#dont know where im going to be in my future at all | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cugzarui · 1 day ago

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future self here: read the article it's pretty good. anyway down heres my take before i finished the article

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ok imma make the post while reading the article

this reads more like something thats meant to make you outraged than something that makes a genuine attempt to analyze the lightning thief. ragemongering if you will.

Now why the hell would the Greek gods ever live in America? Great question. Here’s where it starts to get real ugly real quick.

is it though? is it really? cuz im pretty sure the real world reason is to have an excuse to make the series happen in America (the home of the target audience) as opposed to greece (not the home of the target audience). and the in-story reason is just whatever lets you justify this in-universe.

Chiron who had been previously disguised as a Latin teacher in a wheelchair—presumably to better hide his… horse parts? I’m not sure

yes? it has admittedly been a while since i read those books but im pretty sure that is the cannon in universe reason why he uses a wheelchair. did you read the book?

ok reading further they start bringing up actually relevant points that do support their claim. im not gonna copy all of that but i will respond with: it is still a book about the greek gods and is based on greek legends. idk if you forgot but greeks are white europeans. legends about demigods tend to have exceptionalism as part of their main themes. often explicitly. yea unless you're writing some really sanitized story, basing it on greek legends will probably make it at least a little problematic.

i didnt know that bit about western civilization being a new concept. that is a good point:

This emphasis on the power of western civilization — a concept that didn’t emerge until the 19th century and was bound up in “imperialism and colonialism, white supremacism, classism and exceptionalism” — absolutely pervades The Lightning Thief,

lets keep reading -

It is perhaps tempting to write this off as a common — albeit indelicate — narrative technique. Riordan is writing for Americans, so he crafted a narrative focused on Americans.

oh i was anticipated.

the promotion of a (falsely) white ancient Greece and Rome is not limited to The Lightning Thief. White people love narratives wherein Greeks, Romans, and their gods are white

ok yea ancient greece wasnt just white people. still they were definitely europeans. actually let me just google this real quick -

What races lived in ancient Greece?

Hellenes

Central and Eastern Greek tribes (Aeolians, Achaeans and Ionians) ...

Western Greek tribes (Dorians and Macedonians) ...

Macedonians-Magnetes.

https://en.wikipedia.org

List of ancient Greek tribes - Wikipedia

that doesnt help much. a bunch of ancient greek tribes i don't recognize. hmmm maybe if i go into the article and nope nope just more words and graphs i dont understand. ok since im a little stupid lets go with this. ancient greece definitely had non-white people in it too, but i dont think its that controversial to say it was mainly white europeans. if not, then you have to explain how the current inhabitants are mostly white europeans. which...idk you can probably explain it pretty easily but i am not smart and the simplest explanation is just that the ethnicities of the current inhabitants roughly matches that of the ancient inhabitants.

i still dont think its so unreasonable to assume that rick decided to move the gods to america as a way to appeal to his audience, rather than as some kind of white supremacist move. though tbf it could be both. he doesn't even have to be aware hes doing it for it to be the case. but just because it could be the case doesnt mean it is.

the way he phrases it in-story does kinda seem supremacist now that i think about it but again, this is a story about demigods and is based on ancient myths and literal legends. giving these things some epic framing with exceptionalism is hardly surprising.

and...thats about all the notes i have about the article. it goes on to make a lot of good points and best of all, it doesn't actually pile up on rick and his stories that much. just brings attention to the fact that there is some genuine white supremacy stuff in there and that you should be aware of that. it doesn't even tell you not to read them and it makes note of the fact rick has gotten much better at not doing white supremacy.

in a way i was right about this article being rage mongering. just that it only rage mongers at the beginning as a way to draw you in to read it. call that a hook call it clickbait but the article is genuinely good and insightful and i recommend reading it.

you thought you can just read my addition instead of the article didnt you? think again buster you are merely a fool.

so like. everyone in the pjo fandom has read this article right? ok cool

#cugzarui reply #analysis #something good #percy jackson #lightning thief

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s0lar-ch3ri · 3 days ago

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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO @justyouraverageleafykinnie AND @dogboyratgirl TAKE THE SILLIES

tw theyre fluffy and sweet in this so yeah (also long. also will maybe post to ao3 someday idrk)

title is "together we can figure it out!" a bears in trees lyric

this fic features lint from wonderlust as well as wonderlust ocs of my friends :3 (I AM NOT CAUGHT UP WITH WONDERLUST DO NOT EXPECT TO GET FUTURE EP REFS I DONT MIND SPOILERS IM JUST SAYING)

description: It's Aluntine's day (or their world's Valentine's day), and for strange, almost 100% homosexual reasons, Lint can't do anything but find his way back to Apple.

Lint had faced many Aluntines days inside the bakery with his mom, just making cookies. Couples came in, grabbed sweet little treats for their sweet little treats (that isn't incredible wording, maybe he hangs out by Troy too much), and left. It wasn't a lonely time, not when it made business. As he looks across the tables before opening, things feel different.

"You alright Bumblebee?"

Lint half-buzzes back a response. It's not even opening time, he needs to keep it together. Come on!

"Repeat that?"

He buzzes a bit more, less responding to the question and more mumbling to himself. Nothing else is different, nothing's too special about today, well maybe minus...

He leaves the bakery, off to find his sweet little treat.

Apple is not expecting much today. Yes, this time around, Apple could have gone with Lint somewhere nice, however he knew Lint was busy today at the bakery, so maybe he would bug him after. In the meantime, Apple was working on writing something. The plan was simple: finish this, check on the orchard, maybe visit the bakery and see that bee, all that good stuff.

Just like how he changed his life, Lint had changed his plans. With a jumpscare that made Apple fall out his chair, a special bee came buzzing in. All of Apple's panic faded into something softer seeing the culprit of the noise. He sighs a bit.

"Hello, sugarfly."

"I...I feel strange." Lint stands a bit awkwardly in the doorway. Apple repositions himself so they sit up better.

"Go on."

"I thought today was gonna be a normal day, but it just...doesn't. And I didn't know where to go so..."

"Of course." Apple starts cleaning up his writing supplies. He can finish it later.

"Do you uh- how do you ask this sort of thing..."

Apple bleats curiously.

"Do you want to be my Alumni? I just...I don't know. We can uh, hang out, like always, but, special? Not really? Help me out here..."

Apple giggles. "Of course darling."

He buzzes excitedly and Apple can't help but grin at him. I mean, when it's a nice day outside, pretty and basically shining, who could help themself?

"What were you thinking of?"

Lint sinks a bit into himself. Oh cog, he didn't think of something big. Or, uh, anything. What did Mars say? Deep breaths? He takes a couple, in for 7, hold for 6, release for 5. Surely Apple wouldn't mind. He hates liars anyways.

"I uh...I don't know. I just knew I had to come to you."

"That's okay! We can figure it out together!"

Cog that goat was pretty. No, Lint, focus! You have to give them the best date he's ever seen! Just how…

“Maybe a nice restaurant?”

“They may be all reserved out babydoll…”

“Oh…Does my place sound nice?”

“Always does.”

Did it feel silly to take Apple from their house to bee’s? Yes, but to be fair, there were specific things Lint needed there to make sure this was perfect. Apple deserved nothing less.

Walking in, she hears some commotion from the kitchen, mostly just grumbling and the sounds of the assembly of a gift. Looking past his neutral green walls into the kitchen with its purple walls, he sees Troy, bright red and looking just pissed. He angrily puts a ribbon around a set of orchids colored with mint and blue orchids. Despite his pissed…everything, Troy handles the flowers with much care.

“Something wrong Champion?”

“JAX.”

“Is he-”

“THAT STUPID PRETTY BOY BASTARD ASKED ME ON A DATE BEFORE I COULD AND I NEED TO BEAT HIM WITH MY SLED. ALSO MAYBE KISS HIM.”

“You go do that love.”

Troy stomps by him, grabbing his face gently and kisses his cheek. Lint giggles, which sounds a bit like a buzz. He buzzes a lot. That wasn’t a bad thing, he hopes. Maybe he should just set up the movie.

“We uh, we’ve gotten a lot of movies. There’s Ratatoing- that’s not a good one, there’s Cloverfield, Jax may have left around his strange ‘Ratnarok’ documentaries or something- what interests you?”

“Uhhhh, all of them?”

“Love Rattually it is.”

As Apple helps with selecting the movie, he sets up the couch with its assortment of pillows and blankets. One is plain and fuzzy, a muted green, another a felt one with sunflowers on it. Lint grabs some pretzels and popcorn in the kitchen, he also prepares 2 cups of coffee, one for himself, and one for his heaven send.

Apple is still by the couch, sitting, waiting for Lint. He holds the letter he had planned to give Lint later that day, going over each carefully plucked and nurtured word. Lint had brought lights to his days that he would have known from no other being or aspect of living, the least he can do is give him something of perfection. Lint deserves nothing less.

He adds a couple details to it and carefully folds it so as to not crease it. He hopes it’s good enough. They finish the set up as footsteps come on by them behind the couch. Lint holds his arms around Apple from above as bee places in his hands a cup of coffee.

“Got you a cup! Made with love.” Lint is buzzing with joy, putting his head on Apple’s shoulder. Apple takes this as the chance to pepper him slightly with kisses, but like any well made dish, too much seasoning- well here it just made him giggle and light-heartedly protest.

“Let me put my cup down first angel!” He smiles and snickers and Apple feels his heart flutter around and he gains another reason to love him.

Lint climbs over into the blankets and snuggles up next to Apple as they play some movies, drinking coffee. At certain parts, Apple turns his gaze back to Lint and sometimes Lint’s looking at him. As eyes meet, the boys giggle as they give each other compliments and flirts and kisses. As their binging goes on, their energy simmers down with the time, fading into simple cuddling on the couch. Cups sit on the table, basically empty, with the TV’s hum as natural to the environment as Lint’s buzzing was to him. He adored this bee beyond words.

He carefully wriggles his letter out from his pocket, using the blue light to guide his reading ability.

‘’Dearest sweetest bee I’ve known, Lint

There are many things I want to tell you. I want to tell you how you are the light of my days and how no sun nor star could outshine you. I want to tell you how your voice is a gracious melody, with each note and buzz writing a harmonious tune I wish to hold forever. I want to tell you how I could count the stars that trail the sky and name all the shades of its majesty and not once could I think of a world where it’d be a more beautiful sight then the warmth of your smile. I want to tell you how you’ve taken my world and sculpted it to a more magical and wondrous one then I could have arrived too. I want to tell you how the ideas of love and friendship were carefully taught to me by the wondrous bee you are. I want to tell you how you’re the sweetest nectar I’ve tried and I’ve never felt once a need to find another.

There are many things I want to tell you. Maybe I can settle with a few words. I love you Lint, you are a shining star, thank you, I love you, thank you.

All the love I can give,

Apple’’

He’s still unsure if all he’s wanted to say is there, if that’s what bee would understand is true. Thoughts swarm Apple’s head, like a wasp hive, aiming for his heart. Before he gets lost in his mind, Apple hears a small faint buzz from a special someone under his head. He seemed to have fallen asleep a bit ago. The small reminder grounds Apple and his heart calms down with him. He’s got someone too close to there to be so worried. He remembers Lint’s words before, what he didn’t exactly say but was always there.

I didn't know where to go so I came to you.

Apple smiles a bit, closing his eyes and falling for the background TV ambience himself. Together they will figure it out.

#jerwee supreme #the bright smoothie of words

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alkylic · 5 months ago

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been pretty stressed out lately (to be honest, what part of 2024 hasn't been stressful so far?) and i haven't gotten to post or found the motivation to draw much. so sorry about that.

#my art #ocs #lancer oc #ttrpgs #came up with a new guy when i had the time though . his name is Kenneth #he was an ex pilot that was involved in a life changing accident. lost his entire previous life to it and was thrown to the bottom #kenneth chen #im also super sorry if anyone who happens to see this have gotten commission from me w no updates yet. i dont know when my brain will let m #work again. its all just been so stressful #dont know where im going to be in my future at all #but i digress. some art #my ocs #9/30/24

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jils-things · 2 days ago

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i don't want to ruin this fun week of valentines + my eventual birthday but. been thinking about some things again and i just wanna let it out somewhere

#its safe to say that im pretty much a desensitized person towards media that can be difficult to look at. dark media if you will. horror #i in fact enjoy a lot of it. that's why I don't really mind looking at gore or blood or ig psychological/mentally draining topics #i really like understanding it. there's something really fun about finding art in something that disturbs #but what I don't like is when. people take that aspect of me and. kind of turn it around #idk its so hard to describe it but... it really made me upset #“you say you're desensitized to many things yet you breakdown so easily over an emotional matter”#something like that. that i was told before #that one really offended me. of course i will be sad when something so close to me is affected. i cried so bad when my first dog died #of course i will be absolutely shattered at that.#of course i will be sad knowing my friend isnt going to come visit me anymore because they're not in the same country as me anymore #of course i will miss things and people who mean so dearly to me. i am very adoring of people im close to #i love to love people who i like. i will be hurt if the people who love me upsetted me. its natural for me and im sure this applies to many #so me breaking down over something that means so much to me. even for someone like me who can handle shit like horror or. horrid shit -#is NOT the same thing. its not. horror is a media/theme psychological horror is a media/theme #being absolutely upset and heartbroken over something I care so much is not ... the aforementioned #i felt so. angry when they said that. i still think about it even if we've made up. i dont know. i cant help but dwell on it too much #i still think i'm mentally strong and capable towards handling difficult topics. but i am very much softhearted towards personal matters #im not too sure where im going with this. it's just. dont ever “weaponize”(?) something i'm capable of #i don't know if weaponize is the right word im just trying to find a descriptor #i mean. this is odd right? im not overthinking this am i?#that's all. i just want to put it somewhere #ive learned that bottling your internal conflicts excessively will do more damange than contro #its okay to control it. but not too much. too much that it's all you think of #and im spilling it for now so that i can have more room to bottle up for future pains

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samthecookielord · 11 months ago

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Days without thinking so hard about how little we know about who clive actually is: 0

#random stuff #WAGH RAGH !!!!! TEARS UP WALLS IM SO NNORMALLL #like YES HE GETS. SO MUCH SCREENTIMR AND SPOTLIGHT #BUT WE DONT.EVEN KNOW HIM WE DONT EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!#all we see is clive at his worst #or clive when hes lying #how much of that was the false idea of 'future luke'? how much was really clive?#we only ever get like 3 glimpses of who clive really is. 2 of which are from the credits #the family photos (which i will forever think about every little implication of) & the one of little clive walking with his parents #and spring and cogg's comments on clive if you talk to them post-reveal #MOST OF WHICH. ARE EITHER STAGED (yknow family photo they had to pose for that n such). OR SECONDHAND ACCOUNTS #i do not DOUBT he was certainly as happy as he looked in those photos. but god. thinking about it forever #and ig you can maybe count the end where clive is all like i prommy ill atone for my crimes...#but homeboy is Concussed and Just Destroyed London and Is Going To Jail #i dont think thats entirely representative of what hes like on an average day #and. i guess im more thinking of. we dont even know who clive Was #hes certainly very changed from this experirnce #goddddddd i could ramble forever goddddd

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago

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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

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angelstrawbabie420 · 5 months ago

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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it

#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn #god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from #but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell #but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at #least become more resistant to it #i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE #and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless #it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19 #but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on #FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick #then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything #it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life #i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself #ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt #available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival #and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches #the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair #and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true #and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears #i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30 #it was all so sudden and quick and shocking #yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit #and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant #over this bullshit #it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies #everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS #it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm #it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.

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arsenicflame · 5 months ago

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hi so, checking in (sorry, its personal bullshit again, ill get back to the fandom stuff you actually wanted,,,, eventually)

things. are going bad. like, really bad, like last january bad. like im about to lose all my personhood again bad. im hoping its still just going to be a small blip and things will start upticking soon, but. im bracing for that not to be the case. it feels different to me

i vaguely mentioned earlier in the week taking a bit of a step back, and ive decided to extend that into a full break. my queues probably going to run out before im back, though i have slowed it down some. thatll be the only noticable difference for 99% of people. i wont guarantee any dm responses on here, but ill do my best for the couple of people who have me on discord

i didnt really want to do this again but it gets messy in my head, and ive found the best way to control the clawing beast of attention and need and the things that make me want to be a person i dont want to be is to cut it off at the source. its not nice, and it hurts, and it definitely kills the chances of making friends but. i promise you its better than the alternative.

ill see you when i see you, i guess. i hope its soon. i hope this isnt how it feels to be. i hope the feelings that have existed this week go dormant again. but itll be what itll be. i can't change that

#i know these things do not matter in the long run but it feels important to me to say #easier to concentrate on public presence than the emotions of it i guess #nyxtalks #vent #not going to lie to you my friends. im scared #the problem is ultimately. it all feels rational in the end. it feels weighted and worthy and not just a product of mental illness #so i can sit here and feel as in control of my headspace as i want. its just i agree with my darkest thoughts #am i even a person worth the effort? all evidence points to one very clear answer #anyway #it scares me. ive felt more at home in my skin these past few months. had some rough spots for sure but. i hoped this would go away for muc #longer. i hoped i could at least get a couple of years #i dont know. i live in hopes of an impossible future where the dark doesnt get so dark you know? i think thatd be nice #i still can't function in any of the ways a person should. but at least i wouldnt be such a burden then #itd be easier to carry. if it was lighter #i dont really know what im saying im just. scared & sad & spending my entire day at work catastophising (and sm stuff there is NOT helping)#and all i really want is to lie curled up with my friends and not move for days and be held and comforted and feel a love that is true #and i dont even think thatd change things. i dont think anything can help me #even in my most fantastical scenarios i dont change. im just easier to love that way #ok im going to shut up now i dont think any of that had a point. its just rambles for me and me alone #ill see you when i see you. dont know when but i will be back. i can promise you that much #i have plans to keep for now at least

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koko2unite · 7 months ago

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so many expenses this month and most of it isnt even for me :(

#i hate that my family thinks i have lots of money even though my brother made a lot more than me #mom keeps telling me my brother might need it in the future so she refuse to ask him any #really shows that they do not respect me at all about this #and the worst thing is its always very sudden #a cold 5 min call where mom tell me “pay for this now! dont postpone it” and the payment is almost 1K #and my stupid ass cant even say no because if i say no they will make me feel guilty and then i feel like i wanna kms and end up paying anw #god #parents are gonna go on vacation soon #watch they'll be calling me soon to give them more money #and then go hom from there #and not bringing me any gift as usual #why should they care about the faggy child that failed to achieve his parents assigned goals #if anything putting all family expenses on me will quicken my death or worse force me to go back to them #so they can hold me and mold me back into what they want #i know their plan and i refuse to follow it #but they probably just need to shout on me once and i'll follow whatever their ask.. sad #i want to recoup by taking commissions but last time this happened and i took too many comms it ended up taking more than a month #i dont think i can handle that much anymore #AAAAAAAAA im tired

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dallonwrites · 2 years ago

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the first chapter of lover boy is really intense on an emotional level because So Many Things happen in quick succession it's like beau barely gets a chance to breathe and process it. meanwhile RR opening chapter is just felix and dorothy arguing in a laundromat.