#I do think you should be very. Very careful with method acting by the way. That can mess you up. But i dont think thats where theyll be

[faithinus]

Invisible - Part Three

Summary: Quinn is convinced that he lost Alayna for good. A small, forgotten object sparks a desperate attempt at reconciliation.

Read Part one here, Part two

Relationship: Quinn Hughes x OC Barzal!Sister

Word Count: 1.1K

The next few days were a blur of sleepless nights for Quinn, the ghost of Alayna’s tear-filled eyes haunting the edges of his vision. Grand gestures felt wrong, a gaudy distraction from the quiet intimacy they’d always shared. Flowers blooming in a dramatic display, apologies echoing through a crowded space – that wasn’t their language. Their connection thrived in the unspoken understanding, the shared glances, the comfortable silences punctuated by inside jokes. He had to find his way back to that space.

Quinn started with a ritual he’d neglected for far too long: cleaning the apartment. He tackled the mess with a methodical determination. The rhythmic scrubbing and wiping was a strange form of penance. Dishes piled in the sink now surrendered to soapy water, countertops gleamed, and the persistent grit on the rug vanished under the vacuum. Each act felt like a small step towards his lost order, a fractional loosening of the knot in his chest.

Quinn drifted into the kitchen, his gaze snagging on the spine of a familiar book tucked amongst his own sparse collection. Alayna’s recipe book. He pulled it down from the shelf. The cover was faded, softened by years of loving use. She’d left it behind. A wave of unexpected tenderness washed over him, another poignant reminder of their shared life. He flipped through the pages, finding loose notebook paper tucked inside. Quinn’s fingers traced the smudged ink beside “Alayna’s Famous (and Easy!) Sundried Tomato Pasta.” Her handwriting. Their favorite comfort. A sudden impulse seized him, sharp and clear. Keys in hand, he was out the door and into the fading light.

The digital clock on his dashboard glared 4:57 PM. Just enough time to spare. Quinn’s palms were slick against the leather steering wheel, a nervous energy coiling in his stomach. He didn’t allow himself to imagine all the different ways this could play out. He watched the steady stream of people exiting the sleek office building across the street. His gaze darted from one face to another, a frantic search, anticipation building in his chest. And then he saw her. Alayna. The familiar slope of her shoulders, the way she slung her tote bag across her body, the subtle swing of her dark hair.

He was out of the car before he consciously registered the movement. The relief and anxiety of seeing her was so potent that it stole his breath and threatened to buckle his knees. Quinn clutched the worn recipe book in his hand like a lifeline. “Hey,” he managed, his voice betraying a tremor he hadn’t intended.

Alayna stopped on the sidewalk, her expression a careful mask of surprise. Her eyes flickered from the book in his hand to his face, then down to the delicate silver watch on her wrist. A familiar crease formed between her brows, a silent question. “Quinn? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at practice?” Her tone held no accusation, just a weary curiosity, a hint of the resignation he’d heard in her voice the night she left. He knew exactly what she was thinking: The team. Always the team. He shrugged, attempting a nonchalance that felt foreign. “Missed it.” The words hung in the air, a blatant disregard for the very thing that had become the wedge between them. But it was the unvarnished truth. He had skipped practice. He had chosen this moment, this sliver of possibility, over the never-ending needs of his team.

Her gaze sharpened, a flicker of disbelief replacing the weariness. It was obvious to her, as it should have been, that this wasn’t a casual encounter. He closed the small distance between them, the recipe book held out like a fragile offering. “Alayna, I… I’m sorry. For everything.” He met her eyes, willing her to see the raw honesty in their depths. “For being so consumed, for making you feel invisible. You were right.” The admission felt like a physical weight lifted from his shoulders. “Hockey became everything, and I let everything else that mattered - you - fade into the background. That was selfish and unfair, and I am truly sorry.”

He paused, giving her the space to absorb his words, the silence of the bustling city momentarily receding. “I brought your recipe book back.” He held it out a little further. “You can take it, and I’ll… I’ll leave. I won’t keep bothering you if that’s what you want.” The thought was a raw ache in his chest.

Then, he offered the fragile tendril of hope he desperately clung to. “Or… or you can come back to the apartment with me. I’ll make your favorite pasta.” Quinn slid the folded piece of paper out from his pants pocket. “It’s not a grand gesture, I know.” He gestured vaguely in the direction of his car. “But it’s a start. A start to me actually showing you, day by day, that you are my priority. That I know how incredibly lucky I am to have you. You’re the reason I can show up every day, not just as a hockey player, but as the person I want to be, the leader I need to be. It’s because you believe in me, even when I don’t deserve it.”

He held her gaze, his own stripped bare of the usual guardedness, revealing a vulnerability that felt both terrifying and necessary. The roar of the city traffic faded to a dull hum, the setting sun casting long shadows around them. The only sound that truly mattered was the unspoken answer he searched for in her eyes. He waited, his heart hammering against his ribs.

Alayna reached into her purse, her movements slow and deliberate. She withdrew her keys, the metallic jingle sharp in the tense silence. Then, her shoulders set with a resolute air, Alayna began walking straight past Quinn. The bottom dropped out of his stomach, leaving him unsteady. He heard the rhythmic click of her heels on the pavement as she wandered further into the parking lot. Each step was a small and decisive retreat. The fragile thread of optimism that carried him this far now snapped.

“I’ll follow you there,” she called over her shoulder, her voice surprisingly even. Quinn spun around, confusion warring with the lingering ache of rejection. He watched, his breath caught in his throat, as she approached a familiar sedan. She started to slide into the driver’s seat. “What?” he rasped, the single word laced with disbelief.

Alayna leaned across the passenger seat, looking at him through the open window. A hint of a familiar spark, a playful glint he hadn’t seen in what felt like an eternity, flickered in her eyes. “I’m gonna get towed if I leave it here overnight. You know that.” A small, almost imperceptible smile touched the corners of her lips.

[cum-aside]

Ok it’s not like I go here really, but I’ve been reading a bunch of DPxDC recently because it’s very good, and I had an idea that won’t go anywhere

The various gangs in Gotham have callsigns/uniforms or something right??? If not, they should, and imma say they do. Anyway. Redhood I think didn’t think too hard about what people in his gang on his turf should wear for identification purposes, but they sure did. And what they came up with was Red.

Wearing red in the vicinity of the ‘Bad Part’ of Gotham?? Part of the red hood gang. Generally head gear is the preferred method of wearing red. Red hats and beanies, red head scarfs and hijabs, red headbands, red masks. The idea has been communicated. To a certain point, wearing red even if you aren’t officially part of the gang is a great way to get an in with them, or be under protection if you’re the right age in the right area, as long as you’re willing to risk getting roped into low stakes gang activity, which can range from working the counter at money laundering sites to community service (guarding clinics and shelters and volunteering) to making deliveries to destroying certain hostile architecture. (Hood saves the real jobs with cops and shootings and turf disputes for actual members, that he knows the names faces and skills of, and who are at least above 18, but preferably over 20, and who wear real gear he supplies them with, not just whatever’s in their closet that’s red) (this does not entirely stop the smaller ‘members’ from getting into their own fights with the cops and turf wars, but Jason has found that giving them Something to do that feels like direct action helps curb those tendencies. And it’s not like those things aren’t things that don’t need doing, so it’s a win win. Mostly)

Danny, bless him, does not know any of this. But has been staying in the sketchier areas of Gotham because that’s where people don’t care how old you are or if your papers are real or not, and he absolutely does not want people looking into how old he is and wether his papers are real or not. He is also wearing an inadvisable and vaguely conspicuous amount of red. His converse are red, his signature baseball tee is white and red, and his hoodie is also red.

Clearly, this kid (he’s like 17) really wants in with the hood gang.

And eventually, they oblige him.

Random people will approach Danny and ask/tell him that them and a couple others are going somewhere to do (insert vaguely/definitely illegal job or act of community service here) and Danny, who is deeply directionless in life currently, and also pretty assured in his ability to eat danger for breakfast, and has never met an institutional authority he doesn’t disrespect at least a little bit, is totally down for some civil disobedience and chaotic good shenanigans.

And then it spirals from there. Like. A worrying amount.

It takes Danny actual months, almost a year, to realize that he’s been low key slow cooked into the criminal underbelly of Gotham, and like… he’s not really mad about it?? Honestly if he had a choice when he came to Gotham, he probably would have picked the redhood gang anyway. He just seems to vibe with them on a… Spiritual Level…

Hm

Anyway

Years go by, and while Danny doesn’t have the most going for him in terms of a normal person life, vis a vis higher education, official employment, health insurance, dating life, or any other benchmark one uses to measure the trajectory of their lives— Danny’s feeling pretty good! Jazz, Tucker, and Sam have all finagled their ways into Gotham, (Tucker has a WE internship, Jazz is working/doing work studies at Arkham, Sam does what she likes now that she is a legal adult and has her inheritance, and what she likes is environmental activism, and occasionally being spotted with fellow activist Damian Wayne, and someone who may or may not be poison ivy, sources differ) and Danny finds his obsession suspiciously well served as a hood goon. Hood hench? Redgoon? Hench hood?? Name pending, who cares.

Danny is also suspiciously good at, well, his job. One of the best runners, even when he gets caught and frisked they never seem to find the goods on him (they never do check IN him, but then why would they) very well liked at every volunteer spot they have, patient, kind, funny, good with old people, kids, bitter people, addicts and the homeless, the sick and injured. And yet also very competent in the field, when they finally let him do actually dangerous things. Act as protection detail to the working girls in the red light district, he’s very respectful, and very good at intimidation, de-escalation, and when push comes to shove, excellent in a fight. Knows when to keep pressing his advantage and when to make a retreat with whoever he’s guarding. Not afraid to fight scrappy, and presses through pain and fear like a true gothmite.

He gets so good at his not really a job job that he becomes essentially, Redhoods right hand man.

The rest of the bats are skeptical of this for several reasons. Because generally speaking, the people in Jason’s turf are not fans of the bats, but Jason does a lot of coordinating with them, and someone so close to him is going to pick that up eventually if they’re half as sharp and useful as Danny is. Other than that, secret identity issues, plus pit rage, plus the fact that Jason trusts pretty much nobody. But Jason has great feelings about this guy, he always feels more clear headed and even keeled when he’s around, and he helps Jason remember the community he’s trying to build, and the community he serves. Also he delegates and mother hens like nobody’s business, but Jason just really can’t seem to work up too much irritation about it.

It is around this time, however, that the past, and shady government organizations come knocking.

Perhaps the GIW has also noticed how ecto-contaminated and lawless Gotham is and decided that they could start doing research and experiments with its live and undead denizens instead of amity, where the portal has closed, and ghost activity is down since phantom disappeared. Or maybe the GIW has finally located phantom specifically and is interested in what they’re always interested in. Or maybe it’s various ghosts harassing Danny to take up the throne, which he’s been avoiding successfully, but having settled into a life routine that suites him his core has finally ‘settled’ (halfa cores fluctuate more than other cores due to the transient nature of being alive, but halfa people settle into lifelong patterns and relationships quicker than other people because of the static nature of being dead) he is mature enough by ghost standards to assume the throne, or at least begin preparing for it.

Regardless, danny is being tracked down for his childhood baggage’s extended warranty, and brings the entirety of the JL and almost all associated sidekicks, hero group spin-offs, and organizations into the thick of it.

Idk. I just got through Secretary Danny by DeathlySilent13 on ao3 and I thought man oh man wouldn’t it be neat if Danny got to be Jason’s second in command instead??? That could open up a lot of avenues I haven’t seen yet. I’m also just very curious about how the Jason’s runs his gang according to the fandom, and I think that with all the ACAB energy Danny has been assigned, he should have a little bit of community focused organized crime. As a treat. Like I said I don’t go here thou, I just needed to put this somewhere and see if it vibed with anybody besides me

[hexhomos]

little random but i really appreciate your dissections and analysis of Mel mainly bc the fandom either adore her and won't admit she is a flawed character and get over defensive when you call her out, or straight up hate her and make her out to be completely evil.

Mel is written as morally grey for a reason and when ppl try to act like she was morally correct in everything she did, it goes against the whole plot. yes, she regrets most of her actions by the end of the series and is left to deal with her family's leagacy and the weight of her actions, but that doesn't undo anything she did. and her eventually starting to care about Jayce doesn't just cancel out that she manipulated him (you'd think this would be obvious)

what bothers me the most i think is meljay shippers who say Jayce mistreated her and that Mel only ever helped and care about him and aided him in rising to power politically, and how she was so understanding of Jayce's and Viktor's friendship. yes, encouraging methods of political corruption in order to gain more power is so caring and kind of her! ❤️

Mel might've told Jayce to go spend time with Viktor after finding out he was ill, but the one time in the show she interacted with Viktor was... prejudiced to say the least. she never directly spoke to or answered Viktor, and the expression on her face any time she looked over at Viktor was so clearly full of dislike. it shocks me ppl still believe Mel and Viktor could get along and respect one another, especially romantically. no way.

anyways, sorry for the rant. just tired of how many bad takes there are in this fandom and very fond of your account lol

you are right and you SHOULD say it re: that oft repeated argument about her "only wanting what's best for him" bothers me so much. Its just... weirdly patronizing and spousing pro-piltover nationalism every time i see it being brought up. "She's doing what anyone would do/what is best for the city!" IDK MAN I AM NOT ROCKING WITH THAT. Im not an ubercapitalist. I don't think any of that was the good option actually lol. Probably I hate piltover too much to humor these arguments but from day 1 we are shown this is a city of immense class inequality in which the elite few holds all the power and all the profit gains at the cost of everyone else's submission and humanity. (Not for nothing: these are also the classic old guard Noxian tenets of supremacy. That's how they do colonization.)

The interactions Mel has with Jayce for majority of the series, before she watches that bomb come in and has her rapid onset change of heart, are her talking about how investors want his work and how she can use his discovery to advance this city (which is already built on exploitation!) or instigating his rise to power as a new ringleader for the council's rigged mercantile operations, and this is just not good or heroic in any way to me. This isn't love either, it's industrial convenience. The fact that she's conflicted by the end doesn't cancel these actions out! Jayce realizes that he's been used in ways he strongly disagrees with and any the affection in that dynamic vanishes instantly. The time he spends in isolation replaying his mistakes in that cave has an emphasis on mel/heimerdinger's voice on the council too, all of his regrets with blindly following someone else's vision or disappointing an idol he held in high regards.

And Jayce DOES care about the state of the cities, or he did before the writers forgot: He's the one who pleads for Zaun's independence at the end of season 1! He's the one who spent all his life trying to work towards improving the lives of common people, giving them the miracles they've been denied!

Viktor is a fucking nobody. He is extremely worthless in the eyes of the piltovan upper crust, only kept around on the merits working with Jayce have afforded him; and they still don't care. They're probably hoping he dies quicker. We *SEE* him being singled out and alienated during that weapons discussion where Mel is pleading for Jayce to think about "protecting his people" (only piltovans, never, ever zaunites- protecting piltovans against the zaunite menace.) and Viktor is set off at that whole exchange because it doesn't matter how loud he screams, these people can just tune him off and pretend he doesn't exist anyway. It's what they're used to doing. It drives me insane!!!!! His indignation is extremely under-explored and very inline with his act1 speech of feeling like an undesirable presence in piltover and having to push through with the grit of his teeth. It's open faced classism and I still see people pretending it didn't happen. Fandom makes all of these characters FAR less interesting by defanging them. The heart is in the friction and in the ugliness of them fucking up because they have very, very different conceptions of "utopia" - and some of those utopias require the death of the other characters present.

A lot of the Arcane character arcs have to do with realizing the above, and weighing if the sacrifice is worth the risk. Sometimes it turns out their utopias were shit.

[profilerclra]

Why does she give a damn about me? | Spencer Reid x Reader

cutesy, cheesy fluff

In wich Spencer thinks reader is out of his league but she could not be more into him.

Content: Garcia is a queen as always, sunshine!reader

Warnings: Maybe some light lack of self steem from spence, but nothing crazy!!

He was used to it at this point. Being the weird kid in high school and college, Spencer never really expected anyone to be into him and, after being rejected a couple of times, he had practically closed himself off in that sense. But then, you came into the picture.

You are one of those girls that everyone seemed to gravitate toward, not only because of your beauty but because of your essence. You were genuinely kind, smart and good with people in a way he wished he was, maybe that’s why he was so drawn to you, you had all the qualities he wished he had and being close to you made him feel complete.

Needless to say that he was in love with you, it had started as an admiration and when he realized he was thinking about you all the time, but he was sure you would never be into guys like him, he was sure you’d never see him as more than friends.

–

You had joined the team a few years ago, you were excited to finally be doing what you really wanted when you joined the BAU, going out in the field and being on cases instead of just working a desk job all the time. When you first met the team, everyone seemed very welcoming but you felt yourself especially drawn to Spencer out of all people, at first he seemed distant but with time you noticed how sweet he was and how much he cared for everyone around him and god that man was so funny, you loved his weird science jokes and his magic tricks. How were you supposed to not fall in love with him? You asked yourself that question every time he brought you coffee in the morning or went on his rambles about some random thing.

After a particularly intense inquiry from a very drunk Garcia in one of the girls' nights she organized at her home, you told her your feelings for Reid and she made you swear you would act on it.

“Garcia, I'm not confessing. He's not into me like that, i’ll just ruin our friendship”

“Oh honey, he practically kisses the floor you walk in, he follows you around the office like a lost puppy and practically kills any officer that dares to be the tiniest bit mean to you. There’s no way he’s not into you, at least try pretty please” She says, doing puppy eyes at you. Garcia took her job as a cupid very seriously and was not going to let this be her first fail.

“Alright, i’ll try but if he ends up hating me you’ll have to bake me cookies everyday until i die” You say rolling your eyes and finishing your glass of wine.

“Ohhh i’ll be cooking cookies for you guys wedding!”

–

So, here you are holding his favorite order from the local coffee shop and gathering the courage to press the button to the elevator

“Hey are you fine?” A familiar voice calls you, when you turn around its spencer.. Great, guess you’ll have to do this right now

“Oh hi yeah, I was just um… meditating”

“Did you know meditanting has been proven to increase your memory and is also great for reducing anxiety. I really should start doing it, what method do you use?” Spencer says while pressing the button to the elevator

“Ummm breath in, breath out i think” You say, unsure how to respond

“That's actually one of the best ways as it oxygenates your brain and helps it work better, it can also help you feel more calm since deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system that sends a signal to your brain to tell the anxious part that you're safe and don't need to use the fight, flight response” He says, doing the little smile and head nod thing he always does after info dumping.

You smile back at him, as you both enter the elevator and press the button to the BAU floor.

“I brought you something” You say, handing him the coffee shop bag

He opens it and smiles at you “I can’t believe you remembered my favorites, thank you so much” You love that smile so much, all you can think about is how perfect he is and how there’s no way you can continue on without dating this man.

“Actually, I need to tell you something spence… I was thinking, maybe we could go out together as like, a date or something” You say, already blushing from the embarrassment you felt and how scared you were that he did not reciprocate the feelings.

“Really? Of course i want, to be honest i’ve wanted to ask you to be honest but i thought you’d never see me like that”

“Are you kidding me spencer? I’ve had a crush on you since we first meet”

The elevator gets to the office, and you both walk in blushing and joking about how you two were so blind to each other's feelings. As you get in, garcia passes by you two stopping to stare

“There’s something happening here…” She says, pointing between you two and pressing her eyes together as if she’s profiling you two

“I asked him out”

“Oh my god finally, you see? I’m always right, I don’t even need to ask what he said, look at Reid, he’s glowing, ohh i’m so happy” She says, walking out to probably tell the news to everyone on the team.

[coquelicoq]

how to write a sympathy card

so someone you know recently lost a loved one and you would like to extend your sympathy, but you have no idea what to say. here are some ideas to get the juices flowing. i did not even try to keep this short, so i've broken it up into four sections: general advice, what to include, some example cards i've written, and takeaways.

general advice

first, if you're reading this i'll assume that you have decided to express your sympathy in some way and just don't know how. the thing about doing this is it will always feel inadequate. it will often feel very awkward. you may be worried that everything you say sounds weirdly insincere even if it isn't. i'm here to tell you that that is all okay and normal and to be expected. i've written a lot of sympathy cards and afterwards i've never been like "wow, i nailed it!" and yet i've gotten a lot of comments from people thanking me for showing up even when all i did was send a measly insufficient card, because most people don't do that. it will mean something to the person that you did it at all, even if it's not perfect.

should you send your sympathy in a card or some other method? if you never send mail, if you don't have their address, if you don't even own stamps, maybe sending a card is not for you. but everything below also applies to an email you could send. i personally prefer a card because i like the physicality; it's something they can keep and look at later if they want to, and it's a way of showing a small amount of deliberation and care (i went to the store and picked this out; i sat down and handwrote this). more importantly, i feel like there's less pressure to respond to a card than an email, and a phone call can be overwhelming to someone who is already dealing with a lot of shit, while a card is just there whenever they feel up to looking at it. but that is entirely my own perspective; there are differences culturally as well as personally. you should do what makes sense for you.

do think about what you're trying to accomplish by sending this card. you may not be able to make things better, but you are certainly trying not to make things harder. one example of this might be: if your friend has just lost her mother, you might have a lot of complicated feelings about this that aren't really about your friend or her mother specifically (you also have a mother!), and that's natural and okay, but those feelings would perhaps be best to share with other friends of yours who didn't just lose their mother. another example: it's okay to be worried about your friend and how they're doing, but try not to imply that they owe you updates or that they're causing you a lot of stress by not keeping you in the loop. (of course, if they are instead sharing more with you than you can handle, it's important to set boundaries around that! though probably not through the mechanism of a sympathy card.)

it is okay to keep it really short and generic. again, i think just the act of thinking to get a card, getting a card, writing something in it, and mailing it already means something regardless of what is written in it. if you feel overwhelmed trying to figure out what to say, it is okay to keep it to "I'm thinking of you in this difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss." i also sometimes add "I don't know what to say, except that [I'm thinking of you, etc.]."

one thing i've learned that makes this harder is that you cannot assume you know how anyone else feels. you may be thinking, "i also lost a parent, so i know how it feels," but you only know how you felt about it. there are infinite ways to feel about losing someone, including:

sadness for the deceased, that their life is over

sadness for themself, that the deceased is gone

sadness for the other people who lost the deceased

fear of their own mortality

fear of dying in the same way

fear of how their life is going to change without the deceased

relief that the deceased is no longer suffering

relief that their caretaking duties are over

relief that the deceased can no longer mistreat them

anger at the deceased for dying or for not doing something before they died

anger at god

anger at others/self for contributing to their death or not saving them

overwhelm from all the logistical things there are to deal with when someone dies

overwhelm from all the emotions

confusion at their own reaction

guilt for outliving the deceased

guilt for not feeling sadder or for feeling other things in addition to sadness (or for being numb/in shock)

this is an incomplete list!!!

i try not to project onto my friend or put words in their mouth, because it can be very isolating to be told how other people think you should feel if that's not exactly how you feel. because you're sending them a sympathy card, there is some baseline assumption that there is something to feel sympathy about. but beyond that i try to be careful not to get super specific about how "you must be feeling" or how hard "this must be". generally i try to avoid the word "must" because it implies that there is a certain way this is supposed to go, when there isn't.

if i know that they are struggling in some way but haven't talked to them much about it, i personally usually feel okay saying "Loss is hard" or "It's hard to lose someone", which might seem similar to "This must be hard", but avoids the word "must" and the direct reference to their situation ("loss" in general vs. "the particular instance of loss you are experiencing"). if i don't know much at all about how they're doing, i might say "Loss can be hard", which presumes even less, or i might not directly mention the difficulty of loss at all.

but also, it's okay to be more specific and personalized if you have been in contact with your friend as they've been processing the situation. it's good to acknowledge specific feelings that they've told you about, but try to also leave room for other feelings and/or ways their feelings might have changed.

what to include

here are some categories of sentiments you may want to include (all optional!):

thinking of you: even though it's kind of self-evident that you're thinking about them, this is something that is always appropriate to say and always nice to hear. examples: You're in my thoughts. I'm thinking of you often.

wishing you comfort/support: comfort and support are very safe things to wish somebody because they don't assume anything very specific about how they're feeling, and they express care for their wellbeing without putting pressure on them to be fine. I hope you can find moments of comfort in the coming days. I hope you're feeling supported by friends and family.

sorry for your loss: this is one of those things everyone knows is a stock phrase, but it's the kind of stock phrase that imo actually communicates something, so i do generally use it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

my heart goes out to you: this stock phrase is a little iffier, meaning it can be kind of a toss-up on whether or not it will sound insincere. it might depend on how close you are to the person. use your discretion. again, even things that sound insincere to you can still mean a lot to the recipient. My heart goes out to you. My heart is with you.

i'm here for you: offer logistical and/or emotional support if you want to and if you're reasonably sure that you could provide it. if you're able to be specific, that can be very helpful; one thing that can be overwhelming in the aftermath of a loss is dealing with lots of people wanting to help and having to come up with ways for them to do that. Please reach out anytime if it would help to talk about it. If you ever need to be distracted, I'm good at that! I'd love to bring over some food/help out with chores and errands; I'll text you to see if that would be helpful and not disruptive.

prayers: if you and the recipient are both religious/spiritual and it feels right to say, you could say "I'm keeping you in my prayers" or similar, in addition to or in lieu of "I'm thinking of you." if you are religious but the recipient isn't (or you're not sure if they are), i suggest not saying this, but use your judgment. some people don't mind hearing that someone is praying for them even if they don't believe in prayer and may in fact expect you to say it if you are known as someone who often expresses care through prayer, but for others, this can be actively offensive. i would say when in doubt, stick to "thoughts" instead of "prayers". You're in my prayers. I'm praying for you.

there are many ways to grieve: this one is harder to describe, but i like to include something that validates whatever the recipient may be feeling, despite not knowing how the recipient is feeling. the downside of a card is that it's not in real time, so you really have no way of knowing how your friend is feeling when they read it, even if you talked to them previously and know how they were feeling during that conversation. so i like to, in addition to not assuming any particular emotions, make space for the fact that their emotions may be shifting in ways that are confusing or distressing. but you have to be kind of vague about it, because you don't even know if that's happening. I hope you have the space to grieve in whatever way you need to/is meaningful for you. I hope you're getting through this time in whatever way is best for you.

you may want to express your own grief over the loss of this person, if you knew them. i think this can be comforting for the recipient to hear, but i suggest keeping it brief and not overwrought. the last thing you want is for your friend to feel they have to manage your emotions in addition to their own. if you can, do the below instead of or in addition to this.

now i will share my LIFE HACK!! for the very best thing to put in a sympathy card. this will not always be possible, because it relies upon a) you yourself having a relationship with the deceased (which is not always the case) and b) you being able to remember things (which i often cannot, especially when i'm sad). but if you can, i highly suggest something along the lines of the following.

say what you will remember the deceased for. (I will remember them for their wry sense of humor. I will remember them as a compassionate/driven/curious person.)

give an example of a memory you have of them in which they exemplified that characteristic.

if you can't do both, it's also good to do just one and not the other. if you have a favorite memory but it's too hard to think of adjectives to attribute to them, just share the memory. if you tend to think of them as [positive adjective] but no specific evidence is coming to mind, that's okay, this isn't a debate. in general it is comforting to people to know that they are not the only ones who will remember their lost loved one.

example cards

i will now give some examples of cards i've written. these all feel really awkward and inadequate to me, and you can see i didn't always stick to my own advice! but they were all deeply appreciated.

[to my coworker. i didn't have much detail except knowing her dad had been in the hospital a lot, and she was sad that he died]

I was so sorry to hear about your father. It seems like the last few years have been hard on your family, and loss is especially hard. I hope you are able to take the time you need to be with your family and cherish your memories of him together.

[to my friend's mother after the passing of her husband. i knew from talking to my friend that her mom was struggling especially with outliving him, because she was sick and had expected for a long time to die before him]

I'm thinking about you and [friend's name] a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing someone is so hard. Adjusting to their absence is, too. I hope that you're finding moment of comfort and feeling supported by friends and family. He will be missed. I will remember him for his wry sense of humor; I still have a "card" from him on my fridge (he cut out a sample "thank you" card greeting that said "The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention" from a list of things to write in different kinds of cards (a sample message for a "Get Well Soon" card was on the back, crossed out) and simply added my name at the top and his name at the bottom. It's one of my favorite pieces of mail I've ever received and it's been on my fridge for many years). I am so sorry that he's gone. You are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you.

[to my close friend and her husband i don't know as well, after a late-term abortion for a baby they had been very excited to raise. in this case i knew some of my friend's feelings, but not her husband's, and while i knew that many things about the pregnancy had been hard (lots of waiting for test results about the viability of the fetus, for one thing), i didn't want to imply that the decision to abort was hard, because my friend said it wasn't]

I'm thinking of you both lots. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. It sounds like it's been a difficult and fraught process, and I hope you're getting space and time to grieve and to come to terms with the loss. I hope you're getting whatever kind of support you need. If there's anything I can do to help, whether logistical or emotional, please let me know. I would love to be of service to you. I wish I knew what to say. You've just had such a fantastically shitty year. I do believe that things will get lighter for you both, and I hope that happens soon. Take care, and know you are cherished.

[to my grandmother after the loss of her estranged brother, when i was extremely unsure how she was feeling about it and had my own complicated emotions]

I just wanted to send you a card to say I'm thinking of you. Mom let me know about Uncle [name]. I know things had been strained for many years and I haven't seen him in a long time, but I'm sorry to hear that he's passed. I hope that you and [grandmother's sister] are able to reminisce in whatever way feels appropriate and meaningful to you. I'm not sure what else to say, other than I'm thinking of you, I love you, and I'm sorry. It was really nice to see you at [family member's] graduation the other day. The next time we're together, I look forward to giving you such a big hug! I feel very lucky to be your granddaughter and to have you in my life.

[to my grandmother after the loss of my 38yo cousin, which was hitting me really hard]

I don't know what to say, but I just wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you and that I'm thinking of you, and [cousin], and [uncle], and [father], every day. It's so hard to lose someone, and I'm so sorry for your loss. My grief is a strange animal that sneaks up on me at the strangest times. I hope you are finding moments of comfort and feeling supported by friends and family. I'm looking forward to the day when I can hug you in person.

[to my close friend on the loss of her father after a long illness. she had been leaning on me for support, as another person who has lost someone after a long illness]

I'm thinking about you lots. I hope you're getting through this time in whatever way is best for you. Loss is hard even when you know it's coming and even when you get to say goodbye. I hope you are finding comfort and feeling how loved you are. He was a special person, and I'm so sorry he's left you. I know part of him will live on in you and the other people who learned from and admired him. It's still so hard to lose him, and grief is a strange animal. Take care. Reach out anytime. I love you so much.

takeaways

it will probably feel inadequate to you, but chances are it will still be appreciated.

remember that though you may not be able to make things better, you are trying not to make things harder.

it is okay to keep it really short and generic.

you cannot assume you know how anyone else feels. there are many ways to grieve. that said, it's nice to acknowledge any specific feelings your friend has expressed to you, while also leaving room for other feelings you may not know about.

if you want to offer support, it can help a lot to be specific in how you are able and willing to help.

it is usually comforting to people to know that they are not the only ones who will remember their lost loved one.

even if you do it awkwardly, just the act of reaching out is meaningful! people don't know you're thinking about them unless you tell them.

and remember to take care of yourself, too! watching friends lose loved ones can be hard for you as well for a variety of reasons. reach out to other friends for support when you need it.

[mesetacadre]

How can I stop my otherwise well-meaning friends and myself from falling into the trap of Adventurism?

Adventurism is so appealing because it interfaces with (1) an understandable impatience to see change and with (2) the individualism conditioned into people by growing up in and existing within liberal frameworks and common pathways for understanding societal and historical change. If, for the formative years of your life, the dominant ideology of capitalism, that being liberalism in all its branches, is educated into you through all possible channels, especially history, it's to be expected that an individual who decides to participate in some of that change will see themselves as an agent in and of themselves. If your perspective on both history and current events can be boiled down to a simple concatenation of events whose only common motor is the free will of the most remarkable individuals, then you will try to act like one of those remarkable individuals and create one of these events through the only motor of your free will. And, the set of actions and attitudes that fall under the category of adventurism meets those frameworks very neatly for the radical extremes of liberalism. It's both the far left of liberalism and far right of liberalism that find adventurist methods appealing, though for describing the attitudes of that far right, using accelerationism is more common and IMO more accurate, but at their core, adventurism and accelerationism are the same methods modified by the particulars of their corresponding ideologies.

That is an erroneous way to look at the world of course, history is moved by the forces exerted by massified classes, themselves defined by their role in the mode of production, as well as the historical forces that serve as a precedent. It's not remarkable individuals who move history in any direction that they please, it's history and the weight of the context in which they exist that limits and expands the possibility of their action. It's more than the simple sum of all individual parts. Individuals are not agents, they are constituent parts that can only effect change when they act like so, organized as constituent parts, aware of the limitations and possibilities afforded by the past and present context. If you want to avoid the pitfalls of liberalism and individualism, such as adventurism, you should commit to a conscious change in the framework through which you see history, because adventurism is logical in one framework, and isn't in another.

This whole CEO murder business has had people of all stripes (such as myself, even if you think I'm a wet blanket) making fun of the situation. I also don't particularly care for the life of a capitalist. But there is also a smaller group of people who seem to believe this is significant. And within that, I think there is another division. First, the people who think this is significant because they believe that healthcare insurance providers have now been bullied into giving a better service, or because they believe that now all CEOs across the board will be scared themselves and do better things (or even because apparently now everyone will be hunting their nearest CEO). These are all various forms of engagement with adventurism. The second group of people, who I think are being much more reasonable, see the generalized perspective on this being that of celebration, that such a bad person got their comeuppance, and that this is first a proof that it's still very possible to stimulate class consciousness in the US working class, and that it is second a good opportunity to stimulate it.

While this is in some ways true, the class consciousness in display ("even by trump supporters", as if the difference between them and US democrats even existed) is one that's extremely unconscious. People dislike this guy because he's notorious among healthcare insurance providers and even his predecessors for denying a lot of claims. This is individualism again, people dislike him individually and maybe they dislike all individual healthcare insurance providers CEOs, or even all individual CEOs regardless of sector. The vast majority of people celebrating who you wouldn't expect aren't class conscious, they're class unconscious from decades of consequent liberal punches to their liver, heart, and head. Most people dislike him as an individual, and it's not very difficult to hate all CEOs without ever stepping off the wide bounds of liberalism and individualism. In fact, it's the placing that of pointless hate at the center of your ideology that's preventing you from shedding the ideology of capitalism.

And no, I don't mean to say that it's pointless to talk to your lifelong republican uncle about this or whoever, and I would encourage my USamerican followers to use this event to their advantage. But you can't think that just hating CEOs is a good enough base to develop a revolutionary consciousness. You need to begin seeing the world through a class lens, only then can you only really understand the impotence of adventurism, and that it lies in the fact that it does not engage with change through class, but through the individual, who by itself is an insignificant agent of change.

[bandgie]

Only if You Say Yes | Armageddon Event

Request: Pride | Park Sunghoon (ENHA) by anon song!

warnings! MDNI18+, fem!reader, college au, jealousy (mutual), hurt/comfort, fwb→lover/exes→lovers (depends how you look at it), alcohol mentions (no one is drunk) reader makes out with Jake, sunghoon is a bit of an asshole and controlling lol, PIV, no protection, failed pull-out method, make-up sex, semi-dom reader, cowgirl, brief fingering

notes! I kinda went off im sorry. trying out the angst I guess. last rec of the event!! (thank god)

5.4k words

It doesn’t bother you at all. Not how her hands caress his shoulders and pull him closer. Not how he leans into her touch, a shit-eating grin on his lips like he knows you’re watching. Even if they’re practically glued to each other on the couch, acting as if they’re anything more than fuck buddies - it doesn’t bother you in the slightest.

The reason your chest aches and your face feels hot is because of the alcohol. Jungle juice from college parties never sits right with you. This drink isn’t an expectation, but shit, you didn’t think it’d make your heart race.

“Fucking creep.” Sunoo sneers unashamedly. “Look at Sunghoon, looking at you like that bitch isn’t sucking off his face. I hate that guy.” He looks at you, an eyebrow arched and pouty lips forming a frown. “I can’t believe you hooked up with him.”

Hooking up with him would be an understatement. Sunghoon is a good lay, a great lay if you want to be honest. He was as good with his words as he was with his dick. You knew nothing would ever blossom beyond a good fuck, but damn. Why does he have to keep eyeing you like he knows?

“It’s whatever.” You shrug, eyes moving to the sea of people in the cramped apartment. “I don’t care.”

But Sunoo knows better, the smile settling on his lips says it all. “Right. Well, I think you should get your freak on girl. You’re having dick withdrawals. It’s bad for the heart…and pussy.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes despite a grin creeping on your lips. “Oh my god. You’re stupid.” Sunoo laughs with you, his pretty eyes turning into moon crescents. It makes you feel lighter like Sunghoon’s stare is nothing more than a fly buzzing around you. “But I think I’m done with hookups for a while. I have assignments to do and shit.”

“Ugh! Babe, you’re such a stick in the mud. Just a quick little make-out never hurt anyone.” He wiggles his eyes suggestively. “Could also make a little someone jealous.”

When you roll your eyes again, it’s pure irritation. “Anywho, I wouldn’t even know who with. Unless this is your way of asking me, and if so, I accept.” You pucker your lips, closing your eyes and leaning in only to be met with the palm of Sunoo’s smooth hand.

“Ew! Bitch, be serious. You know damn well you are not my type. I’m talking about Jake!”

That makes your eyes open and tilt your head so look at your friend. “Jake? I don’t think we’re very uh…compatible.”

Sunoo’s gaze fixes behind you. His hand lowers to his side and he smirks. “Guess we’re about to find out. Hey Jake!”

Speak of the fucking devil.

He comes from behind, and the sound of his heavy shoes echo like an omen. Jake nods in acknowledgment to Sunoo, eyes bouncing between you both. “Hey. Didn’t expect to see you two here.”

The black shirt clings to him nicely, the outline of his pecs visible. He wears a silver chain around his neck that only accentuates his jawline. And when he smiles, he directs it at you. “Especially you. I thought you’d be too busy moping.”

A look of shock ripples through you. It takes a few blinks and the awkward opening and closing of your mouth before you say, “W-what? Why?”

Jake looks confused for a second. He turns to the couch at the other side of the room where Sunghoon is now squished between two girls.

You take a swig of the burning alcohol. 

“Weren’t you guys dating or something?”

Sunoo snorts, quickly covering his mouth and pinching his nose. You look at him, but his eyes tell you that he hasn’t said a peep about anything. You look back to Jake. “No? Where did you hear that from?”

More confusion etches on his masculine features. “Uh…Sunghoon?”

This time, Sunoo can’t contain his laughter. His giggles cause the people around him to look, but all you can focus on is the sincerity in Jake’s words. “What?”

“Oh, fuck me.” Sunoo’s face is flushed. “I need a drink.” Before you could even hold him captive, your friend quickly weaves through the drunk swarm of bodies to leave you and Jake.

Whatever. “What do you mean he said we were dating?”

“Okay, he didn’t use that word, but pretty much. I don’t wanna say too much, but he was basically acting like you two were an item.”

You shake your head. “Bullshit. Is that why he’s about to have a threesome on the couch right now?”

Jake sighs. “Well, now it’s different. He didn’t really tell me much other than that you dumped him-”

“We weren’t even dating.”

“Fine. That you told him to buzz off and he’s just trying to find a rebound. Listen, I know you don’t believe me, but Sunghoon was really…into you. He stopped hooking up with other people when he started seeing you.”

You hate the way your heart clenches. Like him keeping it in his pants is something romantic. “I…I don’t believe you.”

Jake shrugs. “I know. Sunghoon is a bit too prideful to admit when he likes someone. Sorry you had to put up with him.”

Despite the lump in your throat, you give a weak smile. “I did it to myself. I should have known. But if you’re really sorry, you should make out with me.”

Jake laughs with nervousness. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

“Hardly. This tastes like shit.” You wave the cup in the air, causing the liquid to slosh inside. “I’m being serious. About kissing. I think I need a rebound too.”

Most men are put off by the idea of having seconds, but Jake isn’t most men. “But me? You know I’ve been friends with Sunghoon since high school, right?”

You nod, trying so hard to hide the smile coming on your lips.

Jake grins widely. “Oh, I get it.” He leans down, an arm propping up on the counter and tilting his head so his mouth perfectly aligns with yours. He smells expensive, like not even a drop of liquor has managed to soil his clothing. “You’re too pretty to be so cruel.” But he doesn’t kiss you, not yet.

His nose touches the tip of yours and lowers until it grazes your chin. A breath gets caught in your throat when he trails over your jawline, finding the spot beneath your ear so he can whisper. “Is he looking?”

You’re almost scared to look. Jake places his hand on your waist to give an encouraging squeeze, but to most, it seems like he’s feeling you up.

And when you find the courage to glance at Sunghoon, that’s exactly what he’s thinking now. Even from across the room, you can see his pupils blown wide. He’s stiff despite the girls chatting and kissing on his neck. They’re trying to tug him back onto the couch, their glossy lips pouting and pleading, but Sunghoon looks as though he’s about to run to you.

“Is he?” Jake’s accent snaps you back. You’re now conscious of his lips brushing your neck, how he switches from one side to the other to give the illusion of leaving you marks.

And shit, with how his fingers dig into your back, you kind of wish he would.

“Y-yeah. He looks pissed.”

You can feel how Jake’s chest rumbles with laughter, vibrating your own. He pulls away from you, but not far at all. His eyes stare into yours mischievously. You nearly forget that this is the boy who gets the best grades and is on his way to valedictorian, but being Sunghoon’s friend also means he likes to think with the head in his pants too.

“Good. Let’s give him something to get real mad at, yeah?”

And when he leans in, you welcome him. His head tilts down while your’s tilts up. His lips mold against yours roughly, shoving his tongue deep and exploring your taste.

You let out a squeak. Logically, it’s better to start hot and heavy. Make Sunghoon see how desperate you are for each other, but you yearn for the sweet kisses Sunghoon gave you. His tongue would caress your own, coaxing it into his mouth so your spit could mingle and mix, forming strings when you pulled away.

But with Jake, you let him take full reign. There was something almost…hot letting someone have control. Jake didn’t care how your teeth clashed or if drool seeped from the corner of your mouth. He licked it back in as if he expected it, putting his tongue on yours quickly. 

It took a moment for you to catch up with him. To move your lips so you could catch his muscle between them and suck. 

He shivered. You could tell Jake wanted to keep going with how his arms wrapped around your torso and pulled you close, but he broke away. “No wonder Sunghoon’s so fucking obsessed with you.”

Sunghoon. You turn to the side, forcing Jake to land on your cheek but he quickly recovers. You scan the couch for any sign of Sunghoon, but he’s gone. The girls who swarmed him now look dejected, their annoyance clear. 

But Sunghoon, where is he? You’re distracted by Jake’s mouth leaving open kisses on your neck and throat, but even then, Sunghoon should stick out like a sore thumb. 

Jake’s lips bush over a sensitive spot and you shiver. An involuntary moan escapes your swollen lips and he eagerly laps his tongue over the skin. His teeth bite hard enough to make you whine, but that’s nothing compared to the yelp Jake lets out when he’s suddenly ripped away. 

The loss of his body leaves you cold but Sunghoon’s fired eyes make you hot all over again.

He has Jake by the back collar of his shirt. The knuckles on his first are white as if begging to turn pink and red from letting his anger out on Jake’s pretty face.

Sunghoon doesn’t even have to say a thing. The look he gives his friend is full of warning and Jake straightens up immediately, nodding and silently surrendering to Sunghoon’s piercing gaze.

“She’s all yours, bro.” And with that, he leaves you with a wink.

Maybe it’s because of the arousal and adrenaline coursing through your veins, but you’re not as scared as you were before. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Sunghoon takes a step closer, anger dripping off his tone. “You’re sucking on my best friend's face and I’m not supposed to say anything?” 

The people around you two have moved away, a wise choice. 

You cross your arms. “Obviously not. I didn’t see you having an issue when those girls were all up on you. Why is it when I do?”

Sunghoon’s face morphs into cold humor. “Oh wow. What? You wanted to make me jealous or something?”

You burn red. “I did not!”

“You so did.” It feels like a punch in the gut when he laughs. “You think I give a fuck who you wanna make out with?”

“No shit you do. You wouldn’t have pulled him off me if you didn’t.”

Sunghoon’s eyes slide to your neck, right where Jake had been sucking. You doubt it’s purple, but you can bet your money it blooms with pink. You almost want to cover it with your hand, but you rather like the way Sunghoon’s jaw ticks. 

“I’m not arguing with you here.” Before you can argue that he can at all, he pulls you by the arm. He doesn’t even bother weaving through the crowd, he bustles through it. Most people move aside, but the drunks are pushed by his shoulders and left to mourn their spilled drinks.

You catch Sunoo’s eyes. He’s got a man attached to his back, grinding against him to the beat of the music, but Sunoo doesn’t sway his hips at all. There’s worry in his eyes. 

You shake your head and mouth, It's fine.

It’s all you get to say before Sunghoon drags you into the nearest room and shuts the door. Neither of you knows whose pad this is, the posters on the wall say it all. But Sunghoon walks around the room like he owns it.

Cocky bastard.

“I don’t want you around him again,” Sunhoon speaks with authority. “Don’t give me that shit and say you like him. I know damn well you don’t.”

You put your weight on one hip and huff. “And if I do? What? You’re gonna forbid me from speaking to him?”

“Yes.” Sunghoon stops pacing. “I haven't seen you in a month. And when I do, you’re trying to get in my friend’s pants?” Something like hurt echoes in his eyes. “I hate that.”

Fuck, you’re shaking. Your core trembles and though you try to blame the sensation on Jake, you know it’s Sunghoon’s dominating aura making your stomach clench. “You don’t think I hated seeing you with those girls? Letting them kiss you like they…like they own you? But I didn’t go over there and start a catfight, did I? No. You did. Acting like you’re my fucking boyfriend or something.”

He’s seething, and shit, you’ve never been so fired up. Anger and arousal mix within. Slick moistens your underwear seeing Sunghoon stride to you. Your stomach dips when he backs you against the wall.

You almost moan when his jaw tenses. 

“I’m trying really, really hard not to yell at you right now.” Sunghoon’s lips quiver when he takes a shaky breath. “I told you I didn't want a relationship. You said that was fine. Then all of a sudden, you start getting clingy and shit. Yeah, I think it’s cute, but then you dump me. Out of nowhere, out of the blue. So yeah, I let some chicks feel up on me to feel a little bit better about myself, and who do I get to see?” His upper lip twists into a snarl. “You.”

He’s leaned in close, neck bending and eyes boring into yours. Still, that does the opposite of intimidate you. “See? That’s the fucking issue. All you ever think about is yourself. You wanted a quick fuck. You wanted a relationship without the commitment. Did you ever think about how I felt being in this…weird fucking tango? Going to places with you, going over your apartment, telling you where I was and who I was with. But when it was me asking the questions, I was the crazy one. I was too clingy. Did you think I liked hearing that?”

The realization settles on him as if he never put himself in your shoes. It makes your chest burn with anger. 

“Exactly. You’re too selfish to even think about me.”

“That’s not true.” Sunghoon is quick to shoot you down. “That’s all I ever did.” His gaze softens and his hand leaves his side. You feel the back of it graze your cheek as if you’re something gentle.

Tears sting your eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not. But I know you don’t believe me.”

You recall Jake’s words. How he claimed Sunghoon chose you to be the only person he was sleeping with. It sounded improbable, but with the way he’s looking at you now, it feels like it could be true.

“But isn’t this what you would’ve wanted anyway? You get to do whatever you want without someone in your hair. The only reason it bothers you so much is because I’m the one that broke things off. You’re stupid ego couldn’t take it.”

It rings true. You see his eyes look at the floor ashamed, and you feel your heart break a little from his lack of rebuttal. 

“It’s not that.”

“Then what?” Your voice shakes. “Why are you so mad about me moving on?” A scoff breathes on your lips. “You’re acting as if you like me.”

You regret the words the moment they come out. Sunghoon’s entire face changes. Even the air in the room grows rigid, almost scared. His wide eyes tell you that you’re treading on dangerous territory. 

But once the lid opens, you find yourself pouring out. 

“You’ve never even said it. All this time, I was feeling like a burden. Like the thought of me other than sex was revolting to you. It sucked, but I put up with it.”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“Because you didn’t have to!” You yell for the first time. It sounds good to finally let your emotions show even if tears flow free. “Sunghoon, what aren’t you getting? It wasn’t just sex for me, not at the end. But you…you pushed me away.” Your throat hurts so much like it’s raw from screaming. “You made me feel like I was fucking insane.”

His face blurs, but you can make out the pain in his eyes. 

“I wanna hear you say it.” You blink the tears away. “Tell me.”

But Sunghoon gulps. For the first time, this cocky asshole is stunned. You’ve seen him get his way using his charm or confidence, but right now, it looks like he’d rather claw his skin to escape.

“Jake told me. About how you ditched your hookups when we were…seeing each other.” You’re throwing Jake under the bus, but you hope he’ll understand when Sunghoon inevitably rips him a new one. “He thought we were dating. Dating, Sunghoon. You can’t tell me you only thought of us as just sex.”

Seeing him turn into a puddle makes you both anxious and assertive. It makes you want to push him to confess while running away and pretending you never even saw him tonight. 

But only one of those options is possible. “Say it.”

Sunghoon’s hand trembles on your face. His mouth can’t decide whether it wants to yell or cry, but it’s silence he screams. It deafens your ears to the point that all you can hear is your heart drumming in your chest. You think you can hear his too if you try hard enough. 

The thumping of the party downstairs is the only noise you can rely on.

“You fucking coward. I should have never said yes to you.”

Escaping his arms will be easy. Sunghoon seems too stunned to do anything, but you’re quickly proven wrong when he cages you in and presses his body against yours. You mean to push his chest and yell, but the sight of his watery eyes stops you.

He can’t look at you. It’ll make the dam he tried so hard to build break. But he’ll be damned if you leave again.

“I…I’ve never dealt with something like this.” He closes his eyes. “I’ve never had to worry about someone. They weren’t even in my head. But when I met you…” Sunghoon has to take a deep breath. You feel his inhale on your face as if he’s breathing you in.

“It was the first time I cared about someone other than myself. It…It scared me. I wanted you close, but not too close. I wanted everyone to see that you were mine, but that I wasn’t yours.” He laughs humorlessly. “That sounds so fucked to say out loud.”

“But that’s what I was thinking. I was so fucked. I am fucked. I was- I am selfish.”

Sunghoon leans in. You inhale a sharp breath but it’s his forehead that meets yours. His weight feels good, almost perfect against your own.

You’ve missed the warmth of his skin, the beauty mark next to his eye that you can see so clearly. But it’s his eyes that hold the stars. 

“Especially now, because all I’m thinking about is how I can be yours again.”

There it is, his confession. Not that you can be his, but that he can be yours. It’s so subtle that you want to pretend it doesn’t count, but you can’t deny the way your heart flutters. How you yearn to feel his kiss again even if your lips are soaked with tears.

Sunoo’s voice rings in your head. You can perfectly hear him screaming at you to laugh. Tell him that you’re flattered, but you aren’t interested.

Hurt him how he hurt you.

But that’s not who you are. No, the person you are nods, wrapping arms around his neck and finally putting your lips where they ache to be.

It’s like they never forgot. Even in the weeks he hasn’t seen you, Sunghoon knows how to kiss you. His lips are gentle, hardly eager to taste your mouth. Jake may have known how to get the party started, but Sunghoon knows how to make you feel. It’s all too easy for him to tug at your heartstrings, making you move in any way he wants like a puppeteer. 

And it seems like you can do the same.

He opens his mouth when you do. He moves his tongue in time with yours. Sunghoon lets you hold the back of his neck so you can tilt his head, getting a better angle to suck on his tongue. 

He moans into your mouth. It sounds more than pleasure, but relief. As if he’s been aching for you just as you have been for him. You almost don’t want to believe it, but you pull another whine from him when you tug on his hair. 

The taste of saliva and tears dance on your tastebuds. It feels oddly comforting, the raw taste of emotion and need on your lips. You kiss him deeper, harder, until his hands find your waist and he backs into the bed. 

He pulls away to sit down but he’s quick to yank you onto his lap.

“Still like me on top, huh?” You can’t help but recall how Sunghoon used to constantly ask you to ride him. Facing him, reversed, it didn’t matter. He had both of his hands on you constantly, whether it was groping your breasts or ass. 

He smiles, “You know I never liked doing any of the work.”

To that, you groan. Sunghoon ignores your pretend displeasure to nip at your bottom lip, pulling the skin and watching it bounce back into place. 

His lips attack your neck, kissing and sucking every inch. He gently pulls on your hair to ensure no spot is left unmarked. You can’t help but notice he focuses on the spot between your shoulder and clavicle. 

Right where Jake left the faintest blemish.

You want to tease him, but all you can do is moan. He knows that’s your favorite spot. It’s so easy to get you to tremble, to grind on his hips like you’re doing right now. The only issue is that someone else knows too.

It bothers him. You can tell from how hard he’s sucking. Gently, you push his shoulder until he lets up, salvia on his lips as his cloudy eyes lock with yours. 

“If you’re gonna be that rough, I’d rather you do it here.” Putting your hands on the hem of your shirt, you tug it off. The material slips easily. You silently thank yourself for putting something on that wasn’t so tight. 

Your bra is plain, but your breasts still look divine in them. Sunghoon doesn’t wait for you to throw your shirt on the ground to get his mouth on you. His lips are hot on your skin, his tongue even hotter. The shirt slips from your hands to pool on the floor and your fingers thread in his hair. Sunghoon takes the pulls and tugs as compliments. 

His hands trail up your waist, moving away for a brief moment to spill your breasts the cups. 

And his hips dig into your cunt when he sees your nipples are already peaked. You watch him lick his lips, watch how his brain can’t decide whether he wants to stare or taste.

The decision is made for him when you press against his face. Sunghoon cups the sides to push your boobs in his face, tongue lavishing your supple flesh. 

“Fuck.” He doesn’t bother hiding his hips rocking into yours. He used to act like sex felt mediocre, but his raging boner gave him away every time. You thought it was funny how his uninterested eyes were completely different from the precum that slid down his cock when you stroked it, but this… this makes your stomach heat with exhilaration. 

One hand remains on your breast while the other slides to your hip. He presses you down on his erection and grinds. You know he can barely feel a thing with jeans in the way, but his hot breath wafts on your nipple like he hasn’t gotten his dick touched in forever. 

But you don’t dwell on it too much. It feels good just to have him suck on your bud and hit your clit. His tongue goes around your darkened flesh before he hollows his cheeks. You moan, moving at the same pace as his hips under you. 

You’re so wet. The slick sticks to your underwear so much that dry-humping him doesn’t feel uncomfortable. You’ve felt chafing before, how sometimes it would just rub the wrong way. But with Sunghoon, nothing is ever the wrong way. All you can think about is how good it feels, so much so that getting up to pull his cock out seems distant.

But you’ve missed the feel of his hard-on. It rubs your pussy just right and it’s all too easy to find the angle you know would make you finish.

And when Sunghoon bites on your nipples and pulls, you know you’ll cum soon. 

“Wait. Wait.” You tremble in his hold. Your voice sounds too weak. You don’t think he heard you, but you feel his mouth pull off your bud and his hips cease. It takes a moment to find your words, to ignore how your cunt screams at you from pulling away when you were so close. 

“Imma cum.”

Sunghoon grins. “Is that not good?”

You shake your head, still panting. “No. Too soon. I need it inside.”

The all-too-cocky smile finds his lips. It’s the one you loathe, but with your mind hazy and cunt pulsing, you can only be glad to see it. 

It means he’ll do anything he can to keep hearing you praise him.

“Yeah? Take it out for me then.” It’s almost condescending the way he speaks. You take a mental note to never feed his ego again.

But you don’t, not right away. You stand on unsteady legs instead. The shorts clinging to your legs feel uncomfortable and you sigh in relief when unbuttoning them. You don’t bother making a show getting undressed, but Sunghoon watches like it’s award-winning.

Strings of arousal cling to your underwear when you slide them off. The cool air hits your cunt unwelcomed and you let the clothes pile with your shirt.

“Fuck, baby.” He bites on his lower lip before clenching his teeth. “You look so pretty for me.”

You shyly giggle. You suppose it’s okay if he strokes your ego.

He wants you back on his lap. You can see his eyes planning all the ways he wants to ravish you, but you have other ideas in mind. “Your turn.”

Sunghoon looks confused at first, but he quickly sees what you mean. His lips twitch, almost wanting to say, I told you to take it out for me, but he doesn’t. You see him nod, shrugging his shirt over his head and wiggling out of his jeans all on his own.

Good, he’s learning. 

Sitting back on his lap is a reward. Grabbing the base of his cock is a silent, appreciated gesture when you line him up.

Sunghoon finds your waist fast, unable to keep his hands off for even a second. He waits as you slap the tip on your clit. It elicits a hum from your lips and you look into his eyes in a daze. There’s need in them. His blown-wide pupils match your own. 

And when you sink down, he moans.

Restless hands dig into your flesh. Sunghoon doesn’t try to set a pace at all. He lets the sounds of your bodies meeting match your tempo. 

You wanted to go slow, you did. You heard his confession, you tasted his tears, so it’s obvious that you wanted to explore his body in the deepest ways he never let you. 

But with the music blasting downstairs and the adrenaline of being in someone else’s room, you can’t help but lift your ass and slam it down. The head of his cock barely has time to get acquainted with your pussy. It glides all too quickly to properly bury into your cervix. 

Not that you really mind. You can feel the veins and curve of his crown rub your walls this way. 

He leans back, propping with one elbow while the other stays on your hip. You smile when you see him looking at your breasts. They’re love-bitten, riddled with bruises that go to your neck. 

Sunghoon looks like a painter admiring his work.

“You look so fucking good.” He licks his bottom lip. “I’ve missed you.”

You burn with praise. It makes you ride faster, leaning forward so your arms cage him between them. Your hair forms a curtain around your flushed face that Sunghoon pushes away. 

Maybe it’s his eyes you’re supposed to look at, but you’re captivated by his body. His defined chest twinges with pink. His stomach clenches in pleasure, the hard lines of his abs making an appearance. 

You don’t know how you manage to push him down completely. Your hands pin his shoulders with ease and all he can do is helplessly grip your thighs as you ride him.

“Likewise.”

He lets out a strangled moan that you suppose is him laughing. Sunghoon furrows his eyebrows at the new angle. He’s able to hit you deeper this way, his cock buries in your cervix nicely.

But even with the sight of your pussy creaming around him and pooling on his pelvis, he can still playfully glare. “Asshole.”

You giggle like it’s a pet name. Expecting him to change overnight would be foolish. But even then, you somewhat like the arrogant fool you’ve fallen in love with.

So you say nothing in return. Instead, you lean closer. His lips are swollen and you suck on them. His tongue messily swipes in your mouth when you open it. The kiss is nothing more than a way to be closer, to moan into each other's mouth as Sunghoon finally moves his hips.

And it feels like everything on your body is on fire. Your knees were getting tired, the burn in your thighs barely tolerable. Now, all you have to do is hover while Sunghoon thrusts. It feels deeper than what’s possible. Like the pleasure travels from your cunt to your head.

The pain in your legs numb and the only thing on your mind is how good Sunghoon is fucking you. Your walls clench, oozing with so much release that you think he might slip out, but he doesn’t.

“Right there!” The sound below should drown out your cries, but you don’t care if anyone hears you. “Fuck me harder! Pleasepleaseplease…”

You don’t have to beg, but Sunghoon likes it when you do. Your cunt spasms and warms until the heat floods his cock. A drawn-out moan tumbles from your lips that he eats. You’re panting and whining while his tongue invades your mouth. Salvia drips from your chin, but you can’t even notice with how he’s still fucking into you.

And just when you feel lightheaded, he cums. It’s too late for him to pull out, too late to stroke himself on your face to completion. Still, he tries to save it.

Sunghoon slips out while still squirting from his tip. The strings shoot your inner thigh and his caving stomach.

He’s still breathing hard when he kisses you, ignoring how his chest screams for oxygen. And when he pulls away, the first thing he looks at is your cunt. Sunghoon should feel worried that half of his cum is in your womb, but when watches it drip from your swollen pussy, he feels proud.

“Yeah,” he says to himself. You feel deft fingers play with your folds soon after. Sunghoon laughs when you squeal from overstimulation, but he shoves the cum back in anyway. 

You almost can’t feel his fingers. Your walls are mostly numb, but you still moan and tremble from his knuckles gliding in and out of you.

He buries his digits until all they can do is wiggle. “Keep it in. I want you to walk out of here with my cum dripping out.”

If you had more energy, you’d groan. Seems like he still has a lot to learn.

[sossolei]

how i shifted realities accidentally on purpose .☘︎ ܁˖

“What does this even mean?” You may be asking yourself. Well, buckle the hell up because I’m still understanding it myself.

If you’ve never seen me before my introduction post is pinned, there I give an insight on myself and a little bit of my spiritual journey. In it I mentioned that the first time I shifted was random but completely purpose at the same time. Here I will explain how:

When I was around 17 going on 18, I came across a TikTok about a woman talking about this very specific manifesting method that completely altered her life in such a small way she didn’t realize for 6 years. To sum it up, she did this manifestion ritual for something I don’t remember and afterwards thought nothing of it, but then 6 years later she was catching up with an old friend and in their conversations she had mentioned a trip they went on together overseas 2 years prior. Her old friend had absolutely no clue what she was talking about. The woman tried to jog their memory but the friend said the two of them hadn’t seen each other in 6 years, so OP asked her mother if she remembered the two of them taking a trip and her mother said the same thing as the friend. Then OP remembered the manifesting ritual she did and realized that everything people had been saying about it was true and it had altered such a small thing in her life that she didn’t even realize until now.

So, me being 17 and absolutely dyinggg to go shift realities, I read through a couple comments, watched other videos and did a quick Reddit search and they all pretty much said the same thing about how powerful the ritual is, but to be careful because it’ll alter things in your reality.

I did not give a damn about any of those warnings.

Not the best thing to do in hindsight but 🥸oh well.

So I did the manifestion ritual ( im gonna explain it later because I genuinely cannot remember the name of it but I sort of remember what I did so if anyone knows what I’m talking ab, pls enlighten me ) and afterwards I didn’t rlly think about it. I should also mention I was specific with what I wrote down because I ( thought ) know how the universe acts when you don’t spell everything out word for word lmao.

Now this is where you have to hold my hand cause this is going to sound so stupid right now but trust me it matters:

My whole life I’ve had a mole on my LEFT hand middle finger. I love her. I show it off to anyone I get the chance to show it off to. Why? I don’t know, I’ve genuinely just always shown people this mole just because I like it.

The summer of the end of high school, going onto college, I had a lil fling with a guy and again, I showed him the mole on my left hand middle finger. I vividly remember doing this because I do it to everyone.

Then in college around November - December, I get my first ever boyfriend ( not the same guy ). One day we’re hanging out and we’re talking about moles (?) and I instinctively hold out my RIGHT hand to show him the mole on middle finger and…there it is. On my right middle finger. I kid you not, in that exact moment I literally said, “huh, I thought this was on my left hand.” I look at my left hand and there’s no mole??? I brushed that off but when I went back to my dorm, I legit stared at my hands in confusion at how the fuck my mole switched sides.

MIND YOU it’s the exact same mole. Like it looks the exact same, there’s nothing different about the color or shape, it’s just…on the opposite hand???

But since I had absolutely no explanation for it, I just moved on 🤷🏽‍♀️

Life went on, both of my sisters got pregnant early in the year so we were prepping all things baby related whenever I came back to visit. During one of these breaks, my sister is showing me everything she got from her baby shower and one of those things is a bottle warmer. I told her I think a bottle warmer is kinda stupid when you can just use the microwave, especially with how expensive bottle warmers are. And she said to me “yeah why you do you think I’m not buying it with my own money?” You got that? Okay.

The relationship went on as well, and outwardly, the guy was everything I thought I wanted. Nothing against him but he was like the embodiment of everything I read on wattpad growing up and thought was sooo cute. Ex; He was mean to everybody but me, I thought this was so fun and dandy. Anyways, I gradually started to lose interest in astrology, tarot, shifting, manifesting, literally EVERYTHING. So much so to the point where I started to feel crazy because I felt like I was trying to fit into a mold for this guy that isn’t who I am??

But low and behold, THE DAY AFTER we break up, I get the strongest urge to do tarot. Over time I started to find myself in everything I loved and still love to this day.

HERE IS WHERE WE GET TO THE SHIFTING PART

During the summer of 2024, I’m brushing my teeth in my house when I randomly just look down at my left hand middle finger….and there’s no mole. I look at my right hand and what would you know, THE MOLE IS BACK.

I genuinely gasped in the moment and looked at both of my hands side by side to make sure I was seeing everything right. This sent me down a SPIRAL, I legit replayed every interaction I ever had trying to decipher whether or not I was crazy because okay, mole switching sides ONE time is something I can ignore, BUT TWICE??? You must thing I’m stupid.

Then I remember the manifestion ritual that I did soooo fucking long ago by that point. I remember all the stories people had about how small things changed in their reality and all that.

So basically…I had just shifted realities FOR MONTHS, and I did not realize.

But it wasn’t just the mole. Because once I remembered the ritual I did, I tried to look around my daily life and see if anything else had changed and I even asked the universe to show me what changed.

Guys.

I bring my sister a package she got and watch her unpack it…why does she pull out a bottle warmer🧍🏽‍♀️

I said, “girl what do you need two bottle warmers for?”

She said, “what do you mean two?”

I said, “didn’t somebody get you a bottle warmer from your baby registry?”

She says, “no girl, I bought this with my own money and it was expensive as hell, I wish somebody got this for me.”

Oh my god when I tell you, you could have knocked me over with a damn BREATH. I was truly…gagged. Like there’s no other word for it. Bewildered? I don’t even know.

I didn’t even say anything after that cause I just like wow, what is life? LMFAOOO

Now I know you may be wondering why the manifestion ritual didn’t work perfectly if I had specified what I wanted, which was “I want to shift to my desired reality” and I think it’s because before I did the ritual, I was debated whether or not I wanted to shift realities or manifest a SP ( specific person ) and I ultimately landed on reality shifting BUT CLEARLY, the universe had to double it.

Even to this day I’m still processing the shift because when people say reality shifting feels like your regular every day life…I AM PROOF THAT THAT IS TRUE. It didn’t even register that I was in an alternate reality because everything was almost perfect, genuinely, I had a great boyfriend, my friends were thriving, my family was even prospering ( my grades weren’t but let’s not talk about that ) like ??

Now that I’m writing this, I feel like I sound like the lamp starts looking weird story but I swear on everything I have ever loved and ever will love, this is 1000% true and something I’m still reeling from.

If you have any questions I’d be glad to answer but moving on!

TLDR; I have a mole on my left middle finger. I did a powerful manifestion ritual to shift to my desired reality when I was like 17. I got a boyfriend for the first time in college, he was everything I thought I wanted. I showed him my finger mole except it was on my right hand this time and I even said out loud how I thought it was on my left hand. Life goes on, we break up, one day I’m brushing my teeth and look at my left hand but there’s nothing there. I look at my right and BOOM there it is back where it was originally. There is more context pls just read the whole thing lmao.

ABOUT THE RITUAL: okay I don’t remember EXACTLY what I did so do NOT use this as a tutorial, I beg! Basically I had two or three cups of water (?), on a piece of paper I wrote down what I wanted aka “I will shift to my desired reality”, I think I switched the cups to be on top of the paper ? I don’t know y’all, and then I drank the water and kept both things beside me on my nightstand. If anyone knows the name of this manifesting technique, pleasseeee let me know. I’ve genuinely been too scared to look it up myself but ahh I guess it’s time to face it.

Thank you for reading, shifting is so incredibly real, manifesting is so incredibly real and your reality is whatever you want it to be, ritual or not. Thank you! <33

[floralflytrap]

heyyy, could you do kay/o, cypher, and maybe omen with a crush on the new agent? thank youu ^^

KAY/O, Cypher and Omen with a Crush on the New Agent

Word Count: ???

Hiya anon! Sorry for how late this reply is, but I live to see the light ToT <3 better late than never……..

KAY/O

Robots don’t have crushes… right?

KAY/O genuinely thought that he couldn’t have crushes… until he did

When you first arrived and asked about his opinion on you by Cypher he responded with “They’re attractive” and when asked to elaborate he said “Scientifically speaking”

There was NO science in this romance only pure adoration

You were fascinated with KAY/O when you first joined the protocol and spent a whole day hanging out around him or asking people about him

If anyone suggested you liked him, he was quick to decline

Also dealt with personal conflicts involving his own beliefs. He thought liking you meant that he was unable to do his job

Turns out he’s even more of a robo-killer when faced with the idea that you could die

Anytime you acknowledge his selflessness he responds humbly with a good old “It’s part of my programming”

He’s a liar, Killjoy can back that fact up

But it’s okay cause he’s whipped but in denial about it

No way he’s initiating anything with you romantically, not because he doesn’t like you, because he DOES, but he’s just afraid of the consequences

You guys are totally a power duo and it’s a vibe :) good for you guys!

CYPHER

The detective agency called, they want their job back.

As soon as you walk in this man is DETERMINED to know more about you, but he understands that being a new agent can be overwhelming so he kinda just… observes from a substantial distance

He really doesn’t stalk you, but he seems to perk up and become more vigilant when you walk in the room

At first he just thinks he’s trying to sus out the new agent

Until he talks to Killjoy and she’s just like “be forreal.”

Yeah maybe he does like you a little bit (a lot!)

Cypher talks to Phoenix about how he should scope out your opinion on himself. Phoenix looked amused throughout the whole discussion.

“Looks like someone’s got the hots for the newbie”

Teasing is underway

At some point Jett catches on to Cypher’s little crush too and works with Phoenix to conveniently place you two in situations where you are interacting

The two of you actually start to bond from this method

Missions together are fun, you value his ability to gather information but definitely question him because you HAVE to know if he’s caught onto your deepest, darkest secrets.

You two always have each other’s backs and compliment each other nicely in missions

You guys see the increase in missions where you are paired together as Brimstone gladly valued the teamwork

Cypher doesn’t let his emotions overwhelm him during battle when he sees you getting hurt, but when you get back to base he insists on patching you up

“You’re new, just let me help out, okay?”

He cares for you dearly and that is something very precious, even if his methods of acting on that admiration are a bit… obscure at first, you adore him anyway!

OMEN

Omen is unsure how to act at first when you arrive.

He’s unsure why he is so interested in you and it makes him uncomfortable that he can’t pinpoint why that was

After very obscure and indirect discussions with members of the protocol, particularly Fade and Cypher, the idea of Omen having a crush on you was put into his mind

He avoided you like the plague for a good week after that— not because he didn’t care, but rather that he was scared

Omen didn’t seek you out himself, but rather let you speak to him when you wanted to.

Oh boy did he speak to you!

Any agent who observed you two converse was in awe that Omen was not only going along with it, but seemingly content.

You’d definitely need to be responsible for initiating anything— Omen feels too disconnected from you to reassure himself so he’s left too scared to communicate with you.

After a few months go by though, and after a rough mission that you both were on became a near death trap, Omen finally confessed everything.

You two became an unexpected but extremely cute couple! You brought out a softer side that a lot of agents didn’t expect.

He definitely would knit you a bunch of gifts. Very cute :)

[athenaeum-of-the-herald]

Priest & Priestesshood

The terms priest, priestess, high priest, and high priestess get tossed around a lot, especially in the hellenism community. But oftentimes, there is very little context or explanation on what it means to be the priest/priestess of a god. I think understanding these terms, their duties, and some very frequent misconceptions are once again an important part of this cared for religion. Because despite what many may tend to treat it as hellenic polytheism is a religion. Not one I would consider organized religion today, but a very real and alive religion and should be treated as such.

Naturally this isn't to say you have to strictly adhere to hellenism, your practice and worships will always be your own. But it is an important thing to remember when dealing with the concept of priest/priestesshood.

As usual, this is my own understanding and research of the topic, always be sure to do your own when needed and double check sources! Additionally, from here out I will exclusively be saying "priestess" and "priestesshood" as I am studying and training to be one, but for the most part (excluding the history) it will also apply to priest/priesthood within the modern day religion.

Ancient Priestesshood

When we talk about modern-day hellenic priestesshood, we can't entirely look at it in its original form in ancient Greece. Back then, priestesshood was a temple station that could be bought by well-off families or something young girls were born into. Girls as young as 7 could be taken into temples on the path of priestesshood, and as they grew older, their ranks/titles within the temple would grow with them. With that said, for the most part priestesses bought their way into the station, having come from financially well-off families. Priestesshood could be seen as an "escape" from the patriarchal household society held at the time, often giving these women significant importance above men. Although how accurate this is, we don't fully know, as young girls would also have been born into a family and encouraged to perform priestly activities at a young age.

These were in the days when our temples stood high and mighty, and the unfortunate truth is that's simply not the case today. That said, hellenism has survived the ages, and we've adopted modern ways of worship, and therefore, priestesshood should be looked at in a similar fashion.

Priestesshood Today

As we today have learned to adapt our worships to modern times while keeping the essence of the gods' importance, priestesshood today has also adapted. While the grand temples from those days are mostly in ruins, we have found ways to construct them in online spaces, and when able, in real life, planned services and congregation. So what does a priestess of a hellenic god do today?

To become the priestess of a god is something I would consider a "full-time devotee." Someone whose life is tasked with acts of devotion in that god's name and honor. A priestess of Aphrodite might become one of her sacred whores or a matchmaker, a priestess of Demeter may live rurally and grow crops to provide and offer, a priestess of Hades may become a death worker (PLEASE heavily research that topic itself if it is a path you choose as not everyone can become one and it is considered a closed practice by degrees) or a baneful worker, etc. Regardless of the gods, a priestess would typically perform duties that align with that god's attributes and associations. It is a dedication to serving that god and performing acts in their name and honor. Priestesshood is a commitment to that god.

How Do You Become a Priestess?

This can be a difficult question to answer. As stated before, priestesshood could be bought or be something you were raised into. However, in our modern day, that's no longer the case. From what I've researched, priestesshood can be obtained through two methods.

Mentorship under an established priestess

An invitation from the god

Mentorship would entail finding a god's priestess and them taking you under their wing and training you personally. Many times, the mentorship will be something paid for, but will give you someone experienced and a solid learning foundation in your future training. Naturally, you should vet the priestess beforehand and ensure they are someone trustworthy and knowledgeable. There are many people who will falsely claim priestesshood, so ensure this is someone truthful in their dedication.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, someone can personally be invited by their god into priestesshood. This in itself can hold a myriad of difficulties, such as initial uncertainty. A lot of divination or fact-checking would be required as well as checking in with that god themself. Another difficulty would be the need to do training on your own. There is no step by step guide for priestesshood for each and every god, and the chances of finding a genuine one for your deity is slim. Training solo would mean researching and practicing on your own, with a great deal of trial and error and constant check-ins with your god.

My path to priestesshood started from an invitation from Hermes, and it took a lot of communication and readings with him to gain true confidence in the decision. It can be confusing, and navigating the path alone can be incredibly scary and difficult.

Can You Become a High Priestess?

A high priestess is a vastly higher title than a normal priestess, and one that, in my opinion, very few can hold. A high priestess's entire life would be spent dedicating themself to that god, continuously in prayer and doing their duties. This is a 24/7 commitment and a lot of the time entails leaving your worldy self behind (including families, friends, ect) to live in dedication for their god. They channel the very essence of their god.

A high priestess is far more than a title, it is the pinnacle of dedication to a god and is not an easy title to obtain. A high priestess's life would entirely belong to that god, and they would spend every possible moment of it channeling the essence of that god through prayers and worship and dedicating acts for the community they have.

It is not a role just anyone can take on, and I highly advise much deeper research into the understanding of that role and what it means/entails.

Common Questions and Misconceptions

So a priestess is just a normal follower?

Not particularly. A priestess would be required to do their devotional duties that align with their station. Priestesses would be leaders, conducting rituals and serving as a conduit for their god. There is a difference between devotional acts and devotional duties, the fine line being whether these devotions were optional or not.

I've only been working with [insert god] for a short amount of time, can I become a priestess?

The gods don't care about how long you've been in service to them. What they look at is devotion and knowledge. So long as you're willing to put in the work and truly dedicated yourself to the role, it doesn't matter if you've been a devotee for 5 years or 5 days. That said, please make sure this is a path you truly wish to walk. It is a very serious role, and the gods won't take kindly to it being treated like a game or an experiment.

I'm still a minor, can I become a priestess?

While in ancient times priestesses would be trained as young as 7, they wouldn't be considered priestesses until they reached the marriage age of 14. So by account, yes, absolutely. But I think it's important to spend your younger years truly studying and gaining knowledge and experience with your god and being certain that this is a path you wish to take. Don't be swayed by social media and other's recounting. Take your time.

But [insert creator] said they're a high priestess!

Are they always on social media? Are they constantly posting? Do they have a large online presence that they manage on their own? Then chances are, they're not a high priestess. A high priestess has no time for these things unless someone else is managing it for them to show what the life of a high priestess is like.

Would a high priestess be an oracle?

While a high priestess can be an oracle and vice versa, the two are not inherently synonymous. I'll make a long post on oracles once I've researched them more but from my current understanding, yes and no.

[coca-lastic]

5 Green flags 🟩 VS 5 Red Flags 🟥

I'M BACK 👹

Well well, My last post about Keigo have lots of support from you all, and like I said, I'm willing to do a part 2 about Bakugo Katsuki sooo, here I am.

Tell me if you want a part 3 and which character you would like.

Let's start with his red flags. Let's be clear that Katsuki does have a few, it's true that it's nice to imagine him as an attentive boyfriend who takes the initiative, and I firmly believe that he would be like that, but that shouldn't hide the little things he has that can get on your nerves at the time of a fight.

Now, let's start listing his bad things:

1. He acts like you're a burden: I don't think he would do this on purpose, but he would. Comments like "What the fuck do you want now?", "Stop bothering me", "You're too intense", "Will you shut up?" can come up at the beginning of the relationship. Even to the point that you feel bad about his independent actions, as if you were just another thing on his list. Of course, deep down he doesn't consider you a burden, but he expresses himself as if you were one.

2. He doesn't open up to you: Katsuki has this constant thought that he can't be inferior, that he has to be the best and his feelings can be a difficult thing, and I think that in a relationship he feels a lot more pressure about all this to be strong and show you how tough he is. So I think that for a long time he won't tell you if something is wrong with him even if it's clear that something is wrong with him. This could just be something normal, but I add it as a red flag since a large part of Katsuki's life is clouded by those insecurities, so he doesn't tell you how he feels every time he sees Deku, or how he was in training, or how he felt when he won something, because if he does, his facade will fall apart. This ends up being something that can affect the communication between you two.

3. He doesn't understand you: He tries, he really does, but he just has a hard time understanding when you feel bad. He's so used to minimizing what's happening to him that he doesn't understand why it affects you so much. So you might be crying in his arms, and he might be hugging you, but deep down he doesn't understand, and that's terrible in arguments, because he doesn't understand why you're angry or why you're sad or why you're disappointed, he tries to fix it but he doesn't understand the roots of the problem.

4. He's jealous: Like, not jealous to get insecure when he sees you with a friend, jealous to get furious when he sees you with another man. And that, OBVIOUSLY, brings problems. He trusts you, he doesn't trust them, he knows you're hot and he also knows that the other jerks know it. So don't doubt that he's going to complain to you repeatedly that a certain person shouldn't be so close to you, or that he doesn't get along very well with a certain friend.

5. His anger: In the anime we can already see that he is a little bit... impatient. He tries to control himself with you, he truly loves you and treats you with his best version, but there are times when you simply act in a bad way, I mean, you also have your red flags, and that makes him angry, and you too, then you fight. A lot. For a long time. A lot of yelling. And probably a lot of painful words that he doesn't really feel, but says them, because his fury is faster to speak than to think, analyze and meditate.

Now, like every person, he has his flaws and his virtues. He has things to improve and things that you should love, because they are incredible.

So let's see what those good sides are and let's see which side of his personality ends up winning, let's see the second side of his furious personality.

1. He doesn't talk, he acts: Maybe he doesn't open up to you as much as he should, but he decides to make you feel comfortable by letting you know that he loves you through more practical methods. Are you hungry? He cooks, are you sick? He takes care of you, do you want a snack? He buys it. Because actions are worth more than words, so he decides to act, he decides to give you what you want, and consider yourself lucky because you are the only one who sees his helpful side.

2. He puts you first: If his friends invited him out to eat something, he won't care if you sent him a text telling him to go with you to buy something. If his mother told him she was going to celebrate a birthday with the family, he'll run away because you asked him to bring you some chocolates. Because he knows that if you love someone, you're not going to replace them with the smallest things, so if he has to make a decision that involves you, you'll always be the right answer.

3. He is not ashamed to show you off, he loves to do it: You are also part of his achievements, and being the show-off that he is, he will show you off. God, he has a sexy, smart, strong, kind and hot girlfriend, he has to show you and show them that you two are together, that he is a lucky and happy man.

4. He knows you: I think this is important, but not all men do it, in fact those who do are very few. Because not all of them observe you, remember, learn and please you, but Katsuki does. He is observant and knows how to listen, maybe he doesn't understand perfectly why you feel so much, why you get excited and sad about small things, but he knows that you do it, he knows how you feel, he knows how you reacts, he knows what you like and how he knows you, he knows how to please you, he knows how to make you happy with a gift, he knows how to excite you, he knows how to make you laugh and he knows how to make you feel loved.

5. You're part of his future: If he sees himself as a great hero, he sees you by his side, making and fulfilling your dream. Holding your hand. Kissing you. Hugging you. Caressing you. That's what he sees. Maybe two house, or a single one, whatever you want, maybe 2 children, or maybe none, just a pet, maybe a red car, or maybe a black car, but within all those variables there is one constant: you.

Sorry, this doesn't match your way of seeing Katsuki. Remember that he is still a character that each one sees and imagines in their own way, but I try to do it in a way that everyone feels comfortable.

Now, did the 🟩 flags or the 🟥 flags win?

[charliedawn]

IM SORRY IM SORRY BUT 😭 HEAR ME PLEASE. Hannibal’s with reader who seems really timid and shy who is secretly freaky 😭 wait pause cause imagine in the middle of intercourse a switch flips and she’s suddenly just all over them and extremely intense and straight up demanding physically? Like she’s suddenly on them and acting like a straight up she-demon? I don’t know why but I cackled

Warning: Explicit. Hannibal Lecter Sr. (1991 Hannibal)

Hannibal lives for control. He is composed, methodical, always the one who dictates the flow of things. So when you start out timid, soft-spoken, maybe even hesitant, he sees you as something to mold—something he can guide and cultivate.

And then ? The moment you turn on him—the moment you shove him down and demand more, demand faster, demand harder—

He laughs.

Oh, it’s rich, it’s delicious. He grips your hips bruisingly tight, eyes glinting with amusement and hunger as he watches you lose yourself.

"Ah, my dear…So you were hiding this from me ? How very impolite of you…"

He lets you have your way—for now. He’s enjoying this, watching you completely let go, reveling in your raw, feral need—but don’t think for a second that he won’t take back control the moment he pleases.

"If you wanted to be devoured, darling, all you had to do was ask." And by the time he’s through with you, he’ll make sure you never feel the need to hold back again.

Hannibal Lecter Jr. (2013 Hannibal)

Oh, this Hannibal is dangerous. He’s patient, attentive, and calculating—watching you, waiting for every little reaction, every little shift in your demeanor.

When you start out shy ? He finds it adorable. He thinks you are something delicate, something that requires care and patience.

And then, you flip.

You are grinding against him, demanding more, your nails digging into his skin, your voice breathless but commanding.

And Hannibal Jr. ?

He freezes just for a second. Then, a slow, dangerous smirk spreads across his lips.

"Oh ? Well…that is surprising."

He lets you take control, lets you drag him down, lets you consume him with that newfound hunger—because, in truth ?

He is into it.

But the moment you wear yourself out ? Oh, he is ravenous. He grips your jaw firmly, his voice silky but firm.

"You surprise me, love. But I wonder—how long can you last once I start devouring you in return ?"

And then ? Well…You asked for this.

Morgan Lecter

Morgan prides himself on control, precision, and intelligence. He assumed he understood you—shy, reserved, maybe a little unsure. He thought he would be the one to coax you out of your shell, slowly, carefully.

And then, you flipped.

One second, you’re his sweet, hesitant lover—and the next ? You are pinning him down, your lips hot against his skin, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

His breath hitches. And for a brief, brief moment, you genuinely catch him off guard.

But oh. Oh.

You think you can dominate him ? How bold. Morgan’s grip tightens. His calm smirk never fades, but his eyes darken—

"If you wanted to challenge me, dearest…You should have prepared yourself first."

You might have flipped the switch, but Morgan ? He’s about to burn out the circuit.

Kevin Lecter

Kevin is not like the others. He does not seek control the way his father and older brother do. No—Kevin thrives on chaos, passion, and unpredictability. So when you start out timid ? He’s patient, but part of him is waiting, hoping that you have more in you.

And when you finally snap ? When you suddenly turn on him, dragging him down, kissing him like you’ll die without it ?

Oh, he is grinning like a madman.

"FUCK—where the hell have you been hiding this ?!"

He is loving this, matching your energy without hesitation. He is just as demanding, just as wild, and just as desperate.

"C’mon, sweetheart—don’t hold back on me now !"

For Kevin ? This is perfect. He doesn’t want control—he wants passion, and you are giving it to him in full force.

And if you ever try to go back to being shy after this ?

Yeah. Not happening.

Peter Lecter

Oh. Oh, Peter.

You were his gentle little angel. He thought you were pure, innocent, something sweet and delicate.

And then. You flipped the switch.

Peter ? He is dumbfounded. His face turns red, his breath catches, and he genuinely stares at you in shock as you ravage him.

"Wh—? W-Wait—Y-You—"

He is overwhelmed in the best way possible. He is blushing, whimpering, absolutely melting under your touch.

"Oh my God—where did you—how—ohh—!"

But the moment he adjusts ? He is clinging to you, moaning your name, whimpering in absolute bliss.

And after ? He is snuggling you so hard, pressing kisses everywhere, looking at you with pure adoration and wonder.

"I—I didn’t know you could be like that ! But—but I love it—please—please don’t stop being like that—"

He is obsessed with this new side of you. And now ? Congrats. You have created a monster. A very, very clingy monster. You are never going back. You wanna be passionate ? Fine by him. Have at it. Have him all as long as you keep him.

[rottenpumpkin13]

You're a new Shinra employee who gets lost in the building while looking for a microwave to heat up your lunch. You encounter AGSZC/Turks/execs during your search. Describe their various levels of helpfulness. 😀

Cloud: Tries to be helpful but also accidentally makes it worse. "You're looking for a microwave? I can help! Follow me." He confidently leads you down three different hallways, up a flight of stairs, and past several doors he shouldn't have access to but somehow does. After about fifteen minutes, you realize he's lost. He won't admit it. Frowning at the directory map like it's a philosophical riddle. "Strange. I could've sworn it was near the gym..." Eventually, he just sighs, tells you "sometimes we have to accept our circumstances" and walks away. You never get to heat up your lunch and now you've suffered -20 confidence.

Sephiroth: Useless, but in an elegant way. He stares at you like you've just asked him to explain quantum physics, then his gaze drifts into the distance as if contemplating the meaning of existence itself. "A… microwave?" You repeat the question. He considers it deeply, like he's never once in his life had to think about the existence of a microwave. Which, to be fair, he probably hasn't. "That is beyond my expertise. Try the cafeteria." You check the cafeteria. There is no microwave. The lunch lady cackles at you. You return to the hallway, and Sephiroth is gone. Vanished. Never to be seen again.

Reeve: Extremely helpful, but there are consequences. "Oh! A microwave? Okay, follow me!" He personally walks you to the break room, making small talk, and waits while you heat your food. You are grateful. Finally, someone normal. Then you turn around. Cait Sith is standing there. Staring at you. Grinning. "Yer wee lunch smells like somethin' a chocobo dragged in!" You nearly drop your food. You wonder if you were drugged. "Hope ye enjoy it, pal! Wouldnae be me first choice, but hey, some folks got no taste!" You leave in terror.

Reno & Rude: Different approaches, same chaos. Reno goes "Oh yeah, there's one in the Turk lounge. Follow us." They do lead you to a microwave. However, it is very clearly stolen from another department, has a questionable stain inside, and occasionally sparks when it runs. Reno tells you "It's got personality." Rude tells you "Don't worry about the weird noise." Your lunch explodes one minute later.

Tseng: Too busy for this nonsense but actually helps. You approach Tseng while he's reviewing documents. He listens patiently as you ask where the microwave is. Then, without breaking stride, he calls someone on his PHS. "Elena, please escort an employee to the nearest kitchen facility." He hangs up. Elena appears out of nowhere. She walks you to the break room, smiling the entire time, and leaves before you can even thank her.

Rufus: Too rich to care. Rufus blinks at you like you've just asked him where to find peasant food. "A microwave? I've never used such appliance in my life." You confirm. He sighs, rubs his temples, and just gestures vaguely toward the hallway. "Ask the help." You do not find the microwave. You do not find the help. You do, however, find Darkstar, who follows you for the next hour and politely begs for some of your lunch.

Hojo: Dear god, why did you ask him? You were desperate. You made a mistake. "Hmph. You require heat? Intriguing. Perhaps you should consider alternative methods of molecular excitation. There is a reactor chamber on the lower levels that could perform the task at a much more efficient—" You run. You don't stop running. You eat your food cold.

Genesis: Turns this into a critique of your food choices. He gasps when he sees what you're holding. "You're going to eat that?" You explain that yes, you were planning to. He looks disgusted. "Absolutely not. Do you want to die before Act V is discovered?" Then he picks up your lunch and throws it directly into the trash. "Come. We're going to the cafeteria. I will not let you disgrace yourself with that excuse for a meal." You have no choice but to follow him. You do, however, end up with a very fancy lunch.

Zack: Has zero patience for this and decides to improvise. "A microwave? Pfft, who has time for that?" Before you can stop him, he grins, holds up a hand, and casts Fire. Directly at your lunch. Your lunch ignites. "—oh!" He frantically pats it down, nearly burning his hands in the process. The entire hallway now smells like charred failure. "Okay, okay, so that didn't work—but it was a cool idea, right?" He ends up buying you something from the vending machine as an apology.

Angeal: Has made it his life mission to find you a microwave. The moment you ask, Angeal gives you a serious nod. "A hot meal is important. No one should have to eat cold food." Then he dedicates himself entirely to the task. You have never seen a man take a quest this seriously. He interrogates security guards. He questions other SOLDIERs. He even asks Lazard about the corporate policies on employee kitchen access. "Shinra should be providing more break room amenities." Lazard disagrees and points out the several microwave incidents that have happened at SOLDIER alone. Angeal and Lazars start going at it, arguing. You stand there awkwardly. You require help.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM GHOSTBUSTERS (1984) *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary. who ya gonna call?

i want you to concentrate.

you can't see these, can you?

i'm getting a little tired of this!

what are you trying to prove here, anyway?

will you excuse me for a second?

we're close on this one. i can feel it.

you are a legitimate phenomenon.

this is big, [name], this is very big. there is definitely something here.

that would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

i hope we can clear this up quickly and quietly.

back off, man. i'm a scientist.

listen! do you smell something?

this happened to you before?

could you come over here and talk to me for a second, please?

one of us should actually try to speak to it.

i'm gonna take back some of the things i've said about you.

the possibilities are limitless!

this is preposterous. i demand an explanation.

your methods are sloppy and your conclusions are highly questionable.

you don't know what it's like out there.

for whatever reasons... call it fate, call it luck, call it karma, i believe that everything happens for a reason.

where are we going to get the money?

i think this building should be condemned.

hey, does this pole still work?

wow, this place is great. when can we move in?

you gotta try this pole.

hey, we should stay here tonight! sleep here! you know, try it out!

you wanna come in for a mineral water or something?

are you troubled by strange noises in the night?

have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, or ghost?

we're ready to believe you!

you can't park that here!

i bet you like to read a lot, too.

i collect spores, mold, and fungus.

i'd like to talk to someone, please.

what i'm about to say may sound a little unusual.

i'm sorry, i don't believe in any of those things.

if something's gonna happen here, i want it to happen to me first.

you don't act like a scientist.

i'm gonna go for broke. i am madly in love with you.

i bet you're going to be thinking about me after i'm gone.

hey, anybody seen a ghost?

did you ever report it to anyone?

i hope we can take care of this quietly.

well, no sense worrying about it now.

i think we'd better split up.

don't move. it won't hurt you.

i feel so funky.

there's something very important i forgot to tell you.

wait wait wait! i've always wanted to do this.

well, that wasn't such a chore now, was it?

we came! we saw! we kicked its ass!

you're a big celebrity now.

so who the hell was that?

i'm not at liberty to say.

i want to know more about what you do here.

that's a big twinkie.

do you have any excedrin or extra strength tylenol?

listen, maybe if we start dancing, other people will join in.

that's a different look for you, isn't it?

do you want this body?

i want you inside me.

you said before you were waiting for a sign. what sign are you waiting for?

i have a terrible feeling that something awful is going to happen to you.

i think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.

how about a little music?

you had your chance to cooperate, but you thought it'd be more fun to insult me. well, now it's my turn, wise ass.

i'm not interested in your opinion.

if he does that again, you can shoot him.

i am going to get you a nice fruit basket.

i was in no way prepared for that.

you wanna play rough?

are you a god?

let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!

i couldn't help it. it just popped in there.

well, that's something you don't see every day.

sorry, [name]. i'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

i feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

[princessgarnetxvi]

Everything Johan did was For Anna/Nina

Everything Johan did was for Anna. 

                      A “Monster” capable of love.

“What I’m most afraid of is…forgetting Anna. The strange lessons we have everyday… are making my memories fade. Please, don’t make me forget Anna. It’s only Anna and me in this whole world. Just give me that - please. Please.”  – Johan Liebert”

I was very confused about the complexities of Johan's character up until the last handful of episodes. After rewatching the series for a 3rd time and exploring how Johan is portrayed in the manga, it became very clear to me that my initial opinions about Johan were basic and devalued the intricacies of Naoki's writing. From the beginning we are only TOLD by conflicting views, who Johan was. His character, in the fictional world as well as our own, is simply defined by an individual's perception of him and the story presented. However, if we dissect ALL of the themes and even the undertones Naoki presented to us through the world of characters; I think it would be evident that Johan was not committing heinous acts for superficial reasons such as simply being evil to be evil.

So what was the method to his madness? 

I believe... Everything he did was for Anna.

(Yes this includes erasing himself from existence too )

Author's Note: I want to preface before you read on that although these essays are written in a sympathizing light that Johan has done PLENTY of wrong. This is not written in an attempt to dismiss his heinous acts lightly, but to simply understand the "Monster" of the series by tackling Johan's crimes deeper than the surface. I tried to make sense of Johan's every action in regards to his OVERALL PLAN and why Naoki presented them to us as viewers. For those who will nitpick the term "everything" quite literally, I want to make it clear that not E V E R Y S I N G L E A C T I O N Johan has taken coincides with his love for his sister; his actions towards the children specifically - because there are some things that had nothing to do with his "perfect plan" but more to do with attempting to build Johan's character and his view of the world us as viewers. Justifying ones actions vs. rationalizing ones actions are completely different. I am in no way attempting to discard the accountabilities that Johan should face for his actions, but instead trying to make sense of it all. I've analyzed Johan's crimes against children here: https://xprincessgarnetxvi.tumblr.com/post/691678531250487296/i-really-love-reading-your-essays-i-can However, this will explain the root of Johan's character and the core of his overall plan(s) that was committed for the sake of his sister from the very beginning to the end. The overarching theme and message of Monster is that there are no such thing as Monsters, only broken human beings capable of great evil; so we will humanize this great Monster in order to understand not only Johan Liebert, but the hows/whys Tenma/Nina was able to forgive him and ultimately find value in saving the life of this supposed Monster.

Before we begin, I'd like to take the time to thank you for reading! I can't wait to review your comments and further discuss this magnificent series of Monster!

-

Anna was set up from the beginning to become The “Monster” given she was the one who actually endured the experiments. Her tendencies are shown in glimmers throughout the show. The heartbreaking twist to it though... is that the only reason why she DID not become the beast, was because SHE ( unlike Johan ) HAD KNOWN REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

-Johan’s love and sacrifice is what kept her safe from the darkness he knew very well. He got his hands dirty to shield her. He chose to leave her behind in the care of her foster parents, knowing she would forget him, in order to heal.

He chose her than himself over and over; becoming her shadow; choosing to lose his only attachment to his already weakened identity in order for her to heal.

His love for her is why she never became a monster...and tragically, why Johan had.

Which reflects exactly what Mikhail Petrov (whose real name is Reinhart Biermann) said about his "PROFOUND DISCOVERY" concerning his current experiment on the children he had in his home; he said the children did not become animals because he gave them LOVE.

(Mikhail Petrov telling Grimmer how the children in his current experiment did not become Monster - it was because they had LOVE.)

In his own twisted way and view on things, he was protecting her. He killed every "parental" figure they had because he was betrayed by every adult figure in his life so far. People who mentioned calling the police, ended up finding out about their past - anything that could lead the man, who Johan referred to as “The Monster” into finding them, he disposed of.

The adults in their lives thus far would betray them, torture them, hurt them, throw them away- and forcefully separate them. In his severely abused mental state, any adult figure was a potential threat to his and Anna’s safety. So he’d kill in order to runaway from "the monster" and protect Anna. Then when Anna found out about the blood on his hands that fateful night the Monster paid them a visit, he realized that now he had become someone Anna feared - a different kind of Monster but all the similar to the one they were running from.

So he rationalized that now he needed to die.

In that moment, I think we should focus on his body language and expressions. Johan faced the ground. hardly picking up his eyes. His shoulders were sunken and he did not have that menacing little smile he usually had. Johan has killed in secret various times with Anna and back at Kinderheim.

So why was he so messy with the Lieberts?

Because he did not want to kill them - he said HE HAD TO.

It was not a calculated murder, because he was not truly calm and collected; He was afraid.

Lets not forget who Johan was up until that moment: the infamous little boy who provoked an entire riot and massacre by simply opening his mouth. With mere words he was able to sway the adults and children into doing what he wanted. BUT IN THAT MOMENT when Anna caught him red handed, he could not, or rather, would not - try and manipulate Anna.

(He has never once been shown trying to manipulate or abuse her throughout the entire series as he has done intentionally with the rest of the world.)

Instead, he asked her to shoot him and run - in an attempt to finally liberate her from the horrific life they had to lead up until now - blaming his existence for the constant chase their predator (Bonaparte) gave way to them as prey because in that moment, his memories were distorted and he believed he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion. **** (X) (this theory is challenged referenced below)

To Johan, him living was a danger to Anna and that night made it evident to him.

But when he was brought back to life and realized the gravity behind his methods, seeing how terrified Anna was of him - he started to cry. Because despite his initial feelings of finding his death absolutely necessary for her to be safe, he still wanted what he had with her; the only bond of love he ever knew.

What set his entire ADULT plan into motion (wiping out everyone who ever hurt Anna and created HIM) was Anna's rejection at the hospital. That was when he realized internally, he was beyond forgiveness and that he was nothing more than a monster. A Nameless monster in her reflection that needed to die in order for her to live in peace. (Referencing the God of Peace storybook. )

Johan was the one who gifted the God (Anna) her hat and then she saw herself as the Monster she was supposed to be due to the Red Rose Mansion experiments. This would NOT have happened if Johan did not give her the hat (the red hat which can symbolize the blood he spilled for her. ) so in this instance, Johan is also the reflection (you are me and I am you. They are both nameless monsters)

From that moment on, he wanted to wipe out his entire existence, and that meant those who ALSO "created" him so that Anna could heal as Nina.

I believe this is what is depicted in the Nameless Monster storybook. 

Initially, we are made to believe Johan wanted to “consume everyone” so he would be the last one standing. The Monster known as Johan in the book also devours his counterpart, the Monster who went West and then there is no one left to call him by his name. But clearly, Johan never does this, because Johan never attempts to kill/devour Anna/Nina - because what it symbolizes is entirely different in nature regarding Johan’s intention. 

A quick reminder that both Johan and Anna were considered Nameless Monsters. HOWEVER - by Johan’s hands, Anna does not remain “Nameless” nor does she ever become a “monster” the moment Johan decided to not only leave her behind in the hands of a loving family, but by her changing her name and her identity to Nina. The Fortners never made any implication that they knew of Nina’s past concerning the Lieberts murder and I believe this is because Johan introduced her as Nina to the Fortners and never allowed them to see the trail behind her identity as Anna Liebert. 

Symbolically, Johan, as the Nameless Monster, consumed the Monster inside of Anna and became the only Monster left. This is what is mirrored in Johan’s intentions and the Nameless Monster storybook. 

With Anna forgetting him and Johan leaving her behind thus losing his only connection to someone who truly knew him, now all that is left is Johan, without absolutely anyone to call him by his name - the one and only Nameless Monster.

And this is heavily referenced in Another Monster:

(This reinforces that Johan was trying to make Nina forget her past as Anna)

There wasn’t some sick satisfaction from any of his killings done when he was a child. To him, it was needed for the sake of her safety. This was Johan’s initial “plan.” set in motion. He wanted to be the only one left in the world with his sister - so that they wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. 

(I also believe at that point when they were kids, Johan's very first plan he referred to when telling Anna "Remember, I have a plan." was to run to another country with her so that the Monster will never find them. It is the only logical idea of a plan that a child could conjure following what he actually leads them to do, which was cross the border. Simply destroying the world is unreachable in his current state and Johan is smart enough to not be delusional in his endeavors. With that being said, he had to kill that old couple to erase any trail they may have left of "two beautiful blonde twins." But this plan fails because they nearly die at the Czech Border and was discovered. )

(Johan telling Anna he has a plan.)

RUHENHEIM:

One of the biggest moments in Ruhenheim has been misinterpreted and lost due to the mistranslations in both the English Dub and the Japanese subtitles. 

I clarify and mend this by breaking down what Nina unraveled in Boneparte’s house when she looked at the portraits by correctly translating the Japanese script/text in depth here on this post:

 But to summarize it for the purpose of this essay, it was revealed to us as viewers that Johan apologized to Anna when she returned from the Red Rose Mansion, revealing the overwhelming weight of guilt he carried when Anna had been taken that day. 

(That day depicts the moment their mother made the terrible 'Choice')

and then Johan accepts his mother will never return to them (assuming she abandoned them) and goes on to tell Anna this:

Johan is the one crying because soon after, Nina tells us that Johan was in that room crying.

This information provides clarity as to why Nina was finally able to understand Johan, empathize with him enough to be able to forgive him. She remembered he was a boy who felt guilty over what happened to her; a boy who cried when he realized they were now all alone in the world.  She understood that Johan desperately did anything and everything to ensure he and Anna survived despite it all.

That Rainy Night:

I want to GREATLY EMPHASIZE the important factor I missed my first time watching the scenes with Johan/Anna - the scenes shown to us were ONLY through her recollection as fragments due to her memory loss. They were told from what she COULD remember, so her take on what really happened that rainy night the first few times the events are unfolded before us should not be taken as absolute. At least...up until it is revealed in the final episodes that Anna realized that on that night instead of seeming like an empty shell of a person asking for death, Johan was crying and crying before she shot him.

The scene where Anna finds the portraits reveals what truly happened between them and its so important. She said “Johan was crying “here” just like before.” She was mimicking a memory she had just recalled in its entirety. “Why are you crying, why are you crying?” She sounded in distress. Directly after she reveals that she remembers him crying, it shows the image of him pointing at his head that rainy night.

Even though Johan told her to shoot him, it is IMPORTANT that he was crying and the author highlights this for a reason.

I believe that, finally being able to vividly remember that day finally revealed to her that Johan wasn’t the “face of absolute evil” she initially dismissed him to be; he was a boy/man who could cry and mourn - he was human. He was a terrified boy protecting Anna and himself the only way he knew how. and instead of showing him forgiveness/love - she added on to his collection of wounds scarred upon his soul from everyone else who chose to harm him.

Tenma...was ultimately the ONLY one in his life who showed him kindness.

Johan's intentions and reasons behind many crimes: Essay II.

( I will summarize it here as the extension essay was far too long to put on this post)

**** (☓) I want to ask, did Johan truly believe he was the one who went to the Red Rose Mansion or was that simply a masquerade he performed to make sure Anna did not remember?

(I wrote an essay on this being a possibility here: PART 2 OF THIS ESSAY. This will explain Johan's intentions in depth)

(this is a theory I FIRMLY believe and have completely adopted. But for the sake of argument, I will entertain both concepts behind Johan's memory in this essay.)

If we entertain the idea that Johan never misconstrued his memories about the Red Rose and pretended he did, I can dissect Johan’s intentions a bit more intricately.

Throughout the series you see that he is trying to wipe everyone who knew of what happened to Anna off the face of the earth, that included himself. He did not want Anna to remember. So when it was revealed she did remember, he mourned. It was subtle but evident in the anime when she reveals “you are wrong.” something in him shifted - for once he was reacting to the words of another.

She said "he had a smile but seemed like he was crying. I never seen such an expression on his face before." That entire scene, Johan’s eyes expressed something we’ve never seen from him throughout the series - a sense of mourning or longing?

Johan in front of Anna always appeared the most human and I feel Naoki did this with purpose.

(Naoki specifically told the directors/animators of the anime series to never stray from how he expressed Johan's eyes for a very important reason. )

Johan's expression finally meeting Anna after 13 years apart.

-

If, however, Johan DID truly think he was the one who suffered at the red rose mansion, his “perfect suicide” plan still relates to his twisted-selfless feelings for Anna.

Johan learns it was not him that suffered at the Red Rose Mansion...but Anna instead. and then Johan goes on to commit the "perfect suicide." In his plan to die, he wanted to take The Monster with him, forcing Bonaparte to endure the same exact hell he forced Anna to suffer as a child.

Call it an act of revenge. Some may think Johan is incapable of being vengeful but I cannot see this cruel and calculated act as anything other than malice. After Bonaparte was finally dead, the monster disposed of - Johan was ready to die.

But you can see his conviction began to slip away when Anna forgave him. What made it worse was realizing he was wrong about Tenma because even now, Tenma was still hesitating on killing him ruthlessly like he always presumed would happen. Johan thought he had humans all figured out - after all, all Johan has EVER known was the darkness in people’s hearts. That is why he was so confused/moved by Tenma and wanted so desperately to prove him wrong.

The manga portrays Johan’s expressions 1000X BETTER THAN THE ANIME. As soon as Anna arrives, Johan is just staring at the floor, unable to look at her - Repeating everything from that fateful rainy night when they were kids. But this time, Anna doesn’t kill him, she chooses love and compassion. and when she says she forgives him - his reaction is something the anime does not do justice

(The subtle shift the artist expressed in his eyes from her words is so significant but missed in the anime; but he reacts rather deeply, moved and shocked by her words.)

Because "Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again."

In the manga he isn’t quick to reply. He ponders over her words carefully and I think this is when his mind starts panicking.

Anna realized that forgiveness was the one thing he wanted that night she shot him, despite him also thinking his death was needed. His value depended on her view of him; and what she once robbed from him was now returned - a human being worthy of forgiveness instead of a monster.

He is telling her the evident truth that he cannot turn back because he TRULY believes Tenma is going to kill him any moment.

Johan refuses her forgiveness not because he resents her or thinks its too late for her to redeem herself - but because he doesn’t think he deserves it. “There are somethings that cannot be undone.” Because it is too late, Johan is going to die - he WANTS to die. Then you see the fear and helplessness in his eyes after getting the one thing he always wanted [ Anna’s forgiveness] because he desperately wanted to die as the only thing he knew himself to be: the nameless, nonexistent monster. But both Anna and Tenma rob him of that by bestowing upon him the gift of compassion, mercy and empathy; for the first time treating and valuing him like a human being instead of a monster,god,experiment, devil etc., as everyone around him has his entire life.

(The Monster inside of Johan begins to crumble.)

Johan in his final moments was cracking and finally falling apart. You see it in the final expression he makes: the distraught, confusion and sadness. Because he realized, he was wrong about people, he was wrong about the world. But how can we blame him for his view on humanity when all he has ever been shown since birth was how ugly, selfish, cruel and inhumane people can be?

How can we expect someone who has only seen darkness to be able to find the light?

I want to clarify one thing I noticed: Johan has never shown to take any kind of sick satisfaction from killing unlike all the other serial killers being interviewed in the series. (aside from Richard) Specifically, Johan is without "the lust for murder" as Lunge explains in Another Monster - which is why Johan hired other people to kill for him instead. Especially contrasting Johan with Roberto, specifically, when Roberto tries to kill Anna.

(that is until Richard, which makes Johan's dealings with him stand out for a reason. He doesn't even take pleasure in killing the Red Hiddenburg, he leaves before witnessing her death instead of reveling in his 'checkmate' coming to fruition.)

Despite his callousness and his lack of care for life - Johan, despite how much of a "monster" he was, very clearly had humanity and had love....for his sister most of all. Johan saw when his mother choose, how little their lives meant to her and this instilled his nihilism at such a young age. He watched Anna get tossed to the wolves like nothing and in that moment, he probably thought his mother chose Anna over him for a reason. (even though the question on her intention would haunt him for the rest of his life) But her being able to choose is what hurt him the most and it's probably what instilled his self sacrificing mentality to care for Anna above the world in order to never make the same mistake his mother had.

That is why after she got back from the Red Rose Mansion, he cried for her story and apologized as if it was his responsibility to feel guilty over what happened to her. It should have been him that suffered. Then after, he treats her with the upmost care, telling her everything is hers, no matter what she will win everything because he would deem it so. He is kind to her, never letting go of her hand even when she is dragging behind - he sacrificed all of himself for her...

Because she deserved everything in the world to contrast their mother throwing her away.

(it should be noted that the Lieberts did not want Anna either but only adopted her because Johan refused to leave the orphanage without her. Which is also why I believe he killed them when Bonaparta came because he thought the Lieberts were conspiring with Bonaparta to get Anna)

🌰 (The ‘Acorn game’ represents their Mother's choice, a child in each hand. But in this version, Johan would ensure that no matter what hand Anna chooses, she will NEVER choose wrong. He manipulates the fate behind her choices by holding two acorns instead of one; never letting her make the same mistake as her mother.)

He wanted her to know above all else, she was loved.

A clear indication of this adoration/attachment he has for her is the fact that he DOES NOT forget her even after enduring the hellish experiments in Kinderheim that aimed at wiping out / messing around with his memories.

-

I wrote this because I was astounded to see various posts/Wiki pages implying that Johan’s intentions were to torture Anna and make her kill herself. Telling her to shoot him was his first attempt to drive her insane? They twisted a lot of things Johan did to try and make this statement true. But I cannot comprehend how they drew this conclusion? The series has characters mentioning on more than a few occasions that Anna is dear to Johan. "He is lost with you."

Everyone knew Anna was important to Johan, Professor Geidlitz was the first to mention this besides the old blind man. Roberto was aware of this which is why he tried to kill her as mentioned in Another Monster. Which is ALSO why Peter Capek tried to hold her hostage to prevent Johan from killing him.

and for the first time, Johan DOESN'T kill him.

Johan cried when he awoke at the hospital after he reached for his sister and she screamed in fear of him. His face full of tears - his heart completely broken. If his intention was to drive Anna insane, he would have triumphed in that moment she screamed and fell to the ground after he reached out to her. But instead he mourned.

Anna has mentioned several times that Johan has cried for her, like when he was in the room full of their happy portraits, he was crying. He never once tried to bring harm to Anna - not intentionally towards her person. Explaining the Fortners murder - either he killed the Fortners after they decided to keep lying to her, thus keeping him in the shadows when he wanted to return. OR he killed them because they were going to tell her the truth about her identity, which was something Johan worked to conceal. (this theory is explained thoroughly in essay #2 )

Regardless, if he wanted to torment her, he would not have tried to lure her away to the castle when he set up the Fortners to be killed.

They imply that Johan wanted to torture her and then kill her at the end. But that makes absolutely no sense. Where in the storyline does Johan give off this tendency towards her? Even at the end he told her where to meet him in Ruhenheim and not once did he try to shoot her or Tenma. Honestly, if he really wanted to provoke Tenma to shoot him, he would have held the gun to Anna instead of a random child. But even though being shot by Tenma was his greatest endeavor, he refused to point the gun at someone who was important to Tenma...because Anna, is important to Johan too.

To say Johan, despite being hailed as the Monster of the series, had no love or humanity in him and was merely the Devil himself...completely missed the point of the story...

I’d like to point out the constant mentioning of Hitler in this story and draw another important factor...Hitler brainwashed people to commit mass genocide. Under his rule, millions perished in horrific ways. But despite that...Hitler was capable of loving others. Hitler was also loved by others. The terrifying truth about people who commit atrocities...is that they are not monsters or demons or devils...

they are merely human.

-

Here’s two passages from ANOTHER MONSTER [novel post Monster written by Naoki] that really drives this point:

- PSA: My twin brother FINALLY finished his 2 HOUR Johan Analysis Essay, that dives deeper into Johan's character. This essay and essay #2 will be included in this analysis video as we both worked on it together. However, this lays out the details visually and with beautiful music. Please watch!

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Reactions

synopsis: mafia boss enhypen reaction to your death. (hyungline)

genre: angst

warnings: mentions of death and violence.

note: this is just short. been checking my drafts and saw this one. anyway, let me know if you want maknae line version! replies and reblogs are highly encouraged. ily and stay safe.

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

lee heeseung

lee heeseung won’t take it very well. he will be beyond broken. he didn’t just lose the love of his life, his other half but also the one who kept him in peace.

he will not stop until he took his revenge for you. making sure none of those people involve to your painful death will be alive. he will make them suffer. he will inflict every pain you went through but in much worst way.

after revenge, he will vanish into the mafia world like as if he never even existed. he will buy a beautiful house in a very isolated place, somewhere peaceful. a place you will surely like.

“its beautiful here, right love?” he whispers softly while leaning over the railings of the balcony. the clear blue ocean can be seen from the house, it was the perfect scenery.

“i should’ve listened when you said we should leave that kind of life...” his voice cracks and tears slowly pools at the side of his eyes. his chest tightening just by remembering your beautiful face, regret and longing poisining his whole system.

his grip over the metal railing tightens, knuckles turning pale. “it was my fault.” he bit his lower lip as a tear escapes his eyes.

heeseung lived there ever since. he starts to living his life through the memories of the two of you he kept inside his mind. he made himself believe that you are still there with him. he doesn’t care if he feels pain by this method. his wounds from losing you never healing but he doesn’t care. he just wants to feel you around. he wants to be with you. he wants to hold and kiss you like old times. he will live his remaining days acting like as if you are still alive, making himself suffer even more.

park jongseong

“i’m so sorry, jay.” he pushed his friend away and went to grab his gun before heading towards his car.

he ignored his friends calling his name and just starting driving towards somewhere. the image of your pale skin and lifeless body kept flashing back in his mind. and every time, it feels like a new knife is being stab to his heart. each one deeper than the first ones.

“i’m going to kill all of you.” he coldly spat and continued ending the lives of the people who wronged you.

he can’t believe it. he wanted to scream to the world. curse everyone out for what’s happening. he has never hated being alive this way before. he just lost his other half. he feels like he's already dead as well.

“hey, baby.” he greets lowly, trying to pull a small smile while he sets down a new flower to your grave.

his eyes settles to the flower he just brought yesterday. “i miss you so bad.” his eyes shakes, tears attempting to escape.

he never felt this vulnerable before. he felt lost and dead inside. nothing excites him anymore. he stretches his arm and rests his palm to touch your gravestone. he was gentle, like you’re the one he was holding.

“i wish you are here, baby. i won’t be this miserable with you.”

jake sim

jake held your hand tightly, his lips rests on top of it while staring at your pale face. he’s been like this for hours ever since you passed away. he was denial. he never spoke a word for hours, his tearful eyes enough to show how much pain he’s going through.

“you’re so cold, sweetheart...” his lips shakes a bit as he tries to pull up a smile, still being denial of losing you.

“you’ve been sleeping for a while now,” his voice cracks along with his heart. “please wake up now, hm?”

jake cries even harder when he didn’t receive any response from you. he stayed that way until one of his friends pulls him away because you’re body needs to be taken away. it wasn’t easy to do that as he fights while thinking of being separated with you.

“jake, you have to eat. you will get sick if you keep doing this.” his mother cries while staring at him. he looked lifeless.

“better. in that way i will see her again.” he spat mindlessly that made his mother cry even more, pulling him in an embrace.

“stop saying that! do you think she will like it if you keep acting this way?”

jake looked emotionless. he feels bad seeing his mother cry. but he just can’t continue living if you aren’t with him anymore. he loves you so much. you are the love of his life, the one who kept him alive. and now that you are gone, life is meaningless.

“if i die, i will see her again, right? we will be together, right?” he hopes, tear escaping his eyes making his mother rub his back carefully, crying even harder feeling bad for his son.

park sunghoon

sunghoon’s feet are glued at the floor, body stiffened while staring blankly at your cold body. his eyes went blank, doesn’t want to believe it.

“what the hell...” he utter, “is this?” while trying to deny the reality.

sunghoon will be disruptive. hell will rise, he will explode. he just lost the only person that kept him sane and his the perso he cherish the most.

he hovers somebody and kept stabbing that person straight to his heart. he ignores his whimpers and just continued, blood splashing to him but he’s unbothered. his eyes are dark and deadly.

“s-stop!” the man pleads but he couldn’t hear anything. his mind sets for nothing but to avenge his woman.

“bring her back! fucking bring her back to me! i will make sure you will end up in hell!” he screams continuously, tears streaming down his face.

“bring her back to me!” countless dead bodies scatters around and he was already showering with blood.

he exploded and there's no stopping him. he will be more ruthless, worst now that you aren’t there to calm him down. the monster inside him awoken.

“you are killing too many people, sunghoon. this is not good, many mafia families are bothered by your behavior. if you continue, you will make more enemies. they won’t stop until you’re dead.”

sunghoon ignores it and reloads his gun silently. “this world sucks anyway.”

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