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littlelionwriting · 9 months ago

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Male Companions and Parenting

Here is some headcanons for the male companions (and Zevlor) for Baldur's Gate 3. This is a continuation of the Pregnancy headcanons I wrote previously. If you want to request anything just send me a DM!

Zevlor

His son is a spitting image of him except for his eyes, his eyes are your eyes.

When he holds him for the first time his son's tail wraps around Zevlor's wrist and he feels like his heart will burst.

He's a strict parent but he makes sure that his child knows that they are loved.

He wants to be there for everything, every step, and every word. He wants to be involved.

If his son starts to become interested in weapons or fighting it gives Zevlor a heart attack. He doesn't want that life for his son.

But seeing how important it is to him, seeing how his eyes light up when he is fighting, Zevlor makes sure he is properly trained. Nothing but the best.

He will constantly tell his son how proud he is of him.

"You should have seen him today, Sweetling. He was great. He will be amazing." Zevlor sat on the edge of the bed, looking at you with a grin on his face. "Our family is amazing."

Wyll

When he holds his daughter for the first time, he feels like laughing. His wonderful, beautiful daughter who looks like the perfect mix of the two of you.

He is the dad who has tea parties and helps paint her nails.

Wyll would gladly take her with him when he goes to train, showing her how to properly hold a (dull) blade the moment she is big enough.

He cannot tell her no; she doesn't even bother to ask you for something when she can go to Wyll instead and get what she wants.

The first time he sees his teenage daughter in a proper evening gown for a ball his heart drops cause he knows she isn't his little girl anymore.

He's not the best dancer but he does his best to teach her how to show up everyone on the dance floor.

"Darling, do you see her? Doesn't she look marvelous?" Wyll's eyes go from the dancing figure of your daughter with some noble's son to you as he takes his hand in yours. "Maybe we should take the hint and dance ourselves."

Astarion

His handsome son with his silver hair and red eyes but your skin color.

He is the only one who can get your son to stop crying as a baby. Not even being held by you can quiet the wailing child.

His son may be a troublemaker from the moment he could walk but Astarion would only encourage it. Very much an 'As long as you don't get caught' way of parenting.

Would have no qualms about teaching him how to pick locks or how to use a dagger. One must always be prepared according to Astarion.

He does not like his child being out at night without one of you, even as he gets into his teenage years. If he isn't home by sundown Astarion is ready to go out searching for him.

Astarion makes sure to encourage his son in anything and everything he wants to do. He would gladly buy the world if that is what was asked of him.

"He did well today, Lover. You would have been proud of him." You hummed softly in acknowledgement, not looking up from your book as Astarion walks over to where you sit in front of the first. He smiles before bending over and laying a kiss on the crown of your head.

"Of course, he's your son."

Halsin

When your twins are born Halsin swore they would ask for naught. Holding them both in his large arms to his chest as they slept.

Your son looked like you but had Halsin's hair and eyes while your daughter looked like a clone of Halsin just with your eyes.

Halsin learned early on to keep an eye on them, from the moment they could walk they were running off into the forest. They would often come home covered head to toe in mud.

He makes sure to teach them to respect all creatures, even the gross and icky ones.

It is not uncommon to find one of them on his shoulders. In fact, they often would fight over who got to ride on his shoulders so he had to make them take turns.

His son takes after his father, bringing home random critters much to his father's amusement.

His daughter is on the quiet side, liking to stay by his side and enjoy nature more than the company of people.

Would be over the moon when his daughter felt the call to being a Druid and his son a Ranger.

"You are so proud, Halsin." You walked to his side, taking his large hand in yours, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand.

"More than you could ever know, my Heart."

Gale

Gale loves his daughter from the moment she is born but he is not a baby or toddler guy.

When he is left alone with her for the first time as a baby you come home to both of them crying.

He does his best which includes taking said daughter with him to any lectures he gives and when she babbles, he acts as if she is answering or giving input.

"Excellent point, Darling! Now, to continue..."

He makes sure she is dressed properly for whatever the weather and makes sure she is always in style.

Tara is her favorite babysitter hands down and Tara is more than happy to follow the young Miss around.

The first time she tells you and Gale she has a crush on someone you have to hold Gale back from threatening the poor soul with a fireball.

Gale makes sure to teach your daughter how to be proper and that includes how to rip someone to shreds with their words.

Gale puts a huge emphasis on education, he will make sure that she has the best tutors and will even tutor her himself if she asked.

"She is doing simply amazing, Dearest. You would never guess she has only been studying for a few years. I say she will soon surpass all the others in her class!" You gave your husband a soft smile as he continued to sing your daughter's praises, happy as can be.

Want to buy me a coffee or commission a short story? Find me here: https://ko-fi.com/littleleonlion

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la2yn0va · 2 months ago

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lf you have the time to make part 4 of friends after the events of part 2 stellaron hunter m/n take a break so he go to xianzhou to see the event ( moze,jiaoqiu,any chance feixiao saw then and go to he friendly enough to talk them) image feixiao saw m/n watching her.fighting hoolay and joined her and fight along side any characters of your choice

BTW you will have finished it I don't know what happened next BC I will have a break to HSR so yeah I WANT FLUFF AND ANGST (oh boy this one will be different)

Friends…?

Note: 2.5 is out, I can finally do this! This can be taken as romantic or Platonic.

———

Kafka: M/n~

M/n: Kafka.

The two greeted each other. M/n cracked his neck and walked over to her.

M/n: So what’s happening? Was firefly talking shit again?

Kafka: Hah. Since when did firefly ever do such things? Are you still held up about our little ‘bounty’ competition?

M/n: Your god damn right I am! She came in outta NOWHERE and took my place as the second most dangerous stellaron hunter! Fuck that! She used a whole as fucking mech suit to do that!

Kafka watched, with an amused smile. It’s always a joy to see m/n rant on about this like an irritated child. She let him talk for a bit more, before patting his face.

Kafka: Now now. As much as I’m enjoying this, I’m afraid you have a mission~

M/n: Hah? I do?

Kafka nodded

M/n: FUCK!

He flicked his body around, walking around before stopping and taking a breath.

M/n: Come on! I had to take care of that little trailblazer in belabog and the xianzhou abit before it was reveled I was a stellaron..— WHATEVER—! Sigh, what’s the mission?

Kafka: Similar to fireflies mission in penacony. You’re going back to the xianzhou. Elio has seen that you must find something there. That and, you must lend a helping hand when the problem comes.

M/n: Back to the xianzhou? and I have to find something…is it something internal like firefly…when do I leave?

Kafka: You have 5 minutes before wolfie teleports you somewhere safe at the luofu. Put on your best outfit, handsome.

She waved before walking out of his room. M/n stood there for a minute before sighing.

M/n: Firefly found something at penacony, and now me… is Elio trying to heal us or something? No… we have nothing to lose anyway… why would destiny bother with that?

-Timeskip-

M/n had been at the xianzhou for not even 2 hours and shit had already hit the fan. Guess that’s the xianzhou specialty nowadays. M/n had been walking around, rooftop to rooftop, trying to find anything.

He did see the nameless and played around with them for a bit, before leaving. And now, hoolay had escaped and his friend jiaoqiu had been captured as hostage.

M/n cursed at the whole situation. A part of him still was a cloud knight, seeing everything go to shit had stung him, but it wasn’t what bothered him. Honesty, the whole luofu could get destroyed and he wouldn’t care. But the borisin have his friend!

As he was searching for him, many unpleasant memories came rushing back to him. How he left the yaoqing, how he joined the stellaron hunters to revert himself back to how he was before he was forced to face an identity and internal crisis after meeting his ‘o so great mother’ how he regretted the way he left, but ultimately he accepted all this.

He eventually came across moze, trailblazer, and feixiao. He stopped, seeing how injured Moze was and listened in to their conversation, learning that hoolay was headed to the ship where the war dance was being held.

He immediately headed there, managing to jump his way up there. He quickly searched the entire ship, finding some borisin and killing then off after asking for jiaoqiu’s location. Apparently only hoolay knew. Much to his annoyance and slight excitement. He felt the ship shake and immediately sped up to the arena, seeing feixiao face off with hoolay.

He watched silently. Should he help? Why should he…?! It was HER fault why Jiaoqiu got kidnapped in the first place…. No.. no he’s just being childish. He jumped up and landed a diving kick onto the warheads jaw, having enough strength and rage to break his jaw.

Feixiao, March, Yanqing, and yunli watched in pure shock. Stellaron hunter m/n was here! But he was helping them!? M/n didn’t face them yet, he landed on the ground before turning around and slamming a fist onto hoolay’s chest, pushing him away from them.

March & Feixiao: M-M/n!?

Yunli & Yanqing: Stellaron hunter!?

M/n: I see I’m famous

He joked turning to face them, well mostly feixiao. Walking towards her, she clicked her tongue before getting ready to fight.

M/n: Your pointing that at the wrong person.

Feixiao: What’re you doing here!

M/n: Tsk. You see me after our little meeting in the interrogation room and this is how you react? Typical. I’m here to help fix YOUR fuck up.

Feixiao: M-my.. what’re you—

M/n: Jiaoqiu is captured. So point your damn blade at that mutt over there!

He stood besides her, talking out his own dual blades. Feixiao could only stare in surprise. She knew that m/n’s meant to make her feel guilty for Jiaoqiu, which worked, but… she can’t help but feel happy that he’s here, fighting along side her once more.

Feixiao: Fine.

March, Yunli, Yanqing: WHAT!!?

M/n: You three are still here?

Feixiao: Relax. Right now we have a common enemy. And that’s hoolay. We’ll deal with the m/n situation later!

M/n: Glad you care about me THAT much!

He bit back as feixiao smiled. Hoolay roared and ran towards the duo as they dashed in. The two began to bombard hoolay, their old teamwork slowly reviving and putting on a show for anyone who watched.

Feixiao couldn’t help but have a smile carved in her face. What was meant to be an emotional turmoil for her was quelled with m/n’s presence here. Just like back then. How it should’ve been, how it SHOULD be.

Hoolay was quickly defeated, but then ripped his heart out and threw it in the sky, infecting foxian’s with moon rage. Feixiao however, used her power to swallow the crimson moon, becoming the enemy. The trio swordsmaters wanted to help. But m/n refused, out right kicking them down to the luofu, leaving the arena with only HIM and feixiao.

-Inside Feixiao’s Mind-

Hoolay: Ahh.. that man. M/n? Possibly your biggest regret.

Hoolay teased as an imagine if a confused and crying m/n appeared in front of him and feixiao. Feixiao’s eyes widened as she stared at this afterimage.

M/n: I hate this… why do I even care!? Why should I care!!? I DONT GET IT!! WHAT THE HELL AM I MEANT TO FELL HERE!! AM I EVEN HUMAN!!? HELP!! WOULD SOMEONE JUST… HELP!!

It yelled, making feixiao wince at the sight and hoolay laugh.

Hoolay: The “lacking” general. Lacking in worries, regrets, and rivals! Hahahaha!! What a pathetic front! This one man destroys that foolish title of yours!

Another afterimagine appeared, showing m/n standing ontop of corpses of abominations and borisin, His eyes looked dead, his body limp.

Hoolay: Instead of helping your ‘friend’ you sent him off to fight in a war! And that’s when he realized how you truly felt about him! You only ever saw him as a soilder!

Feixiao’s eyes stung as she walked up to the afterimagine. Which changed to make its head stare ahead, right where Feixiao stood.

Hoolay: A capable warrior indeed! A powerful solider that was meant to be used by their superior! A remarkable weapon! That’s all you ever saw him as. And he knows it!

M/n: I’m…not even human. When have I ever been… even to the cloud knights. I’m just a pawn, a dog meant to die when they order me to… even SHE sees me as a dog…

Feixiao reached out, putting her and on his face as her saddened eyes stared into his dead ones as hoolay continued to torment her.

Hoolay: You only ever comforted him once, and you made it clear that you just wanted him at his best so he could battle!!

Feixiao: You were never a dog nor solider in my eyes.. your were ALWAYS my friend. You will forever be my closest friend… it’s me… I’m the one who saw myself as a weapon! You were always the only one that made me feel human!

She yelled, before slapping the afterimage away, once again ridding herself of the guilt she carried within herself for all these years. Hoolay didn’t seem pleased as a battle quickly escalated between her and a shadow of herself, the darkest parts of her.

As she held up her waraxe, two people appeared beside her. Two m/n’s from her own mindscape.

Evil!Feixiao: What?!

Feixiao: M/n…

Past M/n: You look troubled general~ don’t tell me that your scared I’ll take your general title~

Present m/n: Get your head together. You always pull me into your shit feixiao.

She looked at the two before smiling as the three got ready to battle hoolay.

-Timeskip, after the battle-

M/n groaned as he flopped against a wall of an alleyway. He finished his battle with feixiao and hoolay, and now he was tired, very tired. But, he didn’t let himself rest, he still needed to find jiaoqiu.

He had to escape from cloud knights and now was pushing himself to continue his search. He decided to head to the alchemy commission, to steal some ornaments. Once he arrived, he saw jiaoqiu! And he was walking!

He sighed in relief, knowing he can leave in peace. He took out his phone and messgaed silverwolf, ready to get teleported away. Only for her to replay “Elio said you still have some people to confront”

M/n: …fuck me…

He sighed before watching jiaoqiu walk towards the waves. He waited as feixiao walked to jiaoqiu and moze reveled himself, but he froze. Should he actually go out and talk to them? Does he have that right anymore?

Moze: Will you revel yourself.

Moze said as they all faced the direction where m/n was. M/n sighed, knowing he should’ve expected them to know he was here. He walked out, holding his side for a few seconds before facing them.

Moze: M/n..!

Jiaoqiu: What..!?

Moze said, shocked that it was him that was spying on them. Feixiao offered him a warm smile, and m/n looked back with slight irritation. Looking at jiaoqiu and his much duller eyes, showing m/n his blindness.

M/n:…I blame you.

He said looking at feixiao. Whose face twitched with guilt. Moze looked towards Feixiao, wondering if he should attack, but she shook her head.

Jiaoqiu: M/n..? Is that actually you…!

M/n:…yes.. it’s me—

M/n’s eyes shot open, seeing Jiaoqiu running towards his voice with a clenched fist. He raised his hand but stopped, deciding to not block it. He allowed jiaoqiu to hit him, actually feeling some blood drop from his nose.

Jiaoqiu: You have any idea how much I’ve wanted to do that…?

M/n slowly looked back, swiping the blood from his nose away with his thumb.

M/n: Yeah. Some level of idea.

He said moving his hand to ruffle his hair like he always did back then. Jiaoqiu allowed it to continue for a few seconds before slapping his hand away, not forgiving m/n.

M/n looked saddened by this but understood. He looked towards moze who looked indifferent of the whole situation, but m/n could see through moze. He was happy, and abit irritated m/n was here.

M/n: it is nice to see you again, Moze. Taking care of lil’ jiao for me?

Moze nodded and jiaoqiu looked away after hearing his old nickname. M/n looked towards feixiao. Looking abit more stoic.

M/n: general.

Her ears twitched at the title, shaking her head.

Feixiao: No please. Call me feixiao.

M/n:….feixiao.

He re-greeted, which earned a soft smile from her. M/n sighed, not knowing where to go from here.

M/n:…you all have something to say to me. So say it. I already checked the area. It’s just us here… let me have it.

Jiaoqiu: Your a selfish prick.

Moze: Your an Irrational fucking mongrel!

Feixiao: Your a reckless dumbass that doesn’t think of others first!

M/n, stayed still. Accepting the verbal insults. He crossed his arms and looked away, his mind still in abit of a frenzy. After about 10 minutes of verbal abuse, the three calmed down.

M/n: well…guess all that was warranted.

Jiaoqiu: You think?

Jiaoqiu bit back. M/n just sighed and responded with a ‘yes’

M/n:…well. I believe we’re done here.

He turned around but his hand was instantly caught by feixiao.

Feixiao: Wait!

M/n did as he was told. Standing still, he looked back to see feixiao and her pleading eyes, looking as if she’d die right there if he left.

M/n: what do you want general.

Feixiao:…I know.. you don’t like me. Back then. You came to me for help because you weren’t truly at all good with emotions. So when you met your—

M/n: skip the fucking recap.

Feixiao: Mm—…. I’m sorry. I’m sorry my actions that day, which left you even more in turmoil than you already were in. I’m sorry I was being a general and not a friend. I’m sorry I made you think you meant nothing to me… in truth you meant everything to me. You WERE everything. Not just to me, but to us.

She said, holding out an arm towards moze and jiaoqiu.

Feixiao: Please… tell me how I can fix this. There has to be a way. A solution! Please, tell me anything. I’ll do anything to prove how sorry I am.

M/n: oh? And what if I want your life.

Feixiao: Take it.

Jiaoqiu and moze released a slightly surprised sound, as m/n held his blade against her neck.

Feixiao: If that’s what it’ll take for you to forgive me. Then I’ll gladly die by your hands.

M/n:….tsk. No need to be serious…. I forgive you…

He said, putting his blade away. Feixiao looked surprised but smiled, allowing the most joyful smile ever to grace their eyes. M/n, released a breath, turning to leave.

M/n: I guess we’re don—

Feixiao: Can you stay longer!

M/n: huh..?

Feixiao: Can..can you come back! Stay with us. Become a cloud knight with us again!

She said desperately. Wanting to spread more time with him, as did moze and jiaoqiu. M/n looked away and scratched his hair.

M/n: i don’t think I—

He was cutoff by a notification from his phone, taking it out and seeing a message from… blade?

Blade: Kafka has informed me to message you. She said your mission was complete, I read your script. If you want another opinion, I’d suggest you either take your generals head, or work on fixing your relationship with them.

M/n: no fucking way he wasn’t manipulated into sending this message!!

He said in his mind, but sighing. Putting his phone away. He looked towards the three and walked back to them.

M/n: Lucky for you, I have time off… let’s..get a party going I guess.

He said, abit awkwardly. Feixiao smiled and jumped onto him, hugging him tightly, much to his surprise. Jiaoqiu also joined in while Moze simply patted m/n’s head.

Moze: Let’s get a move on. I haven’t cleaned your house today.

M/n: You’ve been cleaning my house this whole time!?

-The End-

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magidoggie · 10 months ago

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A LOOK INTO SHI/HIR PRONOUNS AND THEIR ORIGINS

So I’ve seen people claim that shi/hir pronouns are intersex exclusive (mostly intersex people), and others say they aren’t (mostly non-intersex people)

As an intersex person, I've been confused about this for a while, so I decided to look into it

THIS POST WILL CONTAIN NSFW TOPICS, FURRIES, TALKS OF FETISHIZATION OF INTERSEX BODIES, AND INTERSEX SLURS!

Most of the users of these pronouns seem to be non-intersex people, but there are also intersex people who use them.

I've seen a decent amount of intersex people say that shi/hir pronouns are only ours to use, as they were used against us (like a shortened version of he-she). This would make them basically slurs that only we can reclaim.

I've even seen some claims that Geoffrey Chaucer himself coined these words?? (The chaucer thing, I haven't been able to find a source for. Even so, it is most likely just an old spelling of "she/her")

I’ve seen people say it originated on 4chan. It'd be hard to verify, as 4chan is known for not keeping threads up for long. There are 4chan archives, but I've tried my hardest to look for any combinations of things like "shi" and different terms that could work with it like "intersex" "freak" or "hermaphrodite" . I don't doubt it's been used on 4chan, but I can't find much, and archival sites don't go back far enough.

Regardless, the pronouns seem quite old. One thing I did find under the search of ""4chan" shi hir" on Google, was a.. descriptive post on a furry porn website called e621.net

Okay, 13 years ago, that's a start. It certainly contains the word "herm" (short for hermaphrodite), and the word intersex used with this pronoun.

Godspeed TheShadowfox42 I hope you found the image.

Using Google's "Before:(date)" feature, I searched "shi herm before:2010", and unsurprisingly, I found a lot of furry porn.

Stories on sofurry.com, a furry website that looks to be from at least 2007, if not older. I'll spare you the details, but indeed, there, they use shi/hir pronouns for their "herm" characters. Did these pronouns originate from.. furries?? I put that though aside for now, to look further into other uses.

As it turns out, the journey does not end at 2007. Urban dictionary has an entry from 2003

No slurs here, it looks like a neutral usage. Again, going back to Google. Now, search terms "hir "gender neutral" before:2004"

Many results show up now, now articles rather than furries. American.edu (seems to be a university), Swarthmore.edu (this is a college), both from 2001. jstor.org with a journal article from 1999. Unfortunately I can't read that one, as I have to pay a whole $63 to purchase it. I even found a PDF file from 1994 by core.ac.uk

But, what I've realized now is this is not usage of shi/hir pronouns. All of these use Ze/hir pronouns. I don't know if there is any link, but the last pronoun looking the same must've obscured the results.

From the american.edu article on these pronouns. You can see the usage of "hir" alongside "ze", and below it, the usage of ze/zir pronouns, which seem to be used more today.

Shit.. Doing the search all over again with the pronoun "shi" yields.. very few results apart from people talking about Chinese words.

Wait what about those furries from earlier? The tvtropes.org article does include this:

Chakona space? Chakats? Pronouns he came up with? Admittedly I kept seeing these centaur feline hybrid characters come up quite consistently during this dive, but I had to look into it further.

Oh buddy what did I get myself into. This is from 2001 best I can tell, so we're getting quite old here. I scroll down on the page.

And lower down.

Now this is all very interesting speculative biology, but what I'm focusing on is again, the usage of "hermaphrodite" together with the pronouns "shi/hir". Did a furry artist named Bernard Doove come up with these pronouns.

It gets yet older.. New search, "chakats "shi" before:2001"

Again, Bernard Doove's art from 2000, 1999, 1998,

I find a website called yerf.metafur.org It has furry art, dating all the way back to the mid 1990's, but here, on December 23 1998, is the first appearance of these pronouns on that site.

This Bernard Doove person has been at this project, with these pronouns for a while.

From what I can tell, many of his art pieces, they seem to be quite sexual beings. Quite fetishistic of hermaphroditism at times. (or intersexuality, take your pick)

The other thing I found with my search was a website, furry.org.au/bosshoss/

My search says it's from September 14 1998.

That's certainly some information, but it might come in handy. So Chakat Goldfur provided this website? Who is that? Looking into it, that seems to be a character created by Bernard Doove, that acts as an alter ego. Further down, the person running this website lists some other websites they enjoy. One being "Proxima Centauri", which seems to be another furry artist.

"I met this one at ConFURence 8. Very interesting. (Did I mention shi is a hermaphrodite uni-centaur?)"

(For context, ConFURence is a furry convention held in 1997)

Again, the usage of hermaphrodite, and the pronoun shi. At this point, the website being linked to is long gone, but the wayback machine provides help. The website, http://www.spots.ab.ca/~unicorn/main.htm has been captured all the way back to October 8th 1997.

At this time, the website was under construction. No images are willing to load and haven't been archived, but the description is intact.

So this person uses shi/hir pronouns for their hermaphroditic character all the way back in 1997. There are links to other places where this person used to host their works, but they are all down and haven't been archived. The thread is running thin..

Back to Bernard Doove, the Chakat creator. There must be something more to this. Turns out, there was. On the "yerf" website, I actually found several art pieces that were not picked up by Google.

Febuary 22 1997. Getting yet older. In some art pieces, Bernard references "Forest Tale" and "forest tales", so I went looking for whatever that was.

1995?? you've got to be kidding. It's an adult story involving these "chakat" beings, and sure enough, down the page

Shi/hir pronouns used over and over again.

With the use of hermaphrodite.

But.. This is kind of where it ends. I couldn't seem to find anything older, and I'm not going to contact Bernard Doove over this. Even something as old as 29 years is impressive to me. Bernard Doove states his characters were inspired by other furry artists' creatures of the time, but since it's 1995, there isn't much left for me to find here. Anything before that time is probably lost.

With all the information I have been able to gather, it looks to shi/hir pronouns were created by Bernard Doove who is a furry author and artist. Shi/hir were made to be a midway between "she" and "him" in some way, to be a gender neutral word for hermaphroditic genetically modified beings called "chakats" in his stories. As an intersex person myself, I don't enjoy the use of "hermaphrodite" in such a way, as it's a slur for us. But these types of characters also seem to be very old, and we, and our struggles, were completely unknown to the vast majority of people, even moreso than nowadays.

If you use those pronouns for an intersex person who doesn't use them, it is indeed intersexist, as you are implying we are hermaphrodites.

But as for whether only intersex people can use them? I'm not sure. The original intent doesn't seem be directly linked to intersex people. You could argue that these hermaphroditic characters are fetishized versions of how many people see us, and have seen us for a long time. Afterall, hermaphrodite was, and still is, a common slur for us.

I don't doubt some people have used these pronouns as slurs against us as well, but I also haven't found anything specifically that supports that. It always seemed to be for specific fictional characters that COULD be based off specific intersex attributes

I'm not going to argue one way or the other. This was just me trying to find what I could about these pronouns and their history. Just be mindful of how you use these pronouns, and the connections they have to fetishes revolving around the common misinterpretation of intersex bodies (as in, "having both parts")

Thank you for reading.

I hope you learned something. I know I did, and I now have a headache.

#shi/hir #pronouns #history #internet #intersex #fetishization #furry #queer history #doggie barks

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blakeswritingimagines · 1 year ago

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The Vow

Summary: Being married to the rouge prince was no easy task at least most thought so, being his wife and best friend did nothing but make everyday of your life better and better....until you forget all about him

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon/Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Word count: 4.4k

You softly groaned as you stretched in the large bed that had enough room for what might be a small feast, until you rolled over onto your other side and slowly opened your eyes seeing your husband who was often nothing but a brute cuddled up to your side also slowly waking up which caused you to smile to yourself. Lightly dragging your fingertips across his pale skin taking in the slow tender moment before your days were started even if you knew you could go see him throughout the day.

He felt your fingers on his skin and stir, his eyes remaining shut as he leaned in slightly and bury his face in your neck. Scenting your skin, he savours your presence while he still can, before eventually opening his eyes. "Hello." He nuzzled your shoulder. Daemon smiled as your fingers traced his skin. It was a soft way to wake up, rather than the way he was normally woken up. He rolled his hand around searching to take your hand in his own. "We could stay here like this, you know." Daemon spoke softly to you, his hand tracing your face.

Feeling your eyes flutter shut at your husband's tender touch not able to help the smile that brightened due to his words, shaking your head knowing as much as you loved to stay put in his arms wasting the day away together you knew you both would be far to busy and everyone would never let up about needing something from one or the other "I love the way you think my darling, you know I'll be around when you need attention just come simply find me." Daemon sighed, knowing you were right. He rolled on top of you, giving you a kiss upon your lips. "Oh don't you worry, my love, your Daemon will find you wherever you are." He spoke in an amusingly formal tone, his hands now moving down your body.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders smiling up at him, kissing him back softly as you enjoyed the feeling of his firm lips against your own then smiled at his words "I know you will...you always do my Daemon". Giving him another sweet kiss on the lips as you felt his rough hands move across your body before you slowly pushed him up as you sat up "I'm not falling for another five minutes today my love." Daemon laughed slightly at your tease but he was still slightly on the offensive. He pushed you back down to the bed and laid next to you. "You sure? Seems to me like you're enjoying this very much." Daemon spoke with a bit of a smirk on his face, his eyes tracing your bare body. I am a lucky man. He thought.

You sighed playfully as you were forced to lay back down as you looked up at him, nodding your head happily as you cupped his face in a delicate manner "I always enjoy being with you, but we're meant to be busy today my darling". Doing your best to not wrap your arms around him and simply go back to sleep as you attempted to sit up once more. Daemon sighed slightly but made no effort to hold you down this time. Instead he leaned over you once more, planting a soft kiss on your lips once more. "Fiiiine, my love." Daemon said in a playful tone, before leaning back and rolling over to get dressed. "I suppose I should probably get out of this bed…I'm sure that our duties have been waiting too long." Daemon spoke, as if the prospect of dealing with all of his affairs was already a headache.

Laughing as you kissed him back once more before finally getting up and getting dressed, working like a well oiled machine along side of him as he helped you tighten your gown before you tenderly helped him get dressed after being married for so long neither of you saw need for servants anymore. gently cupping his face in your hands as you smiled then pulled him close as you placed kisses all over his face only ending with placing a kiss on his forehead "Only for a few hours I promise love, I believe you can handle that much." Daemon laughed as you kissed him all over and placed one upon his forehead. "I suppose I can handle it, but only if I get to return here when we have some time." He said with a sly smile, his hands still resting on you. Daemon loved being married to you, and he would want nothing more than to spend every waking moment of his life with you, but for now he needed to return to his duties. Perhaps you can help me with some of them…afterwards. Daemon smiled to himself.

Daemon laughed as you dressed him and then put more kisses on him. You were such a tender woman and Daemon loved your touch, your kisses. "I don't think I'll be able to survive such a long separation." Daemon said, his mouth in a small smirk as he placed his hands upon your face. He kissed you back, lingeringly this time. "Perhaps we can escape just a few more minutes…" Daemon whispered against your lips. You leaned into his touch as your eyes closed taking in the comfortable feeling of being wrapped in his arms, looking up at him as you kissed him back lovingly before taking your time to pull away as you looked into his violet eyes and smiled "I said I wasn't falling for it" You spoke before giving him a few quick kisses before you had started walk out of the room ready to start your day so you could finish early and be back beside him as if you both were still newlyweds.

Daemon's face widened at your smirk, as if you were teasing him. Which he supposed you were. "Oh, my sweet lady wife of mine, why are you so cruel?" Daemon said in jest, as if you were actually doing anything wrong by leaving him. "I miss you already." Daemon would tease back as he did not pursue you, for he knew you would return. You always did after all. You couldn't help but laugh at your husband's playful words as you walked away from him knowing he was going to be even more dramatic, going about your day making sure your focus was only on the work in front of you even going out of your way to help Rhaenyra a little bit as the two held a small awkward conversation. Going outside toward the dragonpit seeing your baby Saphira taking some time to yourself as you got fresh air on top of the large beast going into the air with a smile on your face at least before your dragon turned which left you unstable as you fell hitting your head and blacking out as the workers quickly got help.

Daemon was in the middle of some sort of royal affair or meeting with important lords and ladies. It wasn't that terribly important, it was just something he had to do to make sure the realm was properly run. He would get the most important tasks done earlier in the day as to not disrupt his wonderful schedule. Daemon was just stepping out of his chamber for the day when he spotted something unusual. He saw one of the dragon keepers carrying out a woman who had seemingly been knocked out. His curiosity was piqued at first but he quickly turned to concern as he rushed to your side after noticing it was you.

"What in the seven hells happened?" He asked the keeper as he took you away from him. As he spoke to you he lightly grasped your hand, hoping you would wake up soon as your consciousness was all he cared about at this moment in time. The workers all stiffened once the rouge prince especially knowing how protective Daemon was over you, clearing their throats as well as sharing looks before one finally spoke up "She said she wanted some fresh air with Saphira but the next thing we knew she had hit her head and passed out" Not wanting to be on the bad end of the prince's rage they knew to take anything with you seriously even with hitting your head and now as a maester was going to look you over.

"And you just left her alone?" Daemon questioned. "Saphira?" He asked, looking to see if the dragon had attacked you. He knew the dragon would do no such thing, but he wanted to cover all his bases. He knelt by your side and felt your forehead, hoping it was nothing serious. "Please dear, wake up." Daemon whispered, his voice laden with anxiety as he felt your hand. The workers shrugged having been tending to the other dragons while you were with Saphira "We figured she'd be fine, the dragon is fine nor does Saphira seem as if anything happened", Helping take you to the maesters where they laid you down and left as the maester started checking and looking over you better after getting the details of what happened.

Daemon's face was full of worry as he stood beside your unconscious form. He couldn't help but feel guilty. His mind raced as he wondered how he could have left you alone and this happen. I have failed to keep her safe. Daemon whispered to himself. Daemon's heart seemed to skip a beat when the maester was checking you. Not knowing if you were even alive or not. When you were being treated he waited alongside you, just watching you in anxious anticipation for you to open your eyes. After enough time passed the maester sighed before looking over at you with a slight shake of his head as he spoke "She's still breathing but might be out for longer due to the heavy hit to the head, it might take some time but I'm unaware of how long."

Daemon was relieved to find out that you were still breathing. He was in a position of power and yet he couldn't do anything for you. All he could do was wait. Daemon looked at you, watching your gentle features and waiting for you to wake up. Daemon's hand caressed you gently, he hoped you couldn't feel it in your state but he wanted it to anyway. Weeks passed of not much changing nor did anyone attempt to mention perhaps it was best to let go especially with how angry the prince had become, that not even his brother Viserys or Rhaenyra could help calm him down like you often did but once you slowly opened your eyes with a heavy breath as you slowly looked around confused even as the maester came to check on you as your voice came out hoarse "Where am I?".

Daemon rushed to his feet as your eyes reopened. "Y/n! Thank all seven gods you are alive." Daemon spoke with a mix of relief, happiness and guilt. "The gods are merciful today, I thought I had lost you." Daemon said with a breath of relief. "You're on King's Landing, the seat of House Targaryen. You got hit in the head and I've been here for weeks waiting for you." Daemon admitted, feeling nothing but shame for himself. You looked over at the tall man as you winced feeling as if his voice was echoing in your head heavily, tilting your head slightly as you tried to process his words but shook your head not remembering anything as you tried to recall what you were last doing especially hearing you had been out for weeks now "Who are you? and why am I in King's Landing?".

Daemon felt the blood drain from his face. You didn't remember him? You were joking. He looked at you, waiting for you to crack a smile and start laughing. It never came. Daemon slowly moved towards you, taking your hand gently. "My love, I am Daemon Targaryen. We have been married for years now. Your life, it's only just started. But… You don't remember anything?" Daemon questioned, his voice filled with panic. You continued to look at him curiously as you listened closely and tried to place him somewhere you might remember him, feeling bad that he seemed so hurt out about you not knowing him but shook your head as you pulled your hand away from his "No I'm sorry, all I remember is taking a walk than everything went black" Not knowing you had lost years of your life but looked over at the maester who started asking you questions to see what you could remember before he looked over at Daemon scared of his reaction "She has a small case of amnesia."

Amnesia is a kind word for what you have. Daemon thought to himself, his anxiety increasing. He didn't handle the news that you didn't remember him as the man had hoped. Daemon took a moment to gather himself from your sudden news. "Amnesia?" Daemon asked the maester, ignoring the explanation initially. He looked at you, his eyes wide with concern and even a twinge of fear. "My lady wife… Please tell me you remember my name at least." Daemon asked, his voice full of need. You slowly sat up with a small groan of pain as you gently rubbed your head feeling a dull but painful throb, looking up at him once more as you tried to really look at him from his lilc eyes, platinum hair, tall and strong build, only to shake your head again "No I really don't know who you are". Listening as the maester spoke up about how it might take some time for you to feel better but it might do you some well to continue getting rest.

Daemon could feel his heart sink into his stomach. You didn't remember him… You had lost your memory. "You don't know me?" Daemon questioned again. He couldn't believe that that was truly an option. His head was reeling, what did this mean? How does he deal with this? As the maester continued to talk Daemon listened but the words hardly registered in his brain. Slowly he reached his hand out, holding your hand once more. He was not going to let you go again. During the next few days, you had been moved into your own private chambers since you felt weird being alone with Daemon still not remembering him, opting to even sit next to Rhaenyra more even if you couldn't remember her or Viserys who seemed nice when you did talk to him but also who had pushed your work onto someone else in the meantime. Sitting down at the dining table with them all as you bowed your head for prayer waiting until it was done before you started eating feeling excited that Rhaenyra and yourself would be hanging out.

Daemon sat at the table with you and Rhaenyra, his eyes on you at all times. As you prayed Daemon did the same, taking some time to himself pleading witht the gods new or old to hear him. It was good to see your face smiling, even if you didn't remember him. As all of you sat down to eat Daemon kept looking at you, still hoping you would suddenly remember him and everything that had transpired during your marriage. He hoped that deep down he had left his mark on you. That his memory was buried deep within you and only needed to be uncovered. Speaking with Rhaenyra as if nothing was wrong even as the blonde princess agreed that you were married to her uncle, doing your best to go about your routine each day you woke up only to have to ask servants what it was you normally did which often left one of the Targaryens to be told as they stepped in to help you like a small child. Glancing up as you chewed on your food only to see Daemon watching you which caused you to look down at your plate as your brows furrowed "Do you always watch me so closely?".

Daemon smiled softly at your observation, it was as if you were beginning to return your wits even if it was slowly. Daemon had been watching you closely, for you were a puzzle piece he didn't understand. Your amnesia was just a road block that Daemon was determined to overcome. "Of course I do." Daemon said with a smirk, his eyes looking to you, his wife. "It's only natural that I desire to stare at my beautiful wife." Daemon said with a flirtatious tone, hoping to earn some sort of reaction from you. You nodded your head slightly at his words as you squirmed around in your seat slightly instead of flirting back with him like usual, getting up with Rhaenyra once you both finished eating as Rhaenyra gently took you by the hand leading you around as she did most of the talking unless you had questions even as Rhaenyra started to enjoy spending time with you wondering why it had taken so long and you getting hurt for it to happen.

Daemon took notice at your change in demeanor, it seemed as if you were less inclined to flirt and be cheeky when compared to your normal self. You didn't even remember the man you married. It was concerning but Daemon wasn't entirely bothered by it. He felt almost as if you were a new woman to woo, to earn. Daemon wasn't opposed to the idea of winning you over once more. He watched Rhaenyra take you by the hand and lead you away, the two of you looking almost as if you were friends. "Have we found you the perfect friend now?" Daemon asked with a smirk. You looked at Rhaenyra once you felt a nudge in your side and realized he was talking to you, nodding your head as you smiled even if you didn't recall the friendship between yourself and the princess "Rhaenyra has been very helpful with helping me and my day-to-day basics." Having even been spending more time with Viserys as he helped reteach you everything you did before since he had grown to like your way best even if others had an issue with it "She and Viserys have been teaching me about the Targaryen family tree apparently I use to be able to say everyone in order with no mistakes."

Daemon nodded at your words with a soft smile. "I'm glad to see you have company. And the knowledge of the family tree will certainly come with time. You are my wife after all." Daemon said, his voice dripping with flirting even in the presence of his family. He gave you a kiss upon the hand then turned to Rhaenyra. "Keep a close eye upon her and keep her safe." Daemon told Rhaenyra, the tone in his voice a more sincere one. He felt comfortable knowing you were in Rhaenyra's care. You nodded your head feeling good that everyone seemed happy with your progress even if you were still missing so much of your life, watching him closely before pulling your hand away from him as Rhaenyra nodded her head at his words almost offended that he would think she'd let anything happen to you. The two women started walking away as Rhaenyra led you to the gardens feeling the quiet might help as you bit down on your lower lip and looked over at Rhaenyra "Can I ask you something? it's about Daemon himself."

Rhaenyra raised an eyebrow at your request but she shrugged. "Yes, of you course you may." She said with an open smile, curious as to what curiosity you may ask of her. Daemon, as usual, was also listening in on this conversation. He wanted to know what you wanted to know of him. Maybe it was something he could use to slowly get you back on track to remembering him. Sighing but nodded your head happy that the princess had been nothing but easy-going as she helped you remember things, looking down at the ground as you tried to piece your words together before shrugging your shoulders as the words tumbled out past your lips "I've heard...unsavory things about Daemon, that he's quite a brute and has done unspeakable things....is that true?".

Rhaenyra thought for a moment, unsure of how much to tell you. Daemon was her best friend, but he was also her uncle. She did not know how to answer your questions, because honestly, they weren't completely false. Rhaenyra looked for a way to answer without making Daemon seem like a terrible person. "Daemon can be very stubborn." Rhaenyra started, "Sometimes he let's his anger get the best of him. But that's only when he is pushed too far. But what is most important, is that he loves you." Rhaenyra said. You nodded with a small pout on your lips at the answer thinking it over as you recalled some of the things Daemon had done from what you've heard, looking over at the blonde woman again as you shrugged your shoulders at her words "How did we even get together? it sounds like we're nothing but polar opposites, how do he and I even work together in marriage?" Having been too embarrassed and shy to go to Daemon with these questions even if he would be the best person to answer them.

"You two have always been very different, but that's what has drawn you two together." Rhaenyra said with a smile. She believed it too, the differences in Daemon and you were what created the bond between you two. "He may be quite gruff, but he has the softest spot in the Kingdom for you." Rhaenyra said, hoping the words would make you feel better. They were true, Daemon loved you in a way he loved no one else, not even Rhaenyra or his brother Viserys. You slowly nodded along as you listened closely to the words feeling like you were listening to a fariytail, feeling your eyes sting with tears at the thought of Daemon being so tender and you couldn't remember any of it you let out a soft sigh, and nodded your head feeling determined "I want to remember, I'm gonna need more stories about him."

Rhaenyra chuckled at your need for stories which she was not opposed to. "You'll definitely need to remember your wedding to Daemon." She said with enthusiasm. "It was the grandest affair ever. What else do you want to know?" Rhaenyra asked, eager at the idea that your memory might return soon. "I would be more than happy to share anything you want to know." She continued, with a smile on her face. She believed that Daemon deserved to have you back at least. During the next few weeks, You had been learning more about your life and your marriage with Daemon even going as far as to show him small bits of affection, slowly but surely you began to push other's help away wanting to do things for yourself and show you could do it again but kept growing curious as to small gifts for you or being shocked by grand plans before learning it was from Daemon which caused you to seek him out.

Daemon was happy that you were showing him small bits of affection. He knew he would have to earn your love all over again but small touches were good. As you grew curious of gifts and grand plans Daemon was only too glad to tell you whom was behind them. He felt you were beginning to return to him bit by bit, and he wanted nothing more. Daemon felt at ease when you were back with him, and you were beginning to spend more time with him and less time away. It gave Daemon a new sense of hope. You had thanked Dameon for all the sweet and tender gestures he had been giving or showing you, which you found hard to keep the butterflies in your stomach under control but had been doing well as you were still learning more and more only getting curious about certain things but had been spending more time with Rhaenyra and Viserys both of which only now continued talking Daemon up even as you joined Rhaenyra late into the night talking about most things.

Daemon was over the moon to see that little by little you were remembering him and your life with him. He was always so cautious about his love, but as of late Daemon had felt nothing but comfort and happiness when with you. His smiles had become much more frequent. You were back in his life and Daemon was thankful for it. It was the small things that Daemon noticed, seeing how you would speak with confidence, laugh a little more freely, it all added up in his mind. He was on the verge of getting you back. He was certain of it. You rested your head against your arms listening to Rhaenyra speak about all different things, feeling your curiosity grow at mention of something that sounded familiar to you and asked about it which caused the blond princess to explain in detail that it was something connected to Daemon and yorself. Letting out a sharp gasp as your eyes shut tightly and you held your head as the pain from when this all started seemed to be the worst you had ever dealt with even as the blond princess tried asking if you were alright only taking a few minutes before nodding your head as you stood up with no explanation going back to the chambers you once shared with Daemon and opened the door as you stood there shocked and tears in your eyes softly whispering.

"I remember."

#daemon targaryen #daemon targeryen x reader #daemon x reader #daemon targaryen x reader #daemon x you #daemon targeryan #hotd daemon #house of the dragon

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thatfrailsoul · 4 months ago

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P.s. See the full painting at the end!♡

If there is a message here for you, you will feel and know it. And if you will not - let go of it. As your true answer will find its way to you in a true moment of need.♡

It is the right moment. You are ready, as well as that person that would feel so right and safe when they are by your side. It is the right moment, and it's been already for a really long time... But it is not happening because you don't let it. Because you don't open your heart, where there is still and always a specific someone that occupies this special place, even if they are already in your past.

You are lying to yourself. Or to be exact, you try so hard to force yourself into believing that you moved on, that you forgot them. That you are brand new and healed, ready for new beginnings. But while being the right thing, the needed thing for you to feel and do...

It is not really what is happening deep down in your heart.. And while you do try to make the right steps and actions for you, convincing yourself and others that you do it because it's what you truly feel - in reality it's the only thing remaining to do as time passes and they still didn't come back to you.

It is hurting you, more than they and that ending did. You are hurting, giving that connection and situation more than they deserved to have from you. You are hurting yourself because you hide, from the reality and the true meaning of those memories of them that you keep on living and watching in your mind.

While actively repeating to that same heart - that you are making still feel so vividly that love not allowing it to let go - to open up to others, to be closer with them, to connect like it's the love of your life. Even though you know for sure that who you need and want is someone else, a still clear image of the one to whom you never truly said goodby.

It is enough. It is already time. Let go of them. You won't betray your love. You can't do it when it already faded, in all this distance and time. It is the most right thing that you can do for yourself and them. For your heart and mind that you are putting against one another, making them pursue two different narratives at the same time.

Let go of them, let go of that connection. Allow yourself to do it and to accept the truth. Because you can't and shouldn't ever welcome in someone, when that part of you is already taken, even if they are not anymore with you.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

You are free now. You are finally free from all the things that were consuming your soul. Even if they are still here, all around you, they don't hold that same power over you anymore, they can't harm you like they used to. All thanks to you, to your courage and strength. Thanks to your patience with this world and with yourself. To all the steps that you were able to make, growing with each one of them.

You found so much on this journey, within your own self. And this ironically made space for something new, for something bigger. That now is ready to find you, the you that truly learned to love someone without forgetting about your own heart.

You don't need to look for them. You don't need to do something else, to search for signs. Or to analyse, controlling every person and their role in your life... You need only to be your truest, most authentic, self. You just need to live, like you want and like you feel is right for you now. Experiencing what your heart craves and not being afraid of living through more...

Through more challenges perhaps, more fears or doubts. But also more courage, more beginnings, more realisations and situations that you will make yours, using them to transform this life into something that you truly enjoy.

And like all these things, allowed to flow into your life and making you truly live, this too will happen on its own. They too will be called and welcomed in, by your heart that is not afraid anymore.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

You ask yourself so often this question, you crave this connection, this new story for your heart... But when you wander about it for too many seconds, your mind can't help but be filled with fear and anxiety. With the wander about how it can be, how you can find that someone or how you can be found by them.

What you could do to find the right person. How would they enter your life and treat your heart. Will it be right or like what you already experienced? And what if how you were treated in the past is that "right" way of loving? What if you need to accept it even if it hurts so much?

As soon as your mind is overwhelmed with all of this... Comes in the doubt of whether you are truly ready... And indeed it is still soon for you. For your heart that is still learning how to love and treat your own self well. Let alone to know what it is like to be respected and cherished in the true and right way by someone else.

But you will get there. One step at a time. Without rush and burned stages. Without the frustration and the jealousy for the progress of others that you seem to be unable to have. Because they are only moments. Of those quite heavy but fast to pass overwhelming emotions. The ones that don't in any way erase or invalidate the progress that you made. But actually demonstrate and enhance it, through the way you are able to come back so fast to be patient and respectful to your own self again.

You are growing and healing, you are learning everything at once. So it is normal that it takes time to make space for something new in a life that is so full of emotions and thoughts. Don't be afraid of missing something, of being already too past the right moment, of making mistakes and not being quick enough to reach balance in this area of your life.

You have plenty of time and opportunities. You are going to be completely fine. Even if you won't find the right person immediately, but after taking care of your own life and what you have deep down in your heart and mind.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

"An Engaging Story", Delphin Enjolras

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ash5monster01 · 10 months ago

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Learning to Love Part 10

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x FemReader!PlusSize

Warnings: 18+, langauge, angst, fluff, mentions of bullying, body image issues, fat shaming, fake relationship, eventual smut, minor enemies to lovers trope.

Summary: It's not uncommon for you to be shamed for your size, it is however uncommon to be told that no one would ever date you because of it. Rafe on the other hand is used to being called a jerk, that is until he is accused of seeing people for only what's on the surface. It's purely coicidental you two meet right after these accusations are thrown your way. So even though you two don't know each other, and probably never would've looked the others way before this, now you're both going to prove a point. It's simple really, prove others wrong and don't fall in love. Easier said than done.

word count: 2.1k

Part 9 ←→ Epilogue

Masterlist

When Rafe had received that text and the realization settled he instantly called you. The tragic thing about that was the phone didn’t even ring before informing him he could no longer contact this number. You had blocked him and he had absolutely no idea as to why. He had just slept with you, had the best night of his life, and was determined to make this thing real. After that night it had to be real. Yet something happened between then and now and he wasn’t entirely sure what. He woke up with you missing and a dead phone. He decided to get some work done and now you no longer wanted to be with him.

Had he taken things too far? Were you drunk and felt like he had taken advantage of you? Maybe you were drunk and hadn’t intended to ever sleep with him and regretted it. Rafe was drunk too, but there was no way in hell he could forget that night after yearning for it for so long. The sounds you made and the way you tasted was burned in his mind and now you just expected him to forget about you? Move on and find the girl of his dreams when he already had her? Yeah right.

So Rafe was now on a mission. Determined to change your mind which is why he drives to the bar and stumbles his way inside. It’s towards the end of the lunch rush but when he spots Mila behind the bar, he instantly perks up and rushes towards her. When she spots him the glare she gives could burn him entirely. So Rafe slows his pace but still moves towards her in search of answers he’s so desperate for.

“She’s not here!” Mila says over the touch too loud music filling the bar. She wiped the counter, not daring to look him in the eye.

“Then where is she Mila?” Rafe fires back and the brunette girl rolls her eyes before dropping the rag and looking up. Her arms cross over her chest in defensive and Rafe feels guilty even though he is still unsure of what he has done.

“I’m not telling you, she wants to be alone” Mila tells him, starting to work on a drink for a customer who has flagged her for another.

“Why Mila? We were fine, I was going to come see her after work. We, we had a good night. Everything was going so well. I don’t know what went wrong!” Rafe argued and as Mila passed the drink to a customer she finally saw the distraught look on his face. All she knew is he had done something wrong. All you had said was you’d explain everything to her later but she knew that look in his eyes. He loved you and was panicking because you cut him off with no explanation. A famous move of yours to avoid confrontation.

“Look Rafe, I know as much as you don’t want to hear it but when Y/N decides something like this it comes with reason. When I get home tonight I’m gonna figure out exactly what you did even if you don’t know it. Until then, give her space. Take the rest of your Sunday and just relax” Rafe could tell she was being sincere. Her eyes held care for the both of them in this moment and as much as Rafe would lose his mind spending the rest of the day wondering what he did wrong, he was going to respect Mila’s wishes.

“Just, promise to text me. Please, she blocked me and I need to know what I did” he pleaded and Mila sighed before grabbing her phone and unlocking it.

“I’ll take your phone number but I can’t promise a text. If she doesn’t want me to contact you I’m going to respect that. She’s my friend first” Mila says with a stern tone and Rafe nods as he grabs her phone and anxiously types his number in. He fights everything in him to not text himself so he’d have her number as well and hands it back across the bar. He wanted to respect you as much as he could.

“I really care for her you know, it was always real” and he knows Mila doesn’t understand what he’s saying but she nods as Rafe turns to leave the bar and somehow survive the rest of the day without you.

It’s late when Mila finally walks through the door to your shared home. Randy was kind enough to drop her off even after he was kind enough to cover your shift. Mila couldn’t thank him enough. She’s forgotten all about it though the minute she finds you curled up on the couch with tears streaming down your cheeks. She knew you were upset, with the way you had cried on the phone, and told her you were going home. So she doesn’t ask any questions while she sits beside you and pulls you into her arms.

“It was fake you know?” you whisper out after a moment, voice raspy with tears.

“What was?” she asks, a hand running through your hair and providing a sense of comfort.

“Me and Rafe, we were fake dating. We made an agreement so it was never real” you whisper to her, your hands coming to brush some tears away which was useless since more came.

“I don’t understand, why would you need to fake date?” she questions and you sigh as you turn and look at her with glossy eyes.

“I just wanted to show the people around me that I was good enough to be someone’s girlfriend and he wanted to prove he dated girls for more than just their looks” the way your voice cracks tells Mila you had carried that burden with you to whole time. Knowing Rafe didn’t find you attractive and was using you to prove a point. Yet maybe that wasn’t entirely true, not after the hundreds of times she’s seen the way he looks at you. Even today when panicking about losing you.

“But, you guys had sex. Why would you sleep with him if you weren’t really together?” and you don’t have to answer with the way your eyes search her own. It’s written all over your face. You fell in love. You can’t say it out loud.

“What happened when you went back there?” she asks after pulling you into a hug and the harsh words you had overheard return to your mind.

“He wasn’t home so I went to his work. A coworker of his was with him, a girl he had previously dated. She was questioning him about me, saying it didn’t make sense. Then she mentioned their sex life in present tense. He had been sleeping with another girl the whole time. The last thing I heard him say was he was never attracted to big girls-“ you take a few heavy breaths, wiping the tears from your eyes before continuing. “We slept together, I thought it was real. That there was a chance we could actually be together and instead I was just another notch on the bedpost. Some one to get him off all while I trusted him”

“Oh my God, Y/N you should have told me it wasn’t real from the start! I could’ve helped you, gotten you out of this before all of this happened” she tells you with sincerity and you shake your head. Sleeping with someone was the test of ultimate trust for you and Rafe had broken that. The sad part was, it didn’t change how you felt. You still loved him even when you knew you shouldn’t.

“It’s okay Mila, I don’t regret it. Not entirely. I got to feel exactly what it was like to be loved for who I am even if it was fake. At least it felt real” and Rafe’s words ring through Mila’s head. Quickly the realization dawns on her. It was always real. You had to of misunderstood, missed some context to the conversation. Rafe said himself that it was real for him too.

“You know you deserve to be loved just the way you are? It doesn’t have to be fake” Mila tells you and as much as you want the words to be true they’re not. Yet you do what you’ve always become accustomed to when someone says this.

“Thanks Mila” and you hug her because the sentiment is cherished but after a long time of never being accepted for who you are, even the words from the people closest to you can become meaningless. After all how can you believe her when what she just said had never become true?

“Want me to stay up, we can watch a movie and make ice cream sundaes!” she offers and even though you know she’ll do it you can see the exhaustion on her face. You knew better than anyone exactly what it was like to work in that bar. So you give her a soft shake of your head.

“Don’t worry about it, I kind of want to be alone. Get some sleep” you tell her and she pouts before nodding, standing, and stretching her arms.

“If you need me, you know where to find me” she says before leaning and kissing your head. “I love you Y/N”

“I love you too Mila” you returns and she smiles before shuffling down the hallway where she more than likely would fall asleep before she could even change out of her work clothes.

Now left alone in the dark you click on the TV, surfing channels in hopes to find a romcom with a happy ending or even a sad one. You weren’t entirely sure what you wanted at the moment. That is until your phone vibrates to life, the screen illuminating your face. You can’t help but be hopeful it’s Rafe but how could it be when you had spent an afternoon blocking him on everything you had, tears blurring your vision, and making it hard to see the screen. Instead it’s an unknown number, one you had forgotten about.

unknown number

You debate even texting back, knowing you’ve been sad all day but isn’t this was you and Rafe had agreed upon. Seeing others and finding the one. You and him were officially done and never real so why should it matter if you pursue Tanner right away. You deserved to be happy after all, even if it would take a while to stop loving Rafe. So you respond to the text anyway.

It’s flirty, sure, but what did you have to lose?

Tanner

And you find yourself giggling at your phone, feeling giddy for the first time since Rafe and the first time for real in a while. Your heart may be broken but at least you were confident that you could move on. Not all hope was lost and wasn’t that comfort enough? You had been strong this whole time, lived a whole life yearning for the kind of love you deserved, and at least there was still time. It would just have to do for now.

Mila hadn’t gone right to bed though, she knew what she had to do. Yes she was upset with Rafe but she was fully confident most of this was misunderstanding. Maybe it was all fake but Mila had watched you two, seen the way you looked at each other and heard the way you laughed. You trusted him and he trusted you, it was fake but how much could you truly pretend in a relationship like that? So even though she hadn’t promised anything she pulled her phone out anyway.

She didn’t need to say who she was. She knew Rafe would know when he received that text into the late hours of the night. What she hadn’t expected was his immediate response back.

Rafe

And maybe Mila didn’t know Rafe as well as you but reading this text she knew it to be true. It’s possible Rafe had broken many promises in a lifetime but this is one she knew he’d keep.

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sweeneydino · 10 months ago

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*BIG INHALE* Hi! I’ve been rotating the Spikeangelo au in my brain for a while, and things might get incomprehensible real quick. Not all questions, some just comments... 90% of this is just musing as the train of thought jumps rails and causes massive casualties; no need to answer all if you chose to answer any.

1. The fact that Master Splinter lets Titan live with them BEFORE he knows that he’s a version of Mikey, even after the attempted murder… man will look at a mutated turtle, ask, “Is anyone going to adopt that?” and not wait for an answer.

2. In Turtle Temper, Splinter says, “Spike, chew on your leaf if you are in the mood for a story”. Ronin has a choice here: pest Raph by eating, or troll Splinter by not. What choice would he make?

3. It seems like during the Slash and Destroy episode, Titan already had his outfit. If so… where did he get the clothes? The little turtles don’t really wear anything (and their clothes would be much smaller), so unless Splinter has a secret goth wardrobe, the only thing I can think of is that Raph is Very Optimistic about how tall he’s going to get, and has stockpiled clothes accordingly.

4. A while back you mentioned Titan “chewing [Shredder] out” after Shredder kills Splinter during the Triceraton invasion. The image you drew made it look like a tirade, but the first thing that came to mind for me was… more along the lines of using Shredder as a dog toy.

5. You said that after Slash and Destroy, Titan hides for a while out of shame. When does he rejoin the others? Before the invasion, *during* the invasion, after? Does he join the farmhouse arc, or does he do as canon Slash does and defend NYC while the rest of the turtles are gone?

Ah... there's a very long part six that's just about the ghosts... I don't think I'll be bothering you with that today.

When I see these types of asks, I can never control the squeal that comes out of my mouth. I love detailed analyses about my aus

I also love completing things, so let's do them all!

1) Yep! Idk whats with the Splinters, but if it's turtle-shaped and needs a home, well say no more!

When Spike turned to Titan, Splinter already sensed something off with him, something more familiar than a family pet, but he would never figure out why until their lair is attacked by the kraang at the start of the invasion.

It's hard not to realize that your son's former pet knows moves (and shows a strange amount of wisdom) that you're 90% sure you never taught or shown to any of your sons.

I think he's still upset about the pizza. Or Raph's anger.

3)Dumpster diving?

I'll be honest, I forgot to write it down... So we will stick to this simple solution for now🗿

Okay, well... Shredder ALMOST became a dog toy. Let's just say that (this will totally not be a future comic)

5) He reunites with them after the newtralizer arc! After a little convincing ofc

When the invasion begins, he's with Splinter and Leatherhead, having defended their home and now searching for the turtles. They find Shredder after they exit the sewer, and Titan isn't too pleased to see the old bastard, attacking him in a rage once he hears about Leo's possible "demise."

Unfortunately, when he gains the upper hand, Titan is the one caught off guard and knocked into the machine, crushed by the pipes.

Before Shredder could really begin his usual evil monologue, he becomes distracted with Leatherhead, allowing Splinter to check on Titan and help him out of the pile of metal. Despite the likelihood of having a huge bruise on his ribs, he'd be fine. Even better if he could get rid of all their issues right there in front of him.

The one wrestling an alligator. And somehow winning.

And when he sees that devil in that all too familiar armor toss leatherhead into the pit, he's all too ready to kill him.

Yet he can't. Because He's not the only one wanting to prevent the past from happening again.

Splinter sends him away to find his sons, Titan's brothers - well, sorta - and even if he wants to bring Oroku Saki, the worse pain imaginable, he's more concerned if they are okay.

...

Okay, well, if the rest of them are okay

COUGH COUGH.

He'd find them, with him.

And uh. I think Leo's perfectly fine.

So when they decided to leave for April's farmhouse, he stayed in the city to search for Splinter and the other Mutanimals after leaving Leo with the others.

Maybe he sees himself as a burden.

Then the rest you make up on the way 👍 /j

This was very fun! Maybe I should just write paragraphs or smol little chapters with much more detail and flow🤔

Nah, I'll just draw.

Can't wait for the looooooooooonnngggg part six :D

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redditreceipts · 8 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/rickmctumbleface/743164057237012480?source=share

🤨

so this seems very weird, especially because there is no source provided. but I've still been recovering from a cold, so I had some time on my hands and searched with Google's reverse image search feature what the source of this weird ass graphic could be

I clicked through several posts that all gave 0 sources, until I finally found a lonesome twitter account that linked an instagram account

deep in the comments of that instagram post, I was finally able to find a source! the graphic was based on this other graphic:

so this person marked the different states based on their own criteria:

for example, a state gets marked as high-risk if you can't change your birth certificate, and you're forced to out yourself when you have to show your birth certificate. and I am not from the United States, but according to what I found, you only have to show your birth certificate at occasions like getting a social security card or getting your citizenship. so like maybe five times in your life?

also, I'm sorry to talk about looks on here, but for many trans people, they won't be outed only if they show their birth certificate 😬 Erin Reed, the creator of this map, is certainly not a candidate to go stealth until they ask for a birth certificate

another point of contention for Erin was states banning "80 percent" of care. that made me take notice, because I believe that every adult should be able to do with their bodies what they want and part of that can be medical transition. So I clicked on the link that Erin kindly provided, and looked at what these horrible restrictions look like

okay, so these unimaginable horrors limiting trans healthcare are:

you have to sign an informed consent form

a physician has to oversee your health care

you have to see that doctor in person

the doctor can say that he doesn't think transitioning is the best option for you

What??? That's the "80 percent restriction" that the map was talking about??? wtf? like, I don't know about American healthcare, but how the fuck was it administered before? did they just give you the drugs without any doctor overseeing them?

Idk maybe I'm not seeing something here but this entire map just seems so weird to me. Like, you are allowed to go to these places. Some of the policies are certainly overdone, but they are acting as if they would be literally killed or harmed if they went into any of these States. I guess I have to agree on the "getting into prison if you use them wrong bathroom" one, because that really does seem to a bit much, but the rest? It's literally just fearmongering.

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminists please touch #gender critical #feminism #gc feminism #gc feminist #gender abolition #radfems please touch #radfems please interact #radfem safe #autogynephilia #agp #listen to trans women #misogyny #reddit #patriarchy

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intotyun · 11 months ago

Text

Analysis on aizen's goals and motivations + why he actually lost

Since bleach cour 3 is coming out so much later, I thought I should do an analysis on aizen, mainly focusing on his goals and motivations.

So one thing that is made abundantly clear is that aizen's whole reason for going to war with the gotei 13:

1. Change the world that is built on treachery and lies

2. By overthrowing the soul King and become God itself so he can rebuilt it in his image.

“That's an argument only a loser would make! A victor should speak on how the world should be, rather than how it currently operates. I refuse to accept the world ruled by that thing! I am a victor, I shall decide how the world should be! ”

Don't think I have to do a word for word analysis on what Aizen meant here. But what's interesting is how aizen referred to the “soul king” as THAT thing, as if his disgusted and we all know from cfyow how the soul king was betrayed and mutilated by the 5 nobles and used as some linchpin because they were terrified of his power. The 5 nobles then went on the rebuild the world in their image. And when they “rebuild it in their image”, they were actually rebuilding a world that would benefit ONLY them.

And we see how this image they built turned out: the current soul society.

Soul Society is a very shitty place to live in if I'm being honest, and I'm pretty sure someone as smart as Aizen would have noticed this. I always headcanon him as someone who lived in the Rukongai District, so he would naturally see first hand on how the world operates.

Aizen does not have a backstory, but I'm certain that something tragic must have happened in his past for him to be SO motivated to change this world. I'm sure Aizen did not suddenly want to become a God when he was first born (as funny that would be). He took on that role because

1. He had the power to do so and

2. No one wanted to

Aizen's "loser" speech was directed to Kisuke telling him how he despised him for not taking action despite his intellect. Which is why I think Aizen isn't really a egotistical man per say who wants to overthrow God because he believes he is superior. If God was doing his job and making life after death a “true paradise” instead of “a hell hole”, Aizen would have never tried overthrowing him.

And this is also why I don't think Aizen would have mind if someone else such as Kisuke became the soul king. Just as long, they had the intellect and power to change this horrible world. But since no one could see what he can see, Aizen took on the manter to change the world as he had the power and intellect to do so.

Now we all know what aizen's main goal and motivation was: to change this stagnant and shitty world that only existed to benefit the 5 nobles.

Now we move into another goal and desire that is a bit personal. Something that was locked away in Aizen's heart. Something that can only be found if you are on equal footing with him and can feel his sword.

the goal to find an equal.

this was stated clearly by Ichigo when he said, “perhaps he has been searching all this time for someone to regard as his equal” now I don't think kubo would dedicate 2 pages of Ichigo talking about Aizen's loneliness just for it to be simply “Ichigo assumption” I think this was Kubo's way of telling us readers this was how Aizen was truely feeling deep down.

Now, what exactly did Ichigo meant by equal? Did he mean in terms of strength? Well, we have yamamoto for that. How about in terms of intellect? Kisuke has the same kind of knowledge Aizen has. How about a combination? Is there actually anyone who is both smart and strong? nope it's just Aizen.

Then why do people say Ichigo was the only one who Aizen regarded as an equal? Ichigo definitely does not see eye to eye with Aizen's idealogy. Ichigo is strong yes, but that can't be the only thing considered to be “Aizen's equal”.

What is considered being “Aizen's equal” is the ability to understand him as a person and also understand the burden of his strength (really reminds me of gojo)

But you see, at the end of the day, Aizen has not find that equal. Ichigo is not that equal, he can never understand Aizen. He has no idea of his past and had no idea of what exactly pushed him to the edge. He can only understand more aspects of him than the other soul repears. And that is just very.... depressing. I truly think the only reason why Ichigo prolonged that battle, was so he could understand Aizen more. But he gave up when Aizen kept evolving and remembered why he came here.

Why did Aizen actually lose?

First let's mention about the traitor trio relationship.

First we have Tosen, the one Aizen killed.

Toswn served Aizen even before he became a shinigami. He saw the corruption of the Soul Society and believed that Aizen is the only one who can remake it to a better world. But where is he now? Oh that's right, gone.

In cfyow vol 3, page 370-375, the author described aizen and tosen relationship as “close” very bold choice of words given the fact we barely see Aizen being “close” to anyone. But this is backup with evidence:

1. Aizen able to sense the soul of Kaname vanishing, and then the author went on to say, "the soul of the man with whom he shared a destined relationship with; the man who was his confident"

2. Aizen respecting Tosen's wish to be killed if he ever started to accept the world of the shinigamis

3. Aizen telling himself, “sometimes, fear is necessary for evolution” when Tosen asked aizen to kill him.

I think Aizen truly did care for Kaname in his own way and not just use him as a means/tool. He formed a genuine bond with him though I wouldn't go to an extend and say he was an equal. As the only thing he saw eye to eye with Aizen was the state of the world.

And next, we have Gin the one who betrayed him. I believe Aizen knew deep down Gin was going to betray him but kept him around out of curiosity, and he wasn't bullshiting his way. But what I want to talk about is this panel of aizen after killing Gin and seeing everyone around him suffering. He looks... sad???

But why? Does that mean deep down in his heart, Aizen cared for Gin? I mean looking back Gin was a child prodigy something Aizen could probably relate to (as Aizen was also born with exceptional talent and strength)

I think this is the moment where Aizen was slowly beginning to have the desire to lose. He lost thr espada and the only 2 confidents he somewhat cared for. He truely has to stand above the heavens alone. But Ichigo pulled up and obviously Aizen has to put on the facade of “i'm stronger than you”

now, let's move on to the fight

“Let's do this Aizen real quick. It will be over”

But then, when they clash swords, he feels Aizen's sword and the loneliness coming out from it, it probably made Ichigo curious. This was not the Aizen he faced before, the Aizen he faced was confident and showed no signs of "loneliness".

Ichigo says this but goes on to prolongs the battle and keeps asking Aizen a bunch of questions. You can see it as Ichigo flexing on Aizen but I think Ichigo truely wanted to end this battle quick by all means necessary.

This isn't Ichigo flexing, this is Ichigo trying to understand Aizen. But I guess since he spend so much time in the dangai, he probably cannot properly ask aizen like how he would normally do in his battles.

Asking him questions that Aizen asked him before as he thinks this Aizen would be feeling the same thing ichigo did when he first faced aizen. Trying to relate to him and overpower him to tell Aizen, “hey i'm stronger than you, you arent the only one with overwhelming strength in this world”. Trying to relate to Aizen.

Obviously, this doesn't work, and Aizen gets angry and transforms into monster aizen.

Ichigo is confused and looks so sad, his probably thinking, "I don't get it. Why is he doing this? Doesn't he hate his strength? Shouldn't he feel better knowing that there is someone else as strong as him? Dosent he want to lose?"

“I see, so you cannot allow it, hogyoku. You can't forgive me...”

this was the beginning of Aizen's downfall: relying too much on the hogyoku. Aizen talks to the hogyoku as if a shinigami talks to its zanpakuto. The more he bonded with it, the more the hogyoku forged a relationship with him and read deeper into his heart.

Monster Aizen managed to damage Ichigo and I guess since he realised that lives were at stake here, he gives up trying to understand Aizen and ends it. You can see the look Ichigo gives to Aizen's “dead” body and his reaction when he found out he was still alive.

“Hogyoku has determined I no longer need a Zanpakuto!”

Once again, Aizen relies on the Hogyoku rather than his own zanpakuto. His zanpakuto is not disappearing because he has become more powerful. it's because he himself has replaced it with a new weapon.

And once that was done, the Hogyoku managed to bond with Aizen more, and it read deeper into his heart and ultimately saw what his true desire was. The desire to be normal so he can relate to others. So the Hogyoku granted Aizen his wish.

In the end, Aizen lost because he himself does not understand what he truely wants: to be a god or to connect with others. In contrast to Ichigo who has fully accepted himself.

*btw I believe aizen did lose his zanpakuto here, but during the events before tybw, well he did alot of reflection with himself and his zanpakuto spirit and thus, he got back his powers which is probably why he didn't know who yhwach was seeing when he was fighting him

TYBW

In tybw we see Aizen back again, even more stronger than before as stated by urahara and it also seems he has kyoka suigetsu's power back again.

And from what we can tell, Aizen is back to his normal "arrogant" self with a little twist. Starting with his interaction with yhwach.

Aizen pokes fun at yhwach for “having more trouble with kurosaki Ichigo” then he had forseen. But Yhwach refutes back at him and tells Aizen, “not to project his insecurities onto me” (lmao yhwach) but funny enough, Aizen dosen't even try and talk back. He instead ignores him and tells yhwach he plans to stop him.

“so you see me as Ichigo Kurosaki? Fascinating...”

another moment where the old aizen wouldn't have done: using himself as a shield/sacrifice to help to defeat the enemy. I guess yhwach was right, “to join forces when confronted by a common enemy, is this not the actions of those cowards you detest so much?”

Not only that, aizen was trusting the fact that ichigo could figure out that he activated kyoka suigetsu to deliver the blow to Ichigo. A complete contradiction on his statement on “trust is the same thing as reliance”

People always see that moment as a badass moment, but personally this was when I knew tybw aizen was not the same aizen as before.

This is probably why Aizen was getting stronger, he is not scheming anything anymore, and thus has no choice but to do a reflection on himself and has to come to terms with his conflicting desires. The more he understands himself, the more stronger he would become.

And lastly, we have iconic panel of Aizen speech on courage.

There is nobody in bleach that embodies the word "courage" more then Ichigo. He experienced all kind of defeats which shaped him as a person. Even when he was faced with a stronger opponent, never once did he back out and instead he pushed forward and conquered his fear.

Something Aizen was not capable of. Aizen was afraid of his own conflicting desires that lies within deep in his heart. Because he thinks that part of him wont help accomplish what he set out to do and thus, refused to acknowledge that other part of him.

But Ichigo instead accepted both the quicy and Hollow parts as Zangestu. Both who are also conflicting parts of him.

Aizen is definitely returning in the hell arc, szyal stating that the reason why the gates of hell were shut was because of the immense spitrual pressure of aizen. The gotei 13 will have to come to terms that despite how shitty aizen is, they can not deny he is STRONG. And will have no choice but to ask him for his strength. I would really be vv interesting to see how aizen would play out and his role.

#aizen #sosuke aizen #bleach #character analysis #intotyun:analysis

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privatebooth · 23 days ago

Text

Previously

Hawke considers his options. He needs to be careful about using attack spells lest it makes Fenris wake up, and he needs to keep him here to talk.

Carefully he takes out the fear demon burning it down (without Fenris noticing, as he is immersed in his vision). Then he uses a frost spell on the nightmarish image of himself and makes it shatter.

Fenris turns in his direction. Hawke approaches him cautiously and tries to smile. Fenris stares and Hawke notes that he doesn't look good - haggard, slow, eyes dim and apathetic and almost devoid of color. He wonders if this is the projection of how Fenris currently feels about himself, or does he really look like that in real life now. Has he been able to get any night's rest with dreams like this? Has he been eating at all? He must have been drinking, too... Hawke really hopes that Fenris will be able to hear and understand him. He takes it slow and doesn't say anything for a while, letting Fenris take a good look at him, searching his face.

(I honestly tried to tweak his textures to make him actually look "not good", but it proved to be useless. He's simply too beautiful, no matter what D:)

"Not giving me much credit, are you? I thought you knew me better than that!" Hawke makes an attempt at a pout. Fenris peers into his face.

Hawke doesn't know how much time has passed - his own time here fighting demons felt like an eternity. Fenris must have been tormented by his demons for quite a while, so Hawke doesn't expect him to be quick about his reactions. He decides it best to not do or say anything for now, just give Fenris time. There are no demons in sight, and no reason to rush things, so they spend a few moments simply looking at each other. In the meantime Hawke is trying to come up with just what to say, but when he finally meets Fenris's gaze his mind only screams It's me, it's really me, please see me, hear me.

Finally Fenris asks what's going on, and even his voice sounds wrong. Hawke asks if Fenris will hear him out. Fenris wonders sceptically if there's anything left to be said. Hawke heaves a deep sigh and groans that It's going to take a while. He takes a seat on the ground and suggests that Fenris do the same. No, really, it's going to be a long talk, you should sit down.

Fenris eyes him suspiciously but complies. They sit opposite of each other and keep staring.

Awkward silence ensues. Hawke hopes that if it drags on long enough with nothing happening for longer than expected and Fenris starting to get bored, he may be more susceptible to the new information. After all, demons aren't exactly subtle with their temptations, they usually get straight to the point!

When it feels like the time is right he starts talking.

We have a problem.

You don't say.

You're dreaming, and this is a very bad dream. There are demons out to get you, and you already let them in.

I did not! Fenris gives him an offended glare and frowns. Hawke is happy to see a genuine emotion on Fenris's previously blank face and it makes him smile. Fenris is watching him intently, as if trying to see through his deception.

I am here.

Fenris finds it surprising. He talks about Varric's letter which said that... (His face turns blank again as he recalls the exact phrasing). Before it arrived he'd been trying to reassure himself that Hawke's dream goodbye was a result of his own deep seated fears and anxiety.

Hawke winces imagining just what soul crushing words his writer friend used to notify Fenris of Hawke's apparent death. The dwarf was dangerously good with words, so it must have messed Fenris up pretty badly. Hawke also recalls that his own "last words" to him were frighteningly genuine (he believed it himself then!). He shifts uncomfortably.

Varric had a lot on his plate at the time. He had no way to know what happened later.

Hawke doesn't think it wise to share all the truth with Fenris, especially about the spirit he encountered. Nevertheless he needs to give him something to go on. He struggles to continue their conversation.

I appreciate knowing that you'd put me out of my misery should I go off the deep end, wouldn't have it any other way (if it ever comes to that)! But It's early yet. I'm still kicking!

Hawke is searching Fenris's face, and braces himself when he says

I may have rushed with conclusions last time we spoke. My goodbye to you was premature. I mean, I'm still trapped here, but it's not as permanent as I had thought. I'm working on a plan to get out!

Fenris's look is so intense, Hawke is ready to believe that he got through to him.

Look, I know you're worried about me, but right now you are the one who's in danger.

Hawke has a request. He asks Fenris to find a jar of very specific herbs at a specified location at his workplace back home. (After they left Kirkwall and settled down in a quiet remote place Hawke took to advanced herbalism. It became his hobby to experiment with effects of the herbs. He really wanted to do something that would help people). The jar is labeled "for extremely bad times". Fenris should brew a pinch of those herbs in a cup of hot water, let it draw for at least an hour, and drink it before going to bed every night. For Fenris this will block out all dreams - preventing demons from entering them. He will be completely out, not seeing any dreams whatsoever (I haven't yet thought of how Hawke would use it for himself or other mages). Also he really should refrain from imbibing any alcohol, lest it messes up the effect of the herbs. And it's just not very good for your health

He pauses, and holding Fenris' gaze pointedly states

I'm not giving up. I'll find my way back to you, but promise me you'll take care of yourself. I need you to be there.

With a timid smile he adds

It looks like you're the one who's going to have to save me!

Hawke presents to him the basic outline of the plan which involves finding a weak spot in the Veil, Carver coming to hold Fenris's hand, and Fenris pulling Hawke out. They will need to coordinate their movements, but for now Fenris needs to regain his strength.

Fenris lets it sink in. He is afraid to believe. He'd already sort of accepted that Hawke wouldn't come back, and now this? But this request is so simple. Something he can actually try and see.

He points out that without being able to dream he won't be able to see Hawke either, to which Hawke replies that it won't be necessary. He still needs to find a way to reach Carver, and if it works out he'll send a message through him.

Fenris asks if Hawke is a Dreamer now, and Hawke chuckles and says that apparently in his current state he can mentally connect to those he loves most.

Fenris ponders.

Finally he looks up at Hawke, and when he speaks his voice sounds stronger:

If you don't come back I don't know what I'll do with you.

Hawke is overjoyed because Fenris finally sounds like himself again.

He can't resist the urge to move closer to Fenris and touch his face.

If I do come back you can do with me whatever you want.

Fenris seems to relax a little.

Hawke notices a faint glow in the far end of the dream space and sees Hope tentatively poke Its head into the "room". Their eyes meet, It smiles brightly and waves at him excitedly.

(It's very happy about being able to come in!)

#fenhawke #hawris #fenris #garrett hawke #male hawke x fenris #fenris x m!hawke #rendering #private ramblings #bethany hawke #dragon age inquisition #I know it's all rather crude and clumsy #and I could never write an actual story as a story #but these summarised thoughts are the best I can do to work it out of my system #And I just feel so happy about it #like #it legit makes me feel better! It's almost like I myself let Hope into my life?

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midnightfrappe · 1 year ago

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FNAF MOVIE THEORY AND RAMBLING (spoilers with some images and quotes)

Okay so, idk where to start but i'll try to make everything that i say connect, starting with Garrett, Mike's lost brother.

We see the exact moment he was taken, just playing around and the next second he was in a car that was driving off. But there was no screaming, not even a scared face from Garrett, this is a kid who's not sure why his brother is chasing the car with so much fear.

We obviously know at the end of the movie that William was the one that did it, but there was never an explanation of why. He did say ''First i killed your brother. Now i'll kill you'', but how did he know about Mike's brother? It could be Vanessa that told him about Mike's brother, but there was something off about William since the beginning of the movie, before Vanessa even knew Mike.

Mike is searching for a job and ''Steve'' is looking thru his records and saying he's trying to figure out who he is. Well, that's exactly what he does when he reads his name. He quickly looks up to him in a shocked way, even getting a closer look at Mike like he was trying to recognize his face which he probably does because he starts acting weird and nervous, then he is very insisting on giving him the job that he knows will surely kill him.

But then again, how does he know Mike and Garrett? The name Schmit could be one of the reasons and just looking at Mike's face is a confirmation. Now this is where i start with my theory.

Garrett was taken just like Charlie in the games, no one was looking and then a car just passed by to use that opportunity, making them the first victims in the movie and games respectively.

Now, that gives the possibility that Garrett's father was somehow connected to William, perhaps as a friend or coworker, because why would William go to a place as far away as the woods just to kidnap and kill a random child if the pizzeria was the safest option? He had a reason to target his friend's son, I can't think of one rn, but that could mean Garrett's dad takes the rol of Henry. Explaining why William recognizes Mike, he was the older son of his friend, the brother of his first victim.

As a bonus, that could explain why Garret didn't scream or looked scared and everything happened so fast. He just saw a familiar face, someone his dad knew and wasn't really a stranger.

William says to Mike at the end ''You couldn't just leave it alone, could you?'', he knows what he did and thinks Mike was trying to go after him (i mean, he was looking for him thru his dreams, but something tells me William thinks he was searching for him irl, that's why he's shocked when he sees him right in his office, the thinks Mike finally found him but my guy was just trying to look for a job lmao).

Now getting a little crazier, in the credits we hear some words that say ''COME FIND ME'', who do we need to find? the children? We already know where they are. William? Let that mf be trapped where he is. The only one we don't know where it ended up was Garrett, but where is he? Maybe that music box at the end is an indication that Puppet is present, and the possibility of having some things related to the games could mean that Garrett may or may not be related to the puppet. (Coffcoff Garret being the Puppet just like Charlie).

Now for some silly stuff: I really think this is an AU where William and Henry swap children, Henry has 3 and William only has one. Of course William would have a normal life after killing kids and ruining Henry's life, he doesn't have to worry about his children killing each other, he just takes care of one who can be easily manipulated and lives a normal life as a career counselor. Giving his trophy (the pizzeria) people who can keep it safe.

Meanwhile Henry's family suffers just like the game but with extra steps, but I also think that Mike and Garret having a good relationship is proof of good parenting, not like the games where Mike bullies his little brother and William doesn't give a fuck about them or Elizabeth. That's also my opinion that the movies could work without the bite of '83 or even sister location, all of that could be avoided with a loving family.

The family Michael Afton and his brothers needed, the one that they deserved.

''This isn't how it happend. This isn't real.''

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #fnaf #fnaf spoilers #fnaf movie spoilers #william afton #michael afton #vanessa afton #michael schmidt #fnaf mike #fnaf abby #fnaf garrett #midnight rambles #don't mind me #i'm just being silly! :3 #i think i talked more at the end about the games and the fact it's a silly AU where Henry suffers more

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quiet-admirer · 2 months ago

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I dislike the vast, vast majority of fat anatomy tutorials that get passed around on social media because, while learning from other artists is great because it means you don't have to reinvent the wheel yourself, those posts usually end up being "use these 2-3 categories of shapes to draw these 3-4 body types" that functionally aren't that different from those "how to draw a cartoon dog" step-by-steps for children.

All you're learning is the approach that artist uses to draw the body types they typically draw in their style, which doesn't tell you what techniques and practice habits the artist used to arrive to their approaches and shortcuts. It's like being given 3 soup recipes that you can follow, but if you don't learn the basics of what makes a soup a soup, you might be able to riff off of what you know, but it's going to be really hard to make your own meals that reflect your self-expression and tastes.

This is an inherent problem for anatomy tutorials in general, but it's amplified even more for guides on how to draw fat and fat bodies. Any connoisseur of fat can tell you that there is no possible way to make a succinct guide to drawing what fat bodies look like. There is a whole range of hardness to softness, and within each incremental degree of softness there is a wide range of where fat gets distributed on the body, and within that, there are variations in what that distribution looks like proportionally given the person's height and the size of their frame. Where rolls and folds happen varies widely. Where stretch marks happen and to what degree varies widely. Whether there's cellulite in different areas or not.

This is so cool! There are so many options to mix and match and so much fun stuff to learn when drawing fat people. And so much room for expressive character design, too!

But the problem with the kinds of fat drawing tutorials in circulation isn't that fat people are just too varied or too complicated or difficult to learn outside of some specialized studio drawing class. It's because these tutorials talk about literally anything but actually looking at a fat body to learn how to draw one!

It's a hard pill to swallow perhaps, because we all want easy drawing shortcuts, but the way you learn how to draw realistic variation in body types is through real-life references! The tutorials you'll get the most out of are going to be life-drawing tutorials: how to train your eye to see what it's actually seeing and how to translate that to the page. The same exact *skills* that you use to learn how to draw thin and muscular body types are the ones that will get you to learn how to draw fat body types.

"How do I draw double chins?" Idk man, how did you learn how to draw sharp jawlines? Look at many examples of double chins and practice drawing them until you have a good idea of a lot of common shapes out there and adapt and recreate what you're seeing into your own personal artistic style, be that hyperrealism or simple cartoons.

"But where? Artist photo references are all of thin and muscular people, and there's no control over whether studio life drawing models are fat!"

Draw your fat friends with their permission!

Draw yourself if you're lucky enough to be your own fat photo or life reference!

It's a very common practice for artists to life sketch at places like parks and coffee shops, so as long as you are respectful and not oggling and leering at strangers, you may see a fat person in the wild if you go outside with a sketchbook for some people watching.

Live drawing is always going to be more valuable than drawing from a reference that's already 2D, but you can image search fat public figures, like musicians or actors, or redraw movie or music video stills with fat musicians or actors.

fatphotoref.com/

Ok now hear me out on this, but: a great place to find nude photo reference for fat men, (especially if you want practice drawing steamy gay fat sex and intimacy) is amateur porn videos using search terms like 'bear' and 'chub'. Many artists talk about having difficulty finding fat photo references where fat bodies are not portrayed with the themes and aesthetics common in fat fetish and feedism kinks, and I'm not trying to minimize that at all, but unlike the "BBW" category of porn, Bear and chub/chaser amateur porn is way more often just, like, some big guys making a sex tape together. And with amateur porn you often get a lot of footage of people walking around to change positions or camera angles, moving to a chair, reaching for the lube, taking clothes off, lying in bed - liminal space with naked fat bodies just existing and doing stuff, which makes it an underrated resource for figure drawing practice in my opinion.

Also, I have to add, there isn't anything wrong with using photos and videos by fat fetishists, even those with fat fetish aesthetics, for figure drawing practice. These are images fat people are creating of our own bodies, presenting themselves in a way that is gratifying or desirable for them. That is part of the fat experience too; that is a way for fat bodies to be represented, and just because something is a kinky way of portraying fat bodies doesn't mean the kinds of angles and movements and poses that are actively avoided outside of kink spaces have nothing of artistic value to contribute to creating vanilla art or learning figure drawing.

And lastly, there are also more and more videos and channels out there with some sort of niche related to fatness like fat fashion or fat yoga that can also make great photo references.

You learn to draw by looking at real life and drawing it. You learn how to draw fat people by looking at real fat people and drawing them. Look at actual fat people!

#Long post but I've been meaning to make this for literal years

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felassan · 9 months ago

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Image credits: David Gaider [source link below]

Article: 'Who is qualified to make a world? In search of the magic of maps'

"You're travelling with your imagination..."

An extensive feature article about maps, map creation and world-building. It refers to David Gaider and the team's early world-building and early-days process of creating the universe that would become Dragon Age. It includes this early series of original sketches of the map of Thedas through time that Gaider drew when the world was being created.

Excerpts under the cut (due to length):

"Dragon Age. That's the game Gaider was working on - or rather, it was the world he would dream up. Ideas had been swirling about what Dragon Age would be for a few months. The team knew it would be like D&D but would not be actual D&D, because BioWare was sick of licensed games at the time. They knew they were going for Tolkien rather than Conan or Diablo. "We definitely had at least some idea of the kind of RPG this was going to be," Gaider tells me when in a video call. But BioWare didn't have a world. One day, Gaider was handed a historical atlas of Europe and tasked with going away and coming up with a fantasy world for players to explore. And almost immediately, he sketched a map." - "What is it about a map that gives it magical powers to bind us and pull us in? I wanted to know more, and through talking to David Gaider and learning about his creation of the map for Dragon Age, I hoped I might find out." - "In fact, he corrects me, "I sketched a lot of maps." But they were the same map, replicated over and over, because in order for a world to make sense to Gaider, it needed history. "I drew this coastline and then made a bunch of photocopies of it," he says, "and did this series of sketches, like, 'Okay in this era, this is where people lived and where they migrated and created different cultures,' and those cultures changed over time as they got conquered. Much like the book of European maps I had, I was doing it in eras and forming an idea in my mind about how these groups all mingled together. David Gaider was kind enough to share his original sketches of the Dragon Age world with me, and in them, you can see an emerging flow of history. You can see the spread of the Tevinter Empire as the race of Men lands in the north and then begins to spread out. You can see, in the earliest images, there's still a kingdom of Elves in the forest of Arlathan, nearby. Then, they are forced out by the growing Tevinter Empire, south to the Dales, where we encounter them in the Dragon Age games, subjugated to being a kind of slave race. Tribes give way to kingdoms, and names we're familiar with begin to appear." - Caption on the sketches: "David Gaider's original sketches of the Dragon Age world. Wherever you see a name typed in, it's because it was changed by EA's in-house sensitivity team, which cross-checked place names with real-world names in case there was a clash. The area of Antiva, for example, used to be called Calabria, but Calabria is the name of a region in southern Italy. "Well, if you do something with the Calabrians that real Calabrians don't like, they might get upset," the sensitivity department at EA told Gaider. "So I was like, 'Oh fine, I'll change it,'" he says." - ""My feeling on history when it comes to worlds," Gaider says, "is that you need to have a lot of it." Without it, he says a world will feel like a facade. "Sometimes you'll see worlds where they've made only what is needed for their current story, and it's like an old Western set: it feels right, it looks right, but then you slowly get a sense of, 'Oh, there's nothing behind those doors.' Before he sat down to draw, Gaider already knew some of the geographical elements he wanted. He knew he wanted a topsy-turvy 'South was cold and North was hot' idea for the continent, to play with people's expectations, and he knew he wanted a large waterway - that he likens to the Mediterranean - carving its way far inland. Today, we know this as the Waking Sea, and it's an incredibly important feature in the Dragon Age games. Gaider also knew he wanted islands far up in the north, from which an unknown race could invade. "I knew that I wanted an 'other' race that would come along," he says, "which ended up being the Qunari." Gaider also knew he wanted untouched areas for adventure, like forests and mountains, just in case the game would need them. "I didn't want every place to be so civilised that when it came time for 'we need ruins' or 'we need massive wilderness', we've got nowhere to go because I've civilised the entire thing," he says."

"Because remember, the team didn't yet know where the game they were making would be set. That's why so much of the continent you see in the sketches is as yet unused in Dragon Age games - the series hasn't needed all of it by this point. Continents are vast, after all, and realising them in 3D for players to explore is a mighty task. "I guess in my head," Gaider says, "we would be probably either on the north of Ferelden, on what became the Free Marches, or maybe off in the west more towards the Tirashan Forest or the Hunterhorns. That was a very wild area and I was like, 'That's a good place for an adventure to be.' Atlas at hand, photocopies in front of him, Gaider set about his work of growing a game world from a bunch of maps, and with not a small amount of trepidation. There was a lot riding on the world after all; it was a far cry from the worlds he'd created and freely abandoned as a teenager. "This is going to form the foundation, ideally, for a lot of games," he says, "and a lot of people are going to do work [on it]. And the trepidation is like, 'I don't know what I'm doing.' I'm essentially the equivalent of a 13-year-old just going, 'La la la, I'm going to call this Ferelden!'" - "Some things bother David Gaider about the Dragon Age 1 map, still, and they occurred when artists prettied his sketches without his involvement. "Oh," he said awkwardly when they were presented to him. "I didn't want it to look like this, exactly." He says they added a lot more rivers and mountains, and flipping between his sketches and the Dragon Age: Origins map, you can see some have moved around, or gained prominence, and places like Redcliffe have shifted. Apparently people would take to the BioWare forums after the game came out to complain about the map's geography. "And I'm like, 'You know what? You got a point,'" Gaider says. This is mostly anger at himself, though, for not doing more about it. Similarly, he wishes he'd been able to sit down with artists and work out what the rest of the continent you don't see in his sketches looked like, so they didn't have to have "the continent just keeps going..."-like messages at the edge of it. "But to where?" Gaider says. But it speaks to something he's noticed in his decades working in games about artists and writers. "They really speak two different languages," he tells me. They process things differently and they tend to care about different things. There were reams of history and lore written in a "world bible" for the Dragon Age team, but getting artists to read it was another matter. They wanted clear visual cues, not piles of backstory. Dragon Age: Origins eventually found its setting in Ferelden, the kingdom in the bottom right bulge of the sketches, so it left a huge portion of the sketched world unused, which the team presumed no one would ever see. "We thought that was going to be the only one," he says of Dragon Age: Origins. "That's why when you get to the end of Origins, there's so many epilogues that cast off far into the future, which, if we'd known that we were going to keep going and keep going with history, we wouldn't have said, 'Oh, in fifty and one hundred years, this is going to happen.' I think we would have played our cards a little closer to our chest. EA apparently found the game very old-fashioned and thought no one wanted turn-based role-playing games like that any more, which of course now seems ridiculous given the success of Baldur's Gate 3. "Baldur's Gate just goes to show how wrong people are when it comes to industry wisdom," Gaider says."

"Nevertheless, when Dragon Age 2 eventually was green-lit, the scope of it, and the focus of it, would completely change. With it, BioWare and EA would push towards a console RPG experience that stopped and started less, and had more action-packed combat. And EA only gave BioWare 18 months to make it, so BioWare decided to make a much smaller, more tightly focused game. It seemed like a good idea at the time. "People at BioWare convinced themselves that the fans would be okay - it'll be fine if it's a smaller game," Gaider says. "And I don't know why we thought that was the case, but for a moment there in time, we were like, 'Yeah, sure, it'll be fine.'" As for the mapping, a tighter focus meant centering on one place rather than a whole region, so the city of Kirkwall on the Waking Sea became the heart of the game, and BioWare developed a time-jumping idea for the game so you could see it at various different points in your character's lifetime, which I still think is really neat. And because there wasn't a large region to explore, the game didn't need a sprawling map, so BioWare turned the map on its side to give Kirkwall some height and majesty instead. It wasn't particularly memorable, but it looked nice. The game didn't go down well. "Its highs were really high, and its lows were really low," Gaider says now. "It was very unpolished. If it even got six months more polish, I think the reception would have been a lot different." More importantly, it meant everything would need to change again for Dragon Age 3." - "In Dragon Age: Inquisition, the third game in the series, the map plays a starring role. It's built into the game world specifically so you and your Inquisition advisors can gather around it and push pieces about as you choose where to go next. Thematically, this fits neatly with the theme of running an organisation like the Inquisition, but the map was also required to cover a lot of ground. One thing BioWare knew the moment it started making the game was that it needed to be bigger than DA2. This time, the game would spread across areas of Ferelden we hadn't been to as well as some we had; up to Kirkwall and into surrounding Free Marches, and then west to the city of Orlais and onwards until it reached past the Waking Sea and arid desert land. But the sense of scale was an illusion. Dragon Age: Inquisition wasn't a continuous, open world, but a fragmented one, made up of a few open-world-like zones, some small parts of cities, and many 'you can't actually explore there, but you can read about it' text-window interactions. Again, this was Gaider's idea, to give the game "a feeling of breadth" without needing the art department to render it all in 3D. By the time Inquisition came out in 2014, the world of Thedas - the name an amalgamation of "the" and "Dragon Age Setting" by the way - had been reinterpreted for three games and touched by many pairs of hands. Gaider's writing team had plugged the holes he, as a single writer, couldn't fill, and the art team had shown us what the world looked like. There was even, fittingly, a Dragon Age encyclopaedia released, compiling the teetering piles of lore and backstory, and maps and imagery that BioWare created for it. People were now joining the team who were already fans of the series. This was no longer an imaginary world; Thedas felt real. And perhaps it no longer needed Gaider to steer it."

- "So Gaider left BioWare in 2016, having worked there for 17 years, most of it spent on Dragon Age. Really, he'd had enough of wizards and demons, and Anthem wasn't the tonic he sought. Eventually, he'd move all the way from Canada to Australia for a fresh start, where he'd start Summerfall Studios and make a role-playing musical called Stray Gods, which was released last year. That game, incidentally, only featured a small map for travelling between city locations. Today, he awaits the arrival of a new Dragon Age game - Dragon Age: Dreadwolf - like the rest of us, having had no direct input. It's an anxious wait, as you can imagine. "I was Mr Dragon Age for ten years," he says, "so there is a certain amount of attachment. I'm not sure how I will feel when Dragon Age 4 comes out. I have a hard time believing that if I play it, I won't spend a lot of the time second guessing any choices I see, like, 'Oh, hmm, I wouldn't have done that.' What if they bring back some characters that I wrote? They're going to Tevinter so what if Dorian's there? Gah! I don't know; I am of two minds as to whether or not I will even play it." "It makes me wonder about these people who create worlds, who draw them into existence - whether that's in a preliminary sketch or a lavish piece of artwork - and whether there's always a point where success comes with the consequence of ceding control. Had Gaider kept the world of Dragon Age to himself, a photocopied map, folded and stuffed in a back pocket, we'd never have played it. And had millions of people not played and enjoyed it, I wouldn't be writing about it now and have that feeling when I look at an image of one of Gaider's photocopies, that I'm in the presence of something special, something powerful. But it's no longer Gaider's map, and no longer Gaider's world. It's all of ours."" - "For Gaider, maps are snapshots of history, photocopied slideshows explaining how places came to be. And of course they are, because he was thinking about Dragon Age when he started in on maps, which meant that he was thinking about geography, sure, but also the passing of time, and the way the latter affects the former."

[source and full article]

#dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #longpost #long post #anthem

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