#ppl will just lie and pretend to be your friend to then use your insecurities against u

[ningningkittie]

so now im sure she is the one who has been sending me anon hate about me being ugly.... 💀

[queensgaybeach1d]

What are any of them doing on larries blogs(aside from giving us more clicks) beside displaying their insecurities and being so full of themselves as not to donate for the charity drives bc they happen to be organized by a fan they don't like? I'd say they trying to get more attention from larries bc their anti blogs are dying with all that BS they write over and over with very little new content and with occasional displays of homophobia lol.

Hi love,

I could not have said it better, the fact that they do not want to help donate for charity just because a Larrie came up with the idea, is disgusting. Charity is something serious and you can not act like that because a larrie comes up with the idea.

They are afraid and that is why they are now lurking on larrie blogs. Each time we get proved right. They hate that, they are seriously the worst. They think that Louis' 28 thing is to gain fame and according to them Louis' fandom will fall apart if he does not give Larry attention. It is quite comical, except the part in which they think Louis would choose fame over his family. You could read it yourself if you would like:

Part 2:

Since antis think Louis situation is perfectly normal, his family and his apparent lack of relationship, lack of custody with his presumed son is perfectly normal to them, E lack of career is perfectly normal, they have crumbs of content. I mean antis have nothing else to do but stalk us, bc they live in their 'it's all perfectly normal' reality. Unlike us larries having to learn how the whole industry works to figure out WTF is going on behind the scenes all the time lol

Hi love, this is exactly what I think. They take a situation for what it is instead of checking their so called facts. They think printed interviews are all real and that their idol is always honest. I honestly think they just don't want to see it, there have been lots of celebs coming out after their fame 'died down'. Somehow people never listen to that part of their idol. Michael Jackson gave so many signs and people still ignore it or think it only happened in his case and that the music industry goes easier on its clients. They think because 'Louis' confirmed having Eleano as his girlfriend that it is all real and pure love. They do not believe a label can force you to lie, even though Lance Bass and lots of other celebs confirmed it. Whenever I telp them this they stop arguing, but never improve themselves. They still stick with their debunked beliefs, they basically do not improve themselves. It is quite sad. I think they just do not want to put any effort in figuring out their idol.

Part 3:

Then we have antis who are not as blind as they pretend to be and they too grow up and learn more about the world(life experience) and see that what larries write is not even close to 'crazy conspiracy freaks' theories as their friends kept telling them before. Is it not then reasonable that antis failed with their 'boycott larries list' the idea behind it being that antis should not engage with larries blogs at all. Those ppl at least pretend they are not insecure ab their beliefs.

Exactly, in reality they just want to boycott us so they will not start doubting their beliefs.

Thank you for your ask, it is such a smart one. I love it❤

[realmzenith]

elaina ! :)

lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv

How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye

How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her

What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 

What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing

Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely

What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)

What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”

Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex

What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady

What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill

What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor

Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience

Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)

Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 

What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking

How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!

[cheezybiouwiou]

archived from that secret q account.

ghosty boiyou are my world, and no matter how shitty the world gets i can't imagine one without youJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou are a part of me, and i know whatever happens, you always will beJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you, but the more we're apart and the less i see you, the more i remember all the painJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhatever you say, what your family does, it affects me, and when im with you it will always be like that. i dont know if i can cope, and im breaking inside because i love you, but i know you've hurt me so much and i dont know what to feelJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisome part of me wonders if its too late. you broke me. you hurt me so bad, and ive forgiven you so many times for things youve done that you dont even know you haveJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont love me anymoreJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont careJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boingl it kinda hurts me that you care so much about him? i know not in a loving way, but like you caring so much about him makes me feel like you care less about me, idk maybe im just jealous and selfishJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want to read anything on this acc bc it will just bring up old pain. nd tbh if anyone found this there would be a lot of painJune 26, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmao so i just found out the reason i'm suspended is bc my boyfriend ratted my mum out to his parents and my best friend ratted me out to him mum and the teachers and then my mum went ape shit and then they all pretended they didnt?May 5, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boireally fucking hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiand u have the nerve??? u cant remember me or anythin and uve been in such a bad place what since december?? thats 5 fuckin months man that ive been workin my ass off to support u nd help u get through so u dont fuckin die and this is what i get back? honestly im not mad im just really really hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiiodk now that u throwing this shit abck at me its like u blamin me? like boy u were so much worse than me already u were one of the ppl who dragged me into a darker place but i stuck w u bc i loved nd cared nd now ur saying it my fault that u cut and that ur more depressed? bitch i try fuckin hard for u man and this is what i get back? u say i dont care that u alwasy comfort me when i work my ass off to get through to u and help u, when u just then reject me anyways - and proceed to say i dont try and that you want the help?? if you want the help then fuckin accept it ive tried so hard for u man?? vbut u dont see it do uApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou dont actiually want to be with me do you?March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me happy but im sad atm bc i dont wahnt you to dieeeeee nad i just want to be happy and you to be happyMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me so happy but i know i dont do that for you. my own insecurities mean that whenever any1 jokes abt anything i take it as real,, im insecure abt everytihng so every joke from everyone hurts me,. i care too much abt what ypu thinkMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont know do you want me??March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilitearlly no one caresFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one wants me haha!February 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha im so unwantedFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim not funn yim not smart im not useful im not talented im notmusical iumd fucjkign rpirdjbialedgesd im not a figood friend im nbot wirty i cant do anyithng im depresy wtihotutht e humoisr im eneddy im annoying i dongt get it im a fuckifng burden wso why are yioui still here whenvrber you see these things inothe rpsoelpe you hate htem gfor it wahyt fucking makles m efidferntFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boioyu literally dislike ebverything abtou me tyour jsut blind i dont get tiFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim evenrwyihtg you hate abtout this worldFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihs ill never be fuckign fgoos enoughFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha lmao u didnt see me crying uwuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiu ran awya from meFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment 3 · Like ghosty boihehe im terrified of losing you for a different reason now but ig it doesnt matter bc u dont wannt me anywasyuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you so much i just wnat to help i dont i can tlose youFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihow can oyu say you dont feel and say you love me? i know you feel, you just try not toFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want you to hurt me but yousoFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiyou lie to me. you dont call it lying but it isFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwonder what it's like to be okayFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii can't carry this anymoreFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyin and yang, happiness always comes with sadness. if you have one you have to have the other. whats the point in feeling and living at all because even if you achieve happiness you will always have sadness. it is always htereFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boione day of warmth isnt worth a year of coldFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihappinesss is fleetingFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy am i always the one who hads to repaireFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wihs oi culd he good enoguhFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiic ared about you but all you do is hurt meFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou just use me i dont understand i thought we were friendsFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boievent eh ppl eho care about me thinj uim worhtless, useless, dumb, stupid, weird, fucking djsfhalkdjfhreesstardsedJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy do you keep reminding me of my insecuriteS? i think everyone does. i shoulf tlak to you about it, but i d onnt want to make you walk on eggshelslsJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiwer both yknow you cousdl do so m uch better htan meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii see it in your eeys, i sese the dissapointment, the 'what the fuck', youer crazy, ur weird, ur rude, ur pathetic, why can yt you be normlak, youe fake, you re not ogod enogumJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiur gonna brkea up with me one dya becaues liets be real inm not oging to do it but you wilwl get sick of me you jsut put up with me atm ur blifnefd by emptions - despite that you can still see im fuvkignJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim just not finny or smart or nice or anyinthig gim jstu not good enoguh nd ikjwo i never will neJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiill never be good enough icoulndt even last a dayJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmfao i m actually fucking discusintgnJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii knwo im just annoying, no one realyt wants me aorundJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim getting sicjk of peoplke using meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii will never be good enough, i will never be good aerat anythingJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim fugcking sfisdudcisigng im such asuhit firend i dont know anyithng i dony care abt eanyone arenough i dont remmebe ran ythonig im never good enouhgJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boidespite how i present muself i dont feelsihlike a girl i jhate hit it hahtkljeshrkljsdfxklsjg bJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou will never be able to see past being sad that im not talking, see that there may be a real reasoon, because you will be too self absorbed to even realise that im not okayJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boithing is though if i dont help you you you will get all sad and upset (despite ignoring me) and wont even give me the chance to give a reason why, beacuse the reason is im struggling atm as well and need support myself but youre too stubborn to get your head out of your ass and realise that i need help toJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou always ignore me its pissing me off you just use me for when you need me and thats itJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont think ill ever be good enoughJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boimonths. it took monthsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boior is that just an excuse?January 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiits so goddamn sad how you always pull away, but now isnt the time to mention itJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii feel like you dont actally want me around idk it just hruts when you distance urself rom meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one really truyts meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one caresJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou try and hel[p fuckignf ocus on yourself i want you to live ghoddamnihntJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhats tyhe point in all this imf im judt going to lose you anyayJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii want to be better, and seperately i just want them to be happy nd idc howJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never actually help lmao they were there for me yesterday when i was falling appart but i cant even help when they are sad or downJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighs now im wondering if im not good enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wish i could be enough, but i know i never will be. i know its not personal and i am not upset as such by it, i can accept it. i just am upset for them because i want to someone, something to be enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont even know whats real anymore i cant tell what happened, what i thought happened, what was a dream, what i was hallucinating, what was flashbacks, what i wish had happened i cant even trust myself so how can i trust anyone elseJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so done. im so tired with trying im so tired with everythingJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so sadJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii got down bc of ehta they did but that didnt change anythgin they got fuvkin down otooJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never helpJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim nfuckin uselessJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like

[diggorypuff]

Best Lyrics of Reputation and my commentary

Ready for It:

He can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor - My 1950s loving ass is just here for this Burton to this Taylor shit, cause their an OTP

Every love I’ve known in comparison is a faliure - Also a reference in my mind to Burton-Taylor love.

End Game:

I wanna be your A-Team - Just here for the early Ed Sheeran reference ;)

I’ve got some big enemies - idk i like the drama what the hell

Ooo you and me would be a big conversation - Media

I got a reputation that don’t precede me - opposite of the line that taylor cut from gorgeous

I don’t wanna just be another ex love that you don’t wanna see - <3

I don’t wanna miss you like the other girls do - hmmm... i really don’t feel joe vibes listening to this?

I just wanna be drinking on the beach with you all over me - This makes me think of the pics of Tom & Taylor on the beach

I got issues and chips on both of my shoulders - Ed’s singing always gets me and I like the chip on the shoulder trope

The truth is it’s easier to ignore it believe me - Love it

Even when we argue we don’t do it for long - Sounds like me with my friends <3

You understand the good and bad end up in the song - now that sounds like Joe

(Side note if it is all about Joe like she ‘claims’, seems odd but whatever, betcha that Calvin & Tom are so fucking thankful that Joe’s got her so loved up that she can’t even give a shit about their asses and how she thinks they may have wronged her)

All my flaws, paranoias, and insecurities - reference to the image built of Taylor

After the storm something was born - <3

Four words on the tip of my tongue - ???? Four words?

You and me we got big reputations - ... can’t be joe cause when they started dating everyone was legit like Joe who????

And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put them - i’d rather it be like about putting them in peoples backs, but i like this too, like she keeps maps of where she puts them after their buried, cause she’ll happily dig them up again if your wrong her, ie Kanye drama

My reputation precedes me - there it is again

I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me - Love this line <3

Your handprints in my soul - <3

I Did Something Bad

I never trust a narcissist but they love me, so I play them like a violin, and I make it look oh so easy - I love it idk

Cause for every lie I tell them they tell me three - wtf love it 

This is how the world works, now all he thinks about is me - LOVE

If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing - reference to kanye’s i made that bitch famous lyrics? and i love it

I don’t regret it one bit cause he had it coming - this song has drilled into the vindictive, slice your throat open side of me??? pls stop

They say I did something bad - <3

And i love the techno sound of it like tear it up

I never trust a playboy but they love me - ;)

So I fly them all around the world and let them think they saved me - ? Taylor who this about?

They never see it coming - ;) devilish

You gotta leave before you get left - heart ripping feel the power

He says don’t throw away a good thing  - idk im torn whether I like this line or not???

If he drops my name then I owe him nothing - Kanye, Calvin, a ton of ppl? 

And if he spends me change then he had it coming - I love the had it coming line makes me think of Cellblock Tango

They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one - Strong line

They got their pitchfork and proof, their receipts and reasons - Receipts -_-

Light me up - I love whenever that term is used

The little bubblier tune change towards the end is magic too

Don’t Blame Me -

 How this is not a Jack Antoff produced tune is beyond me it sounds so much like Waiting Game, whatever the tune is magic

Don’t blame me love made me crazy, and if it doesn’t you ain’t doing it right - I love the passion filled love story goes back to my love of Burton-Taylor, also reminds me of that thread of That’s the Way I Loved You

I’ve been breaking hearts a long time - Love it

They say she’s gone too far this time - this is powerful

And I’m just gonna call you mine, I’m insane but I’m your baby - Playing on the medias stereotype, getting a bit old 

Echoes, love you name inside my mind, halo, hiding my obsession - It’s a good lyric especially the name inside my mind

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace, just to touch your face - I wrote a similar line in a song earlier today before I heard this similar feeling runs deep

If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay - playing on the damsel in distress vibe again, also getting a bit old

Delicate

This ain’t for the best, my reputations never been worse - I love the my reputations never been worse line <3

Oh damn, never seen that color blue - Love it

Is it cool that I said all that, Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate - Fresh love, and I like it cause I get

Is it too soon to do this yet? 'Cause I know that it's delicate - I feel like this is about writing a song about someone, like is it too soon to write a song about this yet, not in a bad way!!!

Do the girls back home touch you like I do? - Sexy line, hot

Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs - Line reminds me of ‘ Sounded like footsteps on my stairs’ from If This Was a Movie. Also reminds me of All Too Well and the ‘down the stairs you were there I remember it all too well’ cause you know I’ll look for any reason to mention the power song

Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share - ??? what’s this about

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me? - <3

Sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend you're mine, all the damn time -  LOVE IT

Look What You Made Me Do

I’ve fallen out of love with the beat but it is still lit

But I got smarter I got harder in the nick of time - It’s strong and give me power

Honey I rose up from the dead I do it all time - See above

I got a list of names and yours is in red underlined, I check it once, then I check it twice - See above, also it’s vicious and I live for it

Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours - Kitty got claws

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me - Makes me grin with evil intentions

I’m sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now" "Why?" "Oh, 'cause she's dead!" - Maniacal laughter like Yzma as the cat in Emperorers New Groove

Below the lines that I’m not here for anymore

You ask me for a place to sleep,locked me out and threw a feast - idk? just eye roll?

The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama, but not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma - again just done with it

So it Goes...

I'm yours to keep and I'm yours to lose - Cool 

You know I'm not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you - ;)

Met you in a bar, All eyes on me, your illusion is, All eyes on us - Makes me think of This is What You Came For, so I’m thinking this is a Calvin dig, for him being a intimidated by her success

I make all your grey days clear and wear you like a necklace - This whole song I’m like idek if this is good or not, this is my least fav song on the album

I'm so chill, but you make me jealous - Girl we’re cool, but when have you ever been chill, and you’ve always been jelly?

Come here, dressed in black now - Oooh reputation era, bad ass taylor coming in, having her emo dressing in all black phase coming in XD

Scratches down your back now - Rawr sexy

Gorgeous

You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk - Making fun of Joe’s British accent ;)

And I got a boyfriend he’s older than us he’s in the club doing I don’t know what - Tom? Calvin??? Who knows.

Whiskey on ice, sunset and vine, you’ve ruined my life by not being mine - I get it 

You’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face - Again I feel it

You should take it as a compliment that I’m talking to everyone here but you - Agreed

If you got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her, but if you’re single it’s actually worse - Honestly yes, cause if you got a girlfriend, Ima be good cause I’m a Jackie not a Marilyn, but if you don’t omg I’m sorry I can’t stop it

You’re so gorgeous it actually hurts - Yep

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine, I feel like I might sink and drown and die - I’m sinking drowning and dying all at once

Like Joe isn’t really attractive to me but I’m glad she’s happy and wrote this bop cause I feel it in my soul

Getaway Car

The robo voice can go thank you

It was the best of times the worst of crimes - Love it already

I struck a match and blew your mind, but I didn’t mean it, and you didn’t see it - <3

The tires were black, the lies were white, and shades of gray in candle light - WHY DO I ENJOY THIS?

I wanted to leave him, but I needed a reason - IS JOE THE REASON? Okay love, but also come on if you wanna leave him, leave him for you!

X marks the spot where we fell apart, he poisoned the well, I was lying to myself - I love it so much and the beat??!?

I knew from the first old fashioned we were cursed, we never had a shot, shot, shot in the dark - Honestly can’t tell if this is her being like been on Joe for the longest time wanted to kick all the boys to curb moment I saw him shit, or whether it’s just her telling one of her made up love stories tied to the truth??? Like this is just about Bonnie and Clyde sorta and she’s just tying it to this.

You were driving the get away car, we were flying but we never get far - BOP BOP BOP

Don't pretend it's such a mystery think about the place where you first met me-And where exactly is that Taylor we’d all like to know, WHERE, WHEN, AND HOW DID YOU REALLY MEET JOE EXPLAIN

We're ridin' in a getaway car there were sirens in the beat of your heart - <3

Shoulda know I'd be the first to leave - Love

While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "go, go, go!" - LOVE LOVE LOVE

But with three of us, honey, it's a side show and a circus ain't a love story and now we're both sorry - Getting all kinds of era refs here

It hit you like a shotgun shot in the heart - Dead

I'm in a getaway car,I left you in a motel bar, put the money in the bag and I stole the keys that was the last time you ever saw me - This whole line is killer and I love it

King of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own,I made up my mind, I'm better off bein' alone - Love it

We met a few weeks ago - Idk but I like this single line

So prove to me I'm your American Queen and you move to me like I'm a Motown beat - I get American Boy vibes from this

Cause all the boys and their expensive cars, with their Range Rovers and their Jaguars, never took me quite where you do - All I can think about is Harry’s Range Rover, and Tom in the Jaguar commercials, and lol jaggywires 

Late in the night, the city's asleep your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep - sound of my heart beat

Change my priorities - sweet

Overall song is just eh - second least av

Dancing with Our Hands Tied 

That beginning piano is magic

I, I loved you in secret first sight, yeah, we love without reason - <3

Oh, 25 years old, Oh, how were you to know and my, my love had been frozen - </3

Deep blue, but you painted me golden - powerful

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it, I had a bad feeling - Strong, and heartbreaking

People started talking, putting us through our paces,I knew there was no one in the world who could take it - SEE ABOVE

I hate the chourus 

I, I loved you in spite of, deep fears that the world would divide us - Beautiful

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted - Darling

Swaying as the room burned down, I'd hold you as the water rushes in - All about the idc, and lets keep going even as havoc wreaks 

Third least fav maybe?

Dress

Golden Tattoo - ????

All of this silence and patience, panic, and anticipation, my hands are shaking from holding back from you - Darling and sexy at the same time also come on Taylor just jump his bones!

I don't want you like a best friend - Did anyone not know this?

Only bought this dress on you could take it off, take it off, carve your name into my bedpost - Sexy, also still hear carve you name into my nipples XD

And if I get burned, at least we were electrified - Cool, but if you get burned you’re gonna be pissed

Nights back when you met me your buzzcut, and my hair bleed - Hair bleeds??

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me - <3

Flash back to my mistakes,my rebounds, my earthquakes - Pain

Even in my worst nights, you saw the truth of me - <3

Don’t like the high pitch of the song, everyone built it up so it fell flat 

Fourth least fav maybe???

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year - BOP

So why'd you have to rain on my parade? -  BOP

This is why we can’t have nice things, cause you break them, I have to take them away - !!!!!

It was so nice being friends again, there I was, giving you a second chance, but then you stabbed my back - KANYE KANYE KANYE

And therein lies the issue, friends don't try to trick you, get you on the phone and mind-twist you, and so I took an axe to a mended fence - HOT HOT HOT, I really want an axe to swing

But I'm not the only friend you've lost lately, if only you weren't so shady - grinning cuz Jay-Z

Here's a toast to my real friends,they don't care about that he-said-she-said - POWERFUL, makes me think of Taylor’s You Belong With Me Shirt in LWYMMD

And here's to my baby he ain't reading what they call me lately - Getting a lil tired of this her BABY, all songs are about Joe, JOE, JOE, JOE okay we get it, glad you happy, calm down 

And here's to my momma had to listen to all this drama - My favorite part idk why

And here's to you cause forgiveness is a nice thing to do haha, I can't even say it with a straight face - ;) I it’s funny, idek how to feel cuz im like oh god but also HYSTARICAL??

Not for the siren sounds, but also it’s lit and a secret fav?

Call it What You Want

THIS SONG IS MY BABY!!

My castle crumbled overnight, I brought a knife to a gunfight - <3

They took the crown but it’s alright - </3

All the liars are calling me one, nobodies heard from me for months - 0.0

I’m doing better than I ever was - Happy for her

My babies fit like a daydream, walking with his head down, I’m the one he’s walking to - <3 :) love it, and she used the British term fit XD

My babies fly like a jetstream, high above the whole scene, loves me like I’m brand new - Beautiful

All my flowers grew back as thorns, windows boarded up after the storm -  The afterward to Clean

He built a fire just to keep me warm - Bonfire imagery gets me

They fade to nothing when I look at him - <3

And I know I make the same mistakes everytime, bridges burn, I never learn - POWERFUL ADMITTING IT

At least I did one thing right - <3

I’m laughing with my lover making forts under covers - <3 :)

Trust him like a brother - TRUST TRUST TRUST GETS ME

I want to wear his initial on chain round my neck, not because he owns me, but cause he really knows me - UGH I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT

Which is more than they can say - <3

I recall late November, holding my breath slowly I said, you don’t need to save me, but would you runaway with me, yes - <3 LOVE LIKE THIS IS KILLING ME

New Years Day

Her voice is so sweet and dewey here and I love it, but everyone hyped it up and so it fell a lil flat on me imagery is great tho

Don’t read the last page, but I stay when you’re lost and I’m scared and you’re turning away - <3 <3 <3

I want your midnights - <3

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi - Eh it’s okay, sweet???

I can tell it’s gonna be a long road - LONG GOOD ROAD

If you strike out and you’re crawling home - Strong supportive

When it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes - AGAIN SUPPORTIVE LOVE

Hold on to the memories, they will hold onto you - Strong strong strong anything with the word memories gets me everytime

Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere - CRYING HERE

You and me forevermore - I hope <3

[youraplaya]

Breathe

Something that I’ve realized after 2 years of self-reflection is whats underneath all my faux confidence in myself. It was really just a comfortable spot of indecision that masked my insecurities and self doubts. I never realized how extremely fearful I am of vulnerability. I’m afraid of what people will think of me when I no longer control my narrative. I’ve gotten really good at determining what other people see in me and feeding into that narrative. It’s not necessarily who I am all the time either. Its who I assume I should be in the most basic sense. A long time ago people decided who I was ...stereotyped, classified, and judged me before they even met me. My closet friends decided who I was in their eyes without bothering to ask what I thought. And i went with it. The narrative was close enough and it shinned a bright light on me. It gave me an avenue to succeed in, but it made me complacent. I became vulnerable and eventually insecure with how I applied myself - I think my family suffers severely from the fear of vulnerability and failures. I started striving for just above average and I was good at it. This narrative of me allowed me to work hard, but not for myself. I wasn’t completing projects for me I was doing them, because they were expected of. Which works out fine for a while, but this narrative began effecting me as a human being. Because feelings always find their own way to express themselves. I was so unhappy with myself. Entities of my life that were most important to me, reflected nothing of me. I realized that non of my friends were anything like me. I always valued uniqueness in others and had no problem befriending those who were. But now I find myself surrounded by people who i accept are so different from me, but who don't accept my differences. And from fear of rejection I found a way to get comfortable with who people wanted me to be. I allowed people to to create my prison and I redecorated and made myself at home.  And when my narrative began to fail me, it really shook me to my core. I found things i desired to be unattainable bc of this prison I called home. I realized how unhappy i was with all those entities in my life. This narrative had found a way to infiltrate the most important parts of my being. It shifted from a social facade to a coping mechanism for any sign of failure and vulnerability. Love/rejection has caused me more pain than I chose to acknowledge. I’ve always been a lot more emotional than I let on. My passion for life scares me. I love soo easily and so hard that it’s easy to be hurt. It hurts so much because I am aware of how much I can extend for others. How much I truly love other people. I also am aware of how little people share a passion like that as well. I don't want to attach myself to someone who can not love the way i am willing too. My mom doesn't understand, but my need to distance myself from relationship is because i deem them worthless. Not the concept of them but the ideal people have of them. They have all been empty to me. And I refuse for my relationship w that much weight to half full or half empty. I refuse to let something the dictate my being be so empty. All of mt relationships have been like that - except with my youngest  brother and my mom - and even then they have made big strides since I went away to college. I’ve worked on being open with them and thats why i deem them my best friends because they know me for who i want to be. People don't understand how suffocating being someone else can be. Pretending to be someone so similar to who you are but with no depth to your actual being is fatal. I know so many peers who are stuck in this grave others have built for them. It suffocates you. But the only difference in my pain is I was told the air was so supposed to be this thin and that i should be appreciative of my “air” quality because it is much better than others. But what does the air quality matter if im still dying from it. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and people rolled their eyes as I squandered. I was so disregared. Everyone again assumed something so uncharacteristic of who I really was. Everyone assumed I was being unappreciative of the privileges or was overthinking. People ignored my actual pain because of accomplishments that I achieved for others. It confused me so much because the identity other has of me was a beautiful expensive glass vase with nothing in it. And when I tried to explain that there were flowers too. People told me that I should just be happy with th vase. I told so many people that i was struggling and all i asked for was for someone to listen. I got a counselor, looked for help from friends, coaches, parents. But people lie. People say it all the time, but what they don't add to it is that people lie, but only to themselves. the worst most painful lies stem from people lying to themselves. Saying to someone “You can come to me with anything” but by anything they mean “you can come to me with issues that I want to hear about”.  That is a lie. You don't actually care about what I’m saying. If you sound like anything from a Tyler Perry movie or a damn CW/Showtime original they're all ears. But when you present someone a problem a bit more complex that requires a bit of self reflection of your own and a solution that doesn't come easy, people tend to not care. Strangers I understand, but people I thought loved me? well that hurt more.  I never was sentimental albeit as emotional as i am. I never was one to jump the gun on titles as platonic as the friendship may be. But as low as the bar was set for my loved ones, they never failed to disappoint me. I felt as if most arguments or drama that ensued with my friends were with the perceived me and not who I actually am. I don't mind me called out negatively for who I am. Self-reflection is KEY. But I’ve been called out on character that is not true. It’s the worst version of me that doesn’t exist. This person that people have created around me is illogical and conniving. But that can't be more unlike me. Mean words mean nothing if you don't feel truth behind them. I’ve done mean messy things, sure. But there is always reasoning behind the things I do. Well-thought out. and if i do them they're completely, they're not directed toward anyone. its simply selfish desires of my true self that never got the opportunity to make decisions for her own. The side of me that's just trying to see the light. It slips out and people deem her unworthy, but thats not even my bad side. Thats my selfish side, mores the unfiltered side that doesn't really give a **** about the stupid shit rules that other ppl have randomly made up. The funny thing is no one has ever seen my mean side. I’m never mean or mad at anyone. So for someone to say I was acting in meanness..is wrong. because if I wanted to hurt their feelings, the conversation of my behavior wouldn't be had. We would no longer be friends. My temper is not short , but it matches the deeply passionate side that i fear because of too much emotion. 

I use sex and my sexuality to free myself of all vulnerable restraints. It means something else that what society wants me to understand it as. Sex means nothing to me. Because it means less to me doesn't mean i have no restraints or logic behind it. it holds the same regards to me as kissing/making out with a guy. Same rules apply; don't kiss ugly guys, don't kiss guys of the same friend group, choose your kissers carefully, etc, etc. That type of vulnerability is a language not as stunted to communicate. Everyone seems to be on the same page and can speak it very clearly. If a guy wants to have sex and I too want to have sex, it very straight forward. The only rejection comes with the double standard that women bear. but aside from that everyone understands the rules and each party gets pleasure from them. It’s the perfect agreement. Its very logically. You like this you continue. Its all about face value there's no depth. Everyone is happy in the end. Theres still respect if thing fall out. And if you show too emotion your the one who is in the wrong. Its very clear. Very little room error. And im sure sex is better when your in a relationship but a relationship is not built on sex. sex is still sex. But emotional intimacy is where the pain comes from.  Emotional intimacy has no rules there no understanding. People will lie to your face. It can be one sided. You can put this amount of energy into it and the other half put nothing into it. No matter how careful you are you can still wrong. You can be solid for years and still be wrong. There no rules. Theres no grounds of trust that don't require you to have the opportunity to not be enough. There no logic to feelings. You can do everything and still very wrong. Emotional Intimacy thats where pain comes from .And that is what I keep at arms distance.

[kennothythebard]

Things I’ve learned about writing DEH characters

THIS IS NOT A GUIDE BY ANY MEANS THIS IS JUST SOME OBSERVATIONS AND THINGS I DO.

So while researching for and writing “A Worthy Explanation” (pls read i crave validation) I’ve noticed a lot of little things that I don’t always see mentioned in writing guides for these characters so I thought I’d point some of these out. Idk how love this is going to be so I’ll prolly put a cut here.

General

I like to create kind of a “loneliness chart” and graph the kids on it (looks kinda like those political alignment things). On one axis theres introverted vs. extroverted, and on the other theres like polite vs. rude I guess? But in summary: Evan is introverted polite, Jared is extroverted rude, Alana is extroverted polite, Connor is introverted rude, and Zoe... is just kinda generally lonely. Where she falls really depends on what’s going on with her (but she typically is a less extreme introverted rude than Connor).

Obviously each character has their own faults, but I often see these faults viewed quite selectively, see “cinnamon roll evan” and “fucking larry” for two very different examples of this phenomenon. Evan is not perfect and always trying to be nice, and Larry is not a super abusive parent who deserves no happiness in this life. They’re both complex and it’s hard to let go of our misconceptions to write truer to the characters (e.g. I really, Really don’t like Larry. I see him as a lousy father who just kind of chose to be “the strict one” but does nothing but criticize and dole out punishment, ignoring his kids any other time), but that’s an important part of deh, is that people aren’t always what we perceive them to be.

Evan

Evan is often viewed as like a cinnamon roll, but in act 2 especially Evan gets mean. Like, he’s dismissive and rude and angry and just a jerk. Evan can be just as bad if not worse than some of the “angrier” characters

Ppl often talk about his lying as his biggest character flaw, but I’d argue that most of the lying we see in the show just stems from the one lie which he was kinda forced to make bc he was in a bad place (i mean, thats pretty much the entire point of awe).

The character flaw that I don’t see discussed enough is that he’s ashamed of his mental illness. He’d rather pretend it’s not there, even when it impacts every part of his life. He doesn’t do the letters the way his therapist assigned them, he’s apprehensive towards medication and stops taking it, and basically feeds into his self-destructive tendencies, arguing his mother sees his as “broke” or something to be fixed.

Jared

I love writing Jared

There’s already a lot about what a complex character he is and stage directions, but one thing that most people notice is his actions frequently contradict his words. Take the sincerely me reprise at the start of act 2. Why would he try to insert himself into the narrative at this point? What good would that do at this point? When evan dismisses him he gets annoyed and defensive. He says that he can’t do anything until Monday because he’s hanging with his camp friends (whom he claims are his “real friends,” a term he will later ascribe to himself regarding Evan in Good For You), and when Evan dismisses him again he tries to offer to help with the kickstarter, but is quickly shot down once more by Evan. Despite what seems to be a natural ending place in the conversation, he insists on continuing to talk with Evan, and when Evan cuts him off again he becomes rude and slightly threatening. This happens over the course of maybe three minutes and it’s one of the most insightful scenes to jared’s character

When writing a canon-compliant Jared, his actions and thoughts should conflict with his words. He cares about Evan but he’d never say that out loud (in more canon-compliant fics), and it hurts when he’s pushed away, which he responds to with anger.

Zoe

Zoe is one of the most difficult characters to write, imo.

She’s often portrayed in a slightly sweeter, saccharine way in fanon as just like a fun, silly girl who is just a tad sarcastic, but really you can tell that she’s Connor’s brother. She’s angry, blunt, unafraid of speaking her mind, etc. Yes, she is funny and kinda sarcastic, but her sarcasm isn’t always of the funny variety. She’s obviously angry at her parents, but this often comes across as a “doesn’t love them” variety of anger when her real feelings seem to be much more complex. 

Basically, I’m still learning a lot about writing her but I think just like the other kids she’s a little lonely, so Evan comes along and he’s there and that’s enough for her. She has such a wide range of emotions that I don’t feel are always accurately represented, even by me. (especially by me)

Alana

Hella, hella lonely. Covers it up by talking to people and doing extracurriculars. Sure, “college apps” is her excuse for why she does so much, but it’s not the real reason. If she keeps busy, she doesn’t have to be alone with her thoughts. But at the same time she has similar fears to Evan about people seeing the worst of her. “Close acquaintances” seems to be a statement about how little she makes friends, but I also see it as a defense mechanism. If she remains “close acquaintances” with people, she’ll never have to be their friend and they’ll never have to see the worst of her.

She’s cheerful and annoying, but in the way that pisses high schoolers off. Like, we all knew that one kid who was just way way too nice, and most of us were like “yeah ok they’re pretty cool i guess” but like some people just hated their positivity. It also doesn’t help that she tries to insert herself in situations she hasn’t been invited in, and does some questionable things to help her accomplish her goals. (Evan/Alana contrast: Evan does questionable things to accomplish internal goals, Alana does them to accomplish external goals)

Gets easily distracted. Forgets to sign Evan’s cast in scene 1. Her mind has a million different thoughts at any given moment. It wouldn’t be out of line to headcanon ADHD Alana (some of the things she does reminds me of the things I do when I forget my meds).

Connor

?????

We don’t see a lot to really get a huge insight into his personality. We know he was angry and had some serious mental illness.

We also know that he could recognize when he went too far and would go out of his way to make amends. (Why was he in the computer lab? Why did he sign Evan’s cast?) He may recognize a kindred spirit in Evan.

Clearly he doesnt hate his family (he goes to school despite not wanting to go, and seeing Zoe’s name is what sets him off showing possible concern), and it would not surprise me to learn that he thought his family would be better and happier without him. He clearly has intense emotions and reactions even to things that might seem minuscule or inconsequential. When writing him in canon, I think of a rubber band stretched too tight, and any characters action could loosen or tighten the pulling.

Heidi

Such an emotional character, I nearly break my own heart when I’m trying to writer her.

Theres two odd kind of paradoxes in a parent-child relationship like that between Heidi and Evan. For Heidi, the paradox is that the more she wants to do for Evan, the less she can actually be there for him. For Evan, he wants his mother to succeed and loves her so much that he might even encourage her to not worry about him or spend time with him, but then resents that she’s never there. Or at least when he meets a mother who can provide and be there.

Heidi pretty much worries herself sick over Evan. Evan comes before everything else in her life, and so it’s easy for her to feel like she failed him, which is a huge reason for her intense reaction in Good for you: evan has just confirmed her fears that she’s failed him.

Heidi tries so hard, but she isn’t perfect. She’s clearly very sensitive about money or about Evan’s father, and this sensitivity can easily change to anger or passive-aggressiveness. She has deep insecurities that we may never see or fully comprehend.

Cynthia

Mom. like shes completely a mom. like, “can i speak to your manager?” type mom.

Loves her kids and tries to be supportive but struggles communicating with two very headstrong, sarcastic kids

she probably wouldn’t say this, but takes connor’s death very personally. wonders why he would do this to her 

Is desperate for her children to listen and understand her. Which Evan is more than willing to do.

A little bit selfish? Like, thinks about what will make her better rather than accepting everybody grieves differently

Larry

Fucking larry. I don’t like him and he’s the hardest character for me to write.

Ok since I made such a big deal about it in the intro i’ll try to be nicer than id normally be

A masculine archetype. Sports dad, wants sports son, which Connor isn’t

He’s got some really ableist/misogynistic tendencies that causes the intense demonization of him in the fanon but I mean... he could be worse i guess? (that’s literally the best i can say about that so yeah i dont like him at all)

Really just oblivious. Completely ignored Connor’s need for help, does not know how to read a room, you could say he frequently has a foot in his mouth if it weren’t so intentional.

I mean...probably a good guy if you can get past all that stuff? just really, really self absorbed.

yikes that was long. Again, not really a guide, just some things I think about when writing these characters. if you read this far at all thank you for indulging me this much.