#would have been lovely to know whats wrong though before the painful surgeries

[nabaath-areng]

It's funny how my psychiatrist and psych nurses are all so supportive about my as of yet undiagnosed physical issues and do their best to keep those in mind when we discuss my care. Meanwhile GP and qualified doctors either tell me to "not compare my googling to their medical degree" or go all "yeah EDS sounds quite likely actually but there's no point diagnosing that since it cannot be cured anyway"

[cherriegyuu]

lens of ice | yjh | one

pairing: jeonghan x f!reader genre: figure skater jeonghan, light angst, a little fluff, smut in the next part word count: 12k summary: jeonghan has only one chance left to make it to the olympics. as he embarks on this decisive journey, you, a documentarist, are set to follow him as he seeks the ultimate glory. warnings: jeonghan is kind of reckless with his body a/n: i've been writing this one for so long now and though it's not finished yet, i decided to post half of it, as a way to motivate myself to finish it. i really wanna thank @ressonancee first for giving me idea and second for helping me through all of this and putting up my crazy ass mind 💓

part one | part two (final)

The light buzzing of the fluorescent lights made him uncomfortable, it was like a premonition of what was to come. Something bad, he was sure.

Jeonghan was many things in his life, stubborn perhaps being the most obvious one, but dumb wasn't one then. He knew that his ankle was fucked up, that he was probably the cause of it. Too many hours of training, never giving himself enough time to heal before he got the ice again. He didn't know exactly how bad it was, that was for the doctor in front of him to say, but Jeonghan knew that nothing good would come out of the man's mouth.

"It's worse than I thought," the man said with a sigh, taking off his glasses "It's not just your ankle anymore, it's also your knee. And, I could be wrong, but considering the way you're walking, I'd say that you're right ankle also started to bother you"

Jeonghan hung his head. He was an athlete and he knew that he was being reckless, beyond actually. He should have gone to his coach the second he felt a sharp pain in his ankle. But he just went home, took an ice bath, and kept the whole thing to himself. Even on the following days, when the pain didn't go away at all, he still chose to keep his mouth shut and go to practice every day. And his coach, unaware of his condition, kept pushing him during practice. 

Not that he needed anyone to be harsh on him, Jeonghan did all of that on his own. But having someone else do that for him as well brought out a different desire for perfection. One that came from a dark place to show someone else that he was good, to prove people wrong.

"Can I still compete?" was all he asked, it was the only thing that mattered to him "Can I make it to the Olympics? It's the last one for me, after this I retire"

The look on the doctor's face wasn't reassuring, Jeonghan knew that his next words wouldn't be the ones he wanted. He wasn't about to hear what he needed.

"If, and only if, you have surgery, take physical therapy seriously, and rest as we instruct you, there might be a possibility. Small, but it exists" 

"When can I have the surgery?"

You stared at your computer screen, a hand on your forehead as you read the email your boss sent you. You sat at your desk, not really knowing what to do.

"Seungkwan!" you called without looking up "Did you get this email too?"

Just to make sure that you weren't crazy, you read it once again. The third time in less than five minutes. No matter how many times you read it, it didn't change.

"Yeah. I'm excited but scared…"

That was enough to get your attention.

"Why?" 

Closing your laptop, you stood up moving closer to Seungkwan. Unlike you, who read the email many times, Seungkwan had already started his research. Not that he really needed to, everyone at the office knew that he was a huge fan of figure skating. So of course he would know all about Yoon Jeonghan.

The nation's pride and joy in figure skating, at least in the make category.

"Why scared? I thought everyone loved him"

It was impossible to look away from the picture Seungkwan had open on his computer. Jeonghan's face really was something else, as if he had been carved in marble by some ancient Greek artist. From his dark hair covering his eyes, giving him almost a mysterious vibe, to the way his lips were slightly crooked into a smile. You had to give it to him, the man was absolutely stunning. No wonder he left a trail of fans everywhere he went.

"He isn't the biggest enthusiast when it comes to the press. He barely gives interviews so I guess doing a documentary about him won't be easy"

Seungkwan kept scrolling, reading the latest news on Jeonghan. But the truth was that there wasn't any. His social media was also rarely updated, the last post was from months before.

"Well, good luck to you"

"What do you mean? You're the one in charge"

You just shook your head. The problem was Jeonghan honestly, you barely knew anything about him, though Seungkwan's words didn't help the case. The thing was that you barely knew anything at all about sports, in general, much less about figure skating. Lack of knowledge was an easy fix. The real issue was the fact that a documentary on a sport was way too different from what you usually did.

"I'm not doing this one. I have other projects I want to work on. Plus, this is too sudden. They want us to start tomorrow, Seungkwan. Do you really think that it's possible to have anything done by tomorrow?" he shook his head and you nodded in agreement "Precisely, so I'm sure that if we talk with Jihoon…"

"Nothing will change" 

A curse left your lips at the sudden voice behind you. Turning around you faced the small man. Jihoon had his arms crossed over his chest and the look in his eyes that told you that no matter what he wouldn't let you off the hook. Still, you had to try.

"Jihoon, I'm not your sports person. And it's too soon. I don't anything about Jeonghan or figure skating"

Jihoon simply shook his head at you.

"They want a different approach than the average sports documentary, so I recommended you. I'm sending Seungkwan with you because I know this isn't your area of expertise, though I highly suggest you do some sort of research" he turned around to leave with a wave of his hand then turned around for a second, as if remembering something "Hansol will be your camera and sound guy. They asked for a small crew"

With a salute Jihoon left.

"Fuck"

You couldn't take your eyes away from the crutches under Jeonghan's arms and the orthopedic boot around his left leg. There was not a single article that pointed to surgery. There were plenty about his constant injuries though. Seungkwan had the same look on his face, of pure shock. 

"Are you okay?" you asked once he made himself comfortable on the couch.

Jeonghan sat sideways on the couch, his leg propped up over cushions. The position looked weird but he didn't seem to mind.

"Ah, this" he pointed at his leg nonchalantly, as if it was the most normal thing "Yeah, it's okay. Had to get the surgery done in order to make it to the next Olympic"

Nodding, you looked around. His apartment wasn't as big as you had expected. In fact, the three of you stood closely together in the living room, a bit too small for all the gear Hansol said he needed.

"Put your things down, let's talk. I don't know how this is going to work"

Me neither, you wanted to say but kept your mouth shut. Thankfully, Seungkwan was there to help you.

"Before we start any real interview or conversation, I think we have to tell you that this was very last minute for us. We only heard about this documentary yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon" he used his kindest voice, his voice laced with concern and a hit of fear, maybe "yn is in charge, she's the documentarist, she'll be asking the questions and dictating the overall direction that we're going to take with the documentary. I'm Seungkwan and that's Hansol. This is the smallest crew he could assemble"

Seungkwan was giving too many explanations, you felt. But he also wasn't wrong. What he did was normal, he was just introducing the crew. Maybe you were a little irritated by the way you were tossed into this job, without someone giving you enough time to prepare. Sixteen hours were barely enough.

"I assume my… reputation has gotten to you," Jeonghan said, a small smile on his lips.

A reputation he had indeed. Jeonghan was known for not liking the press and journalists. He avoided them at all costs and once, on one occasion, was seen being rude. And honestly, you had to give him a pass for it. Pushing the camera away from his face, almost delicately, could barely be considered rude at such a moment. There were way too many cameras around, all of them on his face, trying to get some sort of pronouncement on why he had not made it to the podium. 

And that had been years before but people still remembered him by that one moment. But what exactly did they expect? He underperformed, came in fourth place, and injured himself in the process. Was anyone expecting a happy and bright Jeonghan? 

"You can be comfortable around me. A conversation like this is fine. I just don't like being swarmed" 

Though his words were inviting, his face told a whole different story. He clearly didn't want this documentary.

"All of our interactions will be recorded," you told him, not leaving room for arguments on his end "These first few minutes aren't, out of courtesy and so that we can set our goals. I need to know if you're uncomfortable with anything, or something that you don't want to be filmed, either right now or before we turn the cameras on. Once we start, we won't stop"

Jeonghan adjusted his position on the couch, his eyes never leaving you. It was like he was measuring your every move. He didn't like your tone, and how aggressive you were towards him. 

"I know this was last minute and I apologize for that. This is going to be my last run and, as much as I hate to admit, I'm a bit sensitive to it.

With furrowed eyebrows, you nodded. Jeonghan knew that you didn't believe him or that you cared about his reasons. He knew that the sole reason you were there was because someone made you. 

"Will you need to film my family?" 

"Yes, usually film family members to get a complete idea of someone's life" 

Turning around you nodded at Hansol, telling him to start setting up. With a shake of his head, Seungkwan moved to help him.

"I don't want my family to know the extent of my injuries. So if you only want them for context, to know about me as a child, that's fine. But they can't know anything about this" Jeonghan pointed at his leg "I've been hiding this for a very long time and I'd like to keep it that way"

You dropped your bag on the couch, eyes tired and mind filled with one too many thoughts. The day had been easier than you expected, far more so. 

Based on Seungkwan's words you had expected to fight with Jeonghan in a way. It was a documentary so you needed him to talk and talk he did. There was no question unanswered or dodged, all of his answers were precise and consistent. All of it had sounded fake like he had rehearsed them a million times.

Even if you thought that your question had been good, and had caught him off guard, Jeonghan seemed to be fully prepared for it. He didn't hesitate for a second. 

In the few hours you spent around him, you finally managed to understand the fascination most people had with him. He was handsome, yes, but that was just the very basic and surface level of him. Beyonce that he was also good with his words. It was hard to tell that he was lying because he talked with conviction. After just one interview you were sure that if one day Jeonghan decided to tell you that your mom wasn’t actually your mother, you’d somehow believe him.

And the man knew all of it. He was aware of his beauty and charm, of what it did to normal people, and he used it in his favor. Jeonghan knew that most people couldn’t resist a handsome talented man. And that was a part he was all too willing to fill.

“Yeah,” you answered your phone, not bothering to see who it was, certain that it was just Jihoon.

“How was it today?” he sounded just as tired as you felt and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay.

“Fine”

“Just fine?”

You turned on your back, facing the ceiling, or at least whatever you could see with the lights turned off - not a whole lot, to be honest.

“He lied through his teeth today. There was no manager, and no coach around, though I do remember him saying someone would come. The person never showed up” you sighed “Seungkwan hates and Vernon probably thinks I’m a crazy bitch. So yeah, just fine”

Jihoon laughed on the other side of the line and you felt the little butterflies in your stomach come to life. You rolled your eyes at yourself. How pathetic it was of you, to have a crush on your boss. How very much bland of you.

Growing up, like a lot of girls that were influenced by way too much TV, you had wanted the be the odd one out. The I’m one of the guys kind of girl, or the one who refused to wear any kind of makeup or even come close to the pink because that was just girly for you. And now there you were, in love with the color pink, finding excuses to wear pretty dresses, and having a crush on your boss.

Teenage you would throw eggs at your head if she had the chance.

“Okay, but how was Jeonghan?” Jihoon pressed even further.

You sighed and closed your eyes, covering over face with your hand.

“He was polite, answered all of my questions, had a pleasant smile the entire time, and only asked for a bathroom break while we were there. Offered us food and drinks. He was fine” you said again, emphasizing the fine.

You could picture Jihoon, nodding his head and looking at the floor, probably thinking of what to ask next.

“Why would Seungkwan hate you? And why would Vernon think you’re a bitch?”

“Seungkwan thinks I went too hard on Jeonghan and Vernon just trusts Seungkwan’s judgment and goes with it”

Jihoon laughed again and you heard him moving around.

“Classic yn, going at someone while she’s angry. At least your anger was sort of directed to the right person”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you sat up.

You liked to think that you didn’t act that way all the time. In your mind, most of the time, you were able to hide your anger and just play nice like your mother had taught you to be. Jihoon’s words told a completely different story.

“Have some rest, there’s still a lot of work to do. Tomorrow you’re going with him to rehab, right?” Jihoon paused for a second and you heard a female voice in the back, you couldn’t make out what she said but you were sure of who it belonged to “I have to go. We’ll talk next week”

The line was disconnected and leaned back on the couch again. The problem of having a crush on your boss was also the fact that he had a long-time girlfriend and soon he was supposed to be marrying her.

You groaned, wondering if you had gone far enough that there was no going back from this crush.

You sat across from Jeonghan once again, the position exactly the same as the first day. But this time you chose to be less irritable.

The other day you were frustrated because you had to give up other projects to be able to accompany Jeonghan and that, thinking rationally, had nothing to do with him. He asked for a specific documentary filmmaker profile and you were chosen by the studio. Maybe it was more your fault than his. But it was also a no-return kind of situation. The job was assigned to you and there was nothing you could do to change it. So the least you could do was do your best and pray that it didn’t take a turn for the worse.

And, if anything, the conversation with Jihoon helped you focus on work. It wouldn't be the first time you were doing something you didn't want to do and it certainly wouldn't be the last. So you decided that the best thing to do was just work, showing your professional side that had been left aside before.

Jeonghan looked at you the same way, eyes serious as if he was ready for a new attack.

"Thank you," he said to Vernon, who had just placed the microphone inside his jacket, so that he could pick up the sound well, but it was not visible to the camera.

You turned to Seungkwan and Vernon, waiting for confirmation from the two that you could begin. You received a wave from each of them after they checked that the cameras were on and recording.

You took a deep breath and turned to Jeonghan.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday," you said "I wasn't fair to you. I was irritated by things that had nothing to do with you, but I somehow decided that they did"

Everyone in Jeonghan's living room seemed to hold their breath, you included. You didn't know what to expect from Jeonghan, not really. You had been anything but ungracious with him, in a way that to most people meant that any door between you two had closed.

Jeonghan decided, at that moment, that he had two options: a) he could let the previous day dictate how all interactions between the two of you from then on would be, and it would be many months of a bad relationship that would bring no benefit to anyone involved in it; or b) he could accept your apology, which seemed sincere enough, and let go of the discomfort he felt.

Option b was actually the only possible choice.

“Okay” he finally smiled “my reputation isn’t the best, either way”

Seungkwan and Vernon breathed a sigh of relief. It was as if a huge gray cloud had moved away and the weather was beginning to clear.

“No, your reputation had no influence. I was the one who lost my hand because of my problems and for that, I apologize” you said and you were sincere in your words “But Jeonghan, I need you to stop seeing me as your enemy. I need you to be honest with me.”

You hoped Jeonghan could understand what you were saying.

“You think I wasn’t honest?” he tilted his head as if analyzing you.

“In the same way that you don't want your reputation to affect the way I see you, I need you to not let the way you see other journalists affect the way you see me. I want to tell your story, however you want it told, but I need you to be honest with me.”

You hoped Jeonghan could understand what you were saying.

He was silent for a minute, his eyes fixed on his hands. His hair covered his face, so it was hard to get an idea of what was going through his head.

You looked at Seungkwan, seeking confirmation that you hadn’t been rude. He seemed to be as lost as you were, but the small smile he gave you was enough to make your restless heart rest for a second.

“What if I say something and regret it later?”

It was the first time Jeonghan looked insecure and it was a strange sight, but much more realistic than the other version of him.

“We can edit it, it’s not a problem. I said that because I was angry” you said apologetically once again.

“Can we throw it all away and start again?”

Jeonghan smiled and you had no choice but to smile along with him.

“Let’s start with what’s happening now,” you said, folding your legs under your body, notebook open to a blank page and a pen ready to take notes “You underwent surgery not long ago, right? Why?"

Jeonghan took a deep breath, eyes closed for a second before placing all his attention on you. His gaze was almost too intense. You had to force yourself not to look anywhere but at him.

“A few years ago I fell during training and twisted my ankle. At the time, it wasn't a big deal and if I had stayed quiet for a few weeks, and did everything right, I wouldn't have had any problems. But I couldn't do it, I was preparing for a competition. I didn't tell anyone about the problem and just endured the pain. When I participated in the competition I fell again and that only made the situation worse. Today I have a problem with my ligament and tendon.”

With every word that left his mouth, you felt like a lump was forming in your throat, and with every second it was getting bigger.

Unlike the day before, it didn't seem like Jeonghan was lying, but you didn't know if you wanted the truth he was sharing. Even if it was a lie, a character he had created, the version of Jeonghan from before was a little brighter, a little more present in the moment. The version of him that was in front of you, that you imagined to be the closest to reality, was almost sad, detached from everything.

“Because I forced my right knee a lot, trying to compensate for the lack of my left one, I developed a problem with that one too”

“You’ve never talked about your injuries before, right?” he nodded “Why talk now?”

He was silent again, his lower lip caught between his teeth. That was a great question, one that not even Jeonghan himself knew exactly how to answer.

“I'm not sure, to be honest” he laughed a little. Instead of looking directly at the camera, his eyes were focused on you “Someone came up with the idea at some point and it didn't seem like a bad one, but I think it will only work if I make it to the Olympics.”

“Is that the ultimate goal then, to get to the Olympics?”

He shook his head, that fearless, confident look you had only seen in photos finally making itself known.

“No, the ultimate goal is to win”

As promised, Jeonghan waited for you, Seungkwan, and Vernon outside the clinic. He was nowhere to be seen, really, but the car his assistant informed you of was parked right in front of the door.

You were the first one to exit your own car, while Seungkwan and Vernon prepared the camera to follow along. You could only assume he was the manager. Terribly young for a manager, sure, but a manager nonetheless.

“I assume you’re in” he extended a hand to you “I’m Joshua”

“Hi”

The exchange of words with Joshua was quick, no more than half a dozen. You didn't have much to talk about with him and he wasn't your priority, at least not at the moment. Later, at some other time, talking to him would be great. He had introduced himself as a friend/manager of Jeonghan. Having his point of view would be great and could contribute a lot, but your eyes couldn't leave Jeonghan.

His hair was tied back, but a cap covered much of his face. He had barely said hi to you or the other two. It wasn't a big surprise. While it was true that made up to a certain extent, you didn't expect him to simply welcome you with open arms, but his reaction was strange - or as strange as the reaction of a person you knew little, or nothing, could be.

“Can we film it?” You asked.

Jeonghan stopped and turned towards you. He had forgotten that you and your team would attend his first physical therapy session, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Since the last time you saw each other, Jeonghan spent hours on end watching documentaries made by you and they all had one thing in common: they were almost like video logs. You followed everyone around documenting every tiny aspect of their lives. All those people told their stories and didn't seem afraid of having their lives exposed. And perhaps for people who didn't lead lives where they had been exposed too much, sincerity came easily.

For Jeonghan, that was never the case.

Being treated as the future, a promise of the sport, had brought a lot of harm and situations that neither he, nor anyone else, had the option to deal with or even, perhaps, ignore.

Cameras were pointed at him, rumors spread and suddenly he wasn't just Yoon Jeonghan, the boy who started skating because it would annoy his little sister. He became someone from whom people expected something.

As much as he could, Jeonghan tried to live up to all of those expectations, realistic or not. He tried to be as perfect as possible, on the ice and off of it. And it only took one day of silence, a few rude unanswered questions, and one bad performance — which had no real effect — for everything to collapse.

“You said you would film anything and everything.”

You grimaced, clearly regretful and maybe even a little embarrassed. It wasn't his intention, but he found your reaction funny anyway.

In your place, Jeonghan would have done much worse.

“Do you think it’s important?”

You nodded, perhaps more forcefully than necessary. Jeonghan laughed, he wanted to hold your head to make sure it was still in the right place.

“The documentary is about your return, so filming you here is important. I asked because it's your first session. I heard it can be painful.”

“It will probably be uncomfortable” he couldn’t deny that “Let’s do it like this, you can record it, if in the end you think it’s bad or that it doesn’t fit, we won’t use it

You quietly followed Jeonghan and Joshua out of the clinic, Seungkwan and Vernon trailing behind you talking in hushed tones. It was no surprise that they were talking. Truth was rehab had been brutal. You knew that it could get hard for Jeonghan, that it could be painful but nothing really prepared you for what you saw. And if it was hard for you to watch him go through that, it was unimaginable to understand how it was for him.

Throughout the entire session, Jeonghan looked in pain, his grunts and the scowl on his face growing with each passing second and new movement. Midway through you told Seungkwan and Vernon to stop filming. You had seen enough and you had more than what you needed for the documentary. 

You would only film his rehab again when he was no longer in such pain, you decided. Out of the many things you learned about Jeonghan was that showing his weaknesses wasn’t something he was too fond of or even comfortable with the idea of it. So there was no real reason to keep recording and you couldn’t stand it either. 

While you watched his face contort in pain, you felt something inside your chest tighten. 

It had never been a real issue before with you. You had always managed to separate your personal emotions from the things you felt while working. More often than not you told stories that were hard to listen to, took someone’s suffering, and put it on the TV for the entire world to see in hopes that maybe a part of their lives would be changed. You had always been able to detach yourself from that. 

However while inside with Jeonghan, such a thing was not possible. You felt your throat constrict and your eyes grow wet and for a short while, you couldn’t breathe either. It made no sense really. Why did it hurt to see this man, you knew nothing about, in pain to the point you wanted to cry? Why did it sadden you so much that he was limping harder than before?

You wanted to approach him, ask if he was okay, if it had been too much. But it was out of line, it was one that you knew you shouldn’t cross. There was this itch though, in the back of your mind, begging you to just ask, to just take a step closer to him. 

It happened so suddenly that you didn’t even see it happening. One second it was just the five of you in the parking lot, in the next there were reporters with mics and cameras pointed at Jeonghan. You noticed how Jeonghan raised his shoulders at the same time he lowered his head. He couldn’t see in front of himself, you were certain. 

Joshua put an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder while he used the other one to keep them away from him. Not that it was of any use. One of the cameras was directly under his face as if trying to get an expression, anything at all, that could show his discomfort with the situation. From somewhere behind you there were flashes. 

"Do you believe your injury was a result of your own carelessness?"  someone asked. 

You felt your blood run cold for a second and you froze in place, Seungkwan and Vernon behind you. 

"Do you think your skating career is over after such devastating injuries?" someone followed. 

"Did you regret pushing yourself so hard during training, knowing it led to your injury?" 

"How did it feel to watch other skaters progress while you were stuck in rehab?" 

"Are you worried that your injury will define your career more than your achievements on the ice?" 

The questions got progressively worse and you wanted to scream at them to just shut up, and stop. How could they just ambush someone like that with those questions? It made no sense at all. And though you knew that it would cause more harm than good you wished Jeonghan would tell them all to fuck off.

Instead, he kept his head low and just slowly walked to his car while ignoring everyone around him, all the careless words being thrown at him. 

You tried to take a step forward but were held back by Seungkwan, who gripped the strap of your purse. He didn’t say a word, just shook his head. 

“They can’t just do that to him” you almost cried

“If you say anything, it might only make matters worse,” Hansol said, his voice sad. 

That sudden need to protect Jeonghan felt weird but oddly natural as well. Weird because you knew that you shouldn’t, because you hardly knew the guy. Natural because it felt as if you had always done that like it was just second nature to you. 

“He is used to this,” Seungkwan said, still not letting go of your purse. 

“He shouldn’t be! They are barely treating him like a human!”

By the time you turned around, Jeonghan was already inside the car leaving the parking lot. 

The clock on the top of your phone screen told you that it was 4:37 am. You hadn't even realized that you had spent so many hours still awake. 

As soon as you got home from the rehab with Jeonghan, you took a quick shower, ate the leftovers from the night before, and started to look up Jeonghan’s performances.

The man was a celebrity amongst athletes since he was a child. He was always seen as a promise of the sport. He was good from the start. Performing moves that he was still too young to do, entering competitions boys his age never really competed in and somehow managing to either come up to the podium or even winning some of them.

Everything was displayed online. Yearly competitions, practices, and small moments of his life.

Jeonghan's entire life, at least the sports part, was exposed on the internet for anyone, from anywhere in the world, to see. And it wasn't just the competitions, having videos of that part seemed completely normal and expected.

What was scary was all the other content. Some photos of him in school uniform, not one where he was actually looking at the camera, but ones that were clearly taken in secret. Another one from when he seemed to have simply gone out for coffee with Joshua.

You knew he had fans, that he was liked wherever he went, and that he was always followed, but that seemed a bit much.

In reality, watching videos of the competitions was like a gateway to everything that came after.

You knew very little about Jeonghan, only what you had read about in all the articles that you found and all of them had one thing in common: Jeonghan was a huge diva, who thought he was superior to everyone. But after seeing how he had been treated that day, as soon as he got out of rehab, you knew it wasn't like that. It was as if they had appeared out of nowhere, one second the parking lot was empty and the next it was full of journalists, shouting things and asking questions that to many would seem harmless, but were clearly intended to hurt.

Instead of watching more competition videos, not that there were many you hadn't watched yet, you decided to look for the famous video of him treating journalists badly.

You had never found one so easily on the internet. You just typed "Jeonghan and journalists" into the search bar and it was the first video to appear.

It was a scene very similar to the previous day. Jeonghan was in the parking lot, walking towards the guy when he was surrounded by several journalists.

"You didn't get the podium today, are you disappointed?" one of them asked and that was the most harmless question he got. “Did you really try hard or did you think you would get a high score because you were the favorite?” “Why did you fall in such a simple jump?” “Don't you think it was an amateur's performance?”

You didn't want to keep listening to all those meaningless questions, but you couldn't take your eyes off Jeonghan. He still had short hair at the time, even covering his eyebrows. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were hard, and his gaze was focused straight ahead, as he walked slowly to his car. Joshua tried as best he could to control the journalists with their microphones and cameras, but he was just one man against many. Finally, after what felt like ages, two security guards appeared, pushing the journalists away as they began shouting profanities in Jeonghan's direction.

Could those people even consider themselves journalists? Real journalists, who took their work seriously?

There is a very fine line between being a journalist who asks incisive questions and one who is completely disrespectful to the athlete. And those people were anything but professional.

It was no surprise that after that Jeonghan refused to give interviews.

That whole situation happened years before, at the beginning of the previous Olympic cycle, but even so, it was still a moment that haunted him. People remembered him as just that guy, someone who refused to answer simple questions. But what exactly did these people expect? That he was all smiles when he failed to reach the podium, even though he was the favorite in the competition? That he smiles when he hurts?

Finally, you managed to understand why he acted that way, and why his answers were so polite and direct. Jeonghan didn't want to leave room for interpretation. Not that he had much of a choice. People only see what they want to see, but that didn't mean he couldn't try.

Jeonghan couldn’t take his eyes away from your back, he followed your every move. You stood next to Joshua, talking to him quietly, his friend showing you something on his phone. He felt something scratch at his neck. This new and unknown feeling. 

It was unusual for Jeonghan, to want to have someone’s undivided attention. It was usually the other way around and he was never willing to do it, with anyone. And then there you were and suddenly he didn’t like that you were talking with Joshua. 

It wasn’t like you seemed to be having fun either. You moved around with intention, your eyes always focused, your words and questions firm and straight to the point. Jeonghan couldn’t help but wonder if it was always like that with you. If your professional persona always took over who you were in other moments. 

His curiosity was huge but his courage to ask was very little. 

“She may seem like it, but she won’t bite your head off if you talk with her,” someone said on his left.

Seungkwan stood at his side, his hands clasped in front of him while he rocked on his heels. 

“I think she will,” Jeonghan said. 

Seungkwan took his reply as an invitation to sit. 

“You know, in the office, people call her the ice queen” he too looked in your direction, at your serious expression "She’s like that most of the time”

Jeonghan looked at Seungkwan expectantly, he knew there was a but coming soon. All he needed to do was wait long enough. 

“She didn’t want to take this job, our boss forced her to. She’s more into storytelling, real people, with real issues”

“Am I not a real person?”

The offense in Jeonghan’s voice made Seungkwan almost fall off his chair. He didn’t intend for his words to sound like that.

“Of course you are” he laughed nervously while trying to explain it as best as he could “If it were up to her, she would focus this documentary on you, on how you started skating, why, what attracted you to it, how it affected the rest of your life. But your team doesn’t want that, I think. We were told that you already gave many interviews on the matter so there’s no point in talking about it again. They want us to focus on your recovery and then you make it to the Olympics. She’s trying to figure out how to do that in a way that makes someone watch it”

Jeonghan nodded, feeling guilty. It had been his request to not the documentary so focused on the past and more on what was happening in the moment

“She also doesn’t like sports and hated the idea of the job, but that's beside the point”

Both of them laughed, eyes still on your back now that you talked with Vernon, giving him new instructions.

“I’ll make sure that she gets to do the kind of documentary she thinks is best”

Seungkwan stood up, a big smile on his lips.

“Who could have known that the ice queen and the ice prince aren’t actually that cold”

After months of just rehab, it’s finally time for Jeonghan to get back on the ice and it pained you a little to admit that you were looking forward to it. The videos you watched could only take you so far, you wanted to actually see the real thing. Him, in action.

Of course, you know that he wasn’t going to be able to do a third of the things he did on those videos. But you wanted to see him in his element, how he would behave when he was finally around the thing he loved the most in the world — his words, not yours. 

The one thing you were able to learn from Jeonghan was the fact that he indeed loved what he did. Like most people, sometimes he hated it. It was the thing he was most passionate about, yes, but it was also his job, so there were days when he just hated and the mere idea of leaving the house was too much. 

It was too hard to be a professional athlete, it demanded way too much of him. Of anyone, really. Sometimes he wanted to be like everyone else and just not put everything he was into it. But if he did that, he lost one single day, he was scared that he could lose an entire year and maybe that year turned into two and then he could lose his chance to go to the Olympics. 

And he only had one change left. 

So, instead of focusing on much he didn’t want to do, Jeonghan decided to focus on the fact that there was only a year ahead of him and he would be able to do whatever he wanted and have as many down days as he wanted. 

He didn’t know what he wanted to do and what would be the after for him but it gave him something to look forward to. 

“Are you nervous?” you asked him.

Jeonghan was someone who was mostly quiet. You noticed that once he started to feel more comfortable he was one to start the conversation and even crack a few jokes here and there. Seungkwan had been the first person he kind of opened up to, which had left you a hint of jealousy. You wanted to be one he talked with mostly because it was your job but also just because. 

However, he had been especially quiet that day. The three of you went to meet him at his apartment. The idea was that you’d follow him the entire day, from the moment he woke up, to when he went to the doctor to get the final clear and then finally to the ring. 

He had talked very little, his eyes always focused somewhere else. It was clear that his mind was traveling somewhere far, far away. So you left him be, quietly watching him just move around. A silent shooting day, you told yourself  In the end, however, you had a job and he needed to do the talking.

“It’s been too long,” he said, his eyes never really leaving the ice “I don’t know if I can still do it”

You laughed, causing him to finally look at you, eyes wide on his face. He tried to look serious but the corners of his lips were turned slightly up.

“You just don’t feel confident, but you didn’t forget it” you looked at his ankle, it was still weird to see him without any sort of protection around it “How’s your ankle?”

He just shook his head and in that moment you chose to believe that he was said It doesn’t bother me anymore. 

Through the interviews, you found out that Jeonghan is the kind of person to suffer in silence. It was clear from all of his previous injuries, how he competed while in pain and only ever said anything when it was almost too late.

“Do you think I can still do it?”

There was something in his voice like he was almost on the verge of breaking. He sounded vulnerable in a way that was entirely too new, in a way you wanted to push Vernon and his camera away because that was a part of him you knew he didn’t want the world to see. 

Instead, you reached for his arm, patting it a couple of times, hoping that your touch, as ungraceful and awkward as it was, was able to soothe him, even if it was just for a moment. 

“I was watching some of your competitions last night, again, you know? And that guy? He’s still in there, I’m sure of it, I’ve seen him”

You weren’t just saying that to cheer him up, your words were true. You had seen that version of him, little glimpses here and there. He was in the way his eyes suddenly changed and it was like he owned the entire room, in the way he suddenly turned confident, in the way he was charming in a way that was almost sickening but all too enchanting either way. 

Whether or not he believed it himself, Yoon Jeonghan was a force to be reckoned with.

"What kind of kid were you?" you asked, looking up at Jeonghan. 

He sat opposite to you, bent down to tie the laces on his skates. His hair covered his face, you were sure that he couldn't see much, but he didn't seem bothered by it in the least. Maybe he had just gotten used to it. 

Four months had gone by since you started to follow Jeonghan and even before that, he had kept his hair long. And you hated to admit that he looked good, too good even.

"What kind do you think I was?" He smirked at you for a second before going back to his skates.

Rolling your eyes, you couldn't help but smile. 

"This is not how it works. I ask the questions here"

Jeonghan leaned back on his seat, giving you his full attention. His smirk did something to your insides. It felt tight and loose at the same time, like wild butterflies running around on your skin. 

"Come on, humor me"

You pretended to be in deep thought, Jeonghan as a child had been something you thought about for a long time now. Even though he was very serious most of the time there were these small moments where he looked like a kid ready to do something he wasn't supposed to.

"I can only think of you as a troublemaker” you smiled, closing your notes knowing well that you’d make no progress at all with the filming “I’ve seen pictures of you and a child and although you looked very cute, I’m sure you were a handful to your mother”

Jeonghan laughed, throwing his head back and in that moment he looked so carefree.

Even since the start of the documentary Jeonghan had used his most serious expressions, a frown always taking over his beautiful features. But he had been back on the ice for a few days already and in those days he had looked the happiest you had seen him yet.

Of course, he still hasn’t practiced the way he wanted or the way he used to. He still needed to take things slowly: fewer hours, less power in the movements. But it was undeniable that he was a completely different person.

It wasn’t that he had been in a bad mood every single day but there was just something about him in his element, of him doing something he was obviously passionate about, that was so enchanting that it became impossible to look away from him.

“Where did you see those pictures?”

“You do know that I had to google you because I had no idea who you were, right?”

One thing you managed to learn about Jeonghan is the fact that, if in the right mood, he is a trickster and most of all, a flit. You weren’t even sure that he was aware of what he was doing, it seemed like second nature to him.

He put a hand over his chest, faking being in pain. His face contorted and a pout on his lips.

“I thought we were getting to know each other”.

Seungkwan coughed by your side, finally making you remember that there were people around you and that the entire interaction between you and Jeonghan was being recorded.

There was something about Jeonghan that always seemed to make you forget where you were, that maybe there were people around you. You could only suppose that it was the charm of a man who knew exactly what he was doing, who knew how to sweet talk someone.

And Jeonghan knew what he was doing, what kind of words or looks could get a reaction from a woman.

Most of the time while around Jeonghan you had to remind your heart to be calm and quiet. Being around him was a temporary arrangement, as soon as the Olympics started said arrangement would be done and you’d have to go back to your normal life. One that didn’t include Yoon Jeonghan. And you also knew that there wasn’t space for you in his life.

“We’re going to set up the cameras around the ice,” Seungkwan said awkwardly while dragging Verno by the hand.

You watched as the two walked away from you, whispering in secrecy. You could only imagine the kind of things that they were saying. If you knew Seungkwan at all, you were certain that it couldn’t be any good.

“Jeonghan, I ask questions and you answer them. And while one could say that I’m getting to know you, I don’t think it would be possible to say the same thing about me”

Jeongahn's smile was defiant when he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You have a no-bullshit policy, which I should have known, from the start, but I wasn’t expecting someone like you. Although you try really hard to pretend that you’re not, your eyes are kind and you quietly take care of those around you, me included sometimes. You got worried when I was in pain in rehab and when Vernon got hurt it seemed as if you were angry, but you were concerned about him and after that, you asked to have another staff with you so that he wouldn’t need to carry so many things on his own. You and Seungkwan bicker a lot but when he isn’t around for a day you are quieter and your questions have been more direct. That doesn’t make you a lousy documentarist, please don’t think that I’m saying that, you take your job very seriously. I’m saying that you put people above your job. I’m guessing that’s why you wanted to become a documentarist, to begin with, to tell stories”

You stared at him, mouth open wondering just how he had come up with all of that and why he had managed to hit everything right on the stop. Especially the reason why you became a documentarist. It seemed very obvious, yes, but it wasn’t something that you had said.

In fact, your personal life was something that very few people knew. You weren’t one to share your thoughts and what was on your mind with people. Seungkwan was a good friend, but he was a work friend so your personal life was just that, personal. Not that you had someone to share it with, either way.

The apartment was empty when you left and it was in the exact same way and you got back. You were on your own, with no parents, no siblings and most of your friends had given up on you somewhere along the way.

For the longest time, you put your job first. It came before anything and anyone. You were building your career and name at the time so it was hard not to put it first. It was your dream, one that your friends supported at first but were displeased when you decided to put it first.

You had thought that if you made it big on your job if you got hired by a big production company, you’d be able to find the happiness that you had searched for a long time. And while some of it was true, your career was on the right path and you did something you loved, you didn’t have a lot more beyond that going one.

It was become just you and your job.

Was it sad? Yes, but it was also the life you chose.

“Just because I don’t know details of your life, doesn’t mean that I don’t watch you, yn”

You watched as Jeonghan fell for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It didn't make sense, not really. At least not for you. And from the looks of it, for him too.

He was frustrated and completely angry. All those people looking at him, expectations high, waiting for something. He wasn't sure what. For him to fail? To see if he still could do it?

Everything was possible and impossible at the same time.

He couldn't stop his eyes from going after you every time you fell. Somehow, your reaction was the only one that mattered to him. The first few times your face was completely emotionless, as if you were staring at a blank wall. Then Jeonghan fell once again, and again, and again. He stopped counting at 10, but he knew it was much more than that actually. But your gaze, which was fixed on him, became more worried as the minutes passed and he hated being the cause of it.

Somehow, since he met you, only two things were on Jeonghan's mind: skating and you.

He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but you had taken over his every thought. It was as if you had walked through an imaginary door and entered his mind and decided that it was a great place to be.

Even on days when you didn't see each other because there was no recording, he was tempted to talk to you. And on one of those days, he just succumbed to the temptation of picking up the phone and calling you.

“Jeonghan, is everything okay?” was the first thing you said.

He hated that worry was the first emotion he awakened in you. He hated that the first thing you said wasn't "hello" like a normal person. But at the same time, the concern made him feel somehow welcomed. It could, of course, be all in his head, and what he saw as concern for himself was actually concern for the documentary.

"I just wanted to talk," he admitted.

Maybe it was because he had gotten used to talking to you, maybe it was because you offered zero judgment for the way he thought or reacted. Or maybe it was because it was you. Whatever it was, Jeonghan felt comfortable talking to you.

Telling the truth, about everything, was not difficult, in fact, it became something very easy. It was because of you, he knew.

"I realized I don't know anything about you"

You laughed and he listened as you moved through what he imagined to be his apartment.

"That's because I interview you and not the other way around"

He sat on the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him as he supported the rest of his weight on his arms stretched behind him.

"Do you think it's so bad that I know anything about you?"

You remained silent for a few seconds, seeming to think about the idea. It wasn't bad, not at all.

At several moments you found yourself with your cell phone in your hand, ready to send a message or call him. You weren’t sure what, but there was something about Jeonghan that just made you want to tell him everything.

"What do you want to know?" you said with a sigh.

"Whatever you want to share"

The great truth is that very little happened in your life. You lived alone, worked every day, and came home alone. Your last boyfriend, or even a fling, was over a year before. Your friends, if you could call them that, were all from work. Your life was quite still and dull. Even if you wanted to talk about work. Jeonghan was your job. There wasn't much to talk about.

"I don't think I have much to tell" you knew that what you were about to say wasn't the happiest topic in the world, but it was what you had to offer "My mother passed away when I was nineteen, since then I've been alone"

You could still clearly remember the day your father left. There wasn't a fight. He never packed his bag and left. One day he was there when you woke up, he gave you breakfast and took you to school, like he did on most days. But it was his job to pick you up and he never showed up. Your mother showed up instead, her eyes swollen as she did her smile to smile at you and explain to the teacher why she was so late. When you finally got home she said "Now it's just you and me. Daddy had to leave"

For months, years even, you waited for him to come back. You thought one day he would just appear in front of you. You were disappointed when it was your mother who showed up to pick you up when he didn't come to his birthdays when you called the number he had left with his mother and he never answered.

You waited until you turned 18 to go after him. You only had a name, but with that alone, a person can find everything on the internet. You found him in another state, working at a real estate agency. You sat down in front of him and talked for about half an hour. You made up a story about going to college and needing a place to live. You said your name and your mother's name several times, surname and everything, and at no point did he seem to connect one thing to the other. Until the last second, when you said you would think about renting the studio he had suggested, and he walked you to the door. He said, "I left for a reason, don't come back here."

You couldn't believe what you had heard. You couldn't understand why he left and why he never came back. But at that moment you decided that if he didn't want you, you didn't need him. Your mother had worked so hard to make sure you had everything you needed.

Exactly one year later, your mother died in a bizarre car accident. It was like being 7 years old again and losing another person, only in a much more painful way.

"You don’t have any siblings?" Jeonghan's voice on the other end brought you back "Relatives?"

You shook her head, even though you knew he couldn't see you.

"I was an only child, so no siblings. My mom was an orphan so relatives either. My father left when I was a child"

You and Jeonghan spent the whole night on the phone, talking about everything and nothing. From trivial things to more personal matters. His delight upon learning that you didn’t have a boyfriend didn’t go unnoticed. 

Calls and messages became commonplace between the two of you. Your heart raced every time a new message arrived and it was hard to hide your disappointment when you realized it wasn't from him. On days when you didn't see each other, you would stare at your phone, waiting for it to ring, waiting for him to call.

So you hoped he understood when you shook your head in his direction, a request written on your face. That's enough for today, you can try more tomorrow, you hoped he would understand.

Instead of trying one more time after he fell once again, he skated to the edge of the ice. His face was red from the effort, and his chest rose and fell in an uneven rhythm trying to force air back into his lungs.

"I want everyone out," he said, his voice broken.

Seungkwan and Vernon didn't even question it, they simply started putting away the equipment. Jihoon, who had shown up unexpectedly to "supervise" didn't seem to understand what was going on, but turned to help Vernon.

Jeonghan's coach was the only one who approached him, his hand on the athlete's shoulder.

"Go home, rest. Tomorrow we try again"

Jeonghan shook his head. He would only get out of there after managing to make the damn jump, even if he had to stay the whole night.

"Just half an hour more, but I want to be alone"

The coach clearly didn't like the idea, but he knew it was stupid to try and make Jeonghan change his mind.

You turned to him, looking at his face, trying to figure out if he was in pain or if he was just being a big blockhead. Without giving yourself the luxury of thinking about what you were doing, you placed your hand over Jeonghan's and squeezed for a second. You hoped he understood what you meant.

"You have to rest"

You knew everyone was watching, that despite saying they were leaving they weren't actually moving. Jeonghan didn't seem to care and for a moment you decided not to care either.

“Stay,” he said softly, so only you could hear him “please.”

Some strands of hair were stuck to Jeonghan's face, you wanted to get them out of his face, but caution spoke louder. You looked over your shoulder and everyone was still looking at the two of you, but as soon as they noticed your gaze they started moving again. Seungkwan shouted “We’re leaving” and seconds later the door slammed.

Finally, you were alone.

“You have to rest,” you said again.

You took advantage of the fact that no one else was there and removed the strands of hair stuck to his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. Jeonghan sighed, his eyes closing as he leaned towards you. Just that little touch wasn't enough.

“I need to get it right”

"If you stop now and rest you will know what you are doing wrong"

A half smile shined on Jeonghan's face as he leaned further into the barrier, his face just inches away from his.

"My ego loves it when you say I'm doing something wrong”

You pushed him back, needing a little bit more space to yourself. He was too close, you could feel his breath on your nose and cheeks. It was suddenly as if the world was made of Yoon Jeonghan, it was just him and no one else. 

“I’m sure your ego will be just fine”

Instead of pulling your hand back, you allowed it to stay in his chest. Jeonghan smiled for a second before pressing his hand over yours. 

“Just another 30 minutes” he repeated what he said to his coach “I promise I’ll stop in precisely 30 minutes”

You nodded with a sigh. There was nothing you could do to stop him. Something told you that even if you threatened him to leave he would stay and practice, he would stay on the ice for far more than just 30 minutes if you weren’t around. 

So you sat down and waited for him. And he fell time and time again, his face growing displeased with himself at each passing second, each time he jumped but didn't manage to land. 

Jeonghan had done that same jump countless times before with ease as if one's body would simply perform such movements. To him, it always seemed as easy as walking. You had seen it in all of his videos, almost in trance by him. 

“If you’re not done in twenty-one minutes” you pretended to look at your imaginary watch “I’m taking you out of there by force”

Jeonghan threw his head back, laughing. 

“Remember when you said that you never skated before?” Jeonghan asked after finally being able to breathe properly again.

You weren’t too sure how, but he had stopped after 30 minutes. A big smile on his face after he managed to land the jump after so many tries. After getting it right once, he didn’t get it wrong again. It was like something clicked inside his brain as if he had found the last missing piece of the puzzle.

Of all the things you said to Jeonghan, from the most personal to the most trivial, that was, by far, the only one you regretted. You had told him over the phone but he looked horrified, it was easy to imagine the wide eyes on his face.

But him standing there, in front of you, with a smile that could only be seen on the face of a mischievous child, said much more than any words he could utter.

“No,” you said, shaking your head, already moving back.

You had learned several peculiarities about Jeonghan in all the months you spent by his side, and one of the most glaring was the look in his eyes when he was about to do something he shouldn't.

“You have to try, at least once” his lips were a mixture of a smile and a pout “You will have the best teacher in the world”

You saw it and shook your head again.

“I can’t trust a teacher who spent the day falling” you pointed to the rink behind him.

As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. You didn't know if your words would offend him, you hoped he knew it wasn't your intention. But you also knew that hell was paved with good intentions. Jeonghan was silent for a minute, his face serious, his eyes not leaving yours for an entire minute.

Then he smiled, his nose wrinkling a little as he laughed, loudly. It didn't take long for you to join him.

“You’re evil,” he said, trying to control himself, but failing “This way you’re going to break my heart”

“I think there are few things in this world that can break your heart.”

You would definitely be one of them, Jeonghan wanted to say, but he held his tongue in his mouth. He knew he couldn't say that, he knew that any word said wrongly could simply ruin everything he had built so far. If he could even say he built something. He liked to think so.

From the first time you spoke, Jeonghan knew there was no going back, at least for him. He had never done anything like that. He had never called someone in the middle of the night simply because he wanted to hear someone's voice. And in this case, it wasn't just someone's voice, it was your voice that he wanted to hear.

With each passing sentence, Jeonghan found himself falling more in love with you and he wasn't able to say why. Maybe he could blame it on your eyes, always so focused, but somehow when they turned to him, they seemed so sweet and sincere. Or your voice, which gave orders and asked incisive questions, but as soon as the cameras were turned off it became gentle and almost shy. Maybe it was the fact that you seemed like a lioness when you were working, never giving space for unfounded questions, but you were shy when it was just the two of you alone.

He liked this version of you, who was right in front of him, who seemed completely comfortable with him, to the point of making jokes — something that until that moment you hadn't done yet.

“We always have extra pairs in the back, I'm sure one of them is your size” he had made sure you would, with Seungkwan's help of course “And then we try it, what do you think?”

Even though you were shaking your head, you went to the closet where you knew the skates were stored.

With your knees bent and shaking, you stepped onto the ice and immediately regretted giving in to Jeonghan's will. You didn't know how he had managed it, but in the closet, there was a brand new pair of skates, your size. Jeonghan had smiled as he bent down to tie your shoelaces,

“I’m going to fall flat on my face,” you said as you grabbed the bars.

Jeonghan held your face in his hands, your eyes fixed on his.

“I won’t let you fall”

The way the words left his lips made your heart skip a beat, or maybe several of them. You could feel it on the back of your throat and you could swear that your hands shook a little as you accepted the hand Jeonghan had extended to you. 

You wished it could just stop. Not for your heart to stop beating altogether but for it to stop reacting to Jeonghan. Everything changed after that first call and you weren’t too sure of where it was. He had, someway, somehow, become a pivotal point of you. His voice, his eyes. The way tingles started to run down through your body the moment his skin came in touch with yours. How, despite all odds, he made you feel safe in a way you weren’t too sure you had ever experienced before.

When he said that he wasn’t going to you fall, you believed him so you held his hands — strong enough that you were sure were hurting him but he didn't seem to mind — and allowed Jeonghan to pull you into the rink. 

“Don't move your feet” he said, voice ever so sweet but with a slight hint of teasing “I know it's probably hard, but let me take control here”

Forcing out all of the remaining air inside your lungs, you did as he asked. Instead of keeping your focus on the ice under your feet, you kept them in Jeonghan's face. A mistake, of course. 

His eyes were too intense if you could say that. You didn't want to understand what was happening. Perhaps for the first time since you met Jeonghan, you didn't want to understand what it could mean. You were scared. What, exactly, you weren’t sure.

“I didn’t even have to ask you to look at me,” he said and you laughed a little, automatically looking away “Keep looking at me”

The whole experience of skating for the first time, or being guided, was not being registered by your brain. All you could see, think, feel, was Jeonghan, as if he had become a central point of everything.

“I think we should stop here”

You hoped your voice was loud enough and judging by the look on Jeonghan's face, it was. The smile fell from his lips and it was as if a small light in his eyes had gone out.

You hated that you were the one causing that reaction in him, but you knew it was best to stop everything before it went too far.

"I thought that…"

“We can’t blur the lines that much” you shook your head.

You didn't know exactly who you were trying to convince, him or you. You also weren't sure you had to convince yourself of anything. It was as if your brain had split in two. One part, probably the loudest, wanted you to just let things happen. You knew you weren't doing anything wrong, you weren't doing anything much really. What you did outside of your working hours and who you did it with was your problem and no one else's.

But the other part, one that spoke softly and that should have had much less strength, said it was dangerous, but also didn't offer much reason to be dangerous.

Yet somehow, that was the side you chose to listen to.

"Why?" He asked forcing his feet to the ground, making the two of you stand in the center of the rink. “What line are we blurring?”

You shook your head, hands clinging to his waist as you felt your feet begin to slide.

“I don’t know” you whispered in response “We are working”

Jeonghan leaned forward and pressed his lips to your cheek. With a sigh, he let his forehead fall onto your shoulder and closed his eyes.

You didn't know exactly where your skepticism came from, but you were also sure it wasn't completely unfounded. But truth be told, you wanted to blur that line and any others that might appear along the way.

“Go on a date with me,” he said “If you still feel that way, there’s nothing we can do. Just don’t… don’t stop something that hasn’t even started yet”

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[cameronspecial]

I saw you were looking for some angst ideas lmao

So rafe and reader are together. Loves her more than life but his addiction gets in the way of that. One night they have a fuming argument and she doesn’t talk to him for a few days. He then makes a plan for them to talk about it somewhere private at nighttime, but when she shows up he’s not there. She waits for him for a while then she gets attacked by the rafes dealers because he owes them money and she was the next bet. Rafe finds her and he’s freaking out but she won’t let him near her and she blames him. You can choose how this ending goes or if you even want to write this but this has been on my mind

You Deserve Better

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Drug Use, Swearing, Stabbing, Blood, and Death

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.1K

Masterlist

The centre of Rafe’s life wasn’t always the white powder that tumbled around the little Ziploc bag that lined his pockets. His centre is supposed to snort or wheeze a little whenever she laughs, refusing to use her inhaler because she doesn’t want to embarrass him. It will stay up past her bedtime because she is in a flow with her work. His sun crosses her eyeballs whenever he presses a kiss on her nose because she knows it would make him chuckle. Y/N Y/L/N used to be his rock and now, all because of an accident, she isn’t anymore. That is something not a lot of people know. They assume his addiction started because he was a bored rich kid who had the money to spare. However, in reality, it began with a torn ACL. One wrong shift of his leg and his football career was over. At first, the oxycodone was only to manage the pain from the ACL surgery. He had the hope that he could recover the way he needed to get back on the field, but then the news came that he wasn’t progressing the way his doctor wanted… That was when the problem started, suddenly the drug he was taking to help ease his physical pain became the one to take away his mental pain too. The pain of not being able to play football. The pain of missing out. The pain of not knowing where his life was going.

Don’t get him wrong, Y/N was by his side the whole time, except a person can’t be everything to someone else and he needed a therapist. He just wasn’t ready to admit that. It was only when he stopped being prescribed oxycodone that he turned to cocaine to fill the mental hole the prescription used to be for.

———

Rafe’s blown pupils are hidden by his eyelids as he lies back on the couch. Y/N is still out with her friends, so he isn’t sleeping. Not when she is not at home. The front door opening and closing makes him jerk forward. His eyelids are just a sliver because the light from the ceiling is too bright for him. Her footsteps approach the living room and the large sigh she lets out makes her arrival known. “You didn’t do the dishes,” she states, her hand resting on her jut-out hip. “And the hole in the hallway is still there.” Yesterday, Rafe, in a high state, accidentally made a hole in the wall when trying to put up a picture frame for her. He promised her before she left for work this morning that he would get what he needed to fix it this morning and in the afternoon, he would fix it. However, before he could get himself to the store, he saw a post from one of his old football teammates, who went pro and he spiralled. 

He doesn’t mean to roll his eyes, yet it happens and this causes her to let out another huff. “I didn’t get a chance to go to the store,” he grumbles like he didn’t care. He really did though. He wanted to be able to do something that simple for the girl who meant everything to him, except his mind seemed to disagree with his heart. It is easier to pretend it doesn’t bother him. Her eyes narrow in on the residue of powder on their coffee table, “Let me guess, you got your nose caught up in some business. Rafe, you promised me you wouldn’t do that shit at home.” He can’t keep looking at the way tears start to appear because he knows how worried she gets when he does drugs, always scared he might overdose. He looks anywhere but at her. “Don’t get on my ass about this again Y/N. You don’t know what I am dealing with,” he argues.

“I don’t and that’s the problem. You need to talk to someone about how you are feeling because you are going to put yourself in an early grave if you keep doing what you are doing now.”

“Seriously, we are going to argue about this again because I didn’t do the dishes or fix a little hole in the wall.”

“No, we are going to argue about it because you aren’t the man I fell in love with anymore and I don’t think if I can do this anymore. I want to be by your side to help you get better but if you don’t want to, then I don’t know if I can be here forever.”

Her words hit his ears at the same intensity as they would if he were sitting next to an airplane engine. They had arguments about his sobriety so many times before, yet those fights always had the underlying understanding that she would be there to help him. She never once mentioned the possibility of her leaving him because she truly did want to help him find his sobriety. His mouth falls open to talk. No words come out. How can he possibly swear that he wants to get better when he isn’t at the self-realization point in his journey? She takes the silence as an admittance that getting clean isn’t on his mind. “I need some time apart. I’m going to sleep at Deliah’s place tonight,” she informs, turning to leave. He doesn’t stop her; he wants to give her the space she needs in hopes that she realizes she can hold on for a little bit longer. The only word he can respond with is “Okay”, right before she closes the door behind her. 

———

She hasn’t answered any of his texts and calls. Her night of taking some space turned into a week and it is driving him crazy. Her non-existence return may have to do with his unwillingness to agree to go to a therapist. After the thousandth attempt at calling her, she finally answers the call. “Normally, when a person doesn’t pick up the call, it means they don’t want to talk to you.” He lets out an internal sigh, “I know, I just need to talk to you. Please, can we meet at our spot, Sunshine?” She could never resist the usage of his nickname for her. “Okay, meet me there in an hour,” she agrees. The call drops right after her response and he gives himself a small smile. Not only does he get to see her again, he gets to try to get her back. 

———

By the time she realizes she is being followed, she is alone under the bleachers, where she and Rafe used to spend their time in high school. It was where they found themselves when they didn’t feel like going to class or they needed to get away from the chaos after his team won a game. It was the place she fell in love with him in because even before they were dating when they were just friends, it was their spot. She spins around at the sound of grass being pressed down by a set of feet, ready to scold him for being late. It isn’t Rafe as she expected; instead, an average-height man with a dangerous air that scares her. The gleam behind his eyes tells her the bald man is up to no good, which is confirmed when he pulls out the hunting knife from his hoodie pocket. She steps back in an attempt to get away from him, but her back hits against a metal beam. The man rushes toward her and presses the sharp edge against the soft skin of her neck. “Your boy owes me money and since he is taking too long to get it back to me, I thought I would hold onto something precious to him until I get what I want,” the man explains with a wicked grin. She refuses to show him fear and looks him dead in the eyes, “Rafe’s dealer is Barry so I have no idea what you are talking about.” “He stopped going to Barry because Barry started getting on his case about how much he is using,” the male growled, not enjoying the bite to her bark. She chuckles like a maniac, “When Rafe comes, he is going to beat your ass.” “Shut up, Bitch.” Angered by his words, her knees find their target between his legs. 

He lets out a howl and doubles over in pain. She uses this as her opportunity to attempt an escape, trying to run past him. Unfortunately, he reaches out to stop her and this results in the blade driving into her abdomen. A gasp passes her lips, causing the dealer to look in her direction. “Shit.” His eyes bloom open and immediately begins to pull it out. “No. Don’t pu-,” she warns, except it is too late. The weapon is already out and he is running toward the exit. She hunches forward and stumbles back against the beam, pressing her hand to her stomach to keep from bleeding out, feeling as though she has been punched. Calling 911 seems to be the logical answer; however, when she goes for her phone, she finds it broken on the floor. She thinks about going to her car and is stopped by the feeling of even more blood gushing out of the wound as she tries to push off the beam. It doesn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. 

“Sunshine,” rings through her ears. Her dizziness makes it difficult to focus on the speaker, yet she knows who it is based on the nickname. She slides down the beam because her legs lose all their strength. Rafe rushes to her side and kneels beside her. “Shit, Sunshine. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to call the police. They are going to fix everything,” his voice breaks as his hand joins hers to stop the flow of his blood. She can hear him relaying the information to the dispatcher, but her body is telling her something Rafe isn’t going to be ready to hear. He places his phone on the floor so both of his hands can press on her abdomen. “They’re coming, Sunshine, just hold on. I promise. I’ll be here the whole time.” Her handshakes as she raises to his cheek, staining it with her blood. Her tears water at the edge of her bottom eyelid, “I don’t think I’m going to make it.” His head shakes vigorously. “Don’t say tha-.” She cuts him off, “Can you please just listen to me?” He nods to let her continue. “It was your dealer. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. Just to make sure he gets arrested. But I need you to know that you are more than just your addiction and football. I know you don’t think so, but you are and if you just realize that, then you will see the man that I fell in love with.” “I don’t deserve that though. Look at all the shit I put you through. You deserve more than a druggie as a boyfriend,” he cries, holding her hand against his skin.

She smiles up at him, “You deserve more too. You deserve to be truly happy. You deserve to try to find a new purpose in life. I want that for you.” “How can I find all of that if you are gone?” he questions. Her breathing begins to become laboured, “You’ll find yourself and once you grieve, you’ll find someone who can help heal your broken heart. That’s how.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I just want you. Please, don’t go. Will you please stay if I promise to get sober?” 

“I will be with you every step of the way.”

The words tear his heart in two. He knows what it means. She truly doesn’t think she is coming out of this alive. “I want you to see me get better though. Please. Just hang on a little longer.” His tears cloud his vision. When he doesn’t hear a response, he wipes his eyes to get a closer look at her. The world goes dark at the sight of her glassy eyes only reflecting back his face with no recognition or life behind them. The rise and fall of her chest have stopped. The universe decides to answer his calls for help at a cruel moment as he hears the siren finally approach. There is no use in their hurry if the person who needs saving is the one to do it because Rafe isn’t going to let her last words die with her. He is going to get better, not only for her but for him too. He deserves more than a life of chasing his pain away with drugs and he is determined to achieve that.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming @magicalyoura

[leah-lover]

I need you. Jill roord × reader.

Smut 18+

Jill misses reader after she did her ACL.

My life has been hectic ever since Jill did her Acl. Our games have been hard and critical for our shot at the title so losing concentration wasn't an option. O. The other hand, my relationship with Jill was going through its toughest phase yet.

Dealing with the shock of her diagnosis, her surgery, her physical And emotional pain had stretched the both of us too thin. We were tired.

Jill was hurt because of her knee, she was hurt because of the strain in the relationship but she couldn't say anything. She wanted to feel loved and appreciated during her current status. She couldn't say anything though, she was afraid all the responsibility would drive me away. As a result, she started to close up on herself.

I noticed the change in her state after it came home from training.

“ Hello darling, I missed you.” I said as I tossed my keys and bags and went towards the couch where she was sitting.

“ Hey, is your knee okay? What's wrong, talk to me honey?” I added as I massaged over her brace.

“ No I am okay, love. My knee is fine.” She answered with a half smile.

“ Darling I know you just please tell me it's your knee again I can get you something for it” I said before she cut me off.

“ It's not about my fucking knee. This knee has stopped my life. I miss you I just fucking my iss you soo much.” She said,

My hand immediately traveled to cup her face. “Honey you could have just said so I miss you too.” I replied before leaning over to give her a peck which she turned into a messy kiss.

“ If I had known I would have sorted this problem a long time ago.” I joked.

“ Don't be an ass and come back here. My knee doesn't change anything. I am still in charge.” she said.

We continued to kiss before things got more heated. “ It's okay, just get on top of me “ she demanded.

I was worried about her knee. But I needed to be closer to her.

I got on top of her, and unconsciously started grinding on her thigh.

“ That is a good girl. Keep going, my love.” she said with the raspiest voice.

While I was grinding, she was kissing my neck and massaging my sides and my chest.

“ Baby, I.. I think I am gonna come .“ I whispered into her ear.

“This soon baby. Hold it for me.” She replied.

I kept on grinding on her thigh.

“ Jill please I can't anymore.” I pleaded.

“Okay love, come for me.” She replied, while running her hand up and down my sides. After that the lounded sound managed to creep out of my mouth as I released a month's tension and collapsed into Jill’s arms.

“ That's a very good girl.” she said, calming me down by running her hands on my back.

“ Baby you are dripping. Let me return the favor.” I demanded.

Without asking for permission I slowly lowered her on the couch, took off her shorts and positioned myself between her thighs.

Arousal was running through her thighs. It only took my tongue quick contact with her core for the nastiest moan to escape her lips.

While being careful, I continuously rubbed circles on her core, and she kept getting angstier by the second.

“Baby please I need more.” She pleaded.

With that I pushed two fingers inside her.

Which seems to do the job as she lost control rapidly.

“Babe I need to come please don't make me wait” she pleaded, her breath getting quicker.

My pace then grew faster, which helped her come.

After she came I cleaned her up with my mouth and laid on her chest.

“Next time just tell me you need me okay.” I said.

“ I love you so much.” She added before falling asleep.

[alessioa]

hey, do you think you could write another Georgia stanway one where Georgia wakes up with really bad pain in her stomach and she’s goes to hospital etc and it turns out to be appendicitis and needs surgery? Again sorry if it’s odd, hope you can write it, don’t feel you have to though x

Appendicitis

Georgia Stanway x Reader

Hello, I know it's been a while. But I am back. Thank you for the request and whoever sent this I hope you will read it as it was sent quite a while ago. Sorry about that :(

It has been a while since I last wrote so I may be a little rusty but I've done my best and I hope you will enjoy

Masterlist

TW: Vomiting, talk of surgery, appendicitis, hospital

Sun was just shining through the window in their bedroom. The golden rays warming their naked skin. You began to stir as the light disturbed your sleep. You reached out to the space on the bed next to you. It was cold, meaning that your girlfriend had not been in bed for quite a while.

Groggily you began to move, sitting up. Your moves were sluggish, body still laced with tiredness from just waking up. Looking around the room you could not find her, but you could see the light coming from the slit in the door.

So you put your feet on the cool floor. A vast difference to your warm skin. Shuffling across the floor towards the bathroom you could hear someone throwing up.

“Georgia, love, you alright?” you asked before you reached the door. Once you were there you pushed open the door. The sight of your girlfriend hunched over the toilet bowl throwing up shocked you.

She was still in her pajamas. Her hair hanging dangerously close to her face. So you rushed to sit next to her. Kneeling so you would be on the same lever as her. Georgia hadn’t acknowledged your presence yet.

But as she moved forward towards the toilet to throw up once again you grabbed her hair, pulling it out of the way to make sure she didn’t dirty it. She was clearly sobbing. Tear stains were present on her cheeks and her eyes were bloodshot.

“How are you, love?” You asked once again when she finally stopped pouring her guts out. Georgia turned to face you. She looked pained and you got worried. You had never seen her this bad, even after the injures she had picked up on the football pitch.

“Not good” Georgia sobbed and curled up against you, hands clutching her abdomen. “It hurts” she continued. It was as if she was having a hard time talking. You put your hand on her forehead to feel her temperature as she was sweating even though the bathroom was colder than it usually was. She was burning up.

“You know that I’ve told you to wake me up if somethings wrong? Right love?”

“I didn’t want to bother you at first. And now it hurts too much to get up.” she whispered. Scared that you would be angry. Of course you weren’t, just worried that you had found her in such a bad state.

“Love what hurts.” You were worried and wanted to figure out what was wrong, being a doctor symptoms like this could be signs that something was not as it should be. Very high temperatures and vomiting were never good.

“My stomach” it came out as a whimper. That did certainly not help your worry. You pried her arms off you.

“Where baby? Where does it hurt, can you show me?” Now you definitely needed to know as your first thoughts was something like appendicitis or alike.

She didn’t answer in words. Instead she just pointed to her lower right side of her abdomen. Your mind raced. This was not good, not at all. All of her symptoms were ones consistent with appendicitis.

“Fuck, that’s not good. We have to get into the hospital.” You said. Rushing to get Georgia some better clothes suited for the cold weather outside. You pulled out a sweater and a pair of tracksuit bottoms. You helped her put them on before collecting the car keys and helping her out the door.

It was hard with her being in so much pain but she had to get in to the closest hospital, which also happened to be the one you worked at. So while staring the car you also pulled out your phone to call some of your colleagues who you knew were working. They knew you didn’t call if it wasn’t important. So when you called it only took a few signals before they picked up.

“Hey Dori, I know it’s not the ideal situation now. You know Georgia? Well she is presenting symptoms of appendicitis. Could you maybe set up a room and get everything ready for us? We will be there in about 3 minutes.” Once you got everything confirmed and ready for you, you said your goodbyes and hung up.

When you got to the hospital you brought Georgia in through the ER and just as you had hoped for, they were ready to take her in. A bed was there for her to get onto. So you helped her onto it. She had been very quiet since you found her in the bathroom.

You had never seen Georgia so lost. Looking into her eyes it was clear that she was disassociating to try and ease the pain she was feeling. So you grabbed her hand. She tilted her head and looked at you.

“Hey, you will be fine. It will all be over soon. They will have to take you into a room, and you may need surgery” you explained. But once you saw her terrified look you squeezed her hand even harder. “I will be here when you wake up if you do need surgery. I promise, my love.” You continued. She relaxed a bit at your assurance.

“I love you”

“I love you too, Georgia. Now they are going to take you to a room, You know Dori. Right?” You asked and motioned to the nurse stood next to Georgia. Ready to wheel her away. “She will take good care of you. I trust her. She’s great and you are in great hands.” You smiled.

Your moment was broken by Dori telling you that they needed to get her into a room. So you squeezed her hand once more before they began to wheel her bed away. You smiled at her until she was out of view.

That was when you broke out sobbing. You had put up your doctor facade because you had to be brave for your girlfriend. But now that she couldn’t see you anymore you couldn’t keep it up anymore. It was quite a chock to your colleagues working around the room. Usually you were a well composed person, never one to be known for breaking down. Not even after a especially hard loss or alike.

But now your girlfriends life may be in danger, the one person you loved was sick and you could not take it. But your colleagues decided not to let you sit on the floor of the ER sobbing so one of them helped you out and into an office where someone put a cup of bad coffee in front of you.

You picked the coffee up and slowly sipped on it. Trying to come back to reality.

“Georgia will be fine. Just as you said, she is in great hands. They confirmed that it was appendicitis and she is being prepped for surgery now.” Your colleague explained. You knew that your girlfriend would be fine, with experienced surgeons doing the surgery and that it was quite a low risk one.

“You can see her once she’s out of surgery and waking up. But for now just try to calm down. Georgia will be fine.” They continued on talking to you as you did not answer them.

[sevcasejay1chicago]

Don’t tell Jay -Jay Halstead

Summary: When you are still in pain when you should be fully recovered from surgery, you try to sneak to Med to not bother Jay. Will is not having it.

Mentions: Natalie Manning, Will Halstead, and Maggie Lockwood

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and medical talk. Nothing really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up still in pain after tossing and turning in Jay’s arms all night, you knew you needed to go to Med. You pretended to be asleep when Jay left an hour ago, knowing he would stay home and insist on accompanying you to see Natalie. You had surgery two weeks ago today, and you FINALLY just convinced Jay to go back to work three days ago. He had been by your side for a little over a week and a half, pampering you and making sure you were healing up nicely. You loved him and appreciated him, but you could tell he was ready to climb the walls. He was a man of action and, though he loved taking care of his wife, he needed to be with his unit and in the action.

Hopping into your car, badge in your backpack even though you hadn’t been cleared for duty yet, you made your way to Med. You knew Will was most likely on shift this morning, so you prayed he wouldn’t see you. He would call Jay as soon as you were put in a room.

Walking into Med, you bypassed Leah, smiling at the receptionist and waving like nothing was wrong, and made your way toward Maggie. The charge nurse looked up as her ED doors slid open, immediately coming around the desk at the sight of you.

“Hey Y/N. Here to see your brother in law?” Maggie asked, smiling and pulling you in for a quick hug.

You mustered up the biggest smile you could and shook your head. “Actually, I need Nat.” You barely got the sentence out before Maggie was pulling you into a room.

“Sit down. You look flushed.” Maggie said, placing you on a gurney and pulling out her phone. She pressed a few buttons before placing it to her ear, balancing it with her shoulder. “Nat. I need you in treatment 4. Now.” Maggie said, waiting for a second before hanging up and taking your temp as she went. “100.” She muttered, placing the pulse ox on your finger and blood pressure cuff on, pushing the button to start it as Nat and Will walked in.

You groaned, making immediate eye contact with your brother in law. “Ah Hell.” You muttered, causing Maggie to chuckle. “Don’t call Jay.” Was your immediate reaction to his presence.

Will rolled his eyes, staying in the doorway as Nat approached you. “You know he will kill us both when he finds out.” Will replied, looking cocky cause he knows you know he’s right. “You never know when he will walk through those doors either.” He pointed out.

You nodded, throwing your head back in defeat. “Fine.” You caved, crossing your arms and looking to Nat.

“What’s goin on?” Natalie asked, coming to your side and rubbing your arm.

“I’ve got some pelvic pain. And lower back pain. It doesn’t feel normal so here I am.” You explained, gesturing around the room.

“Heart rate and BP are high. Temp of 100 and oxygen is at 95.” Maggie rattled off, looking at Natalie first and then Will.

“I’ll be back. Hang in there kiddo.” Will said, patting your leg and taking out his phone. He was gonna call Jay.

Natalie nodded and started pulling off her stethoscope. “Let me take a listen and then I wanna look at your incision site and take a feel. That okay?” Natalie asked, already adjusting her ear pieces.

You nodded and laid back, trying to relax. After taking a listen and feeling your abdomen, Natalie stepped back and grabbed the Ipad Will left for her at the foot of your bed. She typed a couple things as Maggie started an IV on you.

“I’m gonna get some blood work on you and a CT. I’ll be back in a bit. Maggie, hang fluids and give her something for the pain and a mild sedative. Jay can take her home later if all turns out well, but I think the high BP might be a stress response.” Natalie rattled off, before giving my leg a squeeze and leaving Maggie to work.

“Jay is gonna have a cow.” I muttered to Maggie as the charge nurse started to put an IV in my arm.

“Moo.” Jay deadpanned, walking in with a serious face but playful look in his eyes.

“That was fast.” I muttered as Maggie laughed at his response.

“Hailey and I were already here to check on a Vic. I was upstairs.” Jay replied, coming to sit next to you as he took your hand. “Why didn’t you call me or tell me before I left? I know you didn’t sleep well.” Jay said, nodding a thanks to Maggie as she finished up and left the room.

“I didn’t want to bother you.” I muttered, looking down and picking at the blanket Maggie had put over me at some point.

Jay sighed, figuring this would be your answer. “Hey. Look at me.” Jay waited until you looked at him, tears in your eyes as guilt flooded your system. “Listen to me. You are my wife. My first priority. You matter more than this job or anything else. You hear me? You are NEVER bothering me.” Jay said, reaching up to wipe your tears.

You nodded, biting your bottom lip. Jay reached up, gently pulling your lip down with a thumb on your chin. “Just hate this.” You sighed, wiping at your eyes. “I wanna go back to work and put this behind me.” You were beginning to get sleepy. You knew the meds were starting to take effect.

Jay sighed too, standing up and telling you to bunch over. You did as he asked, allowing him to crawl onto the gurney with you and take you into his arms. “I know baby girl. I know.” Jay muttered, leaning up to kiss your head. “But you gotta let me take care of you. The more you relax and let me take the reigns, the faster you will heal up and be back in the bullpen with the rest of us.” Jay reassured, rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

“Nat gave me a sedative.” You muttered, leaning your head into Jay’s chest. You were already exhausted when you came in. These meds were gonna knock you out.

Jay nodded without needing an explanation and pulled you closer, being careful of the wires. He placed a hand in your hair as he pressed the bar to recline the bed back a little bit from his position. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to recline you a little more and make you more comfortable. “Alright. Well, you just let it work. Relax, okay? I’ll be right here.” Jay said, pulling the pony tail holder out of your hair and massaging your scalp.

You hummed in response, allowing your eyes to slip closed. You knew he was disappointed that you didn’t call, but he wasn’t going to press the issue now. You were in enough pain to come in and need a sedative for what he figured was anxiety, so he wasn’t going to add any more stress into your life. He would have time to talk to you later when you were feeling better. Your heart was in the right place, but you needed to let him take care of you. After all, he made a vow and he did not intend on breaking it.

[uptondixon]

Upstead Foster Daughter

Did you ever wonder how Upstead would be as foster parents for a teenage girl? Like Hank and Erin, Hailey and Jay welcomed Olivia to their home when she was 16. Olivia holds a lot of grudges and is full of mischief, but she is also incredibly sweet and has a tremendous need to feel like she belongs. To her surprise, Hailey and Jay will give her exactly that.

Masterlist

Word count: 2k-ish

[Chapter III] “What if I'm far from home?”

Jay recovers well and three months later Olivia finds herself face to face with him and Hailey again.

“Hailey,” Jay’s rough voice woke Hailey from a light sleep on the chair next to Jay’s hospital bed. 

“Jay!” she got up and held one of his hands between hers, leaving a chaste kiss on it. 

“Hi, my love,” Jay smiled, the effort to do so appearing bigger than it should be. 

Hailey smiled back, “How are you feeling?”

He made a face and tried to change his position on the bed, a huff leaving his lips, “Everything hurts.”

“I’ll call the nurse.”

“No, wait,” Jay grabbed her hand. “Let us be for a while, it doesn’t hurt that much.”

Hailey stared at her stubborn husband. She knew he hated hospitals, and he also wasn’t known for admitting his pain, but she let him be for now.

“What happened?” Jay asked. “I mean, with my CI and the case?”

“What about hearing about yourself first, huh? The surgery was a success, but the doctor said you must take it easy for a while otherwise it won’t heal properly. You scared me, Jay. I can’t see you in this situation again.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve waited for you. You’re my partner, we do this kind of stuff together.”

“I should’ve insisted on going with you. Maybe if you had backup…”

“You can’t know that for sure, Hailey. If anything, you could be in my place right now so I’m happy I was alone.”

“Jay…”

“Let’s leave the what-ifs behind, okay? I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” he was the one to kiss her hand this time. “I love you.”

“I love you too, always.”

Jay smiled, “Where’s my kiss? Or do I have a bad breath? I don’t know how long I was out.”

Hailey laughed, kissing her husband’s lips softly. “It’s been a day and a half.”

“Wait!” Jay said. “What about the girl who helped me? Olivia. Is she okay?”

“She is, it’s a long story though. We found out she had run away from her foster family.”

“Why?” Jay asked with a frown.

“I don’t know, we talked with her social worker but nothing was wrong, it seemed like a teenager thing.”

“Really? You guys went there to check?”

“We did, Kev and I talked with her foster mom. She seemed good, and the social worker confirmed that.”

“Well,” Jay rearranged himself on the bed again. “Hopefully she will be okay. We can keep an eye on her just in case.”

“I exchanged numbers with her social worker. Told her to call me if anything happened.” 

“Of course you did,” he smiled, but then his expression became more serious. “If it wasn’t for her… I don’t even know Hailey.”

“Yeah, I was terrified hearing from another person that you were shot, but I was happy you weren’t alone.” 

“Me too, I still remember her eyes staring at me in a panic. She must have been so scared, Hailey. But she still did everything I told her to.”

“She was a little shaken up afterward, Kim and Kev said she barely said a word to them. But she was brave.” 

“Oh, about the case,” Hailey started. “It was closed rather quickly, I’m sure Platt and Voight pulled some strings,” she laughed lightly and so did Jay.

“The team found out your CI was still working for his old gang, when you called him asking for info on our case he told them and they sent someone after you.”

“Son of a bitch,” Jay said.

“Both your CI and the guy who shot you were arrested."

Jay looked like he wanted to ask a million questions but Hailey spoke before he had the chance, "But now I just wish to never think about this again, can we do that?”

Jay nodded, “You don’t have to, I promise this was the last bullet to my count,” he said with a smile.

“It better be, Halstead!”

⭑*���⊱ 3 months later ⊰•*⭑

Hailey's phone has been ringing for the past 5 minutes, her ringtone waking Jay up. Hailey came running out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, her long hair dripping water everywhere. Jay smiled lazily at the sight.

“I'm sorry Jay, I forgot to turn it off. I came in so desperate for a shower.”

It was around 1 am when she arrived home from an extra shift. There was a situation in a women’s shelter and she and Kim decided to go and lend a hand. 

Hailey did a double take at her phone when she saw the name ‘Martha’, she was Olivia's social worker. 

Jay noticed her shock and said, “You're good? Who is it?”

“It's Olivia's social worker,” she said while picking up the call. Jay sat up, all the traces of sleep suddenly vanishing from his brain. Something bad must have happened for her to call at this hour.

“Martha? Hi, yes I can talk. What's going on? Is Olivia okay?” Hailey said. She felt Jay's presence by her side. 

“Of course, no, don't worry about that it's not a bother at all. I'm glad you called, my husband and I are going right now, bye.” She hung up the phone and turned to Jay.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Jay asked straight away.

“She ran away again.”

2:00 am on a Wednesday, in Chicago. Jay is doing the best he can to avoid thinking about all the possible scenarios that could happen to a 15-year-old girl alone at night. He and Hailey drove around Olivia's foster family neighborhood, checking places she could have run to. No sign of her. After checking all the places the family said she likes to go, Hailey and Jay started to think further.

“Maybe we should call patrol to help out on the search? Call in the team?” Jay said, already sounding way more stressed than he intended to. He knew she wasn't missing long enough to follow all the missing person's protocol, it's been 3 hours. One of the kids that shared a room with Olivia woke up to drink a glass of water and didn't find her on the bed and her clothes were gone from the closet. However, Jay can't help but think the worst. A lot of things can happen in 3 hours, right? 

“Let's check the nearest bus and train stations, if she's not there then we'll see what we can do at the station,” Hailey said, her tone filled with worry.

They got nothing from the bus station, it was almost empty and no one saw a girl walking around alone. But their luck changed at the train station. They noticed her from a distance, sitting down on a bench, a backpack by her side. She was waiting for the train that would come at any minute now. Hailey and Jay looked at each other with relief, moving in the direction of the girl. 

“Olivia,” her head spun toward the feminine voice.

“Hailey? Jay?” Olivia stood up, putting her bag on her shoulders.

Jay immediately tensed up, afraid she might run from them. 

“Olivia we just wanna help, okay?” Hailey said with a small smile. “Come and talk to us.”

Jay watched in silence, hesitant to say anything that could scare the girl away. 

Hailey continued, “Please, Olivia? Whatever you're thinking, it's no good being alone in Chicago at night, we know you know that.” 

Of course, she knew. Olivia was scared, she didn't want to run away in the middle of the night, but it was the best time to do this so she had to gather the courage and go. Always looking over her shoulder the whole way.

“We're taking you to the station,” Jay spoke for the first time, “You're not in trouble, but we can talk there, you can tell us what's going on. How does that sound?” 

Hailey nodded in affirmation to Jay's words.

“Fine,” was all Olivia said. She followed them to the car quietly. The train arrived when they left. If they had got there 5 minutes later, Jay thought. 5 damn minutes and she would be gone.

Olivia did not say a single word on the way to the station. Hailey and Jay tried every possible topic of conversation they could think of but it was useless. She shut herself completely. Hailey was the one driving and after giving up the small talk, she and Jay were exchanging worried looks in silence. Jay, especially, was in a lot of thought. Of course Olivia shut them out, she did not know them. Between that day at the alley when they first met, Jay being in the hospital and Olivia being sent back to her foster family, neither he nor Hailey had a real conversation with her. Jay realized that he didn’t even thank her. 

“I never thanked you for saving my life, Olivia,” Jay said after a long silence.

“It was nothing,” Olivia answered in a low voice.

Jay looked at Hailey in surprise, he was not expecting an answer at all. “What do you mean it was nothing, I could have bled out if you hadn't called my team,” Jay looked at her over his shoulder. “Thank you.”  

It was around 3 am when they got to the district. The three of them went over to the Intelligence break room to talk. 

Olivia sat at the small table close to the window. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” Jay asked.

“No,” Olivia mumbled without looking at him.

“I’m just gonna go straight to the point Olivia,” Hailey said, pulling a chair and sitting in front of the girl. “What’s happening with your foster home? Why are you running away?”

“You don’t get it,” Olivia said, still not looking at them.

“Then make us understand,” Hailey said calmly. She looked at Jay silently asking for help, he came and sat beside Hailey.

“We just wanna help you, but we can’t do that if you don’t open up to us,” Hailey tried again. Olivia looked up, looking between them both.

“You don’t know us and we don’t know you,” Jay started. “But we want to get to know you, we want to help you.”

“Why?” Olivia asked.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Hailey answered. “You’re a good kid, you deserve to be happy. If your current foster home is not giving you that then we need to know.”

Olivia thought for a moment. She never expected to see Hailey and Jay again, let alone have this conversation. They were nice to her and she knew they were grateful for what she did for Jay. They probably think they owe her something and that’s why they’re doing this. Whatever the reason, maybe they can help her.

“Fine,” Olivia said looking at the pair. “There is nothing wrong with the foster family.”

Hailey and Jay stared at her in confusion. They did not believe she was running away for the sake of it, it made no sense.

“They feed me, they are nice to me, they give me fresh clothes and a warm bed,” Olivia said. “But that’s all it is.”

“What do you mean?” Hailey asked. 

Olivia took a deep breath before saying, “I’m just another kid to them. They’re good people and everything but that is not my home. I feel like an intruder there. I know I should be grateful, a lot of kids are not this lucky when it comes to foster homes, but I can’t help feeling like this. So I made a plan.”

“A plan?” Hailey asked.

“Yeah, I planned to leave Chicago and the foster system behind. I would miss Chicago but at least I was going to be my own family.”

Hailey and Jay looked at each other in realization. So that's why she was running? She just wanted to belong. 

“I know the system's not perfect Olivia, but running is not the solution,” Jay said calmly. “How would you live? And the people who know you? They would be worried as hell.”

“We would be worried as hell,” Hailey said. 

Jay nodded, “We would be the first ones looking for you out there.” Olivia smiled softly at that.

“Will you let us help?” Hailey asked.

“Mm-hmm, okay.” Olivia honestly had no idea how they could help, but it was worth a try, wasn’t it?

Here we go! How you guys like this chapter? Thank you again for all the love on the previous chapters!

[marvelwitchergilmore]

I'm In Love (With My Best Friend)

Summary: Peter Parker x Fe!Reader -> You and Peter have been best friends since middle school. But when feelings get involved, it can lead to a lot of pining and incredibly romantic kisses inside a Stark lab.

Disclaimer: FLUFF, a little angst, a LOT of pining. Kissing. Jealousy. Happy Ending. Not proof-read. No use of Y/N.

You first met him when you were in middle school. You had been the new transfer student and you had zero friends. The first week of your new school you spent getting lost in the hallways, avoiding the random questions that the people who you assumed were the popular crowd were asking you and trying to concentrate on the work you were being given. 

But, half-way through your second week, you met a boy. 

You had been sitting on your own in the back of the cafeteria, trying to solve your science homework. 

Usually, you were okay with science but every time you entered your numbers, you knew the answer was wrong. 

He’d introduced himself as Peter Parker. 

You recognised the name. 

He was supposed to be in your English, Math and Physical Ed classes though he hadn’t been in due to being ill. 

At first, he sat with you because there was nowhere else to sit. At least, that’s what you thought. Then he asked about your homework. 

“Yeah, Mrs Jackson always sets difficult questions. Do you want some help?”

You accepted his offer and he moved over two seats so he was directly in front of you and for the next 20 minutes, he sat with you and you both figured out the homework together. 

In return, you offered to help him with his English report. 

You couldn’t quite remember when it was after that that the pair of you became inseparable. But, after that, the both of you were never seen without one another. 

Even in High School, you remained the best of friends. Thursday night homework hours were completed together and Friday night movie nights were completed with the same laughter, frustration and smiles. 

And, despite attending different colleges, it was like no time or space had passed between you both. 

You were the first Peter came to when he was ready to tell people about his alter-ego Spider-Man. You were also the first person Peter came to when he had his first crush and date in High School. 

Maybe that was when you had your first heart-break. 

Though you were friends with Peter first, it was a couple years into High School that you realised your feelings towards Peter had grown to be more than friendship. 

But you knew he didn’t feel the same. And knew he probably never would. 

But, at the same time, it didn’t not sting when he dated other girls. 

Either way, you swallowed the pain and your feelings for him and remained determined to keep your friendship with Peter despite them. 

So, you dated other guys. 

And, they were kind. 

Some of them became long term - others, not so much. But despite how much you cared for them, something always seemed to be missing. Though you tried your best to ignore that fact. 

You both had graduated college a few years ago and ever since, Peter had been working for Stark Industries whilst, despite the job offer Tony had given you personally and said he would keep on ice, you had a job helping engineer different plates and surgical equipment that helped towards surgery for animals who’s back legs had stopped moving or had been born without one of the paws etc. 

Still, you met Peter every day in his lab at the compound at 7 since you got off work at 6. 

“Peter? You here?”

“In here. I’m almost ready, I’ve just got to-”

“No worries.”

Whilst Peter ran about the place, finding different parts for some old web-shooters he had in his hand, you sat at one of the tables and tinkered away. 

It was usually like this. 

You’d go and meet him, he’d still be working and you’d sit with him for 40 minutes to an hour before you both left to get food and watch a movie. 

“You know, it’s so cool you work for Tony Stark.”

Peter smiled as he continued to tinker away and you tried to avoid your gaze dropping to check him out despite his outfit consisting of black cargo trousers and a black t-shirt. 

So, he’d been in training today.

“Yeah. You know, you could too if you wanted.” Peter looked up to you for a moment. “He has a job lined up and ready for you whenever you want it.”

You smiled and nodded. “I know. But I like my job.”

“Offer is always there.”

“Hey, did you hear back from Lucy?”

Peter faltered for a moment, though you barely noticed. “Oh, uh, yeah. We’re…we’re going out again, tomorrow, I think.”

You ignored the sad feeling in your chest, despite the fact you had been the one to set them up (technically). 

Lucy worked in the office at your job. Peter came in one day to pick you up and she mistook you both for a couple despite the fact she’d just been flirting with him thirty seconds ago. 

You just opened your mouth and shut the whole thing down. “Oh, no. Hahaha, no. We’re- we’re just friends. Good friends. But friends.”

Sitting up a little straighter, you smiled. “That’s good.”

“What about you? What happened to Frank?”

“Mark,” you corrected. “And it-it wasn’t right. Besides, we only talked, like, twice. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. He said he hated Disney movies and would rather gouge out his eyes than watch another one.”

“Seriously?”

You raised your eyebrows with a puff from your chest, still annoyed at the comment. “Yeah.”

“Well, at least you never have to talk to him again.”

“True.”

At that moment, the door to Peter’s lab slid open and Sam walked in with a pile of plans, presumably for a new set of wings. 

“Steve told me to give you these.”

“Thanks, Sam. Just leave them there. I’ll look over them.”

“Hey, Sam.”

Sam called your name and ran over and hugged you. “How are you doing, kid?”

“Good. Just waiting for this one to finish up. How was Alaska?”

“Cold. Bucky got his arm frozen to a lamp-post. I’ll send you pictures.”

You smiled. “You want them framed?”

“Oh, please.” Sam smiled. 

“Did I ever show you the pictures when Peter froze his webs to the roof? He was still attached to them two hours later.”

Peter, looking between the pair of you, laughing at the photos, shook his head. “Sometimes I regret introducing you two.”

“Too late.” Sam smiled. “Anyway, you both should head out before traffic gets too bad.”

“It’s New York. Traffic is always bad.”

“Even better.”

“And our movie starts in an hour.” you added. 

“Alright, I’m done.”

Sam winked at you and you mouthed a “Thank you” to him before he said goodbye and left. 

Yourself and Peter managed to get to the cinema and find your seats just before the trailers finished and for the next two hours, you spent most of the time trying not to have a heart-attack as the actors jumped from building to building, hanged themselves over the edge of a cliff and nearly died about thirty times before finally succeeding. 

Despite the amount of times you watched movies like that, it didn’t stop your heart from racing and trying not to watch. Horror, sure. You could handle that. But suspense and action - nope. 

“How you feeling?”

You put your hand to your head and covered your eyes for a moment. “I’m still spinning, I think. Please, never do anything like that.”

Peter laughed as you sat down on the bench outside the movie house. “You have my word.”

Slowly, he knelt down in front of you before pushing your chin up. 

“Look at me for a moment.”

You did so and tried to slow your heart down that was beating faster for a separate reason. 

“Stopped spinning?”

It took you a moment to focus. “Y-Yeah. All stopped now.”

“Good.”

Peter stood up again and you mentally slapped yourself as you checked him out again. He’s just a friend. A FRIEND. 

Thankfully, he didn’t notice since he was too busy looking down the street before he gave you his hand. 

“Come on. Let’s head back.”

You took his hand as he helped you up before letting it go, too afraid of what your own feelings might feel if you held his hand any longer. 

Months later, not much had changed. 

You’d still kept your feelings from Peter and dated a couple of people. Peter dated Lucy for a month before breaking it off - though he never told you why. 

But one evening, as you were sitting home alone - your roommate out on another date - you got the craving for Pizza and since there was none in the freezer, you grabbed your bag and coat before heading out to the nearest pizza place. 

You needed to get out of the house. 

Despite there being no change between you and Peter, part of you called out for it. You either needed to tell him how you felt or you needed to move on. And since you weren't going to do the first…ever, that only left you with the second. 

And, oddly enough, that night you met Colton. 

He was standing in line waiting for his pizza and since the chef got an emergency call from his wife saying she was in labour, he mistakenly made half a pepperoni, half margarita. 

Despite the awkwardness, you both decided to share it. 

You sat outside together on a park bench, watching the ducks float down the water, simply talking. 

“So, what brings you to a pizza place at 9 at night on a Tuesday?”

“Hunger, mostly.”

Before you knew it, he was walking you home, you had exchanged numbers and met him for a date that Saturday. From there, you continued talking and soon enough, months had passed by. 

It was late in the afternoon when you were at SI and, whilst talking to some old friends in the hallway since you’d just come from a shared meeting between both companies, Colton turned up. 

“Hey, what-” you kissed him quickly. “What are you doing here?”

“You left your notebook at my house,” he passed you the hardback notebook that contained most of your random thoughts and problems that were either to do with work or could be to do with work, one day. 

“Oh, thank you.”

“And, since I’m here, I was hoping maybe we could get lunch together?”

You smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.”

Then someone called your name.

Looking behind you, the four people you’d been talking to seemed to split up and gave you a clear view of who had called your name - though you didn’t need to view to know who it was. 

“Peter,” you said, slightly shocked. 

This was the first time, despite him knowing about Colton, Peter was about to meet him. 

“Hey, I was just- who’s this?”

“Oh, I, uh, this-this is Colton.”

Colton stuck out his hand and Peter shook it after a quick moment. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Whether it was real or not, it was like a massive tension cloud was above the whole situation. 

“Uhh…Colton, this is Peter. My-”

“Best friend since middle school.” Peter finished. 

“Cool. Well, we were just about to get lunch so I guess we’ll see you later?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Can you- Let me just grab my coat.”

“Course, babe.”

Then Colton kissed you for what felt like the longest time - and oddly, it didn’t feel like the others. It felt…forced. 

Either way, when he pulled away you stepped back a little before heading down the hall and towards the cloak room. And in the time it took you between getting your coat and walking back, that cloud of tension only seemed to feel darker and bigger. 

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go babe.”

You nodded, saying goodbye to everyone else but something in the bottom of your stomach felt guilty - especially when you saw the split-second change in emotions on Peter’s face before he went back to how he usually looked at you. 

Once you left the building with Colton and had driven away, Natasha smacked the back of Peter’s head. 

“Ow, what was that for?”

“I don’t know. For whatever the hell that was, for being jealous, for not telling her sooner.”

“Jealous? I’m not jealous. Why would I be jealous?”

Natasha just laughed. “Oh, you look just like Steve when Grant from level three flirted with me. Oh, you’ve got it bad.”

“Nat-” Peter rolled his eyes and tried to walk away but she just pulled him back. 

“You can admit you like her. I mean, we’ve all seen this coming for years.”

“I don’t- you have?”

Natasha shrugged. “What? She’s pretty and you’re both close friends. I’m just surprised it took you this long. I thought you were smarter than those idiots.”

“Those idiots are still standing here.” 

“Peter, how long have you liked her?” Laura asked him. 

“I,” Peter shook his head. 

“Oh, boy.” Laura laughed. 

Peter stood there, slightly dumbfounded, as the others walked away. 

Despite how much he denied it, and how much he convinced himself he didn’t feel that way towards you, he did. Ever since Junior year of College. At least, that was when he’d been getting that simmering feeling in the pit of his stomach every time you looked at him, or even when you didn’t. And that simmer seemed to boil every time he saw you with somebody else. 

But he decided never to tell you. 

He figured, since you had never said anything about extra feelings; ones that surpassed a simple friendship bond, then you wouldn’t ever feel the same. 

And when you made the comment of Just Friends to Lucy, he knew you definitely would never feel the same. So, he guessed he had to get used to the feeling of…something towards you. 

Yet seeing you with Colton - his arm around you, his lips on yours - something seemed to start cracking inside of him. 

Either that, or completely being blown to smithereens. 

Nat was completely right. 

He was jealous. 

He has been jealous. Ever since he first saw you get ready for that date you had with Hank, or Hodge or whatever the guy’s name was - he felt that simmer in his stomach and that small voice in the back of his head for a split second let him think he was watching you get ready to go out on a date with him. 

It had confused him, at first. 

You were his best friend and he was suddenly having these thoughts about dating you and…opening the car door for you (despite already doing that, anyway). But it would have been different. 

He would be yours, in more ways than just friendship. 

“You really love her, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, she’s my best friend.”

Peter looked towards the door where Clint was leaning against the door frame like a dad getting ready to talk to his son. 

Although, despite the comfort Clint provided, Peter faltered for a moment. He had been alone since Colton came and swept you away to lunch - over three hours ago. He’d been tinkering away and letting his mind wander. 

“Relax, kid. It’s written all over your face.”

“Clint, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Tough.” Clint pulled out a seat across the lab desk where Peter was standing. “Laura has already told me what happened and most likely, Tasha’ will do the same later tonight. You might as well talk, Kid.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“Admitting you love her, to yourself, is a start.”

“But do I?”

Even as he questioned it outloud, he knew it wasn’t a question. It hadn’t been a question for the longest time. 

“Pete, according to Laura, you looked like you were about ready to punch his lights out when he kissed her.”

“Well he was just standing there, trying to force himself down her throat. Even I know she doesn’t like PDA like that. And, he was talking about taking her to some kind of salad bar across town when she usually goes and gets her grilled sub from the cafeteria - or I do. And then take it to her. It’s the only thing she ever likes to eat during the day.”

Clint watched as a light, reminiscent smile came across Peter’s face. 

“It’s been the same thing ever since high school. Even if it goes a little cold, it’s still crispy and just as tasty. Plus, the smell doesn’t remind her of the girls' bathroom stalls. There was a leak in the summer before we started. Busted the sewer line that ran under the girls bathroom. The whole corridor would smell but she said it was worse in the bathroom.”

Clint nodded and just let Peter ramble. Though he did get a little worried that the screwdriver he was holding would fly out of his hand at some point. 

Peter’s face grimaced. “I bet he listens to, like, just indie bands and says it’s the best thing in the world and that any other style of music is too…modern because it contains too many lyrics that make sense. She hates that, you know. She had a roommate in college that only ever listened to this…clapping music. Literally, just people clapping along to songs. After that, she moved into one of the sorority dorms. He was probably some douche frat guy, too. Couldn’t get a sorority “chick” then so thinks he can get one now. Not that she’s a “chick” by any means.”

“What is she, then?”

Peter took a short moment to think. “Amazing. Wonderful. Beautiful. Way out of his league. Way out of mine, too. But…”

“But you’re in love with her anyway?” Clint asked. 

“Of course I am but-”

Peter, once again, faltered. 

Had he really just admitted that out loud? 

It felt good. 

“I am. I am in love with her.”

“Then you should tell her. Pete, coming from me, I’d say don’t wait too long. And from Steve, he waited over seventy years - granted, he found Nat. But still. Don’t let her find someone else, especially when you’re already here.”

“But what if she doesn’t-”

Clint already started laughing. He almost doubled over. 

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“Oh, Pete. You really are an oblivious idiot. Kid, that woman has been head over heels for you ever since we first met her. And probably for a long time before that. Trust me, if you tell her, you’ll hear the same thing back.”

Peter stood baffled for a moment before looking at his watch. You should be home by now. You never really liked going out after 6 unless it was for a period run or food.

“I’ve got to go.”

“We’ll be waiting.”

The only thing was…as Peter got to your street, he was stopped in his tracks half-way there. 

You stood on the front steps with Colton. You were laughing and leaning into him and he whispered things to you and then you kissed him. 

You kissed him.

If he went over there…he could ruin the happiness you had with him. He might not like Colton, but you did. And that was what mattered to him. And, even if Clint was right and you did love him back, what was to say you’d say yes to being with him? And, even if you did, what if you couldn’t be friends? Then you’d lose one another. Forever.

He couldn’t risk that. 

So, for the next two months, he watched you flirt and fall for Colton all the while his heart started breaking. 

And then, for about three weeks, he didn’t see you. 

And it was the longest three weeks of his life. 

You had gone on a business trip - and Colton joined you. And, from overhearing Laura and Clint talk, you were going to visit Colton’s family since they lived in the area. 

Part of him wondered if you’d come back engaged. 

You’d only been with Colton under a year but he saw how you looked at him, and how he looked at you - despite not liking either fact. 

But, one late evening as he was working on a couple new designs, he’d gone to the Cafeteria to get some food - he could hear you in his head, cursing him for not having a proper meal in the day. 

When he came back, it was the first time he’d actually had a jump scare. 

You were in his lab. 

You hadn’t even called. 

Friday hadn’t even told him you were in the building. 

You were still you. Not that he expected much to change. 

Your hair half down though the top was thrown into a haphazard messy bun. Your contacts must have dried out in the day since you were wearing your glasses. 

You used to wear them all the time in middle school and high school but they got annoying after a while since they’d slip down your face and get dirty - despite having wiped them thirty seconds ago. Since you wanted to be an engineer and your hands were always full, you changed to contacts. 

It was much easier to focus on the task at hand than the task and the potential of your glasses slipping from your face and landing either in a tank of oil or being crushed under heavy machinery. 

You were wearing a pair of simple jeans that already had oil stains. 

So, you’d been at work today. 

And you were wearing his t-shirt. 

His t-shirt. 

Not Colton’s (unless he owned the same one, though he highly doubted it.). 

His. 

“You’re back!”

“I’m back!” you smiled. 

Silence. 

Peter was still stunned at the t-shirt. 

He’d seen you in his t-shirt, maybe once in college, when the washing machine had broken and you had to hand-wash your clothes in his sink since your sink was broken. 

“It’s nice to see you,” you tried to imitate his voice. “It’s nice to see you, too Peter. Yes, I did have a good time on my trip. I’m so glad you’ve come to see me.”

“Sorry,” Peter laughed a little. “It is good to see you.”

Peter came over and hugged you tightly before stepping back awkwardly and, if you didn’t know any better, you would have guessed he wanted distance between you both. 

“How was your trip?”

“Good. I, uh, I secured the deal with the manufacturer. Everything goes to mass production next month.”

“It does? That’s amazing.”

“I know.”

Short silence and then, Peter asked a question he needed to despite not wanting to. 

“Why are you not with Colton? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”

“Maybe.” you agreed. “But, uh, we- actually, I. I, uh, well…I broke up with him.”

Peter tried to calm himself. 

“You did?”

“I did.”

“Why?”

“He was a great guy and all and I cared for him and his family were amazing but, uh, he…he just wasn’t…”

You - that was what you wanted to say. He wasn’t Peter.

“He just wasn’t the right fit. He…he wanted too much too soon and, I don’t know, I guess…I wasn’t ready.”

A pang of guilt played in your stomach. 

You were ready. You were ready for all what Colton offered you; love, a family, a promise of the future. But you weren't ready to have it with him. 

Despite all the shutting down of emotions, you still wanted it to be Peter.  

“Oh, well…that’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah. So, I guess…that was it.”

“Oh, okay.”

Neither of you really knew what to do. Peter’s mind was screaming at him to tell you the truth. And your’s was banging on the wide open door in your heart trying to get your attention. 

But neither of you moved. 

Until Peter did. 

“I-I, uh, I left something in the other- lab. I should probably finish-”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. I should probably head back home anyway.”

Peter began to exit the room but half-way out of the door, he stopped though you were too busy trying to keep your focus on the side desk in front of you to spot it. 

“I’m done wasting time.”

Peter didn’t fully know what made him do what he did next, but no matter the outcome, he would never regret it in his life. Or, maybe he would, but in the long term, he might not. 

Turning back, he hurried towards you and for a moment, you looked back up and he caught your gaze. 

If you were going to kill him afterwards, he wanted his death to be worthwhile. 

He kissed you. 

Cupping your cheeks in his hand, he kissed you - deeply and passionately. Though he didn’t force it. 

It was just as he dreamed and better. 

Your head was spinning. 

All the feelings you had ever felt for Peter all rose to the surface and once your brain registered the kiss was real, you kissed him back just as much. 

Your hands that had been gripping the side of the desk to support yourself came to his wrists and then to his chest where you gripped him by the collar, pulling him closer. 

His own hands raked through your hair, holding the back of your head to be closer to you and eventually, when you both had to break apart due to the lack of air, his head remained against yours. 

Both of you were out of breath and holding one another as close as possible. 

“Sorry, I just-”

“Don’t apologise.”

You pushed yourself to stand a little straighter, keeping him close to you before you opened your eyes to look at him. 

“Don’t apologise. I was just a little…” you couldn’t find the words. 

“Shocked?”

You laughed a little. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

“I don’t want to scare you,” Peter told you. “But I need to tell you something and if you never want to speak to me again then so be it but if I don’t tell you soon I think I might combust.”

“I’m in love with you.”

You beat him to it. 

“Sorry. I just…I am. That probably terrifies you. I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t-” Peter let out a small laugh. “Don’t be sorry. Because I was going to say the same thing.”

“You were?”

Peter nodded and hummed. “I was. But you beat me to it.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“I’m in love with you, too.” Peter told you. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I know I should have but I just thought-”

“I wouldn’t like you back?”

Peter nodded. 

“What a pair we make, eh?” you laughed. 

“I know you said you didn’t want to move too fast but-”

“Peter, I only said that because…because I wasn’t ready for him.”

“What?”

“I broke it off because he wasn’t you. Colton was great and all but, that thing that didn’t fit? It was because he wasn’t you.”

“Then will you go on a date with me?”

You smiled. “I’d love to.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

“Neither can I.”

Without a moment to spare, Peter kissed you again and you kissed him back and it was as if your first kiss hadn’t ever stopped. You turned a little as Peter held you closer and you felt yourself leaning against the desk. Before you knew it, you were sitting on the desktop, pulling Peter as close to you as physics would allow it. 

The next day, you both went on your first date as a couple. A week later, you were official and Nat made it everyone’s business that yourself and Peter had finally become a couple.

The morning after your first night together had been special. Despite Peter having to get up earlier than either of you wanted him to, for work, you stood in the kitchen ready to wash the dishes from the night before he left through the front door. 

Less than ten seconds later, he came back in through the door. 

“Did you forget somethin-”

He cut you off with a kiss. 

“That,” he smiled. “I forgot that.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“See you at lunch?” Peter asked, still holding you. 

“See you at lunch.” you confirmed before he kissed you again, and again, and again.

“Okay, I’ll see you later. Love you.”

“Love you, too. Be careful.” 

Six months later, you both moved in together before finalising the house you both wished to buy. 

Two years later, you and Peter had made a home for yourselves, together and were planning a winter wedding.

[acewritesfics]

I Almost Lost You | JAY HALSTEAD

⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Wife!Reader

Request: From Anon

Fic Type: Imagine

Prompt: "You think you can just push me away like that?”  

Warnings: Mentions of being shot, surgery, crime.

Word Count: 849

JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST || TAG LIST SIGN-UP

©️ no one has permission to copy, translate and/or repost my works on here or anywhere else.

Jay sat next to the hospital bed where Y/N is currently resting. His arms are laying on the bed, one of them clutching hers. She'd fallen asleep a little more than an hour before, both of them gripping each other's hands, fearful that if they let go, the other would disappear like she almost had. 

Intelligence has been looking for a duo who were robbing businesses and killing anyone who got in their way. They claimed to be the next Bonnie and Clyde and went out in the same manner as the originals. Y/N was shot three times during the shootout a little less than 24 hours ago.  

Despite his best efforts, Jay is unable to shake the visual of her lying there, her breathing and pulse growing weaker as he works, in complete fear of losing her, to stop her from bleeding out. 

Y/N and Jay have been married for just over three months, and he has already nearly lost her. He bites his lower lip, fighting the negative thoughts that remind him he could still lose her, especially given their line of work.  

“What’s going on inside that handsome head of yours?” Y/N’s raspy sleep filled voice, brings him out of his thoughts.  

“How much I love you,” he tells her, thinking that now is not the time to hash out what he’s really thinking about. Though, he is always thinking about how much he loves her.  

"Don't do that," she says gazing at him, drowsily. "You think you can just push me away like that?” 

"I'm not trying to push you away, babe," he says giving her a soft smile. "I can't now that you're wearing my ring."  

"You know what I mean," she sighs. "I'm so doped on pain meds, it didn't come out right." 

"I know what you meant," he assures her, gently squeezing her hand.  

"Don't go quiet on me, Jay." 

"I almost lost you," he starts telling her what he's thinking and feeling. "We've been married for three months. We’re just starting our lives together and I could have lost you. I almost lost you."  

“It’s part of the job,” she whispers, weakly squeezing his hand.  

“Don’t… don’t say that,” he tells her, frowning. He knew she was being nonchalant about it right now because of the drugs but it didn’t help how he was feeling or the thoughts clouding his head. “Not right now.” 

“I’m sorry,” her lips pout as she lets out a quiet sob, tears building up on her eyes. 

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Jay tries to reassure her as he moves closer to the bed and brings her hand to his face, gently kissing her fingers where her rings usually sat. They had been taken off during her surgery so they wouldn’t end up damaged or lost. “You did nothing wrong. It’s their fault and mine for not being there to protect you.” 

“You can’t be in two places at once,” she cries holding no resentment towards him like he seems to think he deserves. 

“No but I’m your husband as well as your partner. It’s not only my job to have your back, it’s also my vow to you,” he stands up, leaning over her to wipe away the tears and kiss her gently. “You know, us being married, living together and all that, means you won’t be able to cheat recovery and come back to work earlier than the doctors order right.” 

She can’t help the chuckle that escapes her lips, through the tears and sobs. “Yeah, but I have a brother-in-law who’s a doctor.” 

“And I’m going to tell him if he tries to do you any favors so you can get back to work sooner, I’ll find something to arrest him on.” 

“Yeah, you would do that.” 

“You’re damn right I would,” he says and tells her, “Voight’s given me some time off so I can take care of you.” 

“It’ll be a mini vacation,” she says giving him a weak smile.  

“For you it might be,” he kisses her again before reaching into his pocket and pulling out her engagement and wedding bands. He slips them back on to her finger and brings her hand back up to his lips and kisses the same spot as before. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she says letting go of his hand and carefully shifts over in the bed and pats the now empty spot next to her. “I don’t care what the doctors have to say, I need my husband with me tonight.” She adds before he can protest.  

Kicking off his shoes, he climbs onto the bed next to her, making sure to not hurt her even more. Careful of her injuries, she finds a comfortable position for them to lay in and places the blankets over him. 

It doesn’t take long for Y/N to drift back to sleep unlike Jay who remains awake until he can no longer keep his eyes open, afraid that if he does fall asleep, that he’ll open his eyes when he awakens and she’ll be gone. 

TAGGED: LINK TO TAG LIST SIGN-UP ABOVE.

[xovalentinewritesxo]

Say you love me (I need it). [Miguel O'hara]

✿ - Having a crush in the spider society was seen as a distraction. The universe was supposed to be put first, so that's what you did.  Knowing that you were playing with your life and knew that this could kill you.

✿ - Miguel O'hara x Reader

✿ - Angst, With tiny fluff.

✿ - Hanahaki Disease.

✿ - Mentions of blood and vomit, bodily pain, near death experience, yelling/arguing, google translated spanish (I apologize in advance-)

A/N: Hiii~! This is my first fanfic! Miguel might be a little OOC, I wanted to make him a little more soft! My next fic however- I can’t promise you that lol!

If you want to support me: Here's My Kofi! <3

I appreciate everything and everyone who comes across my works! Enjoy!

You knew this disease had the ability and potential to kill you. You knew that very well.

You knew that eventually, it would constrict your breathing, flowers would crawl up your throat and leave you breathless before you eventually passed.

Were you going to say anything about it? Of course not. You couldn’t allow something like this disrupt your job as a spider person.

That was until you were out with Gwen and Jessica, and ended up puking up roses.

You had a mission in Earth-229, a rogue anomaly managed to make it into this universe and Alexander, the Spiderwoman of this dimension [My Spidersona ^^], was sick and couldn’t capture it.

So taking up the job, you were joined by Gwen and Jessica, and the mission was going well. The three of you managed to capture the anomaly and were preparing to bring it back to HQ when you got a surge of pain shoot through your chest.

‘No..no..no! Not now please! Anything but now!’

You were standing with Jessica as she logged the report, when you quickly left their side to curl over the side of the building you were standing on, scaring Gwen and concerning Jess.

“Y/n? Are you okay?!”

“Oh god..is it flaring up again? You haven't been around him today, though.”

That statement from Jess caused Gwen to look at her funny. “What? What is wrong with Y/n?” She asked as she rubbed your back, wincing as she listening to the sound of you throwing up, the pained yet muffled cries leaving your body.

Jessica walks over and helps Gwen raise you back up to your feet, a few rose petals stuck to your uniform, and Jessica looked over the building and sighed. Seeing full roses, some with thorns attached.

“Y/n. You need to either tell him. Or you need to get the surgery!”

“It’s not that simple Jessica! I am going to tell him!”

“When!? I am not going to sit back and watch you waste away simply because you can’t tell Miguel your feelings!”

Gwen, once again slowly raised her hand between the two arguing. “Um...Can I ask...what’s wrong, Y/n?”

You sigh and sit down on the edge of the building, placing a hand to your chest to try and ease the growing pressure that was raging in her body.

“It’s called Hanahaki Disease..”

Gwen raised an eyebrow. “I thought that was a fictional Disease? One used in stories and books..”

You give her a sad chuckle before looking over at her. “It is…in certain universes. Sadly mine it is very much a real disease.” You state as you slowly stand up. 

“Its a disease of unrequited love. One may start to cough of petals if the person they love does not love them back. It starts with Petals, then full flowers, then flowers with stems….” You take a deep breath as you could feel stems start to constrict around certain veins, your lungs being wrapped in a horrifically beautiful pattern.

Jessica can see you struggling to talk and sighs. “She’s in the late stages, stems start to appear in the victim's lungs eventually, if not surgically removed, they’ll constrict their lungs and eventually kill them.”

Gwen gasps as you lean against her, she could hear the wheezing as you struggle to breath, the quick rise and fall of your chest was concerning. You give her a pained smile as Jessica leads you through the portal and back to HQ.

“Y/n…why don’t you get them removed?...if you’re in so much pain..”

“Because. If I remove them. My feelings go too..” You quickly say as Gwen helps you sit on a bench in the cafeteria while Jessica goes to deliver the report to Miguel a job that was usually yours. But with your condition, you slowly stopped going, as even being around him for a short amount of time would cause the vines in your chest to tighten around your heart.

You then freeze for a bit a severe coughing fit coming over her as she hurled over, but instead of vomit, like Gwen had expected, it was several blood roses that hit the floor with a disgusting plop. You dry heave for a bit as a hand flew to your chest.

You could feel your head pounding, the world around you spinning, and you could feel the air being constricted from your lungs. You suddenly grip Gwen’s hand which causes the girl to jump and your eyes widened.

“G-gwen..I-i think i’m going to..” 

You didn’t get to finish the sentence before you felt your body go limp and you fell forward, barely being held up by Gwen who started to freak out.

Your vision was blurred and fading to black and the last thing you heard was Gwen yelling to whoever was passing by to help you to the medical bay.

"Oh My God! Y/n!"

"You did amazing today."

You don’t remember when your feelings for Miguel started. But you want to say it was about a year after joining the Spider Society.

It was just a normal day for you, you were chatting with Lyla as you waited for Miguel to assign you a new mission.

“Hey. Y/n.”

You raise your head to see Miguel lowering his platform so he could come over to you. You could feel  your heart rate increase as he stood across from you. 

“I just wanted to say Thank you, you’ve been a great asset to us since you’ve joined.”

That simple praise is what sent the ball rolling down the hill. Every word he said to you after that made your heart sore, you could see that when you come around that his mood brightens a bit. He would request for you to join him whenever he had a mission. 

"Please take care of yourself, that was a rough mission today,"

"Did you eat today? Please care for yourself, we don't need you passing out."

His small praises would make your heart happy. It made you feel worthy and it only solidified your growing feeling for him.

Sometimes the two of you would spend time together after missions and you knew you were falling head over heels for him.

That was until you overheard him speaking to Jessica one day.

“Why don’t you tell them Miguel?”

“Feelings will only complicate things. I can’t afford to put the universe at risk.”

Those words broke your heart. 

Put the universe at risk? Did he not trust you enough to allow you to love him? Was he afraid that something was going to happen and instead decided to push you away?

Whatever it was, it was the beginning of the end.

Your disease spreads rapidly. After one day of seeing the petals every time you went to cough. To have to leave meetings to have coughing fits and full flowers leaving your body. It was awful. The pain was relentless. You continued your duties as a spider woman, trying not to let your sickness affect you.

You even had a fainting spell in Miguel’s office, and had to beg him to let you continue working, and convince him that everything was fine when everything was in fact, not fine.

You struggled with trying to hide it from Miguel, but you managed, but you couldn't get it past Jessica. Jessica caught on and was concerned beyond belief. She would frequently check in on you, and try to convince you to say something to Miguel.

But you couldn't bring yourself to do it. You didn't want to add more stress to Miguel's daily battles already. So you kept it to yourself, and it was not well for you

“Y/n?...Y/n?..por favor dios cuide de ella*...”

You groaned as you felt IV’s hooked up into your arms, you felt a heavy weighted black over your body.

The sounds of a steady heart monitor and when you glanced over you saw an x-ray picture of your chest. Your condition was bad. You didn't release how bad you had let it get.

It showed vines wrapped around her lungs and flowers were in the smaller crevices, which prevented your body from working to it's full compacity.

You whined as your turned your head to look over to see a very stressed and looked like tear stained cheek Miguel sitting at your bedside with his eyes closed.

You reached out to touch the hand of Miguel who jumped slightly at your touch before he rose from his seat and pulled you into a hug. You froze for a bit before hugging him back, your eyes widening when you feel his body start to shake as if he was…crying.

“Miguel..Are you-”

“Shh..let me hold you..let me hold you y/n.”

You tightened your grip around him as he held onto you tight, he was holding you like you were going to vanish in an instance.

The two of you sat in silence for a good 10 minutes before he finally spoke up.

“Why?..” Is what he asked first, and you knew what he was asking.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” HIs voice suddenly raised up and he moves to grip your shoulders. “How could you just suffer like that in silence?! ¡Respóndeme!” Miguel barked and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes.

“I..i..I’m so sorry Miguel. I..i didn’t want to be a burden to you-”

“SO YOU DECIDED THAT DYING WAS BETTER!?” 

You winced as he cut you off, you hated when he yelled but this time, it wasn’t from a place of anger..it was one of fear, concern and hurt. Miguel brought his hands up to caress both of your cheeks, he lets out a soft sigh before bringing your lips towards his. You gasped as he pulled you into a soft precious kiss, you felt like you were on cloud nine.

Miguel held your lips before pulling away slightly, and pulling you back into a hug.

“Please…do not do that ever again. I love you too much to lose you, especially like this..”

He places a kiss on your forehead as he held you, rubbing your arms, having to have a hand touching you.

You felt your heart swell and hurt, you could feel tears well up in your eyes again as you buried your head into his chest. It was a silent confirmation that the two of you made to each other.

"The doctor says you're cleared up...I'm so glad...When i saw it I thought..I thought.." He got choked up again before he sighs a bit.

"I thought you were going to die...and leave me alone again."

From that moment forward, You promised to tell him everything and he promised to be there for you.

Miguel made sure to take care of you, if you even felt a little off he made you tell him, he was scared of your disease coming back [Even when you told him it wasn’t like that]. He made sure to tell you everyday when you came into HQ that he loved you, hugging you and kissing your cheek or forehead before you left on a mission.

Miguel didn’t want to lose you. So made sure to say it every time he saw you.

“Hey, Mi Amor,..” Miguel stopped you before you headed on a mission, he pulls you into a hug before placing a kiss on your lips.

“I love you.”

You blush and let a small giggle slip past your lips before kissing him back. 

“I love you too..”

© xovalentinewritesxo 2023 <3

Please feel free to put a request in!

[gabessquishytum]

For all the trans headcanons and au's I've seen, I don't think I've ever seen anyone talking about trans!Hob getting bottom surgery, so here I am to fix this

Hob was rather lucky in that it wasn't too difficult for him to pass, he was rather tall for when he was born (in the modern age he'd be considered average leaning short though). He was strong and made sure that no one ever questioned his gender, if they did, Hob would make sure that they'd regret it.

Hob was one of the first trans men to start T, obviously since he was immortal he was just like "what's the worst that can happen" maybe there was some trial and error involved in getting to a decent level of T, but eventually he manages to get his body to a point where he's happier with it than he had ever been.

Now he has wanted bottom surgery for a while, but he also did not want to go through with having to stay at a hospital. Just the odds of his immortality being discovered was just too high for him to take the risk. He had already been drowned once, and he's certain that the result of his secret being found out would only be worse in the modern age.

But then Morpheus escapes. He comes back and admits he's Hob's friend. He introduces himself to Hob as Morpheus and agrees to meet with Hob on a more regular basis. The more they meet up, the more Hob is falling for Morpheus. Eventually Hob decides to come out to Morpheus as trans, to which Morpheus blinks at him and is like "I know?"

Hob: You knew? Since when? How?

Morpheus: I thought it was well established that I know most things about most people

Hob: Okay... fair. So you see me as a man?

Morpheus: You have always been a man in your dreams

Hob, almost crying now because most of his life he's had to hide this fact about himself for his own safety and even when he doesn't have to hide, it always felt like that most people would question his identity: So you've always known? And you've never once questioned that I'm a man?

Morpheus: What was there to question? Dreams are just as real as the waking world, often they are more truthful than the waking world. You are a man in your dreams, why should I, who am all dreams. question that

Hob stares at Morpheus in a stunned silence for a few moments before he gives into the temptation to give him the biggest hug he's capable of.

Morpheus was not expecting that reaction, but it wasn't unwelcome, so he returns the hug as best he can, it's a bit awkward because Morpheus isn't used to physical contact, but he's doing his best to comfort his friend.

Morpheus: Did... did I say something wrong?

Hob with tears in his eyes: I love you

Maybe Morpheus freaks out after that, but somehow they get their shit together and start dating.

At some point Hob mentions that he really wants bottom surgery, but that he really doesn't want his immortality to be discovered and hospitals always make him really nervous. So Morpheus, probably after a dream in which Hob experiences all the joys of having a dick and gets to top without using a strap, promises that if Hob wants to go through with bottom surgery, that he'll be there every step of the way and make sure that his immortality is not discovered.

So immediately upon waking, Hob schedules an appointment with a doctor.

As promised, Morpheus is there with him through every tedious doctors appointment and through his boring and painful stay at the hospital after his operation is over. Luckily for Hob, since he's immortal, he heals much quicker than would be average, but he still needs help with lots of things in the weeks after his surgery. So Morpheus is there to make sure he eats and to help him with everything (Dream's siblings are watching in shock as Morpheus is happily waiting on Hob hand and foot and helping him in every way he can in his own quiet way, they've never seen him like this)(Desire has bets on how long this relationship will last, Death has cast her bet that this relationship will last much longer than any of his previous ones.)

Eventually they get to have sex in the waking world again. Morpheus gets to help Hob figure out what he likes again now that he has a dick. Hob is immensely pleased with the fact that he can now top without having to use a strap. Morpheus just loves watching Hob rediscover what he likes now that his body more accurately reflects himself.

Anyway, I just want to see more trans people who want bottom surgery in fics, I almost never see that and it's really a shame

is 🪐taken?

This is such a lovely little ficlet, thank you 🪐!! I always love it when Hob comes out the Dream in fics, and Dream always responds with such kindness. I firmly believe that Dream would always see Hob as a man from the very beginning, and would just innately be able to view him as he dreams/imagines/fantasises himself to be. In a way its more natural for Dream to look at Hob like that, than it is to see his physical "real" form.

I also love Hob’s phobia of hospitals here. It's natural for him to fear them as an immortal, but I think there's also subtext here about being queer (trans in particular) and dealing with medical situations. There's a really sweet allegory within Hob being initially too fearful to go and have the procedure but then being able to do it with Dream’s support. It's not just that Dream can keep the secret of his immortality safe, he will also protect and advocate for Hob while he's vulnerable. I'm very soft about that.

And of course Hob getting to have a dick is wonderful and delicious and it's so perfect that Dream is the one who gets to teach him how to use it. It's Hob’s favourite step in their journey together so far, and although he plans to be with Dream for thousands of years, he's sure that he'll always remember the moment in which he got to sheath himself in his lover for the first time. He can't wait to practise every day until he knows exactly what they both like best, and exactly how to make Dream come apart on his cock.

It's just the best thing in the world to wake up from a dream and know that his dick is still there - and he'll never stop thanking Dream, for making it all real.

[ghoultrifle]

Phantom's Top Surgery

@autumnblooms made a post asking about top surgery ghouls and I couldn't resist. So here is 1.8k words of they/them non-binary Phantom having top surgery and the pack loving them so much (like SO MUCH). If you couldn't tell, I have never had surgery, let alone top surgery (I wish!) so any medical inaccuracies are on me! Minor mentions of scars (medical) and dysphoria, nothing heavy though, this is a fluffy fic :) Enjoy!

They opened their eyes, the halo of the ward’s fluorescent bulb assaulting them before their eyes fluttered shut again, straining. They could feel their right hand had a warmth to it, almost burning. It was Dewdrop, his hand enveloping Phantom’s as he sat at their bedside.

Dew had been waiting nervously for the young ghoul to wake. Their summoning went awry, they were given the wrong vessel and today was the day Phantom would finally know peace, even if just a little.

“Hey sweetheart, you’re safe, it was all a success. Can you open your eyes for me now?” Dewdrop whispered, shielding their eyes from the light with his hand, careful not to startle the groggy ghoul.

Their eyes twitched open, bracing for the light that never came. “You stayed, Dew?” They asked in awe. “Of course I did, honey. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you.” He replied, “In fact I’m honoured to be able to share this story with you.” Dew brought Phantom’s hand to his chest as he traced his own scars, faded now, but still textured.

Phantom smiled, their lips parting to reveal their fangs, an action unconsciously reserved for those they trusted most. “Are they really gone?” They questioned. Dewdrop didn’t reply, only moved their hands over the quintessence ghoul’s bandaged chest. The wraps were thick and the drains were in the way but even so it was clear to Phantom that they really were gone, once and for all.

No more back pain from binders and sports bras. No more slouching and rolling in their shoulders. No more refusing to go swimming with Rain on account of their vessel. They were free.

Well, not quite yet. The next two weeks were going to be tough, confined to a bed and relying on their packmates for everything. They weren’t looking forward to it. Being a relatively new summon they felt bad that all attention had been on them since they were summoned, all because Secondo never properly taught Copia Latin.

It made no sense for them to be worried, the pack loved to dote on them at any chance they got. Pampering them with spa days and Swiss even created a countdown calendar for Phantom’s surgery date, bringing out a cake with ‘Take ‘em away, boys!’ written in icing on the morning of. Even Aurora, who was summoned with them, had no qualms about the attention they received; she preferred to stay out of the limelight as she assimilated.

There was a knock at the door, more of an announcement than a question, as Aether entered. “Hey Bud, how you feeling? Thought I’d pop along in case you needed a little quinty help!” The older ghoul asked, making jazz hands as his fingertips leaked magick into the room.

Now they thought about it, it did ache. It wasn’t painful, they were on so many meds it couldn’t have been, but there was a pressure to it, a dull ache around their chest. It wasn’t quite what they’d been expecting, to feel worse than they did with their tightest binder but it was worth it, they reckoned.

Phantom turned their head towards the door, eyes unable to focus, “Aches, Aeth.” Was all they could manage, head still swirling from the anaesthesia; it takes significantly more to knock out a quintessence ghoul. They willed their hands to make a grabbing motion at Aether. They’re not sure if it worked but either way Aether was soon approaching the bed, hands tingling with quintessence.

“I bet it does, Baby. This feel better?” Aether hummed as he held his palms to Phantom’s collar bones, the closest exposed skin to the fresh scars. Phantom murmured an affirmative response that no one could quite make out, they were too blissed out at the relief their packmate was offering.

Aether moved his hands to affectionately mess Phantom’s hair before returning them to his lap, now sitting opposite Dewdrop. “That should be enough for a few hours, Bug.”

“‘m sleepy, Dewy. Cuddles?” Phantom asked, successfully grabbing in Dew’s direction this time. The young ghoul attempted to roll on their side, ready for Dewdrop to spoon them. Aether placed a firm but loving hand on their shoulder, “Oh honey you can’t be rolling over, your chest will come out lop-sided!” He joked, chuckling as Phantom whined before giggling.

“Alright, Ant. How about I use some magick to keep you warm now and I’ll give you all the cuddles once the bandages are off, huh?” Dewdrop propositioned, stretching out his hand to the ghoul’s bare arm. They closed their eyes just as Aether sparked some quintessence to give Phantom the feeling of a warm, embracing hug.

They awoke once again, hours later, for the nurses to do their final fit-for-home tests: blood pressure, check they’ve pissed, and check their bandages. Phantom was barely awake for this, the surgery having destroyed their energy. They just about made out a kind man talking to them, “Alright Tom, looks like you’re good to go. The doctor will be in touch about your follow up appointments shortly!” 

Who’s Tom?, they thought, forgetting their human name. It didn’t matter though as Aurora and Dewdrop helped dress them in joggers and a button-up shirt, Aether at the abbey cooking a ‘welcome back’ lasagne with Swiss.

The short ghouls plopped their subject into a wheelchair before racing them down the hallway, seeing which of them could propel Phantom the furthest on a single push. Phantom was having a great time until they were accelerated toes-first into a wall as the chair decided it wasn’t going to play ball, “Ow! I thought you were meant to be taking care of me!” They whined, not really minding, Aether’s magick still in effect.

Dew and Aurora exchanged a smirk before apologising and wheeling Phantom to the car at a reasonable pace. Mountain was parked outside, ready for the special delivery. The front seat was pushed right back so Phantom could easily slide in, already wearing their neck pillow. Their bandages provided just enough padding that the seatbelt was bearable, it was only a short ride anyway.

On getting out of the car, Phantom was carried bridal style by the earth ghoul straight to their bed where Swiss was waiting with a trolley full of food. The young ghoul was starving after being nil by mouth and only snacking post-surgery. Mountain settled them on their wedge pillow, a soft tubular cushion placed under their arms like a pool noodle, and an in-bed tray placed over their waist.

Mountain turned to leave as he was accosted by Phantom weakly pulling him back, “Mwah” they exaggerated as they kissed him on the cheek, miming a hug they couldn’t quite give with their t-rex arms. Mountain smiled and blew a kiss back as he left the multi ghoul to serve their dinner.

“Made your favourite, Ant, lasagne!” Swiss exclaimed trying to keep Phantom awake enough to eat without falling asleep face first in the pasta. He placed the food on the quintessence ghoul’s tray and handed them their favourite fork, it had plastic casing with bats on it. Phantom took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the freshly cooked meal, “Mmm thanks Swissy, smells good!” They replied. 

They scoffed the lasagne in no time, asking Swiss for seconds, and then a dessert. Swiss had come prepared, with a quick text on his phone Cumulus was entering the room, apple pie in hand with a spoon to match the set. “Lussy! You came! With pie too?!” They were getting excited now, Cumulus often took a back seat when it came to Phantom’s transition, struggling to reconcile with her own. But she couldn’t resist coming to see the freshly flat-chested ghoul before her, she remembered what her first gender affirming surgery was like. It was cold and lonely, before she was a band ghoul, there was no one there for her. She couldn’t bear to think Phantom would have the same experience. So she turned up, she was present, and she did what she does best: baked.

Phantom slept well that night, but the following evenings proved more difficult. Sleeping upright, unable to move and stretch was difficult for the young ghoul. They were often found curled up in a ball of a morning, so staying still was a challenge. The post-op binder was so tight, their back hurt and their chest ached. Cirrus caught wind of a hrmmph coming from Phantom’s room, gently opening the door to check the ghoul hadn’t injured themself.

“You OK, Bug?” She asked, fresh concern in her voice as she saw the discomfort they were in. Phantom just shook their head with a disapproving chirp. “Oh I know, it’s hard isn’t it? Dewdrop really struggled with this bit too.” She replied, “I can always try what I tried with him if you want?” She offered tentatively.

The quintessence ghoul nodded, trying not to rouse themself anymore than Cirrus had already. She nodded before she started singing a lullaby, soft and sweet in that tender voice of hers. Phantom felt sleep pulling over them, drifting from consciousness with every line she sang. They could get used to this.

It became a routine, Cirrus’ charming voice accompanying them on their journey to sleep. As days turned into weeks they found it easier, the wedge pillow’s angle decreasing as they became more horizontal at night. Being able to lift their arms enough to shower and make their own cereal in the morning. It was the little things that made everything that little bit more bearable.

Of course they brought the whole pack to their chest reveal, excited chirps and trills from the crowd as the nurse removed the bandages to reveal fresh red scars outlining their pecs and small suture lines around their nipples. Many tears were shed that afternoon, not least from Phantom themself. 

That summer, the pack were down at the lake, cooling off by the shore. Phantom and Dewdrop were sporting their scar strips as they sat shirtless on the wooden dock, feet swinging idly in the water, swimming shorts on. Suddenly a rush of air passed them as Rain ran behind them shouting “Last one in the water’s a rotten egg!” as he broke the surface of the peaceful water.

For the first time, they wanted to join Rain. Phantom looked at Dewdrop before scrambling to their feet, desperate not to be the rotten egg, before jumping in. The water hit their scars, cool and fresh, just like the realisation that they were finally free.

This is what life was meant to be.

[halsteadlover]

Eye For An Eye

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hi. I dont know if you have seen Greys Anatomy, but my request is if you could write Jay and the reader in the season 6 finale of Greys. With the reader being in Dereks place(she can be a surgeon) and Jay in Merediths. He doesnt have a gun on him when it happens, so he cant protect them. And instead of Christina, Its Will who does the surgery on Y/N. So I dont know if you have seen it, or if you are completly confused, but if you have, it would mean alot😊

• Warnings: blood, curse words, gunshots

• Word count: 7138.

• A/N: I think this is the longest piece I've ever written and as always it's shitty 💀 I'm sorry for how this turned out but I hope you'll like it. Let me know what do you think, like, comment and reblog if you want 💞 Love you all and thank you for your support.

Each person has a different way of doing, of thinking, of acting. Each situation is different from another and for each one there is a different way of reacting. When you’re happy there are those people who jump of joy, there are those who cry, those who cannot stop laughing or clapping their hands. When you are sad there are people who withdraw into themselves, those who prefer the company of some friends or their partner, those who don’t let themselves be discouraged.

But when you lose a loved one, this is a very broad discourse, difficult to enclose in just few lines, but even in this case each person has their own reaction, their own way of dealing with pain. There are those who cry desperately, those who scream since the pain of the loss is so strong because this is a kind of pain that tears inside you, tears your heart out; there are those who seem impassive, just because they need to metabolize, they don’t cry, they don’t scream, don’t despair, they remain there sitting in a corner to mull over what happened, what was going on.

During your career as a surgeon you had – unfortunately you'd dare to say – the opportunity to witness all kinds of reactions from a family member to the loss of their loved one. You were always understanding, ready to do anything to try and ease the pain those people were feeling even though you knew they hated you at the time since you were the person who gave them the worst news of their life. You thought you had seen everything but, damn it, how wrong you were, how wrong you were in having taken the arrogance of being able to think you knew the human being in its complicated and absurd interest. As already mentioned, every person has his own type of reaction in relation to a certain situation but never in your life, not even for a second, you would’ve thought the death of a patient could also have been the cause of yours.

“Doctor Y/LN, the patient is in atrial fibrillation,” a nurse had warned. You were in the midst of a brain operation on a woman, Ellen Hopkins, a 50-year-old lady who had a meningioma, a benign brain tumor but which, given its location and size, was quite dangerous to remove and carried high risks.

“The patient has her skull open, a wrong movement and I could make her paralyzed for life” you replied, the forceps and the electric scalpel in your hands while you were concentrating on the patient’s brain. “Two milligrams of Amiodarone, fast!”.

“The fibrillation persists,” you commented, lifting your eyes for a moment and placing them on the monitor the patient was connected to. “Damn it!” you exclaimed, putting down the surgical instruments and approaching the patient’s chest “Let’s carry out a cardioversion!”

“Charge at 200!”

Nothing.

“250!”

Still nothing, the fibrillation persisted as the patient’s values plummeted dramatically.

“350! And call cardiology!”

Not being able to use defibrillation again, you continued with the cardiac massage while waiting for a cardiothoracic surgeon to arrive in the operating room.

But Mrs. Ellen died on that operating table before someone even arrived.

“Damn it,” you cursed, taking a deep sigh and looking at the clock “Time of death, 16:33.”

Informing relatives was never an easy thing to do, you never got used to it, and that didn’t change even when you had to inform Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’ husband, Bill. You explained to him how the surgery had gone, you answered his questions, you told him you did everything possible to save his wife but that, unfortunately, she hadn’t made it.

Bill was petrified, speechless. Not a single sound came out of his mouth, not a single word, not a single tear came out of his eyes. He remained impassive, unable to process the information he had just been given. He just looked at you, straight in the eye, for a few moments before turning his gaze and walking away.

You watched him go and it was in vain to try to call his name and speak to him. You sighed deeply, running your hands over your face in frustration, blaming yourself for just ruining that man’s life. You couldn’t even imagine how he must feel at that moment, so you didn’t blame his reaction, as already mentioned, everyone had their own way of reacting to such devastating news.

As you used to do after surgery, you holed up in the doctors’ ward, ignoring everything and everyone and continuing to reflect on that surgery and what you could’ve done differently to save that woman.

And you stayed there all afternoon, until the evening, until your shift was over. They all tried to cheer you up, Connor, Will, April, to tell you it wasn’t your fault but right now you didn’t even want to hear those words, at least not from them. You just wanted Jay and one of his hugs.

Jay had been your boyfriend for almost four and a half years now and given your hectic lifestyles, being you a surgeon and him a cop, it was sometimes difficult for you to even see each other even if you were living together.

That evening it was enough for him to see you come out of the hospital doors to understand there was something wrong with you. He understood it from the way you walked at a slow pace, from the way you had your head down and your eyes on the ground.

“My love,” he began, getting up from his car on which he was leaning and walking towards you. When he finished his shift early, he always used to pick you up at the hospital or wait there until your shift ended too.

A small smile rose on your lips when you saw him, beautiful as the sun. The instant relief you felt when you saw him was something magnificent, it was amazing how even just that was enough to make you feel better.

“Hi baby,” you greeted him, immediately wrapping your arms around his chest and hugging him tightly. His arms encircled your shoulders and he too squeezed you tightly, knowing right away that you needed it right now.

“Baby are you okay? What happened?” he immediately asked in a worried tone as his hand gently stroked your head.

“Can we talk about this later? I just want to go home and forget about this day.”

Jay understood but didn't insist any further, leaving your space and knowing that when you were ready you’d tell him everything.

He slightly broke away from that embrace and with his hands he cupped your face, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. Without saying anything he kissed you, a chaste, sweet and delicate kiss you didn't even realize you needed until then.

“Has anyone dared to bother my princess? Do I have to beat the shit out of someone?” Jay asked in a menacing tone and expression, in an attempt to cheer you up. He smiled when you giggled, knowing he had succeeded and that, in reality, he was serious about this, as he wouldn’t hesitate even for a second to punch anyone who really dared to hurt you.

“No baby, no one has dares to do this wickedness,” you replied with a joking tone.

“It'll be better for them,” Jay joked, stamping a sweet kiss on your forehead that made your stomach lightly explode like fireworks. God, how much you loved that little gesture. “What do you say to go home and forget about this bad day? We can order something and watch a movie if you like.”

You nodded enthusiastically, looking forward to taking a shower and throwing yourself on the bed.

You and Jay were lying on the sofa, having dinner and watching a movie in the background that neither of you was really following. Your head was resting on his chest, your arm instead encircling his chest as he hugged you tightly, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead from time to time.

“I missed you so much today,” Jay said, making you smile even though he couldn't even see you right now.

“I missed you so much too baby, I really needed this.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, almost in a whisper. You let out a sigh, almost involuntarily, “You don't have to tough if you don't want to, I don't want to put pressure on you.”

“No sorry it’s just…” you started talking, putting yourself in a sitting position so that you could look at Jay “It's just... Surgery gone wrong, a woman died on the operating table.”

“Oh. I'm so sorry my love,” Jay replied, taking your hand and squeezing it tightly. “You don't think it's your fault, do you?”

“And who else could it be? I was the surgeon,” you blurted out “It was an operation that presented complications but it had 95% of possibilities to be a success, I promised her, her husband...”

“Baby, baby, stop,” Jay stopped you, letting go of your hand and grabbing your face with his hands and making you stop talking. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault. I wasn't there and I don't know how things went but I'm 100% sure you did everything in your power to save her and if there was a chance to do anything to keep her alive you’d do it. Complications happen, they happen, the surgery had a 95% chance of success but unfortunately that 5% is always there, it's hard, but it's always there and it's nobody's fault, much less yours. Don’t blame yourself for this baby, you are one of the most talented surgeons in the entire hospital…”

“Why can't I help but feel like shit then? Maybe I didn't consider some variables, I was too sure and a patient died,” you said, your voice almost broken by trying to hold back the tears. But from the way Jay wiped one, you could tell the attempt was completely in vain.

“Because we are human, it's in our nature to blame ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned and we always need to have an answer to the things that happen but the truth is that not everything has an answer, the universe operates in a mysterious way and I know for sure, I’d bet on it, there was nothing you could’ve done that you haven't already done.”

You sighed, then resting your head on his chest as he hugged you in an attempt to console you.

“I'm here for you baby, cry and let it go as long as you want, I won't let you go,” he continued to whisper, occasionally leaving sweet and delicate kisses on your forehead. He continued to hug you indefinitely, whispering words of comfort to you until you calmed down and stopped crying. You didn't know how to express your gratitude for having such a fantastic man like Jay by your side, you’d never have known how to do it without him. He was your rock, your backbone, what put you back together when your world fell apart.

-

In the next two days nothing special happened, you and Jay went on normally with your jobs, you operated, he arrested criminals.

It was Friday and it was now late morning while you were in the operating room after finishing an operation on a man with spinal problems. As usual, you washed your hands and left the operating room before going to write everything down on the patient's medical record.

Everything seemed to go on normally, lunchtime came quickly and as usual, Jay came to the hospital to pick you up and go eat something together. You were still busy in the last morning visits and Jay took the opportunity to exchange a few words with his brother Will, who was at the reception.

“Look who’s bere, I thought you died,” Will commented, jokingly.

“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't show up but work has been killing me lately, it's like the criminals have all woken up at the same time,”Jay explained “How is everything going?”.

“It's okay. I’m fine, Maya is back in town tomorrow and I can't wait to see her again, work is going pretty well, in short, I have nothing to complain about and I can finally exchange few words with my little brother.”

Jay chuckled and was about to answer when a man's voice interrupted him.

“Excuse me,” the man said, getting attention “I'm looking for doctor Y/N Y/LN, where can I find her?”.

Jay immediately turned to the man after hearing your name being mentioned and looked him up and down, studying his appearance and making sure he wasn't some ex or, worse, a shady guy. He was a man who couldn’t exceed fifty-five, tall, slender physique, balding. He had his hands tucked into the pocket of his visibly ruined pants and his gaze totally absent.

“She’s finishing her last visits, you can wait in the waiting room and I will call you,” Will replied cordially.

“No, it's pretty urgent. I'm here for my wife and the doctor made an appointment for me today and at this time,” said the man, so calmly, a behavior that was not expected of someone who had a loved one hospitalized.

“I’m sure you can wait here too, the doctor will come down immediately and see you,” Jay continued, but the man insisted that the matter was urgent and he needed to see her right away.

“If the doctor told you that, you can go now,” Will said, going on to explain where to find you.

The man thanked him and started walking towards the elevator. By now he had memorized the way to your ward, which was only on the first floor.

Slowly, the man approached the ward where, however, a nurse stopped him.

“Sir, visiting hours are over, you can't stay here.”

“I'm looking for Doctor Y/LN,” he replied, completely ignoring the nurse's words.

“You can come back here at three in the afternoon, when visiting hours start again.”

Soon the situation plunged completely into the abyss, in a whirlwind of chaos and despair.

The man pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and without any sign of remorse or hesitation, shot that nurse, making his body fall to the ground, lifeless.

The sound of the shot echoed throughout the entire floor and the terrified screams of doctors, nurses and the patients themselves began to spread. They all started running away at the speed of light fearing for their lives. There were, however, those who couldn’t even get out of bed, asleep patients who were unable to save themselves.

When suddenly Jay saw a wave of people running from the elevator, terrified, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He and Will quickly exchanged a worried look and Jay immediately tried to stop someone to ask for an explanation.

“Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on?!” he exclaimed aloud, but everyone ignored him, continuing to run away. He stopped a man, who in terror stammered a few words.

“A… A man… He has a… He shot… He has a gun.”

Jay’s heart stopped beating for a moment as he heard those words. His mind immediately understood what was happening, who was the aggressor and his first thought was you. That man had targeted you, he wanted you.

A feeling of panic took over him and his brain went completely blackout. His first instinct was to run to the elevator and try to find you before that man found you but Will stopped him.

“Where the hell are you going?!”

“What do you mean where the hell am I going? That man is looking for Y/N I have to find her!”

“Jay you need backup!”

“You get as many people out as possible, I call the rest of the team and look for Y/N,” Jay had replied and before Will could even answer, he run for the elevators. After quickly making the call and making sure the team and SWAT were coming soon, he put his cell phone in his pocket and reached for his gun.

At that precise moment a shiver went through his body as he realized he didn’t have his gun with him and that he had left it in the dashboard of his car.

“Fuck!” he whispered angrily to himself. That didn’t stop Jay, however, determined to find you before the madman did. He began to wander the corridors of that floor, constantly looking around. He felt the sweat tinge his forehead and his heartbeat greatly accelerated, not so much because of the situation but because he knew your life was in danger. He kept praying with every fiber of his being you were okay, that you were able to hide somewhere.

The anxiety and worry he was feeling at that moment were feelings he had felt a few times in his life and knowing that you, the love of his life, were in danger and, above all, he couldn’t do anything to help you, it destroyed him. Deep down he couldn’t even formulate a single coherent and rational thought.

The last thing you expected that day – and to be honest, you didn’t expect at all – was to find yourself face to face with an armed man pointing his gun at you.

“Mr. Hopkins…” you whispered, short of breath and heart pounding. Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’s husband, the lady who had passed away on your operating table a few days earlier, stood in front of you, with an absent look, and with the gun pointing straight at you.

“You killed my wife,” he said, his voice cold, aloof, as if a robot had taken possession of him.

“I… Mr. Hopkins I don’t…” you stammered, having no idea how to get out of that situation.

“You killed my wife!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, showing some emotion for the first time. His sudden change of tone made you jump with fear, and in pure instinct you raised your hands up, visibly trembling.

“Mr. Hopkins, please… Lower that gun, there is no need, I promise you I will answer any of your question.”

“Shut up!” he yelled again “There is no question you can answer! You killed my wife! The love of my life! You took her away from me and today you will die like her!”.

Your eyes filled with tears, but you tried in vain not to cry.

Fuck no, you didn’t want to die, not that day, not like that.

“Mr. Hopkins… I ask you please, let me explain how things went, I’m sure you will want to know why. I know this won’t bring your wife back and I’m terribly sorry about that, I know how much you loved her and how much she loved you, but I can help you find answers if you wants.”

“And what could fix this? She died!” he exclaimed, waving his gun at you and making you jump again.

Oh God please.

“Nothing, I know it won’t bring her back to life, but it might help you find some peace, I’m sure, in fact, I’m 100% sure Ellen would like you to be at peace, she doesn’t want you pining for her death.”

“I don’t want to hear you talk!” Bill continued, now taken by anger and resentment “I hate you! I hate you so much! You were the one who had to heal my wife, make her feel better and not kill her! ”.

Your heart tightened in a vise and you couldn’t not feel guilty. You rationally knew it wasn’t your fault but, subconsciously, you couldn’t help but think so.

“Okay, okay, but please Mr. Hopkins, this thing is just between me and you alright? No one else has to suffer from this tragedy, no family has to mourn their loved one, if you want to blame me that’s fine but leave the other innocent people alone.”

“I don’t care a damn about the others, they were just accidents along the way. I wanted you Dr. Y/LN, you ended my wife’s life and I will end yours.”

Your blood froze in your veins, your brain working hard to try to invent a way to escape from that situation.

At that moment your thought was only one, only Jay, and how much you wished him to appear through that door and take you away from there. You couldn’t stop thinking how that morning could’ve been the last time you saw him, how you wanted nothing more than to take refuge in his arms.

Bill clicked the safety of his gun and a feeling of panic took hold of you completely, fearing that these would be your last moments in life.

“Bill… Please listen to me,” you begged him “I know you aren’t a bad person, I know you are grieving terribly for the loss of your wife and I am so sorry, there has not been a moment when I have not thought of her and I don’t even dare imagine your suffering, damn it, I don’t even know how I would’ve reacted in such a situation. I know it’s just the sadness and anger that are talking now, and you are right to be angry with me, with the world, with whoever is up there who took Ellen away from you and I don’t blame you for that. I know I was the person you trusted most to save her life and I betrayed this trust and I will forever apologize for that, because I wanted Ellen to recover as much as you did. I am not a perfect being, I am human too and as such I can make mistakes but I am ready to pay the consequences,” you spoke, and noticing that he was listening to you you continued “I did my best and believe me when I tell you that if there was a single minimal thing I could’ve done to save her, I would’ve done it but I know you don’t see it that way now. Bill... I… I have a family too, I’m somebody’s daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend and like I said I know you’re not a bad person, I know you never want any family to go through what you are going through right now.”

“You’re wrong Dr. Y/LN,” he replied, suddenly calm, as if all the anger he felt until recently had magically vanished. “I want everyone to feel exactly what I’m feeling.”

The sound of a gunshot boomed throughout your office room as it kept repeating in your mind. Suddenly the whole world around you fell into total silence, there was only a subspecies of hum that you could clearly hear with your ears.

You didn’t realize it right away. It took you a few moments to do it.

You didn’t realize right away he actually shot you. It was only when you looked down and watched the blood splatter spread across your uniform that you really realized he had shot you.

Your body fell into a trance state and you didn’t immediately feel pain, due to the adrenaline flowing through your veins.

You fell to the ground, without strength, the blood expanding rapidly under your body and soiling all your clothes. You had no idea what was going on, you didn’t know if you were dead, if you were still alive, if your attacker was still there, if it was all a terrible nightmare.

Your mouth was completely dry, your jaws so dehydrated as if you had just run a marathon. Your heart was beating madly as your chest rose and fell quickly even though each breath was like receiving a stab, one was more painful than the other.

At that point the pain slowly began to be excruciating, so persistent as to be almost paralyzing. It felt as if millions of needles were penetrating your skin with extreme and devastating agony.

Jay was right there, he had witnessed that frightening and horrible scene from afar, given the open door of your office. He had seen how that man shot you in cold blood and without the slightest doubt or hesitation.

It was Will who literally held him back by force, or he would’ve come to you, or he would’ve tried to save you. He would’ve even taken that bullet for you, he would’ve fought to try to save you, but he couldn’t have done it and now you were probably even dead.

It didn’t do any good to wriggle with all the strength he had in his body, try to escape Will’s grip, yell at him to let him go.

“Fuck Will, let me go!” Jay kept screaming, trying to run away, in despair he had never been in his life. His stomach was in a vise and a lump in his throat had formed.

But when that shot rang out within the walls of that hospital, Jay was completely paralyzed for a few seconds, as if for a moment he had feared he had an auditory hallucination.

He stood still as his mind processed what was really going on.

“No!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, freeing himself from Will and running at lightning speed to your office. He didn't have anything else in mind but you at that moment and he didn't even care that bastard had vanished, he just wanted to see you.

Seeing you poured into a pool of your own blood was an image that would never leave his mind again.

“Baby! Baby! Please wake up, don't leave me!” Jay exclaimed, immediately leaning over your body, not caring in the least he was soiled with blood. He took your face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief when he noticed you were still alive, trying to mumble something.

“Shhh my love, don't talk, keep your strength okay? I'm here now, I won't let you go, please hold on tight” Jay begged, “Will!” his eyes blurred with tears and only then he realized he was crying “Please don't play tricks on me, you have to stay with your eyes open okay?”.

“J-Jay…” you muttered, struggling to keep your eyes open “It hurts so much...”

Jay cried even more to hear those words, knowing you were in terribly much pain and there was nothing he could do to end that pain. He continued to caress your face, your hair, noticing the paleness of your skin. He knew very well how you felt, he knew how a shot could be terribly painful.

“I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier baby, please don't leave me okay? I love you so much, I can't live without you…” he cried “Try to hold on for me, you'll be fine I promise...”

“I... I want to sleep Jay...”

“No, no, no, no,” he replied, panic in his voice. “Don't fall asleep, okay? You have to keep these beautiful eyes of yours open, can you do this for me my love? I know it's difficult but you are so strong, you are the strongest person I know... Don't do this to me, don't leave me baby…”

But at that moment you weren't strong at all, you weren't a fighter and you didn't have the energy and strength to fight. You just wanted to let yourself go and get some sleep, just for a little while.

The room slowly began to fade as black splotches appeared before your eyes and at that point you could no longer fight to keep your eyes open and found yourself sucked into a whirlwind of darkness.

“Will!” Jay yelled in utter despair again.

Will immediately walked into your office after rushing to get a stretcher and an emergency kit, and seeing the blood and you unconscious in Jay's arms he knew immediately that the situation was dire.

“I’m sorry I was finding these. We need to get her to the OR immediately. Jay help me put her on the stretcher,” Will ordered, trying to stay as cool and lucid as possible even though it was hard for him to see you like that too. You weren't just his brother's girlfriend, you were also his colleague and a very dear friend.

“Take her by the shoulders, I’ll take her by the legs. At three we raise her, okay?”.

Jay nodded, trying to wipe away his tears quickly and did what Will said.

“One. Two. Three.”

They placed you on the stretcher and all three of you immediately left the office, trying to go as quickly as possible to the operating room. It was a race against time, and both Will and Jay knew it, there was no room for mistakes, there was no room for hesitation.

“Will,” Jay called his brother, before seeing him enter the OR.

Will turned and immediately understood the words Jay was about to say.

“I can't be without her, save her please.”

Will's heart squeezed in a vise and never as in that moment he felt a huge weight on his shoulders because he knew if things went wrong he wouldn’t only lose you, a friend, a colleague, an exceptional doctor, but he would also lose his little brother.

He nodded before turning and walking into the operating room.

Jay didn't know what to do with himself. He never felt so helpless and at the same time cutting out from the world.

He didn't know the rest of his team had arrived there in the hospital, that the man was immediately found and arrested after killing that nurse and seriously injuring you and two other people but Jay didn't even care.

He didn't care where he was, he didn't care if he suddenly appeared behind him or even if he went around the hospital. He knew this wasn’t correct, his motto was to protect and serve but he didn’t give a fuck, he wanted nothing more than to know you were alive, safe and sound, that you were okay.

When it came to you, there was no criminal, job or any other matter that had a priority over you, there was nothing he wouldn’t have abandoned just to know that you were happy, that you were well and healthy. You had always been the center of his world since he met you and he didn’t even care how absurd it seemed, but it was the truth, you were his everything, all that was most important to him and knowing he had done nothing to avoid hurting you was killing him, devouring him inside.

The thought there was only a wall to divide you physically but an abyss mentally, was something that Jay just couldn’t understand and in the hours when Will operated on you, he thought he literally died a thousand times.

For the first time in his life he had understood the real meaning of fear and it was a feeling he never wanted to try again. It was horrible, devastating, debilitating, feeling that damned fear, that paralyzing and visceral feeling of anxiety that twisted his stomach in a tight grip. He was afraid of losing you, of never seeing you again.

How could he live without you?

How could he only think of living in a world where you were not there?

He wasn’t ready. He would never be.

This option had never even touched his head since you became a part of his world. He wanted to be with you forever, until his last breath and that was not even enough, because he knew that even in the afterlife your souls would be reunited and you would be together again.

What would he do if he never saw you again? What if he could no longer talk to you, hear you laugh at his sleazy jokes, hear you romp when you were happy, see you smile, hug you when you were sad and wipe your tears when you lost some patient on the operating table? What would he have done without your immense clumsiness, so much that he didn’t even know how you were a surgeon sometimes, without your disastrous cooking, without your hair ties thrown all over the place, without your obsessive way of disinfecting everything? What would he have done without your kisses, your hugs, your way of making him feel so pampered and loved, always, every day and every second?

“Fuck no, no, no, no,” Jay muttered to himself, as if to banish those horrible thoughts from his mind, “God please, please, save her, let her come back to me…”

After about an hour in which you were in the operating room, the rest of the intelligence reached Jay and in vain his friends tried to calm him down.

It was only when he saw Will come out the door of that damned operating room that he came back to breathe a bit and at the same time die of heartbreak and anxiety.

“So? How did it go? Is she fine? Please tell me she’s okay,” Jay spat out, immediately approaching his brother. He studied the expression on his face in the smallest details and a modicum of hope lit up when he didn’t see that typical expression you had when you had to communicate the death of a loved one, he didn’t seem sad, on the contrary.

“The surgery was a succes, I am 99% sure she will recover completely. The bullet had pierced the stomach but fortunately there was no major damage. Now I’m taking her to ICU and we’ll have to wait for her to wake up,” Will explained and couldn’t even explain the transformation Jay underwent. He noticed the precise moment when that veil of anxiety and worry finally disappeared, replaced instead by joy and happiness.

In a rush of happiness Jay hugged his brother, squeezing him like he had never done before. “Thank you Will, thank you so much.”

Will returned that hug, smiling. “You don’t have to thank me, she is very strong.”

“Yeah, she really is,” Jay replied through tears, only then realizing he was crying. “When can I see her?”.

“In a while don’t worry.”

Seeing you lying on that hospital bed was an image Jay would never have thought of seeing in his life, it was literally a blow to his heart. You had oxygen goggles inserted in your nostrils, your face was terribly pale but despite that you were still the most beautiful creature Jay had ever seen.

He stood next to you and he never took his eyes off you for not even for a second. His hand gently stroked your hair, as he used to do when you slept. It had now become a habit, stroking your hair and watching you sleep. Sometimes it happened that you smiled even in your sleep, snuggling closer to him, but this time it didn’t happen.

Your skin was cold under his fingers, as he stroked your cheeks and, God, he would’ve given anything to be in your place, so as not to see you hurt even for a minute.

Jay leaned over and gave a kiss on your forehead, as he kept caressing your face and hair.

“Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you? How do you make me feel? How important you are to me?” Jay began to speak, remembering the words you said to him once and that talking to patients asleep can have a positive effect on their awakening. He left another kiss on your forehead. “Do you have any idea how much you scared me today my baby? God, I've never felt so scared as I did today, not even while I was overseas. Seeing that son of a bitch...” Jay stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat as he remembered the moment you were shot “I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, I don't want to imagine how scared you were, I’ll never be able to forgive myself, I was there, a few meters from you, I have always sworn to protect you and keep you safe but I have failed and I am so sorry.”

“Please wake up baby, don't you dare leave me here alone okay? I can't be in this fucking world without you. I swear to you, I'll never leave you alone again, but now you just have to open your beautiful eyes alright? Can you do it for me? Show me those beautiful eyes that made me madly fall in love with you?”.

Jay stood there at your bedside indefinitely, watching you sleep and hoping that sooner or later you would finally open your eyes. Will spent nearly every twenty minutes visiting you and it was in vain for him to try to get Jay to go and rest.

It was when he felt your fingers move slightly, after almost twelve years, that he feared he was truly hallucinating.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” he literally jumped up from his chair, holding your hands as he looked at you “Baby, can you hear me? Please answer me, give me a sign. Please, please, please.”

He felt your fingers move slowly again and at that point he made sure it really happened, it wasn't a joke his mind was playing on him.

It took you some time to understand what was happening, where you were.

Your head was pounding terribly as if you were being hammered, your vision was blurred and you had to blink several times to focus.

The first thing you saw were the artificial lights coming from the ceiling, which at the time were terribly annoying.

“Where am I?” you grumbled with difficulty, feeling weak and completely without strength.

“You're in the hospital, love,” replied a voice you recognized immediately. It was Jay, your Jay. “No, no, stay still, don't get up.”

Your eyes met Jay's and the joy he felt at seeing you awake was something that was minimally comparable.

“You finally woke up,” he said, almost in a whisper, as if he hardly believed it. He stroked your hair, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Suddenly images of what had happened flooded your mind, the exact scene in which you were shot seemed to repeat itself in a loop in your head.

“Has... Has any other person been hurt?" you asked.

Jay nodded his head, sadly. “But they’re all fine. He was caught soon after, he surrendered without opposition.”

“And you? How are you?”.

He chuckled, taking your hand with his and letting a kiss on it. “You're the one on a hospital bed.”

You let out a faint laugh but it results in a painful twinge. “I guess I deserved it.”

Jay's face immediately turned serious and his heart tightened in his chest as he heard these words. “You can't really believe such thing. You don't deserve to be here baby, it's not your fault what happened, please, get it out of your pretty little head.”

“His wife is dead and I had to save her,” you whispered, your gaze fixed on the ceiling as you tried in vain to hold back the tears.

“His wife died of a complication, every surgery has it, you always tell me, and you did everything possible to save her. You don't have to pay for something you are not to blame for, please stop thinking this okay?”.

You were silent for a moment and you then returned your eyes to Jay.

“Baby... Are you crying?” you asked, alarmed. He shook his head slightly, wiping away his tears quickly and avoiding looking at you.

“No, I'm not,” he muttered but let go when you started stroking his face. He lowered his head and let himself go in a liberating cry, venting the frustration, the anger, the sadness but above all, the relief.

“Oh baby, it's okay, it's okay,” you tried to console him as best you could given your position.

“I was so fucking scared to lose you Y/N…” he whispered.

“I know, love, I know, I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize, on the contrary, I’m sorry, I should be the one to console you,” he said, wiping his tears and then looking at you. Your heart skipped a beat to see his beautiful green eyes shine so bright, still shiny from crying.

“You don't have to apologize Jay, there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it and you don’t have to blame yourself for not being able to stop this from happening,” you spoke up, realizing you were crying too.

“What about we both stop to blame ourselves?”.

“We have a deal,” you faintly smiled “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you too?”.

Jay let out a laugh, knowing you had actually heard his words as he spoke to you. He stood up again and leaned towards you before grabbing your face and pressing his lips against yours. There were no words to describe what he felt, what that contact caused within him, the relief to know he still had another chance to be with you, he still had he chance to kiss and hug you forever.

“Can you get close to me?” you asked.

“But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me, please baby, I need you now.”

“God, how can I say no to this beautiful face?” he said and you giggled, trying to ignore the pain that this entailed. Slowly and carefully, you tried to move in the bed, so you could make room for Jay and not make the stitches fit.

“Be careful baby,” Jay warned, helping you.

Jay positioned himself beside you, trying to be careful not to make any sudden movements, and he put his arm under your head. He printed so many kisses on your face and forehead, still unable to believe the luck of still having you there with him.

“I swear to god I’ll never let you leave the house again, I can’t risk someone taking you away from me.”

You giggled again. “Don’t make me laugh please, it hurts.”

“It’s not my fault you have such a funny boyfriend, it’s something you’ll have to live with.”

You hit him with that bit of strength you had, aching from the wound. “Can you stop it?”.

“Sure my love,” he kissed you on the forehead again. “Now try to rest, okay? You need to regain strength so I’ll get you home as soon as possible. I will always be here beside you, I won’t let you go.”

And with those words of comfort, you slowly slipped into a deep sleep, into the arms of the man you loved and with the hope, sooner or later, everything would be fine, everything would return back to normality.

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[cosyvelvetorchid]

It’s @saltommyweek2024 day 2!

(I’m in the uk and it after midnight so it’s day 2 already for me lol)

Day 2: Injury

*****

Rated: General audience.

*

Four months they’d been secretly dating. It had, of course, happened after a drunken night out and Sal had kissed Tommy. Days later they kissed again only this time they were sober.

It moved pretty quickly after that. A month in they’d the “where is this going?” talk and agreed to not see other people.

And last night, four months in, they’d exchanged “I love you’s” for the first time. After that—well, after the mind blowing sex that followed—they’d agreed to go public with their relationship. They decided that on their next shift together, 2 days from now, they would talk to Cap and officially declare their relationship to the LAFD.

Sal was just waking up and starting his day. Tommy had been on a night shift and Sal wanted to have breakfast ready for him to come home to.

His phone rang on the bed and he ran out from the bathroom mumbling swear words at whoever had forced him out of his shower.

“What?” He answered.

“Sal...” Chimneys voice was quieter than normal. Sal knew instantly something was wrong.

“What happened?”

“It’s Tommy, Sal. He..” the words stuck in Chims throat. Sal felt the blood in his veins pump harder and hotter. For a moment his lungs forgot out to inflate.

“Is.. is he alive?” He asked, voice shaky and terrified of the answer.

“Yeah, but.. “

Sal didn’t really hear much of the rest. Building collapse. No pulse. Got him back. Chest injury.

He walked briskly into the hospital waiting area having no recollection of the drive over.

“Sal.” Chim greeted. He walked over to him, the rest of 118 sat dotted around the waiting area and Bobby and Hen standing talking by the reception desk. Spotting Sal they walked over.

“What happened? How bad? What do we know?” Sal’s words sped out of his mouth, not knowing which question was the more pressing one.

“The factory roof collapsed” Bobby explained. “He pushed the manager he was pulling out, out of the way before the roof fell on top of himself. He was breathing when we got to him but coded in the ambulance. Chimney got him back and the docs have been working on for the last hour. No update yet.”

Sal ran his hand through his hair and used every bit of strength to stop himself from breaking down.

He’d only just found Tommy.

They’d worked together for 10 years and for almost all of it they’d been best friends. Platonic partners. Sal had realised he was Bisexual a few years ago but hadn’t looked at Tommy romantically, until about 6 months ago. He had no idea what changed, he just knew they one day Tommy was talking about a date he had planned and Sal found himself wanting to punch the guy he was going on date with.

Suddenly he wasn’t Tommy anymore. He was Tommy.

It was a huge change, and risk, them becoming more than friends but Tommy had somehow fit into Sals life, his soul, so beautifully as though they were two jigsaw pieces perfectly designed to fit together.

Sal always gave the air of someone confident and strong; invulnerable. He was sometimes cocky, often arrogant and always a pain on the ass. But Tommy turned him into mush. Tommy got to see his vulnerability; the softness he hid from everyone else.

He was absolutely gone for-

“Thomas Kinard?” The doctor called out. Everyone walked over to him in a group.

“How is he?” Sal asked.

“Thomas suffered pretty nasty injury to the chest which was a literal shock to his heart, which was why it stopped. We’ve managed to stabilise it, and we’re confident that he won’t need surgery to fix it. He’s got some significant cuts and bruises and a fractured wrist, but otherwise he is an extremely lucky man. We’ll keep an eye on his heart for a while and if everything goes well he should be allowed to go home in a couple of days.”

Sal almost grabbed the doctor and kissed him. Instead he breath a large breath of relief.

“Can I see him?”

*

The doctor led him into the room and Sals face softened at the sight before him. His big, strong, Tommy somehow looked smaller.

“Any idea when he’ll wake up?” Sal asked.

“Anytime soon we think.” He replied. “I’ll come back in a bit to check on him.” He added and left.

Sal walked over and pulled a chair closer to the bed sitting down.

“Cuore mio.” He said, taking Tommy’s hand in both of his and bringing his knuckles up to kiss. He knew Tommy loved it when he busted out the Italian. “You gave me a pretty big scare, asshole.” He sighed. “I’m supposed to be the reckless one who gets hurt—you’re supposed to be the one who yells at me for being stupid. That’s how it’s supposed to be—I’m the impulsive one and you’re the pragmatic one. I’ll always be the better looking one though.” He chuckled.

“You.. wish..” The groggy, rough voice was heaven to Sals ears.

“Tommy? Amore mio.” He stood to lean over him, gently running a hand through his hair. “How you feeling?”

Tommy swallowed and slowly opened his eyes to see Sal looking down at him.

“Better now.” He said smiling at his boyfriend. Sal bent down and pressed his lips against Tommys forehead.

“You cannot get hurt again, do you hear me? I don’t think my heart can take it.” There were tears forming in Sals eyes.

“I promise, baby.” He said back, reaching up to cup Sals face. They both knew it was an empty promise really—the job meant neither could actually promise they would never get hurt. But Sal appreciated him saying it anyway.

“Good to see you’re awake, Tommy.” Bobbys voice came from the doorway.

“Thanks Cap.” Tommy replied.

“I’m gonna go update everybody on how you’re doing. And, uh, when you’re healed and back to work, I think the three of us are going to have to have a conversation.” He said looking at Sals hand tightly gripped around Tommy’s, with his other still stroking his hair.

“Yes, Cap.” Sal said before turning his attention back to Tommy.

“I love you.” He said pressing a gently kiss to Tommy’s lips.

“I love you, too.”

[bellysoupset]

heyy it’s me, could u maybe write another fic like after luke’s surgery and bells taking care of him but like he’s still throwing up because he’s not sure how to properly take care of himself ( my friend told me when she ate fried stuff after she had appendicitis like the surgery she’d throw up ) and him and bell still working through their issues ,,, no pressure tho :))

i love these two sm and ur fics never miss ur so so talented 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Had so much fun navigating the aftermath of a surgery and the aftermath of a breakup all together. Thank you so much for the prompt!

-------

Bella would be lying if she said it didn't feel weird as hell to be back in the apartment.

Luke's apartment. It had taken her a long time to accept having a key and an even longer time to start thinking of that place as "theirs", even though the large majority of everything she owned was there.

It had been a punch in the gut to finally think of that place as home, only for the break up to happen.

"Bells?" Luke called her, concerned when she stopped walking. She shook her head, offering him a smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine," he smiled back, "just like I was fine ten minutes ago when you asked. Or twenty. Or-"

"Don't be snarky, you scared the life out of me," Bella scoffed, slapping his chest. Luke winced when the pain echoed down, but his smile didn't waver.

"Sorry, baby..." he sat down on the couch, putting his feet up and breathing out deeply. It was clear that the short walk from the car to the apartment had already been too much.

"I think you should go to bed, not the couch," Bella told him, avoiding looking around. She wanted to see what had changed in the three months she had been away. Hopefully nothing.

"I know, I know," he grabbed the belt loop of her jeans and tugged at it, causing her to fall sideways across his lap. Bella let out a squeal, while he groaned and leaned his head back, "shit, that was a bad idea."

"What the hell was the idea!?" Bella squealed, scrambling out of his lap, "burst your stitches?"

He pouted, "I just wanted to hug you..."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Luke," Bella chuckled, surprised and then she moved closer on the couch, throwing her arms around him, "better?"

"Not quite," he sighed, but leaned his head against hers, nose brushing her temple, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you t-"

A loud growl interrupted her and Bella glanced down at Lucas' belly, "wow, are you alright?"

He nodded, refusing to pull back, "hungry," Luke kissed her cheek, "what's going through your mind?"

"What do you wanna eat?" She asked instead of acknowledging the question. That was a can of worms Bella did not want to get into.

"Uhm, you-"

"Lucas."

"Fries," he chuckled, "milkshake and fries."

It did sound great and better yet, it sounded like something they could order in. Bella smiled, "as you wish, your royal highness."

"Don't be mean to me, I'm severely woun- Ah fuck," Lucas' well humored voice vanished, "I'm gonna miss the quarter finals!"

Bella rolled her eyes, slumping against him as she scrolled through the restaurant app, "you could use a break, Luke."

"At the quarter finals!?" he whined, "fucking hell, that's what we spent the whole year playing for."

"Well, if we win we move to the semifinals and then you can join", she glanced up, then planted a kiss over his pout, standing up, "it'll work out... Alright, I need to stop by my dorm to pick up the rest of my boxes and then on the way back I'll grab our order, sounds good?"

Lucas frowned, "you're... No, where are you going?" he looked confused, "I thought you said you'd stay here..."

"I'm coming back here after," she planted a kiss over his pout, "I need to finish clearing my room."

"I-"

"I'll be right back," she interrupted again, kissing him once more before grabbing her purse by the door and walking out.

Lucas let out a sour sigh, something was wrong.

He wasn't dumb, not for a second had Luke thought everything would be back to how it always were, but still, a small part of him had hoped.

He mulled over her words, while answering his texts. Vince had sent a bunch of messages, ranging from worried questions, to memes about him and Bella being back together - how the hell did he know that already?? -, to serious messages about the incoming game.

As Lucas typed back, it dawned on him that Bella had mentioned clearing the dorms. By the time she made it back, holding a bag of greasy fast food and already sucking on her milkshake, Lucas' good mood had all but vanished.

"They didn't have strawberry," Bella said, handing him the large plastic cup, "but they had banana."

"Thank you," Lucas scooted up on the couch, accepting the bag and moving so Bells would have enough space to sit next to him. He planted the milkshake on the coffee table, starting to dig through the bag and handing her the chicken option, "Bells?"

"Yes?" she settled comfortably down next to him, unwrapping the sandwich.

Lucas fiddled with the wrapping paper of his burger, deciding against it and then going for the fries. He stuffed a bunch in his mouth while Bella watched him with a small frown on.

"Luke? What is it?"

Lucas took his sweet time chewing. He didn't want to fight, he had just gotten her back and after four days at the hospital, he just wanted to get in bed with his girlfriend and finally fall asleep knowing Bella would be there in the morning. He considered waving it off, say he didn't mean anything and ask about all the other things he wanted to know from the 4 months they had been broken up for...

"Lucas?"

"You said you were clearing the dorms," he said slowly, "but there are no boxes here, so clearly you're not- You're not coming back?"

It tasted sour just to say that. Lucas reached for the milkshake, sucking it in while he watched Bella open her mouth to answer and then snap it shut twice. She lowered her sandwich, untouched.

"Luke..."

"Are we not back together?" he asked, unable to stop himself. Bella's eyes widened.

"Of course! Of course we are!"

The squeeze around his heart undid just a bit. Lucas frowned, "then where-"

"But I'm not coming back here, Luke," she pouted, looking around the apartment, "I can't do this again... This- It's a type of instability that I can't deal with."

"What do you mean? This is our-"

"It's not," she glared at him, but not in an angry way, just stern, "it's not our place, Lucas. I knew this from the start, that's why I took so long to move in, remember? But then... Then I moved in, because we were really serious and steady by then, only for you to break up with me and kick me out."

"I never kicked you out," he said strongly, only to receive an eyeroll.

"Same fucking difference, Lucas. The apartment is yours, I was the one who had to move out. Don't act like I'm being irrational."

She was right. Of course she was right, it hadn't even occurred him to leave because it was his place, after all. However to him this was a small, unimportant detail. Not to Bella.

Lucas nodded, looking away from her, unable to support her serious gaze and continued to polish off the fries, if only so he'd have anything to busy himself with.

Bella let out a heavy sigh, "you're angry."

"I am," he agreed, "not at you, though."

"No?"

"No" he finished off the last five fries and pushed the package away, settling back against the couch cushions, stirring the milkshake with his straw in order to put his thoughts together, "I loved the life we had, Bell. It took a fucking while to get you to move in with me, I remember, and it was worth it. I loved sharing this place, I loved coming home and finding you here. I hated the past few months and the extra bed space and the empty closet and none of your sauces in the fridge."

He met her eyes and Bella's nose looked slightly red, blue eyes overly shiny. Lucas sighed, "I'm just angry I blew all of that."

"I..." her voice broke and Bella breathed out slowly, pulling herself together, "I'm sorry Luke."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he shrugged, stabbing the milkshake again with the straw, "tell me about the new place? Do you have pictures? When did you pick it?"

Her shoulders dropped in visible relief, another huge sign of how immensely he had fucked them up that now his girlfriend felt tense about her choices around him. Lucas mentally kicked himself, but leaned in as Bell fished out her phone to show him, finally starting to eat.

She rested her head on his shoulder, scrolling through her camera roll, "okay so, Wen helped me pick-"

"Wendy?" He raised his eyebrows, sucking in the rest of the milkshake and wincing at the overly sweet taste, "Vin's girl?"

"Yeah," Bella nodded eagerly, "I met her in a bar during- A couple months ago and she's been really amazing. She introduced me to a bunch of her friends and she's helped so fucking much, Luke."

"Oh," he felt his chest burn, "that's great, Bella, I'm happy you two are friends now."

Bella beamed, turning her face to plant a kiss on his chest and then clicking on the first pick, "so it's up the hill, near that house decor store, you know?" she said, showing him the map, "the rent in that area is cheaper, so that's great-"

He listened eagerly as Bell continued to blab on about the new place, which Lucas was feeling more and more jealous of. He knew it was insanity to feel jealous of a place, but he did. Nevertheless he kept the smile on and it wasn't even a fake one. He might hate her moving away from him, but he did love to see Bella so eager about something.

His belly cramped lightly and he shifted on the couch, regretting eating all of that food so fast after four days of a purely liquid diet. Bella moved along with his body, draping herself over him as she continued to gush about her plans to DIY the bedroom floor.

"I could help you build a floating desk here," he said, pointing at a corner in the room, "so you have a work station and don't fuck your back working in bed."

"Yeah!?" Bella smiled, excited, "I was thinking of putting floating shelves here for the viny-" she interrupted herself as Lucas' stomach let out a loud growl. With her pressed so close to him, she had heard it clearly. Her eyebrows jumped up, "Are you still hungry?"

"No," he winced, tugging on the pants, "ate too fast, my belly's a little upset."

"it's probably gas, they warned you about it remember?" Bella noted, leaning in to kiss his cheek, "let's go to bed, we can keep talking there."

Getting up released some of the pressure and Lucas muffled a gross, thick belch against his hand, blowing it out away from her. He wrinkled his nose at the smell of bananas, "gross."

Bella snorted, grabbing the ditched wrappers and plastic cups, "go lie down, I'll be there in a minute."

He nodded, walking slowly towards the bedroom. While sitting down he had completely forgotten about the stitches, but now an overall ache was spreading all over his stomach and they throbbed the most.

As he reached the bathroom to brush his teeth, Lucas noticed his stomach pushing against his hoodie. Bella had brought him clothes to be discharged from the hospital and she had made a point to pick loose fitting clothes, but the hoodie did not feel loose at all anymore. Granted it wasn't hugging his stomach, but the fabric was brushing over his navel and scratching against the bandage.

Lucas let out a groan, tugging it up and throwing it, alongside his sweatpants, on the basket under the sink for laundry. He wasn't sure if he managed to hit the basket, because bending down pushed up yet another sour burp and he groaned, bracing against the cold sink.

"Luke?" Bella's cold hand rested in the middle of his back, startling him. He looked up and caught her eyes in the mirror. She looked worried and tired and he felt awful for the past 4 days and the mess he was once again bringing on her life.

"Sorry," he squeezed the marble of the sink counter, "you can go home if you-"

"Don't be ridiculous," Bella said harshly, glaring at him in the mirror, "I'm not going anywhere when you're sick, are you crazy?" then before he could answer she looked down and grimaced, "your poor belly is so bloated, Luke."

It truly was. He had a squishy belly over hard abs most days and during the breakup he had lost weight, but now he just looked pregnant.

"Yeah, it's fucking hurting too," he sighed, tugging on the elastic of his boxers. Bella's brows met with concern, but she didn't follow him to the bedroom, busying herself with brushing her teeth and getting changed.

Lucas sat down on the bed, then hunched forward. He really wasn't feeling well, the fries and milkshake had been a silly mistake. It felt like his dinner wasn't digesting at all, sitting in belly like a ball of cement, but the cramps continued to wreck through his lower belly like little electric shocks, sending up sour burps that made him feel vaguely queasy, but mostly just hurt. Nothing was moving.

"Would tums help?" Bella asked, walking into the room. He pondered the question, before shaking his head.

"Do we still have pepto?" just as he said it, it occurred to him how dumb of a question that was. Bella hadn't been in his place in nearly fourth months, she definitely didn't know.

Still she didn't correct him, instead went to where he usually kept the bottle and came back to the room, "Almost out. Just drink the rest that's in the bottle."

He swallowed it all, gagging at the end with the overly sweet taste and then leaned back against the headboard, pushing his boxers down.

"It's pressing on your belly?" Bella asked, crawling on the bed to lie next to him.

"It feels itchy as hell," Lucas complained, planting a hand on his stomach and pushing lightly. It pushed up a burp that tasted like fries and made his chest burn. He swallowed again, "feels disgusting, Bells..."

She didn't answer, but he felt her hand touch his stomach, fingers pushing here and there, rubbing in circles over a particularly tender spot and causing a gurgle to go up his throat. Lucas grimaced as a string of burps turned wet at the end.

"So how-" he belched again, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling, "how's work?"

Bella let out a giggle and planted a kiss on his bare chest, "small talk is not your forte even when you're not feeling sick," she peppered a bunch of kisses up and then one over his lips, "just close your eyes, let me take care of you."

"Uhm, sounds boring as fu-" he cut himself off with a burp, deep from his belly and then a string of gurgles followed as the medicine started to take effect. Lucas grimaced, poking his distended belly and causing another loud whine, "oh that's so gross..."

Bella's hand stroked the round part of his upper belly, the slightly pressure pushing another airy burp out, "sounds so upset, Luke... I don't think you should have had junk food so soon after surgery."

"Yeah, that was stupid," he agreed, planting a hand over hers and pressing it on his belly button. The heavy pressure forced up a disgusting wet burp, but that at least carried some relief, "Eew..." he breathed out, sliding on the bed, so his head would hit the pillows and feeling Bell's hand move to rub little circles on his left side. She wouldn't go near the right, with the stitches.

"Are you sleepy?"

"No," he opened his eyes and turned his head lazily to look at her, "just feeling kinda crappy. Are you sleepy?"

Bella shrugged, but he could see very clearly how exhausted she was. Lucas rolled his eyes, pushing her hand away from his stomach and pulling so she could rest her head on his chest, "go to sleep, baby."

"No, you're feeling sick-"

"I'll be fine, it's just indigestion," he said, although it felt a little like a lie. Sure it was indigestion, but his stomach was starting to churn slowly with nausea, "you need to rest, you've been looking after me for almost five days now."

Bella let out a huff, but she didn't argue, moving up so she could tuck her head neatly under his chin.

Her weight didn't help the vaguely unsettled feeling, but Lucas was not about to tell her that. Instead he continued to breathe through the queasiness, letting out some small burps and making sure his neck was turned away from Bella.

Slowly tiredness was starting to take over him, but all it took was Bell groaning and rolling closer, planting her elbow lightly over his belly button to push out the most nauseating burp yet. Lucas rushed sitting up, clamping a hand over his mouth as the burp turned incredibly wet at the end. He gulped down convulsively, a clammy sticky sensation spreading all over him, his mouth watering.

"Luke...?"

He couldn't answer her, because every time he managed to push down the knot in his throat, a new soft gag pushed it up. Bella sat up too, a hand on his shoulder.

"Luke- Oh no," she realized, seeing his hand firmly clamped over his lips. Luke groaned, eyes squeezed shut and tasted the milkshake in the back of his tongue. It was enough to cause a wave of revulsion and he gagged harshly.

The heave, rocking his belly, pulled on his stitches and pain radiated all over his stomach, causing him to whimper. Bella said something, but he couldn't hear her, he just felt so incredibly sick...

He pressed his hand harder, but the next heave was productive and vomit exploded out of his mouth, leaking through his fingers and causing him to choke and cough. Bella thumped his back and Luke coughed harder, the motion causing more puke to cover the blankets, his stomach and the boxers.

The sensation of warm liquid hitting his skin caused Luke to gag again, more vomit coming up. It was all a mushy cream color, the fries and milkshake mixing in a disgusting sludge.

"Shit Lucas, shit-" Bella sounded vaguely frantically and he couldn't understand why she was pushing his back, "baby, I know it's messy but aim at the blankets-"

What?

He frowned, coughing again, "I don't... What...?"

Before she could answer though, his belly contracted again and he puked again, all over his lap. Lucas groaned, head hanging in shame and queasiness, his mouth open as yet another stream of just liquid and some chunks of pale yellow came out.

"I don't feel good..." he moaned, knowing he sounded like a baby but feeling dangerously close to tears. It had been 4 days of pain so far, more of nausea considering he had felt sick even during the graduation. And his girlfriend wasn't coming back home. And his head was hurting like a motherfucker. And he was covered in vomit, but he was so fucking tired-

"Luke, hey..." Bella's voice was incredibly tender as she cupped his face, wiping away one lonely tear, "shh... You're okay, love. You'll feel better soon, your poor belly just needed to get rid of that."

"I don't want you to leave," he groaned, "I don't want- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm being dumb-"

"Lucas," Bella planted a kiss on the top of his head, "are you done?"

He nodded, feeling pathetic, "think so..." he still felt nauseous as all hell, but all he had eaten in four days was the milkshake and the fries, so there was nothing else to bring up. Bella rubbed his back, nodding.

"Okay, let's get you cleaned up," she said, grabbing his elbow and gently ushering him up. She helped him strip the destroyed boxers and Lucas groaned, feeling horribly exposed, even though he knew for a fact that Bell had seen him naked a million times.

"Fuck, that's gross..." he mumbled, using a clean part of the soiled blanket to wipe his stomach. Only then he understood that Bella had attempted to keep him from vomiting over the bandaged side of his belly, "oh shit, I hope I didn't pull any stitches there."

Bella frowned, circling the bed to hold him, "does it feel like you did?"

"No, just achy and sick," Lucas leaned unto her hold, then braced against the sink, the motion pushing up a deep gutural belch. He panted, while Bella carefully pushed the hair away from his eyes, cupping his forehead. Another flash of hot nausea passed through him and he coughed lightly, then a weak heave brought up a small stream of puke.

He heaved twice more, just as painful as before as the stitches flared up, but nothing came up and he finally turned on the water and washed the sink basin and his mouth.

"I need to shower," Luke groaned.

"Can you stand on your own?" Bella asked and he nodded, attempting to grab the crumbs of his dignity. She rushed back in the room to get rid of the ruined blankets and Lucas slowly walked to the shower.

He had no energy in him, so he just stood under the hot water stream. The heat helped with the ache in his middle and the sticky sensation, but also made him dizzy.

"That's enough, baby," Bella said, closing the register and throwing a towel around him, "c'mon, let me take a look at the stitches."

"You hate this stuff," Lucas mumbled, pushing her hand away from the soaked wet bandages, "I'll look."

"Don't be silly, I can do this," she rolled her eyes, pushing him to sit on the closet toilet and cupping his forehead. He watches as his girlfriend crouched down between his legs, carefully pulling the adhesive that kept the gauze to his skin and revealing the appendectomy wound.

She hissed and made a face, visibly cringing, causing Luke to snort, "are you sure, Bells?"

"It's fine," she glared at him, "it's just... nasty."

"Uhm?" he glanced down and wrinkled his nose. His skin was red around the wound, from the warm water and the black stitches stuck out horribly, "yeah, that's pretty gnarly."

"Nothing looks burst though, so that's good," she fumbled with the first aid kit that he only then noticed sitting on top of the sink, in search of another gauze pad, "how's your belly feeling?"

"Still pretty gross," Lucas admitted, "but empty. No more..." he gagged in his fist, "no more junk food for a while though."

Bella opened a lopsided smile, snickering, "what? No more fries?"

Just the thought of them caused him to gag harshly and bring up a small, disgusting burp, "Bell..."

"Sorry," she huffed, smiling still, "couldn't resist," she gently pressed the gauze to the wound, "Luke."

"Yeah?" he asked, taking in the gentleness of everything she was doing. Bella wasn't a normally delicate girl, so it was very deliberate that he could barely feel her touches.

"I'm not leaving you, you know that, right?" she smiled, cutting a piece of adhesive to keep the little square of gauze in place, "and we're gonna get through this rough patch."

A new, surprising churning sensation filled up his stomach. Butterflies, all over again. Lucas nodded, "I know... It just sucks, but I know we will."

Her cheeks turned a shade of pink and Bella smiled, moving up and kissing him, causing his head to hit the flush and startling them both. Lucas smiled, resting his forehead against hers, "I love you... Can we go to bed now, though? My dick's freezing out here."

[always-andromeda]

perhaps a white chocolate truffle + eddie? <3

your stuff helped distract me through a lot of my painful oral surgery recovery, so maybe something where eddie is helping his love recover from a surgery or an illness, or just any kind of fluff that you enjoy writing? :) i love your characterizations and writing style! <3

– 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐞

𝐄𝐝𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐍𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: I'm so sorry this has taken so long to publish, anon!! but I will have you know that every time I went past this ask in my inbox, it made me almost tear up. thank you so much for your encouragement, dear. I hope that this blurb fits what you were looking for!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: reader has their wisdom teeth removed, pet names (sweetheart), complete and utter fluff, nothing else I can think of!

Edward had been nothing but a pure sweetheart. If your jaw didn't already hurt, you were sure his attitude would've given you a toothache. The second you mentioned you were getting your wisdom teeth removed, Edward put himself completely at your disposal.

First, he insisted upon taking you to the appointment and back. Even though you argued that you'd just use a ride sharing service, he was all too eager to use up one of his few vacation days to help out. And as if that wasn't enough, he dumped even more of his time into the matter reading up on the recovery process. Edward had never been able to afford to go to a dentist. So his lack of knowledge was his excuse for hyper focusing on article after article from various medical journals for a few hours at a time.

By the time the day came, he sat nervously in the waiting room, almost as if he was expecting the dentist to run out, declaring that something had gone wrong during the surgery and they needed a volunteer. Edward had read so much that he was convinced that he could absolutely do it if he was needed.

Thankfully, though, the procedure went swimmingly. Before too long, you were wandering out of the exam room. Your gait was clumsy and slow; almost like you were lost. But the second your eye caught Edward's figure standing awkwardly by the front desk, you gravitated towards him. As he helped you pay, you were practically latched to him with your arms around his forearms.

The woman behind the counter ran through the recovery process, to which Edward only half listened to. He was far too preoccupied with the sound of you humming contentedly through the gauze in your mouth. And that would set the tone for the trip home as you came down from the anesthetic.

During the drive, you shifted wildly between trying to tell him about a dream you'd had the night before, tearing up at how nice the dentist had been, and pointing to random things on the side of the road.

He drove by a trash can and you pointed, calling it to attention with a muffled, "Trash!"

Edward rolled his eyes and mumbled, "That's right, sweetheart, that's a trash can."

He chuckled when you added in amazement, "Woooow." Yeah, it was definitely a good thing that you were safe with him and not at the will of some random Uber driver.

A little under half an hour later, Edward was ushering you into his apartment. You were finally starting to come back to reality a bit more and the pain was setting in. But of course, Edward had that covered.

He led you to the living room where his beloved recliner resided; already set up with a pillow and a blanket. He let you get yourself comfortable and disappeared into his little kitchen, giving you a chance to shake your head in disbelief. Why he was so willing to go above and beyond for you, you had no idea.

More than any other partner you'd had, Edward was incredibly attentive. There was no length that was too far for the poor man. And though you sometimes felt bad for how committed he was, you had to admit...it felt nice being looked after and cared for with such fierceness.

So as soon he emerged from the kitchen with an ice pack in hand, you gave him the fondest smile you could manage, earning a giggle from Edward. You quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Your mouth is still a little numb," he muttered, nodding at the lopsided smile that had crept up the side of your face.

Before you could feel silly for it, Edward brushed the matter away entirely by handing you the ice pack and instructing, "Here, hold this against one side of your jaw for about fifteen minutes. Then you can switch it to the other side and do another fifteen minutes. It should help with the swelling over the next few days."

You didn't know why Edward even bothered to mention the fifteen minute part. Because his eye was firmly on the clock the whole time and he reminded you to switch over himself. You did what you were told, not having the heart to express any sort of ungratefulness at how doting he was towards you. Because as much as you valued your independence, you knew how much these kinds of things meant to him.

Being able to take care of something or someone was the way he showed his love. So you kicked back and tried to let yourself embrace it. The only thing you wouldn't let him give you was the TV remote.

"I'm super tired, Eddie," you yawned. "I'm probably going to fall asleep anyways. You can turn on whatever you want."

Edward's wide eyes blinked at you. "Are you sure you don't want something to eat before you fall asleep?"

You sighed, "No thank you, sweetheart. I'm not hungry yet. Maybe after I have a nap."

Despite the fact that he had a couch in the same room, Edward settled beside your hanging legs on the floor. He reached up to hold your hand as he turned the television on, flipping through the channels. He laughed softly, "Alright. Whenever you do wake up though, there's yogurt in the fridge and applesauce in the cupboard that are both screaming your name."

Your eyelids fluttered shut and you caressed his fingers in your hand. "Lucky me. Can't wait..." you drifted off.

After a few minutes, Edward felt your grip on his hand soften. He laid his head back, finally allowing himself to feel a shred of satisfaction as you snoozed. There was no way in hell that he would ever let you go through anything alone. No matter how big or small the matter might be, Edward would always be ready to care for you as best as he can.