#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#guess whos back in therapy bby 😎#the lady i saw was nice. 1st appointments r always a lotta blah blah blah so much to cover#and im always like bleh whatever im not that bad but when u put it all down on paper it is sorta a lot lol#i got the comment. hm u seem to kno a lot abt the dsm. and like listen. i have been meticulously categorizing my problems for the last 4#years. and i like to learn so ya kno. also said yea it sounds like u r having hypomanic episodes.#and asked if bipolar was a possibility and like if i was bipolar that would absolutely blow my god damn mind. im pretty sure its just pmdd#but whatever. im open to the possibility. mostly i wanna hear someone else perspective on this#i feel like im collaborating on a project. like gimmie ur notes i wanna see if were on the same track. bc im insane like that#i always feel bad when they apologize for asking invasive questions. like neh its fine. i got nothin to hide and i dont give a fuck#also i told a class of my peers that my distraction from research is drawing narut0 fan art. again bc i do not#give a single fuck. Professors response: hopefully we get to see it some day. bro. if u ask me i will show u. i do not care#i mean. probably nothing too weird but i feel like most of my stuff is safe to share. i just come off looking like a weeb i guess#but yea back in therapy bc my mum reminded me bc the ppl around me irl r also worried for my well-being based on my behavior lol#i mean its just bc i complain that im in like psychological pain a lot. so lots and lots of bitching abt my brain ^^#the lady i saw did fall a lil bit into my trap. like what woulf ur life look like if u had everything under control? bc it seems like ur#here and ur starting a phd what more do u want? and im like mwahaha but u see i can do school#i can do school so good. i am the best at school and thats it. i am otherwise barely functional#so i can be successful on paper and dysfunctional when it comes to having a life :-]#but whatever. well see what she wants to follow up on next week bc i threw a lot at her#also went to my office for the 1st time. it is really nice to sit in a working lab and watch ppl interact. but also i do feel like im#dying if i try to sit in that room with 2 other ppl lol. so well see how it goes. i may find somewhere else to hide#unrelated
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feeling extremely emo about the incredibly emo poetry I used to write.
#I don't remember all the stanzas#and I don't remember the exact write.. pretty wording but...#but#When we yawn- we force a tiny bit of oxygen directly to the brain- allowing us to stay awake a split second longer#With enough air- it is possible to play a note on a trumpet so loud- and so brash- that it will splatter brain matter against skull wall.#In africa- there is a tribe that drills holes in their skulls in order to talk to God- isn't it amazing what a little bit of oxygen can do#insert stanza that was almost definitely about shooting myself in the head#'She asks me what I'm thinking about- I yawn and say 'nothing''.#I think about death the way other people think about dinner menus#which is to say... on and off throughout the day- every day.#.... truly loved to get on a stage and just be The Worst.#all my poems were about mental illness- sex- or death... and tbh half the ones about sex were about mental illness#I wrote about about bi polar once that basically like- depression was a familiar boyfriend who was terrible for you... kept you home#who never wanted you to do anything. but meant that you would never be alone. and then Mania was this exciting temptrest of a woman.#'WIth her I was all lips and fingertips'#about knowing it was wrong but still being unable to stop myself from courting her- knowing I was cheating.#and then in the end- the poem ends with a bipolar diagnosis#and I just remember Sam... looking at me and being like ???? was that about bi polar the whole time.#yes Sam. Yes Sam. I wrote about making out with mental illness whatcha gonna do about it.
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exopelagic · 3 months ago
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talking to him more very much achieved. we just talked for like 4 hours in the kitchen holy shit I need to sleep
#I went into the kitchen to wash up wanting it to be a few minutes to get back to my parents by he came home at the same time#unsure what just happened honestly! as in I’m not sure what is going on from his end of the interaction#because I have never met anyone who would just do that before. like four hours straight when before we’d talked for periods of idk 10minutes#and he WAS engaged the whole time#granted he spent a significant amount of time talking. he talked far more than I did which is often the case but Im not sure how I felt here#I think he gets excited abt individual topics and. gets carried away is the wrong word but he gets absorbed in it#he spent a while talking me through the very complex maths he’s been doing recently#(he studies maths. also abt to start masters.) and was assuming a much stronger mathematical background than I have but I understood a bunch#he IS very good at explaining things and I was interested to a point but unfortunately I was not going to ask about individual theorems and#shit like that at 11pm. it was still super interesting I’m not downplaying that but I didn’t know half of what he brought up#there was basically no way I was going to understand much more than the vague concept anyway#anyway! also extremely into food. especially into traditional chinese cooking which is cool as fuck and I now know so much more abt food#I have never personally cared much at all about food. I enjoy when taste good and I enjoy cooking. he’s into the precision cooking#that he told me apparently Chinese and French food is the best in the world at. meant to be amazing at going for specific effects#oh he came back from a musical! apparently abt a woman with bipolar that was on in London I might check what that was. next to normal#cried 7 times. apparently he’s super into stories with that kinda emotional payoff. started telling me later abt tokyo animation#priest if you’re already seeing this I WILL be asking you abt it later but pls tell me whatever. he likes clannad and sound euphorium#bunch of others but those are the ones he talked most abt and started tearing up when he played me a song from clannad where the baby’s born#so I think biggest things I’ve learned are that he’s impressively in touch w his emotions (further damaging the straight guy case)#regardless it’s just nice to talk to a guy who talks abt stuff so openly it’s very refreshing#unsure how cultural differences factor in here. I would’ve expected it to go the other way but possible this is a degree more normal#and he’s very very academically minded. he learned Japanese bc was bored after high school and is doing a WHOLE lot of extra maths for fun#socially definitely very competent he’s very good at talking but a little more focused inward.#definitely did not notice the (admittedly extremely gentle) flirting throughout like when I complimented his bracelet#(this cute gold year of the rat thing his mum got him)#so yeah. was very fun talking to him. will process this for a while#I think this has definitely established that we could be friends if either of us pursue that after summer which is very cool!! will see#luke.txt
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neil-gaiman · 7 months ago
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Hello Mr Gaiman. I have read all of your books.
This is not an ask, rather an answer.
I would like to say thank you for saving me. Knowing I will never meet you will not change the way I feel about you or myself.
Love your fiction work. I feel bad for the fact that it’s not fiction to me. It is my life story.
Very sad one. That I am still trying to make sense of today.
I was raised by the other mother. Not really, but I was raised by a bipolar narcissist who hated me and loved me but didn’t know how to do either. She sexually abused me for 12 years.
No one ever believed me. No one.
So I would pretend that I was Coraline and that I was brave. I was. But that was because I knew that the spell had to break at some point.
I am 24 now. She is old and frail but the hell she has made in my mind - I almost never escaped. Until I understood that I truly was stronger.
Because she tried to make me just like her, but I refused. I picked kindness.
If you can’t find a friend, be one. If you can’t find someone you look up to- become someone who others can look up to.
I did. I tried my best. I promise.
I want to tell you the ultimate secret that no one ever could. You probably figured it out a long time ago, but it still makes me feel better to write it here, even if I know that you might never reply or ask me if I am safe, or dismiss me like a crazed fan/abused child who desperately needs help and attention.
I don’t. I would like to be your friend. But I know it is not possible.
So I want you to know I know why they do it.
They do it for the same reason as you wrote books. To not feel alone.
But that is the problem with existing in this world. Evil is nothing but not understanding yourself and hating different people from you.
Ignorance brings hate. How do you justify yourself in a world like this?
Simple.
You change the world by breading more people who believe hate is love, and love is hate. Evil needs justification. Kindness needs non.
I sat alone for 24 years and told no one. The paragraph above was just the start and the ending.
My story is still unfolding. But I wanted to let you know you are no longer sitting alone at your birthday party.
Because the only present I ever got was knowing someone else like me existed.
Someone who could look evil in the eye and stare back.
And never stop talking about it.
Thank you Mr. Gaiman, for writing “View from the Cheap Seats”
When I read it I put it down as well as the razor that I wanted to end my life with.
Because you were my only friend. And you still are.
And I cannot take the injustice anymore. If they won’t read, I will read to them.
I will save them just like you saved me. Making reading cool and easy.
And I will do it for you and me. So that no one else can see the horrors anywhere but in books and movies.
And I will do it one act of kindness and love at a time.
So they will know that injustice is just a state of mind.
Thank you Mr.Gaiman. You gave me hope.
And now I will do the unthinkable. I will try until my dying breath to change their mind.
One step forward into a future where you are not sad and a story like mine is just a horror movie and not a reality.
Because you are my only friend, and I hate to see my friends sad.
Leto
I'm so proud of you, and this made me tear up.
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ninii-winchester · 3 months ago
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Fleeting love
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Pairing : Teen!Dean Winchester X Teen!Reader
Word count : 4k
Warnings : angst, mentions of period, fluff, john winchester (he’s a warning himself), heartbreak, not an AU, not proofread.
A/n: i love high school love stories, I’m not sorry for dragging it 😭
I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.
Dean didn’t want to go to school. He wanted to hunt. Just like his father taught him to. Although John Winchester trained his boys to be hunters from the very start, he remembered his late wife Mary Winchester wanted her boys to have a normal life. And honouring her wishes, John decided his boys at-least deserve to have a high school experience. While Sam was happy to attend school Dean was throwing a fit. He considered himself better than a high school kid and it deeply bruised his ego to sit in a classroom with kids that were unaware of what goes bump in the night or what Dean Winchester was capable of.
John told his boys that they’d stay in the same town for four years while Dean completed his high school and then they’d move for Sam to complete his’ somewhere else. With that being decided it was a given that John would be gone a lot and the boys had to have each other’s back. John persuaded his eldest by promising him the keys of the Impala if he made it to his junior year with good grades. That was the only motivation that made Dean get out of bed everyday and to engage in focused study. For two years Dean dragged his feet to school and finally after passing his sophomore year at the top of his class, he got the Impala for himself.
Dean parked the car in the school parking and Sam jumped out of the car excitedly running to his class. Dean rolled his eyes and made his way towards his own class. He mostly kept to himself in class, girls swooned over him as he walked the hallways, no matter what grade they were in. The boys envied him since he had the looks, physique and was on top of his class as well. It was hard to categorise him as a bad boy or a good boy. He had his fair share of fights with jocks and make outs with cheerleaders. And now to top it all he had a badass car as well.
A scowl appeared on his face as soon as he entered the classroom. A girl from his class, he hadn’t bothered to know her name, was sitting in his seat, all the way in the back beside the window. He stomped his feet as he walked over to her. Damn she’s gorgeous. But that’s not the point,— Dean shook his head before he spoke,
“You’re in my seat.” He glared at her. She jumped a bit at his voice but then she relaxed. She looked up at him glared back at him.
“What are you, five?” She retorted leaning back in the chair. He breathed through his nose and urged her to get out of his seat but she remained indifferent. She sucked her pen between her lips and stared at his face with a frown. His face flashed with confusion at the change of her attitude. “Can I sit here please? I’m having a bad day.” She said softly and Dean could’ve sworn she was bipolar the way she changed her tone within seconds. With a loud sigh he dropped his bag on the table next to hers and sat on the chair. She sent him a grateful smile and he just nodded. The teacher entered the class and started teaching, after a few minutes passed the girl whispered. “I’m Y/n.” Dean looked at her blankly and turned to face ahead.
Normally teenagers think about relationships, falling in love, but Dean had already internalised to stay far from these attachments, finish school to please his dad so he can finally hunt. But the pretty girl next to him was already causing him to waver in his decision. He was teenager a of-course he felt attracted to a beautiful woman. The class ended pretty soon and the kids were rushing out as fast as humanly possible but she remained seated and Dean noticed.
“Not going to the next class?” He couldn’t help but ask, she had her head down on the desk and her hair was falling on her face which made Dean want to tuck it behind her ear. —God what is wrong with me. He groaned internally.
“No!” She pouted and Dean held back from kissing her right there. He had barely noticed her existence in the past two years and now he’s having these passionate thoughts about her.
“Skipping class?” Dean smirked, she didn’t look like someone who’d skip class for fun. She shook her head at his question and Dean wondered if there’s something wrong with her. He raised his brow at her but she didn’t respond. She sat up straight and stared at her lap. “What’s up then? Can’t help you if you won’t tell.” Dean shrugged.
She didn’t know whether she should tell him, he’ll probably make fun of her. She’s known him for two years, they’re in the same class but he never acknowledged her. He barely has friends and he seemed rude. But he’s asking right? That should mean something! —She thought to herself. “I’m having a bad day.” She finally said and she didn’t expect him to roll his eyes at her.
“You told me that before.” He crossed his arms across his chest. She felt small under his gaze but something made her feel safe too.
“I woke up late and forgot my homework at home.” She whispered. “I got my period early and it stained my pants.” Dean was caught off guard and he felt embarrassed. Yeah he knows what a menstrual cycle is but he’s never had the first hand experience of dealing with someone on their period. But that sure does explain her change of mood. He didn’t speak for a minute and then he shrugged of his jacket and extended it to her.
“Here, you can wear it, it’ll probably cover you.” His jacket was huge, she was pretty small compared to him and it would cover her up good. “Do you want me to walk you to the nurse’s office?” As much as she wanted him to, she didn’t want any rumours to spread about him and her. She shook her head politely.
“I’ll manage. Thank you for the jacket Dean. I’ll return it tomorrow.” She smiled standing up and slipped her arms inside the jacket. She kissed his cheek, both of their faces turned red and she quickly rushed out of the room. Dean stood frozen. He’s never felt this way before, blushing over a kiss over the cheek. He’s done way more than that but this made his heart flutter.
The next morning Y/n was at her locker, Dean’s jacket draped over her arm, she knew everyone saw her wearing his jacket yesterday and she could hear them talk. From her interaction with him she could tell he was a nice person but his reputation preceded him, he was popular and was always found making out with a new girl every week. She didn’t want to be one of those girls so she decided, she would return his jacket and go back to never talking to him again. However her plan was ruined when Dean appeared by her side, he leaned against against the locker beside her flashing her his annoyingly perfect smile.
“How’re you feeling, sweetheart?” Dean asked and she looked around to see all eyes on them. He couldn’t explain why he was drawn to her; it was just a gut feeling, a spark he felt. He thought about her the whole day when he went back home. He knew she’d be stuck in his mind, lingering there longer than a stranger ever should.
“Better.” She replied and handed him his jacket. “Thanks, Dean.” She said before closing her locker and turning to go to class. He wrapped his hand around her wrist, pulling her into him.
“Let’s walk to class together?” Although he asked her it was more like a statement. She gulped before nodding her head. All the girls’ jaws practically hit the floor as they watched Dean lead Y/n to class.
For the following week Dean could be found wherever Y/n was. He practically walked her to her every class, turned down girls left and right and he finally worked up the courage to ask her out on a date. At first she was skeptical at his sudden interest in her, and she turned him down. He followed her like a lost puppy for another two weeks.
“Dean what the hell.!” She exclaimed as he cornered her after class ended. “Why’re you interested in me suddenly?” She folded her arms across her chest.
“I like you. And I wanna take you out on a date.” He replied, his green eyes staring into hers intently.
“I’m not going to be one of those girls you make out with and then dump.” she said, her voice firm but laced with vulnerability. She wasn’t trying to play hard to get—she just knew her worth and wasn’t about to let herself be another passing fling. Dean wanted to feel offended but he knew he had a reputation and he didn’t blame her.
“Just one date." he said, a teasing grin on his face. There was a playful challenge in his eyes, like he knew she was tempted but wouldn’t admit it. He leaned in slightly, his tone softening. “One date to prove I genuinely like you.” His eyes softened and she could feel herself getting lost in his eyes.
“Fine.” She nodded begrudgingly. She knew he wouldn’t have left her alone unless she agreed. She weighed the pros and cons and the situation seemed to be in her favour. He’s got one date to prove himself, if he failed she’d make sure he left her alone and if he did turn out decent enough she might get herself a hot boyfriend. She rolled her eyes at herself,— Dean Winchester and boyfriend don’t go in the same sentence.
The day of the date arrived sooner than Y/n wanted it to. She slipped on a simple sundress and kept her makeup minimal. She heard the doorbell ring, she said goodbye to her mom before rushing to open the door. Not only was Dean on time, he bought her flowers too. She smiled at him taking the flowers from him. He told her she looked beautiful and held her hand to lead her to the car. He opened the car door for her too. The two had dinner at local diner and he was a complete gentleman the whole time. He didn’t make any moves on her, just talked and flirted a bit. Dean paid for the food and helped her into the car again.
Y/n couldn’t stop herself from smiling until her cheeks hurt. She never thought Dean be such a cutie. She thought of him as the bad boy who played around with girls but he proved himself.
“I had fun today. Thank you Dean.” She said putting her hand on his as he drove. He threw her a smirk.
“It’s not over yet, sweetheart.” Dean replied. She looked at him in confusion. She looked outside and realised he’s not driving her back home, instead they’re going towards the lakeside. She tensed, unbeknownst to Dean. She cursed herself for thinking too soon. He’s up to no good—Of course it’s not over yet. She rolled her eyes.
The car came to a halt and he got out of the car and opened her door to offer her his hand with a charming smile. She got out the car and he led her to the front of the car and faced her. He placed his hands on her waist and helped her onto the hood.
Y/n swore she was going to knee him where the sun doesn’t shine if he pulled anything. He let go off her and sat beside her on the hood. She looked at him, he felt her eyes on him and turned to her. He then raised his hand above them and pointed to the sky. When she looked up she saw the most beautiful canopy of stars stretching across the night. The sky was a deep, velvety black, speckled with countless twinkling lights. He brought her see stars. She cursed herself again — for thinking too soon.
The night was cool, the stars above casting a soft glow on them, adding a touch of magic to the moment.
“Sweetheart.” Dean took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “I really like you, Y/n. This isn’t just a fling for me. I want to be more than just that bad boy reputation.”
In that moment Y/n didn’t know what came over her, but it was her who leaned in first. Dean’s gaze lingered on her face as he slowly leaned in, his eyes locking with hers. He brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his touch gentle and tender. She felt her heart race, the moment stretching out between them. When their lips finally met, it was soft and slow, a sweet, lingering kiss that conveyed more than words ever could.
One date turned into five, and each one seemed to deepen their connection. What started as a single evening of getting to know each other blossomed into a series of moments filled with laughter, shared secrets, and growing affection. On their sixth date, Dean asked her to be his girlfriend, and she accepted. Being with her made Dean forget about hunting and how he would have to leave in less than two years. He forgot about how his dad might react or how Y/n would respond if she learned about his life as a hunter.
The news of Y/n and Dean being a couple spread through school like wildfire. They became the power couple, and it was truly endearing to see them together. Dean was the best boyfriend Y/n could ever ask for—always doting on her, showering her with compliments and kisses. He was completely smitten, and Y/n was equally infatuated with him.
They often hung out at Dean’s place since his father was frequently away. Dean shared stories about his mother, telling Y/n how she had died in a house fire and how they had to move. He omitted the part about the unnatural circumstances surrounding her death. Y/n also got along well with Sam, Dean’s younger brother, who liked having her around. Dean was happy that his brother and girlfriend got along so well. Time passed in a blur and they were towards the end of their senior year. Y/n couldn’t believe they’d been together for a year and a half.
Y/n and Dean were cuddling on the couch of his living room when the front door opened and entered John Winchester. The man was pissed, he’d a particularly hard hunt and he called his son thrice but he didn’t respond. When he entered the living room he found the reason his son wasn’t answering his calls and his anger flared.
“Dean.” His voice boomed and the couple jumped up from their place. The older man glared at his son and Y/n squirmed beside Dean. “I called you thrice, son.” He said calmly but Dean knew he was anything but calm.
“My phone is in my room, I’m sorry sir.” Dean replied avoiding eye contact. John looked at Y/n and Dean cleared his throat. “Uh dad this is my girlfriend, Y/n.” John tilted his head as he heard the word girlfriend leave Dean’s mouth.
“Nice to you meet you, Mr Winchester.” Y/n managed to speak, the man was intimidating her. The older man nodded his head. “I think I should go. It’s late.” She looked at Dean sensing the tension in the air.
“I’ll drop you-“ Dean offered but Y/n saw John wasn’t too pleased with his offer and she shook her head, politely declining. “I’ll walk you to the door.” She nodded making her way towards the door. “Baby I’m sorry about dad.” She turned to place a soft kiss on his lips.
“It’s fine, sweetie. I can understand the shock, coming home and finding about his son’s girlfriend he knows nothing about.” She smiled.
“Yeah I didn’t want to tell him over the phone.” He rubbed the back of his head. She pecked his lips but he grabbed her waist pulling her into him, deepening the kiss.
“Okay lover boy. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” She smiled pulling away.
“I love you.” He mumbled against her lips.
“I love you too. Now go before he gets any more angry.” She pushed him back slightly. Dean went back inside after she had completely disappeared from his sight. He sighed knowing he’s going to an earful from his dad.
“What the hell Dean?” John exclaimed as soon as Dean entered the living room. “A girlfriend?” He yelled making Sam come out as well. Dean opened his mouth to speak but John interrupted him. “I called you thrice because the Rugaru was on my ass and I needed backup. And I come home and see you cuddling with some-”
“Don’t even say anything Dad.” Dean growled before his father could say something about his girlfriend.
“What’re you gonna tell her at the end of the year huh? What would you say about leaving? That you’re going off to college.” His father asked rhetorically and Dean clenched his jaw. “How do you think she’d react if you told her the truth. Can you even tell her the truth?” Dean stayed silent knowing there’s no way he could tell her the truth. John sighed before he placed a hand over his son’s shoulder. “End it before it hurts the both of you.” Was all he said before leaving his son standing there.
Dean contemplated his father’s words. No matter how harsh they were, it was the truth. He had to end it, he knew she would’ve believed him if he’d tell her the truth but he didn’t want her to be any kind of danger, that too because of him. The next day he met with her in school.
“Hey baby.” She kissed his nose as he wrapped his arms around her. “Everything good at home?” She asked wrapping her arms around his neck.
“All good, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead. He hated lying to her, he hated knowing he’s going to break her heart in a few days. He felt awful knowing he was going to break his promise of never hurting her—the promise of protecting the heart she’d entrusted to him. The weight of his impending actions pressed heavily on him, each moment deepening his regret as he faced the reality of the pain he would cause.
He spent the whole week with her, clinging to every moment. He kissed her as if his life depended on it—because, in a way, it did. Each kiss was a desperate attempt to savor their time together, knowing how fleeting their moments were.
The last week of school before finals was when Dean decided to do it. Y/n was studying hard for finals, so he knew that the distraction might lessen the heartbreak. He hoped that, amidst the stress and focus on exams, the pain of his decision would be somewhat mitigated by her busy schedule. He’d asked her to meet him at the park. He waited anxiously for her arrival. When she neared him with a skip in her step and a smile on her face he had half the heart not to go through with it.
“Hi.” Dean looked at her face, feeling the need to preserve the image of her face into his mind. As this would be last he’d have a good look at her gorgeous face.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked cupping his cheek, seeing the anguish on his face and he leaned into her touch.
“I uh…Y/n, I’ve been struggling with how to say this, but I need to be honest with you.” Dean blinked back his tears not wanting her to see it was hurting him as much as it will hurt her. “I can’t do this anymore.” She chuckled as he said it. “I’m not joking Y/n.” He said angrily and she stared at him in shock.
“I promised myself I’d never hurt you, and the last thing I want is to be the reason for your pain.” Dean cleared his throat as tears formed in her eyes. “It’s not you—it’s me.”
“Dean what are you even- is it about your dad? Did he tell you to do this?” She asked tears dripping down her cheek. He shook his head.
“No he didn’t. We’ll start college soon. We can’t do long distance.” Dean said whatever came to his mind in that moment. He wanted to get over with it so he could go home and cry. He didn’t want to see her tear stricken face, when he’s unable to pull her into his arms and tell her it’ll all be okay.
“Yes we can baby. And if you think that’s a problem I can always go wherever you’re going.” She cried and he wanted to take every word back and gather her in his arms and never let go.
“I don’t want you to.” He said knowing that’s the only way he can convince her. “You’ve been an incredible part of my life, and I’ll always cherish the memories we’ve made together. I hope you find the happiness you deserve, I hope, in time, you can forgive me. But this ends here.”
“Dean you can’t do this to me.” She sobbed holding onto his shirt. “Please.” Her body shook as she cried. He couldn’t bear seeing her like that so he did what he thought was best. He left. He left her sobbing in the middle of the park. With a heavy heart and tear filled eyes Dean entered his house. His father was in the living room, his back to Dean.
“Did you do it?” John asked.
“Yeah I broke up with her.” Dean mumbled wanting to get into bed.
“Dean, you had to break her heart not breakup with her.” John said turning to look at his son.
“What is the damn difference?” Dean snapped not caring about pissing off his father. John ignored his tone knowing he’s hurting. But it’s for the best.
“What if she follows you or tries to persuade you to stay? You need to break her heart, so painful that she can’t help but hate you, ensuring she moves on and never thinks of you again.” Dean went to his room without a word.
Y/n went back to her house, spending the entire night crying and wondering what went wrong. She couldn’t believe it was Dean’s decision alone; she suspected his dad had pressured him. She decided she’d talk to him once more at school before she made any final decisions.
Her heart dropped the minute she entered the hallway, she watched Dean pressing a blonde against the lockers, his lips firmly placed against hers. He looked at her for a split second and he could the see the hurt in her eyes but he continued kissing the girl pressed against him.
I’m sorry, baby. He closed his eyes trying to erase her hurt filled eyes from his memory.
Seeing him with someone else, she felt a deep, piercing sting of betrayal. Her heart sank, a mix of shock and hurt washing over her. It wasn’t just the sight of him with someone else; it was the realization that what they had meant so much less to him than it did to her.
I hate you Dean. She turned away and made her way to class.
Part 2???
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abimee · 2 months ago
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hi i can no longer act coy or hope that a job will come in time so im coming to everyone really embarassingly with my issues
in June I attempted to get fired from/left my job after having a really embarassing public meltdown due to having Rapid-Cycling Mixed Bipolar and the unending stress of that job of 3+ years. I've been struggling to get a job afterwards due to being in CA without a vehicle, and i'm currently working on an overdue commission so could not open up any more.
Soon after, my mother's car imploded, and a series of incidents related to a used engine and taking out a loan with a friend has left her both needing to pay back the loan and still needing to get a new car, putting her thousands in the hole.
my mother has allowed me to not worry about paying rent while unemployed, but now the person living with us is moving out, so it will be on me and my mother to pay rent, upping mine from $300 to $500 a month. I am currently job hunting with good prospects, but I am still in need of some assistance.
I DO NOT WANT TO ASK FOR DONATIONS WITHOUT GIVING SOMETHING IN RETURN, I have a very bad time taking help from people without doing something in return because I do not want people to feel like they Have to give me money or help me, I want to Offer something in return for that money, even in a situation like this, because I want everyone to come out on the other end feeling fulfilled, so I'm offering some (slow) cheaper commissions I can work on in between the bigger comm I owe.
My kofi is always open for donation sketches ---- you can donate the minimum amount (or whatever you prefer) and get a drawing like this of anything as long as you put it into the donation message!
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i cant currently take on big commissions as I have one i owe and the commissioner is a very generous person who has been waiting a good few months for me to finish one during this hectic time, but if you're interested in getting something a little higher quality for a donation, a $30-50 USD donation can get you a ''simple commission'' styled drawing --- that is, you give me a prompt and character refferences (ocs or fanart, up to 2-3 characters depending on complexity), and I draw them like below (color complexity depends on price, the higher the amount the more the color).
You wont have access to revisions to make this as fast as possible, so i HIGHLY reccomend only getting fanart comms of these and to make sure you really like my style!!
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this is one of those situations where I DEEPLY reccomend people do not donate unless they want something in return, if you dont wanna ask for a drawing or anything i reccomend going to people in more dire circumstances and helping them out with your donation!!!
but if you want to help me help my mother get out of a bad financial situation and get a little drawing in return, you can do a small dono and att a message of what you want doodled, or you can email me at [email protected] your $30-50 donation reciept and what you would like me to draw, and ill try to get them as soon as I can
thank you so much for checking this post out and keep it real old school!!!!! i promise once this is over and i get a job we'll be back to your regularly scheduled art posting
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[EDIT: PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG THIS VERSION. I AM NO LONGER TAKING THE SIMPLE COMMISSION TIER. REBLOG THE ADDITION TO THIS POST GIVING AN UPDATE]
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foone · 9 months ago
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on "that sounds like me, do I have ADHD?"
So a thing about ADHD (and probably all mental illnesses, but especially ADHD) is that it doesn't really have any hyper-specific symptoms. Like, it's not like you get ADHD and your elbow turns green, which only happens with ADHD.
ADHD describes a bunch of symptoms, some with shared origins, some which might have different origins, but the important thing to remember is that you can have all those symptoms for reasons other than ADHD.
Time blindness? it can happen to anyone because you got caught up in something. being unable to sit still? it can be caused by any number of physical (and mental!) things, not just ADHD. unable to concentrate? that can happen because of chronic pain, depression, brain fogginess, etc.
So the important thing to remember is that if you see someone (like me) ranting about their ADHD experience, if you identify with that situation, it doesn't necessarily mean you have ADHD.
You might have depression (monopolar or bipolar). or be autistic. or some forms of OCD. or have chronic pain.
Now, by all means, go to a doctor, talk about these symptoms, get tested, get medicated, get therapy, whatever! I'm just saying that you shouldn't jump to ADHD as a definite diagnosis.
ADHD is definitely one of those diagnosis where we drew a circle around some symptoms and said "this is ADHD", if there's no other reason to have those symptoms. Like, if you take a person and keep them awake for 36 hours and feed them a ton of coffee they'll probably act very "ADHD", but it doesn't really mean you need to put them on adderal, even if they're showing a lot of the symptoms of ADHD. You should look for other solutions to their problem, like letting them get some sleep and cutting the caffeine.
And the same is true with ADHD. All the symptoms of ADHD are things that you can have for a bunch of other reasons, many of which can be treated (and treated better!) in other ways.
Depression is a good example: Depressed people can have executive dysfunction issues, trouble concentrating, poor planning, difficulty in finishing things. Would giving them stimulants (like Adderal and Ritalin) help? Maybe somewhat... but it wouldn't help the underlying depression problem! Getting therapy and antidepressants is likely going to be much more effective, since you're treating the condition that is causing the ADHD symptoms. (and if those symptoms don't go away when the depression is cured/managed, maybe they also need stimulants!).
ANYWAY to sum up: Don't worry too much if you see someone with ADHD complaining about something that they do because of ADHD and you go "that's just like me". ADHD isn't that kind of condition, just because you have one or several of the symptoms doesn't mean you have it, you could easily have something else that causes the same or similar symptoms.
And finally: This isn't meant as a thinly-veiled "don't self-diagnose" rant. You go ahead and self-diagnose all you want. I'm just saying that you should consider other possibilities before ADHD, because it may be more effective and easier to treat those conditions than to treat ADHD. (And I say that whether you're self-diagnosing or talking to a doctor: Hopefully your doctor is well-informed enough to know there is a lot of overlap between symptoms, and will ask about other possibilities )
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bnhaficsforthesoul · 3 months ago
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General Boyfriend headcanons for Dabi? Both sfw and NSFW? Sorry if you already asked something like this before!!
my husband
he can be kind of bipolar in how he acts with you - one day he's barely acknowledging you and the next he's clingy and loving
he gets better about this over time, but the start of your relationship is always going to be rocky. he's very much set in his lonely ways, and all he cares about is his own revenge, so you coming along kind of messed that up
the start of your relationship would be through tons of sexual tension, where you're probably openly into him and he's being stubborn
I really doubt he has much sexual experience, he might not be a virgin but if he has had sex before you it was only once or twice. he really doesn't like bothering with people
but there's something about you that makes him feel like he needs to fuck you, and he needs to own your body as a whole
so his attraction towards you starts as purely physical, but eventually moves to you as a person as he gets to know you better and sees how well the two of you work together
he is possessive and jealous. he doesn't like to admit it, but he doesn't like your attention on other people, and he isn't afraid to kill someone for being too flirty with you
he almost always is touching you, be it in a perverted way or just lazily resting his hand on your body somewhere
dabi would never lie about loving you, and it's very serious to him to say so. so he makes sure not to say it until he is sure
he is fully okay with you doing whatever you want to his body. it's yours after all
but you could decide you want to redo his staples yourself, or give him a new piercing, whatever you want and it's fine
pet names were rare when you first got together, the best you'd get was a condescending sweetheart from him, but over time he now calls you baby and occasionally doll
if he's living alone, he always has the ac down to like 50. his fire makes his body run hot, but his ice resistance makes him not feel cool unless it's actually freezing
he's such a whore sometimes, he totally dry humps you if you bend over while in public or smacks ur ass
he teases you constantly, about almost everything. he's kind of a bully honestly
you used a little too much salt in your food? he's pretending he's dying of dehydration. you mis speak somehow? he's bringing it up for the next 2 weeks. Your underwear is peaking above your pants? suddenly they're up your ass and he's teasing you about what panties your wearing. he's mean
most of your time with him is very casual, not a lot of dates, just hanging out together. watching TV, on your phones, maybe little home activities if you have hobbies.
when you do go on dates, dabi loves star gazing. he's actually secretly a nerd, and he was super into astronomy as a kid. not all of that information has stayed with him, but he does still remember little facts and his interest is still there
he does steal you food a lot. whether he walks into a store and grabs whatever he wants then leaves, or he walks into restaurants and steals the doordash orders, he keeps you well fed. you'll have to cook though, he's not great at it
he does get panic attacks every once In a while, and at first he tried to keep you away during these, even going as far to scream at you and tell you to fuck off before giving you a half assed apology the next day
but now, he openly searches for you if you're not right there, and tells you outright that he needs you. he let's you hold him close, and he listens carefully to all the sweet words you tell him, and he calms down much quicker now. you are his safe space
most of his kisses are random, and fairly rough. he likes heavy make out sessions where your bodies are pressed as closely together as possible
he covers you in hickies a lot. it goes with his possessiveness.
he really likes smoking either with you or just with you there if you don't smoke. be it just cigs or weed, he likes the vibe of smoking with your s/o
hes pretty good at drawing, though he is a bit out of practice. but something about you makes him want to draw more. so expect to find tons of little doodles of yourself scattered around
he likes showering together- he doesn't like showering in itself really because the water doesn't feel great on his scars, but you're so gentle with him while you wash him that it's nice
he hates when youre gentle with him any other time though. he doesn't want to feel babied or like you think he's weak. he would rather you rip out his staples one by one than baby him for his injuries
he's really bad at texting. to be fair he really isn't on his phone a lot, but that means that if you're away doing something you might not hear from him at all. it's not that he doesn't miss you, it's just not the same texting
calling is slightly better, but he does feel kind of weird on calls unless you do it often
it's very often that he acts like you're being dorky or embarassing or just unfunny, but he'll be giggling to himself thinking about your lame jokes later
I feel like he could at least somewhat play a couple instruments. when he was younger he was probably learning violin or piano but wasn't super interested, but as he got older he took interest in guitar. he's not great, but he can play a few songs
nsfw
in most every way he's very rough with you. even if you're upset and looking for more sentimental sex he struggles
mainly because he wants to be able to fuck you without all the emotions tied to it, he is very nervous about being vulnerable
sex with him usually entails a lot of teasing, rough manhandling, degrading, all that kind of stuff
he loves throwing you on the bed and forcing your legs open or your ass in the air
he obviously wouldn't keep going if you said to stop, but he loves free use
even if he was the one who was clearly horny and you weren't really, he'll still be sitting there calling you a dirty slut, so desperate for his cock, practically begging to be fucked
he would love teasing both holes if you're afab, being in your cunt while at least his thumb is in your asshole
if your amab, expect your tip (and only the tip) being pumped as he fucks you, trying to make it so sensitive you can barely handle it
he loves overstimulating you, making you try and push him off only to keep moaning and begging for more
his favorite position is probably a relaxed doggy? idk the name but basically ur almost fully on ur stomach but your ass is still elevated
he will burn his hand or his name into your skin. he makes spankings burn more by heating up his hands
he is definitely a sadist, but he is also a masochist
he loves when you hurt him back, he likes a fight even though you're unlikely to win
(he does have a subby side that you discover later in the relationship, but you would literally have to tie him up and make him take your dick/strap before he admits he wants it)
he is open to fucking you in public, he kind of likes the idea of other people seeing you get fucked so good by him but not being able to even touch you. he definitely considers doing this in front of people who flirt with you - just bending you over right there and slamming his dick in you
he thinks it's fun to make you think you're done, like he just came deep in you and got up and you're still catching your breath so you don't even notice him position himself behind you until his dick is in your stomach again
he thinks it's so fun to have you screaming his name while the whole league is around, even though literally no one cares
he puts hickies in places where you can easily forget about them, like the back of your neck, so you get used to hearing someone walk by you and be like God damn because you didn't know you needed to cover that up
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chxrrydrxp · 9 months ago
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Hello hello hellooo! Always wonderful to see another Jason Todd writer in this world, I love this man so much. I’m a bit new to your blog, so I…the idea of getting to come home to Jason on the rare occasion that he’s not out on a mission or patrolling. I know that man is the snuggliest mfer alive and getting to just collapse ontop of him after a long ass day and hear him grunt under you and curl his arms behind your back. Augh. AUGH. Please. I need this man in every possible way 😭
You can write something if you like but just the idea alone is so nice to think about. I need that man carnally but also I need him softly and to giggle tiredly in his chest.
ugh I needed this so badly. this bipolar ass weather has got me in shambles, and I require some comfort.
hope you like it 🤭🤭
(I'm getting to my asks yall just hang in there 💅🏾)
(gender-neutral reader x Jason Todd, fluffy comfort)
word count: 511
Harsh winds blew past your face, causing your nose to burn. This had to be the roughest winter in Gotham’s history. You'd just barely made it to the apartment door, and began clumsily fumbling for your ice-cold keys. your purse snapped open, releasing all your belongings with pop.
“Fuuuuck me.”
A shivering arm reached down for the belongings, scooping them up into frozen hands.
You stuffed them back in your purse and once again fumbled for your keys. Another gust of wind blew aggressively while burning your face, causing curses to fall out of your mouth.
After many vain attempts, you finally managed to get the key into the lock while the coldness burned at your fingertips. click!
“Fina-fucking-lly.”
You swung the door open, throwing yourself inside and shutting the door. You leaned back on the door, trying desperately to alleviate your frozen fingers. The only thing that could make your day worse was the fact you knew Jason would usually be on patrol tonight, and wouldn't be here to warm you up.
You untied your snow boots, and hung your jacket up reluctantly. The apartment was actually warmer than you expected. Jason must've accidently left the heater on when you left.
You opened the door to your room, and found him lying on his stomach with a pillow over his head.
“About time, baby.” His groggy voice sent butterflies to your stomach.
A relieved smile crept on your lips and you practically leaped on the bed. “You're home? Hours early?” Jason turned over onto his back, with his hands tucked behind his head. “Ya don't seem too happy, i'm just taking a little day off ” he teased, poking at your cheek. “I'm more than happy, but what happened to ‘crime has no days off’?” You questioned, changing into a shirt and sweats. “I could go now if you want me to.” You rolled your eyes at him, picking up a pillow and playfully smothering him with it.
“Asshole.”
“C'mere,” he motioned, holding his arms out for you. You sighed contently, climbing into his open arms, and feeling the warmth of his hands clasped around your back.
You dug your nose into his neck, inhaling his musky scent and familiar body wash. “Smells so good.” He let out a breathy laugh and rubbed up and down your back.
His hands moved up to your hair, stroking it softly, then down to your cheek, making you lift your head up slightly. He took this opportunity to press his lips to yours, humming.
“I missed you.”
You smiled, leaning back to kiss him, but he had other plans. He flipped you over so your back was pressed into the mattress and he was laying on you partially. He snuggled his head into your warm chest, wrapping his strong arms around your waist.
“Hmm..this is…better,” he hummed. You grinned, surprised at his clinginess. You hugged your arms around his head and ruffled his hair a bit.
Your heart raced, and you were sure he could feel it, feeling him smile against your chest.
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago
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AITA for accidentally outing my fiance?
I (27F) am engaged to a 24M guy. He is trans, but he doesn't identify as trans anymore - he's post-everything, passes 100%, lives stealth/as a cis man, and no one who didn't know him pre-transition knows him as anything but a cis man. I know keeping that up is very important to him, we've had a lot of conversations about how happy he is just being seen as cis and being able to pass. I know getting outed and 'found out' is also a big worry of his, for example for our upcoming wedding he's rushing around trying to make it clear to his family that they shouldn't mention him being trans or refer to him as she/her at our wedding because he has so many friends coming who don't know he's trans. It's not that he doesn't trust them or he's ashamed of being trans or anything, he's very supportive of his trans friends, but he just doesn't publicly live as trans.
We're in a big Discord server of friends that have been quite close for about a year now, enough that we've met multiple of them in person and two of them are going to be in his wedding party as sort of 'best man' equivalents (we're not really sticking to bridesmaid best man stuff just our mixed gender friends). He has kept his Facebook very private for as long as I've known him, the only people on there are IRL friends and family because he has in the past posted trans stuff on there, like transition updates, it still has old pictures of him pre-T or in early transition, etc. I knew he didn't want this found. He also hadn't told any of this group aside from the people he was especially close with and had invited to the wedding his surname and location in case they looked him up and found something.
People in the server were sharing their Facebook profiles and I shared mine so people could add me. My fiance messaged me right after pointing out that me sharing mine would dox him as I had him in my relationship status and friends list, but I unfortunately didn't see this message for a while as I was distracted and doing other things. By the time I saw, everyone in the group had already clicked and gone through my profile and found his.
He tried to go through and speed-delete everything he could find that was public that mentioned him being trans or showed him pre-transition, any comments from family referring to it, etc but pictures that were set to friends only were still popping up in previews on the side and some of his family have public profiles that show cover images with him pre-T and things like that.
Our friends were making jokes about finally knowing his surname, going through his whole account down to the time it was first made back in 2018, commenting on old statuses of his, so they definitely saw his profile and went through all of it. He was panicking because he had no way of knowing if they'd seen that he's trans or not and got super upset and freaked out about the possibility, and he couldn't ask without outing himself or making them suspicious.
I apologized and deleted the link but obviously by then it was too late.
I do think it's not a huge deal as much as he thinks because I know our friends would be supportive and wouldn't think of him differently, but I know it was still important to him. I'm not sure they did see because some of our friends are the type to have just blurted out "You're trans?!" in the server without thinking about it (not because they're malicious or judging it, but some of them aren't as online and don't really know how to talk about it sensitively if that makes sense) and they didn't say anything. However he thinks they did because they were talking about statuses older than the ones he managed to get to deleting in time.
Like I said i did apologize but I feel like he's still upset with me for not thinking before sending my profile. On top of that I have kind of a habit of doing things impulsively and without thinking (I have bpd and bipolar) and not always taking into account how it will affect him or what consequences it will have,which I've been working on for years but I worry this is just adding to that which I know already wears on him.
What are these acronyms?
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feelingthedisaster · 2 months ago
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In Defense of AFTG crazy plot
*disclaimer: I'm not comparing Frankenstain and AFTG, I'm using it as an famous example of plausibility in fiction*
*disclaimer 2: I'm translating plausibility from another language, maybe it is not the right word for what I'm meaning*
The greatest argument for claiming that AFTG is badly written is that isn't realistic, that it couldn't happen in the real world. But let me ask you a question, is Frankenstain a bad book because bringing people back to life isn't something that can happen in the real world? The answer is, of course, no. But why is it a good book when it isnt "realistic" Well, it has to do with plausibility.
The textbook definition of plausibility is something that seems believable, even if it is not. In fiction, this translates to make everything have sense while also bending the rules to let the story unfold. It cannot happen in real life but it has a logical process that make it believable, it makes sense that it happens. Of course the sci-fi genre has tons of technology we could only dream of, humans are constanstly developing it; yeah, this breaks the laws of physics, but humans found way. It isn't something that could happen in the real world, but it is plausible, it has a logical explination and we can believe it. In this fictional world, we don't question it because we aren't supposed to question it. While I put into more exagerated genres to explain it, this was meant for more close to reality genres.
The monster of Frankenstain existing isn't bad writing because even if it isn't "realistic" because it has a logical explination (research, investigation and experimentation about chemestry and human body -> bringing people back to life). An author can make changes to their world and it still can be consider it good written as long as it makes sense for this world that was created.
I think most complains about the crazyness of AFTG steam from forgetting this. To truly analyze a plot, you need to unlink crazy to bad.
Bad plot: no stakes, doesn't make sense, plot points are not linked to eachother, multiple plotholes that are too big to ignore
Good plot: decent stakes, actions have consequences, plot points interconnect
Crazy story is completely different from compelling storytelling. Actually, there are essays that argue that making stories plausible/100% real is opresive and ruins the potential of stories, like this essay by T. Lloyd Reilly. The plot points may not be likely to happen in real life, but they are consequences to an action, they follow a logical path, they makes sense even if they aren't "realistic". Let's cover some of these "crazy" plot points.
Ichirou letting Neil, Kevin and Jean live <- Neil offering Ichirou a reasonable deal (money and silence instead of just silence)
Andrew's induced mania state <- new medicine that only exists in the aftg universe and we know nothing about (and also, antidepressants can cause mania in patients with bipolar disorder, which Nora said Andrew has; more info and theories about in this post)
The mafia using an exy team for money laundering <- this happens a lot in real life actually, but with actual bussiness, like pizza places, restaurants and even a sports team was found to be a cover for the mafia
Exy popularizing quick <- campaing we know nothing about the lenghts it went by the creators / possible funds provided by the mafia to popularize it
Are these likely to actually happen in real life? Not really, but do they have a logical explination that within the universe Nora Sakavic created make sense? Yes. If it makes sense in this alternate version of reality, why is it bad writing?
AFTG doesnt stick to reality but it is a piece of fiction, it doesnt need to be like reality to be good (and not being like it is not a synonim for being bad). Asking literature to be 100% real is like asking the sky to be pink. It's impossible. But most importantly, if we keep media to actual real life stories, it would be so boring and repetive that no one would actually care to read.
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istoleyoursk1n · 11 months ago
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I’d love a take on like mental health disabilities. Where it isn’t physical, but your mental health issues are severe enough that they impact your life. Like panic disorder or mood disorders (e.g bipolar disorder type 1 or 2). These often do have physical symptoms but differ from physical disabilities. Also MH issues can be massively triggered by poor sleep, I think the companions would make the connection. Perhaps that’s what clues them in? I’m up for anything! I am most interested in: Gale, Wyll, and Astarion in that order! Blessings to you in this season!🤍
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•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•
How would the boys react to a Tav with mental health issues?
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: ̗̀➛ GALE
He’s been concerned for you the moment he awoke to you still wandering about the camp in the late hours of the morning. You would insist that you’d head right back to sleep but you never seem to do so.
Not just that, but the fact that you hardly eat as much as the others concerns him. He assumed it was due to your self proclaimed ‘small-appetite’ but this was getting too far.
It was difficult at first to work his way around your constant mood swings. You were unpredictable but he didn't want to come off as overbearing.
Over time, he’d come to learn and soon enough understand whatever’s troubling you. He simply couldn't leave you to your own devices, not when there's something clearly bothering you beyond the stress of the absolute and whatnot.
Discovering your mental issues was a situation he handled as gently as possible, trying to figure out where these issues could have stemmed from.
For once he's not rambling, allowing you to speak aloud and vent out all your frustrations and sorrows as he sits there, attentively listening to each one.
It was heartbreaking for him to hear about everything that's been on your mind but he’ll figure out a way to make it better with you. Having you trust him enough to say all this was just the push he needed for him to give you his unyielding support.
From then on, he planned out ways to help out. Whether that be casting a sleep spell on you (with your consent) or eating beside you to monitor your food intake, he suddenly becomes the perfect caretaker. If you didn't have the energy to take care of yourself, he was there to tend to you.
He’ll constantly encourage you to voice or write down your concerns whenever it all gets too much, staying there right by your side to provide whatever comfort he can. He could even cast a spell or two to alleviate some of the stress that had lingered into your mind.
And if you ever get a sudden panic attack? Don't worry, he’ll be right there to guide you through it, implementing breathing exercises he had learned and love-filled words of reassurance to get you to calm down.
Through thick and thin, he's by your side, handling each problem you face step by step.
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: ̗̀➛ WYLL
Your lack of energy during battles was something he immediately noticed. It was nothing something that could be knocked down by inexperience at all, this was something very different and he could sense it.
Even the way you walked and talked at times sounded oddly… tired and while this entire journey was quite exhausting, this was beyond that.
At first, he confronted you about it, asking if there was something troubling you and whatnot but you never seemed to give him the honest answer.
It was upsetting him, even frustrating at times but he knew better than to lash out at someone who was clearly going through something. He just had to understand you better.
It took him a while to get there, especially with your mood swings and defensive behavior but that didn't deter him one bit. What would usually lead to heated arguments for most was instead him atempting to soothe you.
His heart practically shattered the first time you finally broke down in front of him, pouring your own heart out for him to hold in the hopes that it would be in good hands.
Thankfully, he handled it with care, cradling you gently in his embrace the moment tears began to fall. Every plea, whisper, and cry was another reason for him to shower you with an endless amount of love.
You came to him shattered, but he would be more than willing to pick up and kiss every piece, being there for you in the moments when it felt as though the world was simply getting too much.
He would be the one to encourage you both to talk, allowing you to express your concerns and all your troubles whilst you both try to figure out a way to tend to each other.
He’d do whatever he could to keep you happy, going out of his way to bring you your favorite flowers to make you feel better. He truly cares for you and he’d gift you the world if he could.
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: ̗̀➛ ASTARION
The bully 2.0
Had little regard for you at first, your obvious signs of exhaustion and stress only made him want to poke at you more. A jab here, a jab there, he was being as snarky as always without realizing its effects.
However, somewhere along the line, you snapped at him in a way that almost made him cower. It reminded him too much of certain memories he dared not discuss so openly.
You were angry but also pained, a fury of emotions he couldn't help but feel saddened by. Such sorrow was being directed straight at him and the petty remarks that would usually come from him after such an outburst were gone.
He can see your pain, your suffering, that something was going on… and that perhaps this time, he shouldn't be pushing you even further.
Was it guilt that he felt? Maybe. However, the aching feeling gnawing at his chest made him want to treat you better.
It was difficult at first, he had no idea how to predict or go about it all without you lashing at him but he was persistent.
He had put his false facade away just to apologize, to help understand you at a level where he could finally see what’s been troubling that mind of yours. It was certainly something he’d never find himself doing but for you? He’ll try.
Suddenly, he's talking to you in a softer tone, treating you as gently as he could without being too pushy or forward. He’d do what he could to help you vent out everything you've kept inside, piecing the pieces of the elaborate puzzle that is you.
He’d be there to calm you when the storm in your head gets too hard to control, a storm he would make the effort to weather in hopes that in the end, it would bring you both peace.
On those cold nights when you can't bring yourself to sleep, he’d be there to stay up with you, staying by your side until you both fall fast asleep or to listen to every concern you may have.
And if it helps, perhaps slaying a goblin or two would reduce the stress. However, if violence is quite your forte, allow him to stitch up a small little plush for you in his free time. Something to keep you happy (as he curses for pricking himself with the needle.)
For you have grown to be someone he deeply cares for, someone who he wants to protect and treasure, flaws and all. He knows what it's like to carry such a heavy mental toll on yourself, and he hopes that you and him can get through these issues together.
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bunniekittiee · 1 year ago
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Birth Control Crisis
Doing this for all of my mfs who have had bad experiences with birth control and it made them depressed, bipolar, crazy, etc. I was right there too, and I just started another brand of pills because my last ones were not making me feel good. So I'm writing this from my own experience, think of it as a vent piece. Also this is with a fem. reader btw
Characters: Raiden and Bi-Han
Warnings: Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, mental health crisis
Raiden-
The Thunder God did not understand the purpose of oral contraceptives right away until his girlfriend explained it to him. After learning more about it, he felt guilty. Although she was taking it because her periods were draining and horrific every month, it still did not settle with him that there were many side effects that could harm her. Blood clots, skipping periods, spotting, diabetes, heart disease, strokes, absolutely anything could go wrong if her body reacted to them negatively. But what made him the most concerned was the mental health part of it. Raiden read over the big paper that came with the pills that described instructions and side effects, and the most alarming one to him was the mental toll it could possibly take.
But he hoped for the best, and he supported her no matter what.
Adjustment was hard. Her breasts were sensitive to touch and ached for a couple of weeks. Wearing a bra made it more uncomfortable, but any fabrics that rubbed against them also made it worse. Raiden would gently massage them for his girlfriend if she asked. She frequently got headaches that turned into migraines which made it hard for her to go out for dinners or be around bright lights. But Raiden still did his best to make sure she was well. He knew it was just the adjustment period and she would be okay in the end.
That was, until her moods began to change. More agitated, she was snappy with her boyfriend. Sometimes she picked fights, sometimes she took something Raiden said out of context, or sometimes she straight up ignored him.
As much as he tried to sympathize for her, his feelings were hurt. His thoughts screamed at him that she was beginning to experience the worse side effects of the birth control pills, but he continued to tell himself that she would adjust.
One fateful day that changed his whole perspective and attitude was a very eventful one. She had known prior of Raiden's crush on Kitana due to Kung Lao's gossiping, but she had never brought it up to Raiden. Raiden didn't think much of it, and one day he was catching up with Kitana at the Wu Shi Academy when from afar, she had spotted them together. Sitting on a bench. Close proximity.
This scene warped her mind. With the depression, pent-up anger, and extreme mood shifts, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Anger flaring and her emotions at a high, she turned away quickly from them, walking back to her and Raiden's home that they shared. Her mind was frazzled. How could he do this to her? Didn't he know how sensitive she was? How miserable in her body she was? Was it because she gained weight since starting the pills? What was it?
Why wasn't she good enough?
Raiden bid goodbye to Kitana and made his way home, a little anxious to get back. He felt impending doom, like he was going to arrive to something that was very alarming. It made him quicken his pace.
Their home was a disaster. Raiden felt his heart lurch as he saw photos of them broken on the floor, glass strewn about. His immediate thought was that she was in danger, so he ran to their shared bedroom where she was shoving her clothes into bags.
"My love, what are you-"
"Shut up Raiden." She growled as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Do not play dumb with me, you fool."
He was taken aback. She was much more aggressive than before. This was something he was not used to at all. "What is this all about? Please, my love, we can talk about this. What is going on with you?"
"Go to your other lover since she's so great. I knew I should have never trusted you. You are still hung up on her." She chuckled bitterly. Her eyes flashed with anger at him.
He pieced it together in his head what was going on. "Honey, Kitana and I were just catching up. There was nothing else behind it, I promise you."
"You speak lies, snake." She spat as she abruptly stopped packing. "How can I trust you? I don't believe a word out of your mouth!" Her voice was beginning to raise, and Raiden felt his patience was being tested.
"When have I ever broke your trust?" He questioned as he slowly began to approach her. "Please, you are being irrational and we can easily talk this out."
Jaw clenched, she grabbed a bag and pushed past Raiden. "Out of my way. Irrational? I'm being irrational now."
"Please come back. Let us try to figure it out." He pleaded as he followed her.
"Figure what out Raiden? There is nothing to figure out, and there is nothing you can say that will make it any better. Just let me go." She said angrily. He could not let her leave, not when this issue was unsolved.
"I cannot let you do that. Please, what is going on with you? You have been so mean and callous. What have I done wrong?" He asked her, standing in front of her and looking worried. "This is so unlike you."
This seemed to falter her movements, and it stunned her almost. The silence was long as she avoided eye contact and the stare boring into her face from him. He was waiting for his answer.
"You would not understand. And it is none of your concern. It is mine only." She said thickly.
Raiden grabbed her by her shoulders. "No. It is my concern whether you agree or not. Tell me what is going on."
She struggled to get out of his grip. "Let go!"
"No. Not until you tell me. Do you realize how much I love you? I cannot let you walk out that door without knowing what is going on inside of your head." He gently laid a hand on her cheek to pull her gaze to him. Her eyes watered as her anger burned, yet the misery she held began to crack. Raiden saw this right away and he knew he was getting somewhere. "Talk to me, my love."
She cried, she cried for a very long time. And Raiden held her, listening to her miserable cries that hurt his heart too. But he knew that it had to storm before a rainbow could form. So he let her cry, explaining to him between sobs that she felt depressed, on the verge of hurting herself, and how angry she was at everyone in her life. How it was easy to take it out on Raiden because he was the one she saw everyday. How jealous and bitter she was. How she sometimes wished she could go to sleep without waking up.
No doubt it would haunt Raiden for quite some time. His worries before her getting on those pills were now a nightmare come true, and now he had to pick up the pieces. First, she had to get off of those pills immediately. And Raiden did not want her on any type of contraceptives for a long time. Not until she fully recovered. It took a while to see his normal, bubbly girlfriend that he was used to seeing. She was not her normal self for some time, and Raiden made sure to be with her every step of the way. He took extra time to spend with her, he made sure she was kept busy while he was away, he took her out for dinner once, maybe twice a week so she had something to look forward to.
He wanted to help her no matter what. That was all that mattered to him. He just wanted her normal self to be back again, and he wanted her to be okay.
Bi-Han-
The Grandmaster was a busy man, and he thought his wife understood this well. Bi-Han did research on birth control pills for her wife as her periods were intolerable for her, and he almost did not want to give her the option of it. Of course, he did not want to see her in any pain, but the side effects and health risks concerned him. Really concerned him. So much so, he made her do check ups once a month to make sure that she wasn’t at any risk of forsaking her health.
The last visit, the medic had said she gained a little bit of weight which was normal on the pills, but she took it as an insult. Like there was something wrong with gaining weight.
Bi-Han did notice her weight fluctuations but he did not care enough to tell her or make it a big deal. Because it wasn’t. He still loved her all the same and thought she was just as beautiful as the day he laid eyes on her. Weight gain would not make him stray. As if anything at all would make him stray.
But she focused on it a lot. Sometimes, Bi-Han would catch her staring at her body in the mirror and tugging at her skin. Examining her body. He would tell her how beautiful she was, but she never seemed to believe him.
Bi-Han decided to plan to take her out on a date to Madame Bo’s. They hadn’t went out for some time, and he told her to get ready. As she was getting ready, Liu Kang had arrived to the Arctika with urgency. He grouped the brothers together and told them that he needed them now for a mission. There was an intruder in the timeline that they needed to take care of. Bi-Han did not want to go, as he had planned a date with his wife, but he had no choice.
So he walked back to his shared chambers where she was putting the last few touches of her makeup. “My love,” he said as he entered the room. “I am very sorry to say this, but I must cancel the date. Liu Kang needs us for a mission as it is urgent. I am very sorry. I will take you out sometime when I get back.”
She looked at him and frowned. “Okay. Be safe, Bi-Han.” He went to hug her, but she hugged him back stiffly. He wanted to question her but he had to leave as soon as possible.
On his mission, his mind was occupied as his brothers could tell. She was on his mind. Sure, she was disappointed that he had to leave, but it seemed like there was something more behind her behavior. He was worried. Really worried and anxiety flooded through him the longer he was gone. And unfortunately, the mission was longer than he had expected. He was gone for five days, and during those five days he was ridden with anxiety. He wanted to get back home to see his wife.
And the day finally came. He and his brothers rushed to get home. They were worried about Bi-Han because he was quieter than usual and did not sleep much. They wondered if there was something wrong with his wife, but they did not ask.
Entering the palace, he rushed to their chambers in hopes that she was there waiting for him. But he was stopped by Sektor.
“I am happy to see you back. I need to talk to you.” Sektor said.
“Talk to me later, Sektor. I do not want to deal with work at the moment.” Bi-Han replied dryly as he tried to walk past him. But Sektor stopped him again.
“It is about your wife.”
“Is she okay?” The anxiety was now making him nauseous.
“After you left, she, what’s the best way to describe it?” He thought for a moment as Bi-Han impatiently waited. “She had a very bad episode and reaction to you leaving her. She did not leave your chambers, she stopped eating, she only slept and cried from what the servants told me.”
Bi-Han felt his heart pang. “Is she in there now?”
Sektor grimaced. “She tried to hurt herself, Grandmaster. I was lucky to find her in enough time to stitch her wounds. She is in the infirmary.”
The Grandmaster did not know whether to be angry at her or really sad. He stalked off to the med bay to see her. He was full of mixed emotions. Why would she do this to herself? Why did she do this to him? Why was she like this?
But the most important question that haunted him was…
Why did he not notice beforehand?
He was before the door to the infirmary and pushed his way inside. One of the medics had informed Bi-Han where she was, and Bi-Han had many questions.
“Did she say why she did this? Are her wounds grave?” He asked rather quickly.
“Her wounds will scar. There was quite a lot of them, but they were small. And we assessed her mental health and she is not well, Grandmaster.” The medic explained as his heart panted more. “She is mentally unstable. I believe it is due to her contraceptives.”
He nodded his head. He was hurt. Hurt that she did this to herself and he was not there to help her. He arrived at her room and entered. She was asleep, arms in bandages as she curled into a small ball. Bi-Han walked to sit beside her, and she awoke at the sounds of the chair.
“Bi-Han.” She breathed.
“Why did you do this to yourself?” He asked gruffly. “Are you pathetic?” He was angry. Angry at the world he supposed.
Her eyes watered. “If you are going to berate me, then leave me alone.”
“I don’t understand you.” Bi-Han replied. “Why did you do it? Was it for attention? I don’t get it.”
“Why would you?” She said with her voice raising. “You don’t understand how I feel. What I feel. You never will!” Tears now streamed down her face. Bi-Han’s heart fell to his stomach.
“Then talk to me and tell me what is going on.” He said as he crossed his arms. “Please, I want to know what is going on with you. I want to hear it from you.”
She cried very much, but she explained it all to Bi-Han. How much she hated herself. How she felt depressed and suicidal. How she felt like no one cared and how she felt like a burden. He listened to her intently as he held her hand, gently holding her as well while she sobbed into his shoulder. She told him that she felt unloved when he had to cancel on her, despite it not being his fault, she still could not help but feel that way. And it made her feel guilty.
Bi-Han was incredibly hurt that she felt that way and she did not tell anyone. He was angry at himself rather than her for not knowing what was truly going on. How he ignored the signs.
But now, it was clear to him. And he wanted to make everything right again. He took care of her wounds despite how much it affected him seeing those self inflicted wounds on her body. He made sure he was with her almost 24/7. He made sure she was okay mentally, and although some days were harder than others, she battled them like a true warrior.
And he made sure to make up him bailing on her that day. He took her out to eat and let her eat as much as she wanted. And afterwards, he took her to the shops and bought her a few gifts. Seeing her smile and face light up was all worth it no matter how much he spent. Because he understood that he could have lost her that week he was gone.
Things were never normal at first, it took a very long time for her to return back to her regular self. And Bi-Han had made sure she never returned onto oral contraceptives again. He could not bear to lose her again to medication. He lost her once, he would not do it again.
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obitoslover · 5 months ago
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Death Note x Naruto has taken over my brain these days, so I did another au (inspired by a friend's psychoanalysis on Madara who made me like bipolar Madara hc)
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Basically, Madara take Light Yagami's place as Kira, killing criminals. One of the differences, tho, is that he doesn't wanna be acknowledged, since it would make his objective a lot harder
Kaguya is the shinigami, yey!! Should've I used Black Zetsu due to his nonhuman look? Yes, but I wanted to make Kaguya with a Samara from The Ring aspect + Kaguya is the mind behind Zetsu in anime + I like her better = Kaguya won
ANYWAY!!! Some lore points I have for now:
— Izuna takes Misa's place, bc he wants to help his brother getting rid of all the bad people; he seems somewhat more excited/engaged for this whole "new world's god" thing than Madara tho
Unlike Misa, he doesn't have the shinigami eyes, since Madara doesn't want his younger brother to take half of his lifespan away, especially when he already got it. Idk if Izuna has his own death note, so maybe he helps his bro in some other way (like the Oracle from DC vibes?)
— Madara wrote Tobirama's name as a "test" to see if the notebook was true. Why? Because that's his brother's ex who broke up horribly with him so why not (they realized they don't know where he is, so they couldn't possibly know if it work. two dummies)
— L is Tobirama... in the sense of who's against Kira, not who's the detective
"But he's dead way before Kira's mass killing was recognized as someone's doing, how is that possible??" you may ask, and I say
"Tobirama" is a fake name
See, l like mad scientist Tobirama and it's variations, so I needed to put this here. He's a criminal who never got caught, a really secretive one about his personal life, so most of the time he's using a fake identity to prevent people to keep a track on him; so it means Izuna didn't know his actual name and gave the fake one to Madara
"Tobirama" was one of the first people to realize all those deaths were induced by someone, so, in order to prevent his possible death in case he's caught, he started to hunt who could be Kira
— "Tobirama" is Hashirama's brother. He dyes his hair and wear eye contacts (and other things too like, idk, different clothing, some light make up to give a different look on his face) while undercover, so he can take a double life
You can't even imagine Madara's surprise when he finally realize his friend's brother and "Tobirama" are the same person
(I wanna make Itama = Tobirama, with his white hair + red eyes combo being his undercover while he has natural colors in his actual appearance, but I'm still deciding how confusing and cool it could be)
— Near and Mello aren't related to L in the slightest. I haven't decided yet who they could be (Maybe Kakashi=Near and Obito=Mello), but they would still be really close to the government and be, indeed, detective prodigies
Maybe they're chasing Kira at the same time as L? If I decide so, it would make Madara's life way harder, since it's both a criminal (with other criminals' contacts and accessibilities) and the government (two people above it, tbh) against him..... nah, he'd be caught way earlier, I need fun
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moobble · 2 years ago
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You asked for it (Capitano)
!!SMUT UNDER THE CUT!! 
Virgin nb reader, aphrodisiac, oral (receiving), slight mention of overstim, possessiveness 
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You wanted nothing more than to tease the high ranking man known as ‘The Captain’. His arrogance made you want to catch him off-guard for starters. Scaring him from around the corner in the quarters, electrocuting him when you’re alone, sometimes even tackling him to the ground. And all of that was to get at least a tiny reaction, a gasp, a groan, a flinch. Yet, nothing of the sort was released. The masked man was as stoic and as rigid as ever.
“Come on, it can’t be that hard!” You kept telling yourself. “This is just try #13604! I can do it! That scum won’t be so confident soon!” You were once again heading up to his room. You were sure he was in a meeting at this time. So sure that you didn’t even need to get a second glance at the schedule assigned to him. It was just a perk as his assistant. 
You were searching for a little something as blackmail. You had no idea where to start, as his room was filled with storage units and whatnot. Upon entering his room, a lovely scent hit your nostrils, making you feel slightly tired. But who were you to give up? Despite the comforting incense and luxurious decorations, you still wanted to get a reaction from the harbinger. 
Starting with his wardrobe. Stepping around the king-sized bed, you opened the dark wardrobe littered with silver accents. Suits and tuxes were hanged up, complete by the few sets of shoes underneath them. You took a closer look inside pockets, unopened boxes and even shoes. To no one’s surprise, there wasn’t anything blackmail worth.
Checking his bookshelves, desk drawers and other places, the only place left was the walk-in closet next to the bathroom. Not wanting to risk anything, you gently opened to closet door and peeked inside. Your eyes were met with darkness. A rather good sign, to be honest. You pushed the light switch to turn on the lights. Seems like the coast is clear. You went inside and started checking out his clothes. Some were designer, some weren’t. Some were ripped and others were polished. Quite bipolar, but it gives him some personality. It’s good to see that at least his clothes were like any other person’s. Yet, this still wasn’t what you were looking for.
It’s getting quite hot in this room. You turned on the AC, hoping to cool off a bit. Does warmth help keep clothes clean? I think I should probably do some research or my own... You deadpanned. A wonderful scent filled the room, making you almost unable to stand. You sat down on the soft cushioned chair in the middle of the room, sweat beads rolling down your skin. “So hot...” You mumbled out, fumbling with the hem of your shirt. You debated on taking your shirt off, still thinking of all the possibilities. Still, not wanting to suffer overheating, you lifted the shirt up and threw it to a far away corner. 
Before the scent could shut down your senses, you hear a click and the AC shut off, making you whine at the increasing heat your body was producing. “Tried to sneak up on me again? Too bad I already knew about your plan.” You heard the deep voice from the entrance. “And you have fallen for my trap. Such a naive little thing you are...” The man chuckled, now closer than before. You could hear every step getting closer and closer to you. “I mean, you should’ve known from the start. Just when you entered. The smell, it was very little, but enough for anyone to tell it was an aphrodisiac.” You tried sitting up, only to be pushed back down. 
“So hot...” You mewled, barely making any sense of the words coming out of his mouth. “Of course, any inexperienced person wouldn’t know of such things. But I, for one, thought you would back away from the scent. Now, you know that I’ve got you wrapped around my finger.” Little did you know, some of your attempts at teasing him made his face flush or his breath hitch. This time, the temptation was too much to let you go. Seeing you squirm under his gaze, incoherent words spill from your mouth. “Now all you need to do for me is relax.” 
The much bigger man backed away, waiting for your invitation. “Please,” you quietly begged, pulling your waistband down. You struggled a bit, twisting and turning before you finally got rid of all the clothing articles on your body. “Very well.” The Captain made his way over to you, kneeling in front of you and spreading your legs apart. He got a good look at your glistening intimates, feeling mesmerized by the mere sight of it. You squirmed a bit at his breath hitting the sensitive organ. 
Capitano then let go of your thighs for a moment, unclipping his mask and putting it to the side. His beautiful eyes gazed up at your face as he kissed and licked your inner thighs, teasing you with his smirk as his mouth got closer to your core. He gazed at your eyes longingly before giving your sensitivity a thorough lick. His eyes now focused on it, hands gripping your thighs. His tongue left tiny licks, looking at the facial expressions you were making every time. 
You pleaded for more of his touch until he complied, using his hand. He just looked at the way you reacted under his touch for a moment before returning his mouth to work. Capitano was licking and sucking on your most sensitive body part at this moment, making you unable to think of anything other than the pleasure, the leftover aphrodisiac in the air filling up your body. 
“Come on, cum for me, you pretty little thing.” The harbinger let out a low growl which vibrated throughout your body, finally making you snap. Your body shook, tears rimming from your eyes. “Just you know, I don’t plan on stopping until you’ve passed out.” And he meant it, slowly slithering his tongue inside your hole, still stimulating you, prolonging your pleasure. You were pretty sure everyone in the quarters could hear you. Of course they could, Capitano made sure of that, leaving all the doors open. 
“Won’t stop ‘till everyone knows you’re mine...”
Part 2 maybe??? Written on 2023.04.29 3:35PM
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creature-wizard · 4 months ago
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I see this (alien abduction communities) having a lot in common with ROMCOA stuff. The Controversial History of Alien Abductions by Kaz Rowe on Youtube (https://youtu.be/of8igM9WFWc?si=LrE_pCrDUMbujQah) What people may get out of ROMCOA (Validation of trauma in a way that is more obviously bad and may be not be as emotionally difficult due to a less personal abuse or mistreatment having clearer motivations.) is different, but the conspiracism of it feels similar.
I say this as a system who has skirted the edge of ROMCOA stuff for reasons like those stated above, but I wondered if you'd have any thoughts on it. (If it's of any interest, I'll send a separate ask with thoughts on the why/how we've dodged the ROMCOA bullet despite being drawn to it, but that's a significant tangent. Also sorry to be anon, I'm shy.)
(To anyone reading this: If you've heard the term "RAMCOA" but haven't heard how it originated among conspiracy theorists and was always meant to push conspiracy theories within legitimate psychiatry, further information is provided at the end.)
Oh yeah, you are absolutely right. I've been comparing these two things for awhile now, and it's basically two presentations of the same exact social phenomena.
You usually have somebody with psychological or physical problems that seem to defy explanation, but are very likely related to something like anxiety, depression, chronic stress, PTSD, C-PTSD, BPD, schizophrenia, bipolar, autism, ADHD, allergies, mast cell activation syndrome, or fibromyalgia. Y'know, a lot of the kinds of things that doctors will dismiss as "all in your head," or that just aren't that well-understood by the public, or might not seem possible because they underestimate just how traumatizing their life actually was.
The way they fall into it is nearly always the same; they never really "remember" any of it until they start coming across literature and people who introduce them to the idea of RAMCOA or alien abduction. And of course by this point a lot of them are absolutely desperate for some kind of explanation or validation, so they look deeper into it. They start learning and absorbing the tropes and narratives that go along with whatever mythology, so to speak, that they've fallen into. Then when they undergo hypnosis, they start "remembering" events that just so happen to line up with whichever narrative they've been exposing themselves to.
There are other groups doing this same thing with their own narratives, of course. In New Age and neopagan contexts, people often seek explanation and validation by trying to uncover past lives. In fact, the whole entire practice of undergoing hypnosis to recover lost memories actually began with people trying to find their past lives.
A common thread is that people remember something that pretty much everybody would agree would be absolutely terrible to endure. Whether you're "remembering" being burned at the stake for witchcraft, eating the heart of a ritually murdered child, fleeing the destruction of Atlantis, or aliens performing invasive procedures on your body, there's no ambiguity or uncertainty that what supposedly happened is horrible. In a society that constantly tells people that they haven't had it bad enough to be traumatized, because real trauma can only come from something way more severe than what they're experiencing, it's just no surprise that this keeps happening. Their subconscious minds seek the images and narratives that seem to align with the distress they're feeling.
It's been observed that what people experience while under hypnosis is basically the same as what they experience while dreaming. What they experience isn't necessarily logical; in fact, it's often far from it. Weird, surreal stuff just happens out of nowhere. People just do things with no genuinely reasonable motive.
In the context of RAMCOA, this is often handwaved away with "well, they're cultists, this is obviously part of their weird cult practices." This is not only an incredibly weak explanation for most of this stuff, but when you look at other supposedly recovered memories, you just can't help but notice that this is a pattern in every belief system people try to recover memories in, so trying to do this for supposed cases of SRA and the like is just special pleading.
And yeah, if you wanna share your story, I'd love to hear it!
For anyone reading this who isn't aware: The term "Ritual Abuse, Mind Control & Organized Abuse", or RAMCOA, is not an innocent catch-all term for religious abuse, institutional abuse, sex trafficking, etc. It was coined by conspiracy theorists in order to repackage Satanic Ritual Abuse/Satanic Panic/Project Monarch alter programming conspiracy theories into something they could pass off as legitimate science/research. Essentially, it's a Trojan horse for far right bullshit. For more information, see Cathy O'Brien - The First Project Monarch "Survivor" and Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler: Two Of The Most Dangerous Conspiracy Theorists Most People Have Never Heard Of.
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