#I’m gonna take one of my crying edibles and see if I can get listening to some sad music and let some tears out of my face

[milo-is-rambling]

My mom was just like ahhh Im anxious to go out of my comfort zone and I was like you’re good how is this out of your comfort zone you’ve done this before and she was like why do you always judge my feelings and say I’m not allowed to feel that way I should feel some other way and I’m sitting here like :| as if she hasn’t done that to my my entire life and as if I didn’t mean you’ve done this before as a you got this sentiment not get over urself

[jaemsun00]

Nct mark + 00 line when you give them an unexpected blowjob.

This is mature, do not interact if it make you uncomfortable. Exhibitionism acts.

- MARK

It was almost midnight and Mark was still stuck at the company room at the desk, writing whatever words came to his mind. You sat a fair bit away on your own chair, spinning around tiredly. He has told you, you should go home and go to sleep but you refused to leave him alone.

“This is so fucking annoying” you heard him swear, before ripping the paper out of the book, scrunching it up and failing to chuck it in the bin right beside his feet.

Just as you were about to say something a very interesting idea came to your mind. Mark has admitted that he has been feeling very uninspired to write any of his lyrics lately. Maybe he needed something to get the inspiration back.

Slowly walking towards him, you planned it out. It was going to be simple and Mark would not dare to say no to what your thinking.

Mark snapped his head when your hand touched his shoulder softly. “Let’s do something” you smile weirdly at him and he did eyes you. “I would love to but I have to finish this by tomorrow” he motioned to his book.

“I can help you” Mark tried not to let out a laugh when you said that. It’s no secret that your not talented in that area. “To get inspiration I mean” you scoff seeing how he was hiding his laughter. “Oh yeah? How you gonna do that?”

He was oblivious to your plan which made it seem even better. Mark was taken back when you spun his chair around and slowly dropped to your knees in between his legs. “Like this” you smile up at him, seeing how he gulped when you two made eye contact. he lifted his hips for you to slip his pants down and get right to work.

- RENJUN

“It’s very pretty” you smile at the painting Renjun has been working on the past two hours. You’ve barely been awake two minutes and he was forcing you to see all the drawings he has worked on lately. “You reckon?” He took the paper back and admired it himself.

“Mmm. Now can we go to beddd” you whine, hands resting on his desk as he shook his head. Ever since you’ve woken up with no boyfriend beside you, you’ve been whining to him about it. “Go by yourself” scoffing, you stood tall over his sitting figure.

“Renjun” he hummed as a response making you a bit more mad. But why not play with him a bit. “Renjun” you try again in a more sing song voice. Your boyfriend still ignored you. Thankfully the desk he was working on was easy to get underneath, yeah you hit your head once but who cares.

Renjun was a bit weirded out with you crawling under the table, but he wasn’t expecting your hand rubbing at him through his pants. “Baby?” He groaned out, pushing his chair back to see you smiling up at him. “Your just gonna-“ “okay I’m going to bed.” You say getting up, but Renjun was faster to grab onto your wrist. “You can’t leave. You’ve started something” “if you come to bed then I’ll finish it” your smile was so cunningly that Renjun couldn’t say no and followed you back to bed.

- JENO

It was funny, seeing how normal Jeno was trying to be while talking through the headset with Haechan. But you continued your task, bopping your head up and down on his length. “Go le- fuck left” your boyfriend tried to hide his moan. Haechan must of said something back because Jeno told him to shut up.

“I kicked my toe” he lied through his clenched teeth, just as you planned you took him in your mouth fully, gagging a bit. That just made Jeno want to cry out. You’ve never done this, never have you thought you would be doing this. But here you are, on your knees and giving your boyfriend a blow job under his desk.

“Okay I’m gonna- I’m gonna go” he stuttered before quickly taking his headset off and placing it on the keyboard. His head dropped down to see you doing your task. “Fuck you look so pretty” he smiled, hands running through your messy hair, making a make shift ponytail as his hips bucked into your face. Taking you by surprise.

- HAECHAN

The only reason why you were waiting under your boyfriend desk was because of the stuff you over heard him and some of his mates talking about. How he would love to get head under the desk while he played a game on his computer.

“I’ve got food” you heard his voice before the door opened, Hacehan saw the empty bed and sighed. Thinking maybe you went home already with how long he was taking. Just as he was about to take his phone out, he saw you shift in your spot under the table.

“What are you doing?” You crawl out of the small spot, facing Haechan who looked so confused right now. “Well I was- I was going to surprise you with... with-“ you felt so stupid having to explain it. Hacehan had no clue what was going on in your mind.

“With? Scaring me?” You shake your head, god how you wished someone would come in and save you from the embarrassment your about to face. “I was going to suck you off while you played the game” you mumble but Haechan heard it all. Quickly smiling at your words.

“Oh really?” You could hear the teasing smirk he wore but you couldn’t let him see how red your cheeks have turned since admitting that. “Well what’s stopping you? Get back under” he waved his hands towards the desk and started walking towards it. “Your? Uh” you let out a nervous laugh.

“Don’t say your getting shy now, come on you said you wanted to” he smiled so innocently at you as he sat on his gaming chair, leaving a space for you to crawl back under. “The food will go cold” “who cares. I don’t want blue balls”

- JAEMIN

“What are you doing?” Jaemin laughed as your wondering hands made their way to his thighs. He was just peacefully laying on the bed, laptop propped up beside him as he watched some sort of drama. “Nothing” you lie before your hand starts going further up to his cock, rubbing lightly before he grabbed at your wrist.

“You have work soon” he warned as if that was going to stop you. You nod, trying to move your hand again. “Your going to be late if you start it up” he looked down at his pants which were loose around his waist. “And? It will be fine”

Jaemin wanted it tell you no, you had a job to do and last time you went in late your boss threatened your job. But as soon as you started peeling his pants off, the words in his mouth disappeared. But your mouth, your mouth was now full with him. Eyes never left his own as you licked his tip.

“Your- fuck that feels good” he moaned out, hands running through your hair and playing with it as you worked on him. Jaemin felt himself grow hard and big in your mouth and gosh it felt too good not to lift his hips to get more friction.

- YANGYANG

He has spoken to you about this before, how it would be amazing if you gave him head as he played a game. Being bored all day you decided today was the best time to do it. What you didn’t expect was YangYang to have his mic on.

So he would just have to be quite. You usually sat on the floor studying as he played his games. So he thought nothing of it as you moved closer to his legs. The shorts he wore giving away how he wasn’t wearing any boxers right now. He had no plans so it didn’t surprise you.

“Nah nah I work fair and square your just a bad player” you have no idea who he was insulting, nor did you care. Yangyang stopped moving when he felt you prying his shorts off. It was hard as he didn’t lift his hips, giving up on trying you just pull his member out.

“One second” YangYang spoke, muting himself before staring down at you. “What are you doing baby?” He laughed as you started moving your hand up his shaft. “Nothing much” you shrug as if you weren’t making him harder in your hands. “Turn the mic back on”

Yangyang widened his eyes at you, slowly shaking his head. “I don’t think the boys want to hear that” “just do it” your eyes tell him he should listen. So he does, clicking the mute off and getting back to his arguing members.

You licked the underside did his length before shoving him whole in your mouth. Yangyang stuttered his words as he tried to focus on playing. But it was rather hard when you were blowing him right now. “Holy fuck” he let out loudly, his members thinking maybe he died in the game.

- SHOTARO

“Please” he begged but you ignored him again, laying on his lap as he tried to push you off. “Your my personal pillow so no. I’m not moving” you whine back at him, moving your head on his lap as he just sighed, letting you win this time.

The movie he watched continued playing as you turned your head, meeting his crotch and a smirk grew on your face. Shotaro clearly didn’t know your thoughts even when you moved to your side, so your face was met right where his dick rested.

“Are you hungry?” He asked innocently, pulling out his phone so he could order. “I’m very hungry” you say sensually but your boyfriend was oblivious to it.

“What do you want? Chicken? Or-“ “you” you spit out making him laugh awkwardly. “Yeah well I’m not edible so-“ you scoff at him, hands running down his stomach, feeling how he shivered every time your hand got closer.

“Right here? Sungchan will be back soon and I’m sure he-“ “it’s fine baby we just need to be fast” Shotaro didn’t know why his dick was growing at your words. Does he want to get caught? While he was in his thoughts you were pulling him out of his briefs. Already getting started with your hand.

“We can always go into your room?” The boy shook his head, lifting his hips so he could push his pants down to his ankles. “Just let’s be fast” you smiled at his words. You always get what you want either way or another. “I’m sure we will be very fast”

[marvelouslytrekking]

The Code

Pairing: Din Djarin/gn!reader Summary: Mando leaves specific instructions not to leave the ship while he is out on a hunt. Disobey those instructions leads to very terrible consequences - will Mando make it back in time? Word Count: 3232 Warning: Mention of blood, pain, knife, torture, canon-typical violence A/N: I decided to see if the Whumptober prompts inspired anything and here this is.... days 1, 2, & 3 all in one! The specific prompts used were: 1: Bound 2: Gagged 3: “Who did this to you” I hope y'all enjoy! Also don’t forget Feedback Feeds my Soul

Main Masterlist | Other Din fics 

You knew that you should have listened to him, he told you not to leave the ship but you wanted to find something other than the terrible rations to eat. You thought that you would be fine. You made sure that the kid was secure in the ship, and you made sure that the ship was in your line of sight, you’d be able to get back to it if you needed.

Everything had been going well, you had found some fruit that was growing and from what you could tell, was edible. You had begun picking the fruit, excited to see what all you could make with what you were finding.

You heard a branch snap, but it wasn’t from your own feet. You scanned the area, surely it was just an animal but you suddenly got a sick feeling in your gut, and knew you needed to get back to the ship. You would just need to engage ground security protocols once you were onboard and both you and the child would be safe.

You had turned to head back to the ship, but it was too late. You saw that they were closer than you, there was no way for you to make it onboard before they did. You didn’t even have to think, the decision had been an easy one, you used the remote controls to engage the protocols, locking the child in the ship when the hunters wouldn’t be able to get to him. It would buy him time until Mando could get back and kill them off.

You then tried to hunker down, they hadn’t seen you yet and you had hoped that it would stay that way. It had bought you some time. You watched from the foliage as they tried to get in the ship to no avail. You felt relief knowing the child was safe, though that relief was only short lived as you suddenly heard movement behind you.

You whipped around quickly, trying to get a blaster shot off but he was faster than you expected and managed to dodge the shot, which just meant that you had signaled the others to your location. You were luckily fast enough to rip your arm panel with the controls for the ship off your arm and shoot that. You got one good step on it too before a blaster shot hit your thigh.

You crumbled to the ground from the pain of the close range shot, you desperately tried to focus on getting out of the situation or fighting your way out of the 5 men, but before you could find your footing again, the man’s foot was on your shoulder, painfully pressing it into the ground. You still tried to get a shot off at him, but he was easily able to pry your blaster from your hand.

“He sure picked a feisty one.” The hunter chucked before grabbing you by the shoulder and pulling you upright. You were surrounded by 2 other men before you were fully upright, one on each side of you, dragging you back towards the ship.

“She destroyed her controls.” The first man told the others, lifting the destroyed band.

“That’s fine, her biometrics should open the ship using the panel at the door.” Another pointed out. You were never more thankful for how paranoid Mando was, while your biometrics were required to get to the controls, to undo something like ground protocols, or really anything, a 6 digit code was also needed. And only you knew your code.

You probably should have let them figure that out themselves but you couldn’t help but laugh at them.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” He growled.

“Oh, just that even with a big ass head, you have a tiny fucking brain.” You chuckled. Your insult only earned you two fingers pushing into the wound on your leg, making you cry out.

“Not laughing now.” He smirked, happy with his work. He didn’t waste his time forcing you to the panel, pressing your hand to the reader. You could feel how smug he was when the light went green. There was a moment of anticipation, then the code boxes popped up and you felt the anger and annoyance that he felt realizing what had happened.

You felt the blaster pressed into the back of your head as he took a step away from you. “Open that door right now or I will shoot you.”

“If you kill me you’ll never get in.” You pointed out. You knew that the next few hours or days, depending on how long Mando took, wasn’t going to be pleasant, but you had no plans on giving them that code. You would rather be killed. “Go ahead and shoot me now, because it does not matter what you do, I will never give up that code.”

You turned around slowly, looking down the barrel of the gun, directly into the man’s eyes. You refused to let him think he had you scared, you wanted him to realize that he would fail, that you would die before even thinking about giving up Mando or the kid.

“We’ll see about that.” He locked eyes on you, lowering the gun only slightly. “Tie them up,” You were quickly grabbed and dragged over to a tree that was near the entrance of the ship, you were bound to the tree tightly, a little wiggling told you that you weren’t getting out very easily.

“Alimar! Can you get that damn door open?” The man you assumed was in charge asked the smallest man, who was beside the panel.

“I am trying sir, but the security is very tight and I am afraid that one wrong move and it will just lock down more.”

“Well don’t make a wrong move. I want that damn door open before The Mandalorian gets back here.”

“Now you, you’re going to make his job unneeded and you’re going to tell us your code.”

“Again, not happening.” You rolled your eyes at him. Your answer earned you a swift and strong fist to your gut. You groaned at the pain but straightened yourself.

“Fine, stop, the code is 654321.” You said, making yourself sound more out of breath then you were.

“Don’t enter that!” The man in front of you shouted to Alimar, who was about to enter it as if you would give up that easy.

“Is that the code you enter to warn your little mandalorian? You think I’m that stupid?”

“I guess you’ll never know if I ever even give you the right code or if what I say will do any number of things, from warn Mando, to locking it down further, to self destroying the ship.”

“You wouldn’t risk the kid’s life.” He glared at you, but you could tell the wheels in his brain were turning. He had to think of a way to get you to give him the code, but he had to be able to be sure it was the right one.

“Well I guess that just leaves the hard way. Can’t trust you until I can break you.”

He wasn’t lying, he had no intentions of going easy on you. He had started by changing your position, tying your hands on a branch that happened to be at the perfect height above your head. You knew this position left you much more vulnerable, and he took full advantage of that.

He started with his blaster, a shot to your shin, followed by asking for the code. You gave another random combination of 6 digits. He then walked away, towards the panel, he would examine it, then walk back. A shot to your forearm, followed by the same question. You gave another 6 numbers. He walked away, only to come back, this time with a knife.

He gave you a deep cut on the outside of the thigh that hadn’t been shot previously. You hadn’t been able to hold in the screamed pains you had been letting out after each infliction, which only seemed to make the man in front of you smile.

You didn’t know how much time had passed, but you did notice the sun beginning to set. He started to leave you alone for longer periods, which was good. You weren’t sure how many more you were going to be able to take. You were just praying that Mando would be back soon.

Even if you didn’t last much longer, you also started to worry about their resident mechanic. You kept your eye on his progress and were scared that he could actually manage to get through the door.

It had quickly become dark, the only light coming from the lights on the ship. You could tell it was also cooling down as well. You tried to ignore the shivers that were running through your body but there was no use.

“Shit!” You heard the man who had been on watch utter. “Boss! We got a problem, he’s here.”

“Fuck!” The man in charge frantically looked around trying to figure something out. You were about to let out a scream, something to warm Mando, but right as you opened your mouth, one of them shoved a cloth into your mouth.

“Not gonna happen.” He tightened it around your head, making sure you weren’t able to spit it out to warn Mando.

“Good, all we need to do is hide, when he gets here, he’ll be distracted with them, and by the time they can even try to warn him, we’ll jump him.” Their leader told them. They were quickly to gather the little they had and find themselves spots that they would go unseen.

You just prayed that Mando would catch their body signatures through his visor first. If he noticed them before he noticed you, then he would have a chance of fighting them off. If their plan went their way, and he was distracted by you, there was a chance they could overpower him.

You heard your name being shouted, you turned your head to see Mando, his focus solely on you. His helmet never left you, even as you shook your head viciously, trying to get him to look anywhere else, but he was in front of you quickly.

Mando was looking you over, you could feel the anger and tension that was radiating from him. Though at the moment all you could think about was warning him. You were trying to yell through the gag, but it stopped anything comprehensible from coming out.

“Who did this to you!?” Mando asked, a sharp edge to his voice, one that sent a shiver down your spine. He was quick to untie to gag, realizing you were trying to say something.

“Behind you!” Was all you could manage to get out as soon as the gag was undone.

He only had a moment to turn around and realize that he was faced with exactly who did this. His blaster was fired off before he even fully had time to process what was transpiring. His shot landed, though you were sad to realize it took down the least threatening, the mechanic.

He begins to go for the other four men, but one manages to kick his blaster out of his hand, he is left trying to fight all of them with just his hands. You tried to get out of your ropes again, to no avail and were left to watch in panic and he tried to fight them all off. He had been knocked to the ground. Not one, but two of the men on top of him holding him down. You watched as he went to use his flame thrower on his arm to get them off him, when the leader was quick to step down hard on his wrist, stopping his ability to get the flames anywhere that would be helpful.

You watched in panic as he thrashed around, trying to gain any leverage but he was outnumbered. The leader got the third man to take over holding his arm down. The two men on top of him shifted slightly, just enough so that their leader could bend down in front of Mando.

“It looks like you aren’t as sharp as everyone says.” He taunted. “I was expecting more of a fight, I didn’t think that you cared about anything under all that metal. But looks like all it took to take down the great Mandalorian was capturing his favorite little companion.”

“Leave them out of this!” He seethed, thrashing more at the mention of you.

“Oh, but why would I, when we had so much fun today while you were gone.” He smiled disgustingly. “Honestly surprised they are even awake with all I put them through today.”

His attention flickered to you for a moment, he was quick to notice you looked more panicked now than you had all day and he realized he might have just hit the jackpot.

“You know, I always wondered what you looked like under that tin can. I bet you are hideous, it’s not some creed that keeps that helmet on, but more that you are just so ugly no one would want to look at you.” He began to bend down towards Mando. If he had been thrashing beforehand, now he was frantic.

“Stop!!” You screamed, grabbing the leader and Mando’s attention. “Stop! I will give you the code, please, just leave him alone,”

“Is that all it takes to break you? You don’t want to know what he looks like? Afraid he will have to kill you after you know?”

“I think I have made it pretty clear today that my life is not what matters here.” You sighed, “Just leave him alone and I will give you the code.”

“Don’t!” You heard him beg you, but your heart was shattering, you refused to allow these men to break Mando of his creed. A creed that you had witnessed how seriously he took. You would not be a part of that happening.

You locked your eyes with his visor, hoping that you were meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry, I can’t watch them hurt you.”  

“Good.” The leader smiled, standing up over Mando. “Now no games. If the code you give me does not open that door, then I will take that helmet, kill your precious Mandalorian slowly, and make you watch. Then I will blow my way through this ship anyway and get the kid, and leave you to die. Do you understand?

“Yes. No games, just promise you won’t hurt him.” You pleaded.

“You have my word.” You knew the word of a hunter like him meant nothing, and when you noticed that Mando’s free hand was reaching slightly for a blade in the side of his pants, you realized you had a plan, one that gave Mando the time he needed to get the upper hand.

“Okay. My code is 827364.” You sighed, you gave the right number up until the last digit. The panel would light green for every correct digit, meaning that until the last moment, he would think that you were right. But you also knew he had to untie you because your bioscan would have timed out. This would hopefully allow you to give Mando some form of help, though you had minimal strength left in your body, you would try.

“Fuck.” He marched back over to you. “Don’t even think of trying anything.” He told you as he untied you from the tree. You realized just how weak you were when you nearly collapsed. You saw Mando twitch at seeing just how bad of shape you were in, but now neither of you had time to do anything about it.

“Looks like you won’t be doing anything even if you wanted to.” He smirked, practically dragging you to the ship panel. He pressed your hand to it, reading your signal. Once he was no longer in need of you, he threw you to the ground away from him.

You groaned as you hit the ground. Watching as he entered the numbers you had given him. You realized he had made a mistake when you saw a blaster that was in your reach.

You put all your effort into stretching just enough to grab it without signalling to him or the others what you were doing. You saw him tap the last number and as soon as the panel turned red you let your blaster shot go off.

The man whose foot had been holding Mando’s hand down was suddenly stumbling back, and hit the ground. Mando wasted no time, his arm coming up and the flames engulfing the two men holding him down.

They screamed in agony as they rolled off the mandalorian. He got to his feet in record time and before the leader could think to retaliate against you, a knife was plunged into his chest.

Mando marched over to him and was above him as he stumbled back into the ship. Without a word he rips the blade out and stabs it back in the other side. The knife is out of him again, this time finding a place in his stomach. Next his thigh, until finally he has enough and with a quick swipe, the man’s neck is sliced open. He tried to helplessly grab at his neck but within moments he was bleeding out on the ground.

You heard three more blaster shots before Mando was in your vision. “You’re okay, you’re going to be okay.”

You tried to nod, tried to stand up, but your body had given up on you. “I’m sorry.” You managed to get out. If you had only listened to him, you would have been in the ship and not put all of you in such danger.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” He told you softly as he wrapped his arms gingerly under you. “Let’s get you patched up.”

“I could have gotten us all killed.” You whined at the pain as he lifted you.

“But you didn’t.” He sighed. He was trying to hold in the worry and anger that was still coursing through his veins. The pain and anger he felt seeing you tied to that tree, the last thing he was worried about had been his creed, and yet, you had. You refused to let them take away something that you didn’t even fully understand and he couldn’t help but love you a little more for that.

While that anger and worry could lead him to taking it out on you, you had disobeyed him, but you also risked your life for him and the child, and he couldn’t be mad at you for that. Instead he left all his anger to the men that were dead outside the ship.

He was as careful as he could be with you as he finally unlocked the ship and walked you up the ramp and quickly laid you on a cot so he could begin to patch you up.

“You saved us.” He adds softly as he notices you slip into sleep. He hoped you would sleep through the worst of the treatments if he was being honest, once he was sure you couldn’t hear him he added, “You saved me.”

[intynidad]

Hi hi!! Could I request the dorm leaders (if that’s too many, your favorites!) with a child MC? (Parental or older sibling sorta relationship) (also by child I mean 8-10 years old) Have a wonderful day, drink some water and eat protein! 💕

@moomoo-mochi OMG THANK YOU??

I love this so much I’m just a sucker for this kind of prompt!!

Also, this will be based on how I acted as a toddler (spoiler I was a stupid kid)

a health potion with risu giggles for a fellow merchant!

(also sorry I didn't know what to write for iidia or vil and I didn't want to write something that I wasn't satisfied 

The beginning 

-you careless puppy, How many times I told the two of you to be careful!- professor crewel was scolding you and your lab partner...well at your lab partner more than you, you were kinda busy trying to get out of the cauldron to listen 

You and your lab partner were assigned to do a regression potion that was supposed to work in reviving dead plants or turning rotten food into edible again but when you were measuring the exact amount of the last ingredient to finish the potion, somebody accidentally pushed you making you spill all of the ingredients...and yourself into the cauldron.

so now there you are extremely confused about what just happened and incapable of taking care of yourself for the 3 days the potion was supposed to last and now your lab partner has to take care of you until the potion wore off or mister crewel finds an antidote

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle has an abusive mother and no younger siblings so our dear tomato is lost, he doesn’t know any rules that would help him take care of a little child so he asks trey for help (like most of heartsalybul when they have problems).

trey lets you eat pastries while riddle does his dorm leader duties but he looked away for a second and oops no child in sight...ok time to panic.

riddle was scolding some heartsalybul students that spilled all of the red paint in one of the chairs so now not only the other members of the dorm couldn’t continue painting but now the unbirthday party had to cancel and you know what happens when you break one of the queen’s rules

-OFF WITH YOUR- Riddle swung his magic pen

-wead!- riddle turn around to see you with a rose in your hand pretending it to be a magic pen

-off widd your wead!- you repeated swinging the rose up and down

riddle was stroked by your cuteness like a truck; he was speechless (also because picking roses was against the rules but lest ignore it) the two students he was scolding ran away because their dorm leader was picking you up and giggling at your little imitation of him 

-nono Off, with, your, head!-

-off wid your wead!-

Leona kingschoolar

-agh how annoying- the savanaclaw dorm leader wasn’t a big fan of children and much less taking care of them, he probably was gonna throw you at Ruggie or jack, both of them had younger siblings so they could probably take care of you better but there is one thing he didn’t count off

-LEONA OJI-TAN-...fuck, today was the day Cheka came to visit his dear oji-tan, now Leona is not only stuck with a brat but with a furball too.

-who are them uncle?-(owo who this) Cheka waved at the child that was behind his uncle’s legs-hi I am Cheka, wanna play tag?!-oh ho ho this gives him an idea

-Cheka this is Y/N, your new playmate-the lion cub had a little sparkle in his eyes

-you two can play all day and ill be watching you from that tree so have fun-hell yea he was a genius Cheka and you are entertained, and he can nap is a win-win situation for everyone

-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH- and there it goes his perfect plan

-oi, what happened- you were in  sitting on the ground while hugging your knee and crying your heart out and Cheka kneeled beside you trying to comfort you 

-I’m-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to push you it was an accident- now he looked like he wanted to cry 

-agh you two cut it out-Leona said in a low growl while kneeling beside you-is just a scratch don’t worry just let me-he picked you up.

now all of you were in his room he gently  bandages your knee while Cheka was holding your hand for “moral support”

-kiss to make it better Leona oji-tan!-

-only if both of you promise to be more careful-Cheka nodded- ok “pain, pain go away *woshh*, there you go- you moved your knee and started to giggle while Cheka was already dragging you to continue playing, the two of you were lucky that both were cute because not everybody can see this side of Leona and live for telling it 

Azul Ashengrotto

-Come, come everyone!-the leader of octaville tapped his fedora-For the price of 25 madol you can have for a limited time only a  photo of our dear Y/N as a toddler!-

and of course, our dear capitalist Ursula is taking profit from this situation.

you were sitting in a little chair all dolled up while jade took pictures of you with different students and Floyd was taking the money from dose poor unfortunate souls

An hour passed and there were still about 50+ students in line for a photo when Azul notice something about you.

your hands were in the form of a tiny fist and your eyes were watery and you haven’t smiled at the camera for the last photos even when Floyd made funny faces behind jade you weren’t enjoying this.

usually, he wouldn’t care about it, he was making some good money and that was the important thing but you were different, you were his friend

-the lounge is closed, everyone get out, Floyd take care of that and jade-he looked for a second at you-make something warm for our little guest-

all of the students in line emitted different protest sounds but a look at Floyd grin and everyone was already on the exit

-sorry for all that little one- he lightly patted your hair-what about I pay you for your work with some treats?-

-*happy gasp* YESH!!-you hugged his leg with a strong grip-

-nee~ nee~, why Azul can have a hug from shrimpy and I cant?-

-FWOYD!! :D-

Kalim al asim

-Kalim, please calm down-Jamil said looking like he is gonna pop up a blood vessel

-LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y-he was let’s say...excited about this situation

-JAMILLOOKATTHEMTHEYARESOCUTEANDTINYIWANNATROWAPARTYFORJUSTTHEMOMGTHEYARESOCUTE- 

-Remember to breathe Kalim and please calm down you are scaring them-Jamil said while kneeling to be on your level

-*gasp* I’m sorry y/n, I’m just so happy to be with you, are you hungry?-you give a quick nod

for the surprise of Jamil, the fact that you turned into a child made Kalim more independent???

he knew that crewel sensei asked Kalim to take care of you but he kinda assumed he is the one who will end up taking care of both of you.

-emmm Jamil-and here we go-have you seen Y/N around?-

-excuse me whAT??!!- Jamil shouted- HOW DO YOU LOSE A CHILD?-

-I didn’t lose them I just….temporally misplace them...OK YES, I LOST THEM BUT IS NOT MY FAULT WE WERE PLAYING HIDE N SEEK!-

-sure sure Kalim never anything is your fault-Jamil said between teeth-

Kalim could be a literal ray of sunshine but one of his bigs flaws were his “rich person behavior”

because he was spoiled and lived in a bubble he didn’t understand that his actions had consequences, in the good side he was working on it.

two hours had passed since that moment are you were nowhere to be found

now the scarabia duo was starting to panic

-OMG HOW IM SO CARELESS THAT I LOST THEM WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM IM THE WORST FRIEND IN THE WORLD-

-KALIM CALM DOWN, PANIC WILL NOT HELP IN THIS SITUATION-

-WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME-

-BECAUSE YOU ARE YELLING-

-*snore*-

-..............................-

-Jamil,...did that pillow made a sound?-

-I think so ?-

*SNOOOREEE*

and there you were sleeping under a big mountain of pillows you fell asleep while playing so that, why you didn’t, respond to the calls of the two boys

-ok Kalim we found them and I hope this had taught you a lesson about taking care of things...well taking care of people-

-oh for the great seven I thought I was gonna have a heart attack-

-now you know how I feel and I really would appreciate it if you used this experience to-

-*SNOOOOREEE*-

And now Kalim was sleeping beside you

great seven give Jamil patience and have mercy on both of you when morning comes 

Malleus draconia

-arent you a little thing fufufufuf-

-old man be careful with them-silver said

you might be wondering, I thought malleus would take care of toddler Y/N?

Well, that was the plan...malleus is a reserved man, with no friends more than his two guards and the older fae that raised him, that was until he meets you, you looked at him in the eyes with no fear just a hint of curiosity.

you gave him his first nickname,”tsunotaro” a childish name that was almost disrespectful to the heir of the valley of thorns and one of the most powerful wizards of all twisted wonderland, yet you called him that silly name, you hugged him, you listen to him and he listened to you, you were his friend and precisely because that he left you at the care of Lilia, the mere thought of you screaming and running away from him made his heart ache

that always happened…

Malleus is used to that, since he was a child people looked at him with fear or caution but never with kindness except for one person, you

and he was determined to let that like that, but he couldn’t stop thinking what if something happens to you?

what type of friend he would be if he lets somebody take advantage of you in this vulnerable state?

a peek wouldn’t hurt

there you were, in the flower bed of ramshackle dorm both planted, taking dandelions from around and with inexperience and tiny hands crafting a flower crown too small for anyone except you.

he looked at you from the shadows carefully to not being spotted warding you like the dragon he is.

-hewo-small and tired eyes fixed behind a large tree

malleus was behind that tree…

-whats yowr name?-now standing up and slowly walking to the tree in question-are you shy?, is oke I won’t hurt yow-

like if a child could do any damage to him

-I made thwis fow you-you said reveling a second flower crown that was just a little bit bigger than the one in your head 

you let the flower crown on the floor near the tree and waited, malleus knowing how stubborn you were he knew you wouldn’t leave so he left his hiding spot thinking about the screams and the fear your little face will have

-waaaa, you big! (giggles)-again, no signs of fear-uppa uppa!-you said while rising your hands to the sky and opening and closing your little fists

malleus emitted a low chuckle and picked you up, when you got to his eye level immediately went for his horns  touching and grabbing all your little hands could

-you sure are a strange thing, little child of man-

[momoliee]

It’s probably too early for The Meta No One Asked For That I’m Gonna Write Anyway about XQC, alas…here we go

Dr. Xie Qingcheng, 32, male, straight (so far), 180 cm with only one current family member.

Xqc is introduced as a cold, aloof and apathetic retired doctor who has no passions, cares about nothing except for his sister, and unless he’s angry, you can barely get an emotional response out of him.

Through meatbun’s character notes on how he has no favorite food, no favorite color or animal, no personal preferences outside what’s most practical and how he’s very very responsible and rules abiding and honest and sober and serious, and through he yu’s POV that continuously paints him as this heartless cold blooded person, I dare say we were…deceived by this so far shades of gray picture we had of him.

Xqc was born into a finically stable middle class family consisting of two cops for parents and a younger sister that came into the world 8 years after him. When he turned 13, and his sister was only 5 at that time, his parents were fired from their job due to a case they shouldn’t have been investigating going wrong, and they had to move to a rural area. Not long after that, he witnessed both his parents’ deaths and saw their corpses with his own eyes, the site was bloody and there’s no way it didn’t traumatize a pre-teen like him. He then was tasked with taking care of his sister, becoming a doctor despite not wanting to, owing others favors and spending all his money on smth that’s yet to be revealed instead of enjoying it. He got married, not to a woman he loves but to someone whom he thought of as “suitable and appropriate”, got cheated on and went through a divorce before losing full interest in the marriage life. He was finally able to retire (we don’t know why yet) and live a quiet, normal, boring life.

I believe xqc loved his parents, I believe he loved them so much cause in chapter 20, he mentions how he thought he wouldnt be able to live past the grief, he wouldn’t be able to go on or move forward, how the grief completely overtook him. He also mentions how he used to play with knots and handcuffs when he was a child, which shows how close he was to them. So for a child who had a good stable life with two loving parents to suddenly fall from a class to a class, suddenly lose both parents and see their corpses with his own eyes, that must’ve fucked him up big time. I’m talking “when can I fully register all of this” kind of fucked up. But he didn’t have time to fully absorb all of this, didnt have the time to sit down and cry, he had a sister, she was only 5, where will they get the money from? What were they gonna do? How was he going to continue school while caring for her? He didn’t have the time to sit down and grief, to sit down and adjust. For a child who had a normal life and didn’t have to worry much about the money like every other middle class kid, he was suddenly burdened with poverty AND loss, and duty and responsibility. Good bye to the days of playing with handcuffs and knots huh?

You ask me, why does xqc not have a favorite food? I answer you, because many many nights, he didn’t know what to feed his sister, much less himself. Cause I bet that many nights, he would have to give up his portion for Xie Xue, to make sure a kid like her is full. Cause he couldn’t afford to be picky, couldn’t afford to choose; whatever was edible will be eaten, taste and flavor be damned. He had to start working from a young age, balance school, babysitting and working all at once. The last friend he made (I think) was that Chen Man guy whose parents were friends with his parents, back when they were alive and life was good. He didn’t have time to make friends, or go out, or have a favorite color or visit the zoo and decide on a favorite animal. No, he had to study, and study hard to become more financially stable and support Xie Xue, he had to raise his baby sister and protect her, he had to work or else how will he put food on their table? Yet he never lost his soft kind heart, cause when his sister asked for a laptop, he bought her one just so that she wouldn’t feel less than any of the other children.

Xqc had to SURVIVE, he had to make do with what he had and what he didn’t have. He didn’t have time to sit down and cry or process his trauma, didn’t even have time to think of adolescent love or his youthful days or do what kids his age did. And all of that carried forward into his adult life. He pushed his emotions back so hard and had his practical, business like mind take care of everything in order to make it through the days. He started to believe that passionate emotions such as love and hate and lust and desire were all a waste of time, a distraction from his duties, smth that will rock the delicate balance he created with his everyday busy schedule. Emotions will stunt you, emotions will delay you, crying and not going to work today means no food to feed his hungry sister with. That’s when he started thinking, strong emotions are a DISEASE, they will take up your time, cloud your judgement, have you make reckless decisions that you’ll regret later. And he couldn’t afford any of that right? Strong emotions are for the weak, they put you in crutches and disable you from moving forward. Wasnt that what he told his ex wife? If he had submitted himself to his grief back then, where would his sister be? Where would he be? How could they have grown up to be healthy and successful adults?

So this man taught himself practicality and duty and priorities. He stopped thinking about himself, about what he wants and what he feels, and instead started making sure that those around him are happy and content and safe and well taken care of. He no longer had desires or passions, he only had rules and regulations. If a person lost their sense of taste, would they still want chocolates and burgers? Would they still have cravings and foods they’d rather swallow medicine than eat? No. If so, how will they decide on what to eat every day? They’ll simply start following a “perfect nutritional plan” and “balanced diet”. They’d eat what they have to eat, when they have to eat, and in the exact portion they need. To them eating would be another chore they have to do every day to keep their bodies going. Similarly, with xqc, graduating, working, marrying, taking care of his sister and auntie, these all became “tasks” and “chores” that he had to abide by and follow. They became the dietary plan for his life till he dies, the outline he shall follow, the textbook rules he will carry out, no need to think of what he “wants” or “desires”, what will make him “happy” or bring him “joy”. He no longer listened to his emotions when making decisions. Even when marrying his ex wife, he married her cause she was “a suitable match”, not for her looks or personality or anything. Feelings are life’s taste buds, and once you remove them, everything becomes tasteless and mundane, and practicality/logic takes over. He stopped knowing what it felt like to choose based on your preferences, cause he stopped having the luxury of choice ever since that night when he was 13, and he no longer was able to re-teach himself the meaning of free will and choice.

So when he yu, in chapter 20, asked him how he would’ve acted if Xie Xue had died, and he said, “I would’ve continued living as I am today till my last breath,” he wasn’t being “cold” or “heartless” or “indifferent” as he yu likes to say. He was being practical and methodical and thinking with a logical approach, rather than an emotional one, just the way he taught himself to throughout all these years. His almost 2 decades of pure survival mode and severely repressed feelings spoke in the form of autopilot. “I would do what I have to do, what I’ve always done every day of my life so far cause what choice do I have?” Is what he meant to say.

But I believe that he’s a soft hearted, kind and loving person. He never says no his sister, never says no to his auntie, helped that homeless man as best as he could, taught he yu that he was normal and that he wasn’t a monster, believed in treating his patients with words instead of medicine prescriptions, believed that the mentally ill deserve to live normally instead of being locked up. I believe that underneath all the shit he has buried, there’s a lot of passion and love that’s been kept dormant for 19 years.

In conclusion, idk where meatbun is gonna take his character but I genuinely hope he gets to heal, and start having more color and flavor in his life. Start allowing himself to live, not just survive.

[hime-memes]

                       * Chaotic Besties V-Day Edition *

These starters have been created by request: “ Could you make some platonic valentine's day starters for muses who are chaotic friends? “ So, below are my best attempts at some chaotic best friends doing the absolute most to be menaces on Valentine’s day ! 

As always: Feel free to change anything within these starters that you see fit to make it work for your muse & the receiver’s muse !

Recommended For: Chaotic & platonic muses/plots/timelines.

Trigger Warnings For: Alcohol use mentions, swearing, slight innuendo. 

“ Come on, ( Name ) -- we should go to that art gallery you like so much ... The tickets are half price for couples ! ... We can even make fun of the stuffy old people using pretentious artist jargon to repress their horny in the nude statue exhibit ! “ 

“ I bought some chocolates for us to split for the occasion ... but, if I’m honest -- I got hungry on the way here and ate them all. I saved you the pretty box though ! See ? It’s sparkly ! “ 

“ As much as I’d love to stick around in your weird nerd den with anime in the in the background, and Mrs. Tinkles the teacup chihuahua growling lovingly from her hell perch, but ... I’m gonna go do something destructive in the name of platonic love and set fire to your ex’s station wagon. “ 

“ I hate how the radio plays all the dumbest, corniest, and unbelievable love songs all in one day ! And what ? They just expect us to not call them as their power company and threaten to shut everything down if they don’t give us a break from the madness ?! “

“ Listen ( Name ), I know someone ... Codename: Clementine. Word is, if we supply the time ... they’ll guide us through a minor petty crime. So, wanna commit a little valentine’s day mayhem with me ? ” 

“ If I eat another candy or chocolate covered something -- I’m gonna be si -- !!! Oh ! Are those chocolate covered strawberries ?! I love those ! “ 

“ Listen, you said you never got a love note before: so -- I wrote you one. Hey ! Shut up -- It’s a love letter minus the kissy-kissy smoochy-smoochy stuff ! “

“ They say people do reckless things in the name of love ... so, I think we should go wreck some shit to take our minds off this holiday ! “ 

“ Look out your window ! I spray painted a valentine’s day mural in your yard ... with your spray paint ! Before you look though -- just know: your car was in the way.“ 

“ Oh, that’s not fruit by the foot you’re eating. That’s edible underwear and you’re lucky you grabbed the one on the left because that one wasn’t use -- Oh my god ! Spit, ( Name ) -- you grabbed the wrong box ! “ 

“ I wrote you a really sweet song and set it to some music ... of course, I’m gonna beatbox it, ( Name ) ! You know me almost as well as I knew you’d love this ! “

“ We could go see a movie ... but, the only things playing today are rom-coms and you’re going to get kicked out for good if you throw your drink at the screen again and heckle the protagonist. Promise you won’t do that ? “ 

“People think we’re two halves of a whole idiot and I think that’s real love, actually. “ 

“ We can always find a cringy bit of erotica to read out loud. We could even trade off reading the characters, and give them voices, and everything ... You know what ?! Let’s make it a little party ! I’ll start making snacks ... you find the worst rated erotica and we’ll get this party started ! “ 

“ I got us matching stuffed bears ! Ignore those kids crying in the corner -- they traded fair and square ! “ 

“ I tried to make us a nice little dinner, but ... considering all the smoke pouring out of my oven, we should probably just get some take-out for our valentine’s day shindig. “ 

“ Happy Valentine’s Day ! ... Hey, don’t cover the camera while I facetime you from the comfort of my toilet ! That cheap candy you gifted me put me here ! “ 

“ There was this person at your door, dressed really nice ... had some chocolates and flowers in hand. Don’t worry -- I told ‘em to get lost because this is our Pal-entine’s day ! “ 

“ I’m gonna help you get a real date, ( Name. ) I can’t stand sitting here watching you play a dating sim and crying when the wrong character falls in love with you. It’s sad ... and not in an endearing way. “ 

“ Oh ... so I misunderstood the concept of ‘ love-bombing ‘. This is, uh, pretty embarrassing for me considering I’m usually the smart one. “ 

“ We could always get matching tattoos -- I think the tattoo parlor is doing mystery valentine’s day ones for, like, $200 or $250 a pop ! I’m gonna get a lipstick print on my butt cheek so Valentine’s day can always kiss my ass ! “ 

“ What did Saint Valentine do that was so great anyway ? He was a physician or some shit that got murdered in the 3rd century. Wow buddy, everyone dies eventually ... you aren’t that special, you don’t deserve a day for yourself ! “ 

“ The champagne at this Valentine’s Day dance is only complimentary if you drink it quickly and secretly enough ... so, don’t get caught and don’t get any on that outfit I brought you because I only rented it. “ 

“ I hate that people only think of romantic love on valentine’s day. Yeah, maybe we’re only friends, but emotionally ? ... It’s like our souls are naked & playing Xbox in the same room. That’s beautiful to me ! “ 

“ Hey, we don’t have to be dating for me to show you I love you. What says ‘ I love you ‘ more than my mixtape with all the music that reminds me of you ? ... I didn’t even put ‘ Rack City ‘ on there as a palette cleanser. “ 

“ Listen -- at the risk of being cursed or turned into a tree ... you look prettier than Aphrodite ! “

[noladyme]

You and Me makes Three - Part 1

Lyla moved to San Fransisco for work, and for a fresh start. The standoffish guy across the hall of her sublet peaks her interest in more ways than one; and when he finally opens up, she jumps at the chance to get to know him; and whatever it is his dark secret is.

Eddie Brock x OC Lyla

TW: smut and fluff

1.

I’d found the sublet on craigslist; which I came to regret, when meeting the current tenant. Ziggy – as the guy called himself – turned out to be a long haired ultra-deuche; who’d spent most of our first meeting looking down my top, and talking about his upcoming tour of Illinois, with his band; Dirty Riders. I’d had my share of adventures with guys in bands; but in Ziggy’s case, I could literally smell the perfume from the chick he’d probably banged the night before.

After spending 20 minutes trying to distract me from the task at hand; I finally got him back on track, and we’d come to an agreement on the rent for the 3 months I’d be using his place. It was steep, but after having landed the job at a private school – and having been asked to start the week after – I needed a home; if only temporarily, while I looked for something else.

With most of my stuff in storage; all I had with me the day I was supposed to move in, was a couple of suitcases; and three boxes of essentials – like my books, pens and notes. And of course, my computer – my lifeline.

The neighborhood wasn’t the greatest; so, when I realized the door phone wasn’t working, and the Zigster wasn’t answering his cell, I was lightly panicking. I was standing alone on a street in a new city; with my most valued belongings, and no way to get out of there; as the cab that had brought me, took off as soon as the driver got my last box out of the trunk.

I kept calling Ziggy, and pounding the button for the apartment; but nothing came of it. I sat down on the doorstep, and was just about ready to cry; when a guy in his 30’s, wearing a casual leather jacket, walked up to the door with a key. “Excuse me”, he muttered, pulling out his keys. I looked up at him. It was hard making out his eye-color – blues, greens and browns meshed together to make a color all of its own. I found myself caught up in trying to distinguish the different shades in them; when I realized that he was about to unlock the door, and walk in.

“Hey”, I said. “Do you live here?”. He sent me a friendly but reserved smile; making me also notice his full lips; and the way his front teeth were just a little bit crooked – just enough to make him look interesting. “Yeah”, he said. “I do… Can I help you?”. I let out a relieved smile. “I live here too”, I said. “Or, I’m supposed to… I’m subletting from Ziggy”. He raised his brows. “You’re a friend of Ziggys?”. “Not exactly”, I scoffed. “He’s leaving town for a few months, and is letting me use his place… but the door-phone isn’t working, and he isn’t picking up his cell”.

The man seemed to be having an internal dialogue, before coming to a conclusion. “Yeah. Ok… come on in”. “Thank you!”, I smiled; almost crying in relief. I picked up my suitcases, as he unlocked the door, and carried them inside; after which I got the first two boxes – the man holding the door for me. I thought I heard him mutter “Fine!” under his breath, before he stepped outside, grabbing the last box for me. “Oh crap! Careful, that’s heavy”, I managed to say; before he groaned from the weight of the many books, I’d stored in it. “Shit, no kidding”, he grunted.

He put the box down just inside the door. “Do you need help up the stairs?”, he asked; obviously hoping for me to say no. I smiled and shook my head. “Nah, I’m good. But thanks!”, I said. I stuck out my hand to shake his, and told him my name. “I’m Eddie”, he answered. “I guess we’re neighbors. I live across the hall from Ziggy”. “Thanks for the help, Eddie”, I grinned. “I’m Lyla… by the way”. “Nice to meet you”, he muttered. He walked up the stairs, sending me an inquisitive look over his shoulder.

Five trips up and down the stairs later; I finally had all my things outside Ziggys door. I tried calling him again; and heard a phone ring behind the door. You’ve got to be kidding me! I banged the door. “Ziggy! I’m here”, I yelled. “Open up, you dick”, I added, below my breath. I looked behind me, at what was apparently Eddies door; and saw something move behind the peephole.

I banged the door again. “Ziggy?”. Someone coughed and moved around some stuff behind the door; and Ziggy finally opened; looking at me with a seriously hungover expression. “Fuck. What’s today?”, he rasped. “Wednesday”, I said exasperatedly. His eyes widened. “Shit, beautiful. I’m so sorry!”, he said smilingly. “Come one in!”. “My name is Lyla”, I reminded him, and stepped in behind him. “Lyla-licious”, Ziggy sniggered; making me want to barf violently.

The studio apartment was, if possible, worse than I had imagined. A heavy smell of incense, weed and stale beer hung over the room; and a collection of bongs shaped like female torsos sat on a shelf. Ziggy had decorated the wall over his bed with posters of his own band.

Ziggy scrambled to get his things together. Apparently, he’d not packed up his things for the upcoming tour of steakhouses, coffeeshops and dive-bars throughout Illinois. “Let me just get this…”, he smirked at me; before rubbing himself as close as possible to me to get to a pack of xxl-condoms on a shelf in the kitchen area. “You know, if you need it, you’re welcome to hang around after I get back”. “I’m gonna be pretty focused on getting something permanent set up”, I smiled; swallowing bile. “Absolutely, yeah. That’s so cool”, he said; leaning against the counter I was standing by. “Just let me know, ok?”. He put his hand on my shoulder, and squeezed it. “Sure…”, I said, and stepped back; going to check out the rest of the space.

It was one room – combined livingspace/bedroom/kitchen. A small bathroom with – thank God! – a bathtub; which was going to need some serious cleaning before I’d even put a foot in it. But it was mine… at least for the next three months. It’s not a lot, I thought to myself. But I can work with this.

Ziggy seemed to have his stuff packed up; and was standing in the doorway to the small bathroom; blocking my exit. He had a guitarcase casually hanging from one shoulder. “So… I’m ready to go”, he smirked. I nodded and half smiled. “Keys?”, I said. “Right. Here…”. He handed me a set of keys “If I get any mail…”. “I’ll let you know; once a week, like we agreed”. “Yeah”, he smirked and nodded; looking me over like I was edible. “So, I’ll call you?”. I swallowed bile again. “Yup”, I said, and reached out my hand to shake his. He took it; and held on to it; letting his thumb stroke my fingers. I will tear off your arm if you don’t let go, I thought to myself.

“Take care, Lyla”, he said; and winked at me; before finally moving away from the doorframe; and grabbing his bags to leave. “Shit, I forgot. The guy across the hall… he’s kind a of weird. Be careful, ok?”. “Sure…”, I muttered, and walked after him to the door, closing it behind him. I let out an audible sigh of relief, and put on the door chain.

---

I opened the windows, and got to cleaning. An old ashtray shaped like an avocado, turned out to be an actual shell of an avocado; and for the third time that day, I almost vomited. Riffling through some old dusty cd’s of Ziggys, I found a Fleetwood Mac album. “Yes!”, I cried out. At least you have that going for you, Ziggy, I thought – until I realized he’d never unwrapped the cellophane around the cover. I unwrapped it myself, put on the album; and skipped to my favorite song; singing along to the lyrics. “… well, I’ve been afraid of changing, ‘cuz I built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, even children get older…”.

Someone knocked on the door. For a second, I was afraid Ziggy had changed his mind about touring, and had come back. I opened the door slightly, leaving the chain on. Outside stood Eddie. “Hi”, I said cautiously. He seemed warmer. “Hey. I think you dropped this in the hallway”. He was holding one of my notebooks. I unlatched the chain, and opened the door fully, taking the book from him. “Weird”, I said. “I could swear I’d packed it in the bottom of one of the boxes”. Eddie smiled nervously. “Well… maybe it jumped out”, he said. “Maybe”, I chuckled. “Thanks”.

He lingered. “The music…”, he said. “I’m sorry. Is it too loud?”, I asked. He shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine”, he said. “Just different than what usually comes out of this apartment”. I laughed. “Yeah… The Zigster seems to have a very specific taste”. “Yeah?”, Eddie smiled. “You should see his collection”, I said. He nodded and smiled crookedly. “Maybe… sometime”.

I noticed the door to his apartment was open. It seemed like the mirror opposite of mine. Just less disgusting. I met Eddies eyes. I still couldn’t figure out the color of them – all I could conclude was that they were… kind. I would have lost myself in them, if he hadn’t turned to walk back into his own place. “Uhm, Eddie?”, I said. He looked at me again. “Could you point me in the direction of a good… grocery store?”. Idiot… He scratched his head. “Yeah, I mean… I do most my shopping at Mrs. Chens, down the street”, he said. “Just don’t tell her you know me. She’ll try to sell you meditation tapes and scented candles”. I laughed. “A scented candle wouldn’t hurt this place”, I said. “Ziggy left behind some pretty gnarly smells”. He laughed. “He’s a… special guy”. Our eyes met again for a moment. Eddie seemed to want to say something else, but then his eyes moved, as if he was listening to something. “I gotta go”, he said; and went into his apartment, closing the door. He's strange, I thought. But something inside me wanted to figure him out.

---

The next few days went by without much happening. I finally finished cleaning my new living-space – except for the mattress. I couldn’t get myself to sleep on it, after I’d taken of the old bedding left behind by Ziggy; and finding quite a few stains I didn’t even want to touch with rubber-gloves – so I’d slept on the couch so far.

Once, I’d run in to Eddie by the mail slots; exchanging a friendly helloand a smile. He seemed to be in a hurry to get out of the door, carrying a messenger-bag and a motorcycle helmet. I noticed him opening his own slot. It had E. Brock, written with bold letters on it. Watching him walk away down the hall to the door; I couldn’t help but bite my lip and smile. He moved like he was late for something; but at the same time didn’t want anyone to tell him when he was supposed to get there. Like some kind of internal struggle, I just wanted to unwrap and explore.

Saturday morning, I woke up early for once, craving coffee and carbs. I had neither of those things in the kitchen; so, I got dressed in my favorite jeans and a light, loose t-shirt, to head out and track something down. As I was still new to San Francisco, I wasn’t sure about how the weather would be in October. I brought my short leather jacket. Just in case. I put a notebook and a pen in my shoulder-bag, and was off.

Outside the building I grabbed a free paper to have something to read. I took a streetcar towards the Mission District; enjoying the sunshine and smells from food carts we passed. Hunger was about to take me over; and I opened my paper, to distract myself. The headlines were mostly fluff stories and ads; except for a couple on the murder of a local politician, and animal attacks by the harbor. Some drug dealers had been found with their heads bitten clean off. I winced at the thought; before turning the page, and a new header caught my eye.

Home robberies in Downtown Oakland – Gangs or criminals on city payroll? - Story by Eddie Brock.

I was surprised for a second. He didn’t strike me as a journalist in the traditional sense.

The story was mostly an opinion piece, but was based heavily on facts he’d dug up from interviews with victims, and homeless youth in the area of the robberies. Eddie was questioning the arrests made on young gang members for the crimes; and in stead suggesting that city-leadership was paying crime syndicates to commit the robberies, to be able to gentrify the area. If he was right; this was a big story; so, I was finding it strange to see the story in a free newspaper.

I arrived near Mission Dolores Park; having read about a nice, upmarket coffee shop there; with donuts that the blogger had written were to absolutely die for. They turned out to be less so. After standing in line for 30 minutes; I was handed a stale cup of organically sourced, fairtrade coffee; and a donut that was hard enough to break a window. Stepping outside the shop; I decided to give it a chance; and bit in to it – instantly almost choking on the floury consistency of the pastry.

“They’re not very good, are they…”. I turned to face Eddie; standing with an amused smile on his face. “Nope”, I answered, and spat out the donut-bite into a napkin. “Sorry…”, I said embarrassedly. “No worries”, he chuckled. “If I’d known you were coming here, I’d have told you. They’re vegan…”. I raised my brows at him. “Shit, sorry! Are you vegan?”, he asked. “No”, I shook my head and chuckled. “But I’ve for sure had better vegan food than this”. He sighed and seemed to ponder something. “Come on”, he said, and gestured for me to follow him.

We walked down a narrow street; passing smaller shops and street vendors – some of which seemed to know Eddie, and sent him friendly nods. “You’re popular around here”, I said; walking next to him. He chuckled in response. “I dunno. I prefer buying from smaller shops. Personal touch, you know?”. “I get it”, I said. “Locally sourced, and eco-friendly; right?”. He shrugged. “Something like that”.

He stopped by a small storefront; displaying pride-flags and caricatures of politicians in the window. I knew already that I would like this place. The man behind the counters face lit up. “Yo, Ed! Back so soon, man?”, he grinned. “I know you got that parasite thing, but seriously…”. Eddie looked uncomfortable for a second. “Yeah, Don… this is my new neighbor”. He introduced me, avoiding my eyes. “She went to La Boulange”. Don inhaled sharply through his teeth. “Yikes… New in town?”, he asked. I chuckled and nodded. “Coffee black?”, Eddie asked me. I nodded. “Give us two blacks and a couple of glazed yeast”. “I’ll add some sprinkles for the lady”, Don winked friendlily. Eddie groaned. “Just… don’t make them the green ones”, he said. “I was high for 12 hours straight last time”. I laughed out loud.

We left the store; Eddie politely having paid for our coffees and donuts. Through the window I saw Don point at me, and give Eddie the thumbs up and a wink. “He’s a character”, I smiled. “He sure is”, Eddie answered. His voice was deliciously raspy, and watching him speak I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of trouble his lips could get in to with mine. I had to shake myself out of the thought. “Thanks for this”, I said. “You haven’t tasted it yet”, he said.

I bit in to my pastry. It was carb-heaven in my mouth. “Oh. Oh my God!”, I said, mouth full. “I know, right?”, Eddie smiled. I raised my brows and nodded fiercely. “It’s why I go out of my way to come here every morning”. “Don’t journalists work all over?”, I asked, covering my mouth with my hand, as I was still chewing. He scrunched his brows at me in question. I pulled out the newspaper from my bag. “Oh, yeah”, he said. “I do freelance stuff mostly; but I have a position at a newspaper downtown. Used to write for The Globe”. “New York?”, I asked. “So, why move to San Francisco?”. He shrugged. “I lost the position for… being what I am. An honest reporter”.

I half smiled. “So, a new life”. “Yeah, and a girl”, he admitted. “My fiancée”. My heart dropped; and I did my best not to show it on my face. “Oh! You’re engaged? That’s great!”. “Not really”, chuckled. “I messed that up too… by being what I am”. “An honest reporter…”, I muttered. “And at times a little too cutthroat about it”. He sighed. “It’s good though. She’s good. I’m good. We’re good”.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why am I telling you all this stuff?”, he said and laughed. “Are you sure you’renot a reporter?”. “Nah. I’m just an elementary schoolteacher”, I said. “I do write, though. But not articles”. “What?”, he said earnestly. I shook my head. “Another time. I’m sure you have somewhere to be”. He looked at his watch. “Shit, yeah!”, he said. “Sorry, I gotta run”. “It’s fine. Thanks again”.

He nodded and smiled. “You take care, teach’”, he said. “See you around”. He walked away; scratching his head, and looking back at me a couple of times. I took my time enjoying my donut and coffee; and walked in the opposite direction. Eddie – Be still my beating heart.

---

I spent the rest of the morning trying to map out the best way to and from work. As I was starting the next Monday morning, the nerves were getting to me. They’re just 5-yearolds, I kept telling myself. 5-yearolds attending a private school funded by their very rich parents; and some pretty serious sponsors from Silicon Valley. And me without my degree from MIT…

I stopped at Mrs. Chens for some light groceries. Although I’d loved Don’s donuts – and his coffee had been heavenly – I was to anxious to see myself making my way all the way to the Mission District the next day; and I always needed caffeine and access to some kind of breakfast in the morning. The lady behind the counter – Chen, I assumed – seemed nice, though a bit standoffish; and quickly checked out my coffee, bacon, eggs, cheese; and other essentials. “You’re new here”, she said. “How did you know?”, I asked. “I usually only get regulars”, she answered, and narrowed her eyes at me. “I moved in down the street. My neighbor recommended your shop”, I smiled. “Who?”, she demanded. “Eddie…”, I answered timidly. Her face instantly became warmer. “He’s a good boy”, she said. “Tell him to pic up my cousins latest cd. It’ll do him good. As well as his parasite”. That parasite thing again. Weird. I thanked her, grabbed my stuff; and left the store.

I made my way back to the apartment; cranked up the Fleetwood, and danced it out for a while. I’d always done that; when I needed to get something out of my system. It was better than drinking myself into oblivion – and I was out of whiskey.

I was completely oblivious to anything around me, when I heard someone clear their throat. I turned around, arms in the air; and almost died from embarrassment. The door was open; and in the opening stood Eddie.

“Sorry, it was open”, he said; trying to stifle a smile. “Ziggy had a crazy ex kick it down once. It’s always needed an extra push and pull to close properly, since then”. I nodded, blushing. He held up a carton of eggs. “Chen said you forgot this”, he said. “Thanks…”, I said, taking the pack from him. I grimaced. “So… this is embarrassing”. He laughed. “What? The eggs, or the dancing?”, he chuckled. “Ha, ha. Laugh it out”, I said, stifling a smile. “I was enjoying the view”, he said; and glint to his eyes – before grimacing himself. “Sorry… that was… probably crossing a line”. “It’s fine… you’re fine…”, I said; realizing what I’d just said. “Good, I mean. Shit… I do this to clear my head, sometimes. Dance. It relaxes me”.

He laughed. “I just got back from… a thing”, he said. “I need to clear my head a bit as well. Was gonna take a ride up to Coit Tower”. I smiled; my blushing beginning to fade. “That sounds nice”, I smiled. He exhaled. “Yeah… do you wanna come?”. My jaw dropped. “Uh… yeah. Sure. I’d like that”, I said. What the hell, Eddie? Are you asking me out? “Great”, he smiled. “I was gonna take my bike; are you good with that?”. “I don’t have a bike”, I said. He chuckled. “Not that kind of bike”. Right. The motorcycle helmet. “And now I feel like an idiot”, I muttered. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve met the biggest idiots in media, politics and sports; and you look nothing like them”, he said. “You do look like someone who needs to get out of this place for a while”. I smiled; grabbed my jacket; and followed him out the door – making sure it was properly shut behind me.

Eddie grabbed two helmets from his apartment; giving me another chance peak into his place. It smelled nice. Like tater tots and musky cologne. I didn’t know why, but suddenly it was my favorite smell. “Let’s go”, Eddie said; handing me one of the helmets; and we made our way down the stairs.

Outside the building stood a motorcycle. It was clearly well cared for. Eddie got on it, and put on his helmet; gesturing for me to get on behind him. “You should hold on”, he said. I searched for something to grab; and he took my wrists; pulling my arms around his waist. Wow. Ok. Firm. “You good?”, he asked. “Yeah”, I squeaked. He chuckled behind his helmet. “Sit tight, teach’”. He started the bike, and revved the engine; before taking off. “Oh my God”, I yelped; feeling his body shake in laughter in front of me.

I was convinced he took the steepest roads; scaring the shit out of me for the first few miles – before I finally got comfortable behind him. I relaxed my body; and let myself enjoy the view of the city in the dusk – and how close I was to Eddies warm body. I felt his calm breathing; and matched it – soon feeling completely relaxed. We hit a bump, making the bike jump a bit; and I laughed in glee; hearing him laugh along with me.

The drive was over way to soon for my liking. We’d made our way up Telegraph hill; and I got off the bike, taking of my helmet. “You liked that, huh?”, Eddie grinned at me. “Yeah, it was fun!”, I smiled. He looked at me; almost in wonder. “Was that your first time on a bike?”. “I tried it once, for like five minutes; when I was a kid, but kind of. Yeah”, I admitted. “I couldn’t tell”, he smirked sarcastically. I frowned in mock annoyance. “Shut up”, I said. “You’ve never had a better passenger”. He laughed. “Yeah… come on”.

The sun was going down; and we were too late for tickets to get up the tower; but Eddie seemed unfazed. “There’s a good view over here”, he said; putting his hand on my lower back, to lead me over to a railing. “You gonna push me over this thing?”, I joked. “Nah, would be a poor move for a first date”, he said. I looked at him. “This is a date?”, I smiled. He seemed to have an internal dialogue. “I… don’t know”, he said. “Do you want it to be?” I bit my lip. “Let’s see how good this view is; and I’ll let you know”.

The view was stunning. I could see both the lights of the city as well as the Golden Gate bridge. My jaw dropped at the sight. “Wow…”. Eddie looked at me. “Yeah, it’s pretty special”, he said.

I stepped towards the binoculars; searing my pockets for change. “I don’t have a quarter!”, I heard Eddie whisper. “It’s fine”, I smiled at him. “I can see pretty clear anyway”. He looked me, caught off guard. “Yeah. Sorry…”. I leant against the railing. “I could fall in love with this city”, I proclaimed. Eddie smiled warmly at me, walking up next to me – close enough for me to feel the heat radiating from his body.

We looked at the views for a while, talking about this and that. I told Eddie about my hometown, and how I’d loved it as well. “So, why did you decide to come here”. “It’s a long story”, I muttered. “Come on, I’ve already seen you dance!”, he chuckled. “You don’t like my dancing?”, I gasped in jest. He smiled. “You really put the oogie in the boogie”, he said. “You’re the most graceful elephant in a porcelain shop, I’ve ever seen”. “So now I’m an elephant?”, I raised a brow at him. He grimaced. “I walked right in to that”, he muttered. “Sorry…”. I smiled at him in forgiveness. “Seriously though. Why’d you make the move?”

I couldn’t help myself. I had to mess with him. “It’s embarrassing”, I said. He smiled encouragingly. “Ever since I was a kid… I’ve always wanted to act. Be in the big movies”. His lips parted, and he looked really uncomfortable. I continued. “So… I decided to give it a shot. Come here; and be near Hollywood, you know?”. I smiled earnestly. “I think I’ve finally got a shot; now that the studios are just down the street”. Eddie looked genuinely sorry for me. “Lyla… I don’t…”, he began. “Eddie…”, I smiled. “I’m kidding”. He exhaled in relief. “Thank God. I really didn’t want to be the one to tell you… You know?”. “I know”, I smirked. “’Cuz we’re a way off from Hollywood here”. I nodded. “About 400 miles. I realize that”. He began laughing, and shook his head. “Is this payback for the elephant thing?”, he said. I shrugged. “Maybe”, I smiled.

He bumped my shoulder with his own. “You’re bad news, darlin’!”, he laughed. “You’re not, though”, I answered. “Tell me; why did your article on those home robberies end up in a free newspaper, instead of some big ass media outlet?”. He sighed. “Not everyone wants to run the hard stories”, he said. “As long as it gets out there…”. I nodded. “I get it”, I said. “Besides, in a free paper the story will get a broader audience, right?”. He shrugged. “I hope so”, he said. “I think it’s an important story”. “Me too”, I agreed.

I told Eddie about my new job. “Private school?”, he grimaced. I laughed. “Yeah, I know”, I said. “Not very socially conscious of me. But the pay is good. And I needed a change”. “What made you move here? The truth this time”, he smiled. “It’s got to be more than the job. You don’t strike me as someone who does things just for money”. I chewed my lip. “I wasn’t in a very good place in my job, or my life”, I admitted.

He looked at me with warm eyes – the color even more indistinguishable in the dusk. I bit my lip; wanting desperately for something to happen. “How’s your head? A bit clearer?”, he said quietly. “Not really…”, I admitted. He let out a quiet laugh, and wrinkled his forehead. “Yeah, me neither”, he muttered. “Can I kiss you? I just feel like I should, you know...?”. I interrupted him by taking his hand. “Yes…”. He nodded and sighed in relief. “Ok. Then… I’m going to do that. Now”. I chuckled; and laced my fingers with his. He stepped closer; putting a lock of my hair behind my ear; before placing his hand on my cheek; letting his thumb stroke my cheekbone. “I like your eyes…”, he said. “Stop talking, Eddie”, I smiled. “Ok”, he said; and finally let his full lips meet mine.

It was soft. Gentle. I parted my lips; letting the tip of my tongue meet his. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me close; and I slid my hands around his neck – letting my fingertips play with the hair there. He pulled his head back a bit; letting our foreheads meet. “You’re… something else”, he smiled. “Something good, I hope”, I answered. “Yeah”, he breathed. “Can I… just… one more time?”, he muttered; before pressing his lips to mine again. I chuckled against his kiss; and returned his enthusiasm. This time there was a bit more heat to our connection. He held on to me; making me stand flush against him. I felt a rush of blood to my core; and my breath hitched.

Someone cleared their throat. Our lips parted, and we saw that we we’re being watched by an elderly couple. “You kids should take that somewhere else”, one of the men said. I flushed red, and Eddie took my hand. “Yeah. Let’s… go”, he smiled.

---

Once back at our building, Eddie gave me a hand to get off his bike. We walked up the stairs together, and paused in front of our doors.

“Thanks for this”, I said. “I needed a distraction”. “I’m a distraction now?”, Eddie asked with a smirk. “A good one”, I chuckled. He ran a hand through his hair, and sighed. “Thanks for the… kissing part. I liked that”, he said. “I did too”, I said, before chewing my bottom lip for a moment. “We could do it again… If you want to”. Eddie looked relieved. “I really do”, he smiled, and took a step closer to me. I met him halfway, and leaned in to him, as he cupped my cheek, and our lips met. He took my bottom lip between his own; softly tugging it – and the repeated the process with the top one. My tongue brushed against his lips, and he met it with his own; letting them reacquaint themselves with each other.

Eddie put his arm around me, and I shivered in pleasure, as our hips met; and I felt his body’s very obvious reaction to our kiss. He let out a soft groan; a sound that sent electricity straight to my core. Grabbing on tighter to me, he almost had my knees give in. In spite of his normally withdrawn and almost aloof demeanor – which he’d relaxed somewhat, curing our evening together – he now seemed like he couldn’t get me close enough; almost hungry in his kiss. I was right there with him; ready to throw all inhibitions out the window, and let him take me in that hallway. I literally had to dig my nails in to my palm, to tear myself from the heated moment.

I put my hands on Eddie’s shoulders, and pushed him away as gently as I could. “I’m sorry… Did I hurt you?”, he asked, in a surprisingly concerned voice. “No, Eddie; I’m…”, I tried. “I don’t always know my own strength. I’ll be more careful…”. Eddie seemed unable to stop talking. I put my fingertips to his soft lips – for a short second considering slipping one into his mouth; just to feel him suck on it – and took a step back. “Eddie, you didn’t do anything wrong. Really!”, I smiled. “But, I have this rule… I don’t have sex on the first date”. Eddie’s eyes widened, and he took a step back himself. “No… Of course! I don’t want you to think, I see you as some kind of… I mean, if you were, there would be nothing wrong with that… People can enjoy sex, that’s completely normal… But I would never expect you to just…” I couldn’t help but smile at his flustered babbling, but in the end, I decided to put him out of his misery. I leaned in, and gave him a short kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight”, I said. “Yeah… goodnight, Lyla”, Eddie said. He watched me as I unlocked my door, and I gave him a final smile, before stepping inside, and closing it behind me.

I leaned against the wall, and sighed frustratedly. It felt like everything below my bellybutton was literally screaming at my brain, saying; open the door, and stop thinking so much, you stupid blob of fat and water! I want to play!. I peeked out of the peephole, and saw Eddie beginning to fish out his keys. He looked like he was having a frustrated conversation with himself. He turned and looked at my door, and I quickly pulled back from the peephole. “You’re being an idiot”, I whispered to myself.

Before I knew it had happened, I had opened my door. “Eddie…”. He dropped his keys in chock, and scrambled to pick them up. His jacket and shirt rode up slightly, letting me get a peek at his tattooed torso; only making my resolve stronger. “Yeah! Hey… Hi”, he said, and got up to stand again. “You know, when I said I’d let you know whether it was a date or not…”. “Yeah?”, Eddie muttered. I chewed my lip, and took a deep breath before continuing. “I decided it wasn’t a date… So, technically, I wouldn’t be breaking my rule”. Eddie looked confused for a moment, before his eyes lit up. “Oh… Oh! You mean…”. He seemed unable to finish the sentence; and I felt my cheeks beginning to burn. “I mean, unless you changed your mind”, I muttered. “No!”, Eddie said, taking a step towards me. “I’d like that”.

I let out a pleased sigh, and was even more relieved when Eddie decided to take the lead, and step over to me; instantly capturing my lips in a warm kiss. I put my arms around his neck, and let myself float away in the pleasurable sensations his soft, full lips sent through my body. I’d known this man for less than a week – I could hardly say that I knew him at all – but everything in that moment was perfect; as if we were made to do this. Eddie pressed me against the doorway to my apartment, and let out a guttural groan when I ran my nails through his short hair. He pressed his tongue into my mouth, and once again I relished in his taste.

I looked out the corner of my eye at the main living area of my sublet, and frowned. I pulled back slightly, to be able to speak. Eddie moved his kisses down to my neck, and I gasped audibly. “Eddie… Oh, god. That’s… No, stop!”, I rasped. He pulled back instantly, and met my eyes. “What?”, he asked. “The bed in there is kind of gnarly… Can we do this at your place?”, I said. “Yeah, of course”, he smiled, and tore himself from me, to run over and open his own door. I closed the door to my own place – giving it that extra yank it needed – and stepped up behind Eddie. He looked at me over his shoulder. “Sorry about the mess", he muttered apologetically, and opened his door.

Eddie’s apartment was cluttered, but not dirty. I could have sworn I saw a few unwashed dishes by the sink, but when I blinked, they were gone; as if a shadow had whisked them away. He had post-it notes hanging with ideas for stories, and a couple that read things like If you eat it, replace it and Pigeons are not food. “Do you have a roommate?”, I asked. Eddie chuckled nervously to himself. “Nah, I… forget things”, he said, and tore down a note reading No roadkill in the tub!.

I decided against asking, and simply made my way over to the couch, letting my finger run along the back of it. “Do you want some coffee? Or a beer?”, Eddie asked, and moved towards the fridge. I bit my lip, and shook my head. “Maybe… after?”, I said, trying for seductive; and failing miserably, when I tripped over a stack of papers on the floor. Before I knew what happened, Eddie was next to me; catching me before I hit the floor. “Wow… you’re fast!”, I said. “I… did track in high school”, he said. “You were all the way over…”, I began.

Eddie pressed his lips to mine, to shut me up, and soon I was forgetting all about the ten feet he’d traversed in less than a second. As quickly as I could, I shed my jacket, and Eddie’s lips once again travelled down my neck. I pushed his jacket off his shoulders, and couldn’t help put squeeze his biceps; finding them as firm as I’d imagined. As Eddie latched on to my pulse-point, I let out soft moan; and was rewarded with his hands moving down to my butt. Giving them a tight squeeze, he suddenly lifted me up, and made me put my legs around his waist. “Let’s move over here”, he muttered, and walked us over to the bed in the corner; gently setting me down on it.

We both began tugging at each other’s tops at the same time, but after chuckling at each other; we silently decided to take care of our own clothing. After I’d shed my tank-top, I kicked off my sneakers while Eddie took off his boots. We kept eye-contact as much as possible, and I saw nothing but appreciation in his gaze, as he saw me get more and more undressed. I was enjoying the sight of his bare torso as well; wanting nothing more than to bury my face in the soft hairs of his barreled chest. I pulled off my jeans – leaving me in socks, bra and panties – and moved back on the bed. Eddie raised a brow at me, and shook his head; and once he had gotten rid of his own pants, he grabbed my ankle, and pulled me closer. I yelped in glee as my groin met his, and he pushed me to lie back. I managed to reach down, and hook my finger into the waistband of his boxer briefs; but Eddie grabbed my wrist. “We got all night…”, he said. “But…”, I said. “Relax”.

He smirked mischievously, and kneeled down at the foot of the bed, and ran his palms up my thighs; leaving goosebumps in their wake. As he left a soft kiss on the inside of my left thigh, while his fingertips stroked circles on my right one. My breath hitched, as his warm breath travelled up to my warmth. I was ready to scream by the time his soft lips left an openmouthed kiss on my covered folds. “Please…!”, I whined. Eddie chuckled, and I felt his tongue lick a broad stripe against the lace covering my throbbing, most sensitive parts. Once again, I tried to take charge, by grabbing his head; but he grabbed my wrists, and forced them down my sides. “I really don’t want to have to hold you down”, he chided. “I kind of need my hands for what I’m about to do…”. I let out a frustrated groan, and relaxed my arms as much as I could. “Good girl…”, Eddie hummed, and let go of my hands. I threw my arms back, and grabbed for one of the pillows above my head, and dug my fingers in to it, to keep from getting in the way of Eddie’s work on my privates again.

With agonizingly slow movements, Eddie hooked his fingers into my panties, and pulled them down my feet. He held them up with one finger, and gave me another smirk, before flicking them away. They landed over his open laptop, and we both laughed for a moment; before Eddie once again lowered his face. The last thing I saw before throwing my head back in pleasure, was Eddie’s pleased eyes widening at his upcoming feast. His perfect mouth closed around my folds and clit, and he gave me a deep suckle, before flicking his tongue over my clit. “I know…”, he muttered. “Come again?”, I croaked. “I’m just enjoying my meal”, Eddie replied, blushing adorably. “Ok… Uhm… well, contin… Oh my god!”. Eddie had entered me with two fingers, and began moving them in a come-hither motion, while sucking hard at my nub. Letting out a growl against my wetness, Eddie soon had me seeing stars. As his fingers worked on my most sensitive spot inside, his tongue moved in a zigzag pattern between my folds; going up and down, and never forgetting to give my clit a languid stroke when he reached it. I put the pillow over my face, and cried out in pleasure, as Eddie worked me towards a mind shattering orgasm. Everything went white, and I’m pretty sure I floated above the mattress for a few seconds; as if something was lifting me in the air.

I was panting into the pillow and shaking all over, as I came down. “Don’t do that!”, Eddie grunted. “What?”, I muttered through the pillow. Eddie climbed up my body, and pulled it away from my face, looking flustered. “Just… don’t cover your face. I want to see you”, he said. “Ok…”, I said.

We smiled at each other, and kissed again. I could taste myself on his tongue, and enjoyed it more than was proper. Eddie laid down between my legs, and pressed against me; making me leave a wet spot on his boxers, from my still glistening folds. “Let me just get these off”, he smiled, and pulled down his underwear; and letting his erection spring free. I smiled in appreciation, and took a hold of my new friend; gently beginning to stroke it. “That’s… that’s nice”, Eddie said, straining to keep his composure. “A bit harder, please”. I tightened my hold, and received a deep moan in reply. “Condom?”, I asked. “Shit, yeah”, Eddie said, and reluctantly pulled himself out of my grasp. As he got off the bed, and ran over to search one of the drawers in his dresser, I snapped open my bra, and took it off. When he turned around to face me, with a foil packet in his hand, his jaw dropped at the sight of my mounds. “That is… Those are very nice”, he croaked. I chuckled, and pulled off my socks; wanting to be completely naked. “Oh, right!”, Eddie said, and tugged his own socks off, one at a time; losing his balance, and falling on to the bed next to me.

I nabbed the foil packet from his hand, and opened it carefully, pulling out the condom. Straddling Eddies legs, I closed my fingers around the tip of the rubber, and held it to the head of his penis. I rolled it down a little, before lowering my head, and closing my mouth around it; rolling it the rest of the way with my lips. Eddie let out a gasping groan, and looked down at me with wide eyes. Once the condom was all the way down his hardness, I released him from my mouth, and sat up; smiling sweetly. “Where did you learn that?”, he asked. “While you were doing track in high school, I was under the bleachers; doing other kinds of workout”, I shrugged. “It’s an interesting talent”, he chuckled. “I have many more”, I said, raising a brow at him. “I’m sure you do”, Eddie smiled, and grabbed the back of my head; pulling me in for a hungry kiss.

I was flipped onto my back, and Eddie placed himself at my entrance. “Yeah?”, he said, searching my eyes for the go-ahead. “Please”, I said, unable to hide the pleading tone in my voice. Eddie gave me one more deep kiss, and as he did, he pushed himself inside me; bottoming out in my warmth. We both moaned deeply as we were conjoined, and Eddie began moving slowly in and out of me. “You’re so warm… and tight!”, he gasped into my ear. “You fit perfectly”, I panted, and moved my hips to meet his every thrust. “I do, don’t I…”, Eddie chuckled. “Holy… wow”. I locked my leg around his hips, and Eddie grabbed my other leg; hooking his arm under my knee. With ever thrust, the head of his penis brushed against my g-spot; but even just the friction against my nub, and the feeling of his velvety hardness brushing against my walls, were enough to make me whimper in pleasure.

After a while of moving together slowly, I felt my walls beginning to quake; and Eddie’s face lit up. He began thrusting faster and harder, and soon I was crying out in ecstasy again. Every atom in my being felt like it was exploding, and I came around him. “Yes!”, I cried out, and Eddie laughed, seemingly overjoyed that he could make me feel this way. “Fuck, you look beautiful when you come”, he grinned. My hair was a tussled, and I was pretty sure my makeup was a mess, but I took his words as truth in that moment; convinced from the expression on his face, that there was no way he could be lying. “Thank you… for that”, I gasped. “And for the orgasm. That was pretty awesome too”. We laughed together for a moment, before Eddie leaned down, and kissed me. “Are you good to continue?”, he asked. “Don’t you dare stop!”, I exclaimed. “Ok… Turn around, then”.

He pulled out of me – leaving me feeling empty and wanting more – and grabbed my hip, to make me turn over. I got on all fours, and once again felt Eddie probing my entrance. He pushed into me with a pleased sigh, and began moving again. He shifted between fast and slow; as if every time he picked up speed, he willed himself to slow down again. “It’s ok. I can take it”, I said. “Alright”, Eddie panted, and let out a groan, as he slammed in to me. I feel forwards on the bed, landing on my chest; and felt my backside lift with every one of Eddie’s thrusts in to me. “… just go to sleep!”, I heard Eddie behind me. “I’m not…”, I said. “What?”. “I’m not asleep. How could I be?” “Oh… No, yeah; of course!”.

He snaked a hand underneath me, and expertly began stroking circles against my clit. I was soon, once again, feeling the familiar rush of an impending orgasm. “I’m gonna…”, I rasped. “Again?”, Eddie panted; still thrusting in to me, and having found the perfect rhythm for the both of us. “Uh huh…”, I whimpered, and turned my face into the mattress; crying out in pleasure. My walls contracted around Eddie’s hardness, and moments later, he let out a rasping groan; and came.

I was trying to regain my breath, and still feeling my muscles clenching throughout my body; as Eddie pulled out of me. He placed a soft kiss to the back of my neck, and got off the bed, to rid himself of the condom. I pulled at the sheet, wrapping it around me, as he returned to the bed and slipped his boxers back on. He looked satisfied, but also a bit frustrated, and I quietly excused myself to the bathroom, to clean up.

Through the door, I heard him shuffling around the small apartment, and seemingly talking to himself. “… stay out of it… was a me thing… I don’t need that”. I was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable at the situation; and must have been stood for quite a while in the small bathroom, because suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Are you ok in there?”, Eddie called out. “Yeah!”, I replied, quickly finishing my cleanup, and washing my hands. I stepped out into the living area again, and gave him a half smile. “Uhm… are youok though?”. Eddie leaned in, and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, before stepping over to the fridge. “Of course… I’m awesome”, he said, and got out two beers. “That was great!”. I examined his face, and couldn’t help but frown. “Ok… You just seem a little out of it”, I said, and accepted the drink. “Are you regretting…”. “No!”, Eddie exclaimed, his eyes wide and earnest. “Not at all… I just get in my head sometimes”. “Ok…”, I muttered.

Eddie sighed deeply, and took my hand. “Come on”, he said, and pulled me over to sit on the couch. “That… what we just did; that was really great. You were great”. “So were you”, I smiled, biting my lip. “Yeah?”, Eddie said; a slight pink hue to his cheeks. “Thanks…”. As I took a welcome sip of my beer, he merged his fingers with my free hand. “I’d like to do it again… If you’re good with that”. “I’d like that”, I said. We sat for a moment in silence. “Do you wanna stay the night?”. “I should get going”. We’d spoken at the same time. “Oh… Well, if you wanna go…”, Eddie said. “I just thought – seeing as you said the bed at your place wasn’t that great – maybe you’d want to sleep somewhere else”. “The couch isn’t much better”, I chuckled. “Are you sure though? I don’t want you to think you have to…”. “I’d like you to stay”, Eddie said. I felt my cheeks burn. “Ok… I’ll stay”, I said.

Eddie lit up in a grin, and leaned in to give me a warm kiss. “I’m happy you moved in across the hall”, he said. “Me too”, I smiled. “Me three…! Too!”, Eddie said, his voice having shifted from deep, and back to his raspy tone within seconds. He cleared his throat. “Sorry… My throat is a bit dry”, he said, and took a deep swig of his beer. I frowned in confusion, but decided to let it go. We had just spent a good while exercising, and my own throat was a little dry as well; and I took another sip of my beer.

We sat for a long moment in silence, sipping at our bottles, and smiling warmly at each other; before Eddie frowned deeply. “I have to tell you something”, he said. “And… You might change your mind about staying”. I felt a shudder go through my body, suddenly worried where this was going. “What is it?”, I croaked. Eddie took a deep breath, and blew it out. He took my beer from me, and put it down on the coffee table, next to his own. Taking both my hands, he looked deeply in to my eyes. “Here goes… Uhm… Wow, this is hard”, he said. “Just tell me”, I said, trying for calm and encouraging. “Ok… I snore… And not in the cute way”, Eddie said. “I give the streetcars a run for their money, when it comes to noise”. I instantly began laughing in relief. “That’s it? You should hear me!”. Eddie raised his brows at me. “I’ll bet you 20 bucks and a donut from Don’s, I can outdo you”, he said. “You’re a journalist. Don’t you have a Dictaphone?”, I asked. Eddie sprang over to his messenger bag, and pulled out a small recorder. “Let’s do this!”, he exclaimed.

I got to my feet, and followed him over to the bed. Unwrapping myself from the sheet, Eddie gave me a sly smile, and pulled me in for a deep kiss – running his hands up and down my sides – before he let me crawl onto the bed. Once I laid down, he crawled in next to me, and put the sheet over the both of us. He clicked the record button on the Dictaphone, and put it by the bed: before pulling me in to his arms. I cuddled up against him, and let his warmth lull me; feeling suddenly very tired. “Goodnight, Ed”, I whispered. We gave each other a soft kiss. “Goodnight, Lyla”, he replied.

I was already halfway asleep, when something tucked us in; pulling the covers over us. “Eddie?”, I yawned. “Yeah?”, he asked hesitantly. “Was that you?”. “Yes!”. “Ok. Goodnight”. I was out.

---

[wavesmp3]

before the bucket falls

jeonghan x (female) reader 

requested from sensory prompt #33: the feel of fingertips trailing over a bare shoulder blade genre: study abroad/university au + apocalyptic-ish  wc: 4k warnings: implied nudity i guess, maybe a few curses as well a/n: i apologize that this took me ages to finish, also the bucket list is completed out of order, enjoy!!

(0. Hear That There’s A Week Until The End Of The World)

You hadn’t expected to be so nonchalant when you hear that the world is ending in a week. Hadn’t expected to so readily accept you and your classmates inability to return home from studying abroad for the semester. And you certainly hadn’t expected to sit down with Jeonghan that afternoon (an acquaintance-made-friend in the whirlwind of apocalypse news) to create a list of things to do before the world ends. 

“We’ll start tomorrow,” he declares scribbling one final item on the bucket list before folding the paper and shoving it in his pocket, “and hopefully we finish before the world goes up in flames.” 

(6. Bang On The Hood Of A Car And Say ‘Hey, I’m Walking Here!’)

Your first day before the end of the world begins with you and Jeonghan searching for a car. 

“This one is...” Jeonghan frowns, rereading the sixth item on the bucket list. Looking up, he says, “it was your idea wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Now, get in the car and pretend to almost run me over.” 

Jeonghan complies, starting the car and driving towards you all too slowly. Still, when he gets close enough, you bang on the hood of the car, half-laughing and half-yelling “hey, I’m walking here!” He only laughs at you incredulously. 

You switch after that, you in the car and Jeonghan walking across the street. And this time, when you get close to his figure instead of banging on the hood, you hear a small thud and watch him fall to the floor. You run out of the car shrieking his name only to find him on the ground laughing. 

“I thought-” you exhale, breath hot with a mix of shock and relief, “I thought I actually hit you.” 

Jeonghan doesn’t say a word too busy literally rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach in laughter. And when you shove him, kneeling on the ground and smacking his arm for freaking you out, he only laughs harder. 

(3. Steal Something)

Unsurprisingly, number three on the list is Jeonghan’s idea. You don’t argue, not at first at least. But when you step into the convenience store and begin shoving bags of chips under your shirt and bottles of soda into your bag, you start to feel the small push of your consciousness. 

“Is this a good idea?” You say to Jeonghan who’s deciding which kinds of candy he wants to hide in his pockets. 

“There’s no one even here.” He waves you off pointing at the empty cash register. “So honestly I’m not even convinced if this counts as completing number three.” Deciding on a chocolate bar, he turns on his heel, grabs an extra bottle of juice, and exits the store casually. 

(11. Perform Three Acts Of Kindness) 

You leave some money at the unmanned cash register anyways. “Number eleven,” you say to him when he gives you a look, “it can be our first act of kindness.” He stares at you for a long moment, as if deciding how he should react to your inability to shoplift. You half expect him to walk back into the empty store and take your money from the counter. He doesn’t though. Instead, he smiles, a lopsided one that makes some part of your stomach twist uncomfortably, and laughs towards the ground, his head hanging in a way that makes his bangs fall in front of his eyes. You feel suddenly, almost foolishly, warm. 

“Come,” he beckons, pulling at your sleeve, “let’s eat.”

(10. Eat The Perfect Meal) 

The perfect meal isn’t actually perfect, an odd mix of convenience store snacks and whatever you both had left in your dorms. 

“We should have cooked something ourselves,” Jeonghan mumbles, between a mouthful of chips, “the perfect meal has to be made with love.” 

“It also has to be edible,” you retort, sipping your coffee and recalling your earlier realization that neither you or Jeonghan can cook. 

And it’s after a few more moments of eating away the tenth item on your shared bucket list that he asks, “how do you think it’ll happen?” You look up from your fruit cup. “How do you think the world is gonna end?”

“I don’t know,” you answer, “something big perhaps. An explosion?”

“Or Zombies?” he continues for you, light-heartedly. “Aliens, maybe?” 

And perhaps two days ago, you would’ve laughed at the possibility of the world coming to an end thanks to an alien invasion, but right now, sitting next to Jeonghan with yesterday’s headlines bouncing back and forth in your head, you don’t feel anything but melancholic. And like feet sinking into sand, you realize for the second time since the news came out that you have less than a week left to live. With a hopeless sigh, you say, “I hope that when the world ends, it’s painless.”

And unlike his previous suggestions, there’s nothing light-hearted about the way Jeonghan adds, “something quick.”

(4. Sing A Song Loudly In Public) 

You had wrongly assumed that this particular bucket list item was meant to be a fun and embarrassing karaoke in public sort of thing. But when Jeonghan stands on the ledge of the fountain in the center of the plaza and begins singing, you realize you've created a bucket list with an angel. Or at least, a boy with the voice of one. The plaza isn’t very busy this afternoon, but the few passersby that happen to catch his mini concert erupt in a well-earned applause when the song finishes. 

“You can sing?” You question in disbelief of just how good his voice sounds. 

He shrugs at that, jumping off the ledge in a shy sort of way that doesn’t at all match the kind of guy you pegged Jeonghan to be. “Your turn.” He pushes you towards the ledge. 

You almost fight against the nudge, almost turn around and tell Jeonghan just how tone deaf you are. But when he smiles your way and cheers your name encouragingly, you decide the embarrassment might be worth it. 

It’s not, it turns out. The entire plaza seems to murmur ‘why is she singing?’ the second you open your mouth. And it’s before you even reach the second verse that Jeonghan starts clapping and whooping for you. “Wow!” He exclaims cheerfully. “You suck.” 

You burst into laughter at that, cut your song short, and jump off the ledge grabbing Jeonghan’s hand and running away from the embarrassment with him close behind. 

—

“Where’d you learn how to sing like that?” You finally ask, later than afternoon as you and Jeonghan aimlessly walk along the street. 

He shrugs again, a familiar timidness overwhelming his body, then tells you about the singing lessons he used to take. “It used to be my dream. To become a singer.” 

“Used to?” 

He sucks in his bottom lip. “Things changed I guess.” 

You decide not to prod further. “If you could do anything right now, right before the world ends, what would you do?” 

“Anything?” 

“Anything.” 

He thinks it over for a moment, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek. “Hold a concert.” He answers finally. And when you give him a look, a reminder of what he said about things changing, he just smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and mutters something about how dreams die hard. And for the third time today, you’re surprised by how shy Jeonghan gets about his singing and how endearing you find it when he does. 

“What about you?” He returns this question, pushing the attention away from himself. “What would you do?” 

“I’d go home.” You say quietly, hoping the press of sadness that comes with thinking about home doesn’t show in your voice. “See my family once more before the world ends.” And when Jeonghan doesn’t respond or meet your eyes, you laugh, unable to procure a more creative reaction. “It’s kinda lame, isn’t it?” 

“‘No, no.” He says quickly, waving away the suggestion before the words can even settle in the air. “It’s not lame; it’s…” his voice trails off, fingers reaching out in front of him as if he’ll find the right words in the last remaining rays from the sun. His hand drops to the side. Seemingly, giving up on the previous sentence, he says, “Tell me about them. Your family.” 

You’re about to say no. About to change the topic to something a bit lighter. Something that doesn’t force you to think about home and the people that you miss so fiercely and long to see once more. But it’s as the word ‘no’ bubbles in the back of your throat, that you meet Jeonghan’s eyes and find a starling amount of sincerity in them. And when you go looking for your intent to reject the request, you find it’s disappeared altogether. “Okay.” You exhale. “Where should I begin?” 

And so you spend the rest of the day telling Jeonghan about your family, and by the time the sun begins to set, he tells you about his. 

(12. Say Goodbye To Your Family) 

You both decide it’s better to get this part of the list over with. Pulling out your phones and dialing home soon after the sun sets. It’s an odd sort of arrangement, you think to yourself listening to the phone ring, you and Jeonghan sitting on opposite sides of this empty street. “Privacy,” he had told you, walking away from you and taking a seat on the curb, “this way you can cry in private.” 

It’s… bearable at first. You talk to your family, update them on what you’ve been doing since your last call home as if everything is normal, as if they’re expecting another update soon, as if the world isn’t ending in a few days. But the facade that everything is fine comes crashing down the second you hear a noise come from the other side of the road, a mangled sound that rushes all the way from Jeonghan’s mouth to you, banging at your heart and creating a dent between your lungs. And you suppose that if you were a little bit closer and if Jeonghan hadn’t turned around to put his back between him and you, you would’ve heard him sobbing. The thought alone ignites a flame of sadness that emerges from your lips, travels through the phone lines, and ripples across the ocean separating you and your family.

Saying goodbye to your family does not stay bearable for long. 

He finishes the call before you. And when you do finally hang up, it takes ten minutes of calming down before you're in any state to walk across the road and greet Jeonghan for what feels like the first time that night. 

“Can we, uh,” you stop, sniffle, then laugh at the absurdity of this moment, “can we stop here for today.” 

“Yeah,” he mutters, finally standing from the floor. He doesn’t look your way, keeps his eyes trained to the ground while bringing a hand up to wipe at his nose and eyes. “I’ll walk you home.” 

(5. Wish Upon A Star) 

Sleep doesn’t come that night. You spend it tossing and turning in bed, replaying every bit of what was probably your last conversation with your family. At 2 am there’s a knock on your door. Jeonghan stands in the doorway, eyes drooping and blanket wrapped around his shoulders. 

“Yeah,” you say, opening the door and letting him in, “I can’t sleep either.” 

After another moment, he finally says, “have you ever been to the roof?” 

You let him lead the way. 

— 

The night air feels cool against your skin, brushing through your hair and sending a shiver across your skin. You pull your hoodie closer around you before laying down on the roof next to Jeonghan who throws his blanket so that it drapes over both of you. 

“Which one for number five?” He says gesturing to the starry night sky. 

“Number five?” 

“Wish upon a star.” He reminds you. 

You lift your hand and point to one off the center, a bright one that flickers more than the others. “That one.” 

“Okay,” he exhales. You watch the breath leave from his lips. “Make a wish.” 

You do.

“Which star do you think is gonna blow up and cause the end of the world?” He asks, shifting his body and ending up a fraction closer to you. 

“Give me a crash course on all of them and I’ll let you know.”

He does, making up constellations and creating fake names for each one. 

And at some point in his explanation of the origin of each star, his hand finds yours. The cold seems to wither away after that. 

(1. Ride A Motorcycle) 

“Are you sure you know how to ride this thing.” You question for the fifth time that morning, pacing around the moped and Jeonghan who’s sitting impatiently on it. 

“Just get on would you?” He huffs, dropping the extra helmet on your head and pulling you towards the moped. You settle behind him, fixing your helmet and clasping it in place. “You know how to get to the beach right?”

“Yeah, but we just need to make a pit stop somewhere first.” 

“That’s fine. Grab on.”

Ignoring the unevenness of your breath, you wrap your arms around his torso. You try not to think too hard about the way he momentarily tenses up when you do. 

“Ready?”

“Please, don’t kill me on this thing. We’re all dying in a few days-” He doesn’t let you finish, revving the motorcycle and laughing when you scream into his shoulder. 

(11. Perform Three Acts of Kindness) 

“What are we here for?” Jeonghan wonders aloud, his voice echoing in the auditorium. 

“Number 11. Our second act of kindness.” He looks at your quizzingly. “Yesterday you said that if you could do anything before the end of the world, you’d have your own concert. So here,” you hand him a mic and point at the empty stage, “go sing.”

You’ve never seen him run so excitedly. 

(3. Steal Something)

When Jeonghan wrote down ‘steal something’, you definitely hadn’t expected him to coerce you into stealing a house. “This isn’t even stealing. This is trespassing.” You hiss under your breath, looking over your shoulder. “Plus, we already stole from the convenience store.”

“Firstly,” Jeonghan begins, finding an unlocked window to the beach house and cracking the adjacent door open, “you paid the store so that definitely didn’t count. Secondly, trespassing is basically just stealing space. And lastly,” he announces turning around and waving to the open beach house, “this place is gorgeous and free.” 

You peer inside the house and--shit, it is gorgeous. “Fine.” You relent taking a step inside the house. He smiles triumphantly. 

“Come on,” he grabs your hand as soon as you set your things down and starts pulling you towards the beach, “time for number two.”

(2. Send A Message In A Bottle) 

“Who should we write to?”

“A friend?”

“An ex?” He grimaces at the suggestion.

“How about ourselves 10 years ago.”

You consider it. “Or what about,” you start tapping a finger against your chin, “ourselves 10 years from now.” He gives you a wary look. “Just in case this whole thing turns out to be a hoax.”

“Do you believe that?” he asks quietly. 

You bite your lip. “Not really, no.”

“To myself,” Jeonghan scribbles on the paper, “ten years from now.” 

And when you're both done with the letters, you fit them inside empty beer bottles and let the waves take them. 

Inhaling the salty ocean scent, you watch the bottles float.

“This moment would feel a lot better if I didn’t feel like we just made marine pollution worse.”

(9. Go Skinny Dipping) 

The water is freezing, cold against your bare skin and lapping by your shivering mouth. 

“It’s not that cold.” Jeonghan laughs, splashing sea water in your face. 

You splash him back. “For you maybe.” 

“Tell me a secret.” He says suddenly, stopping and treading the water in front of you. 

You think for a minute before answering. “I really like it when you sing.”

“That’s not a secret; it’s a confession.” He complains, flapping his hands in the water. With a teasing smirk, he adds, “next you’ll confess your undying love for me as well.” 

You laugh, sort of, swallowing salt water in the movement and choking on the sudden intake. 

Clearing your throat, you say, “give me an example of a good secret then.” 

“Okay,” he hums, biting his lip and swimming closer towards you until your knees awkwardly bump into each other. You swallow at the proximity. “I’ve never been in love.”

“Never?”

He shakes his head. “Have you?”

“Once.” Something in your stomach turns. “Or at least I thought I was in love.”

“And what do you think now?”

You meet his eyes. They look strangely hopeful. “Now, I’m not so sure.”

His hand comes up, fingers trailing over your shoulder blade and lingering right above your collarbone. You shiver. 

“Still cold?” He whispers. 

No, you think, but your head nods ‘yes’ before the word comes out. 

He swims back to shore. And soon after, you follow. 

(13. Fall In Love) 

You finish showering before Jeonghan, coming down the stairs of your stolen beach house and taking a seat on the stolen (but comfortable) couch. You look for the bucket list to cross out skinny dipping for him. And when you find the folded list in a pocket of Jeonghan’s bag, you realize that this is your first time seeing it since the night of its creation. You read over it carefully. 

1. ride a motorcycle 2. send a message in a bottle 3. steal something  4. sing a song loudly in public 5. wish upon a star 6. bang on the hood of a car and say ‘hey, i’m walking here!’ 7. watch the sunrise  8. watch the sunset 9. go skinny dipping 10. eat the perfect meal 11. perform three acts of kindness 12. say goodbye to our families 

And under the twelve that you and Jeonghan made together is another, additional bucket list item. Written in a different color pen and in his messy handwriting is:

13. get her to fall in love with me

“That shower felt so good.” Jeonghan’s voice comes traveling down the stairs. “I found sand in-” he stops, halts at the end of the banister upon seeing the paper between your hands. 

“What do you mean ‘get her to fall in love with me’?” You gulp, holding up the list. 

“Oh, that,” he laughs, awkwardly, slowly walking towards you, then stopping halfway as if he’s made a mistake, “I added it after you left that night. And, well, yeah.”

You stand up and go to him, meeting him halfway across the living room. “Jeonghan I-” you lose grasp of what you’re going to say next and elect to stare at him instead, studying the drop of water that falls from a strand of hair to his face. Decide instead to study the flutter of his lashes and the way his gaze darts between your eyes and your lips. He inhales. “Oh, fuck it.” you mutter finally, grabbing the collar of his tshirt and kissing him. 

It takes a second for Jeonghan to react, too long your brain convinces you already beginning to pull your face away. But it’s as your lips leave his, that they crash together again, him pulling at your hips stumbling backwards until you knock your head against the wall, bodies flush. You wrap your arms around his neck, tangle your fingers through his wet hair. There’s a moan, you can’t be sure which one of you it comes from, but the sound of it has you feeling weak somewhere, everywhere. 

“Upstairs,” you pant, when he pulls away for the smallest of seconds.

“Are you,” he pauses, lips hovering in front of yours and breath heavy against your skin, “are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” you smile, noticing the flush in his face, glad he's just as affected, “I mean it’s on the bucket list.” 

Jeonghan happily complies. 

(7. Watch The Sunrise) 

You both watch it in bed, from a window that seems to capture it perfectly. 

“It’s pretty,” he states, holding a hand up in a straggling ray and watching it turn gold in the light. 

“Only a few more left.” 

(8. Watch The Sunset) 

You watch it on the beach with a stolen towel from the stolen house under you. It’s beautiful really. A mesh of blues, pinks, orange, and purple. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sunset like this one,” you say inhaling the salty scent of the sea that lingers on your arms and legs and hands. 

Jeonghan hums, absentmindedly enough for you to turn around to look at him laying on his back and playing with a loose strand from your hoodie instead. 

“We can’t cross it off if you don’t actually watch it.” You tell him, finding his hand in yours and pressing a kiss to the back of it. 

He shrugs. “I’ve seen enough sunsets.” 

(11. Perform Three Acts Of Kindness) 

“Last item,” Jeonghan murmurs one day, settling into bed next to you, “one final act of kindness.” 

You poke at his chest. “What do you have planned for it?” 

“This.” He says, pulling out a small slip of paper. You sit up. “I bought you a ticket.” 

It takes you longer than it should to realize it’s a plane ticket home. 

“How and when did you…” your voice drops away, the logical questions slipping off your tongue when you make a new realization. “There’s only one ticket.” 

“Listen,” he starts, turning to face you properly. “I think you should take it.”

“No,” you refuse, shaking your head. He takes your face between your palms forcing you to stop and pay attention. 

“Go home and see your family. That’s what you told me you’d do before the world ends.” He hesitates, releasing your face and taking your hands in his. Something feels entirely wrong when he starts to rub small circles into the back of them. “You only have a few days left. So go home. Say goodbye to me instead.” 

“Things change,” you say a little too harshly, regurgitating what he told you earlier this week. “And I don’t know if I can go anymore.” You sputter out just barely, voice feeling suddenly course against your vocal chords, but what you mean to say is: I don’t know if I can go without you. “And besides,” you stress, putting the ticket back in his lap, “you can’t make me go.” 

“Don’t you see,” he chuckles, a small, quiet sound that has no business making you feel as warm as it does, “I’m not making you go,” he meets your eyes again, and for some reason, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that this is the last time you’ll see them like this, “I’m asking you to.” 

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

[something-tofightfor]

Magnetic; Din’s POV - Part 4 (Chapter 5)

Pairing: Din Djarin ... and you? (female Force sensitive reader)

Word Count: 4,835

Rating: M ... there’s some mention of past violence (Grogu toward you), some swearing ... and a ton of energing emotions.

Summary: It’s time for you and Grogu to show Din what you can do - but he’s not quite prepared for how seeing the extent of your abilities impacts him. 

Author’s note:

I’m annoyed at myself for taking so long to get this up, but it’s here now, and the next one should NOT take anywhere near this long. 

This goes alongside chapter 5 of Magnetic. As always, please feel free to send in requests so that I’m sure to cover things you want to see from Din’s POV in this companion series. The next couple chapters are a LOT to cover ... so get ready.  Any playlist suggestions? Send them over. 

As the three of you got closer to his chosen destination for the break - Cambria - he realized that for the first time in months, he was excited  to take step back from responsibilities. Spending more time with the kid and seeing what he can do. What… she can do. He’d seen Grogu’s abilities on display before - multiple times - and had glimpsed yours, too, in the way you interacted with the child on the ship. But not fully. Not when she’s using her blade. 

The man’s interest in you was growing by the day, and even though he wasn’t quite ready to admit it to himself, it was because he liked being around you. It was more than having you on the ship, about more than having another adult to talk to. It was more than another presence in the cockpit, or just knowing that you were across the hall or downstairs. It’s her. It’s all her. 

You were confident without being cocky, sure of the things you’d seen and done, and Din wanted to know if that translated to the way you handled yourself in combat, too. Well, not combat, because it’s just with the kid, but … He grinned to himself beneath the helmet, watching as Grogu ran through the grass, likely chasing something small and edible. It’ll still be a way to learn more. 

He’d been offended at first, at the thought that Luke and the other Jedi felt that you needed to have a way to protect Grogu even though there would be a Mandalorian right there, but the more he’d thought about it, the more Din realized that it made sense. Your task was to accompany the kid across the galaxy, and during the trips to and from Nevarro, Din wouldn’t be there, wouldn’t be able to provide protection if necessary. And I’m sure that they wanted to protect him on Mandalore, too. If Grogu was truly as powerful as everyone thought, then giving him the best chance at safety was the right call, and the man wouldn’t ever blame the Jedi for that - especially when sending him into an unfamiliar situation.

He had plenty of questions for you about Grogu, about the use of the Force, about what he was going to see,  but instead of asking any of them, he asked about the aftermath. The kid got so tired. If that’s still how it is, we might not need two days. But like Din’s memories of training and growing stronger and more capable by the day, he understood your explanation of the changes in Grogu’s behavior. And he listened, too - but if he’d said he was paying full attention to what you were saying, even as you began to tell him about the way you used the Force, he would have been lying. Din’s attention was split between the words you were saying and the way you looked in the early morning sunlight, face turned up and toward the sky. He watched you closely, taking a step toward you before he’d even realized what he was doing, inquiring about your use of the Force before he’d even stopped moving. What are you doing, Djarin? Focus. This is important. And it was - he knew it, because he knew that if he ever had any hope of understanding how the Force worked, he needed to know what it did to the different people that used it. I need to know what it feels like to have it used on me, too. You looked back at him, catching Din off guard, and it was all he could to do not shift backwards, putting more space between you. I don’t want to. I want to be here.

The expression on your face was sad, though your tone wasn’t, and he studied your face, trying to familiarize himself with the different movements of your muscles, the places your eyes focused when you talked to him. Always right on the visor. Always on me. He appreciated it - the way you were direct with him without being disrespectful, the way you looked at him as if he weren’t hiding his face and features from view. “No one tried to help you?” He frowned, crossing his arms as he said your name. Why would they just let him… and she’s sticking up for him, even after he hurt her.

But your posture was rigid, and Din didn’t know if it was in defense of Grogu or in defense of your inability to ward off the attack by the child, and he found himself reaching for you, his gloved fingers circling your bicep. Don’t defend his behavior. That’s not what I taught him. He felt the anger rising in him, the thought that anyone that who’d seen or heard about the display would take it as a reflection of his influence on Grogu. But we don’t do that. Mandalorians don’t resort to that type of physical attack right away, especially if we know that people are just trying to help. 

Instead of pulling away from him, you shifted closer, continuing to attempt to soothe him with your words - and explain Grogu’s behavior. Being scared doesn’t mean attack. Being scared means being smart. “That’s unacceptable.” He realized that he’d moved his hand up - settling it on your shoulder in a gesture of comfort that he didn’t quite recognize. But she needs it, because she needs to know I mean it. “...not what I taught him.” Can you hear me? He shouldn’t have done that to you. 

He was surprised as you raised your hand to his chest, setting your palm flat against the center of it for a few seconds before moving it over and to the signet on his shoulder. He stood still - barely breathing as he waited to see what you’d say, and Din watched as your gaze moved with your hand, finally locking on the armor on his shoulder. “He knows.” Din watched you swallow, realizing that you were choosing your words carefully. And she’s right. Your words hit him hard - like you knew the kid’s intentions, and it surprised him, but Din also realized that you believed what you were saying. But I have to ask.

“Do you think he’s dangerous?” It was a question that he’d asked himself time and time again, both while they’d been together, as well as after they’d separated. He thought he knew the answer - that Grogu was only dangerous to the people that stood against him, the same way that Din himself was only truly dangerous to his enemies, but he still had to ask. Your hand rested on his shoulder for long moments, and when you raised your head again to stare at the man, he could tell that the words were difficult for you to say - but not because they were lies. Because she’s not used to it.

He knew how he felt about Grogu. Knew that he’d fought hard to make sure that the kid was safe, to try and ensure that when and if he came back, things were different. But … his attachment to me stronger than his power? There’s no way. He didn’t have long to think about that, though, because Grogu’s cries from the grass pulled both of you into motion, your laugh at the sight of him holding the small creature in his clawed hand causing warmth to spread through Din’s chest that had nothing to do with the quickly rising temperature on the planet. 

You disappeared soon after that, walking back into the ship to get your weapon, and Din lowered himself down onto the ground next to the child, crossing his legs. “Is she right, kid?” Tilting his head down, he watched as Grogu finished his snack, ears back and his usual babbles silent as he chewed and swallowed. “Right about you? And about me?” The kid cocked his head to one side, wide, dark eyes focused on Din’s helmet. “Guess I’ll have to figure it out on my own, right?” Grogu smiled at that, reaching for Din’s hand, and the man extended it, letting his fingers brush against the tips of the kid’s, tiny green digits wrapping around one finger and squeezing. “I’m gonna go get her, alright? That way you can show me what you can do.” The kid plopped down onto the ground, the soles of his feet visible through the opening at the bottom of his robes and Din chuckled as he stood, looking down as Grogu looked up. I’m excited. And I’m excited to see her, too. 

--- 

It was a good thing that you couldn’t see his face beneath the helmet, because Din Djarin didn’t want anyone to see him cry. Grogu’s… he’s… he’s so much stronger now. He can… Even though he was familiar with the kid’s strength, the way he could move the ball back and forth, the way he could pull things toward himself and push them toward other people, Din had been shocked with the accuracy shown by the two of you. He needed to go. He needed to learn. Each skill you and Grogu demonstrated for him made Din’s heart hammer in his chest, his eyes locked on the way the large, wrinkled face wasn’t straining anymore with his hand raised, or the way that Grogu’s eyes didn’t narrow in deep concentration anymore as he pulled objects through the air toward himself. Way to go, pal. The amount of pride Din felt as he watched the two of you move from small skills to larger ones was unfamiliar to him, but he welcomed it - another personal display of emotion that he’d never expected to experience before finding Grogu. I like how this feels. He mostly stayed quiet, though, letting the two of you practice, but interjected a few times - exclamations of surprise carrying through the air, a quick smile tugging at your lips at the few words. She must hear how … maybe she feels it, too. 

He’d been apprehensive about the stones, even though what you said made sense, but Din’s movement when Grogu’s trajectory for the rocks changed and pushed them back toward you shocked him. I blocked her because it was the right thing to do. She could have been hurt. He told himself these things, but the man didn’t even believe himself. He hadn’t seen you in action, but knew that the rocks would have done little but bounce off of your body gently - if you hadn’t been able to get out of the way. Oh, shit, Djarin. What are you doing? You weren’t touching him, but it was close, one of his arms curved around your back for added protection, and he couldn’t help staring down at you as you peered over his shoulder at Grogu, laughing, but with a twinkle in your eyes that told him that you were no stranger to the child’s playfulness. Dank farrik, kid. He heard you gasp, and at the sound, Din whirled around to face the child, dropping to a knee and pointing at him. 

You again relayed Grogu’s explanation of things to him, and beneath his visor, Din couldn’t hold back the smile, though he fought to keep from showing it with his posture. I wasn’t expecting today. Not this. He felt your hand on his shoulder again, even as he gathered Grogu into his arms, the two of you moving into the shade of the ship to rest. He was surprised that Grogu was still awake and told you as much, but your explanation made sense to him at the same time as it soothed him. He’s learning, and he’s getting stronger, and this is … proof. 

You went into some detail about what you did at the Academy, about your relationship with Grogu as it grew over time, and Din was more than happy to sit back and listen, letting you talk. He had the idea that you were more capable than you considered yourself, but wanted to give you the chance to prove it before he decided entirely. Just like Grogu. I knew a little, but not everything. At the shift of the child on his lap, Din looked down, watching as the kid grabbed your pants and pulled. You want to see her too, kid? 

He knew what the Darksaber looked like when it ignited, and he’d seen Ahsoka’s weapons, too. Din’s recollection of Skywalker’s green blade was fresh in his memory, but he’d never seen anything like the golden light your blade gave off, illuminating the skin of your face and neck and brightening your eyes as you raised it. It’s … I’ve … He was speechless, and for the second time that day, he was thankful that you couldn’t see his face, because that emotion was paired with awe at the way you handled the lightsaber. Din hadn’t done much with the Darksaber, but he knew that he was nowhere near as skilled with it as you were with yours, even if you’d only had it for a short time. Grogu was relentless with you - using his ability to fling objects at you one after the other - but you blocked them without hesitation, a look of determination on your face that he was very familiar with. She takes it seriously, even though it’s just training. By the time Grogu was moving branches and logs through the air, Din was on his feet, watching the two of you, and if he’d been helmetless, you would have seen that he was openly staring at you, lips parted and his eyes wide. She’s good. You were more winded than the kid had been; by the time your blade went out and you turned to look at Din, he could see that you were covered in a thin sheen of sweat, chest moving up and down quickly as you fought to catch your breath. He spoke before he could stop himself, telling you that you were impressive, and even though it was a simple compliment, he saw the look of surprise on your face as you thanked him, scooping the kid up. Right. The kid. Get his cradle. It floated through the doorway and toward the three of you as Din took Grogu from your arms, continuing to praise you. I don’t just say these things, I mean it. When he mentioned the Darksaber to you for the first time, Din watched as your expression changed. She’s surprised. He didn’t know if it was the skill that he’d seen you demonstrate, or the lingering awe that he felt after watching Grogu show what he’d learned, but the man started talking - and kept going. Why am I telling her this? Admitting that he wasn’t good with a weapon went against everything in his nature, but he couldn’t stop, even after the kid was settled into the floating crib. 

He watched you twist the hilt of yours in your hands, brow furrowed, and he reached out, asking to see it. When you handed it over without question, he was shocked, but didn’t waste any time using his helmet to take a look inside the device - the same way he’d done with his own. Yours was obviously newer; slightly clumsy in construction, but he could see the shape of your crystal within the circular chamber, his gloved fingers running over the etchings on the outside. It’s personal. All of it. You leaned in closer as you pointed out specific markings, and though he couldn’t see your face, he heard the catch in your voice as you mentioned your family. No modulator to hide it. “I’d like you to teach me how to use a lightsaber.” It wasn’t a question - but if you said no, he’d gladly let you, although Din knew that he needed help. If I’m going to use it, I need to … He continued, a hasty explanation of why doing the bare minimum to cover his thoughts, but you agreed, which made him happy. Too easy. That was … He let go as you took your weapon back, explaining that it could deflect fire from blasters, and before you’d even finished, he was reassuring you that he wouldn’t shoot at you. But why? That’s how you train. It confused him - the insistence that he wouldn’t put you in harm’s way even in a non-combat situation, but he brushed it off, distracted by your laugh as you lowered your head at something that the kid had thought. Wish I could hear ‘em. --- 

He gave you your space that afternoon, taking the kid back into the ship to rest, but Din spent a long time in the cockpit, watching you through the large windows. He’d turned on the filter, making it so that you couldn’t see in, and while he felt strange keeping an eye on you, he reminded himself that he was just doing what he could to keep you safe on an unfamiliar planet. The day had been eye-opening for him in many ways, but even though the kid was snoozing, Din knew it was far from over. Still early. Still plenty of  time… He watched as you disappeared into the tall grass, only your head and shoulders visible, and Din leaned forward as he saw you stop, turning back toward the ship and grinning before you lowered yourself, disappearing from view. He pushed a few buttons, turning on the thermal imagers that were mounted to the outside of the ship and then leaned back, waiting. You were the only thing in the field, and until that changed, he was willing to let you have the time to yourself. 

He was proud of Grogu - that was true. The man was thrilled that so much had changed, that the kid seemed to be able to control his abilities better, but at the same time, it worried him. Means he did need someone else … someone that wasn’t me. He scanned the field again, fingers curling into fists, and then Din stood, one last look into the corner where Grogu slept. He needs her, too, and I need to know more. A little while later, Din was making his way through the grass toward you, food packed into the bag at his side. He’d eaten on the ship, giving himself - and you - more time alone, but as the sun began to go down, he realized that he couldn’t put it off any longer. I need to talk to her. I need her to trust me, and to… He hadn’t meant to scare you, but was pleased with the speed at which you pupped up, igniting your blade and aiming it in his direction. Good. She’s… He smiled beneath the helmet, settling down onto the ground next to you. It shocked him how easy it was to talk to you - about Mandalore, about his beliefs, about what he did as a profession. I never … I don’t tell people these things. It would be more for him to think about later, but Din let himself go, answering your questions as you ate and rationalizing it to himself. If I talk to her, maybe she’ll hear me. She might know I’m telling the truth. You asked questions that other people didn’t - that they wouldn’t - but it didn’t seem like you were interrogating him. Instead, he realized that you were genuinely curious about his life and his responsibilities, both with Grogu and on Mandalore. Feels good to tell someone. By the time he got to the part where he admitted that he didn’t want the responsibility that he’d been given, that all he wanted was the kid to be safe and happy, Din was on a roll. Never told anyone this before. You tried to stop him, tried to give him an out but he didn’t take it, and when Din admitted that he was worried about what came next when it came to the kid, he felt relief. Not because I want him to go, but because now she knows. Someone knows. He had no plans to run - you knew it as well as he did, but Din also realized that even if you thought he would take the kid, you likely wouldn’t blame him for doing it. She gets it. Gets him. He was a man of few words, but they spilled out of his mouth and into your ears, Din’s walls breaking down as he spilled his thoughts to you. Would they really let him stay? Would she really go back without him? Grogu was powerful - he knew it as well as you did, and Din couldn’t imagine the Jedi just letting him take that power away, even if only for the span of what remained of his life. He’s already missed out on so much. When he reached out, taking your wrist in his hand, he hadn’t intended to grip you so tightly, but once he was touching you, he couldn’t stop, the pain of losing Grogu pouring out of him. He knew you felt it, could tell by the way you stiffened under his touch, and even though he felt terrible about doing it, Din needed the release. I need someone to know what I feel for him. He watched you begin to cry, but still didn’t let go, not even moving as you grabbed his forearm, telling him that Grogu was lucky. Is he? He wasn’t ready for you to push him away, the connection broken as soon as you were free from his grip, but Din wasted no time, apologizing and explaining. Understand. I need you to understand. You hadn’t gotten up; instead curling into yourself, wrapping your arms around your legs and peering up at him. Damn. I didn’t … 

He did feel better, but the longer that passed between the two of you touching and the separation, the more confused the man was about the series of events. I shouldn’t have … that’s not The Way. Pushing to his feet, Din was surprised when you followed, offering you support as you stood - and not pulling his hands away the moment he could. 

Instead of being angry at him, you were justifying the action - telling him that it was normal for him to react the way he had, that you didn’t blame him, even though he’d just unloaded a year’s worth of emotion onto you. And I don’t even know how strong it was for her. “You’re allowed to love him.” Hearing the words froze him in place, but when Din felt you moving, he did too, shifting the positioning of his hands to keep you from going far. What am I? He blinked, realizing that he was holding you, a hand on  your hip, the other pressed to your lower back … and blinked again at the realization that he didn’t mind it. But this … it’s about Grogu. He heard himself say your name, but Din was focused on the way he was touching you; gloved hands against your clothing, and then he pulled you closer, his heart pounding as you tightened your hold on him, too. I want to be doing this. 

The two of you stood there for what could have been minutes, but for Din, it was both too long and not long enough at the same time. He hadn’t touched a woman without expecting it to go further in months, and he would have been content to stand there with you for longer, but Din reined it in. No. That isn’t a good idea. It bothered him to tell you that it was time to go, but you agreed immediately, taking a long, deep breath. Better this way. During the walk back to the ship, Din kept his distance - deep in thought about how accepting you were of what he’d told you - and of the way he’d touched you without permission; something that you made sure never to do to him. I’ll apologize. But he didn’t - not on the walk back, and not on the ship, watching as you climbed the ladder to head to your room. I don’t know how. 

--- 

He was glad for the rain the following day, because it meant taking off early - which, in turn, meant making it to the next bounty early, too. Grogu was upset, but you seemed to understand, trying to soothe the child as best as you could before takeoff, the kid whining and struggling in your arms. He snapped at Grogu without meaning to, but the response wasn’t what Din had expected, which made him smile. Even me yelling at you makes you happy, right kid? He didn’t really need you to help him take off, but Din wanted the company, instructing you on how to handle the ship’s controls if the takeoff got bumpy, Why am I telling her this? Instead of answering that question, Din continued to explain things to you, giving you more information about the next bounty, about the ship’s capacity, about what his plans were. I want her to know. 

And you weren’t treating him differently, which he was thankful for, so Din didn’t address the issues again, even though he still wanted to apologize to you. When it’s the right time, I will. You listened to his instructions, perking up at the way he walked you through the steps of taking off, and by the time you were leaning back in your seat, tugging on the lever like he’d told you, Din realized that you weren’t only good at following instructions - you were a quick learner, too, adapting to the situation you were in and doing what was necessary to self correct. She’d make a good co-pilot. 

You spoke to him like a friend, getting comfortable in the seat next to him, and Din was surprised to learn that you kept out of the cockpit because you thought he didn’t want you there. Not true. Not true at all. He was happy to have the company after being alone for so long on the Razor II and the Crest, and even if you two just sat in silence, he knew that he wouldn’t mind. Grogu’s in here a lot… what’s one more? By the time he left you in the cockpit to go check on the kid, Din’s mind was swirling with the things he’d told you - and the things he was feeling about them and about you. It made no sense to him - how easily you seemed to be slipping into his life and routine, but rather than find a way to push it down, ignoring the things he felt, Din chose not to, appreciating the way you spoke to him, the way you included him in the relationship you’d built with Grogu. The laugh he gave you as he exited the cockpit surprised him the most of all, though - and he didn’t do anything to try and hide it. 

--- 

He was torn between telling you nothing about the bounty and telling you everything, and so Din chose the middle ground, laying it out but not going into detail. Has to be this way. They… he can’t worry. Without telling you that the planet was filled with predators, he ran the risk of the two of you leaving the ship and being caught off guard without him there to protect you - and he wouldn’t allow that. Not my kid. Not her. 

You gave him your word you’d stay on the ship - and he believed it - and Din switched the topic of conversation to distract Grogu, promising him time on Nevarro to make up for the rain. Even though it wasn’t my fault. He imagined that he could feel the press of the kid’s hand against his cheek, and Din again grinned beneath the helmet, eyes squeezing shut. Promise you, kid. 

He showed you the weapons locker, told you where to find the code to unlock it, watching as you eyed the door and then the man with some hesitation. No, don’t worry. He touched you again - one hand on your shoulder, and as he did it, he realized that it was as much for him as it was to comfort you. He wasn’t worried about the bounty; that wouldn’t be any more difficult than usual, but his landing zone was less than optimal, and if for some reason, you needed to defend yourselves, he wanted to be sure you could handle it. She can. They can. He moved closer without even thinking about it, wanting to be sure that he could speak quietly to you, his hold on your shoulder tightening. Why do I want to tell her the truth? 

Gritting his teeth, Din let go and turned, checking his weapons one final time as he headed for the ramp, making sure it was closed before he walked away from the ship. It’s just a few days. They’ll be fine. He glanced around as he crossed the clearing, arms swinging by his sides. And I’ll have time to think. 

---

Tag list is OPEN:

@the-blind-assassin-12 @pheedraws @alraedesigns @malionnes @deceiverofgodss @thisisparadisemylove @siegfriedkingsglaive @valkblue @hehe-oof @jynrumbly @nuttyenthusiastdetective @gingib @psychedelic-star  @bitchylittleredhead @littlemissoblivious @misguidedandbeguiled @cannedsoupsucks @greatcircle79 @thisshipwillsail316 @mandosmistress @tanzthompson @voteforpedropascal @raspberrymama @missminkylove @gracie7209​

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

[symphonicmetal101]

Babysitting in the Devildom- Mammon and Levi: MINE! VS ME TOO!

You and Lucifer reached the livingroom, where everyone was supposed to be watching Solomon's magic show.

Supposed to be.

However the only thing that may have resembled a magic show would have been the smoke in the air.

Solomon was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, with a blackened pot of...something. You thanked the stars when you saw that Satan, was in fact not the cause of panic, as Simeon had taken it upon hinself to distract him with more cat videos. Asmo was in the corner, making faces at himself in a mirror you could only assume Solomon had materialized for him. Barbatos was trying to keep Luke calm and Diavolo looked close to tears as he sat on the floor near him. You could hear Beel and Belphie crying from the kitchen, but what concerned you the most were the two little demons quite literally throwing each other across the room.

"That doll is MINE!"

"First of all, she's a figurine, second of all, SHE'S NOT YOURS!"

Leviathan then used his tail to whip Mammon and run to you with what looked to be a plastic Ruri-chan figurine. However, his little legs didn't take him far enough, fast enough, as Mammon used his wings to propel himself forward and tackle Levi to the ground, where they continued to wrestle.

You felt Lucifer shift next to you. Before he was able to say anything to his brothers you knelt down to talk to him again. "Hey Luci. I know you wanted to help me with your brothers, but I need someone who knows how to be a friend. You see Diavolo? He seems kind of nervous being around so many kids he doesn't know. Do you know how you can help him?"

"Of course I do!" He huffed. With his priorities shifted, Lucifer made his way with confidence to Diavolo, as this was all too familiar chaos to him.

Now back to the other two, who were still going at it, however, it was clear Levi was getting tired. Mammon grabbed his wrist.

"Why ya punching yourself, huh? Huh? Why ya punching yourself? Ya see this doll?" Mammon ripped the figurine from Levi's other hand, dangled it in front of him and licked it. "It's MINE now."

"Eww! Levi don't touch it, it has yucky germs now. It has Mammon-cooties!!" Asmo piped up from his little corner.

"Shuddap Asmo! I got the doll now, I got the doll now, it's mine, all MINE!" Mammon danced around gleefully as he waved Ruri-chan through the air. Leviathan retreated to another corner in the room crying.

"What a crybaby! I bet he couldn't ev-"

"Mammon." Your voice rang with a clear warning.

"Uh-oh." Immediately, he started running away from you. You let him run. If he could still do that, then he wasn't badly injured, and Leviathan could be your priority. You gently placed a hand on his back, to which he flinched.

"O-oh, it's just you."

"Are you ok Levi? Did you get hurt?"

"N-no, not really. I just really like Ruri-chan, and Solomon summoned it for me because he told me you used your powers again to help him know what we like but then Mammon came over and tried to take it from me because he wanted to have the biggest toy pile in the universe, but I told him Ruri-chan was not a toy, and he said it looked like a doll and that I don't deserve to have cool toys so I should give it to him and that made me really mad because he does this all the time." Levi took a small, shaky breath. "I'm sorry I'm talking so much. You have better things to do than talk to someone like me.

"Levi, I need you to understand something." He turned so that he could see you a little better, despite having his head on his knees. "What is it?" He whispered, almost aftaid of the answer you would give him. "You are incredible, and I love and appreciate you for who you are. If there's anything you want to talk to me about- good or bad- please do! I love hearing your ideas and I want to help you, ok? Sometimes I might need you to wait a minute, but I will always make the time to listen to you, alright? Also, I can get Solomon to summon some more figurines for you, ok?"

He started crying again. He threw himself at you for a hug. "You're the best!" You held him for a moment before you registered that youstill had to find Mammon, check Beel and Belphie, make sure Lucifer wasn't smothering Diavolo, relieve Barbatos from baby duty, thank Simeon for helping with Satan, and reprimand Solomon for leaving them alone as well as ignoring what you said.

Ok Levi, I'm gonna go talk to Mammon."

"Ok." You stood up, but to your surprise, Levi latched himself to your leg. "If I stay close to you, nobody can spend more time with you than me! Lucifer already got time with you, so I need to have more time than him....even if it means seeing Mammon." You smiled down at him, ruffled his hair, and hobbled over to Barbatos. "Hey Barbatos. Thank you for helping with Luke. I know he can be fussy, I can take him back." Barbatos hesitated. "You know? I kind of like holding the baby. Maybe I can still hold him if I sit down?" You felt a bit of relief as Barbatos situated himself on the couch and reached out to accept Luke again. If he was content with the baby, it gave you two less children to worry about. You glanced over at Diavolo and Lucifer, who had found a deck of cards and were playing a game. They were fine for the time being, so you walked into the kitchen, where Solomon was still trying to make dinner despite the cries of the twins on the floor. You tried to keep yourself calm, as you didn't want to scare the kids by lashing out at the only other caretaker they had.

"Solomon." He stopped stirring the boiling monstrosity he had on the stove and turned to look at you. "What? You were taking a while with Lucifer, so I took the liberty to summon some toys and make dinner. You should be proud of me."

"Excuse me? I gave you very, VERY simple instructions to follow, and because you didn't listen, Mammon and Levi got into a fight, scared Diavolo, and the twins are bawling! Simeon and Barbatos are being more of an adult than you are! And your "dinner" isn't edible, not even by baby Beel standards!" You felt a tug on your pant leg. You hadn't noticed, but the twins had made their way to you, but Levi made it impossible for them to grab the same leg he was on.

Solomon was quiet. You sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you. Let's just order some dinner. Also...do you know if the twins are wearing diapers?" Your face contorted in disgust as one of the twins sat on your foot, to which the texture was unpleasant.

"Uh..."

"Great! To make it up to me, you can change them and order dinner. I'm going to go find Mammon."

But I-" you walked away, and headed in the direction Mammon had run, stopping to thank Simeon on the way, and to have Levi readjust hinself on your leg so you could walk faster. You walked for a while, Levi still holding onto your leg. You sighed after about ten minutes of looking. You looked down at Levi. "I guess he'll come back when he's ready, huh?" Levi nodded, then shook his head, leaving you confused. He cleared his throat, tightened his grip on your leg. and whispered, "I have an idea." "I GET TO BE WITH MC AND YOU DON'T! MC'S GONNA GET ME MORE FIGURINES THAN YOU! I GET MORE TIME WITH M-" You were brought down from behind, Levi getting out of the way before you fell on top of him.

"SHUT UP LEVI! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" Mammon stood up straight, ready to pounce again in his demon form, while Levi hid behind your recovering form. "MC IS THE COOLEST PERSON WE'VE EVER MET AND YOU MADE THEM ANGRY AT ME! NOW THEY HATE ME, AND LOVE YOU! I ALWAYS GET IN TROUBLE! I ALWAYS DO THE WRONG THING! AND THE ONE PERSON THAT I COULD HAVE TRIED TO BE OK WITH HATES ME! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING LEVI! JUST LIKE ALWAYS, JUst like always..." He choked out the last few words. His eyes were filled with tears he refused to shed in front of Levi. Tiny fists by his side, shoulders raised, and uneven breaths left him as he avoided your eyes. You could feel Levi bristling next to you at the weight of Mammon's accusation. You stood up and ruffled Levi's hair in an attempt to calm him down without using words. He locked eyes with you, and immediately backed down. He hid behind you again, glaring at Mammon, but he wasn't trying to kill him, so you considered it a win. Mammon still wasn't letting himself cry, using his sleeve to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. You knelt in front of Mammon and gently turned his face towards you. He stopped swiping at his tears, letting them finally fall as he held your hand in place on his face. You pulled him in to hug him, which he gladly accepted and buried his face into your shoulder. You gently stroked the back of his head while you held him. You stayed like that for a while before you spoke.

"....Mammon?"

He clung onto your shirt tighter, trying to hide his face even more. He started shaking, so you held him a little tighter, hushing him gently. After a few more minutes, you tried again.

"Mammon." His grip tightened again. "Hun, I'm not going to let you go, I just need you to know I'm not mad at you. I know it's hard for you to share. That's ok! I still think you're "THE GREAT MAMMON!!" Nothing will ever change that. I know that you're a good kid." Mammon hadn't moved at all.

"....why? Why are you being so nice? Even my own brothers think I'm a bad kid. I'm always the bad kid. I don't know why, but I always want more. I don't care what it is, but I always want more and I always end up upsetting everyone. So why even try and be a good kid? Lucifer's the good kid, Levi's the shy kid, Asmo's the cute kid, and the twins are the youngest, so it doesn't matter what they do! And they always tell me I'm dumb and scummy! And I am dumb because I don't even know what scummy means! Even Asmo knows! And he's four! I-....I need a friend. Lucifer is already talking to the cool kid in red, the green hair guy likes babies and I don't want to get close to the baby like the other guy......so guess what? You get to be my friend! You're not allowed to say no!!" You blinked a couple times. Kids are confusing. You weren't quite sure how Mammon had reached that topic after just spilling his guts, but you tried to keep up. You didn't want to bring up his other comments again, worried about making him upset. All you knew was that Mammon needed a protection squad, even if said "squad" was just you alone.

"Of course I'll be your friend! Maybe...maybe the "Great Mammon" will even let me be his best friend?" He pushed away from you, flashing his million dollar smile. "Oh, maybe. I'll have to think about it." Levi cleared his throat behind you. "Hey, I thought I was your best friend!!"

"YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!" Mammon yelled. Levi just nodded. He bit his lip, looking unsure of something, then launched himself at Mammon. You were going to intervene, however, the fighting didn't ensue as you had thought. Instead a very emotional Levi had his arms wrapped around his big brother.

"....You know, if you can be nice, I can share my figurines with you. Then we can have the biggest...um..toy pile in the universe....and you're actually a pretty good big brother when you're not taking my stuff. Remember that time you got my comics back from Lucifer? That was really cool. I want to be cool like you, because I know I'm not anywhere near as cool and-" Your hand on his shoulder was enough to settle him down. Mammon was in a state of shock, then started to boast.

"Of course ya wanna be like me! I'm the Great Mammon! And...uh, you're actually not bad.....ok you're pretty cool too. Thanks for giving me another chance."

And audible sigh of relief left your lips as the three of you made your way back to the main area, where everything seemed relatively calm. Simeon was still keeping an eye on Satan, however he had been dealt into the game Diavolo and Lucifer were playing. Lucifer was sitting almost behind Diavolo in order to distance himself from Satan, and waved, smiled and gave a thumbs up when you walked in. You returned the gestures in turn, and checked on Barbatos, who was playing peek-a-boo with Luke. Asmo was still making faces at himself. Mammon and Levi strted playing nicely together with the toys Solomon had summoned for Mammon. You walked into the kitchen to find that Solomon had cleaned it. You found him on the floor "playing" with the twins. He was summoning food almost non-stop for Beel and Belphie was asleep on the floor next to him.

"Oh, hey." Solomon greeted you. "Hey. How's it going?" You plopped down next to Solomon as he summoned another snack for Beel. You watched in amusement as Beel worked his way through a slice of watermelon that was nearly double his size. "It's fine...I'm sorry, I didn't listen to you." You forgave him and just took in the stillness of the moment.

Again, the stillness of the moment.

And then the yell came.

From Asmo.

You turned to Solomon as Asmo's message rang loud and clear.

Oh boy.

Chapter 5

[schocooca]

Golden Kamuy Yuusaku x Ogata One Shot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33297505

Usami gave Ogata the wrong drink.

Or, when fellow coworkers go to a bar after work and Ogata is so done that he doesn't care about the wrong color of alcohol in the glass and just drinks the all thing in one shot. 

He ends up in Yuusaku's arms.

He did not want to be here. He really, really and again really, didn’t want to be here. He went along with the idea of going to the bar for some drinks with his coworkers only because he would hate hearing their whines about how he never goes out with them after work. 

They always whine and cry anyway, so thinkin now, what was the difference? 

He just moved the glass in his hands, small, compared to the other men. Small, but still firm, and yet soft. Sigh escaped his mouth, when the next part of alcohol came to their table. 

Today, the one in charge of drinks was Usami and it showed. These colors were so weird that Ogata doubted if they were still edible, but then remembered the time when Usami drank the mix of… some things and it was pitch black. Oh lord, it was so hideous and stank so much that he threw up, but no, Usami drank it in one shot.

He ended up in hospital for a few days. 

Now, looking at a one year older man, he seemed… no, he didn’t. He was still stupid and with some bad ideas in his head. But then, the drinks this time don’t look like they came up from the deepest hole in hell. Nah, they looked like they only came from hell. 

Ogata made a disgusted face. 

— What's that face for, huh? 

His eyes picked up a movement to his right and ears picked up sound. He stared at the man who just talked to him. Younger than him, but started at the same time at the office. Sugimoto was his name and sure, he was capable, but always somehow after a few hours of work ends up somewhere too far to that place that he should be at. One time he disappeared and was found on the playground with some young girl. 

— Should I really answer that? — he grumbled, low voice vibrating and he picked up glass with low percentage alcohol, drinking all the liquid that was left. 

Glass left his hands and then table, and next one with some really intensive color appeared. 

Sugimoto eyed that drink and laughed, but when he saw his own - stayed silent.

That was so wrong.

— I hope that at least no one drugged them… — Ogata heard a whisper from the end of a table. It came from Kadokura, who was one of the oldest ones here. Let's say that… Usami might be kinda fixated about him and the poor guy was always the victim. Lucky for him that he never stayed at the hospital because of it.

Guys before him weren't always that lucky.

— EVERYONE! CHEERS!

Ogata grabbed glass and moved it slightly towards others and after that - drank all of it in one shot.

He felt the alcohol killing inside of his mouth and throat and that feeling was pleasurable, obviously.

But the taste was kinda off.

Welp, he didn't care at this point.

— Ah! I gave Ogata my own drink!

It's too late.

Taste was off, but made him crawl more and it was totally not like him to be the first one with the red face and hazy eyes. His head was on the table, looking at the person opposite him, smiling like a kitten that he was. 

— Did Ogata just get drunk?

— I think so

— Welp of course he did, after he drank MY drink and stole some others. 

Ogata closed eyes, head dropping to the side and his hand moving onto his face.

— What a stupid cat.

— Koito, you aren't better. 

Suddenly, Hyakunosuke's head went up and looked around, like he was searching for someone, but didn't find it, so he started pouting and then - clinged to Sugimoto, who was next to him. 

— What the—

That wasn't all. Ogata purred, while rubbing against him. Sugimoto choked.

— Woah woah, kitten, don't get too fired up

Kiroranke laughed and patted Sugimoto on the arm, trying not to laugh more after seeing his face. 

— Y...ku.. 

Ogata was mumbling, while sniffing Sugimoto. Yes, that's his smell… But he would not sit so stiff.

— Where is Yuusaku — he groaned and tried to move away from the warm body that he wanted to feel so much. But it couldn't be anyone. It had to be him. 

Ogata hit the table and spilled drink on his shirt. He wanted to stand up, but legs weren't listening to him and he stumbled on them, right onto Sugimoto's lap. 

— Ow!

— That's funny to watch, but also it starts getting annoying.

It was Usami who said that.

— Sugimoto, take care of him~

— WHAT

Said man screamed and Ogata trembled at that. Hot. And so, he said his name again.

— Ugh, fine! Shiraishi, Tsukishima, could you help me with it?

And so they went, trying to take the man who started to get really needy and horny and it showed.

At the end, when they rang the bell to a place that Usami told them to go, they hesitated.

— Does he really live here? 

— I don't know man, he never really told us where he lives, so—

— Please be faster because I swear to god I'm gonna leave you two alone with him

— Jeez, chill…

And then they waited. Few moments later they heard doors opening.

— Good evening, what can I- Oh, Brother? 

Ogata's head perked up and in one moment he tried running to him but missed a step and face hit his chest. Yuusaku caught him and held firmly, yet soft. 

— That's all! Take care!

Three of them disappeared really fast, whispering to each other.

Ogata looked up and bit his lip, his mind going crazy. How he wanted the younger brother to hold him, whisper to his ear, move fingers on his body, touch him… He whined and pushed him inside their house.

— Ah, Hyaku, are you okay?

Yuusaku tried to move him away, and sure, he did that, but man, how his heart fluttered at the sight. 

— Brother, let's get you changed, okay? 

— Mmm… 

Ogata couldn't walk on his own, his head was full with naughty thoughts about them and damn, he sure was hard. 

So when they got into the bathroom and Yuusaku made him sit on the bathtub, he was wiggling for touch. He was in so much need for it.

That he just took his hand and placed it on his crotch, whining sweetly and making the young man blush. 

— Yuusaku, fuck me

His heart was beating so hard now. Imagination of him and Ogata having sex was before his eyes and made him twitch. 

— Brother, I couldn't-

Ogata second hand grabbed the young man's hair and after that, he went for a kiss.

It was messy at first and Yuusaku was still in shock. It was also short, since Ogata gasped for air and whined, wiggling under his touch on his pants. 

— You are cute, brother — Yuusaku whispered, their lips brushing slightly and went for a kiss. It was sweet and soft, innocent and full of affection. His hand was on Ogata's cheeks, thumb caressing his skin and so loving. 

Then, his second hand took care of buttons of his shirt, belt and zipper of pants. 

After a while, they stopped kissing and while Ogata's drunk brain was still processing the love, Yuusaku pulled off his shirt and pants.

Ogata shivered from the cold and opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off with a peck on his forehead. And then cheeks. Eyes. Nose. Mouth.

— You are loved, brother 

He took his small hand and placed a soft kiss on the palm, and then put that small hand on his cheeks. He saw how his eyes looked between his lips, hand and eyes, but he didn’t say anything. 

Yuusaku then waited, giving more soft touches.

They stayed like that for a while, until Ogata sniffed. Yuusaku froze.

— What-

There were tears in his eyes and they were going down, making wet stains along the way. 

Ogata was crying.

Seeing his older brother in that state was heartbreaking.

—Hyakunosuke…? 

He spoke in a soft voice, full of worry. In a moment, he was cupping Ogata's face in hands and wiping away his tears with thumbs. 

— Why you make me feel all these things… — he sobbed — I am bad, I do bad things and I despise you

There was a faint smile hiding in Yuusaku's lips. 

— I don’t care about all of this. Well, maybe I love you because of all of this?

He spoke these words, while looking at him with loving eyes. 

Caressed his cheeks and placed a soft kiss on his nose. After that, he just embraced him and let his beloved brother wet his shirt with tears. He stroked his bare back, feeling how muscles tensed under his touch, and - after a while - they relaxed. 

Yuusaku closed eyes, humming under his breath and when Ogata was no longer crying, he just picked him up and went to his bedroom. Put in bed and lied next to him. 

Ogata snuggled into him right away, making the younger man chuckle. But he didn’t say anything. 

Yuusaku just put his arms around him and petted Ogata hair, both of them listening to each other's breath and heartbeats, which – lulled both of them to sleep.

The next day, Ogata had a hangover. And people give him stares in the office. 

— Hey, Ogata, what is your relationship with your brother?

It was Shiraishi and oh look, that's the coffee Ogata was just drinking on his face.

[mrsmaybankhere]

Lose yourself

this is the fic i was talking about and i’m quite proud of it, soo i hope you liked it as much as i do!!

i was literally crying the whole time so i’m sorry for any mistakes. it’s also huuge, over 3.5 k words so be ready for it💞

enjoy and let me know what you guys think!! love you a lot xx

Televisions didn't announced any storm coming to OBX, but as you drive your Jeep to The Cut you can clearly see clouds begin to form on the now clear blue sky. The heat was barely supportable in the last few days, but a storm or another hurricane is never a good thing. You bite on your lower lip, thinking at your friends who got lost on the ocean and are now declared dead. Today are three months since then and apparently, today is gonna be another storm. But things changed since that day.

Oh God, how much did they change...

You stop the car engine and after you jump out from the car, you take with you the few food purchases you made on your way there. You already know that the boys are out of beer and anything edible. Beside these stupid mushrooms they took a few days ago and tripped on them for almost eight hours.

You push the door of the Chateau using one arm, holding the bags with the other one and the door finally open after a few tries. There was some trash blocking it and you gulp, trying to hide your disappointment as Pope welcomes you in.

"Oy, JJ! [Y/N] is here!"He screams at your boyfriend and you nod, handing him the bags as you follow him into the kitchen. JJ murmured something you didn't understand and a few curse words. You decide to take care of this first.

"What's up?" You casually ask him and you take a look around the kitchen as you place the food and the beer into the initially very empty fridge. Damn, how did they live here?

"Not too much. JJ is rolling a blunt if you're asking."

"You look stoned." You say as you rise your eyebrow, Pope shifting uncomfortable on the kitchen old and stained countertop.

"Well maybe because I just smoked, mom?" He makes it seem like a question and you pull your lips in a line, trying to cover your sigh.

You begin to clean the kitchen, throwing every piece of trash into a big plastic bag with Pope's eyes following every step you make. He's walking on eggshells around you, wondering how much time will take you to finally explode. He expected you to do it quite sooner, but you were nothing but calm and soft towards them. Especially J.

"Kie answered." You hear his voice, now quite raspy and you turn around to look at him. He can see the sparkles of hope in your eyes and he hates to broke it for you.

"What did she said?"

"That she can't see us like she used to. And that her parents are right with whatever shits they said to her about us. That she w-..."

"I think I get it." You feel a pain in your chest at the memories of Kie being here. Of John B and Sarah being alive and you laughing and partying together. Actually being a family. Pope just nods his head, his pain bigger than yours. He didn't just lost three friends, he also lost his girlfriend. Probably his parents too.

"When was the last time you went home? Your mother is worried sick."

Pope's mother called you last night, crying and imploring you to try and talk with him. JJ moved his ass here, leaving his abusive old man and it was for the better, but Pope's parents are good people and they don't deserve all this pain. None of you did deserve it, but you all have it on your shoulders anyway.

"Can't remember." He mutters, avoiding your glare. "Last weekend I think."

"Eight days, Pope? Really?" You rising your voice a little bit, feeling like a mother and that's what exactly you were for them these three horrible months. And that's what Pope wanted so bad to avoid: your disappointed face. "Go home right now or I will kick your ass out. You have ten minutes." You demand with a stern voice and face as you walk out of the kitchen, cleaning the living room and the porch as well. John B's room remained untouched and JJ locked it with a key that he hide it God knows where. "For when he gets back" he said that day and you had a horrible feeling of deja vu.

Now you are sure that a storm is coming as full grey clouds are covering the sky and you even catched a few lightnings. By the time you were down with the cleaning, Pope walks on the porch with a backpack on his shoulder and JJ following right behind him. He's only wearing jeans, his hair a mess and his shark necklace always at his neck.

"What do you mean you leaving? I just rolled the perfect...Trust me, the perfect blunt."

You thought that you get used to something after seeing it for a thousand times, but you didn't get used to the new JJ. The heartbroken and devastated, always wasted JJ. The past three months were a hell for him and he made it even worse for you. You had to adjust to your own grief and you also had his pain on your back, carrying it with you every moment of the day and night. In the first month you couldn't sleep or eat at all as your only concern was JJ. You were scared that he may be doing something stupid or reckless and for most of the times he was. Starting fights for nothing and beating the shit out of everyone who dared to bother him. At first you also thought that Pope was gonna help you, but you were so naive. You were so blind that you didn't saw how Pope changed too, copying JJ's mechanism to numb out the pain: drugs and alcohol. But beside JJ, Pope isn't lying himself that everything is alright. Or that they will come back eventually.

"Baby! Didn't see you there. What are you doin'?" He knews that you were there, but he was too drunk and high to remember it. His arm loosely grabs your shoulders, pulling you to his side for a sloppy kiss. You can't hide your little smile because when you two kiss, you feel like your JJ is still there and times are happy again. And then when he pulls from your kiss, you have to face the cruel reality again.

"I was cleaning. The Chateau never looked this dirty before." You didn't realize it, but JJ's face fell at your words. You watch him walking away from you barefoot on the porch's floor, leaning against the supporting pillars. He turns with his back at you and Pope, lighting up the blunt and also speaking. You can see how tense his back is.

"We don't mind. We are living here..." He points a finger to Pope and himself. "Not you, [Y/N]. So you can't have a opinion."

"Pope is not living here."

"I have to head home, JJ. A storm is coming..." Pope pleads, trying to get a approbation from the blond guy.

"Yea, sure. Just go home before the rain star-..."

"Shut up, JJ." You snap at him, giving a hug to Pope before he slowly nods towards JJ who just ignored it. His bloodshot piercing blue eyes are on you, angry at you. You kept your calm for so long and for two months you were nothing but a sweet loving girlfriend to him, always down for sex, parties and even robbery. But your patience reached her limit and since then, you and JJ fight every night. And tonight isn't different.

"What's your problem?" He asks as quickly as you two remained alone.

"I think you know very well since I've told you many times now, but I'm gonna repeat myself: you are my problem, JJ. I'm tired."

You don't think that he's listening to you. He is puffing the blunt, watching outside from the door. The rain finally starts and the weather also get a little cold because of the wind.

"Come on, let's get inside." You speak and you open the door, entering into the living room, JJ following you with a growl and still smoking.

"Can't you just leave me alone for once?"

For three months he had talked to you like this. He was the old JJ only when he was inside of you or you were giving him head. You still be crying yourself to sleep every night because of this, of how powerless you are in this situation. All you can do is sit there and watch him falling apart.

But you had enough of it.

"JJ." You call his name and he turns around to look at you, you quickly grab the blunt from his hand and you throw it on the window. At least you have his attention now. But he's furious.

"What the fuck are you doing? Aren't you tired of all this fighting every damn night? Cause I am." His voice his loud and harsh, sending daggers right into your already broken heart. "You know, I left my father for a reason, [Y/N]."

"Don't...Don't you fucking say that to me! I actually give a fuck about your wasted ass!"

Well, this turned out good. Wonderful.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you acting like you are better than me? Like you are my damn mom or something."

You just wanted a calm conversation, but this is quickly turning into the same screaming match you always have. Both of you throwing the same heavy words, ending up with you crying, but still staying the night in the couch just to make sure he's okay during the night. That's how much of a pathetic you are.

"JJ, please hear me out. Let me talk. I don't wanna fight anymo-..."

"I can see that." He speaks sarcastically and you groan, still trying to keep your calm.

"JJ, look at me..." You cup his face to force him into looking right into your tired but still loving eyes. Even right now you are heartbroken for him, not for you. You gasp with tears already falling on your cheeks, knowing that what you're about to say will broke him down but you're hoping that he will wake up and finally see it for himself. "It's been three months, baby. John B is not coming back."

You can't describe what you saw inside of his eyes; something you never saw before, not in this way. The rage that's fulling his eyes is overwhelming for you and for your thin body as he grabs your shoulders, his fingers dagging into your skin as he's shacking you.

"Watch your mouth, [Y/N]. I'll say this once...And you better get it in your damn little head. Behave or leave for good."

You gulp down the words you had in your mouth, just letting him talk shit to you when you don't deserve any of it. You became his punching bag.

"You know what? Leave. I wanna be alone."

"I-I don't..." You can't talk as you feel anxiety taking control over your mind and body. Yeah, you are tired of this situation, but leaving him for good never was an option for you.

"Leave. I don't want you here. Can't you see that?"

You bite on your lower lip as you can feel how your stupid heart is ripped right from your chest, parts of it shattering your insides. You are still standing on your legs, but inside you feel like you are on your knees, screaming to make this stop. The pain is unbounded.

He turns with his back at you to grab a beer from the fridge; his hands are shacking while he tries to open it and he mutters a "fuck" under his heavy breath. When you finally find your voice again, you speak with a lower voice than what you expected.

"No. I'm sorry, but I'm not leaving you."

His back is tensed and jawline and fists clenched at the sound of your weak voice. You watch his back, not knowing what to expect from him, but you decide to keep talking. You can't make it worse than this.

Or...?

"You are the one who's always there for the ones he care about. I don't know about the others, but for me, JJ...You are my shoulder to cry on, my-...My lifebuoy. I wouldn't be here today if you weren't."

Your crying is uncontrollably at this point, making it really hard to breath properly as you feel like you're drowning in your words. You cover your mouth with your hand, a scream wanting so bad to leave your sore throat.

"So if you want to treat me like shit...If you want to get it all out on me, do it. I will let you, if that makes you feel better. If hurting me makes you feel better...I will let you, Jay. But-...But that won't bring John B and Sarah back. Nothing will bring them back, baby..."

Your voice just crack while speaking and you gulp down, biting your tongue so hard that you can feel the taste of blood in your mouth. JJ slowly turns around to look at you and your heart takes another punch as the sigh of him crying, sobbing uncontrollably with a painful smile on his lips.

"You think I don't know that, [Y/N]? Fuck...I know it, but-...But it hurts so bad. I can't help it."

"Baby..." You slowly whimper and you spreads your arms around his shacking body. His head quickly finds comfort in your neck, his tears wetting your skin as yours are wetting his hair. You let your face in his hair as you slowly fall down at the floor with his arms tight around your waist.

"I-I just can't really believe it...I'm still waiting for him to come back. But I know he won't-...They will never come back."

Fighting with JJ was horrible, but him crying like this and falling apart in your arms is something else. This is your nightmare coming out alive, destroying you bad and permanently. You didn't say anything else, you can't find words that are enough in this situation, so you stand there on the floor, his body all over yours as you run your fingers through his now damp hair, over his back, arms and face, wipping the tears away. He keep muttering things, pouring his whole heart out, but you feel like he is more talking to himself and not really to you.

"I just wanna do the right thing, [Y/N]..."

"I know. I will help you with that."

He raises his head from your chest, his beautiful eyes are now very red and puffy. You softly kiss them and the dark circles around them.

"Why are you still here? I was-...I was an asshole to you. I wanted you to leave me, so I can destroy myself without-....Without pulling you with me."

All this time you thought he didn't noticed things around him, but he did way too much. He was hurt when he saw Kie hanging with Kooks again, he was hurt to see Pope changing for bad, but he was totally broken to see you not giving a fuck about you, instead giving your entire everything for him. He thought you will leave sooner or later; he actually hoped you will. But you didn't. You stood there, losing weight and hair because of all the stress and sadness, spending nights crying and worrying for him when he was totally shitfaced and the next day you still managed to smile at him. You still had in you the power to smile.

"I won't give up on you, JJ. Never and I mean it." You are so sure of your words as you speak, locking your eyes with him while cupping his face, slowly tracing lines on his cheek. That calms him down a bit and he surprises you when he brings your hands to his lips, slowly kissing your wrists. Another tear left his eye because of how skinny you are, knowing that he is the reason. You always brought food, but he never saw you ate any.

"You're too good. You-...You know that, right? I don't deserve you. I'm so fucking sorry...For doing you like this."

"I don't care what you think. You will-....You have to get out of this black hole. I'm getting you out, baby."

Both of you are still crying, but you managed to calm down. JJ has helped you and you helped him. You two finally had ears to actually listen to each other and that bring a smile on your red damp faces.

"I love you with all I have in me." He speaks with his face hiding in your chest and you smile, kissing the top of his head and his forehead. You keep on placing kisses all over him as a reminder that you are there, still loving him.

"I know, trust me I know. I lo-..."

"You don't have to say it back. You proved it way more than I did." You bite on your lip and you pull his head up to make eye contact with him. He looks so sad and hurt. You wanted so bad to wrap him in your arms and keep him there forever, protecting him from the world and all the pain.

"But I want to say it back." You smile and you gently press a kiss on his lips, butterflies dancing around in your stomach. "I love you, JJ! I love you!"

"Say it again." He whimpers and you smile again, pressing another sweet kiss to his lips. You miss this so much.

"I love you!" This time he's the one kissing you, really soft at the started of it and then he pours his whole heart on your lips, right on that kiss that is meant to take your breath away.

You stood there in silence for another long moments, until you couldn't feel your legs and hands anymore, but you didn't wanted to bother him so you didn't moved at all. When you two finally find the strength to get up and face the world, JJ looks like he's thinking at something.

"I have an idea..."

You managed to sleep for three full hours and it was something beside the other days. You still have a painful migraine and JJ needs focus to keep himself straight on his legs, but when the sun wasn't even out yet, you two and Pope arrived at the docks.

"Kie answered?" J asks and you slowly wrap your arm around his waist and Pope shakes his head, a sad look on his sleepy face.

"I don't think she will." Pope says and you and JJ remain quiet, still hoping.

The three of you sit down on the old wood and nobody said anything. There is nothing to say as you are waiting for the sunrise. The cold wind feels right on your skin, still hot from all the crying before sleeping and the only sounds around are from the insects or birds. The blunt is now at Pope and you take it from his fingers, smoking a little before passing it to your boyfriend. Your anxiety is not as bad as before, but you still can't keep yourself calm.

Soon enough, the sun slowly starts coming out from the ocean, the sky colors quickly changing to a beautiful red and orange combination that you always loved. You look at JJ and Pope, your boy taking out the little braided basket in which you placed a picture of your friends, John B and Sarah. You remember that day; you were with the boat on a throuple date and they are smilling at each other, their eyes locked as they didn't know you were taking pictures.

"They were so in love..." A soft voice speaks from behind you and you all turn around, seeing Kie standing there with tears falling on her pink cheeks.

You bite your lip to keep your tears locked, but looking at the boys they are already crying, so you start crying too. Kie almost run into your arms, wrapping her arms around all of you and hugging you tight.

"I knew-...I knew you will be here." You talk while sobbing and JJ kiss your temple, his tears falling on your face.

"I'm sorry...I-I'm really sorry. I didn't know what to do...But I shouldn't-..."

Pope stops her by kissing her cheek and pulling her in for a hug, Kie hiding her wet face at his chest as JJ looks at all of you, his glare stopping on you as you smile at him and slowly nod your head, encouraging him to do it.

You see his Adam's apple gulping up and down as he slowly places the braided basket above the water, still holding it with his fingers so it wasn't taking away yet. You tap his shoulder to make sure he knows that you are here.

"I will never forget you." JJ speaks to the picture, your head falling on his shoulder as hot tears falls on your cheeks. "And I think I will always wait for you to come back. Maybe you will, but probably you won't. But it's okay...You did it in Pogue's style." His whole body his shacking away, crying and speaking with sobs, muttering curses under his breath because he can't hold it in. "I love you, brother. And sister."

He shows you that he needs you and your touch by how he lets his head on your chest, just like he did the night before and you start speaking, your fingers in his hair and you eyes locked with the picture.

"John B, you were the brother I never had. Fuck, you even were my father if I needed too. Remember when you and JJ took me to prom because you think that no one was good enough for me? You were probably right because-....Because you two are the best matches for me. My best friends. My-...My shoulders to cry on. And Sarah...You were the best Kook ever, sorry Kie." You all laugh a little through your tears. "It was impossible to not love you when you were so-...So supportive and loving. Fuck....I will miss you so bad, guys. Chateau...And we, we will never be the same without you, but we will keep you in our hearts forever. I love you, guys."

It's too much for your weak hearts to handle it, but somehow you managed to go through the little speeches you all gave to them. Sadly, to a photo of them.

You all get up as JJ lights up the photo and let the basket float above the water, the waves quickly taking him away from the dock. Pope pulls you to his side, JJ and Kiara doing the same as the four of you share a big group hug while watching the basket. It's now covered in flames, but still floats away on the ocean.

JJ looks up at the sky and he whispers.

"Come on, man. I know you are somewhere out here...Just come back."

"What?" You whisper back to him, not sure if he really said something or not.

"I didn't say anything." JJ smiles at you and pulls you to his chest. He wraps his arms around you and places his lips on your forehead, keeping them there a little longer. "You are my Angel, [Y/N]. Thank you."

Tag list (lmk if you wanna be added): @afterglowsb-tch13​ @alexandracheers​ @hucklebaefinn​ 

[fanfalc-616]

The Rights Of A Nindroid

Chapter Twenty-Seven

(Previous Chapter Here)

Hey guys on a scale of one to ten how much to do hate me?

I bet that number’s about to go up a few notches~

Cole can’t focus on his work.

He’s trying, he’s doing everything he can, but his brain refuses to cooperate, instead going back to one single fact.

Today is Zane’s birthday.

Or, well, ‘creation day’, as he would say in a fondly exasperated tone.

No matter how hard he tries to focus on right now, the only thing he can think about is how happy they all were together.

It’s been so long, so, so, so long, and Cole curses himself for not being able to remember all the details. The little angles of his smile, the brightness of his blue eyes, the softness of his synthetic skin when they held hands… it’s all so hazy now.

But when he closes his eyes, he can still remember how they were when they were together. How startled he had been when they realized Cole was strong enough to pick him up- and how much he laughed and half-heartedly lectured him when Cole abused that ability. How he started pranking Jay by pretending not to understand metaphors and jokes that he actually had already figured out. How he would insist on keeping their bedroom clean and organized even when Kai would absolutely trash it two days after he picked it all up.

His mind is just flooded with memories of him, images and events and feelings- Zane is the only thing he can think about.

He would always insist on pointing out how ‘illogical’ birthday wishes were, he would refuse to let anyone else make the cake- well, at least after Cole’s failed attempt at it.

Zane… he’s irreplaceable. And they- they’ve lost him before. After they fought the Golden Master, after he died. The team split up, they couldn’t even look at each other without painful memories attacking them.

Because… Lloyd leads them. Cole holds them together. Kai keeps them going towards their goal. Jay makes jokes and keeps their spirits up. Nya stops them from falling into their own self doubt.

But Zane? Zane was the one who brought life to them.

He helped Lloyd when he didn’t trust himself enough to lead. He helped Cole when he fell apart. He helped Kai when he felt he couldn’t keep going. He helped Jay when he woke up from nightmares he refused to explain. He helped Nya when she second-guessed herself.

Zane was always there, always bringing out the best in them, always protecting them from whatever tried to hurt them.

Cole can’t let this keep going. He can’t let the purest, kindest, gentlest person he knows be hurt like this.

Whatever they’re doing to him there, he can’t stand for it. He can’t fail, he can’t give in, he will do anything and everything to save him.

He loves Zane with everything he has, and Cole refuses to let them keep him from him.

Zane may not be human, but Cole wouldn’t want him any other way.

They will never take away the one he loves.

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

Another wire is pulled on.

Another set of circuits is jostled.

Another panel is pushed to the side.

Zane stares blankly ahead, doing everything in his power to avoid acknowledging it. He had even turned off his artificial respiratory system- with the way his chest plate is open and inner workings are exposed, his circuits don’t need the extra cooling.

A hand pulling his power source almost out of his chest makes a strangled whimper escape the back of his throat. The pain is overwhelming, but he grits his teeth and forces it down.

Showing emotion gets it hurt. And it doesn’t want to get hurt.

After a few more moments of struggling with his own thoughts, he allows himself to listen in on what the people working on him are saying.

The one typing notes into his computer frowns in thought. “Was it- yeah, I think it was actually built today. The exact year isn’t here, but I think it’s sixty? Seventy? Somewhere around there?”

Zane feels himself tense up. He- it’s his birthday? Well, more technically, ‘creation day’, but the others had always insisted on referring to it by the more human term. They-

“Hey, Original. What year were you built?”

The direct question grabs his attention, and he takes half a moment to think back- it’s been quite a long time, given that he watched his father grow old.

“My original body was completed and activated sixty-three years ago. My current body was completed two years, one month, two weeks and six days ago,” he answers, forcing his voice to remain emotionless.

Something is aching in his chest- and it’s not because of the way his workings are being probed.

Has it really been that long? It’s been… over eight months. He’s been here for- for so long, he-

Another weak whimper is forced out of it with the manipulation of his power source, and he once again tries to muffle it.

His birthday. It had always had such good memories attached to it.

He can remember the time Cole had taken it upon himself to be the one who baked the cake. Flour, sugar, eggs- the ingredients ended up almost everywhere except for in the baking sheet. It had been extremely amusing- but in the end, Zane had decided to spare him from his repeated failed efforts and make the cake himself. His attempt was, thankfully, edible.

With that memory, he’s reminded of another- when Kai had somehow gotten it into his head that he must get Zane the best present. The hours and hours the red ninja had spent researching and trying to find what he would like the most actually did serve a use- Zane didn’t think that any copies of that book were still around, and it was very much a pleasant surprise when Kai gifted it to him.

Not to mention the first birthday they celebrated, the one after they had missed the first year due to Zane’s amnesia. Jay had decided that it needed to be perfect, with absolutely no room for error. He spent so long looking into details and small factors that really made no difference, but the pride he had showed was too endearing for Zane to be willing to point that out.

But… in the end, he honestly couldn’t care less about the food, gifts, or decorations.

What really made it special were his friends.

Zane can hear its own processor working as he tries to push the memories into the back of his mind. He- he doesn’t want to remember, it doesn’t want to think about what he used to have, he doesn’t want to acknowledge that he’s never going to have that again, he-

No, no, he needs to stop, it needs to get the thoughts out of its head, if he keeps this up he’ll likely begin to cry, and he doesn’t want to get hurt again, he’s so tired of being hurt, he-

/“Hey Frosty!” Jay had chirped as he pushed the cake towards him. “Happy Birthday!”

“Hey, hey, someone turn off the lights!” Kai waved his hand around as he tried to get someone’s attention. “I’m gonna light the candles!”

Zane’s mouth had quirked up. “I highly doubt blowing out small fires on a pastry will grant any wishes,” he pointed out for the upteenth time, well aware of the response he would get.

“C’mon, Zee, don’t be so technical about it. It’s a birthday wish!” Cole had rolled his eyes, but his annoyance was clearly playful as he flicked off the light switch.

With the candles lit, Zane had smiled as he listened to the poorly tuned singing of ‘Happy Birthday’ from his boyfriends.

When the song ended, Zane had chuckled before blowing the candles out, even though he had no wishes in mind.

He didn’t need any birthday magic- not when he had his friends beside him./

Against his will, his respiratory system is reactivated, his breathing coming in raggedly. Fighting back the urge to cry, Zane breathes out a few quiet words.

“I… I wish I could see you again.”

Once they escape, it’s like a dam had been broken. Despite his best efforts, there’s nothing he can do to stop the sobs torn from him.

The memories… he has just enough of them to torment him without comfort. He can remember their experiences, but not their faces. He can remember how he felt, but not the details of the events that caused the coded emotions.

It can hear the way he’s ordered to stop, but the voice seems so distant, almost muffled. His body refuses to follow the command, and he continues to cry, wishing with everything left inside of him for one thing, just one small, simple thing.

To see his friends.

Just one last time.

They can take him back after, if they wish, and he will return. It will allow them to take him here if he must, if only he could only talk with them once more, just to tell them one final thing.

Just to tell them goodbye.

He’s not going to last here for much longer. He knows this. And it pains him to know that he will never truly see them again. Even if they find him later, once he has truly shattered in their grasp, he… he won’t be Zane anymore. He won’t be the one they recognize. He’ll simply be a puppet, a thing for them to command and control.

And it’s not that that he’s scared of. He knows that this will be his fate. He’s already numbed to their commands and actions against him.

What hurts is knowing that he will never be theirs again. He’ll never be their teammate, their friend, their lover…

He’ll only be a shadow of the one they had loved.

He will not love them in return.

And they will have no choice but to accept that.

His chest panel is closed, and he’s roughly taken from the table, towards the training room. Even as he chokes on his own sobs, it doesn’t resist them.

And even if he can’t truly say it to them, even if they won’t ever hear it… he can tell them. He can tell them what he needs to say.

“I will love you to the very end, my friends.”

“Goodbye.”

[chocoluckchipz]

The Other You - 22

Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

< Previous

It didn’t make sense. 

His head spun, the burning feeling in his chest intensifying with every passing moment.

It shouldn’t make sense!

Missing someone who was probably happy he was out of her life shouldn’t even exist as a concept. 

It wasn’t fair! 

She made him suffer like never before. She took his heart and trampled on it without a care in the world. Granted, he wasn’t all that innocent himself, but all he wanted was to help her. Why couldn’t she see that? 

Yes, he wasn’t perfect. But she wasn’t either. Just look where he found her those few months back. At the end of her wits and her humanity. And yet he still recognized the goodness hidden deep inside her, accepted and loved her with all her peculiarities and flaws which weren’t many but still… Why couldn’t she do the same for him? Was he that unlovable?

Why did it take her so long to think about it? What was there even to think about? She either wanted him or she didn’t.

Adrien gritted his teeth, his fists tightening.

And why did he have to be the one stuck loving someone who couldn’t care less about him? He’d never asked to be so “lucky”.

Lump in his throat, he closed his eyes, trying to ignore the force that gripped his heart.

“You gonna sleep anytime soon?” Plagg grumbled from his bed. “I thought alcohol was supposed to knock you out, not make you even more restless.”

“Maybe I didn’t drink enough,�� Adrien grunted and tried to sit up. “I’ll go get some more.”

“No!” Plagg zoomed to his face and glared. “You’ve had more than enough. Go to bed. Sleep it off.”

“But, Plagg. I’m sure a little more will help me forget—"

“Bed!” Plagg hissed. “Or I’m going to go get Ladybug and let her deal with you and your childish ways. Would you like that?”

Adrien pouted and plopped back onto his bed, covering himself with a blanket up to his head. “You’re so mean. I should’ve given you away too.”

“You should’ve,” Plagg grumbled, flying back to his spot. “But, since you didn’t, deal with it like a man. Not an overgrown baby.” 

“I am a man, unlike someone." Adrien stuck out his tongue in Plagg's general direction and turned away, his eyes falling on the lucky charm Marinette once gave him on his nightstand. 

Why hadn't he thrown it out yet? 

He grabbed the string of beads and froze, the coolness of the material burning his palm.

Oh. Yes… Because he still loved her. Because he was still hoping she’d give him another chance.

Bringing the charm close to his chest, he curled in on himself, memories of Marinette vibrant in his mind. The evenings they spent together, those delicious meals she cooked just for him, video game competitions, bantering and joking around… The kiss they had shared, the softness of her lips, her scent… The feeling of her delicate skin under his fingers haunted his dreams on a nightly basis. She was his warmth. She was his light. His hope for a brighter future. She was his everything.

And he lost her.

He was so happy with her. Happy and loved and accepted. He was always welcomed and cherished at her home. At least he felt like he was… 

Was it all an illusion? 

Did he imagine it all?

The cursed lump in his throat grew bigger, making it hard for him to breathe. Adrien bit into his lip trying to suppress the tears that threatened to fall. 

Gosh, he missed her so much! 

He’d never missed anyone this badly. 

Nothing had hurt him more than the absence of Marinette.

He wished she’d make up her mind already, whichever way it went, because uncertainty was killing him. The wait was quickly becoming unbearable.

“Listen, kid.” Plagg snuck under his blanket and cuddled to his chest. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes because this is getting ridiculous. I know you’re hurting but you can’t let anger and despair overtake you. Sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I’m fine—”

A low rumble rolled against his chest. Adrien froze.

“Are you—”

“In your dreams! See? Alcohol’s getting to you. You’re hallucinating already. Go to sleep!”

Adrien quietly chuckled and cuddled Plagg closer. What a bad liar he was. Always refusing to admit he cared for Adrien. He shouldn’t deny that, though. Adrien loved his grumpy, cheese-obsessed kwami of destruction too much for his own good. Plagg didn't even have to threaten the destruction of Paris if Adrien were to surrender his miraculous to Marinette. Adrien wasn't even entertaining the idea in the first place. 

Closing his eyes, Adrien let Plagg’s purring lure him to relax, sleep slowly overtaking him.

Good. 

He needed to sleep. 

He had to forget. 

Perhaps, move on. 

Get over Marinette.

He must…

He wasn’t sure he ever would. 

***

Every muscle in his body hurt. 

So did his head. 

He could’ve drunk an ocean if given the chance. 

He had to get up for that.

Adrien groaned, shifting in his bed, immediately regretting ever moving.

Perhaps getting drunk wasn’t the best of his ideas. He had to try, though, because binging anime and stuffing himself with junk food for days in a row didn’t help him forget or ease the pain. It didn't make waiting for her decision any easier either. He thought alcohol would do the trick, but it seemed all it did was intensify his already messed-up emotions for the evening, gifting him nothing but a headache and misery in the morning. 

Bad choice. He’d think twice before going down that road again.

His stomach growled.

Plagg grumbled beside him. “Make it stop. It’s impossible to sleep with that earthquake in your belly. Go feed yourself or something. Don’t touch my beloved.”

Adrien closed his eyes for a moment. Perhaps he should put something in his stomach. Surely, he can still find something edible in the kitchen.

But water first.

Then, painkillers.

Adrien slowly got up, somehow stumbling to his en-suite. Splashing cold water on his face, he shuffled to the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards. The dangerously sugary American cereal box was empty. Frozen waffles were gone. Ice cream didn’t appeal at the moment. A single egg and a few bacon strips lay on the top shelf in the fridge. Perhaps he could fry those. Marinette taught him once how to do that. 

Painkiller first, though. And some water. He was dying of thirst.

“Don’t burn the house down.” Plagg flew into the kitchen as soon as Adrien cracked the egg into the frying pan.

“I’m not that hopeless,” Adrien deadpanned, the painkiller, thank heaven, starting to work. 

“Sure,” Plagg mocked him, heading straight for his Camembert stash. 

Adrien should probably buy him more. If he remembered correctly there was only one wheel left. Surprisingly, Plagg wasn’t complaining yet. Just as he surprisingly had yet to…  

“You know, I’m impressed. It’s been a few days and you’ve yet to nag me with ‘I told you so’.”

Plagg yawned, cradling a wedge of Camembert in his paws. “Should I?”  

“Well, yes. You did warn me. I didn’t listen and look where we are now. So, go ahead—lecture me all you want. I deserve it.”

“Kid, I’m the kwami of destruction, not a heartless monster. I’m not about to kick you when you’re already down.”

“Maybe if you lectured me more, I’d stay out of trouble.” 

“You’ve had enough lecturing from your father for three lifetimes. Did it help? Give yourself a break. You’re human. You’re bound to make mistakes.”

Adrien didn’t answer, turning his attention to the pan. The egg started to whiten, so he salted and peppered it just like Marinette had shown him, and stared at it intently until it was time to flip it over. Once it was ready, he transferred it to a plate and started on the bacon. 

“Do you regret it?” 

“Regret what?”

“Getting involved in all of this.”

Adrien had never thought about it but if he had to give an answer… “Only that it didn’t work out between us. But otherwise, no. I can’t say I regret anything.”

Plagg quirked an eyebrow. “How come?”

Adrien shrugged, flipping the bacon. “We helped someone in a bad situation get back on their feet. And not just Marinette. A whole lot of people at Gabriel as well. I can’t regret that. Yeah, I got hurt, but I’m sure Marinette’s hurting more. Finding out it was me, going behind her back again, all while I knew she didn’t want me getting involved… She must be thinking I didn’t think she could do this. I must have totally destroyed whatever little trust she had in me.” He paused for a moment, his eyes focused on the bacon in his pan, but seeing nothing, his vision starting to blur. “I was stupid. I should’ve… I don’t know, done something differently, right? Perhaps—"

“Don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying.”

“How do you still have tears in you? You’ve been bawling your eyes out for days.”

“Plagg, I’m not—”

“Your bacon’s burning.”

Adrien quickly swallowed the lump in his throat, taking the slightly too-crisp bacon out of the pan. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm down and get a grip. 

In and out.

This was normal. Just another stage in his grieving process. He had a right to grieve. Because despite Marinette leaving him a message in which she apologized for her reaction to his reveal and asked for time to pull herself together, make sense of everything, and to think about her feelings and what she wanted to do next, Adrien felt that the battle was already lost. That tiny flickering of hope that still burned in his chest was growing smaller with each passing day, and soon he’d have to admit that he had lost both of them: Marinette, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and Ladybug, his best friend and partner for a decade. He had a right to mourn that. 

Adrien headed to the washroom to splash some more water on his face and compose himself. A mess of a human being, a far cry from his former, glorious supermodel-self, looked at him from the mirror. Adrien closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing.

He had to get a hold of his emotions.

He couldn’t be like this forever. 

He had to move on.

He would move on!

Unless she’d want him back…

Who was he kidding? His own father didn't want him and he’d done nothing but obeyed Gabriel his whole life. Why would Marinette want him after he’d repeatedly broken her trust and her heart? So, he’d better start working on getting over her with a proper meal of bacon and eggs instead of whatever garbage he’d been surviving on the last few days. 

Five minutes later he was settling down at the table, a look of uncertainty in his eyes as he beheld his meal. It looked nothing like what Marinette would’ve made. The egg seemed decent, but the bacon was half-burned. He cut a little of the egg and tasted it, grimacing right away. Way too salty. Not enough pepper. A bit pathetic. 

Just like him.

“Don’t worry. Not everything’s lost yet,” Plagg said, plopping on the table in front of him. “She hasn’t replied to your letter yet, so you never know. Maybe she’ll fly to your side soon enough with a pot of steaming stew and a warm pie in her hands and all will be great again.”

“Seriously?” Adrien glared at Plagg. “Not everything in this life is about food, Plagg.”

“Yeah, tell yourself that when there is a meal made by Marinette in front of you on the table.”

Adrien let out a disapproving grunt and pushed away his plate. “I’m nothing but a nuisance. She’ll be better off without me.”

“That’s your depression talking,” Plagg grumbled. “We’ve been over this already multiple times, and I'm not singing your praises again. Better get yourself together and get outside. That’ll do you some good.”

Adrien mentally protested. He didn’t want to go anywhere!

“Adrien,” Plagg kept on nagging. “I get that you’re hurting but you can’t bury yourself here. You have Gabriel to take care of and don't forget your teaching job is starting again in a few weeks.”

“I know,” Adrien grumbled, taking his plate and throwing the barely touched food out. It wasn’t edible anyway. “Not today, though. I don’t feel like it.”

Plagg flew right in Adrien’s face and grabbed him by his nose. “You’ll never feel like it if you don’t push yourself to change something. Go outside. You need fresh air. Meet with a friend. Give it some time, kid. It’ll get better. It will. I promise. But only if you stop burying yourself alive.”

A short moment later a soft sigh escaped his lips as Adrien cradled Plagg in his palms, bringing him to his chest for a hug. “Thanks, Plagg. I’ll try. For you.”

He did his best. Adrien forced himself to shower, wear something apart from his oversized t-shirt and lounge pants, and go shopping for groceries. Then, he called Nino and rescheduled the lunch he’d canceled yesterday for Tuesday. He even cleaned his apartment, going as far as packing all things related to Marinette in a separate box, kicking himself again and again for still hoping she’d forgive him. It was pathetic, he knew that. But he couldn’t just order his heart to stop loving the girl he’d been in love with for almost half of his life. No one could do that in a matter of days.

In the evening, Adrien transformed and ran a few laps around the city to unwind as fast as he could, making sure to stick to darker areas in case Ladybug was out. Marinette did ask him to give her time and space, but that didn’t mean Chat Noir had to disappear. Adrien just couldn’t do that. He loved being Chat Noir. He loved the freedom, the rush, the adrenaline it allowed him. It did wonders for his physical and mental health, and in his current condition, it would’ve been awfully stupid of him to give that up. So after much deliberation with Plagg, he’d figured that as long as he could make it quick enough to avoid being detected, he should be fine.

Standing atop the Eiffel Tower at the end of his run was exhilarating. Chat breathed in deeply and closed his eyes, taking in the muffled noise of the city below. He’d never be able to give this up. With a slight smile on his lips, he quietly bid farewell to the view and sprinted back home.

“What’s for dinner?” Plagg yawned as Adrien dropped his transformation upon entering his apartment. “I’m starving.”

“Your cheese is in the fridge.”

“And you?”

Adrien shrugged. “Not hungry.”

“You’ve got to eat, kid.”

“Later.”

Adrien plopped on his sofa and stared at the ceiling. His mind somewhat clearer after the run, he tried to think about what his next move should be. Were Marinette to kick him to the curb, adjustments in his life would be necessary to make. Chat Noir, for example, would have to go out in secret and as little as possible, and Adrien Agreste would have to sell his Gabriel shares and go back to teaching physics to a bunch of teenagers in a few weeks.

Adrien shifted, turning to lie on his stomach. Unexpectedly even to him, he had kind of taken a liking to Gabriel as of late. He’d always liked solving problems and once he got over the initial shock of being a CEO of a fashion empire, Adrien realized that running it was just a huge puzzle to be solved. And he liked puzzles. All he had to do was learn the rules of this particular one and the rest came to him naturally. 

One of the things Adrien especially enjoyed was seeing how his changes transformed Gabriel into an effective and comfortable workplace, a far cry from the state his father had left it in. Its employees these days looked happier, less stressed, and more confident than ever, improving their output and the quality of their work as a result. Quitting slowly stopped. They had even hired new people recently, and Adrien predicted that after Fashion Week’s success, they’d easily be able to replace all of the people who left with qualified professionals. 

He shifted again. Back on his back, he covered his face with his hands. The last thing he wanted now was to sell Gabriel off to some random stranger who might be looking at it as a money-making machine instead of the living, breathing organism requiring love and care that it was. Perhaps, he could interview the potential buyers himself and try to figure out who would be the best fit for the company. It wouldn’t even be about the money. Adrien had a decent salary from his teaching job and had inherited a fortune from his father, large enough for a few lifetimes. He’d have to talk to his lawyer first and see what options he had. Because if Marinette wouldn't want him in her life, he’d have no choice but to sell. He doubted she’d want to see him at her workplace, even if once in a while. He wasn’t sure he could handle that either.

His stomach growled for the umpteenth time. Plagg nagged him again. Adrien groaned and got up. Dinner it was, no matter how much he dreaded it.

He shuffled to the kitchen and opened one of the cupboards, taking out the last package of cup noodles. Kettle on, he glanced into the fridge. He’d forgotten to buy pre-packaged salads again. Oh well, not the first time. The water boiled. Adrien poured it into his noodles and sat at the table, waiting for them to cook. He wrapped his palms around the cup to warm them up. 

“Plagg?”

“Trying to sleep.”

Adrien let a puff of air out. “Good night, Plagg.”

The kwami muttered something incomprehensible in return as Adrien peeled the cover off the noodle cup and picked up his fork. Tasteless and gooey. Mushy in places and hard in others. He didn’t enjoy them; he never did, but they were enough to survive on and that was all that mattered.

He shoved one more bite into his mouth and chewed. Marinette would never eat this. She’d cook something and no matter how simple or extravagant the dish was, it’d taste divine. His mouth watered at just the thought. 

Their banter was even better than their meals. Marinette was always a great conversation companion, having tons of stories and opinions. 

She was smart and funny. She made him laugh like he’d never laughed before. She was sassy and always had a comeback for every one of his smart remarks. She wore her heart on her sleeve. Her face, her voice, her body language always softened when she talked about her loved ones. And her passion? Excitement would be palpable in the air as she told him over and over again all about her designs and everything related to them. At moments like those, she shone her brightest. 

He wiped away a tear. Another one slipped out of his other eye. Adrien put the fork down and pushed the noodles away. 

He couldn’t stomach them anymore. 

A glass of water didn't help and once again, he went through his bedtime routine on autopilot, hiding under his comforter right after. Her lucky charm clutched in his fist, Adrien swaddled himself in his sheets. His eyes drooping closed, he hugged his pillow close, finally letting his tears roll freely. 

He’d get over her one day. 

He knew that. 

That day, however, hadn’t arrived yet. 

***

Monday morning, Adrien contacted his lawyer and set up a meeting for that afternoon. An hour before their appointment, his lawyer called to reschedule, saying he had a family emergency and wouldn’t be able to meet up with Adrien until at least Wednesday. 

The next few days, Adrien spent doing nothing in particular. At Plagg’s insistence, he got out of the apartment to take walks around the city and snuck out as Chat Noir after dark. He met Nino for lunch on Tuesday, discovering, much to his surprise, that Nino seemed to be blissfully unaware of anything going awry between Adrien and Marinette. He even invited Adrien to Alya’s birthday celebration in a few weeks, which Marinette was certain to attend as well. Adrien didn’t refuse, only mentioning that he might have to stay away if Marinette wasn’t comfortable with him, to which Nino replied that based on what he’d heard from Alya, Marinette shouldn’t have any issues with him attending.

On Wednesday at two o’clock, Adrien sat down with his lawyer in a VIP lounge of his favourite restaurant to brainstorm ideas and possible courses of action regarding a potential Gabriel sale. 

After about an hour, both men concluded that to fully grasp all the peculiarities of the situation, they had to consult a few other professionals in the area. 

“I’ll let you know what my accountant suggests in a few days.” The lawyer stood up. “Now, I must apologize and depart.”

“I hope your wife gets better soon,” Adrien said, shaking the man’s hand. “Can’t imagine how hard it must be for your family right now.”

“Thank you. The doctor’s prognosis is promising so we’re hoping for the best. I’ll see you soon, Adrien.” The man was about to depart when he remembered something and, opening one of his folders, pulled out a white envelope. “I was asked to give this to you by one of your employees.”

Adrien quirked an eyebrow. “Oh? Who?”

“I don’t know. I just stopped by your office to pick up a few documents before our meeting on Monday and some girl came in looking for you. I mentioned I’d be seeing you later that day, so she gave it to me but then…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Adrien put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “Go to your wife. She needs you more than I do right now.”

“Thank you,” the lawyer gave him a smile and put the letter in his hands before departing. 

Adrien sat down and opened the envelope, pulling out a single sheet of paper with cursive handwriting on it. 

His heart skipped a beat. 

He knew that writing. 

He knew who put little hearts over all the ‘i’s. 

He’d waited for it. He knew it was coming, but now that Marinette’s reply was in his hands, Adrien didn’t know what to feel or do or say or even think. One way or another, whatever she wrote in there would change his world. Without much thinking, Adrien read.

 “Hello, Adrien.

I apologize for taking such a long time to reply, but I didn’t want to rush into anything. I wanted to be absolutely sure of what I’m about to say, so I had to really think this through. I’m also sorry for writing a letter instead of coming to you face to face, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to say everything I want to tell you in person. I’m not sure if you’re still willing to listen to me. So, a letter it is. I hope that’s okay with you.

Before I start, though, I wanted to thank you for your letter and for telling me the whole truth. I really appreciate it. I think it would be fair for me to share all of my secrets with you as well, just like you did.

I guess, technically, I have only one, but it seems to be big enough to cause all of this commotion. Because you see, I wasn’t avoiding Adrien because I hated him. I was running away because I was falling back in love with him—”

 Adrien froze. 

Did he read that right?

He reread the sentence a few more times.

She was falling back in love with him?

She didn’t hate him?

SHE LOVED HIM???

 “… I  was running away because I was falling back in love with him, and I couldn’t afford for that to happen. I loved Chat Noir. I was dating Chat Noir. I couldn't and didn't want to be unfaithful. 

I do admit, I’ve spent years hating you for what happened back in the day. When you reappeared in my life, I still despised you; but then, I slowly started to see who you really are and what I saw wasn’t the vicious, petty man I’d painted in my mind. You were kind and protective, someone who made a mistake following his good intentions and sincerely regretted it. I must admit I didn’t handle that situation in the best way, for which I’m sincerely regretful. That’s why I didn’t want to rush into anything. I don’t want to repeat my mistakes and hurt you again.

After we talked about the past and made our apologies, I was starting to think that maybe we could be friends again. The day you took me out for lunch was the day I understood that ‘just a friend’ and ‘Adrien Agreste’ weren’t compatible in my head or my heart. I either had to hate you or fall in love with you. That wasn’t fair to Chat Noir who’d waited years for me to get my life together. I loved him. I couldn’t betray him. That’s why I pushed him to confess to Ladybug. That’s why I revealed myself. I thought if I was dating Chat Noir, my attraction and longing for Adrien would vanish. 

I was wrong. Terribly so. Chat was pulling away and at the same time Adrien had become so irresistibly sweet and kind, and I just couldn't keep myself in check anymore. A little more and I don't know what would've happened. That’s why I ran. Not from you, Adrien. From my feelings. That’s why I said all of those hurtful things at the gala. You told me as Ladybug that you loved Marinette. So, I thought if Marinette were awful to you, if she cut you out of her life completely and destroyed all hopes for a relationship, then you’d move on to someone else and my feelings for you would slowly disappear. 

I'm so sorry for my actions that night. You didn't deserve what I put you through. My only excuse is that I was desperate to stay faithful to Chat, but even so, I crossed too many lines in my blind quest and I hope I’ll be able to apologize properly to you one day.

And then, when you revealed yourself, I was so shocked I couldn’t move or talk or even think straight. I know I hurt you. I swear I wanted to go find you, but Tikki stopped me and, to be honest, I’m grateful to her for that. She said you deserved an answer to your question the next time we met, and that night I didn’t have one for you. If I had found you that night, I would’ve rushed into something neither of us might have been ready for, or I might have hurt both of us again. I don't know what would’ve happened, but I want to get it right this time, so I had to step back, calm down, and think about it all.

I do have an answer for you now if you still want to hear it, and I’m 100% certain of what I’m about to say. 

Can I look at Adrien and tell him I love him just as much as Chat Noir?

Yes, I can. 

I love you, Adrien. 

 He sucked in the air, his breathing halting. Heart threatening to jump out of his chest, Adrien couldn't keep a smile off his face. 

She loved him. 

She loved him! 

HIM! 

LOVED!!!

Adrien reread the last four words a thousand times before proceeding.

 All of you. 

The one who’s been by my side all of these years as my loyal partner and the one whom I’ve so unfairly doubted and cruelly hurt.

Adrien, I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for our masks right now. Without them, I would've never spent years getting to know you as Chat Noir and never would’ve come to see the real you—the man beneath my biases and assumptions. Without the masks, I would've never fallen in love with your beautiful soul and your overwhelmingly kind heart. There is no doubt in my mind that you’re a good person, Adrien. The best one I’ve ever met.

I know I can trust you. 

With my life and with my heart. 

If you still want it.

So, there. That’s my secret. I’m leaving it up to you now. If you think we should give us another try, I’m more than willing to. I’m sure it won’t be easy, and we’ll have to learn to communicate and stop keeping secrets from each other… but I want to give us a fair chance. I don’t believe we had one.

If that’s something you want too, find me before Wednesday at 3 pm. I got a job offer from Muï Muï. My train for Milan departs at 3:15 pm from Gare de Lyon. I wanted to refuse them at first, but then I thought that if you didn’t want me back, I should be the one to step away. Firstly, because it’ll be easier to get over each other if we’re living in different countries. Secondly, because you can’t leave Gabriel, Adrien. You made such a huge difference in the company. People are enjoying themselves now. They are eager to create and become better because they know they work for someone who cares. You have a kind and compassionate soul. That’s all that’s needed to head Gabriel. Please, don’t leave them. If we aren’t meant to be together, let me be the one to leave. I’ll be perfectly happy in Milan. Gabriel may never have another leader as great as you.

That’s it. I’ll stop now. It’s getting late and I’m pretty sure I already wrote everything I wanted. I took a week off, so I’ll be home most of the time packing. 

If, by some miracle, you find me worthy of a second chance, I’ll be waiting for you any time of the day or night. If you think it's better for us to go our separate ways, I’ll leave on Wednesday at 3:15 pm. If I don’t see you by then, I’ll know your answer. 

In any case, thank you for everything. Thank you for helping me achieve my dream. Thank you for loving and respecting me so much you allowed yourself to be hurt. I am so, so sorry about everything again. I hope you can forgive me one day. 

I love you.

Marinette.

P.S. Since you aren’t coming to collect the rent fee I still owe you, I’ve been freezing meals for you with reheating instructions attached. After I’m gone, you’ll find them all in your freezer. I also wrote down a few recipes of your favourite dishes and left them on the kitchen table. They’re pretty easy to make, so I’m sure you’ll be able to handle them.

P.P.S. Of course, you can keep Plagg. Just let me know how I can find him if I need to.

P.P.P.S. I’m also furious you kept self-akumatizing yourself for weeks. Do you even know how dangerous it is?! There are reasons there always, ALWAYS two people involved in this, and no, I don’t consider Plagg a full-fledged person no matter how good of a job he did de-akumatizing you. However, no matter how angry about this I am, I have to thank you. I could never have done this without ‘Felix’ and his help. So, thank you, but DON'T YOU DARE ever think about doing it again. If you do, I swear, I won’t care that you’re Chat Noir, my loyal partner for a decade, I WILL kick your butt all the way down the Eiffel Tower and then some.”

 Adrien laughed. Ladybug was always so adorable when she was annoyed or angry at him. Reading the letter, he could practically see her glaring at him, her lips pursed, eyebrows knit in a frown, a hint of smoke coming out of her ears. She never was angry for long, though. She was too kind for that.

His eyes went back to the words before all of the postscripts, running over them again and again. 

 I love you.

 She loved him!

His heart quickened its pace as he grinned harder. 

Marinette loved him.

She didn’t hate him; she loved him! And she wanted to give them another try, to give him a second chance. 

Why would she even think he wouldn’t want that? Who did she think he was? Silly girl. Of course, he—

His breath hitched, grin vanishing from his lips. He pulled out his cellphone and looked at today’s date on the lock screen.

No.

Wednesday. 

3:00 pm.

He had fifteen minutes to stop Marinette before she left Paris thinking he didn’t want anything to do with her. Bone-chilling cold gripped his chest. Adrien shook it off, standing up and gathering his things. 

He couldn’t let her go again. 

Not when they finally had a viable chance at happiness. Dropping money for the lunch on the table, he ran to the nearest hiding spot, clutching the letter in his hand. 

He could make it there in time, but he had to hurry.

“Plagg! Claws out!”

Chat Noir ran as fast as he could towards a big dome in the distance. Gare de Lyon. He could see it, but it would take him at least ten minutes to get there. 

Chat pushed himself harder, hoping to defy time. 

He had to get there faster. 

He couldn’t let her go. 

He couldn’t let her think he didn’t want her. 

He couldn’t…

Trains came into his view. Out of breath, Chat dropped onto the roof of the building. Below him lay a labyrinth of train tracks, metro connections, shops, and people. Crowds, thousands of people walking around. How was he supposed to find her here? 

He noticed an information bulletin and ran towards it. The train for Milan was leaving in a few minutes. Thankfully, the platform he needed was right there. He glanced at the entrance. Huge lines of people were scanning their tickets to access the platform. He had to get past them. He also had to get away from the people gawking at him and trying to get his attention. He had no time for fans right now. He had to find Marinette.

Using his staff, Chat got back to the roof and ran past the ticket checkpoint, descending into the underground pass between the platforms. He quickly found a nook to de-transform and ran out to the platform just in time to see the train depart.

His heart sank. 

No!

No!

NO!

Adrien ran after it. 

“Marinette! Marinette, wait!”

The train didn’t stop, but when Adrien reached the end of the platform, he had to. Out of breath, he grabbed a nearby pole to hold on to, watching the train carry his love away. 

This wasn’t fair. 

This couldn’t be happening. 

He came.

He ran! 

As fast as he could. 

Why?

“You can’t do this!” Adrien cried out after the train without thinking. “This isn’t fair! I had fifteen minutes! Fifteen minutes to get here!”

His vision blurred, but Adrien raised the letter in his hand and yelled again. “You can’t tell me all of this and then leave! I didn’t get to answer!”

His fists clenched. He didn’t care what the people around him thought. “You know what? I’m not letting you get away like this! I’m buying a ticket for the next train to Milan and I’m going to find you and give you my answer! You said it yourself we have to learn to communicate, so that is what I’m doing!”

Straightening up, he pressed his lips together and turned around, ready to fulfill his words, only to freeze in place. A few meters away in a red dress with her hair down, stood Marinette. Her eyes wide, cheeks flushed, she clutched her luggage, watching him silently. 

Her name slipped from his lips. 

He swallowed and held up her letter. “Is this still true? Did you mean it?”

“Every word,” she breathed out.

That was all that Adrien needed to hear. With an urgent stride, he walked up to her and, pulling her close, captured her lips in a kiss. The world around them vanished, erupting in a symphony only they could hear. She sighed against him, her hands on his shirt, tugging him close. Hot breaths mingling, their lips moved in unison. Adrien slid one of his hands to the small of her back and pulled her closer, holding her as though she were the most precious treasure he'd ever beheld. Her arms wrapped around his neck, a barely audible moan escaping her lips. Adrien groaned and deepened the kiss. She whimpered but allowed him the freedom. His heart threatened to burst, fire burning in the pit of his stomach. Adrien kissed her more fervently with each passing moment, getting lost in their closeness. Her scent, the warmth of her body, her burning touch. His knees were giving out, but he refused to let her go.

What if she disappeared on him again?

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle that.

He pulled her even closer, holding on as tight as he could. In vain. A few moments later, she pulled back, gasping for air. He tightened his hold on her, leaning forward so their foreheads touched. “Please, don’t go. Stay. I want you to stay with me.”

“I will,” she whispered, her cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling with tears. “I want to stay with you too.” 

He lowered his head again, peppering her lips with sweet, gentle kisses. 

Marinette giggled, losing composure. Her tears spilled as she buried her face in his chest and sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I was so stupid. I hurt you so much.”

“I wasn’t at my best either,” he whispered into her hair. “You’re right—we didn't really have a fair shot at this. But we’ll talk and figure this thing out, okay?”

She quietly nodded, her face still hidden in his shirt. “I was so scared you wouldn’t show up.”

“I only got your letter twenty minutes ago. I ran as fast as I could but it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

She shook her head, her hold on him tightening. “That’s fine. It helped me realize even more how much I want to be with you.” 

A lump stuck in his throat, Adrien cradled her in his arms. “You didn’t get on the train.”

“I waited for you on the platform a minute too long.”

He smiled. “You knew I’d come?”

“I was really hoping you would.”

He kissed her again, light butterfly kisses at the corner of her lips, her nose, that pretty forehead of hers. 

Wiping her tears, Marinette giggled, her voice ringing like tiny bells in springtime.

“Let’s go home,” Adrien said, pulling away, yet keeping her in his arms. 

“We should. We have a lot to talk about.” 

“That and I believe I owe you cuddles and kisses for all the times I held back. Ugh, that was so hard!” he bemoaned dramatically. “I wouldn’t wish the experience even on my enemies.”

She laughed, bopping his nose as she pulled out of his embrace. “We have plenty of time to catch up on that as well. I took a week off work and I heard you weren’t showing up either.”

“I needed some time off.”

 “How convenient for us we both have no obligations for a few more days. Plenty of time to talk things through.” 

He grinned and took her luggage. “Then let’s not waste a single minute, my Lady. This cat is at your service.”

She let a teasing smile play on her lips. “That’s a dangerous offer you’re making there, Adrien. What if I intend to capitalize on it to the fullest?”

“I insist you do.” He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Anything for you, Princess. I love you. I always did. I always will.”

“I love you too,” she whispered in response, pulling him down for another kiss. “With all my heart. Forever and then some.”

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