#don’t talk to me i’m sad and mad
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in my head, and maybe forever, the last thought of Satoru before he died was:
“Did I finally catch up, Suguru?”
#[azra speaks]#don’t talk to me i’m sad and mad#i don’t wanna see angst anymore#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 236#suguru geto#geto suguru#satosugu#gego#gojo#geto
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it’s so normalised for women to be unhappy with their male partners and see them as a hindrance to their life rather than a help that sometimes i wonder how many women are actually just lesbians but never realised it because Male Disappointment has gone from accepted to expected and maybe they just think that’s what relationships are supposed to be like
#me anytime my friends are experiencing any level of male disappointment: break up with him#i will not participate in ‘haha! it’s normal to hate your partner!’ because no the fuck it isn’t babe#if you don’t LIKE the person that you’re marrying….dont marry them#i don’t know how to explain to you that you’re supposed to actually like….enjoy being with each other#(this doesn’t apply to peopel who get annoyed or mad or sad at their partner btw. it’s normal to have a range of feelings—#—I’m talking to and about the ones who genuinely don’t like each other most of the time.)
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The album Phantoms by Marianas Trench is so bkdk coded!!!!!
Only the Lonely Survive, Don’t Miss Me, Glimmer, I Knew You When, Death of Me, UGH THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD
He’ll never scar you like I do, but he’ll never know you, not the way that I know you
Can we forgive and forget, can we lay to rest, can we catch a breath
Never more to leave here, you should never be here, I know my love can be the killing kind
!!!!!
#bkdk#bakudeku#this is seriously in my top five favorite albums#idk if there’s another like it even#I mostly associate phantoms with Lockwood and co#and Anthony Lockwood specifically#but I pulled it out again today and got slapped in the face with bkdk#only the lonely survive???#about doomed love or love that hurts but you don’t care#plus it’s a bop hands down#‘I tell myself that I could do with the space between me to you#and I’m just a drink away from honesty so who knows what’s true but I’m wondering if maybe you don’t miss me too’#STOP#UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH#glimmer is like dvk2 and immediately after#or death of me or I wish you were here#both easily kacchan dying#listen do yourself a favor and listen to phantoms#it’s an experience#and if you wanna talk about the way it starts from a place of sadness and loss and misunderstanding#then devolves more and more into madness until at the very end the only thing they can do is beg their loved one to stay#I am your gal#STAY#idc what anyone says#that’s all Kacchan and Izuku want from each other at this point anyway#just stay#stay here#stay with me#for the rest of our lives#I love it
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I feel like one of the only people on this app not in a gc🧍♀️
am I missing something here? must I be older for this shit?? should I care this much?? (probably not)
#mads speaks🫶#everyone tagging people#talking about the gc#and I’m kinda here like🧍♀️#the sad bit is I’m not even in one#if I were this wouldn’t be an issue#btw y’all dojt take pity I’m fine#don’t like add me to a gc outta pity#I can’t talk to people for the life of me
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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#I think I’m genuinely going crazy#not sure if it’s like a menstrual thing#or the sleeping 4 hours a night for several weeks in a row#but regardless I feel so Ass it’s gross#I went to sleep in my RV and woke up in my car#I don’t think I drove it but like???? idk#between that and the hallucinations I feel so absolutely fucking dead#I’m so tired and I’m doing my best to be what I need to be but it literally took me hearing g*nsh*ts and screaming that wasn’t happening#and then sobbing for my girlfriend to see I wasn’t doing well#and like now THREE different people have told me to smoke#which is crazy because last semester everyone was mad at me for being a stoner#and now one of the people that was mad about that is telling me to fucking do it anyways.#but I’ve been sober for two months and I’m so mad because how dare you shame me into quitting and then turn around and tell me to turn to#it when shit hits the fan???#like I was in this position when I was a stoner and you blamed me calling me an addict which#I WASNT#And now you’re like “you should turn to drugs!’’#like tell me how the fuck that makes any sense#I’m so tired#I’m so fucking tires#for the past like six mornings I’ve woken up and prayed#I’m not religious#but I keep praying for fucking anything to go right#I just need one happy moment#I’m genuinely so fucking sad and mad and tired#idk how to even properly express my emotions#I’m crying in a truck stop bathroom#that’s how I’ll sum it up#idk if you made it to the end sowwy my metaw heawth is the the shittew uwu#I don’t have anywhere else to put this so 🤷🏻♂️ it’s just me talking to the void
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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found someone that match my freak but they’re from another country and their fwb reached out to them again and they never talked to me again
#i’m so sad and lonely and mad and pissed#like ik i wouldn’t travel to see you so go on have ur fun w ur fwb but why stop talking to me 🤕#i wanted to send another message to ask abt it but i don’t like to double text and my pride is already hurt i don’t wanna hurt it some more#tumblr polls#help#someone help me i’ve never been in any romantic situations before
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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Watching new sunny and missing Mac doing karate moves and project badass and standing up to Dennis and being treated as an equal in their friendship and everyone being really, really scummy like not just saying stupid shit but genuinely ruining peoples lives tbh
#man I just#don’t get me wrong I still love the show but#i miss when Dennis and Mac seemed a lot more like equals#and Mac not primarily being characterized by being gay#but also its like I keep thinking about Mac talking about it all the time because he’s making up for lost time#so I can’t even really be mad about it#still though I feel like they have stripped a lot of his neurodivergent traits and it’s making me sad#and I just feel like his characterization has changed a bit#maybe it’s my autism idk#give him back his trauma and let everyone be extra evil and miserable the way they used to be#i hope this doesn’t read as me being like well back in my day#anyways I’m done being a hater#iasip#it’s always sunny in philly#mac mcdonald#dennis reynolds#macden#frank reynolds#dee reynolds#source: iasip#like I wanna see some rickety cricket shit again I miss them being gasp inducingly evil and not just calling people woke#adding that I still do love the show a lot and the new seasons I just had to get that off my chest#he’s still my bbg ofc#I might delete this I don’t think a lot of people are gonna agree with me on this one idk#I think seasons 1-9 just have a special place in my heart and some of the changes are making me go a little insane#and obviously Dennis still loves Mac they are best friends#but it just feels outwardly like their dynamic has changed a lot like if you look at Mac and Dennis break up to now#okay i’m spiraling
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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im lonely and angry and
back on this stupid fucking app to complain about it
#being sober barely fixes anything aside from not worrying about what i did the night before and not being hungover#i still spend hella money and i still am unhappy and lonely lol#and still dumb and can’t figure out how to be an adult#im just mad and sad and overwhelmed#drinking is easier sometimes but i know it’s not worth it#135 days sober#i don’t have anyone or anything but i can say i’m sober i guess#people in AA don’t even talk to me and that’s like…. the point of AA lmao#forever fuckig miserable and never able to connect with anyone
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Not a vent jus an emotional observation, but it kinda sucks when you slowly realize you can’t be the friend someone needs you to be
#random post#also goes for other relationships but I digress#idk it’s kinda like taking away a fundamental part your life cus u just aren’t what they NEED#this really isn’t a vent btw it’s just smth I’ve been thinking about and I think I’ve accepted it#a part of me REALLY wants to talk about it with someone to like. have an outside perspective on my thoughts lol but I don’t wanna fuckin#idk the word. bother? worry? someone else? I also don’t wanna be misunderstood as like. malicious or mad or anything lol#cus I’m prone to being misunderstood ✌️😔#that’s more or less a fact funnily enough there been more than a few times where I’ve just been like ‘NO WAIT. THATS NIT WHAT I MEANT’#I honestly can’t tell what gets misinterpreted sometimes but I digress. anyways#good news is. we don’t really talk. anymore lol so it’s not like im suddenly outcast or anything#sounds sappy but I already mourned the loss of this friendship a long time ago. DAMN that sounds dark but. yknow#it’s kinda nice sharing these thoughts <3 ive been feelin like this for MONTHS and I’m done feeling sad or getting myself sick over these#feelings >:)#in other news the duct tape on my phone (the tape holding my case together) has been peeling back so NOW my hands are sticky </3 rip
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good omens season 2 spoilers hi
okkkkk so aziraphale being so very excited to offer crowley a position in heaven with him is so like… tragic. crowley can be an angel again, and why shouldn’t crowley want that? to zira, heaven’s the side of good which means crowley is on the side of bad for as long as he’s a demon, even if he isn’t bad himself. and we know that he knows crowley isn’t bad obviously, he makes a point of calling him nice and pointing out his good deeds and all. but crowley isn’t on hell’s side, he’s on his own side. he’s on their side. but… when zira is excited to tell him that he could be an angel again, it makes it seem like crowley isn’t quite good enough as he is, like it’s a good thing for this major part of him to be changed. it shouldn’t matter that crowley’s a demon because he isn’t on hell’s side, yet this excitement at crowley being “fixed up” to be an angel again just shows crowley that he isn’t good enough as he is (even if that’s not how zira intends it, exactly). this being said i love you and forgive you, zira. please just develop better communication skills, guys
#i’m sure other people have talked about this scene a lot but#but… bruh#U Can Be An Angel Again !! :D#??? ok. ouch#likeeeeeee i know zira loves crowley as is and stuff but he’s still stuck on angels being the Good Guys#and to him it’s like You Are A Good Guy Don’t You Want To Be On The Good Side?#right ????#y’know?#anyway. idk#thoughts and stuff#just makes me sad that he’d want to change crowley like that. and he told crowley he’d like to change him#yknow??? yknow ?????? yeah#ily though zira#i can’t be mad at u#good omens#good omens 2#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#ineffable divorce#</3#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers
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oHHHHH I can’t say things it will make the boobers mad but I sometimes want to kill people maybe
#stupid snake talk#AUGHHHHHHHHH *kills self*#I don’t want them enough to know their personal take on it#and tbf this isnt ONLY a problem with their fans this can be said with anyone who was ong he d5mp#but it always makes me so mad and sad and frustrated when people are like mad that idk they became very famous and popular from that#IDK maybe I’m biased idk idk#It just makes me upset :(#I love the d5mp to this day and it’s so.. it feels MEAN to be so dismissive to it#it unironically impacted many peoples lives#like i mean yeah ofc dont be defined by it that’s fine#but people can like it man
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My mom was just like ahhh Im anxious to go out of my comfort zone and I was like you’re good how is this out of your comfort zone you’ve done this before and she was like why do you always judge my feelings and say I’m not allowed to feel that way I should feel some other way and I’m sitting here like :| as if she hasn’t done that to my my entire life and as if I didn’t mean you’ve done this before as a you got this sentiment not get over urself
#literally she said that and I just put my headphones on and went into my room bc if I had stayed out there I would’ve said ‘like you’ve done#to me my entire life’ and she would’ve had a shitty night and yelled and/or cried at me and I would’ve felt bad#so I just put my headphones on and walked away and it’s just like god how can she be so fucking unaware#like I got these fucking habits from somewhere like you think maybe growing up depressed and suicidal in a family that didn’t talk about or#publicly feel their emotions made it difficult for me to express things and you think maybe you making me feel bad constantly because of my#depression and on top of my depression might have transferred into me saying things that hurt you and not meaning it#but I can’t say any of this becusse obviously she didn’t mean it at the time she didn’t know how to deal with me but fuck man it just fucks#me up cause i don’t want to be constantly trying to get pay back against my mother or whatever but I also feel like she’s constantly trying#to say shit to me about her going on dates or whatever when I have repeatedly told her I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t like when#she jokes about it and I tell her to like get a hobby other than men and like I’m joking but I’m fucking not#like she spends all her time out with guys or talking about guys or texting guys while we’re supposed to be hanging out and I have both#never felt more isolated and alienated from my family and have never felt this weirdly connected to my family#like I feel like how my mother felt when I was doing stupid shit and she didn’t want to say anything and when she did I’d be an asshole but#she’d be right and idk it’s just like how do I stay mad at my mother while doing the same things she did to me then#but how do I stop doing them if I can’t address why I’m doing it and how do I address it if I feel like I need to tell her#but I’ve told her and it doesn’t help it only makes her feel bad#how do I let myself feel my emotions. how has everyone else been doing it this whole time and it’s fucking impossible for me#ugh.#fuck.#I’m gonna take one of my crying edibles and see if I can get listening to some sad music and let some tears out of my face#and then I’m gonna play Minecraft tonight with 🧍🏻 and he doesn’t know I have a pet bird yet or about my trip so that’ll be fun
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