#i dont care to remember volcano mans name

[rodent-king-buunii]

homie smilin but i think he bout to shit himself...

this is the face of a deadman n he feels it 20mins?

W THAT????

HE BETTER HOPE MY DUDE

[himbo-kuto]

i saw this screencap from the manga and knew IMMEDIATELY that i would have to write a lil headcanon of aone and his turtle. he is literally the most precious person who deserves the whole entire world.

i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!

genre: fluff, wholesomeness, a whole baked bean, college!au pairing: aone x gn!reader word count: 2k warning: language

okay so you ended up being roommates with aone, futakuchi, and mai when you ended up transferring colleges last minute and needed housing

you saw that they had an empty spot and with time not being on your side, you decided to take the opportunity!! apt 205 squad!!

at first you kind of felt left out since they all knew each other from date tech but you soon warmed up to futakuchi since you had a few classes with him and mai because well-- you guys shared a room

HOWEVER!! one person you couldn’t seem to get close to was a man by the name of takanobu aone-- lemme tell u sumn about this Baked Bean

whenever you tried to interact with him, all he would do is 👁 👄 👁  or just Grunt in response

you were a bit discouraged because you thought he didn’t like you so you shied away from talking to him again :(

but futakuchi was quick to ensure you that was just his way of communicating and that he was actually really engaged in the conversation 

“oh yeah, he’s a great listener-- i talk to him for hours and he just sits and listens”

“ok futakuchi-san, but have you considered that you talk Too much for your own good?”

he gave you the finger for that one

but omg the first time aone Spoke to you????? rocked ur mf world-- what the Heck!!

you were in the mood to bake some cookies and were looking for the big mixing bowls but you just remembered that futakuchi used it to try and make a baking soda volcano 

why??? who knows but all you do know is that he put it ALL the way on the top shelf-- and for what????

but u know-- bein dumb as dirt u tried to use a swivel chair to try and reach for them

and of course it was all the way in the back like wtf curse these tall men-- 

and so you got on your tippy toes and right as you were about to reach it, Of Course the chair decided to turn 

and u were 🤏🏼 this close to eating shit but thanks to the one-- the only-- tol angel baby aone, he stopped the chair dead in its tracks just in time for you to regain your balance

“are you okay?”

you were so shook (one from almost breaking your face and two-- AONE JUST SPOKE AND SAVED YOU!!!) 

at first you just stood there blinking down at him with the bowls in your arms like hinata season 4, episode 15 - 15:37

he held up his arms to you and you blushed so hard because was he really about to carry you down????

but before your mind had anytime to roam, he pointed to the bowls and you realized with your real eyes that you were not the one to whom he was referring to 

it wasn’t long until you got over your initial iron wall with aone (…. 😏)  and he actually ended up being someone you hung out with on a regular basis

mai was always out studying for her practicals in the library while futakuchi… well.. who even knows what the heck that man is up to..

but ANYWAYS!! you guys would hang out mostly in the living room to watch TV, do homework and eat meals-- he always helped you with your math homework and you helped him with his architecture models!! 

you didn’t really know what he liked to watch but he didn’t seem to oppose whatever you had on-- however, you Did notice that whenever you put on volleyball he stared very intensely at the TV only stopping when commercials came on

aone Always ate your home cooked meals without fail

literally such a sweet and appreciative boy as opposed to futakuchi who would complain but one time aone gave him That Look™️ and he shut right the fuck up

that day forward futakuchi ate all your meals like a good boy

aone has also become very protective of you-- in high school, he may have locked onto the aces of the other teams, but in college he locked onto his close friends to make sure they were safe

one time you guys got onto a cramped bus to go grocery shopping and all it took was this creepo man to just Look at you the wrong way for aone to stand right in front of you and shoot this man a death glare that said “if you even think about touching her i’ll put you into the ground” 

HE MAY HAVE A HEART OF GOLD BUT DONT MESS WITH THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT OR ELSE IT’S HANDS 

but know this ladies, gents and my non-binary friends, we MOST DEFINITELY sit next to aone on the bus and engage in the best of conversations because tHATS WHAT THIS MAN DESERVES!!!!!!!!! 

not to mention all the times he has saved you due to your clumsiness and overall single brain cell fueled activities 

one fateful day you were sitting in the living room as you saw aone come home with a whole bag of groceries

he didn’t put them into the communal fridge so you were a bit confused as to why he took them straight into his room

you weren’t one to just bust in there to try and find out so later when you guys were eating dinner you asked him what he bought at the store

he listed off a bunch of produce and then said that they were for his turtle!!!!

you were all !!?!?!??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 TURTLE?????? WHERE??? HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN HERE??? CAN I SEE THEM?

he goes on to tell you that he’s had the turtle ever since they all moved in!! but it never came up in conversation so you never knew until now

him and futakuchi rescued the turtle but when they tried to let them go, they didn’t go anywhere so they kept them!! 

so after dinner you both quickly washed the dishes, and he brought you into their room to show you his turtle

you were honestly a bit nervous going into their room-- like what were you to expect??? was it going to be messy?? stinky?? clean??? were there any secrets????

but to your surprise it was fairly clean and simple-- even futakuchi’s side (which you assumed was aone’s doing)

you looked around his room to find all these old pictures of date tech on the wall, many of them with futakuchi and mai

there was even a photo of all the third years clinging to aone like koalas on a tree and though his expression was faint, you could tell that he was happy

it warmed your heart to see that he got along with his teammates and held these memories close to him-- they accepted him for who he was and that was more than enough for you

he also had plethora of architecture books on his shelves which made you wonder why he picked that major in the first place

but you shrugged it off as you looked over to his desk

there was a table next to it with an enclosure and a cute little turtle sunbathing underneath a lamp inside

you scurried over to the tank, getting down on your knees to get eye level with the animal while you slowly brought your face to the glass  

the turtle was half curled into its shell, looking up at you as he gave you a slow blink

you could’ve sworn you felt your heart explode and melt all at once in that Exact moment

you looked up at aone with 🥺 eyes before looking back to reptile to see them poking their head out to fully greet you 

you squealed internally as you wiggled your finger as your salutations

“do they have a name?” 🥺 

“ichigo-desu...” (strawberry)

you thought your heart exploded before?????????????

oh bitch you felt like you were about to go into full blown cARDIAC ARREST MY G O D!!!!!!

“did futakuchi name them?”

“no i did…”

you literally hunched over, and leaned onto the desk for support as your heart was filled with his soft boy energy because there was no wAY!!! DID AONE JUST NAME THIS TURTLE ICHHHIGOOOO BITCHHH AHHH

but lowkey aone was also being filled with your soft energy and got all blushy-- but thank god you were too occupied by his turtle to notice

“do you want to feed him a strawberry? it’s his dinner time too”

you could not have said yes faster to this man 

he went into his personal fridge and there you saw all the groceries he had earlier that day!! he pulled out a single strawberry before handing it over to you

he walked over to the tank and cautiously pulled out ichigo before placing them on the ground

HOWEVERRRRRR!! what came next you didn’t expect at all

he walked around so that he was behind you, gingerly reached for your hand and guided you to hold the strawberry out for ichigo 

ichigo craned their neck in the sight of the fruit and started chowing down

and by God you hoped that aone could not hear your loud ass heartbeat and see your red ass face-- (you were surprised that ichigo wasn’t going after you since your face might as well have been a strawberry)

you two sat in a comfortable silence as you watched the little reptile enjoy his dinner 

as ichigo drew closer to the leafy bit, you wanted to ask aone if he was allowed to eat that part 

so you turned your head to the side to speak but immediately closed your mouth as aone’s face was only centimeters away from yours 

you thought you were red back then???? bitch buckle up cause we’re reaching a new LEVEL of red

at that moment you were no think, no thought, head EMPTY as you just stared at his profile 

all of his features were strong... the bridge of his nose, his jawline, his expression-- he himself was a strong man and you just wondered how all this soft, fluffy, wholesomeness was packed into this 192cm man

and just as you relaxed into this position

FUTAKUCHI BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING JUST TALKIN OUT OF HIS ASS 

at first he’s so absorbed into his own conversation that he doesn’t even notice you guys in that position

but when he does??? it’s like those moments in animes where you’re all chibitized and you just have circle eyes and a blank expression o_o

you IMMEDIATELY come to your senses, releasing the rest of the strawberry and aone’s hand

if you could peace fade in this moment, you would’ve definitely flashed futakuchi a duces

but alas, you could not..

so you scrambled to your feet-- but not before thanking aone for letting you meet his turtle-- and RAN out TF of that room heart a BEEATTINN

from that day on, you visited aone and his turtle a lot more-- even going so far as buying things for ichigo!!

“hey aone-san, did ichigo like the squash i cooked?”

“mm.”

“hey aone-san, does ichigo like the new hide?”

“mm.”

“look aone-san! he can’t grip onto the cherry tomato!! it keeps rolling around!”

“mm.”

many of your conversations went along like that and he always appreciated the amount of effort you put into them

he wasn’t a man of many words but did his best to make sure you knew that he was listening and engaged

at one point mai and futakuchi said that “he has spoken more words to you in these past few months than he has with us in 3 years”

you were surprised but also flattered by the fact that aone was comfortable enough to open up and have conversation with you 

although it was a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, you were glad that you became a part of the 205 squad! it was you, aone, futakuchi, mai and ichigo against the world!!

[theangrypokemaniac]

its fine if you dont like alola but can you not make incest jokes?

I'm not joking. I'm serious.

Alola, or, as I prefer, La Boca del Infierno, ain't all sunshine and smiles as it pretends. Beneath that plastic exterior lies true darkness.

What am I meant to think when I see this?

There's swimming pools bigger than the gene pools down their way!

Although described as 'twins', it's really triplets, but Lana suffers a prematurely ageing growth abnormality.

Children I expect to bear a similarity to their parents, but the moms 'n' dads ain't meant to look like each other!

Everyone here has blue barnets and Inside-Out Eye, where the pupil's the white and the white's the pupil.

Sight defects are notorious in the 'close-knit' communities.

Each insists on hair decoration, but it's almost part of their heads, which you can call bad animation or deformity resulting from too much intermarriage.

Momma's 'thing' just resembles lumps.

It's them space ticks at it again.

Even the hedgehog is round in this house, which may imply he's an illegitimate offspring of one of 'em.

What about inbreeding suggests practitioners won't stoop to even greater infamy?

Stufful's dad never arrived did he?

Funny that, and a bachelor like Oakie-Dokie residing nearby knew nothing about it.

All that bathing in Cuprenol does terrible things to a man.

Ever wondered what'd go down in the marriage of Tweedledum and Tweedledee? Well here you are, yer deviant.

A pair of pudding-faced, gormless Cabbage Patch Dolls, each with snouts, black button eyes and glandular issues, and they don't share DNA even when they do?

Oh yes, Lusamine met a total stranger also possessing her lime pies and effusive mane of unruly, ice-blonde slats.

Total coincidence there.

He came to Alola, he says. On a prison ship.

It's just one head in triplicate!

Oversized an' all: sure sign of genetic tomfoolery.

Dot Nose, Bridge Nose, Fish Eye: bloody serious case we have on our hands.

Now you understand why she failed to remarry: no other brothers cuts yer options ter nil.

Incest is of course, relative.

Whatever dæmon they worship, some are more pious about it than their fellow perverts.

The more dedicated the believer, the greater insistence on keeping things running in the family.

They'll show off their interwoven connections to the neighbours in a smug game of one-upmanship.

The more lapsed follower will tolerate copulation with distant kin.

These sinners are naturally despised and forced into menial labour, whereas the fanatics just so happen to be rolling in wealth.

Consider:

• Lana's family get by on a fisherman's salary, apparently.

Yeah, yeah, as if the state doesn't have to subsidise their medical bills.

• Sophocles don't go hungry, he has a lab, a giant hamster wheel, a portable hologram in a Pikachu, and he's so rich he not only had the roof fixed, but can move down the road in the meantime.

Oi! The rest of us get by putting a bucket under the leak!

• Lillie has every material possession possible, but no spine or company.

Oh the irony that top sickos should be so resistant to the lure of family obligation.

Hey, yer didn't say that earlier!

• Lusamine is fawned upon for her pwehshush research to the extent she can abandon her children, turning her daughter into a nervous wreck and her son a moody, absent drifter, and it's up to them to understand her work comes first.

• Mohn (by name and nature) fannied about with worm holes until he got sucked off by another dimension.

What did yer think would happen?

Yet on his return, is he knocked on his arse as he deserves?

No, because of incest privileges. The in-group take care of their own, and worse.

Mallow's mater and pater both share hair, thick brows and close-together peepers of murky green.

The contrast in noses suggests something lesser than siblings, but then again other differing aspects are forgivable.

She is of a lighter pallor, being dead, and wanting an open coffin, had a shave beforehand, which is a frightening nod to morality.

Woman, are you ashamed of our love?

Well Abe went along with it, thus is also culpable of this grotesque bristle denial.

Being unclean, he's gotta cook the dinner.

And this lot milk the cows.

On the surface, Kiawe's old 'uns aren't identical. You might think some heretical decency has finally sneaked in under the oppressive Alola regime, but it ain't that simple.

These people pray to a volcano as if an earthbound deity, so are nutters.

One aspect you must remember:

Ol' Granpappy the Island Kakuna, i.e. a dried-up chrysalis.

'Cause Pappy got Momma's tufts...

And Dadda's humourless mouth, oblong head, straight-line nose, rectangular eyes and pin pupils.

Well that's not how it's s'posed to go!

I'm thinking Granpappy, as one of them there Kakunas, is in a position of power high enough that he's able to wilfully flaut the laws he imposes on others, like how popes had kids in the Good Old Days and no one took a blind bit o' notice.

He's a rebel I tells yer.

He don't play by the rules.

No sister-wife for him.

Not when he's got a sexy cousin a-waitin'.

A little bit of new blood's crept in, disgracefully so, that's why the whole lot's punished by living near an active volcano.

Surrender 'em to the flames!

Kiawe makes such a big deal about Pappy, and sod the other three grandparents.

Except he only had two!

What is the explanation?

1. Bone-idle writing team.

Character design is foundational stuff. If yer can't even be arsed to do that properly, nothing you do is worthwhile.

I mean, come on, repeating the same model that blatantly?

Halfwits so limited in imagination shouldn't be working in any creative industries.

I blame modern diets.

A whole generation's grown up timid and risk averse because they were taught to fear E. numbers as kids.

I make it a rule to suspect any sod unaware of the joy of a blue tongue.

They've never lived, man!

Where did you think it'll end when dangerous, pretend edibles like houmous, avocados and quinoa replace the wholesome, nourishing fare of biscuits, cake and crisps?

Stop toying with the fundamental principles of the universe!

The mess of the modern era screams systematic abuse of too much kale and not enough sugar.

2. Incest

Alola is extremely insular.

It's implied to be a tourist destination, but no amount of degenerate outside influence appears to have diluted the weird customs it still upholds.

They didn't even think of starting a League until Ash turned up with all his wild exoticism, and why's that?

A. Inbreeding has destroyed their capability for innovation.

B. Many thousands of years ago, Alola got well annoyed its dirty habits weren't exactly catching on as it strove to spread the Satanic message.

Thoroughly confounded in its plans for world conquest, Alola shut itself off in a purification ritual, which is why later developments popular  elsewhere, such as replacing beasts of burden with machines, never caught on.

3. Alola isn't Hawaii, it's a combination of Australia, a penal colony, and Crete, where lived the lepers.

Specifically it's a dumping ground for all the regions' sex offenders to keep their own societies clean.

Of course, the guilty took their nearest and dearest along too, since they were on the receiving end, and loved it.

This explains the large amount of foreign Pokémon, since the owners are also from abroad.

Now I think 'anging's too good for 'em, but these wet-willy countries insist on storing up trouble for themselves, for if cinema has taught us anything, it is that mutants will always escape.

Nature finds a way, however abominable.

Since so many on Tumblr simply love Alola, they aren't about to admit the slightest weakness in the creators' abilities.

Therefore, incest is the acceptable answer to all and sundry.

[quagmireisadora]

64. For Jongkey please. Jonghyun × Key please ❤

A/N: thank you for such a sweet prompt~ hope you like ♡

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느슨하게 널 감싸네

Kibum closes his eyes to the burning building, its ashes showering his shoulders and its explosions spitting heat into his face. This all-engulfing inferno isn't unlike others, it can be extinguished. Not with any ease, he admits quietly, but it can still go out. It's possible.

When he opens his eyes again he is sitting across from Jonghyun in a meeting room. Short fingers fiddle with the corner of a thick drawing set before pushing it towards him. Kibum doesn't show eagerness, he waits until Jonghyun is fully ready to share.

"Shame it burned down," he comments when he is pouring over the detailed plans and complex sections and elaborate elevations. He thumbs through the drawings and doesn't stop until he is at the end. "Shame it had to go," he looks up at Jonghyun who looks worn out, like the fire is still blazing.

"Can you help?" he asks in the softest voice. A timid and sad voice that Kibum nearly doesn't hear. But the meeting room is quiet. The rest of the office is probably listening in and no one makes any sound, lest they miss something. "Please help," Jonghyun repeats, and he is not crying but his tone seems oddly watery.

Kibum closes his eyes and remembers other buildings that have been decimated. Some lost their roof, so he tried covering them up. Some lost their walls, so he tried holding them together. Some were showered with old panes of glass and crackling beams, so he tried to keep them upright. He tried very hard, and even when the fire was taken care of, he often failed.

This time, it's even worse. There is nothing left but concrete dust--as if the fire he witnessed was one in a line of several. As if a thousand fires have erased the structure out of existence. What can he do here? How could he help? What power does he hold against such destruction?

Eyes reopened, they are standing in ashes. Jonghyun leads the way, keeping his attention to the ground. And Kibum follows, watching his back intently. There is nothing left in this place. Even the ground is no longer hot and pulsing, it has allowed the cold air to rush in and settle. People are gathered by the safety fence around the site-- staring, whispering, pointing their fingers. People talk and shake their heads disapprovingly. Kibum turns his back on them and waits for further instructions.

"I'm scared," Jonghyun says to his feet. "What if we rebuild it... and there's another fire?"

"That's always a possibility," Kibum replies honestly. "It doesn't matter what you make. It doesn't matter how much you protect it. Everything can be destroyed."

"So..." Jonghyun looks at him with a hopeless gaze. A gaze that was once as bright and fierce as an erupting volcano, but seems to have fizzled out now. "So what if I close it up?" he asks. "What if... what if I make it the way it used to be. But I don't let anyone near it?"

"What purpose would it serve then?" Kibum reasons. "Buildings exist because we need them. For shelter, for work, for recreation. They always have a function. If you build something that means nothing..." he shakes his head. "It won't end any better."

"I don't want it to end," Jonghyun refuses, pleads. "I dont want--" he nearly takes a step back, but stray rebar catches in his pant leg and he begins to fall.

Kibum moves forward and reaches out to stop the fall, stop another fire, stop another disaster from striking. He moves, not knowing if he will make it in time. He closes his eyes and hopes he does.

When he opens his eyes--no. He doesn't open his eyes again. He keeps them shut. Jonghyun is still under him, still holding on, still shuddering and whimpering and gasping his name. Jonghyun is still burning. And while Kibum tries, kissing the man's temple and neck and shoulder; while he tries with all his might, he doesn't know if he can put the fire out. He doesn't know if he can stop it from consuming both of them. He doesn't know... but he continues to hold Jonghyun in his arms.

무슨 꿈일까 기대해

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I’m taking kissy prompts from this list! Send me one with your fave pairing~

[voidszoro]

In Denial // A Theo Raeken story

Chapter 6

Theo's pov:  (warning, a bit of violence in Theo's pov but none in Ruby's so if you want you can skip theos pov) (also update, Ruby's pov contains some hints of depression, anxiety, and mentions self harm. If you can't read, trust me, i completely understand. It was hard writing. All i want to say is that if you need help, if you are thinking of harming yourself in anyway, please ask for help. My messages are always open if you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone. I Promise i dont judge. Take care. Here is the chapter xoxo)

The dream always starts off the same way.

I wake up in the morgue. The box in which I lay is tight and dark, but beyond my feet, an infinite abyss streches out. I raise my arms over my head and push open the door to the box. It slams into the other boxes on the side and I take my arms out so I can push myself out. The cold metal trey that holds me slides out of the box and two legs, almost like a table, swing out from underneath the trey keeping me from falling on the hard tile floor. I sit up on my trey, finally out of the box and take a breath of fresh air.

The dream Isn't over yet.

I place my bare feet on the tiles and lift myself to a stand. The cool air in the morgue sends chills through my half naked body. I only wear a thin pair of basketball shorts. A woman's voice echos my name throughout the room. It repeats over and over and I get the feeling of it drawing me into it. I start to walk out of the room, pushing open the two swinging doors, but I hesitate. I know what's coming, but everytime I try to fight back, I fail. The voice rings louder as I push the doors open anyway, knowing there's no way out but through her. My sister. 

I walk down to the end of the hallway, each step I take feeding me more fear than the last.

"Theo," the voice gets louder and louder as I get closer to the end. I take a stop once coming to the end of the hallway and in front of the check in desk of the hospital.

"Theo!" The voice growls from behind me. I snap around and see what I dreaded. A teenage girl, about my age,  crawls towards me on her hands and knees. Her gaze pierces through my horrified eyes as I look down at her chest. Her rib cages poke out of her and there is an empty spot in the middle. That is where her heart would be.

This is my punishment. I deserve this for doing it to her.

She finally reaches me and I can't move a single muscle in my body like I've been poisoned by canima venom. My sister drags me down by the heel and crawls on top of me, her gaze not once faltering. The horror on my face spreads to my whole body as I scream at the top of my lungs. She takes her hand and plunges into my center which makes me squirm and scream louder. She digs around in my chest for a second until she pulls out my heart. The blood from the organ drips everywhere as she puts it inside of her own chest. She shouts at me with almost the same power as Lydia, a banshee.

"Helloooo" I hear another voice in my head. I shake my head, finding myself standing in front of Scott's front door, a hand wavig in front of my face.

"Theoooo, you still alive over there?" I nod my head.

"Yeah, sorry I was just thinking." I rub the wrinkles on my forehead caused by my furrowed brows.

"Pretty vivid thought huh? You were blank for a good minute there." She reaches out for my hand. Why is she being so nice to me?

I take her hand in mine and then squeeze it in three short intervals. She smiles at me and we stand there for a good thirty seconds until she finally lets go of my sweaty hand and opens the door.

Everyone is here. Well, everyone that is left. The wild hunt has taken almost everyone in Beacon Hills. Ruby finishes explaining my reason for being here and I step further into the small, tidey home. There are photos lining the walls right when you walk in, like a story. They hang neatly and precise. Some pictures have multiple people in them, some are just some yearbook photos of Scott. Unfortunately, I don't spend long admiring the delicate memories of Scott's family when Ruby pulls my hand and drags me fully into the living room. A tall man stands in the room, and I immediately recognize him, but Ruby takes a minute.

"Who's he?" She asks.

Scott replies, "It's Peter. As in Peter Hale." Ruby's eyes go wide for a second.

"Ohhh. How could I forget? You. Evil bitch."

"Hey, hey, hey. No need for any language Ruby. I'm actually here to help. I know where Stiles is."

RUBYS POV:

Of course I don't completely trust Peter. I never will. Even though, technically, he's my alpha. He's the one who bit me. The morning after Scott got bit. When I started taking morning jogs.

"What makes you think I belive you? What do you want in return?" My voice echos through the silent room.

"In return, I would like you to trust me. You know, I bit you for a reason. I needed a pack. I needed more power. But- but that doesn't matter anymore. All I ask is that you help me help you save Stiles so we can get Malia out too." His eyes are full of sincerity. I feel bad for him. He loves Malia. I know it.

I remember as soon as he found out that she was his daughter, he had some sort of scent to him. I've never smelt it before and it reminded me of pride and happiness mixed together.

"We'll get her out I promise," Scott is the one to speak this time. Peter might be my only chance to see Stiles again. To get him back. I know Lydia feels the same. She probably misses him more than I. I've seen the way the two look at eachother. It's mesmerizing to watch. It's love.

We go through our idea of finding another rip in the two dimensions, the wild hunt and earth. Part of me thinks we have no hope. I feel like I'm the only one who thinks that. Everyone just seems so confident in everything. Especially Scott. That's why after the pack meeting. I go home and take a long, hot shower.

The water burns my skin to the touch when I step into the wet oasis. I left Theo in my room. Unoccupied, which is probably not a good idea, but I don't  acknowledge it at the moment. I'm only focused on the burning feeling. The feeling not only on the surface of my skin, but on the inside. I feel the left over bits of passion from today start to melt away at the heat. My body tenses up, but only for a second. I close my eyes and drift off into bliss. The water running all the way down my bare body. I run my fingers through my hair and breath in the steam that accumulates in the shower with me. My mind starts racing as my body finally gets used to the warmth of the water. I think, what would my life be like if I was only human. What would my life be like without Stiles.

And then the memories flood my head, making me slightly dizzy.

(Once again, warning)

I'm sitting on my bed, a knife in my hand. I remember this day. I was exausted. I had had an anxiety attack in class that day. Everyone looked at me weird when the teacher asked if I was alright. My breaths were shallow but quick. Stiles saw me immediately and dragged me out of class. I remember his voice apologizeing to the teacher. He carries me into the girls locker room, I'm still taking quick breaths. My heartbeat increased by a million from the time I was in the class to the time I was proped up against the shower walls. Stiles had delt with my attacks before but not at school. He gets them too sometimes. He was trying everything to get me to clam down. He squeezed my nose and coverd my mouth, trying to get me to hold my breath. It obviously didn't work. I was squirming everywhere. Until I wasn't moving. The only movement was my chest moving up and down and the water that now coverd my entire body. The water even got on Stiles' clothes. He turned the shower on. The warm water engulfed me like a volcano of relief.

When Stiles walked me down the hallways to the outside of school where the Sheriff's car sat, the bell rang. Everyone in their classes came flooding outside. I was drenched in school locker room shower water and I look like I almost drowned. Everyone stared. Everyone's eyes stayed glued to me as Stiles had to forcefully drag me outside to the ride he called.

Dad dropped us home and Stiles stayed with me until seven. I remember, because immediately after he left my room, I looked at the clock as I pulled the knife out of my drawer.  Every part of me begging to take some of the pain away. I wasn't a wolf yet, didn't even know about that stuff. I didn't want to just get high, partially because I didn't know how to, it was 8th grade. I had made the decision earlier that day. I had had too many embarrassing moments during the three years of my middle school carrier. I couldn't get away from myself.

I lifted my shirt to reveal the scars on my stomach. They were almost gone. I was going to be one month clean tomorrow. Not anymore.

(Okay we good now)

I jolt back to reality in the shower. The water is turning colder the longer I stay inside. I finish my normal shower routine and switch the water off. I grab a towel from its hanger in the bathroom, dry off a bit, and wrap it around my cold body. I look up at the fogged mirror and see a smiley face drawn in the steam and "-T". I let out a giggle.

A giggle, seriously? My inner voice complains. I remember what I'm doing, which is putting clothes on, and do that.

Once im fully dressed im my comfy black leggings, blue tee shirt, and some white ankle socks with a check on the side, I step out of the steamy room. A chill sweeps through me. I quickly race to the thermostat and turn the temperature up a hell of a lot. Theo must've turned it down.

I walk into my room, seeing Theo sitting on my bed. His legs hang off as he faces me. This reminds me of the last time he was sitting like this, a few weeks ago when I let him stay in the spare room.

It's only four o'clock.

"I'm starving," I realize out loud. Theo keeps his gaze on me. For some reason, he seems to be analyzing me. I grab his hand and pull him up so he's standing. "My dad's gonna be home at five, let's get you something to eat."

Once in the kitchen, we rummage through the kitchen for any signs of food. Apparently, nobody in Beacon Hills, no pay check for the Sheriff. That also means no groceries.

I hear the front door creak open and then slam shut.

"Hey, anybody home?" My dad shouts from the living room. I go wide eyed at Theo. Dad's not the biggest fan of this boy who went to hell.

"Yeah, um- wait. I'm not wearing pants!" I shout and Theo shoots me a devious glare. Yep. There's the boy who went to hell.

"Why- Ruby." He takes a deep breath. I'm never gonna live this down.

"Just stay there, dad. Let me go upstairs." Unfortunately for me, the stairs were in the living room. "Can you cover your eyes?" He grunts a response which I take as a yes. I put a finger to my mouth and direct it at Theo. Then I signal him to follow me. He does.

I give it a few minutes upstairs before I come back down. My dad stands awkwardly in the kitchen.

"There's no food." I say. "Wanna order a pizza? It has to be that place outside of Beacon Hills."

Hii again. It's em. How was this chapter?? Also hello new readers ily sm. Ooh i have a questionnn what's your favorite pizza topping? Mine's cheese and extra cheese. Xoxo -em

Wc: wow 2171♡

[killanyone4you]

i hate asking people to ask me questions so here are my answers

this was more fun for me then it will be for you

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?  uhh my little brother maybe

2. Are you outgoing or shy? depends on my mood i think.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?  idk if this counts but i’m seeing the used in july

4. Are you easy to get along with?  yes. usually

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?  i dont drink.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?  all kinds of people. i dont really have a good answer for this. i’m attracted to people i connect with and that’s what i focus on

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? uhhhh

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?  i cant say or i’ll be heavily judged

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?  no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?  my best friend.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?  thank you you da best

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?  like, of all time or just like, that i’ve been listening to recently? ima answer both. so my 5 favorite songs of all time in no particular order are: Something Corporate: Ruthless. Something Corporate: Walking By. Good Charlotte: Screamer. The Outfield: Your Love and Fall Out Boy: Young Volcanoes. my top 5 of all time has changed for sure but that’s it right now. and then as far as songs i’ve been listening to non stop recently also in no particular order: LP: Switchblade (also any LP). Taylor Swift: Gorgeous (also any Taylor Swift).  Post Malone: Sunflower. Selena Gomez: Back to you. I Prevail: My Heart I Surrender. also bonus jonas: any throwback Jo Bro songs and also their new song. anyway that took longer than i expected.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?  very much

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? no not really. shit happens.

15. What good thing happened this summer?  it’s not summer yet

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?   sure

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?   probs

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?   no haha

19. Do you like bubble baths?   yes. dont trust anyone who doesn’t like bubble baths

20. Do you like your neighbors?  i dont really know them.

21. What are you bad habits?   hating myself? idk i’m a hermit person who hides from the world. annddd that’s probably not the best habit

22. Where would you like to travel?   everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?   uhhh. i like to think i dont but i probably do

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?  sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?  most of it

26. What do you do when you wake up?   pee

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?   i just wish my skin was even. it’s a mess.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?   my little brother

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?  nope. they ran for the fuckin hills yall

30. Do you ever want to get married?  maybe

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?  yus

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? um... i feel like Will Farrell and Danny McBride could get the job done.

33. Spell your name with your chin. hard pass

34. Do you play sports? What sports?   no sir.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?  tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?   uh yeah. probs a million times

37. What do you say during awkward silences?  unintentionally anything and everything that could possibly make the situation more uncomfortable.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?  to answer this properly i’d have to think about it and i’m really just looking for quick answers here. if someone reads this and truly wants to know send me an ask and i’ll answer for real.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? target, the christmas tree shoppe, barnes and noble, michales.

40. What do you want to do after high school?  lol i’m old af i’ve been out of high school for 10 years yall

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?  no. some people do.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?  i’m uncomfortable or i dont know how to say what i’m thinking.

43. Do you smile at strangers?  yes. all the time and i hate myself for it.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?  neither pls both of those things are probably my biggest fears of all time.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?  the need to piss.

46. What are you paranoid about?  losing my job due to illness.

47. Have you ever been high?   yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?   yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?  yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?  grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?   yup.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?   my plethora of mental illnesses. probably. 

53. Favourite makeup brand?  i dont wear makeup much anymore. i cant say i have a favorite.

54. Favourite store?  the christmas tree shoppe

55. Favourite blog?  does anyone have a favorite blog?

56. Favourite colour?  grey

57. Favourite food?   cheese/

58. Last thing you ate?  ice

59. First thing you ate this morning?  cake.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?  i’ve won writing competitions

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? fighting.

62. Been arrested? For what?  nope/

63. Ever been in love?   i can never tell.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?   well technically my first kiss was in pre school with a boy called tommy but i’m not sure that counts. my first like, real kiss was at a smashing pumpkins concert and i was kind of seeing this guy who was one of my best friends in middle school and we were in that middle place of like, being really good friends but wanting to see if there was more. so we were there with my best friend and his best friend (who i also had a thing for dont fucking judge me) so i was laying in the grass with my head in his lap listening to one of the opening bands (i wanna say it was fuel but i dont remember) and he texted all the people with our group to ask them to leave so all of a sudden they all walk away and once their gone he leans over me spider man style and kisses me. so to be fair it was also his first kiss but it was really awkward and bad and we didn’t talk at all after, we just went back to watching the show and when my friends all came back i got up and forced them to go to the bathroom with me to tell them what happened and to ask them why they abandoned me. later i found out he was super proud of his “slick moves” and did not in any way pick up on how awkward i felt.

65. Are you hungry right now? nope

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?  i dont really have many of either so eh

67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook. i dont even use twitter.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?  ^^

69. Are you watching tv right now?   i have youtube on my tv playing music videos.

70. Names of your bestfriends?  Jerry

71. Craving something? What?  Mexican food

72. What colour are your towels?  grey

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?  1

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?  no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?  a few

75. Favourite animal?  elephant

76. What colour is your underwear?  grey and white

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?  vanilla i guess.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?  raspberry sherbet -

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black

80. What colour pants?  not wearing pants.

81. Favourite tv show?  Guys Grocery Games

82. Favourite movie?   The Princess Bride or Music and Lyrics or 10 Things I Hate about You

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?  .... this is a dumb fucking question. i shouldn’t even have to say the answer. if you’re in any way questioning the answer dont ever talk to me.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?  21 Jump Street.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?  She doesn’t even go here!

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?  Dory

87. First person you talked to today?  my cat

88. Last person you talked to today?  my mother

89. Name a person you hate?   i try not to hate anyone. but i guess it’s safe to say trump

90. Name a person you love?  my baby brother

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?  kind of my mom. always trump

92. In a fight with someone?  nope i dont do that petty shit.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? i’m not sure any of my pants qualify as sweat pants. i have a lot of leggings and pajama pants.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?  a shit ton. 20 or 30. i dont really know.

95. Last movie you watched? i watched most of infinity war earlier because i was bored but i stopped about halfway thru to go masturbate. which wasn’t a result of the movie i was just horny

96. Favourite actress?  i dont really have one so i’m going to say Millie Bobby Brown because she’s a sweet baby angel

97. Favourite actor? i also dont have one but Paul Rudd is always on my mind so.

98. Do you tan a lot? no yall i’m sickly white all year round.

99. Have any pets? i have a chonky boi Pogue the black cat

100. How are you feeling?  quite indifferent rn actually.

101. Do you type fast?   i guess.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?   many things

103. Can you spell well?  nope i spell like shit,

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?  yup

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?  many. love  good bonfire.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?  i guess.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?   yes i am... born of hillbillies. so. we ride horses.

108. What should you be doing?  dishessssss

109. Is something irritating you right now?   i had plans with my goddamn mother which i partially only made because i wanted her to bring me some things i had mailed to her house and after waiting FIVE HOURS for her to call and tell tell me she was on her wait. she never did so i finally called her and she was like “uhh i said maybe tomorrow.” UGH i wasted half my goddamn day waiting on her ass.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?  uh yes. it’s awful

111. Do you have trust issues?  you already asked this.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  my cat

113. What was your childhood nickname?  i dont think i really had one. my stepmom called me kay.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?    yes

115. Do you play the Wii?    i never had a wii but i played it with others

116. Are you listening to music right now?   yes. i have a random playlist on youtube playing. rn it’s malibu miley cyrus

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?   with a soda on the side.

118. Do you like Chinese food?  yes. it’s probably my second favorite kind of food.

119. Favourite book?   well all the harry potter books i think would be my favorite but i hate that answer because it’s not specific so my favorite stand alone book is Ella Enchanted.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?  not usually.

121. Are you mean?   yeah sometimes.

122. Is cheating ever okay?   on a partner? no. on other stuff maybe

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?  nope

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?   nope

125. Do you believe in true love?   nope

126. Are you currently bored?  yes. why do you think i’m sitting here answering a hundred and fifty questions for no reason? no one asked for this lol

127. What makes you happy?  sleep. books. my cat. music. driving on the highway at night. food. rollercoasters

128. Would you change your name?  probably. i hate my name.

129. What your zodiac sign? taurus

130. Do you like subway?  yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? my best friend of the opposite sex is gay but if it happened i’d ask him if his feelings would somehow cause us to stop being friends and deal with that accordingly

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?  my sister in law.

133. Favourite lyrics right now? this is hard because there are a shit ton but i guess the one that’s sticking out the most to me rn is “i have a thought of you for every star in the sky”

134. Can you count to one million? i mean, yeah. but why?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? yall i’ve told so many lies. but the one that just popped into my head is when i was pretty young i was mad at my older brother for who even knows what so i wrote his name on our front door in his hand writing with sharpie. it worked and he got into a lot of trouble

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?  open. my asshole cat doesn’t allow any doors in my apartment to be closed at any time.

137. How tall are you?  5′5

138. Curly or Straight hair?  weird waves that dont ever look good

139. Brunette or Blonde?  i’m brunette but i dye that shit.

140. Summer or Winter?  winter.

141. Night or Day?  both for different reasons.

142. Favourite month?  i dont have one

143. Are you a vegetarian?  no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?  dark

145. Tea or Coffee?   both.

146. Was today a good day?  not really.

147. Mars or Snickers?  neither

148. What’s your favourite quote?  god that’s impossible. there’s no chance i could pick only one quote so i’m just going to drop one from the labyrinth because it’s been on my mind and David Bowie is a sex god. “Just fear me, love me, do as i say and i will be your slave.” like. fucking imagine the Goblin King saying that to you? i'd die. fuck me right here pls i'll do anything you say. pls.

149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont. but i’m willing to be proven wrong

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?  “That’s all right.” said the Stork, who was flying along beside them. “I always like to help anyone in trouble. But i must go now, for my babies are waiting in the nest for me. I hope you will find the Emerald City and that Oz will help you.”

[themcuhasruinedme]

Incomplete

[Summary]: After finding out that your boyfriend Bucky had a one-night stand, your world came crashing down hard and you walk out of his life. Will you give him a second chance? Or will you leave him feeling incomplete?

[Pairing]: Bucky x reader (Steve is mentioned)

[Warning]: angst… SO. MUCH. ANGST. um.. there’s also mentions of cheating, drinking and a tiny bit of swearing.. also a teeny-tiny bit of abuse

[Word Count]: 2,295 (This is the longest one I’ve ever written! Damn, this got really wordy...)

Requested by: @ouatalways

Tagging: @bovaria @marvel-ash @just-call-me-mrs-captain @dividedwecantfall @buckysmetallicstump @mellifluous-melodramas @avengerofyourheart @buckyslion @metalarmproblems @marvelingatthewonder @beccaanne814-blog @mcuimxgine @capsbuchanan @imagine-assembling-the-avengers @that-sokovian-bastard @hellomissmabel @abovethesmokestacks @maybe-mikala @violentlyfarts @hymnofthevalkyries @after-avenging-hours @buckys-shield @buckysberrie @callamint @redgillan @whotheeffisbucky @candyrogers @blueeyedbucky @tragicalchemist @marvelous-fvcks @professionally-crazed @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel @fanfic-shiz @i-dont-know-how-to-write @iwillbeinmynest @theassetseyeliner @lilasiannerd @aubzylynn @ourpeachskies

A/N: BSB gif was made by yours truly! Yea, here we go again with more Backstreet Boys music but this song just fit this request so perfectly. I have no shame for making you listen to their music… [x] Also, I’m so, so sorry about the tiny bit of abuse that I put in here. I DO NOT condone that kind of behavior in a relationship (I have seen it happen and it scared me) I’m also sorry for Steve being a complete jerk in this…

One hour. One grueling, heart breaking hour is all it took to make the last two years fade into the dark.

You found out from Sam’s roommate, who also happened to be one of your best friends, that your boyfriend and a few of his friends had gotten drunk at a party that Sam threw at his apartment. Even though you were also invited to the party, you had to work that night but you told Bucky that he could go without you. Worst decision you ever made.

Bucky had a one-night stand; with at least three girls. The proof? Sandra came back to the apartment late and while thinking the party was done and everyone went home, she walked in to find Bucky and one of his friends with at least three girls in Sam’s bedroom. She immediately took a picture of it and sent it to you, knowing that it was going to crush you, but you needed to know what was going on.

You couldn’t sleep at all that night after you got the text, along with a short video of Sandra telling you how sorry she is that you had to see this and that she was there for you if you needed to talk. You got out of bed around three in the morning, made yourself a strong cup of coffee and sat the table, silently crying.

When he finally had the nerve to show up to the apartment that the two of you had been living in since you started dating, some time around eight that morning, you tried to keep your cool but on the inside you felt like a volcano was about to explode.

“Hey babe,” he said as he put his keys on the counter, gave you a kiss on the top of your head and went to the bedroom to change his clothes. 

“Hey,” you quietly responded. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying your best to not just rip him a new one right on the spot. How could he be so calm and collected, pretending like last night never happened? When he came out of the room, he plopped himself on the couch and put the tv on. You took another deep breath, choosing your words carefully in your mind and went to sit next to him.

“So, you and the guys must’ve had some party last night since you didn’t come home.”

Bucky snapped out of his gaze from the tv. “Hm? Oh, yea. We certainly did. Don’t be mad though, hun. It was for the best. I had got a bit too drunk to drive so I thought I’d stay over with the guys.”

“Is that all?” you questioned. 

Bucky gave a look like he was trying to remember. “Yea. That… that’s all.”

You could see in those blue eyes of his that he was trying his damned hardest to hide the guilt and lies. Why would he do this to you? He knew the relationship you were in before was nothing but lies and abuse. When he came into your life, you felt like it was to good to be true. Here was this gentleman that treated you with love and respect, something that you never thought you would ever have in your life. But now this? This was just bringing back bitter memories from the past.

“Don’t you lie to me, Bucky. I don’t need another relationship based on lies. You know you can talk with me about anything. We’ve been through a lot and have found comfort in each other through hard times. Please, Bucky. Don’t do this to me.”

Bucky was taken aback by your response but he knew in his gut that he was caught, like a kid being found with his hand in the cookie jar. He could see that the tears were coming but he could also see the rage behind those [Y/E/C] eyes of yours.

“Now, look,” Bucky huffed out. “I don’t know where this kind of response is coming from but I swear to you, I didn’t…”

“DON’T YOU LIE TO ME, BUCKY!” you screamed and slapped him hard across the face. And that’s where everything you knew came crashing down hard. The screaming and fighting started immediately. Bucky started calling you every name in the book as you screamed insults at him. You yelled about how Sandra found him the night before, which only made Bucky hit you, making you cower in fear against the wall.

“How could you do this?! How could you do this after all we’ve been through?! AFTER HOW YOU FOUND ME?!?!” you screamed out as you fell to the floor, tears pouring out of you.

Bucky grabbed both of your arms and forcefully pulled you up so he could look at you. You looked into his blue eyes but all you saw was red, anger and rage, like as if a monstrous beast was about to come out of his body.

“Get. Out. Now,” he demanded and let you drop to the floor in a sobbing heap. You ran to the bedroom, grabbed your duffle bag, threw some clothes and a few other necessities in it and ran out of the apartment, not looking back at all.

Bucky didn’t seem to care as the next few days came and went without a word from you. A few days turned into a week. A week turned into two. And at that point, he was starting to worry a little.

He tried texting you a few times, even though he knew he wouldn’t get a response. And why should you want to respond? After what happened two weeks ago, it seemed like there was no hope to salvage the relationship you two had. He text Steve and asked if he could come over and talk.

“Sure, man. I bet it’s kinda lonely in the apartment since [Y/N] left.” was the response he got back. That wasn’t exactly what Bucky wanted to read, but nevertheless, he put on his shoes and jacket, locked up the apartment and walked over to Steve’s place.

He gave Bucky a hug and offered him a beer, which he quickly declined.

“No way. I’m trying to stay sober.” He sat down at the table, waiting for Steve to join him. Steve shrugged and opened one for himself, sitting down next to Bucky.

“So, what’s been on your mind since it happened? I know it’s gotta…” Steve started to say.

Bucky almost broke down immediately. “I can’t take it anymore, man! Nothing has been the same since [Y/N] left. I tried to go on like I never knew her, like she never existed in my life. But now…” Bucky slammed his fists on the table, tears flowing even harder. “I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

He got up from the table, face stained by his tears and eyes completely red with dark circles under them, clearly showing the lack of sleep he’s had the last several days.

“How did I even become this person?” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“Alright, Buck. Just calm down,” Steve said, getting up to comfort his friend.

Bucky backed away from him. “How am I supposed to calm down?! I made a complete ass out of myself, Steve. I let my rage and emotions get the better of me. I’ve lost her. That’s not exactly something someone can just move on with.”

“It actually is, Buck. People do it all the time with relationships. Sometimes things fall apart and you have to pick up the pieces and carry on with your life.”

Bucky looked at his best friend like as if he suddenly grew another head and his skin turned pink. How could he carry on with his life after his relationship with the one girl that he swore to protect and never abandon just ended in such a tragic way?

“Damn you, Steve. Ya know, I thought that you would be the kind of friend that tells his buddy to try and win her back. To try and talk things over and reason with each other. Never did I once think or believe that you would tell me to just move on after my world came crashing down all around me.” He walked to the door and opened it. “Not everybody can move on, Steve. Not everyone is like you,” he said, a single tear sliding down his cheek, and walked out.

A month had passed and Bucky was feeling completely lost and had started drinking again, even though he swore to himself that he was done with it. There were plenty of sleepless nights as well.

Bucky’s life was completely falling apart because of this. He had isolated himself from his friends, only went out when necessary and avoided contact with anybody. He had fallen so deep into despair over this, that one day he scared himself when he looked at the bathroom mirror. He became almost unrecognizable. He fell to the floor in a sobbing heap and cried for hours.

Six more months had passed and Bucky decided just for the hell of it to try texting you again. To his utter astonishment, you replied back! He stared at the phone screen for several minutes before replying back, asking if he could see you and talk to you. He held his breath as he watched the little gray bubble pop up, telling him you were writing back.

“Sure” was the only word that popped up. Bucky felt like crying. He couldn't believe that, after what seemed like an eternity, he was going to be able to see you again. He asked when and where. You told him the next morning would be fine and that you would come visit him at the apartment.

“That is, if you're still there” you text back.

“Yea. It is” he replied.

Bucky got up extra early and cleaned up the place. When he finally got to sit down, he fidgeted in his seat the whole time he waited for you. Seven months. Seven long, restless months it had been and he still couldn't believe that he was getting to see you. When the knock on the door finally came, his heart leapt up into his throat.

He opened the door and it felt like he was seeing you in your first “date night” dress. “Hey, [Y/N],” he said with a smile, trying so hard to hold back the tears.

“Hi Bucky,” you replied, giving him a quick hug.

He offered you some coffee, which you declined. The conversation started like normal; How’ve you been? You look like things have been going well. What have you been up to? And then it came to the real reason you two were meeting.

“So, uh... I wanted to... um... say how sorry I am for what... uh, happened... between us,” Bucky stammered.

You couldn't believe your ears. Not because of the apology. You were expecting that to be said. It was the fact that he stammered and stuttered the whole thing! The man that you once believed to be strong with words was falling apart before your very eyes.

“So am I, Bucky,” you said, trying to keep your composure. You didn't need to be crying in front of Bucky.

“I've been doing a lot of thinking, [Y/N]. You've been the only thing that's been on my mind since it happened. I was kinda hoping that we could maybe put that all behind us and...” he swallowed hard, “start over?” 

At this point, Bucky wiped a couple of tears away. You knew this was gonna happen; that the tears were gonna come from both of you. You dabbed your eyes with a tissue you pulled out of your purse.

“Bucky,” you sighed. “I don't really think we should. I still wonder if we made a big mistake by even being with each other in the first place. What we had isn't there anymore. I realized that after a month went by. I started seeing other people. I moved on with my life. It's time for you to do the same.”

You started getting up to walk away but Bucky grabbed your hand. “[Y/N], please. I can't seem to let you go. You don't know what this has done to me. I haven't been sleeping, I've cried for hours thinking about what I did to you... I can't live like this anymore.”

You could see the desperation in Bucky’s eyes that he still wanted to be with you. But you just couldn't go back to him. Not after things happened the way they did.

“Bucky... I'm.. I'm sorry. I just can't!” the tears started to finally come. “You're on your own.” He let go of your hand as you walked to the door and opened it. “I hope you find your happiness somewhere else, Bucky. With some other girl that will be there for you, that will see that fun and loving side of you, that will make the most wonderful memories with you, that will love you with all her heart. Like I used too.” And with those last four words, you walked out the door and out of his life.

Bucky felt even more shattered than he did before. But for a tiny split second, he knew you were right. He knew that things wouldn't be the same as they were before. But he was too proud to admit it out loud and quickly cast that thought out of his mind.

He fell to his knees and cried. Cried for the things he said to you, cried for what he did to you, cried for the thought of... being incomplete without you.

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The Riverbed exhibition: photographs of a secret Spanish mountain commune

Photographer Ben Murphy looks back on his 10-year study of a community of British punks, hippies and nomads living in Andaluca

In his letters, he described it as paradise. Eventually, after months of exchanging hand-written notes via a PO Box, the unnamed man granted Ben Murphy an invitation to the place known as the Riverbed. It was the summer of 2006, and they met in a small bar in a hilly town in Andaluca, south-eastern Spain. It was already evening and it was dark, Murphy says. He was very suspicious of me a stranger coming to his territory with a large camera. He grilled me: Who are you? What are you doing? Why are you doing it?

Murphy, a 56-year-old photographer from Derbyshire, had been exchanging letters with the man for months, after a written introduction from a mutual friend. Murphy was there, he told the man, in the hope of understanding, and documenting the Riverbed a highly secretive commune of countercultural British settlers living in a dried-up riverbed hidden deep within the mountains.

Finally, the man invited Murphy to join him in his beaten-up truck, and they drove further into the wilderness. After an hour, they took a sharp turn off the road and bumped along an unmarked dirt track. Through the darkness, I started to become aware of trucks, vans, coaches and makeshift homes along the edges of the road, Murphy says. I could see bonfires, dim lights, people gathered around drinking and smoking. I felt like I was on the set of Mad Max.

Pans home: The evidence this was inhabited came from the objects a clothes hanger, possessions held down with rocks. Its a British van, you can tell from the number plate and GB sticker. Pan did not come out of his cocoon while I was there. His windows were blocked. Pan is the Greek god of wilderness and lives in Arcadia. His hind quarters and legs are those of a goat; he has the torso and horned head of a man.

Murphy was given a hut to sleep in. He bedded down on mud and straw and discovered the next morning that hed been sharing the space with a donkey. Over the coming months he met and became familiar with the mostly British citizens who have made this strange community their home. No one had ever photographed this place before, and Murphys resultant series of pictures is about to be exhibited in London.

Some of the people were pretty intimidating, Murphy admits, choosing his words carefully when we meet in London. But there were also lots of hippies and punks and hedonists and nomads. They were all trying to escape something, and they all believed in something too.

Jess and Robe, 2006: A British couple lived here with their family. They were, I think, employed as teachers in a town a couple of hours drive away. They ran the yearly Cannabis Cup, where samples were judged as if in a village fete. In the centre of their caravans awning was an old, broken television, which they used to frame a tableau of the Last Supper with TV personalities from the 1970s and two dogs copulating. A couple of years later they had moved on, but had left most of their vehicles.

The people Murphy photographed were the products of various generations, cultures and nations: from across Europe, North and Latin America, as well as an autistic boy and his mother from Israel, and a former porn star from Japan. Some came from wealthy and privileged backgrounds and arrived there craving a simpler lifestyle. They were all in search of a similar idyll a desire to reject everything we consider to be normal, and to live a life ungoverned by authority. For everyone, it was a very personal choice to be there, says Murphy.

The only rules were unwritten. Anyone can set up camp. But if you do something deemed antisocial, like steal, deal bad drugs, or become violent, you will be forcibly evicted. I remember seeing burnt-out trucks, and people didnt like me asking about them.

The Volcano, 2015: This was Francescas guest house, made of mud and straw. It was just big enough for two people. There was a skylight for stargazing and it had a wonderful view across the ravine. It was very integrated with the landscape, even though it looked like an alien craft. Everything Francesca made was carefully considered. I think she was deeply concerned about her impact on the planet.

But many of the people, he stresses, were extremely welcoming. A few days in, he came across a young girl as he walked along a mountain path. I told her my name and asked for hers, and she said: Oh, I dont really have a name, but you can call me Happy. Then she asked me for a hug.

As he slowly gained their trust, Murphy began to photograph the people of the Riverbed. Using a 5×4 large format camera, he took conventional portraits at fir st. But after numerous trips, over the courseof 10 years, he began to focus on a type of portraiture that excluded the inhabitants.

The exhibition at Londons Architectural Association shows the homes that the 50 or so people have built. Some have constructed Hobbit-like dwellings with composting toilets, solar lights, animal pens and vegetable patches. Others live in a state of ramshackle chaos in decrepit, broken-down vehicles or improvised tents, with detritus strewn all around. Every few years, the riverbed floods and the homes must be rebuilt from scratch.

Crusty Mark, 2006: Crusty Mark was a charismatic British neo-punk traveller who spent his days making distorted, post-apocalyptic sculptures from recycled materials. His sprawling encampment seemed more outwardly confrontational than others, with a junkyard aesthetic. Every day he would work on his art, or career around in an antique buggy, towed by one of his shire horses. He looked like a Roman charioteer. As with many of the others, he and his bricolage of objects had disappeared when I returned a couple of years later.

There are people who work and make regular trips to the local town to buy food and amenities such as gas, batteries and tools. Others forgo any sort of monetary transaction and rarely leave the commune. Some people were deeply conscious of their surroundings, and very concerned about where goods came from. Others just seemed to be motivated by a hedonistic lifestyle, recalls Murphy.

His photography series examines how such homes mix the residue from our wider world with the minute demands of a self-sufficient lifestyle unencumbered by any sense of cultural norms. Everyone there has to compromise. To achieve any sense of domesticity, they have to contend with an often harsh environment. And they have to contend with our globalised society, which they still, in many ways, have to rely on. So theres always a tension between this thirst for freedom and the practicalities of such a remote and unforgiving life, the need for things like electricity and gas and clean water and everything else so readily available to us.

Alpha and Imani, 2006. Alpha and Imani are the children of a hippy couple from Britains 90s party scene. Their childhood was spent in the commune. Their bedroom and play area was inside the 1970s British coach originally driven down there by their parents. There are signs of the familys British roots: the books, the number plate, the painting. Perhaps it is a reminder of where they come from, the cultural attachments that remain, even as they want to distance themselves.

But Murphy believes we can learn from the people of the Riverbed. We are all being encouraged, and possibly forced, to live an unsustainable life, he says. The people I met are on the whole decent, compassionate and resourceful, and they care about the planet more than most of us. They may not fit into our society, but we have to be willing to accept such alternative views. They can help us think about our relationship to our home, and our own sense of freedom.

The Riverbed is on show until 31 March and from 19 April to 27 May at the Architectural Association Gallery in London. A limited edition photobook is available from phenomenology.org.uk

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from The Riverbed exhibition: photographs of a secret Spanish mountain commune