#cw terminal illness

[cowpokezuko]

Unlikely Lovers.

[mjrtaurus]

Modern AU

Gol D. Roger was a whirlwind of chaos and new ideas that blew through the sleepy little Oklahoman town one year, and he came with friends. Nobody knows why, but if the Monkey D family had to guess, it was to see the States from one end to the other before his sickness made that dream impossible.

No one who was anyone to the town liked him or his merry band of misfits. They were loud. They were obnoxious. They asked too many questions about things. They too much.

But to all the people in that town who were shunned or seen as a bit too strange, Roger and his friends were a breath of fresh air.

Dragon had been just a boy at the time, the first child of an immigrant family to be born on American soil. Even then he knew he and his were treated differently, but the full scope of why that was didn’t come until later.

Roger had been a good friend to their out of sight, out of mind family.

The funny thing about small towns is that if you stay there long enough and weather the cold shoulder, you become- to a degree- tolerated. But if you’re just some stranger passing through from the big city, you were unwelcome. Unwelcome in that strange southern way when you can tell that the tight smile from the little old lady you passed on the sidewalk was a threat and not a pleasantry.

That’s how it came to be that Dragon’s parents invited them for a bonfire night out in the fields.

It was nice. Dragon, Dadan, and Kuzan got to see so many faces and hear so many stories… and even though they were to young to remember, Dragon knows that’s the night when his parents sort of just… fell in love with him. Together.

He never told them he was dying until he was too frail to roam anymore. It caused a bit of tension between his parents and Roger, but it was more due to grief than a breach of trust…

Really… how could you tell the people you loved that you were sick, knowing it would tint all the rest of your time together with heartache that neither party deserved?

Rouge came along after Dragon had come home from overseas, and after he had recovered as much as he could from his injuries- both physical and mental. Garp and Urpi had moved into town by then, and once they heard that Roger wasn’t going to be long for this world, offered to take the woman in.

Roger’s group were restless, but Rouge wanted to settle. Before she could even think to have a child, she needed a home and support. Dragon’s parents called her and took her in, all in a heartbeat.

Dragon remembers hearing of the pregnancy, and praying that it would be everything she would have ever hoped for.

Up until the very end, it was.

[alto-tenure]

has anyone thought about Iris's brain cancer as much as I have.

according to Ota, "Invincible Rainbow Arrow" was written by Iris after visiting a kid in the hospital that had cancer. I don't necessarily think that it's false, but that definitely isn't the whole truth, and learning about Iris's diagnosis really puts that song into perspective.

"revolt!/even with death impending" really feels like Iris trying to muster some resistance for herself. she's trying to live. she's trying to make her own world better. death is coming for her, but she won't make it easy.

and she doesn't tell anyone about it either. to our knowledge, the only person who knew about Iris's diagnosis before the events of the game was her mother and the doctors she saw for it. none of Iris's friends knew. Renju might have, but it's unconfirmed. Iris kept it to herself -- she didn't want to be the idol with brain cancer. she wanted to be A-set.

Iris's joy and optimism aren't false, either: they come from a very real desire to keep going, to live through every moment. if she gives up, then she's giving in to the fact that her cancer is likely going to kill her, and her mental state is half the battle.

she was told that she was probably going to die, and her response to that was to carry on. to keep going with her purpose. she started A-set by hoping against hope, and she keeps A-set going by continuing to hope against hope.

[cac-deadlyrang]

Bluey: Flash Forward (Future AU): Bluey Headcanons

Full name: Bluey Christine Austral (née Heeler)

33 years old as of 2045

She/they

The only non-queer member (but still an ally) of her generation of the Heeler family

Married to neither Mackenzie nor Jean-Luc, but to Calypso’s IVF son, Smudge Austral

Mackenzie and Jean-Luc were best men at her wedding

Lives in an apartment on Warren Street in Fortitude Valley with an interior color of red.

Tradie (specifically Aircraft Maintenance Engineer)

Works at Brisbane Airport

Nearly died of canine distemper at age 10, Has minor neurological issues (particularly winking and chewing gum fit tics), PTSD, and chronic pain as a result of said distemper

Has implant dentures for some teeth due to having said post-distemper hypoplastic natural teeth removed

Epileptic

Type 1 diabetic

Is on a Mediterranean diet (since they were 10)

Has 3 children, an 8-year-old Texas Heeler named Basil (after the planned male name of the puppy Chilli miscarried, non-binary/OTDSD intersex, they/them), a 6-year-old Texas Heeler named Ruby (cis female, she/her), and a 4-year-old IVF Bernese Cattle Dog named Chiron (cis male, he/him)

Can speak French and Hungarian fluently

Has a sense of humor similar to Vinesauce Joel

Takes CBD oil

Swears too much for her own good

Favorite animals are raccoons, fossas, and bats

Likes bushwalking (hiking)

Owns a Soviet Panamka hat gotten from a thrift store, didn't really know the significance

Furry (which is kinda ironic, being that she’s an anthropomorphic dog)

Worst nightmares are dying to SUDEP and developing Alzheimer’s

Went to university to become a writer, but became dissatisfied with their work, constantly plagued with writer’s block and had an existential crisis, dropped out, and went to trade school instead

Forklift certified

Flying fox otherhearted

Favorite game series is Gran Turismo

Had a leg amputated due to diabetic neuropathy, uses a prosthetic leg with her original leg's fur taxidermied over it.

[idontplaytrack]

can u do angst with auli'i plz?

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Warnings: mature themes— mentions and descriptions of terminal illness and death

I don’t write requests for celebs here, just their characters. For more Auli’i x fem! reader fics, or to request these, visit my Wattpad (@/multinovels)

————

Inspired by:

"Heaven's not ready for you; every part of my aching heart needs you more than the angels do"

— Joanne, Lady Gaga

————

"Hello, love!" Auli'i grins, holding up her little digital camera to record you, "Where are we at, baby?"

"Hi." You chuckled, smile mirroring hers, "We...are at Disney World. Because they have a new ride and you were invited."

"We were invited."

"Yeah, well...you're the Disney Princess. I'm just tagging along, babe."

She laughs, "We're gonna have so much fun today."

"Yes, we are." You nodded eagerly.

The smile doesn't leave her face, "Let's get dressed, and get our day started, yeah?"

You've been together with Auli'i for about five years now and for the last three, thanks to her best friend's hobby of vlogging, you've started to pick that up— capturing little moments of your days, be it a mundane night-in or a slightly more exciting trip to wherever the job takes her or your hearts desire. You usually were the one recording, and she was okay with it because they were just little glimpses of your day. But sometimes, she was the one to pick up your camera to record, also having the same habit as you did over time. You were beyond lucky, not having to worry about too much of how to afford them. Because she never let you, in her own words, she was 'making bank' and was able to let you both experience and explore so much of the world together.

~~~~

"Babe, look!" You gasp, grabbing her wrist, "It's you!"

"Aw, it is me." She smiles, it was evident that she was, despite not showing her face on camera at the moment, "You guys. That's me. That's Moana. She looks great. Oh, my God, should we get it?"

"Oh, we should!" You gasped, excited, "It's the last one?"

"It's the last one here. They might have more in the back if you guys want to choose." The tour guide confirms.

"It's okay. This one looks good, we'll just take this one." Auli'i decided.

~~~~

"You guys— we're homeeee." Auli'i squeals, "Today is day one in Hawai'i and we are super excited. It is so beautiful here, this place never fails to amaze me."

She flips the camera around to record you, "And that's y/n. Still being all pouty about being woken up early. Good morning, baby."

You glared at the camera, sulking, but soon started to laugh. "Good morning, you."

"Come onnnnn, we're in Hawai'i." She zooms in on your face, grinning, "I'll make it up to you later."

"You said nine-thirty."

"It is nine-thirty." She says.

"No, it's not." You said.

It was 9:27, so, close enough. You were just trying to be a little playful with her.

"I'll make it up to you~" She repeated herself.

You smiled, "Hi. And hi to the camera too." You checked your reflection, realising you looked like a mess, "Yeah, I'm gonna go get washed up. That's not a good look.”

"You look cute." She says, setting your camera down, "But I'll turn off your camera now."

~~~~~

"Breakfast on the beach." You showed the food on your beach mat then the ocean, slowly, you moved the camera's focus onto Auli'i who was happily munching away on her poké bowl. She turned to look at you and the camera captured her smile, she also waves.

"Come here, baby." She gestures for you to sit closer. You do just that, and she puts her hand on your thigh. Your camera was left right beside you, capturing more footage of the ocean while Auli'i leans her head on your shoulder for a second.

~~~~~

"We're at the airport." You talked quietly to the camera, having it close to your face since it was crowded.

Turning the camera around, you showed Auli'i's outfit. "Fit check!" She did a peace sign, then taking the camera from you to show your outfit. "Oh, gorgeous!" She squeals.

You blushed. She'll always have that effect on you. Always. "Anyway..." You took your camera back, "We're going to New Zealand."

She pulls an excited face, wrapping an arm around your shoulder while the both of you walked around to find somewhere to sit and wait for boarding.

~~~~

"We're at the hotel now. It's pretty late, and y/n's really tired so she went to bed. But I'm still up, so I decided to show what I was doing— I'm reading a book I stole from Lauren." She chuckles, whispering,"But look at her~ She's so cute."

You were right beside her, fast asleep. She rubs your back, and kissed you on the side of your head. "I love her so much."

~~~~

"Okay, you guys. Tattoo time." You record your reflection in a mirror at the tattoo place, "Not for me. For her."

Auli'i was near you, getting settled for the process. She was just about to take off her top when you turned your body and the camera. "Oop." She stopped yourself, "Maybe I shouldn't—"

"That's okay." She assured, chuckling over her words. "Come sit with me though, please?"

"Of course."

The process was pretty long and you caught a couple clips for memories sake. You also showed the end result. "Look!" She exclaimed excitedly. "Oh, that's so beautiful." You remarked in awe.

~~~~

"Syracuse!" You exclaimed, "How are we feeling?"

"Excited~ I can't wait to start filming again."

"Guys look! It's Lauren." You shifted yourself closer and showed her to the camera. She was driving.

"Thanks for driving us." Auli'i says.

"Not a problem." She says back gleefully.

The three of you were in New York so Auli'i could start work on a second movie for Crush. A film from her character AJ's perspective about falling in love with Paige.

~~~~

"I'm in the city." You declared to the camera.

"With Lauren." She chimed in, getting into frame. "We're being such tourists right now."

"Yes, we are." You laughed over your words, gasping when you spotted the Disney Store in the distance. "We gotta go to the Disney Store."

"You know I'm gonna drag you there anyway, girl."

~~~~

"Get one! It's so cute, y/n."

"I already have a Pua plushie." You showed the toy to the camera, then Lauren who was standing beside you looking at the shelf filled with Disney animal plushies.

"Not this one you don't." She said, devious smile on her face, "You love it, she gets a good laugh. You should totally buy it."

"Really?"

"How about this? You get Pua and I'll get Heihei."

"Okay, deal."

"Heck yeah."

~~~~

"I found her camera. Just got back from set, Lauren says y/n's not feeling too good so she went to bed pretty early." Auli'i spoke to the device quietly, "What is it, like a stomachache?"

"She couldn't really describe it, but that seems like it." Lauren shrugs.

"Oh. Well, I hope the sleep will do her some good." Auli'i frowns, "We're just gonna head out for a bit to grab a late dinner. Well- supper, yeah. Then I'll be back to keep an eye on her."

~~~~

"We're back." Auli'i kept her volume down, "Still asleep." She walks closer to you to check on you, camera still in hand. "Oh, that's so freaking cute. It's Pua."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop filming for the night. Bye-bye, we'll see you when we see you."

~~~~

"It's the next day. Not sure if anyone else recorded anything while I was asleep, but I'll check later." You rubbed your eyes, blocking a yawn with your hand.

You'd just washed up and changed into a new outfit for the day.

"Auli'i already went to set, with Lauren and Amalea so I'm on my own for now." You blinked, "Oh! She got me breakfast. Wow, that is...thank you, Li'i."

~~~~

"Still feeling a little bit sick so I'm staying here for the day. So no footage from set for now."

"Watching some TV, cuddling with this little guy that Lauren convinced me to buy. There's Heihei— in her room. Look." You zoomed into Lauren's room that was opposite of where you were seated in the living area.

~~~~

You were with her for a big part of the time where she was in New York filming that movie. But you decided to fly back home early since you've been having an uneasy feeling weighing on you from the day you got that stomachache. Despite feeling generally better after a few days, you just failed to feel like yourself again. She had three weeks to go and you decided the smarter decision to make was to head home since the traveling and stress from it was starting to take a toll on you.

"Keep me posted. Talk to me whenever, okay?"

"I will. See you soon, babe."

"Have a safe flight, my love. I'll see you again so soon." With one last kiss, you were off, walking into the departure gate and entering. Recording one last clip of Auli'i waving goodbye and blowing a kiss to you, you put your camera away for the time being.

~~~~

"I'm home. Been home for a couple days, didn't really do anything but spend time at home resting."

~~~~

"Just picked up Rocco from our friend's place. Happy to have this boy to keep my company. Say hi to the camera, bubs."

He stares at it.

You laughed, petting his head.

~~~~

"y/n, are you...alright?"

"Why?" You squinted.

"You've lost some weight, babes."

"Honestly? Hannah, I dunno. I've been feeling like shit for weeks and I can't figure out why.”

"Weeks?" Hannah looked at you with wide eyes, "I'm taking you to the doctor."

~~~~

"Well...seems like I'm dying." You revealed to the camera.

"y/n." Hannah places a hand on your shoulder.

"Please- they said it was in the later stages because this cancer is so rare that they only diagnose it when it's too late for successful treatment." You scoffed. "What the fuck am I going to tell our friends, our family? Oh, fuck— what do I tell— how do I tell Auli'i?"

She holds you, knowing that you were going to start crying any second. "Fuck! What did I do wrong to deserve this shit?"

~~~~

Pacing your room, Rocco looked at you like you were crazy. Hannah was in your kitchen making dinner but you had no appetite to eat, both from the news you just found out and the stress of having to break the news to so many.

"I just flew home, Hannah. I can't do this over the phone and peace out."

"I can fly back to New York with you." Hannah immediately offered.

"She's working, Han. That's selfish."

"Babe, you guys are partners."

"I can't do it— any of this." You spat, "Shit!"

You fell back on the couch, in pain. Hannah watched you closely. "I'm fine. Whatever. I'm not getting treatment just so I'll have to suffer more before I die."

~~~~

A week later, Auli'i was back in Los Angeles. Your anxiety, without a doubt was through the roof.

"I gotta talk to you, honey." You took a deep breath, holding her hand.

Immediately, she puts down her book, focusing on your entirely. "Last week, Hannah took me to the doctor because I've been feeling really just like crap for awhile. She said I've lost a lot of weight and I honestly just didn't know why and what the hell was going on. But, the doctors did a bunch of tests and told me I'm going to die."

"What?"

"Bile duct cancer." You revealed.

That look on her face was something you wish you never had to see. She was trying so hard to not cry, it made you cry immediately. "I'm so sorry." You sniffled, "I don't know how it— they said this is usually the case, too late for successful treatment and I just— I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. But I don't want to put you through this with me—"

"I will be with you every step of the way." She held your face gently, "Don't you ever think for even just one second that you'll have to be alone. I will be right by your side."

~~~~

Over the next few days, your family and friends were told about it. Her mother even flew in to spend more time with you.

Today, Auli'i took you to Disneyland with her mom, a VIP guide tagging along. Now for the obvious reason of any emergency situation.

Auli'i's completely took over your camera ever since the diagnosis, wanting to capture as many memories as possible. You never really had the energy anymore, but knew she would need this so she was doing it.

"Hi, lovey."  She says, "Wanna tell the camera where we are?"

You gave a small smile, her mom having an arm around your waist carefully, "Disneyland."

"Look at those minnie ears, so pretty. Do you like 'em?"

You nodded, "I do. Thank you."

"You look so beautiful, sweetie." Her mom gushes. You only gave her a smile in return.

~~~~

"Went on some rides. Now we're going to get some lunch and see where we're headed next."

"Where you wanna go, Mom?"

"Oh, let her choose. I'm fine with anything." Her mom says.

"Alright, then. And since I have no idea as well, baby— what do you feel like having?"

You hummed in thought, "Kinda craving some pizza?"

"Then that's what we're gonna get." She says, smooching you on the cheek. Her mom lets go off you and let Auli'i put her arm around you next.

~~~~

"We're on a little drive to the beach. Having some shaved ice. Well, I am. She's taking a little nap."

She held the camera up for a bit just to record you even though you were fast asleep.

~~~~

"On the beach now. Sun's setting, she's just laying on my lap." Auli'i smiles looking at you adoringly, stroking your cheek.

"I wish we could just freeze time and stay like this forever." You sigh, snuggling closer to her.

She strokes your hair, putting the camera down and leaning down to kiss you on the head. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too."

~~~~

"Morning walk." Auli'i says to the camera, "Look at this cutie. Show me the fit!"

You laughed, covering the lens. "Stop that, you look so fucking adorable, y/n." She gently took your hand off the lens.

You took her hand into your own and she tilts the camera down to record a clip of that, your fingers intertwined.

"You want some breakfast from the bakery?"

"No."

"That's okay."

~~~~

"We're spending the day at home today, she's—"

You groaned behind her, waking up from your night of sleep. Auli'i immediately put the camera away and went to your side. "Hey." She stood the bed, "Are you alright?"

You shook your head no, she knowingly helped you sit up kicking the trashcan right to your feet. "Deep breaths, lovey. I got you, I'm right here."

You mumbled incoherently, bursting into tears as the sickening feeling build up and up in your abdomen. With bile rising up your throat, you promptly threw that up into the trashcan.

This woke you up, you couldn't even go back to sleep if you tried. But you were in so much pain everywhere, at every moment, nothing you did made you happy or even just feel okay enough to be awake.

You sat leaning against the headboard uneasily, trying to calm yourself down but miserably failed.

Auli'i got rid of the trashcan's contents and quickly returned to you and helped you clean up.

"You want a bath?"

"No." You cried, clinging onto her for dear life as the tears seeped into her shirt, she cautiously rubbed your back— the warmth provides you a slight relief and major comfort.

You've always tried to be strong and not cry, but with the pain and your eventual fate, you were beyond terrified and seemed to be in a constant state of being on the verge of tears all the time. But when you did cry, there Auli'i was to make the moment seem better. Even though truthfully, every moment she sees you was breaking her heart. You've heard her crying once while she thought you were asleep, then you were just filled with guilt. More of it over time. You were miserable and dragging her down with you, you felt that you shouldn't have let her be going through all of it with you but she's never left your side since then. She loved you so deeply and you always felt that love, it was just becoming harder and harder to reciprocate and that kills you.

~~~~

"Lauren's coming by with some games." Auli'i informs the camera, "She's taking a little nap because she took pain meds. Rocco's keeping me company right now while I cook something for us. She asked for some soup and crackers so that's what I'm making for her."

~~~~

"Lauren's here." Auli'i says quietly, then showing her on the camera. She waves, "Hi. She asleep?"

Auli'i confirms with a nod, "She doesn't sleep very long so she'll be up soon. Lunch is almost ready."

"Rice with stir fried vegetables and some chicken. There's some soup, but mainly for her."

"Ooh, that looks good.”

"Thanks. it just has to simmer for a few minutes more." Auli'i smiles, walking away into the room with the camera. Right then, you stir in your sleep and soon woke up.

"Hey, Lauren's here, baby."

"Did she wait for long?"

"No." She hums, "She just got here. You ready to get up?"

You nod, "Yeah." Auli'i took your hand while you helped yourself up from the bed.

"I'm just gonna use the bathroom and I'll be right out."

"Okay, honey."

~~~~

"We have a winner~" Auli'i focuses the camera on you, "She won three games in a row."

"That's impressive." Lauren chuckles.

"I love these girls." Auli'i whispers to the camera, "She looks so happy."

~~~~

"It's her birthday, you guys." Auli'i smiles, announcing that to the camera. "We've made her favourite cake, decorated the apartment, some friends are coming over. Now all that's left to do is pick her up from the hospital."

"She spent a couple nights there because the pain got really bad and we couldn't really get it under control, but I'm happy she gets to come home today."

~~~~

Auli'i opens the front door to her apartment with one hand, the other holding onto yours.

"Surprise! Happy birthday!"

Startled, you basically froze in your tracks until you registered each and every face in front of you.

Tears pricked at your eyes as you looked at the place, all decorated, all for you. To celebrate you.

"Oh, my god—" Your breath hitches, "Thank you."

~~~~

"Caaaake." Auli'i says, fork held between her teeth as she playfully zoomed in and out on you.

"Caaaake." You copied her tone, she giggles. "This is delicious, babe."

"I'm glad you like it." She squeezes your thigh. "After this, you've got some presents to open."

~~~~

"Stop." You stared at the item in the box, "What the fuck— sorry. This is so cute. You found it, I could never find a store with this in stock." You found a card at the bottom of the box and read it, "Lauren— oh, my god. Thank you."

You quite literally got everything you've ever had on your wish list and you were so grateful but that stabbed you in the heart a little knowing you couldn't be around long enough to enjoy and make use of them. They'd eventually just be sitting somewhere collecting dust, or be thrown out.

~~~~

"We're in New York City." Auli'i records your views, of Times Square.

"Last trip." You said flatly.

Auli'i bit her tongue, wishing it wasn't true but with the way you were feeling lately and how every single symptom presented itself, she knew you were right. She knew that you knew. All she could do was take it all in, cherish all the time she had left with you.

"Disney Store?" She suggested. you just agreed, knowing you weren't going to buy anything. What was the point anyway?

~~~~

"Buy it."

"For what?" You mumbled, "I won't be around anymore soon. It'll just be a waste of money."

"You want it, I'll buy it. I don't care about that, you're going to get what you want."

You took in a deep breath, trying to hide the grimace of pain, "Whatever. Okay."

As much as your mouth said no, deep down, you wanted that seemingly silly piece of merchandise. Auli'i knew you, so she insisted and even if you still said no, she would've just bought it anyway. She knows it will bring a smile to your face and she's been doing anything she can to see it.

~~~~

"Ice cream?"

"Ice cream." You confirmed, nodding eagerly.

"Amazing, let's go get some."

~~~~

"Is it good?"

"Mhm." You smiled at her, contently enjoying the dessert despite the growingly chilly weather.

She was recording you, like always, "I love you."

The smile returns to your face, even bigger than before, "I love you too."

~~~~

"I'm at the hospital." Auli'i recorded herself with shaky hands, tears streaming down her face. "I'm alone right now. My mom's on her way, but I—"

She breathes deeply in an attempt to calm herself back down, but ended up crying harder, "She collapsed. The pain was so bad she just passed out."

~~~~

"Lauren, I— can you come here, please? I need someone." Auli'i says into her phone, "Please, I can't—"

"I'm already on my way, honey. I'll be right there."

Auli'i hangs up, putting her phone away as she sat in the hallway, head buried in her hands while she cried her eyes out. When Lauren and Auli'i's mom showed up, she hears commotion that snapped her out of her thoughts. "We are not commenting on anything. Please let us be alone." Lauren told the group of paparazzi firmly. "You need to leave. Otherwise, security's on the way. This is not the right place or time for any of this."

"Leave now." Her mother looked at them sternly. A few nurses, caught on quickly and kept the group out, leading Lauren and Auli'i's mother to where she was safely.

"They said she's not going to wake up anymore. It's spread basically everywhere." Auli'i spoke through tears as her mother hugs her tightly, "If she does, she'll basically be in so much pain she won't stay awake for long."

"She's done her best, she knows you love her."

"I don't want her to leave me, mommy." She chokes on a sob, "Why did it have to happen to her?"

No one knew what to say but knew she needed the comfort. So they just hugged her until she eventually stopped crying and decided to walk into your hospital room.

"Mom and Lauren are here to see you, baby." She sits down on a plastic chair by the bed, "I wish I could've done more for you, I wish I could've known what was happening and took you to a doctor earlier. I'm so sorry you have to be in so much pain, y/n. I'm so sorry I can't just take it all away from you. I just— love you so much and I can't imagine my life without you. I wish you didn't have to leave, but I know you have to. You've fought so hard and held on for so long. You proved your doctors wrong. You are a fucking warrior, darling. I am so amazed and in awe and proud of you."

Taking a breath, she continues all while still crying. Lauren and her mom watched from outside, heartbroken. "I— y/n, you've taught me so much in our time together. You've made my life so much better, y/n. I've never felt a love like yours, I've never seen a smile like yours, an enthusiasm, a support like yours. And it kills me that I can't have you, my biggest cheerleader with me anymore. To have, to hold, to kiss and love. I'll miss you so so much, sweet girl. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you for those three weeks, I'm sorry that you had to go through that alone. I'm sorry— I didn't think it'd be this. I didn't think the universe would snatch you away from me so soon."

You've been drifting in and out since you arrived at the hospital, but you did hear it all, what she's been saying. You squeezed her hand as best as you could, to let her know you were still here. "Don't be sorry. No one knew." You managed, "I love you."

"I love you more than anything, baby." She sniffed, looking at you with such loving eyes.

"I'm sorry I had to put you through this." You say, tears slipping down your cheeks unintentionally, "You don't have to be here. Just let me go."

"No." She said firmly, "I'm not letting you go alone, baby. Please."

She took something out from her pocket and slid it onto your finger, "Always. And forever. You're my girl, okay?"

You sobbed at this point, realising what it was. In so much pain, yet you couldn't stop yourself. She presses a kiss to your lips, and you reciprocated, knowing it was your final chance. "You brought the ring?"

She nods, stroking your cheek, "Of course I did."

Right before she left for filming in New York, she proposed to you and you two were engaged, then quickly got a marriage license at city hall. A wedding was to be planned but it never did happen because of this.

That will always be a regret of yours, not getting to celebrate your union in front of friends and family, to get to show her off.

"Take good care of yourself, of your Mom, your family..." You fought the tears to speak more clearly, "I'm very sorry, Auli'i. Please don't be mad at me."

She shook her head, "No. No, I've never been mad at you, baby. Never. Please don't keep saying that, y/n. I'm not mad at you."

"I'll miss you so much." You held her cheek in your hand, "I love you. I love you so much, please don't forget that. You've given me everything I could ever wish for and so much more. You've made me...feel so loved, so cherished, so special. Like I was the only girl in the world. Nowhere am I going to be able to find that again, thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me, thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for choosing me."

She was hovering over you since you were laid on your back, quite uncomfortably but sitting upright would make you feel worse so you didn't ask for it.

"I love you. That's never going to change." She holds onto your hand tightly, pressing a kiss to it. "That's never going to change, baby. That's all I want you to remember, take that with you. I promise I'll take care of myself, my mom, my family, friends..."

"Good." You smiled.

"I'm not gonna make you stay up any longer. I don't want you to be in pain anymore, y/n."

You were tired, you could feel your body giving up bit by bit.  But you fought it, staying awake to get just a bit more time with her. With one look back, Auli'i's mom and Lauren entered the room quickly.

"Thank you for accepting me and welcoming me into your family, letting me feel a love I've always wanted but never got until I met you all. I won't forget all that you've done for me. And with me. I am so thankful. To have known you all for as long as I have."

"We love you, sweetheart." Her mom says. Lauren nodded, wiping her tears away quickly, "You have been such an amazing friend to me and an amazing partner to my best friend and I just— I adore you."

They quickly left the room, leaving Auli'i alone with you again. "You rest now, okay? Don't fight it anymore, it's okay. It's okay, baby." She holds onto your hand still, not wanting to let it go until she had to. "Baby, please. Close your eyes, I don't want you to struggle anymore. Please?"

And you did, you let it happen, your eyes droop shut. She feels the gradual loosening of your grip until her hand falls from yours. "A hui hou, ku'uipo."

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

💭A/N:

Honestly just don’t have the capacity to write angst like this atm, but I am brainstorming for a new angst fic that’s to be posted on Wattpad:’)

[future-crab]

Given the shift from “all the good times, they give you cancer” to “all the good times gimme…” I’m surprised that I haven’t seen any interpretations of Party Poison as terminally ill.* I’m not saying I think this is what they’re going for with that lyric, but “character whose reckless bravery is secretly fueled by the knowledge that they’re dying” IS a well-worn character type, and as someone who loves nothing more than upbeat songs with angsty lyrics, the idea that the “gimme gimme” section represents Party Poison almost saying what’s weighing on their mind but then stopping themself is an interesting one.

*tbf i haven’t read either the comics or any danger days fanfic, it’s possible that this is either a popular hc or straight-up canon

[stickywhiteash]

Can of Worms || Kakashi x reader

Warnings: Terminal illness, Death, Angst Word Count: (1.3k)

Like sandpaper taken to a wooden block, you were worn down, reduced to sawdust. There was nothing that could be done to hold you together any longer. Wood glue could help, but it’ll only delay the inevitable.

In your home you sit in the dark, patiently waiting as the clock ticks by. Though exhausted, the rapid flow of thoughts prevented a peaceful sleep. It felt suffocating, threatening to drown you.

The front door opens followed by a hushed, “I’m home.” A dim light flickers on to reveal your still figure. After removing his shoes, he finds his way to the couch, sinking next to you. Kakashi’s arms wrap around you, pulling you into a tender hug.

“What’s the matter..?”

“We need to talk. It’s important.”

His chest tightens and he squeezes you more. Had he done something wrong or perhaps the opposite, a lack of action? Immediately he tries to think of things he missed. An anniversary, a chore forgotten, something anything.

He did notice that you were looking more and more ragged every week, every day. Could he have been the cause of it and hadn’t noticed?

It can’t be. Kakashi knows you. If something he did bothered you, you’d let him know immediately! Or at the very least, you’d stew in your annoyance for a few days then tell him. Most major arguments were discussed and settled in at the longest a week after the point has been brought up. Still, the possibility was there.

Noticing his heart rate spike and his breathing becoming more labored, you nuzzle into him and peck his cheek.

“Kakashi, would you love me if I was a worm?”

The dial-up noise rings through his skull. All of his thoughts come screeching to a halt.

“Ah—what?”

“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”

Black bewildered eyes stare back into yours as he pulls away. "A worm?"

"Mhm."

Kakashi feigns being offended and states his next words matter-of-factly.

“I have loved you for 30 years now and will until the end of time. Whether you turn into a worm, a butterfly, or even a snake. I love you unconditionally. If we couldn’t find a way to transform you back.. Hmm.”

Kakashi crosses his arms and leans back, searching for an answer. His momentary silence worrying you. If you couldn't provide for him like a normal person, would he leave you? The next words that he speaks clears the anxiety fog.

“Well, I don’t know much about worm keeping, but it probably starts with a tank containing the proper dirt and nutrients for whatever species worm you turn into. I'd fill it with all of your favorite fruits so the dirt would taste like them when it decomposes. ”

A wry smile makes its way to your face, “Even if I could do nothing more for you? Even if I was useless?”

Cocking his head towards you he replies, “Naturally. That falls under unconditionally. It was never because of your talents or the things you have done for me that I fell for you. Your personality was what pulled me in. The way you interact with the world.. It’s you that I love. You can never be useless to me. Your existence is not valued by what you can contribute to me or the world, my love. Don't forget that. ”

The taste of iron on your tongue burns when you bite the inside of your cheek. Though you've asked him such a ridiculous question that could have been easily brushed off, this man decides to sing you praise and comfort. Lucky, blessed, to have him in your life.

Time is running out.

Taking in a sharp breath, you pressed on, “Would you let me die?”

“Never.”

“What if I asked you to?”

“I don’t think I can.”

Your voice cracks, “Could you love me enough to let me go?”

Kakashi sits up straight and takes your hand in his. Brows furrowing.

“. . . I’m sorry? What’s this about?”

“No, I’m sorry— That I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want you to worry and get in the way of your work.”

“Please. Explain.”

You do your best to not choke over your words. It was the moment of truth to come clean. They rush out like a river that had broken a dam.

“I- I’m sick and I’m not getting better. It’s never going to get better ‘Kashi,” you whisper, pressing the back of his hand to your wet cheek. “I don’t know how much time I have left. I also didn’t want you to leave once you found out.”

He searches for any hint of a lie, but there are none. It explained so much why you’ve been so lethargic and are less. Why especially in the past month you’ve been distant. You have been trying to figure out how to break the news to him.

His free hand balls into a tight fist and his eyes sstare down. You can tell by the way he’s hunched over a bit and turned to stone that a panic attack may be imminent. It was inevitable.

Of course this was how he would react to losing another loved one. Taken away too soon. At the very least, it wasn’t during battle, in the middle of war.

In a hushed tone, you attempt to grab his attention, “Hey, Kakashi. It’s okay. I’m still here. I’m still with you.” Both of your hands cover his and lay them in your lap. Gently you stroke their backs in circles with your thumbs. “Breathe, my dear.”

Minutes pass and you two sit, leaning against each other, in comfortable silence. Breathing patterns match after exchanging tears. Puffy eyes weighted with the burden of the unknown threaten to shut.

Hesitantly, you and Kakashi go to bed with heavy hearts. When sleep finally takes over, you’re trapped within his limbs, holding on to you for dear life. The scent of him fills your nose and you’re able to dream about him peacefully.

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。

A little over 2 years has passed. You were able to cling on to the thin thread of life for a good year or so, but the inevitable came and it came crashing down hard. All of your things still decorate the building. Some have moved different locations but not out of sight. A decent chunk of your collections and figurines now have a beautiful display case dab smack next to the entryway. Plushies that once only stayed in a hanger in the corner of the room or on the bed now scattered everywhere. The couch, some seats taken at the kitchen table, in the dog beds. Kakashi’s pack have been snuggling with them, none harmed on the little hair on their heads.

Grief has been hard on the man.

In the first month you’ve passed he’d taken on more duties to keep his mind off of you. When Kakashi isn’t working he’s off at the graveyard visiting Rin and Obito’s tombstones. To bring himself in front of yours would be too much to bear.

Next few months he cleans the home and constantly rearranges belongings. Only a few things stay exactly the way they were. He knows you’d hate it if he let himself rot with all the dust collecting on your belongings.

Eventually he’ll have to ‘move on.’ What a silly thing to say. Move on. As if the deaths of everyone he’s loved were an obstacle in his daily life. Leave them in the past.

Carry on. Now that sounds more suitable. Carry on their spirits in his heart until his own demise comes. Carry the memories long enough and eventually the weight of grief gets lighter. The beloved time spent together get brighter instead of being shrouded in shadows of regret. Regret not having enough time. Spending enough with you.

On your death anniversary he lays a picnic blanket down by your tombstone and brushes off any debris laying on the plaque. A full meal cooked for two.

“In a few years.. you’d probably have turned into a worm by now. Maybe even multiple. Funny how that works.”

“Today, I still love you. In a few years, even then. Even when you can’t talk back to me like we used to and even though you’re gone and passed on, I still love you. My love is unwavering and I miss you every day. I love you so much that I will continue living the best I can for you, my friends, everyone.”

“When I turn into a worm too, I hope to see you then.. and that you’d love me still”

[gemidoriwillbarelyusethisaccount]

Finally got around to writing a second IJaC fic!!!!

It's REAL heavy tho

[ottopilot-sfw]

I thought I was going to save a life.

I have only told a few people this. I have been in the National Marrow Donor Program since college. If you are multiracial, your participation is especially important because multiracial people can have difficulty finding a match.

Last month, after 25 years, I was a match for a 15-year-old child. There was a phone interview, they overnighted a cheek swab kit (my original domain was blood). Then I was told I might have to wait up to 60 days for an update.

This morning I was told I was no longer a candidate. It's possible another match was found, or an alternative treatment was chosen.

I wasn't sure how to process that. I was assured feelings of disappointment, concern, or relief are normal. An hour later, I am typing this on my phone under the covers in bed with a weighted stuffie.

Almost as soon as I laid down the tears came. Then I was stifling sobs. I have been holding onto, well, a lot for the last couple weeks, like many of you.

With the autism, it's always about the control. I want to help and I can't, and it breaks my fucking heart. That extends to everything happening right now around us.

It feels so goddamn stupid and selfish to think of myself. But I can't be mad at myself, at what my brain tells me I should feel. And how intensely I feel it. Especially that part.

I write about mind control because with constant demands for attention, the responsibilities of being a parent and father, the idea of giving up control sounds appealing. But the actuality of it is terrifying to confront.

My wife texts me and the impassioned, rational approach is surprisingly helpful. Usually, a family member is a match and they choose them. She follows with, "I know you have a good heart."

I replied, "Thank you. That's what makes it hard."

Man, I hope that kid is going to be okay.

https://www.nmdp.org/

[canttakelovedaway]

I'm interested in exploring the tragedy of Dulcinea dying and the effects on the houses.

[the-haunted-office]

It took a fair minute or two for Thursday to accept that there were infinite alternates of herself here in this same dimension with her, all walking an infinite amount of staircases going off in all sorts of wonky directions, all ascending as The Narrative had said.

It took a fair minute or two longer for her to accept that she was walking that same path along with them. Well, not the exact same path - she did have her own set of stairs, after all, leading up like an endless spire into the sky, which was a problem in and of itself, which she'll get to in a moment.

It took a fair minute or two even longer than that for her to accept that not only was she and all her alternates here to complete this business of ascending - whatever that was - but that they were all a part of this greater collective known as The Narrative.

(Cut here due to length!!)

The Narrative.

THE actual NARRATIVE.

The whole Narrative of... everything?

How could that be?

Her, Thursday, this simple, plain, ordinary office worker with literally nothing to her name but an employee number and maybe like, two or three pens... part of the whole, entire fabric of what creates and controls and moves the entirety of... everything?

How?

And what exactly does that mean?

Does that mean that she, somehow, has created... everything?

Or does that mean that The Narrative already existed and that it - They - created her in Their own image and... what? What's that mean?

It is not... that simple... Thursday...

Thursday pauses on the steps, for she had begun ascending again, simply for a lack of anything else to do but ascend, and think. "How do you mean? If you, The Narrative, created everything, and I'm a part of you..."

We are not... The Narrative... of everything... We are The Narrative... of you... There are many... Narratives... out there... within... the Greater... Narrative... To be... a part of... that Narrative... would be... tremendous... mind-boggling... Even We... cannot... comprehend...

"...You know, you're making me feel very small here, haha," Thursday laughs, a bit breathlessly with her wonder of it all. But truly, a part of her is relieved. She'd hate the idea of feeling like... she is a part of something so great, she can't even comprehend herself. Her head is already fucked up enough.

There is silence for a few moments. The stairs continue their ever-upward spiral, and Thursday continues her ever-upward march of them.

"Hey, are these stairs really endless? Like, how long do they go? How long does this whole, you know... ascending process take? And how will I know when I've reached the end?" she asks.

You are... already well... along your journey... Thursday... However the process... of ascension... takes time... and patience... and a lot... of reflection... You... and you alone... will know... when you are ready... I'm afraid...

Thursday sighs. "You really can't give me any hints or anything? Signs? Or like... a clue or puzzle to complete or anything? This is boring. It's not like I don't want to join you or anything. I really do! I promise. Not trying to trick you or anything."

We know... you do... but the process... is... the process... for... a reason... You... will know... when... you... are ready...

Thursday wishes she knew what The Narrative meant by all this. She'd feel a whole lot better knowing what she was looking for. It was part of why she never bought into the whole religion thing while she was alive. Faith. Faith was based on things she couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't prove with anything other than just... well, faith. The blind belief in something that couldn't be proven with facts. She had no proof of God. No feeling that he or she or whoever was ever there for her. Not even after her mother died. She'd tried. She'd really tried to pray. To go to church, even, at times, trying to reach someone, anyone. But there was nothing. No one. No answer. Just silence.

So she gave up seeking answers from that source. There was no source there, after all. To her, she may as well have been talking to a wall. A wall, at least, she could see and feel. And it at least provided some kind of protection against bullshit.

She does eventually find out, though, after many more hours of ascending this staircase, hours of thought, reminiscing about her life - she was actually thinking about her mother again, when it hit her, the pain, stabbing right through her with so much intensity she cried out and dropped to her hands and knees, right there on the staircase, tears instantly springing to her eyes, sobs wrenched from deep down in her lungs.

It hurt. It hurt so much, losing her mother. It was the most painful thing she'd ever experienced. She'd always heard that childbirth was the most painful thing a person could experience, but they were wrong. Physical pain wasn't the worst. It was always, always emotional pain. Mental pain. And the memory of the way she'd been sat down by her mother and step father, along with her brothers -

Stage IV. Spread to her lymph nodes, liver, spine in two places, incurable, six months-

-slamming into her like a tidal wave, followed by another-

-Charlie, I'm sorry I let you down so much, I always let you down/No, Mommy, you never let me down, you've never let me down-

-followed by another-

-didn't work, how could it have not worked? They said you had the best chance on this new medicine! They said it was a 100% match! I don't understand-

followed by another-

-No, I'm not leaving her, I want to stay with her-

On and on and on, like snapshots, wrenched from her mind and forced right there in front of her, as if she hadn't felt them enough throughout her life.

It's too much. It's too much. It's too much. Like drowning in fire. Like drowning in freezing water. She can't go on. She can't go on. She can't go on.

Rise... Thursday... Ascend...

"No... No... I-... I c-can't..." she croaks, curled up there on the stairs like a shivering, whimpering little shrimp.

Thursday... Rise... Ascend...

"Why... Wh-Why... Why are you... doing this?"

Thursday.............. Rise............. Ascend...........

"Nnnnnmmmmm....."

It takes an enormous amount of effort on her part, but she does, she does rise, and she does continue her ascent.

A few steps later, it happens again.

[remindingpersephone]

The Toll It Takes

Putting this under the cut, for those who would rather not read my rambling

I want to write, but I can’t hold onto the inspiration, or the drive.  I get an idea and it sounds good in theory, but I cannot hold onto it long enough to write it.  The discipline and energy to do the work, even though it’s a labor of love, is still labor. 

Writing has been getting harder and harder for me over the last 10 years or so.  It started as just jumping from story to story.  Then it became not writing for a few days or weeks.  Now it’s more like months and months without writing.

Obviously the upheaval in my life has an effect as well.  I cannot go through all of this – my mom’s need for constant care, the emotional impact of her medical condition and the demands on my time, the stress and anxiety that is a byproduct of all of it – and it not have a profound impact on my creative output.  Hell, it’s having a profound impact on damn near every aspect of my life.

Because this isn’t just my mom getting sick and dying.  This is my life being put on hold to care for her; to put her needs before mine.  And it’s not for just a few weeks or months like we thought at first.  She’s more than 7 months post diagnosis – when the doctor’s gave her less than 6 months to live.  This is a very good thing because it’s given all of us time to spend with her.  But if I am completely honest – and I can only be so here – I want this to be over.  Wanting that floods me with guilt because it’s not like this being “over” means she recovers and life will go back to the way it was.  This only ends with my mother’s death.  Please know that I am grateful that I had the time to care for her in a way that makes her comfortable; so that whatever time she has left she is not miserable, in a horrible place, surrounded by strangers.  I am blessed with support both financially and emotionally from the people in my life.  But there is no break.  I don’t get even one day off.  I haven’t had a day off from the physical and emotional burden of caring for my mother since her diagnosis.  So, I am making due with an hour here, an hour there, and I can only hope that is enough.  But I cannot pretend that this isn’t taking a toll. 

But life always takes a toll, doesn’t it?  Life is never all fun and sunshine and rainbows.  There are difficulties and tiny damages right alongside the parties and celebrations, no matter how successful and wonderful the stage of life.  I know there will come a day when she will be gone and I will have more time.  Will I utilize that time to do all the things I wish I could do right now?  Who knows?  I am a champion at wasting time on “research” or “preparation”.  I think there is a part of me that is mad at myself for not taking advantage of the time I had when I had it, before my mom needed so much more from me.  Is there a lesson to be learned here about not wasting time when we have it?  Probably.  But will I learn it?

I can only hope that once I have the thing I want now – time to myself – I won’t be overwhelmed by the grief and guilt of what it will cost to have it.

[mjrtaurus]

Modern!AU Ace asking Dragon the "did I deserve to be born?" question because every version of Ace has abysmal self-worth growing up. Coupled with confusion as to why Dragon even keeps him around when he already has a son like Luffy. Everybody loves Luffy. He makes friends so easily and even though he's a headache for their teachers, they still consider him a joy to have around. Meanwhile Ace is dour and chases everyone he doesn't pick fights with away.

Ace is just another mouth to feed.

Ace is only good for cheap labor.

Ace isn't going to amount to anything.

Ace isn't a real part of this stupid nice family.

Ace is... being hugged so tight by Dragon right now.

This poor kid…

He’d lost his birth parents from day one, both of whom loved him more than anything. He was told about all the worst of his father and none of the best, and it had eclipsed everything of his mother. Garp had been too grief stricken to even keep him when Roger and Rouge passed, and Dadan’s rough life was no place for a kid.

Of course he felt unwanted…

But Dragon wasn’t going to stand for that. Not at all.

He sits down and tells Ace about his father. Funnily enough, Roger was Dragon’s own godfather. A little bit weird, but it is what it is.

He tells him about the man who would have given you the shirt off his back whenever you were feeling down, and then would have gone and knocked the teeth out of the person who had made you feel that way. He tells him about the man who had worked with a retired marine and a gator farm owner to get a violet eyed child to safety and his no good cartel working father in prison. He tells him about the man who willingly took in refugees and wayward souls whenever the winds blew them to his doorstep.

He tells Ace everything about Roger that the world likes to forget about.

He wishes he could tell him more about Rogue… he really does. He thinks she may have been fleeing something when she met Roger and settled with him, but he can’t say for sure. She had Ace through in vitro, that much he knows. Infertility was a byproduct of the chemotherapy Roger had been going in for, but none of the pregnancies took until a few months after he had passed, which… had subjected Ace to a lot of cruel words about his mother as well.

She had passed soon after the birth. Complications.

So, when Ace asked him if he deserved to be born… Dragon told him that he did. How could he not have deserved to be born when Roger and Rogue wanted nothing more than to have a child of their own to love and cherish? They loved him so, so much… and anyone who tells him otherwise doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

[shrikeseams]

friends, try not to die of cancer unless you are rich 'cause that shit's expensive.

[twisted-tales-told]

I think it’s actually starting to hit me that my moms health is going to get worse

Like this isn’t going to get better. I’m going to watch her be in pain until the day (hopefully many years from now) she dies because this is terminal. And it’s not normal and I’m going to lose her sooner than I should have to.

[lobotomydaughter]

yelling /

around this time last year i lost an uncle to terminal illness and now another relative is dying. in the middle of all of this my younger brother had a suicide scare. i honestly don't even know what to do or how to feel about any of this anymore. not numb, but it's just so much loss and fear and medical scares all at once. the timing would never be good but the fact that there's been no room to breathe or mourn or anything is weighing on me. i think i slept maybe five uninterrupted hours total this week and it's about to be friday. i was so fucking tired and stressed from everything today that when i went to vacuum i started to cry because i thought it was broke and i really can't afford a new vacuum but no, i just never even plugged it in. in no way am i trying to like. make my relatives health concerns abt me but also? watching your family slowly die to incurable disease is not easy. i am just. so fucking stressed.