#and now its all Ruined
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having a Night. havent been alone w my thoughts in a while and im not liking it
#usualy i'd make up some stupid story to fall asleep but its not working now#some news was broken to me just now and i dont know how to feel about it#i mean i do#ok incoming vent#hate the idea hate it so so much but its so selfish of me to think that way#and the issues all lie within ME and i just. i cant change now#not w all the work i put into adapting to this place i cant just. pack it all up and leave to go somewhere else#my future was set here man. all i had left was to finish a year and a half more of secondary school n get thru my IGCSEs and i'l be set#yeah i didnt have a specific plan but i had come to terms w a solid general one that i actually really liked#and now its all Ruined#'dw you'll be going to a good school over there too! much better than where ur at now' i dont want to#i cant i just cant#i cant leave my life here now not when im so close to finally getting my freedom#i was supposed to graduate top of my class here i was supposed to excel in my extra curriculars i was supposed to be KNOWN#god does that sound horrible of me but i cant change the way i feel and how ive always felt#i was set man. i couldve gotten that scholarship and gone overseas#i NEED that scholarship or my family wont be able to afford to put my siblings into good schools#but now my progress is gone!#yeah idfk how the school system shit works but i highly doubt some prestigious ass school is gonna care abt shit i did in my current one#yeah i could be wrong but what if man#what then. what the fuck am i supposed to do#and im scared i wont be able to make friends there#fuck im prbly overthinking this n being such a fucking pussy but#i cant. be alone#not again i cant do that shit again#i have my friends here!!!! and theyre alright i like to be around them so why cant i just stay#im just so tired#i just want to sleep#but all i can think about is this#vent
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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I hate the fact that I let myself get addicted to sh yet again
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thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
#humans are space orcs#humans in space#earth is a deathworld#earth is space australia#tagging this so that ppl can find it even though the space shit i write about always feels like its in direct opposition to all the pop tag#also my biggest pet peeve in all of writing - all writing. everywhere. not just in fanfic but books and tv and movies too - is when people#write off an injury by saying something like 'oh nothing bad just a couple of scratches some bruising and a minor concussion' like girl WHA#MiNOr ConCuSSioN is such an oxymoron and I hate it so fucking much. like i dont care how minor it was thats still brain damage.#especially when the same character does this more than once. like im sorry ms. but uh. you can no longer read. or talk eloquently. sorry#evidence: my brother has had two 'minor' concussions and now cannot read write or speak without tremendous effort. And like its totally#ruined my ability to watch action shows/movies because now i just sit there and count how many concussions there characters are getting#after a certain point it becomes totally impossible to believe that these guys are able to function. (still fun to watch tho im not a hater
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KALIM DAY MUAHAHAHAH
#i have been waiting for this day all year#its not even funny#celebrated his bday w a group of twst enjoyers the other day life is good#technically tmr for my time but ill probs draw something then aswell <33#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst#kalim al asim#twst fanart#twst kalim#ANYTHING FOR THIS GUY!!!#RUINED MY LIFE FOR 3 YEARS NOW#HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE#can u believe hes the reason why i got into the game#and hes the reason i stayed#he literally changed my life wtf
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"are you asking me or making me?" is soooooo interesting to me because i think armand only asks it when he can't gauge whether he's letting louis down. it's barely even sexual - it's a hail mary. it's a show of trust, indirectly admitting that he wants to do something other than what louis expects of him, but that he's willing to obey louis anyway, for the sake of their relationship. it's sort of heartbreaking watching them at the sacré-cœur, because if louis had said "i'm making you" armand would've done it in a heartbeat. he would've taken it as a show of committment on louis' part, and he wouldn't have betrayed him. but louis takes the question just as an expression of disagreement, and so he doesn't play the game. ironically, he respects armand's independence too much to make him turn madeleine if he doesn't want to. and so armand isn't convinced of louis' commitment to him, and he betrays him.
and by the time we see them in san fransisco, louis knows what the question means now, and answers "no, arun, i'm not asking" without question. and armand accepts it without complaint, even as it pains him. companionship really is the most important thing in the world to armand, just like it is for lestat, and he's willing to do any number of horrible things to louis and himself just to keep him as a companion, just like lestat. louis' biggest mistake is not realising how to use that to his advantage sooner.
#iwtv#loumand#thunder rambles#it really makes me hysterical because louis just wants to fuck around and find himself now here come exclusivity and#amatanormativity to ruin it all. move‼‼#i havent known peace since i saw that reddit post calling lestat's behaviour in s1 'jobless behaviour'. all the vampires really hate louis#for having friends and hobbies and theyre gonna make it his problem if it kills them#anyway yeah. i really really believe this. armand knew he had a loose grip on louis at best#and i think he never wouldve sold louis out if louis had made him turn madeleine. ironically#louis' biggest crime is uhhh respecting armand's disagreement with him. and having a life outside of him (claudia and madeleine)#that he wants to flourish#its so sad though because its all in service of ruining the family dynamic anyway#louis is feeling the walls closing in on him and claudia and so he elects to let her go n for claudia to have her trad 1-on-1 companionship#with madeleine#and after this he intends to commit to armand in much the same way.#its sad because how are the only two options 'monogamous partnership' and 'coven cult'.#louis should be able to have his sister-daughter-throw pillow AND his daughter-creation-in-law#AND fuck anyone and everyone he wants AND maintain very sincere connections to other vampires without it necessiatating#a companionship#the true villain of iwtv is the lack of relationship anarchy you heard it here first folks#interview with the vampire
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happy april fools here's a dumbass drawing i never finished
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#ruin eclipse#yes they r in the magnet pose. and yes thats vital information#i thought it would be funny to have them not look at each other at all. unfortunately i got very bored with drawing the other hand#iirc i drew this around the end of last year? so its a few months old by now#anyway did u know there's gonna be a solar eclipse this month? this isnt even a prank you can look this up rn. april 8th solar eclipse. wow.#bw eclipse#eclipse
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It's Team Erza’s turn for the Friendship Sleep Pile
Whoever laid down first is a mystery. Lucy's bed probably shouldn't be this large, but that's the magic of friendship.
#fairy tail#htryds#team erza#they don't have an official name but they're a team now whoops#aka team galuna accidentally made us a team#lucy heartfilia#erza scarlet#jellal fernandes#gray fullbuster#pencil's art tag#they never got the nap they deserved after galuna#but this is probably after some other mundane job#yes they all painted each others nails before this#let them be domestic I say#jerza if you squint#but its all platonic in nature here#jellal and erza can sleep bonelessly anywhere#tower side effect that works well for mage work and sleep piles#gray and lucy are just adapting quickly#also shoutout to the discord for enabling me to give gray hot pink nails#he shall rock them until he inevitably ruins them with fighting
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My personal headcanon for Bonnie is that he's basically just Dan from Ninja Sex Party
None of you can change my mind
#ive literally been listening to NSP and Starbomb all day because of this#this is now the ONLY way i can imagine glamrock bonnie#its SO funny#fnaf security breach#ruin dlc spoilers#ruin spoilers#security breach ruin#ruin dlc#fnaf ruin#glamrock animatronics#glamrock bonnie#glamrock freddy#glamrock chica#roxanne wolf#montgomery gator#fnaf sb#fanart#shitpost#ninja sex party#nsp#danny sexbang#bonnie sexbang#its canon#in my heart
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I started doodling greek gods, it's over for me. I have to accept that I'm officially addicted to epic the musical
#doodle dump#epic the musical#athena#4 years.... 4 years only doodling random stfuff#now look at me drawing again#this one is only sketch BUT I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO WORK ON SOMETHING???#2019 dorothy is back lord have mercy on me#going back to drawing made me remember how much I hate painting#Im working on something that look almost exactly as I pictured BUT I CANT PAINT FOR SHIT#I just know the second i put some colors it will ruin the drawing#maybe I should turn all my works on coloring book typa shit so other people can paint for me lol#went in a long rant about something unrelated to the doodle aint that amazing#btw this is my first time drawing an owl and im actually proud#(also unrelated but GOD have i missed posting random shit and then going onto long rants on the tags)#back to epic the musical: sometimes I'll be listening to some song and just think “wow i could do a funny comic about this-”#LIKE HOW TF AM I BACK TO THIS?? ITS HAMILTON ALL OVER AGAIN I NEED REHAB CALL THE POLICE CALL THE CHURCH CALL MY THERAPIST
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taco and mephone have fascinating parallels more people could explore if taco haters weren't biased cowards
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#ii taco#ii mephone4#dare i maintag this. watever#like taco haters r obsessed with the idea that taco is ruining herself worse and dragging everyone down with her#when shes literally just doing the challenge mephone created and even changes her intentions on hosting the challenge partway through#bc shes REALIZING how badly everyones been affected by the show just as she was#and she uses the attention she now has and urges them to leave and escape because she doesnt want anyone to end up like her#she believes shes past saving Yes#but thats exactly why shes trying to help the others avoid getting to the extent shes gone#meanwhile even when getting his wrongdoings slapped in his face mephone doubles down bc thats all he knows#thats all he feels safe with. he cant let himself trust and be vulnerable and its ruining his life and all his relationships along with him#it says SO MUCH about both mephones and tacos arcs that MEPAD. the one whos been inseparable to mephone from the Start#is seeing more hope of improvement in TACO than mephone#taco the infamous villain to everyone since s1. since before mepad was ever conscious#if anything mephone is the one ruining himself in denial and hurting others in the process#and im not saying that to vilify mephone either !!!! before you 0 nuance bitches come in#if it wasnt obvious from my entire page i LOVE mephone and i LOVE where theyre taking his character. make that man Worse ❤️#but i feel like so many ppl are just projecting mephones arc onto taco bc they dont wanna admit mephone has Issues
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Before an after.
How do you create one of the worse sequels I have ever seen? Welp, Love Never Dies is probably the perfect example. I could rant for hours about that.
I think my relationship with it is the purest form of a love-hate relationship, as it's so bad it's almost funny. If anyone wants to know, shoot me an ask, and I will explain whyyyyyyy
*takes breath*
Anyway, I drew Nightmare in the Red Death Outfit from the Masquerade scene, and ohhhhhh, I love ittttt. Yet another outfit that the movie didn't do justice, seeing it on stage was fantastic!! And it's actually a reference to another book called "The Masquerade of the Red Death" and it is essentially a huge FU to everyone at the party.
I'm gonna say it againnn anyone who's a fan of the movie should listen to the 25th anniversary sound track, my poor gf has had to listen to me rambling about it lol.
Original cross jakei95
Original Dream and Nightmare by jokublog
Crossover is by me
And @zu-is-here you asked me to tag you, here you go!
#undertale au#my art#undertale multiverse#shipping#sansest#cross x dream#dream x cross#sanscest#so in this sequel#they not only ruined the characters of all 3 leads#but utterly recked the story of the original#turned the story about death and love and manipulation into a lame love triangle#need i remind you that eric was only a love intrest till half way though thr original play#from that point onwards he was rhe villain#and roual no#look how they massacred my boy#the sweet and loveing man who practically begged christen to let him die and save himself#oh hes an alcoholic now cuz that makes sense#this story was all because Andrew Loid Webber was self inserting himself hard into eric#and once you notice it its so obvious that is all it is#dont even get my started on meg everything about the twist with meg ruins the ending kfnthe original#dreammare#the phantom of the opera cross over#cross over#the slap fight is mostly a joke#but if anyone has watched devil take the hindmost then youll know this is the exact vibe it gives off#also i wanna clarify that there is nothing wrongggg with liking it#like its very much a fanfiction#no denying its flaws but if you wanted Christine to ens up with phantom here you go
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Cursed au where before transmigration shen yuan was OBSESSED with tomodachi life and miitopia with luo binghe as the primary mii that he spoiled to death. He didn't use any QR codes, this binghe mii is crafted by his own two hands with PERFECTION. And no!!! He's not sharing his QR code on the forums!!!
#in tomodachi life he would simply fail or ruin all the confession scenes when other miis would try to get with the binghe mii.#its obvsy cuz he cant decide which is the best mii to match up with!!! no other reason.#not sure if sy would make a mii of himself#but if he did he would “accidentally” level up the relationship meter to max level in miitopia and get the “soulmates” title and freak out.#bad sy!mii!!! banned to room with the airplane mii that literally has an airplane for a face!!!#when he transmigrates into sqq amd keeps accidnetally experimenting to see what foods lbh likes like he's a mii in tomodachi life lmaooooo#do you see the vision?? the weird parasocial nature of miis????#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#throwaway post#now i wanna replay these stupid little mii games😭😭
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I think some people need the reminder that you can just not like things. For whatever reason. You don't need to justify things you don't like to anyone, as long as you're not making people feel bad for liking it.
You're able to not like something, but that doesn't make it weird.
You're able to not like that people like something, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people (within reason of course)
And it's also important to remember that you may like something that other people don't like. That doesn't mean they have a personal vendatta against you for liking it.
That doesn't mean you're wrong, nor are they wrong.
People have preferences for everything. Just because you prefer something, that doesn't mean you're "right". This is fandom, there are very few things that even have a "right" and "wrong" side.
#rambles#okay getting off my soap box now#i was just reminded of a debate earlier that rubs me the wrong way#its fandom#have fun#but dont let your fun ruin other peoples#you can have boundaries without attacking people#you can have defenses and opinions without putting people down#you dont have to justify your existance in fandom and neither does anyone else#live and let live#all of these guys that we're obsessing over (in the rottmnt fandom atleast) are fictional#if you dont like something dont read it#but that doesnt mean others cant enjoy it#tag your shit and respect people's boundaries
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Fromsoft legit just made us the villain of the DLC huh
#i fail to see the issue with miqs age of compassion#its fucking stupid and ass writing sure#but if retcon rad consented then that really takes away a lot of the subtextual 'evil' behind miq reviving him and backpacking#especially since this is now something that miq had been working towards all his life as well as all the other good he's done in the LB#he truly just wanted a gentler world where all are loved#and we're here to ruin it#uri posts#miquella
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