#domestic and emotional labour

[ticklingtimetickstotest]

This gives goosebumps. Articulate 👏🏼

'It's not an act of love if you make her.'👑

[paper-ish]

katara really is a saint because if my brother compared me to a terrorist because i wanted to get justice for our murdered mother i would have literally killed him

[sorcadh]

Labour - Paris Paloma

One, two, three

Why are you hanging on so tight To the rope that I'm hanging from? Off this island, this was an escape plan (this was an escape plan) Carefully timed it, so let me go And dive into the waves below

Who tends the orchards? Who fixes up the gables? Emotional torture from the head of your high table Who fetches the water from the rocky mountain spring? And walk back down again to feel your words and their sharp sting And I'm getting fucking tired

The capillaries in my eyes are bursting If our love died, would that be the worst thing? For somebody I thought was my saviour You sure make me do a whole lot of labour

The calloused skin on my hands is cracking If our love ended, would that be a bad thing? And the silence haunts our bed chamber You make me do too much labour

You make me do too much labour

Apologies from my tongue, and never yours Busy lapping from flowing cup and stabbing with your fork I know you're a smart man (I know you're a smart man), and weaponise The false incompetence, it's dominance under a guise

If we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save her The emotional torture, from the head of your high table She'd do what you taught her, she'd meet the same cruel fate So now I've gotta run, so I can undo this mistake At least I've gotta try

The capillaries in my eyes are bursting If our love died, would that be the worst thing? For somebody I thought was my saviour You sure make me do a whole lot of labour

The calloused skin on my hands is cracking If our love ends, would that be a bad thing? And the silence haunts our bed chamber You make me do too much labour

All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid Nymph then a virgin, nurse then a servant Just an appendage, live to attend him So that he never lifts a finger 24-7, baby machine So he can live out his picket fence dreams It's not an act of love if you make her You make me do too much labour

All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid Nymph then virgin, nurse and a servant Just an appendage, live to attend him So that he never lifts a finger 24-7, baby machine So he can live out his picket fence dreams It's not an act of love if you make her You make me do too much labour

All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid (The capillaries in my eyes are bursting) Nymph then virgin, nurse and a servant (If our love died, would that be the worst thing?) Just an appendage, live to attend him (For somebody I thought was my saviour) So that he never lifts a finger (You sure make me do a whole lot of labour)

24-7, baby machine (The calloused skin on my hands is crackin') So he can live out his picket fence dreams (If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?) It's not an act of love if you make her (And the silence haunts our bed chamber) You make me do too much labour

Addressing gender inequality within social structures

The toll of taking on emotional, physical, and mental labour.

[recoveringsoulsposts]

I want women to collectively start gaslighting men, in the way they gaslight us. If you see Reddit posts / IG posts say things like this.

I want women to undermine any men’s issues with saying:

“Ahhh it’s not that deep”

“Chill, you’re being emotional”

“You should focus on being a dad, none of your passions will matter”

“Are you sure your fit to do this job?”

“I mean will your education even matter, your degree doesn’t have much value lol”

“Ahh Men☕️”

“I can’t take you seriously”

“You sure”

“I think you’re being dramatic”

“You’re being irrational”

“Men live life on easy mode” (which they do)

“Are you sure, you didn’t imagine it?”

“Nahh we don’t care about your passions and hobbies, how much money do you make?”

“I want a traditional husband that pays for everything but who also does all the domestic labour”

“Have you gained weight?”

“I’m a visual creature so i need a really handsome man”

“Why am I not allowed to have preferences”

“Are you sure it’s not your fault”

“I need to hear her side of the story”

“#notallwomen”

“I mean if men don’t go to war what’s the point of them? Lol”

“You should give her a chance”

“You’re standards are too high”

“Are you sure you didn’t imagine it?”

“I think you’re being hysterical”

“Ahh he’s a 4” (Rating a man on his posts)

“He’s mid”

“Not that funny” - to a male comedian

“Who told him he was funny?”

“Learn to take a joke”

“why should someone have you if they could have someone younger?”

“Why would she go for you, if she could have someone with more money lol”

“You should focus on raising children”

"hun dont be insecure about that, theres way more things you should be insecure about, that receeding hairline for example"

“You’re gonna die alone”

Even if a Man is right about ANYTHING still proceed to gaslight him. IDGAF. Lmao. They have been doing this to women for most of history. Gaslight him, make him feel unworthy and shitty. I genuinely don’t give a shit.

Let me know what more I should add to the list, in the comments.

[angelellipsis-devilofdots]

since taylor swift's definition of "feminine rage" is normalizing cheating, romanticizing ableism and mental illness, and immaturely whining about exes, here's some recommendations of my favorite actual feminine rage songs

trigger warning for abuse, violence, alcoholism, and rape/sa

as good a reason by paris paloma: alternative, indie pop. themes include body image, learning self love, imbalance of power, and fuck the patriarchy vibes

bitter medicine by the crane wives: alternative/indie rock. themes include high responsibility, the consequences of expressing anger as a woman, and self-resentment

blood in the wine by aurora: pop rock. themes include religious trauma, overcoming guilt and shame, embracing human nature, and defying societal norms related to pleasure (sexual and otherwise)

burn your village by kiki rockwell: alternative/indie rock. themes include sexual assault and rape-related trauma, coming to terms with trauma, revenge, high expectations, and witch hunts

everybody supports women by sofia isella: alternative, electronic. themes include societal hypocrisy, unrealistic standards placed on women, and society scrutinizing individuality

labour by paris paloma: alternative, indie pop. themes include unrealistic expectations/standards for women, burnout, emotional stress, and imbalanced relationships

pray by the amazing devil: melodramatic, theatrical, alt-folk. themes include religious trauma, religious power imbalances, oppression of women in religion, overcoming trauma, and self-forgiveness

scars by the crane wives: alternative/indie rock. themes include childhood trauma, mental health/mental illness, self-doubt, and self-resentment

take me to war by the crane wives: alternative/indie rock. themes include fighting bigotry, activism, allowing oneself to express anger and rage, and power imbalances

that unwanted animal by the amazing devil: melodramatic, theatrical, alt-folk. themes include domestic violence and abuse, lack of communication, unhealthy/broken relationships, sexual expectations, and emotional instability

the calling by the amazing devil: melodramatic, theatrical, alt-folk. themes include lifelong trauma, mental health/mental illness, alcoholism, heartbreak and depression, coming to terms with trauma, and self-reflection

the fruits by paris paloma: alt-folk, indie pop. themes include religious trauma, manipulative and abusive relationships, and overcoming trauma

which witch by florence + the machine: alternative/indie pop. themes include witch hunts, revenge, defying societal norms, and unhealthy/unstable relationships

i'm sure there are more in my playlists but this is all i can remember off the top of my head at the moment. i'll edit if i think of more. enjoy xx

[ivesambrose]

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 🥂

1. 2. 3.

Do I dare ask how 2023 has been for y'all?

Pick the image you feel the most pull towards or have been seeing around you a lot, if you feel drawn towards multiple, so be it. 🤍

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at Ivesambrose@gmail.com

Personal services

Winter Specials

Thank you for the tip 🌹

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 1

Your central theme is rising from the ashes. You're in the process of the most intense metamorphosis yet. A new dawn, a new day, a new life.

You'll feel empowered, passionate and obsessive about your pursuits. You'll allow the old skin to be ripped off of you and you'll no longer be scared to be you.

This year brings you connections, admires, collaborations, unions both in personal and proffesional life.

There's a certain duality in you that you haven't explored yet, but you will in the coming months.

You'll have good health for the most part compared to the previous year. Your family will be taken care of. The hope and assurance you may have lacked from them will come through. It will feel warm and refreshing. (Goes for chosen family too)

Romantically, you may be focused on your career or just living your life a lot. But someone might want to build a legacy or long term relationship with you.

If you're already coupled, the focus goes to building what you have and looking after domestic affairs and see things bloom.

Proffesionally, you will have your most successful and blessed year. Money shouldn't be a problem and even if it seems like it, your needs will always be met and you'll still have more.

Some of you might enjoy ghe fruits of your labour extensively. This goes for the ones who work solo or run their own business etc

Academically, you might feel a bit disinterested. Might move out from your home or change subjects. Take up something completely new. Might face your fears and push through but make it a point to follow your inner calling for the most part.

Themes centered around relationships and partnerships are significant this year as well opportunities coming out of the blue that call you to heed your intuition and step out of your comfort zone or limiting mindsets, that will inevitably lead to travel, progress and new experiences.

Make the best of this year, it'll feel like you're finally on the journey you've been preparing yourself for all this time.

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 2

Your central theme is using your emotions as your guiding force, using it as fuel and not seeing it as weakness. Quieting your mind so you can listen to your instincts more. Healing from things you don't speak of, that you've felt have persistently held you back from your potential and finally taking the lead. You'll feel like the main character in your life finally, instead of seeing everything through the lens of a side character no one remembers.

You'll feel motivated to follow what makes your heart happy. You may be faced with choices a lot this year, a lot of this or that in several aspects of your life. Trust yourself to make the right decisions.

You'll be learning about your mind and body this year, so incase you go through ups and downs in your health you'll be able to manage it but also guide others too.

Romantically, you might as well get your happy ending. I see that you're mostly focused on the complete picture. Not bothered with what is going on in between too much. So you'll get what you're manifesting eitherway.

Proffesionally, a rebirth or evolution will take place. Something new that will grow overtime. You'll be driven about it. So success will be imminent.

Success in academics as well, feeling proud of your achievements.

Themes around revolution, personal development, healing generational trauma, humanitarism, technology as well being open to the unknown will also be prevalent this year.

Learn to make amends and embrace the breakthroughs this year has to offer you.

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 3

Your central theme is related to wealth, inheritance, change of lifestyle, receiving help, building a legacy and feeling more secure. Some of you will see a success or change they did not see coming, it was hidden for the longest time.

Some of you may even be leaving poverty behind for a more financially secure life.

You'll find yourself blooming, physically especially. A glow up in your looks and quality of being is going to be imminent. Focus on health, beauty, food, routine etc as well. A lot of you will be experiencing vivid dreams, strange synchronicities etc too will be learning about esoteric subjects, occult or the subconscious mind a lot. You'll also be receiving success and recognition or you might be building your steps towards it that will eventually pay off in the long run.

You'll feel like this old self or image of you has died. You may even mourn it for some time but will feel more powerful, confident and self assured once you're past that.

Romantically, you'll be feeling desirable and might attract a lot of suitors. Your self concept will improve exponentially, so will your standards. So nothing less than what you want. Your intuition will be at all time high. Fear no one and nothing. Some of you might also be moving to a new house too or might end up owning something in your name.

Proffesionally, although you might deal with competition you won't be too worried. You know your skills, you'll have your resources, your work will speak for it self and you will stand out.

Friendship, community, discoveries and gains are also some of the themes surrounding you this year.

Let your imagination create for you. You'll soon realize there's so much power in allowing yourself to receive what you desire by simply being instead of doing too much.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

The tragedy of Katara’s parentification

Sokka and Katara were both parentified, and it’s a profoundly life-changing thing for both of them. One of the saddest things in ATLA, though, is how Sokka sort of got to outgrow parentification, but Katara never did.

Sokka’s told to be the man. The provider, the protector. He’s not so good at the former (his hunting failures are a consistent source of comic relief), and he takes failures of the latter very, very hard. He doesn’t manage to save Yue, and that wrecks him. After Yue, he becomes extremely protective of Suki in a way that’s borderline offensive to her. He’s willing to do anything to protect his friends and his family, including something as irresponsible as breaking into the Boiling Rock. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Sokka is the only one of the Gaang who unambiguously kills. The rest of them may technically have clean hands because of cartoon logic, but Combustion Man is very dead, and Sokka is the one who killed him. We don’t know how he feels about it, because the show never goes there, but I have a pet theory that Sokka is so uncharacteristically (remember he was team “leave Zuko to freeze to death”) against Katara confronting Yon Rha in The Southern Raiders because he’s the only who knows what killing feels like and wants to protect Katara from it.

But by the end of the show, Sokka’s in a place where he can start to let go of his need to protect. Objectively, all his friends are unbelievably powerful and can take care of themselves, including his sister and his girlfriend. Suki is the one who saves him in the final battle, representing not only a reversal of his initial cartoonish misogyny, but also demonstrating that he is worthy of protection. And of course, he and his friends saved the world, so there isn’t really an enemy that he has to protect them from anymore. Sokka’s loved ones create the conditions under which his parentified behaviour is no longer necessary. Sokka would still have to take the first step to stop seeing himself as the one who has to lay his life on the line, but at least it’s possible for him.

But not Katara.

Katara had to take on the mom role after their mother was murdered, which meant she was responsible for domestic labour and emotional support. Sokka says in The Runaway that her role was to keep the family together. Unlike protection, that’s always a full time job regardless of the war. We see Katara spending more screen time than anybody cooking, getting food, mending, and generally doing women’s work. We see Katara giving everyone emotional support, including strangers and her enemy. We see Katara putting aside her own discomfort and her own hurt in The Desert because if she falls apart, they all die. Nobody ever showed her that she doesn’t need to be the only one who cooks, or that somebody else can be responsible for the emotional wellbeing of her friends, or that — god forbid — someone else can actually be responsible for her emotional wellbeing.

That’s why I never cared for the Ka/taang argument of “he teaches her to be a kid again!” Putting aside the fact that Katara ends up taking care of Aang a lot more as the series goes on, the whole tragedy of parentification is that you can never again be a child. That part of your childhood, your god-given right, is robbed from you. It is extremely precious and important to still be able to be a kid, but breaking free of parentification is not about seeing yourself as a kid. It’s about breaking free of being responsible for everyone’s feelings and behaviours.

For Katara, that responsibility is not problem of perception, but of reality. Unlike Sokka, who was told and shown that his loved ones are capable of protecting themselves, Katara has zero reason to believe that her loved ones are able to feed and clothe themselves and not fall apart emotionally. Between Toph and Sokka who emphatically don’t want to do this work, it all falls on Katara. Telling a parentified child that they just need to loosen up is akin to telling an overworked mother that she needs to just relax (“happy Mother’s Day! You get a break from chores, which you will catch up on tomorrow because nobody else is doing them”). It doesn’t accomplish anything if nobody creates the circumstances under which it’s possible to let go of responsibilities. A lot of Zutara fans, spanning all the way back to the early days of the fandom, like the “Momtara and Dadko” trope where Zuko also does chores. Why? Because even without the concept and language of parentification, many fans recognized that Katara’s performance of domestic and emotional labour is inequitable and probably very taxing.

Growing out of parentification is about more than just letting go of old expectations: it’s also about finding a new way to value yourself beyond the role you grew up with. I’ve said this before, but it’s very important to acknowledge that just because a kid is parentified doesn’t mean they’re actually good at being a parent. In fact, it’s probably a given that they’re not, because they’re kids performing roles that are developmentally inappropriate! Sokka remains a shit hunter; he becomes a decent fighter but he’s still miles behind his friends. A big part of healing from his parentification is finding another area — strategy, engineering, project management (what else do you call that schedule) — where he actually excels, to which he can dedicate his time and from which he can derive satisfaction and a sense of identity. For Katara, fighting for the oppressed and combat waterbending give her that. Crucially, however, Katara does not stop being a girl when she becomes a warrior. She’s still responsible for domestic and emotional labour. Unlike Sokka, whose protector duties were more or less relieved as the series went on and he found new ways to contribute to the group, Katara continued to perform her old role in addition to her new one (which is depressingly realistic btw, look up feminist theory around the concept of the second shift). Still, it’s important that she found these new ways to value herself and her contributions…

…which disappear in her adult life. Where’s adult Katara fighting for the oppressed? Where’s adult Katara enjoying her status as a master waterbender? Where’s Mighty Katara? Where’s the Painted Lady? Where’s the person who vanquished a whole Fire Lord?

What do we know about adult Katara? She’s no longer a rabblerouser or an ecoterrorist. She did not translate her desire to help the downtrodden into a political role, like being Chief or on the United Republic Council. She’s not known as the best waterbender in the world, only the best healer, even though her combat abilities are what she took the most pride in. Even as a healer, she established no hospitals, trained no widespread acolytes (except Korra, I guess?), and made no known contributions to the field.

What Katara is known for…is being a wife and a mother. The same role she was forced to take on at age 8. One which she performed for the next 80+ years.

[torchwood-99]

Eowyn and Romance

Something I truly appreciate about Eowyn is that she, from the start, a romantic being, and (although not explicitly so) a sexual one, as in she obviously feels both romantic and sexual desires.

Often the rebellious female lead will chafe at the prospect of marriage, only to change her mind when the "right man" comes along. I tire of this narrative, not because I begrudge female characters who dislike the idea of romance and marriage and sees hem as the antithesis to freedom, but because I loathe the narrative of them "learning a lesson" and "mending their ways".

Marriage and romance, when both are unwanted, are a denial of freedom and autonomy, and in patriarchal societies where wife is subservient to husband, particularly so.

Eowyn however associates romantic love and marriage not to a lack of freedom, but an escape to it. And this makes sense when we consider the cage that Eowyn is kept in.

Eowyn already takes on the "domestic" burden of the wife, running her uncle's household and acting as his nurse. As his niece, his adopted daughter and his subject, Eowyn is in a position of utter subservience to him. Yet as his nurse, he is dependant upon her.

This does not balance out their relationship and result in some sort of equality, it means that Eowyn has to endure all the submission of being a dependant, without the relief from obligations or duties, and all the labours and responsibilities of being a provider, without any of the authority or power.

Although Eowyn is mistress of the hall, she is not mistress of her own hall. She is not a queen, and if Theodred, later Eomer, were to wed, her rank as leading lady would be supplanted.

As Theoden's nurse, she is also carrying the burden of being the family caretaker in the family, tending to Theoden's needs, and also stifling her own unhappiness before her family in order to fulfil her duty. Emotionally she is trapped, stuck by tending to the feelings of others, as much as she is physically.

All of this has resulted in Meduseld becoming a cage for Eowyn.

To be married would be to take her away from Meduseld. To be married would be to lift her from an estate she finds demeaning. To be married would be to be mistress of her own home.

And when we look at the men she is attracted to, and the qualities that attract her, we see how different the sort of love and relationship she hopes to have are to the one she has with Theoden.

Aragorn and Faramir are strong, and powerful in a way that Theoden has not been. Eowyn's sense of identity has been tied up in Theoden, so Theoden's infirmity and, by her understanding, his "shame" has become her own, helped along by Grima's manipulation. On a more practical level, Theoden's dependency on her is extremely limiting to her own freedom and opportunities.

Eowyn is immediately attracted to Aragorn because of his power, and Faramir's strength of a warrior is one of the first things she notices about him. To be joined in a union with them would be to be associated with their power. To be married to them would be to have a function and existence beyond that off dry nurse.

While Aragorn and Faramir are noted to be fierce warriors, they're gentle too, Faramir in particular is defined more by gentleness than he is warrior prowess. He is a warrior by necessity, a nurturer by nature. As the assigned caretaker of her family, to be married to someone who would take equal (if not outright greater) responsibility for both of their physical and emotional welfare is pivotal for Eowyn to gain her freedom.

Whereas marriage is often seen as the alternative to ambition, romance an alternative to fighting, when Eowyn offers her love to Aragorn, acceptance would not have taken the form of marriage, but of joining him on his ride to the Paths of the Dead. For Eowyn, to be a warrior is to be free, and her vision of life with Aragorn is that of two warriors, side by side. That is how she envisions marriage.

Although post war Eowyn turns towards healing as opposed to slaying, Faramir acknowledges Eowyn as a warrior, and celebrates her for her deeds and her valour. And while Eowyn no longer wishes to be a shieldmaiden, taking joy "only" in the songs of slaying (that "only" suggesting that she will still take joy in them, and will maintain a part of her shieldmaiden identity), the desire to heal, to grow things, is a wish shared with Faramir, and when they embark on that journey, it's one they do as equals.

Eowyn has been pigeonholed into the role of family caretaker, and her family sees her entirely through that lens. As a result, they not only fail to see her true desires and ambitions, they not only fail to acknowledge her as a warrior, but they also fail to fully appreciate that she needs care, emotional care, in turn.

It is Eowyn's duty to give care, not receive it. It is Eowyn's duty to facilitate their deeds, not achieve her own. It is Eowyn's duty to celebrate their feats, not be celebrated in turn.

And Eowyn performs this role, she allows them to maintain this view of herself by internalising her unhappiness, her frustration and despair, because she sees it as a her duty to do so.

She finally drops the performance in front of Aragorn, and reveals to him just how as despairing she is. Aragorn does not fail to see beyond Eowyn's mask, and in his speech in the Houses of Healing shows he acknowledges both her suffering and her courage, but he does not free her.

He instructs her to resume the performance, and to try to content herself with one more doing all the labours that no one remembers, the valour that goes without renown.

Faramir meets Eowyn, and he sees she is wounded, she is sorrowful, he sees she is proud, he sees she is beautiful, he sees she is a maiden, "young and sad".

When Faramir is falling in love with Eowyn, he notices she looks "queenly", suitable for one whose deeds have put her, in Aragorn's words, on an even standing with the queens of old.

When Faramir asks Eowyn to marry him, he tells her he does not pity her, because she is a "lady high and valiant" and has performed deeds that will not be forgotten.

When Eowyn says she wishes to become a healer, and love all things that grow, Faramir eagerly agrees, and says, if she wills it, they will go to Ithilien and grow a garden there, and all things will grow with joy in Eowyn's presence.

Faramir sees all aspects of Eowyn. Eowyn the sorrowful. Eowyn the beautiful. Eowyn the queen. Eowyn the valiant. Eowyn the legend. Eowyn the healer. Eowyn the gardener.

Faramir sees all these parts of Eowyn, and one is not diminished by the other. Her valour isn't compromised by her vulnerability. Her need for care isn't compromised by her ability to lead.

This is reciprocated on Eowyn's part. Beregond bemoans that people fail to appreciate Faramir's capabilities as a warrior, because he is b nature more of a scholar and a nurturer. Eowyn immediately notices Faramir's strength and his gentleness, she is able to see the multitudes in him that she wishes to have seen in her.

It is notable she meets Faramir at a time when both of them are injured. Faramir is in a place of vulnerability as Theoden was, but Faramir is under the care of the healers. Eowyn's company helps to heal him, he wishes her to walk with him because he thinks it will be a comfort to be with her, but the bulk of his care is shared out by trained healers, for whom treating the sick is a profession, a calling perhaps, but not a familial duty that defines every facet of their existence.

Eowyn does not choose to be with Faramir in the place of choosing freedom. She chooses Faramir because the love he offers, the understanding he offers, the capabilities he possesses, will free her, in a way that Eowyn has been desiring and longing for.

[divorceblogger]

erotic tension in bdsm powerplay is often informed by and derived from prevalent social constructions - power differentials in a particular sociocultural environment are essential for helping construct fantasies where these forces fuel, instead of crushing, erotic feelings. it’s no coincidence that in paris the coven (as the institution that enforces the law of the city for vampires) and the environment of submission and domination that it cultivates ends up offering louis and armand the opportunity to repurpose its hierarchal system to their advantage and develop a mutually satisfactory relationship and sexual dynamic (maitre/arun).

armand roleplaying as ‘rashid’ with louis (‘mr. du lac’), in dubai, now gives us a glimpse into a sexual dynamic that’s evolved in response to prevailing cultural attitudes - their sexual practices have now been shaped in response to capitalism, where the relationship between a servant and an employer helps manufacture sexual tension instead, and this is also partly informed by the dynamic that plays out in the apartment at large, where humans offer service to their vampire lords by means of paid domestic labour. the undertones of worship and service inherent to the roles are also overdramatised for their personal benefit, because they’re participating in a sexual theatre; their interactions with damek and real rashid are otherwise largely impersonal because there’s no real emotional attachment between them otherwise.

[hadesoftheladies]

when feminists talk about separatism, we're not saying it so women "deny men sex because that's all they want us for." it's because romantic relationships with men are uniquely exploitative and VITAL to the functioning of patriarchal society (even without giving birth to their children). romantic relationships with men also mean:

-extra domestic and emotional labour (constant servicing of men)

-sacrifice of independence (financial and physical)

-increased risk of sexual and physical violence (for you or women and children around you)

-prioritization of men and less engagement with female peers (he WILL take priority over everyone else)

-giving energy and resources that men then use to energize themselves without giving back in any (or any equal) way

men get their energy from using and abusing women, especially when it comes to a shared domestic sphere. the home is the wild west for women. always has been. it is why it is frequently the focal point for feminist theory and practice.

"but he's not like that. i know him."

do you think every victim went into the relationship knowing the truth? it's nice to think that you're above things like death, sexual violence or betrayal, but it's not true. you can't just vibe or hope these things away.

you can risk it, but this isn't just some whimsical choice. this is years of your life for this man. even your entire life. your relationship with him WILL affect your health and lifespan and resources. even if you don't practice separatism, it's nonsensical to discuss it as extreme. it's perfectly reasonable given history and the current culture of men. it's a perfectly reasonable and effective strategy to advance women's liberation.

[wellofdean]

I wanted to make a separate pose to big up these excellent tags on this post about how a show can be about misogyny when it's about men from @deangirlism101 :

#by virtue of watching the show long after it stopped airing and after years of exposure to the fandom#I've experienced a very interesting phenomenon wherein i went in expecting a very straightforward male fantasy#specifically in regards to dean#and was continuously surprised by how dean was around women who were actual characters and not caricatures#with caricatures of women dean also becomes a caricature of a womanizer#but with woman characters? with victims and friends?#dean is constantly paternal/brotherly#endlessly protective and respectful#in fact dean's utter lack of sexualization of the complex women around him in the first few seasons#kind of had me thinking he might just be straightforward gay#additionally it's interesting to point out that dean is the only one of the three winchesters who does not have a#''symbolic woman'' that drives his narrative#i.e. of the three winchesters he is the one who engages with the women around him as people and not someTHING to give him ''purpose''#which ties pretty well into his own role in his family being a typically femenine one#john endlessly relies on dean to serve the role of his mother yet he resents him when he does it so naturally#which from a queer lense is pretty much spelling out ''john can't put his finger on it but something (queerness) about dean bothers him''#anyways it just surprises me how#the fandom has perpetuated this image of the characters#and how#ironically#that image is the exact caricature dean so obviously puts on and we so obviously are supposed to KNOW he puts on

Some really nice points here, and bang on target:

Dean is not called to his adventure/journey because a symbolic woman dies like John and Sam are; he is put upon it by his father and his own sense of responsibility and love before he has the agency to choose. He wants his father's approval, his brother's love, and he wants not to be alone in a world of monsters...and...is HE a monster? A killer? Is everything his fault?

John resents Dean because what he needs from Dean (obedience, domestic work, emotional labour) is feminine. It's what women are for. Dean internalizes that resentment. Sam defies John and is driven by his own losses, and John can respect that, but Dean becomes the family repository of what they've lost. Dean is the eldest daughter who can never do enough.

John has chosen to abandon normal life and live on the fringes to pursue his revenge quest, and Sam is fighting to get back to the center -- left his family, hot girlfriend, Stanford Law, credit in the straight world, friends. But Dean? He has accepted that he will never be normal. He has accepted that he will always be a lonely, liminal weirdo who knows something terrible about the world that most people are spared from knowing.

Like:

If you leave Supernatural season 1 without realising that everything Dean pretends to be is pretty much the opposite of what he is, then you are not watching it right, full stop. The Dean Winchester he pretends to be is a character invented by a terrified, homeless, wounded little boy who doesn't know how else to protect himself.

Second, if you can't see how totally fucking queer all that is, I CAN'T HELP YOU. And,

you cannot hit that many nails on the head without knowing where you're swinging your hammer, and in conclusion, Dean was always deeply queered, and that was in the DNA of his character.

The truth is, that Dean is a very cohesive character. He is written and performed beautifully, and with intention. He is not an accident, he is an artistic creation, and he is excellently drawn. I am not "giving the writers too much credit", I am taking an Occam's Razor-type view of it, and coming up with the simplest explanation for what I see on the screen.

That said, if by some insane magic trick they managed to make Dean this queer by accident? It doesn't matter what they intended, because THE TEXT IS WHAT IT IS. I don't need the permission of the authors to see a church by daylight, and Dean is THAT OBVIOUS.

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

the annihilation

lilac, chapter eighteen

a/n: this chapter is very short, but on the bright side i am posting the next chapter next saturday.

summary: “I swear to god I’ll fucking do it! If I can’t have her, no one can.”

warnings: lumberjack!frank castle x reader, angst, lumberjack AU, past domestic violence, crazy ex trope, kidnapping, crying, violence, murder, blood and gore

word count: 516

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There were blood splatters across Frank’s skin and even though the clothes he wore were as dark as the night sky on the other side of the tall windows, you could still tell that they were soaked. However, if it was his own or someone else’s, that you could not decipher as Preston’s knife threatened to pierce your jugular vein. 

“Drop the knife!”  

Pressing the sharp blade just deep enough to draw a drop of your blood, Preston warned, “don’t get any closer!”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” Frank rumbled, “easy, easy!”

“You want me to put it down?” Preston’s laboured breaths fanned across your tear-stained cheek, “you first.”

Seeing Frank’s left eye twitch lightly, he grunted, “just let her go.” 

“I swear to god I’ll fucking do it!” Preston roared, causing you to let out a shuttering shriek in his hold, “if I can’t have her, no one can.”

The muscles in Frank’s jaw jumped and danced a moment before he finally said, “okay, alright,” keeping his voice clear and steady as he complied, lowering his pistol to the floor, “here,” and then held his hands up in the air, at the height of his head.  

What transpired next happened in a blur.

As soon as the knife slowly began to lower from your throat, in a split second, Frank had whipped out another gun, hidden and tugged away at the small of his back, and shot point blank.

Preston’s body flopped back onto the bed, staining the already crimson sheets with his gore. 

You couldn’t move. You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t even breathe. You just stood there, violently shaking, as your unfocused stare hazily noticed Frank tug his weapon away before stepping closer. 

When he got near enough, you didn’t so much embrace him, but actually fell into his arms. A brutal tidal wave of emotions tumbled over you as you let out a grave sob, your arms still uncontrollably trembled down along your sides as his strong ones enclosed around you like a warm woollen blanket. 

As your aching tears stained his shirt, brazenly mixing and mingling with whatever else tainted the dark fabric, you didn’t care one bit if it marked you as well. Eventually, as he cradled your quivering frame close, your right hand found your other in a desperate attempt at ridding yourself of the shiny band that burdened your ring finger.

But as your shaky efforts jaggedly went on without success, words frenziedly crawled their way out of your throat, “g–, g-get–… get it off me… get it off me, get it off me, get it off me!” and he swiftly moved to triumphantly slip it off and toss it to the floor, his own digits not in shock like yours were. 

You sucked in a large gulp of oxygen as soon as he pulled it off. Like you’d been drowning and this was your first breath of fresh air. 

As you let yourself crash back into his arms, the paralysing emotions pummelling you to shreds, Frank’s soft whisper found your ear, “I’ve got you, I’ve got you…”

© 2024 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[anemoelliacia]

the five times diluc knew he loved you

warnings: female reader, mention of very minor injuries in one part, no warning really needed except for this being super sweet fluff <3 this turned out longer than i expected. I meant it to be a short drabble but-

▶ I recommend listening to the song This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory while reading this chapter. <3

The first instance was when you wanted to bake him a birthday cake. The moment that started it all. You don't have to cook, or bake, you're not that good at it anyways. You know it, and he knows it. Simply tell Adelinde what you want done and she'd do it. She even offered to help you bake, but you insisted on doing it yourself. Diluc came home to see you in his kitchen, flour all over your dress, and somehow even on your forehead. He watched you from the doorway, as you intently tried getting the icing on the lopsided cake in an even layer, a look on your face that said determination, with the tip of your tongue sticking out, eyes piercing with pure focus. He softly smiles, thinking to himself, "I think I love her."

Secondly, when you patched up his minor wounds after his dark knight hero activities. He had come back home to the winery, and you were in bed patiently waiting for him as you usually stay there on the weekends. He wearily took off his disguise, and you saw a few minor injuries on him– just a few scrapes and cuts. You looked at him concerned, and Diluc could practically feel the worry oozing off you. He insisted he was fine, but you insisted otherwise. You sternly made him sit down so you could clean up his injuries, despite your tone he knew you were not mad, you were just showing care for him– and despite your own discomfort with blood and injuries, you took your time with a gentle, loving hand to properly clean and bandage his wounds. He watched you, seeing the concentration on your worried face, thinking to himself, "I think I love this woman with all my heart."

Thirdly, when he found you picking grapes on a busy day at the winery. He had been stressed lately, the winery was far more busy than usual. He had his own work to attend to, plus now not enough hands on deck to pick the grapes– so he'd have to help with that on top of all his other duties. He had been venting to you about how busy it was, not that he wanted you to help with such hard labour, he just needed an outlet. Later that day, he found you outside in the vineyard without a word said to him about it, one of the staff teaching you how to properly harvest the grapes. He admired you from afar, looking with eyes full of affection as you decided to help around the winery despite not being a staff member. He thinks, "I truly love her." 

Fourthly, when you were in bed together both minding your own. You were sitting beside him reading a thrilling book, and unbeknownst to you he was watching the little reactions on your face. He looked away from you momentarily, only to hear a barely audible gasp escape you. Diluc turned his head back in your direction, only to see a few tears trickling down your cheeks, the book having elicited an emotional response from you. He chuckled quietly, and reached over to the bedside table to grab a clean handkerchief, he handed it to you so you could wipe away your tears. He thought to himself once again, "wow, I really do love her..."

The fifth and final instance that made him realize you're the one was something simple, so domestic and mundane. It happened when you helped him put his hair up one morning when he was too tired to do it himself. You had spent the night, and he hadn't slept well, which was no one's fault, he just had too much on his mind. He could hardly shake the fatigue off, and the half-drank coffee in his hands hadn't kicked in yet. He was exhausted, but the day must still go on. He sat on the edge of the bed sipping his coffee, trying to wake up. You placed a chaste kiss on his forehead, before wordlessly climbing onto the bed behind him with a hair brush, a hair tie and a few hair pins. You carefully and meticulously brushed the tangles from his thick hair, and pulled it up into a high ponytail with a loving touch, gently pinning up a few stray hairs as well. In the back of his mind, there was an ever present thought that you're the one, as this moment tugged on his heart strings. So, "I love you," he finally said, now knowing it to be true.

▶ if you liked this, check out the other parts linked in my masterlist :) every genshin man i write for is getting their own part.

[ivesambrose]

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 🎐

1. 2. 3.

You're meant to receive this message.

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Personal Readings

Masterpost

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Picture 1

You're focused on the materialistic aspects of your life currently. You could be the sole provider when it comes to yourself as well as your family. You'll gain an unexpected source of income or a boost in your income which will help you in either - buying a new house, redecorating your house to your liking, paying off any bills or any domestic related matters, any debt whatsoever. You may have to deal with certain paperwork or administrative work for some things but this will go smoothly even if it seems stressful initially.

Be mindful of how much toil and labour you're putting into things. This may have been your go to when it comes to earning revenue, studying/grades, getting something that you want etc but this route will no longer work for you since you're unable to enjoy the fruits of your labour properly. You have to act smart and Intuitively aswell as change your dominant mindset/dominant state when it comes to this. Sometimes the hardest work you'll have to do is simply put in effort to change your mindset.

You have high expectations for yourself and a refined taste. You want luxury in your life now, you'll have this too. As your expectations in yourself has risen so has your expectations when it comes to relationships romantic or otherwise. The bare minimum simply isn't cutting it anymore. You'll have what you want. You'll connect with new people and have the romance you've been dreaming of.

Some of you might buy a vintage car or it could be significant. You may also meet someone while travelling. This individual would really want to spoil you and be there for you emotionally even if you're used to handling things by yourself.

You'll have a better grip on your life in the sense it won't feel like it's passing you by and you can't even enjoy it.

For now invest in some cooling mud masks or sheet masks and skincare with ceramides. You need some soothing and maybe even a deep tissue massage. If you can't afford that at the moment you can always look up lymphatic draining massages on YouTube. Additionally, don't sleep on your communication, writing, self expression and persuasion skills.

Significant timings: January and May

Picture 2

You're concerned with a few people in your life. Their opinions, their projections, approval etc to some of you this could be an older male or maybe a boss. On top of that concern you have so much on your plate that it feels overwhelming, it isn't even something you enjoy. However, there are many things that you do enjoy and want to cherish but don't know when, where and how to even start.

You have been compromising yourself and your peace for so long you've lost your sleep in the process or are having sleep related issues. You're apprehensive most of the times. Some of you I'm seeing have bursts of energy where you take all of your pent up emotions mostly anger and sorrow peppered with motivation, joy and hope and get things done and once that burst of energy is gone you feel empty again. You feel as though you'll be punished if you choose yourself, that someone has a knife to your back.

Good news is although you feel as though you're stuck between two choices, you will inevitably choose the one that rejuvenates you.

It'll feel as though you have been swipping dirt for so long and someone finally offers you a glass of chilled water. The wise thing to do then would be to drop the broom and take that glass. Take the emotionally fulfilling new beginning that's been offered to you. Whether it be in a form of a new relationship, new career, new path, anything. You deserve it.

You'll be nurturing yourself a lot more and likely pick up a new hobby that makes you happy.

Some of you could get into content creation or modelling or cooking/baking, even fitness and nutrition.

You'll gain recognition and success. It will happen.

This will attract some side eyes from people who have a stubborn mindset and want to control you cuz they have no control over their lives. It doesn't matter.

I see you putting firmer boundaries and basking in your rewards. A lot of you might also quit a 9-5 and start working from home. You might also switch to a better house/apartment/location.

What's coming into your life is a lot of luck, sucess and attention which in turn will boost your confidence as well as charisma. Remember to count your blessings then and extend gratitude to the ones who have stuck by you. Albiet very few but very honest individuals. This newfound confidence will take you to places. Have faith.

Significant timings: Libra season (things are getting balanced behind the scenes and justice is being served), Taurus season (specifically) and January.

Picture 3

You'll be glad that you walked away and you walked far. You'll have the answers you have been seeking. You are indeed being guided by a higher force even if that is your own soul.

You do tend to knowingly or unknowingly block your own blessings. It's high time you stop doing that just because things aren't currently making sense and you can't see the intricacies. You're supposed to look at the bigger picture and stop dimming your own light.

The lesson here is to stop being so afraid of your blessings just because you assume that something bad is going to happen. Life is happening for you.

Additionally you'll have a closure in regards to something that you had almost achieved in the past but lost due to whatever reason. But you'll realize that it doesn't matter anymore because there are indeed better achievements ahead. Your whole idea of what you once wanted will change so if anything leaves your life abruptly it's for the best, it was meant to be that way. It has served it's purpose.

You no longer have to mourn your losses.

But you'll have a lot to celebrate and you won't be alone.

Some of you might leave your hometown or start over in regards to something. You feel very left out in your current place but this will change.

You have likely endured a lot and forgot about the gifts you posses. Either someone or you will remind yourself of that. There are many promising connections ahead and existence is not supposed to be so dire.

In the past if you've felt your pantry has lacked food or you have lacked resources of any kind, you'll be blessed with an abundance of it.

Be mindful of the world you have build within your mind, the one around you will eventually reflect it back.

Significant timings: Coming 5 weeks, November and January. (Will speed up if you stick to your vision)

[ecoterrorist-katara]

“Katara deserves a quiet life after the war, so becoming a healer (who made no contributions to the field) is actually a good arc!”

It is already bizarre to me that in ATLA, Katara is this confident & combative & ambitious girl who LOVED to fight and wanted nothing more than to help as many people as possible…then comics!Katara and TLOK!Katara showed neither her previous personality traits nor a career commensurate with those traits…

but it’s even more bizarre to me that ATLA fans would defend her trajectory as if it were some kind of progressive story of recovering from war trauma.

I’ve seen multiple takes like this. “Katara is not a YA heroine, she’s not a bloodthirsty girlboss who loves fighting so it’s actually a good thing that she doesn’t have to fight anymore” “after everything she’s been through she deserves a quiet life and a loving family”

For Katara, fighting in the war was actually empowering. It didn’t burn her out. It didn’t disillusion her. It didn’t take more out of her than she can give. Katara is not Katniss Everdeen, who needed to step back and discover her own agency and a sense of peace after fighting in a war she never chose to start. Katara’s war trauma largely happened before she took an active part in it. After she chose to be a part of the war, she became a waterbending master, made close friends, found her father again, got closure for her mother’s murder, defeated the Fire Lord, and met the love of her life. If Katara were a real person, maybe she’d be traumatized, but nowhere in the text of ATLA does she exhibit the sign that she’s tired of fighting on behalf of the world. If anything, she just got started.

If you take her post-ATLA arc at face value (vs as bad writing), it’s a tragedy of a woman who has learned to minimize her own relevance and her own power. In The Promise, she begins deferring serious decisions to Aang. She doesn’t even express a strong opinion about the fate of the entire colony of Yu Dao, or the fate of her friend Zuko. In North and South, she accepts Northern encroachment of the South in the name of progress. In TLOK we see her not as a politician or a chief, but rather as “the best healer” — albeit one who apparently never established a hospital, or trained acolytes of her own, or done anything to help people at scale, which she has always wanted to do. It’s even more egregious when you remember that in Jang Hui, she was not satisfied to simply heal the sick as the Painted Lady. She wanted to solve the root of the problem, so she cleaned the river and committed full-on ecoterrorism. Just because the war is over doesn’t mean she wants to stop helping people. In fact, the problem she addressed in Jang Hui is exactly the type of problem that would become more prevalent after the war ends, judging by the rapid industrialization between ATLA and LOK.

In the original ATLA, I think Katara is about as close to a power fantasy as you can get for a teenage girl, because she gets to be messy and goofy and powerful, even though she also had to perform a whole lot of emotional and domestic labour. But post-ATLA, she doesn’t get power and she doesn’t get to make a change. She gets love and a family. That’s it. And her grandkids don’t even remember her. Her friends and peers, on the other hand, were shown doing all sorts of super cool things like, you know, running the world they saved.

It’s not feminist to say that a female character deserves “rest” when she’s shown zero inclination that she wants a quiet life. Women who want a quiet life deserve to get it — I think Katniss’ arc is perfect — but women who want power deserve to get it too, especially when they’re motivated by compassion and a keen sense of justice. There’s nothing feminist about defending the early 2010s writing decisions of two men. Like just admit that they fucked up! It’s fine! Maybe they’ll do better in the future!

[hussyknee]

It says a lot that Global South people are far more concerned about finding out about the conditions of Palestinians, building trust with Palestinian blogs and their vetting processes and actually finding which GoFundMes to donate to, whereas white and western users first and foremost question is who the scammers are and whether they're getting scammed. And then they can't understand why the white right wing and "fiscally conservative" liberals in their own countries, who distrust the government more than the left and associate poverty and opportunism with minorities, don't want to expand welfare and social security.

It's for the same reason as why you think scammers proliferate more than the millions of people in need, and distrust any minority representatives that offer accountability and advocate for themselves. Why you seek to validate that distrust instead of trying to find information and processes that enable you to trust. The difference between domestic and foreign issues is that white leftists are often poor themselves or live within proximity to poverty and recognise that they themselves are in need of social safety nets. So the brunt of their racist indifference and paranoia of the Other is turned against the people of the Global South victimized by the same colonial capitalist and imperialist military systems.

Paranoia that your empathy, emotional labour and wealth will be exploited is part of white colonial anxiety, that resents its own guilt and sees oppression primarily as a weapon that can be turned against the "privileged but innocent". It's why the tide of leftist support is turning against Palestine after nearly an year of genocide. Accountability for and cessation of the genocide might extract a heavy cost from their domestic politics, and the funds begging private citizens for financial aid are increasing by the thousands in proportion to the amount of tax money their governments are sending to blow those people up. Unable to pay this cost of their complicity, western liberals rationalize that their empathy for Palestine is being exploited and used to extort them. This is the racist fear that liberal Zionists so successfully leverage against Palestinians to sabotage their credibility, protests and cries for help and allyship. Today it's attacks against the credibility of GoFundMes, but in a few months liberals will be questioning the credibility of the genocide itself.

Propaganda works by giving people rationalizations, fallacies and false evidence for things they already want to believe. People are predisposed to despise vulnerability, believe themselves victimized when called to account, and cling to a comfortable status quo. These are the building blocks of fascism. Genocide, colonization and war is the status quo on which the Global North was built, especially the US, and Palestine is the first time this status quo has been so thoroughly disrupted since perhaps the Vietnam War. The easiest way to return to it is to not believe Palestinians, return to deprioritising foreign policy, and giving yourself license to ignore their cries for help by telling yourself that it's "too hard" to find trustworthy information. And Zionists are only too happy to provide justifications, rationalizations and "evidence" to do so.

You have perfect right to delete, block, scroll past or blacklist tags and do whatever you need to draw your own boundaries. That's not in question. What you do need to sit with and examine is this "distrust" and "anger at scammers". If your distrust of asks and GoFundMe accounts is not followed by the will to find and follow Palestinians accounts and trust that they have done all they reasonably can to verify a fundraiser; if you believe that scam accounts truly outnumber the desperate and displaced Gazans who cite internet access as essential to survival as food and water; if you're not willing to run some reasonable risk of being scammed just so you might end up helping a real family being genocided; if you don't consider whether the people casting doubt on the veracity of Palestinian users and GFMs and their vetting process might be racists and Zionist saboteurs speaking to your own biases; then your "distrust" is actually just racism. Are you really angry at scammers or are you trying to validate your distrust and decision to ignore pleas for help by deflecting the blame onto the asker?