#dont mind me i just got back from therapy

[uncleeater]

I love this art so much, its like yes, nico and lewis! Not nico 'n lewis. they're no longer one thing with their names becoming some sort of weird almost-portmanteau. they're two seperate people now, two things that can exist in the same space in the sense that two lamps can be in a room and not in the sense that they are in the exact same spot at the exact same time. Maybe that's why brocedes broke up, they were so close to becoming the exact same person that they ended up going to far and became as far away as possible. "So close yet so far" but you're my best friend? It also reminds me of that one post about the autocorrection to Orpheus and Eurydice from Orpheus loves Eurydice. same concept but different ends of the specturm, yknow?

[radinclus-not-radqueer]

if you don't wanna answer or I've misunderstood then feel free not to answer this! but you said in a post about people with paras being safe here, and you implied yourself being someone with a para who was lured in by radqueers to essentially accept your para. so my question is, when you tag things with like pro recovery from paras, does that mean you feel like you no longer have it? one thing that medical people always seem to say, and that radqueers say a lot, is that paras cannot be changed or overcome. which I'm sure is something that works as a strong motivation to draw in people with paras to just accept and embrace it. so I'm wondering what your experience has been now, recovering from a para in whatever way that means to you?

Recovering is mostly about overcoming the shame and guilt associated with paras, dealing with any trauma that may have caused them, and working to find coping mechanisms to not act on it. For the majority of people, you can't completely get rid of a paraphilia (just like you can't get rid of any other disorder/attraction).

Being pro recovery isn't about forcing people to "get rid of" their paraphilias (although radqueers try to claim it is), it's about supporting people getting help if they need it and also supporting people who don't need help.

Recovering means a lot of things to different people - in my experience, I've mostly tried to lessen the desire to act on my paraphilias via therapy and coping mechanisms, and recovered from being in pro-contact communities. For me, recovering has mostly meant healing the shame and guilt around being a paraphile, and working to not act on harmful paraphilias. I'm still a paraphile, I'm just a mostly-recovered paraphile because I don't feel shameful and guilty about it as much anymore and the desire to act on it is nowhere near as strong as it used to be.

[bloodbankzz]

it is painful to learn the "normal" ways that people reasonably around my age were motivated to do things their parents wanted, ie chores or getting good grades in school. this is a pain that has built over time because, seeing it around me as a kid, i could reason that maybe every single one of my friends were just spoiled. but, eerily, every time it seems the topic of motivating children comes up in whatever conversation is bringing it up, it seems like. and it still feels presumptuous to say. but most people as children were rewarded for good behavior. the one i was most envious of as a child was that multiple of my friends got paid money for getting As, and it was actually very shocking to me to find out that that is at least kind of a little more universal than i really really was sure it was not, but that's not the big thing that causes me pause now. generally, it seems, children are rewarded in some way for doing things their parents ask of them. writing and then stepping back and reading such a sentence makes me feel like an alien trying to puzzle out the function of the human pancreas lmfao but i dont know. in the wider conversations where this happens to come up, describing these motivators is never the point, which is maybe part of the difficulty for me. it's really hard to process that not everyone was doing what their parents said to do out of cold pure fear for their life. there's so many things it turns out other kids were getting. stickers and movie tickets and candy and praise and love. i am so sad.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

It's a Match! || poly!141 x Reader

[Chapter 29] || [Chapter 31]

Pairing: 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1.4K~ cw: injuries + recovery Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you? a/n: johnny is a filthy man :) but also we love him so is that a problem? no, it's not.

Chapter 30: Playing House

It took a while, but, Simon got healthy, and John and Kyle got their soreness’ settled enough to be able to go back to work.

Johnny, however, needed a little extra TLC. Being shot in the shoulder involved a longer period of medical leave, paired with a long while of physical therapy…

And that means that he decided to make himself your problem.

The rest of the lads left on a mission a few days after being cleared and, as such, left Johnny with you. Not because the lad is incapable of looking after himself, but more so because he, himself, decided he didn’t want to be away from you.

And so, whenever you leave for work, Johnny leaves for PT, then, goes to base for a bit, mostly doing work on things that he can feasibly do without straining his left shoulder/arm… Like doing paperwork and reports, going to the gym for cardio, crunches, and leg and hip workouts… Then he comes home to you.

He goes shopping for you, cooks you dinner, cleans after the two of you, despite your insistence that he rest… But, as it turns out, Johnny isn’t good at that.

Nonetheless, the flat is cleaner than ever before, Johnny’s drawing supplies are permanently stationed on the dining room table, next to your laptop, and some of his clothes have taken a permanent spot in your closet.

And, of course, he spends every night in your bed, spooning you from behind and hiding his face in your neck while you watch tiktoks, talk, or he regale you with the most ridiculous of puns.

In a way, it’s like Johnny MacTavish is your live-in boyfriend. Or, rather, that you’re playing house with him.

You wouldn’t say you hate it. In fact, it’s quite nice to have someone staying with you all night… Johnny is a good partner, he’s helpful and chill and provides wonderful cuddles…

Though you’ve jokingly started calling him ‘Johnny Price’, because, since he hasn’t been working for a month now, he’s let his beard grow out. And he looks like Price more often than he does not.

It’s on week three of your new routine with Johnny when you’re at work, that you get a text from him:

Johnny: guess what bonnie. Johnny: [1 Video Attachment]

You definitely should’ve put on some headphones before you watched that video during work… His grunting and groaning was almost pornographic and definitely earned you a few confused/worried looks from your coworkers…

But all you could think of was how he was finally easing back into his arm/shoulder workouts, which meant he finally got cleared by his PT to do as such!

you: did you finally get cleared johnny? 🥺 Johnny: cleared at 50%. Johnny: not there yet. but soon. you: I’M SO PROUD OF YOU! 🫶🫶🫶 Johnny: thank ye bonnie  you: this calls for a celebration! Johnny: i like how ye think bonnie but im not cleared yet to be able to manhandle ye 😏 you: get ur mind out of the gutter johnny price!!!!!!!! Johnny: oof not ye still calling me that! you: ur beard is looking like his what do u expect of me! 🙄 Johnny: yer right idk what i expected. Johnny: so about this celebration. you: i was thinking we go out for dinner? Johnny: are we going to dress up nice? you: i wasn’t thinking we’d go somewhere super fancy because i do not have money johnnyyyy Johnny: oh good because i dont think i can button up a shirt my shoulder is sore 😖 you: okay then! nando’s!!! 🫶  you: and i’ll give you a shoulder rub when we get home Johnny: speaking my language bonnie.

And so that’s what you did. You went home in a hurry to shower and change, and, for once, Johnny wasn’t there, having chosen to shower and change at base.

You met up in front of the Nando’s closest to your flat and you immediately chuckled at the sight of him. Sure, he had changed, but he was still very much wearing a pair of jeans, sneakers and a grey zip-up hoodie… Although you could very obviously tell he was naked beneath the hoodie.

“Mo leannan.” He murmured in an exaggeratedly polite tone as he popped the door open for you with his good arm.

“Thank you, my good sir…” You joked, which caused you both to chuckle and shake your head.

You got inside, ordered your food and, as you talked, you site adjacent to him, right on his left side, so you could gently rub his arm with your hand.

“Do you miss the lads?” You ended up asking him as you caressed his bicep and shoulder with your hand, watching him wince a bit at it, because he felt so sore from his first workout.

“A little.” Johnny admitted as he looked toward you. “Do you miss ‘em?” He returned the question. You found yourself nodding in reply.

“Having you here is wonderful though… I… quite miss you lot when you’re all gone together. Not to mention I worry sick for you.” You admitted and pressed your lips together a bit awkwardly.

“You do?” He asked you, to which you nodded. So, he continued. “Well.. I guess I understand. I imagine my mam and sisters worry about me too… As do the Kyle and the Captain’s families.” He conceded.

“That’s actually…” You found yourself trailing off as the waiter brought you your orders and you thanked him, unboxing your food so you could dig in.

“As I was saying…” You trailed off. “That’s actually an interesting point… I feel like I know very little about you and the guys’ when it comes to your personal lives… Outside of hobbies and what you do with me.” You mused as you glanced at him as he dug into his double chicken burger one-handed.

“I don’t know much about the others myself to be honest with you.” Johnny admitted as he stole one of your chips off your plate.

“Really?” You asked softly as you ate your own sandwich yourself, nodding along as he continued speaking.

“We try to keep our… ‘outside’ lives under wraps. Even being a team… what we talk about is always very superficial.” He trailed off.

“So you don’t know anything about the rest of them, nor them about you?” You cocked a brow in confusion.

“Oh, no, bonnie, I talk about myself a whole lot, I’m a blabber mouth, me.” He joked and winked at you. “But family is one of those topics that’s best kept under wraps in our line of work.” He told you as he leaned in, rubbing his thumb on the corner of your mouth to wipe it clean of peri-peri sauce. Then, he sucked his own thumb clean.

“What about me? Do I get to know about you?” You asked him playfully as you leaned forward, setting your elbow on the table as you lean in to him, eyebrows raised in intrigue.

“Tell ye what, bonnie.” Johnny leaned toward you too, licking his fingers clean and then wiping them on a napkin before he set a hand on your thigh under the table. “Anything I tell ye about my family is not going to do them justice… So how about I take ye up to meet my family over the summer… And ye meet them directly? Could even take the Captain, Simon and Kyle with us.” He offered.

Your eyes widened a bit and you blinked away the surprise, staring at him like he had grown a second head.

“Meeting your family? Really? Isn’t it a bit early for that…?” You chuckled a bit sheepishly.

“Aye, maybe it is…” He trailed off. “But at this point, I’m basically livin’ wit ye and ye’ve looked after me in sickness, haven’t ye?” He joked. “And I’ve fended off yer ex… so I’ve looked after ye in health, haven’t I?”

Rolling your eyes in amusement, you shook your head. You knew he was just joking, the look in his eyes showed it… “Are you implying that we’re married, Johnny?” You teased him playfully.

“I’m just saying…” He trailed off playfully, a playful smirk on his lips. “And, if we were married, not saying that we are,… I’d make sure to take ye home tonight and rearrange yer guts if ye let me, mo leannan.”

Looking away and biting your lip, you couldn’t help but chuckle. “Shut it…” You trailed off. “You need to rest, your shoulder’s bad still.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t use my mouth on ye… and that you can’t be on top.” He added before he grabbed another one of your chips and popped it in his mouth.

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If the video doesn't work: TUMBLR LINK

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taglist (CLOSED! not adding anyone else, sorry!):

@daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling ,

@tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthunter , @bossva ,

@emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe , @kariiiel , @ltbarnes ,

@irregulardongyoung , @spacelia , @hayleybarnesx , @cod-z , @frescoisnotinthemilitary ,

@leeeenistop , @lucienbarkbark , @xxshadowbabexx , @severenswife , @enarien ,

@agoodmoviekiss , @l0lziez , @whos-fran , @greatstormcat , @openup-yourmind ,

@neoarchipelago , @sodavrr , @cutiecusp , @lilliumrorum , @c-nstantine ,

@kneelforloki , @comeonatmebruh , @codsunshine , @waiting-so-long , @captainquake42 ,

@gazspookiebear , @mynameismisty , @reap3erslov3 , @reaper-chan666 , @poohkie90 ,

@kitwithnokat , @stick-the-dumbass , @mothsdrabbles , @justanerd1 , @thesinsoflust ,

@thriving-n-jiving , @blckbrrybasket

[iliketangerines]

I absolutely adore your writing omg its so good. you make me want to write more fics even tho ive only posted 1 (womp womp).

If I can make a request, we need more primal play Tomas plEASEEE!

Hunter/Prey dynamics w that man got me running laps around my room and quite possibly have me feral!!!!

(I dont need therapy, I just need to be pinned down by his big strong arms.)

Please and Thank You. Youre the best ever <3

helpless prey

a/n: tomas....mmm...so tasty

pairing: tomas vrbada x afab!reader

warnings: nsfw (MDNI) primal prey, cnc, public sex (you're in the woods)

Tomas comes out of the woods after checking the safety of the surroundings about a third time, and you pat his shoulder and tell him it’ll be okay and that you can defend yourself

he just sighs and says he was just making sure one more time, and you just fix the little bunny ear hairband on your head and show the thigh strap holding your knife

you reassure him one more time and say you know how to defend yourself, and he presses his forehead to yours and murmurs that he knows, his hands coming up to grip onto your arms and squeeze it gently

finally, he pulls away, and you shake yourself loose as you face the dark woods, pursing your lips at the feeling of the bunny tail plug sitting snug in your ass

it would definitely hinder your ability to think properly, but you push the thought out of your mind and give another glance to Tomas standing behind you

he taps his fingers against his thigh and says he’ll give you five minutes to hide before he comes to hunt you down, and you nod

sprinting off into the woods, the ears bob on your head and your tail presses against you and make your legs slightly wobble as you run through the forest

the trees tower over you, and your heart beats fast in your chest as you criss cross your own path, leaving the footprints in a confusing pattern on the dirt

you know the five minutes have finally passed, and he’s coming to get you, tracking your footprints in the loose first

only a minute remains, maybe less for you to actually hide, and you look at the trees and find one with a hole in the trunk, bushes covering the base

you mess your footprints, tracing old ones before diving into the bushes and making sure you were as low to the trunk floor as possible

the woods are silent, save for the sound of night animals prowling around in the night, and you try to keep your breaths shallow and your body still as you strain your ears

nothing happens for a few minutes, but you would be a fool to think that you’re safe as you keep your eyes focused through the leaves of the bush to listen for Tomas

it’s silent, quiet, and then you hear it, subtle and barely there, but the light footsteps of an assassin are in the air

he comes out from behind a bush, eyes scanning the area, and you go still, barely even trembling as he searches the area

your footprints are still on the ground, and he looks at them carefully before looking through the area again

you watch with wide eyes as he walks and walks around, looking up the trees and near the bushes, and he’s getting closer, only about a foot away from you

your breathing stops, and you hope he doesn’t look down into the bushes

his footsteps stand right outside you, and you wait and wait until he lets out a barely audible breath and starts walking in the other direction

and then you hear him stop and turn around, and his eyes meet yours through the leaves

your feet scramble for balance as he pounces toward you, and you sprint out of the tree trunk as he jumps into the bushes

running through the woods, you pant hard, heart beating wildly, and his footsteps aren’t far behind yours as you run

he’s fast, faster than you’ve ever seen him run, and his fingers brush against your back as you make a turn around a tree

he’s too close to you, and you try to make unpredictable turns right and left

but it feels as though he’s leading you in a certain direction as you run, but you ignore the feeling in your stomach as you run and run

and then as he slams into a tree to the right of you, you sprint to the left and trip over something, tangling up your feet in something rough

tumbling onto the ground, you try to pull your knife out of your thigh strap, but Tomas easily knocks it aside as he pounces on top of you

he grabs onto your wrists and pin them to your sides, his thigh slotting between yours and rubbing against your clothed cunt

it makes you whimper, the adrenaline still running through you, and you try to find purchase with your legs to try and kick him off

the only thing it accomplishes it making his thigh dig further in your clit, and Tomas seems to know as he watches with a slight smirk at how you work yourself up

by the end of your struggle, lungs burning with exhaustion, Tomas just watches a smirk, hands gripping tight onto your wrists and finally asks if you’re done

you just part your lips and try to take in as much as you can, trying to ease the burn in your chest, and he laughs and grinds your clit into his thigh

it makes you whimper, and pleasure shoots through you as you try and move your hips away from him

he just smirks and moves his thigh with you and watches as you struggle to stifle your sounds and try not to give him the satisfaction

Tomas leans down to growl in your ear to give into him little bunny, and you turn your head to the side

he laughs and buries his nose in your neck, breathing in your scent before sucking and licking at the skin, teeth sinking into the flesh after a second

you whine at the feeling, legs twitching to squeeze his waist, and his smirk only grows as you struggle in his arms

he slots his other thigh next to his and spreads your legs with his, grinding his hips into yours and listening to your slight whimper

you’re only dressed in panties, and you can feel his hardening cock into your cunt, groaning into your ear and murmuring that he can’t wait to devour you

then he brings his free hand to your face, tilting your face towards him and pressing his lips to yours, and he pushes his tongue against the seal of your lips

you keep them shut, and he growls at the lack of submission

he humps his hip into yours roughly, causing your mouth to slip open, and Tomas shoves his tongue into your mouth, almost daring you to bite it with the smirk against yours

he hums into your mouth, savoring the taste of your lips, and his free hand goes to slip off his sash and pants, pulling his cock out of his underpants

he parts from your lips, grinning at your teary eyes, and says he would do more but he can’t wait, too helpless to his instincts to resist such a pretty piece of prey

you whimper and close your eyes, biting your lip and turning your head away, and Tomas just coos at your reaction, slipping your panties to the side

his fingers run through your folds, and he brings them up to his face and smiles at the sight of your want covering his fingers

he teases you, saying that maybe you are just a desperate little bunny, all for him, and he humps his cock against your pussy, listening to the slick sound of it

Tomas kisses you again, and he continues to ruts against you, wetting his cock against you and grunting into your mouth at your little whines

it’s all he does for a minute, and then finally he groans that he can’t wait anymore, lining himself up with you and slowly pushing in

you whine and kick your legs uselessly in the air, swollen tears falling down your face, and Tomas just kisses them away

his brows furrow, and he asks if you’re okay, genuinely, eyes wide with concern

you take a little breath and say that you’re fine, and just to give you a second

Tomas nods, releasing your wrists to bring both his hands to cup your face and wipe away your tears with gentle thumbs

you lean into his touch and take a second to adjust, just breathing in and out, and he waits for you patiently, staring with a concentrated face until you’re ready

a few minutes pass, and finally, you give him the go ahead and tell him he can continue

Tomas grabs onto your wrists again and give you a little nod, closing his eyes and letting out a quick puff of air

when he opens them again, they’re dangerous and glint with something sharp and angry as his hips start to snap against you

you whine and squirm, but it’s impossible to get out of his grip with how his weight presses down on you

the hand not holding your wrists goes down to rub against your clit, drawing a high keen out of you, and he just thrusts his hips in and out of you, grinning down at you

Tomas starts slow with his thrusts, listening to your whimpers and your whines as he starts to speed up, and then it’s the sound of his hips slapping against yours viciously

his thumb presses firm circles into your clit, and he leans down in close to hear your stifled moans and see how you try to keep yourself quiet

you bite your lip, turning your head to the side, but he just takes the opportunity to bite your neck again and suck a deep hickey into your skin

his hips never stop, pushing into you deeper and deeper, and he presses faster circles into your clit, groaning into your skin as he bites your skin

you whine as your pussy clenches down on him, and you cum on him hard

Tomas smiles as you cum on him, teasing you for cumming on a big bad wolf’s cock, he thought that you were scared of him and yet here you are trembling beneath him

you whine and whimper, finally releasing your lip from your teeth, and whines and whimpers spill from your lips as you sob and cry from the pleasure

his thumb presses insistently on your clit, prolonging your orgasm, and his hips only get faster, biting into your neck

he says he wants you to cum again, cum on his cock again, needs to hear your sweet little moans for him

he grips onto your wrists tighter, scooting up so that his thighs sit underneath your butt, and it changes the angle of his thrusts

it makes the tip of his cock hit against that sweet spot inside of you, and you let out choked moan a the feeling

he grins at your scrunched up face, how you cry tears from the pleasure, and his hips keep fucking into your desperately

the pace stumbles, and his own moans start to fall out of your mouth, groaning out your name and just looking at you with love-sick eyes

he can’t help but break the act as he leans down to kiss you, hands releasing your wrists to cup your face with one hand and rub your clit with the other

your hands go to scratch at his back, digging your blunt nails into the hard muscle, and he whines into your mouth, thrusting hard as his fingers press insistent circles into you

he cums into you, hips stuttering as he buries himself deep, and your pussy clenches down on him, milking him of every drop

he slightly whines at the feeling and stays inside of you for a while, just kissing you and moaning into your mouth

after a minute, he pulls out of you and asks if you can walk, and you stretch your legs, or at least attempt to before you groan and let them flop to the floor

he smiles and laughs at your attempt before moving, pulling his pants up, and he moves your panties back to normal and picks you up into his arms

you adjust the little bunny ears on your head and ask if you were convincing enough, and he laughs and says that you were, walking back to the compound while you’re in his arms

[natriae]

Ushi gushi who u dated thru highschool and 2nd year college and he is getting hornier but all u guys have done so far is make out and hand job/fingering till u ask if he wants to go further and BOY does he and u see a side of him u never imagine 😍

HEHEH KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING RN

Ushijima Wakatoshi is no doubt the best boyfriend ever. He spoils you and always makes time for you. He would drop everything to go see you, but he's still wakatoshi. He has a hard time with social cues and displaying his emotions. You like to call yourself the 'Toshi master. Usually able to understand his affection and thoughts without him showing it.

He's remained the same since highschool. He stuck to the same routine with little differences in the past years. He'd wake up do his morning run, then go to class, practice, then shower and do his homework, and finally cuddle you to sleep in his dorm. Saturdays were specifically reserved for you. He tried to leave his comfort zone by taking you on dates, but you knew he perfered to stay in. You did too, so it was no issue for you to spend every Saturday with Wakatoshi at your house back in highschool. He found comfort getting groceries with you and helping you clean. He found comfort in really anything that took his mind off his family.

There was a lot of feelings that Wakatoshi missed out, but with therapy and you supporting him along the way he got better at understand what he was feeling. Being away from his mother definitely helped as well.

Even with all his amazing qualities there were sometimes you felt insecure in your relationship. Going to college was a much different territory for both of you. Students from all around Japan went to school with you guys. At Shiratorizawa no one really talked to 'Jima because they were scared of him but here you can't remember a game where some girl wasn't flirting with him. Or even listening to how far your friends have gotten with their boyfriends. It's not that you want to force 'toshi out of his comfort zone, but sometimes you think he doesn't like you..like that. Almost like it's out of obligation.

After date night he asks if you want it instead of getting in the mood. Almost like it's apart of his routine. You guys eat, come home, he kisses you a bit and fingers you till you cum, and then he washes his hands and kisses you goodnight. You want him to do it for his own pleasure.

"everything okay?" He asks once he finishes washing the dishes. He walks over to the small couch you sat on while in deep thought.

Looking up at him you smile at his cute face. Bring your arms up signaling you want a hug. Lifting you up he places you on his lap as he sits down. You legs draped over his as your wrap your arms around his neck, resting your head on his chest. "I guess, I've just been thinking...'Jima you find me attractive, right?" Looking up you watch as he nods his head. His eyes srunching a little in thought. Your hand resting on his chest feels his heart begin to beat a little bit faster. " um, remember when Tendou had-um- remember in highschool when tendou was quite aroused and everyone made fun of him?"

"his boner?" Ushijima states unbothered.

Your face reddens at his outburst and you nod your head. "well why don't- you dont seem to get that when your with me, and I was worried that you dont feel that way about me, and I don't want you to be doing anything you find uncomfortable if you dont feel that way about me." While you ramble you start to feel a small poking at the side of your right butt cheek. "'Jima?"

His faces flushes a bit and his heart beats after as he brings his lips into his mouth. "I do feel that way about you." He says, not looking into your eyes.

Bringing your hand up to his cheek you move his head so the two of you can look at each other. "why don't you ever show it?" you pout.

"i don't want to make you uncomfortable." He tells you, face remaining unmoving. You watch as his pupils expand looking into your eyes. "Meditating usually helps it go away." He tells you like it was a serious issue. You giggle and move into kiss his lips.

"Do you still have those condoms Tendou gave you?"

His single nod is all you need to tell you that tonight you won't have to worry about Wakatoshi's attraction towards you.

[dovveri]

save your love

synopsis: y/n is susie in allie x & mitski's susie save your love song - if u dont know it go listen :P (but also u dont have to lol synopsis is y/n calls bsf sana drunk and sad and angry abt her bf and you don't know that sana is in love with you)

warnings: cursing, sexual harassment, alcohol, slight cheating, gonn repeat sexual harassment bcs its there and its potentially triggering so err on the side of caution and dont read if ur worried - take care🙏

w/c: 3.7k

a/n: still not over the fact that sana used susie save your love in that one ig post like wdym ur a mitski - qpoc ICON - listener and u post a song abt how u wish ur bsf would leave her dumb bf and be w u instead - a quintessential wlw experience like HELLO???? i also think i projected a liiiiiiil bit accidentally maybe im so sorry but writing this shit works better than therapy ngl

࿐ ࿔*: ☽･ﾟ

"y/n where the fuck are you."

you're cursing as you almost drop your drink, phone between your ear and shoulder.

"i dunnoooo one of marshall's friends' places i think. he was supposed to be my ride home but i can't find himmmmmm."

sana's already got her keys in her hand, heading out towards her car, cursing under her breath, "can you share your location with me sweetie? or is there anyone else there that you know?"

you look around at the various stragglers in the living room either smoking, high out of their minds, or completely passed out. loud music, bass thumping hurting your head as you feel the vibrations shoot up your body. "mmmmm noooo but-"

"hey! marshall's girl right?" a deep voice comes over the phone and sana squints to try and make out what's going on, unlocking her car and turning her engine on.

"y/n? hey y/n you still there?"

"mm yeah sana sorry one sec- you guys know where marshall is?"

"think i saw him headed home with someone in the passenger seat, thought that was you cutie."

"someone else? huh?"

"you doing okay? you look a little pale let's get you upstairs in the bathroom yeah?"

"w-wait no-" sana can make out multiple voices talking to you and a little scuffle as you drop your phone, voices fading.

"fuck!" she's about to call your boyfriend marshall and demand for your address when she sees you were able to start sharing your location with her. she sets it into her navigation app and starts speeding to the destination.

࿐ ࿔*: ☽･ﾟ

"umm guys where are we going? i don't think marshall's up here..."

"oh don't worry babygirl. marshall's our best friend he's okay with whatever we wanna do."

"mm okay but like- what are we doing? if we're singing you guys have to know i suck at karaoke so don't laugh."

the three guys holding you up laugh, "nah nah baby we're just gonna get you cleaned up a little before marshall comes to pick you up okay?"

"oh okay~ mmm wait where's my phone? i was just talking to my best friend-" you start to fumble for your pockets while the guys lead you into a dim room.

they shut the door and close in on you, you’re still cluelessly looking for your phone when one guy starts kissing you, shoving his tongue into your mouth.

"w-wait! what are you doing?!"

he's pushing you onto a bed and climbing on top of you kissing your neck while the others slip your top off and unbutton your jeans. "shhh we're just cleaning you up like we said. want you to be nice and ready for marshall right?"

"no what-"

the door slams open and sana's there, breathing heavily from clambering over the steps.

"get the fuck away from her."

the guys exchange annoyed looks when the one who was at your jeans stands up and walks towards sana, "you the best friend? you're welcome to join us if you'd like." he's pulling on her hand and dragging her towards you.

she doesn't give him another second, yanking him back and bringing a knee up into his crotch, letting him fall to the side groaning as she rushes towards you.

you realise belatedly she's got her phone out and the flashlight on as you squint, trying to make out her face.

"get the fuck off her right fucking now. i've got all you shits on camera and the cops on speed dial."

the two guys glance at each other, looking like they want to pull a fight but then they're cursing and moving away, picking up their friend off the floor and stumbling out the door.

her flashlight turns off, and you feel her tugging your clothes back into place before lifting you bridal-style and carrying you out, down the stairs, and into the passenger seat of her car.

you watch hazily as she paces around outside for a few minutes on the phone with someone, stopping to snap a picture of the house and then hanging up and getting into the car, slamming the door close.

you flinch at the sound, shrinking into your seat, pulling the jacket she's draped over you closer.

she starts the engine and pulls out wordlessly.

you don't dare speak yet, letting the soft hum of the engine and the late night radio music fill the silence as you listen to her heavy breaths slow down.

finally she sighs and glances over at you, "what would you have done if i didn't show up y/n?" her voice is gentle, it always was with you.

you can't look at her, tears welling up in your eyes as you stare out the window, shrugging in response.

she's frowning, "did they manage to do anything to you? are you okay? do we need to get you to a hospital?"

you're shaking your head, the movement making you dizzy, feeling gross in your own skin as you pick at your nails. "can you take me to marshall's? i don't wanna talk about this right now." you're voice is croaky when you speak, on the verge of tears.

sana grips the wheel hard at your request, instead, pulling over on the side of the empty road and putting the car in park.

you sigh exasperatedly, "sana please i just said i don't want to talk about this right now."

"that's fine but if you think i'm taking you to that asshole's house then you've got to be fucking kidding me y/n."

you turn your head to look at her then, her eyes are dark with barely concealed rage, fists clenched so tight her knuckles were turning white. you falter under her gaze, "he's not an asshole."

she scoffs then, "are you fucking serious? what kinda boyfriend takes you to his rapist friends' house then leaves with another girl without so much as a text. it should be enough proof he’s a dick that he's even friends with those assholes." she spits.

and you can't help it, you start sobbing uncontrollably.

"oh shit y/n i didn't- i'm sorry-" she's shuffling around trying to get around the console, and you sob even louder at her outstretched hand, careful and wanting to comfort you but making sure you were okay being touched first.

you're diving into her arms and then she's all there. pulling you into her lap and adjusting the position of her seat so you can squeeze in between the wheel and her torso. soft hands running through your hair shooshing and whispering gently into you ear. arm wrapped tightly around your waist while your face is buried in her chest, heaving and letting out your disgust.

she never stops running her fingers through your hair, letting your sobs wrack your body, hearts beating in tandem as she just holds you.

eventually, your sobs reside to sniffles and you feel a little silly, rubbing your eyes onto the material of her betty boop pyjama shirt.

she's still combing fingers through you hair, rubbing your back lightly, and laying soft kisses along the side of your face, resting her forehead against the top of your head and breathing you in softly.

"i-i'm-" your voice cracks as you try to speak up weakly but she hushes you quickly.

"we don't have to talk if you don't want to. we can stay here for as long as you want. i'm not going anywhere."

you feel your eyes well up again, but you swallow it down, speaking up after clearing your throat, "i'm sorry-" your voice cracks again, almost breaking, "i'm sorry you had to see me like that."

you feel her lifting her head off yours and looking at you in disbelief, mouth open and about to protest but you put a finger to her lips, still not able to look at her.

"no let me finish. you were right. i had no idea what i'd have done if you didn't come. i'm sorry that you did have to come. i'm just so sorry for fucking up sana. if i'd- if i hadn't got so drunk maybe, or if i'd followed marshall home-"

she licks the finger on her lips and you yelp, looking at her out of reaction and cringing, wiping the finger on her shoulder in faux disgust.

she chuckles, "can i talk yet?"

you nod shyly, "as long as you don't lick me again." avoiding her eyes.

she's smiling and a hand is on your cheek, brushing the skin there gently and you can't help but lean into the touch.

"y/n... you don't have to apologise for anything. i'm sorry if i made you feel like you did. but i don't care about all of that. i'm just grateful i was there, if anything, i'm angry at myself for not being there sooner." you look at her as she takes a shaky breath in, eyes wet, "but you have to know none of that was your fault. there's no what if. it was no one's fault but the guys who decided to take advantage of you while you were drunk."

you're crying again, head in your hands, "n-no but- like i know that but i just- like i trusted them. i trusted them because they were meant to be marshall's friends and i trusted marshall."

she's rubbing her hands at your lower back, "that doesn't make it your fault for trusting them. they broke that trust the moment they started thinking of you in a way they shouldn't have. you can't blame yourself for something like that y/n."

"i just feel so gross sana. i can't stop thinking about how their hands felt on me, and i want to scrub off every bit of them."

she's clutching your waist, anger building up again, "i'll fucking kill them."

you let out a choked laugh, "yeah? you and your 163 centimetres? against three buff gym rats?" you poke the skin at her arms, "with these muscles i assume?" (it was SO funny and adorable in the ready to be tw-log finale ep when jeongyeon was poking at sana saying how she has zero arm muscles)

she's pulling away from you with a pout and a whine on her lips before her gaze darkens and she says somberly, "i have a car."

you laugh seriously then, a big hearty laugh as your head falls to her shoulder, and she's whining and trying to pull you up. you're so grateful for her.

eventually you come up, wiping at your eyes and catching your breath, "well i'm glad i have someone who'd commit manslaughter for me."

she's pouting adorably and you get a sudden rush of want, and you blush, scrambling away, wondering why the fuck you just thought about how easy it'd be to kiss the pout off your best friend's lips.

sana's confused and pulling you back into her, "what's wrong? where’re you going?"

you come up with the quickest excuse you can think of, "gonna puke."

she yelps and quickly opens the car door, almost falling out in her rush to avoid being covered in sick. you're out the door in seconds, heaving in the fresh air and shivering slightly at the cold, hoping it'll at least cool down the heat in your cheeks.

then you're giggling, and then laughing again, turning back to face her look of disgust. her face morphs as she watches you though, and soon enough she's doubled over laughing as well.

to anyone driving past, you'd both look insane, laughing at absolutely nothing. but to you, you've never felt more free, more relieved. you're safe, and okay, and you're favourite person in the whole world is here with you. you collapse onto the hood of her car, and she follows suit, giggling and breathy.

the two of you lay here, looking up into the night sky, counting the stars. you shiver slightly and move closer towards her until your bodies are touching. she's turning slightly, wrapping an arm around your waist loosely, and watching you watch the stars.

you turn to face her, breaths mingling, coming out in wispy white clouds of heat in the chilly night air. you find your eyes dropping to her mouth again, and you can't hide the blush that adorns your face this time. if you'd just leaned in a little more, you'd be able to answer the burning question in your head of what exactly sana tasted like.

the slight quiver in her lower lip entrances you, the soft breaths she's taking as her warmth fans over your face, smelling of jasmine and the toothpaste she’s used just before bed. you're inching closer and closer, her eyes are on your lips as well.

you lose it though, when a tongue peeks out and licks across her bottom lip, and you're pressing your lips against hers softly, eyes closed, and humming at the warmth she provides.

she's kissing you back gently, lips slotting against yours in the perfect way, and then she's gone, pulling away leaving you chasing after her, but she places a hand on your chest, pushing you back lightly.

"you're drunk. and taken. this is wrong."

you whine, trying to pull her back to you but she's firm, sitting up and walking away.

you're blinking and what the fuck just happened? dazed as you stand up as well, moving back into the passenger seat dumbly, peeking at her expression trying to get a sense of what was going on inside her mind.

she starts the engine and pulls out from the kerb, staring straight ahead, giving you nothing.

you can't help but think you've fucked everything up again.

࿐ ࿔*: ☽･ﾟ

the storm brewing inside your head doesn't stop when she pulls into your driveway and parks.

you muster up the courage to apologise but she beats you to it, "i'm sorry y/n. i shouldn't have done that. can we just forget it about it please? i don't want to ruin anything between us. you're the most important person in the world to me and i can't lose you over these stupid feelings and i'm so sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable at all i-"

your inebriated mind is playing catch up, rolling her words in your head over and over again trying to figure out why that sounded like she was saying she had feelings for you? that couldn't be right. sana was the it girl. she was the girl that everyone wanted. she was the girl that sat through your nerdy rants about space and eels. the girl that bought you ice cream when your first boyfriend broke up with you in grade 3 because he didn't like the way you cut your hair. the girl that cried when she found out you weren't going to the same high school because you were moving away, but then managed to get her parents to enroll her anyway and spent the next 6 years taking the 2 hour commute to school just to be with you.

and holy shit. sana was in love with you.

"sana..." you interrupted her rambling, "i... i kinda have a massive headache right now and i'm more than a little drunk but… this isn't going to change our friendship at all."

her eyes are wide and shining, looking at you in fear, you grab her hands and squeeze them over the console, "i promise i'm not leaving you but i don't want to give you an answer yet when i'm in this state. but if it helps, i'm pretty sure i'm the one that kissed you first." you grin, and she lets out a shaky breath.

you let go of her hands and shyly rub the back of your neck, "i kinda need to get inside and get clean but i'll call you tomorrow if that's okay?"

she's nodding, wiping at her eyes hastily.

you open the door and step out, closing it softly behind you. but you lean back down and gesture for her to roll down the window which she does.

"and sana... thank you for tonight. seriously. i don't know how i can ever show you how grateful i am for you being there."

she purses her lip and is firm again, "stop it. i'm glad i was there. and thankyou for letting me be there for you."

you smile gently as you wave and head towards your door, she waits for you to get inside and the door to shut before she pulls out and drives home, heart thumping, thoughts messy.

࿐ ࿔*: ☽･ﾟ

you wake up in the morning with a pounding headache, stumbling to your kitchen to pop a few painkillers and squinting as you adjust to the morning sunlight spilling through your windows.

thank god you remembered everything that happened last night, you set your lips in a line as you got ready. you had a strict plan for today, and nothing was going to ruin it.

you quickly get dressed, thumbing out a small letter and grab your keys, driving over to marshall's house was step one.

once you arrive, you slam your car door loudly, taking satisfaction in the fact it probably woke him in his self-induced hangover he was no doubt soothing. you stalk up his front door, rapping on the wood loudly and tapping your foot impatiently as you wait for him to open the door.

it's not him though, and you scoff at the sight of a half naked girl, probably barely legal, pushing her aside despite her weak protests, and letting yourself into the space.

you storm up to his room, flinging open the door, grabbing the vase next to the bed, and dumping the water all over his sleeping head.

he wakes up with a start, "WHAT THE FUC-"

you slap him across the face, bringing his attention to you, "we're done." two simple words and you're back out the door, going down the steps, and back into your car.

you're halfway down the street when you spot him in the rearview mirror clambering after you in his underwear, soaking and pathetic.

you can't believe you had stayed with that man for as long as you had.

the relief you feel after your first action of the day is freeing. you're chasing after the feeling you had last night when you were doubled over laughing like madmen with sana on the side of the road. adrenaline pumping as you pull up to your local florist, purchasing a big bouquet of pink hydrangeas and then grabbing 2 coffees and a few bakery goods, shoving everything back into your car and speeding away again.

you arrive at sana's front door in record time, knowing her, she was definitely awake already and probably anxiously waiting for you to call. you grin as you grab the flowers, the letter you wrote before you left the house, and the breakfast you've gotten for the both of you, placing it down on her front door mat and arranging everything nicely so it looked picture-worthy.

then you ring her doorbell and duck, running over to her side fence that you knew she always left unlocked, entering her house through the back door, and sneaking back towards the front.

sana's bent down over the flowers and you can see the slight crease between her eyebrows from her confusion as she reads the letter you've left in the middle of the hydrangeas.

i'm sure you don't need me to tell you what pink hydrangeas represent because you're a huge flower nerd and i love that about you but i'm going to write it out anyway to show you i did the research.

in japan, hydrangeas are used to show you're sorry. and i'm sorry for not realising sooner, for letting you suffer for so long on your own. they also represent heartfelt emotions and gratitude. i'm eternally grateful for you sana. you're the most important person in the whole world to me too. i'd also commit manslaughter for you.

in europe, hydrangeas mean vanity and arrogance. i'm sorry i was so self-involved with my stupid boyfriends. to tell you the truth, i always thought you were too good for me, and that you'd realise that one day and leave, so i clung to anyone i could find, waiting in fear of that day. that was selfish of me, and i see that now, because you could never leave someone you love. because i realised i feel the same way about you, and i could never, never leave you.

pink hydrangeas are the most romantic of the bunch. (they’re also your favourite colour) i'm obviously trying to tell you that i love you too in a more than platonic way. and this time i'm not drunk or hyperemotional, i'm certain.

you silently creep up behind her while she's reading your note, and then grab her waist lifting her up into the air as she squeals, turning her in your arms and planting your lips on hers.

she's caught by surprise, lips unmoving against yours, until she realises it's you and wraps her legs around your waist, arms around your neck, and kisses you back.

you can finally taste her. and there's no way to describe it. you don't know why it took you so long to realise your feelings for her, but you'd never felt the way you feel about her for anyone else. you'd chalked that up to being best friends and that that's the way all best friends feel about each other, but best friends don't sigh into kisses. best friends don't feel like their hearts would explode with each soft press of skin against each other. best friends don't love each other the way you loved sana.

you break away when you feel wetness glide along your cheek, and salt touch the tip of your tongue. "sana?! oh my god i'm so sorry, i shouldn't- i should've asked first- oh shit i'm so-"

she's chuckling brokenly and you can't tell if she's laughing or crying or both but she pulls you back in, melding your lips together again speaking against your mouth, "i'm sorry. i'm just so happy right now."

you smile against her, kissing her again, you think you'll never be able to get enough of this feeling. "i'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up."

you feel her laugh against you, "i'm just glad you've still got some love saved for me."

"always." kiss. "it's all for you from now. i love you."

"i love you too idiot."

[very-d1pper]

inspired by a post from @jamandjazz

How Johnny Cade, Dallas Winston, and Steve Randle are affected by their parent issues.

ok so keep in mind i havent read the book since december (i dont have my own copy) so this might be a bit wrong. im using info from my mind, the movie, the musical, tiktok, and here.

Johnny Cade

so its canon that johnny wouldve ran away if it werent for the gang (starting off strong with dally-johnny parallels OUCH)

the abuse from his parents definitely gave him a fucked up sense on what it means to feel loved

which is why johnny gets along with dally so well, i'll get into that more in dally's part

he 100% thinks that the entire world hates him except for the gang

someone said that he is so sweet its sick, not true. the abuse definitely toughened him up enough that he will be mean to strangers

he canonically is somewhat responsible (going out to the store to buy supplies and giving ponyboy a note)

im saying that because im pretty sure pony says something like twobit and someone else in the gang would forget to buy something johnny remembered

johnny learned that from having to live out on the street sometimes when his parents fought or kicked him out for multiple days

he is the living definition of forgive but never forget

he just wants a home

i personally hc that the abuse started as johnny grew older, maybe when he was 6-8 years old

which is why johnny (especially in the musical) still cares about his parents

because he remembers that they WERE good people

and he hopes to bring them back eventually

Dallas Winston

oh this man...

ran away from his problems. thats canon

his mom died when she gave birth and thats why his dad is the alcoholic deadbeat abuser he is

the abuse from his parents gave him a fucked up sense on what it means to love

which is why he can talk to johnny so well because johnny is used to the type of love dally gives

he 100% hates the world except for the gang

the abuse toughened up both johnny and dally, the thing is dally grew up with it, johnny was raised with love at first

also dally's environment in ny, that place is rough in many areas

tulsa doesnt have that, at least not on the level of ny

he's rough with everyone because thats what he learned

Steve Randle

UGH THIS MAN BRO

screw u se hinton for giving us NOTHING abt him

anyways!!

the neglect sooo fucked him up

then his dad giving physical money for forgiveness?

hell nahhh

steve definitely felt like he cannot be loved without paying someone

like with real money

which made him feel unlovable because he's like broke as fuck

soda was the first person to show him what love actually is

his mom uhh eloped to wherever after steve's birth ig idfk

steve thinks everything in the world comes with a price, even an ounce of love

i literally cant think of shit for this man rn

All Three

accidentally trauma bonding

johnny mentioned something then both steve and dally said "same"

genuinely concerning from an outsider standpoint but really funny to them

if it was modern au darry or soda wouldve sent them to therapy

one time johnny got kicked out and went to the curtis house and found steve in the kitchen

j: "kicked out?"

s: "...yeah"

j: "same."

then dally walks in

d: "bottles got thrown at me in buck's place"

j: "ptsd?"

d: "no-" *remembers he's with two people who had it happen to them* "...yeah"

j and s- "its good."

johnny convinces them to do a cuddle blob thing (the gang's done them before)

darry wakes up and see them, doesnt comment but remembers for blackmail

[ampzura]

i’ll be there // Ch. 1

sam carpenter x fem!reader - masterlist

Samantha Carpenter struggles with her new life in NYC, not having much of a purpose other than to be the protector of her friends and family, and to attend therapy for feeling like an absolute psychopath and having the whole word view her as such. With all of her vices, will Sam be able to open her heart and let someone in?

wordcount: 2300

!! not proof-read, will edit. english isnt my first language haha

Sam had hoped moving to New York in an attempt to escape the trauma Woodsburo had brought, and so Tara and her friends could pursue their education would have lessened the constant paranoia and hateful looks she received, but if anything it only worsened.

News of the Woodsburo murders, and of Samantha Carpenter’s relations to the infamous Billy Loomis had spread all throughout the country, including stories of how the proclaimed “final girl” was the reason for the murders in the first place, and how she must carry the evil spirit of her father. Despite the constant speculation and sick rumors, Sam didn’t let any of it affect her.. atleast not publicly.

Afterall, the older Carpenter was preoccupied with keeping her younger sister, Tara safe, Something Tara personally hated. She understood Sams intentions, especially given the horrors they went through together back home, but all she wanted was freedom from all of this mess, and stubborn as ever, Tara would pull away from her sisters grasps whenever she could.

This once again led to Sam standing against the wall of some fraternity party swigging a bottle. Her eyes scanning the crowds of drunk college kids making sure Tara, aswell as her friends, Mindy, Chad, and Anika, weren’t making any stupid decisions. She’s incredibly focused, and any normal person would see her scowl and defensive stance and make the smart decision to back away. It’s what Sam expects, not opposed in the slightest as shes never been much of a social person. Thus, when she catches glimpse of a figure slip around her out of the corner of her eye, she startles, nearly dropping her drink.

Sam stands tall at around 5’9, so she barely notices when a shorter figure appears right beside her, looking up at her with a piercing gaze.

She looks down at the petite woman next to her. Normally, she wouldnt pay this person any mind, especially one this short and unthreatening looking, But she still stares, wondering how she even got there. she crosses her arms over her chest and takes a drink from her own bottle

“Watch where youre going”

Sam mutters, looking back up

The woman’s eyes narrow, but she masks a sly playful expression, contrasting sams gruff scowl.

“Why assume i didnt mean to come over here?”

Sam assumes this is just another person who had seen her on the news, eyeing her up and down, trying not to roll her eyes. This girl couldnt be the killer, but considering her size she seems too small to do any real damage. Sam grumbles.

“Why are you lookin at me?”

The other girl shrugs, leaning against the wall next to Sam and sipping on her own drink.

“Didn’t know it was illegal to stare at people scowling in a corner at a frat party”

Sam rolls her eyes

“Its not, i just don’t understand what you want from me”

The other girl shrugs again, speaking in a nonchalant tone

“To get to know you, you seem interesting”

Frowning little and tilting her head, Sams curiosity is getting the better of her, but not to the point shes gonna go and trust this girl and spill her darkest secrets. Shes always on edge, so even a slight tone change makes her suspicious. so she tries to keep her rough tone, but its not working.

“What about me?”

“i dont know.. why dont you tell me?”

The woman whispers, leaning against the wall next to sam, who is desperately trying to keep watching her friends and tara, but failing and getting distracted.

Sam eyes the short girl and swishes the alcohol in her bottle, suspicion spiking now and though she is trying not to, she is failing at trying to continue her grumpy attitude. Shes got her hand wrapped around the pepper spray on her keychain, just incase this girl tries anything, but she just stares, wondering why she even cares.

“I dont know? im.. just me”

The woman smiles shyly, shrugging

“thats oka-“

Before she finishes her sentence, some drunk guys rush past, pushing sam and her possible new friend aside roughly, Sam nearly drops her drink, and y/n is pushed right against sam. The taller woman groans in annoyance at the sudden impact, when she gets herself back together, she realizes the other stands fitting right under sams arm against her, seeming startled.

Sam hisses and looks down, noticing the woman stands right underneath her arm. if anything, shes startled as well. She cant help it though and her arms and hands instinctively wrap around y/n’s waist as she keeps her in place as well as protecting her from the crowd. Shes never protected someone before, other than her younger sister, but it was her instinct to grab this stranger by her waist. Sam doesnt know how she let this happen, but now this girl is pressed right up against her, and shes surprised that she didnt push her away yet. Normally she wouldnt be okay with someone touching her and would distance herself, but even though she seems annoyed and disgruntled, she doesnt move away. Instead Sam just keeps her arm around this girl, the pepper spray key chain hanging down as her hand rests on the shorter womans back. Shes a lot closer to her than she had anticipated.

The girls eyes widen slightly and she lets out a soft “oh-“ when sam grabs her to keep her standing. y/n sees the pepperspray out of the corner of her eye but seems not to react, instead getting distracted by sams toned biceps and overall upper body, a faint blush creeping onto her face. Sam is immediately confused with herself and gets the instinct to back away. sam didnt come here to make friends, shes here to watch and protect Tara and her existing friends.

She seems to snap out of her instincts and realized she held the girl a bit longer than she should have. She tries not to stare too hard at the smaller woman, though her curiosity and intrigue continues to grow. she doesnt push the girl away and looks away as she puts one hand on her drink and looks off to the side, clearing her throat

“you alright?”

Sam asks with a gentle voice she didnt expect to come out of her. shes usually loud, and rude, shes surprised by the softness to her tone.

“y-yeah..”

y/n mumbles, still blushing as she watches sams hand slowly leave her waist.

“thank you..”

Sam raises an eyebrow at y/n. She didnt know if she was actually okay, but shes not gonna ask again, Keeping one hand on her drink as she crosses her arms over her chest again. Shes still watching y/n, though in the corner of her eye, as shes back to keeping a close watch on her Tara, among other friends she’s looking out for.

“hm. youre welcome.”

“whats your name?”

y/n blurts out suddenly, unsure of a better time to ask

Sam looks back at the girl and narrows her eyes into slight suspicion again. She never really liked giving out her info, especially during this era. But.. for some reason she caves, shrugging and then leaning back against the wall.

“Sam. Your name?”

“y/n”

She responds, leaning against the wall next to sam, having to look up to talk to her

“Hi Sam..”

Sam just lets out a short hum as a response. Its unusual for sam to feel this way around someone, not so on edge as she usually is.

She just keeps a close eye on everything around her, mainly Tara and co, but y/n was slightly distracting.

y/n tilts her head, the playful glint returning to her hazel eyes

“What, am I not interesting enough for you to look at?”

Sam looks at y/n, raiseing an eyebrow with a flat look.

“I was watching everything, and youre included. So yes. youre interesting enough”

She just takes a sip from her drink, trying to keep her tone even.

“You seem distracted”

Sam mumbles something in response but y/n doesnt catch it, squinting at the tall girl instead.

“Okay.. so what are you doing here if you dont like parties? No ones forcing you to be here you know.. you dont seem like a party person.”

“..yeah. I have to watch my friends and sister.”

she takes another sip of her drink, not taking her eyes off the crowd as she does so.

y/n tilts her head

“You have to babysit your adult friends and sister?”

Sam just scoffs and rolls her eyes, her tone going back to being harsh. She never liked the “babysitter” word that some people like to use when talking about her. She crosses her arms over her chest again.

“If youre calling this babysitting, then yes i have to babysit my “adult friends” and sister.”

“Why?”

Sam scoffs again, her tone becoming harsher when y/n doesn’t even know the answer and has probably never been in her situation.

“Because they need me. Because someone in this world is always out to kill them.”

Sam eyes the shorter woman again, then glances back to the crowd. She doesn’t even know why she’s explaining this to a stranger.

“Oh.”

It clicks in y/n’s head that the taller woman is refferring to the recent ghostface killings. She had heard of them all over, and how they were starting to pop up around NYC.

Sam is surprised when it clicks for her. Usually people ask, “what do you mean someone’s out to kill them?” or “why do they need you?” or “you can’t be serious” but y/n didnt. She just put the pieces together. and sam didn’t know what to say further. She takes another sip from her drink as she glances around the party, now a bit more anxious

y/n looks somber when the killings are mentioned, an expression Sam barely notices

“What about your own enjoyment?”

The paranoid woman’s stomach drops at the mention of her own enjoyment. She actually hasn’t had any.. in a while. For a long time. Shes always on duty. Always keeping an eye on things and everyone else. she didn’t even think she deserved any own enjoyment. Sam was doing this for everyone else, not herself. She shakes her head and takes another sip from her drink, her tone a bit harsh

“im more concerned about their lives than my enioyment”

“mm..”

y/n’s change of voice is hard to hide as she says something that catches sam off guard entirely.

“You’re a really good person.. the kind people should appreciate more”

Samantha is taken back when she hears the compliment, and she stays silent for a moment. She didnt think she was a good person. She didnt think she was anything. Sam just shook her head, not knowing what to say. She was Billy Loomis’ daughter..

“no im not-“

She quickly argues. it wasnt true. she just did what she had to do, she had to protect. there was nothing else to it. Sam took another sip from her drink, hoping y/n would just move on, because she didnt want to talk about it

“hush”

The other woman cuts her off, glancing up at her and takes a sip of her own drink. Sam can see that her eyes seem to be slightly moist*

“youre perfect”

y/n whispers, barely able to be heard under the loud party music.

Sams eyes widen again. Her heart rate speeds up just from y/n calling her perfect. this isnt right. Sam wasnt perfect. she killed someone. Sam feels all her walls just break down at this point, which is incredibly out of character for her.

“im- im not perfect-“

Sam whispers, almost like a whimper. her harshness fades away and her gentle look comes in place as she stares down at y/n.

Sam blinks in complete shock. Was this girl about to cry? and why was she telling Sam she was perfect? therapy tall woman doesnt know what to do with this comment, and her cheeks had heated up a bit. Sam was about to speak when she notices those little tears in y/n’s eyes and stops herself. She cant say what she was about to say. she just watches her.

y/n smiles faintly, clearing her thoat

“i-i should go.. and leave you to your babysitting.”

Sam watches her, eyes soft as she sees her smile. She was hoping she didnt hear that right, but she couldnt get herself to stop her. Sam was about to speak again, but the harshness in her voice was completely gone. there was no more scowl, and she was just being soft like y/n was. As the short woman begins to walk away though, Sam stops her and grabs her hand. Startled, her head darts around and she looks up at Sam, a tear already threatening to fall.

..!

Sam freezes for a second, then realizes that she just grabbed y/n’s hand and is still holding onto her hand. In this moment, her mind is racing. She wants to say something but cant. She wants to ask something but feels this is just wrong. Sam watches as the tear runs down her cheek. She sees it and freezes. She cant help but feel guilty for making this girl almost cry. Normally, Sam would have let her go, and let the girl cry without even a care, but.. this was different. There was an urge to comfort her. So sam just takes a little step closer and gently grabs the girls chin, tilting her head up to look at her, all care about Tara and ghostface vanished.

“dont..”

[the-s1lly-corner]

WOoOoOoO SPOOKY SEASON REQUIRES SPOOKY STUFF

Anyways

I would love to request an Child ghost!reader and the gang, basically child reader got murdered when they were using the VR and their soul got stuck into the game.

Their soul being so GORY AND DISTORTED, like an arm is missing, one eye is like hanging out and their head has an hole. Reader can get invisible like a ghost and move things with only their mind, and they are very quiet and just observes, rarely get mad or anything, but when they snap (for example: Because of jax's pranks) they start throwing things around dim the lights and scream, and lets put like, Reader's screams are like LOUD as hell, basically like an ghost tantrum.

So basically Child reader is just an sad messed up lil goof who needs comfort and therapy.

Sorry if its long, i love love love your blog btw!

-🌹

TADC cast x ghost!child!reader (platonic + light found family) !

going to take a different approach to writing this one, since i feel bad about being selective of cast/multi characters today, so! rather than having divided segments like usual, its going to be a group thing! hope thats alright! going to be the last request of this batch them imma make something to eat rq for dinner then get back to writing YAHOO!

when you joined the digital circus, you were already very obviously different from the rest of the gang. even if your gore was toned down thanks to your body being digitized; the programming seemed to struggle with altering your body into something unique... strange... it also seems your body is fighting back against the programming of the world, seemingly trying to restore itself. The effect makes you almost look like you're glitching, or even abstracting

Caine doesnt immediately pick up on your presence, i feel like its in his programming to be aware when a new member joins the circus, but for some reason he didnt notice you until he saw you, or someone brings you up to him

It was Ragatha, who was trying to get answers from him. Who's kid was this? Is it really fair to let a kid be stuck here? Obviously she knew Caine couldnt do anything about it now that you were here, nor did he have any hand in you putting on the headset.

Except... you correct them and say you didn't put on any headset, you were trapped in it.

Of course you're trapped, just like the rest of us, Jax says

None of them immediately believe you try to tell them you're a ghost. Except of course, Kinger, who reasons that that's why you look the way you do; and Gangle, who in my opinion probably finds interest in the supernatural.. or maybe that's just me projecting onto her. Who knows. But the point still stands, almost everyone doesn't believe you.

Not long after, Jax accidentally ropes you into prank that was originally intended for Zooble, I dont think Jax would go as far as to bully a child.... well... actually no, he seems like the type to bully kids on roblox.

The prank wasnt planned for you, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You open a door, and are immediately greeted with a fake snake lunging out at you. You scream, more so out of surprise and fear than anger. It does turn into anger when Jax laughs at you, still finding some kind of joy from the prank getting at least someone. Your scream rises, causing nearly everyone to cover their ears, the rest were not there in the room but would come rushing to see what the hell was going on

I think it would be that instance as well as a few other; namely ones where you became invisible and started removing one of Zooble's limbs after they (unintentionally) said something a little too mean to you. The idea of you being a ghost was further cemented when both Gangle and Ragatha watched you literally phase through a wall. But hey at least someone (Jax) starts laying off of you when it becomes clear you weren't lying

There's mixed feelings, a lot negative. I mean, you're just a kid and you're. Well, a ghost. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to come to the conclusion that something happened to you. Whether or not you remember the details of your death when you became a ghost, or after joining the digital world, is all up to you

Caine, as mentioned before in posts where the reader is a child, tries to be a father figure. He's not the best, since he's programmed to be a ring master, but he definitely tries his best. I like to think he tries to read you bedtime stories when the digital world simulates 'night'

Pomni, who I totally didn't forget, tries to overcome her fear of you and your ghostly powers, ultimately becoming sympathetic you and your situation. Not only was your life cut short, but you were trapped here too, you didn't even get to roam the world in the afterlife. Interactions with her are awkward but there's an effort to try to bring you some form of comfort

Jax, after he stops pulling jokes on you cant deny that he doesnt find you creepy. I think, though, he would ask you if you want to help him scare some of the other members. Whether you be offended by the concept or not is also up to you, since I'm not sure if you wanted the reader to be sensitive regarding their current predicament or not

Ragatha goes into full big sister mode, even before it's confirmed that you're a ghost. Sure, she's a little put off by your ganky and gorey looks, but her heart aches for you. Similar to Caine she tries to do general child care activities with you, perhaps if you let her, she would do your hair and make you dresses

Kinger will take a while to warm up to you, but I think after some time would start to open up to you, usually it's best to interact with him when he's already in a calmer state. He already gives me dad vibes that I cant pin down... but he would tell you stories of his past (in house) adventures and some funny stuff that has happened over his time in the digital world

Zooble is going to need a moment to get over the invisible dismemberment thing... as well as Zooble being Zooble and needing some time to warm up to people in general... Not much to be said, yet...

Gangle would offer to lend you some art supplies... kids like arts and crafts stuff, right? Thats her logic, at least, and if it means you have an outlet for your emotions then that would be great!

Overall you now have a funky found family, so hey, at least things aren't totally... terrible.. Unfortunately with them stuck in the digital world they can't do much to get you justice, if you let them know you were murdered. But rest assured if your killer somehow gets trapped in there with them and you recognize them, they have your back

[agaypanic]

i request Benny Weir helping the female reader face her fear of small spaces or heights

Too High (Benny Weir X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: Benny tries to help you get over your fear of heights, but it doesn’t go as planned.

A/N: sorry for not posting anything in a fat minute, i lowkey dont feel like a person sometimes teehee

***

When your boyfriend Benny asked you about your biggest fear, you thought he was simply curious. You told him that when you were little, you fell out of an old friend’s treehouse and broke your arm. That gave you two months in a cast and a couple of years of avoiding being in a space more than fifteen feet off the ground.

After answering, you thought nothing of the question, quickly moving on to a more interesting topic. But Benny still seemed to think about what you had shared with him. He felt a sudden need to try to fix the little problem you had.

Which brings you to now, a few weeks later.

“Can I open my eyes now, Benny?” You asked, blinded by both his and your hands as he guided you somewhere outside. You figured you were in Benny’s backyard, but you wouldn’t know for sure until he’d let you see where you were.

“Just a few more steps.” He said, pushing you forward. Eventually, he stopped you, and you staggered a bit from him abruptly pulling at your shoulders. “Okay, now!”

You opened your eyes, immediately having to squint because of the bright sun shining through the trees. But when your vision focused, you became confused.

Benny must have seen the look on your face. “I thought we could have a picnic!”

“In a treehouse?” You looked at your boyfriend, trying to show that you were less than pleased with the idea without hurting his feelings. “Benny, do you know anything about me? That thing is so high up, there’s no way I-”

“Just hear me out!” He pleaded, gently pulling you closer to the ladder set against the tree. “It’s like exposure therapy. Be up in a treehouse, where your fear of heights started, for a couple minutes to get you used to heights again.”

“I don’t know, Bens…”

“You can go up first.” He said to ease your mind, although you would’ve been more relaxed if he said you could have your little picnic on the ground. “If you slip off the ladder, I can catch you. Plus, if I go up first, you’ll probably just leave.”

“No, I wouldn’t!” You said with a jokingly offended tone, and Benny raised his eyebrows at you. “Okay, maybe I would.”

After a bit more convincing, involving many comforting words and even more kisses, you agreed to at least try to go up into the treehouse. As soon as you got off the ground, Benny was right under you, holding the ladder to keep it steady even though it was already nailed to the tree. 

After getting halfway up the ladder, you started feeling a bit nervous and clammy. You took longer breaks between each rung, having an almost iron grip.

“You got it, babe!” Benny said from below. “Just don’t look down.”

Of course, after that, you looked down. 

The ground felt like it was stretching farther and farther away, and you started to feel a little dizzy. And then a lot more dizzy until suddenly, you let go of the ladder, and the world went black.

***

Instead of waking up on the ground, you woke up in the treehouse. Your back was a bit sore, but you supposed you were fine otherwise. “Hey.” Benny smiled at you with relief, grabbing some water for you. “How’re you feeling?”

“Okay, I think.” You responded, slowly sitting up and grabbing the cup from him. “How did I get up here? Last time I checked, when you fall, you go down instead of up.”

“I carried you up,” Benny answered, shrugging like it was nothing.

You raised a brow at him. Not completely convinced. “By yourself?”

He sighed. “Okay, I may have used some magic. But, I got you up here, didn’t I?”

You nodded, grabbing one of the sandwiches from the bundle of food Benny had spread out of the picnic blanket covering the wooden floor. “Very true.” As the two of you ate, you looked around. When peeking out the windows, you couldn’t see the ground. Just branches from other trees and the sky. If you ignored the fact that you were twenty feet in the air, being up in the treehouse with Benny actually felt nice and peaceful.

But there was something that the two of you hadn’t considered.

“So…” You started, gaining Benny’s attention. “How am I getting down?”

***

Benny Weir Taglist: @batmandallyboy

[briarpatch-kids]

hi! do you have any tips on talking to doctors/PTs about mobility aids?

I definitely got way better results talking about how I want to live my life and a mobility aid would help a lot. Have a goal like "I want to be able go around my house instead of moving from bed to couch and nothing else" or "I want to have an active life in school and a mobility aid would make that possible" because in a doctor's mind mobility aids are usually a last resort. (Even though they aren't) Your goals should be less, "I dont want to be in so much pain" and more "i want to live an active life or i want to go to college/start or stay working/engage in student life and I think a mobility aid will help that" because "less pain" is a vague goal that will make more ableist doctors worry that you're "giving up" or that you'll live a sedentary life and end up sicker than you would have if you didn't have the mobility aid. (Which is probably untrue. Very few people want to sit around and do nothing.)

If you're undiagnosed, pitch it as a "in the meantime" thing, meaning like, you want to figure out what's going on, but you also don't want to live in limbo just waiting to get better. I got my first wheelchair by telling the doctor that I'm tired of waiting for a diagnosis and wanted to stay in college while we tried to figure out what was going on. All of that is true, but by then I also knew that whatever was happening was degenerative, and I probably wasn't gonna ever be able to go back to "normal" like the doctor thought I would.

If they want you to do PT, do it. Give them the same goals you gave your doctor and try your hardest to work on them. A lot of times things like "I did the exercises you gave me but they made me worse" are actually important for the PT to know because it can help narrow down what WILL help and will help them come up with realistic goals for your therapy. Also, physical therapists are the ones who usually determine what kind of mobility aid you need and will send you to things like a wheelchair evaluation if you need custom mobility aids.

The custom mobility aid process in the US is usually doctor -> physical therapy -> wheelchair evaluation with PT and DME provider -> durable medical equipment company for specs -> insurance fuckery and approval -> ordering -> delivery or pickup and maybe a seating evaluation plus adjustments. It takes like 6 months plus, so try and get a rental standard version of what you need while you wait)

[krypticcafe]

Hello! This is my first time asking someone but can you do 141 men reacting to us being hypersexual? I dont see any of those ones😅

Task Force 141 men w/a hypersexual partner

rating: mature

character(s): GN!Reader, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, John "Soap" McTavish, Simon "Ghost" Riley, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Hound

warning(s): language, emotions(?), sexual themes, possible inaccuracies, mentions of trauma

a/n: An interesting request! I'll try my best to be accurate, but I can't guarantee it'll be perfect as someone who does not go through hypersexuality and a lot of resources online tend to only go over symptoms and general medical help but not a lot on how it affects relationships. So please please PLEASE correct me if needed, and I'll make the necessary changes!!

Gaz

I think out of all the guys, he'd be the only one who's heard of it, though he isn't all that educated about it.

With how Gaz is, you're actually quite comfortable discussing it early on in your relationship, bringing it up one day while you two are just talking about things.

He listens and nods along, occasionally commenting here and there, but he mostly listens. When you mention how it can be caused by trauma, you appreciate that he asks but tells you you don't have to if you're uncomfortable. He's just super understanding.

Also super low-key about it.

For example, if you tell him, signal, or if he can tell you're kinda going through it, he'll come up with a quick excuse to pull you aside and talk it out or do something else.

He already knows a bunch of exercises to keep your mind from reeling, small games to keep you grounded, and supervises you for a bit.

If you choose to, Gaz will absolutely support you if you pursue therapy! He'll especially praise you for any progress you make.

All in all, 10/10 boyfriend.

Price

It'll definitely take a while for him to wrap his head around the concept, but as long as you just communicate, things should be fine.

If and when you guys have sex, he's always checking in here and there, making sure you're good but not overdoing it so that it becomes overbearing.

Outside of that, if you're having trouble coping and physical touch helps, he's the best man for it.

His arms will wrap around you snugly, and just listening to his heartbeat alone can help soothe you. Sometimes, he'll hum to you or help massage your back. You find his voice to be helpful with how firm and direct it is, so he'll often converse with you to get your mind off things.

Definitely will give you resources if you ask. Need a therapist? He's got a reliable list. Need tools like sex toys? No shame, he'll get what you need. Ran out of medication? Just picked some up.

Keep in mind he can't always tell if you're having issues since he's quite busy when he's not alone with you, so you two developed a small signal to help each other out if needed.

Don't forget to reassure him too because he worries he's doing something wrong a lot of the time, so again, just communicate with him!

Soap

He's a little confused, but he's got the spirit.

It does take you a while to work up the courage not because you're worried about the shame of telling him, but more about if he'll understand.

When he first hears it, he kinda confuses it for higher libido but you quickly correct him.

"Ah, so it's not just impulsive but intrusive?"

From there, oh he's very, very sweet about it.

One of his best traits is how distracting he is so you can bet your ass he will find a way to keep your mind off things and humor you. He asks a lot of questions, but that's just his way of expressing his concern and care! Again, he's a super observant boy.

He'll always give you distance if that's what you need, but if you need some physical or verbal help, he's there in a heartbeat. If you guys are intimate, he'll take it slow and be loving as possible. He's happy to provide.

Oh, but if he hears you talking badly about yourself, he's quick to shut it down because hearing you call yourself 'dirty' or feeling 'used' has him very distressed.

"But I'm-"

"But nothing. You listen to me, okay? I would never think of you like that and I want you to know that to me, you're more than that, you're more than-" He stumbles over his words, "-jesus, you're everything and I don't want you thinking that you'll ever be less than that to me, alright?"

It's a hard pill to swallow, but his words are nothing but the truth, just as genuine as he is. After that, you start taking more of his words to heart.

Ghost

It's hard to tell what Simon's thinking a lot of the time, but rest assured, it's anything but judgment.

He thanks you for telling him and acknowledging how difficult it is. After all, you've done the same for him.

He's not gonna treat you like a porcelain doll, but that doesn't mean he's not gonna be cautious if guys have sex, he gets how vulnerable it can feel, being exposed, so it's something the two of you work through together.

He's also prone to getting upset if he hears you speaking badly about yourself, and admittedly, he's kind of brash and blunt at first when trying to confront you about it but over time, he learns to better express his concern.

With time, he'll steadily find more ways to keep your mind off of it. So far, he finds he's best at it via spending time with you like cuddling, or when he invites you to do different physical activities like exercising, taking walks, or sparring with him.

If you need help focusing or you take medication or therapy, expect him to nag about it!

"Did you go to the-"

"Yes, love, don't worry, I have. Thank you for asking."

You know he's looking out for you, and you couldn't be any more grateful.

Roach

Very much like Gaz, he's quick to understand.

"The girls who get it, get it" type of energy

He'll ask questions, but if he sees you getting skittish or awkward about it, he'll change the subject.

When he's nonverbal, he knows it'll be difficult to help you, especially if you're struggling to focus on his signs.

So what he does is he'll take your hand and trace a question mark in your hand, asking what's wrong and having you explain. If you need to calm down, he'll trace little shapes and hearts in your palms, intertwine his fingers with you, and help guide your breathing before asking questions.

If you struggle with finding other ways to be intimate or expressing yourself in your relationship, he'll show you what he likes, love languages of his, and such.

During a long mission, he had found you particularly frustrated. Rather than shaming you, he offered to help you get tidied up and take you out on a date.

The two of you went trinket shopping at the local town, though he was mostly buying you whatever you showed interest in, which quickly grew overwhelming.

But hey, it worked to brighten your mood, so it's a win in his book.

Hound

Oh he's so understanding. Hound isn't hypersexual themselves, but they understand the struggles of having highly impulsive and intrusive thoughts and actions, and more than understand the pain and shame that stems.

He expresses that he's proud of you for confiding in him something so personal and being comfortable enough to tell him

From there, he's very attentive to your needs and makes sure you're never overdoing it when indulging in NSFW.

If you two have sex, then it probably starts as a slow process to get comfortable, since Hound has their own sexual anxieties. But they're more than willing to take the reigns, establishing boundaries and patiently communicating with you even if it's difficult. In the end, it's a very vulnerable and intimate experience for the both of you.

In the case things have to stop, he'll clean things up, reassure and praise you, while finding something else for you two to do, like a movie night or cuddling.

Or if you're needy but they're not in the mood, Hound will help you redirect that energy somewhere else and makes sure you don't feel ashamed or insecure.

Personally, their favorite way of helping you is asking you about your interests or hyperfixes because they just love listening to you talk so passionately and just learning more about you so they can spoil you for future reference.

But sometimes you just need him to completely envelop you in his arms and give you something else to feel instead of that frustration, something to feel loved.

[sadstrever]

i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.

anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.

this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.

i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.

i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?

We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).

Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.

Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.

The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.

The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.

But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say

“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”

(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)

This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.

T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.

(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)

This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.

I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).

I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.

would that make me an asshole?

What are these acronyms?