced tomatoes, some herbs (I like italian seasoning here), a little red pepper flake, and lots of black pepper. If you have any old hard cheese rinds, add it in here, too. Cook it for like 2 hours until the white beans get rul thicc and break down. Then add some finely sliced dark, leafy greens and let them break down (if you’re using collards just add them when you add the beans, btw. But I typically use a bag of frozen kale cuz it’s already cut small asf). Also this might take a lot longer than 2 hours to cook if you have old beans, fair warning. After the greens are tender, the soup is done. As a Next Level flavoring, if you have miso paste on hand and you mix a little in at the end it takes this soup to the next level. This is definitely optional, though.

9. john bisseti >>This is another old family recipe from my great-grandmother during the Great Depression. One time her sister published the recipe and she didn’t talk to her for a few years. My great-grandmother passed away like 40 years ago but I don’t want to be haunted so I’ve adapted this from her original a little, it is not the recipe I use. Brown a package of ground sausage with green pepper, onion, and celery, and cook a bag of egg noodles. Mix up a can of condensed tomato soup. Grease a 9x13 baking dish. Add half the noodles, then add half the sausage mix. Add the rest of the noodles, then add the rest of the meat. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top, then pour the soup mix over everything. Bake at 375 for 1 hour. You want the noodles at the top to be crisp and crunchy.

10. kimchi soup >>This isn’t authentic at all but it’s friggin delicious and I highly recommend it. Heat oil in the bottom of a soup pot. Sautee a sliced smoke sausage link and the white parts from a full bunch of green onions. If you want to splurge for mushrooms, dice some up and add those as well. Once it’s a bit brown, go in with a jar of kimchi that’s already cut up. If you don’t want this to clear your sinuses I recommend draining the brine off* first. Saute it a little bit, then add an entire head of cabbage cut in bite-size pieces (shredded, square, your choice). If it’s hard to mix, you’re doing it right. Season with adobo or creole seasoning or salt--kimchi is salty so don’t use too much, and especially if you put the brine it, you may not need to add salt at all. Let it go on low like 20 minutes, then go mix it up so your sausage doesn’t burn. Then cook the shit out of it. Low and slow for like 2-3 hours. You shouldn’t need to add any liquid beyond what cooks out of the cabbage. Just before serving add in all the green parts from your green onion bundle. This soup is the best.

PROTIP: you can reserve the kimchi brine (or the brine of any pickles you like) in a jar, add in freshly cut vegetables, put it back in the fridge, and in a few days you can enjoy refrigerator pickles.

[bentonpena]

Tofu Freaking Rules

Tofu Freaking Rules https://bit.ly/350TvUV

We need to talk about tofu. As Beyond Meat and Impossible Burger mania sweeps the globe, the OG vegan protein is getting left behind—and I, for one, hate to see it. If you’re serious about reducing your reliance on animal products, tofu has the potential to change your diet—and life—for the better.

To some extent, I get why so many people, particularly American meat-eaters, are resistant to the entire concept of tofu. Western culture has ruthlessly (and racist-ly) slandered the humble soy-based protein for as long as we’ve known about it, so a lot of us were basically programmed from birth to think it’s garbage.

I’m begging you to reconsider. When correctly prepared, tofu is a textural marvel, running the gamut from delicate and custardy to deep-fried and crunchy. Its unmatched flavor-absorbing powers make it a total chameleon; it truly can be anything you want it to be. I’ve loved tofu my whole meat-eating life, and I’m here to convert the naysayers. Welcome to my Tofu Manifesto.

You’re probably thinking about tofu all wrong

The biggest, wrongest tofu misconception is that it’s strictly a meat substitute. Sure, it can be that if it needs to—but tofu’s closest animal protein analog is actually the egg. On their own, eggs are bland; it’s their ability to morph into a staggering array of forms and textures that makes them so special. However you like your eggs—fried crisp with lacy edges, scrambled soft with lots of butter, or cooked into a puffy, tender frittata—I’m willing to bet your preferences come down to texture rather than flavor.

The same is true for tofu, which is why I’m skeptical when people insist they don’t like how it tastes. Soft and silken tofu has a more noticeable soy milk vibe than the firm stuff, but for the most part, it adds no flavor whatsoever to a dish. Tofu only tastes as good as the sauce it’s served in—texture is basically the whole point.

It’s embarrassingly easy to make tofu taste amazing

Contrary to popular assumption, delicious tofu takes barely any work at all. In fact, all the usual hacks try way too hard: Pressing takes forever (and freezing even longer); marinating often yields profoundly mediocre results; a cornstarch dredge too easily sogs out. None of these techniques work particularly well on medium-to-soft tofu, and with the exception of marinating, they also offer absolutely nothing in the way of seasoning.

For all of these reasons and more, the salt water trick is the only tofu hack worth knowing. Hot, salty water is a tofu prep triple threat: It dehydrates firm tofu so it crisps up quickly, sets super-fragile soft tofu so it doesn’t fall apart, and seasons everything through and through. It also adds as much work to your dinner prep as boiling pasta. I’ll get into the specific techniques in a bit; for now, just know that the salt water hack promoted tofu from something I’d buy occasionally to a legit, can’t-live-without-it staple.

If you remain unmoved, I’ve collected my favorite tofu products and preparations in one place, starting with the most hater-friendly ones. This isn’t a recipe post—it’s all about the technique. (Where applicable, I’ll link to specific recipes that I used and explain how I adjusted them to work with tofu, with the hope that you’ll soon be doing the same.)

Even hardline skeptics love fried tofu puffs

Tofu puffs are cheap, delicious, deep-fried flavor sponges that need zero prep; in other words, they’re easy to love. You can toss them whole into curries and stews for a fun textural element, but I strongly recommend taking 30 seconds to slice them in half. With their honeycomb-like interiors exposed, these puffy little nuggets soak up sauce like nobody’s business—without compromising their crispiness.

To show them off, I made my favorite Maangchi recipe—cheese buldak, or fire chicken with cheese—with halved tofu puffs instead of chicken breast.

Those two ingredients are obviously nothing alike, but the swap totally works thanks to the insanely powerful sauce. Red-hot both in color and spice level, surprisingly sweet, and with enough fresh ginger and garlic to put hair on your chest, it more than picks up the slack for something as bland as chicken breast or unseasoned tofu. Having made this dish with chicken dozens of times, I have to say—I prefer the puffs. Even when saturated with sauce, they stay light and puffy, which is the perfect contrast to the ultra-chewy texture of sliced rice cakes and melted mozzarella.

Pressed tofu does (most of) the prep work for you

As the name implies, pressed tofu has already been pressed to remove most of its moisture, resulting in a pleasantly toothsome texture. You can buy it pre-seasoned with soy sauce and five spice powder, but I like it plain so I can season it however I like.

Here, I whipped up a vaguely Spam-inspired mixture of roughly 2 tablespoons each of soy sauce and sugar, plus a teaspoon of garlic powder and a few shakes of smoky hot sauce (El Yucateco Black Label Reserve for life). I added some cubed pressed tofu and let everyone hang out about 20 minutes, flipping them around halfway through. You don’t need much marinade; a shallow layer is plenty.

I then used it to bulk up a super basic batch of fried rice with ginger, garlic, carrots, and frozen peas. The cubes got nicely crispy and charred on the edges, and were just what I needed to add some substance to a huge bowl of fried carbs.

Unseasoned pressed tofu also makes great vegan “paneer:” Cube it up and marinate in lemon juice with a few pinches of salt for 30 minutes, or longer if you have the time. As with regular paneer, you can pan-fry the tofu or leave it alone; either way, you’ll be surprised at how closely the marinated tofu mimics the texture and flavor of the real thing.

Medium-to-firm tofu needs a little TLC

This range of the tofu spectrum is the most recognizable and the least immediately appealing. I mean, just look at this:

In my experience, the variations between medium, firm, and extra-firm tofu are pretty meaningless, and I use them all interchangeably. Left uncooked, they all have a texture best described as “rubbery,” with no discernible flavor at all. Their highest calling is getting crispy in a hot skillet and doused in a flavorful sauce.

All you need to make crunchy pan-fried tofu is salt water, a good nonstick pan, and all of 20-30 minutes. That’s it. Here’s my usual procedure for a standard 1-pound block.

Before I do any other ingredient prep, I bring 2-3 cups of salted water and 2 teaspoons of table salt to a strong boil in a saucepan. Then I cut the heat, slide in my tofu, and let it sit while I prepare the rest of the recipe. After 15-20 minutes, I drain off the water and either pat the tofu dry on clean towels or leave it in the colander until I need it.

To get that crispy surface going, I coat my big cast-iron skillet with a thin layer of neutral oil and heat it over medium-high. I then add the tofu, spread it into an even layer, and leave it completely alone for at least 5 minutes.

Once the edges start to brown, I flip it over and do the same on the other side.

Boom. Done. Obviously, I used crumbled tofu here—it’s my favorite—but this works just as well with cubes, slabs, triangles, or any other shape you can dream up.

Don’t sleep on crumbled tofu

I know I said that tofu isn’t a meat substitute, but crispy tofu crumbles get really fucking close. In many cases, I prefer them to meat because they hold their shape—and a surprising amount of crunch—even when simmered for a long time. Sure, they don’t give you the specific richness you get with ground pork or beef, but with the right recipe you won’t miss it at all.

Speaking of the right recipe, Bon Appétit Test Kitchen director Chris Morocco’s spicy sweet sambal pork noodles are flawless—but, despite the name, I’ve actually never made them with meat. I only had tofu the first time I made them, and they turned out so well that I’m fine with never learning how they taste with pork.

I make the recipe exactly as written, except—obviously—I leave the pork out. Instead, I fry up soaked, crumbled firm tofu in a separate skillet while the sauce simmers, then dump ‘em in and toss everything together with cooked noodles. This cuts at least 30 minutes off the cook time without compromising on anything except porkiness, which I promise won’t even register.

You can also use tofu crumbles like ground beef. I usually throw in some minced onion and garlic in once the tofu is nice and crispy, then cook it down with a little tomato paste, taco seasoning, and cheap beer if I’ve got it.

It’s not beefy, exactly, but it tastes incredible in its own right—and makes a killer vegan-friendly crunchwrap filling.

You can roast tofu, too

Maybe you’d rather not spray your stovetop with oil in the name of crispy tofu. In that case, roasted tofu is for you. The results are directly comparable to pan-frying—they just take a little longer to get there.

Start with soaked, drained tofu, preferably cut into triangles or flat slabs so they’re easy to flip. Arrange on a clean towel and let them dry out while your oven preheats to 450ºF.

If you like, cut a vegetable of your choice into similarly-sized pieces and toss them with a tablespoon or two of neutral oil; I’m using kabocha squash here.

Place a sheet pan on the lowest oven rack. After about 3 minutes, add 2-3 tablespoons of neutral oil to the pan, put it back in the oven, and heat for another minute or two. Carefully transfer the tofu and vegetables to the hot oiled pan, return to the bottom rack, and roast for at least 20 minutes. Flip everything over and roast for another 15-20 minutes, until the tofu is super crispy on both sides and the vegetables are browned and soft.

You can eat the whole shebang straight off the pan—perhaps drizzled with spicy peanut sauce or chili oil—but I added mine to a quick curry made with Maesri panang curry paste, palm sugar, and coconut milk. (Maesri is the only brand I’ve found that doesn’t use shrimp paste or fish sauce; if you usually avoid prepared curry paste for allergy or vegan reasons, give it a try.)

To be completely honest, the kabocha was a miss—the flesh was too dry, and the skin was super tough. The crispy roasted tofu, however, slapped. They can’t all be bangers; such is the nature of experimentation.

When you feel ready, silken tofu is there for you

The next stop on our tour de tofu is the most controversial, misunderstood one yet: Soft or silken tofu. Yes, it’s bland. Unseasoned coagulated soy milk isn’t going to blow your mind with super-concentrated umami or whatever. But when prepared correctly, soft tofu is more than just delicious—it’s absolutely sublime. I will go to bat for it all day long, and I would love to tell you why.

The dish that changed my mind about silken tofu came from Biwa, a now-closed izakaya-style bar in Portland. It was deceptively simple: A whole block of chilled silken tofu drizzled with sweet soy sauce and topped with bias-cut scallions, fistfuls of toasted sesame seeds, and paper-thin bonito shavings. I ordered it every time, and my friends would always be like—“Cold tofu? Why?” But if I could convince them to take a bite, they’d understand. It was like eating a deeply savory panna cotta.

Unfortunately, my dearly departed Tofu Slab is no more—and my attempts to recreate it have been so unsuccessful that I’m forced to settle for the next best thing: Salt water-soaked silken tofu mounded on hot white rice and drowned in chili oil, soy sauce, and black vinegar.

I’m not complaining. The salt water, once again, is key: It turns a cold, slimy block of tofu into a piping-hot savory custard, which is the perfect canvas for condiments. Sure, there’s not much in the way of textural contrast, but the softness is so comforting and nice that I think a crunchy element would actually defeat the purpose. It’s a delicious, balanced, reasonably nutritious meal you can throw together in the time it takes to cook a pot of rice.

Putting it all together: All-tofu mapo tofu

Neglecting to mention mapo tofu in an article about tofu is basically journalistic malpractice. The iconic Sichuanese tofu dish is rich, meaty, spicy, funky, sour, and savory all at once—and slicked with lip-numbing Sichuan peppercorn oil for good measure. It’s a top 3 dish for me; I make it all the time, usually using Maggie Zhu’s recipe from the Omnivore’s Cookbook.

Being a big vegetable fan, I’ve experimented with using minced veg—eggplant, mushrooms, and even carrots—in place of the traditional ground meat. But this time, I decided to follow my vision and make a variant I’m calling “Oops! All Tofu.” I approached this recipe just like the sambal noodles, swapping crispy tofu crumbles in for the ground pork—but this time, I also soaked some cubed soft tofu in a fresh pot of salt water while the sauce simmered away.

This was one of the most delicious things I’ve ever made. The nubbins of soft tofu were literally melt-in-your-mouth tender, while the crispy crumbles turned downright meaty as they soaked up the spicy, salty, rich sauce. It made me even more certain of all of the (correct) tofu opinions I just laid out before you and, if you’ll let it, it has the power to convert you too.

Internet via Lifehacker https://bit.ly/2VwWgKq April 24, 2020 at 12:01PM

[badsext]

Cooking with Klaus x Reader (any gender)

****Fluff and vegan recipe to which you could and should add cheese if so desired. I support all types of food eaters 😘

It’s a hot night in mid-August. A thunderstorm is moving in and it has just started raining as you and Klaus make your way inside the mansion, each of you sweating and struggling with overflowing bags of groceries.

“This always happens when I shop hungry,” Klaus says as he heaves his bags onto the counter.

“I hope we got everything for the recipe.” You open the recipe book your aunt gave you when you decided to stop eating meat. She was kind and supportive when the rest of your family just laughed and made jokes at your expense. You get wistful thinking of how much she would have loved Klaus. Klaus who is elbow deep in a box of cereal.

“Hey, you’re going to spoil your dinner!,” you yell, snatching the box. “I need you to cut the eggplant into half inch round slices.”

Klaus sticks both tattooed palms up defensively and grins. “Oh, sorry,” you laugh when you realize that you are gesturing with the pointy end of the knife.

“Channeling our inner Diego tonight, are we?,” Klaus teases as he begins cutting. The slices get a sprinkle of salt to draw out the bitterness of the eggplant.

You put on the old stereo while you preheat the oven and set up the breadcrumbs for dipping. The sauce is simmering and the water for the pasta is boiling. You sneak up behind Klaus, kissing his neck. “Hey you’re going to make me lose a finger here.” He turns, presses his lips to yours and wraps his arms around your waist. You sway gently to the music with your head on his shoulder like a couple celebrating the end of the war.

So much has happened to bring you both to this point. After meeting Klaus in rehab, you recommitted yourselves to recovery and pulled each other through terrible temptation and sleepless nights. Now at twelve months sober, your bond is stronger than ever.

Ben is an active participant in your conversations and some arguments too. You can always tell when Ben takes your side because it drives Klaus crazy. He is a terrible liar when he’s sober. His face is just too expressive.

“Time to dip!,” you shout. Klaus grabs your hand and tips you into his arm.

“I meant dip the eggplant into the breadcrumbs.”

“I knew what you meant,” Klaus smiles and sets you upright again.

“We have to rinse them now and squeeze all the water out.”

“This is quite a process,”

“Totally worth it, you’ll see.”

You finish the breading the slices and stick them in the oven. Klaus’ hands are a mess. “You seem to have breaded your fingers, love.” He growls, holding them out like monster claws and and chases you around the kitchen.

Still giggling, you lean over the stove and pull out the skillet.

“What are you frying? I thought you cook this stuff in the oven. I’m so hungry.”

“Frying makes them extra crispy…Taste the sauce…Tell me what you think.” Klaus sips some sauce from a wooden spoon. Then he holds some out for you to try, cupping his hand underneath to catch the drips. “This is definitely a cliche moment we are having here,” you snort.

The meal comes together on the table and you both dig in.

“This is really delicious,” he says slurping up a noodle.

“You’ve come a long way from dumpster doughnuts,” you smile encouragingly.

“Hey, don’t knock ‘em till you try ‘em,” he laughs.

Thunder crashes and the lights go out. You are grateful it happened while you were in the kitchen and not in the parlor with all the taxidermied animals and likely cursed artifacts stolen from indigenous people.

“Do you have any candles?”

“What an absurd question.” Klaus lights an enormous antique candelabra. The two of you dine together by candlelight while the rain pounds on the windows.

**Recipe from https://minimalistbaker.com

Ingredients

EGGPLANT PARMESAN

1 medium eggplant (as narrow as possible)*

¼ cup unbleached all-purpose flour (or other flour of choice - GF for gluten-free eaters)

1 cup panko bread crumbs (GF for gluten-free eaters)

2 Tbsp vegan parmesan (plus more for serving // or sub 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast per 2 Tbsp vegan parmesan)

1 tsp dried oregano (or sub 2 tsp fresh per 1 tsp dried)

¼ tsp sea salt

½ cup unsweetened plain almond milk (or other neutral milk) 1 tsp cornstarch

PASTA + SAUCE

8 ounces pasta (such as linguini, but any kind will do, including veggie noodles or gluten-free)

2 cups marinara sauce

Instructions

Slice eggplant into thin rounds slightly less than ½ inch thick, and sprinkle each side liberally with sea salt. Arrange in a circular pattern in a colander and place in the sink to draw out the bitter taste of the eggplant.

Let rest for 15 minutes, then rinse and arrange on a clean absorbent kitchen towel. Top with another clean dish towel and lay a baking sheet on top. Place something heavy on top, such as a cast iron skillet, to thoroughly dry for at least 10 minutes.

In the meantime, preheat oven to 400 degrees F (204 C) and line a baking sheet with foil and spritz with nonstick spray. Also, if making pasta, bring water to a boil in a large saucepan.

Prepare your dipping stations by placing almond milk + cornstarch in one bowl; flour in another bowl; and bread crumbs + sea salt + oregano + vegan parmesan (or nutritional yeast) in another bowl.

Once thoroughly dry, dip eggplant slices in flour, then almond milk mixture, then breadcrumbs. Arrange on the baking sheet and pop in oven to bake for a total of 20-30 minutes.

IMPORTANT STEP: While the eggplant is in the oven, bring a large skillet to medium heat. Once hot, add 2 Tbsp olive oil (or sub avocado oil // amount as original recipe is written // adjust if altering batch size) and pull 3-4 eggplant rounds out of the oven at a time and sauté to give them extra crisp and texture. Cook for ~2 minutes on each side (or browned) and then return to oven to continue crisping. Do this in batches until all rounds are browned.

While eggplant is browning in the oven, prepare marinara. I prefer adding my tomato sauce and spices to a serving bowl and microwaving to warm, but you could also heat it on the stove. Set aside.

Once done cooking, drain pasta and cover with a towel to keep warm. Set aside.

To serve: Plate pasta and eggplant slices and marinara in a dish as a dipping sauce. Additional vegan parmesan cheese makes an excellent topper.

Leftovers don’t really reheat well, so it’s best when fresh.

My Masterlist: https://badsext.tumblr.com/post/184001006142/masterlist-smut-fluff-klaus-hargreeves

@hbmoore1986 @turtlease @a–plain–bagel @phoenix-burns-wildly @coolraisin @sohosyed

[chw131]

Repost @plantbasedgala - Turn on post notifications to stay updated with our latest posts! Tag a friend that would love to eat this Vegan Pad Thai 🍜 Via @thefoodietakesflight Via @veganbombs (Noodle recipe below!) Craving some pad thai 😟 i made this bowl of pad thai from way back (we’re talking one year ago) and still haven’t gotten myself to recreate this. I have worked on similar rice noodle recipes (check out a similar recipe below!) though but I’m sharing this tonight to remind myself to make myself some pad Thai in the coming days! __ The weather’s also been really cool here in Manila which makes me really happy because we rarely ever experience cool winds here. Oh and our definition of cool is around 25 degrees Celsius. Not bad though. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ __ Stir-fried sweet chili rice noodles __ 200g dry rice noodles Sliced vegetables of choice (I used bell peppers and leeks) Sweet Chili Peanut Sauce 2 tbsp sesame oil __ Sweet-Chili Peanut Sauce __ 1 tbsp peanut butter 2 tbsp water 3 tbsp soy sauce 2 tbsp maple syrup 1 tbsp sriracha (you can opt to less/more depending on your desired spice level) 1 clove garlic, minced 2 tbsp sesame oil __ 1. In a bowl, dilute the peanut butter in 2 tbsp water. 2. Mix in the rest of the ingredients and set aside. 3. Heat a large skillet. Add in 2 tbsp sesame oil. 4. Sauté the vegetables. I sautéed the red cabbage and carrots first before setting them aside. Then I sautéed the bell peppers and onions. 5. While cooking the vegetables, half cook the rice noodles in some boiling water. Drain and coat with a little oil to avoid them from sticking together. 6. Add in the noodles to the pan along with the veggies. Pour in the sauce. Allow the noodles to cook in the sauce for 3-5 minutes. 7. Enjoy while hot! Rice noodles tend to get sticker as it cools so feel free to add more sesame oil if needed DM us to purchase a feature! Follow @plantbasedgala Follow @plantbasedgala Follow @veganartistrys Follow @veganartistrys . #forksoverknives#veganfoodshare  #makesmewhole #veganrecipes #veganbowls #buddhabowls #glutenfree #feedfeed #letscookvegan #wholefoods #bestofvegan #veganvultures #veganfoodshare #pl https://www.instagram.com/p/B0md-trAN-D/?igshid=ban4nj864khr

[teachingtales]

While I agree that we cannot blame those in poverty for lack of options, I disagree with this tweet because it creates a false dichotomy. Before anyone assumes I’m talking in hypotheticals, I was on government assistance during and after being homeless.

The tweet is actually an example of poor choices because no one is saying you need to buy from expensive shops, or that all healthy food is automatically expensive. With six dollars, I could buy:

one pound (about 500g) of dry lentils for $1.00

one pound (about 500g) of dry rice for $1.00

two bags (a little under 2lbs or 800g) of no-brand, no sauce, frozen mixed vegetables dry for $2.00

two seasonings of my choice, $1.00 total

one block tofu, about $1.00 (if more, put back one seasoning OR keep the seasonings and buy a second bag of lentils instead)

This is a very easy way to make healthy, tasty meals that take virtually no prep time and cook up in under an hour. You can even start it before you leave the house if you have a crock pot or rice cooker (I purchased my rice cooker used at a second-hand shop for $5.00), so it’s ready once you get home. Using veggies to bulk up the meal, you can realistically get 6 or 7 meals out of this. You can extend it even further by making soups out of this instead of a rice pilaf type of dish. Another option:

5 bags of ramen noodles (including seasoning) for $1.00

one bags (a bit under one pound or about 400g) frozen veggies, $1.00

one pound (about 500g) dry lentils, $1.00

cheapest bread loaf you can find, usually a bit under $1.00

cheapest peanut butter you can find, usually $1.00 to $1.50 (if allergic to peanuts, substitute jam)

fresh green onions with the remaining money OR bags of tea OR instant coffee if you see a deal

This gives you a breakfast (bread + PB or bread + jam...plus tea/coffee if using), for several days if using one slice per day, and also ten meals with the rest: cook lentils in water, then drain water but leave lentils in the pot (lentils can be pre-cooked in bulk and frozen to store for later use...freeze in individual servings to save time). Add water according to the ramen’s instructions, but only add HALF the noodles and HALF the seasoning. When noodles are half-cooked, add a handful of frozen veggies. Top with fresh slices of green onion (if you bought it). It tastes nice, it’s actually healthy, and it’s filling.

By doing this type of shopping, and only buying fresh fruit/veg that was on sale, I only spent half of my government allotment each month. Since it didn’t “roll over” to the next month, I would try different new things at the end of the month, like hemp milk or vegan cream cheese or something. No, this isn’t a pro-vegan post; the reason you don’t see any animal products in the above list is because they’re too expensive.

Don’t let veggie chikn nuggets fool you; plant food is poverty food, it always has been.

That being said, I don’t think it’s a bad choice as much as it is not being educated on what/where to buy. Government assistance should come with a short class or online class or booklet (for those too busy for a sit-down class) to teach this stuff.

[smokeys-house]

Okay so it's worth noting that I usually do this for instant ramen but using the same ingredients and your choice of meat and veggies you can make a killer stir fry. I'm going to explain the instant version.

Start by pouring the powder it comes with into your bowl (skip this if you have a problem with sodium) then add to it your dry ingredients. Garlic salt, parsley, crushed red pepper, cumin, dried minced onion and dried minced garlic. I use the great value stuff from the spice isle mostly bc poor

Add a portion of your dry ingredients to the pot you're boiling your water in. I also like to add dried whole peppers (el guapo chili peppers in the lil baggies)

While the water comes to a boil, I add my wet ingredients to the bowl. Chili sesame oil being an important one (use less than you think you need, the sesame can overpower the other flavors easily), Frank's red hot sauce, your choice of teriyaki sauce, and most importantly Bravado Carolina Reaper Black Garlic sauce. It's where most of the heat comes from

Keep in mind not to mess up the ratio too much, we're looking for a semi-thick paste not a broth. Add a touch of olive oil to help it stick to the noodles.

After the noodles have cooked, drain ALL the water. Trust me.

Add noodles to the paste in your bowl and begin folding immediately to coat all the noodle. Then top with some sriracha. When you're done, your house should smell like spicy Chinese food and you're ready to blast your brain with spicy sweetness

I also really like to follow up with at least 80% cacao dark chocolate bc going from spicy to chocolate is underratedly tasty

would anyone like to learn how to make Smokey's Super Spicy Secret Ramen? That's 4 S's for extra sssspice