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shebeguiled · 6 years ago

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good afternoon everyone , i’m amorette & i’m so excited to be here !! this lovely lady is ERATO of the nine muses , known in the mortal world as SABINE BELLEROSE. take a peek under the cut for more information on her , & feel free to hit the heart if you’d like to plot.

ERATO :

♡ ; muse of erotic & love poetry , so uh , that already sets a pretty clear tone here. she is beautiful & she knows it , and is prone to her own bouts of vanity , especially when called upon by poets & artists — it’s hard not to let it go to your head when famed authors call upon your name for inspiration , praise your beauty as being their afflatus. she doesn’t go about being too overly boastful , most of the time , though sometimes it is dependent on her company and if they encourage it. she doesn’t find an issue with one accepting & appreciating their own beauty , so long as it isn’t at the expense of another. she promotes self love & positivity.

♡ ; speaking of company , her sisters are her lifeblood. she adores them and would not be averse to fighting , maiming , or otherwise causing a ruckus & maybe a little bloodshed for them , if it absolutely came down to it. ( though she really really really prefers it doesn’t come to that. ) her sisters are her soul. apollo , likewise , is near & dear to her heart — her loyalty is his , nearly if not just as it is her sisters’. her loyalty , once gained , is not easy to shirk.

♡ ; vivacious , clever , & sanguine , erato is clear in what she wants and even more direct when it comes to getting it. she possesses little in the way of cautious awareness and leans far more into her impulsive tendencies , especially if they’ll lead to gratification. she’s quick to capitalize on opportunities once presented , or to otherwise maneuver around situations in order to have them play in her favor. it’s generally innocuous , though , her intent lying more-so within indulgence than harm. she enjoys delighting in all of life’s pleasures , be it a song , a poem , a glass of wine , etc.

♡ ; undoubtedly i am forgetting to write something here in my excitement , and i apologize for that lmao.

SABINE :

♡ ; so , to start , she’s the daughter of GASPARD & MANON BELLEROSE , a fashion designer & model respectively , hailing from france. ( she was born in america herself , but she’s fluent in french. ) their love was a whirlwind , something plucked directly from a romance novel & it bore them their only daughter , sabine.

♡ ; now , her parents live a ritzy , busy life. despite being married they had little intention of ever settling down & a child hadn’t ever really been in their plans , though social stigma and personal beliefs prevented manon from doing anything about the pregnancy save seeing it to term & keeping their daughter. sabine was seen more as an accessory than a lifelong commitment — more akin to a purse to tote around when it was fitting than a child that needed to be raised. her parents didn’t have time for that. it didn’t fit in with their ideal lifestyle. they would occasionally dote on her & bring her to events , shower her with affection , but the moments were few and far in between.

♡ ; she was frequently handed off to nannies but they , too , were never consistent ; a side effect of having an affair with your boss. this left sabine constantly yearning for affection , yearning for the love & praise children are supposed to receive from their parents , yearning for a bond she saw in other children but never felt herself. her parents raised her not to be herself , but to be perfect — in their eyes , this was an easily attainable goal. they gave her everything , after all , as what they lacked in affection they made up for in a surplus of material items , money , gifts , expensive vacations that she’d end up spending alone. sabine took what they gave and let it sate her for a while.

♡ ; much like her immortal self , she is indulgent , though much less fulfilled. she allows herself to indulge in flings , in the things money can buy : jewelry , clothes , money , drugs. the upside of being a millionaire's daughter is just how much you can spiral the night before & appear perfect in a selfie posted the next day with the help of a well paid stylist and good lighting. as a result of her upbringing , the one thing she wants is fulfillment : she wants to be loved & inspire that love in others , she wants the security of being with someone who wants her , truly wants her , body , mind , & soul. sabine wants to feel valued. and yet whenever she's barely gotten close to something resembling this , she freezes , she spirals , she sabotages. the truth is that deep within her , she believes she is undeserving.

♡ ; she can never quite achieve the balance she seeks , and is always at one extreme or another. there is no pause , there is no quiet middle ground : one moment , she's on the top of the world , things are just as she wants them , nothing can touch her. the next , she is crumbling , holed up in her penthouse , speaking to no one , spending days on end weeping in the safety of her bed. there is an aching , hollow void within her chest that consumes everything in these moments & leaves little behind to remind sabine of just who she is. still , she maintains the facade. she models for her father's line & is something of an instagram influencer , frequently posting updates to her millions of followers. she's never upfront about the goings-on behind the scenes online ; what's the point when you can post a selfie from inside one of nyc's most exclusive clubs ? no one wants to hear about your troubles. money can buy happiness , right ? she self medicates in dangerous ways.

♡ ; unbeknownst to most , sabine writes & publishes poetry via the use of a pseudonym. it's a little pleasure that keeps her going , gives her something to pour her energy into even when she's lacking. a way to express herself when she cannot find the courage to verbalize her feelings to another person. something no one who knows her can intrude on.

♡ ; sabine has an undiagnosed mental illness : bipolar disorder. she frequently faces burnout and it is the first symptom of an approaching depressive episode , and likewise is quick to hyperfixate or otherwise obsess when growing manic , and this is also when she often feels her most confident & victorious. she refuses to admit something may be ' wrong ' out loud , but on the inside , her lack of control over how she feels & often experiences the world contributes to her panic frequently. she avoids seeking help out of fear of disappointing her parents , should she receive a diagnosis. it is not that she believes people with mental illnesses are wrong , just that she alone would be. even further , she often feels guilty for her emotions , feels as though she is not allowed to be upset or depressed in any way because of what she does have. she thinks love will fix her. she doesn’t realize she may have bipolar specifically but she knows there’s got to be something , & it frightens her. up until this point , she has not communicated this to anyone else.

♡ ; loves bubble tea. is rose gold’s number one fan.

♡ ; she’s lucky she’s got nepotism on her side because she’s only 5′2″ and some would argue that that means she can’t be a model which is probably the stupidest thing ever.

i’m sorry this got so long idk what happened actually . . . . dfkjgdjf thanks for reading all of this mess ily

#ohq:intro #JAZZ HANDS #♡ ; about .

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borntoflyupward-blog · 7 years ago

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’one year, three occasions’

~yazz (j.d.a.l.)

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noplsnoplsno · 3 years ago

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Hi~♡ intro here so various TW go along with this post.

I've decided to make a pinned post about myself. One of my poems got a lot of traction at some point and it makes me feel very worthwhile.

I'm a 25 year old woman that runs this as a side blog.

Questions I've received:

Am I receiving professional help? Yes I am. I have been in and out of CBT since I was 12 years of age, I recently started DBT and it has been a much better experience.

Why do you write?

I find written language to be much more expressive than verbal. One day when I get the strength I'll read them out-loud on tiktok.

Is it okay to RB?

Absolutely! I love seeing people reblog my stuff.

Diagnosis information:

Diagnosed with PTSD as my first diagnosis as a child. This was due to severe childhood trauma.

I also struggled with anorexia nervousa from the time I was 15 until 21. I almost died as a consequence and still deal with the health repercussions now. I am considered recovered.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features at 16 years of age. This is when I started medications.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at the end of 2021.

General information:

Age: 25

Pronouns: she/her or they/them. I have no preference.

Sexuality: bisexual.

Reoccurring themes in my poetry: mentions of my specific childhood trauma themes, impulsivity regarding sex, chronic emptiness, mood swings (mania/depression), emotional dysregulation, eating disorder behaviors, self harm, insomnia, unsafe impulsive actions, delusions and hallucinations I have experienced, compulsions.

Consider this a Trigger warning for every single thing I post.

Chronically ill~☆ Hashimotos Thyroiditis, exocrine pancreatic insufficiency, chronic joint pain, neuropathy, and migraines.

I do not tag individual triggers on my poems. I do not have the spoons to do this 99% of the time.

I am chronically ill, mentally ill, I'm a full time student and full time employee. I have next to no energy and no fucks left to give when I'm writing.

Anyways, Enjoy!

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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The Best TV Episodes of 2020

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Sometimes it feels like there’s not much of a distinction left between “television” and everything else. As major media conglomerates hold investor presentations in which they present their upcoming streaming wares as “multiple-hour movies,” how is a beleaguered television fanbase supposed to distinguish TV shows from the dreaded, amorphous concept of “content”?

By episodes, of course! Episodes are one of the last remaining hallmarks of what makes the entity known as television distinct. Though we largely watch all our entertainment on the same kinds of screens nowadays, it’s television that lays claim to distinct episodes and distinct seasons as part of their larger gestalt. The Best TV Shows of 2020 deserve our commendation (and they will receive it very soon), but so too these smaller stories and pieces within them. The Best TV Episodes of 2020 are just as important to our appreciation of the medium and its long-term health.

Gathered here are 25 of Den of Geek’s favorite episodes of television in 2020. Voted on by our contributors, and arranged in alphabetical order, these are the half-hours, hours, and more that inspired and thrilled us in this most challenging year.

Better Call Saul – “Bagman”

In a season packed with memorable moments and 5-star episodes, Better Call Saul’s “Bagman” takes the cake as season 5’s finest hour and one of the absolute best episodes of television of 2020. Directly recalling Breaking Bad’s season 2 highlight “Four Days Out,” returning director and Breaking Bad auteur Vince Gilligan pulls out his old playbook and pumps “Bagman” up with high-octane shootouts, tense face-to-face showdowns, and his penchant for dark comedy.

As notable as it is to restage and one-up “Four Days Out,” “Bagman” also finally bridges the gap between Jimmy McGill’s new “friend of the cartel” world and that of his straight and narrow girlfriend Kim’s, a moment Better Call Saul fans have been anticipating and dreading with equal measure. Seeing Kim interact with Lalo, perhaps the best villain yet in the Breaking Bad/BCS universe, is a trip. Between Lalo’s cackling over the news of the burnt down Los Pollos Hermanos, surprise at Kim being “Mrs. Goodman,” and his lack of concern for “la cucaracha,” Lalo is a pure delight, even when he’s being stomach-churningly awful.

A desert twist on The Sopranos’ “Pine Barrens,” “Bagman” is a thrilling, highly consequential installment that is as equally introspective as it is explosive. I tend to bristle at episodes that so clearly ape Breaking Bad’s style and rhythms, but with Vince Gilligan at the helm, “Bagman” is purely undeniable. This is the moment that the show’s separate storylines began collapsing in on each other and truly feels like the beginning of the end for Better Call Saul.

– Nick Harley

BoJack Horseman – “The View From Halfway Down”

BoJack Horseman was never going to actually kill off its titular horseman. Though the depressive former ‘90s sitcom actor had been courting death for much of the series with addictions to booze, pills, and self-loathing, the show was always destined to end with him giving things another shot – again and again and again. That’s the point. It never ends. You’re stuck with yourself, flaws and all, and you’ve just gotta keep trying. BoJack indeed gets his umpteenth chance to start over in the series elegiac series finale, “Nice While It Lasted.” Before that, however, the show’s penultimate episode gets to vividly imagine what the end would look like for BoJack Horseman, and it makes for one of the series’ best episodes ever.

“The View From Halfway Down” picks up with BoJack drunk and at the bottom of a pool, slowly drowning. Meanwhile his consciousness takes a trip to a gaudy mansion where he enjoys dinner and a show with all the dead people he knows. Sarah Lynn, Corduroy, Crackerjack, Herb Kazzaz, and Beatrice are all there to enjoy their last meals (a single lemon for Corduroy, hospital food for Beatrice, and a pile of pills for BoJack) and then have one final sendoff before entering the infinite. This is where BoJack’s father, Butterscotch (incognito as BoJack’s hero Secretariat) turns up and delivers one of the most startling, affecting poems in TV history: “The View From Halfway Down.”

Near-death experience episodes are not uncommon on television (none other than The Sopranos may have had the definitive version with season 6’s “Join the Club”) but “The View From Halfway Down” somehow injects life (or rather dripping sludge of black death) into the stale concept. This might not be the final episode of BoJack Horseman, but it’s likely to be the one most people remember. It’s a discomfiting exploration of ego death…and death-death.

– Alec Bojalad

The Boys – “What I Know”

The Boys season 2 had its ups and downs, and a couple of episodes early on felt very low on action, but in the end, Amazon’s ultraviolent hit series managed to build towards a sophomore season finale that was so goddamn satisfying it felt almost illegal.

In “What I Know”, Karl Urban’s Bill Butcher finally faces off against Homelander and escapes with his life, while paying a devastating price. Hughie finds a way to drag himself up from a pit of despair and start a real relationship with Starlight. Kimiko and Frenchie get closer by working through their trauma together. Mother’s Milk is reunited with his family. And Stormfront? Well, that Nazi bitch gets what she deserved.

In fact, “What I Know” wrapped up most of The Boys’ ongoing plotlines so tidily you’d be forgiven for thinking that the action-packed episode was a series finale, not a season finale. Of course, The Boys had one final twist in store, but even if “What I Know” had been the last we’d seen of the show, it would have been just about enough to keep any anguish at bay. TV writers should study “What I Know” for future reference, cuz that’s how you do a season finale.

– Kirsten Howard

Dark – “Life and Death”

Since Dark knew that it was ending in its third season, there were plenty of mind-blowing episodes leading to a very poignant finale, but one episode that stood out was episode 305, “Life and Death.” This was not an episode that directly explored the deeper time travel mythology of the show nor did it feature the characters that were normally center stage. Instead, it shocked us with two acts of brutality by minor characters.

One involved the discoveries of Katharina, the much maligned wife, daughter, and mother who conducted a solo journey through time in search of her husband, Ulrich. The violence between Katharina and her mother provides surprising insights despite its unexpectedness. Meanwhile, another brutal act in the apocalypse of 2020 sheds light on how young Elisabeth evolved into a hardened warrior of the future.

– Michael Ahr

Dave – “Hype Man”

FX’s Dave was a bit of an odd duck from the get-go. Developed by and starring real life rapper Dave “Lil Dicky” Burd, Dave sought to encapsulate the strange contradictions of its title character. Dave is a comedy rapper…but he’s also kind of sincere? Dave is probably kidding about his malformed penis and all the trauma it’s caused him…but he’s also not? Dave is Lil Dickey…but he’s really just Dave? It was a tall order for a novice storyteller to work through, even with the help of Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Jeff Shaffer as showrunner.

But roughly halfway through its 10 episode-run, Dave…and Dave figure themselves out and start to string together a series of truly quality episodes. The turn starts with “Hype Man,” the show’s fifth installment and perhaps its best. “Hype Man” follows Lil Dicky’s real life (and also fictional) friend GaTa. After Dave makes the decision to install GaTa as his hype man, viewers are entreated to bits of GaTa’s past where his untreated bipolar disorder leads to public disruptions and even a heartbreaking moment with his mother while tied to a hospital bed. In the present, GaTa can’t quite figure his new dosage of meds out and it leads to a decidedly less-than-hyped hype man.

That’s when GaTa reveals his diagnosis to his new friends. As the tears stream down GaTa’s face and as his new crew gracefully accepts him, just as he is, it’s clear that it’s a cathartic moment for all involved that goes well beyond just the confines of television.

– Alec Bojalad

Devs – “Episode 8”

Perhaps no show in 2020 was as beguiling or intriguing as sci-fi maestro Alex Garland’s first TV effort Devs. From its first episode which featured a mysterious murder and the introduction of an awe-inspiring machine, Devs promised a truculent sci-fi television experience. Of course, as is often the case with these things, the impact of the show hinged on how it chose to wrap up the story of Amaya’s secretive Devs program.

That ending, in “Episode 8”, succeeds because it knows the precisely correct ratio of answers to non-answers it needs to provide. This finale deftly articulates the show’s vision of determinism and leaves open the question of just how much of our fate resides in our own hands. It’s also downright Biblical at times with striking imagery, allusions to Christ, and even something resembling an afterlife.

Above all else, it provides one of the most charming bits of title trickery on television this year. “I’ll tell you a secret, Lily,” Forest (Nick Offerman) says to his fated counterpart. “I’ve been wanting to tell someone for awhile. The name of the project is not Devs. The ‘v’ is Roman…so actually a ‘u’.” Deus. Lily can only laugh – another tech CEO who thinks he’s God. It’s just that…this one happens to be right.

– Alec Bojalad

Doctor Who – “The Haunting of Villa Diodati”

“The Haunting of Villa Diodati” isn’t the only example of Doctor Who taking on the haunted house genre, but it may be its best. In this season 12 episode, the science fiction series pays homage to the arguable birthplace of the sci-fi genre: the Swiss villa where Mary Shelley was inspired to write Frankenstein. There, the Thirteenth Doctor (Jodie Whittaker) and her fam meet Mary, baby William, Lord Byron, John Polidori, Claire Clairmont, valet Fletcher, and a missing Percy Shelley. With such a large guest cast, you’d think it would be hard to get three Companions in on the action, but first-time Doctor Who scriptwriter Maxine Alderton manages to do so, making good use of Ryan (Tosin Cole), Graham (Bradley Walsh), and Yaz (Mandip Gillip) especially, as the group gets split up while investigating the very real ghosts that seem to be haunting the villa.

With its literary in-jokes and honest-to-goodness scares, “The Haunting of Villa Diodati” would have easily been one of the highlights of season 12 if it was simply a standalone mystery. That it all ends with a third-act Cybermen twist that ties the episode to Doctor Who legacy and kickstarts the high-stakes, season-ending plot raises this installment from “good” to “great.”

– Kayti Burt

The Good Place – “Whenever You’re Ready”

Between BoJack Horseman’s “The View From Halfway Down” and The Good Place’s series finale, “Whenever You’re Ready,” it was a banner year for half-hour comedies addressing cosmic oblivion in 2020. While BoJack’s exploration of death is dark and spooky, The Good Place’s interpretation is one almost of celebration – a reward for a life, and many afterlives well-lived.

However one feels about The Good Place series finale, it’s hard to argue that the concept at its core isn’t ingenious. Our human protagonists Eleanor, Chidi, Jason, and Tahani, alongside their otherworldly friends Michael and Janet, spend almost a literal eternity grappling with the inequity of the afterlife’s rewards system. Then, in the final stretch of the show’s last season, the gang fixes the system once and for all and arrives at the actual Good Place. There’s only one problem: the occupants of The Good Place are shambling emotionless zombies whose dopamine receptors have been reduced to mush from eons of wish fulfillment and immediate satisfaction. That’s when Eleanor and Michael realize the afterlife’s missing piece: death.

This is not only a fascinating philosophical concept but it sets up a finale filled with goodbyes that all these characters so richly deserve. One by one our heroes decide when they’re ready, and then step through a door to enter the unknown. And of course it all culminates in what might be the best sitcom sign-offs ever from Ted Danson’s Michael: “I’ll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.”

– Alec Bojalad

The Haunting of Bly Manor – “The Altar of the Dead”

Perhaps the only thing harder than pulling off an honest-to-goodness serialized horror TV show is doing so twice. But that’s exactly what Mike Flanagan was able to pull off this year with his Netflix followup to The Haunting of Hill House. Like Hill House before it, Bly Manor is based on the works of a classic ghost story writer, in this case Henry James. Unlike Hill House, however, Bly Manor takes a few episodes to really find its rhythm.

Once it does, though, there’s virtually no stopping it. And it’s all thanks to midseason installment “The Altar of the Dead.” It’s clear from moment one that something is off with Bly Manor’s housekeeper Hannah Grose (T’Nia Miller). This is the episode that finally begins to fill in some of the blanks in her story, and subsequently the story of the rest of the house. Much like Billy Pilgrim before her, Miss Grose has become unstuck in time. As Hannah jumps back and forth between her history at Bly Manor, the sinister nature of the property becomes clear. Through Grose’s eyes, we’re treated to the courtship of Rebecca Jessel and Peter Quint. Then we’re taken through all the way to Peter Quint’s death, subsequent possession of Miles, and Hannah’s eventual murder.

It’s not just that “The Altar of the Dead” clarifies the plot of The Haunting of Bly Manor so much that it damn near reveals all of it. And the show is all the better for it. Every episode after “Altar” is able to move forward with a confidence and assuredness that can come only after a masterfully executed setup. It’s all perfectly splendid.

– Alec Bojalad

How To with John Wilson – “How To Cook the Perfect Risotto”

How To With John Wilson’s charms come from the ways that the titular socially awkward documentarian highlights the surreal, funny, perplexing little moments that so frequently occur in public spaces. However, that surreality is turned up to 11 in “How to Cook the Perfect Risotto” as we watch the coronavirus pandemic slowly transform New York City from a bustling, odd metropolis full of characters that are more than willing to invite a complete stranger into their home for a cooking lesson, into a quiet ghost town filmed from the safety of Wilson’s apartment.

Wilson attempts to make his elderly landlord the perfect risotto as a way of thanking her for her kindness, which includes doing Wilson’s laundry, watching Jeopardy with him and delivering him delicious meals. Simultaneously as he’s trying to quit smoking, Wilson is comically frustrated by the endless variables that cause his risotto to not quite live up to his lofty expectations. As he tries to improve his cooking and keep his sanity during nicotine withdrawal, COVID-19 hits the city and causes Wilson’s perspective to completely change. It’s relatable, poignant stuff that sneaks up on you and offers a look at what life has been like in this pandemic in a way that no other piece of art has yet to capture.

– Nick Harley

I May Destroy You – “Ego Death”

‘Ego Death’ was a transcendent half hour. The conclusion to Michaela Coel’s autobiographically inspired drama about surviving sexual assault, it was as probing and inventive as the rest of I May Destroy You.

In the episode, Coel offered viewers three alternative endings. Her character Bella played out fantasy confrontations with the man who, a year earlier, had drugged and attacked her. One is a kickass heist riffing on movie sisterhood and rape revenge. Another is an anti-climax that offers scant closure. Another is gentle, romantic and utterly disorienting. Allowing for multiple interpretations and perspectives, they all happened, and none of them happened.

The climax comes with Bella’s realization that her trauma wouldn’t leave her unless she made it leave. The finale ends with a growing garden, a book reading and an inhalation of breath. With dogged commitment to honesty and no easy answers, it achieved in 30 minutes what some dramas struggle to say in a whole season.

– Louisa Mellor

Killing Eve – “Are You From Pinner?”

Killing Eve has been celebrated for its depiction of the cat and mouse game between its star characters Eve, the former MI6 agent played by Sandra Oh, and Villanelle, the assassin played by Jodie Comer who shares with Eve a mutual obsession. Season 3 experimented with different points of view and delved deeper into the mystery of The Twelve, but it was the backstory of Villanelle (formerly Oksana) in episode 5, “Are You from Pinner?” which really showcased Comer’s depth and the character’s complexity.

The beauty of the episode was the way it lulled the audience into a sense of comfort. Here was Oksana’s long lost family, and they seemed to be happy, fun-loving people who might even welcome their damaged prodigal daughter home. However, even after a joyous carnival, it becomes clear that her mother’s abandonment hides a deeper secret, and the resulting violence and moments of mercy heighten sympathy for the assassin like no episode before or since.

– Michael Ahr

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts – “Real Cats Wear Plaid”

That title alone would earn this episode a spot on the list but its story is even better! “Real Cats Wear Plaid” is the perfect combination of everything that makes Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts so unique and wonderful. There are giant cats who not only wear plaid, they carry axes, have giant yarn balls in their trees, sing ramblin’ folk songs, and love eating pancakes. Kipo has to find their leader named Yumyan Hammerpaw, whose namesake song is easily one of the best in the series, to get the cats’ help.

Watching Kipo not only break her friends free from the cats but slowly win over their trust gives us a good look at how she’ll overcome a lot of obstacles throughout the series. She doesn’t go with the simple solution; she uses her brain and her desire to make friends to win the day. Throw in some absolutely gorgeous visuals and you’ve got a warm, comforting, and totally unique piece of television that only this show could pull off. It’ll make a die-hard Kipo fan out of you, guaranteed.

– Shamus Kelley

Legends of Tomorrow – “The One Where We’re Trapped on TV”

“The One Where We’re Trapped on TV” was the high point of a season full of them for Legends of Tomorrow, showcasing everything this series is capable of. We got three note-perfect parodies of shows – Star Trek, Friends, and the funniest one, Downton Abbey – with wildly divergent tones; A+ workplace comedy and lightning fast plot propulsion; and a cast (especially Caity Lotz and Dominic Purcell summarizing and savaging The Wrath of Khan in 35 seconds, and Matt Ryan beautifully jamming parodies of four different Downton characters into one bit) visibly having the time of their lives. All of that was mixed in with serious, genuine, character growth and emotion.

It’s amazing that Legends went from a forgettable side jaunt in the Arrowverse to a stoner workplace time travel sitcom that culminated one season with a Voltron Tickle Me Elmo. Even more amazing is that Season 5 actually topped it, and “The One Where We’re Trapped on TV” was this season’s peak.

– Jim Dandy

Lovecraft Country – “Sundown”

Lovecraft Country was television’s most ambitious show in 2020. Playing with horror and science fiction tropes while mixing in history lessons and comparing the racism in 1950s American with the civil unrest of today, Lovecraft Country took bigger swings than Jackie Robinson clobbering an alien with his Louisville Slugger. Not every episode or moment of Lovecraft Country was successful, but premiere episode “Sundown” is one of the most self-assured, confident debuts of a series in recent memory, a mission statement that establishes characters and blazes through plot points that most shows would have spent a season laboring over.

Our hero Atticus “Tic” Freeman (Jonathan Majors) returns to Chicago to reunite with his Uncle George (Courtney B. Vance) and old crush Leti Lewis (Jurnee Smollett) to go off in search of his missing father Montrose (Michael Kenneth Williams) in Ardham, Massachusetts, a location similar to Arkham, which is prevalent in the stories of H.P. Lovecraft, the favorite author of both Tic and Montrose. In Ardham, the gang find horrors both fictional and painfully real. The hour-long episode feels like a miniature movie. Its best moment is a montage of the trio traveling through segregated America set to a James Baldwin monologue. It’s little touches like that that makes Lovecraft Country so unique, gripping, and grounded even with all of the supernatural elements on display.

– Nick Harley

The Mandalorian – “The Jedi”

Chapter 13 of The Mandalorian was an unexpected midseason payoff for everyone wondering if the story of Din Djarin and “Baby Yoda” would pootle along for a good while longer without answering many questions or tying their adventure into any past Star Wars mythology. This installment threw one game-changing piece of info after another at viewers.

We learned that the adorable green sprog had an actual name (Grogu), that he had been suffering from PTSD so severe that he mentally blocked out a lot of his past before being rescued by Mando, and that he would need to seek out a Jedi to train him to walk the path he might be destined for. Ah, and we also got to meet the live-action version of Ahsoka Tano, played by Rosario Dawson in a very deliberate and self-assured way. After we spent a few minutes with Ahsoka, it was clear that Lucasfilm still had bigger plans for her character beyond The Mandalorian.

Putting aside the many other wonderful Western and samurai influences visually blessing “The Jedi”, the episode formed an important step toward a very different version of Grogu who may develop in future seasons, and as Tano infers, we might not like who he becomes if the darkness creeps in, which only strengthens the bond between Din and The Child, and our investment in the story itself.

– Kirsten Howard

Mythic Quest – “A Dark Quiet Death”

Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet was one of 2020’s most pleasant surprises. Apple TV+’s comedy about a videogame studio running a successful MMORPG, worked for all the reasons one might assume. The core showrunning team of Rob McElhenney, Megan Ganz, and David Hornsby (all of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) had a solid handle on the show’s concept and characters, and they also clearly did their research on the videogame industry.

Still, in addition to all of that “expected” stuff, Mythic Quest excels in pulling off concepts that viewers might not anticipate from a nine-episode, half-hour sitcom. The ultimate example is “A Dark Quiet Death,” a fascinating installment of television that falls halfway through the show’s first season. “A Dark Quiet Death” completely abandons the show’s main plotline and takes viewers back to the ‘90s where two game developers, played by Jake Johnson and Christin Milioti, meet, fall in love, and decide to build something together.

Soon, however, the two designers are confronted with questions about commerce vs. art and must figure out how many compromises they’re willing to make. In the process they lose themselves, each other, and the art itself. Mythic Quest eventually brings things back tenuously to the present to reveal that Ian Grimm and the Mythic Quest team now occupy the warehouse studio space they once did. Refreshingly there isn’t much of a lesson to be learned from this adjournment other than: all of this is very hard and you’ll want someone by your side to help…but even that’s pretty hard too.

– Alec Bojalad

Outlander – “The Ballad of Roger Mac”

Outlander season 5’s long-awaited battle between the Regulators and Governor Tryon’s militia delivered the sudden and gut-punching loss of one of its fan-favorite characters, Duncan Lacroix’s Murtagh, and also did the impossible in the same episode – made viewers genuinely invested in whether the guitar-strumming Roger Mackenzie lived or died. Even if his past behavior hadn’t covered him in glory, no one wanted to see Bree’s beau go out at the noose-end of a redcoat’s rope.

But the real heart of the episode was the final scenes between Sam Heughan’s character, Jamie Fraser, who didn’t have much time to celebrate his 50th birthday, and his father figure Murtugh, a stubborn-but-loyal man that had saved him countless times since birth, as he unexpectedly passed the patriarchal torch on once and for all. As Jamie fell apart during “The Ballad of Roger Mac” so did we, and a standout episode in Outlander’s middling fifth season was forever etched on our memory.

– Kirsten Howard

Pen15 – “Opening Night”

At its core, Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s brilliant coming-of-age comedy Pen15 is all about capturing feelings. This show, featuring Erskine and Konkle deftly embodying their middle school selves (all the while surrounded by actual middle schoolers), understands the feeling of your crush smiling at you, or the best sleepover ever, or the summer of infinite possibilities. Its season two finale “Opening Night,” is perhaps the best example of what the show does so well yet.

Much of “Opening Night” takes place after opening night of the school play, where Maya was the star and Anna was the tech queen. The girls and their families retire to a perfectly acceptable local Italian restaurant where Maya and Anna live out the copacabana scene from Goodfellas and just generally feel on top of the world.

Of course, in adolescence, nothing gold can stay. While “Opening Night” captures the thrill of a “best night ever” it also subtly, devastatingly presents Anna having to deal with the reality of her parents’ incoming divorce and Maya being rejected by a boy once again. Pen15 draws much of its comedy from the novelty of its core duo experiencing every new life event as the Biggest Deal Ever (™). “Opening Night” proves that that’s where the show draws its pathos from as well.

– Alec Bojalad

The Queen’s Gambit – “End Game”

For being one of the best shows of 2020, not much happens in Netflix’s The Queen’s Gambit that could be considered surprising. True to Scott Frank’s limited series sports movie (or bildungsroman) format, chess prodigy Beth Harmon displays preternatural talent, suffers some setbacks, and then comes out on top again. What makes the show excellent, however, is in its execution of that formula.

Nowhere is the show’s execution more acute and satisfying than it is in the finale, “End Game.” This final hour finds Beth finally heading to Moscow to take on her only real rival one final time. The outcome is never really in doubt, but the journey is a supremely satisfying one. There are no shortage of fist-pumping moments, from Beth winning the admiration of her chess idol, to all her friends jumping on the phone to pre-game her final match. It’s the final coda that lingers most pleasantly though. Now on top of the chess world, Beth heads outside to find several Russian citizens playing some exhibition matches. The challenge is over, the day is won, and now all that’s left to do is to keep playing. Not for anyone else but herself.

– Alec Bojalad

Schitt’s Creek – “The Presidential Suite”

The sixth and final season of Schitt’s Creek had a lot of loose ends to tie. The saga of the Rose family, who lost everything but the town Johnny Rose bought for a joke took us on a redemptive journey, not just for them but for town as a whole. It would be easy for the sake of this list, then, to select “Happy Ending” the glorious, hyperbolic finale which includes David and Patrick’s wedding and Moira’s greatest ensemble yet as the best ep. Instead though, it’s this lower key episode from season we choose to celebrate for it’s pitch perfect mix of hope, humor and humanity. This is Alexis and Ted’s episode. While David and Patrick’s romance and nuptials dominate the later series of the show, in “The Presidential Suite” we see Alexis and Ted’s relationship come to a close.

Ted has been offered his dream job in the Galapagos Islands. Alexis’s career as a publicist is starting to take off. He’s travelled back to spend a long weekend with her but his plans got derailed due to some dodgy airline milk. So now the two have just one evening together, and it turns out it’ll be spent saying goodbye. In possibly the most devastating scene in the whole show the two have a private dinner at the Cafe Tropical, where they reflect on how the relationship has helped them both grow. It’s understated, it’s grown up and it’s deeply moving, with gravitas given to characters who are generally speaking not taken very seriously. It’s perfect. Elsewhere in the ep, the second Rosebud motel is almost ready to open and the Roses and the Schitts are competing to christen the best room for the night, while Patrick’s spray tan results in photographic hilarity. There are plenty of great gags – Patrick’s face being one of them – but “Presidential Suite” belongs to Alexis and Ted.

– Rosie Fletcher

Solar Opposites – “Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear”

“Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear” deserves a spot on our best-of list due to title trickery alone. The synopsis of Solar Opposites season 1’s penultimate episode reads “Terry, Korvo, Yumyulack, and Jesse team up to steal a bear from the zoo” but of course: precisely none of this happens. In reality Justin Roiland and Mike McMahan’s excellent animated comedy for Hulu plays a truly wonderful sleight of hand.

The entirety of this episode takes place inside young alien Jesse’s bedroom terrarium where she has imprisoned dozens of shrunken human beings. The show picks up with the goings on “inside the wall” several times throughout the season, but this episode devotes the entirety of its running time to the stories of Tim, Cherie, and all the other people inside this shockingly complex political ecosystem.

Perhaps the best thing any installment of television can do is to make us care deeply about something that we weren’t even aware of to begin with. And that’s the real strength of “Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear.” Though all of this is happening on a truly small scale, it’s hard not to get swept up in the drama of Tim’s fight against The Duke or perhaps even shed some tears at the loss of a very sweet mouse named Molly.

– Alec Bojalad

Ted Lasso – “The Hope That Kills You”

Any sports fan can tell you that it is indeed “the hope that kills you”. Hope is one of the most dangerous things to have in any endeavor you truly care about. After all, how can expectations lead to anything other than disappointment? Defying expectations, however, is Apple TV+’s sports comedy, Ted Lasso, which builds up a lot of hope through its first nine episodes, and then delivers on that hope in a truly satisfying way for the finale.

The Jason Sudeikis and Bill Lawrence-produced Ted Lasso has the sports movie beats down pat. American football coach Ted Lasso gets an English football coaching job through some truly ridiculous circumstances. His team, AFC Richmond, naturally struggles on the pitch but begin to flourish off of it thanks to the relentless optimism of their new gaffer. This remarkable finale is where the rubber finally meets the road. Can AFC Richmond win one game to avoid relegation and fulfill their coach’s hope in them? The answer, somewhat surprisingly, is no.

But the real accomplishment of “The Hope That Kills You” is that it finds hope and victory in defeat all the same.

– Alec Bojalad

The Umbrella Academy – “743”

The penultimate episode of The Umbrella Academy’s second season provided a hefty amount of buildup for the finale, but it was also distinguished by several major reveals and sacrifices, some of which have yet to be fully realized. In the space of a single episode, the apocalypse is averted (again), Hargreeves reveals his true nature (sort of), and the time travel cops of the Commission prepare for a war that perfectly sets up the finale.

The most poignant sacrifice is made by Ben as he explores the depths of Vanya’s mind to keep her from using her powers to start a third world war, but he was technically already dead and has taken a new form of sorts by the end of the season. But other sacrifices put this episode over the top, including the inevitable death of Kennedy and the destruction of the briefcase that could have taken Five and his family home.

– Michael Ahr

What We Do in the Shadows – “On the Run”

Imagine getting none other than Mark Hamill to guest star as a white-haired vampire named Jim upset about a rental agreement on your show. And then imagine not pursuing that rich vein of comedy in favor of having one of your other vampire characters don a “human” disguise and then hit the road merely to avoid paying off some bed and breakfast debts. Well you don’t have to imagine such a scenario if you’re the folks behind FX’s hilarious and brilliant What We Do in the Shadows. This TV adaptation of Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement’s classic mockumentary film remained as bold and experimental as ever in its second season. Nowhere was it bolder, however, than in the instantly iconic “On the Run.”

“On the Run” exploits one of the tried and true rules of comedic storytelling on television: give Matt Berry the ball and let him cook like LeBron James. Berry has the time of his life in this half hour as Laszlo flees his Staten Island home and heads into hiding in Pennsylvania as Jackie Daytona, normal human bartender. It’s just remarkable to watch Laszl…we mean Jackie Daytona have the time of his life as a pillar of the community and major booster of the local girls high school volleyball team. Of course, the piece de resistance, is everyone’s shocking inability to recognize him as an undead bloodsucker. Even Hamill’s Jim the Vampire doesn’t recognize his foe until Laszlo pulls the signature Jackie Daytona toothpick out of his mouth.

“On the Run” may be pound for pound the funniest episode of television to air this year and all we normal humans are better for having experienced it.

– Alec Bojalad

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elfiethewickedcancelled · 8 years ago

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I want talk to be about bipolar!Grantaire for a minute or two?

Okay so this is mostly based on my own experiences and I'm far from an expert so bare with me

As a child Grantaire was always either hyperactive or really low

Some day he would run around, talk a mile a minute, draw on the walls, on the floor, on *everything* he was just so *happy* those days that his mother overlooked all the bad sides of it. On those days he couldn't shut up in class but he did his homework ever time

On the other days, on the bad days, he was slow and sad, barely talked and didn't touch a paintbrush or crayon. he didn't interrupt his classes but skipped homework when he got home. His mother tried her best to cheer him up but he was just... low

Of course he had normal days too when he was just like any other kid

He continued like this into his teenage years but the year after he started collage he fell into a deep depressive state

Luckily he had Joly ad Bossuet that tried their best to get him out of bed, if not to his classes then to the park, or even just the supermarket

This depressive period lasted about three months and Joly were starting to think about dragging Grantaire to the doctors office when suddenly one day they come into the apartment to find R painting

He had been out for a walk where he'd seen these beautiful flowers, in just the right light and he just had to go home and paint them, and for once that energy had stayed,

He was happy and produced so many paintings, he even followed them to the meetings at the Musain

Where he happily took part in tearing apart the beautiful marble mans speeches

After a few weeks though that the energy fades and he gets low again, Joly is worried he might get sick again. he stops painting, he stops leaving the house he stops coming to the meetings and if they drag him with them he sits in the back staring into the wall behind Enjoras

This goes on back and forth for a few months while his "up" periods becomes more intense and his "down" periods becomes longer

it isn't until Joly finds him still painting where he left him three days ago, he has barley eaten and not slept at all that someone realises something might be wrong

still it's written off as "artistic behaviour"

He gets more fired up in his speeches - almost competes with Enjolras – but he is also more and more incoherent.

In the end it's Enjolras who realises something is wrong. He comes over to Grantaire, sees the place in a mess - he almost thinks someone broke in - he can't find Grantaire anywhere but he sees a door to the roof open and goes up there. On the roof Grantaire stands with his arms stretched out, Enjolras stands next to him and R turn to him has says "Look Enjy I'm flying" an points to a bird. He is there, but at the same time he is not - he is looking at something only he can see.

Enjolras's who've suspected for sometime now, done his reading on the subject manages to get R to the hospital

There, after taking one look at him, hearing Enjolras story, they give him some pills and Enj manages to convince a nurse that Enjolras is enough to keep an eye on Grantaire and that, yes, he will call for help if something happens

After a few hours R starts to "come down" and Enj explains what they are doing there, R who himself realises something might be up accepts Enjolras offer to stay and figure it out together

He begs him not to call the other amis until they know for sure though

So a doctor come in and after a long line of questions that both R and Enjolras gets to answer they are left alone again but by then R is going "up" again

The night at the hospital ends with Enj listening to r rambling about different subjects

In the morning the doctors come back with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder 1 and prescribe R a starting dose of medicine that he is supposed to take every morning and afternoon

Enjolras follows him home, holds his pills in one hand, E's shaking hand in the other on the way home

When they come back to Enj's apartment (he didn't want to subject R to the mess R had made at his own) he holds him as he cries and cries and cries

Enjolras holds his hand as they call first Joly and Bossuet (who first are furious at E for not calling them earlier until R explains that E probably saved his life and that he wanted to do his on his own - well as much as it counts when E was there

Enjolras holds his hand when they come over

Enjolras holds his hand when he explains it all

Enjolras follows him to his first check up and is there for him during the process

Slowly R becomes more stable his dark days are fewer and lighter, his manic days disappear

That's when he skips his meds

He misses the high highs when he could *paint*

Enjolras is out of town, so Jehan is the one to notice and sooths R into taking his pills again

When R starts tp cry and says that he misses the beauty and the *colour* of the worlds, the energy ,the euphoria

He misses to having his sanity in a pill bottle

Jehan promises to help him find it anyway shows him the beauty in poems in paintings, in flowers, in humans and shows R that you don't need to be high to be happy

And that taking the pills might be worth it if I means R and his friends doesn't have to worry about him going insane

When Enjolras comes back from his trip and his first thing to do is to scold R for skipping his meds and then hug him and say that he is proud of him for getting back on him R realises what Jehan meant because he is happy when he is with his friends, when he go for walks, when he paints but when Enj hugs him the world explodes

the two hardest parts of starting on meds were 1. giving up the highest high, and making the decision to give that up every day, 2 to stop drinking, as meds and alcohol don't mix

when R is six months stable Enj asks him out for dinner to celebrate - when the night is over and E drops R off E asks if he can kiss him

of course he can

He still have days when he is happier then others, he still have days when he has more energy, he still have days when the worlds seem bleak he still have days when he misses the by natural high.

There are some disadvantages , like the fact that he is not allowed to drive a car but all in all he wouldn't trade it for the world - he experiences everything so much stronger then everyone else and with the love an support from his friends the struggles are easier to fight.

and every time Enjolras holds his hand, or he makes his friends laugh or creates a new painting he feels like maybe he doesn't need to be manic to feel like he's walking on the clouds

and that's what I have for now

TL;DR: Bipolar!Grantaire is very important to me

#bipolar!grantaire #grantaire #les mis headcanons #les mis #les mis fanfic #enjolras #jehan #joly #bossuet #linn writes #i'm almost to nervous to post this as it is so personal but i trust this fandom whole heartly

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evenbechnet · 8 years ago

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GROUP CHAT 7/01/17 GMT

Feel free to edit and add!! 00:00- all quiet, everyone finally goes the fuck to sleep

1am- salma, bells and Elliot having a party and crying about the summary, horse Even!?? Why? Animals, farm yard animal, farm discourse TM. Quack quack mother fuckers.

2am-killer tire in dessert movie, ohmygid these guys are literally shit posting idk what I’m summarising but I’m laughing, Elliot gets attacked by animals how is he alive?,

3am-9am- wondering about Eva noora discourse, wondering about anteater Wilhelm,

Fic Recs galore: - http://archiveofourown.org/users/rhalei/bookmarks - https://archiveofourown.org/works/8815849 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/8961337 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/8802484/ - https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820784 - http://archiveofourown.org/series/607585 - WIP with 4 chapter no link!???

Talking about terrible FICS again, werewolf isak vs hung horse even, RHAE “instead of biking to the pool ISAK rides on evens back”, furry vs curry discourse, this isn’t VILDUS pls , Taha: someone needs to read it and report back/////

Ao3 FICS are weird, mermaid fic, (someone rec that properly pls I havnt read it -Zaa) , more talking about the trailer dropping and how we gon die, might require spray bottles,

Daf is awake and approves of the FICS, caterpillar on chrispys face in s1 #confirmed, FANART is so sacred , must protect at all costs, so much talent

WHERE IS A SNAKES BUTTHOLE, snakesak has taken over as a horrifying meme, snake tongue compile? Snake videos? Pls provide links, he always licking his lipssss we should have known, WE CANT GO BACK,

10am- if Isak has dry lips Even needs to be licking them for him, JUST COUPLE THINGS EVAK

11am- Shola wages a one man war on the crispy discourse, her soul has been penetrated by p Chris, sprays bottle and despair, Shola tried recalling her fellow demons daf and Rhae for back up, more pchris discourse(more like only pictures), hating on shola )): , everyone being possesed by pchris, FICS discussion, ao3 vs lj vs ffnet, first fandoms?

12am- Harry Potter aus, which houses discourse,slytherin isak and his snake pickup lines, see seperate post.drawings of snakesak with snake.

1pm- ISAK so pale, cafeteria scene creys, that week was too dark, General ep 6 and 7 love, SHOES, halla scene vs hotel room scene, matching boyfriends

2pm- it was defo isaks first time, INFINITE, why was Even hair still perfect, it was the icecream secret, Faiza pray bottle is needed, when even touches isaks Lip in the hotel SCENE, NOSE IN HIS MOUTH, ER DU DANSK, 2pm is Lot okay- AND ISAK BEING SO CLOSE TO HIS MOM LIKE "OK BUT YOU DIDNT PAY ME THIS WEEK AND YOUR SON MADE ME BUY SO MUCH SHIT WITH MYYYYY MONEY???"

Evens mum and isaks mum head canons, Listen someone write a fic where their families have a get together @cz where r u- there is no way to summarise what's happening it's actual chaos.

SHOLA FOLIGH AWAY, more crispy wilhelmmy faces, they never end, will we ever be free? Chris and Eva the new FOLGERS commercial - Dani is leaving to EAT GOOD THINGs - like snakes aka venom!???, HANDS, Evaks hands, who cares about SEX scenes we want hand holding, THERE WAS NO SEX SCENS DISCOURSE GOT TO IRONIC

3pm- PORNHUB talk, dick talk, are dicks ugly or not, what did ISAK do in the shower in ep8, how do ppl not read the texts between clips, Faiza coming for us all with even giving ESKILD sex advice and tips, Rhae throws holy water- OH How THE TURN TABLES, Eskild even Isak hitting gay bars head canons, kitchen sex ftw, they fucked in the kitchen after 5 fine frøkner #confirmed,ILL TATTOO MANNEN I MITT LIV ON MY FOREHEAD, NSFW headcanons: Even probably makes dick jokes while they have sex, probably goes "the millennium falcon isn't the only thing that comes in less than 12 parsecs" when he's close and isak just goes wtf Honestly I can summarise this its just filth about EVAK sex are we any better than the chrispy fan girls!?

just all around terrible EVAK sex headcanons to Justin beibers baby. DONT LOOK AT ME I AM IN THE SHAMECUBE.

Evens SEX playlist;

- My anaconda - nicki - Baby my Justin beiber - Talk dirty to me - Take U down by Chris brown - Lots of years and years

Praise kink Isak, its it's just filth for an hour plus about EVAK sex I'm not gonna lie, ISAK likes scarves because they cover them hickeys

4pm- Faiza telling us a cute EVAK In School making out behind closed class room door, Shola and RHAE span crispy, even tongue is not alone anymore hi isaks tongue, why is this chat so filthy we all need Jesus, multiple holy water GIFS, ocean gif, penetrator ET, HALLA after sex, DAF and Zaa livetexting the awful sleeping beauty fic , let's never speak of it again, more shitting on eyewitness, Talking about good shows, watch merli, the get down,sense8,

5pm- s4 NRK poll, skam saved 2016 y'all, so many feelings, getting pretty sappy, love all y'all, skam as a good and bad coping mechanism the discourse, from dicks to feelings: and EVAK story, even4s4 discourse for the tusen time, crispy Kreme roasting, season 4 trailer contemplation, 8th Jan at 21:21 WHAT LIES, also u; waiting t 21/22 8th Jan refreshing the site,

6pm- we are all hot AF #confirmed, the tollness vs smolness debate, we are all dating now it is decided, crushes and how to flirt, EVAK yoga store, COUPLES yoga, ASK OLD ESKILD typo I love to regret My life, more love life talk, let's take desperate to a whole new level of EVAK could do it so can we

7pm- Evens bipolar diagnosis discourse, fandom before and after ep8 on the subject, bitch we guessed it we was RIGHT, wlw on skam pls, attacking VILDUS smh, vilde Magnus sexuality debate TBH, WILLHELM NOSE CANT FIT INTO CHRISPEE's MOUTH, never gets ask old, look at that washboard ass, crispy again, will we ever be free of crispy, TRIGGERED WILHELMY AND CRISPY

8pm- quotes for edits, poems and writing such talent here u guys

9pm: fic talk, finally the mermaid fic link (http://archiveofourown.org/works/9111700/chapters/20710825), why is there tarjei David friendship discourse why, why are ppl so gross!?,

10pm- hating women who get IinThe way of m/m ships PLS DONT, why must ppl invalidate even and isaks sexualities?, 11pm- all quite on the western front TBH

#7.1.17 #chat

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writerlindseybrennan · 6 years ago

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My introduction

I'm a part time writer who aspires one day to be an author who earns a small amount of royalties for her published works. One day.

I've written bits here and there, off and one since fifth grade but never made it past one poem or a start if a short story in high school.

That's not quite correct. I did write my first erotica work as a short story my junior year of high school. I was a silly girl and let a pair of younger girls borrow it. By the end of the day I was in the principal's office receiving the riot act. My parents were none too pleased with me either. All of that quashed my creative desires for a couple of years

When I attended university I took a freshman poetry seminar and found my love if writing again even if it wasn't steamy stories. It's taken many years to come back to my erotic cravings to the point I wanted to share them with the world.

I write erotica from sweet romantic with some loving spanking to hardcore, dark flavor with heavy, sometimes strong topics, of power exchange, intense bondage, dubious consent, consensual non-consensual, very rough sex, pain turned to pleasure, humiliation, deep submission.

As you can see I have a kinked, twisted mind. That is counterbalanced with my characters dealing with the challenges of their mental health diagnosis, living life, finding love. They're broken, hurting, wounded, imperfect, beautiful in their complexity.

They're a partial reflection of me. I manage my bipolar I, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, complex PTSD. I've seen the effects of schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, borderline personality disorder. It takes a blend of medications, counseling, coping skills, community support to help me manage my symptoms. It's no different than someone with diabetes. They have a lifetime of managing just like I do.

My characters and main male protagonists are also quirky, nerdy, geeky, complex, sometimes shy, introverted, reserved, sweet. The females are strong, intelligent, curvaceous, sassy, sweet, generously loving, just as complex. They know how to bring out the alphaness in their guy or gal. They know how to be a catalyst for the one they love and power up the firm dominance they crave.

One of my male protagonists managing bipolar, anxiety, depression, complex PTSD, firmly introverted and one of my female protagonists managing dissociative identity disorder, suppression, anxiety, her own complex PTSD, cutting mutually win each other thought texts, Skype, and even a sweet, tender, awkward first time in person meetup. They later have a special night out and he learns just how delicious she is with her mind, her words, that special tone in her voice that wakes his strong closeted confidence and dominant abilities. She shows him how to be the powerful man for which she hungers without taking away his sweetness.

I make my characters atypical because, guess what, so am I. I want them to live well regardless of what they face. I want them to be cherished, savoured heroes just like the trope alphas and trope sweet, soft submissive girls they seek. The difference is, I like mine to be the surprise characters that become more that others think they can be.

So, this is me and my mind exhibiting ourselves to the world. Enjoy and feel free to comment.

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her-culture · 6 years ago

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Mental Health Awareness Month is Over, What Now?

Each year, Americans get more and more accustomed to the fact that mental health is in the same classification as physical health. Over the past few months, I’ve seen an unprecedented amount of celebrities, friends, acquaintances, and family members come forward with their own mental health experiences. Support is steadily growing across the social media landscape for those facing substance abuse, psychiatric disorders, such as depression and bipolar disorder, and self-harm. May was deemed Mental Health Awareness month in 1949. Why has it taken 70 years for mental health to become less of a taboo? Why does the stigma still overshadow people in need?

Just five years ago, I was afraid to tell many people about my bipolar 1 diagnosis. I was embarrassed about seeing a therapist and worried about being judged by others who don’t understand what mania is. Now I’ll blurt it out on a Tinder date because why should I hide who I am? No one should ever feel alone in their minds. Mental Health Awareness month is over, but I don’t want the outpouring of encouragement in the mental health community to dry up. Here are a few things you can do to continue to show your support for mental health awareness, not only in May, but as long as it takes to sink the stigma and to lift up love for one another.

Share Your Story

It is hard to admit when your mind is sick because mental illness has been masquerading as weakness. Owning up to your struggles and being honest about your feelings is brave, bold, and strong. It takes courage to ask for help. Go at your own pace. Tell someone you trust about your mounting anxiety. Call a mental health support line if you’d like to confide troubling thoughts or feelings in an anonymous supporter. When more people share personal stories of mental health struggles, less people will feel ostracized in their emotions. Additionally, more transparency reduces the stigma surrounding mental illness, and promotes normalization and acceptance.

Support Mental Health Causes and Initiatives

Trust me, I know a lot of millennials are short on finances. I’m swimming in that sea myself. But there are so many ways to support mental health causes without spending lots of money.

If you are touched by a meaningful cause, promote it on social media and by word of mouth. My friend and mentor, Samantha Schutz (@sam_shutz), author of inspiring Young Adult mental health memoir, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy, teamed up with graphic artist Annica Lydenberg (@dirtybandits), to launch a mural series in support of mental health advocacy. If you’re an NYC #culturegirl, I strongly recommend you visit the You Are Not Alone murals at three locations in Brooklyn. Even if you’re not local, share these beautiful images on your social media to spread messages of positivity and support. The three artists who worked on this series, Annica, Adam Fu (@adamfu), and Jason Naylor (@jasonnaylor), used their creativity to support mental health awareness in the coolest way. Do your part to search out community events and opportunities like these murals that surround mental health and celebrate peace & love. Tweet about it, post about it, shout about it on your stories--heck, even tell the cashier at your favorite coffee shop.

Volunteer for a walk or 5K! You usually have to crowdfund and raise donations for these experiences, but it’s such a rewarding process. Every year I walk in the Out of Darkness Suicide Walk to Fight Suicide through the American Society of Suicide Prevention in honor of my close friend. See if there are any events coming up in your area.

Practice Self-Care

You can’t help someone else if you don’t help yourself. We are so hard on our bodies, minds, and emotions. I know that I have a habit of calling myself names when I’m in a bad mood and I often harbor feelings of jealousy and low self-esteem. It’s unhealthy to be mean to yourself! I do my best to be an optimistic and positive person, but I find myself swept into negative thought spirals as much as anyone. Luckily, you can find inspiration and support from all over to make you feel less alone in your fight for serenity. Empathy goes a long way.

Listen to music! Watch out for my playlist of songs on the Her Culture Spotify account that inspire self-confidence and solidarity in mental health awareness. You can make your own playlist specifically for those moments of darkness. Fill it with songs that feel like hugs when the melody creeps into your ear canals. Put songs in that remind you of happy times in your life or of people you love. Collect jams that tell stories in the music. Turn your playlist up when you need a boost or some relaxation.

Create! Everyone can be an artist in their own way. Sketch silly drawings of sunshine even if you don’t feel like the next Van Gogh. Write poems, stories, and self-reflections. It’s cathartic to funnel frustrations into a creation if you don’t feel like venting to a friend. The pressure to be successful at hobbies can be hard to overcome, but every creator starts somewhere. Just do your own thing and try not to compare what you’re working on to someone else’s work. Consider submitting words and art to You Make Me Feel Less Alone, a companion to the murals I mentioned earlier.

Suicide rates have risen each year since 2008. With an evolving society in technology, environment, and politics comes the harsh reality that hate breeds and continues to breed in all spaces we frequent with our minds and bodies. We must stand together to stamp out the pressure we all face as human beings with pulses and pumping hearts. Support spreads like a wave at a baseball game. The more hands that raise, the more hands that join the wave. Show your support. End the stigma.

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elgwyn · 7 years ago

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What goes into stress but the demand to be loved? When I tell my sweetie, my beloved of 37 years, that I want to hear the words of love from her, and she responds, “What more do you want? I take you to every doctors’ appointment. I make sure you take every medication because I want you to live. I cook all your meals and I make ,sure there is always food in the house. I clean the house, and I make sure you go to appointments with friends. I give you money to help with social events, and we go to some entertainment. You purchase what you want with your own money, and the rest help out with the bills thus, providing so security. What more do you want?” She retorts don’t be afraid of our spats because every couple has them!

We have been together for more 38 years. Within two weeks, I knew I wanted to marry this loving and beautiful undergraduate. As it turned out she was highly gifted, and in 2012 I finally learned that she had been Valedictorian of her high school class in 1973. She’d come from a large family of one sister and four brothers. She had been the youngest always reading, always learning, her elementary schooling at a catholic elementary, then catholic middle school, off to public high school. Her father was an owner of a chicken hatchery selling chicks to local farmers from the small town of Howard, South Dakota. Her mother worked at the local bank and at the co-op as a bookkeeper. First this gifted young woman attended the University of Iowa, then Augustana College in Sioux Falls, finally the University of Iowa.

In 1981 she was elected to Phi Beta Kappa, and she graduated with Highest distinction with 4.0 GPA in cultural anthropology. She went on to earn MA degree in anthropology. Again she excelled in the world of work as a hospital clerk, and one of the editors of a newspaper. Then she completed an excellent federal government career for thirty-two years, and four months first with Social Security as a GS 10 claims representative. Then she worked her way from file clerk at the VA then ending her career with double positions of Quality Control Officer and trainer with GS 12.8 rating and with numerous awards. I learned much about this woman as we aged together, and in 2012 i found about her literary abilities. She is now 63-years-old enjoying her passion for reading, and playing games on her smart phone. I am 66-years-old and peruse photography and writing, also volunteering at the Sioux Falls senior center and for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. I’ve volunteered for NAMI since 2007 and held numerous positions earning silver and gold Hall of Fame recognition In Our Own Voice . We have spent more than half our lives together, and we’ve lived in the same home for 25 years which we now own.

After attending East High In Des Moines Iowa, graduating in 1969, My mother and father had divorced when I was seven-years-old, so my three-year-old brother, my mother, and I moved from Ojai, California to Iowa. My mother worked as a grocery. As a “poor Kid” I qualified for a large college scholarship package, and though I was poor I had graduated from high school with an A- average, then went on to earn a BA in literature from Grinnell College in 1974. In 1971, and 1972 after touring Holland and northern Germany on a bicycle, I attended the Goethe Institute in Ebersberg, Germany earning one semester of college credit. I worked as a photo clerk , then traveled through Europe. I had also attended Sierra College, Rocklin, California where my father taught electronics and mathematics. However in my graduating year of college I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, a diagnosis which was changed to bipolar disorder in 2011 I have lived my entire life with the stigma of mental illness which has caused me severe problems in the working world and social limitations. Now I believe I’ve lived with courage never failing to inform others of my diseases. I went on to earn MA English, and Ed.S, higher education from the University of Iowa in 1980, and MFA creative writing from Colorado State University in 1990. I taught a total of 22 years at colleges and universities. I’ve also published numerous poems in little magazines and college journals during my graduate years, and up until 2007 when my health began to fail. However, I self-published two volumes of poetry, in 2009 Winter from Spring and Meditations on Gratitude 2014, both in college libraries including my old school Grinnell College. These books are available through Barns and Noble and as featured books at Amazon.

We live in the small town of Hartford, South Dakota. This is my sweetie’s home state, about nine miles from the largest city in South Dakota, Sioux Falls where we’ve raised a brilliant and beautiful girl who graduated from Middlebury College Suma Cum Laud, and was elected to Phi Beta Kappa. She spending four years teaching in Japan, going on to earn the prestigious MFA literary translation with full-fellowship, runner-up in the Pen Award Asian Translation in London, going on to become a fellowship PhD candidate in Japanese literature and comprehensive literature at the prestigious Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. So, you see two very poor kids grew up to be life-long best friends and middle-class academics. We were never supposed top make it especially because I have bipolar disorder, and the devastating disease of Ankylosing Spondylitis. I have overcome drinking and smoking, and found my Savior the Lord Jesus Christ. There has been damage to my body, but my doctor says I could live well into my eighties. What a joy to be alive in 2018.

Shortly after I met my wife to be, I received my first teaching assignment with full responsibility for a college class. I was assigned a class in Rhetoric 101, an assignment, beginning spring semester 1980. This was s class for inexperienced college writers with speaking and college level reading assignments. This Rhetoric was with Reading, Writing, and speaking for skill building in a students first year of college. Our Lives together have been challenging, my dear wife remaining shy all her adult life, me gregarious and social. We love each other even into old age. We both trust we have found rewarding lives together. We have regrets. But, I believe every couple experiences down sides. My illness have been challenges we have had to develop coping skills around especially since I do not drive now. However, we have even had successful lives in our community and this might be a challenge sometimes. Computers help us make contacts we might never have, and all types of technology ground us in reality. My fife truly enjoys her smart phone, and for me, I enjoy Chromebooks, and Windows computers. We both have contacts with the world, my wife also enjoying her book club, and me enjoying creative photography and my writing club. We have found solace in our own separate beliefs. Finally I’ve found enjoyment in my new blogs.

Stress Leads me to Morning Meditations, and Evening Body Scan. Stress is not bad at all. With my new Revelations, I understand more of life. What goes into stress but the demand to be loved? When I tell my sweetie, my beloved of 37 years, that I want to hear the words of love from her, and she responds, "What more do you want?

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