#and now its all Ruined
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kruxton · 11 months ago
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having a Night. havent been alone w my thoughts in a while and im not liking it
#usualy i'd make up some stupid story to fall asleep but its not working now#some news was broken to me just now and i dont know how to feel about it#i mean i do#ok incoming vent#hate the idea hate it so so much but its so selfish of me to think that way#and the issues all lie within ME and i just. i cant change now#not w all the work i put into adapting to this place i cant just. pack it all up and leave to go somewhere else#my future was set here man. all i had left was to finish a year and a half more of secondary school n get thru my IGCSEs and i'l be set#yeah i didnt have a specific plan but i had come to terms w a solid general one that i actually really liked#and now its all Ruined#'dw you'll be going to a good school over there too! much better than where ur at now' i dont want to#i cant i just cant#i cant leave my life here now not when im so close to finally getting my freedom#i was supposed to graduate top of my class here i was supposed to excel in my extra curriculars i was supposed to be KNOWN#god does that sound horrible of me but i cant change the way i feel and how ive always felt#i was set man. i couldve gotten that scholarship and gone overseas#i NEED that scholarship or my family wont be able to afford to put my siblings into good schools#but now my progress is gone!#yeah idfk how the school system shit works but i highly doubt some prestigious ass school is gonna care abt shit i did in my current one#yeah i could be wrong but what if man#what then. what the fuck am i supposed to do#and im scared i wont be able to make friends there#fuck im prbly overthinking this n being such a fucking pussy but#i cant. be alone#not again i cant do that shit again#i have my friends here!!!! and theyre alright i like to be around them so why cant i just stay#im just so tired#i just want to sleep#but all i can think about is this#vent
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teaboot · 9 days ago
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
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xxplastic-cubexx · 17 days ago
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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mcu-ladiess · 2 years ago
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I hate the fact that I let myself get addicted to sh yet again
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sugarcoatednightshade · 11 months ago
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thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
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qwakque · 5 months ago
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KALIM DAY MUAHAHAHAH
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kindaorangey · 2 months ago
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"are you asking me or making me?" is soooooo interesting to me because i think armand only asks it when he can't gauge whether he's letting louis down. it's barely even sexual - it's a hail mary. it's a show of trust, indirectly admitting that he wants to do something other than what louis expects of him, but that he's willing to obey louis anyway, for the sake of their relationship. it's sort of heartbreaking watching them at the sacré-cœur, because if louis had said "i'm making you" armand would've done it in a heartbeat. he would've taken it as a show of committment on louis' part, and he wouldn't have betrayed him. but louis takes the question just as an expression of disagreement, and so he doesn't play the game. ironically, he respects armand's independence too much to make him turn madeleine if he doesn't want to. and so armand isn't convinced of louis' commitment to him, and he betrays him.
and by the time we see them in san fransisco, louis knows what the question means now, and answers "no, arun, i'm not asking" without question. and armand accepts it without complaint, even as it pains him. companionship really is the most important thing in the world to armand, just like it is for lestat, and he's willing to do any number of horrible things to louis and himself just to keep him as a companion, just like lestat. louis' biggest mistake is not realising how to use that to his advantage sooner.
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biblically-accurate-dca · 7 months ago
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happy april fools here's a dumbass drawing i never finished
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pencilofawesomeness · 8 months ago
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It's Team Erza’s turn for the Friendship Sleep Pile
Whoever laid down first is a mystery. Lucy's bed probably shouldn't be this large, but that's the magic of friendship.
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starrspice · 1 year ago
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My personal headcanon for Bonnie is that he's basically just Dan from Ninja Sex Party
None of you can change my mind
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dorothywonderland · 2 months ago
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I started doodling greek gods, it's over for me. I have to accept that I'm officially addicted to epic the musical
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mephoj · 3 months ago
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taco and mephone have fascinating parallels more people could explore if taco haters weren't biased cowards
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#ii taco#ii mephone4#dare i maintag this. watever#like taco haters r obsessed with the idea that taco is ruining herself worse and dragging everyone down with her#when shes literally just doing the challenge mephone created and even changes her intentions on hosting the challenge partway through#bc shes REALIZING how badly everyones been affected by the show just as she was#and she uses the attention she now has and urges them to leave and escape because she doesnt want anyone to end up like her#she believes shes past saving Yes#but thats exactly why shes trying to help the others avoid getting to the extent shes gone#meanwhile even when getting his wrongdoings slapped in his face mephone doubles down bc thats all he knows#thats all he feels safe with. he cant let himself trust and be vulnerable and its ruining his life and all his relationships along with him#it says SO MUCH about both mephones and tacos arcs that MEPAD. the one whos been inseparable to mephone from the Start#is seeing more hope of improvement in TACO than mephone#taco the infamous villain to everyone since s1. since before mepad was ever conscious#if anything mephone is the one ruining himself in denial and hurting others in the process#and im not saying that to vilify mephone either !!!! before you 0 nuance bitches come in#if it wasnt obvious from my entire page i LOVE mephone and i LOVE where theyre taking his character. make that man Worse ❤️#but i feel like so many ppl are just projecting mephones arc onto taco bc they dont wanna admit mephone has Issues
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help-im-a-gay-fish · 11 months ago
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Before an after.
How do you create one of the worse sequels I have ever seen? Welp, Love Never Dies is probably the perfect example. I could rant for hours about that.
I think my relationship with it is the purest form of a love-hate relationship, as it's so bad it's almost funny. If anyone wants to know, shoot me an ask, and I will explain whyyyyyyy
*takes breath*
Anyway, I drew Nightmare in the Red Death Outfit from the Masquerade scene, and ohhhhhh, I love ittttt. Yet another outfit that the movie didn't do justice, seeing it on stage was fantastic!! And it's actually a reference to another book called "The Masquerade of the Red Death" and it is essentially a huge FU to everyone at the party.
I'm gonna say it againnn anyone who's a fan of the movie should listen to the 25th anniversary sound track, my poor gf has had to listen to me rambling about it lol.
Original cross jakei95
Original Dream and Nightmare by jokublog
Crossover is by me
And @zu-is-here you asked me to tag you, here you go!
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oh-wow-im-still-here · 3 months ago
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Cursed au where before transmigration shen yuan was OBSESSED with tomodachi life and miitopia with luo binghe as the primary mii that he spoiled to death. He didn't use any QR codes, this binghe mii is crafted by his own two hands with PERFECTION. And no!!! He's not sharing his QR code on the forums!!!
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sad-leon · 7 months ago
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I think some people need the reminder that you can just not like things. For whatever reason. You don't need to justify things you don't like to anyone, as long as you're not making people feel bad for liking it.
You're able to not like something, but that doesn't make it weird.
You're able to not like that people like something, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people (within reason of course)
And it's also important to remember that you may like something that other people don't like. That doesn't mean they have a personal vendatta against you for liking it.
That doesn't mean you're wrong, nor are they wrong.
People have preferences for everything. Just because you prefer something, that doesn't mean you're "right". This is fandom, there are very few things that even have a "right" and "wrong" side.
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miquella-everywhere · 1 month ago
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Fromsoft legit just made us the villain of the DLC huh
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