#dont hit me w it either
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homie smilin but i think he bout to shit himself...
this is the face of a deadman n he feels it 20mins?
W THAT????
HE BETTER HOPE MY DUDE
#anime#jjk#gojo satoru#season 2 episode 8#i thought it was funny#queued#i dont care to remember volcano mans name#dont hit me w it either
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AURGH auwarghh the autistic parental trauma... the epi was wacky hijinks then dropped this on us out of nowhere... (sobs) laios... laiiiiooooos
#he just like me fr#dungeon meshi#laios touden#actuallyautistic#aphelion.txt#dunmeshi#laios#autism things#im definitely chewing on that marcille lore/angst too but the laios nightmare sequence hit close to home!!#dont think falin had a great relationship with their parents either#i mean aside from being willing to abandon her in the dream. idk if that's 100% accurate to how they acted.#it didnt seem like her affinity for ghosts was gonna go down real good in that flashback#also i need to write that post abt how falin has girl autism (dont ask me what that means unless you want to enter an unskippable cutscene)#actually its pretty easy to hit most dunmeshi chars w the hammer of autism laios is just the most obvious#senshi hyperfixating and having meltdowns (Waterwalk Incident.) and low empathy for people until he's gotten Attached#i need to go find that post someone made about chilchuck being the token allistic it was so fucking funny#i have like 3 more dunmeshi autism metas in my mental queue apparently. please make me shut up
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I need people to realize how horrible 'stalking/constant surveillance/breaking into each other's homes is how the Batfamily show love' is. Like i really need someone to just acknowledge how horrific saying this bullshit is.
Like even fics where they're shown as happy and healthy and with good ties, you've always got this thing where none of them have privacy or any boundaries with each other. Which is directly antithetical to actually having good relationships. And this invasion via hacking and stalking and breaking into homes is portrayed as a positive, good thing; it's just how they show love and care to each other, after all. But for some reason I just personally don't find stalking, lack of privacy or boundaries, and emotional manipulation funny, endearing, or healthy, and just end up disgusted at the attempt to sweep it all under the rug.
#my dc posting#dc#batman#batfamily#jason todd#barbara gordon#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#listen i can only take so much of it before i just breakdown okay#apparently controversial opinion but a family where its normal to vreak into each others homes and manipulate each other and stalk and#invade boundaries and autonomy and privacy can NOT be healthy#no matter how much you try to dress it up all cute w 'this is just how they are' 'its how they show their love' its never not gonna be#unhealthy and bad and toxic#like yeah they do do that. they are like that. either acknowledge it or stop trying to justify it#god this actually irks me so much#i try to idk. suspend my disblief but theres only so much i can actuallt fucking take before just#its just. im trying to read happy fluffy fics. but i cant be comforted by a family that normalizes breaking boundaries n invading privacy#and its specifically that the author aleays disregards it. instead of fixing it or making it better they opt to keep it and come up w excuse#s for it#and thats what actually triggers me#'i broke into ur house cus if i asked if i could come over ud say no' is actuallt fucking horrifying stop trying to make it seem loving???#im writing this while having a panic attack dont mind me 👍#but its like. if you can write the batfam w/o bruce hitting his kids or any other horrific thing that they do#then why must you keep the boundary&privacy breaking? why cant anyone even seemingly try to write a batfam#where theyve worked their issues abt this out best they can n have healthy established boundaries w each other??#like if u can write them all hanging out together 24/7 n bruce being s good dad why is this one simple thing the One Thing#nobody even tries to address properly???#'aw dick broke into jason's saehouse bc he wanted to hangout but jason would say no if he asked' aw. maybe dick should learn 'no means no'
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i get sooo crazy abt characters i find even slightly relatable
#sif hits way too many marks i go soo crazy#like wym.. WYM..!!!!#nb... french...... short... ocd/anxiety..... left eye troubles........#not only french but disconnected from it...#he cant judge distance and i cant either hahaha dont throw things at me i will drop it#(odile is also super relatable i love her. but more in a . im gay. way-)#ALSO I SHARE A BIRTHDAY W/ SIF !!! SEPTEMBRE FIRST BÉBÉ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mona’s self liner notes for fukutsu no idol!
This song was the first of my new songs to be released. I sang it with many thoughts and feelings about everyone I know and everything I’ve gone through up till now in mind. I really love the MV and my costume too. I did fret about how well the song would be received, but I was really happy to receive many comments about how excited people were for my album♡
#yesssss just as expected~~~~~ zakenna’s tomorrow then~~~ hoping for direct mitsuki refs go!!!!!#‘w e l l ackshually chozetsukawaii came first but if we count the koishiteru album whipped cream was first—’ shush u mona’s word is ✨law✨#she’s so right though the mv for fukutsu no idol is g o r g e o u s#the utamonamikoto date image in the mv was super cute too~~ as was the mitsumona moments~~#it’s a real pity that uta and mikoto didnt show up in the omaemo mv though…#then again we all know that they dont even need to offer treasures to mona to win her over~~ no. 2 monacas fr (no. 1 is sena ofc)#mona’s self liner notes 2: extra cute boogaloo#narumi mona#(hmmmm. thinking of compiling these in an image collection once all 10 songs have been released tbh. we shall see~)#(i say 10 bc idt the bonus truck will be featured in these lmao. sisxlove didnt get self liner notes either sooooo)#(hm. well. thoughts about stuff like that is future me’s problem ig… that loser can deal with the decisions + typesetting + stuff lmaoooo)#(thou g h im thinkin of hitting the town tomorrow to pick up more manga… maybe i’ll get to see mona album in the wild again… just kidding~)#(guess that’s another decision for future me to make~~~~~~~~)
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It's midnight so I'm gonna ramble again but about animation/cartoons as a whole included with my lack of knowledge about the industry
A few weeks ago, I remember watching some video about Cartoon Network or something and the guy doing the essay mentioned something like "With the rise of streaming and online as a whole, there is a loss of connection with parents and their kids because back then, you could watch the same cartoon with your kids and recognize who that is". They absolutely did not say those exact words but something along the lines of it, and it's stuck to me for days because it's true! Like I don't think kids nowadays have that kind of connection other than theatrical kids movies, which sucks I think moments like these are precious to have.
Another thing is that I think people kind of underestimate how popular cartoon/2d/3d shows are with adults? Especially young adults because the people who grew up with like, 1990s-2010s shows are probably mostly grown adults now. Probably the best recent example of this is Adventure time and how (I think) big Fionna and Cake is. Like I could go on Twitter and be spoiled hell and back on the newest episodes LOL. How about Owl House and Infinity Train? Bluuey too?? I don't know, but with the writers strike and how swept under the rug animation is, especially on streaming, it just kind of sucks where the current state of animation is right now for everyone as a whole
#quick one (compared to my other rambles LMAOOO)#but yeah it kinda sucks. like after fionna and cake. what else am i gonna be looking forward to?#like back in 2015 or something. i had so many shows to look forward to for airing#gravity falls. adventure time. steven universe. star vs. mirabug (unfortunately)#maybe ive grown up and i dont keep in touch anymore but now the only show i have to look forward to is fionna and cake. but then what?#any new shows are just gonna get shut down after season 1-2 (INSIDE JOBBB I WONT FORGET YOU)#and old shows getting reboots are either gonna suck (fairly odd parents) or have no chance at all of being picked up again (INFINITY TRAINN#in exchange of easy to access shows and the loss of tv. the industry has gone haywire with new shows#in hopes to get that one hit show. and it sucks w the rate of how many of these r coming out#many of the shows are left under the rubble if they dont get enough interest. even those that r popular OWL HOUSE#sorry i rambled in here too :skull: but it makes me sad bc i love cartoons so much#etc#diary
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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my mom keeps listing off things i need to do and accusatorily asking why i never do anything like art anymore n i am just. so exhausted. ive never been more tired i just want to burrow myself in the earth n disappear in the cold dirt
#i dont have energy for art and i honestly never have#ive never been creative#drawing sucks everything out of me and it takes me hours what it does other people a few minutes#i wasnt built for it either maybe#everything about living is so difficult for me#i cant even b loose and doodle#it doesnt happen#how can i think i was made to live when i cant even make art#silly joyful moments everyone else can#nothing feels good to me#except being with my boyfriend#im scared im gonna ruin everything#if not already w the way i look#then with how useless n empty n just snapping at everything to go away i get when im lost those bad things#ive never felt safe with anyone before so maybe itll be different but still im Scared#& on my own . its always the same its always tainted w that ache that dirty stain on everything that hits like nails being driven into me#i cant go shopping#i cant listen to music#i cant feel the sun on me or listen to birds#i cant look at water#i cant go grocery shopping#i cant even hear the sound of metal cutlery#only 1 second and im gone#lost in the agony n dizziness#i want to think i can escape it i can get better#but i dont know if i can#or how much false hope i can keep forcing myself through#it always comes back to me#no matter how much i hide n avoid it all#because im the problem
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there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"
#ARE THEY STUPID!#dr who#this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao#m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle#until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head#bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such'#cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad.#i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but#first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE#two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her#or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine#Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this#went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING#THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.?????#you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce#ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues'#funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this#absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that#flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system#bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol#tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving#martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2#if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime#together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth#as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character#shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons#why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings)#if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation#ten and martha#aspec doc tag
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reading a medical document about indications for hospitalisation for anorexia and realising i hit multiple of the suggested criteria aaaaaaa
#certainly the blood pressure and heart rate stuff last week falls into that category but bc it dropped just enough my doctor was okay w it#but ig if its like that this week Well#Hm#anyway.#tw ed#my parents i think are somewhat scared because this is the worst theyve seen me#like im refusing SO much bc i cant handle it and i feel so awful#personal#prayer request#ig??? if you would#prayers that the medical team choose the best things for to happen for me ig#like i would describe it as uncontrollable at this point it no longer feels like a choice#like sooner and sooner lately i run into a wall that is just a big NOPE#not even 'i will eat this and feel horribly guilty' but 'i Cannot Eat This'#ive been getting more actively distressed about eating as well#i dont even understand why im hitting the medical indications either like ive been havingpretty close to recomended intake i think#idk whats happening and i am losing control#( <- chronic not acute sense)#(do not worry for me in the immediate short-term)
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wanted to share an almost full-body pic for the first time in probably almost a decade because for once I'm actually proud of how I'm progressing and think that the changes I'm making will end up being permanent bc I'm genuinely enjoying them. Plus, the few selfies I have shared over the last five years have been very photoshopped and at flattering angles, so I feel like most of y'all don't know what I actually look like. So this is me in my children's theater teacher fit last monday!
I'm 17 lbs down from my highest ever weight, but my trainer thinks I'm probably up at least ten to fifteen lbs in muscle. I'm cooking my own food, eating more reasonable portions, and going to the gym at least five times a week because I want to, not because I feel shame or guilt. And now that I'm working as hard as I am, I'm a lot less triggered by looking at new pictures of myself because I know I'm doing my best. I'm still obese, and probably will be for awhile more, but I'm starting to appreciate what I look like and feel like. And hopefully it'll just get better from here!
#weight loss cw#sorry if this sounds super corny lmao#I probably sound so neurotypical rn but I swear I'm being totally honest#I'm obviously not turning this into a weight loss blog or anything but expect a lot more documentation of my journey going forward!#and if you don't like seeing this stuff I recommend blocking my 'personal' tag because I'm going to be talking about this a lot#I've struggled with my weight since premature puberty hit me like a truck in 4th grade so this is a big deal for me#I just wish my pediatrician hadn't treated me like shit for it because maybe if she'd approached me with compassion#I wouldn't have spun off the rails as much as I did#but either way I'm a grown ass adult and I did this to myself#so I'm the only one who can get me out of it#if you're also fat or fatter than I am please dont take it personally#but for me fatness is a physical manifestation of my long term neglect for my health and struggle w mental illness#and I want to get better#personal
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idk what ramadan is gonna look like for me this year lol
#z.gen#i try to be more on my deen and i will do it this year#like hitting all of my prayers when i normally hit like 3/5 etc#no substances which fluctuates yearly since being calisober is what got me off other drugs but should be fine this yr#a lot of people wont listen to music either but i honestly dont listen to it much during the day regardless#having a very night time schedule is helpful during ramadan#i think im gonna try and focus on establishing all of my prayers#i dont really care to talk about my faith much cause its so genuinely no ones business#but i am muslim i just dont follow the practices of any of the four major sunni schools strongly for other reasons#im not shia either tho... looking#none of it matters rn cause i cant fast anyway LOL but its okay#its just like. kind of hard to celebrate islam with whats going on in palestine#like a lot of my fellow muslims get really obsessed w the aesthetics#but the month is about refraining from worldly desires and practing restraint and is generally anti consumerism#so its like. idk if i care for fun silly ramadan recipes. im gonna try to organize stuff with my mosque again inshallah
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so now im sure she is the one who has been sending me anon hate about me being ugly.... 💀
#she said things like oh i would never send anon hate to anyone!!!#but ig ppl just say anything and then do it anyway 💀#ppl will just lie and pretend to be your friend to then use your insecurities against u#if she acted like a grown up and talked to me i wouldve listened#but that wouldve required her to listen to me tooand not just judge me#and ig she couldnt do that#so she took the easy route#like if i explained to her that yeah i felt abandoned by u bc u just stopped talking to me as soon as u got a bf#and then i kept talking to that guy bc of these reasons where i wanted to see if i could pick up on signs#bc being abused by my bf is one of my biggest fears i have#and she wouldve said iget that but i still feel uncomfortable. then i couldve listened to hger and decided if i wanted to keep making her#uncomfortable and hurt her or just stop. but she didnt say anything or try to communicate or listen#and now to see what a fucking shallow narrow minded view she has#is frustrating bc she hadnt even tried to talk or understand or communicate or explain her side#which is like ok that sucks but whatever i will just let it go#but then she keeps sending me hate abt what i confided to her abt and talk shit abt me and it is like#can u just let it go#just stop everything. lets just pretend we have never known eo or talked at all#anyway ig i dont wanna be friend w a woman who invalidates founded fears#like shes just the kind of woman who would tell her friends that#oh yeah your bf hit u just bc he loves u stop complaining!!#so ig this is good either way but like. ig she just assumes i was flirting behind her back#bc she cant comprehend a woman only being friendly with a guy#and like i didnt keep telling that guy im already in love w someone lmao 💀💀#gosh...disappointing. people are so disappointing#and childish and shallow and narrow minded. yikes
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hey boss, any thoughts on the upcoming elden ring dlc? ur fromsoft takes are always enlightened
dont quote me on this but i thjnk miquella might be in it.
#MORE SERIOUS ANSWER: i still havent played it but since this was sent to me before it came out i assume its ok to just#write out my general thoughts. its sweet of u to say that my takes are enlightened btw haha im glad u think so.. that being said i#i dont think i have anything to say that hasnt been said already#the story trailer is soooooo. aughghh#the thing im most excited abt is the high probability that it sheds some light on the past of TLB like other fromsoft dlcs tend to do#also the equally high probability of getting more of st trina.... everyone and their mom has always been curious abt all that cut content#and if theyd ever explore it some more in the future#seeing omen-like horns in the trailer and promo material n such is especially intriguing to me bc im rlly invested in that side of the lore#(i love my grandpa who beats me with a stick)#and im still hoping that theres a crumb of shadow (as in. the wolves) content in there but it seems highly unlikely now haha#new weapons and gorgeous views to uncover & music are always exciting ofc. and so are the new npcs i hope at least one of em is either#a sweetheart i'll fall in love with or a freak i wont be able to stop thinking abt. fromsoft characters hit different#i have some concerns as well though. specifically gameplay-wise: i rlly hope that the map isnt too big bc while i LOVED er i still have my#qualms w/ some open-world scope problems it suffers from. mainly the reuse of certain enemies & minibosses. in the grand scheme of things#its not that big of a deal but i really hope that they took their sweet time working on smth smaller#n didnt spread themselves too thing ykwim#bc if they make me fight 20 more tree asylum demons and those loathesome root worms i might just cry LOL#er spoilers#ps sorry for the super late reply!!
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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re prev disclaimer i dont go here* and am one of the people just tuning in with popcorn
#origibberish#*i enjoy watching celebrity beef but dont follow either of them#id heard the shit abt drake and never rlly liked his music afaik anyways#and kendrick lamar ive just kinda. heard his name before yknow#i tried listening to 6 16 and meet the grahams today but the style just really doesnt hit for me#but i read the lyrics for em so w/e#i have audio processing issues so i wasnt getting any of the words listening to it anyways
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