#dont know who itd be though
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text








Assassins Tony Stark and Peter Parker were the best in their field. Yet they were bitter rivals, each wanting to be the best yet the other was always in the way. And that's how it would have seemed to stay. That was until they were sent to kill each other. It should have been just a fight, difficult true, but just a fight. But soon fists and weapons turned to kisses and caresses. Soon the pair realised it's much more fun for the pair to work together than apart. And their first joint hit, those who sent them against the other.
#starker#enemies to lovers#assassin peter#assassin tony#red and white#also additional info the person who hired them both is the same person#dont know who itd be though#moodboard#my moodboard#tw:blood
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
clara oswald is the only doctor who character who could have made torchwood MORE fucked up
#clara oswald#dw#dr who#torchwood#doctor who#imagine what she could do if she was allowed to like have sex and stuff#ari opinion hour#she would fit so well in with the torchwood team tbh#any season 1-4#also my GOD her dynamic with john hart would be. so. so unbelievably. just. it would. it jsut. i dont even know what the fuck to say abt it#itd be ungodly fucked up though
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Tired, 39 year old Shen Yuan is constantly nagged by his parents about giving them grandchildren. At a certain point, they were done with begging for him to marry a nice lady and just skipped to pleading for grandkids.
While the idea of having a child does make his heart yearn in a way that will definitely be dangerous if thought about for too long, he just doesn't have the time! No way! And what kind of father would he be, secretly reading cheesy, terrible webnovels in his free time? Which, mind you, is rare nowadays. He'd like to spend that valuable time getting rest via napping, thank you very much.
So what if Shen Yuan's heart swells when he sees his students run up to their parents with adorable, toothy grins? So what if he treats his class like they're his own children from time to time, spoiling them silly and proudly wearing the badge of "Best Teacher!" every year? So what if he wants a child to call his own!?
To love and care for a child, Shen Yuan has accepted that it would simply be a privilege he'll never experience.
...Think, think! Don't get so mopey now, Shen Yuan! Try to outweigh the baby fever with the pessimism you (slightly) obtained from your mean older brother!
How about this: There'll be no time for himself, none at all! Just more and more work. Come home from his job, dealing with a bunch of rowdy kids to find your own permanent little monster running around the house! At least he's getting paid for the first one!?
Shen Yuan had seen those videos and posts of kids accidentally exposing their parents embarrassing tendencies. Knowing him, his hypothetical child would have piles upon piles of blackmail on the Shen family's youngest son! Leave this old man alone, alright? Non-existent dumpling, theoretical baobei, please don't be so careless with your father's reputation...
(It would be careless too, to become a gaping hole in the heart of his child. Wouldn't it be selfish to have one, only to die a few years later?)
Over a decade ago, believe it or not, this esteemed Mr. Shen had gone by the shameless persona of "Peerless Cucumber" on the internet. He'd been an infamous anti-fan of the male power fantasy stallion web-novel series, Proud Immortal Demon Way and would leave scalding essay-length comments and posts ranting about its terrible plot point and flaming the author for his awful characterization and overall writing. That era of his life was when he actually had the time to stare into the digital sea of texts and write entire documentaries as replies for twelve hours straight. Fortunately or unfortunately, Shen Yuan doesn't have the same luxury as of now.
Despite the constant hate spewing from his younger self, present-day Shen Yuan is honestly very impressed by the constant thousand word updates every day. Honestly, looking back, how did that man accomplish that? Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky, dear author, are your hands okay? Youthful Shen Yuan's hands cramped all too much from simply typing up angry comments, now imagine PIDW's author??
Aaah, yes, the former hater Peerless Cucumber had long forgotten about PIDW. The author mysteriously disappeared one day, leaving Luo Binghe out on his own for more wives to dual cultivate with as Shen Yuan had realized his passion for literature (and critique!).
With a newfound, realized passion in his heart, Shen Yuan went off to actually pursue the college education his parents had very lovingly saved (and were ecstatic he was actually using) and became a literature teacher! NEET 21 year old Shen Yuan would be quite astonished to see this dignified Mr. Shen now, yes, very much so indeed.
Now, Shen Yuan.. doesn't quite remember PIDW all too well. He begrudgingly admits that it holds a dear and special place in his heart, but in all honesty, Shen Yuan can remember merely a handful of the wives and plot points. Ah, this is what happens when you actually get a life, interesting! Clap it up!
The most Shen Yuan remembers is the stallion novel character, Luo Binghe. His favorite, and - he really can’t stress this enough - an absolutely wasted potential of a character. Shen Yuan may be an older and wiser man who doesn't waste constant time on the internet like before, but that only means he actually has a degree to be critic. Serves all of those self-righteous, questioning commenters right from all those years ago! Look at him now!
Importantly however, Shen Yuan also remembers just how badly he wanted to coddle the protagonist, blackening or not, pre-abyss, post-abyss, even as a demonic tyrannic emperor! Can you believe that none of Luo Binghe's wives wanted to squeeze his cheeks and kiss his forehead!? Master Airplane, throw in some fluff, will you? Spare the poor boy from all of these succubi (metaphorically and literally) and let him take a nap! Ahhh, who really cares if Luo Binghe has a kingdom he needs to take over? Throw a blanket on him! Cranky, old Mr. Shen knows the feeling of being terribly overworked, so imagine how the protagonist feels!? Shen Yuan nods his head approvingly at the thought.
All of those mistresses flocking over to Luo Binghe... If Shen Yuan were his guardian, he would kick them all out without a second thought in place of good family bonding time.
Women, power, sex... really, what's needed is a loving father who'll coddle and take care of Binghe when no one else can!
So, Shen Yuan guesses he shouldn't be surprised when he wakes up in the body of Tianlang-jun.
#do y'all fw this or#i dont usually strive towards chronically ill sy but i thought itd be a good touch lol#also it works well with tianlang's rotting body. parallels go crazy amiright ahahah#will this be dadson action... who knows.....#(it will be sorry)#i cant believe this will pretty much be my first fic#im amping up the daddy thing sorry guys#b-blackened or crispy bingge... finding his loving dad and going from skeptical and outright bitter to a good boy!!#currently deciding how theyll actually meet and stay together though...#sqh is deathly terrified btw but he should be more scared of binghe#dont touch his silly goofy hot himbo diedie!!#sy!tlj au#svsss#mxtx svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#tianlang jun#shen yuan#luo bingge#bingqiu
456 notes
·
View notes
Photo

lonely
[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”
The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”
The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"
The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."
The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"
The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"
The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"
The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."
The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in#the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when#they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves#humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was#young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly#here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos#really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him#in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save.#in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who#knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day#theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together.#trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only#be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back#to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma.#ruporas art
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Attention milgramblrgram prisoners!! *attaches you to my keychain* *attaches you to my keychain* *attaches you
Not that I need atonement for anything, but I've been doing a lot of angst for milgramblrgram -- I wanted to offer something sweet 🤲
@amugoffandoms @rainbowghostcat @lostxmelody @gunsli-01 @justzosiahere
@waivyjellyfish @luce-speaks @fayesdiary @purgemarchlockdown @kyanako5972
#milgramblrgram#this was so fun waaaahhhh#everyone came out so cute :3#btw if anyone has any design changes lmk#ive been using the same doodle/picrew references so dont be afraid to tell me im off lol#i know the plushies have a range of expressions but i didnt want anyone to be upset with a mad/sad/scared look#was inspired by kyanakos art of her holding the amane plush and i was thinking about the reverse#so anyway you all must imagine your fave(s) with a you plushie :3#i thought itd be fun seeing waivydoll in a different doll style but the sudden change in eyes is jarring.... shes Looking... 👁👁#im not sure how notts ears would work with the little felt cutout style they have -- i was kind of picturing them full of stuffing too :)#who knows if my milgramblrgramsona has glasses - i only remember to draw them like half the time asdfgh#it was easy to remember in Group Glasses Pic though 😅 rip to all of us blind milgrammers#my art#EDIT: now with a more accurate nott design! :D#i hadnt seen their sona art before and i still got a bit far from the other mlgbg art -- sorry for the bootleg plushie before 😂😂😂#😺✨️
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
dont know why but i am deeply invested in the idea of the characters having a maze adventure
#i dont know what it is abt the idea thats compelled me for weeks#idk why but i want them to go in a maze bc it feels like itd be fun#im high rn so i cant fully word it but i think it fitss the fun but ominous nature of the show#id try to write it myself but i dont know.. hm i could#not rn. but i think smth uniqeu would have to be the case#maybe they are split up bc i think it would emphasize the theme in the show of like#the significance of having companionship thru shit#i also dont think the maze would be simple. smth weirds in there. caine cant make simple adventures theres gotta be smth wacky in there#itd be fucked up if theres some sort of beast in the maze. but only one person ends up finding it#ends up finding one of the others and being like. THERE IS. A BEAST ?#its funny if itss jax. guy who famously feels compelled to look cool trying not to look like hes just been chased by smth#bc he just found someone else who is significantly calmer and is like. what beast#anyway im rambling theres just a lot that can happen#maybe someone else saw it. not kinger though hes having a fun time but it gradually veers into eerily melancholic#pomni is nervous as hell though. idk what would happen w her but i think shed find a waay to become nervous
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
ehh um ummm.. hairo+kuboyasu+saiki polycule..
saiki being really into muscular guys is just so silly to me.. i think he would just enjoy knowing that even though he's technically the stronger one, his partner is very much capable of taking care of him even if he doesnt need it
all three of them have very low self preservation skills and a very high need to protect others before themselves(yea yea saiki too, he refuses to admit it but literally reread it if you dont think its true), so their dynamic would be really fun and silly and theyd be really protective of each other..
#let them ALL carry each other interchangeably#you could honestly add anyone to this polycule and itd work#teruhashi ? these r the three guys that r the most respectful toward her#nendo ? haisai is already popular and practically canon and nensai is well-liked too! and he would fit very well with the dynamic#aiura ? she loves strong men too lmao#mera ? i think she has some of her best interactions with aren+kusuo#kaido ? they would literally become his protection squad and let him pretend like hes the leader#yumehara ? also probably shockingly strong and also i just think she deserves to have caring loving boyfriends#saiko ? i dont know why but i like this one a lot lmao youve got the two big hunks and their two tsunderes#i think i named literally everyone but toristuka but i cant think of how he would fit into this dynamic#these are the three people who would totally reel tori in though.. that could work#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#hairo kineshi#kuboyasu aren#haisai#kubosai#do aren and kineshi even have a ship name#definitely not#what would it be ? haiyasu ? kinaren ? no.#meows post
73 notes
·
View notes
Text
Had an idea to try eventually and it's to open up dragon design suggestions to make secondary/tertiary characters for broken horizon, though I'm not sure how popular that'd be
#i just do a better job with designs with outside suggestion haha#and itd be like doing dragon requests like when i joined tumblr also i feel like itd be fun??#thunderclap#I already have so many dragons for that world though fr theres a bunch you guys dont even knwo about#theres some my friends dont even know about#like Kelan who i yoinked from a dream and is also a prince#anyway...
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
the other day i visited my mom and one of her friends was over and she introduced me and then went “he goes by reyes” and it was actually really sweet i wasnt expecting her to do that or even remember… its the first time shes really acknowledged me being trans or using a different name without me saying anything first
#she did say my deadname first but its ok 😭 i wasnt expecting her to introduce me like that at all#she knows the name reyes but ive told her idc if she or other family members use my deadbame#mostly bc thats what theyve always called me and i feel like itd be weirder and more awkward to get them to try and use a new one#like i dont care enough to want to put up with that or with having to remind them when they forget or whatever#not to mention that i dont want to come out to my stepdads family who i live with bc theyre way worse with that kind of thing#so. even though she knows it i was so surprised she both remembered it and remembered i might prefer to be introduced to strangers with it
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do any of you remember a Youtube video about Re:Kinder talking about how the game is seen and percieved by some people (mostly touching upon and arguing against how it has been treated insensitively as some sort of weird legend like "ooo disturbing game with a hidden truth behind it" due to it's creator being dead), as well as talking about the charm of the game (even mentioning it's art at some point) and sadness of the themes without spoiling anything at the same time?? I remember the video avoided saying any spoilers at all and only touched on the literal plot as the kids being stuck in a dire situation in the town with all the adults dead without really getting into the why (it didn't even say one of the kids themselves was the cause— as thus, spoiler free), other than that it just touched on the emotional side of it and vaguely mentioned some scenes.
i also remember at some point the later half (at the very least if not in all of it) of the video, music by Siinamota was playing in the background. Does anyone remember seeing a video like this?
I can't seem to find it anywhere and don't even remember the exact year I watched it.😭 It was the way I found out about this game a while ago, which eventually ended up in me playing it, and I really wish I could watch it again. I thought it was a deleted video by someone called hazel as it was mentioned by a lot of people, but I found that one and it isnt it.😓 I'm wondering if anyone remembers watching something along the lines of what im describing and knows if it's still up.
#re:kinder#not art#posting this because naw i am desperate ive been looking for this video for months#i genuinely thought it could be the hazel video but it wasnt and now im back at where i started...😞#if its still up i cannot find it on youtube#but i wonder if anyone even recalls watching this at all because im worried my memory is playing with me😞#itd be rather weird though because i do recall it very vividly. it struck with me in a way i managed to remember the game by name later on#looking back on my memory of it it was a really nice video. i do agree on what it said of how people seem to treat this game#the video was really trying to make people see and appreciate the game and the themes itself instead of the glorified urban legend idea ofi#because it is true that people treat it as some “disturbing fun fact” that someone died as if it was all his legacy was😞#i dont remember it being the high quality standard editing known of video essays nowadays#oh thats all i can say i dont recall much its been a while and i dont know how much a while is ...😞#id be very happy to know if anyone can recognize anything at all. that video really got imprinted into my memory#it left me very emotional even as it didnt even tell me much about the game it still managed to express the feelings of it#ou shoutout to this video forever i love you thank you for informing me of this awesome game while letting me go blind#i was up for a ride#i wish i could see it again#really showed me one of the ending scenes and i had NO IDEA I HAD NO IDEA#oh my god what a good video i had no idea yet i was so devastated#thats all i can convey im not sure if saying “it made a deep emotional impression on me” is a good descriptor to find a video i cant find#i dont know if anyone who has seen it would have felt as emotional as i had but im not sure how else to put it
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
day 124
aint that just the way though huh
#year 4#it me#short version my grandma went to the er last week bc she was feeling ill#suspected it to be some long covid side effects. they put her on fluids & nutrition for most of the week#saturday she was scheduled to go home#mere hours before her discharge she fell and broke her hip#so she had surgery to repair it the following day#but post op she couldnt bear to eat anything and was very tired#so they did more tests#turns out shes like. terminally ill#in a kind of vague and nonspecific way related to being Just Very Old And Frail#but there is very definitely some stuff going on inside her that WILL eventually kill her#we just dont know when exactly#but we though maybe itd be sometime this week#but today she seemed to be rallying so now we are like#okay well do we send her to rehab for her hip or does she need to stay in like a more robust care facility#and its simply a whole thing#and we would really like for her to be able to go home before she dies so she can have unlimited access to her dog#who she loves very much and who is not allowed in the hospital#idk it is just ROUGH. not unexpected but on top of the other shit that has happened this year?#my aunt recovering from brain surgery still#my dog being very old and fragile#my fucking hamster died#its just a lot!!!#cw death#cw pet death#cw animal death#cw terminal illness#day 124
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow
The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess. i Am complaining.#i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas.#but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now.#ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even#like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh#even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time#something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope#i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them#like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right?#but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me.#because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for#and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.#she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything.#no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that?#so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around.#but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her#really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long.#and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time#so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully.#what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her.#either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all.#or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is.#i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her#so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's funny how my psychiatrist and psych nurses are all so supportive about my as of yet undiagnosed physical issues and do their best to keep those in mind when we discuss my care. Meanwhile GP and qualified doctors either tell me to "not compare my googling to their medical degree" or go all "yeah EDS sounds quite likely actually but there's no point diagnosing that since it cannot be cured anyway"
#the fact that eds + pots + fibromyalgia ALL run in the family doesnt matter apparently#throwback to last year when visiting that side and someone not even related who was there took ONE look at me and sibling and went#''omg you really ARE related!!!'' after they saw our fucked up overy bendy joints#i guess i have to pay for having unusually good psychiatric care compared to most lmaoooo#would have been lovely to know whats wrong though before the painful surgeries#im incoherent cause my pulse started racing to the point i couldnt form words or even stand#its calmed down now but i feel so distraught over recovering from psychosis finally#only for my body to break down even more#i dont know how to not feel despair and hopelessness#im so tired of the pain and exhaustion and not being able to do even basic things#so tired of staring at my ceiling so often because i cant even lift my head#i should make a specific whining tag because i should shut up about this but i cant#idk what itd be thougy im too sad and upset rn#im sorry#silvi talks#<- can at least block that if tired of my yapping#im open for tag name suggestions#maybe ''silvi is crying screaming throwing up'' lol#idk
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello, I've been thinking about your actors au. Are you doing anything about Rei and Mikio being the only side characters with faces in the first trial? Because I do have a theory about that which I haven't posted but I always thought that was really interesting. Even Yamanaka pointed it out in the first anniversary stream.
Ah, I definitely want to!! Mikio is the man in Harrow, right? (There's also maybe-Rumerie in Bring it On who drives me crazy to this day asdfsd) I'm hoping once the project ends and we get the bigger picture, I can really highlight their relationships more. I'll touch on some of my ideas real quick, but I'd love to hear your theory if you ever end up posting it 👀


My problem is, I originally thought the faces show the prisoners' love towards them, and not necessarily mutual relationship -- which causes some hiccups with including them as characters in the au... (Including t2 faces), Haruka hungers for his mother's love, but given her abuse, they couldn't in good conscience have her on set with him. Rumerie may have been some sort of friend, but he didn't seem so close that he'd be okay seeing Fuuta again and being implicated in his crime. Muu cares very deeply for Rei, but even if the murders never occurred, I can't picture a young girl would feel safe filming her own death at the hands of her bully... I ran into a similar issue with Mahiru and Kazui's partners, but as adults I felt like it was easier and safer for them to consent to the situation.
However! The fact that Kotoko's victim has a clear face really interests me, because that's the only one that (seemingly) has no established relationship or love between them. What could Muu's realtionship with her classmate have in common with Kotoko's and the victim she hunted down from a distance? So I'd love to compare with your thoughts and reevaluate my theory as the new mvs come out...
#milgram#rei#mikio#rumerie#ah thank you for the question -- im glad youre enjoying the au :))#(i know you didnt really ask for all my thoughts asdfdsf but ah well)#as a big fuuta fan that those arcade guys have been driving me insane and i still have nothing to show for it lmao#but yeah -- i do want to include something eventually that their connection was the most important#because even though hinako hsa a face now theres something to be said about her appearance in half#kazui really wasnt thinking as deeply about her as muu was thinking of rei and so on#itd be sweet in the au if - after everything settles down - rei can see muus videos somehow and realize she did deeply care about her#resulting in them smoothing things over and becoming good friends#i do love the reimuu theory so ill see how much room i have for interpretation when everything ends hehe...#(i dont want to promise writing years ahead of time but i want to add an epilogue chapter once we actually know who es is and get#the full story on the prisoners)#id love to hear your theory about them!#especially mikio! its shameful how little ive analyzed meme/harrow compared to some of the others -_- itd be cool to hear more about him#later ill make an official tag for this au#i think its time#ask#lights camera sing your sins
16 notes
·
View notes