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coquelicoq · 6 months ago

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how to write a sympathy card

so someone you know recently lost a loved one and you would like to extend your sympathy, but you have no idea what to say. here are some ideas to get the juices flowing. i did not even try to keep this short, so i've broken it up into four sections: general advice, what to include, some example cards i've written, and takeaways.

general advice

first, if you're reading this i'll assume that you have decided to express your sympathy in some way and just don't know how. the thing about doing this is it will always feel inadequate. it will often feel very awkward. you may be worried that everything you say sounds weirdly insincere even if it isn't. i'm here to tell you that that is all okay and normal and to be expected. i've written a lot of sympathy cards and afterwards i've never been like "wow, i nailed it!" and yet i've gotten a lot of comments from people thanking me for showing up even when all i did was send a measly insufficient card, because most people don't do that. it will mean something to the person that you did it at all, even if it's not perfect.

should you send your sympathy in a card or some other method? if you never send mail, if you don't have their address, if you don't even own stamps, maybe sending a card is not for you. but everything below also applies to an email you could send. i personally prefer a card because i like the physicality; it's something they can keep and look at later if they want to, and it's a way of showing a small amount of deliberation and care (i went to the store and picked this out; i sat down and handwrote this). more importantly, i feel like there's less pressure to respond to a card than an email, and a phone call can be overwhelming to someone who is already dealing with a lot of shit, while a card is just there whenever they feel up to looking at it. but that is entirely my own perspective; there are differences culturally as well as personally. you should do what makes sense for you.

do think about what you're trying to accomplish by sending this card. you may not be able to make things better, but you are certainly trying not to make things harder. one example of this might be: if your friend has just lost her mother, you might have a lot of complicated feelings about this that aren't really about your friend or her mother specifically (you also have a mother!), and that's natural and okay, but those feelings would perhaps be best to share with other friends of yours who didn't just lose their mother. another example: it's okay to be worried about your friend and how they're doing, but try not to imply that they owe you updates or that they're causing you a lot of stress by not keeping you in the loop. (of course, if they are instead sharing more with you than you can handle, it's important to set boundaries around that! though probably not through the mechanism of a sympathy card.)

it is okay to keep it really short and generic. again, i think just the act of thinking to get a card, getting a card, writing something in it, and mailing it already means something regardless of what is written in it. if you feel overwhelmed trying to figure out what to say, it is okay to keep it to "I'm thinking of you in this difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss." i also sometimes add "I don't know what to say, except that [I'm thinking of you, etc.]."

one thing i've learned that makes this harder is that you cannot assume you know how anyone else feels. you may be thinking, "i also lost a parent, so i know how it feels," but you only know how you felt about it. there are infinite ways to feel about losing someone, including:

sadness for the deceased, that their life is over

sadness for themself, that the deceased is gone

sadness for the other people who lost the deceased

fear of their own mortality

fear of dying in the same way

fear of how their life is going to change without the deceased

relief that the deceased is no longer suffering

relief that their caretaking duties are over

relief that the deceased can no longer mistreat them

anger at the deceased for dying or for not doing something before they died

anger at god

anger at others/self for contributing to their death or not saving them

overwhelm from all the logistical things there are to deal with when someone dies

overwhelm from all the emotions

confusion at their own reaction

guilt for outliving the deceased

guilt for not feeling sadder or for feeling other things in addition to sadness (or for being numb/in shock)

this is an incomplete list!!!

i try not to project onto my friend or put words in their mouth, because it can be very isolating to be told how other people think you should feel if that's not exactly how you feel. because you're sending them a sympathy card, there is some baseline assumption that there is something to feel sympathy about. but beyond that i try to be careful not to get super specific about how "you must be feeling" or how hard "this must be". generally i try to avoid the word "must" because it implies that there is a certain way this is supposed to go, when there isn't.

if i know that they are struggling in some way but haven't talked to them much about it, i personally usually feel okay saying "Loss is hard" or "It's hard to lose someone", which might seem similar to "This must be hard", but avoids the word "must" and the direct reference to their situation ("loss" in general vs. "the particular instance of loss you are experiencing"). if i don't know much at all about how they're doing, i might say "Loss can be hard", which presumes even less, or i might not directly mention the difficulty of loss at all.

but also, it's okay to be more specific and personalized if you have been in contact with your friend as they've been processing the situation. it's good to acknowledge specific feelings that they've told you about, but try to also leave room for other feelings and/or ways their feelings might have changed.

what to include

here are some categories of sentiments you may want to include (all optional!):

thinking of you: even though it's kind of self-evident that you're thinking about them, this is something that is always appropriate to say and always nice to hear. examples: You're in my thoughts. I'm thinking of you often.

wishing you comfort/support: comfort and support are very safe things to wish somebody because they don't assume anything very specific about how they're feeling, and they express care for their wellbeing without putting pressure on them to be fine. I hope you can find moments of comfort in the coming days. I hope you're feeling supported by friends and family.

sorry for your loss: this is one of those things everyone knows is a stock phrase, but it's the kind of stock phrase that imo actually communicates something, so i do generally use it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

my heart goes out to you: this stock phrase is a little iffier, meaning it can be kind of a toss-up on whether or not it will sound insincere. it might depend on how close you are to the person. use your discretion. again, even things that sound insincere to you can still mean a lot to the recipient. My heart goes out to you. My heart is with you.

i'm here for you: offer logistical and/or emotional support if you want to and if you're reasonably sure that you could provide it. if you're able to be specific, that can be very helpful; one thing that can be overwhelming in the aftermath of a loss is dealing with lots of people wanting to help and having to come up with ways for them to do that. Please reach out anytime if it would help to talk about it. If you ever need to be distracted, I'm good at that! I'd love to bring over some food/help out with chores and errands; I'll text you to see if that would be helpful and not disruptive.

prayers: if you and the recipient are both religious/spiritual and it feels right to say, you could say "I'm keeping you in my prayers" or similar, in addition to or in lieu of "I'm thinking of you." if you are religious but the recipient isn't (or you're not sure if they are), i suggest not saying this, but use your judgment. some people don't mind hearing that someone is praying for them even if they don't believe in prayer and may in fact expect you to say it if you are known as someone who often expresses care through prayer, but for others, this can be actively offensive. i would say when in doubt, stick to "thoughts" instead of "prayers". You're in my prayers. I'm praying for you.

there are many ways to grieve: this one is harder to describe, but i like to include something that validates whatever the recipient may be feeling, despite not knowing how the recipient is feeling. the downside of a card is that it's not in real time, so you really have no way of knowing how your friend is feeling when they read it, even if you talked to them previously and know how they were feeling during that conversation. so i like to, in addition to not assuming any particular emotions, make space for the fact that their emotions may be shifting in ways that are confusing or distressing. but you have to be kind of vague about it, because you don't even know if that's happening. I hope you have the space to grieve in whatever way you need to/is meaningful for you. I hope you're getting through this time in whatever way is best for you.

you may want to express your own grief over the loss of this person, if you knew them. i think this can be comforting for the recipient to hear, but i suggest keeping it brief and not overwrought. the last thing you want is for your friend to feel they have to manage your emotions in addition to their own. if you can, do the below instead of or in addition to this.

now i will share my LIFE HACK!! for the very best thing to put in a sympathy card. this will not always be possible, because it relies upon a) you yourself having a relationship with the deceased (which is not always the case) and b) you being able to remember things (which i often cannot, especially when i'm sad). but if you can, i highly suggest something along the lines of the following.

say what you will remember the deceased for. (I will remember them for their wry sense of humor. I will remember them as a compassionate/driven/curious person.)

give an example of a memory you have of them in which they exemplified that characteristic.

if you can't do both, it's also good to do just one and not the other. if you have a favorite memory but it's too hard to think of adjectives to attribute to them, just share the memory. if you tend to think of them as [positive adjective] but no specific evidence is coming to mind, that's okay, this isn't a debate. in general it is comforting to people to know that they are not the only ones who will remember their lost loved one.

example cards

i will now give some examples of cards i've written. these all feel really awkward and inadequate to me, and you can see i didn't always stick to my own advice! but they were all deeply appreciated.

[to my coworker. i didn't have much detail except knowing her dad had been in the hospital a lot, and she was sad that he died]

I was so sorry to hear about your father. It seems like the last few years have been hard on your family, and loss is especially hard. I hope you are able to take the time you need to be with your family and cherish your memories of him together.

[to my friend's mother after the passing of her husband. i knew from talking to my friend that her mom was struggling especially with outliving him, because she was sick and had expected for a long time to die before him]

I'm thinking about you and [friend's name] a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing someone is so hard. Adjusting to their absence is, too. I hope that you're finding moment of comfort and feeling supported by friends and family. He will be missed. I will remember him for his wry sense of humor; I still have a "card" from him on my fridge (he cut out a sample "thank you" card greeting that said "The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention" from a list of things to write in different kinds of cards (a sample message for a "Get Well Soon" card was on the back, crossed out) and simply added my name at the top and his name at the bottom. It's one of my favorite pieces of mail I've ever received and it's been on my fridge for many years). I am so sorry that he's gone. You are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you.

[to my close friend and her husband i don't know as well, after a late-term abortion for a baby they had been very excited to raise. in this case i knew some of my friend's feelings, but not her husband's, and while i knew that many things about the pregnancy had been hard (lots of waiting for test results about the viability of the fetus, for one thing), i didn't want to imply that the decision to abort was hard, because my friend said it wasn't]

I'm thinking of you both lots. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. It sounds like it's been a difficult and fraught process, and I hope you're getting space and time to grieve and to come to terms with the loss. I hope you're getting whatever kind of support you need. If there's anything I can do to help, whether logistical or emotional, please let me know. I would love to be of service to you. I wish I knew what to say. You've just had such a fantastically shitty year. I do believe that things will get lighter for you both, and I hope that happens soon. Take care, and know you are cherished.

[to my grandmother after the loss of her estranged brother, when i was extremely unsure how she was feeling about it and had my own complicated emotions]

I just wanted to send you a card to say I'm thinking of you. Mom let me know about Uncle [name]. I know things had been strained for many years and I haven't seen him in a long time, but I'm sorry to hear that he's passed. I hope that you and [grandmother's sister] are able to reminisce in whatever way feels appropriate and meaningful to you. I'm not sure what else to say, other than I'm thinking of you, I love you, and I'm sorry. It was really nice to see you at [family member's] graduation the other day. The next time we're together, I look forward to giving you such a big hug! I feel very lucky to be your granddaughter and to have you in my life.

[to my grandmother after the loss of my 38yo cousin, which was hitting me really hard]

I don't know what to say, but I just wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you and that I'm thinking of you, and [cousin], and [uncle], and [father], every day. It's so hard to lose someone, and I'm so sorry for your loss. My grief is a strange animal that sneaks up on me at the strangest times. I hope you are finding moments of comfort and feeling supported by friends and family. I'm looking forward to the day when I can hug you in person.

[to my close friend on the loss of her father after a long illness. she had been leaning on me for support, as another person who has lost someone after a long illness]

I'm thinking about you lots. I hope you're getting through this time in whatever way is best for you. Loss is hard even when you know it's coming and even when you get to say goodbye. I hope you are finding comfort and feeling how loved you are. He was a special person, and I'm so sorry he's left you. I know part of him will live on in you and the other people who learned from and admired him. It's still so hard to lose him, and grief is a strange animal. Take care. Reach out anytime. I love you so much.

takeaways

it will probably feel inadequate to you, but chances are it will still be appreciated.

remember that though you may not be able to make things better, you are trying not to make things harder.

it is okay to keep it really short and generic.

you cannot assume you know how anyone else feels. there are many ways to grieve. that said, it's nice to acknowledge any specific feelings your friend has expressed to you, while also leaving room for other feelings you may not know about.

if you want to offer support, it can help a lot to be specific in how you are able and willing to help.

it is usually comforting to people to know that they are not the only ones who will remember their lost loved one.

even if you do it awkwardly, just the act of reaching out is meaningful! people don't know you're thinking about them unless you tell them.

and remember to take care of yourself, too! watching friends lose loved ones can be hard for you as well for a variety of reasons. reach out to other friends for support when you need it.

#grief #support #cards #my posts #long post #f #unfortunately this has been very relevant this year #i dug this out of drafts because a friend just lost her mom after losing her dad earlier this year. and then her unborn child #what a shitty year she has had. what do you even say? well past me had some advice about this

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mesetacadre · 6 months ago

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How can I stop my otherwise well-meaning friends and myself from falling into the trap of Adventurism?

Adventurism is so appealing because it interfaces with (1) an understandable impatience to see change and with (2) the individualism conditioned into people by growing up in and existing within liberal frameworks and common pathways for understanding societal and historical change. If, for the formative years of your life, the dominant ideology of capitalism, that being liberalism in all its branches, is educated into you through all possible channels, especially history, it's to be expected that an individual who decides to participate in some of that change will see themselves as an agent in and of themselves. If your perspective on both history and current events can be boiled down to a simple concatenation of events whose only common motor is the free will of the most remarkable individuals, then you will try to act like one of those remarkable individuals and create one of these events through the only motor of your free will. And, the set of actions and attitudes that fall under the category of adventurism meets those frameworks very neatly for the radical extremes of liberalism. It's both the far left of liberalism and far right of liberalism that find adventurist methods appealing, though for describing the attitudes of that far right, using accelerationism is more common and IMO more accurate, but at their core, adventurism and accelerationism are the same methods modified by the particulars of their corresponding ideologies.

That is an erroneous way to look at the world of course, history is moved by the forces exerted by massified classes, themselves defined by their role in the mode of production, as well as the historical forces that serve as a precedent. It's not remarkable individuals who move history in any direction that they please, it's history and the weight of the context in which they exist that limits and expands the possibility of their action. It's more than the simple sum of all individual parts. Individuals are not agents, they are constituent parts that can only effect change when they act like so, organized as constituent parts, aware of the limitations and possibilities afforded by the past and present context. If you want to avoid the pitfalls of liberalism and individualism, such as adventurism, you should commit to a conscious change in the framework through which you see history, because adventurism is logical in one framework, and isn't in another.

This whole CEO murder business has had people of all stripes (such as myself, even if you think I'm a wet blanket) making fun of the situation. I also don't particularly care for the life of a capitalist. But there is also a smaller group of people who seem to believe this is significant. And within that, I think there is another division. First, the people who think this is significant because they believe that healthcare insurance providers have now been bullied into giving a better service, or because they believe that now all CEOs across the board will be scared themselves and do better things (or even because apparently now everyone will be hunting their nearest CEO). These are all various forms of engagement with adventurism. The second group of people, who I think are being much more reasonable, see the generalized perspective on this being that of celebration, that such a bad person got their comeuppance, and that this is first a proof that it's still very possible to stimulate class consciousness in the US working class, and that it is second a good opportunity to stimulate it.

While this is in some ways true, the class consciousness in display ("even by trump supporters", as if the difference between them and US democrats even existed) is one that's extremely unconscious. People dislike this guy because he's notorious among healthcare insurance providers and even his predecessors for denying a lot of claims. This is individualism again, people dislike him individually and maybe they dislike all individual healthcare insurance providers CEOs, or even all individual CEOs regardless of sector. The vast majority of people celebrating who you wouldn't expect aren't class conscious, they're class unconscious from decades of consequent liberal punches to their liver, heart, and head. Most people dislike him as an individual, and it's not very difficult to hate all CEOs without ever stepping off the wide bounds of liberalism and individualism. In fact, it's the placing that of pointless hate at the center of your ideology that's preventing you from shedding the ideology of capitalism.

And no, I don't mean to say that it's pointless to talk to your lifelong republican uncle about this or whoever, and I would encourage my USamerican followers to use this event to their advantage. But you can't think that just hating CEOs is a good enough base to develop a revolutionary consciousness. You need to begin seeing the world through a class lens, only then can you only really understand the impotence of adventurism, and that it lies in the fact that it does not engage with change through class, but through the individual, who by itself is an insignificant agent of change.

#ask #anon #seriousposting

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bandgie · 9 months ago

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Only if You Say Yes | Armageddon Event

Request: Pride | Park Sunghoon (ENHA) by anon song!

warnings! MDNI18+, fem!reader, college au, jealousy (mutual), hurt/comfort, fwb→lover/exes→lovers (depends how you look at it), alcohol mentions (no one is drunk) reader makes out with Jake, sunghoon is a bit of an asshole and controlling lol, PIV, no protection, failed pull-out method, make-up sex, semi-dom reader, cowgirl, brief fingering

notes! I kinda went off im sorry. trying out the angst I guess. last rec of the event!! (thank god)

5.4k words

It doesn’t bother you at all. Not how her hands caress his shoulders and pull him closer. Not how he leans into her touch, a shit-eating grin on his lips like he knows you’re watching. Even if they’re practically glued to each other on the couch, acting as if they’re anything more than fuck buddies - it doesn’t bother you in the slightest.

The reason your chest aches and your face feels hot is because of the alcohol. Jungle juice from college parties never sits right with you. This drink isn’t an expectation, but shit, you didn’t think it’d make your heart race.

“Fucking creep.” Sunoo sneers unashamedly. “Look at Sunghoon, looking at you like that bitch isn’t sucking off his face. I hate that guy.” He looks at you, an eyebrow arched and pouty lips forming a frown. “I can’t believe you hooked up with him.”

Hooking up with him would be an understatement. Sunghoon is a good lay, a great lay if you want to be honest. He was as good with his words as he was with his dick. You knew nothing would ever blossom beyond a good fuck, but damn. Why does he have to keep eyeing you like he knows?

“It’s whatever.” You shrug, eyes moving to the sea of people in the cramped apartment. “I don’t care.”

But Sunoo knows better, the smile settling on his lips says it all. “Right. Well, I think you should get your freak on girl. You’re having dick withdrawals. It’s bad for the heart…and pussy.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes despite a grin creeping on your lips. “Oh my god. You’re stupid.” Sunoo laughs with you, his pretty eyes turning into moon crescents. It makes you feel lighter like Sunghoon’s stare is nothing more than a fly buzzing around you. “But I think I’m done with hookups for a while. I have assignments to do and shit.”

“Ugh! Babe, you’re such a stick in the mud. Just a quick little make-out never hurt anyone.” He wiggles his eyes suggestively. “Could also make a little someone jealous.”

When you roll your eyes again, it’s pure irritation. “Anywho, I wouldn’t even know who with. Unless this is your way of asking me, and if so, I accept.” You pucker your lips, closing your eyes and leaning in only to be met with the palm of Sunoo’s smooth hand.

“Ew! Bitch, be serious. You know damn well you are not my type. I’m talking about Jake!”

That makes your eyes open and tilt your head so look at your friend. “Jake? I don’t think we’re very uh…compatible.”

Sunoo’s gaze fixes behind you. His hand lowers to his side and he smirks. “Guess we’re about to find out. Hey Jake!”

Speak of the fucking devil.

He comes from behind, and the sound of his heavy shoes echo like an omen. Jake nods in acknowledgment to Sunoo, eyes bouncing between you both. “Hey. Didn’t expect to see you two here.”

The black shirt clings to him nicely, the outline of his pecs visible. He wears a silver chain around his neck that only accentuates his jawline. And when he smiles, he directs it at you. “Especially you. I thought you’d be too busy moping.”

A look of shock ripples through you. It takes a few blinks and the awkward opening and closing of your mouth before you say, “W-what? Why?”

Jake looks confused for a second. He turns to the couch at the other side of the room where Sunghoon is now squished between two girls.

You take a swig of the burning alcohol.

“Weren’t you guys dating or something?”

Sunoo snorts, quickly covering his mouth and pinching his nose. You look at him, but his eyes tell you that he hasn’t said a peep about anything. You look back to Jake. “No? Where did you hear that from?”

More confusion etches on his masculine features. “Uh…Sunghoon?”

This time, Sunoo can’t contain his laughter. His giggles cause the people around him to look, but all you can focus on is the sincerity in Jake’s words. “What?”

“Oh, fuck me.” Sunoo’s face is flushed. “I need a drink.” Before you could even hold him captive, your friend quickly weaves through the drunk swarm of bodies to leave you and Jake.

Whatever. “What do you mean he said we were dating?”

“Okay, he didn’t use that word, but pretty much. I don’t wanna say too much, but he was basically acting like you two were an item.”

You shake your head. “Bullshit. Is that why he’s about to have a threesome on the couch right now?”

Jake sighs. “Well, now it’s different. He didn’t really tell me much other than that you dumped him-”

“We weren’t even dating.”

“Fine. That you told him to buzz off and he’s just trying to find a rebound. Listen, I know you don’t believe me, but Sunghoon was really…into you. He stopped hooking up with other people when he started seeing you.”

You hate the way your heart clenches. Like him keeping it in his pants is something romantic. “I…I don’t believe you.”

Jake shrugs. “I know. Sunghoon is a bit too prideful to admit when he likes someone. Sorry you had to put up with him.”

Despite the lump in your throat, you give a weak smile. “I did it to myself. I should have known. But if you’re really sorry, you should make out with me.”

Jake laughs with nervousness. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

“Hardly. This tastes like shit.” You wave the cup in the air, causing the liquid to slosh inside. “I’m being serious. About kissing. I think I need a rebound too.”

Most men are put off by the idea of having seconds, but Jake isn’t most men. “But me? You know I’ve been friends with Sunghoon since high school, right?”

You nod, trying so hard to hide the smile coming on your lips.

Jake grins widely. “Oh, I get it.” He leans down, an arm propping up on the counter and tilting his head so his mouth perfectly aligns with yours. He smells expensive, like not even a drop of liquor has managed to soil his clothing. “You’re too pretty to be so cruel.” But he doesn’t kiss you, not yet.

His nose touches the tip of yours and lowers until it grazes your chin. A breath gets caught in your throat when he trails over your jawline, finding the spot beneath your ear so he can whisper. “Is he looking?”

You’re almost scared to look. Jake places his hand on your waist to give an encouraging squeeze, but to most, it seems like he’s feeling you up.

And when you find the courage to glance at Sunghoon, that’s exactly what he’s thinking now. Even from across the room, you can see his pupils blown wide. He’s stiff despite the girls chatting and kissing on his neck. They’re trying to tug him back onto the couch, their glossy lips pouting and pleading, but Sunghoon looks as though he’s about to run to you.

“Is he?” Jake’s accent snaps you back. You’re now conscious of his lips brushing your neck, how he switches from one side to the other to give the illusion of leaving you marks.

And shit, with how his fingers dig into your back, you kind of wish he would.

“Y-yeah. He looks pissed.”

You can feel how Jake’s chest rumbles with laughter, vibrating your own. He pulls away from you, but not far at all. His eyes stare into yours mischievously. You nearly forget that this is the boy who gets the best grades and is on his way to valedictorian, but being Sunghoon’s friend also means he likes to think with the head in his pants too.

“Good. Let’s give him something to get real mad at, yeah?”

And when he leans in, you welcome him. His head tilts down while your’s tilts up. His lips mold against yours roughly, shoving his tongue deep and exploring your taste.

You let out a squeak. Logically, it’s better to start hot and heavy. Make Sunghoon see how desperate you are for each other, but you yearn for the sweet kisses Sunghoon gave you. His tongue would caress your own, coaxing it into his mouth so your spit could mingle and mix, forming strings when you pulled away.

But with Jake, you let him take full reign. There was something almost…hot letting someone have control. Jake didn’t care how your teeth clashed or if drool seeped from the corner of your mouth. He licked it back in as if he expected it, putting his tongue on yours quickly.

It took a moment for you to catch up with him. To move your lips so you could catch his muscle between them and suck.

He shivered. You could tell Jake wanted to keep going with how his arms wrapped around your torso and pulled you close, but he broke away. “No wonder Sunghoon’s so fucking obsessed with you.”

Sunghoon. You turn to the side, forcing Jake to land on your cheek but he quickly recovers. You scan the couch for any sign of Sunghoon, but he’s gone. The girls who swarmed him now look dejected, their annoyance clear.

But Sunghoon, where is he? You’re distracted by Jake’s mouth leaving open kisses on your neck and throat, but even then, Sunghoon should stick out like a sore thumb.

Jake’s lips bush over a sensitive spot and you shiver. An involuntary moan escapes your swollen lips and he eagerly laps his tongue over the skin. His teeth bite hard enough to make you whine, but that’s nothing compared to the yelp Jake lets out when he’s suddenly ripped away.

The loss of his body leaves you cold but Sunghoon’s fired eyes make you hot all over again.

He has Jake by the back collar of his shirt. The knuckles on his first are white as if begging to turn pink and red from letting his anger out on Jake’s pretty face.

Sunghoon doesn’t even have to say a thing. The look he gives his friend is full of warning and Jake straightens up immediately, nodding and silently surrendering to Sunghoon’s piercing gaze.

“She’s all yours, bro.” And with that, he leaves you with a wink.

Maybe it’s because of the arousal and adrenaline coursing through your veins, but you’re not as scared as you were before. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Sunghoon takes a step closer, anger dripping off his tone. “You’re sucking on my best friend's face and I’m not supposed to say anything?”

The people around you two have moved away, a wise choice.

You cross your arms. “Obviously not. I didn’t see you having an issue when those girls were all up on you. Why is it when I do?”

Sunghoon’s face morphs into cold humor. “Oh wow. What? You wanted to make me jealous or something?”

You burn red. “I did not!”

“You so did.” It feels like a punch in the gut when he laughs. “You think I give a fuck who you wanna make out with?”

“No shit you do. You wouldn’t have pulled him off me if you didn’t.”

Sunghoon’s eyes slide to your neck, right where Jake had been sucking. You doubt it’s purple, but you can bet your money it blooms with pink. You almost want to cover it with your hand, but you rather like the way Sunghoon’s jaw ticks.

“I’m not arguing with you here.” Before you can argue that he can at all, he pulls you by the arm. He doesn’t even bother weaving through the crowd, he bustles through it. Most people move aside, but the drunks are pushed by his shoulders and left to mourn their spilled drinks.

You catch Sunoo’s eyes. He’s got a man attached to his back, grinding against him to the beat of the music, but Sunoo doesn’t sway his hips at all. There’s worry in his eyes.

You shake your head and mouth, It's fine.

It’s all you get to say before Sunghoon drags you into the nearest room and shuts the door. Neither of you knows whose pad this is, the posters on the wall say it all. But Sunghoon walks around the room like he owns it.

Cocky bastard.

“I don’t want you around him again,” Sunhoon speaks with authority. “Don’t give me that shit and say you like him. I know damn well you don’t.”

You put your weight on one hip and huff. “And if I do? What? You’re gonna forbid me from speaking to him?”

“Yes.” Sunghoon stops pacing. “I haven't seen you in a month. And when I do, you’re trying to get in my friend’s pants?” Something like hurt echoes in his eyes. “I hate that.”

Fuck, you’re shaking. Your core trembles and though you try to blame the sensation on Jake, you know it’s Sunghoon’s dominating aura making your stomach clench. “You don’t think I hated seeing you with those girls? Letting them kiss you like they…like they own you? But I didn’t go over there and start a catfight, did I? No. You did. Acting like you’re my fucking boyfriend or something.”

He’s seething, and shit, you’ve never been so fired up. Anger and arousal mix within. Slick moistens your underwear seeing Sunghoon stride to you. Your stomach dips when he backs you against the wall.

You almost moan when his jaw tenses.

“I’m trying really, really hard not to yell at you right now.” Sunghoon’s lips quiver when he takes a shaky breath. “I told you I didn't want a relationship. You said that was fine. Then all of a sudden, you start getting clingy and shit. Yeah, I think it’s cute, but then you dump me. Out of nowhere, out of the blue. So yeah, I let some chicks feel up on me to feel a little bit better about myself, and who do I get to see?” His upper lip twists into a snarl. “You.”

He’s leaned in close, neck bending and eyes boring into yours. Still, that does the opposite of intimidate you. “See? That’s the fucking issue. All you ever think about is yourself. You wanted a quick fuck. You wanted a relationship without the commitment. Did you ever think about how I felt being in this…weird fucking tango? Going to places with you, going over your apartment, telling you where I was and who I was with. But when it was me asking the questions, I was the crazy one. I was too clingy. Did you think I liked hearing that?”

The realization settles on him as if he never put himself in your shoes. It makes your chest burn with anger.

“Exactly. You’re too selfish to even think about me.”

“That’s not true.” Sunghoon is quick to shoot you down. “That’s all I ever did.” His gaze softens and his hand leaves his side. You feel the back of it graze your cheek as if you’re something gentle.

Tears sting your eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not. But I know you don’t believe me.”

You recall Jake’s words. How he claimed Sunghoon chose you to be the only person he was sleeping with. It sounded improbable, but with the way he’s looking at you now, it feels like it could be true.

“But isn’t this what you would’ve wanted anyway? You get to do whatever you want without someone in your hair. The only reason it bothers you so much is because I’m the one that broke things off. You’re stupid ego couldn’t take it.”

It rings true. You see his eyes look at the floor ashamed, and you feel your heart break a little from his lack of rebuttal.

“It’s not that.”

“Then what?” Your voice shakes. “Why are you so mad about me moving on?” A scoff breathes on your lips. “You’re acting as if you like me.”

You regret the words the moment they come out. Sunghoon’s entire face changes. Even the air in the room grows rigid, almost scared. His wide eyes tell you that you’re treading on dangerous territory.

But once the lid opens, you find yourself pouring out.

“You’ve never even said it. All this time, I was feeling like a burden. Like the thought of me other than sex was revolting to you. It sucked, but I put up with it.”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“Because you didn’t have to!” You yell for the first time. It sounds good to finally let your emotions show even if tears flow free. “Sunghoon, what aren’t you getting? It wasn’t just sex for me, not at the end. But you…you pushed me away.” Your throat hurts so much like it’s raw from screaming. “You made me feel like I was fucking insane.”

His face blurs, but you can make out the pain in his eyes.

“I wanna hear you say it.” You blink the tears away. “Tell me.”

But Sunghoon gulps. For the first time, this cocky asshole is stunned. You’ve seen him get his way using his charm or confidence, but right now, it looks like he’d rather claw his skin to escape.

“Jake told me. About how you ditched your hookups when we were…seeing each other.” You’re throwing Jake under the bus, but you hope he’ll understand when Sunghoon inevitably rips him a new one. “He thought we were dating. Dating, Sunghoon. You can’t tell me you only thought of us as just sex.”

Seeing him turn into a puddle makes you both anxious and assertive. It makes you want to push him to confess while running away and pretending you never even saw him tonight.

But only one of those options is possible. “Say it.”

Sunghoon’s hand trembles on your face. His mouth can’t decide whether it wants to yell or cry, but it’s silence he screams. It deafens your ears to the point that all you can hear is your heart drumming in your chest. You think you can hear his too if you try hard enough.

The thumping of the party downstairs is the only noise you can rely on.

“You fucking coward. I should have never said yes to you.”

Escaping his arms will be easy. Sunghoon seems too stunned to do anything, but you’re quickly proven wrong when he cages you in and presses his body against yours. You mean to push his chest and yell, but the sight of his watery eyes stops you.

He can’t look at you. It’ll make the dam he tried so hard to build break. But he’ll be damned if you leave again.

“I…I’ve never dealt with something like this.” He closes his eyes. “I’ve never had to worry about someone. They weren’t even in my head. But when I met you…” Sunghoon has to take a deep breath. You feel his inhale on your face as if he’s breathing you in.

“It was the first time I cared about someone other than myself. It…It scared me. I wanted you close, but not too close. I wanted everyone to see that you were mine, but that I wasn’t yours.” He laughs humorlessly. “That sounds so fucked to say out loud.”

“But that’s what I was thinking. I was so fucked. I am fucked. I was- I am selfish.”

Sunghoon leans in. You inhale a sharp breath but it’s his forehead that meets yours. His weight feels good, almost perfect against your own.

You’ve missed the warmth of his skin, the beauty mark next to his eye that you can see so clearly. But it’s his eyes that hold the stars.

“Especially now, because all I’m thinking about is how I can be yours again.”

There it is, his confession. Not that you can be his, but that he can be yours. It’s so subtle that you want to pretend it doesn’t count, but you can’t deny the way your heart flutters. How you yearn to feel his kiss again even if your lips are soaked with tears.

Sunoo’s voice rings in your head. You can perfectly hear him screaming at you to laugh. Tell him that you’re flattered, but you aren’t interested.

Hurt him how he hurt you.

But that’s not who you are. No, the person you are nods, wrapping arms around his neck and finally putting your lips where they ache to be.

It’s like they never forgot. Even in the weeks he hasn’t seen you, Sunghoon knows how to kiss you. His lips are gentle, hardly eager to taste your mouth. Jake may have known how to get the party started, but Sunghoon knows how to make you feel. It’s all too easy for him to tug at your heartstrings, making you move in any way he wants like a puppeteer.

And it seems like you can do the same.

He opens his mouth when you do. He moves his tongue in time with yours. Sunghoon lets you hold the back of his neck so you can tilt his head, getting a better angle to suck on his tongue.

He moans into your mouth. It sounds more than pleasure, but relief. As if he’s been aching for you just as you have been for him. You almost don’t want to believe it, but you pull another whine from him when you tug on his hair.

The taste of saliva and tears dance on your tastebuds. It feels oddly comforting, the raw taste of emotion and need on your lips. You kiss him deeper, harder, until his hands find your waist and he backs into the bed.

He pulls away to sit down but he’s quick to yank you onto his lap.

“Still like me on top, huh?” You can’t help but recall how Sunghoon used to constantly ask you to ride him. Facing him, reversed, it didn’t matter. He had both of his hands on you constantly, whether it was groping your breasts or ass.

He smiles, “You know I never liked doing any of the work.”

To that, you groan. Sunghoon ignores your pretend displeasure to nip at your bottom lip, pulling the skin and watching it bounce back into place.

His lips attack your neck, kissing and sucking every inch. He gently pulls on your hair to ensure no spot is left unmarked. You can’t help but notice he focuses on the spot between your shoulder and clavicle.

Right where Jake left the faintest blemish.

You want to tease him, but all you can do is moan. He knows that’s your favorite spot. It’s so easy to get you to tremble, to grind on his hips like you’re doing right now. The only issue is that someone else knows too.

It bothers him. You can tell from how hard he’s sucking. Gently, you push his shoulder until he lets up, salvia on his lips as his cloudy eyes lock with yours.

“If you’re gonna be that rough, I’d rather you do it here.” Putting your hands on the hem of your shirt, you tug it off. The material slips easily. You silently thank yourself for putting something on that wasn’t so tight.

Your bra is plain, but your breasts still look divine in them. Sunghoon doesn’t wait for you to throw your shirt on the ground to get his mouth on you. His lips are hot on your skin, his tongue even hotter. The shirt slips from your hands to pool on the floor and your fingers thread in his hair. Sunghoon takes the pulls and tugs as compliments.

His hands trail up your waist, moving away for a brief moment to spill your breasts the cups.

And his hips dig into your cunt when he sees your nipples are already peaked. You watch him lick his lips, watch how his brain can’t decide whether he wants to stare or taste.

The decision is made for him when you press against his face. Sunghoon cups the sides to push your boobs in his face, tongue lavishing your supple flesh.

“Fuck.” He doesn’t bother hiding his hips rocking into yours. He used to act like sex felt mediocre, but his raging boner gave him away every time. You thought it was funny how his uninterested eyes were completely different from the precum that slid down his cock when you stroked it, but this… this makes your stomach heat with exhilaration.

One hand remains on your breast while the other slides to your hip. He presses you down on his erection and grinds. You know he can barely feel a thing with jeans in the way, but his hot breath wafts on your nipple like he hasn’t gotten his dick touched in forever.

But you don’t dwell on it too much. It feels good just to have him suck on your bud and hit your clit. His tongue goes around your darkened flesh before he hollows his cheeks. You moan, moving at the same pace as his hips under you.

You’re so wet. The slick sticks to your underwear so much that dry-humping him doesn’t feel uncomfortable. You’ve felt chafing before, how sometimes it would just rub the wrong way. But with Sunghoon, nothing is ever the wrong way. All you can think about is how good it feels, so much so that getting up to pull his cock out seems distant.

But you’ve missed the feel of his hard-on. It rubs your pussy just right and it’s all too easy to find the angle you know would make you finish.

And when Sunghoon bites on your nipples and pulls, you know you’ll cum soon.

“Wait. Wait.” You tremble in his hold. Your voice sounds too weak. You don’t think he heard you, but you feel his mouth pull off your bud and his hips cease. It takes a moment to find your words, to ignore how your cunt screams at you from pulling away when you were so close.

“Imma cum.”

Sunghoon grins. “Is that not good?”

You shake your head, still panting. “No. Too soon. I need it inside.”

The all-too-cocky smile finds his lips. It’s the one you loathe, but with your mind hazy and cunt pulsing, you can only be glad to see it.

It means he’ll do anything he can to keep hearing you praise him.

“Yeah? Take it out for me then.” It’s almost condescending the way he speaks. You take a mental note to never feed his ego again.

But you don’t, not right away. You stand on unsteady legs instead. The shorts clinging to your legs feel uncomfortable and you sigh in relief when unbuttoning them. You don’t bother making a show getting undressed, but Sunghoon watches like it’s award-winning.

Strings of arousal cling to your underwear when you slide them off. The cool air hits your cunt unwelcomed and you let the clothes pile with your shirt.

“Fuck, baby.” He bites on his lower lip before clenching his teeth. “You look so pretty for me.”

You shyly giggle. You suppose it’s okay if he strokes your ego.

He wants you back on his lap. You can see his eyes planning all the ways he wants to ravish you, but you have other ideas in mind. “Your turn.”

Sunghoon looks confused at first, but he quickly sees what you mean. His lips twitch, almost wanting to say, I told you to take it out for me, but he doesn’t. You see him nod, shrugging his shirt over his head and wiggling out of his jeans all on his own.

Good, he’s learning.

Sitting back on his lap is a reward. Grabbing the base of his cock is a silent, appreciated gesture when you line him up.

Sunghoon finds your waist fast, unable to keep his hands off for even a second. He waits as you slap the tip on your clit. It elicits a hum from your lips and you look into his eyes in a daze. There’s need in them. His blown-wide pupils match your own.

And when you sink down, he moans.

Restless hands dig into your flesh. Sunghoon doesn’t try to set a pace at all. He lets the sounds of your bodies meeting match your tempo.

You wanted to go slow, you did. You heard his confession, you tasted his tears, so it’s obvious that you wanted to explore his body in the deepest ways he never let you.

But with the music blasting downstairs and the adrenaline of being in someone else’s room, you can’t help but lift your ass and slam it down. The head of his cock barely has time to get acquainted with your pussy. It glides all too quickly to properly bury into your cervix.

Not that you really mind. You can feel the veins and curve of his crown rub your walls this way.

He leans back, propping with one elbow while the other stays on your hip. You smile when you see him looking at your breasts. They’re love-bitten, riddled with bruises that go to your neck.

Sunghoon looks like a painter admiring his work.

“You look so fucking good.” He licks his bottom lip. “I’ve missed you.”

You burn with praise. It makes you ride faster, leaning forward so your arms cage him between them. Your hair forms a curtain around your flushed face that Sunghoon pushes away.

Maybe it’s his eyes you’re supposed to look at, but you’re captivated by his body. His defined chest twinges with pink. His stomach clenches in pleasure, the hard lines of his abs making an appearance.

You don’t know how you manage to push him down completely. Your hands pin his shoulders with ease and all he can do is helplessly grip your thighs as you ride him.

“Likewise.”

He lets out a strangled moan that you suppose is him laughing. Sunghoon furrows his eyebrows at the new angle. He’s able to hit you deeper this way, his cock buries in your cervix nicely.

But even with the sight of your pussy creaming around him and pooling on his pelvis, he can still playfully glare. “Asshole.”

You giggle like it’s a pet name. Expecting him to change overnight would be foolish. But even then, you somewhat like the arrogant fool you’ve fallen in love with.

So you say nothing in return. Instead, you lean closer. His lips are swollen and you suck on them. His tongue messily swipes in your mouth when you open it. The kiss is nothing more than a way to be closer, to moan into each other's mouth as Sunghoon finally moves his hips.

And it feels like everything on your body is on fire. Your knees were getting tired, the burn in your thighs barely tolerable. Now, all you have to do is hover while Sunghoon thrusts. It feels deeper than what’s possible. Like the pleasure travels from your cunt to your head.

The pain in your legs numb and the only thing on your mind is how good Sunghoon is fucking you. Your walls clench, oozing with so much release that you think he might slip out, but he doesn’t.

“Right there!” The sound below should drown out your cries, but you don’t care if anyone hears you. “Fuck me harder! Pleasepleaseplease…”

You don’t have to beg, but Sunghoon likes it when you do. Your cunt spasms and warms until the heat floods his cock. A drawn-out moan tumbles from your lips that he eats. You’re panting and whining while his tongue invades your mouth. Salvia drips from your chin, but you can’t even notice with how he’s still fucking into you.

And just when you feel lightheaded, he cums. It’s too late for him to pull out, too late to stroke himself on your face to completion. Still, he tries to save it.

Sunghoon slips out while still squirting from his tip. The strings shoot your inner thigh and his caving stomach.

He’s still breathing hard when he kisses you, ignoring how his chest screams for oxygen. And when he pulls away, the first thing he looks at is your cunt. Sunghoon should feel worried that half of his cum is in your womb, but when watches it drip from your swollen pussy, he feels proud.

“Yeah,” he says to himself. You feel deft fingers play with your folds soon after. Sunghoon laughs when you squeal from overstimulation, but he shoves the cum back in anyway.

You almost can’t feel his fingers. Your walls are mostly numb, but you still moan and tremble from his knuckles gliding in and out of you.

He buries his digits until all they can do is wiggle. “Keep it in. I want you to walk out of here with my cum dripping out.”

If you had more energy, you’d groan. Seems like he still has a lot to learn.

#smut #enha smut #armageddon event!#sunghoon smut #enhypen sunghoon #sunghoon #enha x reader #enhypen #enhypen smut #park sunghoon #enha sunghoon smut

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sossolei · 5 months ago

Text

how i shifted realities accidentally on purpose .☘︎ ܁˖

“What does this even mean?” You may be asking yourself. Well, buckle the hell up because I’m still understanding it myself.

If you’ve never seen me before my introduction post is pinned, there I give an insight on myself and a little bit of my spiritual journey. In it I mentioned that the first time I shifted was random but completely purpose at the same time. Here I will explain how:

When I was around 17 going on 18, I came across a TikTok about a woman talking about this very specific manifesting method that completely altered her life in such a small way she didn’t realize for 6 years. To sum it up, she did this manifestion ritual for something I don’t remember and afterwards thought nothing of it, but then 6 years later she was catching up with an old friend and in their conversations she had mentioned a trip they went on together overseas 2 years prior. Her old friend had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. The woman tried to jog their memory but the friend said the two of them hadn’t seen each other in 6 years, so OP asked her mother if she remembered the two of them taking a trip and her mother said the same thing as the friend. Then OP remembered the manifesting ritual she did and realized that everything people had been saying about it was true and it had altered such a small thing in her life that she didn’t even realize until now.

So, me being 17 and absolutely dyinggg to go shift realities, I read through a couple comments, watched other videos and did a quick Reddit search and they all pretty much said the same thing about how powerful the ritual is, but to be careful because it’ll alter things in your reality.

I did not give a damn about any of those warnings.

Not the best thing to do in hindsight but 🥸oh well.

So I did the manifestion ritual ( im gonna explain it later because I genuinely cannot remember the name of it but I sort of remember what I did so if anyone knows what I’m talking ab, pls enlighten me ) and afterwards I didn’t rlly think about it. I should also mention I was specific with what I wrote down because I ( thought ) know how the universe acts when you don’t spell everything out word for word lmao.

Now this is where you have to hold my hand cause this is going to sound so stupid right now but trust me it matters:

My whole life I’ve had a mole on my LEFT hand middle finger. I love her. I show it off to anyone I get the chance to show it off to. Why? I don’t know, I’ve genuinely just always shown people this mole just because I like it.

The summer of the end of high school, going onto college, I had a lil fling with a guy and again, I showed him the mole on my left hand middle finger. I vividly remember doing this because I do it to everyone.

Then in college around November - December, I get my first ever boyfriend ( not the same guy ). One day we’re hanging out and we’re talking about moles (?) and I instinctively hold out my RIGHT hand to show him the mole on middle finger and…there it is. On my right middle finger. I kid you not, in that exact moment I literally said, “huh, I thought this was on my left hand.” I look at my left hand and there’s no mole??? I brushed that off but when I went back to my dorm, I legit stared at my hands in confusion at how the fuck my mole switched sides.

MIND YOU it’s the exact same mole. Like it looks the exact same, there’s nothing different about the color or shape, it’s just…on the opposite hand???

But since I had absolutely no explanation for it, I just moved on 🤷🏽‍♀️

Life went on, both of my sisters got pregnant early in the year so we were prepping all things baby related whenever I came back to visit. During one of these breaks, my sister is showing me everything she got from her baby shower and one of those things is a bottle warmer. I told her I think a bottle warmer is kinda stupid when you can just use the microwave, especially with how expensive bottle warmers are. And she said to me “yeah why you do you think I’m not buying it with my own money?” You got that? Okay.

The relationship went on as well, and outwardly, the guy was everything I thought I wanted. Nothing against him but he was like the embodiment of everything I read on wattpad growing up and thought was sooo cute. Ex; He was mean to everybody but me, I thought this was so fun and dandy. Anyways, I gradually started to lose interest in astrology, tarot, shifting, manifesting, literally EVERYTHING. So much so to the point where I started to feel crazy because I felt like I was trying to fit into a mold for this guy that isn’t who I am??

But low and behold, THE DAY AFTER we break up, I get the strongest urge to do tarot. Over time I started to find myself in everything I loved and still love to this day.

HERE IS WHERE WE GET TO THE SHIFTING PART

During the summer of 2024, I’m brushing my teeth in my house when I randomly just look down at my left hand middle finger….and there’s no mole. I look at my right hand and what would you know, THE MOLE IS BACK.

I genuinely gasped in the moment and looked at both of my hands side by side to make sure I was seeing everything right. This sent me down a SPIRAL, I legit replayed every interaction I ever had trying to decipher whether or not I was crazy because okay, mole switching sides ONE time is something I can ignore, BUT TWICE??? You must thing I’m stupid.

Then I remember the manifestion ritual that I did soooo fucking long ago by that point. I remember all the stories people had about how small things changed in their reality and all that.

So basically…I had just shifted realities FOR MONTHS, and I did not realize.

But it wasn’t just the mole. Because once I remembered the ritual I did, I tried to look around my daily life and see if anything else had changed and I even asked the universe to show me what changed.

Guys.

I bring my sister a package she got and watch her unpack it…why does she pull out a bottle warmer🧍🏽‍♀️

I said, “girl what do you need two bottle warmers for?”

She said, “what do you mean two?”

I said, “didn’t somebody get you a bottle warmer from your baby registry?”

She says, “no girl, I bought this with my own money and it was expensive as hell, I wish somebody got this for me.”

Oh my god when I tell you, you could have knocked me over with a damn BREATH. I was truly…gagged. Like there’s no other word for it. Bewildered? I don’t even know.

I didn’t even say anything after that cause I just like wow, what is life? LMFAOOO

Now I know you may be wondering why the manifestion ritual didn’t work perfectly if I had specified what I wanted, which was “I want to shift to my desired reality” and I think it’s because before I did the ritual, I was debated whether or not I wanted to shift realities or manifest a SP ( specific person ) and I ultimately landed on reality shifting BUT CLEARLY, the universe had to double it.

Even to this day I’m still processing the shift because when people say reality shifting feels like your regular every day life…I AM PROOF THAT THAT IS TRUE. It didn’t even register that I was in an alternate reality because everything was almost perfect, genuinely, I had a great boyfriend, my friends were thriving, my family was even prospering ( my grades weren’t but let’s not talk about that ) like ??

Now that I’m writing this, I feel like I sound like the lamp starts looking weird story but I swear on everything I have ever loved and ever will love, this is 1000% true and something I’m still reeling from.

If you have any questions I’d be glad to answer but moving on!

TLDR; I have a mole on my left middle finger. I did a powerful manifestion ritual to shift to my desired reality when I was like 17. I got a boyfriend for the first time in college, he was everything I thought I wanted. I showed him my finger mole except it was on my right hand this time and I even said out loud how I thought it was on my left hand. Life goes on, we break up, one day I’m brushing my teeth and look at my left hand but there’s nothing there. I look at my right and BOOM there it is back where it was originally. There is more context pls just read the whole thing lmao.

ABOUT THE RITUAL: okay I don’t remember EXACTLY what I did so do NOT use this as a tutorial, I beg! Basically I had two or three cups of water (?), on a piece of paper I wrote down what I wanted aka “I will shift to my desired reality”, I think I switched the cups to be on top of the paper ? I don’t know y’all, and then I drank the water and kept both things beside me on my nightstand. If anyone knows the name of this manifesting technique, pleasseeee let me know. I’ve genuinely been too scared to look it up myself but ahh I guess it’s time to face it.

Thank you for reading, shifting is so incredibly real, manifesting is so incredibly real and your reality is whatever you want it to be, ritual or not. Thank you! <33

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floralflytrap · 9 months ago

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heyyy, could you do kay/o, cypher, and maybe omen with a crush on the new agent? thank youu ^^

KAY/O, Cypher and Omen with a Crush on the New Agent

Word Count: ???

Hiya anon! Sorry for how late this reply is, but I live to see the light ToT <3 better late than never……..

KAY/O

Robots don’t have crushes… right?

KAY/O genuinely thought that he couldn’t have crushes… until he did

When you first arrived and asked about his opinion on you by Cypher he responded with “They’re attractive” and when asked to elaborate he said “Scientifically speaking”

There was NO science in this romance only pure adoration

You were fascinated with KAY/O when you first joined the protocol and spent a whole day hanging out around him or asking people about him

If anyone suggested you liked him, he was quick to decline

Also dealt with personal conflicts involving his own beliefs. He thought liking you meant that he was unable to do his job

Turns out he’s even more of a robo-killer when faced with the idea that you could die

Anytime you acknowledge his selflessness he responds humbly with a good old “It’s part of my programming”

He’s a liar, Killjoy can back that fact up

But it’s okay cause he’s whipped but in denial about it

No way he’s initiating anything with you romantically, not because he doesn’t like you, because he DOES, but he’s just afraid of the consequences

You guys are totally a power duo and it’s a vibe :) good for you guys!

CYPHER

The detective agency called, they want their job back.

As soon as you walk in this man is DETERMINED to know more about you, but he understands that being a new agent can be overwhelming so he kinda just… observes from a substantial distance

He really doesn’t stalk you, but he seems to perk up and become more vigilant when you walk in the room

At first he just thinks he’s trying to sus out the new agent

Until he talks to Killjoy and she’s just like “be forreal.”

Yeah maybe he does like you a little bit (a lot!)

Cypher talks to Phoenix about how he should scope out your opinion on himself. Phoenix looked amused throughout the whole discussion.

“Looks like someone’s got the hots for the newbie”

Teasing is underway

At some point Jett catches on to Cypher’s little crush too and works with Phoenix to conveniently place you two in situations where you are interacting

The two of you actually start to bond from this method

Missions together are fun, you value his ability to gather information but definitely question him because you HAVE to know if he’s caught onto your deepest, darkest secrets.

You two always have each other’s backs and compliment each other nicely in missions

You guys see the increase in missions where you are paired together as Brimstone gladly valued the teamwork

Cypher doesn’t let his emotions overwhelm him during battle when he sees you getting hurt, but when you get back to base he insists on patching you up

“You’re new, just let me help out, okay?”

He cares for you dearly and that is something very precious, even if his methods of acting on that admiration are a bit… obscure at first, you adore him anyway!

OMEN

Omen is unsure how to act at first when you arrive.

He’s unsure why he is so interested in you and it makes him uncomfortable that he can’t pinpoint why that was

After very obscure and indirect discussions with members of the protocol, particularly Fade and Cypher, the idea of Omen having a crush on you was put into his mind

He avoided you like the plague for a good week after that— not because he didn’t care, but rather that he was scared

Omen didn’t seek you out himself, but rather let you speak to him when you wanted to.

Oh boy did he speak to you!

Any agent who observed you two converse was in awe that Omen was not only going along with it, but seemingly content.

You’d definitely need to be responsible for initiating anything— Omen feels too disconnected from you to reassure himself so he’s left too scared to communicate with you.

After a few months go by though, and after a rough mission that you both were on became a near death trap, Omen finally confessed everything.

You two became an unexpected but extremely cute couple! You brought out a softer side that a lot of agents didn’t expect.

He definitely would knit you a bunch of gifts. Very cute :)

#valorant #valorant hcs #valorant x reader #kay/o x reader #cypher x reader #omen x reader

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seeingivy · 9 days ago

Text

the alchemy

actor!eren x f!reader

**an extra for my method acting fic

“Do you think that Marco has a crush on Amal?”

When you look over to your left, after finally being able to tear your overly introspective eyes away from where the kids are playing ten feet away in Lana and Sukuna’s drawing room, you find that Eren’s offering you a particularly skeptical glance.

You can tell that there’s a hint of irritation in his eyes – that the thought you’ve posed is so particularly preposterous to him that he can’t even believe that you’ve said it – as you deflate and give him a glare.

But it’s a thought that’s occupied your mind since the time that you got here, almost six hours ago, when you noticed how they were behaving – how they’ve been behaving. The way that Marco would sit next to her, pay attention a little too attentively, and everything else in between.

“Don’t look at me like I’m crazy, Eren.” you murmur.

“Well, don’t say crazy things, then.” Eren states.

“How is that crazy?” you defend.

“Well, for starters, they’re five years old. The only thing they care about is what they’re eating for dinner in a few hours. And when we’re going to put Bluey on.”

You frown.

“I’m not saying that Marco’s about to propose marriage. Or that he’s like…sincerely in love with her. But…I can just tell, Eren. He likes her more than everyone else. Favors hers whenever he gets an opportunity to. Because he likes her.” you emphasize.

“Connie sends Amal her over with gummy worms and chocolate for every playdate. If I were him, I’d like her more than everyone else too.” Eren responds, aggressively yanking the towel on the rack to emphasize his point, before he takes to drying the dishes that you’ve just washed.

You sigh, as you turn your back towards the group of them, and lean your cheek against Eren’s bicep. He absentmindedly turns to his side to press a swift kiss to the top of your head, before he continues wiping the dishes down. And he takes a beat, almost for a full minute, before he sighs.

“You really think that he likes her?”

You smile. You knew that he was going to give in.

“Yes.” you state.

Eren shakes his head, almost like he’s giving some quiet consideration to the thought – that Marco really could like her, that it was a sincere possibility – before he turns to you.

“I mean, you’re obviously not coming up with this out of nowhere. At least I hope you’re not. And it’s very clearly bothering you that I’m not entertaining this conversation, so go ahead and tell me the whole spiel that you prepared.”

“Really?”

“I never said that I was going to agree with you. I’m just saying that I know you’re not going to drop it and I want this whole thing to be over when they all leave later.” Eren responds.

You give him a nod, choosing to ignore almost the entirety of his sentiment, as you move to his side and push up onto the counter.

“First of all, he can have a crush.” you state.

“Okay, I’m not negating the fact that he can have a crush. I just don’t think it’s anything you should be working yourself up over. Or that it even means anything.” Eren deadpans.

You lightly smack him across the shoulder.

“You’re insane. Our son having a crush on Connie’s daughter isn’t a big deal?” you whisper.

In reality, it was the biggest deal. The biggest deal because it was something that you sincerely hoped for – a sweet childhood love, for your own kids. The fact that almost all of your kids' peers were the kids of friends of your own – Jean and Mikasa, Connie and Maryam – it was almost the perfect recipe to what you wanted.

Good families. Real love.

“It’s not a big deal when they don’t even know how to spell their own names. Or how to spell anything. And he doesn’t even like her.”

You roll your eyes.

“First of all, when they all got here today, he waited until Amal got here to start playing the board game. When I asked him why, he said that they wouldn’t stop the board game just for one person and he knew that she would feel left out, so he waited so that it would be two people who weren’t playing and they would have to stop.”

Eren gives you a fake smile.

“So he’s an empath. And Maya and Olivia could learn to be a little more inclusive. You should be proud I raised a kid that’s so considerate.”

“Oh, you raised him all on your own?” you deadpan.

“I mean…” he jokes.

You smack him with the spare towel.

“Shut up. Maya’s…inconsiderateness comes from you.”

“That’s not a word. And I’m just saying, Marco’s just being nice. Like he always is.”

“Well, he didn’t do that for anyone else. I’ve actually never seen him turn down a game of Candy Land for anything.”

Eren rolls his eyes.

“Be serious. Do you remember the meltdown he had when you accidentally cleaned the game he had set up last week?” you add.

“Yes, but…”

“And he always asks. He even asked when we walked over here if Amal was going to be coming, because he wanted to play with her.”

Eren shakes his head.

“That’s so inconsequential. You can’t be serious.”

“Why are you so against the idea?” you state.

Eren sets the plate down before turning to face you and lifting his freezing cold hands to cup your face. His eyes look particularly bright, even in the dim light, and it nearly makes you forget what he’s saying for a split second.

“Look, it would be really cute. You know, Connie’s daughter, our son. But that’s just the thing. It’s too cute. The thought of the two of them together is too good – especially given how excited that it would make you and Connie – and I don’t want you getting your hopes up. Or Connie for that matter. Especially before they learn their numbers. And how to spell their own names. And what colors are.”

You sigh.

“I know. I just am excited. And I just thought it was really sweet, all the stuff that he was doing. You know the gummy worms that she brought? Like the two sided, colored ones? She said that she liked the blue and red ones so he took them all out of his pack and left them for her.” you murmur.

“And?”

“And almost all of the ones that he had were blue and red. It was sweet. You know, to give that up when it was his favorite candy and pretend like it wasn’t just so he could have it.”

Eren smiles, maybe for the first time in the entire conversation. You can’t help but lean back and give him a confused look, one that he clocks almost too quickly – with widened eyes – before he immediately lets go and returns back to wiping the dishes around.

“What was that?” you ask.

“What was what?”

“That. That thing you just did.”

“I didn’t do anything, sweetheart. Drop it.” Eren responds.

“You definitely did. You like…smiled. Like you know something. Did Marco say something to you?”

Eren scoffs.

“As if that mama’s boy would share something with me that he didn’t tell you.” Eren deadpans.

The two of you drop the conversation as Teddy strolls into the room from his baseball practice with Grace at his side, the former hanging his baseball bag against the hook, as he gives you a slight wave. Grace is more expressive than Teddy, coming up to at least give you the smallest half hearted hug, before she runs off and joins Olivia, who has been patiently waiting for her arrival, in the main room.

“How was practice?” you ask.

“Good. Just sore.” Teddy responds, as he scoots to your side to wash his hands.

“Did you talk to Sukuna and Lana?” Eren asks.

Teddy shakes his head, earning him an annoyed look from Eren.

“I told you to call. You know they do miss you when they go on trips like this?” Eren retorts.

“Yes, yes, I know, I know.”

“Leave him alone, Eren. He’ll call when he goes upstairs, right?” you ask.

Teddy gives you a nod, before making his way over to the fridge. You turn and give Eren a glare, one that he dismisses entirely. He had a penchant for getting on Teddy’s back whenever Lana and Sukuna left for a trip, something that annoyed Teddy more than anything else.

“What are you guys arguing about?” Teddy asks, as you note the faint streaks of the black paint from his practice melting down his face.

You reach for one of the clean towels when he retreats back to your side with a sandwich in his hands, before reaching for his cheek and wiping the lines off. You can tell that he’s annoyed by his first attempt since he tries to move away, before giving up entirely and letting you wipe the marks off.

“We aren’t arguing about anything.” Eren states.

“We aren’t. He’s just being weird and not telling me something.” you respond.

“What do you mean?” Teddy asks.

“I don’t know. We were talking about something and he quite literally froze up, let go of me, and then went back to cleaning off the dishes.”

Teddy gives you a weird look as you let go of his cheeks, before he pushes up on the counter, and dangles his legs off the end.

“Hm. What were you guys talking about?”

“Don’t tell him. You’re going to spread a rumor.” Eren responds.

“Oh, shut up. He’s not a gossip.” you respond.

“He isn’t. But his parents are.”

“His parents are in Switzerland for the next week. I’m sure he’ll forget by tomorrow.” you defend.

“Yeah, what’s your deal, Eren? Just tell me.” Teddy retorts.

Eren rolls his eyes, before you turn to Teddy.

“I think that Marco has a crush on Amal.”

Teddy narrows his eyes at you.

“That’s it? I could have told you that last week. And my parents said that a month ago, Eren.”

“What?” Eren asks.

“They did?” you add.

Teddy gives you a halfhearted nod, as he reaches for an apple from the basket, and takes a particularly loud bite.

“Mhm. Do you remember that three legged race thing at Gracie’s sixth birthday? He suddenly didn’t want to play anymore when Amal wanted to partner with James.”

“Oh my god, do you think she likes James?” you respond.

“They’re five. And who would like Jean’s kid over Marco? He’s a menace.” Eren deadpans.

“James is four, Eren. He’s just as cute as Jean, don’t let your guard down.” you retort.

“Let my guard up for what? You’re acting like we’re playing a football game.....and since when did you think Jean was cute?”

“Eren. Objectively, he is very good looking. You can’t be serious.”

“Leaving that aside, they’re five years old.” Eren repeats.

Teddy rolls his eyes.

“Okay, you can’t really play an age card, Eren. You’ve been in love with your wife since you were a pre-teen.”

“Pre-teen is different from toddler.” Eren defends.

Teddy rolls his eyes.

“No one is saying he’s going to propose marriage. It’s just a crush. They’re little kids.” Teddy adds.

“Thank you! This is what I’ve been saying the entire time. Then he just had to start being weird when I brought up the candy thing. Have you noticed that he always gives her his favorite candy and just pretends like he doesn’t like it so he can’t have it?”

Teddy snorts.

“Oh, yeah. He may look like Y/N, but that’s your son, alright.” Teddy responds.

You lean back.

“What do you mean by that?” you ask.

“Teddy.” Eren warns.

“You know. The frosting and cake thing.” Teddy responds.

“What frosting and cake thing?” you retort, pressing him on.

It seems that Teddy seems to read the situation too quickly – mainly from the fact that you’re pressing him on and that Eren’s trying to make his best effort to prevent him from doing that – and gives in.

“You know Eren doesn’t actually like the cake part of cakes? He likes the frosting. He even used to eat it like raw from the can, of those like synthetic ones that you can find at the store.” Teddy responds.

You scoff.

“No, he doesn’t. He likes the cake part. That’s why we always share and he eats the cake and I eat the frosting. So we don’t waste it.”

Teddy smiles.

“No, he really doesn’t. Ask my mom. He used to eat like an insane amount when he used to live with us, you know, back then.”

You turn to Eren, whose cheeks are slightly dusted pink. Guilty – like you’ve caught him in the act.

“And what? You just lie and pretend like you like the cake?”

Eren shrugs.

“What do you mean? You’ve been eating it this entire time and just pretending?” you repeat.

“Yeah.”

“Who does that? I mean, what’s the point?”

Teddy pushes off the counter, switching the hand the apple is in, to sling his arm around your shoulder. He looks right at you, an almost mischievous grin on his face, as he leans closer.

“He does it to make you happy. Obviously.”

You slump your shoulders down.

“Eren, there’s enough cake to go around.”

“I like sharing!” he defends.

“We can share other things. You don’t have to eat cake when you don’t like it.” you defend.

Teddy shakes his head at your side.

“You know, being your partner in life is basically his entire shtick. And apparently, it also applies to your choice of dessert. You should be happy you’ve found someone so devoted to your joy, Y/N.”

You narrow your eyes at Eren, who gives you an incredulous shrug. Teddy gives the two of you one last grin, and a swift kiss to your cheek, before he takes his backpack that he left at the door and treks up the stairs.

“You know, he’s been giving a lot of attitude lately.”

“He’s a teenager. That’s his whole shtick lately.” you defend.

Eren rolls his eyes.

“Are you really upset about this cake thing?”

You deflate, before looping your arms around his neck, and looking up at him. You can tell that the motion makes him smile – brightly enough that you can see his dimples – and narrow your eyes at him.

“You really don’t like cake?”

“I hate it. Almost every single thing that you’ve ever said about cake is something that I agreed with.”

“Then don’t eat it!”

Eren shakes his head.

“Well, I’m used to it now. And we’re not going to back out of sharing cake – which is our shtick – because we’ve been doing it for so long.”

“That is not our shtick.”

“So giving up your preferences for someone else is only cute when Marco does it?” Eren asks.

You roll your eyes.

“Obviously it’s cute when you do it. You’ve been doing it since…since we were filming and I never even noticed.”

“That’s kind of the point, sweetheart.”

You shake your head.

“Well, I have tons of secret romantic gestures that I do all the time too.” you defend.

Eren laughs.

“Are you trying to one up me?”

“No! I actually do have secret romantic gestures that I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do! How would you know?”

Eren shakes his head.

“Trust me, I know.”

“They’re secret. That’s the whole point – that you have no idea that they’re even happening.”

Eren reaches up, attentively tucking the loose strands of hair behind your ear, before giving your ear a quick pinch.

“Trust me. There isn’t anything that you can’t keep a secret from me, and I love that about you.”

You cross your hands over your chest.

“Yeah. You should be more like me. Keeping secrets is really bad taste. Keeping secrets from your life partner is really bad taste.” you retort, emphasizing every last word.

Eren gives you a full bodied laugh.

“Okay, life partner. I can make no promises, but I’ll try.”

ten years later - homecoming night

The second you unlock the door to the house, Marco all but rustles past Eren on the porch through the door, and bounds up the stairs as quickly as he can.

The resounding sound of his bedroom door slamming shut is heard before you can even turn all the lights to the house or hang the keys back onto their hook, and it sends an unnerving feeling down your spine.

“I thought he was just being quiet.” you murmur.

Eren frowns.

“Me too, sweetheart. Thought he was just tired from all the dancing that he did.” he whispers back.

The two of you seem to have the same thought, almost instantaneously, as you look over to your left where Maya’s standing, notably and uncharacteristically quiet as she hangs her coat up on the rack.

It seems that she’s picked up on the thought that the two of you have had – that interrogating her is the best way to go – so she opts for an awkward salute and darts away to the kitchen.

You and Eren spare each other a look, mentally noting that something definitely happened to Marco at the dance and agreeing that she’s keeping whatever it is to herself, before following after her into the kitchen.

She’s fast with it – already yanking the loaf of bread out of the case and reaching for the jar of Nutella – as you take her side and Eren walks away to get her a plate.

“Hi Miss Maya.”

“Hi Mom.” she responds, dragging out the syllables.

“How was the dance?” you ask.

Maya shrugs.

“Good. The DJ was kind of bad. Someone spiked the punch. The dance was in an aquarium if you can believe it, so we spent most of the time walking around and looking at everything.”

Eren brings a plate from the cabinet and sets it down in front of Maya, before quickly wrestling the jar from her and tasking himself with making the sandwich, before gesturing for you to attempt to ask again behind her back.

Eren’s always particularly cautious when it comes to these things – approaching the kids about personal matters because he was always so unsure of what to say.

“Is there any way we can like…do something to preserve it?” she asks.

“The corsage?” you ask.

“Yeah. I just wanted to see if I could keep it. Since it’s the first one I’ve ever gotten and everything.”

You smile.

“I can do that. Like a pressed flower thing with the petals if that’s okay? And we can put the ribbon on the wrist in a little glass case with the flowers.” you ask.

Maya gives you a nod, one that you return, as you set the corsage aside on the table.

“So. Who gave you that? Must be someone special if you want to keep it.” Eren asks.

Maya glares at Eren.

“My friends and I all got matching ones. And I just wanted to keep it because it was like…my first dance ever, you know? And I know that it’s special to get to go to one.” Maya states.

“I’m just teasing, sweet pea. No need to get all upset over it.” Eren states.

You note that her cheeks glow pink at being caught exaggerating over a simple comment, as you shoot Eren a look to leave her alone, before taking the corsage from her and setting it to the side.

Eren takes a beat.

“But why’s it so special, Maya?”

He clearly didn’t take the hint. She takes a bite of the sandwich before she gives the two of you a halfhearted shrug.

“I don’t know. You guys never got to go to a school dance together. Or school for that matter.”

“We went to school, Maya.” Eren deadpans.

“She means real school. You know, with school dances and prom and homecoming games and stuff. You’re right. It is very special. That was one of the things that I felt like I missed out on the most when I moved back home and had a break from acting, that I didn’t get to do normal things like other people because I picked something else.” you respond.

You sigh, before pushing the thought away all together.

And abandon all attempts to beat around the bush, only because the thought of Marco sitting alone in his room upset, seems to make your stomach more uncomfortable and unnerved as time goes on.

That and the fact that Eren and Maya could easily argue about the dance for another hour.

“You seemed like you had fun though, which is good to hear. We can’t really say the same about someone else, can we?”

Maya frowns.

“Please don’t ask. I don’t want to talk about it when it’s his thing to tell and…”

“So something did happen?” Eren asks.

Maya groans.

“Dad.”

“We should know! Just so we can help him out.” Eren responds.

Maya shakes her head.

“That’s like sibling code. He said that he didn’t want to talk about it so I don’t want you guys to go up there and start giving him a lecture about how things will work out and love exceeds all boundaries and stuff and that everything is forgivable with time and all that.”

You and Eren spare each other a wide eyed glance. Only because there’s so much in the statement to unpack that you can’t even pick what it is that you want to respond to first.

“Just because it was true for us?” you repeat.

“Forgiveable with time?” Eren defends.

Maya gives the two of you an exasperated look – like the premise she’s provided the two of you is completely reasonable.

“We don’t lecture, Maya.” Eren adds.

“You do. And…and I’m sure Marco gets it and he knows that things can work out, but sometimes they don’t. Especially when the person you like doesn’t like you back and you say some things that aren’t so nice…so just…leave him alone. It’s not something that you guys can understand.”

You frown.

“He likes someone?”

“It’s definitely something that we can understand, Maya.” Eren defends.

Maya deflates. You elbow Eren in the side – trying to signal that this is not the time for him to be having this conversation or getting offended – before turning back to Maya. You spare her one glance, and just as you expected, she immediately folds and divulges what the two of you have asked of her.

“It’s Amal. Don’t talk to Uncle Connie about this because we all kind of agreed that the last thing we want you all to do is start fighting with each other.”

You feel an uncomfortable pit in your stomach.

“Would anything warrant us fighting with each other?” you ask.

Maya sighs.

“Look. Amal said some things to Marco and he said some things back after the fact. She went to the dance with her boyfriend tonight, which…which is why Marco’s upset. He knew that she had one but he didn’t really think that it was that serious, but they seemed like they really liked each other and they were together all night so it obviously made him upset.”

You can’t help but feel your heart drop in your chest, as you give Maya a quiet nod, and Eren’s particularly silent at your side.

You can barely even process what it was that she said – the fact that your sneaking suspicion that he liked her was correct, that your other suspicion that she liked him back was almost completely wrong – and the single thing that you wanted to protect Marco from was the one thing that happened to him.

Eren glares.

“And?”

“And what?” Maya repeats.

“What did they say that was so bad?”

Maya sighs.

“Don’t say anything. Please.” Maya states.

“We won’t, Maya.” Eren responds.

“Amal’s boyfriend basically told Amal beforehand that he’s not really comfortable with how close they are with each other, especially since she told him that she kind of used to like Marco when they were in middle school.”

“I knew it!” you whisper.

“That’s not exactly helpful. Keep going.” Eren responds.

“He asked her to keep her distance. She told him and they just got into a disagreement. Marco was confused why it was such a problem and she…she got so frustrated that she mentioned it was because she used to like him.” Maya offers.

Maya pauses.

“He was upset. Reasonably so. Amal told him that if he was ever serious enough to make a move, it wouldn’t be a problem. That he can’t be upset when everything that was happening was because he was to chicken to ever be serious about anything. Then he responded and told her that it wasn’t fair that she expected that of him – that she never even really cared him in the first place if she was able to throw their entire friendship away for something so stupid. That she was just as afraid of him to let anything happen for real.”

“Oh.”

“How heated was it?” Eren asks.

“Pretty bad. I’m pretty sure that they’re not going to talk for a while. And she’ll probably distance from me too. But don’t let it affect you and Uncle Connie. That’s why we weren’t even planning on mentioning it.”

Eren frowns.

“You don’t have to sit here managing our feelings. We’re adults. And sure, it might feel like you’ve put us in an awkward position, but you’re all your own people. Don’t ever feel like you can’t come to us for anything.”

Maya sighs, a breath of relief.

“You know, you don’t have to stop talking to Amal if you don’t want to. She’s your friend too.” you offer.

Maya shakes her head.

“It feels wrong. I just want to be there for Marco, not make anything too awkward for him.” she responds.

Eren walks up to Maya’s side, before sticking his hands firm on her shoulders, and visibly squeezing hard.

“It might be hard, but you know he’ll appreciate it later on. That you’re here for him.”

“It’s not hard at all actually. We’ve been together since the start. Kind of hard to imagine it any other way.” she murmurs.

Maya gives the two of you a quiet nod, before pressing a kiss to both of your cheeks, and retreating to her own room with the half finished sandwich in your hand. You and Eren turn towards each other, and you can’t help but bury your head into his neck, as you roll over the thoughts in your head.

That Marco liked Amal. That maybe he never even stopped liking her in the first place – from your first inklings of his interest as a kid – and now she was with someone else. That in some shape or form – his heart was crushed right now. That he could possibly be sitting there biting the words that he said.

“Is it bad that I want to cry right now? And it didn’t even happen to me?” you murmur.

Eren shakes his head.

“Is it bad that I want to assault Amal’s boyfriend?”

“Yes. He’s fifteen.”

“Hey. I defended your thing.”

“Well, I didn’t say that I wanted to assault a child, Eren.” you murmur.

The two of you quietly laugh, before the heaviness settles back into the air, that it feels particularly thick and you can’t even stomach it, before you pull back to look at him.

“Don’t worry. This is my territory.” Eren offers.

“What do you mean?”

“Saying something you don’t mean. When you want to say something else entirely? It has me written all over it.”

The feeling is so foreign – so foreign that it feels like you can’t even access that part of you anymore – the one that had pain that was associated with Eren at one point. He was so cemented into your life, quite literally in the center of it at this point, that it felt impossible to access that part of your brain, the one that remembered exactly what this feeling felt like.

“Maya thinks we lecture about love? What exactly did she say again?” he whispers.

“She said we give lectures about how things always work out and love exceeds all boundaries and stuff just because it was true for us.” you repeat.

Eren narrows his eyes.

“That’s so ridiculous.”

“Imagine saying that to us when we were separated. Or filming together and too uncomfortable to talk to each other. It is true, but it definitely didn’t always feel that way. And I remember, it was particularly annoying when everyone was trying to convince me of the fact when that felt like that was the last thing to be true.”

You sigh.

“Maybe we should just go sit there with him. So he knows that he’s not alone.”

You smile.

“Yeah. No lecture.”

The two of you quietly tiptoe back upstairs, offering a quiet knock against his door, before you peek in. Marco has all of his lights shut off, except for the lamp that’s on his bedside table, and his coat is discarded against his bed.

He clearly didn’t attempt to change into more comfortable clothes, still clad in his button up shirt, as Eren reaches for the coat and puts it in a hanger, and you move around to the side that Marco’s facing.

You note that there’s fresh tear streaks on his cheek, falling horizontally from the way he’s lying down, as you reach forward to wipe the wetness away from his face.

“Hi Marco. You mind if we join you?” you whisper.

“I’m not talking about it.” Marco clarifies.

“That’s fine. We were just going to lie down next to you. That’s all.”

Marco flits his eyes between the two of you, Eren now standing at your side with his hand on your shoulder, as he gives the two of you a begrudging nod. The two of you give each other a halfhearted smile as he scoots over – Eren taking the left and you taking the right.

It’s uncomfortable for the three of you to squish together on his bed, especially with how tall Marco’s getting, but you scoot in and intertwine your hand with his. You note that Eren’s pushing the hair away from his face, that he’s attentively focused on fixing it the same way that he does to you, and you absentmindedly squeeze Marco’s hand three times as you eye all of his baseball trophies and medals on the wall.

Marco eventually returns the gesture and squeezes your hand back – one that luckily he knows the exact meaning of – and it makes your heart clench.

And it takes Marco twenty minutes, twenty minutes before he even divulges anything, and it nearly jolts you when he speaks again.

“I think I love Amal.”

You pinch your lips together.

“I know.” you respond.

“She doesn’t love me back. Or she…she did and doesn’t anymore? I don’t know. She just doesn’t like me anymore.” Marco adds.

Eren sighs.

“We know.”

Marco’s quiet. The two of you are quiet too, only because you don’t know what to say – can’t muster up the right string of words that could even provide the simplest solace.

“Do you guys know how I realized that I liked her?” Marco whispers.

The two of you shake your heads.

“Sometimes, I’d walk into the room. You know, at Uncle Connie’s house, or at Teddy’s engagement party and…and I just found myself looking for her. I’d always walk into the room and look around, like…like frantically trying to find where it was that she was. Wasn’t really comfortable until I knew where she was for sure. It was the only place that I wanted to be. She’d ask me to get a drink or have to get up and leave to say hi to someone and I would just feel it, like in my gut, always aware of where she was and waiting for her to come back. Sometimes it felt like she was the only one there or she…”

“She was all of the love in the room.” Eren adds.

You can feel your heart drop in your stomach.

“Just like you’ve always said. I get it now.” Marco finishes.

You lean your head against his shoulder.

“I’m very sorry, Marco. There’s no…nothing we can say to make it better and trust me, that…that kills us that we can’t fix this for you. Especially when we know how bad it hurts.” you murmur.

Marco gives you one teary eyed laugh. It’s enough to make Eren smile, from what you can see in the dim light, as he returns to raking his fingers through Marco’s hair.

“You’re funny.”

“What’s funny about that?” you deadpan.

Marco shakes her head.

“You don’t have to try to fix this. If anything, I’m sorry if I make things awkward for you and Uncle Connie. But this was going to happen to me at some point.” Marco responds.

“Don’t worry about Connie.” Eren responds.

“Yeah, I know, I just mean…”

“No, really. Don’t worry about him. We’re all going to be just fine.” Eren adds.

“Plus. What do you mean you knew that would happen to you?” you ask.

Marco shrugs.

“Heartbreak. It was always going to happen to me. I mean, you guys haven’t really dated people other than each other, not technically anyways, and you guys still had your fair share of it, so…don’t know why I’d be spared from it.” Marco adds.

You don’t get it.

“I guess.”

“I mean what I’m trying to say is that it’s…it’s okay that she doesn’t love me back. It was a long shot anyways.”

Eren frowns.

“Who said it was a long shot?”

Marco shrugs.

“It just feels that way. I’ve never even liked anyone else or even dated someone or held their hand. The premise of someone even liking me back feels like a long shot…that you can like someone, that they actually like you back, that it would actually work out. I feel like there’s so many factors, so many things that have to go right, for it to even work out in the first place and start dating. Then when you start dating, there’s other things that can go wrong – like someone moves away for college, you start liking someone else, producers think that you two shouldn’t be together for your careers.”

You and Eren narrow your eyes at him and note the smallest whisper of a smile on his face.

“You know. That stuff. But I just have to figure out what I’m going to do next, I guess. Especially since, I said some shit things to her.”

Eren hums in response.

“I’ve said worse.”

Marco turns over to you.

“Think she’ll ever forgive me?”

You smile.

“I don’t know. But I don’t think it’s impossible. There was a time when forgiving Eren seemed impossible too.”

Marco sighs.

“Even when I told her that I never even loved her in the first place? That it was unfathomable that I ever even felt that way?”

You pinch your lips into a line.

“Oh, yeah. We kept going at it for a little bit when Maya walked away.” Marco adds.

“Time will help. Growing up a little and getting…getting new perspective on it will help both of you too.” Eren asks.

“Kind of have to talk to her at some point, right? We’re basically family.”

“You won’t have to see her all the time. We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with..” Eren responds.

“There’s other fish in the sea too, you know? You can meet people at other places. You know, when you go play college ball…and then get signed to the major league…and then become a hall of famer.” you joke.

Marco shakes his head, smiling at how preposterous your comments are – at least to him.

“You haven’t done anything yet, kid. So much to see and so many more people to meet. There’s still a lot to do.” Eren adds.

“It’s pretty rare for most people to get it right on their first try.” you offer.

Marco smiles.

“You guys just get to be the lucky exception to that.”

“As long as this doesn’t deter you from ever trying again. To be with someone, to love someone. Just promise us that you won’t ever shut it out if it’s with someone else.” Eren states.

Marco smiles.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” Marco repeats.

The two of you smile.

“It always seems to come back to him, when it comes to me. The other Marco, the one that told the two of you that.”

You and Eren pause.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like he always comes up, that I know so much about him, that I feel like I knew him. I obviously didn’t, but it just…he’s always brought up. By you guys, or Uncle Jean, and Connie that it’s just…I don’t know.”

“Well, you never realize how important or impactful someone is until they leave. You don’t even realize how important certain moments are until they pass by and they’re gone.” you respond.

Eren instinctively reaches for your free hand, across the way. You shoot him a halfhearted smile, and he squeezes your hand hard.

“That’s not true.”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“I mean, I know it’s true for you. Because you didn’t think that he was going to leave the way that he did. But I can realize the value of certain moments, as they happen you know. I know that in this moment in time that things can really only go up from here, now that this door is closed forever. And I’ll always remember that you guys were here with me, that I wasn’t alone.” Marco responds.

You and Eren exchange a smile, before offering a breathless laugh. You reach over and flick him on the cheek – that earns you a laugh from Marco – before glaring at him.

“What’s so funny, asshole? That was so sweet.” you state.

Eren shrugs.

“I just can’t believe this is our kid. If it were us, we’d be catastrophizing to the next level.” Eren states.

“Writing depressing songs. Performing them in front of each other.” you add.

Marco laughs.

“That’s true. But you guys still do that, even when things aren’t even that serious. I mean the fact that you’re crawling into my bed with me right now is like…next level dramatic. That’s just how you guys are naturally.”

Marco takes a beat.

“And maybe it’s just proof that it won’t be like this forever. I think when it really came down to it, you both held out hope when it really mattered. Even if you didn’t say it out loud.”

ten years later - midseason

Marco’s able to make his way to the hospital on the sixth day. It’s when Connie’s mellowed out for the most part – certainly less weak from how the infection he had the week prior, the slightest bit more lively – and when the rest of you are able to breathe the smallest sigh of relief.

He’s able to stomach cracking a few jokes, watch a few baseball games. And the rest of you rinse and repeat the same routine. Make trips back home. Get some sleep in between driving here and back. Before starting it all over again.

And avoiding, desperately avoiding, thinking about the bombshell that the doctor dropped a few days ago. At least not until he was out of here for good.

“How was your sleep?” Amal asks.

Connie shrugs.

“Worst I’ve ever had. But it’s okay.”

Amal smiles, reaching forward to intertwine her hands in with his, and lean her head against the railing of the bed.

“Did the Phillies win?” Connie asks.

Amal shakes her head.

“Did Marco start?”

She shakes her head again.

Connie turns over to where you and Eren are settled, a thin blanket spread over your legs and the seats so small that you’re both uncomfortably pressed against the wall. Eren’s slumped against you, making a horrible attempt to keep up with the book that you’re reading, as you elbow him in the side.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t they playing him?” Connie asks.

You shake your head.

“He has to take breaks. With pitching and all.” you murmur.

“He hasn’t pitched in a week. His arm is just fine.” Connie retorts.

In his first year out of college, nearly three years ago, Marco signed with the Philadelphia Phillies as a free agent. He’s been with the team ever since, renewing his contract each season – and consequently, spending almost the entire year, from February to September, halfway across the country.

And as a Los Angeles native, it took everything out of Connie to root for another team but he put it all aside as Marco’s biggest fan. Something he took serious pride in, as the first person in earnest to tell him to consider playing baseball for the major leagues in high school.

Advice he gave him to deal with his fallout with Amal. Devoting himself entirely, to something that was just his.

Baseball.

“I think he’s just taking a break right now, Connie.”

Connie nearly goes slack jawed.

“Who takes breaks in the major leagues? Is he injured? Is he going to need another Tommy John surgery?”

You shut the book, making the gesture abrupt so as to note your exasperation. With the way Connie acted, you’d be convinced he was the coach.

“He’s okay, Connie. I promise.” Eren offers.

“Plus, if it was something serious, he’d tell you. Right guys?” Amal offers.

You and Eren give her an affirmative nod. She shoots the two of you an appreciative smile – since she was always particularly too stressed that Connie worked himself up too much and made himself more tired – before turning back to him.

You eye your watch.

“Eren and I are going to go down for some coffee. Want to come with, Amal?”

“Sure. You’re fine here, Dad?”

“Maryam’s here. Go ahead.”

The three of you give Connie a halfhearted wave goodbye, before making your way down the hallway, nearly shuddering from the drafty, cold air outside the room. You’re all particularly silent as you make your way over the the elevator, Eren absentmindedly reaching for your hand to stay standing, and the three of you file into the elevator in a line.

“Are you excited to surprise your dad?” you ask.

Amal nearly jumps up at the question, eyes wide, before looking over at you.

“Yes. Yeah, I…I can’t believe Marco would do something like that. My dad’s going to be so happy.”

Over the course of the past year, Amal and Marco, albeit very slowly, reconnected.

Connie, now reaching the end stages of his second successful transplant, was slowly deteriorating. Routine colds became serious infections and it was starting to feel like it did back then.

Connie was in the hospital more often than he wasn’t. Walking too slow, too tired to talk. Exhausted everytime you saw him.

And Marco – Marco who adored Connie as a mentor more than anything – couldn’t help but be distracted the more time he spent away.

The only thing he could do was ask. Again and again – how Connie was doing, if he was able to stay up to watch his game, how he was feeling today, what changed in his treatment plan. And the only person who could coherently answer, who knew the answer as soon as it was relayed to everyone else, was Amal.

He wasn’t satisfied with the answers you and Eren gave him. He felt better knowing that it was coming from someone who was by his side at all times.

You had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with Amal. Maybe not originally, but it definitely did now. Not that his love for Connie was displaced, but from the conversations you were able to overhear in passing, it sounded more like twelve year old Amal and Marco giggling, than Marco just being plain old concerned.

And midseason, Marco decided to pivot entirely. Granted, you figured it was a mainly rash decision that came from the news that you received last week – that Connie wouldn’t be able to handle another transplant – and was moving back home.

Since he decided that he was going to sign on with another team to be able to spend more time here. It was a rash decision, one that Amal constantly talked about not understanding, and you weren’t exactly sure why it was bothering her so much. Why she was so pressed to know what his thought process was when he did it.

“It’s been a while since you’ve seen him in person, right?” Eren asks.

Amal nods.

“I think Teddy’s anniversary party. Two years ago? He’s always really busy these days.”

“I mean, the Phillies aren’t even in the same league as any of the teams out here. Has to be something special for him to come out here outside of his routine.” you offer.

“I know he’s going to be really happy that he’s coming home. He misses you guys. Talks about you all the time.”

Eren looks over at you, an almost devious look in your eyes. You shoot him a warning glare.

“How would you know that?” Eren asks.

Amal’s eyes go wide.

“What?”

Eren shrugs.

“That he misses us?”

You roll your eyes. Eren was reserved when you brought up the idea when they were five years old – that they could like each other. At twenty-five, it seems that you and Eren had seemed to switch positions entirely. And become an instigator apparently.

But you were just being conservative, that making anything awkward between the two of them would just make things worse at this point. You would also make it a point to argue that Eren was just being overly hopeful.

“And here I thought he was just calling to check in about Connie.” Eren states.

You elbow Eren in the side. Amal’s cheeks flush pink.

“He does! No really, I swear, we spend most of our time talking about him. Other stuff just comes up sometimes. We’re just…catching up after a long time.” Amal offers.

“Must feel like nothing’s changed, right?” Eren asks.

Amal smiles.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it makes me kind of sad we fizzled out afte everything that happened, when it was inconsequential, but I guess there’s no point being upset about it now.”

“Eren. Leave her alone, please.” you respond.

Amal shoots you a smile.

“Okay, fine. But just saying – don’t think it’s as inconsequential as you’re making it out to be.” Eren responds.

The elevator whirs to a stop, the doors opening up, as the three of you make your way down the hall to the cafeteria, where Marco and Maya were waiting. You shoot Eren a glare at your side, one that he ignores, as you turn around the corner, and spot the two of them sitting by the window.

You note that Amal tucks her hair behind her ears before walking up, as Eren reaches over and pokes Maya’s cheek to get her attention. She immediately swats him off, annoyed by the gesture, as you turn to give him a big grin.

“Are you excited to be home, Marco?” you ask.

Marco responds with a hug, one that’s painful at this point with the amount of time he spends working out, as you attempt to tap out of the hug on his shoulder. He immediately pulls back, shooting you an apologetic look, as you shake your head at him.

Maya rolls her eyes, before turning over to Amal and giving her a quick hug. It’s at that moment that Marco seems to have realized that Amal’s come down with you and Eren, and gives her an almost ear splitting smile.

“Is that you, Amo?”

Amal very excited smile drops into a glare at him.

“Don’t call me that.” she mumbles.

“Call you what?” Marco asks, his tone almost sing-song.

“Amo. We’re not two years old anymore. You’re old enough to pronounce my name.”

Marco reaches forward, pinching the side of her cheek that she quickly swats off, before giving her a proper laugh.

“But it’s just so much more fun that way.” Marco retorts.

You and Eren shoot each other a look – mainly to confirm that the two of you are seeing the same thing – as you step back, looping your arms in with Maya’s. Amal takes the lead, Marco basically clininging to her side, as the three of you step in line behind back to the elevator.

“So.” you start.

“What’s the deal with that?” Eren murmurs, quiet enough that only the three of you are able to hear it.

Maya shakes her head and you swear there’s the smallest making of a smile on her face.

“Don’t ask.”

“So there is a deal with that? That we shouldn’t be asking about?” you whisper.

Maya gives you an exasperated sigh.

“I think they’re just catching up on lost time.”

You shoot her one last look, before the five of you file down into the elevator this time around, as Marco teeters back and forth on the balls of his feet. A nervous habit – one he’s had since you were a kid.

“You don’t have any reason to be nervous, Marco.” you state.

“I’m not. I know I made the right choice.” Marco responds.

“Why are you rocking back and forth then?”

Marco shakes his head.

“Just feels weird to be back. For good, you know?”

“What do you mean for good?” Amal asks.

“I signed a six year contract. I’m back home for good. At least for the time being.” Marco states.

“Oh.” Amal murmurs.

The elevator dings as it slowly stops and the five of you beeline down the hallway. You absentmindedly reach for Eren’s hand as you turn down the corner and enter the room again, noting that Jean and Mikasa arrived in the time that you spent downstairs. You shoot them a smile in recognition, before leaning against the wall.

“I’m going to start needing a bigger room if you’re all planning on coming here so often.” Connie jokes.

“You should start looking into options.” Marco states.

Connie turns his head to the side, to note exactly who it was that says that, and immediately widens his eyes in shock. Mouth slightly parted and a frown on his face, before he looks around, almost like he’s checking if everyone else can see him too – to confirm, that yes, he really is here.

Connie’s entirely distracted by the sight of Marco, mainly murmuring under his breath about how much he’s grown – something you entirely can’t believe on your own with the amount of training that he does – as he takes to feeling him up.

“How’s your arm? You haven’t played in a while.”

Marco pinches his lips into a smile.

“Yeah, I’ve just been resting up.” Marco responds.

“Resting for what?” Connie asks.

Marco grins, so boyish that you see the four year old still in him.

“My start as a Los Angeles Dodger.”

Connie’s face drops into a frown. Connie looks around the room, mainly at the fact that the group of you can’t seem to contain your laughter at how shocked he is – for a second time – as he turns to you and Eren for confirmation.

“Seriously.” Eren confirms.

You reach in your bag for the crumpled up jersey and throw it straight at him.

“It’ll be official later today.”

“I haven’t been playing for a few weeks since we were negotiating deals and all that.” Marco adds.

“You’re switching to Los Angeles? Mid-season?” Connie asks.

“Figured it was better to be close to home. I can see you more often and Maya when she’s around.”

Marco takes a beat.

“And someone has to deal with the crashout that Amo has almost ever week.”

“Hey!” Amal responds, reaching forward to smack him.

Connie looks down, before running hand hand over the letters on the jersey.

“You did this for me?” he murmurs.

Marco shrugs.

“It’s no big deal.”

Connie drops the jersey into his lap.

“No big deal? You were doing amazing where you were, kid.”

Marco shrugs.

“And I’m sure I’ll do great here. Even better, since this is really where I want to be. No distractions, my family to support me. And best of all, I can be here for you. Almost as often as I can afford.”

Connie frowns.

“You did this for me?”

“Sure did. Wouldn’t be anywhere without you guys.”

Marco pauses and turns to Amal.

“Every single one of you.”

Needless to say, you and Eren spend at least two hours trying to deduce what that meant on the drive home.

six months later

You and Eren make your best attempt to ignore Marco and Amal shouting outside the door. It’s a task that proved to be particularly difficult – not only because they’re super loud, but also because it’s the first time they’ve argued in the six months since Marco’s return.

Of course it happens on the precipice of Connie having another surgery at the end of the week and, of course, right outside of Connie’s hospital room.

From what you can see through the blinds, they’re both particularly angry, waving their hands around, pinching the bridges of their noses. Marco’s almost red in the face, Amal can barely barely keep eye contact with him, so much so, that it sneds a nervous wave through your stomach.

“Should we intervene?” you murmur.

Eren shakes his head.

“They’re adults. They can handle this on their own.”

“Can they? It’s been twenty minutes of this.”

“We can’t intervene.” Eren states, through clenched teeth.

“Maybe they can handle this when he’s not in earshot? And about to wake up?”

“I can hear them just fine.” Connie murmurs, eyes pinched shut as he stirs in his bed, his body visibly stiff as he moves in his bed.

“Sorry, Con. Not sure what’s gotten into them.” you offer.

“What are they arguing about?” Connie asks.

Maryam shrugs.

“None of us know. I could sense they’ve been off since the beginning of the week, since you got in here.” Maryam offers.

“Does it seem serious?” Connie asks.

You lean back.

“Not sure. I mean, they haven’t argued since….since they stopped talking, all the way back then. At least to my knowledge.” you respond.

It’s the first time the four of you address that – that Amal and Marco hadn’t talked for years, because they liked each other. It was an easy topic for the four of you to avoid, mainly in name of keeping the peace, but it always seemed to linger in the air.

Since they spent what felt like the entirety the last ten years refusing to be present, when the other was in attendance.

Connie deflates, as he gestures for you to get them. You walk over and knock on the window loudly – enough to stop the two of them from arguing and look over – as you gesture for them to walk in.

They shoot each other one last warning glare, before joining you inside, the two of then notably quiet as they lean against the counter pushed against the wall.

You walk over to the side of the bed and place a hand on Connie’s shoulder, noting that his skin is ice cold when you touch him.

“How are you feeling though, Connie?” you ask.

He shoots you a weak smile.

“I would feel better if I got some more sleep.” Connie murmurs, shooting a warning glance to where Marco and Amal are standing.

You watch as they both look down at the ground – Marco focusing on his untied laces and Amal nervously fidgeting with their hands – as they refuse to acknowledge what he’s said.

“Amal. Come here.” Connie murmurs.

You move out of the way, pushing the empty seat closer to the bed so that she can sit comfortably, as you take the spot that Amal was just occupying, and loop your arm in with Marco’s.

“What’s your deal, kid?” you murmur.

Marco shakes his head.

“It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing, Marco.”

You watch as Amal reaches over, intertwining her own fingers with Connie’s, as she reaches forward and squeezes his shoulder.

“What are you guys fighting about?” Connie asks.

“Nothing, Dad.”

Connie shoots her a glare.

“I just…I don’t appreciate you guys arguing like that.”

“Trust me. We don’t have much fun doing it either.” Amal repsponds, sarcastically.

Marco nearly breaks out into a smile. You note that he makes his best effort not to.

Connie shakes his head.

“I just…”

Connie looks down, as he fidgets with the bracelet that’s hanging from her wrist.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t alienate or fight with the people around you. I understand that all of this can be stressful, but you’re going to need these people. Especially him, when he’s been here the entire time.”

“I know. I know, I just…”

Connie shakes his head.

“It makes this easier for me. Knowing that the two of you are fine, that he’s going to be here for you, because it means you won’t be alone when I’m gone.”

Amal’s face immediately drops. And at your side, Marco seems to tense up.

“Dad. What are you…”

“We all know I really only have a few weeks left. Realistically. And while I know won’t get to see you finish graduate school or get married or anything…I feel better knowing that you’re surrounded by good people who will take care of you. People who took care of me when I was younger. If I had listened to them, I probably could have had more time with you.”

You watch as Eren drops his gaze, focused on fidgeting with the bracelet clad around your wrist.

“Don’t talk like that.”

“You know it kills me that I won’t ever get to meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. At least let me have the solace that I know you’ll be in good company. That people will take care of you.”

“You can’t be serious. Don’t talk like that.” she repeats.

Connie sighs.

“It’s time for us to be serious.”

Amal deflates before she looks back, teary eyed at Marco, who exasperatedly lifts his hands in the air. She closes her eyes, almost in silent recognition, before turning back towards Connie.

“Dad.”

Amal sighs. Marco straightens up at your side and pushes off the wall. He places his hand on Amal’s shoulder and squeezes.

“We’re having a very heated conversation. But that’s just because we’re both very passionate, especially when we’re talking about you. We…are just fine. I’m not going anywhere.”

Connie shakes his head.

“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s her. She has a tendency to alienate people when she shouldn’t. Let people walk away when they shoudn’t have.” Connie states.

The comment is pointed. Pointed at enough at the one thing no one in the room ever seems to acknowledge.

“Well, she can try as hard as she wants. I won’t be going anywhere, I swear.” Marco states.

From where you’re standing, you watch as Marco looks down at Amal, eyes widened, as she vehemently shakes her head. You get a feeling that whatever he just said – whatever the two have been saying for the past few minutes – weren’t responses to Connie, and instead, a continuation of whatever they were doing outside. Just as heated as it was out there, as Connie turns to you and shoots you a confused glare.

“Do you guys want to share your conversation with the rest of us?” Eren asks.

“I think that would be very appreciated, wouldn’t it?” Maryam adds.

Amal shoots Marco one last warning glare, before he takes a deep breath in.

“Amal and I have been together since the end of last year. Almost eleven months. And she hasn’t wanted to tell any of you…because she’s scared that it’s going to make it real.”

“What?” you ask.

“I’m not scared it’s going to make it real. I just don’t want to divert attention away from my dad.”

“You wouldn’t divert attention away from your dad. If you were listening, you would understand that it would probably make him really happy. And it would probably do you some good to not be living in a lie.”

Amal shakes her head, almost exasperated.

“I know it would make him happy. It would make all of them happy! But that’s just the point, we don’t even know where this is going, we can’t just back out of it when we don’t know! It’s not a lie – it’s an obstruction of truth to protect him. ”

“What do you not know? How can you possibly not know?” Marco asks.

“What do you mean?”

“How can you not know where this is going with me? Are you seriously still trying to sort your feelings out?”

Amal pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I don’t know where you’re going to be a year from now. That you won’t remember what happened years before and suddenly decide, you’re not about this. If this gets to hard for you.”

“I’m about this! I’ve always been about this.” Marco defends.

“Oh yeah? You could easily be spending what’s probably the highest point of your career outside this hospital celebrating. But you’re not. Because of me. You think that won’t catch up to you? You think you won’t resent me for it later? You’re not about this, because you don’t even understand where it’s going to go.”

Marco shoots her one last glare, before reaching for his bag that’s lying across the counter, and reaches for a small velvet box that’s in the front pocket. He tosses the box over at her, his arms crossed over his chest, as he watches her open it up. You and Eren stand on your tiptoes to get a peek – a peek at a glittering diamond ring set in the box – as he raises his hands in the air.

“I’ve always been about this. For months. You’re the one chickening out. You’re the one who doesn’t understand me.” Marco responds, before he pushes off the counter, and turns on his heel to exit from the door.

You watch as Amal catches the box, entirely unphased by the fact that he’s stormed out o fht eroom, because she’s too busy staring down at the box, in what you’re assuming is disbelief. You and Eren shoot each other a look - your heads nearly spinning - before turning back to the group of them.

“We’ll go after him. I think everyone here should just take a breather.”

You and Eren – with Maya dragging behind on her heels – basically jog down the hall to catch up to Marco, who exits straight onto the patio of the hospital ward, and leans against the railing. The view below isn’t exactly pretty, a jammed street with loud honks, and the sun so bright that you’re all squinting your eyes.

The three of you follow his lead, resting your limbs against the railing and resting your chins on top of your hands as you look down, at the people bustling by on the sidewalk. It’s quiet for some time – as you assume the rest of them are wrestling with the same thoughts that you are – except for Marco of course, who breaks the silence.

“I wanted to tell you.” Marco offers.

Eren sighs.

“We can figure that much out, kid.” Eren responds.

“She just didn’t want to mention it. It never seemed like a good time because we hadn’t seen each other in person for so long and then Uncle Connie was in surgery or it was an away week for me and I just…a lot of time kept passing by and before I knew it, it had been so long.”

You smile.

“We’re not upset with you.” you add.

“I know. That somehow makes it worse.”

You turn over to Maya at your side, reaching to fix the flyaway hairs decorating her face behind her ears.

“Did you know Maya?” you ask.

She smiles.

“I figured it out after the first month. Not much he can keep from me.” she murmurs softly.

Marco presses his lips to the back of his hand. When he talks again, his voice comes out muffled.

“What do you think I should do, Mom?”

“You’re asking me?”

Marco shrugs.

“Seems like you were always the one who had to take a leap of faith. What do you think I should do?”

You smile.

“Sleep on it.”

He narrows his eyes at you.

“Really? No, you should go for it, if that’s what you really want.” Marco murmurs.

You all laugh, before you and Eren seem to have the same thought, and lean your heads against his shoulders.

“If you wanted that advice, you should have asked, Eren.”

“What do mean?”

“He was the go-getter. Evne quietly, still doing something that took serious guts. But if you’re sincerely asking me, as someone who has doubts almost all the wya to the end, until it’s spelled out to me in simple letters, you should sleep on it. You don’t know how you’ll feel tomorrow in the morning.

Eren smiles.

“She’s right. Thinking about it too fast is never the best decision. I’ve just lucked out and somehow made the right ones, but you should sleep on it. We can all say bye and head home for today.”

“If you think that’s what best.”

You look down at the street, where the painter on the corner is painting what you can only assume is an ocean – a vast sea of blue all over the canvas.

“The only thing I'm shocked about is that you...you were able to buy a ring without even consulting us?" Eren asks.

Marco shrugs.

"I mean, it's kind of like Auntie Lana said. When you know, you know?"

You can tell that Eren's fighting the urge to smile - that the thing, that warmth that's simmering in your chest from the sentiment - must be present in his heart too.

"You're really good at that, you know?" Eren states.

"Good at what."

"Sweet talking your way out of an awkward conversation."

The following morning, you can’t help but note how much Marco is fidgeting in the elevator – messing with his cap, cracking his knuckles, teetering back and forth – as you make your way down the hospital ward, back towards Connie’s room.

None of you had talked since last night. Mostly because Connie barely slept through the night, riddled with stomach pain, and Marco and Amal didn’t get a spare second. Or didn’t spare a second to discuss what had happened.

“Nervous?” you ask.

Marco shakes hs head.

“No. Just hope he’s okay, it didn’t sound great.”

As you turn around the corner and walk into the room, the four of you abruptly stop in the doorway, taken aback by how particularly crowded it is in the room. Faces you haven’t seen in a while – Levi, Sasha, Lana and Sukuna and Mikasa – and little streamers hanging from the ceiling. The four of you give each other a confused look as you turn over to where Connie’s sitting in the bed, brightly smiling at the four of you.

“Good morning.” Connie states.

You set your bag down on the floor, as the four of you sideshuffle into what seems to be the only open spot in the room, and lean against the wall.

“Morning, Con.” Eren murmurs, cleary barely even registering what’s happening – what he’s said – as he drops his hand and reaches for yours.

“Did some decorating last night, did you?” you ask.

“Big occasion today.” Connie states.

“Is that right?” Maya asks.

Connie gives her an affirmative nod.

“So we’re obviously missing something then? If everyone’s down here, and seemingly more in the loop with these godawful streamers, than we are.” Eren asks.

“Where’s Amal?” Maya asks.

“Right. She would be down the hall, in the bathroom. You should go join her – Olivia and Gracie are there – and Maryam, who is probably no help with how emotional she can get.”

“Emotional about what?” you ask.

“Our daughter’s getting married, of course.” Connie states.

That’s what gets Marco to break his vow of silence.

“To who?” Marco asks.

Jean’s the first one to cross the way, as he puts one arm all the way around his shoulder.

“You, silly.”

“What?” Marco asks.

“Heard there was a ring. And that it was huge. We all want to see it.” Jean states.

Marco looks like he's running a blank.

"Right. I...I don't exactly have it."

"Because you threw it at her? You threw something at your future wife?" Sukuna asks.

Marco gives him an awkward sheepish smile.

“I mean, we heard it wasn’t exactly a proposal, screaming at each other and all that. But given who your parents are, we would be shocked if there wasn’t an element of dramatics involved in all of this.” Levi offers.

Eren rolls his eyes. And every sentence that everyone seems to say goes entirely over your head - because you can't possibly fathom what's going on.

“I brought you a button up shirt. Best I could do on such short notice, when they told me to drive down here and procure a tux.” Levi mutters.

Marco gives everyone a confused look.

“Can…can I talk to Amal or something? What the hell is going on? I can’t exactly stomach this when…”

“Take the shirt. Men’s bathroom is right next to where she is.” Levi states.

You watch as Marco begrudgingly takes the shirt, before basically sprinting past the window towards where the bathroom is. Jean and Mikasa give you a quick swift hug, the latter wrapping her arm around you as she murmurs under her breath.

“Trust me, we found out just minutes before you did.” Mikasa states.

“I’m confused, is what I am.”

Mikasa shrugs as Levi joins you at your side.

“From what I understand, Marco and Amal had some argument yesterday? And he threw a ring at her? And then she was shocked, and she felt so horrible, that she arranged some wedding that Connie would be able to see by the end of the week.” Levi states.

You sigh.

“I see. I just think that…”

There’s a warm hand that wraps around your waist. Eren’s sweet smell envelopes your nose as you feel him by your side

“Give me a second, Mikasa, Levi?” Eren asks.

She gives you a squeeze on the shoulder, as Eren looks down at you, warm hands enveloping your cheeks. You narrow your eyes at him, particularly noting that he’s less shocked – not the slightest bit reserved.

“You don’t seem very phased.” you murmur.

“I’m not really sure what’s going on. Nothing to be phased about when I'm confused, sweetheart.” Eren responds back.

“What’s going on is that my daughter is a coward. And probably too concerned that we're a burden to her, even more so to anyone else. And buying a ring months ago is a big gesture – a huge one that gives her heart consolation that your son really does loves her – and now realizes that she’s probably hurt him in ways she can’t imagine. For a second time.” Maryam states.

“So…” Eren asks, gesturing for her to continue.

Connie sighs.

“If your son is bold enough to buy a ring after a few months of dating, my daughter is bold enough to marry him on the spot. That’s what happening. If he agrees to it, of course.”

“Oh.”

“And she wanted to do it right now, today. So that Connie could see it…if…if he doesn't make it to the end of the week.”

"I see."

“I figure he'll come around. Big gestures seem to do that.” Eren offers.

You shoot him a glare.

“Hilarious. You’re just going to let Marco do this? He…”

He wants to get married. Married right here, in a few minutes, in a disgustingly oversized shirt that Levi’s offered him.

“He will make the right decision. You and I should just sit here and let him figure it out.”

"Eren."

Eren shakes his head.

"On my life." he whispers.

"What?"

"Don't protest. Just let it happen."

“You’re sure about this?” you ask.

“Trust me. Has he ever gone astray?”

You deflate.

“No, but…”

“So let him stick with it. We've stuck with so many things, probably done so many things that look wrong to other people on the outside. Maybe this is what's right for him.”

Eren shrugs. It’s a good enough answer for you, as you and Eren take your spot in the corner of the wall, as everyone makes small conversation. It feels like an eon passes – an insurmountable amount of time – as you all linger in the room, before the group of them return.

Marco’s shirt doesn’t exactly fit him right. Definitely too big on him, loose around the arms. Levi definitely overestimated. Amal’s wearing sneakers underneath her dress, you’re assuming because she forgot about the shoes, and the bouquet that was wilting yesterday is in her hands.

“Hi.” Marco breathes.

“Hi Marco.”

Of course Jean is the only one who responds.

“So I’m getting married. Did…did anyone else figure everything else out?” he states.

There’s an excited giggle that goes around the room, a wolf whistle from Jean, that sends the both of them into a blushing red mess. Gracie and Olivia step up.

“Clothes were the best that we could do on a short notice. Levi’s technically officiated to marry people, so he’s got that – I mean, you guys can sign real legal documents later this is obviously ceremonial – and you have a ring.” Olivia states.

“Did anyone bring a ring for me? One that she can put on me?” Marco asks.

You can’t help but lean back against Eren, as he rests his chin on top of your head, and feel your heart clench. There’s a quiet look around the room, as everyone eyes each other.

“You can have mine.” Connie offers.

You all watch as Connie slides the sliver ring off of his finger, before extending it out to Marco in his palm.

“Great. I’ll give it right back after.”

Connie shakes his head, his hand intertwined with Maryam’s, as he insists.

“You can keep it. As your own wedding ring.”

“You can’t be serious.” Marco states.

“Dead serious.” he responds.

You elbow Eren in the side.

“What?”

“Offer yours instead. He’s our kid.” you mumble.

Eren nods quickly, as he sidesteps and gestures for Connie to put his hand down.

“No, Connie. He can have mine. He’s my son.”

Connie shakes his head. He reaches for Eren’s arm, his fingers clasped around his forearm, as he narrows his eyes. You swear his eyes are glassed over.

“You…are hopefully going to need your wedding ring for a long time. A long, long time because you and Y/N are going to live the closest thing to forever. From what I assume is the universe's consolation for spending so much time apart. Mine won’t have much use towards the end of the week and I figured…they would make better use of it. I wouldn’t want you guys to do anything else with my wedding ring when I’m gone.”

When you look up, there’s wet tears running down Connie’s sallowed cheeks. You’re unable to swallow the lump in your throat, as Eren slides his ring back on his finger, too quiet to respond, as Marco – who is unable to keep it in now too – takes the ring in his palm and twists it around in his fingers. You know for a fact that the date of Connie and Maryam’s wedding are engraved in the lining, along with their initials.

“You’re missing one.” Sasha states, through her tears.

“Missing what?” Niccolo asks.

“Something old is the shirt. It’s Levi’s. Amal’s ring is something new, Marco’s ring is something borrowed. You guys just need something blue.”

The group of you rummage through your bags and turn out your pockets. Until Maryam yanks something out of the bottom of her bag – the original jersey that Marco gifted Connie when he returned six months ago – that has blue stitching on the letters.

“You want him to get married in a baseball jersey.” you deadpan.

You all watch as Marco and Amal turn to each other and grin.

“I’ll wear it.” Marco murmurs, as Maryam hands the shirt over to him, and you all watch him button it up.

“That’s…that’s actually kind of perfect.” Amal murmurs.

“That was the first thing that he did. Came back to LA for Amal.” Maya murmurs.

And that’s how the rest of it goes – something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue – all wrapped up to represent all of the love, the most that you could fathom you'll ever feel, in the room.

an: two days ago was my one year anniversary of finishing method acting! as consolation for how much love you have given this fic, here's an extra! <3

taglist: not quite sure if anyone would want to stay on the taglist for extras. so I did not use it.

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athenaeum-of-the-herald · 7 months ago

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Priest & Priestesshood

The terms priest, priestess, high priest, and high priestess get tossed around a lot, especially in the hellenism community. But oftentimes, there is very little context or explanation on what it means to be the priest/priestess of a god. I think understanding these terms, their duties, and some very frequent misconceptions are once again an important part of this cared for religion. Because despite what many may tend to treat it as hellenic polytheism is a religion. Not one I would consider organized religion today, but a very real and alive religion and should be treated as such.

Naturally this isn't to say you have to strictly adhere to hellenism, your practice and worships will always be your own. But it is an important thing to remember when dealing with the concept of priest/priestesshood.

As usual, this is my own understanding and research of the topic, always be sure to do your own when needed and double check sources! Additionally, from here out I will exclusively be saying "priestess" and "priestesshood" as I am studying and training to be one, but for the most part (excluding the history) it will also apply to priest/priesthood within the modern day religion.

Ancient Priestesshood

When we talk about modern-day hellenic priestesshood, we can't entirely look at it in its original form in ancient Greece. Back then, priestesshood was a temple station that could be bought by well-off families or something young girls were born into. Girls as young as 7 could be taken into temples on the path of priestesshood, and as they grew older, their ranks/titles within the temple would grow with them. With that said, for the most part priestesses bought their way into the station, having come from financially well-off families. Priestesshood could be seen as an "escape" from the patriarchal household society held at the time, often giving these women significant importance above men. Although how accurate this is, we don't fully know, as young girls would also have been born into a family and encouraged to perform priestly activities at a young age.

These were in the days when our temples stood high and mighty, and the unfortunate truth is that's simply not the case today. That said, hellenism has survived the ages, and we've adopted modern ways of worship, and therefore, priestesshood should be looked at in a similar fashion.

Priestesshood Today

As we today have learned to adapt our worships to modern times while keeping the essence of the gods' importance, priestesshood today has also adapted. While the grand temples from those days are mostly in ruins, we have found ways to construct them in online spaces, and when able, in real life, planned services and congregation. So what does a priestess of a hellenic god do today?

To become the priestess of a god is something I would consider a "full-time devotee." Someone whose life is tasked with acts of devotion in that god's name and honor. A priestess of Aphrodite might become one of her sacred whores or a matchmaker, a priestess of Demeter may live rurally and grow crops to provide and offer, a priestess of Hades may become a death worker (PLEASE heavily research that topic itself if it is a path you choose as not everyone can become one and it is considered a closed practice by degrees) or a baneful worker, etc. Regardless of the gods, a priestess would typically perform duties that align with that god's attributes and associations. It is a dedication to serving that god and performing acts in their name and honor. Priestesshood is a commitment to that god.

How Do You Become a Priestess?

This can be a difficult question to answer. As stated before, priestesshood could be bought or be something you were raised into. However, in our modern day, that's no longer the case. From what I've researched, priestesshood can be obtained through two methods.

Mentorship under an established priestess

An invitation from the god

Mentorship would entail finding a god's priestess and them taking you under their wing and training you personally. Many times, the mentorship will be something paid for, but will give you someone experienced and a solid learning foundation in your future training. Naturally, you should vet the priestess beforehand and ensure they are someone trustworthy and knowledgeable. There are many people who will falsely claim priestesshood, so ensure this is someone truthful in their dedication.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, someone can personally be invited by their god into priestesshood. This in itself can hold a myriad of difficulties, such as initial uncertainty. A lot of divination or fact-checking would be required as well as checking in with that god themself. Another difficulty would be the need to do training on your own. There is no step by step guide for priestesshood for each and every god, and the chances of finding a genuine one for your deity is slim. Training solo would mean researching and practicing on your own, with a great deal of trial and error and constant check-ins with your god.

My path to priestesshood started from an invitation from Hermes, and it took a lot of communication and readings with him to gain true confidence in the decision. It can be confusing, and navigating the path alone can be incredibly scary and difficult.

Can You Become a High Priestess?

A high priestess is a vastly higher title than a normal priestess, and one that, in my opinion, very few can hold. A high priestess's entire life would be spent dedicating themself to that god, continuously in prayer and doing their duties. This is a 24/7 commitment and a lot of the time entails leaving your worldy self behind (including families, friends, ect) to live in dedication for their god. They channel the very essence of their god.

A high priestess is far more than a title, it is the pinnacle of dedication to a god and is not an easy title to obtain. A high priestess's life would entirely belong to that god, and they would spend every possible moment of it channeling the essence of that god through prayers and worship and dedicating acts for the community they have.

It is not a role just anyone can take on, and I highly advise much deeper research into the understanding of that role and what it means/entails.

Common Questions and Misconceptions

So a priestess is just a normal follower?

Not particularly. A priestess would be required to do their devotional duties that align with their station. Priestesses would be leaders, conducting rituals and serving as a conduit for their god. There is a difference between devotional acts and devotional duties, the fine line being whether these devotions were optional or not.

I've only been working with [insert god] for a short amount of time, can I become a priestess?

The gods don't care about how long you've been in service to them. What they look at is devotion and knowledge. So long as you're willing to put in the work and truly dedicated yourself to the role, it doesn't matter if you've been a devotee for 5 years or 5 days. That said, please make sure this is a path you truly wish to walk. It is a very serious role, and the gods won't take kindly to it being treated like a game or an experiment.

I'm still a minor, can I become a priestess?

While in ancient times priestesses would be trained as young as 7, they wouldn't be considered priestesses until they reached the marriage age of 14. So by account, yes, absolutely. But I think it's important to spend your younger years truly studying and gaining knowledge and experience with your god and being certain that this is a path you wish to take. Don't be swayed by social media and other's recounting. Take your time.

But [insert creator] said they're a high priestess!

Are they always on social media? Are they constantly posting? Do they have a large online presence that they manage on their own? Then chances are, they're not a high priestess. A high priestess has no time for these things unless someone else is managing it for them to show what the life of a high priestess is like.

Would a high priestess be an oracle?

While a high priestess can be an oracle and vice versa, the two are not inherently synonymous. I'll make a long post on oracles once I've researched them more but from my current understanding, yes and no.

#hellenic worship #hellenic polytheism #hellenic deities #witchblr #helpol #hellenic polytheist #hellenic community #hellenism #hermes devotee #library: learning #library: priestesshood

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coca-lastic · 9 months ago

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5 Green flags 🟩 VS 5 Red Flags 🟥

I'M BACK 👹

Well well, My last post about Keigo have lots of support from you all, and like I said, I'm willing to do a part 2 about Bakugo Katsuki sooo, here I am.

Tell me if you want a part 3 and which character you would like.

Let's start with his red flags. Let's be clear that Katsuki does have a few, it's true that it's nice to imagine him as an attentive boyfriend who takes the initiative, and I firmly believe that he would be like that, but that shouldn't hide the little things he has that can get on your nerves at the time of a fight.

Now, let's start listing his bad things:

1. He acts like you're a burden: I don't think he would do this on purpose, but he would. Comments like "What the fuck do you want now?", "Stop bothering me", "You're too intense", "Will you shut up?" can come up at the beginning of the relationship. Even to the point that you feel bad about his independent actions, as if you were just another thing on his list. Of course, deep down he doesn't consider you a burden, but he expresses himself as if you were one.

2. He doesn't open up to you: Katsuki has this constant thought that he can't be inferior, that he has to be the best and his feelings can be a difficult thing, and I think that in a relationship he feels a lot more pressure about all this to be strong and show you how tough he is. So I think that for a long time he won't tell you if something is wrong with him even if it's clear that something is wrong with him. This could just be something normal, but I add it as a red flag since a large part of Katsuki's life is clouded by those insecurities, so he doesn't tell you how he feels every time he sees Deku, or how he was in training, or how he felt when he won something, because if he does, his facade will fall apart. This ends up being something that can affect the communication between you two.

3. He doesn't understand you: He tries, he really does, but he just has a hard time understanding when you feel bad. He's so used to minimizing what's happening to him that he doesn't understand why it affects you so much. So you might be crying in his arms, and he might be hugging you, but deep down he doesn't understand, and that's terrible in arguments, because he doesn't understand why you're angry or why you're sad or why you're disappointed, he tries to fix it but he doesn't understand the roots of the problem.

4. He's jealous: Like, not jealous to get insecure when he sees you with a friend, jealous to get furious when he sees you with another man. And that, OBVIOUSLY, brings problems. He trusts you, he doesn't trust them, he knows you're hot and he also knows that the other jerks know it. So don't doubt that he's going to complain to you repeatedly that a certain person shouldn't be so close to you, or that he doesn't get along very well with a certain friend.

5. His anger: In the anime we can already see that he is a little bit... impatient. He tries to control himself with you, he truly loves you and treats you with his best version, but there are times when you simply act in a bad way, I mean, you also have your red flags, and that makes him angry, and you too, then you fight. A lot. For a long time. A lot of yelling. And probably a lot of painful words that he doesn't really feel, but says them, because his fury is faster to speak than to think, analyze and meditate.

Now, like every person, he has his flaws and his virtues. He has things to improve and things that you should love, because they are incredible.

So let's see what those good sides are and let's see which side of his personality ends up winning, let's see the second side of his furious personality.

1. He doesn't talk, he acts: Maybe he doesn't open up to you as much as he should, but he decides to make you feel comfortable by letting you know that he loves you through more practical methods. Are you hungry? He cooks, are you sick? He takes care of you, do you want a snack? He buys it. Because actions are worth more than words, so he decides to act, he decides to give you what you want, and consider yourself lucky because you are the only one who sees his helpful side.

2. He puts you first: If his friends invited him out to eat something, he won't care if you sent him a text telling him to go with you to buy something. If his mother told him she was going to celebrate a birthday with the family, he'll run away because you asked him to bring you some chocolates. Because he knows that if you love someone, you're not going to replace them with the smallest things, so if he has to make a decision that involves you, you'll always be the right answer.

3. He is not ashamed to show you off, he loves to do it: You are also part of his achievements, and being the show-off that he is, he will show you off. God, he has a sexy, smart, strong, kind and hot girlfriend, he has to show you and show them that you two are together, that he is a lucky and happy man.

4. He knows you: I think this is important, but not all men do it, in fact those who do are very few. Because not all of them observe you, remember, learn and please you, but Katsuki does. He is observant and knows how to listen, maybe he doesn't understand perfectly why you feel so much, why you get excited and sad about small things, but he knows that you do it, he knows how you feel, he knows how you reacts, he knows what you like and how he knows you, he knows how to please you, he knows how to make you happy with a gift, he knows how to excite you, he knows how to make you laugh and he knows how to make you feel loved.

5. You're part of his future: If he sees himself as a great hero, he sees you by his side, making and fulfilling your dream. Holding your hand. Kissing you. Hugging you. Caressing you. That's what he sees. Maybe two house, or a single one, whatever you want, maybe 2 children, or maybe none, just a pet, maybe a red car, or maybe a black car, but within all those variables there is one constant: you.

Sorry, this doesn't match your way of seeing Katsuki. Remember that he is still a character that each one sees and imagines in their own way, but I try to do it in a way that everyone feels comfortable.

Now, did the 🟩 flags or the 🟥 flags win?

#x reader #bakugo katauki #katsuki bakugo mha #bakugo x reader fluff #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #mha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha bakugou #katsuki x you #katsuki x reader #bnha x reader

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charliedawn · 3 months ago

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IM SORRY IM SORRY BUT 😭 HEAR ME PLEASE. Hannibal’s with reader who seems really timid and shy who is secretly freaky 😭 wait pause cause imagine in the middle of intercourse a switch flips and she’s suddenly just all over them and extremely intense and straight up demanding physically? Like she’s suddenly on them and acting like a straight up she-demon? I don’t know why but I cackled

Warning: Explicit. Hannibal Lecter Sr. (1991 Hannibal)

Hannibal lives for control. He is composed, methodical, always the one who dictates the flow of things. So when you start out timid, soft-spoken, maybe even hesitant, he sees you as something to mold—something he can guide and cultivate.

And then ? The moment you turn on him—the moment you shove him down and demand more, demand faster, demand harder—

He laughs.

Oh, it’s rich, it’s delicious. He grips your hips bruisingly tight, eyes glinting with amusement and hunger as he watches you lose yourself.

"Ah, my dear…So you were hiding this from me ? How very impolite of you…"

He lets you have your way—for now. He’s enjoying this, watching you completely let go, reveling in your raw, feral need—but don’t think for a second that he won’t take back control the moment he pleases.

"If you wanted to be devoured, darling, all you had to do was ask." And by the time he’s through with you, he’ll make sure you never feel the need to hold back again.

Hannibal Lecter Jr. (2013 Hannibal)

Oh, this Hannibal is dangerous. He’s patient, attentive, and calculating—watching you, waiting for every little reaction, every little shift in your demeanor.

When you start out shy ? He finds it adorable. He thinks you are something delicate, something that requires care and patience.

And then, you flip.

You are grinding against him, demanding more, your nails digging into his skin, your voice breathless but commanding.

And Hannibal Jr. ?

He freezes just for a second. Then, a slow, dangerous smirk spreads across his lips.

"Oh ? Well…that is surprising."

He lets you take control, lets you drag him down, lets you consume him with that newfound hunger—because, in truth ?

He is into it.

But the moment you wear yourself out ? Oh, he is ravenous. He grips your jaw firmly, his voice silky but firm.

"You surprise me, love. But I wonder—how long can you last once I start devouring you in return ?"

And then ? Well…You asked for this.

Morgan Lecter

Morgan prides himself on control, precision, and intelligence. He assumed he understood you—shy, reserved, maybe a little unsure. He thought he would be the one to coax you out of your shell, slowly, carefully.

And then, you flipped.

One second, you’re his sweet, hesitant lover—and the next ? You are pinning him down, your lips hot against his skin, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

His breath hitches. And for a brief, brief moment, you genuinely catch him off guard.

But oh. Oh.

You think you can dominate him ? How bold. Morgan’s grip tightens. His calm smirk never fades, but his eyes darken—

"If you wanted to challenge me, dearest…You should have prepared yourself first."

You might have flipped the switch, but Morgan ? He’s about to burn out the circuit.

Kevin Lecter

Kevin is not like the others. He does not seek control the way his father and older brother do. No—Kevin thrives on chaos, passion, and unpredictability. So when you start out timid ? He’s patient, but part of him is waiting, hoping that you have more in you.

And when you finally snap ? When you suddenly turn on him, dragging him down, kissing him like you’ll die without it ?

Oh, he is grinning like a madman.

"FUCK—where the hell have you been hiding this ?!"

He is loving this, matching your energy without hesitation. He is just as demanding, just as wild, and just as desperate.

"C’mon, sweetheart—don’t hold back on me now !"

For Kevin ? This is perfect. He doesn’t want control—he wants passion, and you are giving it to him in full force.

And if you ever try to go back to being shy after this ?

Yeah. Not happening.

Peter Lecter

Oh. Oh, Peter.

You were his gentle little angel. He thought you were pure, innocent, something sweet and delicate.

And then. You flipped the switch.

Peter ? He is dumbfounded. His face turns red, his breath catches, and he genuinely stares at you in shock as you ravage him.

"Wh—? W-Wait—Y-You—"

He is overwhelmed in the best way possible. He is blushing, whimpering, absolutely melting under your touch.

"Oh my God—where did you—how—ohh—!"

But the moment he adjusts ? He is clinging to you, moaning your name, whimpering in absolute bliss.

And after ? He is snuggling you so hard, pressing kisses everywhere, looking at you with pure adoration and wonder.

"I—I didn’t know you could be like that ! But—but I love it—please—please don’t stop being like that—"

He is obsessed with this new side of you. And now ? Congrats. You have created a monster. A very, very clingy monster. You are never going back. You wanna be passionate ? Fine by him. Have at it. Have him all as long as you keep him.

#hannibal x reader #hannibals #hannibal family #hannibal lecter #morgan hannibal x reader #kevin hannibal x reader #peter hannibal x reader

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rottenpumpkin13 · 3 months ago

Note

You're a new Shinra employee who gets lost in the building while looking for a microwave to heat up your lunch. You encounter AGSZC/Turks/execs during your search. Describe their various levels of helpfulness. 😀

Cloud: Tries to be helpful but also accidentally makes it worse. "You're looking for a microwave? I can help! Follow me." He confidently leads you down three different hallways, up a flight of stairs, and past several doors he shouldn't have access to but somehow does. After about fifteen minutes, you realize he's lost. He won't admit it. Frowning at the directory map like it's a philosophical riddle. "Strange. I could've sworn it was near the gym..." Eventually, he just sighs, tells you "sometimes we have to accept our circumstances" and walks away. You never get to heat up your lunch and now you've suffered -20 confidence.

Sephiroth: Useless, but in an elegant way. He stares at you like you've just asked him to explain quantum physics, then his gaze drifts into the distance as if contemplating the meaning of existence itself. "A… microwave?" You repeat the question. He considers it deeply, like he's never once in his life had to think about the existence of a microwave. Which, to be fair, he probably hasn't. "That is beyond my expertise. Try the cafeteria." You check the cafeteria. There is no microwave. The lunch lady cackles at you. You return to the hallway, and Sephiroth is gone. Vanished. Never to be seen again.

Reeve: Extremely helpful, but there are consequences. "Oh! A microwave? Okay, follow me!" He personally walks you to the break room, making small talk, and waits while you heat your food. You are grateful. Finally, someone normal. Then you turn around. Cait Sith is standing there. Staring at you. Grinning. "Yer wee lunch smells like somethin' a chocobo dragged in!" You nearly drop your food. You wonder if you were drugged. "Hope ye enjoy it, pal! Wouldnae be me first choice, but hey, some folks got no taste!" You leave in terror.

Reno & Rude: Different approaches, same chaos. Reno goes "Oh yeah, there's one in the Turk lounge. Follow us." They do lead you to a microwave. However, it is very clearly stolen from another department, has a questionable stain inside, and occasionally sparks when it runs. Reno tells you "It's got personality." Rude tells you "Don't worry about the weird noise." Your lunch explodes one minute later.

Tseng: Too busy for this nonsense but actually helps. You approach Tseng while he's reviewing documents. He listens patiently as you ask where the microwave is. Then, without breaking stride, he calls someone on his PHS. "Elena, please escort an employee to the nearest kitchen facility." He hangs up. Elena appears out of nowhere. She walks you to the break room, smiling the entire time, and leaves before you can even thank her.

Rufus: Too rich to care. Rufus blinks at you like you've just asked him where to find peasant food. "A microwave? I've never used such appliance in my life." You confirm. He sighs, rubs his temples, and just gestures vaguely toward the hallway. "Ask the help." You do not find the microwave. You do not find the help. You do, however, find Darkstar, who follows you for the next hour and politely begs for some of your lunch.

Hojo: Dear god, why did you ask him? You were desperate. You made a mistake. "Hmph. You require heat? Intriguing. Perhaps you should consider alternative methods of molecular excitation. There is a reactor chamber on the lower levels that could perform the task at a much more efficient—" You run. You don't stop running. You eat your food cold.

Genesis: Turns this into a critique of your food choices. He gasps when he sees what you're holding. "You're going to eat that?" You explain that yes, you were planning to. He looks disgusted. "Absolutely not. Do you want to die before Act V is discovered?" Then he picks up your lunch and throws it directly into the trash. "Come. We're going to the cafeteria. I will not let you disgrace yourself with that excuse for a meal." You have no choice but to follow him. You do, however, end up with a very fancy lunch.

Zack: Has zero patience for this and decides to improvise. "A microwave? Pfft, who has time for that?" Before you can stop him, he grins, holds up a hand, and casts Fire. Directly at your lunch. Your lunch ignites. "—oh!" He frantically pats it down, nearly burning his hands in the process. The entire hallway now smells like charred failure. "Okay, okay, so that didn't work—but it was a cool idea, right?" He ends up buying you something from the vending machine as an apology.

Angeal: Has made it his life mission to find you a microwave. The moment you ask, Angeal gives you a serious nod. "A hot meal is important. No one should have to eat cold food." Then he dedicates himself entirely to the task. You have never seen a man take a quest this seriously. He interrogates security guards. He questions other SOLDIERs. He even asks Lazard about the corporate policies on employee kitchen access. "Shinra should be providing more break room amenities." Lazard disagrees and points out the several microwave incidents that have happened at SOLDIER alone. Angeal and Lazars start going at it, arguing. You stand there awkwardly. You require help.

#ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #sephiroth #final fantasy vii #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #zack fair #rufus shinra #tseng ff7 #reno ff7 #cloud strife #reeve tuesti #crisis core #professor hojo

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mcflymemes · 1 year ago

Text

PROMPTS FROM GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) * assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary. who ya gonna call?

i want you to concentrate.

you can't see these, can you?

i'm getting a little tired of this!

what are you trying to prove here, anyway?

will you excuse me for a second?

we're close on this one. i can feel it.

you are a legitimate phenomenon.

this is big, [name], this is very big. there is definitely something here.

that would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

i hope we can clear this up quickly and quietly.

back off, man. i'm a scientist.

listen! do you smell something?

this happened to you before?

could you come over here and talk to me for a second, please?

one of us should actually try to speak to it.

i'm gonna take back some of the things i've said about you.

the possibilities are limitless!

this is preposterous. i demand an explanation.

your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable.

you don't know what it's like out there.

for whatever reasons... call it fate, call it luck, call it karma, i believe that everything happens for a reason.

where are we going to get the money?

i think this building should be condemned.

hey, does this pole still work?

wow, this place is great. when can we move in?

you gotta try this pole.

hey, we should stay here tonight! sleep here! you know, try it out!

you wanna come in for a mineral water or something?

are you troubled by strange noises in the night?

have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, or ghost?

we're ready to believe you!

you can't park that here!

i bet you like to read a lot, too.

i collect spores, mold, and fungus.

i'd like to talk to someone, please.

what i'm about to say may sound a little unusual.

i'm sorry, i don't believe in any of those things.

if something's gonna happen here, i want it to happen to me first.

you don't act like a scientist.

i'm gonna go for broke. i am madly in love with you.

i bet you're going to be thinking about me after i'm gone.

hey, anybody seen a ghost?

did you ever report it to anyone?

i hope we can take care of this quietly.

well, no sense worrying about it now.

i think we'd better split up.

don't move. it won't hurt you.

i feel so funky.

there's something very important i forgot to tell you.

wait wait wait! i've always wanted to do this.

well, that wasn't such a chore now, was it?

we came! we saw! we kicked its ass!

you're a big celebrity now.

so who the hell was that?

i'm not at liberty to say.

i want to know more about what you do here.

that's a big twinkie.

do you have any excedrin or extra strength tylenol?

listen, maybe if we start dancing, other people will join in.

that's a different look for you, isn't it?

do you want this body?

i want you inside me.

you said before you were waiting for a sign. what sign are you waiting for?

i have a terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you.

i think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.

how about a little music?

you had your chance to cooperate, but you thought it'd be more fun to insult me. well, now it's my turn, wise ass.

i'm not interested in your opinion.

if he does that again, you can shoot him.

i am going to get you a nice fruit basket.

i was in no way prepared for that.

you wanna play rough?

are you a god?

let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!

i couldn't help it. it just popped in there.

well, that's something you don't see every day.

sorry, [name]. i'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

i feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

#mcflymemes #ghostbusters #rp prompt #rp meme #rp memes #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #rp starters #ask memes #ask meme #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #movie prompts

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princessgarnetxvi · 1 year ago

Text

Everything Johan did was For Anna/Nina

Everything Johan did was for Anna.

A “Monster” capable of love.

“What I’m most afraid of is…forgetting Anna. The strange lessons we have everyday… are making my memories fade. Please, don’t make me forget Anna. It’s only Anna and me in this whole world. Just give me that - please. Please.” – Johan Liebert”

I was very confused about the complexities of Johan's character up until the last handful of episodes. After rewatching the series for a 3rd time and exploring how Johan is portrayed in the manga, it became very clear to me that my initial opinions about Johan were basic and devalued the intricacies of Naoki's writing. From the beginning we are only TOLD by conflicting views, who Johan was. His character, in the fictional world as well as our own, is simply defined by an individual's perception of him and the story presented. However, if we dissect ALL of the themes and even the undertones Naoki presented to us through the world of characters; I think it would be evident that Johan was not committing heinous acts for superficial reasons such as simply being evil to be evil.

So what was the method to his madness?

I believe... Everything he did was for Anna.

(Yes this includes erasing himself from existence too )

Author's Note: I want to preface before you read on that although these essays are written in a sympathizing light that Johan has done PLENTY of wrong. This is not written in an attempt to dismiss his heinous acts lightly, but to simply understand the "Monster" of the series by tackling Johan's crimes deeper than the surface. I tried to make sense of Johan's every action in regards to his OVERALL PLAN and why Naoki presented them to us as viewers. For those who will nitpick the term "everything" quite literally, I want to make it clear that not E V E R Y S I N G L E A C T I O N Johan has taken coincides with his love for his sister; his actions towards the children specifically - because there are some things that had nothing to do with his "perfect plan" but more to do with attempting to build Johan's character and his view of the world us as viewers. Justifying ones actions vs. rationalizing ones actions are completely different. I am in no way attempting to discard the accountabilities that Johan should face for his actions, but instead trying to make sense of it all. I've analyzed Johan's crimes against children here: https://xprincessgarnetxvi.tumblr.com/post/691678531250487296/i-really-love-reading-your-essays-i-can However, this will explain the root of Johan's character and the core of his overall plan(s) that was committed for the sake of his sister from the very beginning to the end. The overarching theme and message of Monster is that there are no such thing as Monsters, only broken human beings capable of great evil; so we will humanize this great Monster in order to understand not only Johan Liebert, but the hows/whys Tenma/Nina was able to forgive him and ultimately find value in saving the life of this supposed Monster.

Before we begin, I'd like to take the time to thank you for reading! I can't wait to review your comments and further discuss this magnificent series of Monster!

Anna was set up from the beginning to become The “Monster” given she was the one who actually endured the experiments. Her tendencies are shown in glimmers throughout the show. The heartbreaking twist to it though... is that the only reason why she DID not become the beast, was because SHE ( unlike Johan ) HAD KNOWN REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

-Johan’s love and sacrifice is what kept her safe from the darkness he knew very well. He got his hands dirty to shield her. He chose to leave her behind in the care of her foster parents, knowing she would forget him, in order to heal.

He chose her than himself over and over; becoming her shadow; choosing to lose his only attachment to his already weakened identity in order for her to heal.

His love for her is why she never became a monster...and tragically, why Johan had.

Which reflects exactly what Mikhail Petrov (whose real name is Reinhart Biermann) said about his "PROFOUND DISCOVERY" concerning his current experiment on the children he had in his home; he said the children did not become animals because he gave them LOVE.

(Mikhail Petrov telling Grimmer how the children in his current experiment did not become Monster - it was because they had LOVE.)

In his own twisted way and view on things, he was protecting her. He killed every "parental" figure they had because he was betrayed by every adult figure in his life so far. People who mentioned calling the police, ended up finding out about their past - anything that could lead the man, who Johan referred to as “The Monster” into finding them, he disposed of.

The adults in their lives thus far would betray them, torture them, hurt them, throw them away- and forcefully separate them. In his severely abused mental state, any adult figure was a potential threat to his and Anna’s safety. So he’d kill in order to runaway from "the monster" and protect Anna. Then when Anna found out about the blood on his hands that fateful night the Monster paid them a visit, he realized that now he had become someone Anna feared - a different kind of Monster but all the similar to the one they were running from.

So he rationalized that now he needed to die.

In that moment, I think we should focus on his body language and expressions. Johan faced the ground. hardly picking up his eyes. His shoulders were sunken and he did not have that menacing little smile he usually had. Johan has killed in secret various times with Anna and back at Kinderheim.

So why was he so messy with the Lieberts?

Because he did not want to kill them - he said HE HAD TO.

It was not a calculated murder, because he was not truly calm and collected; He was afraid.

Lets not forget who Johan was up until that moment: the infamous little boy who provoked an entire riot and massacre by simply opening his mouth. With mere words he was able to sway the adults and children into doing what he wanted. BUT IN THAT MOMENT when Anna caught him red handed, he could not, or rather, would not - try and manipulate Anna.

(He has never once been shown trying to manipulate or abuse her throughout the entire series as he has done intentionally with the rest of the world.)

Instead, he asked her to shoot him and run - in an attempt to finally liberate her from the horrific life they had to lead up until now - blaming his existence for the constant chase their predator (Bonaparte) gave way to them as prey because in that moment, his memories were distorted and he believed he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion. **** (X) (this theory is challenged referenced below)

To Johan, him living was a danger to Anna and that night made it evident to him.

But when he was brought back to life and realized the gravity behind his methods, seeing how terrified Anna was of him - he started to cry. Because despite his initial feelings of finding his death absolutely necessary for her to be safe, he still wanted what he had with her; the only bond of love he ever knew.

What set his entire ADULT plan into motion (wiping out everyone who ever hurt Anna and created HIM) was Anna's rejection at the hospital. That was when he realized internally, he was beyond forgiveness and that he was nothing more than a monster. A Nameless monster in her reflection that needed to die in order for her to live in peace. (Referencing the God of Peace storybook. )

Johan was the one who gifted the God (Anna) her hat and then she saw herself as the Monster she was supposed to be due to the Red Rose Mansion experiments. This would NOT have happened if Johan did not give her the hat (the red hat which can symbolize the blood he spilled for her. ) so in this instance, Johan is also the reflection (you are me and I am you. They are both nameless monsters)

From that moment on, he wanted to wipe out his entire existence, and that meant those who ALSO "created" him so that Anna could heal as Nina.

I believe this is what is depicted in the Nameless Monster storybook.

Initially, we are made to believe Johan wanted to “consume everyone” so he would be the last one standing. The Monster known as Johan in the book also devours his counterpart, the Monster who went West and then there is no one left to call him by his name. But clearly, Johan never does this, because Johan never attempts to kill/devour Anna/Nina - because what it symbolizes is entirely different in nature regarding Johan’s intention.

A quick reminder that both Johan and Anna were considered Nameless Monsters. HOWEVER - by Johan’s hands, Anna does not remain “Nameless” nor does she ever become a “monster” the moment Johan decided to not only leave her behind in the hands of a loving family, but by her changing her name and her identity to Nina. The Fortners never made any implication that they knew of Nina’s past concerning the Lieberts murder and I believe this is because Johan introduced her as Nina to the Fortners and never allowed them to see the trail behind her identity as Anna Liebert.

Symbolically, Johan, as the Nameless Monster, consumed the Monster inside of Anna and became the only Monster left. This is what is mirrored in Johan’s intentions and the Nameless Monster storybook.

With Anna forgetting him and Johan leaving her behind thus losing his only connection to someone who truly knew him, now all that is left is Johan, without absolutely anyone to call him by his name - the one and only Nameless Monster.

And this is heavily referenced in Another Monster:

(This reinforces that Johan was trying to make Nina forget her past as Anna)

There wasn’t some sick satisfaction from any of his killings done when he was a child. To him, it was needed for the sake of her safety. This was Johan’s initial “plan.” set in motion. He wanted to be the only one left in the world with his sister - so that they wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore.

(I also believe at that point when they were kids, Johan's very first plan he referred to when telling Anna "Remember, I have a plan." was to run to another country with her so that the Monster will never find them. It is the only logical idea of a plan that a child could conjure following what he actually leads them to do, which was cross the border. Simply destroying the world is unreachable in his current state and Johan is smart enough to not be delusional in his endeavors. With that being said, he had to kill that old couple to erase any trail they may have left of "two beautiful blonde twins." But this plan fails because they nearly die at the Czech Border and was discovered. )

(Johan telling Anna he has a plan.)

RUHENHEIM:

One of the biggest moments in Ruhenheim has been misinterpreted and lost due to the mistranslations in both the English Dub and the Japanese subtitles.

I clarify and mend this by breaking down what Nina unraveled in Boneparte’s house when she looked at the portraits by correctly translating the Japanese script/text in depth here on this post:

But to summarize it for the purpose of this essay, it was revealed to us as viewers that Johan apologized to Anna when she returned from the Red Rose Mansion, revealing the overwhelming weight of guilt he carried when Anna had been taken that day.

(That day depicts the moment their mother made the terrible 'Choice')

and then Johan accepts his mother will never return to them (assuming she abandoned them) and goes on to tell Anna this:

Johan is the one crying because soon after, Nina tells us that Johan was in that room crying.

This information provides clarity as to why Nina was finally able to understand Johan, empathize with him enough to be able to forgive him. She remembered he was a boy who felt guilty over what happened to her; a boy who cried when he realized they were now all alone in the world. She understood that Johan desperately did anything and everything to ensure he and Anna survived despite it all.

That Rainy Night:

I want to GREATLY EMPHASIZE the important factor I missed my first time watching the scenes with Johan/Anna - the scenes shown to us were ONLY through her recollection as fragments due to her memory loss. They were told from what she COULD remember, so her take on what really happened that rainy night the first few times the events are unfolded before us should not be taken as absolute. At least...up until it is revealed in the final episodes that Anna realized that on that night instead of seeming like an empty shell of a person asking for death, Johan was crying and crying before she shot him.

The scene where Anna finds the portraits reveals what truly happened between them and its so important. She said “Johan was crying “here” just like before.” She was mimicking a memory she had just recalled in its entirety. “Why are you crying, why are you crying?” She sounded in distress. Directly after she reveals that she remembers him crying, it shows the image of him pointing at his head that rainy night.

Even though Johan told her to shoot him, it is IMPORTANT that he was crying and the author highlights this for a reason.

I believe that, finally being able to vividly remember that day finally revealed to her that Johan wasn’t the “face of absolute evil” she initially dismissed him to be; he was a boy/man who could cry and mourn - he was human. He was a terrified boy protecting Anna and himself the only way he knew how. and instead of showing him forgiveness/love - she added on to his collection of wounds scarred upon his soul from everyone else who chose to harm him.

Tenma...was ultimately the ONLY one in his life who showed him kindness.

Johan's intentions and reasons behind many crimes: Essay II.

( I will summarize it here as the extension essay was far too long to put on this post)

**** (☓) I want to ask, did Johan truly believe he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion or was that simply a masquerade he performed to make sure Anna did not remember?

(I wrote an essay on this being a possibility here: PART 2 OF THIS ESSAY. This will explain Johan's intentions in depth)

(this is a theory I FIRMLY believe and have completely adopted. But for the sake of argument, I will entertain both concepts behind Johan's memory in this essay.)

If we entertain the idea that Johan never misconstrued his memories about the Red Rose and pretended he did, I can dissect Johan’s intentions a bit more intricately.

Throughout the series you see that he is trying to wipe everyone who knew of what happened to Anna off the face of the earth, that included himself. He did not want Anna to remember. So when it was revealed she did remember, he mourned. It was subtle but evident in the anime when she reveals “you are wrong.” something in him shifted - for once he was reacting to the words of another.

She said "he had a smile but seemed like he was crying. I never seen such an expression on his face before." That entire scene, Johan’s eyes expressed something we’ve never seen from him throughout the series - a sense of mourning or longing?

Johan in front of Anna always appeared the most human and I feel Naoki did this with purpose.

(Naoki specifically told the directors/animators of the anime series to never stray from how he expressed Johan's eyes for a very important reason. )

Johan's expression finally meeting Anna after 13 years apart.

If, however, Johan DID truly think he was the one who suffered at the red rose mansion, his “perfect suicide” plan still relates to his twisted-selfless feelings for Anna.

Johan learns it was not him that suffered at the Red Rose Mansion...but Anna instead. and then Johan goes on to commit the "perfect suicide." In his plan to die, he wanted to take The Monster with him, forcing Bonaparte to endure the same exact hell he forced Anna to suffer as a child.

Call it an act of revenge. Some may think Johan is incapable of being vengeful but I cannot see this cruel and calculated act as anything other than malice. After Bonaparte was finally dead, the monster disposed of - Johan was ready to die.

But you can see his conviction began to slip away when Anna forgave him. What made it worse was realizing he was wrong about Tenma because even now, Tenma was still hesitating on killing him ruthlessly like he always presumed would happen. Johan thought he had humans all figured out - after all, all Johan has EVER known was the darkness in people’s hearts. That is why he was so confused/moved by Tenma and wanted so desperately to prove him wrong.

The manga portrays Johan’s expressions 1000X BETTER THAN THE ANIME. As soon as Anna arrives, Johan is just staring at the floor, unable to look at her - Repeating everything from that fateful rainy night when they were kids. But this time, Anna doesn’t kill him, she chooses love and compassion. and when she says she forgives him - his reaction is something the anime does not do justice

(The subtle shift the artist expressed in his eyes from her words is so significant but missed in the anime; but he reacts rather deeply, moved and shocked by her words.)

Because "Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again."

In the manga he isn’t quick to reply. He ponders over her words carefully and I think this is when his mind starts panicking.

Anna realized that forgiveness was the one thing he wanted that night she shot him, despite him also thinking his death was needed. His value depended on her view of him; and what she once robbed from him was now returned - a human being worthy of forgiveness instead of a monster.

He is telling her the evident truth that he cannot turn back because he TRULY believes Tenma is going to kill him any moment.

Johan refuses her forgiveness not because he resents her or thinks its too late for her to redeem herself - but because he doesn’t think he deserves it. “There are somethings that cannot be undone.” Because it is too late, Johan is going to die - he WANTS to die. Then you see the fear and helplessness in his eyes after getting the one thing he always wanted [ Anna’s forgiveness] because he desperately wanted to die as the only thing he knew himself to be: the nameless, nonexistent monster. But both Anna and Tenma rob him of that by bestowing upon him the gift of compassion, mercy and empathy; for the first time treating and valuing him like a human being instead of a monster,god,experiment, devil etc., as everyone around him has his entire life.

(The Monster inside of Johan begins to crumble.)

Johan in his final moments was cracking and finally falling apart. You see it in the final expression he makes: the distraught, confusion and sadness. Because he realized, he was wrong about people, he was wrong about the world. But how can we blame him for his view on humanity when all he has ever been shown since birth was how ugly, selfish, cruel and inhumane people can be?

How can we expect someone who has only seen darkness to be able to find the light?

I want to clarify one thing I noticed: Johan has never shown to take any kind of sick satisfaction from killing unlike all the other serial killers being interviewed in the series. (aside from Richard) Specifically, Johan is without "the lust for murder" as Lunge explains in Another Monster - which is why Johan hired other people to kill for him instead. Especially contrasting Johan with Roberto, specifically, when Roberto tries to kill Anna.

(that is until Richard, which makes Johan's dealings with him stand out for a reason. He doesn't even take pleasure in killing the Red Hiddenburg, he leaves before witnessing her death instead of reveling in his 'checkmate' coming to fruition.)

Despite his callousness and his lack of care for life - Johan, despite how much of a "monster" he was, very clearly had humanity and had love....for his sister most of all. Johan saw when his mother choose, how little their lives meant to her and this instilled his nihilism at such a young age. He watched Anna get tossed to the wolves like nothing and in that moment, he probably thought his mother chose Anna over him for a reason. (even though the question on her intention would haunt him for the rest of his life) But her being able to choose is what hurt him the most and it's probably what instilled his self sacrificing mentality to care for Anna above the world in order to never make the same mistake his mother had.

That is why after she got back from the Red Rose Mansion, he cried for her story and apologized as if it was his responsibility to feel guilty over what happened to her. It should have been him that suffered. Then after, he treats her with the upmost care, telling her everything is hers, no matter what she will win everything because he would deem it so. He is kind to her, never letting go of her hand even when she is dragging behind - he sacrificed all of himself for her...

Because she deserved everything in the world to contrast their mother throwing her away.

(it should be noted that the Lieberts did not want Anna either but only adopted her because Johan refused to leave the orphanage without her. Which is also why I believe he killed them when Bonaparta came because he thought the Lieberts were conspiring with Bonaparta to get Anna)

🌰 (The ‘Acorn game’ represents their Mother's choice, a child in each hand. But in this version, Johan would ensure that no matter what hand Anna chooses, she will NEVER choose wrong. He manipulates the fate behind her choices by holding two acorns instead of one; never letting her make the same mistake as her mother.)

He wanted her to know above all else, she was loved.

A clear indication of this adoration/attachment he has for her is the fact that he DOES NOT forget her even after enduring the hellish experiments in Kinderheim that aimed at wiping out / messing around with his memories.

I wrote this because I was astounded to see various posts/Wiki pages implying that Johan’s intentions were to torture Anna and make her kill herself. Telling her to shoot him was his first attempt to drive her insane? They twisted a lot of things Johan did to try and make this statement true. But I cannot comprehend how they drew this conclusion? The series has characters mentioning on more than a few occasions that Anna is dear to Johan. "He is lost with you."

Everyone knew Anna was important to Johan, Professor Geidlitz was the first to mention this besides the old blind man. Roberto was aware of this which is why he tried to kill her as mentioned in Another Monster. Which is ALSO why Peter Capek tried to hold her hostage to prevent Johan from killing him.

and for the first time, Johan DOESN'T kill him.

Johan cried when he awoke at the hospital after he reached for his sister and she screamed in fear of him. His face full of tears - his heart completely broken. If his intention was to drive Anna insane, he would have triumphed in that moment she screamed and fell to the ground after he reached out to her. But instead he mourned.

Anna has mentioned several times that Johan has cried for her, like when he was in the room full of their happy portraits, he was crying. He never once tried to bring harm to Anna - not intentionally towards her person. Explaining the Fortners murder - either he killed the Fortners after they decided to keep lying to her, thus keeping him in the shadows when he wanted to return. OR he killed them because they were going to tell her the truth about her identity, which was something Johan worked to conceal. (this theory is explained thoroughly in essay #2 )

Regardless, if he wanted to torment her, he would not have tried to lure her away to the castle when he set up the Fortners to be killed.

They imply that Johan wanted to torture her and then kill her at the end. But that makes absolutely no sense. Where in the storyline does Johan give off this tendency towards her? Even at the end he told her where to meet him in Ruhenheim and not once did he try to shoot her or Tenma. Honestly, if he really wanted to provoke Tenma to shoot him, he would have held the gun to Anna instead of a random child. But even though being shot by Tenma was his greatest endeavor, he refused to point the gun at someone who was important to Tenma...because Anna, is important to Johan too.

To say Johan, despite being hailed as the Monster of the series, had no love or humanity in him and was merely the Devil himself...completely missed the point of the story...

I’d like to point out the constant mentioning of Hitler in this story and draw another important factor...Hitler brainwashed people to commit mass genocide. Under his rule, millions perished in horrific ways. But despite that...Hitler was capable of loving others. Hitler was also loved by others. The terrifying truth about people who commit atrocities...is that they are not monsters or demons or devils...

they are merely human.

Here’s two passages from ANOTHER MONSTER [novel post Monster written by Naoki] that really drives this point:

- PSA: My twin brother FINALLY finished his 2 HOUR Johan Analysis Essay, that dives deeper into Johan's character. This essay and essay #2 will be included in this analysis video as we both worked on it together. However, this lays out the details visually and with beautiful music. Please watch!

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